Smoke Sesh - dry January, manifesting love, budgeting & being that bitch

Episode Date: January 2, 2024

Happy Tuesday hotties & Happy 2024! So excited to be back on this Tuesday for the first episode of the new year. We catch up on all the holiday shenanigans and how I celebrated New Year’s Eve. We talk overstimulation in public & breakdowns, boredom and allowing yourself to be bored, you guys are the baddest bitches, FOMO, my plans for dry January and why Im participating. We smoke a little and talk intrusive thoughts, how to stay on goals and achieve them, being that bitch and who is “that” bitch? Embracing the weekend getaway, anxiety tips, loudly budgeting, future plans, giving head, and step one to manifesting love from the love witch herself plus much much much more! So excited to be back for this new year, love you all so much and thank you for the endless support this past year, there’s so many fun things planned for you guys this year and I can’t wait to share them all with you! Follow me on instagram to keep up with what I’m up to and for more content follow my patreon https://www.patreon.com/smokeseshshawty ! Love you! MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know? Just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out! Let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. Good morning and happy 2024, hotties of the world! welcome back to another smoke sesh episode i am so excited to be back with you guys hanging out lighting up enjoying life having a little laugh i missed you all last week i'm so

sorry i was a little mia um if you don't follow me on instagram follow me there at hannah marlene i post all the updates if you're like why the fuck is there not an episode up on tuesday girl what the fuck are you doing i probably have the update on my instagram um but you know with the holiday chaos and just like being exhausted from all that I felt like I would take the week off prep for the new year plan some very exciting things for you guys and just enjoy and celebrate with the people around me and then jump right back into it once the new year begins so today January 2nd we are back we are better than ever and I'm so excited to be here speaking of fun things I have planned for you guys I know you're probably sitting here thinking Hannah why the

fuck is this not a video episode you said you were gonna have video episodes and I am okay I'm not a liar I promise I have it coming um I had some technical difficulties my camera and I can only do 30 minutes on there and I'm like well I'm not putting on a 30 minute podcast because the girls deserve more than that like I want to give you your full hour of time and I also kind of miss like the OG girlies know at the beginning when I first started this podcast I was unemployed I had a lot of time I was smoking a lot of weed I had plenty of time to talk my little ass off um and I was doing two two hour long episodes every Tuesday and Thursday and that crazy but I do kind of miss it in a sense so this week I will have our normal regular episode up on Tuesday hour long audio

sit down chit chat and on Thursday I will have a video little smoke sesh episode for you guys up on YouTube on Spotify I'm sure you will get a notification if you have them turned on if not you know follow me on Instagram I will post all the links there so you can enjoy hang out and we can spend a little bit more time together my goal is to make this hour-long one our normal episode you know video as well but as I work through the technical difficulties I still want to give you guys you know some audio full you know experience as well as that visual experience to the best I can so more content more exciting things we're adapting we're developing we are you know going with the flow we're doing our best and quite frankly that's all we can really do but I hope

you guys had a fantastic christmas i hope you had an amazing new year's eve my christmas was pretty hectic i feel like most christmases are you know you're like wake up cook presents mimosas oh my god literally my brain's like cannot keep up um and yeah i had a really good christmas um my boyfriend knocked it out of the fucking park like killed it to be fair listen if your boyfriend's bad at gift gifting this is what I do because I'm hard to shop for because I'm really picky and also like if I want something I will just simply buy it for myself there's no point waiting around um so what I did is I made like a detailed list with links and prices and I sent it to him just to make his life easier and not only did he buy every single thing on that list but he

bought more um and the number one thing that really just shocked me and awed me was there's actually two first of all i was a little crazy and i asked for a louis vuitton bag and i wasn't really i don't know i was kind of expecting it but also kind of not like that's a lot to ask for and if it wasn't there under the tree i really was not gonna be mad but also i was like i do kind of want it so let me put it on my list you know maybe santa will bring it for me he he did it he made it happen i am now the proud owner of a louis vuitton speedy bag it is so cute it is oh my god i am just like in awe of this bag i was shocked when i opened it because he wrapped it in a box that was not a purse shaped box it was very much so like a christmas tree shaped box like huge

i was like what the fuck's in this louis vuitton bag oh my god if he wanted to he would safe to say literally um that he got me some jelly cats if you want to see the full extent of what i got for Christmas I made a little um you know what I got for Christmas video um on the Patreon I uploaded it there go watch enjoy little visual hangout session um but he also we have all of these film photos that I just haven't done anything with they're all just kind of sitting in a pile um in our office and they're all film photos from like little dates we've been on little trips we've been on so he went out and he bought like a scrapbook and put them all in a scrapbook for me and like wrote down the dates and wrote down like what we were doing and like his favorite parts

about it and I just thought that was so fucking cute like he was looking back on the time we spent together and enjoying it and like put it together in a cute little visual aspect for me and he also like left room so that I can write in there so it's like a collaborative effort so cute literally insane such a good christmas i am so thankful for him um and for him going all out because he's not the best gift giver but he does try and i see it and i appreciate it um and yeah christmas fantastic um christmas eve i did projectile vomit out of the side of his car we'll get into that we'll get into that and dry january we'll get into that later um but then after that and the projectile vomiting and me not even wanting any sort of alcohol in my system

in my body um we do fast forward new year's eve how did i celebrate i like i said before wanted the chillest most just like relaxed enjoyable new year's eve that i could possibly too last year I woke up with sticks and dirt and twigs and leaves in my hair and half an eyelash hanging off my fucking face so as fun as that was and how chaotic it was and like the pictures of me rolling around in a gutter in my mini skirt hilarious so fun I had a blast it's exactly what I wanted from last New Year's Eve I did not want that again I could not I could not do that again my body just cannot handle it anymore um like holy shit am i old i'm like 24 let's be real i'm not that old but do i feel 80 yes absolutely um so what we did was we just ordered some chinese

food takeout some general so some crab rangoons we munched a little bit i did my little get ready you know two hour long full body care skincare self-tan hair enrollers makeup on like I love doing that and just giving myself like two hours to just zone out get a little high smoke a little bit put on my favorite music or my podcast and just like really focus on me and get ready there's such like a ritual aspect in it that is so healing I feel like if you're a get ready girl you understand that like if I'm ever feeling down about myself or I just need a moment to reconnect with myself giving myself two hours to do like a really long hot shower throw on some yummy lotions and perfume do my hair do my makeup and just get ready oh it really has a way of healing me

and then we took some photos we ate our dinner um and then we went out we went out at seven o'clock I was like I want to be the crowds and the place I wanted to go to is a pretty small venue um i would say can maybe fit 200 people sitting down um so i wanted to get there pretty early we got there an hour after doors open just this local pretty famous kansas city jazz club called green lady lounge love it there if you've never been you need to go um so we got there we got this perfect spot this booth right next to the stage so we could watch the um the performers they were amazing we got some cocktails and we just chilled there for like a good three hours um in the ambience enjoying some music enjoying time together and then like i said i said before

I wanted to celebrate midnight like in my bathtub in a bubble bath yeah I absolutely made that happen um and my boyfriend helped too I I mentioned that to him I was like I want to be in a bubble bath on New Year's Eve and he was like that's crazy but okay like didn't really acknowledge it and then like day of he's up in the morning deep cleaning the bathtub like making sure it's clean and ready for me to go that night. So sweet. So we popped a frozen pizza in the oven, popped a bottle of champagne, had it all sitting next to the bathtub and we just soaked in the bathtub and munched and drank champagne in a bubble bath and rang in the New Year's. And then I ate an edible and I went to bed early. And honestly, that is exactly how I wanted to celebrate New

years Eve but if you're having any anxiety or you're a little you know like what the fuck happened that's okay you're okay you're valid I've been there so many times girl you were just having fun okay and everybody that night was out having fun having a blast doing fun little silly things and you're gonna do silly little funny things when you're drunk of course don't overthink it don't overanalyze it everybody's thinking way too much about themselves right now um so if you think everybody's thinking about you they just simply aren't you're the only one thinking about you and your you know slip ups your funny little slip ups so girl you're good i made a tiktok about that um and i put it on my reels on my instagram and it blew up it blew up last night

so i know some of you are having some anxiety and just understand like it's okay you're having fun new year's eve is the messiest night of the year so no one's judging you you're only judging yourself and you deserve some peace so don't think about it you know think about the good parts have a little laugh about it you know but don't overthink it the anxiety is real another reason why i want to stop drinking anyways let's get into our questions i know what you're all here for someone said cried while driving today because there were so many people and i was so over overstimulated help yeah i love a good like overstimulated cry i don't love it but i do have one quite often that's why i don't go to the grocery store anymore if i'm gonna do anything i'm

gonna do grocery pickup love it shout out aldi you can just go online do do plug it all in you know make up your little list order it online it costs like a dollar to order online pull your little car up they put it in your car you leave you don't have to deal with the masses of the grocery store Trader Joe's you want a good overstimulated fucking cry Trader Joe's holy shit that place is crazy I always go like on a weekday too so it's all the Xanax mommies like out and about with their zombie ass stare and their carts in the middle of the fucking aisle I'm like trying to get through and they're just like staring at me dead-eyed like girl move please move I'm going to start projectile vomiting and crying everywhere like I'm so

overstimulated Trader Joe's not a fan I cannot go in there anymore literally oh the Xanax mommy's like kill me they kill me with their dead eye stare anyways yeah if you're a fellow like overstimulated girly when you find yourself in those positions like sometimes you just have to like take a deep breath and remove yourself from the environment and then like allow yourself to process those emotions and if you do start crying that's okay it's valid like you're overwhelmed of course you're gonna need to release it in some sort of way and sometimes that's tears i feel you girl someone said how to stay entertained and not rot okay so i think in this situation dare i say rot question mark allow yourself to rot because i feel like in the weight

of entertainment versus rot rot is giving boredom like allowing yourself to just like blankly stare at a wall while entertainment is like you're a child having to be entertained which we all are you know but you gotta do it in a healthy way you can't just scroll on tiktok for hours and hours and hours and hours like your brain is going to get worse it's gonna get worse from that and i get every once in a while you need a good scroll okay me too girl sometimes i just need to lay in bed for my mental health and just scroll for two hours but that cannot be constant because i get off tiktok and i'll try to like remember what i watched and i have no fucking clue what i just watched you just watched a thousand videos and you don't remember

at least five girl it ain't healthy it's not good for your brain bring back long-form content i'm begging bring back long-form content that's my goal in 2024 is to create like fun long-form content that people can enjoy like the YouTube era I'm trying to bring back the YouTube era because I miss that I miss being able to sit down and watch a full like hour two hour long YouTube video why can I not do that anymore why is my brain actually rotted because I'm like forcing the entertainment upon myself rather than letting my brain simply be bored be in that like rotting stage where you're just like standing in the middle of your room and like spinning in circles because you have no idea what to do you have to let yourself be bored it is so healthy for you

because your brain's gonna find a new avenue of curiosity a new thing to like reach out to and to do like oh my god I have been trying to do this myself and my boyfriend also for Christmas bought me new like not journals but um just like hardcover sketchbooks and I have been picking up my sketchbooks so often like when i'm bored i'll be like okay let me pull up pinterest let me look at little photos let me just draw my sketchbook for a couple hours oh my god i haven't done that since high school since youtube days the youtube era long form content era because guess what tiktok came out now i don't have to think about little things okay if i want to do something and if i want to satisfy my brain quickly i can get on tiktok and scroll scroll for an hour 30 minutes

two hours you know um and I think instead of reaching towards those easier things we gotta force ourselves to like be a little bored and reach towards the harder things so it really is just like willpower and discipline and you're going to you know have a little spiral every once in a while you're gonna have a little scroll sesh every once in a while and that's okay you're not working backwards every single step you take is a step forwards no matter what keep that mentality and that will help you stay disciplined I feel like once people feel like they quote unquote slip up or oh they break the you know the cycle or whatever the fuck then they start spiraling and then they get back into that really unhealthy habit but like at a worse pace like they

become worse um and I feel like if you just allow yourself to see every step along the way as a step forward then it helps you stay on track it helps you stay disciplined um but yeah allow yourself to like be a little bored the brain rot is real with tiktok we gotta get off the short-term content we gotta get into long form we gotta get into boredom we gotta get into spinning in circles in our room because we have no idea what to do um puzzling goddamn art journaling reading oh my gosh there's so many different things you can do i'll get bored and i'll start like vacuuming my house crazy but also like needed question mark anyways yeah it's a good challenge for us all this year too dry january allow myself to be bored more often what else let's look through the questions

i woke up to this dm today on instagram someone said i'm convinced your followers listeners are the baddest bitches of all time i'm going to find my wife by looking through your insta comments oops real real the baddest bitches follow me you all listening the baddest bitches on this planet and i'm so lucky to have you on this journey of life with me quite frankly me and my friend had a long conversation on facetime um yesterday about like fomo dry january should we should we not like why do we feel like it would be so hard you know like and i think it really stems from the fear of missing out you know there's a lot of alcohol in this current environment and within the going out party experience or the socialization experience of

at least young americans where i am there's a lot of alcohol involved um i mean it has been the most legal drug for the longest time the most indulgent drug for the longest time so it's just more socially acceptable um but i do feel like you get to a point especially getting older i've gotten to this point where it's like listen i've done it all i have drank so much in my life i've partied so much in my life i've woken up too many times just like so hungover so anxiety induced I've thrown up way too many times like I've been a mess enough I've had my fun and now I just really want to chill but within our society this like whole alcohol you know experience is so ingrained you do kind of get that FOMO you know if you go out and your friends are sharing a glass and

getting a little loose and you're the only sober one like it's gonna feel a little odd um or like if you're just like simply sober around a bunch of really drunk people you're gonna feel like the odd one out because you're not on their level you're not you know in the same kind of mindset as them within the same experience of course that's how it's supposed to happen especially if you're sober but it can get a little annoying and it can make you kind of not really enjoy that environment you're in especially if that environment is related to alcohol and it is a little hard especially within the socialization of young people here um but i really really want to challenge myself to try and do dry dry january uh christmas eve me and my boyfriend went out to

dinner with my parents and it was just like a little you know happy hour cocktail snack situation and we were supposed to go back home afterwards and cook dinner together so i was like let me order glass after glass after glass because i know for a fact that my parents are paying for this shout out illy um but like let me order a couple glasses of wine of course i order my couple glasses of wine a little cocktail we have our snacks we're there for a couple hours you know good time and then we uh you know part ways love you guys see you tomorrow for christmas morning um my boyfriend's like oh my god yeah i totally forgot this always happens with men they're like oh yeah we have plans i'm like what how the hell do you not know we have fucking plans

like it's christmas eve hello he's like yeah my family gets together every christmas eve um and i think everybody's like out there like all his family were together so he was like i would like to go out there and celebrate and who am i to say no like sure yeah we're already in the car we might as well like let's go have some fun but i was like i'm already drunk like let's keep this this party rolling you know what I mean so we stopped by the gas station I buy another bottle of wine and we head to his family's house I was expecting dinner to be happening at his family's house so before they did have dinner it was like sandwiches but it was not enough for me to like fill up on like you know when you're drunk and you're like I need carbs I need a burger in my

face I need a fat steak something like that like chicken nuggets even like something to just soak this up that was not an option there so we get there I'm having a couple glasses of wine I'm having some snacks whatever I just did not eat enough that night and to be fair is it really my fault you know like I had it planned out well that I would have eaten but you know things switched up and I end up getting in the car and we're driving and he thinks I'm mad at him but really I'm just like focusing on staying cognizant in his car and yeah I just end up projectile vomiting out of his window um and this is not the first time that's happened and recently I have realized like my body has been physically rejecting alcohol like if I go to drink even a

glass or two like I will take a sip and I'll start gagging this is the same reaction that I had with nicotine after I threw up from it so many times I got drinking you know you hit your nicotine you like rip in the fucking vape and then you get the spins and then you throw up I like classically conditioned myself to stop vaping because I like associated it with getting sick and I think I have now classically conditioned myself with an alcohol to like think like whenever I drink it makes me physically ill um I noticed that New Year's Eve because I had like two glasses and I was like I feel bad right now like I do not feel good and why do I feel the need to keep doing this like is it my family history of addiction yeah probably and alcoholism yeah probably is it the

societal conditioning of just like young people drinking whenever they're in social they're in a social environment? Yeah, probably. Is it me feeling the need to have something to loosen up in any sort of social environment? Yeah, probably. But are those things that I should adhere to and continue indulging in and like supporting in a sort of way? No, I probably shouldn't. And the thing, this like fear that's in the back of my head that like going a month without alcohol sounds really hard to me right now is scary and that's why I want to challenge myself the same way like running a mile right now sounds scary like going no alcohol or alcohol free for a whole month does sound a little intimidating a little scary and I think the biggest theme for this year and

the biggest thing that I really wanted to challenge myself to do is to simply do it scared if you feel like you're gonna have a hard time doing something or something's gonna give you a little bit of anxiety or you know anything of the sort you have a challenge in front of you and it's going to be hard and it's going to be a challenge you know what I mean it's going to be difficult it's going to give you a little anxiety that doesn't mean it's bad you have to do it scared you have to try anyways and do it scared and learn more about yourself through it and I think dry January will be a really fun really good challenge for me because like it's kind of lame that I'm like can I go a month without alcohol you know like girl you're that dependent on it in any sort

of given situation that you can't go a simple month without it that sounds like a problem which then in turn I'm like I need to do it I need to like my encouragement is kind of built up from that fear um so yeah that's kind of the mindset I've been in like I really want to break these cycles I don't want to be stuck in this feeling I don't want to feel like I need to do something in order to fit in um and I think it'll be a really fun challenge to kind of navigate those social environments um and just general life without alcohol uh I've been using it as a crutch for a little too long I'm not saying like I go to bed every night and have a couple glasses of wine no hate but it's definitely if I have one drink then I have three and if I have three drinks then

I have six and then all of a sudden I'm projectile vomiting in my sink and I'm waking up to that in the morning and that is not healthy and this year I really want to focus on my health and my wellness and being more aware and cognizant of not only my actions but also like my body and the physical reactions that it's having and I don't think it's a healthy thing to include at least for now um I do think I can do it moderately and I don't like over consume very often it's really that like one day out of a month that I go a little too crazy but you know a challenge is a challenge and I think it's a great way to start off this new year and really just hone in on what is important and uplift myself through this so if you want to join feel free to join but that's kind of

the big trial and tribulation that I've been going through because yeah like you know you're gonna have a little FOMO when you're out with your girls and they're all drunk and you're not but I feel like that'll be a really fun thing to kind of work through and navigate when I get there um and to kind of stand by myself and uplift myself through that also like weed exists you guys know weed exists right like I don't need to drink a glass of wine I can just eat a little 10 milligram gummy and go out and have a good time 10 milligrams not a lot for me so um or like smoke a little bowl and then go out and have a good time so I think I'm gonna rely more on that this month because it is just like a healthier option for me um it's probably the healthiest

substance option for me um and yeah me and alcohol we gotta part ways for a little bit and I'm sure I will feel that FOMO but you the one way that you can really beat FOMO every single time is simply understanding that your lived experience is going to be different than anybody else's and even if you and another person are going through the same experience at the same time you are going to see it you are both going to see it from two different perspectives and two different ideals and two different experiences two people can go through the same exact situation at the same exact time and have two completely different outcomes so if you're sitting there thinking to yourself oh i wish i wish i wish or you know i bet they're having a great time and i'm not you never know

what that person's going through or if it's really that good um so just stand by your situation and your experience and try and make it the best that it can possibly be comparison will kill you don't over compare yourself it will make you stagnant where you are it will really shut down any sort of motivation as soon as you find yourself comparing yourself to anything in a unhealthy negative way i feel like you can compare in a positive way um but it's really good to catch yourself in that mindset and just cut it off where you are you're here you're having a good time let's uplift and support your current situation rather than comparing it and idealizing someone else is you know what i mean anyways that being said let's smoke a bowl oh you guys i have been

loving every single night i have been like i'll eat my dinner we'll do the dishes i'll have showered for the night and then i'll eat my little 10 milligram gummy i'll crawl into bed in my silk robe all cozy and then i'll just like hang out on my phone doing like creative planning for the next day and then as soon as that edible hits I am in the right mindset to then read a book like my brain has slowed down enough that I can actually focus on the words on the page and not like rush through it and actually read and comprehend um so I am jumping back into patreon book club and the book of the month this January I'm reading is called bunny I don't know it's supposed to be good I'm excited it's been a little weird and fun it's kind of giving salt

burn energy um so if you want to read it with me feel free to join on the patreon and i'll do a full review but yeah i have been loving my little gummy book combo recently it has been quite elevating if i do say so myself anyways cheers my boyfriend rolled me a pink joint for the video portion of the podcast um and i cannot wait to smoke that with you guys later it's gonna be so yummy great question for my overthinkers how to not let your intrusive thoughts define you within yourself you have to stop placing so much weight on every single thought that you have okay thoughts are going to be random they're going to be very wild sometimes they're really not going to have a whole lot of meaning and you have to turn

your brain into like a train station okay some thoughts are going to wander in and have to wait for the train and sit there longer before they can leave you're gonna have to process them a little bit you're gonna have to understand them break them up before they can get on that train and leave your brain sometimes those thoughts are running fucking late for work and that train is already in the station and they're sprinting to that station hitting the train and leaving immediately the thoughts that stick around longer the thoughts that actually have weight in your life that have meaning that are things you actually need to think about the ones that are quickly passing through and hitting the train and getting through there in a matter of 0.3 seconds those are

the ones that are just intrusive thoughts that have no meaning that are very random that you're like why am i thinking this it's because your brain's funny and silly and it likes to do funny silly things it's going to have those random thoughts it's part about being human it's a part of having cognizance you know you're going to be over analyzing overthinking um just everything around you and you have to understand that some hold weight but some don't so those intrusive thoughts that are very random they have no idea where they're coming from that you're like that's a little weird they don't hold any weight don't let them sit around let them hit that train and leave they got to get to work girl they're they're running out of here all right um and I feel like

identifying these thoughts by having weight or not having weight makes you a understand them and b process and move on from them faster um and not letting your brain control you as much like you are not a product of your brain you can work with your brain and understand it and like live symbiotically through like through it it does not control you um and i do think that you can work these thoughts pretty quickly as long as you understand which ones are worth actually thinking about versus which ones hold no meaning in your life you know like right now i'm like yeah a car could drive through my whole entire building but should i sit here and think about that and overthink about it and anxiety myself up no i shouldn't i should be like yeah crazy and move

on with my day you know thinking about the healthy things thinking about the healthy things not the unhealthy things let that thought hit that train and leave girl it does not deserve to live in your brain oh new year's resolution someone asked how can i get better at planning my life how to journal set plans organize etc girl you need a planner you need a planner okay get on amazon get on whatever google anywhere whatever type in planner 2024 find whichever one you think has the best organization for your brain has the cutest little whatever whatever's gonna make you use it more for me personally i care more about like what's on the pages what's on the weekly pages i got mine on amazon for like nine bucks um and it has like your monthly calendar as well as like every week

it organizes the week and then gives you like a blank dotted page next to it to kind of journal your thoughts out love it there's so many different ways you can organize a planner um have different things in it different questionnaires whatever it may be find one that's gonna work for you a physical one order it online order some colored pens or whatever pens are your favorite so then you actually use it and every morning when I sit down to have my cup of coffee I open my planner and I look at it and I look at the week and then I look at the month I see what's coming up I plan accordingly it is my favorite thing ever ever I love it literally because it is such an anxiety reducer like I open my planner and I like breathe a breath of fresh air like yes okay I know it's

coming up. I have an idea. I can plan. I can set goals accordingly because I'm taking this one step to really look and analyze and understand. And I can't do that on my little phone calendar. I can't do that on Google calendars. I can't do that on Apple calendars. My brain just doesn't work that way. If it works for you that way, fantastic. Love it. Utilize it. My brain doesn't. I have to have a physical planner. I have to look through it every single day. Keeps me on track. Not only am I setting goals for the month and looking at them like going back to visit them once a week but I'm also setting goals for the year and I'm going back to visit that once a month okay I'm planning out my months a couple months in advance I'm planning out my weeks a couple weeks in advance

I'm allowing things to change I'm crossing things off I'm writing in different colors you have to make it fun and interactive for your brain in the best way possible for you but if you have a hard time with like anxiety of the unknown and planning for your life you need a planner you need one it's gonna change your life you're gonna have so much fun i love a planner i've been using ones it's like senior year of high school and really it's a game changer it really helps ease my anxieties because when i feel like i have something to do and i don't know what it is i get so overwhelmed it's because i start freaking out thinking well what if i forgot it what i don't what if i didn't do it you know all the intrusive thoughts once again um and having everything written down

somewhere that i can visit and look over whenever i'm feeling that anxiety is so helpful get a planner you you will thank me someone asked why should i not hate men i don't have an answer to that one i don't if you want to go for it they've done some crazy fucking things oh squirrel update um a blue jay has been visiting every single day and hanging out with the squirrels they have like a symbiotic relationship it's pretty cute anyways um yeah no if you want to go ahead i understand they've done a whole lot of horrible awful things um you want to know the biggest red flag in a man if you want to know if a man's a good man or a bad bad man all you got to say around them is oh i hate men and if they go oh not not all men right yeah like not me though boo

boo so bad so bad run away run as fast as you can from that man but if he's like yeah no we suck he gets it he gets it he understands okay because it's not the idea that like yeah every man every man sucks i hate every man and fuck you and i'm not gonna give you the time of day it's a simple understanding that like there are bad people out there and they sometimes just happen to be when you're a woman they happen to a lot of times be men and i'm allowed to feel that way and you should allow me to feel emotionally and support my emotional feelings period and if you are not smart enough to understand that and you hit me with the yeah but not me though right yeah but like you like me bitch shut up takes 10 feet 10 steps away from me right now please i'm begging

yeah no but like if you feel that way girl i get you i really do and i will be the one to say you know there there's good and bad ones out there you know like there's gonna be good ones there's gonna be bad ones that's with everybody but it's very valid if you're like no i just don't have the time or energy to deal with any men right now vibes girl focus on you focus on the girls that's all that matters someone just said being that bitch exclamation point exclamation point exclamation point period yeah being that bitch you're right girl who is that bitch you know when you sit down and you ask yourself like who is that bitch you know like who do you visualize for me it's like a cool girl who's just like comfortable with herself and like her style and whatever sort of way that

is like you can tell she's very comfortable with who she is she owns like space she's not afraid to own space and just like be who she is she doesn't hold herself back in any sort of way she's open and honest and real she is like a little out there but in such a way that is so unique to her and she knows that that she accepts it I feel like that's because when I was younger I was I had a lot of older women friends and I feel like it's so important if you're a young woman to have women who are older in your life especially women who are comfortable in themselves who are older in your life um when I dropped out of college I started working in a restaurant and like I started working with a bunch of like 30 year old women who were like you know the that

bitch okay like the baddest bitches you could possibly imagine um the ones who were just like not afraid to be themselves to assert themselves to hold space to really express themselves who really did not give a fuck about anybody or anything like they cared they had compassion of course but they were mostly focused on living in truth to themselves and that just comes with time and life experience um and being around that as a young woman was really uplifting and really empowering and such a breath of fresh air especially because i was young and i was a little insecure and i was shy and i didn't know how to take up room or allow myself to exist within the world and immediately surrounding myself with strong powerful women it did the damn thing they

are that bitch they are they are just such a godsend for me when i was younger and really helped me view the world and myself in a more positive way um i feel so lucky to have them in my life but yeah i think that bitch i'm trying to be that bitch this year you know the one who's like not afraid to share who they are and be who they are and fully and openly express themselves and I get we sometimes have moments of doubt and moments of you know lower points but that's okay that makes us who we are it's okay to feel those things you don't have to be happy-go-lucky all the time it's okay to have a full range of emotions and be human be fully human be a little messy be a little weird be a little wild a little fucked up that's okay but own it you know own your style

own your space own who you are that is who that bitch is I also a big priority of me this year I think I'm gonna do the video episode on like resolutions and things I have planned for this year and smoke a little jay with you guys but one of them is to really like focus on my body and my health and not in like in the past it's been in a very unhealthy way like over analyzing over thinking my body and my health but this time it's really like taking assertion of it and really taking time to honor it and love it and uplift it in any way possible um and I feel like if you have a hard time like taking on space or really asserting yourself or understanding yourself it starts with not only a place of like mental mentality and within but

also like physically within simply allowing your body to be a body allowing yourself to take up space allowing yourself to stretch and move and feel your muscles and take care of your health comb your hair wash your face go to the doctor do whatever you need to oh my god this freaking blue jay in the back i don't know if you can hear but it's so loud apologies but that's a big goal of mine this year bodily health taking control of my autonomy and uplifting it and really becoming that bitch in every single way that i can in my life um but it really comes from an air of just confidence and confidence simply comes from understanding who you are and owning it quite frankly you are you there's no one else who is you you might as well own it and uplift yourself

and really be the best you that you can possibly be someone said i need to plan more weekend getaways this year and i feel that i love a weekend getaway especially if you work like a nine to five monday through friday like the weekend is so sacred and i love a little like two-day trip i'm not talking like buy a plane ticket and go somewhere for two days you can that's valid that's awesome maybe save it for when you also have a monday off so you can make it a little longer but there's so many like little places around you i guarantee that you can do a weekend trip too like bitch i'm in the middle of kansas city you're like what the fuck's around here i can find something you know go on airbnb look up like fun little houses around you find like a cool hotel um that you can

do just like a one night getaway kind of like escape a little bit i love a weekend getaway and i need to do more specifically more during the summer because i live so close to like lakes and rivers i just need to take the opportunity to just like escape for a good 48 hours and you know new perspectives new visualizations and then come back to the real world with what i've learned and embrace it fully i love a weekend getaway it's such like a breath of fresh air especially when you get a little stagnant or stuck taking time to just really escape for a good 24 48 hours is so fun um even if it's like going to your parents house you know in college that's what i would do if i needed a weekend getaway i'd be like i just finished classes at 4 p.m i'm getting in my car

I'm driving three hours home like I just need to escape for a little bit and finding that wherever you are in whatever form it is is such a healthy coping mechanism it's something that I need to use and utilize a little bit more often this year someone said this year I want to face my anxiety head on any tips speaking of FOMO and what we said earlier do it scared do it scared as someone who has had such severe anxiety their entire life they've been on medication they've been psychiatrists they've been locked up for it you know they have gone through it when i used to like have any sort of like presentation in class or have to speak in front of the class i would do it then i would go throw up in the bathroom like so much anxiety so bad so overwhelming i wish

somebody would have told me it's okay to feel scared in new in new situations in new environments that's very normal your brain's gonna be a little nervous it doesn't mean you're in danger you don't have to enter fight or flight mode you have to do it scared and it'll get easier over time me and my boyfriend having this talk he's like sometimes i'm like doing new things like going to a concert with you because he hasn't been to a lot of concerts he's like i get a lot of anxiety like i get really really nervous and i was like you're confusing your nervousness for like fear when in reality you're just excited for something new and the unknown and you're getting that anxiety confused with like fear and it's making you scared it's okay to feel a little anxiety and be a little

nervous and a little scared but you have to do it anyway and the more you do it the easier it becomes it's like running a mile okay you know first time you do it it's gonna suck it's not gonna suck with anxiety you know it's not gonna suck it's gonna be a little hard it's gonna be a challenge you know the next day it's gonna be a little easier like slightly next day a little more easier so on so forth all of a sudden one month later you know you've done it a couple times and you don't even think about it anymore that anxiety doesn't even pop up anymore I found that a lot of my anxiety stemmed from me a I would feel anxiety and then I would immediately not want to do it so I would just like stay inside kind of avoid those situations at all costs and that was

not helping me whatsoever it in fact was increasing my anxiety and making it a little bit more potent because I was giving it power instead of taking the power back and understanding this is a normal human emotion and of course I'm doing something new and I'm going to be a little afraid and that's okay but I need to do it anyway because it's going to help me be stronger the more I did it the more I challenged my anxiety the more I understood that I wasn't a victim of my anxiety and I actually could work through these hard environments and these hard situations and make a good time out of it and just because I was scared doesn't mean it was a bad thing it just means it was new and I was a little nervous but you have to feel the fear and do it anyway I promise it'll get easier

you will feel like your anxiety is not in control and a hold of you anymore and it's it's a very powerful feeling understanding that you can stand by yourself and do anything even if you are scared you have yourself to stand by to get through it um and you will get through it because you're you and you're amazing and you're strong and you're powerful but yeah really just got to feel the fear and challenge it and do it anyways do it scared oh someone said thoughts on how to save money this year i love this question i saw a tiktok video about like we're loudly budgeting this year like we are being very loud with our budgeting and our saving and i love that honestly listen i have been so indulgent with my money and just like spending and oh for the past couple years and i know i've

spent so much money and this my one financial goal this year is to really save and focus on saving my money and putting it somewhere that we're invested properly uh now that i'm getting older i need to think about money boo growing up adulting whatever it's like a little video game though it's just gotta figure it out um so this level in the video game of life is financial security and not just spending money willy-nilly so i just got a laptop exciting things and i had downloaded excel spreadsheets and every single time I make a purchase like online or with my card and I spend money I am going to log it into my excel spreadsheet and write it down the date the amount spent why I spent it was it just like impulse shopping was something I needed was it

like a home goods thing that it was necessary like cleaning supplies or food or groceries you know what did I spend it on why and physically account for it because I've realized a lot of the things that I spent money on I don't even remember it's just like I'm scrolling online I see something and I click the link and oh it's on sale it's twenty dollars that's not that much purchase but that twenty dollars adds up over and over and over and over again and I guess you could look at your bank statements of course great way to keep track of it but I feel like really taking account and like making that purchase and then immediately putting it in my spreadsheet is going to make me kind of re-evaluate why I'm spending money and how I'm spending money and was this really worth

it really looking at every amount and piece of money that I'm spending and asking yourself like oh is that coffee for eight dollars every single day actually worth it if it is valid okay you know you gotta do what you gotta do but is that twenty dollar amazon headband that you never use actually worth it is that a hundred dollar shein shopping haul you did actually worth it do you actually utilize those things please don't support shein please i'm begging i'm begging please go thrift your clothes for good quality clothes that aren't gonna literally disintegrate in the washer and dryer um anyways yeah i really just want to be more cognizant of my spending habits also i want to be more cognizant of like um like my app subscriptions and my tv subscriptions i didn't

realize i was subscribed to so many like hulu tv whatever um and that's coming out of your bank account like every month that's pretty hefty um the only things that i spend money on now that i are like a subscription based thing are i subscribe to a couple people's patreons which i really enjoy if you are somebody who enjoys somebody's content this isn't me just like plugging it i think it's just a great plugging like my patreon i think it's a great way to interact with your favorite creators and get more content um that i feel like you really can't find anywhere um it's not just like a netflix subscription that you aren't going to use it's like actually supporting a small business creator and getting more out of it and having

more things to enjoy um so I subscribe I subscribe to a few patreons um I subscribe to Hulu because Hulu has a lot of tv shows that I enjoy on it and then I subscribe to um my photoshop not photoshop my uh like collaging app so there's like little things that I subscribe to but like understanding and making sure you're sure you understand what you're subscribing to and how much it's costing you um i was like why am i subscribed to prime video i don't need that um why am i subscribed to netflix i don't need that i don't watch netflix and i'm paying seven dollars a month for it that's another coffee you know what i'm talking about um little things like that and then also taking time to break down the small purchases throughout your daily life and figure out a way to reduce

them so like say it is your morning coffee every single morning you go out you buy your eight coffee can we reduce that price can we do it at home you know can we buy an espresso sheen initial investment 70 but think about it that's like one week's worth of coffee for you so like you could save so much money in the long term if you just do it at home speaking of i love my coffee maker at home you guys have heard me talk about it so often maybe it's like your lunch you go out you spend 20 on lunch or 20 on dinner every night that's a lot of money in the long run like if think about it three six five days in the year times 20 that's a lot of money um like maybe we can reduce costs there and plan some meals out cook at home do your little grocery pickup oh

that saved me i really just like plan my meals grocery pickup easy peasy get home i love cooking i used to hate cooking now i love cooking i feel like it's such a good time to really you know take time to enjoy my long-form content to do something for myself that's good for myself to make sure I'm eating meals that I actually enjoy and not just whatever's the most convenient. But little things like that financially, I'm trying to take accountability for and understand instead of being in that mindset of,

I'm just gonna spend it. I'm just gonna, whatever, swipe my card. Don't think about it. You gotta think about it, okay? Because over time, it's gonna cost you a lot of money. So we're loudly budgeting this year and I love that for us. You know what I mean?

It'll help us grow as people. It'll help us invest more in the future. um and a savings account is important unfortunately as an adult and at 24 i gotta start thinking about that you know we gotta start planning i'm like do i want a house i don't know but i would if i do i'm gonna need money for that so let's start now so future you is happy and healthy and financially abundant oh someone asked do you have any more merch dropping this year i do i have plans for a lot of stuff actually um I'll be dropping hoodies very soon um the quality of these hoodies I have this hoodie right now that is the best hoodie I've ever owned thick like warm it's not

like that fleece material inside I think because I have fleece material I hate it makes me like break out I like get like too sweaty in it this is thick and warm but not like overly warm in that fleece sort of way it's not thin it's like such a good everyday hoodie and it's hilarious and so cute so i'm so excited to drop those um i will be doing a restock of the gotweed baby tees i'm thinking into some different colors for 420 i want to do some more lighter cases i want to maybe do some more grinders little things like that so yeah i do have a lot planned stay tuned follow me on Instagram if you want to keep up with when things are dropping what they look like at Hannah Marlene you guys know where to find me but yeah lots coming up I have a lot planned for you guys this

year and I hope you enjoy as much as I do all right we got a few more questions but let's smoke the rest of this bowl you know let's get into the vibes you guys know that trend on tiktok where it's like whoa i'm so sorry take a hit with me every step of my makeup routine speaking of long-form content not only am i gonna be creating um just like video podcasts but i also want to do like weekly youtube videos i basically already do that for the patreon but i want to upload some on youtube for everybody as well so i think that might be my youtube videos like take a hit with me every step of my makeup routine first one i think that's what i'm gonna try and do this

weekend um but yeah let me know if there's any video content you want to see for me i'd be more than happy to do it this is an interesting one someone said any tips for getting over fears of giving head for the first time ready to do it just nervous illy um i guess i was a little nervous to give head for the first time yeah now that i'm thinking about it yeah i mean any sort of sexual experience for the first time is a little nerve-wracking once again anxiety fear don't get them confused you're just a little nervous that's valid that's okay you know new experiences you're gonna have a little anxiety behind that understand he's gonna have they girls give a head to girls guys whoever they're gonna have a good time no matter what because they're receiving you know

what i mean like they're gonna have a great time so have some fun as well you know like i feel like even though you're giving to give the best head you have to enjoy it you gotta be having fun and i understand you're like hannah how do i have fun with eight inches of dick completely in the back of my throat i get it i get it you're like girl what because you're in control you're in control you're giving pleasure it's like giving a gift i love giving a good gift and they open it in front of you and they get excited and you like nail it that's what giving head is okay so like start slow take your time understand it's okay to be like do you like this to talk does that feel good understand like if you have anxiety of like not doing it correctly you can you can ask them that's

okay that's very normal you know they're probably gonna enjoy it no matter what but yeah just have fun with it okay make sure more spit the better that's like my number one tip for anybody who's new to it more the more spit the better if you don't have any ask him to like literally spit in your mouth it's hot it's cute it's sexy gag on it a little get some more spit going but as long as you have that going and you're utilizing not only your hands but your mouth as well like if you can't take a full dick in your mouth who can quite frankly use your hands okay especially if you're new to it have fun enjoy yourself you're in control you're the one giving them a gift so like take time to you know get situated get familiar to enjoy it i think the best position for this

to happen for your first time too is not them laying down on the bed and you laying flat on your stomach like in front of them the best position ever is either them standing up and you on your knees or them sitting on the edge of the bed and you on your knees that'll be the easiest when you're like horizontal and also trying to like suck dick for the first time it's hard and breathe there's a lot going on okay first time let's keep it simple okay make sure you're upright it'll make things a lot easier spit hands no teeth tuck your lips have fun you got it girl i believe in you oh maybe your new year's resolution is i want to find love Hannah, Hannah, I want to find love. I want to be in a relationship. I want a partner. I want someone to cherish me, to love me. How do I manifest that into my life? Well, you have come to the Love Witch and I am here to give you some tips, some tricks, but I think you got to start simple with it.

I'm not trying to ask you to like put rose quartz under his pillow or like light candles or like ritualize this in any sort of way we can get into the rituals later on but step number one in like the love witch series is if you are trying to manifest love a real love okay love can look like a lot of different things love can be confused with infatuation with lust but like a real true love if you are trying to manifest that into your life you need to focus on yourself you need to prioritize yourself you need to feel comfortable and confident within yourself you're like Hannah I don't give a fuck about myself I want to fall in love with someone else you have to fall in love with yourself first you really do because I have been in moments where I

was like desperate for love in a sense I wanted to feel you know loved I did and that's a very normal human emotion you deserve to feel love you deserve to be in love but you should not settle for a love that you think is not good for you and sometimes when you are willing to take on anything you're going to take on a love that might be a little damaging or a little hard on you or not the best love for you and I think really prioritizing yourself and finding comfortability in yourself when you're alone time you will not want to get rid of that so you're not going to settle for just anything because ultimately you feel the most comfortability within where you are and you're happy where you are so giving it up for something that's bad is going to be

harder than just staying where you are and to find a true real honest love you need to not settle okay i've been there i've settled girls i really have and i was in the lowest point of my life and guess what it drug me lower it drug me further down into the depths of hell literally like miserable miserable people will grab you and bring you down with them don't think you can fix them don't think all of a sudden this relationship will become beautiful magical whatever it probably won't and in fact you do not deserve to be in hell but yeah I have been in places where it's like I was low and I was fiending for love in order to fill something so I settled and it was not healthy for me it was not good for me and I wish I would have just stopped and really focused

on me and worked on me and understood myself so then I could understand the world around me and understand what's best for me and I truly believe you can't do that unless you do the work on yourself first and no one's going to come through and save you and fix you and all of a sudden you know unless you know what there might be Prince Charming out there and of course that will happen for everybody no matter what um you will find that perfect person for you but I do think to kind of dodge the bullets along the way you can do so by simply just really understanding what is best for you and what you deserve and the kind of rules you need to follow in life and the rules you want your partner to follow in a sense rules not rules boundaries perhaps same

kind of thing but still and I do think that comes from simply spending time with yourself and dating a little bit and getting to know people and having those bad breakups and having the good breakups and whatever and just taking time to figure out what's best for you and it does just simply come with time and understanding but you are deserving of it you've got this if you want to manifest love into your life every single person that I know that has fallen in love with the best person for them you know what they say they say I wasn't really looking and I feel like that holds so much power when you're seeking and searching and trying to find it you're gonna settle when you're not looking for it the perfect thing is gonna fit right in like a puzzle piece because you are

already a whole puzzle piece someone else's whole puzzle piece has got to come fit in seamlessly and it will i promise don't rush it take your time you're young you're still figuring out what you enjoy girl i don't even know what my favorite dessert is yet i haven't tried them all you know what i mean take your time enjoy yourself uplift yourself love yourself love will find you i promise anyways with that being said i believe we've come to the end of our podcast i know you're like hannah this isn't all the questions that's not enough i know it's because i'm putting out another little video episode it'll be out on thursday if you want to hear more questions you know my new year's resolutions tips tricks advice for the new year sticking to goals more girly chit chat and a

little more smoking you know where to find me my um youtube channel i believe is gonna be under the at smoke says shoddy but i'll put it in my instagram bio and post it there so you guys can find it a little bit easier if you're not following my following me there follow me at hannah marlene on instagram to see what i'm up to to see what i did on new year's to see my funny little reels whatever um different things i have to catch you on up on throughout the day if you want more content from me you can find me on patreon i believe it's under smoke says shoddy as well if not try hannah marlene one of the two you know i only go by two names and it's one of those um but yeah this was so fun i'm so excited to be back i have so much hope for this

new year and I know it's gonna bring us all a lot of joy and peace and understanding and I cannot wait to see where I am one year from now my Instagram bio for um my 2024 you know post was good news everybody life does get easier and you will get sexier and I think that is the motto going into this new year like I'm just gonna figure it out I'm gonna learn about myself I'm gonna understand myself life is gonna get easier because I'm open to it and understanding and every single year I get more confident and comfortable comfortable in myself and the older I get the sexier I get quite frankly and honestly what isn't there to look forward to so I hope you guys are looking forward to the new year watch the video episode enjoy your week so much more fun things

coming for you guys in this podcast I just really want to try and give back to you guys and provide as much as I can this year um and I hope you guys are excited oh my god the fucking cotton mouth right now is brutal I hope you guys are just as excited as I am for what's to come but thank you for listening I love you cheers the new year I will see you next Tuesday