Smoke Sesh - evil girl era, being a hopeless romantic & isolation

Episode Date: November 22, 2022

Happy Tuesday everyoneeeee, we have a very fun episode today but! if you didn’t check out the extra Thursday episode I recommend giving it a listen

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know? Just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash. So, come hang out! Let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. Good morning, everybody! How we doing today? today oh my god it feels so good the past two episodes which i did two last week so if you didn't listen you got a little extra one you got some you got some studying to catch up on okay

um i put two episodes out last week because i had some days off which i thought i was going to be able to have my days off in my own apartment chilling you know doing my own little thing but i didn't have heat so literally those two episodes were recorded on the floor of my boyfriend's closet because it had the best uh audio it was the best way to record audio not have any background noise anyways i'm finally waking up in my own bed i made myself a little latte this morning i got my giant ass jug of water next to me and i am i am feeling good ladies i am ready to get my day going um don't have a whole lot to catch you up on uh last thing i caught you up on was my rave and then i've literally been working since then

I'm just trying to save up some money also they paid me only in ones last night so I have like 200 plus dollars of just ones like a fat stack of ones in my purse and in my head I'm like how the hell am I supposed to deposit this because at my bank you can only deposit 30 individual pieces of paper at one time and I have like five times that so I'm gonna have to walk into the bank with my giant stack of ones and just hope they don't judge me um and hope that they can just put it directly into my account but that's a problem for later i'm just hanging out in my you know area setting my vibe you know what i mean there's nothing better than like creating and curating your own space perfect to your taste and just feeling so comfortable

and like enveloped by the like love that you put into it and I am really just soaking that in this morning especially after having to be away from my apartment for like a week and a half uh yeah whole mess anyways I'm a little stuffy I think the weather just keeps changing like it's 50 degrees out it's actually really nice like I might put on a dress today oh my god crazy right um but the past week it's been like 20 degrees so my brain and all the fluids going on in my head are just very confused and very runny um so if I sound a little stuffed up very very sorry but with that being said that's really all I have to update you guys on oh my god I ordered this water bottle though if you didn't see on my Instagram story I just like I love a good water bottle and the

only way for me to drink water and get my body actually hydrated which it really needs to be because I can literally feel my brain shrinking um and my skin shriveling if I don't have enough water um and it's always been an issue for me I don't know why I just have a hard time drinking water it's not that I don't like it like love me a good cold glass of water especially after like a fat rip but I just like have a hard time remembering to do it so I was like water bottles really help me just having like a designated water bottle really helps me but the issue is I was having one water bottle and this water bottle went from home to work to my boyfriend's house to my car to work and it would always get like lost so I was like okay we're

gonna get one water bottle for your house and that's your house water bottle the other one is like an on-the-go water bottle so one that you could take to work and one that you could take to my boyfriend's house anyways i thought this was just gonna be a cutesy little like water bottle easily can just fit in my fridge when i'm gone so i have cold water no no no no this bitch is a whole gallon a whole gallon who can drink a gallon of water that doesn't seem healthy like i know you're supposed to drink a lot of water but a gallon bitch what anyways i can like oh my god i barely pick it up but at this point honestly it was probably a good investment because i do need to remind myself to drink water my skin is more thankful my brain is more happy i'm not having

constant headaches all the time and who knew that it was just water also if you are like a girl who bloats a lot i always have like a huge bloating issue like even not even just like after meals but like sometimes I'll wake up and like my stomach will be hard and I'm like what is going on like why am I so bloated it's because I'm not drinking enough water yeah water really just is the ultimate cure-all to most minor inconveniences going on in your life so this is your reminder go take a little sip of water let's get our brains ready to have a good little episode here a good little chit chat and yeah let's let's dive in okay i'm basically just gonna go in order of what i was sent on my instagram account as you guys know um all questions i get from there we've

heard this time and time again at hannah marlene if you are interested all right let's dive in okay um do you have snow yet we do and it's definitely a mood changer we got a little bit of snow um there's only like an inch or two and it all melted by the next morning but personally i can put up with cold if there's snow on the ground i think it's fun funky fresh it makes it more like a winter vibe as long as it's not like impossible to get around um but no no snow unfortunately or fortunately i'm unsure how i feel about it winters in general like i'm just over it i'm ready to move somewhere that i um don't have to deal with winters anymore so that's kind of the next thing that i'm working towards is moving somewhere that it's just consistently warm

okay someone asked uh do you think closure after a breakup is real slash is a confo with an x necessary for closure no no no no no the only closure you give you get will be given to you from yourself straight up nothing that they say or they do is really gonna honestly give you closure because if you still have those built attachments which a majority of people do directly after a breakup like come on let's be real if you're not the one doing the breakup uh you probably have some lingering feelings there you probably have some confusion there but no answer that you are given is going to sit well in your heart because at the end of the day you're being broken up with the relationship's ending and that sucks but I whole I wholeheartedly believe that the only

closure that you will get that will actually make a difference that will actually help you move forward is the closure that you give yourself after sitting with yourself with distance from the situation and from the person okay give yourself a week at the end of that week look back think back on because you will have so much time to be like go through all the mood swings oh well i miss this oh well fuck him for this or whatever it is and just take a moment at the end of that week i know it's gonna be a long ass week to write down all of the shitty awful things you put up with and unfortunately when you get your heart broken you kind of have to do that friendship thing where you know how all your friends just like as soon as you get out of a breakup they

just start shitting on him in order to make you feel better like even if he's not ugly i'm like girl you dodged a bullet that man was the ugliest man I've ever seen you know like you're just trying to hype them up and make them feel good about their decisions even if it wasn't their decision even if you know the breakup wasn't their choice um you kind of have to do that to yourself you kind of have to make yourself a little crazy little psycho and for me personally the only way for me to move on is for me to hate someone fully and thoroughly and you're like Hannah that's not healing girl energy but I truly and wholeheartedly believe that like healing girl energy is incorporating both the good and the bad sides of you and utilizing the good when it's

needed and only utilizing the bad when it's needed as well and for me personally I can hate someone so easily and so when i'm going through a breakup i really just utilize that energy and i just focus on all the negatives in order for me to be like hmm that wasn't good obviously it's not good for me if i'm not still in it and the other person didn't want me i need to move forward take the things that i did like yes and maybe look for those and other partners understand what i did like and you know move forward with that but also very thoroughly understand everything I did not like and everything that I never want to happen again okay that's the only way to get through a breakup but no do not meet up with your ex he's gonna say some crazy shit if anything you're

gonna get your feelings hurt um or you're gonna have your feelings rekindled you're gonna have some fake love promise you're gonna linger for a little longer and that is just not healthy whatsoever 10 out of 10 just move on go through that fucking roller coaster of emotions block him and distract yourself a little bit okay i know it sucks to go on a date directly after but at least get out with friends go to a club go hang out with people it's way better to be sad and like out doing something fun than sad and in your bedroom and isolated does that make sense and unfortunately you got to force yourself out there a little bit but do not force yourself out there back with your ex for closure that's not gonna help at all get out to a party get out to a bar

go over to your friend's house to smoke whatever it is that's gonna give you more closure sitting with yourself and sitting with your emotions and sitting with what you've been through and what you want for your future than sitting with the person who hurt you oh my gosh someone said getting my first pap smear today wish me luck i'm getting my iud next week oh next episode will be the day after i get my iud so it'll be an interesting update i'm terrified but i know that like those five minutes of pain will be so worth it for not being able to get pregnant for five years like not being able at all like with my current iud anyways we don't need to get into that but pap smears i was scared for my pap smear because i thought it was going to be painful

because the only other experiences i've had going to the ob-gyn was painful because it was only for my iud um past years was a walk in the park it just felt like they were tickling my cervix for a second and i found like the uh what's it called the thing that like expands the metal thing that expand so they can see inside you i feel like that wasn't very uncomfortable but also she was walking me through it and i think what makes a good doctor like my ob-gyn i love her um is she asked me for consent before doing anything every single thing she did before she even touched me asked me for consent and also was informing me what she was doing before every single thing she did and i think that brought a lot of peace to me so if you have a lot of doctor anxiety i would

just maybe try and find a doctor who is very similar to that or even ask them to inform you you know before they start doing things because I feel like doctors get in this routine of like oh normal checkup let me just do it but we as patients don't really have that much insight that they do so it's nice to be like informed and kind of like a willing participant one might say but pap smears that shit was easy go get a pap smear very simple it does not hurt at all um the only thing i could think would like maybe be a little uncomfortable is oh it's called a speculum is a speculum that opens you up but for me personally that was a breeze a walk through the park oh my iud that was but i'm i'm gonna be a big girl i'm gonna go get it again because i

would rather go through that pain than the pain of a baby like let's be real let's be real oh okay isolating due to depression and coping with being alone okay this is i coming from somebody who just like really genuinely enjoys having alone time and spending time with myself um there is a fine line between isolation and between what's the word i'm looking for maybe just we'll just use like alone time okay isolation is forcefully making sure you are not having any contact with the outside world whether it's due to anxiety whether it's due to depression anything else that's isolation you're alone but you hate that you're alone now alone time is you're alone and that's how you are regenerating and recouping from spending time outside and you

genuinely enjoy the time you spend with yourself now when I find myself in a cycle of oh I just need to be alone for a little bit I usually find that because I'm working so much outside or I have like all these family events or I've been traveling all of that kind of inflates my need to just spend like a day or two days alone completely alone like I do not want to leave my house and that's kind of like a healthy form of like you know I just need to recoup regenerate um find myself a little bit and I do that best by you know spending alone time with myself seeing what I'm into um getting inspired and created and creating in different ways now isolation I find comes from that like anxiety depression phase where I am like I don't deserve to be outside I shouldn't be

outside I'm scared to be outside and like show myself so when I get into that headspace which is a big reason why I've been challenging myself to go do stuff recently um is because I when I get in that mindset it's because I'm way too much in my head and the best way to challenge yourself when you were living in your head too much is to kind of force yourself out of your head and if you think of your house your home your room as your own space it's kind of like a physical embodiment of your brain and the only way to get out of your brain is to forcefully leave it so you have to leave your room um i found myself like looking back and being like it's been three months and i have not hung out with friends like what's going on like i understand i'm tired from work i

understand like i do need this time to rest regenerate recuperate but he got to a point where i was like i'm isolating i'm holding myself back from the world and i don't deserve that because i love the world and i love interacting with the world and i'm also incredible brilliant wonderful and the world deserves to see me and the world deserves to see you as well so that's why i was making very intentional choices of okay even though i'm scared even though i'm nervous even though like a part of me which is not like a rational part of me doesn't want to get outside or do anything due to anxiety and depression I the rational side of me the adult side of me needs to see that negative spiral and immediately act so I don't fall deeper and deeper and deeper

into a loop so immediately I set up a class immediately I scheduled a concert ticket immediately like my friend was coming out of town I was like great we're getting lunch we're doing something together because if i let myself keep going and going and going i will look back and i'll be like holy shit it's been two years and i have done nothing but sit in my bed scroll on tiktok to avoid my thoughts um to avoid the real world around me and um fuck sorry someone texted me and i got distracted it's just not healthy and you don't know it until you've been there before and then once you've been there it's like holy shit okay what do we need to do in order to fix this whole spiral situation and that only way for me to fix it and I mean the only way for you to

kind of escape that isolation cycle is to literally force yourself out of the house I know and it's scary and it's hard and it's going to be anxiety anxiety inducing and a little nerve racking but the more you practice it the easier it's gonna get and also the more you're engaging with things that you enjoy and things that bring you joy you know deep down inside even though the anxiety is overwhelming regarding the situation you know that that situation would be fun and you are going to have fun you just need to get there and get out of your head a little bit you gotta do it you just gotta force yourself to do it i was like having a panic attack before i went to my full moon ceremony because it was something new and i've never met these people

and i also hadn't left the house in a while but it was the perfect full moon it was um our last eclipse it was like breaking cycles we're coming full circle we're seeing what we need to stop um what we need to stop doing and what we need to implement new into our lives and so i was like this is perfect i just need to get there and i need to do it and the feeling afterwards like yes i sat with some anxiety at the beginning but then you get used to the environment and then the feeling you have afterwards is like the highest dopamine feeling you will get especially if you've only been in your house for a while that it will reinforce the positive aspect of doing these things and it'll make the second time easier and then the third time easier and the fourth time

and the fifth time and by the sixth time seventh time even like the second time you will be so comfortable doing it that it will be just like second nature and you won't have those anxieties anymore but unfortunately this life is all about just like exposure therapy and I'm not saying you have to go do something big or something that costs money like I've been so deep into an isolation phase that going to the grocery store like was terrifying like I hate the grocery store I don't know why I feel like everybody's looking at me and judging me so I was like okay your goal for the week babes is to go to the grocery store I know terrifying just go to the grocery store get your groceries get out um but you have to set these challenges for yourself and you have to be

able to recognize when you're in these patterns and when you're in these like isolation cycles in order to break them and I love that you're kind of identifying that you're maybe in this situation because I mean we all get there and step one is just identifying that you're in a cycle that you're not happy with step two is just making the active decision to leave and to break the cycle um and only you have the willpower to do that so why not make it fun why not schedule a class that you've been wanting to try why not go do like a little painting thing with a friend ask your friend out to lunch somebody you you know haven't seen in a while um go get yourself like a little drink go get groceries whatever it is just get out okay because that isolation cycle

oh my god it's wild like i said it's just like you before you know it it's like holy shit it's been years like i have not left the house in years especially after the pandemic i feel like we all got very comfortable inside that we have to get re-comfortable with the outside world at least i found that's how i was um because of course i wasn't spending that much time outside during the pandemic other than like taking walks or whatever um but yeah it's all about challenge and identifying that you deserve better and enacting those uh behaviors in order to do better but i love you and you can do it and we can do it together and if you do schedule any classes or go and try something new oh my god tag me i would love to see i would love to get some ideas and

share them with you guys um but my next goal is to schedule a pole class um i want to buy myself a pole class for christmas or like a membership so then i can go like once a week and do some pole beginner pole workouts because like how fun like let's be real like i feel like it's a great environment i feel like it'd be a great little workout because like i'm not going to go to pilates what i can't do that to myself like i would die i need to put on at least a little bit of muscle before I go to something like that so poll it is hi Hannah uh this is Brooke calling from Oregon I had a question you might hear my cat in the background um so I'm in college right now and I feel like it's very transitional time in my life and I'm having a lot of trouble like

managing how much my life like changes every month because I have trauma and trauma doesn't like change I'm also a Capricorn moon I know you're a Capricorn moon and we do not like change that much um so how can I make like these changes easier whether it's like a physical change like moving and emotional change because I'm having a lot of issues like being okay with being in all these transitional periods in my life and I just want to be somewhere consistent but I know I can't right now so yeah thank you so much um I love you and I love your podcasts hi babes you are very absolutely oh my god so correct about us capricorn moons change i used to hate change like change used to have me by the fucking throat and i just couldn't

think about my future at all because i didn't want to change and i don't know what that fear was based out of i guess uh a fear of being forced out of what is comfortable for me but then I went through so much goddamn change that at this point I look at it as almost like a gift so here are some things that really help me when you're in a phase in life where it feels like everything is just running ahead of you and you don't know how to catch up and you also don't know where you're going to end up I think it's very very important to and I talked about this in the last episode if you want to you know have a little bit of homework it's towards the end but I talked about the importance of dreaming okay and to have a dream for yourself for the

longest time I envisioned no future for myself because the present time was hard enough but the easiest way to get through a very hard time is to have a future you and a future dream and something you want to work towards that makes the hard time you are currently going through worth it because it puts you closer to that dream self that idealized future that you want for yourself and I never had that so it made like change extremely hard for me because I just assumed that every change I was going through was going to put me further further deeper deeper into a hole when in reality change really helps you grow and it really helps you get motivated and see what you want out of life so i really encourage you to dream okay come up with a little fantasy for what

you want your future to look like a stable future like five years ten years from now what that is going to be because it will make all the kind of like confusing changes uh that you are going through much more worth it um and also easier for you to manage uh at the present moment but but also understand the only way to change or the only way to grow and to become a better version of yourself is to go through some sort of change and life itself is all about change and in fact it is a wonderful gift so if you're going through a transitionary period where you're just like i don't know what's going on there's so much change happening i don't feel like myself whatever it is understand that that is just growth okay you're growing and you have to grow constantly

throughout life because you don't want to be the same 16 year old girl that you were like you hold a lot of love for her and you hold a lot of peace and respect for her but you don't want to be that same girl your entire life right you want to be able to change and grow and take the information that you were given and you know utilize that and motivate yourself and push forward of course you all want to grow and change is the necessary water in order for something to grow all right but having that dream and having that fantasy and allowing yourself to fantasize a little bit and understanding that you deserve good um and fantasizing only in the form of ultimate good for yourself is a really great way for you to make it through hardships um but when i didn't

have that dream and when i wasn't looking towards the future it was very very like unnecessarily difficult for me um so yeah take a little moment to dream understand that this is just the catalyst for growth and at the end of the day you will be so much better for it you will understand the world better for it and um everything will be okay you know hey girly um I just want to start by saying I love the pod I love you I love the girlies the community like the love vulnerability I just literally love it here so thank you for creating this safe space please give yourself a pat on the back because you literally did that bitch um but here's my first ever submission um I have had a partner for a little bit over a year now and I'm a Scorpio woman it is my season and it is ingrained

in my head loyalty and like honesty like that just comes first nature to me and I am not like dead set on a fully monogamous relationship but I me personally I am fully settled with one partner I am satisfied I only wanted him but he had boundaries on his side that he's always had to respect with him talking to other women and every time he has crossed those boundaries and I just like I don't want to say it's done but he cannot give me what I want and like it hurts so bad saying like I just have to stop because I'm literally and radically in love with this man hi lovey okay i feel this like i understand this it sucks when you love and you love hard and you put your all into somebody and they're great you know they they're wonderful

they're amazing but maybe they just can't give you everything that you fully deserve in a relationship and that is like the most heartbreaking thing ever because you come to that realization on your own um and you also realize that the only thing that you can do to make your situation better is to leave and that sucks um it sucks breaking ties with people it sucks like uh feeling like you have to hurt them in order to move on it sucks especially when you've invested time and energy into a person and they just did not reciprocate that energy back but like you said you are a scorpio and you like i love my scorpio babies because you guys are such passionate fucking lovers when you are in love your sights are set on that one person only and you value

respect you value honesty you value monogamy because i feel like in a scorpio's world sure you can have your foot in many different dishes but you aren't ever fully loving those people when you are fully and utterly in love as a scorpio any scorpio placements you have your eyes set on that person and that person only that person is your fucking world and you need that reciprocated at the very fucking least you need that reciprocated no matter what sign you are okay if you are looking for a monogamous healthy relationship you need your partner to not be talking to other people very simple very very like basic simple things and there are so many people out there who are very very willing to give you that there's so many people out there who love

the same way you love but when you are in the same circles and like a small area and you know you're only used to your hometown it's hard to imagine a brighter and more like vast horizon but when I say there's millions of fucking people out there there are millions of people out there and it is not worth wasting your time having your fingers crossed behind your back hoping that one day this one person will become perfect and amazing for you when you when there's somebody out there that you don't need to change and wait and manipulate to be perfect for you okay true love is built by honesty, trust, respect, communication, and mutual deep love for each other. And if you are not finding that in your relationship, which all those things are very,

very, very, very basic needs, how are you going to expect to have your higher needs met? Do you know what I mean? So if I were you, yes, it hurts. Yes, it sucks. The hardest thing you're ever going to do is going to be picking yourself, choosing yourself and understanding what you deserve more of but if you stay in this cycle of waiting and being around somebody who is not fully for you um and isn't you know giving you everything that you need you're just gonna have the fucking soul sucked out of your body and you are not gonna be yourself anymore so it's like honestly like a throw yourself a life vest save yourself it hurts it sucks all change um especially change when it's related to love is going to be a little bit heartbreaking but at the end of the day i

guarantee you will find somebody who will show up fully openly honestly for you and want nothing but you and that's literally all you deserve but unfortunately it does take making some changes some drastic changes within our own life setting up boundaries and understanding that the only person who's going to give us truly what we want is yourself and that comes through deciding who deserves your energy who deserves your time um and really evaluating them when they don't give you the things that you need or want period okay so this is i've been getting a lot of questions about like how the fuck do you actually get shit done how do you you know work with your adhd throughout your day and i honestly i made a master list on um my patreon so if you're interested in

seeing the full master list, go there. But also you can write this down as I'm saying it. But here are just some very simple tips and tricks that I have really been focusing on lately that has helped me like endlessly. Okay, so general. You're going to pack the things you need the day before. So if it's lunch, pack it the day before. Put it in your fridge. If it's a to-go bag to your boyfriend's before you leave the house pack it up put it next to your door whatever it is trash i always bag my trash up like an hour before i'm leaving the house and set it next to my door so then when i'm leaving and i'm not like oh oh my god i forgot to take the trash out you know it's right there i grab it i go um before you have to sit down and do long tasks such as studying um i found this very helpful in

college when i would have to go to like um the library for like four hours at night do cardio before you have to sit down it really helps you focus um tiring your body out really helps your brain be able to sit down and focus and you get that good dopamine um so to stretching and deep breathing so maybe you can't go do some cardio before you have to sit down and study at least do some stretching open your body up take some deep breaths get your brain and body ready um cold showers help you snap back into focus especially if you have anxiety i feel like that really helps for anxiety but whenever i feel like i'm on a roll and i'm just like having a little bit of a breakdown and i can't focus at all i just like dunk my face in cold water or i get in the

shower really quick on cold and it helps also get a therapist if you can they know how to manage this stuff way better than i do way better than you do honestly and they've had years of practice and work with people like you they know what they're doing okay so when it comes to cleaning have a miscellaneous basket in every room only one and once a week or once a month go through and empty the basket i feel like half the time i can't clean up because i'm like well i don't know where to put this thing or i don't know where to put this thing so i just get like defeated uh put it in the miscellaneous basket come to it later when cleaning there's only five things you need to focus on trash laundry dishes putting things in their place and putting things in a miscellaneous

basket very simple have a dedicated playlist or podcast for cleaning and chores uh once again it'll help you kind of space out get your shit done whatever let's see oh cleaning is the easiest in the morning any errand tasks are easiest in the morning as well if you need to get something done keep your shoes on even in my house like if i'm like oh my god i need to do all this stuff i will have my shoes on very odd it helps though with memory having an ipad to keep colorful notes is sometimes easier than a notebook park in the same place every time you go to a common area always have a spare car and house key oh my god first day i ever went on with my boyfriend we were at the park and i lost my car key but like instead of freaking out and losing my mind over

it i was like nope i planned for this i know my adhd self i have another car key under my car and he's like you're just gonna leave your car key in the park and i was like yeah if you lose your keys a lot attach a tile or giant wallet to it so you can't lose it i was going through a period of my life where like i would be supposed to be at work and i would just be losing my fucking mind calling my parents where are my car keys where my car keys so finally i attached to something very giant and big to it easy peasy now i never lose them because my wallet is attached to it if you need something when leaving place it directly next to the door uh buy multiple items if you lose it and use it often i have like a thousand chapstick tubes because of this uh tote

bags or an everything bag is my best friend instead of hunting for keys wallet chapstick sunglasses i just put everything in a bag so i only have one place to look not um like i have to look everywhere for all these small things uh when it comes to planning set your clock car phone whatever it is 5 10 15 minutes fast so you're um never late uh if you are always late my boyfriend and has his car clock set like 10 minutes ahead so then he's always on time you really need a planner of some sort either weekly or monthly something where you can look forward to the future and plan accordingly i personally can only look a week ahead some people can look a month ahead whatever is easiest for you set alarms for meetings or important events 30 minutes before the

actual event so you never miss it set timers for tasks and breaks helps especially uh with your phone you can use your phone timer nerd wallet is amazing for not losing track of how much money you're spending and electronic toothbrushes with a timer is great okay especially if you're somebody who just like has no concept of time okay so for focus disable all notifications text calls if you have to sit down and study put your airplane mode on noise canceling headphones great way to not to not get distracted by your environment uh your brain always focuses better after a workout especially cardio big tap break big tasks down to many manageable smaller ones in order to not get overwhelmed something is better than nothing half a task done is better

than no task at all okay future you is still you focus on them to-do lists are always big brain dumps then assign each task to a day reward yourself when you get things done your bedroom is not your workspace have separate areas for these things timers and alarms are non-negotiable laws okay only you are going to be able to hold yourself to them so make sure you are doing so brained up in a journal before bed if you have a hard time falling asleep especially if you have like a running like consciousness like i do oh my gosh you will never shut up brain dump okay if you want your brain to shut off brain dump put your phone on the other side of the room and make your alarm loud for waking up set an alarm 30 minutes before your bedtime to start your bedtime

routine if you have a hard time like being able to start it or get out of bed or you find yourself in bed and not wanting to get up and do it just set an alarm and then you are able to work yourself down do your face mask wash your face whatever it is um you don't always need to fill the silence silence is good okay sit with it find a job that works with you and how you behave that's why i love serving great for my adhd people reply reply to emails and messages when you read them i have a huge habit of just seeing texts and then just like not responding for weeks if you see it you have about 10 seconds to respond to it just respond um stop comparing yourself to others it takes less than 10 minutes to do a task then do it immediately like for me uh the dishes are

my biggest fucking enemy but it takes less than 10 minutes and if i think about them it's easier for me to just get up and do it than like put it off and wait all day and then have to do it at the end of the day don't mix your work clothes with your casual clothes have separate ones it really makes that like uh it makes your job easier because then you are able to behave in a way outside of work that it's more comfortable more casual if you start to randomly feel frustrated eat something or drink a glass of water on tough days try to accomplish at least one thing vitamin d is very important as well as water and protein intake seven day pill organizers help a lot if you have a hard time with medication um and yeah that's basically my adhd master list

my best adhd tips if you have a really hard time focusing getting through your day whatever it is those are the main things that i have really learned along the way uh i cannot believe listen you listen to this podcast you're like that girl definitely has adhd like let's be fucking for real when i was like 12 i asked my parents to go get me tested for adhd because my dad oh he definitely has it and so does my brother and they were both medicated for and i was like well the chances of me having it are very high and also the way i behave and act yeah like let's be real i definitely have adhd and i feel like when they test for adhd in younger patients they like they for me personally they tested in a game format which like if it's a game like i'm gonna

win like yes i can focus on a game and i can't fucking focus when i'm in class like let's be real like you put me in front of a professor and asked me to recite everything they said after 20 minutes i can't tell you shit um but yes i can win a game and anyways they were like yeah this girl doesn't have adhd and my dad was like oh i think she does but yeah it was never really treated or diagnosed or anything like that but it absolutely has inhibited me in certain aspects of my life so we can only figure out what works by trying and implementing new things and styles to hopefully work for us and those things are the things that absolutely have worked for me every single time so i hope this helps some of my girlies who might be going through it especially

with like finals coming up oh someone asked favorite sesh drink they said theirs was mexican coke in the bottle they steal it from their work mine right now is a liquid death the black can with a fresh squeezed lime slice in it oh my god it's so good it's so good there's literally nothing better hey henna i love you so much um i literally listen to the podcast so much that like occasionally i'll hear like a couple words of my inner monologue in your voice um because it's constantly in my earbuds um but i just wanted to know if you have any uh advice for that like first couple weeks after um quitting weed for a tea break um for that like irritability and like lack of um like feeling joy um being like I just want to smoke um me and my boyfriend of five years

are taking a tea break and we've been smoking for quite a long time um excessively and uh my relationship has not been very good and he knows that it affects my mental health and he's really supporting me right now um by doing this with me but I just wanted to know if you have any tips thank you so much I love you bye patience and understanding is key number one uh especially with that irritability like girl I get it it's like don't fucking talk to me because I haven't smoked which is like a crazy feeling you're like holy shit wow I'm an addict you know what I mean um but especially if you're doing with a partner just like patience and understanding so when you guys do inevitably inevitably snap on each other just like immediately like remove yourself and be

like I'm sorry can I give you a hug you know what I mean just have that understanding and that kind of like you know vibe that love perhaps between each other to not take it personally um get you a water bottle with a straw lid like a suck like a lid that you can suck on that's a great way to kind of like binkify oh like it's like a binky binkify what the fuck i don't know what i'm going on today anyways it's a great way to kind of replace and supplement especially if you don't want to supplement with something like cbd um like having something else to like suck on and you know use that's kind of the shape of a joint or whatever you used to use is a great tool to be able to curve and also replace that instinct if you're also a chronic vapor this is how i

stopped vaping and stopped using nicotine is just having a water bottle constantly always around me with ice cold water um that i could suck on like a jewel anyways also don't be afraid to supplement i i don't think you're quote unquote not doing a normal tea break if you do use cbd if you do need like a hit of something that's gonna chill you out at least make it something that's not going to be like addictive unhealthy bad for you and you guys know my favorite is past packs also if you need like the nightly just like i want to chill they make these incredible sour watermelon gummies that are like 300 milligrams of cbd and it is great for just getting that body high but not getting your mind all fucked up um 10 out of 10 love those patience understanding replacing

if needed either with a water bottle um some fun munchies is always great uh or cbd and then also understand that the only reason you're getting irritable and it's hard is because you don't have that like dopamine hit anymore um physically you're not taking hits anymore so you're not gonna have that dopamine in your system so replace it with some healthy dopamine okay go on a walk go out go have fun whatever it is keep yourself distracted okay it's gonna be really hard to sit at home for four hours a day because you're gonna constantly be thinking about that thing and that thing and that thing and it's there and it's present and you can use it and oh my god it's sitting under my sink right now uh so get out of the house distract yourself easiest way for me to

take long tea breaks is I would just be at work for fucking 16 hours and then I would come home and I'd be too tired to even think about smoking and then I would go to bed um but yeah those are my kind of general tips for tea breaks and being able being able to survive through them hey Hannah so first of all I love the pod I've been listening to it for months now and it makes me so happy second of all I have a little story so in college I made a short film about a guy who it swallows a tadpole and gives birth to a frog I posted it on YouTube and it got like 200 views and stayed that way for a long time and then last week I checked on it and it had 135k and I was so confused and I did a little digging and found out that it was posted on a male pregnancy fetish

for them um so um i'm trying to monetize off of that shit because the views are still coming in but i have less than a thousand subscribers um so if the girlies could help me out it's called amphibababy and um yes please subscribe so i can make money off of this shit thank you bye love you what what in the world the internet is such a strange place oh my god it's such a fucking strange place but you know what get your money up girl i hear you you see i mean if it's getting attention you can make another one but that is male pregnancy fetish like do these men want to be pregnant why like me as a woman i'm horrified of pregnancy i don't understand why men are like you know what i mean uh anyways people are porn has really warped so many people's minds and just

horrible awful places but hopefully the vibes are good on your page and hopefully you get your bag but that is so funny someone asked using protection or being on birth control while hooking up with people but what are your suggestions always always always always always always use protection as somebody who has acquired an std before just use production or even at the very fucking least you should be asking your partner like this should be a very normal question and if they are weird or skeptical about this question or can't answer red flag very basic red flag when was the last time you were tested and have you how many people have you slept with after that test okay because for me personally i want my partners to be clean i do not want an std

okay be real with me be honest with me and if you are not honest with me we're gonna have huge issues do you understand very common question you can ask use a condom okay use a condom if you don't know the person if this is just a random hookup on a random night don't let that man in you raw okay use a condom at the very least you'll probably be drunk that you won't even realize there's a condom in there just use one okay i'm begging i'm begging as your mother use a condom you do not want an std you also most importantly do not want a baby okay i'm gonna be honest with you we're gonna have a real last conversation here I love raw sex you I just like I hate a condom but also the people that I've slept with have been like long-term partners so it's it's

not fine but also the birth control I'm on makes it okay okay if you're like me and you like to be a little risky and you like to get come in a little bit and you like it raw and iud is like the only way to go about it um it is like the most protection i have ever had i have never had a pregnancy scare other than me just having generalized anxiety induced by myself not actually like a real pregnancy scare um while having my IUD as a very risky not careful not caring kind of girl not anymore but like in the past an IUD is perfect okay my current boyfriend comes to me like two times a day at at the least like let's be real and I am fine I'm completely protected i'm not saying to do that but if you see yourself as a high risk girly make sure you have protection

that's necessary okay if you're the kind of person who's like i use a condom you know i'm very extra careful i never let anybody come in me the pill might be good it has a little less chance of working um i think it's like 97 so you do have a little bit in there um and that's usually because you're not taking it the right time you're you know um not utilizing it correctly and also maybe you got some something inside of you you know for me personally that's too much of a risk i needed something that was full proof okay 99.9 and that 0.1 is only within the first two weeks of you receiving the iud so be careful understand your flaws if you are a lazy girl if you are the girl who really kind of doesn't give a fuck like me who likes a little bit of risk make sure you're

protected accordingly and also have these conversations with your doctor it's okay to talk about your sex like sex life with your ob-gyn that's what she's there for she's there to help you make decisions to see what's best for you talk about your birth control options okay they should not judge you uh any doctor you that you are going to should not judge you and should hear you openly and honestly um and if they are not then they are not a good doctor and i hate to say that but like let's be real like you should be there to help your patients through anything you should be able to have those open and honest conversations with your doctor for me personally iud fantastic especially for my lazy girls it goes inside of me and i think about it a lot for like five minutes

because holy shit that pain like let's be real like i'm not gonna sugarcoat it for you it hurts but then after that you do not have to fucking think about it for years years years you're protected for years it's amazing I've only tried the pill and the IUD though so oh and uh and abstinence which was kind of hell on earth and I was constantly anxious because I was just constantly afraid I was pregnant so I don't recommend that one oh and condoms condoms are great condoms are fantastic I don't know why people hate on condoms so much uh utilize them make sure you're asking your partners uh I mean like it's weird to ask their body count but ask them if they've been tested you know when's the last time you got tested if they're like uh never oh my god what

what do you mean never if you've never been tested go get tested after each partner go get tested your insurance will pay for it if it doesn't pay for it it's only like 25 bucks 30 bucks very cheap and also you get the peace of mind of knowing you don't have something and also if you do have something you catch it early you just take a pill you're done it's very easy to treat stds but protect yourself protect your womb oh but i mean let's be real if you're like an anti-baby kind of girl like me at least for right now like i'm 23 i do not need a child anywhere near me quite honestly protect yourself okay anyways oh someone said being a hopeless romantic while single i feel like that's when you're the most hopeless romantic you don't you know what i mean

because there's no one around you you're just kind of dreaming and hoping for the best and you just love love and love love love do you know what i mean um the sweetest most innocent most just like kind hannah has been when i was single um probably because i didn't have crazy people around me um i find myself that also right now which is a testament to my relationship and how good it is for me even though you know we all get those thoughts that are like is this is it it is you know you have to look at how you behave and how it's affecting you and overall very positive which is so wonderful because i feel like it sucks but like i said that hopeless romantic state for me in the past has been while i was single and then when i get in relationships i'm like love is dead

and that's horrible because I feel like that feeling should carry on throughout your relationship that is a testament to how good your relationship is is if you are just like I am so fucking in love like I love that feeling I love the feeling of love there's no better feeling um but I also feel like maybe a lot of hopeless romanticism is just optimism and being excited for the future and trusting in yourself to put you down the right path and understanding that all your dreams can possibly come true if you just think about them a little bit and try to aim for them and make them a reality I love all my hopeless romantic girlies out there if love is like your thing like that is all you think about I love you and you are so deserving of everything

so I think if you're a hopeless romantic out there I think what I would say like is rule number one because I understand love is so ever-consuming and it feels so good um you kind of and I'm not putting it on you I'm coming from experience here you kind of jump at the opportunity to love very quickly and this is where I would say this is the time especially if you are a hopeless romantic you have so much opportunity to really think about what you want and who you want and how they show up for you and what you are deserving for that it is worth waiting it is absolutely worth waiting and really evaluating the partners who come into your life and thinking about them and you know taking time to I'm not saying build up walls and push them away but

you know lose yourself a little bit have fun enjoy their company but also when they're showing you signs and things that you maybe don't like or don't enjoy listen to those hear your gut and understand that maybe you aren't moving down the direction that you need to go or this person can't fulfill you in the ways that you need to be fulfilled and that's not a bad thing on your part and that's not a bad thing on their part all humans behave very very differently and it's up to you who you decide to be your lovers and your romantic interests and i say take time to choose carefully okay it's really fun to get lost in love um but then you're like a year and a half into it and you're like who is this person do you know what i mean because i also feel like with a

lot of hopeless romanticism you idealize a lot and it's okay to idealize but idealize for your future and idealize for yourself and idealize what you want and take time to like step into that feeling and to really understand what the fuck you want and who your partner is going to show up like and how they're going to behave and what you need out of a relationship so then when so then if someone shows up and denies that of you you can see it and really not take pity in it and understand that maybe you guys are just moving down different paths and understand that that other person is out there for you and that person does exist for every single one of us um i also think we're all going to go through probably a lot of loves um there's so many different soulmates

for you out there um and all of those are going to mesh very individually and differently for you so if you're like i lost the person i promise you you didn't because there's millions of people out there that are meant for you that you can get along with that you can really really enjoy um and spend a lot of quality time with but uh i love my hopeless romantic babies out there there really is no feeling like love and i love that feeling i like literally yearn after the feeling of love um but also I do think you can feel that feeling outside of just a relationship the way you approach life can be about love the way you approach yourself can be all about love the way you approach your friends and your family can be all about love you don't need that romantic partner

in your life to be you know um fulfilled especially in the aspect of love um like I said some of my most hopeless romantic times have been when i was single and that's okay it's okay to like you know feel love and to understand that you don't have to have a partner at this present moment and that the right person will make their way towards you you're not like a lost cause you're not like a um also probably not like a um exception of the rule like i do think everybody is bound to find love at some point in time so really if you are single and you're a hopeless romantic girly who loves like fantasizing about love and thinking about love take the time to really ask yourself like how do i envision my perfect partner showing up for me seeing me being with me how do they make

me feel what are we doing whatever it is like the same way i'm like fantasize your about your dream self fantasize about your dream partner a little bit i remember when i was going through my last breakup i had that period of like i was single for a while and i really took the time to like be like okay what the fuck did I hate about this man and why did he drive me so insane and what do I want in my next partner that doesn't make me so fucking crazy and I wrote down like five characteristics slash goals that I wanted to achieve in my next relationship and the other day I was just scrolling through my notes and I came across them and I was like holy shit my current partner checks off every single one of those with ease with ease bitch okay these are

just like natural things he does I'm like wow I was lacking so much and I wasted so much time when I could have been honest with myself and accepted that person maybe just wasn't for me and I can just stop the pain right now if I just choose myself and choose what I truly need and take the time to sit with myself to sit with that love to dream a little bit to think about what I want in my next relationship and to be kind of picky like I hate to use that word but also to understand when somebody maybe isn't meant for you um and to be direct about what you want and i guarantee that person will find you because it happened for me but i love love love is the best feeling ever there's no there's no feeling that's better and if you find yourself in your

hopeless romantic phase i love it step into it be all about love be absolutely consumed by love but also don't be taking advantage of it do you know what i mean okay don't put yourself down for it don't hurt yourself over it all right love you oh someone said having sex high there is no better feeling there's no better feeling i feel like weed is just like a great tool for everybody who is old enough and has experience and lives in a legal state for my lawyer team i don't have a lawyer team anyways i think it's amazing it's a great way to break down barriers break down walls and really like get primal i'm gonna use an alpha male term get primal when it comes to sex do you know what i mean but there's no greater feeling

than being able to lose yourself completely and i mean yourself as in this like uh i feel like i of a self that constantly lives in my head and looks at myself from the outside world and it's like an observer state and then there's the actual living state and when i'm too much in my observing state i get too anxious and i get too in my head and it's just not comfortable not fun um and if you have a hard time escaping that i think high sex is like the best way for you guys to connect completely emotionally and to remove yourself from that observer state now once again you probably have to have a very good handle on your weed and you have to be with a partner who is making you comfortable and making sure that you're heard and making sure that you're seen and very important

things making sure you're in a comfortable setting um but i think it's a great way to just break down walls and really get to know each other um and really just lose yourself in sex that's the best way to have great sex it's not a performance i feel like especially with like porn being such a common tool for men and women throughout their lives we constantly see sex as a performance oh i need to bend my back this way or oh i need to look pretty while coming or oh i need to not make any noises or whatever it is i need to be the perfect partner but you're not a fucking sex doll okay let's be real you're not a sex doll you're also not a porn star which is fine if you are also wonderful amazing but when you're having that like real sex not like porn star sex it is going

to be a little messy it's going to be a little awkward there's going to be some fumbles you're going to also be more open and honest and raw with each other and it's going to feel 10 times better um but you really have to be able to remove yourself from that observing standpoint and remove yourself from that performance standpoint and understand that this is fun sex is supposed to be fun i don't know who came in here and shamed everybody for sex uh but sex is absolutely supposed to be fun it's supposed to be a bonding experience okay it's not supposed to be something that you have to do it's supposed to be something that you want to do that you're enthusiastic to participate in okay um and i feel like high sex at least for me personally a weed professional

really really helps me get into that space to kind of lose myself a little bit um to get out of my head to really also feel my body i have a hard time when i'm sober connecting with my body which i really want to get into a little bit which is why i want to take some pole classes or even some yoga classes is to really get back in tune with my body i feel like my brain and my body have disconnected a little bit um and for me personally a great way for me to connect with my body is through sex, um, it, feeling good, like, let's be real, everybody loves to feel good, you know what I mean, um, and so really focusing on how your body is feeling, how they're feeling, um, especially while having high sex is incredible, you'll have the craziest orgasm of your life,

I promise you hi Hannah um so quick question for you it is my birthday tomorrow and I feel like I really need to do some journaling and whatnot I'm gonna be 21 and birthdays are always emotional you know so I was just wondering if you had any like options and not options like advice for like journaling prompts or if you had any ideas for that um I would really appreciate it because I'm bad at thinking up journal prompts on my own so yes thank you I hope you have an awesome week and Thanksgiving and I love you and thank you for continuing to do this podcast happy birthday oh my god that's so exciting 21 21 is such a great year it is you're gonna have a lot of fun i guarantee it um i feel like most people have this sense of like i'm sad on my

birthday because you're getting older but i feel like it should be like a i used to think that way and then i realized like holy shit i'm coming out of a hard year this is a time to celebrate this is a time to look on past me and thank me for getting through everything that i've gotten through and for appreciating the life i do have instead of being like well i don't have this and this person is not around me and I'm sad because my expectations weren't met um that's not what you should be focusing on what you should be focusing on is being thankful to yourself okay you've gotten it through the year it's been probably a hard year um if it's been great and that's awesome you can reflect on those things but when it comes to journal prompts I think a great birthday journal

prompt or even just like you guys can participate in this if it's not your birthday too is like look back on uh and a year in the past that you're either really fond of or maybe it was really hard and think about what age you were and write it down and just talk about what you were going through and then at the end of the journal prompt give thanks for that situation um either it's really really fucking hard and you made it through and you did amazing getting through it and yes it was hard you struggled but here you are and you've grown and this is a time to celebrate being able to make it on the other side or even if it's a really great year okay write about that appreciate the things that you were given that year or the experiences that you had and what you got to go

through now another great way to also look forward to is write down you're turning 21 okay so write down 22 what do you want to achieve by 22 what do you want to see from this year this 21st birthday that will you'll be able to look back on your 22nd birthday and see all that you've accomplished write down what you want to do where you want to travel things you want to see friends you want to implement into your life whatever it is look back and give thanks and look forward dream a little bit and also give thanks for that as well i feel like it's a really great way to set gratitude for your birthday make it not so uh you know i'm sad kind of vibes um and also get you excited for the future uh really great full circle moment someone asked how to appoint approach oh my gosh a blank

canvas point of life so let me just explain what I do to prep my canvases for a piece of art so for me personally I have a very interesting way of going about it I like using my words I like using my speech I like using colors I also love utilizing abstract shapes so the first thing I do when I have a blank canvas is I will pour out a bunch of paint on my palette whatever color call to me some blue some teal some fuchsia pink is always my go-to color whites whatever it is now with that canvas what I'll do is I will write down how I'm feeling my goals what I want to accomplish anything that comes to my mind I'm thankful for this life I I'm very excited for all the incredible things that I'm going to do in the future and I'll take certain colors for these

things that I want to talk about and say and I will just messily paint them all over the canvas until the whole canvas is filled up this isn't perfect lined this isn't this is very sporadic going random directions very random colors now after the whole canvas is filled up with these affirmations I guess you could call them in the colors that I felt called to I will drizzle white paint all over the top of the canvas so now it's almost like we're starting over again we get our baseline we understand what we want what we want to see in our future now we're going back to the drawing board I'm pouring white paint all over my canvas and then what I'll do with a big paintbrush is I'll just think about those sayings and what I'm talking about and I'll buff the white paint

into the words to the point where it just becomes this beautiful abstract um just colors you know just blending that white paint into the paint that I had laid previously the colorful paint in order to give my now my previously blank canvas a beautiful colored background and that colored background really really resonates with what I'm going through what I'm thinking about what I want that piece to be about. This is a great way of just getting a baseline. And you can translate this also into your life, setting affirmations, discover or discovering what you want to stand on in order to move forward. And then from there, you have to take some risks. Okay, whatever comes up in your mind, for me personally, is what I paint. And no, it's not

always going to turn out perfect. There's times where I have to paint over things, there's times where I have to fix an eye or fix a finger or reshape something. There's times where I lay something out and then I realize, oh my gosh, that's perfect. I need to accidentally paint over it in order to get here and then I'm going to repaint this. It's all a process, okay? But it's all about laying a necessary and helpful base layer, groundwork, and then trusting in yourself to move forward and to try and even when you lose momentum you can sit with yourself think about the things that really laid down that base layer what you want to uh make real in the world or on your piece of canvas and then to push through the hard times um that's

literally how i approach a blank canvas but i also think it's a great metaphor for how we can approach life and how we can move ourselves forward. Hey, girly, this is Jess from California. I'm just calling in because I have a question. I was wondering how do you approach your boyfriend with what you want him to do to you in the bedroom? Because I've just been in my head about things I want him to do um and you know my likes have changed throughout these three years and I want to approach him but he has mentioned to me in the past that if I want to speak to him about things to do in bed then I need to speak to him about it in bed what do you what are your thoughts on that because I feel like I would be more comfortable telling him outside of the

bedroom anyways love you love the pod love another ascending girly you are the best okay when it comes to communicating with men which i have taken a while to learn um i used to here's how i used to behave i used to be like oh well if they're a good partner then they'll read my fucking mind no that's not how it works oh well if i want to be a good partner i got to come about it like a very gentle way no that's also not how it works that man was just emotionally unstable um the best way to speak to men is to i hate to say this because this is like kind of weird you have to literally speak to them like a child like not like baby them but i feel like especially because men get a little emotional sometimes so do i i also appreciate

being talked to this way is also not condescending like a very healthy way to speak to any person um is to be direct okay just direct you're not mean about it you're also not overly nice about it you're not asking what you want in a question format you are telling them what you want I want a relationship I would like for you to do this in bed I would really like it if you bought me flowers more um I would really appreciate it if you did this whatever it is you have to be very direct very open very vocal straight up that is the only way for you to get anything through a man's head all right um now when it comes to the bedroom which i feel like is a topic that's a little bit more sensitive um and yes does take place mostly in the bedroom well what yeah of

course sex takes place in the bedroom but sex is also a thing that you can talk about outside of the bedroom and is also something that i encourage you to talk about outside of the bedroom i feel like for men yes it's more comfortable in the bedroom because you're already like switched into that mindset um and it's probably easier for them to be like to take those suggestions um as like a uh oh this is just in the moment this is what she wants me to do not a oh this is something she's been thinking about for a long time and she's bringing it up randomly and oh my god am i doing something wrong and whatever like i feel like sometimes people just get in their head about things but if you come at it from a very like loving appreciative direct form of communication

i feel like it really can't go wrong so like whatever you're wanting like hey eat my pussy more or whatever it is just like say it but also i feel like when it comes to talking about bedroom things you can be like a little sexy with it um and then it's not as awkward so just be like hey I just really want to sit on your face later like very simple you like if he sends you a selfie oh my god would love to sit on your face whatever it is I don't know what what the thing you want in the bedroom done is but there's very casual ways that you can bring up what you want in a conversation where they like if you bring it up that way they might get it but also if you're like I need this done I would really recommend going from a straight like this is what I want

like direct point of view does that make sense um because i feel like with a lot of women especially the questions i get it's like oh i wanted him to do this but he didn't and it's like well did you tell him like i hate to be like they're fucking stupid but like i'm also stupid so i get it and i get like sad when people feel like that they communicated something to me and i didn't understand it when my brain is going a million miles per hour and this is something they might of just like casually brought up and my brain didn't latch onto it because it was just like a very casual part of conversation and now they're upset but like if this was really important to you like just sit down and tell me it like very directly so my brain understands it's important

that's how i view communication and that's how i appreciate communication so that's how i go about communication and that i found a lot of success with that um for me personally direct very forward very kind you're not mean about it of course um but if you want something ask for it and you are most likely gonna get it straight up it's hard to have hard conversations bedroom conversations are a little bit easier if um of course you're not mean about it because you don't want to make your partner feel insecure and like they're doing anything wrong it's very normal to bring up hey i would love for you to do this or i would love for you to do that um but also bring it up as in like a suggestion format when it comes to bedroom things like i can't wait to do this later you

know make it into like dirty talk almost get them excited for them to do it um but yeah communication very hard very easy when direct um but if it's very very highly sensitive and like emotional which sex can be um do it more in like a suggestion based format and like a fun playful format for them to kind of get it and if they don't get it outside of that maybe bring it up in the bedroom they specifically communicated that they would like talking about these things while in the bedroom which is a great way to communicate and then immediately enact it so listen to your partner uh if they did say that's how they like to be communicated to try it um and if they don't get it then try your way does that make sense okay this is for my evil girls i really want to talk

about the good versus bad kind of perspective that we have on the quote-unquote healing journey that many people go through i mentioned a little bit at the beginning how it's okay to be bad you just have to figure out where you need to direct your energy um but i hate this idea especially within the like healing self-love community that you cannot have negative thoughts and you cannot be a bad person and you can't do bad things which I get because I feel like a lot of us start our healing journey on like a very very low level such as like holy shit I have been a cunt recently either to yourself or other people and I want to do better so I'm going to move forward into like the okay we're gonna switch our energy over to like all love which is great and fantastic and

an absolutely wonderful way of growing and doing better especially when you haven't been in touch with those emotions the good emotions the love emotions for a long time the a great way to get accustomed to them and just to feel comfortable within them is to literally just envelop yourself in them um and let yourself be love and let yourself be light but i understand that also is not a sustainable way of behaving because then we get those negative thoughts or then we do something bad a little something bad and then we immediately go into a downward spiral of holy shit i'm an awful person i hate myself whatever it is and we get into a very negative loop very negative cycle so all very much so not great it's okay to be bad and then work your way

up to wanting to be good and envelop yourself in those emotions but you also need to understand that those are not the final key emotions in your healing journey the final key step which i think I'm just now kind of realizing and starting to step into um is to feel your emotions fully and allow them to take place in a constructive way if someone's being a bitch to you like yes I get taking the high road but also it's okay to be a bitch back oh did I say that oh my god healing Hannah said you can be a bitch what are you kidding me I feel like we get to this point or I got to this point maybe in my healing journey where I was so much yes love peace non-confrontation that like some people would start to walk all over me and I would just let

them because i didn't want to step into that quote-unquote negative side or the dark side or the bad side do you know what i mean but i think i've realized the key to living is just to just understand and feel your emotions fully to not be scared of them and to push them into the positive directions that they need to go sometimes you got to be a bitch but also sometimes you got to stand up for yourself and that is a great way of using those quote-unquote negative emotions in a positive way okay if someone's being mean to you hurting you whatever it is you have to step up and take a hold of those emotions and utilize them in the positive ways that they are you cannot also like I understand you don't want to be the person who's just being a bitch to someone who's very very nice

yeah of course it's not a great way of utilizing those emotions that's not healthy at all you're hurting somebody else um that person didn't deserve it whatever it is but you have to have the ying and the yang if someone's nice to you be nice to them you need to be nice to yourself as well um if someone's mean to you i'm not gonna be upset if you're mean back because you also need to step up for yourself and you need to hold yourself kind of at a higher level does that makes sense so I get this step one is okay we're in this low vibrational state that we need to get ourselves out of either we've been a bitch to ourselves or a bitch to somebody else or a little bit of both either way not great we need to step our game up okay now we step into love and light

because honestly we're very uncomfortable with it we need to envelop ourselves in order to get comfortable with it in order to be able to use it correctly okay now we get really really comfortable with love and light and feeling good that is not sustainable though because we as humans are going to feel a full range of emotions good bad ugly whatever it is you're going to feel it so the best way to be able to utilize those emotions and use them in a positive way is to understand them okay and understand when you should use them when they are being a positive direction in your life or a negative direction in your life and that just comes from a little bit of emotional intelligence and allowing yourself to feel everything around you be a little sensitive um really ask yourself

how you're feeling sit down with yourself have these conversations with the with yourself i feel like it's very very beneficial um and a great way also of building trust in that relationship up with yourself but this also kind of is a way that i have felt more comfortable within the world being able to trust myself being able to understand that i'm going to utilize these feelings in a positive way like yes i'm going to be an evil bitch if i need to but most of the time i'm going to be a pretty great wonderful happy person because i understand that i can use those emotions in that way only if necessary only for the powers of good do you know what i mean um this is where you get to the point where it's like be a cunt do whatever you want um and being overly comfortable within

the world and feeling confident within it is understanding that you're gonna step up for yourself in whatever way is necessary in order for you to succeed and that doesn't mean like be a bitch to random fucking people in order to push yourself up no no no no no like of course we're still good people we're we're trying to be the best we can um but it's understanding that you can be an evil evil person if necessary and feeling comfortable and confident in yourself that if that comes around you will stand up for yourself and you will show up for yourself and you will not let yourself be treated that way does that make sense um that is how you stop really giving a fuck in the world and giving it not giving a fuck in the best way possible

um feeling so comfortable within yourself because you trust yourself and you understand yourself and you feel those emotions fully and you allow yourself to show up comfortably within the world because you aren't judging yourself and you aren't feeling like you're going against yourself and you're not feeling like you're putting yourself down in any sort of way you're feeling like you are you and you are whole and you are whole and whatever you are feeling and going through and whoever you are no matter what okay some simple practices you can do to really kind of step into this is to really just be with yourself i feel like for a majority of my life i've been running from myself and i don't know what i was running from because i'm not scary

neither are you you you have nothing to be afraid of okay you are you you are wonderful and you got to step into yourself and really understand and accept that and so great ways especially okay say you're isolating right now go hang out with friends challenge yourself trust in yourself get out of your usual space even just like going over to a friend's house and being like can we cook dinner together and just hang out like you don't have to fucking go to a club and be a party girl i get no i get not everybody is like that but i'm just encouraging you get out and connect with other people you've spent too much time inside you need to interact with the world now opposite way say you're avoiding yourself a little bit by hanging out with people constantly

and you never have alone time because alone time is a little scary i challenge you to sit with yourself for a little bit okay do some journaling and it doesn't even have to be like sit in your quiet room alone like i get that just starting off is very scary party girl hannah if you were like go sit in your quiet room alone that's like okay that's a prison sentence like what are you telling me to do you don't have to do that okay you can still have the social aspect about it go to a coffee shop alone pull out your journal your journal do a little one page entry do you know what i mean just sit with yourself for a little bit i really encourage you to do so challenging yourself will ultimately build up that trust um and make it easier for you to kind of sink deeper

inside yourself a little bit now once you're able to sit with yourself comfortably journaling fantastic fucking way for every single person to really just understand themselves and to sit with themselves openly and authentically it doesn't even have to be like a fancy pen and a nice journal bitch my notes app was my original journal from ages like 12 when i first got my first phone to now well i would say like my freshman year of college when i was going through my first breakup my notes app was like oh that was my bitch i loved her like from the uh times of like 1 a.m to 3 a.m i was all up in her and i wasn't even just like like writing about anything crazy like sometimes just be me writing about my day purging all my emotions like this shit pissed me

off i just need to accept it and talk about it and get it off my chest so i can move on instead of trying to play it cool and play it nice like i just need to get it off my chest and being able to sit with yourself and have these conversations um and go through these emotions with yourself is a wonderful way of practicing accepting just the way you're feeling and being in tune with it and being okay with it okay it's okay to be angry it's okay to be upset it's okay to be happy okay it's okay to celebrate it's okay to give gratitude but all these emotions are things that you have to practice sitting with and practice sitting with yourself um but also if you're isolating and you don't get outside and you don't have experiences within the world you won't have

things to write about and talk about and really um by interacting the work with the world you're almost interacting with a mirror of yourself um and then when you come home with yourself it's a great way of understanding and interpreting how you feel what you went through and um getting closer to yourself in a way but journaling bitch i we have all stood in the shower for an hour just talking to ourselves before like we've been there that's another fantastic a little delusional but I'm not saying it doesn't work uh been there just chatting with yourself I do this on my podcast every fucking week it's just me talking to myself basically not myself of course but with you guys which is another wonderful way we get to meet up we get to be honest with each other we get to be

open we get to share a little bit of secrets and chat it up and that builds vulnerability and it also feels good to know that you're not alone meeting with friends and talking about these things and seeing like-minded people around you and discussing these topics openly and honestly another fantastic fucking way of just getting to understand your emotions to understand you're not alone that we all go through these things and these all these things are beneficial um and that stepping into these emotions are powerful for you and they should not be shameful okay it's okay to be an evil bitch every once in a while i haven't i've been having to tell hannah me oh my god myself that me referring to myself by by name um i've been having to tell myself that lately

because i've been i love the peace soft love hannah like she's amazing she's wonderful but she also has a habit of getting stepped on a little bit and i really had to come out of that asap you know i had to sit down with myself and be like it's okay to be a cunt every once in a while it's okay it's okay it's all right i promise no one's gonna hate you you'll be fine okay anyways i'm high feeling good i need to cook some lunch it's like 12 30 my stomach is doing somersaults in my tummy right now i got through a majority of my water bottle i'm kind of shocked i got through like half which is like a half gallon that's a lot i must be dehydrated anyways i encourage you guys challenge yourself a little bit show up for yourself sit with those emotions

i understand it's hard do the journaling i understand it's annoying you don't have to have something exciting or like insane to talk about in your journal every week like sometimes i sit down and i'm like today's been good uh very grateful for everything and like that's it like it doesn't have to be insightful or amazing or like you're fucking writing a book it just has to be the practice of checking in with yourself and seeing how you're doing and really sitting with that because i also feel like when i'm journaling or just like taking a moment to sit with myself a lot of things that i have been running away from and that i have not been willing to address start coming up um and of course your brain will really only give you what you can handle

so start small um just write what you can let yourself be open to whatever you're thinking try and have a free hand okay you're not writing pretty you're not having to behave in certain ways just let yourself go let yourself think things over really connect with yourself um and yeah challenge yourself get out there try new classes get excited about life especially during this winter time i understand it's hard and the cold makes you want to just like not leave your bed like i get it i have been in bed for the past three and a half hours yes it's because i'm recording a podcast but also i'm not gonna lie if i wasn't recording this i'd probably be doing the same exact thing so here we are i get it it's hard bundle up put on a cute outfit and get out

there um and just live your best life don't be afraid to be evil cunt too i don't want you guys getting stepped on um i was like going through a phase of like a little i was a little too nice do you know what i mean and then i was like looking back on young hannah who was like very very very nice and i was like okay i had to have that talk with myself again like girl you cannot let this go on like we gotta learn we gotta stand up for ourselves we gotta show up for ourselves and that's the funny thing about life is it's just an endless cycle you learn the same lessons but you'll have to face them again you'll have to just like keep utilizing what you learn but I guess that's a reason we practice isn't it anyways love you guys I hope you have a wonderful

weekend once again there is that um second I love how I'm just like this was fantastic and then I go on like another ramble for like 10 minutes there's that other podcast that I uploaded last week I did a Tuesday Thursday podcast like I used to do um when I was unemployed um but now I work so I'm like holy shit i only have time for one so i better make it good but there's two out so you have so much content to catch up on if you want to see extra of what i'm up to i'm about to decorate my house for christmas and do some fun little diy reads and stuff and i'm going to film that for thursday for my patreon if you want to join me um it's hannah marlene my instagram is hannah Marlene and my name's Hannah Marlene of course anyways I'm too high we got to get off this

podcast and get this out to you guys so you guys can have a wonderful Tuesday it's like nice out it's like 55 which is not nice I get it but for me wonderful like I only need to light coat amazing so I think I'm gonna try and get outside a little bit either just like go for a little walk or just like at least escape my house i can't lock myself inside all day especially i need to take advantage of a nice day before we are covered in snow for the rest of the winter um but i think i'm gonna do that eat some good food maybe take a nap because it's my day off um and i need to grocery shop very important thanksgiving is coming up um it is a time to celebrate food so i take my food very seriously during this time um and i let myself indulge and i let myself have a good time

um and i let myself try to not take it too seriously if you know what i mean but i'm gonna get this out to you guys i love you all so very very much i hope you have a wonderful rest of your week once again all questions if you have them send them over to my instagram at hannah marlene and i will see you all soon