Smoke Sesh - emotional mess, comparison, strict parents & meditation

Episode Date: December 6, 2022

Happy Tuesday! Missed you all so very much but I catch you up on everything I’ve been up to (sick with the flu) and we dive into todays episode with a tarot reading for the masses, what to expect this month, Spotify wrapped, thank you all to everyone who featured this pod on their wrapped sending so much love your way, we talk respect in relationships, allowing yourself to Just Be, allowing yourself to grow, surviving the journey, fav diy candles, comparison and how it kills, how to stop jealousy and approach the world, the Gemini moon coming up, clubbing tips, favorite meditation tips, it’s ok to be an emotional mess and embracing your shadow self, finding friends, using marijuana as a motivator, being vulnerable, body hair, best gifts, current favs, controlling parents, and much much much more. Thank you all for joining me this week I had such a fun time and I can’t wait to chat with you all next week

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know? Just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash. So, come hang out! Let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. Good morning, everybody! Oh my god, a long time. no chat so so so so so so so so very sorry um i caught the flu and i don't know what the

fuck is this year's flu like i understand from nursing school like the one bit of information i picked up was like you should get a flu shot because the flu changes every single year and it's very different and that's why there's a yearly flu shot this is a different strain almost every time um my ass still didn't get the flu shot and my boyfriend was like feeling a little sick and my selfish ass i will have to say this i did go and get him medication and a gatorade and a little smoothie and drop it off with him but I was like love you I cannot get sick because I work like three days during the weekend like those are the prime money days especially with bartending like of course Friday Saturday sometimes

Sunday like those are gonna be prime time the times you want to be scheduled the times you want to work he got sick on like a Thursday and I was like love you babe but I'm gonna have to I'm gonna step away for this one good luck and I thought me stepping away for a day you know to avoid whatever cold I thought he had was not in fact the cold and it was the flu and I definitely probably got the flu from him from making out so yeah me stepping away really didn't do anything and I immediately got sick the next day and I was sick for like a week and a half I still am kind of sick um it was brutal so if you were feeling whatever is going through the air right now and it wasn't COVID because I got tested and this is gonna sound weird but whenever I get the flu

I feel like I get a weird taste in my mouth I don't know if it's because your mucus changes or whatever um there's a lot more of it but I always know when I have the flu because it's like a weird it's like a metallic taste almost very odd anyways I knew I had the flu and yeah this shit wiped me out I couldn't sleep through the night because I had to wake up and take like ibuprofen every three hours to try and bring my 103 degree temperature down I had like everything that you don't want from an illness wrapped in one the only thing I didn't have was throwing up unfortunately my boyfriend got the throwing up aspect I think for most people that the flu is affecting it's like stomach bug plus lung issues plus coughing plus fever plus body aches

plus runny nose it was just like why so many things like what did i do to deserve this anyways i thought i was gonna be better by tuesday if not thursday but still i was just like my brain has not caught up with my body yet like yes i don't have a fever anymore but my brain still needs to figure some shit out so i just slept for like a full week and honestly it was fantastic my overworking ass is always like i can't take a day off like that's not a thing i don't know what a day off is like i gotta work i got shit to do because if i don't do the stuff that i'm supposed to do i get like an overwhelming immense anxiety so this was a great practice for me to be like okay let me just let myself sleep and like let my body do its thing and take care of itself

and I went to the doctor but it was too late the doctor was like yeah if you don't come in the first 48 hours we can't give you medication I was like so I just gotta suffer he's like yeah basically the only thing that helped me was fuck was it called a leave because it's like the long lasting one it's the only way I sleep through the night without dying from a fever like I would roll over in the morning my boyfriend was like oh my god why are you soaking wet I'm like listen my body is fighting off demons right now literally like if this was the 1700s the plague doctor would be at the foot of my bed oh my god anyways yeah no brutal but I'm feeling better I still have a little bit of a runny nose so sorry if I sound a little stuffy um but

it's Aleve ginger ale if you do happen to get the flu that was whatever this fucking flu is Aleve ginger ale and lots of fucking sleep was like the only thing that really snapped me back into gear and made me feel better also taking a break off of smoking oh my god I hate it because I get sick and like my throat hurts and I have a runny nose and a horrible cough and I'm like I know like the rational side of me knows that like inhaling smoke on top of this is not good for you like obviously so i have to force myself to take like little tea breaks i gotta be an adult for once and i took like five days off of smoking which honestly was great because now my tolerance is pretty low which i'm am absolutely loving if you can't tell i smoked before this um but yeah

also something that happened sorry little catch-ups before we get into some questions so many questions coming to me um but spotify raps came out and oh my fucking god you guys i i blown away shocked words can't even describe how i felt scrolling through this uh like all the spotify rap that i see uh smoke sesh on the top one or like two or three or four or five i'll take any slot thank you like it was incredible the amount of posts I was tagged in the amount of people who shared with me that I was in their lineup for their Spotify wrapped thank you guys so much for sharing your time with me and for joining me every single week um we were like in the top one percent of podcasts that were shared um so thank you guys for sending me to your friends

and family that is crazy because every time someone brings my podcast i'm always like oh my god how do you know about me what's going on like i get a little like self-conscious because i share so much of myself with you guys but honestly it is such an amazing and wonderful feeling just knowing that we can all come here and learn a bit from each other and be vulnerable and just have a good relaxing chill time and i'm so glad i get to bring that to so many of you guys um so thank you guys from the bottom of my fucking heart this has changed my life um i have had an incredible time doing this and rediscovering new things about myself and learning how to be open and vulnerable not only with like myself but with other people and it's been an incredible fucking journey and

we've only been on it for like a year which is psychotic to think about um but thank you incredible um if anybody hasn't shared their Spotify wrapped with me please do it would be wonderful but I think a hundred thousand of you guys I was in at least your top 10 podcasts which is fucking crazy so thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you so wonderful um I bought a new iPhone too so this recording process is going so easily I my phone started fucking dying because here's the thing so I do some work on social media and a majority of it is like podcasting which I do for my phone so my little baby iPhone 11 which is honestly a pretty good phone all of the storage was getting eaten up by like the saved audios and the information

regarding this podcast and I was like oh my god and it was so full that my phone started dying every like 10 minutes like I would be on it and it would just completely shut off and restart that plus the 50,000 photos I had I took my phone into the apple store the apple guy was like I have literally never seen this many photos stored into somebody's phone I was like oh yeah I have a weird attachment issues to things and I just can't delete anything like that chipotle order that I screenshotted from three years ago yeah I just for some reason have a really hard time getting rid of that and also there's like half of those are just selfies of myself which sure I might be a little vain but honestly it is such a great feeling to like get dolled up and

turn some music on and take photos of yourself so therapeutic anyways I got a new phone so now oh my god so much more storage so much more time for things process is so much easier and I am loving it so with that being said major intro um I have so many questions to get to sorry the call-ins link wasn't working um I think it's because I got a new phone so I like the link to get to my podcast got messed up and I had it up I had to update it so now should be working things should be going smoothly if you have any questions you know you always go to my instagram to submit them collins you can also go to my instagram link in bio and it'll say it's like so cute little collins button love it love hearing your voice um so hopefully hopefully

with some collins to get to as well as um some oh my god i'm just staring out the window at how beautiful the trees are right now i'm getting distracted come back to earth hannah okay also we have questions that submitted on my Instagram which I've realized I think a lot of the questions I think everybody's just overwhelmed right now which I get and I understand I feel like a lot of you guys are kind of going through like a final season you know end of the semester even like outside of school I can feel the energy that end of quote-unquote semester energy like we're rounding out some storylines here you know things are closing off we're coming to quote-unquote the end of some things which i think is an overwhelming feeling whether good or bad do you know what i

mean as well as winter being on top of it um some people are just going through it which i get and i understand and on my patreon sorry i'm doing making some hard-boiled eggs right now um but on my patreon i went ahead and i did a tarot poll for everybody which i thought was honestly a really great poll um and really insightful and a lot of people really resonated with it so I just wanted to share that with you guys so let me read it um I said hello everyone since it's the beginning of the month I like to sit down and check in on what this month might bring for everyone or what collective vibe we should follow and my favorite way to do this is tarot readings I do this for myself all the time um I do this for other people all the time usually towards myself and then yeah

i love to share these on patreon but i sat down and i asked the universe what we might need a reminder of in order to succeed this month and i received the three of wands reversed the three of wands represents passion and perseverance on a road to success the three of wands reverse shows me we may have fallen off the path and need a reminder to how dedicated and strong we can truly be if you've been going through a hard time finding struggles following you not feeling yourself completely this is a reminder that what you want and dream of isn't as far out of reach as you might think the three of wands reverse suggests that growth and expansion are available to you but playing it safe and closing yourself off is only blocking you from the blessings that

are coming your way why hold yourself back free yourself spread your wings the three of wands reverse indicates that you've attempted to embark on your journey of personal develop development but did not accomplish completely your goals unexpected delays and creative blockages might have popped up on your path. There might be disappointment, frustration, and a general feeling that you may have just wasted your time by even starting on this path. What you might not realize, however, is that these setbacks are an essential part of your life's journey and contribute to your personal evolution. So never give up. Keep striving. Believe in yourself because the universe believes in you. I think this month will be a good one for everybody. So with that being

said let's jump into some questions okay someone asked is it too much to ask a man to only have eyes for you no that's literally basic respect in a relationship unless you're poly then like i get it you guys can like reach out hopefully you guys have boundaries in place where the reaching out doesn't hurt anybody's feelings but if you're in like a committed like we are dating we are together you've had those serious conversations you've said that i love you's like yeah you should have only eyes for your partner and that's just general very basic human respect or am i wrong no i'm definitely right someone asked how to let go and better yourself this is an interesting question so i think where the oh i'm gonna better myself but i always fall flat kind of

of uh path follows from a feeling of i need to do this because i don't like myself i don't like something about myself so i need to do this um you hating yourself into a better person like that listen it works but it's not like it's not gonna have long-term healthy effects on you like sure you might get to your goal, but is it in a good way? No. And it's also not sustainable. It's not like a sustainable form of taking care of yourself because you're going to realize that hating on yourself gets really fucking boring after a while. So the best way to kind of let go and work on that path of like betterment or, um, I don't know, just getting to where you want to go. You kind of have to do it from a point of listen i love me and let's start here step number one like i want to

get better get to this goal whatever it is you really have to sit down with yourself and be like okay let's just look at me fully flaws and all and learn to love them it's going to be hard sure but it is a great step number one to kind of getting there and just like being honest with yourself and being open with yourself and loving yourself nonetheless that trust that you will build in yourself by having those practices sitting down with yourself looking yourself in the mirror and saying affirmations and saying that you love yourself and really just not stop taking yourself for granted in a sense um that will build a very genuine and very like passionate form of trust between yourself which in turn boosts confidence I think it's the number one

confidence booster just building trust in yourself whether it's you learning to love and accept yourself fully okay say you've loved and accept yourself fully you have a hard time maybe getting out of the house or doing the same okay so now you challenge yourself and you follow through with the challenge okay that's going to build trust do do do move on you keep working up that builds up your confidence which in turn is going to make it really easy for you to accomplish your goals because now you've got a good momentum going and now you're passionate about life and now you're moving forward in a positive kind of self-driven way like you love yourself and you want to see yourself do better so here's the steps that i'm kind of laying out in front of myself and tackling

um my boyfriend was like what you really like to set mountains in front of you and i was like yes but it's because there's no better feeling than learning to accomplish mountains like when i used to see mountains in front of me it was like i am never gonna fucking make it over that mountain and this is not a real mountain this is a theoretical mountain of uh goals or things i want to achieve that may seem impossible that i've set in front of me or maybe roadblocks that i've set in front of me and at first i used to be like that is fucking terrifying impossible i hate heights i'm not climbing that shit um but then fall back in a loop negativity hating on myself so to move forward i had to be like okay let's just take one step if i take one step closer to

that mountain who knows maybe i'll keep going maybe i'll turn around whatever it is let's just take one step and then after that one step i'm gonna take another step and then another step and then all of a sudden i look up and i look around and i'm at the top of the mountain and I've accomplished it and that feeling of being like I just took it step by step and I trusted in myself and I didn't know if I could do it but I followed through and I worked with myself and with other people and with the world around me to bring something to fruition incredible feeling and these mountains don't have to be giant fucking goals that you send from yourself sometimes the mountain is just leaving the house and that is okay but we all have to have goals and dreams

and things that we want to accomplish and they can be as little or as big as you see fit we're all on different paths we all have different mountains but the key is just learning to take that one step side by side with yourself and to really do it in love and trust and understanding um because before you know it you will be completely through it but that's kind of the best way that i would say like if you do it from like a self-hating standpoint you're not going to make it over the mountain or maybe you do make it over the mountain but you're too fucking exhausted to even work on the next mountain it's not going to be a sustainable form of reaching your goals of moving forward you really have to learn how to be open and vulnerable and honest

with yourself completely as you would as a friend and to move through life in that sort of way the same way you would work with a friend and do so in trust because by doing so confidence achievement understanding peace will be just like through the roof let go release yourself allow yourself to just be be human you know what i mean being human is hard enough you don't have to add on top of it by being hard on yourself you know hey hannah um i just want to share with you and the girlies why i'm so fucking proud of myself right now basically literally for like the past year of smoke sesh And the past three years of my life, I've been like complaining and asking for advice and everything about this boyfriend I had. And then two days ago, I just decided, fuck it. So I wrote

a note, left it on the bed, packed my shit and left, like moved out of his home. And now I feel so good, so happy. And if you've got any advice for a newly fresh single girly, that would be so wonderful um yeah they're like fun things I can do like I'm so tempted to go like hook up with people but I know that's wrong and I should wait but yeah and I just wanted to share with you guys and I love you all so much so thank you so much for all the confidence you gave me love you bye oh my god I fucking love you I am so proud of you no offense when I get like um questions from people or like I get a lot of questions all at once where it's like should I break up with my boyfriend should I break up my boyfriend should I should I it's like I unfortunately do not have

the answer to that if he's a horrible awful person like of course my answer is going to be yes I understand all relationships are very different but it is such an individual thing that it's like honestly if you ask about it more than two three four times it's like maybe you should just try being single so i'm so proud of you for finally realizing like holy shit i've just thought about this a lot like maybe i should just move on with my life and get over this dumbass boy which i'm so proud of you for doing so okay queen um when i was getting out of my last relationship i made a video and i was like here's what you do to kind of get over a boy and the the basics of it like when you're freshly single like what you should do is if you are in a weird or controlling or

i feel like sometimes just women get themselves into relationships where it's like we had to sacrifice a part of ourself for it write down the like five to ten things that you were not allowed to do in your relationship or you didn't feel comfortable doing or you felt held back by or you weren't receiving and do all those fucking things it's like a it's like a post-breakup bucket list literally so if you couldn't leave the house without him like he wouldn't let you go to a concert he wouldn't let you do this he wouldn't let you hang out with friends go do it okay if you have the inclination to hook up with somebody i'm not gonna say don't if it's on your list then have fun if it's not on your list no worries but everybody's list is gonna be very different based

on what their needs are and what they're looking forward to and it's super fun to do especially directly out of a relationship to be like hmm what is freshly single me gonna do what am i gonna set my new chapter of life up to be like can let me make this bucket list to do to go along with it and then go achieve all the things in the bucket list literally that is the absolute number one a way to like celebrate and also simultaneously get over somebody very quickly but i'm so proud of you congrats congratulations on your breakup you guys i've been making my own candles like last year i went to bath and body works and got like fuck six oh my god of these like the little candles like the one wick candles and i burned through those bitches so fucking fast there's

nothing more I love than a good candle but oh my god are they expensive this one was $14.50 and I didn't pay $14.50 for it I'm sure they're doing like a buy one get one sale but that's too many dollars on one single wick candle so what I've been doing and I think I'm gonna do a little patreon video on this just showing you where I get my candles how much I spend it's so fucking cheap and like how I kind of replace them so if you're interested go to my patreon i'm kind of doing like a posting a lot this december like a vlogmas but not vlogmas it's just christmas happy christmas but i'm gonna post where i get all my stuff and how i do it because i just went to the like in kansas city it's called aquarius love but just like your local

witch store you can go wherever and just look for their candles they make so many just incredible wonderful smelling beautiful candles for so cheap like i think these were each two dollars and they were the same size as the ones that were originally inside the jar i'm just lazy and i kind of like threw it on top of the other one that was melted down um and honestly it worked pretty well but they were so cheap and they literally made my entire apartment smell just one of them like sometimes bath and body works candles are slacking like i can only smell it in certain rooms you know what i mean like it doesn't travel throughout the house but i think i got a jasmine one i love that scent i think i got a sage one and there was two that were like uh more like spiritual based like

one of them was like the manifester and the other one was like um like angels like protecting you both of which smelled amazing so i'm gonna have to go get more because i burned through all of them in like a month so bad so bad that honestly might contribute to why my lungs hurt so bad after i saw that one video where it's like yeah whenever you burn a candle it's just like the wax like doesn't actually disappear you're just like breathing it in or it's going and hitting the ceiling terrifying but the smell is too good so but yeah cheapest way to get your candles go to your local witch store and just stock up and they're homemade come on what beats that someone asked how did the iud go i uh we and my doctor had a mistake she forgot to order my iud

so it got pushed back to the 20th still a little nervous but i was you know what i was arguing with some girlies on tiktok about this not some like one um because she was trying to say that iud doesn't hurt for a majority of women listen i i hate those bitches who are just trying to promote that it's like so painful and don't get it and this is horrible and awful it's like listen yes but also i think it is a wonderful and amazing birth control option especially for women who have a very very hard time with hormonal birth control me personally that shit almost made me you know like it was not a good time like hannah was almost taken off the earth from hormonal birth control and i wasn't even getting any dick so it wasn't worth it like why would i put myself

through that again and the iud that i have has been so incredible and so wonderful and just completely changed my life but the last thing that i'm gonna fucking do like most doctors do my doctor right now did not whatsoever she was wonderful she let me advocate for myself my the first one i got lied to me and like most doctors are like it's just a pinch you know like it doesn't hurt to that bad because they know how much it fucking hurts and they don't want girls scared from doing it but the thing is if you're just honest with women and you just tell them like hey yes this is a painful procedure but it's short and you should not experience any pain like after it sure you're gonna have like residual cramping for a day maybe a week max mine was like

a day and a half i think um and then i was good perfectly fine like ready to go and i've been fine for like three and a half years um like no issues whatsoever i know everybody's story is different um but it's like listen let's just be honest all right it's gonna hurt but the reason i'm getting it again is because the only issue that i had with it was during that insertion experience that is it and if doctors were honest with women or like hey this hurts let's work together to you know advocate for ourselves and get correct medication so we aren't anxious or feeling pain during it like if you knew it was painful then you could ask for like a lidocaine shot so um you don't feel it or you could ask for anti-anxiety medication or pain medication or

whatever you need to get through it but the fact that a lot of people lie to you and are like no it doesn't hurt it doesn't hurt that's why it hurts extra for most people because we don't have the insight to understand oh we need to advocate for ourselves especially regarding this procedure so i was like hey i wouldn't be so mad if doctors just didn't lie to us or other women didn't lie to us and we're like oh it's just a pinch because then you know women can advocate for their bodies and advocate for their own medical experiences um and this girl was like um actually according to a study it is not painful for the majority and i was like listen bitch let me just tell you basic fucking anatomy when you are forcefully opening something that only opens during child

birth and a little bit during your period it's just gonna be painful like it's not like there's no nerves in their baby it's gonna be painful we all just tolerate pain at different levels and if you have a baby then it might be a little easier or if you're on your period then it might be a little easier everybody's body is so very different so of course our experiences are going to be very different but just in general whenever you're manipulating a muscle a organ without pain medication it's gonna hurt at least a little bit so let's stop lying to women um and i had to come to terms with that for myself uh i advocated for myself i got a new doctor who was amazing and i can't wait to go through this with her because i trust her and i talked to her and she explained

how many she does on a daily fucking basis and how quick it's gonna be um and she let me advocate for myself and i was like crying she was like i hear you out girl let's get you some anti-anxiety medication love you want this to not be horrible for you you know i have people to support me i know a nurse will hold my hand if i need to um but the fact is i was prepared and i was prepared adequately adequately by my doctor so i'm feeling better about it and i feel like i have more control in the situation which also makes me feel oddly better but it's just like i'll be honest with you it hurts but it is worth it for the mine's gonna be five years now so the five years of pain that are not pain but the five years that i'm just not gonna have to think about birth

control especially for a bitch who's lazy and careless yeah i'm gonna need that extra strength one you know but also the pill oh my god it was so bad for me mentally it was just waffle for me okay so not going back to that i'll just go through the pain once i was just honest to myself like yeah it's gonna hurt but we're just gonna have to get through it i i was had an easier time accepting it and figuring out to just not avoid it anymore i would rather go through that than a baby oh my god holy shit shout out to all my mothers you you did that that is impressive safe to say someone asked how to um stop comparison towards others i think this is a great question i feel like so I came from a very academically competitive kind of background although I low-key did not give

a fuck about grades like in high school I didn't care there I was around people who cared way too fucking much um and then it instilled some kind of like weird comparison thought loop in my head throughout the rest of my life I feel like having that kind of background growing up in that kind of environment even with my parents they always wanted me I know they wanted me to do the best but also they pushed me to like be the fucking best and listen sometimes I can't live up to that and that's okay but it put me in this like thought spiral for a long time where I got used to comparing myself grade-wise and being in a competition in that way that it sunk its claws into other aspects of my life and other ways I viewed myself and other ways I viewed other people

and it got to a point where it was like everything is a comparison I'm either not good enough or I'm way too good or something like that and it's a it's a harsh spectrum to lie on because for me personally I was usually at the other end of the spectrum which was I'm just not doing enough I am not enough I don't like who I am because oh whether there's this other person or oh look at this other person I think for me the best way to kind of tackle that was to a identify it okay be like okay i'm in a weird thought loop spiral right now where i just haven't been feeling myself i haven't been myself because i am stuck in my head and i am placing myself below or under people and i'm comparing myself to everybody all the fucking time and it doesn't feel good so step

number one for me was to a I before I kind of dove into social media and actually had a healthy relationship with it I did not I absolutely did not have a healthy relationship with social media in whatever form okay and so I really just got off my phone for a long time and for a long time for me it's like a month like I just had like a weird aversion to my phone because I would see something like my triggers were not so much like outward it was more so like what I was consuming phone wise and I think it's totally healthy and like normal to take breaks if you need them I get in just like experiences with my phone where I'm like I'm just I've been sucked in for too long and it's such a negative experience all the time like why am I doing this to myself like why don't

I just set my phone down like just I can't even pick it up like I can't do this today I don't want to be on here that's fine listen to that when it happens okay and step away for a bit if you need to I think that's absolutely fucking totally okay um and I go through periods of that a lot and it's always always always comparison based I'll see a picture and it's like oh my god I've never been there I'll see the way someone looks and it's like well I'll never look like that or I see a I don't know you know those stressing thoughts they pop up and you've no idea where the fuck they're coming from but it doesn't feel good so I think step number one was me just stepping away for a little bit um and collecting myself in other aspects of the world whether it's

like oh my god I remove myself from the phone and all of a sudden I look around me and my whole life's a fucking disaster like let's clean up my bedroom let's do this let's maybe go for a walk whatever it is um just taking that moment to step away and no it doesn't have to be for a fucking month sometimes a day is good enough time though that you're able to remove yourself enough away from it that you can go back to it and have a new experience and be able to see it in a new way And I feel like stepping away and collecting my thoughts and being like, okay, where do I need to change? What do I need to do? Like, how can I better myself in this sort of way and come at it from a aspect of like, you know, let's stop hating ourselves so much. Let's learn to love ourselves and let's work through these challenges that we're facing. once you're able to come back to the phone or come back to whatever the thing is you can kind of look at it with fresh eyes and step into it into a new light so say my issue was like body comparison

um whenever i would have like triggering thoughts i realized that it's all just a thought loop it's all just like one big fucking thought loop and i can choose how far i fall down the spiral but the best way to reverse the spiral is to go at it in a new way for me personally me over hating myself I just had to be like okay I'm having a triggering moment right now like whatever it is it'd be a little thought a big thought whatever it is I would just enact the opposite so say it's me hating myself like oh my god I'm never gonna look like that person I just I just it's not that could never be me whatever the horrible thought is I instead go that human is wonderful in their own very way and we as humans are all so vastly and wonderfully different and that is the beauty of

being a human being is that we're all so individual and we're all so unique in the way we look and behave and act and speak and the things we're interested in and that's what makes humans so beautiful and so wonderful not the fact that we all look the same the fact that we're all so vastly different and so if i'm able to love someone else in their differences then i should be able to love myself in my differences and i need to remove this tie that i have to this person this comparison aspect of oh that person's better than me or oh i'm better than them no no no two bad bitches can exist in the same fucking room it is not a comparison okay so whenever you have those triggering thoughts so my issue is like say with the phone saying seeing pictures whatever it was

but yours could be in public okay you see someone else and you immediately start talking down on yourself or oh i don't look as good as them or whatever it is you know those negative negative thought loops instead of falling down that thought loop stop yourself and compliment the other person and compliment yourself and understand that someone else does not take away from you okay now it could be experiences in life that's what your comparison is been there done that don't worry i've had every thought that there could possibly be um but it's like oh well they're doing so much oh well they're able to do this or i'm not or i'm in this point in my life and it feels like i'm behind and they're so far ahead every single person's journey is so vastly different

and if you get stuck in the now in the comparison of the now you're going to be stuck here for the rest of your life okay best thing you can do is move forward grow do what you can do and also like it's okay to see someone having a good time and appreciate that good time or those successes for what they are and understand that they aren't taking away from you in any sort of way them succeeding on their own journey is not inherently negatively pushing you down so why are you creating this air of comparison and acting like it is it's not you two are on very different journeys and they're succeeding and they're winning and you should be there to celebrate with them and be there to celebrate their successes the way that you would want other

people to celebrate yours and looking at it as like a you know we're all playing our own little game of life um and sure some of them are interconnected and you know we interact in certain ways and sure we shared different experiences and some of the same experiences it doesn't mean that all of our journeys are going to be the same and the way that I feel like you know society is set up a little bit we all assume that it should be one way but in reality life is going to look very very different for a lot of people and the only journey that you should be concerned with is yours sure celebrate successes help people out when they're down but the only true journey that you should be concerned fully about is yours and you pushing yourself down and

saying you're not good enough and whatever it is is not going to help you on that journey at all but you looking at someone else's success and being like good for them i'm so glad they're doing well i want to do my i want to do well myself and using that for inspiration and you know maybe asking them for help if you need it don't be afraid don't let the ego get in the way you will see yourself pushing forward and reaching new heights before it's just it'll be insane but it really is all about breaking those negative thought spirals and really stepping in when you feel yourself kind of losing yourself a little bit we've all been there where it's like holy shit i just need to we got to calm down like sometimes you just sit down and have a talk

with yourself and be like whoa what are we doing how can we change this and the best way for myself to kind of snap out of it is really just um just like doing the opposite so if like i find myself hating on myself it's like yeah i'm gonna love myself i'm gonna just like just completely and do the opposite so i can at least hit a neutral level you know what i mean and i'm not so low um that's that's the way that i kind of approach it someone said full moon wednesday yes oh my god it's a full moon in gemini there's another there's another full moon ceremony tomorrow i will be working never mind i will not be going to it but i'm still going to celebrate because it's a full moon in gemini and i am just really feeling that energy right now i feel like full

moon and gemini's are very much so like okay let's be honest with ourselves like love the delusion we've been living in recently because it's sad season and they surely do live in a little bit of aggressive delusion which i love personally as an air sign woman but sometimes it's a little too fucking out of control like let's sit down and whatever way it's going whether up or down or whatever sometimes the the gemini moon comes in to be like all right bitch like no what are we doing like let's be real let's look at our goals let's get there let's achieve them let's do it directly let's stop being so hard on ourselves let's just get to whatever point we need to get to you know growing is not linear you're gonna have your ups your downs that's okay um and it's

also very heavily emotional moon um not in a negative sort of sense for me personally but kind of in a sense where it's like you know where your emotions come full circle and you've been on a journey for a while and it comes to an end and you're just like whoa that was kind of a whirlwind that's the gemini moon coming in um i feel like it's kind of we're rounding about seasons we're ending some journeys and that's okay and that's wonderful but let's recoup let's dream a little bit let's have a little bit of fun let's stop being so hard on ourselves let's also think a little bit okay let's get a little real it's okay to get real about life every once in a while life's a delicate balance of learning how to play and how to have fun and also how to manage life

but i guarantee you can do it and this gemini full moon will kind of be perfect for it so yeah i work but i will also be celebrating i have my little altar i might go get something to add to it just because it is a gemini moon um but yeah sag season has been or sag season has been sag sad season has been kind of insane for me um like in a whirlwind i'm unsure where my emotions are falling kind of insane um which very much so very fiery very i and i i hate to use that word for like an air sign but they are they have like a fiery tendency to them like crazy whirlwind of emotions um all pretty much positive for me but i can understand where some stressful things are coming in for some people i think all of this falling around when like school is ending too

um and the semester's ending and we have like a lull period i think it makes a lot of sense but if there's any ways you want to celebrate i would really really recommend releasing today would be the last day for like manifestations and then full moon's great wonderful for releasing releasing whatever you've been holding on to releasing things that maybe aren't serving you anymore you can do so go to the store and buy a plate and write on it in sharpie and then go to some place where you can safely dispose of it and toss it as hard as you can or you can write down on paper and burn it or if you need things to grow into fruition another favorite of mine is to write it down on a piece of paper and i just shove it in my little plants that i have all around my

apartment um so my plants can feed off of it and grow and grow new leaves out of it but that is how I will be celebrating the full moon if you just need a day listen I get it those emotions are heavy if you need a day to like rest and relax and really do whatever you count as quote-unquote focusing on yourself I think that's a great day to do so whether it's like I really need to get out of the house and go do something and celebrate and have a little party i think that's a wonderful day to do so but also if you're like i need to lock myself in my room and sleep for 12 hours totally wonderful and fine as well whatever you see like self-care focusing on yourself is a wonderful day to celebrate and do so love it someone said how do i stay awake when i go

clubbing i always have no energy uh so instead of falling down a horrible awful spiral of like using uppers to make it which i did not a great life plan don't recommend what i recommend as a bartender is a vodka soda no no no vodka rebels so you're gonna drink like three vodka rebels that's a lot this is me personally this is not advice I would drink like three vodka rebels um because that's the equivalent of like basically one can if you're if it's a small glass basically one can you don't want to drink too much because your heart will stop obviously don't drink too much caffeine um and then the rest of the night vodka waters with a lime which I guarantee will taste amazing trust me I'm just a vodka girly I don't know why I think it's just my mom that's

my mom's side of the family coming in but vodka and water or soda if you want some bubbles with a lime so fresh so easy to sip on you're not gonna get cotton mouth or like a gross taste in your mouth for the rest of the night because you're drinking on like sweet shit um those are the ways to go those are my top two favorites that's how you get through the night and here's the thing if you get through all of that you have like three vodka red bulls and a couple vodka of sodas or whatever and you're like i've had a few drinks but i'm still tired and it's like it's only 3 a.m or whatever maybe you're just tired and maybe you need to go home and that's an important note to listen to from your body i love a good just like disappearance i love

disappearing not in like a bad way but it's like when i'm done it's just like i just i all of a sudden i'm in my bed you know what i mean like as soon as i get that feeling it's way better to listen to it and just go home and go to bed than it is to be like oh but I gotta stay out till 7 or 8 a.m like I get it it's fun but also sometimes it's more fun to just like listen to yourself and go home and just fall asleep then you can rendezvous with everybody else in the morning but yeah vodka red bulls love that this is the first drink my mom ever introduced me to shout out hi hannah okay so i'm driving right now so it might be a little bit fuck the audio um number one lee thank you for your advice the other week on mr anime boy toy who called me

misa romane um i don't think advice was needed it wasn't advice it was just a disgust um i hope you had a lol at that um i just have a message for the girlies who like i feel like a lot of them are like oh should I hear out my ex should I listen blah blah blah um and I have a story so my ex obviously did that and as a joke I was with my housemate I was like I'm just gonna tell him that Uber eats me food and I was like I was like I will read like your little love letter you said like want to send to me two years later being like I'm sorry for cheating I did shrooms and I realized it was wrong and I was like I'll read it if you Uber eats me Indian and he did and then I blocked him so i really think that the girlies should get themselves an uber eats feed from their

ex and then leave all right bye i love it it's not what you can do for lame men it's what lame men can do for you sometimes after you've gotten your heart broken and they really just fucked you over sometimes you know you gotta you gotta get some free indian food out of it i understand i get it I appreciate all my evil girlies out there and I hope you're getting as much out of life as you possibly can someone said meditating do you do it a lot and do you have any recommendations um so for me there's two types of meditation because there's two ways that my brain likes to think the first one is where I sit down and I have a open conversation with the universe if my brain is overactive if I'm trying to sit down and be quiet and calm and collected I and I just can't

that's okay. And instead of working against it, I work with it. And so I have an open conversation with the universe and I just ask and I say my affirmations and I talk about my hopes and my dreams and the things that bring me peace and the things that I'm thankful for. And it's like a verbal kind of open meditation where you're setting the vibe, you're setting your intentions, you're saying your affirmations. It's good. Good for everybody. Great if you have an overactive mind like me another one is where you you know need to practice focusing calming down getting quiet settling those thoughts finding peace um and for me i can't do that alone i have to do a guided one because the voice in my head is way too fucking loud sometimes and me hearing someone

else's voice very helpful another thing that helps me a lot music music i know but i have a favorite video um hold on there's actually a lot of them now that i'm realizing janae aiko has a bunch of different guided meditations and her voice and the way she sings and the affirmations she speaks is incredible i really recommend just turning on like a fun light getting comfy on the floor um and then turning this on your tv and just following for a little bit um i think they're usually like 10 5 to 10 to 15 minutes long so very manageable very easy to do and some of the ones she has are like um an alive and well mantra or one for if you're feeling triggered or one if you're feeling low all amazing all great for many different thoughts feelings moods but those have

been my absolute favorite recently those videos specifically someone said how to be more emotional i turn my emotions off too much to protect myself felt i was a highly sensitive child oh my god i'd be crying anxious throwing up at the drop of a fucking hat like it's too many emotions for one little body like poor young hannah she did what she could she had her coping mechanism she was very sensitive and she didn't grow up in a sensitive friendly environment um and also she just wasn't kind to herself which definitely makes it harder but i learned very quickly um instead of feeling this range of emotions and a getting in trouble for it or not being understood or whatever always being let down i'm just gonna turn them off i'm gonna just

go with how about i have none because it's easier and everything sucks but it's still easier because the disappointment is already being felt constant instead of just being open with my emotions and feelings and judging what i need to do based off of that so i learned to turn my emotions off for a long portion of my life which led to a very long fight with depression um and here's the one thing that i think i have to say be emotional be as fucking emotional as you want i'm an emotional hot mess when i'm crying and sobbing and oh it is like i am on the fucking floor and i'm rolling and yeah i'm a hot fucking emotional mess and i may be a little bit of a drama queen but that's who i am and that is wonderful and amazing and sometimes when i am just in those emotional

periods I need to feel them fully in able to move on and let go and not make my life a constant pain but you avoiding and you pushing them down and you trying to make yourself as unemotional as possible is only going to hurt you in the long run and also it's going to remove you from this existence of life you are going to be out of touch from fucking everything and you being removed off from the world whether it's self-inflicted or not you closing your emotions off and not allowing yourself to have honest and vulnerable emotions and not sharing those with other people and then not being able to understand other people's emotions because you don't share your own you don't understand your own life is going to be really fucking difficult for you and it's going

to feel like it's fighting against you because you're constantly fighting against natural things that we as humans are supposed to feel it's okay to cry it's okay to hurt it's okay to be hurt it's okay to need to sob or have some anxiety it's okay to have those bad feelings the same way it's okay to have those good feelings the thing is in order to kind of like kind of to succeed through life you have to unfortunately feel those things and there's no protection you can give for yourself there's no running away that you can do that will protect you from these things you're going to feel them no matter what so why not feel them fully so you're able to move on and you're able to understand yourself a little bit better afterwards do you know what i mean i

really had to come to that realization after i made it through my long battle with depression and listen it's not over I'm still working on it there's still bits and pieces but I think for a majority of it it was like I mean the thing that got me admitted was me saying that I felt numb to everything and that was definitely me trying to find a healthy coping mechanism but I was like so young that I didn't know what that was so instead of just addressing the things that I felt and feeling like the things that I felt were being heard and received accurately I just shut them all off which was not good and really fucking kind of pushed me down and pushed me back a lot and me having to regain kind of control not even control your emotions will always kind of be a little bit

out of your control but the way that I feel most control within my emotions is me understanding them and knowing that feeling them is okay and that I will always be by myself to pick myself up off the floor to wipe my tears away to understand that it's okay to you know have fluctuations of emotions um and that is normal and wonderful and fine and dandy whether good or bad but yeah it really is just trying to be vulnerable with yourself and being open with yourself and also not being afraid to be yourself and feel the things that you feel if your heart gets broken that shit's gonna hurt don't run away from it understand that somebody hurt you or maybe you hurt yourself or whatever it is and then learn from it and grow and try to do better throughout

your life oh now this thing happened or this thing happened you can take so much from it and learn so much about yourself and the world around you and what you want for yourself but in order to do so you have to feel them and you have to stand by yourself and understand that ups and downs are both a part of life's experience and you can't just have one you need to be able to feel it both because it is a fucking roller coaster ride um and the best thing you can do for yourself on a roller coaster ride is willingly strap yourself in and make sure you put your hands in the air so you have a little bit of fun along the way but emotions are not something you need to run from they're not something you need to be afraid of um we as humans have so many

different emotions and so many things that we can feel and they're all kind of wonderful within in their own sense there's no better feeling now that i like understand my emotions and i let myself feel them fully than like a good crying sesh um and instead of me sobbing all the fucking time like i used to it's like okay sometimes i just need like one good cry sometimes i don't know where it comes from whatever it is but just allowing yourself to feel that and step into it um and own it is amazing and wonderful and i highly encourage it someone else asked how do i brace or embrace my shadow self and i feel like a big part circling back to emotions is allowing yourself to feel those emotions good and bad and by being able to step into those emotions being

like yes you know what no i am angry this is a feeling that i'm feeling and i'm sticking by myself or you know what no i'm really sad right now and that's okay it's okay to be sad it's okay to have this shadow self and to step into her a little bit um but i feel like really just taking account of your emotions and being willing to feel everything fully um and to not run from them is another great way to understand your shadow self and to kind of step into her um but really just um when it comes to like shadow selves it's about accepting us fully and openly there's no such thing as just good we can't be just good human beings okay we're gonna be bad we're gonna do things that maybe other people don't agree with or you don't agree with currently and that's

okay but it's all about forgiveness and understanding and moving forward um we all have a shadow self and i feel like once you've kind of stepped into a positive direction your next step is to kind of uh step into a negative direction because once you've lived into a negative state for so long you're kind of afraid to quote unquote move backwards in a way but i don't see it as moving backwards you understanding your full self both positive and negative gives you a full understanding and a full insight on yourself which i think is much more healthy than only being positive do you see what i'm saying so i feel like i feel like people's growth process is kind of like a okay we're we're gonna move in one direction which is either like okay i need to

get used to my shadow self and learn and grow from there or i need to step into like a higher self and i need to be a little bit more positive towards myself and then you kind of switch and you're like okay well i got this side figured out so let's lean into the next side and let's kind of dive into every aspect of ourselves instead of just cherry picking what we want to deal with and not addressing the things that we really truly need to be addressed whether good or bad you know what I mean hey Hannah I am currently at my desk job right now but I saw that you posted that you were taking in requests or call-ins so I thought I should throw mine in there um but lately I've been trying to be in this like healing girl era and I've been trying like really really

hard but lately I just feel very alone and I don't know how to like reach out and like get out there and involve myself like even romantically like I've been interested in a couple people but like I just have never like been fully interested and it's the same way I feel sometimes when I'm meeting new people where it's like I can't connect with them instantly and it's hard so if you have any advice on this on how to stay positive through all this and like keep growing but also keep expanding like my friend group and be more social I would really really appreciate it I love you so much I love the pod I've been listening since I started college a year ago so thank you for being a huge inspiration to me and I love you bye oh my god this was wonderfully put this was a

beautiful amazing question you can tell you're in work mode it was very thorough okay so when it comes to making friends I understand you're having difficulty because it's hard to make that instant connection which i think scares a lot of people off from doing so and practicing it but making friends is all about practice and the reason i say whenever you go to a first date whenever you go to first hang out with somebody whenever you're kind of getting to know somebody the way that you should intentionally treat them is as if you're treating your best friend of 10 years or your best friend of five years somebody that you really really know the way that you're open and honest and vulnerable with them is the way that people build instant connections do you see what i'm

saying but if you show up to an experience and you show up to something with your guards up or with walls up or oh i i have these preconceived notions or oh i'm feeling down about myself or whatever it is whatever walls you've built you're gonna have a harder time making connections and that's fine that's okay it just means that maybe you need some more practice and maybe you need to be a little bit more vulnerable when it comes to meeting those people and maybe you need to be a little less hard on yourself so like I said the best way to make friends is to literally behave as if those people are your best friends that's the best way to kind of connect with people to understand people and if the vibes are off that's okay listen to them if you behave how you would

with somebody that is a friend and the vibes are not there then that's okay maybe they just aren't going to be a great friend and that's all right understand that different people vibe differently together maybe move on you know try something else but also if you're having a hard time making friends because you only go to two places you're gonna have to reach out a little bit more life is all about taking risks okay and the risks that you take are honestly the ones that you choose to take do you know what i mean so yeah you're gonna have to put yourself out there a little bit you know if you see someone that you're thinking about and you've been thinking about for a while and you're like getting in your head about it fuck it send them a message hey how are you doing

um swipe up on a story be like omg love that song whatever it is it's very simple thanks you know what i mean but put yourself out there no one's gonna be like no one's gonna respond to it and be like you like that is rude as a fuck usually everybody is very friendly very kind very nice and if they're not like why would you want them around you do you know what i mean but i saw this girl on tiktok and i think it was like it was a funny video but it honestly had a lot of truth to it she was like exposing myself to rejection by going into a hotel and asking for a free hotel room like it's like yes they're obviously gonna say no but she was exposing herself to feeling the feeling of somebody being like hey no it's not gonna go your way

unfortunately we're just not gonna work out whatever it is by setting herself up for failure which was hilarious like yes we got to expose ourself uh therapy a little bit in real life but also like you can do so by not doing such hard things like obviously don't go to a hotel and ask for a free room they're gonna say no but you can put yourself out there and try a little bit within your own life and understand that rejection is more of like a societal ideal and a thing to make us feel bad about ourselves if somebody doesn't vibe with you that's okay that's fine the same way if you don't vibe with somebody else that's totally fine and totally wonderful but you need to understand that things aren't always going to move in the path that you might

want it to move but also some things will move in a path that you could have never expected and towards a more positive route and the way that I've made all my friends have been in such random circumstances that it's like if I wasn't in that position if I didn't put myself in that position like one of my friends in college it was just like I left a party early and we met in the elevator riding up to our dorms it's like if I didn't spark up a random conversation with her and i was like girl i'm so fucked up right now this elevator is moving like crazy and she just thought it was funny and then invited me to smoke it's like we would have never been friends during that time but just putting yourself out there and opening opening yourself up is a great fantastic

way to make friends also trying new things new hobbies uh like go to a full moon ceremony go to a pole class try that workout class you've been wanting to try try that pottery class um oh my god this group is meeting up i've always wanted to try that oh this store always doesn't meet up or oh there's a vintage pop-up or oh literally whatever your interests are what however weird they could be like any interest there's always a group in your area large or small who are probably meeting on a pretty like often basis that you can join in and you can meet with them and you can kind of build friendships that way but you have to put yourself out there and you got to break down those walls and you got to challenge yourself a little bit i know it's scary i know the world's

a little terrifying but i promise there are so many wonderful and beautiful opportunities waiting for you out there that you simply will not get to experience unless you try you just try just a little bit I promise it will most likely go your way but also understand there's nothing inherently wrong with you if it doesn't go your way so it's a win-win either way it's either like okay we vibe and I made a good friend or oh I learned something about myself they're not interested I'm not interested whatever it is that's totally fine we can move on with life take whatever you need from it and grow literally a win-win situation you just have to not be so hard on yourself oh okay someone asked trying to regulate my smoking habits because it started to interrupt

uni but struggling with needing a j through the day and trying to restrict myself from doing so makes me miserable idk help okay so felt i also almost dropped out of uh college because of my smoking habits i actually lost my scholarship because i just wasn't focused on school at all so in order to kind of get myself back on track i had to switch from a oh this is negative and it's impacting my life in a negative way and i'm struggling with keeping it in my life or getting rid of it but also i'm using it all the time or i'm binging and purging it's like very negative punishment kind of mentality and feeling bad about myself i did have to go into a little tea break period where i just got rid of it all i just like smoked it all me and my

friends rolled seven blunts and then just smoked all of them like in a 30-minute car ride to this beautiful like lookout over our college crazy but I didn't smoke for a while after that um I also broke up with my drug dealer boyfriend so that helps but um I took a little break and then I was like okay instead of coming at it from a negative standpoint let's use it as a motivator like let me be real with myself i love weed and it does in fact motivate me to get shit done like as lame as i want to think it sounds it's uh it works okay so let's roll with it let's really utilize it here and see what we can get done so what i did is i i was like we got to be strict with ourselves we got to be real with ourselves i am only going to be allowed to smoke when i have all of my shit

done when i have my shit done whatever that looks like for me personally or whatever it looks like for you but for me personally um having my shit done meant like okay i got my classes done for the day i got my homework done i am in for the night or i'm going out or whatever it is like i am done for the night that's when i can smoke and you got to be real with yourself okay you can't be like like literally me and my friends one time or me and my friend love her we both got our like science exams back and we were trying to take a tea break and we both looked at it and it was like failed I was like girl I got a pipe in my backpack let's just step into the alley and smoke a little bit and we did and it's like okay let's not be weak like yes it hurts but also maybe that's a

sign that you need to lay back a little bit and focus a little bit more on science um so be real with yourself don't let yourself give in you got to be a little strict with yourself but also it'll be a great motivator and it'll help you actually work through shit and also schedule and plan accordingly so you can actually have some time to yourself at the end of the night um but like some of the days it's like okay i have the day off i literally have nothing to do because i got it all done earlier that's fine i can smoke in the morning dare i say or in the afternoon or whatever it is when I'm chilling it's my day off I can do so but oh we got a loaded day I got classes all day and then I need to go to the library to write a paper and I don't think I'm gonna be done until

10 11 that's fine too because I'm either gonna pass out at the end of that and not actually smoke or it's gonna be so much more worth it at 10 or 11 o'clock at night when I'm finally able to sit down and smoke a little bit and relax because I have all of my shit done but it's all about setting boundaries with yourself and being real and if it's a motivator it's okay you can use it as a motivator but be a little strict with yourself i know but that's how i got my a in nursing school it was like listen bitch you get your shit done and then you can smoke whenever you want which also motivated me to like organize my days better because i didn't want to have like 12 hour days where i was working it would be easier to have like three like three four hour

days you know and then break it up easier for me um but yeah if it motivates you it's okay to use it if you need a break it's okay to take a break whatever you need just be real with yourself and set boundaries accordingly i don't know if we've talked about body hair recently but i made a video on tiktok and it kind of blew up i was like the same reason i have armpit hair is the same reason some animals have like spots or colors or shapes on them to ward off predators it's like if you see my literal just like underarm hair like hair natural hair that grows on my body and your first instinct is to be like that's fucking disgusting or ew or gross it's like that is the perfect judge of character that i need to understand that me and you are just

not going to vibe you know what i mean it's like listen we all got personal preference me personally as soon as my armpits hair started growing in at like 12 13 i didn't really give a fuck i was like this is an inconvenience actually that i need to shave it like my armpit hair being there does not bother me and in fact i don't even think about it so why am i being forced to think about it and shave and for a while i complied and i shaved just to get through but then i realized like why the fuck am i doing this when i literally don't care like i do not care so i stopped and it's been wonderful amazing i literally had an ex who looked at my armpit hair and was like that's fucking disgusting and that moment right there i should have left his fucking lame ass but i didn't

because i still had some more self-exploration and discovery to go through and i didn't have a lot of self-confidence um i did berate him into submission and he shaved his armpits to apologize but it was still fucking annoying and i was like why do you care what i do with my body like huge ick like the biggest ick possible um but yeah i was like from now on if any man is just like not down with my armpit hair you don't even have to be down with it like just don't comment on my body if you comment on my body especially how i'm gross or how you think something about my body is gross you're a piece of shit and i don't want you anywhere near me at all and that goes for everything we all of course have different body hair preferences like just because i don't shave

my armpits doesn't mean i don't shave my legs like for some reason it's not even an aesthetic thing it's like i really just love the feeling of not having hair on my legs and being like smooth like a cricket some girls like hair on their legs we're all so very different but i think the key here especially with body hair is do whatever feels comfortable do what feels right and don't be inhibited by other people's thoughts or feelings uh forcing you into behaving into a certain kind of way if you want body hair if you have a little bit of body hair and you literally don't give a fuck and you've been conditioned into thinking you should give a fuck reclaim it okay really claim yourself and then also instead of thinking down on yourself when other people think down on

you use their reactions as a tool to gauge who they are their reactions have nothing to say about you you know how you feel you know how you behave you feel comfortable in the way you are if they're having a negative reaction to the way that that hair naturally grows out of your fucking body then they're just babies and they're pussies and they probably shouldn't be anywhere near you because they're weird okay so i feel like it's an amazing judge of character and i love just like putting my arms up in the air and like uh well i love seeing nobody react that's ideal but sometimes ben reacts and it's like thank god i scared you away because you are probably a piece of shit oh my god there's a woodpecker outside uh oh my god so cute someone asked best Christmas

gifts um especially for your boyfriend let me tell you the best Christmas gifts I've ever gotten or you know what no it's like one gift best gift I have literally ever received were and I cried over this I've never cried on Christmas it was socks that had my cat's face printed all over the socks and he just looks so dumb and stupid and he's just so cute and I love him so much that seeing his little face printed all over these socks just sent me into tears like adorable probably $20 but by far best Christmas gift I have ever received the Christmas gifts you get people do not have to be expensive people don't care about money especially now like one hour of work is like $25 uh or not even oh my god maybe like three hours of work is like $25 like i get

it i'm gonna be thankful for anything i get we don't all have like thousands of dollars to spend on christmas gifts this year especially in this economy so i would say work smarter not harder okay think about your relationship with that person i love gifts that are personal to me and personal to our relationship i don't give a fuck about anything else it could be anything superficial i personally do not give a fuck about superficial shit i want to feel like we've built a relationship together and you understand me and you get me and it can be silly and stupid and dumb okay but it means you thought about me and that's the point of gift giving okay very cheap options out there your boyfriend he does not want a $300 beard trimmer or tools or a cutting board your

boyfriend doesn't want that if he asked for that okay fine whatever he wants funny socks uh like something small and practical that's gonna improve his life and like to see you naked best gift i've ever gotten my boyfriend was this was for valentine's day but i think it translates um literally i he just pulled up to my house and i was wearing a robe and underneath it i was wearing lingerie and i handed him a disposable camera and i said you can take whatever pictures you want of me best gift ever and then you know what i did with those pictures you can put them on a skateboard you can make them into a calendar you can print them out into a scrapbook that he can flip through whenever he wants to reminisce or like you can do anything with those pictures you can do nothing

with those pictures it's a fun little experience it's a great way to tease to play to have fun but like guys i feel like are very easy to shop for they're very simple-minded and they're usually horny all the time so it's like just play off of that you don't need to spend thousands of fucking dollars um if they ask for something they're very direct about it so i would get them also what they ask for also just think about the other person me personally the gifts that i love and am obsessed with and the best gifts i've ever gotten are the cheapest ones but the ones that had the most thought behind them if you're good at hand making something hand make something for somebody with the thought behind them um you can draw something you can paint something you can

do whatever but get creative and put some thought into it because that those are the most expensive gifts that you can really get people the ones where the thought was everything someone also asked me what my spotify wrapped was this year and oh my god i shared of course all my podcast spotify wrapped stuff but like my own personal music taste it's literally the same fucking thing every year same artists every single year like i'm not original it's the same people the number one spot changes it's either lana del rey which this year it was lana del rey or it's callie uchis which was last year i was in a cali uchis phase this year it was lana del rey cali uchis mac miller k trinada and then kanye west i know his music though i'm just it was really got me

through a lot the beginning of the year but yeah it's always those five artists k trinada just joined the lineup within the past three years but it really has not changed it is always pretty much those five people someone goes i cut my hair at lunch in my public high school art room with my bestie i have so many stories from the art room that's just like the one place that i actually spent time in like we had a couch in there that's how much time we spent in the art room i also spent like four of my like hours the period blocks that i had in high school um in that classroom so it really made for a homey feeling the things we got up to in that classroom like yeah cutting hair turning it into art putting blood in vials tattooing each other like weird teenager shit

that probably shouldn't have happened on school grounds but it also made for some really amazing bonding experiences um and some really fun times we did a seance in the uh in the theater room we did a lot of weird funky things but the art room always has a way of bringing together the most creative and the most uninhibited people that is just so much fun if you have never been in your school's art room i really encourage you to take a step in there i literally spent my senior year yeah i had like four or five i had four hours in the room in that specific art room because i took AP art then like an AP studio art and then like two other classes and then I was also a teacher's aide for like my fifth hour um which was in the art room down the hall and then I only had

like government and math so it was like listen I can make it through government and math and succeed if the rest is art like that is perfectly fine I have always been like the kind of person who's like I need to be more creative than I am analytical in every aspect of my life in order to feel good and feel like i am doing well but i guarantee there's some very fun people in your local high school art room if you just take a step in yeah i spent so much time there so many shenanigans someone asked how do i deal with strict and controlling parents my mom is making my life hell um felt okay so here's the thing looking back i see some of the tiffs me and my parents got into specifically me and my mom uh from a standpoint of like there was a lot of love

involved uh but maybe too much do you know what i mean and that's where like strict parenting comes from like you need to understand that they love you so fucking much that it's really hard for them to give up control which is an issue in itself but for me personally it got to a point where it was like i was growing up and i was making my own decisions and i wanted to feel like an adult especially like once i graduated high school and was in college and i was coming home for the holidays or whatever and all of a sudden it felt like i was young again and that would like piss me off because it's like no i'm i feel like i'm an adult like you should trust me a little bit more and they just weren't giving that to me um but in their minds it's like oh my god

my little girl is growing up and i still want to you know have that control over them and i still want them to be young i still want them to i don't want them to leave my nest quite yet like i don't want them to just leave me and there's insecurities from both sides so I think some forgiveness and some understanding is necessary as well as some honesty the best thing I could do with my parents was being honest just being like listen I'm an adult if you want to view me as an adult I'm an adult I understand I'm in your house right now and you do ultimately quote-unquote make the make the rules whatever power trip you want to go through but if you want me to succeed in this life and you want me to go out and be a full rounded adult you need to let me make my own decisions

and we came to that conclusion after a few just like fights in general of me being like i'm gonna do whatever i want and just like leaving but you have to be honest with your parents at some point in time especially if they can't see it and they can't see how controlling they're truly being you just got to be like listen you need to allow me to be my own self to be my own person and I understand you have to like kind of be a little bit rebellious in order to have this conversation and speak to your parents in this kind of way and I was very much so like a goody two-shoes like a yes ma'am kind of girl like everything my parents said was set in stone I didn't want to I didn't want to hurt them or break any boundaries or get kicked out or whatever it was so I was

always kind of like i'm just gonna listen to them but it got to a point where it was eating me the fuck up inside because it's like i get it but i'm also like an adult now and i need to be able to do my own thing and like yeah i'm on i'm living in your house i understand it's a privilege i do want to respect you but if i'm going to respect you as an adult you need to respect me as well and we have to have some kind of mutual understanding here and once i was able to kind of like ball up like grow some balls a little bit and talk to my parents about this and be honest and open they gave me a lot more freedom um like a lot more which I should have definitely done earlier but you live and you learn um I understand wanting to respect your parents and to want to you know

just like generally you should be respectful to your parents I get that but also there comes a point where it's like we can't be controlling here in either direction like you can't run your parents around and drive them insane but also they can't completely control you and lock you up especially if you're an adult you got to find a good balance and the best way to find a balance is by having a conversation someone asked what are the things that i'm into recently okay so fantastic question a great one to also end it on it's a little bit fun a little funky a little fresh a baking i've been really into baking recently and also cooking myself like really good big dinners um but specifically bake it uh because we're in like a kind of seasonal

uh era i don't know what to call it we're in the holiday season okay so baking is just like it's it's cold out like of course i need to turn my oven on of course i need like a little sweet snack here and there i'm gonna release a recipe on my patreon on friday or maybe thursday like a little cook cook with me make a little holiday munchies you know what i mean but definitely baking um especially it's a great way to spend your alone time and get a little bit of something out of it just turn your favorite podcast turn this on turn some music on whatever it is and then yeah cook yourself something yummy very much something i am into lately another thing i bought this water bottle off of amazon here's the thing i always am like dragging a water bottle

around with me everywhere but i have a really bad habit of leaving it places especially like at work or at my boyfriend's house or wherever i happen to not need it at the time so i was like okay i'll buy a water bottle for my house and then i'll buy like a to-go water bottle one that i take to work and one that i take to my boyfriend's house um yeah that water bottle was a gallon apparently like a giant fucking water bottle and at first i was like this isn't gonna go well like i can't drink this much water it's just gonna be annoying it's gonna sit in my fridge it's gonna sit on my floor whatever it is but honestly it's really been encouraging me to drink a lot of water and I just it's big enough that I can fit in my fridge so I'll just refill it at night in the

morning whenever it's empty put it in the fridge for 5, 6, 12 hours however much it sits in there it's nice and cold and then I just literally sit in bed with it I just chug it and it's fantastic because guess what you literally never have to refill it like I can't drink a gallon of water like at all I only make it through maybe half in the day I don't think you should drink a gallon of water but it being there and kind of being quote-unquote endless in my eyes uh really has been forcing me to drink a lot of water so shout out loving that another thing I have been loving recently is I made I wanted to feel the Christmas spirit you know among baking I've also been trying to decorate a little bit so i dried out a bunch of orange slices and i strung them up everywhere

with some ferns oh my god it's beautiful just so pretty in here and it was very easy if you want to step on step by step instructional i have that up on my patreon i my patreon's at hannah marlene but um very simple you can find it on pinterest i've got the ferns at like my local grocery store they're a little expensive but whatever to feel the festive vibes i'll i'll do anything that i can all right um another thing that i've been loving in this you know what it's like one of the only things that has constantly made it into my favorites every time i bring it up is the bread hair oil if you are somebody who has extreme breakage extreme dry brittle ends from if you're like me from bleaching and overheat which i don't do either of now which also might have helped

but this bread hair oil i slather my ends in it before i get in the shower and then i just take a couple drops like after i get out of the shower it has completely changed my hair my hair's like shiny and soft and luscious and i'm like oh my god where did this come from and i literally am at the very end of the bottle but it's lasted me a good it's a little expensive i think it's like 30 bucks but it's lasted me a good six to eight months which honestly is good and i still need to get to sephora to buy some more but i've been loving it you can even if you have dry scalp douse just like all your hair in it especially your scalp comb it through put it up in a little bun let it sit for a little bit great way to just like nourish and replenish your skin your scalp whatever it is

but this company specifically incredible hair oil doesn't weigh it down it smells delicious oh my god um some other things that i'm loving i post the cutesy little bong i'm using um i've been using recently on my story i'll probably post it again because it's adorable but i got it from canna style they have some really great like small everyday bubblers that i've been loving um and this one is like white it has pink accents and then has like red stripy devil horns and like a rainbow stripe i don't know i don't even know how to describe it but it's adorable and having like cute pieces to smoke out of is like cherry on top for anybody's experience especially an experience in life as a smoker so canna style and um dank love

those are my top two definitely to get anything from canna style and dank love yes those are the only two that i really visit i was like is there a third not really eddie parker flower has some beautiful stuff but it's way too fucking expensive like one day when i invest in like a really nice piece it'll probably be from there but if you're looking for just like simple everyday cutesy stuff affordable for the everyday kind of girly smoker those are the two companies you should definitely look into but yeah those are the things i've really been obsessed with recently um i hope you all have had a wonderful week sorry i was mia last week i really just needed a moment to recoup to listen to myself you know especially when you're feeling down or you're feeling like you

just need a day or a week or whatever it is don't get down on yourself and really listen and understand that your body is going to give you signals when it needs a break and the best thing you can do in that situation is to give yourself the break that you deserve okay i understand times right now might be a little difficult if you're finishing school right now finish it hard there's no better way to finish a race than to do the best you can at the very end turn in whatever you need to turn in just show up for your finals work hard do hard and then i guarantee you're gonna have some time off and that's the time where you really need to listen to yourself focus on yourself and relax get a little bit of a break it's okay to go easy on yourself every once in a while um that's

kind of the bravest thing you can do in that moment no it's not to persevere if you really really need a break whether it's mental health whether it's mental clarity you just need a moment to yourself maybe you're sick give yourself the break you deserve listen to your body listen to your mind it knows what it's doing okay but you guys are all so strong and wonderful and amazing and you're gonna get through it and not only are you gonna get through it but you're gonna succeed and you're gonna be excellent and you're gonna be wonderful and amazing in every single thing that you do but i love you all for joining me today um i need to get some lunch in me and then basically i'm just hanging out for the rest of the day very easy peasy day for me um i

like to make my podcasting days kind of like that just get a hang out with you guys and then i usually just take the day to kind of get my place in order do some dishes just do whatever I've been avoiding for the week especially regarding my house take trash out whatever it is it's really important to just schedule one day for yourself where you can focus on kind of making your environment healthy again and really focus on tidying up not only loose ends but also the place that you spend the most time in and yourself as well but i love you all so much thank you for joining me um and yeah i will definitely be here next week so don't you miss out on another fun funky fresh episode now that that call-in button is working please please please submit some there

so sorry uh it was broken i did not realize that's that's my fault i apologize thank you guys so much for showing me your spotify raps for tagging me and everything um that was so fucking incredible to see all the support and love that i get for this is just insane and amazing and it's been so completely life-changing and i'm so excited and just happy to be on this journey with you guys it's only been a year year and a half but we have so much more to come and i'm so excited to see where this takes us love you all hope you have a wonderful week happy full moon and gemini take it easy on yourself really listen to those emotions open yourself up don't be too afraid and go after all those goals i'll see you all on tuesday