Smoke Sesh - feminine rage, breaking the cycle & sex toys

Episode Date: January 10, 2023

Happy Tuesday! So exited to hang out with you guys today, is everyone else exhausted from this retrograde and full moon? Because I am. I talk about a crazy customer experience at work, how to handle insecure men, losing your virginity, dealing with everyday anxiety, quitting weed! and ways to stick with it, feeling stuck and how to break out of that cycle, seduction, how to step into your femininity, does dick size matter? and how to pick a partner, “private relationships”, twerking, money and having a man pay for everything, sex toys and toys in the bedroom, feminine rage and leaning into your emotions, go to feminine rage songs, cheating and morals, influencing and consumerism vs using the internet and creating, ads and consumerism with “viral products” and what to avoid and much much much much more. Love you all so much and stay tuned for exciting episodes coming up, have an amazing week and I’ll see you soon

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash, so come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Good morning, cuties! Oh my god, another episode, another sesh. i'm so excited to be here with you guys how the hell are we all doing are we doing okay

are you surviving are we making it through this retrograde slash full moon situation that happened over the weekend oh my god oh my god i don't cry a lot but when i do it's like whoosh like it overtakes me body and soul which is fine you got to get it out of your system you know what i mean but people were stressing me the fuck out this weekend i don't know what was going on with the cancer full moon i think yeah with the cancer full moon everybody's emotions were heightened everybody was also just kind of like a little bit upset about what i'm not sure maybe their life who knows but they took it very personally um and also with the retrograde it is really just emphasizing patience and not taking things personally and also not losing my shit period

do you know what i mean i worked all weekend which means i had to deal with the general public the entire time that all of these emotions were just like going wild and i've had people lose their shit on me before but this time oh my god so i get to work it's three o'clock in the afternoon this is supposed to be our slow time because there's like a football game on it's three o'clock who's eating what at three o'clock in the afternoon like usually we're busy breakfast and dinner like three o'clock is a weird time but we just got slammed and i'm convinced that every single person in the entire world needs to work a service industry job just to understand how crazy the general public is and to learn to not take it personally, but also to learn

to not deal with it. Do you know what I mean? When I was younger, like people would berate me or like yell at me or be rude to me and I would just like stand there and be like, I'm sorry, like apologizing for them treating me like shit. But this day rolls around. I'm having a good time i'm a little high i'm feeling myself we get slammed i'm like okay let's kick it into work mode there's only two two of us working when there should be five for the amount of tables that we have going on and not to mention i'm bartending i shouldn't be taking tables but i was like you know what i'll help out i don't want her to like lose her shit and you know not be able to handle this i'll help out i'll take some tables so i took like half the tables and there was this

one table in particular that i knew was gonna be an issue you know it's gonna be an issue when they're just like condescending and rude and demanding like sir look around you i want you to look around you right now how many people do you see running around busting food and and filling water two people okay and there are four people sitting at your table plus i have five six seven eight nine other tables i i you gotta read the room you're not special i'm sorry it's gonna take a second but like i i'm not the one who scheduled i'm sorry it's not my problem so i i seat them i get them their waters he's like pointing at drinks and he's like asking me about them and i'm giving answers and he goes you don't need to explain it to me i get it and i was

like oh my god okay all right and then like his son he was with his wife his like nine-year-old son and his teenage son and his son was like they're like oh did you order yet and he ordered this like dish and the dad was like oh you don't even know what that is to the son and the son was like uh no but it sounds good and he was like making fun of his own son and not in a way that's like oh haha you know dad and son banter I was like why is your dad bullying you I'm so sorry anyways I am running around doing my thing and he proceeds from his table to yell across the entire restaurant the entire restaurant ma'am he's yelling ma'am ma'am trying to call me over to his table what what in the world am i a dog absolutely not so i continue on with my shit like

i'm not going over there if you're yelling at me and he gets up and he comes over and he's like i need this this and this and i was like okay i'm in the middle of something serving people at my bar you're supposed to be sitting at your table waiting on your food not to mention i'm making your drinks right now he's like listen i get it i work a job too to make money and i was like okay, this is just getting out of hand. I'm going to spend minimal time there. I'm just going to get them their food and get them the fuck out, whatever. So I'm doing my thing. I drop off their food. They asked for silverware. I dropped the silverware off and I accidentally, I accidentally let a fork touch the table instead of a napkin. And he starts screaming. This grown man at three

o'clock on a Saturday in broad daylight in a full restaurant starts screaming at me I'm a paying customer I should be getting what I want you're treating me like immediately the only I should have said nothing that's just how you're supposed to treat those situations when people are losing it because like I can't go back off on him because that will give him satisfaction and he'll he'll keep losing his mind and then also berate me to the manager best thing you're supposed to do in those situations in any situation where someone's just like losing their cool and you're like whoa what the fuck I am too high for this right now just turn around and walk away that's the best thing you can really do but my ass was so caught off guard I just went why are you yelling

that's the only thing I could think of I was like why are you yelling and that made him even madder so I just turned around I look my manager in the eyes I go I'm not serving them anymore and I just left to go do my thing obviously shaken up because why is this man yelling you just ruined my fucking hi dude like come on but the best part of this situation is not only were people's emotions heightened in a bad sense but they also were heightened in a good sense shout out to the two people who were sitting at my bar that i was serving they were probably the same age as him but as soon as that man started yelling at me they stood up and they go i'm gonna fucking kill you old man you don't dare speak to her like that you see that she's busy they got up they started

shoving on each other my manager had to call public safety she was like sit down like breaking up a fight my ass was standing behind the bar taking this other guy's order who was also very very high and was very thrown off by it they were fighting it out in the bar i was like oh my god three o'clock it's three o'clock in broad daylight like let's be real here guys anyways that table was a whole hot mess i just like when that situation happens i just feel sorry for like the wife and the kids because it's like if you're doing this to a stranger in public imagine what happens behind closed doors like sir i'm not gonna give you the satisfaction of yelling at me like what i'm leaving this is embarrassing for you and i'm so sorry that you don't see it's

embarrassing for you but i just am not gonna deal with it like you gotta learn when people are just being psychotic immature emotionally stunted to just pick your shit up and walk away because you know what they're gonna do they're gonna grab you by your fucking hair and drag you through the dirt and you don't deserve that and you do have the right to look them in the eyes and be like i'm not gonna let you talk to me like this and just leave you know that is the perfect response for anything so I did that and really I wouldn't have gotten any satisfaction if the people at my bar didn't stand up and start screaming at him they're like I'm gonna fucking kill you I was like whoa love that energy actually because I can't say it and I want to say it but thank you guys they were

like two people and the the woman had bartended before and she told me she was like listen that happens all the time especially in a bar setting and every time that it happened to me I wish that somebody would stand up and say something and not let them speak to me like that so I made a promise to myself to not let people speak to me like that so that's why we stood up for you and I was like thank you it was like her and her boyfriend or like her husband who just like got up and were about to fight this dude for me and I was like whoa all righty what a way to start off my shift And they tipped me like $30. Love.

The other table obviously didn't tip me. I'm, whatever. There's just something about bald men with small dicks who really make their life everybody else's problem. And you gotta learn to just not take their shit. But anyways, yeah, dealt with that on Saturday. That's how I knew the full moon was coming in strong. Especially with his Mercury retrograde energy. I was like, whoa, dude.

and everybody in the restaurant was looking at him like what the fuck is this dude on oh my god anyways i'm just decompressing for that i finally have a day off i'm about to hang out paint oh my god i had a call with um sydney mary this morning we have some really cool plans coming up for you guys she makes these amazing recycled handmade bikinis um and i think we're gonna do a little collaboration so look out for that we just had a little cute phone call she's so fucking sweet if you haven't supported her i really really recommend doing so literally all my bikinis in my closet are from her and speaking of spring is around the corner i think we're finally over with this winter madness at least where i'm from

um it's been like 60 out it's been really nice i went for a run yesterday like what Hannah going for a run I know I haven't been on a run in like two years just because I went to art school and I lost my gym membership because my college they're like I'm they're not building a gym for art school students like let's be real they're not working out which is like valid totally um but after I lost my like uh gym at my first college I just stopped going to the gym um and I really missed it especially just like feeling my body moving my body working out you know what I mean um so I went for a gym and now whoa I went for a run and now I'm a little sore but I'm feeling it gonna do some yoga this afternoon yeah it's gonna be a great fantastic

little sunny Tuesday and I hope you all are doing fantastic just needed to vent a little bit about oh my god that full moon mercury retrograde energy but it's coming to an end we're getting through it we're making it this is just a reminder to be patient hold your tongue a little bit if you can try and be the bigger person if you can but also don't let people treat you like shit that's like rule number one that my dad taught me was like no one should be allowed to treat you badly and you should be allowed to stand up for yourself and standing up for yourself looks different in many different lights and many different aspects but the ultimate like understanding of it is knowing it is knowing that you shouldn't be treated in a certain way and holding yourself

to that standard and holding that other person to that standard of how they should treat you and leaving the situation that is true strength that is true standing up for yourself is knowing that this person isn't treating me right and I'm not gonna let it continue whether you fight back or you just pick your shit up and leave either way stand up for yourself listen to your gut and don't let people take advantage of you okay i love you all with that being said fun little life lesson there let's jump into some questions because you guys had a lot on your mind and we need to get into it okay so i understand that this is always just like so fucking random and it's because i just start from the top of my questions and i just work my way down especially

with collins it's just like we're just gonna work our way through this and it's gonna be a fun little uh adventure through my dms live on air but let's get into it first question someone said losing virginity okay so my god losing your virginity it's like something that every teenager puts so much emphasis on but it really doesn't fucking matter you put so much emphasis on that one time that one first time you have sex which like yes you gotta do it once and the first time is gonna be a little scary it's gonna be quote-unquote special because it is your first time like riding a bike you know the first time is gonna be a little nerve-wracking you might fall off you might get some bumps and scratches uh you're a little nervous to do it but it's not

the most important time that you ride a bike okay most important time you're gonna ride a bike is gonna be like the millionth time when you're riding it down ocean boulevard looking at the fucking sunset all right it's not usually that first time and the same thing happens with sex all right just like riding a bike but with virginity in particular we put way too much fucking emphasis on it especially from like a religious background way too much emphasis on it And from a religious background, it's like, oh, you got to keep your virginity, your virginity is important. And it's really only prioritized towards women and making sure women are covered up and really focused on their sexuality and a little too hyper focused in a negative way, which is traumatizing and not fun and then turns your virginity into something that's like, like a sin in a sense to lose. um and then if you escape that kind of mentality still there's so much religious background in our society that you still feel that pressure of your virginity no matter what let me tell you this

I lost my virginity at 19 I know and you're like oh that's kind of old I feel like that was a good age I was on for better or for worse probably for better way too many um medications when I was in high school because I was just trying to survive I went to the mental hospital they put me on a bunch there um which were honestly really helpful for getting me back to square one and trying to get me up from the ground and they did work and they were fantastic for that but a side effect of that was it just did not make me horny for in real life experiences whatsoever so when my friends were losing their virginity at like 16 15 whatever um I was just like whatever and also I was a little nervous because I spent too much time online as a kid um and in real life contacts

really freaked me out wow but the key here is you really just need to not focus on your virginity so much and focus on living your life. Same kind of information I give towards like dating as a teenager. Dating doesn't fucking matter as a teenager because I absolutely 100,000% guarantee you are not going to have a future with the person you are dating in high school. For the best, okay? There's maybe a 1% chance that you guys end up high school sweethearts, but do you really want that no of course it's fun to have a partner and experience life with them but as a teenager that is way too much pressure i guarantee all the men and women are not emotionally mature yet yet even know how to deal with their emotions so you having to put up with another person's emotions while in

high school while trying to figure yourself out is just a burden and i know that sounds harsh and I know that sounds mean but I do know that I jumped over and missed a lot of trauma and manipulation and bad experiences because I just was not interested in dating in high school now I have dated a lot out of high school that's another story but I lost my virginity before I was ever in a relationship and I think when it comes to losing your virginity the one thing you really need to be focused on is choosing was is a letting it happen naturally letting those feelings develop naturally be willing to wait if you have to um and to really like spend your time figuring out if this is a good person to lose your virginity to like you can pick and choose

you can be choosy you can wait it's okay there's so many other sexual things that you can do with yourself that are a vibe literally a vibe like that's what i was doing in high school um but my first virginity experience like losing my virginity was not really that fun or interesting or even close to the best sex i've had it was kind of like ripping a band-aid off like all right got it over with now i know what sex is i know what it feels like we can move forward from here but i didn't spend my time really thinking about the guy I was gonna have sex with or really taking the time with myself to be like is he gonna be a reliable fun partner for me which is something that you kind of learn to think about when you're older but I didn't really think about all that

and then all of a sudden it's my first experience and he's like get on top and I'm like oh my god I've never had a dick inside of me and you want me to get on top no thank you sir and also I was so high so high and then afterwards my mom called me she's like where are you and I was like oh I'm at the mall with my friends I'll be home soon but yeah I do think we put way too much emphasis on virginity virginity is low-key just like a weird concept of trying to keep kids way too focused and hypersexual while at the same time shunning them for it I think waiting is a perfectly fine thing i don't think you should feel pressured into it uh you can live vicariously through your friends and all their crazy stories they tell your friends should not be pressuring

you into anything either um they also shouldn't be talking down on you about it and you should absolutely just be when it comes naturally and when you build a relationship with somebody naturally it will come naturally i do not think you need to be afraid but i do think there's a conversation that should be had beforehand yeah losing your virginity can be fun it can be bad usually it's somewhere in the middle just like learning how to ride a bike it's not going to be your most fun bike experience i can guarantee that because you're new you're not sure how to do it you're clumsy you're a little confused um it doesn't hurt i didn't feel like it hurt but also like take it slow you know don't rush into things you'll regret rushing into things more than you'll

regret waiting um and that's not in a weird like purity you gotta wait till marriage kind of sense it's just like listen to yourself listen to your intuition if you want to lose your virginity at at like 16 sure vibe whatever if you want to wait it out and try and find the right person that's amazing as well do whatever you feel intuitive to um but also don't put yourself in weird sketchy situations just to kind of rip the band-aid off does that make sense think about it a little bit do some like interviews with some men they don't need to know you're interviewing them but you know you're interviewing them trying to see if they're a good sexual partner um and make sure you're safe use a condom love you okay next someone said do you

ever get generalized anxiety and yes oh my god yes I was talking to my dad about this the other day he's like you just wake up and you're anxious and I'm like yeah I inherited all the mental illness from mom and from you dad I know you don't have anxiety but mom wakes up at like 4 a.m from her anxiety and cannot go back to bed so some general tips when it comes to like generalized anxiety because you have to understand that generalized anxiety usually has no basis on reality at all it's just like oh my god I'm getting overwhelmed and anxious um a great way to kind of combat that as well as work your way through it is having a good inner self-talk um whenever I'm getting the anxiety I kind of have to have like a talk with myself and just

chill myself out um like things are gonna be okay there's nothing inherently wrong with the situation here you're just too in your head and then I will try and get outside of my head so I will try to physically connect with the world whether it's just like getting up and moving or like I'll be in a store and I'll be like I'm getting anxious I just need to start moving and transfer myself to a different area um or like I'm at a party and I'm getting overwhelmed like okay I'm gonna step outside or I'm gonna change rooms or I'm gonna go talk to a new person realizing that you're having that anxiety talking to yourself and being like this is not based in reality you're just being hard on yourself this is just your anxiety speaking and then physically

moving your body to a new place is a great way to just give your mind like a good solid reboot and to help with that anxiety but like if you feed into it and sit in one place and think about it think about it think about it like that's not going to help those two ways of just like good positive inner self-talk this is your anxiety speaking this is not you rationally speaking with yourself this is not based on reality um and then forcing yourself to get up change environments start something new i'll get up start painting i'll go make myself a cup of coffee i'll do whatever um great way to kind of reset your brain also caffeine is going to give you anxiety nicotine is going to give you anxiety anything that you are incorporating into your daily life

that's going to heighten your anxiety that you already have, I really encourage you just cutting it out. Love a matcha now. Like matcha is my new favorite thing because it doesn't give me anxiety the same way like espresso does. And also I quit nicotine when I was younger. Well, I quit nicotine like 21 just because I realized it was making my life, my skin and my body just like absolutely horrible. So identify, revisualize, transfer yourself to a new environment. You'll be good. love you oh okay someone said bestie how to chill on smoking weed honestly i just want to always or i just always want to escape and it's getting bad felt this is when you are using it as a negative coping mechanism and anything can be used as a negative coping mechanism so don't feel bad

on yourself boys can be used as a negative coping mechanism drinking can be used as a negative coping mechanism eating food can be used as a negative coping like i mean literally everything all right it all has the possibility we all just lean into different things based on our personalities for me it has been weed i have been there before especially with weed what's helped me especially take a break is approaching it as a or just approaching it differently so instead of being mean and hard on myself and uh you're doing this bad you're doing this awfully you are an addict i hate you whatever you're just thinking negatively about yourself first of all you got to cut that out all right we all fall into loops sometimes it's natural especially just being a

human we're all humans we're all going to make mistakes we're all going to find ourselves in places where we want to restart identify that and then move forward positively what's helped me is if I don't want to cut it out completely but I just want to change my relationship with it is I use it only at night talked about this when I lost my scholarship and I needed to get my shit in order but also like weed was a fun way for me to like not get fucking blackout drunk every night and maybe I just wanted a little jay after doing all my homework that's a healthy way to use it escapism is like okay as long as you're not escaping 24 fucking 7 like it's okay to sit and daydream but you can't be daydreaming all the time you know what i mean so if you just

need to change your relationship with it um be strict on yourself you really have to be strict on yourself um only allow yourself to have it at night after you've gotten all your chores done or maybe on days off to relax i feel like that is absolutely wonderful and healthy and normal but if that's kind of a level that you think you can't be strict on yourself with and you need to cut it all out and in the beginning um supplementing with cbd cbd gummies a cbd pre-roll anything to kind of like kind of not cold turkey it but slowly move your way into it i really really recommend um i feel like it's really helped me especially in times where i'm like oh i have so much i need to do but I just I really want to smoke right now but I still have so much I need to do instead of

like just giving in and smoking I'll find a middle ground which is me just like eating a little CBD gummy and it gives me a little body relaxed feeling and that's enough for me and then I can keep moving on with my day or I go outside and I smoke a CBD joint and then I keep moving on with my day because it really doesn't affect me it's gonna give you a little bit of a body tingle it's gonna get you like relaxed and chill your muscles will relax out but it doesn't affect your mind in a way that makes you unmotivated and we does make you unmotivated we got to be honest with ourselves it does make you creative that's for sure but it does make you unmotivated um so supplement a little bit paz packs is my all-time favorite i literally use them daily i use their gummies for

my iud insertion for pain management fan fucking tastic i love them and i really really recommend them if you want a safe a safe reliable company to literally deliver shit on your front doorstep so they are an awesome awesome way of like finding a safe middle ground if you are also going to cold turkey you're just gonna need to be busy period stay out of your house stay out of your room go to a coffee shop if you need to go to a library go to a new store whatever it is you have to keep yourself moving because as soon as you stop and you sit on your couch and you have nothing to do and you look around you're like what am I gonna do with the rest of my day you're gonna want to smoke because you literally don't know what to do with your time but if you force yourself to get

out there okay I'm gonna line up this hangout with a friend I'm gonna line out or I'm gonna go on a run or I'm gonna go do this or I'm gonna just stay busy that is the best way to combat any sort of escapism stay fucking busy because then at the end of the night where you usually smoke you're gonna be too fucking tired you're gonna shower and you're gonna eat your dinner and you're gonna be like oh my god i'm exhausted i just need to go to bed you know there are ways that you can handle it but first step is just identifying that hey maybe i'm not in a super duper healthy place right now but i would love to take the step forward and i would love to stand by myself and help myself figure this out I guarantee if you can do it or if I can do it you absolutely can do it I've taken

multiple breaks with weed for year-long periods um and all of that was thanks to me just really staying busy really focusing on myself and what I wanted to incorporate in my life and taking those steps to really do so um and also not having it around that always helps if your relationship with weed is like I'm impulsive I'm gonna smoke don't have it around all right once you fix your relationship once you've distanced yourself a little bit then maybe you can work in kind of like those evening sessions after you do everything but if you're impulsive like me just try not to have it around and also speak to your friends honestly about this so then they can be there and support you if you hang out with friends a lot and they like to smoke too which love

absolutely but you being around them when they're smoking can be triggering um so be honest with them so you don't take it personally when they light up a joint around you be honest with them say hey i am trying not to smoke i would love if you guys would support me here um and if you're gonna smoke can you just do it before i come over or you know be cognizant that i am going to be very sensitive to it and not in like a negative way but like i'm gonna want to participate so don't give me that temptation you know and if they're good friends they'll listen to you absolutely 100 what friend doesn't want to support you you know what i mean Hey gal, first of all I love you, I'm calling from Scotland, but I have been in such a fucking

slump for the last like, oh my god, since like Christmas, Christmas night I cried for fucking hours, same with New Year's, and I've not been this stuck for a really long time now and I'm thinking like have I been like have I set myself back or I don't know what can I do what steps can I take to become more motivated and more I don't know like willing to do things I've been really enjoying just staying in bed and relaxing but I feel so lazy so yeah um could you help I love you hello babes okay been here been here absolutely I think first note you need to understand that you're not alone and everybody's been here there's many people who are where you are in this mindset currently right now but key

number one you're not alone even though it's hard and you feel like you're facing this alone you're not alone I guarantee somebody has been through it including me so let me give you some tips um first of all you need to get out of the idea that you're stuck um I feel like when you kind of frame yourself as oh I'm stuck in this place I'm stuck in this place instead of just hey I'm in this place um one kind of forces you in a circle I'm stuck there's no way out I'm stuck there's no way out I'm stuck there's no way out and the other one is like okay maybe I'm in a low point but that always means that there's somewhere higher to climb and I feel like when I get in this mindset of oh I'm stuck oh I'm stuck it's from me constantly comparing myself not only to other

people of course it's not going to help you cannot compare yourself to other people's accomplishments because we all have different backgrounds we all have different histories we all have different financial statuses we all have different connections we all have different life plans period and your life plan is going to look very different than other people's my life plan looks very different from yours my life plan looks very different from my brother's and that's okay and that's normal and that's healthy but you comparing yourself to other people's life plans that were not meant for you in a good or bad way um is not going to help you whatsoever also you need to stop comparing yourself to your old self i feel like when i get in this mindset of oh i'm stuck it's

well I'm not doing what I used to be or oh I'm not doing this thing anymore or oh I don't look like this anymore oh I don't have this friend anymore and it gets you kind of in this state of mourning um which mourning can be healthy I think it can be a healthy feeling but when you're constantly thinking about it and constantly trying to compare yourself now to who you were in the past or who you wanted to be in the future um it gets this sense of like despair and there is no better when in reality there is better you can move up you can do better you said you're kind of in this phase where you like to just sit and lay in bed and do that that's fine i feel like we all get in periods of you know i don't feel like doing anything it doesn't mean we can't do anything all

the time but maybe there's like little hobbies or activities that you can take up from your bed crocheting uh painting um even just like pulling out your ipad and doodling whatever it is that calls to you maybe like crossword puzzles things that you can do from bed but keep you active and keep you off your phone i feel like that's fine i feel like that's normal and honestly it's a really really awesome great step to pulling yourself kind of out of this place and reintegrating yourself back into society key point here is you're not going to go from square zero to square 100 it's not gonna happen and that's okay it takes time it takes trust it takes believing in yourself a little bit um and I guarantee you will get there you just need to be you just need to

stop being so hard on yourself okay life is all about having highs and lows it's gonna be a wave life is always gonna be a wave it's not gonna be a graph where it's going from zero all the way to 100 by the time you're 100 that's not possible that's not how that's gonna happen life is going to be waves and you really just need to learn how to ride the wave both the highs and the lows and understand that if you're in a low point another high is going to come as long as you trust and you believe and you listen to yourself and you're easy on yourself and you're trying not to be hard um and also when you hit the highs remember that point and appreciate that point and don't take it for granted because you need to understand that sure there may be hard times in

the future but you need to enjoy the time that you're in right now so i love you you will get it all figured out i guarantee you're not stuck that is not a real thing there's no such thing as being stuck it just means you are motivated and you you there's some change coming up um and that's okay we all have to shed our cocoons every once in a while and grow new wings and guess what this is an amazing time to really try and visualize and think about who you want to be and how you want to grow and what are some things that you've been desiring or wanting to incorporate into your life. Now is the time to really start trusting and believing in yourself and building that trust and belief in yourself by integrating those things into your life and by integrating and

challenging yourself daily with whatever your challenge could be getting up out of bed and taking a shower guess what you got yourself up you got yourself out of bed you took a shower boom that builds uh self-trust which inherently builds self-confidence which is going to make the next step whatever that next step is easier maybe the next step is cleaning your room well if you can get out of bed and take a shower you can definitely get out of bed and take a or you can definitely get out of bed and clean your room you know what i mean and then it's just like a falling dominoes and you will work your way there but it's going to take you taking small incremental steps daily trusting in yourself not being hard on yourself allowing yourself to rest

and relax if you need it allowing yourself to cry very valid emotion but trust in yourself don't be too hard on yourself i guarantee you'll get it we all have highs and lows and it's okay to find yourself in a low but you always got to look forward to that next high that sounds scary not a high physically but like mentally you know what i mean i love you someone said hi lovely i'm just wondering how you seduce your boyfriend lol um so the one thing about men is they're just like kind of horny all the time especially if like they're younger like they really are just horny all the time so if i'm like yeah i want him to come over and dick me down i'll just like send an ass pic or send a cute selfie with my titties out it's like very simple or i'll be like um like

like kind of uh oh my god like sex a little bit i'm not good at sexting i find that shit weird like i'm just not good with my words especially in a sexual way like i'll send you a photo and you'll get the hint you know what i mean um but then like if you're in person i'll just like go sit on his lap or like be like we should come cuddle you know and then just like be all touchy feely it's very simple just be lovey-dovey and touchy and a little sexual and they will absolutely pick up on the fucking hint it is really that simple someone said what are some ways that you connect to your femininity um this is an interesting question because i discovered my femininity femininity whatever uh later in life i feel like young girls you know some of them are

like the pink girls or like i love wearing little high heels when i'm nine no no i had an older brother who was like nine years older than me so i was a tom boy i was a tomboy okay we were playing in the woods i was getting muddy my my bedroom you know who you were as a child by the color of your bedroom my bedroom at 13 was teal like bright teal okay I was a tomboy I rejected all femininity except for dress-up games that was the only thing I really leaned into um and I think that was because I craved it but I was just way too deep in my tomboyness to really accept that um so my kind of discovery that didn't really come natural with femininity came later because I also feel like a lot of the femininity that was um expressed to me and sold to me when I was younger was a

performative um you need to wear a dress to this occasion you need to wear tights to this occasion um you have to look a certain way or you have to act a certain way and that really terrified me and that really made me not want to be a woman whatsoever because I saw the performance in it all and I simply did not want to perform whatsoever so I kind of ran away from it but I realized that performance is not a completely continuous idea of what femininity can mean femininity can be completely and utterly how you view yourself and how you step into that softness that sweetness that true ideal of who you are as a woman so here's some really kind of things that I've done especially recently because I feel like it was a very recent discovery for me um that has

helped me get in tune with enjoying being a woman number one dancing I used to be stiff like I would always be way too aware of who I was where I was in social settings like my muscles would contract like I would just be like stiff and terrified let your body free let your body free in any sort of capacity that you can whether it's okay I'm going to do a flow yoga or a little pilates or I'm going to go on a run or I'm going to dance I'm going to go out and dance with friends best fucking way um let your body free not only in a movement sense I think a movement sense is very very important but also in a perspective sense i feel like we as women are way too confined in the ideals of us being way too aware of our bodies once you just let your body be and accept

your body for what it is and not try and force it into something else um you will feel a lot more free a lot more comfortable with who you are as a woman and something that's really helped me is literally just being naked all the fucking time my boyfriend kind of introduced this to me when we would hang out we would do mushrooms and then we would just be like these clothes feel weird let's just get naked and let's just hang out naked and he was so open and comfortable with his body just being naked 24 7 and I was like this is weird like not weird it really isn't well we're all mushrooms so nothing's weird but I who am always clothes and comfortable and always just kind of closed off was it was a new idea for me and he introduced me to that and honestly

it was a great way for us to bond and really break down barriers and get comfortable with each other very quickly but also I continued it outside of us just hanging out and just me being with myself and just like being in my body and my body only so walking around my room just doing my own thing making my coffee I was just like always naked if you're in private just be naked okay because I feel like when we're constantly covered and trying to close ourselves off we walk by a mirror and we're like oh that's what we really look like because we don't see our body that often but once you kind of just see it often and constantly get exposed to it and understand that this is a part of you and you should love it and appreciate it and you know I feel like body positivity is a

little bit discouraging to some people so let's focus on body neutrality and just being comfortable and accepting of the body we're in and learning that a body is not a complete and utter form of who we are we are more than just a body but we do need to learn to accept and show up fully in our body um so movement accepting yourself um being naked really really helped me kind of connect back within my body um now when it comes to other feminine ideals is i realized that i had kind of shunned away the femininity in myself when I was younger so now older Hannah has really dived into it like everything I own is pink everything I own is pink everything that I'm like oh little Hannah would enjoy this I just boop I immediately integrate it into my life

uh my closet is one big giant dress-up closet because the only way that I could really express myself truly um how I wanted to be as a woman was with like those fun dress-up games um girls go games barbie.com oh my god all that shit I was constantly on constantly playing and I loved it but now guess what I'm an adult I have an adult money a little bit of adult money not a lot but I can continue this throughout my life and so I'll go play dress-up I'll go do this I'll do different things that really incorporate younger Hannah's dreams into reality. I would spend nights being like, oh, I would love to create this giant painting or I would love to have this art. Guess what? I'm investing in it and I'm working on it and I am trying to do a painting every month in

order to honor that. But there are many different ways to connect to your femininity. A lot of them you can connect with within and kind of look towards your childhood and see what you were craving back then when it comes to womanhood and how you viewed it as well and kind of look into that and figure out what you need to integrate into your life today to kind of bring that back into you but also one of my favorite number one ways to connect with femininity is to connect with other women I love women I think they're amazing I think they're brilliant I think everything that think about talk about is incredible especially older women when I was 18 I finally started working for a restaurant for the first time in my life and I was a young little baby you know what

I mean and I was a host but everybody else around me was older like late 20s early 30s vibes and they just swooped me up under their wing and they have been some of the most incredible influential females that I have had in my life especially older females they have always been inspiring constantly uplifting me constantly supporting me and constantly trying to have fun with me and that's what you need in your life really really strong female friendships I also really encourage you to build female friendships with older women um working within yourself to move your body get connected to your body and then also working within yourself to understand how you viewed womanhood as a child and how you want to step into it as an adult last but not least

if you're like um by odd whoa what am i thinking of sorry i'm reading this note at the same time i really need to stop reading things and speaking um biologic oh my god biologically biologically biologically if you are a woman i understand you know being female being a woman spans across many different genders many different ideals um but if you have a period a great way of integrating femininity into your life is by keeping track of your cycle um and really trying to stay in tune with your cycle i feel like it was me versus my cycle when I was younger um but now as I'm older I've kind of reclaimed it and tried to step into it and learn more about myself instead of just being like oh no why am I miserable for a week oh it's my period

okay heard um really just stay on top of it and be understanding with yourself and learn how your body works and how these hormones fluctuate and when they fluctuate and try and keep track of your cycle um that was a great way of me trying to step into my femininity and really appreciate it and understand it because your body goes through a lot it goes through a lot okay so honor it okay listen to it all right very important skill there um and try and show up for it do you know what i mean uh free bleeding was also a great way for me to um step into my femininity instead of feeling shamed and shunned for being on my period i just let it happen i really take that time to just relax and rest and let it all flow literally out of me um no shame no shame

whatsoever and also if you have a partner during this time they should absolutely support you okay they should be supporting you 1000 my boyfriend's like here's some boxers to wear while you're bleeding everywhere and i'm like oh love you thank you anyways oh my gosh someone said thinking of i'm thinking of sleeping with a guy that's barely taller than me five three and rude but big pp here's the thing i have no issue with short guys because they're usually nice but why are you subjecting yourself to a man especially sexually somebody that you're going to take on their energy who is mean to you like i we have we've got to raise ourselves higher we have to i'm begging you like the bare fucking minimum of letting a man sleep with you or like thinking

about sleeping with a man is that he's nice to you bare minimum okay you got a small dick but you're nice guess what we can work with it we can figure it out do you know what i mean dick size does not mean shit it does not mean shit big pp i don't really give a fuck like as long as it's not a micro penis i can't work with that i'm sorry i love you i love you no body shaming here um i just need it to fit inside me but i found through my years of experimenting and trials and tribulations like the perfect size is like mid-size like i don't need nine inches inside of me that's gonna to be painful you're going to shove my IUD through my uterine walls which is not fun not great I don't need sex to be painful in order to get off I like a good mid-sized man period I don't even

know what mid-size would be six seven somewhere in that range I feel like the average dick size is like five and a half maybe six which is crazy to say but like oh if you're slinging something fucking crazy like I don't want it I don't want to be in pain but also I want to feel you which is why I'm like somewhere in the middle would be ideal um and yeah you need to be sleeping with men who are nice to you why would you essentially like show that man that he can be shitty to women and they'll still sleep with you or yeah like what no no no no please please girlies please we've got to do better hi Hannah so um my situationship and I just became exclusive this past weekend and I know that you know putting that you're in a relationship on social media isn't really a big

deal and I've never really done it with any of my past relationships but for some reason I want to this time and I was wondering like when a good time to do that is whether I should talk about it with him first um yeah I don't know I just want to know your opinion on it I know none of that stuff matters but I think it's fun no I think this is a really cute valid question because I feel like we're in this age of social media where all these people are in relationships but they're not showing their partner which I personally find very weird and strange like uh I know Victoria Paris like was not showing her girlfriend's face because she wanted a private relationship which I get like especially with a platform that big like people

do weird deep divey shit and i understand when people want their um want their anonymity oh my god but if you're we're just like regular people here dating all right we're not at that level you don't need to be hiding your boyfriend's face and in fact i encourage you to not do so if you're in a relationship share it off if you want to like you can change your relationship status sure um oh if you're in a situation ship and you're mutually exclusive hmm i guess you're not dating yet so like you can soft launch it sure if you're not dating dating yet but you're mutually exclusive you're hanging out with each other you're putting emphasis on each other you're working towards a relationship like you know you can you can post a picture of you guys holding

hands or post a picture of his hands holding a coffee mug like drop little hints here and there like that's fun especially when you're first starting off like you haven't really shared that you guys are together drop little hints here and there drop a picture of like him in the background of your of your stuff but it needs to be authentic and you need to want to do it um if your boyfriend is not showing you off i feel like that's really fucking weird if you're not showing off your boyfriend i also feel like that's like not showing off like i'm in a relationship here's a three paragraph essay on why I like them I don't need all that I don't think anybody wants to see all that on their feed but like yeah it's okay to post your boyfriend or post your girlfriend

every once in a while show them off a little bit I honestly think it's weirder it's way weirder not to because then I'm like what are they hiding why aren't they showing you off like do they not like you like what's going on and I don't mean like oh you need to post them weekly or like you need to post them all the time but it's like if they're like hey move out of the way and they want to take a photo and not have you in it or like you're like hey could you post this photo of us or like oh my god look how cute we are be so cute if you posted it and they're like lol and don't like oh my god my feelings would be hurt you know what i mean start slow work your way up to it i don't think it's a conversation that needs to be had because like if you guys are mutually

exclusive then what are you guys hiding from each other nothing um so yeah start slow you could do like cute little photos here and there tag him here and there and then yeah your relationship will naturally grow and develop and then you'll be posting like selfies together whatever but i find it very fucking weird when there's like people in relationships for three four years and i've never seen them post each other like that's odd that that's just odd like when you like someone naturally and you are just enthused about them you're gonna want to take photos with them and you're not gonna want to necessarily like you're not gonna show them off necessarily but if you like them and they're with you and they're in a photo like why would you think why would you have

a second thought about not posting them do you know I find it really weird nowadays that people are like I'm never posting my boyfriend like what oh my god if I was your girlfriend you're like I'm never posting you something about our relationship they will never see you I'd be like well then what's the point of being in a relationship like are we allowed to go in public together at this point like what's going on yeah no go ahead post them work your way up to it start slowly it's fun to drop the hints here and there you know what I mean tease it a little bit but I don't think you should have any inhibitions you know love ya someone said I want to be a girl who and twerk like on the spot just twerk i'm so close it just takes practice really it just takes

practice and twerking looks like so many different kinds of forms of twerking you just got to work with what you have for real though just get drunk and dance around i guarantee you'll figure it out or high one of the two so i was like can you see yourself having kids in the future why or why not um so i've worked with children for like six years of my life i worked in a daycare all of high school then I was a person a private nanny for like a year and a half two years I've worked with kids for a long time and I love children I think they're amazing I think they're wonderful I think they're brilliant but I am way too selfish for children at least right now which is why I've been extra protective with getting an IUD for the next eight years I know crazy right but I just feel

like in I'm in my middle 20s oh my gosh I'm not in my middle 20s I'm in my early 20s I'm almost to my middle 20s but I feel like this time period especially until 30 I know I want to spend my time being selfish and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that I need to spend time focusing on myself and I know that if I brought another child into the future or like into my life right now I would have a really hard time being a parent because I want to be selfish and no child deserves a selfish parent so I'm self-aware and I understand that maybe in the future when I've done all my crazy shit and I've gotten it out of the way and I just want to relax and focus on family life then sure that's definitely going to happen after 30 though for sure um I just know where I am and

I trust myself from this point in place to know that I don't want kids um but I do think I can see it being a possibility in the future but not until I'm older definitely not until I'm older also childbirth scares me oh my god shout out to all my moms out there that shit oh my god it's terrifying someone said girl your dick sucking tips were too good lmao oh my god yeah you listen i will always steer you guys in the right direction that is for sure someone said paying in relationships thoughts um i don't know what all this weird online discourse is of well if i'm in a relationship i should never pay for anything like girl what are you crazy relationships should not be transactional and if that's what your relationships are they're a transaction they're

a business then sure fine but my relationships are about love and like if i see a sweater at the thrift store that i want to buy for my boyfriend like i'm gonna buy it if i want to buy him chicken tenders like sure i'm gonna buy it it's my money i have a choice in what i'm gonna do um and here's the thing if you're dating someone if you're leaning towards marriage guess what in marriage your finances will most likely combine into one and you guys will just be pulling from one pile of money because that's how adults do it so what's this whole weird made up ideal that's like he should be paying for everything like what like i get it we as women we make less money men should pitch in a little bit more they should be aware of these societal

things that happen that put women down that means that we don't make as much you know he should you know pitch in but i have no issue with 50 50 like a relationship and every other aspect is 50 50 so why not be 50 50 when it comes to finances and listen it's not always going to be 50 50 sometimes it's going to be 25 75 sometimes it's going to be 10 90 and it's going to be a little bit more of you paying or a little bit more of your partner paying or you know you putting in a little bit more effort when it comes to love or your partner putting in a little bit more effort when it comes to love or you putting in a little bit more effort when it comes to planning or your partner putting in a little bit more effort when it comes to planning like it's not always going

to be equal shmeekle perfectly fine like it's going to be a give and a take um as relationships are the key is and the true feeling of like a good relationship another question that somebody asked me is like what is love to you it's simply feeling the desire to want to make somebody else feel good in whatever aspect that is you want to reach out and do something and make that person feel good whether it's oh you know what I'll pick up the tab this time or oh you know what I saw this sweater that I really like and I think he will look really good in it and I want to buy it for him or oh my god you know this place is kind of a mess we've been living together we've been really busy with school I'm gonna clean up the house today um or you know what I I see that my

partner's been working hard and I love her so much so I'm gonna plan a date night so she can get out of the house that's what love is it's putting yourself aside in order to uplift another person and listen in in reality how it is in relationships is it's a give and a take and that includes money all right that man is never going to be able to completely buy every single thing for you especially under the age of 25 like girl we're all just trying to figure it out if you're at 19 trying to expect somebody to um constantly be the one who pays for it then cool you're probably gonna have to date an older man and also that older older man is going to be insufferable because he sees you as well as a business transaction he doesn't see you as a

person he doesn't see you as somebody he loves he sees you as somebody he has to pay for and since he's paying for you you better do everything that he fucking wants all right and that's not healthy and that's not fun and that's not a great way to set up a relationship dynamic so i don't know why all these women especially online are trying to pitch that to younger girls if you are in a relationship or that man pays for everything he's going to expect something of you in turn of that payment period point blank whether it's you stay at home and you take care of the kids solely and he never puts in any effort with the kids and you better clean that house make sure that house is clean every single day and make sure he has food on his table as soon as he comes home cool then

you can be a housewife and you can do all that that sounds wonderful that sounds lovely i'm way too much of an independent person i love making money i love being on my own time and i hate it when anybody else tells me what the fuck to do so guess what i'm gonna be financially independent and that means that i'm not going to allow my boyfriend to financially control me and i feel like that's normal and that's fine and that's healthy and that's what it should be because i've seen women who get in these dynamics and get in these relationships where it's like oh but he's my caretaker and he's gonna pay for everything and then 40 years down the line she is fucking miserable because her life has been dedicated to when he's gonna get off work and when he needs

that plate on the table and him berating her and being mean to her if she slips up or doesn't do anything correctly because guess what he is the one paying for the roof over her head and he is the one buying this for her and doing this for her and that is just so disgusting and so gross and i'm tired of seeing it as a cycle women get your money up okay pay for your shit go 50 50 with your partner go a little less if you need to but i do not think you should be financially dependent on a man ever it gives him way too much room to be in control of you so get your money up all right split it share it that means you don't have to pay for shit half the time wonderful but it does mean you're gonna have to pay for stuff every once in a while me and my

boyfriend we pretty much just like alternate i mean i pay for my own rent he pays for his own rent we don't live together um but like if we're going out to eat and i picked up the bill last time he knows it's his turn to pick up the bill no matter what that bill is or if like we're eating and i'm like oh my god this is expensive i i don't want to buy all this it like we'll split it i feel like that's totally fucking normal or like whole pick it up um but i i hate all these weird like tiktok videos of this is how relationships should be it's like no there's so much nuance to relationships and these dynamics that they're pitching to you are gonna get you stuck in something that you're really gonna regret so get your money up live off your

independence okay and it's okay to split things every once in a while but do not be relying on a man someone asked do you use sex toys also is your boyfriend okay with you using them very interesting question also a two-parter so let's get into it yes i use sex toys yes i love them yes my boyfriend lets me use them um i'm not sure why he wouldn't starting off when i talk about virginity i lost my virginity a little later in life because i was i was a very sexual person but i just read a lot of fan fiction and like had sex toys like men did not really interest me because i was like well i could just spend eight hours with harry styles on my phone and also like i have something that vibrates that will get me off in under a minute when you i'm not

even convinced that you can get me off do you know what i mean so that's another reason why i wasn't super duper interested in men um also i was unsure if i liked men anyways when i was a senior in high school my friend turned 18 before everybody else which means she could go to a sex store before everybody else like back in the day you could only get sex toys at the sex store buying it on amazon not a thing uh going to cvs and buying one not a thing you had to go to the sex store which was sorella's which i love love the sorella's support your local sex shops um in order to get what you wanted but they always checked id when you checked out so there's no way i could like get a vibrator anyways for christmas my friend pulled through and she bought us all

little like bullet vibrators and let me tell you that shit changed my life it changed my life because prior I was just you know the fingers fingers had to make do but once I got a vibrator oh my god incredible life-changing I really encourage every single female to have one because here's the thing you are going to get off mostly from clitoral stimulation every woman is going to get off from clitoral stimulation not all women can get off through penetration penetration like it can feel good but reaching that orgasm level is kind of hard to do so so especially for me like I just I need a little bit from both sides so what I recommend is incorporating one into your sex life not only alone you know you can have also a variety of

sex toys when you're alone they have vibrators you can have a dildo that also vibrates that moves they have like the clit suction ones they have literal like giant dicks that you can lay eggs inside of you like anything you're looking for they have and it's also a great way to like explore your freak side without having to like like if you're unsure about your freaky side you can do it yourself without having to incorporate someone else and then figure out if you like it and then incorporate it with someone else you know what I mean um so great by yourself so many different ways to explore I really encourage you just like always 18 plus go into a sex store just walk around don't feel shy don't feel you know nervous um just explore everybody who's in there

is a freak I guarantee it they're not judging you they're just trying to find what they want to get off with you know um so go look around look at what different things there are look at lingerie look at what what calls to you what feels sexy what calls to you great way to explore your sexuality feel what you like feel it out a little bit explore um but love using it with a partner absolutely if your partner is like you are not allowed to use sex toys that is a red flag right there that is really weird and like controlling in a way and also it just shows that their ego is going to get in the way of your sex life um he sees sex as a accomplishment for him not as something that you guys are going to enjoy together create together sex is an accomplishment

to him and he owns you if he doesn't even want a sex toy fucking touching you like i get not wanting other men touching you like yeah obviously you're in a monogamous relationship but not even a sex toy like let's be real that's an inanimate object and you're jealous come on real men will use a vibrator on you during absolutely and there's so many different toys that you can play with during a butt plug a vibrating butt plug um if you need clitoral stimulation while you know having sex use a vibrator you can use it in doggy you can use it uh while you're on top you can use in missionary best of both worlds you get dick and a vibration come on you can use nipple clamps you can use um you know what i we got on vacation is like this like flavored nipple rub it was like

tingly but also like tastes really good so like when they're stuck on your nipples guess what it tastes like strawberries it is fun to surprise your partner with you just like climb on top of him you're topless you're like suck on my titty and guess what it tastes like strawberries wow fun for everybody do you know what i mean but you will not discover this stuff unless you just explore a little bit and i really encourage you to explore a little bit sex can be fun and it should be fun but in order for it to be fun you need to really listen to yourself try some new things out i'm not saying get crazy put a butt plug in and nipple clamps on the first time you of sex it's wild okay but like listen to your intuition make sure you're with a safe partner

try it out on yourself first to see if you like it um but sex should be something that you and your partner discover kind of together every partner is going to have a different kind of way that you guys explore sexually um but it's all about exploring and having fun and using it as bonding time okay not as a i want this but i want this kind of thing i think sex is really a fantastic way for people to bond um and yeah especially with sex toys love sex toys my god you they have anything it's wild like it is act they make silicone fists never i could never but like anything you want I guarantee they have some sort of sex toy for it and I think it's a fantastic way to explore your sexuality especially by yourself if you're single girl get a vibrator

come on now if you're single and you don't have a vibrator what are you doing I'd be masturbating every day oh my god like multiple times a day maybe but have fun get freaky let your freak flag fly you know what I mean sex shouldn't be shameful it's fun it's inviting it makes you feel good make sure you're with a partner who makes you feel good and is not jealous of sex toys and yeah explore a little bit love you oh my god someone asked what are my top feminine rage songs oh girl oh girl first of all love female rage love that that's going on right now um because like definitely feeling the vibes um definitely um especially after my whole situation with that crazy fucking guy at my work i am just like oh my god over it i wish i would have just

screamed in his face and fucking hit him but like i can't because i can't lose my job so here's the playlist that i put on on the drive home in order to just scream my lungs out and get it out of my system also i love the idea that we're stepping into this like feminine rage because i feel like we as women are kind of sorry someone also said that they love simultaneously smoking with me so i'm loading a bowl if you would like to do so let's participate together my boyfriend made me this bowl he's been glass blowing and he made me like this cute little baby pink bowl he gets me oh anyways feminine rage i love that we're stepping into this because we as women are like condition to like sit down shut up you can't express yourself um like you're supposed to be

happy go lucky why are you crying no one likes a crying girl no one likes a girl who's mad oh my god i'm so over this idea that women are only allowed to express their emotions if they're positive like what i have emotions i'm not gonna succumb myself to only the positive ones of course there's gonna be good bad negative to everything but like you better fucking believe that if you're making me miserable i'm gonna be your worst fucking nightmare um and like i said my dad kind of conditioned that into me when i was like in third grade i was getting bullied by this guy this older guy he was like a fifth grader and i came home and i was sobbing because like we as women are conditioned to just take shit and like be there and not let it express in any sort of way

and that really fucking ate me up inside so I came home sobbing like not having a good day like oh my god this dude's bullying me I don't know what to do dad I'm not supposed to like fight back but also like it's getting to me and you know what he told me he said if anybody ever hurts you makes you upset punch them in the fucking face so shout out dad he's literally a high school counselor and he's telling his like third grade daughter to punch men in the face so i've really just taken that to heart and if men make me upset best believe that's gonna be their fucking issue because i show up to school the next day this dude i used to go to like y care whatever after school because my parents worked late um and this dude threw a basketball at me like trying to bully

me trying to make fun of me you know what i did i threw that basketball right into his fucking face and broke his nose like not having it and as soon as i stepped into that kind of behavior that ideal even at a young age since then i do not take any shit like if you are a man if if anybody's making upset even as a female like I'm going to make that your problem okay and not in a crazy mean way where it's like that guy harassing me at work um even though like I literally did nothing like I'm busy hello do you not see this um I didn't do anything to you personally sir sorry if you're having a bad day but like after that i really was just like let it loose if you were feeling like you just want to scream because a man is making you miserable show him how miserable you you are

because of him yell scream cry all right if that man's driving you crazy first of all i mean obviously you should leave but like you know that video of that tiktok girl not tiktok girl there's a video on tiktok where that dude's like trying to hit on that girl over and over and she was like stop she like yelled at him stop and he kept like trying to hit on her and he she leaned over and bit him yes that is what i'm looking for that is what i love that is the energy that we need to step into stop letting people cross your boundaries stand up for yourself um scream it out if you need to but stop trying to succumb yourself and push yourself down in order to make other people comfortable we as women feel a wide variety of feelings and emotions and you should feel them

fully absolutely so some some songs that i really lean into um let's see i will by sky fiera love it's a great in the car screaming song any lana del rey song especially dealer where she's screaming like i don't want to live that oh my god yes love that any like angry rap as well like i find myself listening to a lot of rap songs um because they're aggressive and mean and like do you know what i mean like love that um i need to make like a fun little playlist if anybody has some good recommendations or some fun playlists um let me know but those two in particular have been my kind of go-tos okay some other great songs quickly quickly go through the list um um i feel like florence and the machine has some good ones if you like kind of that vibe i also

love marina marina and the diamonds oh my god she has some incredible songs to scream in your car like hermit and the frog um are you satisfied how to be a heartbreaker um paramour misery business all i wanted like come on lord liability like if you want to cry and scream writer in the dark like, any of the Lorde songs, Fast in My Car, Paramore, um, Rico Nasty, great, Rage by Rico Nasty, fantastic, um, what are some other ones, trying to think of, like, who I really kind of go towards, when I was younger, I definitely listened to a lot of, um, like, Taylor Swift in a feminine rage way like why did you break my heart amy winehouse you know i'm no good like amy winehouse has some great ones that kind of like fuck you dude um what else i feel like that's

some that's a that's a good list that's a good list of some some i just want to scream in my car right now do you know what i mean um and yeah lots of rap songs absolutely but if you want to listen to like female rap I will listen to like Dochi or Rico Nasty for sure for some good I'm gonna scream and cry a little bit and then move on with my life because I cannot let it overtake me but yeah hi Hannah ciao from Rome I've been solo traveling for about a month now um which is really exciting and I'm just taking your advice about doing what I can and being free and traveling in my early twenties. I'm 22. Uh, and I wanted to tell you about this guy that I met in Germany. Um, I didn't think I would ever see him again after we spent a night together, but he's actually

coming to visit me here. Um, and he's coming tomorrow. And right now I'm like trying to shop and get food that he likes, but I don't know what he likes. So I'm kind of, um, in a weird situation right now but um I had my tarot cards read about um a couple weeks ago and they told me that I was going to meet someone who would change my life and oh my god I'm running out of time but I'm wondering if it's him and I don't want to get my hopes up but I've been listening to a lot of your podcasts and I just love you so much and I wanted to oh my god live in the fucking dream life girly i love that you're just out traveling doing your hot girl shit living your best life that is amazing that is all i want you guys to get from this podcast is like

you can do anything you really can just trust in yourself believe in yourself and live your life to the fullest absolutely i hope you're having so much fucking fun cheers to that um and actually with that being said let's smoke a little bowl let's make a little bowl one of my things on my list for this year is to uh travel more so actually this has inspired me thank you for calling in and sending this to me um i have to smoke out my window i feel like i'm in high school but cheers to that i hope everything goes fantastic with your cute german man and yeah let's hit this oh yeah that was fantastic we're gonna finish up this podcast i got a few more questions i want to step into real quick um but thursday we have a special episode to kick off the new year

very excited it'll be kind of like a favorites episode but there's it's gonna be a video episode I know plot twist so feel free to join me on Thursday um it's gonna be maybe like twice a month while I figure it out and I'm trying to integrate it to um every Thursday but this will be the first one of the year I'm very excited please stay tuned while I navigate and try to figure it out but I know so many of you guys have been requesting video podcasts so let's get into it i'm so excited stay tuned this thursday um and yeah let's finish this up i got a couple more questions i want to get to this looks really good so let's get into it someone said i cheated um how do i become a better person and grow from it i know this isn't who i truly am thank you for

being honest thank you for stepping forward i'm sure some girls who are listening identify with this or maybe want some insight on it so i think step one is you identifying that this is not who you are, you regret it, you feel shame. I feel like that's a good basis to start on because you realize that it doesn't align with your morals, you're taking the time to check in with your morals, see where you want to stand, and move forward. Yeah, not great, not amazing, but let's not beat ourselves up over it. Step two, I think, is you have to tell your partner. No matter what situation you're in no matter how much you want to keep that person in your life that relationship is not based on fairness it's not based on honesty and it's not based on trust which are like the

three things that your relationship need to be based on um if you keep that from them in order for you to gain something you have to be honest with them you have to tell them you have to also let them make their own decision you made your decision now they need to make theirs whether they want to fix this and work forward or if they want to cut ties and move forward either way totally valid totally fine you have to accept that both are an opportunity or both are an option you should not fight for one because you made your you made your choices you have to deal with the consequences but you lying to your partner and not telling them the truth of what happened is just not fair not nice and even furthermore against your morals probably than if you told

them now moving forward whether you're in the relationship um you have to be just like completely and utterly honest with them constantly give them as much fucking reassurance as you can apologize as much as you can show up for them tenfold in this environment or in this kind of wave afterwards you have to prove to them that you're going to be a good partner it's not going to back to go back to normal and it's not going to go back to normal for a long time but it is your job to fix the relationship and it's your job to prove to them while it's their job to learn how to trust you again and to look at your behavior and see if you've actually changed now if they decide to move forward on without you that's totally valid um but now it's your job to sit

to think and to re-envision how you are going to be a good partner in your future relationships and what steps that takes everybody makes mistakes everybody has those days as Hannah Montana said um I get it I'm not here to like put you down or shun you we all make mistakes we all have negative qualities to ourselves but the amazing thing about the future and the amazing thing about having self-awareness and realizing that you've made a mistake is in the future you can make steps to make sure that it does not happen again you can make steps to apologize and try and fix these relationships you can make steps to make sure that you never become that person again and unfortunately it takes making a mistake in order to learn this about yourself

and make sure that doesn't happen in the future but your goal from now on should be realizing I fucked up I don't want to be that person again how do I not become that person again and work forward from there and it shouldn't be in a sense of like hating yourself into a better person like I get not enjoying a action or a quality that you made about yourself but I don't think negativity is ever the way to really get you where you want in fact you're probably going to shame yourself into a worse person because then you're like oh well i did this but that makes me a horrible person so i'm just going to keep being a horrible person um and i've been in relationships with those people and that is just like horrible and awful and self-destructive

so if anybody's going to offer yourself a little bit of forgiveness let it be you in the knowledge and understanding that you will never do this again and you will become a better partner and a better person in the future and you want to do better do you know what I mean I love you hope you're okay be honest with your partner I know it's scary I know it's terrifying but that is like if you're in a relationship and you do something that is the one thing that you owe them honestly someone said give us the tea on influencing that's funny okay I guess I would consider myself an influencer I would rather consider myself a creative because I feel like influencing nowadays is synonymous with like you are a personal billboard um and I myself like to

push more in the I'm following my passions and I just like to be creative and share that creativity and honesty with you guys in whatever forms that it it falls in um I'm as you can tell there are not a lot of ads on this podcast. There's only a few companies that I really work closely with and they're companies that I trust and I love. And it's because I'm not a good influencer. I know. Any brands who are hearing this, I'm sorry, but I'm not because I am way too honest of a person. Here's the thing. When you go on TikTok and every other video is somebody promoting this product or you see oh my gosh this product is getting so much hype or oh my gosh everybody has this one thing that is probably not because they like that thing and i hate to say that but

it's probably because that brand has a lot of money and they're reaching out to these influencers and sending them these things and paying them to say this these things like the alex earl miel hair oil that company reached out to her paid her probably i don't even know how much way too much money um in order for her to be a billboard for this product now if they paid her and she went online and she tried it and she was like yeah this shit sucks that company is never working for her or with her again and in fact she'll probably be blacklisted um so the harsh part when it comes to influencing is influencing is just synonymous with consumerism um they're they're just trying to sell you something and their whole online persona is a let's connect and then let's see

how I can make money off of you which I just really hate that dynamic I I really do which is why I say I'm bad at influencing now I'm fantastic at influencing when I like something when I like something you all will know about it absolutely there's nothing I want to do than share with you guys or nothing I want to do more than share with you guys things that I enjoy things that actually have been helping me things that I have been integrating into my life and have been working sure they might not work for you but here's what works for me I just can't lie I really can't I'm really bad at it I am so whenever you see me working with some someone take that to heart but also when it comes to these influencers and if you are a consumer and you spend time

online you have to be smart with the content you're consuming if you're like consuming haul video after haul video after haul video you are not going to be able to distinguish between what is an ad and what is actually something somebody likes and is trying to share with you so try and be smart about what you're watching and also be trying to be smart about what you're buying consumerism is has leaked into everywhere and especially on like tiktok or instagram i feel like people got tired of instagram because of the ads but tiktok nowadays have really allowed brands to promote things without having to say they're promoting things or without it seeming like an ad so all these people are buying all this shit all the time and trust me I have been there and this

is something I've been reckoning with recently is I was I was just like I have been online shopping way too fucking much but why why why am I online shopping it's because I see a video and I see it looks good on somebody or that they're trying this or this solve this for them or this solve this for them so why not it should solve this for me and then I try it and it doesn't work out and then I'm disappointed and that's because I feel like a lot of the things that I'm buying a lot of the things that I'm really leaning into are things that are pushed by influencers and by ads and they're not actually things that are going to bring me any good or positive into my life I just succumb to an ad unfortunately so influencing I feel like like sure it is a great way for you to

be your own boss and it's a fantastic amazing job that allows you to be on your own hours and be on your own time but like those beauty influencers who are reviewing something every single week are not going to be able to do that job unless they are promoting these things not being 100% honest in order to get more brand deals and get more opportunities and then get more things sent to them I was buying like toys for my nephew and I saw like wooden influencer kit for three-year-olds and I was like what the fuck like the internet is such a vast amazing creative space and there's so much you can do with it you can build communities you can share your work you can do all this stuff but why succumb yourself to oh I'm just gonna lie online

and be a billboard for ads in order to make money there's so many different ways that you can use the internet in a quote-unquote like influencing way in without having to like sell your soul and also like sell products do you know what i mean um and i really encourage you if you want to start up a new journey if you want to try it out if you want to share your work online if you want to become passionate about these things do it absolutely I a thousand percent encourage you to do so but don't like succumb yourself and lower yourself to the standards of oh I'm just an influencer oh I take pictures for ads oh I push things in order to sell things to people just to make money like that is just not a great way of living I really don't think so um and like

I get it it is easy it isn't it's an option for everybody go for it try it but there's just so many more fulfilling ways for you to go about things especially online which is something that I've had to realize like when I first started I got a ton of people reaching out to me and then I realized they just want me to say good things about these things that I might not particularly enjoy um and so I have just been very strict with myself with only we're working with people who like I absolutely love and I have and I use in my daily life because I don't want to be that sellout who is pushing you guys to spend your money which you probably don't have a lot of because like I know I don't have a lot of money to spend on things that are useless and on things

that I don't even like like that for me is like against my morals so influencing not all it's chopped up to be but creative becoming a creative and using the internet as a way to expand your horizons and connect with new people that you never would have connected with amazing 10 out of 10 recommend and i feel so fucking lucky to be able to get on here and hang out with you guys and chit chat and shoot the shit and tell a little dirty secrets and have a little laugh and have a little smoke i feel like that is amazing and wonderful and brilliant and i'm so fucking lucky to have you guys here and to be able to spend every tuesday with you guys and be able to create things with you guys i could not be happier um but like lowering yourself to just a influencer

is no way to live when there's so many brilliant and amazing ways to utilize the internet so if you have a dream and it includes the internet go for it absolutely but don't market yourself as a billboard and also be aware of the influencers who do market themselves as a billboard and try and be more aware of how consumerism affects us within like our computer usage like it's easy to spot a pop-up ad but can you spot when it's a paid ad on tiktok without them saying it without them saying hey this is a sponsorship without having hashtag ad in the bottom can you tell when that's an ad yeah think about it really just think about it and a great way of me being able to like realize if something's going to be good for me depending on if I saw it on TikTok

is if I see it and I want it and then I wait a week and a half and it's a not in the social rounds of oh try this new hyped up product or b I don't want it anymore then it is probably not meant for me because the things that are like viral are usually just pushed out by brands in order to get bought up within that month long or week long um you know product push um so if it's not viral after like a week or a month then it's probably not super fantastic and it's definitely not worth wasting your money on but whoever is buying those little wooden toy kits for their kids that are influencing kids with like fake little wooden cameras and a fake ring light that is terrifying oh my god you're trying to monetize your child or get your child to monetize itself

at three oh that is really terrifying um but i love you all this was so fun i need to get some lunch in me it's like two o'clock um and i need to get this podcast out to you guys most importantly i know some of you guys are very excited to listen to this but thank you for hanging out with me i've had a wonderful fucking day and i hope you guys do as well stay tuned for that fun little episode on thursday i know i'm very excited hopefully it comes out how i want it and there's no setbacks but i think everything is going according to plan it's a good new year we're having a good little start don't let people push you down stand up for yourself show yourself a little bit of love and kindness and compassion um these days and be patient with yourself as well as other people

there's just some heightened emotions right now as we go through mercury retrograde don't take it also personally learn to walk away um and sometimes have a good cry but i love you all keep dreaming keep wanting the best for yourself and i will see you all so very fucking soon love you