Smoke Sesh - death to the chill girl, confessionals, and black & white thinking

Episode Date: March 29, 2022

Happy Tuesday ! So happy to be back hanging out with you guys. Today we are taken to church Smoke Sesh and we read some of your confessionals, we talk black & white thinking and how to escape it, high school stories, how to kill off the chill girl attitude, cool girl vs chill girl, and much much more. Thank you for all the questions you have submitted if you have any more please feel free to submit to the Instagram @ hannahmarlene and I’ll see you Thursday for another episode! Love you all so much MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, someone to look out for them. Some people call me their internet big sister, others their fairy smoke mother. You can call me Hannah, the new host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. Some good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. Oh my goodness, good morning everybody. i i'm not gonna lie i quite literally just woke up like i just rolled over and opened my app and

started recording how are we all doing i woke up at 11 o'clock i'm exhausted i had the longest day of my life yesterday um here's a little insight on that i was bartending per use making that money and it's been really slow recently because there's been a lot of like um events in my area and the more events that like happen in Kansas City the more the city is out um the less people go out to restaurants you know they're out at bars drinking down in Westport you know the vibes vibes vibes um well it was slow as balls yesterday and my bartending shift is like like if it's slow as a server it's awesome because they are just like go home like go home we don't need you and it's awesome because i'm like great i'm not wasting my time but as a bartender you're

there open till close and i was there and i swear to god from two o'clock till eight o'clock i didn't have anybody sit at my bar i had a few tables because i was like whatever i'll take at some tables i need to make some money no one sat at my bar keep in mind we close at nine at eight o'clock a party of eight comes in which we're like okay whatever party of eight easy that party of eight turned into a party of 25 for this girl's birthday and then and then nine people show up at my bar i was like oh my god my whole bar filled up i was like we close in 30 minutes we close we close and here's the thing although we close we technically cannot close until all the patrons have left and that can go upwards until 10 o'clock this whole party was a

whole fucking mess so much of a mess that another table wrote on someone's check i'm you are so blessed for dealing with that table like it was chaos they were screaming this is a small restaurant they were yelling my other customers were like what is going on i picked up the phone and the birthday girl came up to me and hugged me he's like you can hang up i was like first of all don't touch me like i'm so sorry i'm already mad don't touch me i know it's your birthday unfortunately i'm not in a friendly mood i was like what is going on and to make matters worse they tipped not me thank god i feel so bad for my co-worker they tipped him a old weed baggie with a hole in it full of pennies not even enough pennies for a few dollars maybe one dollar

i was flabbergasted shocked caboodled could do whatever the word so shocked to say the least and they were there until 10 i oh my god oh my god that's been the craziest interaction so far that was insane um but luckily one of my friends who i haven't seen in fucking forever we used to party a lot um during the pandemic and when i what i mean by that before you come for me i was not out partying okay i was not out doing anything we didn't really leave anywhere we would just sit at my house or a friend's house and we would just drink and hang out in the backyard you know summer of course we gotta fucking we're all out of work we gotta fucking pass time somehow i haven't seen her since the pandemic so she came in and it was really awesome to see her and finally she i

finally convinced her to go to a concert with me so we're going to subtronics on thursday i'm so excited I haven't been to a rave in forever she's the one who like got me into raves um she's a few years older than me but when I was working there she was kind of like a big sister to me when I was younger when I was hosting like at 19 she's kind of like a big sister to me and she'd always talk about raves she's going to and blah blah blah and I started going to raves with her and she really opened my eyes to everything so I'm so excited I get to go back with her um that was great and then also last last Friday oh my god I saw Trixie and Katya live it was so good if you guys have never seen Trixie and Katya first of all go binge all of their

episodes on YouTube they're more than just YouTubers though you can go watch their seasons on RuPaul's Drag Race they're so incredible so funny and like I didn't know what to expect because i was like okay i've been to drag shows before is it gonna be that is it gonna be lip syncing is it gonna be like because then they also do like youtube shorts so like is it gonna be that are they gonna sit on stage and answer questions like what's going on but no they put their whole pussy into that performance literally they were flying in the air they had backup dancers they had uh video shorts they had short skits they had outfit changes on stage they had blow up sex it was oh my god incredible 10 out of 10 if Trixie and Katya are coming to your city

please go see it also I was second row second row if you're the girl who was sitting in front of me and recognizing me love you you're very sweet loves your outfit um but second row front and center best show best show of my life honestly I haven't been to a show like a real show I should say like at a real venue I've been to like a few like bar shows or house shows love that not demeaning that in any way but I haven't been to like big concert venues with lots of people in a while um and that was the first one and it was really great and they were great about security and great about masks and great about all that I was like love it so excited to finally be able to get back into my roots of getting out and having fun and going and seeing things because like going

to concerts and shows was like my favorite thing to do before the pandemic so I'm just glad we're all vaccinated we're all getting on track things are maybe looking up you know what I mean but oh Thursday oh my god I can't wait I'm wondering how I work Friday I'll still put out a podcast on Thursday but I'll have to update you guys on the concert next Tuesday holy shit I can't think that far ahead anyways anyways in other news i woke up to pause 2 000 entries on my questionnaire and 41 dms oh my god you guys you guys went crazy yesterday which like thank you thank you i need i need the inspiration i need to know what you guys are going through i need to know what we need to talk about today because really I think when I'm answering questions I answer questions

that I have seen repeatedly show up in the questionnaire for the week does that make sense because I want them to kind of be and I think we as humans are all kind of in sync more than we would like to think and I think we all go through kind of different life experiences and life paths um kind of in tune with each other and so i think a lot of the things that you guys might be going through that you're like no one else is going through this no one else could ever experience this i think a lot of other people are also going through the same thing so like if you're feeling it submit it if you got a question submit it because the more i see it the more it's on my mind and the more i am likely to answer it so thank you guys so much for sending in those and

i also asked for confessionals i haven't looked at any yet i actually looked at one this is my dms um i literally can't wait i'm so excited to jump into this welcome to church quite honestly smoke sash has become the new church we're getting rid of the christian church as a catholic church and we're replacing it with hot girls all over the world so let's dive into it i'm probably gonna do it pretty sporadically pretty random keep you guys on your toes on this chilly Tuesday I don't know if it's warm where you are literally every fucking day I have off it's freezing it's so cold like I thought the sun was supposed to be out by now what is going on it's a good thing I just booked an Airbnb for Santa Monica because I cannot do this weather anymore I don't know

what's going on this midwestern chilly bipolar kind of a weather is really getting to me because one day it'll be 70 the next day it's literally no sun and like no and rain and 30 like what oh i gotta escape i gotta get out of here i cannot wait but okay i'm getting off topic let's get into some questions okay first question this was just the first one in my dm she really sent this at 1101 perfect okay my parents are really conservative to the point where i can't wear tank tops in the summer when it's hot as balls out how can I dress comfortably and cute with all that um perfect very good question so what I did because listen I understand when you're living under your parents rules you're under 18 you know you've got to play by the rules a little bit you

don't want to get kicked out or maybe you do I don't know um but you still need a place to live you still need to kind of have that kind of respect from your parents I hear you I understand i didn't really cut any ties until i was out of their house which i think made a huge difference um i think there would have been way too much drama inside the house if i did it before but if you're trying to play it safe but still trying to have a fun summer what i would do is quite honestly and i mean i think we've all been there before when we're leaving the house and you know we're wearing an outfit that maybe is not older adult friendly but you know people are I just don't give a fuck um I would just like wear a sweatshirt over it or wear a shirt like

shorts over it or wear like whatever can conceal whatever you're wearing but not look crazy I've also done like oh I'm going to a friend's house I have a backpack I have a change of clothes in there I think all that's very valid if they see you out and about and they don't like the way you're dressed that's on them I feel like in a way but like under their house under their rules like even though maybe their rules are wrong in your opinion um i understand like you know just trying to survive so that's what i would do i've definitely been there before like i'm going to a party in high school in a black bralette but i can't wear that in front of my parents because i'm 16 so i would just throw a hoodie on and be like bye you know what i mean pretty sure

we've all been there someone asked okay how to get over intimacy issues i need my back blown out but I'm scared. Okay. Valid question. Whether you have trauma, whether you have never experienced intimacy before, whether you have, I don't know, whatever the issue is, I hear you. I understand you. I've been there. I've been scared before, girl. I hear you. I think the key to having a good experience is to find a good partner. And I know that's a little hard. I know like people can be deceiving i understand that i hear you and i'm not talking this has to be a long-term relationship this can be a hookup i think you should be looking for the same kind of person whether it's a hookup or a relationship type thing i think you should still be looking for people who like outwardly

express um boundaries with you outwardly express that they honor your boundaries as well outwardly express that they're interested in you and they like you and that you're not chasing after them that you're not confused you know what i mean i think having those kinds of relationships with that person before you go into the intimacy really makes for much like a way more clear and more um not intense i want to say intense but maybe more sensual experience um when you've built that connection as a human before you build the intimacy all right um I think I'm the most comfortable with a person intimately when I'm comfortable with them outside of intimacy okay um I think you have to have that mutual respect for each other outside of intimacy for

it to work and go well um together in an intimate position because I've been there where you're with fucking dumbass like boys who don't value or respect women and it's not a fun time and you're disappointed and you probably didn't come like i've been there i understand you i hear you but there's valid steps you can make to make your intimate experience way better ask those hard questions about that person are they gonna respect me and my boundaries during our hookup if you have like any inkling of like no okay ditch them because you can find somebody absolutely you can find somebody who will all right i don't think you need to settle i don't think you need to be scared um but i hear you i understand you and i think making sure that the person that you're

about to be intimate with you also just enjoy personally and you guys have good communication i think it's very important also to get more comfortable on an intimate level i really recommend and like I used to be very uncomfortable naked just like in general I used to like not really like being naked I didn't sleep naked I didn't like I don't really I barely felt comfortable in a bikini um get really comfortable with your nude and naked body and I'm not talking about like with other people or around other people or on social media I'm talking about like in your personal life when you're home alone get comfortable with the idea of your body and it takes time it takes time i hear you relationships with your body do take time to heal um but i think

once i got comfortable which took a few years with the idea of being naked and my true whole self being my body not what i put on it that is an extension of who i am once i got comfortable with my body and the ins and outs of it and how i work and like getting in tune with all that it made intimacy a lot easier because a i knew what i wanted i knew how to communicate it b i didn't feel insecure or shameful or any sort of like preconceived notions about my body also having an enthusiastic consenting partner who was um going to like treat you well is very important someone who's going to uplift you during the experience compliment you you know i think those are all very very important things um and when you're young and you don't have a lot of experience

yeah it's a little bit harder to come across these but if you really just set yourself up for a good time i really think you'll have a good time does that make any sort of sense oh this is a great question okay because i dealt with i have been dealing with so much of this because it's festival season um okay someone asked me how to deal with FOMO I have the worst case ever felt okay I used to get FOMO because I lived too much in my phone okay we with social media we are just exposed to so many different kinds of things and so many experiences and so many perceived experiences of people online so much of it of course you're gonna have FOMO okay every third video on TikTok is like some girl in on a beach and I'm like what the fuck why am I not there why can't I do that

that's fine that's beautiful that's whatever I have to just continuously remind myself like I am not them they are not me and their experiences don't take away or add to anything that i'm experiencing experiencing in this moment okay when it comes to like social media stuff also i've made a habit of not consuming things that intentionally kind of make me have that kind of feeling if i notice anything that gives me FOMO if i notice anything that i'm just like uh i i just it's not bringing positivity into my life when i consume that kind of social media i just completely like not interested blocked muted whatever you know what i mean I think that's very valid to do do what you need for your mental health not when it's a little

closer to home and like say your friends are going somewhere your your partner's going somewhere your family's going somewhere they're doing something and you're not and you're missing out I think the way to kind of cure FOMO is to understand that every moment we're given we have the choice to either have fun or hate it and the more you choose to have fun in the given moments that you're presented with no matter where you are the more content you'll be in life and the more content you'll be with the journey that you're having okay I used to like fight so hard with this like but I want to be here right now I want to do this right now I want to do this right now like I just wish I could be in the Maldives right now I wish I was in Paris right

like no unfortunately that's not how things work okay as much as that influencer is like overnight in Paris literally living her best life that is not my life and that's okay and I'm happy with where I am because it's my life and I'm living it and it's great and it's wonderful but I've been I have to continuously choose to have fun within my own environment and to choose myself within my own environment okay and then the more I feel comfortable within my own path the the more i don't even give a fuck about fomo all these festivals are going on and my first reaction is not oh i wish i was there i wish i was doing this i wish i was which it has been in the past but my reaction is now that looks so much fun i hope they're having a great time i do i

genuinely hope they're having a great time and i'm looking forward to the things that i have planned for myself separately and i'm enjoying where i am right now drinking my coffee in bed about to go cook a bagel like not it couldn't be better than this you know what I mean it's all about choosing do should she suffer clap if she should suffer no but it's all about choosing to see the best in what you have at the present moment and understand we're all on different paths you know things don't happen quickly for me I have to plan I have to work hard and that's okay because it makes the journey so much more worth it in the end all right i hope that helps oh my god i just made the tastiest bagel ever listen to this crunch oh i just love a good bagel there's

really nothing better and i've denied myself for too long so i think that's my new obsession and i think bagels are um okay let's get into some more questions okay this is a great question and before we dive into it and smoke a little bowl here i want to read something to you that i think um will kind of help your guys's perception of what i'm talking about but what we're talking about today and what someone asked me was how to get rid of black and white thinking which i love this great question because i feel like we all me myself myself included kind of got stuck and i quickly got out of it once i realized but we got stuck in this way of thinking of like things are good or they're bad and there's no nuance there's no in between and you must choose which one it is

and you must verbalize it and i think that's very maladaptive so let me read this dichotomous dichotomous yeah dichotomous polarized thinking is maladaptive for several reasons this type of cognition results in a distorted picture of any reality that is that is not in fact dichotomous and human realities rarely are black and white thinking results in oversimplified understandings of both other people and the self this cognitive style prevents people from being aware of the full range of possibilities available to them people feel they must make either or choices when there are actually many options in between so for example when people think when thinking is dichotomous many people may categorize their relationship partners as either wonderful or

awful adorning or rejecting devoted or indifferent with nothing in between when the partner does something that the individual uses outside the good category he recategorizes her in the bad half of the dichotomy and this emotional reactions flow from there example if she really loved me she would have never said that okay perfectionism is another cognitive uh cognitive distortion of that in essence boils down to black and white thinking. Did I read that right? Perfectionism is another cognitive distortion that in essence boils down to black and white thinking. In realms such as work and school, perfectionists recognize just two levels of performance, perfection and failure. As a result, any flaw in their work, no matter how minor, is viewed as excluding their

performance from the good category and placing it in the bad one. As another example, people with eating disorders often recognize just two types of bodies perfect and ugly as a result any flaw in their bodies no matter how minor is viewed as excluding their physical self from the good category and placing it in the bad one i know that was a lot that's from psychology today um i really i like wanted to do it in my own words but i feel like we needed a little bit more of an insider's perspective on that just to kind of get things rolling so after i dropped that little ball in your head let's take a let's take a hit and dive into it okay black and white thinking i think this is like the downfall of any human quite honestly and i think a big issue specifically on social

media right now i think everybody wants to be right everybody wants to be right and so in their eyes everybody else is inherently wrong and i think it's a very narcissistic quality i think a lot of narcissistic people kind of have that viewpoint like i'm right you're wrong and i'll lie to the point of you believing it does that make sense it's a big reason why i left tiktok if you guys haven't noticed um like I stopped posting basically end of December um because I noticed it's just like an overwhelming amount of that kind of thinking whether directed towards me or directed towards another person another video another comment section and it was affecting how I viewed the world and it was affecting how I viewed the world in a negative way very much so

I was more critical with people. I was more harsher with people. I thought if they said one thing wrong then it just like categorized them as a bad person and then I also felt that way towards myself. I felt hypercritical of myself and what I was saying. I felt hypercritical of myself and who I was and it was just not good. Not good all around. All around not good and I think kind of the main way that I avoided this and kind of helped myself get back on track if you are kind of stuck in that way of realizing like I have been like withholding myself and so many people from being who they are by categorizing them into two very black and white categories um something that specifically helped me was if you think about it on like a 10 point scale okay

no one's behavior is inherently good or bad because that means zero or that means 10 in whatever direction you maybe want to idealize those but it either means zero and 10 and no one is constantly behaving on a 10 level and no one is constantly behaving at a zero level at all we are all constantly behaving within those two numbers all right sometimes i'm a four sometimes i'm a six sometimes i'm a 10 maybe sometimes i'm a zero i can't lie sometimes other people are the same way but you have to think about it like that and think about it as a scale sure people can be bad people yes that's a thing that's inherent we're humans we're going to make decisions that are going to be bad decisions we're also humans we're going to make decisions that are going to

be overwhelmingly positive and good decisions neither of those things mean we're a good person or a bad person it doesn't categorize us in any way it just means we're human and i think black and white thinking really doesn't allow and doesn't allot people time to change or grow okay if we all are stuck in black and white thinking and somebody makes a mistake we all categorize them as bad and they probably categorize themselves as bad as well if you just categorize yourself as bad and then continue being bad there's going to be no change but if you allow people to make mistakes to fuck up yes to be human to do those things that are human to have those choices as long as they are continuously trying to be better than what they were doing that is

all you can allow them that is the true good I truly believe the true good in life is okay I messed up or you know what today was okay or you know what today was great but tomorrow I'm gonna keep doing better I'm gonna keep driving myself I'm going to keep being the best version of myself that I can possibly be I think that's the only way to kind of outgrow black and white thinking no one behaves in these two categories they obviously behave on a scale so allow them to allow them to fuck up don't take it personally everything people do does not mean that it's directed towards you or has any implication on who you are people make decisions and mistakes and make good decisions as well based on themselves it like quite literally based on

themselves you'd be lying if you said every decision you made wasn't based on yourself sure you do things for people you do things for others you but in turn you're also doing that for yourself because it is a decision that you wanted to make okay everybody is making decisions for themselves so don't take things personally give people time to grow give people that opportunity to yeah you know what they're being a cunt today no offense they're being a cunt so I'm gonna distance myself I'm gonna not take it personally because you know what maybe it's not about me maybe they're going having a bad day maybe something shitty happened to them maybe they just woke up on the wrong side of the bed that's fine that has nothing to do with me I'm gonna

give them their space because obviously I don't want to be around this right now and if they decide that they want to be better and come to me tomorrow and apologize or have a better attitude then I will allow them to I think we need to completely switch the way we think and getting off TikTok and getting in the real fucking world has helped me so much so so much there's no more of this discourse quote-unquote like literally it's not even discourse it's just arguing there's no more well you're wrong well you're wrong well you're right well this person oh my god this is this is a god oh this is an angel oh well this is a devil we hate this person this person is ostracized forever that was just too much black and white thinking and it was seeping into my life

and it started affecting how i saw my life and how i saw other people within my personal life as well and it had a very negative impact so it's a very good thing to identify and especially identify and practice and not engage in and give people that time to you know come to their own terms their own realizations with it but the best way to kind of exit black and white thinking like i said is you know it really is all just a scale i mean i think we all know that a lot of things are just a scale there's no such thing as black and white quite honestly in like any category um well like black and white such as like good or bad or whatever the very vast differences there is I hope people understand that's what I'm talking about but um best way to just remind yourself and

stay present especially during those things is just to remind yourself it is a scale and to not take it personally and to focus on yourself and how you're reacting and how you're perceiving it okay oh but tiktok oh my god it is so overwhelming it is just like too much even if i post a video on my second account now i just like won't get on and check the notifications i just won't because i know that they're gonna make me mad either way oh okay it's time for some confessions welcome to church babes let's get into it i'm not here to judge you nor categorize you as a person i'm here to simply state the facts of what you sent me okay let's get into it i fucked a guy who could only fall asleep if he sucked his thumb he didn't tell me just fell asleep and started

sucking away we talked for another two months that that's everything right there what oh my god if i looked over and i saw my boyfriend sucking his thumb in his sleep i'd be like i don't even know what i think oh my god let's get let's get into more oh my god confession um my friend's boyfriend has a side chicken i don't know how to tell my friend please help um if you don't tell your friend asap and i think this is very important have proof have the proof have the text have the screenshots have the images whatever you need because i feel like a lot of people in those situations get in this like in denial and also men are manipulative and tricky and try and talk women out of their own instincts all the time so have the dirt on him

and approach your friend asap and then go buy her a good meal and cry it out together oh my god confessional i got arrested for smoking in my sorority parking lot first of all who in your sorority is a snitch because if it was at your sorority house parking lot you know it was someone inside there's a snitch among you among us oh my god terrifying um so apologies girly i'm so sorry you got arrested for that i hope they drop the charges asap um this bowl goes out to you also when it comes to sorority girls i feel like they're the evilest bitches ever or they're sent from heaven i have met some scary

shady scary sorority girls but also some of them are right or fucking dies they really show up and show out for you and it's like no in between it's so confusing but i'm so contradictive me there's no such thing as black and white thinking also me sorority girls are either evil or amazing no i'm just i'm just joking you okay this is the funniest two things i've gotten back to back like ever in my questionnaire someone said my co-worker is in love with me but who can blame him and the second thing they send in right after is skinny dick thoughts oh my god i just i had to take a second to process that one confessional i had a season one Jules moment and fucked a random dude in a motel and it was the best sex ever okay respect

honestly I love these I love these please send me more but someone said my ex exclamation point boyfriend told me that he made out with his cousin a few months before we started dating what oh no this is not the kind of confessionals i wanted to get girl i have a juicy secret i've been sleeping with a guy who's in a four-year relationship i feel like no offense babe okay let's talk about this when you are hooking up with somebody and if you find out they're in a relationship i genuinely believe that you're obligated to tell that other person's significant other because you already know they're not telling them we all know that that's not happening i genuinely feel like you're obligated to tell that other person's

significant other um and like i said provide provide receipts okay i think that's very important because once you find out and once you don't say anything for whatever reason you become just like the boyfriend just like them okay i genuinely believe there's an obligation there and you do need to tell that person's significant other asap or you just become just as shady as the boyfriend who is cheating on their significant other with you also long term here what are the goals are you just having fun knowing that you're the other woman are you just having fun knowing that there's somebody else involved and they're gonna get hurt um because at the end of the day they are probably going to do to you what they

have been doing to their significant other you might not be the only girl you might be one of 10 that he's serial cheating on his significant other with you guys just know don't know about each other because obviously he's good at hiding things because his significant other doesn't know about it okay like that is a very very sticky situation that i think anybody should be in and if you do happen to find yourself there i think you need to be the first person to make a step to become the bigger person okay and i genuinely believe that and i want to see you do good so i'm counting on you girl to do better please i'm literally begging okay i need another bowl i lost my virginity in the school parking lot 20 minutes before school started oops

what that is you guys are crazy you guys were doing crazy things in high school i was a celibate virgin okay one could say i don't even know if you're celibate if you are a virgin oh i have a bowl loaded for myself look at that future hannah coming in clutch um honestly not that i'm recommending it but props for you for just like going for it i definitely did not have the balls to ever do that quite honestly so i'm just wondering how the hell did you walk around all day like how did you walk around all day like that is all I would be thinking about there's no way I'd be paying attention in any of my classes I'd be like completely distracted also completely gossiping the entire time with my friends quite honestly but let me hit this bowl for you

oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god we need to talk about this we do we need to talk about this someone said squirt is real queen i thought it was p2 until it happens i learned more i learned more and i don't know if i told the podcast this or if i told my boyfriend this or maybe both but i have some news on squirt you guys i i learned some things and i learned some things from bestie chloe cherry um she was talking about this um euphoria fey she's talking about squirt she was a professional porn star i i don't know if she contend eric performs now i think she just or she did only fans for a while but was a professional porn star previously um and i think one of the categories that she performed in was anal and squirting and so she like knew everything

about it what you need to keep in mind is a lot of the sex acts that are most popularized are popularized because of porn and that porn is a performance those are actors okay they're having sex yes it's a very real thing but they're also acting and these are performances to trigger the brain to be sexually aroused in order to of course you know you know the fucking point of porn i don't have to explain this to you um but keep that in mind she was explaining that like it is a performance and that these girls when they are going to to film these like squirt videos they are only squirting because they are chugging gallons of water before they go on set and then essentially they're just so full of water that when they come

you maybe pee a little bit you maybe pee a little bit and she was like literally if you just fucking wave your hand back and forth over your fucking vagina while you're coming of course it's gonna squirt out like crazy like yes but it's pee she clarified very clearly that squirt is pee and you're just over hydrated and you lose a little bit of bladder control when you're coming because most of the muscles and the function of the muscles are focused on orgasming and not holding in your pee so probably or not even problem solved i don't think there's anything wrong with any of it but like that that's literally what it is and i was shocked shocked to hear to say the least because men love this shit and i'm like you just have a piss kink sir you just like getting pissed

on like quite honestly if we're being honest that'll be like squirt for me and it's like okay you want me to pee on you all right but it is pee it is pee i do need to clarify it is pee very watered down pee but pee nonetheless anyways i was just very excited to find that one out because it is a question i have been asking myself for years four years quite honestly oh this is a good question favorite concerts you've ever been to and then i think we'll get back into some more longer questions and then i gotta get this podcast out to you um so i think the favorite genre of concert i like to go to is like edm rave festivals just because of the experience and the vibes and the people

i know i'm gonna have a good time whether i like the music or not um and well but i'm so high but my favorite concert i've ever ever been to was and i i encourage concerts so much because i think they promote so much interpersonal freedom and self-expression and community building as well and the memories last forever because my favorite concert that i've ever been to i remember i was 16 maybe 17 and at the time our radio station was like really big it was all locally run it was huge they were pulling in incredible performers just because they were so personable and they were making connections with artists and they'd throw this um summer like uh all day long concert called buzz beach ball um loved it the fucking radio station is trash now

they completely sold out it's horrible they only play like poppy songs that you might hear on tiktok like it's it's the worst thing ever it's the saddest thing ever to see as well because i fucking love this radio station so much that when i went to college i would tune into the radio station um from my college computer because i lived in a different state anyways sad day but they put on something called buzz beach ball every year and they brought in a bunch of their favorite artists and for me personally at the time Glass Animals was my top top artist okay the best and I just remember like me and all the girls in my mom's bathroom like getting ready gluing eyelashes on each other like picking out outfits getting all this glitter and then we'd all

piled in the car together and went to the arena and we we sat in line like we we get we got early entry so we just like laid out a blanket on the tarmac and just like waited in the gate and we were just hanging out with all these people and such an incredible sense of community and I had never really been to like a concert concert before I had been to concerts my family but nothing ever like on my own and so this was like the first like on my own big girl concert you know what I mean and I just remember having so much fun and we got there and it was an all day long event and I remember like oh my god I have polaroids of like my nipples were showing through my t-shirt so I put dollar bills over my nipples and we were like front row and everybody had a shit ton of

weed and we were hanging out and we made friends with the security guards and they were getting us water and we were like i was a barrier and this went on all day and i just remember having the most fun meeting the most people taking like the best silliest photos and then also glass animals headline that night and best concert i've ever been to hounds oh my god best concert i've ever been to hands down sorry my fucking spit is getting like thick best concert i've ever been to was that year like 2016 2017 glass animals they had released um zaba and they had just released how to be a human being and those two albums completely changed my life i won't go on to how i feel about them now i have a little bit harsher feelings towards them now because i think they

sold out a little bit but nonetheless they were in their prime and i was having a ball and it was incredible and their performance was incredible and I was like two feet away from Dave Bailey the lead singer and I was just having the best goddamn time and that's why I think I suggest and why I love going to concerts so much um it's just like that experience really changed me and I felt more confident afterwards and I felt more comfortable in myself afterwards and I felt more inquisitive in who i wanted to be what do i want to experience what do i want to go do and i think concerts and events and festivals make you really question that so best concert i've ever been to was buzz beach ball glass animals 2017 will never forget okay this question

is very valid i think something that a lot of girls ask themselves quite a lot and it is how much should we be fighting how much fighting is normal in a relationship and I think that's a very good question because I don't think there's an answer me about to give you an answer I don't think there's an answer no but I think any level of fighting is healthy okay hear me out hear me out hear me out hear me out as long as it is healthy conflict okay that is all that matters i don't care if you fight a hundred times a week well that might be excessive i don't care if you guys fight five times a week or half a time a week okay if you barely fight it doesn't matter to me there's no number there's no

little key term there's nothing it's very situational another reason of why we need to avoid black and white thinking um i think all that matters is are you having healthy conflict okay are you both looking for a means to an end are you both trying to work through it are you both communicating are you both working to find a solution if so i don't give a fuck that is fine as long as you guys are figuring it out what isn't healthy is the styles of fighting where it gets physical where people are not heard where the silent treatment is used where there is no means to an end you guys are just arguing for whoever's right and in in turn quite honestly neither of you are right probably well i don't know what you're fighting about

but you guys have to put that ego aside you're it's a relationship you're a couple unfortunately when you're fighting you're still working together okay are you having healthy conflict are you working towards the means towards an ends oh my god what the fuck am i saying a means towards an ends oh my god anyways that's all that matters to me okay because i've been there girl i've been there i've been googling is it okay is it healthy to fight this much is it okay it is it's fine but you also need to realize when that man is a piece of shit and maybe can't communicate and is a horrible communicator and you're gonna be stuck in this loop forever okay because i've been there with a man where it was

like i bring up something and it's just dead silence and then it's just like you fight with me too much it's like what the fuck you know that's not healthy that's not okay your complaints should be heard your successes should be heard you should be heard as a partner and you should be making that space for your partner as well so i think really that's the question to evaluate is it healthy um conflict oh my god someone said one time i pissed my pants on a way to the cut to a concert i pray that no one smelled it that's funny okay you know what i have a confessional since you guys are so vulnerable i got you one time when i was at a oh i went to a mission trip um started my period had only used pads right but the issue was you're going on a float trip

float trip can't use pads in a float trip or else literally disgusting okay so i was like fuck what do i do i don't know how to put a tampon in i'm terrified so like the girls got together in the bathroom and I was sitting in the stall and they were like telling me trying to explain how to do it and I did it but the issue is you know when you put a tampon you're gonna have to like shove the plier the application thing like inside of you and then press it down I didn't shove it all the way inside of me so when I pushed the tampon inside of me it was like hanging out a little bit like the butt end not just the string but the butt end the tampon was hanging out on me a little bit very uncomfortable not fun um so I didn't know I

did that wrong I just thought maybe that's how tampons are and I'm uncomfortable which is why we need more better sex education um and we go on the bus we're on this float trip and I am like why is there blood in my pants why is there a little bit of blood what's going on because I have a tampon in this isn't supposed to be happening and I didn't realize you know it's half hanging out something's gonna slip out a little bit you know what I mean it's like what the fuck's going on oh my god okay so we get there I'm like okay hide the shorts I still have blood on my bikini but I'm just gonna get in the water we'll be fine I get in the water quickly feel something is wrong because now the tampon's a little wet and I have realized fully completely

what is wrong as we're getting into the water with our tubes just float starting to float down the river okay so what i do what i do is i'm like okay you guys can all go like go ahead they all went they're having fun i'm like i go to the bathroom i don't go to the bathroom i'm floating on the river i'm just the end of it so there's not really anybody around me i sneakily i'm like walking in the water and I just take out my tampon and I grabbed a rock from like the bottom of the stream and I tied my tampon to the rock and I just dropped it and I was like I hope to god that does not come untied and then I just had to hope and pray the rest of my float trip that if I was bleeding anywhere it wouldn't show and I don't know if I got away with it I haven't heard anything

so i'm gonna say yes i did but oh my god i was terrified oh someone asked me to please tell us some crazy stories from your teen years love oh love you okay so there's this one party i went to which mom and dad if you're listening to this this is what i was doing um so to get out to parties we would stay at my friend's house because she lived in the basement and she also had maybe a two foot by one foot window that we could just barely squeeze out of um and that's how we would leave literally we would go over there pre-game drink get ready and these they all were cheerleaders so quite literally they would just one man or like get together and lift we just lift each other up like like as if you're holding a flyer you know what i mean and shove us shove us out of this

window this window is so small and so like pointy and sharp that i would have like bruises on my thighs and my stomach from like trying to army crawl out from this window into the grass into her yard keep in mind we had to be dead silent because her mom's window was right above hers so she's a heavy sleeper though so we knew we could usually get away with it but we had to be like silent there was no like you just had to take the pain you know what i mean and i remember we were like out and about trying to find parties which the thing is we just leave go smoke and then we would just wait for somebody to be like hey here's the address you know and i remember there being this one house and it wasn't like a very nice suburban area I was like how is this not

gonna get shut down ASAP but we got there um immediately I felt like I was walking into somebody's like home I felt bad I was like I'm not supposed to be here and we walked in and the entire house is just full of people full completely full and so we're like we need to find weed or alcohol that was like my the two options I had when I got to a party I need to find one or the other usually it was weed because I fit in the stoner crowd more so than I fit in like the drunk girls crowd so we get in there and I specifically remember the entire the entire um islands this like granite white marble island full of weed weed wraps tobacco piles covered absolutely covered and so as we're walking by i just whoop i just whoop i just

grabbed a little handful i was chilling i was like why is this entire table covered with weed just took a little handful did i never saw any repercussions for that and we were smoking good all night and it was the best but i also remember me knocking a bottle off an island and blaming on a girl and it like shattered and everybody looked over and i was like um i don't think i blamed on a girl it was about my friend i was like not me not me and then also i remember this dude taking a shower in the middle of the party like we were all like in the basement and we look over and this dude's walking out of the bathroom as if he like he literally just took a shower there's steam rolling out of the bathroom he is just like in a towel like walking upstairs i was like what is

what is happening what's going on very strange things and then also every party i or i went to the cops always showed up always always always cops always showed up to the parties i don't know why well it's always in like suburban neighborhoods if I ever went like a downtown then I was fine but in suburban neighborhoods the cops came very quickly and so I also spent a lot of my teenage years just like dipping as fast as I could out of those luckily I never went to a party where they all had to like you know like I never got caught I never stayed at the house when the cops showed up hiding in the house when the cops show up is like the worst choice you can make leave and pretend like you know nothing that is the best thing you can quite honestly do but yeah never

got caught did well secured a lot of free weed and i wasn't a huge drinker i don't remember being a huge drinker i do remember drinking blue blue svedka a lot what is it the blue raspberry svedka that was like our go-to drink of choice and like Gatorade oh so bad so bad I was so much more of a smoker back then but I just remember finessing so many people out of their weed at parties oh my god okay let's talk about one more thing because I gotta get this podcast out to you guys I know you guys are fiending for it I got you first of all I want to say it was so good getting to know you guys if you don't know on my instagram um i posted and i was like i posted like a questionnaire like i usually do which is like you know how instagram has options where people can submit

anything they want into a question box um instead of asking what do you guys want to talk about this week i asked i want to get to know you guys and so you can still please please feel free to send in my dms i would love to hear about it or about you and anything you're doing um in any way you like to express yourself but it was so nice getting to know you guys and like hearing where you're from and just getting that kind of response back because like although it's kind of it's a little impersonal because it's not one-on-one unfortunately i think that'd be really cool um but i do still like hearing about where you guys come from who you are how do you view yourself what are you most passionate about what do you like to do because it's interesting the kind of

people that this podcast draws in because i literally can't fit you guys in one box i wish i could be like oh it's only females or oh it's only this age range or it's only this area but quite honestly it is everybody from all different walks of life and that is what i love people from poland were messaging sweden people who are 14 people who are like 80 like older people as well and i was like thank you i really appreciate you guys taking the time to you know introduce yourself a little bit and you can feel free to i know that instagram story is gone by now but you can feel free to send that to my um dms if you like i just love seeing and hearing from you guys and interacting a little bit as well i'm gonna be posting some of my favorites that i got

um on the podcast instagram so you guys can see a little bit of you know who's listening who's joining in as well with you you know i think that's very interesting and i'm sure you guys would love to see it but thank you so much for sending those in it really made my day it was such a fun way to interact with you i'll probably do it a few more times or like i said feel free to submit them to my instagram um at hannah marlene but we have one final topic and we're gonna talk about the death of the chill girl okay let's hit this bowl before we do so oh yeah oh my god the death of the chill girl and the freedom of you a poem by hannah quite honestly so

i know only baddies listen to this podcast so i'm sure you've all heard the cool cool girl monologue from gone girl if you haven't go give it a good little listen because that's kind of what we're going to be basing this off of um i just saw a lot of questions this week about you know not letting men have so much of a control on your life and you have to do so by killing off your chill girl attitude okay and what i mean by that quite honestly i found a short little article i want to read to you um that i think perfectly describes the chill girl because i feel like we've moved past the cool girl and i'll explain how um in an infamous passage in gone girl the elusive cool girl is described as a woman who declares i am hot brilliant i'm a hot brilliant funny woman

who adores football poker dirty jerks dirty jokes and burping who plays video games drinks cheap beer loves threesomes and anal sex and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she's hosting the world's biggest culinary gangbang while somehow maintaining a size two the cool girl is of course remarkably dull in her interest because they center almost exclusively on the man with whom she is so inexplicably enraptured but the cool girl has no chill she likes him far too much and lets it show chill is different it is agreeable because it is emotionally vacant chill is what cool would look like with a lobotomy and no hobbies and for a large subset of the population chill is one of the most desirable qualities in a romantic partner i know i know i know so i hope

that kind of puts into perspective because chill the chill girl is desired so much more nowadays because it it gives men freedom to step over your boundaries and step into them okay you become a convenience in his eyes which is an issue you should never be a convenience okay but you also should not enable that convenience the the more of a facade you put on of trying to be chill of trying to not care of trying to be this girl for him a the crazier you will get because you are doing something that does not benefit you and is putting you aside and is quite honestly probably hurting you because it's also teaching him that he can do these things and not be held accountable it you're both losing in the situation so i am begging you kill the chill girl attitude i'm

tired of it okay we're a crazy girl summer that is what this is going to be a crazy girl summer you should honor that crazy you should honor it because a lot of what we've taught is unhinged what isn't correct behavior is sometimes just standing up for ourself and saying what we believe and holding other people accountable for being good to us okay be the crazy girl because you will find more peace being the crazy girl and you will be treated 10 times better okay because you will quickly find out the men who only want a chill girl and can only put up with a chill girl because they only see themselves because as soon as you set that first boundary they will lose it they will leave you they will quite honestly lose their mind because no one has probably ever said

that to them or or or stood up for themselves do you know what i mean so do it because you're gonna weed out the people who are too weak to handle that and you're gonna weed out the people who can handle that who will do better who can be that for you you know what I mean and I'm tired of seeing all these girls get walked over stepped on well like I saw this tiktok of like a good chill girl explanation and it was like um a lot of girls are just terrified to like ask like well what are we oh are you seeing other people like I feel like a lot of girls are terrified to ask that question or make the first move in that sort of way when in reality by you not asking that you're not setting boundaries within your relationship and you're allowing him to set

the rules and to do whatever quite honestly he wants until you happen to ask do you know what i mean you need to be asking these questions especially if you're sleeping with somebody she was like if you're sleeping with somebody you're entitled to ask questions such as what are we what do you want to want this to become are you seeing other people these are necessary for your mental health and quite honestly your sexual health as well you need to know if he's hooking up with 10 people or just you because you got to go std checked babe you got to go make sure your vaheen is clean all right but you should be asking these questions holding these men accountable when they're stepping over one of your boundaries or breaking one of your rules or

is doing something that you don't like because the more that you allow that behavior to continue the more that they think that is okay and the more it's going to happen and probably the more boundaries they're going to break and i'm tired of seeing girls disappointed unfortunately a lot of good men don't exist and i gotta say it so you need to protect yourself and show up and be there for yourself because these men are not going to do it they're not going to be their best versions of their selves okay bring out the crazy fucking girl i guarantee it'll weed out who you want who you don't want and if people want to leave your life let them leave freely and openly with open arms quite honestly but choose yourself yourself choose yourself show up for yourself like literally

no one else is going to do it for you and the sooner you learn the better results you'll have i promise you i know it sounds like crazy i know it sounds like well hannah is this really gonna happen i can literally guarantee it because i was the chill girl for a while quite honestly and as soon as i dropped that fucking act things have gone very well for me people are only around me if we appreciate each other's boundaries okay it's very important stand up for yourself be there for yourself crazy girl summer okay own it all right i love you the more you do things that benefit you and i'm not talking like obviously in a like selfish way but the more things that you choose intentionally that are good for you the better everything else in your life will be

your social circles your personal circles your health your mental health everything will start uplifting because once you make that first step once you make that first decision it becomes literally addicting and then you look for well how can i better this part of my life well i've never looked at this part of my life how do i better this well it's addicting and i am on quite honestly the roller coaster and i'm pretty sure it's gonna go for the next 80 years i'm sad to have started this late but i'm excited to have started and it's been an incredible ride and i can't wait to see where we get all right crazy girls are girls that stand up for themselves crazy girls are girls that are high maintenance and by high maintenance i mean have boundaries

have self-respect crazy girls are girls that put themselves first crazy girls are girls that stand up for themselves and i want you to be one come join me on the roller coaster ride we're gonna be crazy girls we're gonna be hot girls we're gonna have a good time i love you so much death to the chill girl keep that in mind oh my god i need to put that on a t-shirt that's so good i'm finishing up merch designs they're coming soon i gotta finish the baby tea ah i'm so excited but i love you all so much thank you for joining me happy tuesday once again if you have any questions always always always submit them to my instagram at hannah marlene um and yeah i can always read them there or i also put up a questionnaire on like sundays or mondays and

that's where i answer a majority of the questions so let me know in either of those places i love you all so much please have a safe happy i mean like two days i'm gonna see you on thursday love you