Smoke Sesh - crushes, living your best life, vaginas & death

Episode Date: January 17, 2023

Happy Tuesdayyyy love you all so very much. Today we catch up a bit and have a lotttt to chat about. We talk journal prompts, saving money and finances, acne and how to feel confident, love bombing and what manipulation really looks like, STD’s, pegging, meal prep and planning, is right person wrong time a real thing? procrastination and how to handle, jobs and internships, how should a vagina smell and vagina tips, negative people and escaping the mindset, crushes and tapping into the innocent love energy, death and taking advantage of your life plus some near death experiences of my own and how to appreciate others as well as much much much much more (as you know). If you didn’t catch the video episode go give it a listen! If you wanna keep up on everything smoke sesh follow the instagram @ hannahmarlene and I’ll see you all next week! MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash, so come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Good morning cuties, oh my goodness, how the hell we all doing today? we having a good day we vibing really embracing this beautiful tuesday morning we got the original intro back i know i know i had a few of you guys be like yes thank god the original intro song is

back honestly i kind of agree i like the chill calm vibes the other one was good but it felt like an intro to rupaul's drag race which hey nothing wrong with that it was just a little too hype for this chill vibes that we have going on with this podcast speaking of which i have been watching the new season have you guys it's pretty good i'm only what oh i guess i've caught up on everything but definitely worth the watch um also oh my gosh where am i going with this good morning hello brain what are we doing did you catch the video episode i know um sorry it was a day late my computer is literally ancient and it was taking for fucking ever to upload so really apologies for that but it is up and a lot of you guys are asking is this going to be on youtube is

this going to be on patreon where am i going to find this um so youtube actually has a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot of restrictions that i am just really not interested in fumbling around with if you want completely unrestricted smoking on camera hannah go to my patreon i upload many of videos throughout the week i did like monday affirmations i do journal prompts it's pretty random sporadic very much so what i am doing that day the vibe i'm feeling um and just sharing with you guys um so if you want to see like unfiltered super unfiltered go to the patreon now if you want to see the video podcast it's literally on spotify you just have to click on it um it's the last one it's the current favorites it was a little shorter um just because i wanted to get the feel of it my

editing skills are surely not there yet but hey it's a process we got to get through it um but i just wanted to get on chat see you guys face to face and yeah anybody who has a spotify app can literally just open the video through their spotify app it's going to be under the smoke sesh tab where you usually see the podcast and I went ahead and put in parentheses video app just so you guys know which is which um but it was fun and I got a lot of amazing responses from you guys I love chatting thank you for all the encouragement and to everybody who enjoyed it I feel like it was super duper fun so going from here on out I think I'm going to do one to two video episodes a month and they're probably going to be towards the end of the month um and the people who are on

the patreon will get the video early access so if you want to join the patreon get extra content see what i'm up to get early access to some episodes go there but also for everybody else i get it money we're in a recession i totally understand i'm still i want to create content that is free and accessible to everybody I don't want to put myself completely behind a paywall um so of course that is going to be available to you guys and I'm thinking towards the end of the month of course on our usual Tuesday episodes I will give you guys an update on when I think that's going to come out or what I think it's going to be about and of course follow the Instagram at Hannah Marlene I will be posting all about it all about the video whenever it's up

whenever I'm uploading it and of course put the link in my story so it'll be a little bit easier access also turn on podcast notifications um then you guys will know exactly when shit is out as soon as it's available to you and yes video episodes i will put a little parentheses by so you guys can sit down watch chill smoke hang but yeah the basis of that was just i'm really trying to escape short form content um not creating it i have fun doing short form content still but more so consuming it i'm trying to get back into the kind of like youtuber prime era where i would like get so fucking high make a shit ton of munchies and then just sit down and watch like i could sit down and watch an hour and a half long youtube video two and a half hour long video on

youtube and be perfectly fine i wouldn't have to pick up my phone i would just listen i would hang out and it felt amazing and i really miss that and i think tiktok has really ruined my brain if we're being honest so if i can produce content that i want to see and that i want to lean into i feel like that's super fun not only for me but for you guys as well because i get to create new things for you so thank you guys so much for enjoying that and participating and showing up every week i love you all so very much today is the last day technically very last day of mercury retrograde i know do we feel the heaviness lifting are we feeling better are we feeling more open more free me too absolutely me too the vibes have been pretty relaxing pretty

chill way better than what they were which was just utter chaos so thank god i'm very excited for this little break we have within the universe um i have been working a lot recently it is restaurant week where i am technically restaurant week and a half which means we are just busy busy busy busy busy busy all the fucking time but it's also a great kind of money opportunity especially if you work in the service industry like i left one night with six hundred dollars i was like god damn it was a good night um but i've been so busy i am so tired i am so excited to have this day off this beautiful tuesday where i can just hang out with you guys chill smoke chat um and yeah you know what with that being said i just had some lunch and i know a few of you guys have been like

but i love smoking with you let's smoke together you're right you're right to kick this off let's smoke a little bowl let me load that real quick and then we're gonna dive into all the wonderful of questions you guys have for me. Alrighty, I got my little bully loaded. Cheers, ladies. Let's get into it. Oh yeah. Okay, first question. And I feel like this is a good one to start off on. um someone said favorite journal prompts please okay so i posted a really long list of like beginning of the year um journal prompts but i feel like these honestly resonate for really any point in time so i'm gonna read them to you if you want it pre-written now already good and done um it's on my patreon but if i'm also going to give it to you guys so get a pen and pencil

ready. Here we go. So what's your favorite memory from the year? It could also be just like what's your favorite memory in general? What's your least favorite memory? What who changed you for the better? What who changed you for the worse? What was something you were worried about this time last year? How did it turn out? Tell me about your favorite laugh from the year. The kind where you laugh until you cry. Write about a time you felt free. Write about a time you felt loved. What's one discovery you made how have you changed this year what's your favorite month what's your least favorite month who uh was your number one song artist album this year and why what did you learn what did you do that you're proud of you can also write a letter to yourself from one year ago or

write a little letter to yourself in one year i feel like these are all honestly really good journal prompts for just building that self-awareness and positive self-conversation with I mean with yourself because journaling is a not only is it like a thing to do a little activity but it's also kind of like an experience and I feel like journaling gets a lot of bad rep or it's hard to jump into because people are thinking of it as like a archive of themselves as they have to be a performance in this place listen we're already kind of a performance in the world and it's hard enough so free yourself from needing to do that in your journal get messy get creative um i talked about this on the video episode too but i feel like these are really good

prompts for what journaling is supposed to be about about really honestly and openly connecting with yourself and with your inner self for the good and the bad you can't really escape an emotion so I feel like it's good to address both both the good and the bad because I feel like even if it's bad good can come from it or if it's good sometimes bad comes from it either way it's fun to look at all aspects and really ask yourself like how do I feel about this experience especially an experience from a while ago and look back and find fondness on it while also like standing by yourself and helping yourself work through it amazing great way to just like connect build that confidence within yourself and also practice some journaling along the way someone asked um how do you save

your money like put cash away savings account I'm struggling as a girly who loves to dip into their savings account I think rule number one is have a savings account where it's like almost impossible for you to reach so you can't just open an app and immediately transfer it over have a savings account that is like untouchable whether it's like a Roth IRA account or a 401k or just like a separate savings account that you can simply open at your bank um make sure to keep them literally unattached I talk about this like online shopping too like don't have your card saved in your phone it's gonna be way easier for you to contact it or like your ex don't have your fucking ex in your phone you're going to be able to contact them they're going to be able to contact

you very simple law of nature if you don't want to touch it make sure it's as far away from you as you honestly can do um and my parents kind of raised me with this idea of money where i wasn't allowed to have a debit card or open my i could open my own account but throughout high school when i was working i was only allowed an atm card because they wanted me every single time i spent money to physically go to an ATM think about how much I'm going to be spending put in the number physically take it out and then take it to whatever store that I wanted to spend money on which literally half the time I'd be like no I don't need this thing because I literally don't want to go to the ATM that's a great way of feeling out you know should I spend money on this

um so when it comes to savings yeah if you can make it kind of semi untouchable or kind of hard to take money out of other than like for you know a rainy day expenses things like that when you actually need your savings account of course you want to be able to touch it um but I think having it in a kind of hard to reach place where you can't just be like well I need a couple hundred dollars so I'm just gonna take it out so I can go shopping it's good to separate them also when it comes to savings sorry I need some water something is better than nothing I feel like when we get our paychecks especially now and we're young adults and we have to live and pay rent and there's not a lot of money left over which makes us like not want to save um because we only have a little bit

left but if it's five dollars ten dollars fifteen whatever it is it doesn't have to be a huge big number as long as you're putting something away that's kind of the important thing here um Sometimes I'll put away a couple hundred. Sometimes I'll put away a thousand. Sometimes I'll put away five. It really is just situational and what I happen to be going through at that time, which I feel like is pretty good advice for where we all are standing in our 20s, where it's very chaotic and not super steady quite yet. at least for me personally if you have a steady financial situation i'm jealous and i love you and i hope you are really enjoying that but for me personally a little bit is better than nothing and that's what i have to really keep thinking and keep doing in order to keep that momentum um and that really helps me okay someone said please please please how to deal with feeling okay with uh acne on tough days and when it gets worse illy okay so i a girl i am an acne

girly okay believe me despite the instagram photos i went through the worst acne i have honestly ever had from the ages of 11 like very young until easily 22 like a good amount of time I had and when I mean severe acne I mean three to four cystic acne pimples on my face a day also a ton of black heads and little white heads and five to ten cystic acne uh spots on my back and my ass and my arms and my legs like everywhere um and a lot of that was induced by many different fucking things um and there are many different things that you just have to solely focus on and it's very individual so I'm not gonna get into all that like of course hormones stress uh not having the right body wash not having the right face wash not being on the right medicine and

then going on like there's a lot of different things we don't need to get into all that let's talk confidence I get it it sucks it's not fun it makes you feel a little bit down for me personally things that have really helped me growing up um is a not covering it up I feel like when I would have like open sores on my face and then I would put fucking concealer over them and then powder just to cover them up like it makes it look worse it's okay to have acne acne is normal acne is a natural part of life nobody's gonna look at you and be like ew gross like every time I see a person with acne I literally don't think twice because it is just something that we as all humans are going to go through whether severe or just like normal acne it's going to happen

I feel like covering it up a makes you feel like a little shameful because you have to cover it up um and also it gets just kind of cakey and gross and also it doesn't help with your acne so if you can give your face just time to rest and breathe and I know it's hard but that's really important um another thing that has really helped me with acne those little acne stickers I wish they were pimple patches when I was in high school because I would have had those bitches on every single day okay it's inherently cute it's turning an acne an acne spot into like a cute little pink star or a hello kitty sticker like are you kidding me star face is doing what like 12 year old Hannah really needed and also not only is it like covering it up but it's also like

helping that pimple go away while it's also on your face so it's not just like oh i need to cover this up and i don't want to put on foundation it's no no this is going to heal me help me and also cover it up so i can go out and do my thing my pimple's doing its thing and we don't have to worry about anything love a star face 10 out of 10 and this is not even sponsored i buy that bitch like every month once a month i go and buy more star face patches never been sponsored never been gifted nothing I am just obsessed with them as a girl who has a lot of acne um number three I feel like something that kind of helps me with the idea of acne and like feeling a little bit more confident with it and it's not even a confidence it's like yeah I'm gonna own my acne it's more of

just like a I don't really care anymore you know and I feel like that's kind of what confidence truly is is you just being like no I'm comfortable it's here I don't really think about it because it's just a part of me and inherently i'm not gonna doubt that about myself is just like allowing yourself to enjoy skincare and allowing yourself to like treat yourself a little bit and focus on yourself a little bit i feel like when i had acne it made me really avoidant um of what i was going through and made me pick at it and worsen it and all that stuff um it's okay to have like a little self-care night it's okay to really look into your skin type and think about your skin type and what's going to be best for it and then maybe like investing in a cute little moisturizer that's

really going to help or a face mask that you're really going to enjoy that's also going to help with your acne. Little things like that I feel like really help me kind of like not only embrace it but kind of stop caring about it because I'd have my little like self-care routine and then just be like okay whatever but at the end of the day you really just got to accept that like no one gives a fuck and if they do give a fuck about acne they are a child a literal child zero emotional intelligence probably not that fucking smart and you're dodging a bullet okay if they're gonna say anything about acne like they're dumb okay who cares it's acne it's a part of life we all have skin our skin's gonna get irritated every once in a while sue me like

sorry for being a human you know what I mean but it's okay you'll get through it I love you oh also stand as far away from a mirror as you can I feel like I ruined my skin because I would sit in my sink and stick my face two inches away from my mirror and just go crazy for like an hour and a half like it was an actual therapy session no no no no I keep like three feet distance from my mirror at all times because of course you're gonna see your pores and all that shit in there and like little tiny spots when you're two inches away but no human is going to be two inches away from you and if they are they're probably going to be like a loved one or someone you're interested in and if they truly love you and care about you they're not going to give a fuck most people are going

to be a three feet distance away from you ideally maybe six feet like um so don't get that close you're just gonna hyper fixate hyper focus focus and it's not gonna help but i love all my acne girlies out there i feel you i hear you it does get better with time and for me personally with fixing my hormones not fixing them but leaning into them you know what i mean someone asked me who my favorite drag queen is my favorite drag queen is definitely katya especially after seeing her in tricksy live last time she came in incredible fantastic amazing just the little weird girl in me really vibes with the weird girl in her where it's just like oddities and blood and teeth and hands, but also like glamour. I love that. That is everything to me. So definitely

Katya. Trixie's a close second. I've been watching them, I mean, for forever, like since early high school, which for me that feels like forever because I don't really remember anything past early high school. But yeah, Katya, Katya for life. Hey Hannah, I was just wondering, have you ever been love bombed and how do i know the difference between love bombing or just genuine a devotion and commitment from somebody i just started seeing someone and i've only known him for barely two weeks and he already asked me to be his girlfriend and wants to be in a committed relationship with me um and it feels a little overwhelming because um i just don't know if I honestly want to be with him quite yet because we've only known each other for a short

period of time but I think he does have you know like trust and abandonment issues from his last partner cheating on him so I get it but I don't really know where to draw the line okay this is a really good question and I feel like there's two kind of things that we can talk about here um love bombing and then like being mutually exclusive and what that means and finding security within relationships um a okay I think it's really good that he voiced what he needed to you uh he wants to date he is interested in you you're not confused about that wonderful lovely fine I also understand you needing some time before you're like whoa let's start dating so I feel like what would be best for you guys is for you guys to really discuss and agree that

you guys are going to be mutually exclusive where you know you guys aren't reaching out to anybody you guys are together uh basically dating but it's kind of like a pre-dating like let's work through this let's get through our honeymoon phase and then let's really see if this is going to work out for us because I agree two weeks two weeks is too early but if you have some insecurities about like uh infidelity and cheating two weeks might not seem that early to you you know what I mean um so I would definitely like agree to be mutually exclusive but be like hey not that I don't want to date you but I would love to get to know you a little bit more before we dive head first into this see works for both people but love bombing love bombing I feel like is a completely

different thing um I don't think this man is love bombing you he probably just has some insecurities um rightfully so that uh I mean I don't know he voiced what he wanted he voiced how he felt and of course we as humans are able to um recognize and understand how we feel based on other people's reactions and go about that but i don't think people showing interest in you is love bombing which i feel like on tiktok uh the phenomena of just like scaring people especially people who are entering relationships is really big and love bombing has been very popular within that community right now and it's making a lot of people put up walls um let me tell you what love bombing is love bombing is well let me tell you what love bombing is not how about that love

bombing is not showing genuine interest and curiosity in the other person um love bombing is not oh you know I just really like them and I want to share my favorite dinner with them so I'm going to cook my favorite dinner for them and make it for them and we can enjoy it together or I know their favorite food so I'm going to cook it for them and share it with them because I want to uplift them and make them happy or oh this is my favorite activity and I really enjoy doing it so of course I want to include them because I really enjoy them and I want them to have a great time or oh this is their favorite activity I want to I want to participate in this and get to know them a little better through this and really enjoy this with them or I know they like this thing

or this little trinket that I'm seeing for them and I want to buy it and just surprise them with it um or I know they would like this so I just kind of want to pick it up and bring it over and surprise them or oh I want to do this thing for them genuine curiosity and interest and overall crushes is going to have you doing things for other people and have other people doing things for you and that's normal and that's fine that's healthy I feel like that's just a part of having a crush you get a crush and you want to like make them some like uh muffins I don't know you know what I mean you're just like baking for a man all of a sudden you're like whoa what am i doing here but it's like that pure innocence in you that just wants to share and

connect um and i think that's wonderful and that's beautiful and that's going to come from both sides within a party early on into the relationship now this is what love bombing is love bombing is a manipulation tactic for people to not take like responsibility for their actions um by pushing this idea of love onto somebody else let me show you how this kind of works um a it can work in the form of oh well the first month you were talking he was doing this and doing this and doing this and doing this but then just stopped and he did a whole 360 um and now he's kind of mean he's not really doing anything for me like he used to did he just manipulate me in order to get me into this relationship and then return to his normal miserable self

that's love bombing and yes that's why i'm like two weeks might be too early take some time to get to know each other get through that honeymoon phase a little bit really see the flaws in each other and accept them fully before entering a relationship i think that's a perfectly normal thing to do it's fine to take your time i get it um but in my last relationship love bombing can also look like this man making you cry you're miserable he did something awful he hurt you in some sort of way and instead of looking you dead in the eyes and saying I'm sorry and changing his behavior so he doesn't hurt you again he just goes and gets you something or does something for you that you know he didn't really have to put a lot of thought or effort into but knew he could buy

you over with uh yeah that was like my whole last relationship I have never received more flowers from a man but i have never had a man make me cry as much as him um i remember when he wanted to go like spend the night with a girl while we were in a relationship and i was like the fuck are you saying to me and we got in this huge week weekend long fight all of a sudden there were flowers at my doorstep and the next time i came home there was a diamond necklace waiting for me and instead of him just like apologizing and then like cutting this girl off or i don't know not flirting with other fucking people very simple um he would just buy me something and then move on and me being the person who's like oh well you know maybe this is his form of love um but also being conditioned to

be like um when men buy you things or are giving you something it means they're sorry they're genuinely sorry but that's not how that works um that's another form of love bombing does that make any sort of sense um genuine interest and curiosity and wanting to build a relationship with one another is not love bombing and you got to take down some walls and let people do things for you every every once in a while love bombing is manipulation and if that man is making you miserable and then turning around and like buying you something afterwards without apologizing that's manipulation uh that's a form of escaping the problem and really not taking accountability for your actions or if he did these things for you and then it's like cold

turkey just like stopped full 360 of a human being he probably was manipulative at the beginning of that relationship and it sucks and it happens i get it i have been there literally um but i think the key to really noticing this is if you're miserable just leave just leave no matter what they buy you no matter what they say no matter what they do if you're miserable and this man is making you cry or making you doubt yourself or not enjoy your time with him like genuinely without money everything aside just personally that man standing in front of you if he had nothing does he make you happy or would that man make you fucking miserable if the answer is miserable it's a best bet is to leave okay someone said info on stds and precaution symptoms advice

okay honestly good question i'm gonna be real with you just get tested half the time these stds especially being in nursing school and learning about stds they're sneaky okay and half the time you're probably not going to realize they're there which is not meant to freak you out it's just meant to push you in the direction of talk to somebody who knows what the fuck's going on you can go get tested literally anywhere for so cheap even without insurance you can get tested at like Planned Parenthood for like 20 bucks that's not an exact number please don't quote me on that but there are people around you who are willing to help want to help and there's testing options for cheap best thing you can really do a is wear a condom of course but a condom is not

also going to fully protect from stds if you're having sex it's always a risk of course condoms are kind of the best way to avoid a risk um but like they can really come from anything from like saliva from i mean they all stem from different things which is the hard part but um like you could not even have sex and get something uh i had a friend who like gave head and then got it in her throat which is like wild and you would never fucking think about it but the best bet is literally just like if you are having uh many different sexual partners which no shame in that do what you want to just stay safe and get tested after every one like honestly if you can um i would just go get a quick test for your peace of mind um and they'll get back to you like within

24 hours my doctor was like listen i'll call you and tell you if you have something but if you don't get a call you're good and I was like great love that um and yeah it's that simple but go get tested okay no matter who you are no matter who you're sleeping with go get tested it'll save you from anxiety and from pain in the future love you oh my god someone asked pegging tips which is making me literally laugh out loud because a you're assuming that I'm pegging somebody which I love i love that you guys think that about me but no i have never pegged anybody and i've yeah i've never done that i feel like just with any sexual sexual situation that i imagine like of course i'm curious about it but is it something that i really that like really drives me and turns me on

or like my partner no so i've never really dabbled in it so i don't have any tips unfortunately but if any of you girlies have like pegging tips submit a call in it's in my bio and my instagram would love to hear about it or even like a little dm i will read it off i will let the girls know for you but unfortunately i don't have any tips as somebody who gets pegged a lot i guess my tips would be just like take it slow and use lube that's all i can really say oh someone said are you good at grocery lists and solid things to buy to cook slash snack on i need help you know what i have gotten really good at grocery lists recently i don't know why or how um but here's my kind of go-to a i'll find each week each week i plan a new thing

because i have to go to the grocery store once a week i will find one breakfast item that i can eat all week and be okay with usually i don't really have a breakfast but if i wake up and my stomach's hungry like I'm not gonna deny myself of that so I like to have something this week for me personally it's cottage cheese and then I make a fried egg with chili oil and put it on top pretty fucking good but in the morning eggs are really my go-to thing now I will also plan one lunch that I can eat all week I don't know if you're like me where you find a hyper fixation food and you can eat it all week but for me personally I'm good I can eat the same thing for a week straight and be okay um so I'll do one breakfast thing one lunch thing um this

week it's like wraps like could just uh sandwich wraps pretty easy you can throw it together once I get starving um and then dinners I'll plan two dinners which really makes four because I'll have leftovers and then the other two nights I'm either at work eating or like I go out I treat myself whatever get cheap McDonald's whatever it happens to be and that whole idea has made grocery planning very simple for me I'll also plan like two snacks so this week I got like Cheez-Its and uh what else did I get I'm forgetting now but you know the point like I get hungry at night I can't not get hungry um so of course I want some munchies around especially some good munchies and who am I to deny myself of that when I'm the oh my god when I'm the person planning my meals um so yeah cheese

it's oh and yogurt I got some yogurt some fresh fruit because I don't know I've been on a yogurt kick recently I don't know what's going on I have some weird tastes but that has made my life a lot easier one breakfast one lunch two dinners two snacks and then I'm not like overspending or like I'm in the grocery store not sure what I want and also if I'm in the grocery store and something catches my eye I always get it because I know I'm gonna eat it and it's better for me to eat it then not eat it does that make sense um but yeah that's how i kind of plan my weeks uh someone asked what do you think about the concept of right person wrong time i genuinely believe that's like a real honest thing uh we as people you know we're gonna fall in love with each other we're gonna get

to know each other but sometimes it's not gonna stick um and it's not gonna stick maybe because the relationship's bad or it's not gonna stick because you have to go do your own thing or they need to go do their own thing and at the end of the day it's kind of a beautiful thing where you can appreciate that person enough to let them go i think that's true love and true appreciation of a person to see them to love them fully to have enjoyed your time with them but to understand that it's not going to last forever that this relationship isn't meant for you guys to be together forever um and allowing yourself to let it go um there's definitely a relationship couple relationships I should have done that with but I held on way too tight and it made me

honestly even more miserable I should have just you know had the willpower and the gut to be like I love this person enough to know that it's just not gonna work and I need to go do my own thing and that's awesome and that's wonderful um but i should have voiced that but yeah it's a real thing and it's heartbreaking i get it but true strength is loving a person enough to know that maybe it's not gonna work and letting them go regardless so they can be their so they can be their best selves you know someone asked how to not procrastinate oh girl i'm the queen of procrastination okay like i think about something and i immediately get anxious and then just like don't think about it then all of a sudden it's here and then it's it's gone that's how my

procrastination works um but key number one is just something i've learned along the way is procrastination is a form of self-sabotage it's accepting the loss before even trying because it's easier to accept the loss without trying than to have actually tried and lose which the kick of it all is if you actually try you're probably not going to lose so why are you just accepting the loss right at the beginning do you know what i mean um a lot of the times what really really has helped me with my procrastination and i showed this in my uh video episode was i have a monthly planner and i have a weekly planner and these two things are very separate my monthly planner is for big goals I write down all my big goals on it I make sure it's up

somewhere that I'm seeing it every single day and I mark off every single day with a marker but it allows me to plan ahead and of course I'm thinking further than a month but not quite as in detail so I will at the start of a month write down every single thing that I need to do that are my big goals. So maybe your big goals are more related with school. So that month, it's a new month, you go ahead, you pull out your syllabus, you write down every exam, every test, every piece of homework that is due for that month. Now those are your big goals. Now my reset days are kind of Sundays, maybe yours are Mondays, whatever it is. I have a weekly planner. Now with that weekly planner I delegate tasks to certain days that are going to help me reach the big goals that I have

on my monthly planner and I delegate them pretty evenly amongst the days because I don't want there to be days where I am like overwhelmed and then days where I am just like completely have nothing to do I feel like it's way easier to do a little bit every single day than to overwhelm myself on some days and some days to have off so like say you have an exam on Tuesday so maybe you don't have a lot of tasks on that day because you know you're going to be spending most of the day studying and then doing a whole big exam and you don't really want to do anything after that cool that's fine you can move some to another day um and really just planning according to that but having a monthly planner and then a uh what was it a weekly planner as well really helps me kind

of get excited for the future while also adequately planning out tasks and things that I need to do in order for the future and the things that I want to accomplish within that month to actually come to fruition and here's the thing if you just take the step and you simply try there is no losing so why accept the loss and not try at all do you know what I mean um you're going to feel accomplishment you're going to ultimately work closer to your goals which is going to make you feel a little bit more accomplished which is gonna give you the momentum to keep moving forward but the key is to take that first step for me personally i have adhd i can't organize in my head that shit does not work and you gotta accept you know we all got our faults okay i used to

think i could organize in my head i cannot not at all very bad at it so write it down figure out what works for you and utilize it to the full extent that you can but don't accept a loss before you've even tried okay I guarantee you have so many wins out there and so many things you're gonna accomplish if you just simply if you just try babe plan a little bit get excited about the future you know what I mean hey girly um it's Monday um I'm in the car I just got well I went to work got fired now I'm leaving work um really hated my job so I shouldn't be like that sad sorry

first cry I probably shouldn't have done this but I don't know like I'm mad that I feel like I'm back at the very beginning again and I just like really don't know what I want to do with my life

and I feel like I keep taking all these jobs and there's like no job up there for me because I get fucking bored out of my mind it's hard to find something that's like actually gives me passion um so yeah just wondering what to do and i am going back to school to take one class in marketing so we'll see i don't know but yeah cutie girl i love you i am so sorry you got fired but i'm not gonna lie it really sounds like you dodged a bullet if you're miserable somewhere you don't really

want to ride that misery out now with the wonderful thing you have now is you're entering a new era there's new opportunities in front of you and there's new ways you can approach them if you're the kind of person who likes to dabble in things but are unsure where you really want to go i really really recommend internships and no not just like internships as your main form of uh like working and like making money because you're probably not going to make any money from it which is fine because it'll lead you towards somewhere that you want to go but just like look around for different internships that you can find whether it's like oh personal assistant for this person or maybe working in social media management for this area or maybe this person needs or this

company needs whatever it is in the area that you're kind of leaning towards like for me it'd like fashion social media marketing stuff like that maybe your interest is like films movies you can internship there um maybe it's like farming you can go do internships or like work away kind of trips um there are so many opportunities ahead of you but i think really really just focusing down on what drives you what your passion is um then leaning into that in kind of like a okay i'm gonna open the door to this and try it out and see if it works for me in the form of like a internship or a short obligation it's not like a work job it's like a we're gonna we're gonna trial run this here and then if you enjoy it you can slowly work your way deeper into

the industry and figure more shit out um and having a job on the side jobs i get it jobs are hard jobs are going to be miserable at some points jobs are going to be awful at some points listen all the servers know there's a point in time and probably many points in times where you were just hiding in the walk-in that's like 40 degrees just sobbing and like your tears are rolling down your cheeks but also like freezing at the same time and you know there's a rush outside you got to get back out there and keep working and yeah it's not fun i get that but when it comes to just simply making a living especially when you're so young and you're still trying to figure out what the fuck you want to do your first few jobs whether it's two or ten are probably not going to

be exactly what you're looking for but they're all going to give you different viewpoints in what you want in the future and also new experiences that you can add to resumes that are going to really really help you in the future get into the industry and into the jobs that you really do want when it comes to just having a job when you're younger which is why I'm kind of content right now being a bartender and server like no I don't want to do this for fucking ever um but it makes good money and I'm not completely and utterly miserable um and there's always a way out which is why I like it because no it's not what I want to do forever but while it's funding the opportunities and the things that are leading towards jobs that I really want it'll work for now

um and that's I think how you kind of have to approach jobs when you're younger but don't take it so hard on yourself okay take some days off chill allow yourself to dream a little bit but don't cry I love you it's the end of an era and it seems like probably the end of an era for the best does that make sense because you sound sad and I don't like it when I hear you guys sad but I do get it I've definitely been there um but I love you and there are absolutely great things ahead of for you um and yeah just keep your head up okay enjoy your time it'll be okay allow yourself to dream and to really go after what you want though um because you can make it happen someone said their boyfriend got them a vibrator for christmas king he's a real one

that's amazing okay someone asked how should my pussy smell how do i make sure it doesn't stink should i say shave it lots of questions here here's the thing we as women are going to have all different preferences for how we want to shave and take care of ourselves okay you can do it honestly however you want that's kind of the beauty of shaving like i don't shave my armpits but i do shave my legs there's girls where it's like the opposite you can really do whatever you want your partner should respect your choices and if they don't respect your choices or they make fun of you or they speak up in a way that is a negative in any sort of sense towards your body they should not have access to your body period point blank so moving on i have a bush i love the

bush okay i shave a little bit i trim a little bit but like uh you know where people get like a landing strip it's like that i like a little bit of hair i don't like being completely bald i feel like that's just wild i did that when i was younger but then i realized it was kind of weird because like why am i shaving myself to look prepubescent that's scary and kind of gross i'm going to stop that not to shame anybody whatever you're comfortable with absolutely that's just personally how i felt um now when it comes to like taking care of yourself and making sure you're clean down there showering is really all you gotta do okay really all you gotta do and avoid avoid at all costs those like pussy washes or this is a wash for your vagina no no no no it's just

marketed towards vaginas because they knew there wasn't a market already and they knew they could sell things because women are going to be insecure about themselves and how they smell avoid that another thing i learned in nursing school your vagina is self-cleaning it's going to take care of itself absolutely now it shouldn't be anything like out of the ordinary that you have never experienced before whether it's like pain swelling itchiness a major change in discharge a major change in smell yes then go to the doctor go get that figured out might be something like bv or like a yeast infection or um like a uti all very common better just go see your doctor to get that sorted out but when it comes to just like average normal vaginas they're gonna be pretty pretty

neutral like any part of skin on your body does that make sense if you wash with like warm water and a rag and you do it every day or twice a day whatever you're comfortable with you're going to be good but here's the thing you sweat you're gonna go work out you're gonna be moving your body naturally produces oils and um of course we're all going to smell at the end of the day oh my god literally like drag races down my street right now really apologize about that so of course like there's gonna be times where you're gonna smell better than normal dicks are the same way like do i really want to go down there after you've worked a 12 hour shift and just like have not showered i mean like yeah but like am i gonna expect it to smell like roses

no i would not lift anybody's armpit after that long of a work day and expect it to smell like roses and we use deodorant so why are we holding women to this like unachievable level of like care at most your pussy is gonna smell like a pussy and i think we all know what that smells like it's pretty just like normal you know but if it's like bad or there's a very sudden change then like yeah go to your doctor very simply put but then at the end of the day like if your partner or the person that you're going to be sleeping with is going to judge you based on like you know what's going on down there and what naturally happens down there then they shouldn't be down there do you know what i mean don't be worried don't be nervous the reason

they're even going down there is because they want to so you know enjoy it have some fun but don't overthink it just make sure you're cleaning yourself normally and don't mess with your ph and things should be pretty good also staying safe sexually really helps uh with what's going on down there because you don't want like bv or um sometimes like a yeast infection can be caused by sex or just like i don't know what whoever your sexual partner has been with so ask the questions you need to ask make sure you're staying safe make sure you are trying to pick relatively good partners who are going to listen to you and respect you and yeah don't sweat it have some fun enjoy yourself but no no pussy is gonna smell like roses if you go down

on a girl and you're expecting roses you're gonna be disappointed like what i'm not dumb i'm not gonna suck a dick and be like why doesn't the dick smell like candy like are you kidding me no no why aren't med helps these levels it makes me so upset like there's no dick body wash so why is there one for women like why do they just assume women down there are naturally dirty like come on let's be real oh okay someone said um my boyfriend tends to have a negative mindset he even identifies it any advice please illy all right so i've definitely dealt with this in a relationship which moral of the story of me dealing with that in a relationship was i can't be around fucking negative people i myself got to a point in my life where you know i was very low i was

only seeing the negatives in the world and in order for me to survive i really had to open my eyes up and heavily lean into the positives in order for me to start finding daily joy again it was just a survival tactic and it really worked and it really helped me but something that I found once I was outside of it is when I'm around people who are genuinely miserable negative people they will bring me down too they will never uplift me they will never support me they will never you know be there for me in any sort of way because their eye is always on the negative and hey maybe you're a negative person maybe you like complaining and looking at the world in a in a bad light then sure you guys can run off and live your best life but if you're like me

where like positivity is honestly like a survival tool at this point and it's something that I look for in my everyday life and I'm oh my god a little sensitive to negativity it really starts to take a toll on you um so something a little rule that i have in my life after dating a man who was so negative it literally brought my world crashing down around me is i cannot have those people around me whatsoever because there's something about a negative person who identifies that they're negative and knows that they are the way they are and doesn't give a fuck and doesn't want to change and just wants to honestly keep doing worse that when they're on that role not only will they continue down that path but every single other person around them will be brought

on that journey with them okay and how do i know this from literally serving so many of these people seeing these men and women who are just absolutely like it's their life's mission to make not only my life a living hell but the friends and the family that are sitting at the table with them in a public setting to the strangers that are around them their goal is to literally reign misery upon every single one of them and it is my biggest pet peeve i cannot handle those people i cannot deal with those people and guess what most of those people are self-identifying and they know they're miserable and they don't give a fuck um and when they have that self-awareness and they tell you that like my ex-boyfriend was like yeah i'm just a dick that's who i am and i'm not gonna

change my little poor Hannah was like well maybe he will if I just show him the light if I show him the positivity if I fix him there's no fixing they know who they are they're comfortable in who they are and that's who they're going to stay and you really have to accept that for what it is so if you're starting to realize like oh maybe I can't have this around me like it's really not great for my mental health or for my self-confidence or for my experience in life in general run run as far as you can i really wish as soon as that man was looked me in the eyes after like making me sob for four days straight and was like this is who i am this is what you signed up for i don't give a fuck i wish i would have gotten up and left right then and there but no i stuck around because i

thought i could change them when people are aware of their beat of their behaviors and their motives and they don't care you either have to sit there and hear them out and love them for who they are or understand that this kind of behavior is just simply not going to work and you guys have different motives in life here so me personally i cut me i cut miserable oh my god whoa i cut miserable people out i cannot deal with it i really can't because i can get to such a miserable place myself and i hate getting there and i hate getting dragged down there with people and i fight it so constantly with myself that I don't need anybody else around me to even trigger me or even push me down there that is not healthy for me it's not safe for me and so really when people

I've like when I notice that people are just like going out of their way to make sure their life is not fun and also the people around their life is not fun I distance myself immediately and honestly that's probably the biggest kind of self-preserverance. Did I say that right? Tool that I use when it comes to like meeting new people and figuring out if they're right for me. If you're set on complaining and complaining and complaining and looking at the negatives, that's cool. You can go find another negative person. I just unfortunately cannot be that for you. And of course, we all feel a range of emotions, a variety of emotions here and there. but if that's your overwhelming arch of who you are you are mr grumpy i please as far as

fuck away from me as you can oh someone said i have a crush on a new guy tips on how to approach this is so cute i love i love the energy of crushes i love that like school girl nervousness after being in like a relationship for so long and like i still love him it's amazing like of course you get out of the honeymoon phase and the butterflies dissipate a little bit like of course I'm still head over heels but you know that like first interaction those first like it's so fun it's so fun so I would say lean into it lean into it let yourself get swept up a little bit but like don't get swept up in the way of like I met him once we're gonna get married and have seven kids and we're gonna live on a farm like no no no no no like get swept up in the sense of like oh

my god i cannot wait for the next day or oh my god i cannot wait for like just to see him again i feel like that feeling of like staying present in the moment and excited in the moment especially when you're new into relationships is so fun and you should tap into that energy because it is a abundant free-flowing innocent energy because it's stemming from the idea of love and i think crushes can honestly really transform you because like we get in this idea of like oh I have a crush it's embarrassing because I'm trying to impress this guy but like what if you stopped living in shame and what if you really opened yourself up and embraced this idea and embraced the idea of yeah maybe I am leaning into trying to impress the guy because not only through trying

to impress somebody else are you going to impress them but you're also going to impress yourself I feel like whenever I would have crushes I would like really deep dive into who I am and try and like you know like I would get excited about myself again like I would also be excited about another person but I would get excited about myself again and not only was I like I know you shouldn't change for people but I was like trying to impress them and through impressing them I was like impressing myself the phases where i had crushes were the phases where i was just like so in touch with myself riding the high of the feeling of love whether afterwards it was good or bad or led into a relationship or not really fed into that energy like i was at the top of

the world literally feeding into that crush energy was when i started my first ever tiktok account and was when I just immediately got like 500,000 followers and like 12 million likes in the span of like six months and those six months were the six months that like me and my boyfriend were just like getting to know each other but that energy is so abundant and something that you should really really lean into because not only are you going to be hyper focused on the person that you're curious and have a crush on but you're gonna be like kind of hyper focused on yourself but it's in like since the energy is stemming from that crush and that innocent love that's the energy that you're going to be directing towards yourself as well which is amazing and wonderful so i would

say try not to live in fear try not to live in shame really dive into that energy get excited good and bad is going to happen to you no matter what so ride the high while you can and enjoy the time that you can spend right now while you can um there's no better feeling than being like oh my god i'm hanging out with my girls i'm getting my makeup ready and then i'm gonna go drinks with a guy afterwards and they're trying to hype me up and feeding into that abundance of like like just innocent love love tapping into that energy so take advantage of it while you can crushes are fun entertain them a little bit have have some fun okay that's what life is about love comes in all different forms and many different bodies and many different people

so when you're feeling it really really listen to it and dive into it and try and have fun while you can i feel like this might be a good one to end on i know i don't want to end it either but i'm having so much fun um but this this one's cute it's not it's kind of cute it's about death anyways um oh shit where'd it go um it's just about really accepting oh how to come to terms with my own mortality in a healthy way new year got me thinking big okay so i have come a little bit too close to death a few times which really like shifted my mindset to look at the bigger picture and to take advantage of what I have while I'm here the one truth of it all is we born we're born and we die eventually we all are going

to be on different journeys in between that so there's no point in comparing yourself or trying to change yourself or well of course but for the betterment of someone else compared to the betterment of yourself um but it's it's useless putting this like societal pressure on yourself when we are all on so very different journeys and the one truth of it all when it comes to the idea that we're all on different journeys is we're all gonna die at different times and we're all gonna die in different ways but the one the one factor that we all have in common is that we're gonna die and when I was younger that terrified me so I leaned into it a little too much uh way too much um and I had a attempt scare um but that really switched my perspective

to i really didn't want to die in those moments that i thought i wanted to or fantasize or spent so many years just thinking about it i didn't want to die i just wanted to escape and those are two very different things and once you realize and step back a second that you have the opportunity and the endless opportunities to change and to grow and to become someone new and to switch up your environment you always have the opportunity to escape and not only do you have the opportunity to escape but your future your next steps the things that you want to place ahead of you your dreams what you want to achieve are all possible they are and you're like but I have this big thing that i'm envisioning in my head yeah most of the people who achieve these things have

this big thing that they're envisioning in their head but they have to stick around they have to trust themselves they have to lean into their intuition they have to lean into trusting theirself and trying new things and working hard in order to achieve those things but the wonderful beautiful thing about it is we're all on different journeys and we're all going to achieve different things and we're all going to have different goals and we have a little limited time here so why not achieve them why not and the one thing that kind of made me realize like why not go after everything you've ever wanted was and I talked about this before I got into a really bad fucking car accident it was like midnight there was a huge highway incident where like a cattle truck

had overturned and there were cows running along the highway and these were like black angus cows so you can't see them in the pitch black like you can't see anything so I basically hit the back of a police car that was parked around a corner in the middle of the highway I couldn't see it no lights on um going 80 miles an hour dead stop the cop pulled me out of the uh out of the driver's seat looked me in the eyes and go yeah you should be dead I'm calling an ambulance and I was like I feel fine I fucked up my ankle and I broke my nose but I was I literally escaped death in that point in time and I looked around me when I got home and the only things that I really enjoyed after that and I really appreciated after that which I didn't have the same appreciation for

was my parents I was in a relationship I was in school and yeah school I realized was I was heading down a path of what I wanted to do but like the viewpoint that I had on my life completely flipped upside down and I don't want you guys to have to go through a near-death experience in order to understand this perspective so like let me share mine but I looked around my life and there were so many things that I was taking advantage of while also so many things that were taking advantage of me and I was just sitting by idly just quote-unquote experiencing my life letting life happen around me instead of taking advantage of the beautiful opportunity we have to be alive and to have choices and to have free will and to have so many things around us constantly

so many opportunities presented to us constantly of course there's good and bad in the world but let's focus on the good here and I was just sitting and I wasn't doing anything and I wasn't taking advantage of any of the things around me and that really snapped something in my head together like the puzzle pieces clicked and I was like girl what the fuck are you doing there are so many big hopes and dreams and plans and things that you want to achieve and you're just sitting here and you could have almost died and of course you achieved some things in your life but there's so many bigger goals and things that I want to start so I broke up with my miserable boyfriend and I left him and I got into a little bit of a party club girl era because it's what I wanted

to do and I had a fucking blast and then that ended because I entered a new era of things that I wanted to achieve and then I randomly started a tiktok account because I didn't give a fuck what is there to lose who cares if I get three likes or three hundred thousand it means nothing to me I'm just gonna put myself out there and create things I like and then that led to this and I was in a place where I wasn't sure where I wanted to go anymore and then I was like well fuck it I'm gonna get on anchor and start a podcast what is there to lose other than me simply attempting to step into the shoes that are my life and walk in them that's the only thing that you have within your life to achieve and death becomes a lot more easy to accept when you are walking in the shoes

of your life every single day because if you get up and you try and live your life or your day how you want your life to be and you try and stick to that and sure you've trials tribulations here and there but overwhelmingly you stick to your morals you stick to who you want to be you have your little routines you have your little walk in the afternoon you do your painting I'm thinking whatever brings me happiness no matter how small it is or how big it is I do this podcast with you guys guess what death doesn't matter because at the end of the day I'm doing what I appreciate and what I enjoy and I'm living my life how it deserves to be lived and how I want to celebrate it and celebrate myself so whenever I die it's gonna happen and I welcome it because this life

that I am living even at 23 years old I haven't done everything I've wanted to but I'm on the path to do so and I am appreciative of every moment that I have to be able to step into my shoes of life and walk in them and to try and make the best of every opportunity I have death becomes a little less scary when you realize we do have free will and we have an abundance of years if you think about it a thousand years ago they would live to maybe 20 okay we look we ideally okay can live to like 80 to 100 if you're careful which is crazy that is so many years i've lived for like 23 years and it's felt like a fucking lifetime so imagine everything that you can do within this time if you just woke up got up and walked into in the shoes of life that you

want to walk in does that make sense you can really make anything happen I really really believe in you but stop sitting by and letting life happen to you you can really have a choice in what you want to experience within this life of course there's goods and bads and everything but we do ultimately have an option in how we want to approach life and how we want to view it and how we want to celebrate this opportunity that we are given so when it comes to death when people have died around me of course it's a time for mourning but more importantly it's a time for celebration I feel like funerals really should absolutely be a celebration what a life you've lived what how many things have you experienced how many kisses have you had how many hugs have

you had how many you know just like joyful laughs have you shared with a friend that's beautiful and that's wonderful and that's amazing so let's celebrate it let's look back on those happy times with those people with that pet with that experience and just enjoy it and feel that joy and let it overwhelm our body and celebrate their life through that while also sharing the joy and the appreciation that they shared with you with other people that's how your legacy lives on so really however you appreciate and walk in your life and however you show appreciation to the people around you is really your legacy after you die. So take advantage of your life. Stop letting it happen to you. Experience joy. Share in joy. Reach out. Yeah, death becomes a little

less scary when you start really living your life. But yeah, I love you guys. I hope that's a little bit of motivation to get you up, get you going. Find simple joys in life. Share a laugh with a friend that's what it's really about you know what I mean you don't have to accomplish huge giant amazing things really like when I got in that car accident the one thing I was thinking about was like how I sat down with my parents at dinner that night before and just like enjoyed life with them which I hadn't done in a while and it made me really look and appreciate the smaller things around me than things that I was taking a little bit of advantage of but I love you all this has been fun happy Tuesday it's kind of hot outside I think I'm gonna open my windows

let in a fresh breeze I'm gonna kind of redecorate and clean up a little bit to make me some lunch do some little self-care TLC you know what I mean Tuesdays are my day off so they tend to be my kind of reset regroup take care of myself day and it feels good because I get to include you guys in on it as well and share with you guys life experiences some laughs some joy it's always a pleasure to be here with you guys i love you all so very much if you enjoyed the uh video episode let me know send me a little dm would love to have more ideas um more topics i'd like to discuss you already know i'll be here every fucking week for you guys but yeah any questions concerns comments follow me on instagram at hannah marlene you can see me there for any

updates if you want to follow the meme page it's linked in my instagram bio as well make sure to follow the podcast share if you want watch a little video episode tell me how you felt about it let me know any things you want to hear from me and with that being said i love you all so very much and i will see you all next week