Smoke Sesh - ego, body hair, healthy conflict & prom

Episode Date: April 5, 2022

Happy Tuesday everyone! Sorry about Thursdays missing podcast but I’m back! And I’ll catch you guys up on everything going on in my life, as well as current favorites, prom & high school, healthy conflict and how to handle it, period sex, ego and community, handing ego, and body hair tips and tricks. Hope you all have a wonderful Tuesday and I’ll see you Thursday for another episode ! MUAH !

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, someone to look out for them. Some people call me their internet big sister, others their fairy smoke mother. You can call me Hannah, the new host of Smoke Sesh. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. Some good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. Oh my goodness. Good morning.

Welcome back to Smoke Sesh, everybody. i disappear for one day one podcast and you guys are losing your mind in my fucking dms which is like fine love the energy love that you're hungry okay starving perhaps for this podcast i love that um but your girl just really needed a day let me catch you up so I sit down to record on Thursday right last Thursday and sit down I go about my business I get a whole hour and a half podcast recorded which usually takes me about four hours of time okay and during that time I like the smarty smart pants I am I was like well why don't I just record in my car because it was like a little cloudy out and I was going through it because it had been

cloudy for like 14 days straight and rainy and my mental health couldn't take it anymore so I was like I need to change up my scenery and there's not a lot in my city to really do that to change it up so I was like I'll just go sit in my car be outside but not be in the cold because I recorded a podcast in my car before and it's worked perfectly love it so i go out there i sit out there i record my little podcast i get back inside i eat some lunch i'm feeling good i'm like maybe i'll go shopping thrifting i got a concert coming up like yes this is a good day i sit down to um you know listen it up listen over let's give it a little listen see if it if it turned out well oh my god the audio it sounded like i recorded it in hell and somehow had sent it back to my

previous self now because that audio was so goddamn bad and i was like how the hell did this happen apparently my bluetooth had been connected to my car the entire time so when i was recording it sounded like it was recording through my fucking car stereo like it was bad and I immediately just had a fucking meltdown like a complete breakdown you know when you're like you got a paper due you put your all into that paper you're like finally okay I got it done I can submit it and relax for the rest of my day and chill out and then your paper fucking deletes that is how I felt that is exactly the kind of existential dread I was feeling and instead of just like getting myself overwhelmed and overworking myself to like push out another

podcast with new topics and new ideas even though I was exhausted and then make it to a concert that night I decided you know what I'm just gonna do what's best for me and unfortunately that means no podcast so sorry for you guys on Thursday I really really do apologize I know a lot of you guys look forward to it so so so much but I also really am so thankful that as a creator so many of you guys came to me and were like don't worry about it girl we love you we do not want you to overexert yourself we want you to take care of yourself like we don't want this to become stressful on you because once this becomes stressful on me I have a really hard time doing it and also doing it well and I've been very intentional with the way I've kind of set up my

podcast and the way that I go about it to specifically avoid that because I used to have so much fun on TikTok and recording on TikTok and creating and I feel like that's what a lot of people know me from but then I just got burnt out completely burnt out because the stuff I was creating was not inspiring me sure it was inspiring other people but I felt like I was not doing it for myself anymore and it felt a little dreadful and now I just completely avoided it at all costs and I would like for that to not happen with this because I do genuinely enjoy showing up and hanging out with you guys every Tuesday and Thursday okay and I will miss a podcast here and there for my own mental health for my own sanity for if I'm busy that's fine I'm going

to allow myself that and I hope you guys allow me that as well but we're back I'm so excited to be back I went to a rave that Thursday and I was really having a bad day and my boyfriend was like just go take a nap go to your concert have fun and I did and I was really nervous because although I was meeting some friends there I was going a little alone like I was I was going alone basically and I was really nervous because I was like oh I haven't been to a concert in a while I don't know if people are gonna be nice like you know the the general social anxiety you get before you go out you know happens to everybody um but I was a little nervous and I was like listen I haven't been to something like this in a while I do need to step out of my comfort zone because

I know it's something I'm going to enjoy and I need to stop holding myself back and the fear from the fear of what I don't know so I went and I had so much fun I had so much fun oh my gosh I got there I was standing in line a little lonely and my friends were standing in the bar and they let me in and they got me in the bar and then we got into the concert we were having a great fucking time um literally having so much fun the openers were just okay I was not a huge fan of them so I was like okay let my friends meet up with everybody and this is kind of the best part they had friends that were going too so it's kind of a big group and I had like two people that I was close with comfortable with new to stand with and so I was like cool love that it's a big

group because that means the group doesn't move okay we went to one spot which was directly in the center right in front of the sound booth we went to one spot big group of us um and we didn't move so if you need to go to the bathroom you could run off to the bathroom run back and you knew your group would still be there if you just wanted to leave for a little bit you could leave go sit on the steps for a second take a breather and then come back and you know your group would be there um if you wanted to go get a drink whatever it was I knew that my group was there which was like incredible that's kind of the best way to do a festival is have a big group stay in one spot so then if people want to go you know check out merch or get a drink or go to the

bathroom they have somewhere to meet back up which kind of was amazing um because I was running off and i because i'm crazy and i was like in the middle of the open i was like i need pictures but i'm alone and i don't know if my friends are gonna take good pictures of me because they're gonna fucked up so i went down to the bathroom and there were these girls sitting in the bathroom love this i love a good drunk club moment um they were just like rolling hard in the fucking bathroom but chillin there's like at this event at this like uh event space it's called the midland i love it if you're ever in kansas city is quite honestly the best place to ever see a show it's basically like a five-story mansion um with a giant concert center whatever you would call it

arena in the center but it still has those mansion vibes so like the gold trimming the giant glass chandeliers they have these like red velvet thrones sitting out everywhere giant gold mirrors like incredible stuff um so i went down to the bathroom and there were these girls sitting on these like little throne chair things like rolling and i was like they look over at me and they go oh my god you're so pretty and i was like thank you so are you guys and i got to chatting and then i was like you know one of you guys take some pictures of me and they pulled through i know they were not sober at all but they really pulled through with the photos they are good I was shocked anyways I was like four no three double vodka Red Bulls in and I realized that I had not

eaten all day because I was just having such a bad day you know when you're having like a horrible stressful day and you're just like you forget to eat because you're just so overwhelmed with stress and anxiety yeah that's where I was so I was you know three of those are usually pretty good for me like I'm chilling I had that at Trixie and Katya and I was good to go you know what I mean not like too fucked up where I can't see but also like just buzzed enough that if I make it to the rest of the concert by the end of the concert or the end of the show I'm basically gonna be sober and chilling like I won't be still fucked up so I am in the headliner starts Subtronics and I realize I have not eaten all day and that these Red Bull vodkas are hitting me a little too hard

a little too hard so I'm like cool I'm just gonna dance my ass off through all of the set sober up and if I'm not sober enough I'm just gonna go throw up you know what I mean and then the concert it hits i'm having a grand old time grand old time okay first of all i saw this this guy like passed out in front of me and the like police rushed down and carried him out i was like oh my god and then these two people next to me were being so fucking stupid and they pulled out these joints and lit them but like listen you can pretty much smoke inside at this point just don't be stupid they lit them like in between sets while the lights were like a little bit on and so these police like rushed these people and I realized it was like my home's like little brother and he was

being so obnoxious so I was like thank god please officer take his drugs he is being annoying and make him leave our section too um but I was like fucked up and so at the end of the concert I like went to the bathroom and I was like I just need to I gotta I gotta do it I gotta pull trig I just gotta do it because you get to a point where I well at least I get to a point where I am like okay I need to throw up because I know I'm gonna feel infinitely better like infinitely better and it's only when I'm drunk or hungover so I just go into the bathroom like Hannah put your big girl pants on and you know just trigger warning for throwing up but I just threw up in the bathroom and was like let it out let it go girly and this girl sitting next to me goes oh my god is someone

throwing up in here I was like obviously obviously do you not hear me projectile vomiting in the bathroom next to you yes after I threw up I finished the rest of the concert things were good I was sobered up at that point you know what I mean I was chilling and I was able to finish out the concert but yeah I went a little too hard that night it was most definitely due to the lack of food that was an issue but the stress really overtook me but it was so good getting out and dancing and having fun with my friends I got home I woke up in the morning oh my god I woke up at 7 a.m because my boyfriend had to wake up and go to work and immediately woke up went straight to the bathroom and just like well here's the thing I didn't have any food in my tummy so like my

stomach was hurting because of the alcohol but I and I wanted to throw up but I couldn't there's nothing to throw up so I was just sitting in the bathroom like dry heaving and my boyfriend came up to me and he like put it put a blanket around my shoulders like pull my hair back he was like are you okay did you have fun last night I was like yes thank you like love it that is all I need and then directly after that i didn't mean to get so fucked up i didn't mean to do that but i had to work my first ever friday bar shift which is like the longest shift ever it's like 11 hours oh my god so hungover after throwing up i just went back to bed woke up at 1 30 was able to snag a subway sandwich sandwich liquid iv energizer and a gatorade and i made it to work

and i made it all the way through work and thank god but somehow i fucking powered through that shift somehow i don't know how i think it was the liquid iv that shit really saved me and also i was chugging water um that whole night and then that whole morning i think that really saved me as well but holy shit i was so hungover i haven't been that hungover in a while and it sucks because it's like i didn't even drink a lot like i'm i'm a lightweight i just didn't eat enough i didn't like you know you gotta eat before you go drinking you gotta you gotta have like a heavy carb get some food in you you know what i mean but holy shit i had so much fun though it was nice going out and dancing it's fun to just have something to do every once in a while um i haven't been

to a show in forever so yeah that was incredible that shifts the next day though oh my god oh my god that was fucking brutal it's spring it's all about transitions it's all about growing it's all about changing it's all about new and exciting things literally for the next like two months i'm just gonna be working my ass off quite honestly just quite honestly overworking because at the end of this month i'm going to la so if you guys have any recommendations for la please let me know any dispensaries you want me to stop out and try i'd be more than happy to um i'm obviously gonna do some dispo hauls and probably do that on instagram instagram live so follow me there if you aren't already at hannah marlene um but yeah i need to save money because i'm gonna

want to ball out in la for the few days we're there and then also right now i live in a beautiful 1920s family home it's incredible i live with roommates but i think listen it's just an old house and it needs some revamping some love and that is not going to come from four 20 year old girls that's gonna come from a nice little family so my roommate and my landlord was like hey guys i'm selling the house which i've been wanting to move for a while so honestly could not have come at a better time but i will also be moving probably within the next month month and a half into my own apartment which i've never lived in an apartment before so very interesting but I'm a little picky and I'm willing to pay for what I want so I'm looking for like hardwood floors

nice lighting all natural lighting big windows multiple bedrooms like I'm going all out I just want like my own space and also I can't fucking wait to sit down and decorate it all and come up with everything because right now my house was pre-decorated basically except for my room and my own little like little studio area but it was basically pre-decorated my roommate had done it all herself because she'd been living there for a while before me so now it's totally up to me I know it's gonna be my own touch my own spin on everything and I cannot wait I'm so excited so many transitions coming up and it's also I'm trying to be open to it because I hate change I really do but I've realized it really opens the door for you in so many different ways than you

could have ever imagined and I'm trying to get excited trying to get hopeful and I can't wait but really that's really all I have coming up in my life so far anyways I just woke up I it was sunny out so bright so beautiful I am tired of fucking sitting in my house I do it for today so went to the coffee shop got some coffee right now my go-to is a oat milk latte throw some honey and some rose in that yeah yup thank me later and then i just sat outside and journaled it was a little cold but holy shit it was so fucking refreshing just sitting in the sun and drinking my coffee and doing my little mind dump doing my little to-do's for the week which i have quite a few but it makes me feel a little bit less overwhelmed when i kind of organize my week

organize my to-do's by small and big and then organize them by day um as well as just getting all those unnecessary thoughts feelings anxiety that comes with coffee as well out of my head and into my journal where i do not have to think about it anymore quite honestly that was the best fucking way to start my day 10 out of 10 recommend um but we gotta get into some fucking questions now i know i know are you excited i'm very excited first of all let's do my favorites for the week okay i this is gonna be a new little thing every tuesday i'm gonna start giving you my favorite things of the week and then on thursdays i'm gonna start recommending my music that I'm listening to every week and kind of update you guys and also when I go back

and listen to the podcast I can kind of see what I've been up to see what I'm doing what my favorite things are um but so far this week favorite things breakfast burritos with green salsa specifically a veggie or a bacon breakfast burrito oh my god I am a breakfast girl and the place I get my breakfast burritos from they put it in a panini press so they just take a frozen breakfast burrito put it in a panini press so it's it's like crunchy oh my god it's delicious so 10 out of 10 recommend that's plus raw wraps recently I don't know I've just been having them on me all the time been loving rolling up with those we'll probably get back my blazy susans per use um after i finish this pack but i've been loving the raw wraps i'm not

gonna lie and you don't really even need like when i'm rolling i don't even use a filter my boyfriend kind of taught me this he was like it's just the quickest way to roll you can kind of fold in a little mouth tip onto the paper and then roll your joint and then it's like not a huge fat fucking joint and you don't have to roll a filter so love that love that um another favorite for the week is my iphone 13 whatever because at the concert i was out on thursday um i was wearing my boyfriend's camo pants like this disco top and this knitted sweater over it and now love my boyfriend's camo pants but men's pockets are ginormous compared to women's obviously they're ginormous and they're loose yeah those pockets are sluts because when i sat down to piss before

the concert my phone flew out of my pocket into the toilet straight into the toilet i took that bitch out as fast as i fucking could dried it off got the water off as much as i could zero issues she is going strong i did not think the waterproof shit was real with these but they are i cannot believe it if i would have dropped any other iphone into a toilet it would have immediately stopped working immediately also it would have ruined my night because it was quite honestly right at the beginning of the morning or not of the morning of the show so i would have cried and probably just went home and thank god i it it kept working um i have a few beauty products here that I kind of have been swearing by first of all um one of my friends recommended this to me but

I have damaged the fuck out of my hair I think I've just used heat products on it way too much um over the past year and it will not grow past my titties it won't like I think I stunted the growth it's mad at me I hear you girl I I understand so I invested in the bread hair oil oh my god it's changed my hair completely changed the ends even if you would cut them would still be like frizzy and matted and like crunchy i put this hair oil in my hair every second that i get a chance really though i put it in my hair um when i get out of the shower and then sometimes in the morning if i feel like it needs more and it has just repaired the ends of my hair i can see new growth and my hair is so shiny and luxurious so the bread hair oil oh my gosh oh my god love also

something that at first i didn't really like and then i realized my face was just too dry at the moment and i needed more moisturizer before i put this on but it's the um i'm totally gonna butcher this but it's by dr jart it's the um tiger grass color correcting treatment so it neutralizes redness and protects skin improves skin appearance to be vibrant and has a broad spectrum spf 30 sunscreen so it's essentially just like a tiger grass color correcting treatment and on days that i don't want to wear makeup or days that i literally have a i just want bare face minimal makeup you know it's a good skincare day I don't want to mess with it or even if my skin needs a break but I still want a little bit of coverage this stuff the like minerally green color offsets

the redness when I put it on and I just put a little bit on under my eyes on my chin and the areas that I get um red oh my god it looks like I'm wearing foundation all day it's incredible like i'm shocked by how well it works and like i said make sure your um skin is moisturized because it wasn't working because my skin was flaky and it just like was looking cakey but once i got my skin moisturized and threw this on on top of it wow love it 10 out of 10 but really that's what i've been obsessed with lately let me know your favorites i would love to add to my collection of things um but let's finally get into some questions for you guys i'm probably gonna load a little bully bowl here in a second but first question um didn't realize it's prom season totally forgot

about that um i was getting a lot of prom questions which is valid i hear you um a lot of people were asking me where should they get their prom dress my prom dress looked like a wedding dress it it was a vibe for the time um but if i was to like get a prom dress now i would absolutely absolutely purchase one off of ebay or depop like a vintage one there are so many cool vintage dresses and ball gowns and just like incredible styles of gowns that you can get and get for relatively cheap because i remember going to prom and people were spending 200 to like a thousand dollars on their dress which is insane i obviously did not purchase a dress for that much money um i think mine was like a hundred dollars maybe a little bit more i don't think my parents would have ever

spent that much money on a dress i'm literally gonna wear once um but the girls that i knew at my school they went all out for prom like it was their fucking wedding but you can absolutely find a dress on ebay or depop under a hundred if you just look up um kind of maybe like the year you're going for for the style like 80s ball gowns 80s dresses 90s dresses anything like that the shape um i can even source some and post them on my instagram story if you're interested in that but i wish i could like redo prom just so i could have a cool vintage dress because there's so many of them out there get out there get hunting you can find a cool one um but also i had some people asking thoughts on skipping prom it's not my thing but everyone insists i'll regret it

I disagree um I I was kind of in your boat when I was going to prom in high school I was like why do I care about prom why is it a thing why would I go to a school sponsored event and spend money at it and also I don't have a date so like why do I care um but I went and I had a really good time I actually was in charge of planning my junior prom um I don't really remember my senior prom but I was in charge of planning my junior prom I was like class president and um so me being kind of more involved with it made it a lot more fun just because I was able to plan the decorations and I didn't have to do any setup thank god but I was able to plan the decorations um I knew the people who were kind of in charge so I was able to pick out the

food and do all of that and that was a vibe um but I went to prom and I had a lot of fun I feel like the experience of prom is not prom itself I do recommend going I know crazy right but I do genuinely recommend going the prom experience is just the prom experience the fun things are the things that happen beforehand and after and after like the after parties because when I went to prom um the fun started at the dinner that we went to and we were drinking at and then we went to prom and I stayed there for maybe an hour tops I want to say you know got some photos saw some people said hi dance floor was lame um stole like 20 pizzas and left i was there for like an hour two hours um and then what makes prom the most fun is the after parties is you can just go get

absolutely fucked up like that's the most fun and you have to go to the prom to like kind of go to the after parties or else you're just sitting there all night not doing anything and then waiting for the after parties and then after that at the after parties all you're hearing about are things that happened at prom and you're like well wait a minute i didn't see that but you weren't at prom i say go go for the experience it is worth it you will remember it and look back on it probably fondly hopefully i would like to say um but it is something that i do think is worth it I don't think you should have like high expectations it is not like a wedding babes it is not like a magical beautiful night like this is a school sponsored event obviously but

the fun that comes with it the people you see um and the chaos that happens before and after is just so worth it I have to say there's like something beautiful in the ritual of like getting ready together with girls and hanging out together that I just like appreciate and really enjoy and I think I don't know you never want to miss out on that and even if you just have a few friends you're going with if you're going alone it does not matter get out there have fun okay I think you will regret it when you're older not going um not in the way of like oh I missed out like oh I'm so so sad no I don't think it would be that intense I think you'll just be like hmm I I wonder what that experience would have been like and I didn't go so I'll never experience it you know

take the opportunity say yes get a cute cheap dress get a few friends find an after party eat some good food beforehand you will have so much fun I promise I specifically remember at one of the prom after parties i had i still have it in my snapchat somewhere but um one of my friends had rolled about 15 joints maybe maybe more and we were all in this one tiny little basement room smoking because it was like the only room we could smoke in we were all just huddled in a circle and the lights didn't work in the room so my snapchat video is like this thick foggy room and i'm just like panning around the circle of people and we each have a joint and we're all just chiefing and it's dark and we look a mess because our prom makeup is all sorts of

fucked up oh my god i remember like no i accidentally knocked a bottle off a table and it might have shattered or i spilled something on a friend something like that happened i don't know it's really fun though I really do recommend so much weed was involved okay let's smoke a little boldy bowl get this day rolling I gotta work today which is like kind of surprising I usually don't work on days that I um do podcasts just because I'm like that's a lot and also that's a lot and I like to have time to you know do this feel confident about it take time to spend time with you guys but I got to work at two I really needed to help out because um one of my co-workers just got her boobs done so she's like out for three weeks and I was like girl I got you

I'll pick up shifts hope recovery goes well can't wait to see them you know what I mean trying to be encouraging um so i'm gonna go make that money today if you know what i mean and i have it up oh my god i'm so excited i have an apartment tour tomorrow i'm hoping that the new apartment that i'm going to move into within the next few months whatever it is um will also double as a video podcast space right now i just don't have any space to um like any studio space or good lighting to do video podcasts so I've kind of been waiting which is fine I kind of hate waiting but it's been a life lesson of mine to learn to just be fucking patient quite honestly and I'm still working on it but I try my hardest um so I'm hoping that I can find an apartment space that will also double as

a wonderful like studio space so I can record and then you can like watch it I'll probably upload it on youtube but i'm so excited let's hit this bowl and then answer some more questions oh yeah oh my god someone goes yo this journaling shit works for real thanks queen love the pod illy glad you're journaling glad i could bring light to it it really does help i can't lie i will get in ruts which i kind of just gotten one where i didn't journal for like a good month and i felt like that whole month was just like mental chaos i didn't know what i was doing i didn't know the purpose i was confused i was overwhelmed and now that i kind of hop back in the journaling train got back into it I'm feeling like so much clearer so much less anxiety my

thoughts are like more thought out I don't have as much overthinking I do kind of treat my journal as like a like a dump journal if you think of it like that my journal is not pretty it's not cute it's not like oh dear diary in perfect cursive with beautiful no it's a mess it's sloppy I'm not spelling things right I'm barely finishing sentences its means is to the means of my journal is to quite honestly just clear my mind give thanks give gratitude and to kind of talk to myself in the universe does that make sense um and really reconnect with myself and my life and the things around me that's the purpose of journaling and I'm so glad I found it again but if you have never tried it quite honestly give it a shot it will change your life

oh okay this is a good one and i've been getting a lot of these questions um whether it's something along the lines of um when does the uh fighting phase stop when does the arguing phase stop or how can i stop the phase when i constantly argue with my boyfriend about the most stupid things I'm getting a lot of those which I think is just the spring air we've all been locked inside too long you know we're getting a taste of freedom a little bit outside and I think also airy season conjunct with that people are getting a little fiery you know what I mean a little independent which is good it's important you should be feeling those things but this question is so good because there and this you're gonna have to hear me out here okay there's no such

thing as the fighting phase or the arguing phase i don't believe in that okay i don't because i feel like that mindset and assuming that every relationship goes to the same kind of thing kept me in bad relationships for too long waiting to exit the quote-unquote phase it's normal that I should put up with okay so I don't think it's it's kind of important to forget that idea for a second what there is though is there is healthy conflict and there's unhealthy conflict okay healthy conflict is perfectly fine you can fight a hundred times a day okay maybe not that's a lot but you can fight a lot or a little bit i do not give a fuck as long as it's healthy conflict okay the issue arises when you guys are fighting a hundred times a week five times a week whatever

it is and every single time it's unhealthy conflict sure every once in a while you guys aren't going to be on the same page unhealthy conflict is going to arise yes but in the grand scheme of things you guys should relatively while you're fighting still be in the same mindset that at the end of the day you guys are trying to get back to each other while you guys are arguing you guys are still on the same team okay and that's something that i have had to learn because as a gemini woman um i am very opinionated and i love to argue like it's just in my nature i do not know why i will argue about anything solely for the purpose of just arguing like the debate is fun to me and to some people that is not it's just like a bickering thing that i kind of enjoy i

don't know it's weird and i've had to kind of take control of that a little bit because it gets out of hand sometimes it actually starts fights and i'm like why am i upset what did i what just happened so healthy conflict healthy conflict is bringing up things that you need to address such as boundaries issues that you have within the relationship which within or between you guys okay it doesn't even have to be relationship friendship whatever it is okay you're valid to bring those things up if there is a means to an ends okay are you trying to figure something out here are you trying to work something out are you trying to work with the other person or are you just wanting to push buttons you know what I mean or are you just wanting a reaction or are you just

wanting to make somebody mad okay you really have to decipher between those two things and like be the bigger person and make actions accordingly okay because sometimes I'll like get off work and they'll be like when i'm at work like i am very like kind of snappy but like work's a very vast like fast place environment you have to be kind of like with the shit you know what i mean like moving very quickly and so my brain is also moving very quickly and also i've been dealing with like horrible customers all day so sometimes i'm just really snappy when i get home and i have to be like okay pause you love your partner obviously you value them you don't need to put them through this just like go give them a kiss and move on you know what I mean sometimes you

have to realize when you're doing that but also very important you have to have a partner who can also do the exact same thing who can also be the bigger person who can also be like this isn't fair to my partner i'm just gonna we're gonna make up i'm gonna try and work things out with them there we're working together trying to figure something out you know what i mean we're not coming at each other um in attempts to isolate each other you know what i mean uh i have no idea this is making any sort of sense that first bowl really knocked my brain cells quite honestly out of my head and all the liquid in my mouth i need a sip of water or something um but yeah i don't know fighting phase arguing phase i feel like that gets people like uh accommodated to

the like norm of fighting which like unhealthy fighting is is not good for you obviously but when you're working together when it is like a healthy form of communication even though you were still maybe um coming at it from different sides you're still working together at the end of the day you know what i mean so rule number one girls healthy conflict very important also i think it makes couples stronger when you do experience those things and then at the end of the day you both feel good about each other good about your relationship it worked out for you guys you know the conflict came to a resolution and hopefully you guys came together through that i think a lot of couples um are stronger by that and i want to say like my parents are kind of an

example of that like they're like the leading you know like i don't know that was although they didn't fight all the time it was very occasional and they never really fought in front of me too much like i would say maybe once a year i saw them fight but i i kind of was there for the whole fight and i experienced the entire thing and i saw how yes although they were you know arguing back and forth at the end of the day they were still like asking each other questions and trying to figure out the other person's perspective and like at the end of the day they come together and they're better for it and they seem happier very confusing like like as a small child i'm like they're arguing this should be bad to the end right but no it it resolves itself very quickly

quickly because they're partners and they love each other and they want things to be better you know what i mean um so i think trying to bring that self that like version of yourself out in you and you know putting away the toxic side you know you got to be the bigger person a little bit to have a healthy relationship quite honestly and also doing that thinking of your partner and can they do that and will they be that for you and um communicating that to them i think that is very important also healthy conflict oh my god i need a fucking water bottle my water bottle is quite quite honestly my best investment i feel like i need to come out with um smoke sesh water bottles but i'm like a hydro flask bitch and these are like expensive you know

what i mean but i mean if you're down to throw in i would be down to figure out how to make you guys water bottles i'm not even kidding also healthy conflict is very important between friends and acquaintances not just relationships okay and i think as a gemini i've really battled the idea of healthy conflict oh my god and both my parents are gemini's so like of course that's how their relationship worked out full circle moment here um because i feel like as a person I can see all sides of things I I enjoy also seeing all sides of things um like when it comes to I don't know anything now obviously I know there's a some usually a good and bad side but I also appreciate other people's perspectives and can see from it and I feel like I'm more

empathetic for that um but like in workplace environments I feel like people get really or even friendships I feel like people get really petty and really like hurt very quickly over conflict when in reality that is just a part of like emotional experience of course you're gonna experience conflict the question is how are you gonna handle that between the two of you can you guys handle that well and are you gonna handle that well as a person because at the end of the day you're either gonna come out very hurt from it or you're gonna come out better for it more understanding um and have felt accomplished because you work through a hard issue you know what i mean and everybody is capable of it quite honestly it takes practice of course and

unfortunately practice means conflict i'm not saying go and cause conflict but i think we can all do it and i think we will all be better for it if we learn how to handle conflict healthily someone just said period sex question mark and to that i say yes period oh my god no but i feel like i don't know i don't think we should see period blood as like gross or dirty or like anything like that now i understand not feeling a hundred and not feeling like the sexiest because you know there's a lot going on down there sometimes she needs her space you know what i mean but sometimes you're feeling it i don't think you should hold yourself back you know what i mean you can absolutely just like put a towel down get some baby wipes okay something that's easy cleanup

or even better go take a shower afterwards or better yet do it in the shower you know what i mean so many options i think if you want to go for it you shouldn't hold yourself back sometimes even i feel like sex helps with the cramping if i'm having really bad cramps i'm just like maybe i need to come maybe that'll help and it does i'm not even gonna lie so give it a shot see how you feel i say just i mean make sure your partner's cool with it doesn't have a blood phobia isn't gonna pass out from seeing blood um that would be bad I'm imagining that now um but yeah I think if you're both down and dirty get into it babe okay I get a lot of questions that are very similar to this so I feel like it's important to read um if you are finding yourself in kind of a sticky

situation but this person said hey i have a question for the podcast sorry i don't i didn't know where to submit them you can submit them anywhere just not just put them in my dms or if you see the questionnaire submit them there but this is perfect i'm reading this for my dms um so basically i have two great friends who are dating all right we're starting there one of which i really like and i don't know if i should tell them i want to be honest okay but i also don't want to hurt anyone I have no intentions of starting a relationship with them nor do I particularly want to but I feel like I like them more than a friend and I feel super guilty not sure what to do could you help me out I got you um okay so I just have been getting a lot of

like long questions like this um explaining situations explaining that like oh I'm feeling feelings towards this person in a relationship their friends or feeling feelings towards this close person should i tell them and to that i say although i am one to be like yes babe express your emotions express your feelings say what you mean and what you want i also mean sometimes just for the sake of like everyone it's okay to keep things to yourself okay this is this is why i'm saying that you said you have two very good friends okay you care about both of them very much so okay and one of them you like a little bit more than friends but you said you don't want to hurt them okay and you also don't even want to have anything come of this so why would you spend your

time being like hey I'm emotionally or like physically attracted to this person just for like nothing to happen and then to assume that other people aren't gonna feel certain ways about that okay I think it's your emotions are valid I think how you're feeling is valid I think emotions are very complicated okay but sometimes it's okay when we aren't fully sure of how we feel about those emotions to just hang on to them until we um can figure it out or to possibly spare other people's feelings and lives do you know what i mean and i'm not saying like anything's wrong with this I just think it's okay to sometimes you know have those feelings have those thoughts whatever it is but also just to spare everything you can keep it to yourself you know they're your

friends you want to keep them in your life you also don't want to make them uncomfortable in their relationship or uncomfortable around you not saying that they would um and also like you you said you like them but you want nothing to come of it you don't even think you would go for them so i mean not saying that you should ever go for somebody in a relationship but if all around you think it's you're it's not a huge situation to you i say just keep keep it to yourself you know what i mean i think that's very valid literally we all got thoughts and feelings that at some point you just got to be like i just need to zipper that one real quick i'm gonna keep that one to myself just for for my mental health and everybody else you know

okay let's talk ego i know i've just been getting a lot of questions about ego and like what is ego and how to combat like jealousy or envy or anything like that um and tips and tricks i don't know i've just been getting a lot of these questions i feel like it's a good topic and also somehow we have never talked about it crazy right i know i feel like that would have been like one of the first topics we would have discussed but i feel like i've had a really hard time actualizing it to myself and like kind of understanding fully and also you know trying to see where i fit in with that as well but i think i kind of have a good understanding and we can we can discuss we can get into it finally um but let's smoke a little bowl right

now i'm mixing some schmid with some um cbd you guys already know paz packs love them obsessed love their flower also recently been a fan of their cbd gummies i know they just hit differently and better i feel like um and great if you have like a little bit of social anxiety before you go out i think they're super yummy not super overwhelming um and you can use code smoke sash for 10 off i know even better let's take a little hit okay ego i dare i say kind of feel like there's nothing wrong with ego i think ego is a very healthy part of you. But I think it becomes unhealthy and the problem child that we are kind of seeing and people are kind of trying to identify when it is over consuming and all

consuming and ego is everything. But I think having ego within yourself is also a positive and having a healthy relationship with your ego as well um i found this um what is it writing from i love her i think the way she handles topics and ideas through like a meme-based format is i'm obsessed with um she had like a slew of life of pablo memes that she made or meme format that she made in like 2016 and I think that's like the one sort of tumblr art that I consumed when I was 16 that was actually healthy for me and actually was beneficial for myself like consuming it because it made me have a very healthy relationship I mean relatively now looking back on my ego and the way I kind of viewed myself although I dealt with big issues of

depression and looking inward too much I feel like that was when my ego was over consuming and let me read you one of her writings and how she kind of understands ego so I can put it into perspective but she says in my current experience as the world or as the word has changed meanings in language and use i think ego is also a place we can go to when we forget that we are all connected and in constant conversation with nature and others it's when you get too mad too self-pitying or too self-important it's when you leave the vast collective and imagine yourself as an isolated being that is somehow exempt or entitled to something or different from your peers in a way that is deeper than surface level identity based constructs i check myself with this constantly

because i think peace is truly found in the middle ground oh my gosh love sums it up perfectly when i was in those most like depressive episodes those most like highest anxiety issues highest self-isolating issues it was because i was removing myself so far from the collective and identifying myself quite honestly like too hard to the point that like my ego like although it was working as like a negative depressive not as like a manic high it still was over consuming and very much so negative and the way that i found peace was not i think this is very important not going the full opposite which i think a lot of people do which is completely removing any form of identity any form of like self-identifier um personality

quite honestly and putting yourself into the collective fully i don't think that's healthy I don't think the complete opposite is healthy like she said I think the healthiest is somewhere in the middle ground I think you should have a little bit of both ego is healthy you should have ego you should um see yourself as special and as important and uplift yourself in that way that some people might find you know a little egotistical yes that's okay don't make it over consuming. But you have to have that in order to set boundaries, have healthy conflicts, stand up for yourself, go for things that you wouldn't do or that other people might not believe in you for. You have to have that. But also, you need to be in connection with the universe, with other

people, with the collective and understand that yeah, although I am special, so is everybody else. and it must be treated that way, and also find comfort in that, find peace in knowing that. I think people find peace in my podcast for the same exact reason. We have our community here, we have an understanding here that is kind of very universal, that we're all kind of going through these struggles, and that it's okay, we're all here for each other, and that we find peace in knowing that other people might be going through the same things. I think you must have both peace truly is found in the middle ground um and it's something you have to remind yourself of every day i still have issues with reminding myself um but it just becomes a habit um like

so when you find yourself falling too far into the ego self-isolating self-pitying um feeling like everybody's against you just taking that moment to sit there to remind yourself um like i honestly that is not that deep it's okay like i love that term it's not that deep i use that fucking all the time i say it to myself all the time i'll be in so many situations i'll be like it's not that deep it's not that deep because it's really not most of the time it is and you got to remind yourself of that put that on a t-shirt um and then the same way you gotta have your ego with you a little bit you got to back yourself a little bit um but also be a part of the collective the community and be engaging i don't know i feel like it's special to have both and you should

honor both in that way but it does i mean i i this is my biggest piece of advice i say all the time it takes practice it really does and it is just like quite honestly a mental game you've got to play with yourself of reminding yourself of that's why i journal so much actively reminding myself actively working through those things with myself but through a writing tool not through thinking you know what i mean um i think it's very healthy and important to do so and do that self-reflection but not too much you know just just enough to give yourself that peace and then move on with your day and do better but i don't know i feel like the demonization of ego just is even more so isolating on the other side so it's important to have both healthily and i think it's very

interesting i feel like um if you watch the genius documentary about kanye west i feel like he had a like if you watch it he had a lot of very healthy ego throughout that time he was just working so hard for himself but also you know you see mistakes he made it's just very interesting because i feel like everybody sees him as kind of like a very egotistical person i'm sure he would say that about himself as well i would probably say that about myself as well but i mean he would probably also agree that it's important and you'll see you see how far it's taken him it's very interesting to watch just like the the um courage he has for himself and the level of self-introspection and understanding that he's going to succeed that he believes in himself and that he has that ego

that against the odds he will do well and he fights for it and it works out it's very inspiring you should watch it but yeah that reading i'll take a screenshot of it and put it on my um instagram but it's from size swoon love her she has some great memes that i post quite honestly all the time but her life of pablo memes 10 out of 10 oh my gosh this is so cute someone said do you like poetry i think i'm gonna sign up for an open mic night you absolutely should yes i love poetry if you guys ever ever find any sort of media that you enjoy feel free to send it to me i love seeing what you guys consume what you think's funny what you enjoy reading any recommendations i'm always down for them um but you should i think you should totally go for it oh my god the other

night at work like closing the bar sometimes like that last three hours is like the most brutal three hours ever and it's like takes forever for time to fly by um but the other night i was having one of those nights i was like holy shit this is just too much and i went outside just to sit out back and like kind of a smoke break i you know just take a little break a breather get outside it's so nice out and um the coffee shop next door was doing an open mic night and they had the doors open and they like everybody was sitting around it was like packed they were playing music and it was like so beautiful to sit there and like smoke a little bit and just like take a breather from work and like see this gathering of people and how happy everybody seemed and how excited and

encouraging they were to everybody i was like love the energy right here i'm really feeling it i'm vibing with it and then i went back into work and killed that shit had a great rest of my night but yeah i think you should totally go for it like i just think those experiences are always so worth it you will have so much fun and you'll probably meet cool people so do it go for it oh my gosh someone asked body hair tips and tips for shaving um someone said my bikini area is not ready for summer and I feel that um I'm a hairy girl I can't lie I do have to advocate for the body hair I feel like having your body hair is probably way easier than not having it and most I have most of mine I have I mean all my arms I don't do anything to my arms I barely really pluck

my eyebrows my armpits I basically don't touch those I think I shave them once a month no not even like once every three months just to kind of like I feel like after a while I don't know I just want to switch it up and so I'll just shave it and then let them regrow out and then just keep it for forever but right now I've been rocking the armpit hair for a while love it I I see no issues with having it and I don't really get comments about it either um no one comments on it nobody really cares no one says anything which I love and even if they did I'd be like you're the weirdo for thinking this is weird why are you being weird about it because i'm chilling you know what i mean um my legs i do shave those because although i don't mind the

look of hair on my legs i feel like it's more for just like a sensory purpose personally like it's not an aesthetic choice i just like the feeling of smooth legs and then um for shaving always always always you want a razor i don't care what kind of razor you get or how many blades it really doesn't matter i guess it matters how much how thick your hair is all you really basically need is to make sure that every time you shave that little moisture bar that is on the top of the razor first of all make sure your razor has one of those a lot of like men's cheap razors or women's cheap razors don't have a good one so make sure it gets like gooey you know what i mean like slick when that gets wet and then that really helps so so much if i make sure that i have a good

razor um it's it's like it doesn't even have to be super sharp like i could have used it for like seven times in a row as long as that moisture bar is good and full and ready to go i can get a clean shave and not get any ingrown hairs i always shave against the grain on my legs i don't shave the back of my legs i don't know why i guess i just have blonde hair so i don't really care about the back of my legs back of my legs i shave my legs and then bikini area always always always with the grain okay with the grain you don't want to go against the grain that hair is like too coarse and i feel like you're gonna get um like really bad ingrown hairs if you just push inward you know what i mean so with the grain take your time make sure you know you got that

moisture down there you don't want to do a drive shave or anything like that um and i have a bush on top love that that's a vibe i love the body hair um and yeah that's really all i can recommend I don't think you got to get too too complicated with the shaving and the waxing routine I think you can keep it very simple and still be good um and I shave I guess with the grain on my armpits whenever I do do that but I've never tried waxing if you want me to I can take one for the team and I can do it and I can report back girlies I can let you know um never had a waxing though other than my eyebrows and i'm traumatized from it because literally they ripped off the skin off my eyebrow like i have a scar under my eyebrow which you can't really tell because i'm so fucking

pale but like it's like a little patch where you can see that they rip the skin off it's like pinker than the rest of my skin oh my god i was so mad so i have kind of had a phobia of getting my eyebrows done at all i just plucked them myself i'm gonna do anything and i don't really i've never been back to a waxer i just always shaved so yeah that's all i can really recommend but if you rock the body hair i say go for it get you some of that bread hair oil put it all over your hair okay it's make sure it's shiny it's luxurious you're living your best life okay i love putting it on my armpit hair um i feel like it doesn't really interact negatively with my armpits it's just oil I put it on my bush I think it works for everything so give it a shot I don't

know let me know if you guys have any um uh like if you've gotten a wax I am interested or if you want me to I want to see how painful it really is if I can really do it you know I feel like it's so quick that I could get through it but I gotta get this podcast out to you guys I gotta get some work I gotta go get ready I've just been lounging around eating bagels and talking to you all morning and it's been very very fun but I've held you guys up for a week now with no Thursday podcast so I will get this out to you guys I love you all so much thank you for being so patient and so understanding and so forgiving and giving myself the forgiveness that hopefully or giving me the forgiveness that hopefully you give yourself as well and understanding when it comes

to things like listen we all got those moments it's gonna be okay as long as you power through and follow through as i am i'm gonna get this uploaded to you go to work hopefully make some money manifest some money for me and i hope you guys have a wonderful rest of your tuesday i will see you thursday i love you