Smoke Sesh - finding balance, online boundaries & year of the horse

Episode Date: February 10, 2026

hello everyone and welcome back! the sun is out and spring is in the air (maybe early?) we chat what ive been up to, upcoming year of the horse, what to expect and what to look out for, going to the club, club etiquette, people watching, chemistry, opening up those hip chakras, letting loose and dancing, flirting on the dance floor, ultimate rizz tips and tricks, everything is going wrong, when it rains it pours, accepting the bad and making room for the good, online boundaries, stalking online, checking up on people, comparing yourself, creepy men online, substances, drinking post dry January, hangovers aren't worth it, smoking less, being intentional with smoking, spirituality journey, leaving the Christian church, the magic of spirituality, doing it for you, Hannahs hygiene tips, taking care of the kitty, just existing and learning to create the magic for yourself, travel plans and planing ahead, sugar daddies and making old men worth it plus much much much more!submit your questions follow the instagram at hannahmarlenejoin the patreon club at patreon.com/smokeseshshawtywatch the vlogs at YouTube.com/hannahmarlene444

listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all oh my goodness hello hello hello happy tuesday my loves hope you are all doing fantastic this week i know i am i'm a little a little sleepy a little tired but not as tired as last week so i think it should be a really good episode not that i never really think the episodes aren't gonna be good anyways rambling rambling as you can tell my red bull is kicking in very excited about that

um this week we're gonna have a fun little chill episode I'm kind of feeling the spring energy in the air this morning I was up early went to my horseback riding lessons went out to the ranch and I mean the past couple of months it's been like all right bitch layer up I'm talking like thermal underwear three pairs of socks multiple gloves like you better be prepared or else there's a possibility you're losing like a finger or something from frostbite like freezing and this was one of the first lessons back where i'm like i'm kind of sweating like i haven't sweated in a while outdoors and i'm starting to sweat a little bit and i'll tell you what that groundhog i think he's a fucking liar i think that groundhog is a liar i think that is a man-made lie i think

that groundhog did not actually see his shadow or whatever the fuck because the horses the horses are saying spring is here they're starting to shed and we go to groom them they're losing their hair they're already hot and sweaty they did not want to work this morning i literally had to go get one from the past year and he was like sprawled out laid out enjoying the beautiful sunshine and listen sir it made for a difficult lesson which I do enjoy like the the challenge of life you know the challenge of a hobby once you relinquish yourself to being new to something it allows you to approach a challenge with a more open mindset instead of being like oh this isn't working for me I don't want to do it anymore like a spoiled brat it's like no I'm really working on

that mindset of just because it's a challenging lesson because your horse is like bitch I want to go lay back out the pasture I don't really want to move that's okay you're learning new things next one maybe a little bit better but through challenge I think you'll always learn more so overall it was a it was a pretty good lesson I could tell though I was like the energy is different the energy is different out here when it was cold and the horses were fresh and they were like a little bit more like let's let's get moving it's cold i want to get moving so i warm up now they are becoming very lazy they're losing their hair i think spring is springs on the way and it is coming quick so if you were like one of the people who said the weather needs to get

it's act together i'm tired of being frozen i need summer please do not worry i i fear i really do think and you know what maybe i'm wrong but in my heart i feel like we maybe have a couple more days like less than a week a handful of days that might actually be really really cold during the day but overwhelmingly so like today it's supposed to be a high of 70 what it's barely february high of 70 tomorrow it's 60 it's supposed to be beautiful all week i'm gonna try and take advantage of it as best as i can because i'll tell you what the winter confines has me going crazy so whenever the weather is opening up i need to take advantage of it and i hope you do too wherever you may be if you experience a little bit of sunshine please go stick your face in the

sunshine for five minutes i guarantee it'll make you feel amazing but me and danger here are in our springtime move got outside got a little sweaty I still kind of smell like horses a little bit that's okay dangers outside on his chair on the front porch enjoying the weather which he has not been able to do he's done a podcast with uh him outside in a while so it is just I'm feeling the gears switch in my head more towards spring and summer and I'm very excited about that newfound energy that new found inspiration so hopefully you guys are too we actually a little little side note here we are approaching the year of the fire horse i know approaching valentine's day lunar new year there's a lot going on this next week or so technically next week will be the next

tuesday will be the lunar new year the year of the horse i know it's a little early to chat about it But I think to actually like mentally prepare, I'm going to tell you guys like what kind of things I'm looking out for, what to be aware of, what to be cautious with, and maybe what you can do to really close out the year of the snake and open yourself up fully to the year of the fire horse. I mean, we got one more week, babe. Now is the time. Now is the time if you need to shed something.

if you know i need to leave one thing in the fucking past now is the time to do it or simply put just accept it okay that is what that lesson was last year oh i don't need this or i do need this or this person's bad for me this thing is bad for me is it really good for me weighing the internal battle of existence and really trying to put ourselves on the best path shedding those layers we got one more week you either learn those you either realize realize realize realize or you release it or you're gonna face these battles for the rest of your life you can pick and choose what you want to do if you're like this is too much to face right now i get it i get it no one talks about the challenge when it comes up to like um self-betterment the uh the journey of

self-betterment where you're standing in front of two choices which is like um i know logically what's good for me and also I know what I've been doing and sometimes you're at that crossroad and it's like I'm just gonna keep doing what I've been doing like let's be fucking real let's be fucking real everything is easier said than done and sometimes you face that that the road best chosen or whatever the fuck and you go actually I'm not brave enough yet I'm not ready to take that step I'm not ready to go that direction I just I need to work on myself a little bit more before I get there I get it so if you can't do everything if you feel like all your chapters aren't closed or all those layers aren't shed it's all right it's okay I understand sometimes

choosing yourself is hard sometimes it's not the right moment sometimes you need to build up some confidence I urge you profusely to please try and choose the right thing but I also understand if you're like there's a couple layers and I'm a I'm a little nervous to encroach on or a little afraid to lose you will get there eventually and I think honestly this year of the fire horse it's it's gonna shed those layers very quickly as soon as we enter it honestly if there's anything I've learned from let me go ahead and like horse girl out for a second here because I have learned a lot in the very small amount of time working with these creatures that I have and honestly the amount of respect and understanding not only for them but myself that has come from it has been

very very inspirational very challenging very cathartic and I think this next year is going to be the exact fucking similar now fire horse that kind of scares me it's giving wild mustang energy unpredictable you you never know the next move you have a little bit of nerves up there when you're on that horse because it's like it could go truly any direction and thus you must be a good rider okay and what makes a good rider self-confidence strong ab muscles intuitive direction confidence trust in self going forward not afraid to make your voice known that's what makes a good rider and i think with this year of the fire horse we are going to be pushed into some unexpected directions we're going to be probably faced with some unexpected challenges

we're gonna feel a lot of freedom that we haven't felt in a while you know um year of the snake we were very very internal what is our internal world like i do think with the year of the horse we're gonna be exploring greener pastures literally like i think we're going to be taking the world by storm really going after things without hesitancy really approaching life with this like um quiet understanding and self-confidence with also you know like you might get spooked a little bit there might be a couple things that spook you don't let it have lasting effects on you make direct turns accordingly adjust accordingly it's okay to have a human reaction to things but don't let it really ruin that uh that confidence that we're building i think this

will be a very confident focused year i think it will be a year where we're maybe pushed out of our boundaries or our comfort zones forced to literally take life by the reins and actually move it where we want to go. Thus, I say, you know, in the year of the snake, if you were a little afraid to lose those layers, I think this year we might be faced with the challenge of having to do it through fear anyways, honestly. In my lesson today, I kind of learned something that I think is a really good lesson going into this year, which is if you think about everything, you're going to get overwhelmed. If you're worried about where your feet are in the stirrups and how you're holding the reins and you're oh my god are you clutching these muscles and are you doing this

thing it's a lot to think about you're gonna get overwhelmed you're gonna freeze up stop thinking so much put yourself in your body take some deep breaths get fucking meditative that's how you're gonna make it through this year relinquish control have confidence trust in the universe follow your heart and your intuition and stand up beside yourself and i think you will be good honestly i'm honest i'm very excited i can already feel the energy picking up i can already feel like the self-confidence building i already feel that like intuitive confidence building and i think it's going to be a very transformative um conformative or more of like confrontational year that maybe we all need especially those of us who are a little afraid of making our own

choices in life because i feel you on that especially as a girl who likes to live in her own head sometimes sometimes bitch you have to take life by the reins and go where you need to go and you know what it's a good lesson i'm excited for it i think it's gonna be very fun i'll tell you what it's gonna be a wild fucking ride that's for sure i have no idea what to expect but i'm gonna go ahead and you know let life do its thing and try and hold on the best i fucking can that's for sure this warm weather has me excited for like spring and summer though i'm ready to get to i'm ready to get to the river i'm ready to get outside i'm ready to be in a tank top i'm ready to sweat in some booty shorts i'm ready to have a good time and i hope you guys are too

um not much to catch you guys up on just doing my little thing my horseback riding i went out with my girlies this weekend um one of my best friends my childhood best friend is moving from Kansas City to Chicago for schooling and truly and honestly I don't think um she will be coming back to Kansas City um it's kind of like when you're not meant for a place and you're like forced to leave it's like well why would I go back that kind of mentality it's a it's a nice quiet understanding of love the place love where I'm from but I'm I need to be somewhere else um i think it's a quiet understanding that i'm also developing as well but she's just forced to leave for school so she has a fantastic excuse to get the get the fuck out of here but we went out this

weekend we went we had a little girls night at the club it was such a good time it was uk what was it uk garage night and honestly peak music experience when i'm at the club and it's like okay you're going hard you as a dj you're going hard you can't slow down or my brain and my body slows down and it's hard to pick up the vibes again like i like a good lol but i like a really fast paced fucking beat and i'll tell you what uk garage fantastic to dance to it was a great time it's probably the busiest i've seen this place that i go quite often which was fun it's i personally when i'm in the club i'm not there to make connections i did meet a few of you guys and that was super fun sending kisses love you down sorry I was so belligerently drunk please don't take it personally but like um

I love being in the club as somebody who's like I don't really need to chit chat with people like I'm there with people but also like I really like to observe my surroundings um and like see seeing people interact with each other it's probably my favorite thing to do people watching especially people watching the club is peak experience I feel like I'm watching a rom-com in slow motion literally like people making bad choices people making good choices men trying to flirt and failing extra extraordinarily women trying to flirt and then getting nervous and then like walking away when it's like that man really wants to stick his dick inside of you babe like you don't have to be nervous trust there's a reason he's talking to you right now i just i

love the club experience simply put for the experience of like people watching and i saw you guys okay if you're a single girly out there and you're like the apps it's not for me if you're newly single i don't really know if the apps are a good place to go my friends who are single are like the apps fucking suck i just kind of use it as like pokemon go but for men for like quick attention but there's really nothing coming from it like i want to meet someone in person but then it's like oh i want to meet someone in person but i don't know what to say like to just walk up to them and go hi how are you like bitch what the fuck like and then you get maybe a little nervous and you overthink it i saw the perfect example of what you should do whoever you are if you find

yourself in a position and you're like i want to talk to them i don't know how to spark up a conversation with a stranger and I also want to come off slightly flirtatious so they know like what the vibe is I saw this woman and this was brilliant truly and honestly she was there she was dancing she was like moving and grooving hot sexy love it yes love an independent queen I saw her eye catch another guy's eye and he quickly looked away whatever but she she locked on to him she scanned his body she was like this one this one's for me he was also moving and grooving i was like i i fuck with their vibes i feel like they would be able to dance well together that's also if you can't dance on the dance floor with somebody you can't have good sex with them

we'll get to that conversation in a second but she's locked eyes on this man literally i saw the decision make in her head where she's like yeah i'm going over there she walked right up to him she like gently like put her fingers on his chest like kind of as like a high i'm here or like on his shoulder and was like do i know you from somewhere and i saw him be like wait do i know her and then i saw her be like i could tell in her eyes she did not know who the fuck this person was but this must be her move where it's like i'm walking up to this person i'm gonna do an icebreaker which is do i know you from somewhere they're gonna scramble for an idea but it's like no and then you can hit them with which what she did she goes well can we get to

know each other i was flabbergasted i've never seen this much riz in person you don't see a lot of riz out nowadays people people nowadays they don't know how to talk to each other they don't know how to riz each other up they don't know how to like play the flirtatious game of like getting to know somebody like watching these drunk men approach different women incoherently it was like damn none of these men none of these men have pull at all because they just walk up to these women and just start talking about themselves and it's like they don't give a fuck they don't give a fuck like get mysterious with it give it a compliment you know ask them a question jesus christ like how hard can it be but this this woman had the most riz i've ever

seen in person recently like i actually stopped dancing and looked around and was like did anybody else see that i literally like in the moment was like i have to talk about this on the podcast so if you girls need some riz tips out there which as a woman never be afraid to walk up to a man you know like truly and honestly if you see a man you're like i want him i guarantee you can pull him i guarantee you can pull him if he's single walk up to him gentle shoulder touch gentle little like hey i'm here a little contact that's a great way to like assert a little bit of dominance or like i'm here for a reason you know soul connection do i know you from somewhere you look like so familiar are you sure maybe i saw you in a dream like literally i was like no i'm impressed i'm

impressed anyways you guys practice your riz game also speaking of like a chemistry in the club and observing chemistry like i said if you guys can't dance well together it's like i don't think you're gonna like actually be able to like have chemistry or fuck well together because i would see these like baddies who can dance i'm talking getting down and these men with stiff hips come up behind them and not stiff in that way I mean they just are not moving their hips and it's like if you can't catch it and you know catch the rhythm that she is throwing down then it's not gonna mesh well you're not gonna be able to hold out on the dance floor babe like you better step away you better go find a stiff woman honestly and that's okay there's there's there's a fit for everybody when

it comes to dancing me personally me and my boyfriend dance really well together that's how I was like I know I know we'll we'll work we we can get along we'll work the chemistry is there because we can catch a rhythm together we can dance well together and I do think sex or oop dancing directly correlates to sex I know if you think about it in the grand scheme of things isn't sex just dancing in a different way in bed I mean you got to throw those hips you got to catch a rhythm you got to be aware of your body like slightly enough that you know what you're doing with it and if you're a woman who like doesn't feel sexy or like is is not like comfortable in their body i highly encourage you to get out and dance go to the club girl open up that hip chakra

you know go throw it around everybody's drunk nobody's paying attention to you like truly and honestly, you're only paying attention to yourself that much. Get out and dance. It is so incredibly fun. So liberating. It's great for your mental health. It's great for your self confidence. It's it's great all around. Honestly, if I don't get out and go dance at least once a month, I do feel my hips start to close up. And I felt that way. Like when I was horseback riding today, I was like, I gotta get to yoga like my body is not limber enough. I feel like I'm holding too much tension in my body so I'm excited to look forward to yoga tomorrow anyways anyways bitch stop rambling no literally though get into the club go dance release your inhibitions if you need a good

flirt walk up to any man of your choosing I guarantee you can pull them and men I'm sure you know it's a little bit more difficult with women but if you come compassionately and kindly and don't just talk about yourself like you'll be good if you're dancing on the dance floor and you see someone else dancing and you're like oh my god we could match a vibe approach cautiously but you know she'll probably start throwing it back on you get out have fun follow your heart follow your intuition listen to that self-confidence give into your self-confidence you're supposed to be self-confident when you're not self-confident something's going wrong that's what i'm learning most recently it's like no no no no no you're not supposed to be insecure into in your body or in

your head like we gotta fit there's something going wrong here you know what i mean not like a wrong way where you're like oh bad you're wrong no no no that's gonna leave you down a further path of like i hate myself no it's like something's wrong here in a sense of you know what is feeling off so you also have the power to change it and usually usually it just is trusting and believing in yourself moral of the story does any of this make sense honestly sometimes i'm up here and i'm like i know i'm rambling i really feel like i'm just speaking from the heart in like an oracle sense but sometimes i'm really just a girl who loves a good ramble and can't get her brain to stop thinking anyways i'm gonna chug this ramble we're gonna get to your questions let's see what

the vibes are for the girls this week quick little shameless plug because duh hello oregon vlog out now hannah marlene 444 on youtube cute fun little vlog horseback riding thrifting in and out muck bong the whole hiking we do a lot it's a good time i went a little crazy on instagram this week and i posted two different recipes both of which are bagel recipes i didn't realize bagels were so easy to make oh my god i did not realize they were so easy to make so i made a mixed berry bagel recipe and a regular bagel recipe but i made like high as fuck egg sandwiches like bagel sandwiches breakfast sandwiches oh fire 10 out of 10 recommend and per usual patreon.com smoke if you want to see any extra anything i just started a new monthly forecast where i sit down

and we chat like what i've been seeing what i what i want to see more of um whether it's like clothes food themes vibes whatever it may be things that i'm really enjoying that month and hope to see more of it's exciting and also the podcast oh my god we've been doing like two and a half hour long podcast but it's been so fun i feel like on patreon i can be a little bit more unhinged in a healthy sense you know and i also answer every single question so of course i gotta i gotta make time for all the girls of course so if you haven't had your question answered and you have a dire question or you want to treat yourself or you don't know what to get your girlfriend this valentine's day you know what makes a great present a patreon subscription

patreon.com slash smoke slash shawty and i say this as someone who's subscribed to multiple patreons i enjoy a patreon i do i know exactly where the money's going i know exactly who it's going to i appreciate the extra content because i'm a content queen who like i'm constantly consuming honestly so you know paying a little extra to get a little extra is always worth it And I try and make your $7.77 as worth it as possible. Anyways, let's get into your questions. Someone said, girl, bad shit keeps happening to me. Oh, no.

How do I stay in slash protect my own energy? This is tiring. Now, I will go ahead and bring up the centuries-long adage. Is that the right word? Adage of when it rains, it pours. if there's one thing i have realized in this life it's that when it rains it fucking pours and it's the one thing my dad would always say to me and i'd be like okay shut the fuck up like i get it duh hello i'm literally living through it of course when it rains it pours but also i think

there's like a very um there's like a very balancing understanding to it where it's like sometimes you have to succumb to your situation and accept what it is and through that you will be able to like and not be so emotional about what's going on and accept it and challenge yourself and move forward accordingly so when it rains it pours truly like last time i went through kind of like a triple whammy situation where it's like car stolen cat sick for months spending thousands of dollars here tax day uh-oh this that and the other it's like holy fuck can a bitch catch a break for real and it's like the universe will be done with you when it's done with you trust it's only putting you through those trials and tribulations for a reason and it's because it

knows you can handle it there's nothing that you can't handle you're gonna have a difficult time i'm not gonna say it's gonna be easy but there's nothing you won't be able to handle and grow out of in this life i promise you but i do think there's power in simply accepting your situation I think a lot of the time what brings suffering to me is like the desire to not be in that position you know isn't it what's it desires the root of all suffering quite literally think about it in the most simplest terms where it's like oh I'm sick I have a cold I just feel shitty I have to be doing this I can't do it because I don't feel good like I don't want to be in bed all day I feel gross I'm sweaty blah blah blah when you are in that position of like simple you know winter

illness you are like oh this sucks because I'm not healthy and that's simply the only reason it really does suck it's like yeah it's a shitty situation but it sucks worse because you're in your head like oh I remember what it's like to be healthy I remember when times were good I remember when I could breathe through my nose and it makes your situation worse sir like worse sir babe once I realized to approach being sick as also like okay I have to commit fully to being sick now of like I can't pretend like I'm healthy I'm gonna have to yeah do things I usually do while sick but I'm gonna be like yeah I'm gonna accept the situation for what it is I'm gonna veg on the fucking bed for a while i'm gonna you know try and stay keep those supplements up stay healthy

as much as i can but i'm gonna accept the situation for what it is which is being sick instead of trying to live in this delusional land of oh but but i wish when i was better no it is what it is and when life throws you these trials and tribulations that have you like on your knees praying by your bedside like please when will it end you sometimes instead of visualizing yourself in that place of oh but when i was healthier when things were going good which is going to make it make you suffer more you've got to accept that it's like ah this kind of sucks right now this sucks this sucks this is shitty i feel like it's not fair yeah sure hannah said the universe will give you what you can handle but also like i'm not god's strongest soldier please do not push

me to my limits when you're in that situation instead of being so control freaky and i wish and desire you gotta simply accept the situation for what it is which is this fucking sucks that when i hit my point last year where it's like okay the fifth thing is happening what the hell i finally hit that burnout where it was like i don't know i like there's no more there's no more tears left to cry i don't care i do care but it's like all right it's just shitty and i'm gonna have to accept it and hope that one day it'll be better but like let's accept the situation and take one step at a time my like mental approach to it got way more easier way more fluid I was able to handle the challenges with more ease I was able to be kinder to myself because I had more

understanding instead of putting myself at these like levels of well you should be here but you're here and it's out of your control so like suffer bitch no it's like have kindness understand the situation for what you are accept it for what it is have hope build trust in yourself but also sometimes you really do just have to look in the mirror and go damn this fuck it sucks and accept it and be in that place for a second and before you know it you'll be out of it hi beautiful baby sorry if you can hear my dog drinking water in the background he is loud as hell anyway i just wanted to say first of all love you love the pod so much i've been a frequenter for the past little bit then kind of on and off for the past couple years but i feel like now that i've kind of

developed i've finally started taking your advice to heart instead of being a ignorant little little girl um but anyway um funny enough as a libra i'm asking a question about balance how do you find a happy balance within life work home life hobbies etc like what is the best way that you find balance in that anyway i love you so much thank you balance balance balance balance the question on everybody's minds everybody is like you get into adulthood you're not balanced you're not balanced everything's chaos all the time you don't even know where you're going you don't know what job you're gonna have you taxes who's that i don't know her like it's chaos when you become an adult whether it's like straight out of high school you go into like a part-time job you go

into a trade school you go into college whatever whatever you come out of and then enter into the real real world it's chaos okay so then you hit that like mid-20s point where it's like i'm kind of balanced okay i figured out school and job and friend and you have all the categories and you you're in a routine but maintaining that routine feels very exhausting because you're like oh my god there's just there's a lot going on it's not as chaotic unknown chaotic as your early 20s are but the mid-20s is this like fine salsa dance of balance and I think we when we think about balance in our adult lives we think about oh this beautiful perfect routine that's gonna make me feel whole that's gonna make me feel balanced it's gonna be perfect and I can wake up and do

it every single day I wish that's how it worked life will never be that organized the most organized you'll probably have life is like okay I have a good morning routine like I know I need fucking coffee in the morning so i'm getting myself coffee and i know i need food so i'm making myself food okay a good morning routine of just like waking up and doing the bare minimum and trying to do your best uh a daily routine of like okay either work or day off hopefully you can finesse a little gym routine in there hopefully you can finesse a little like work hang out you know maybe it's a friendship hang out and then like a good evening routine that's like the most controlled you'll probably have life now you'll the balance you're seeking is not exactly

the teeter-totter scale that you dear libra are probably thinking about the balance you're seeking is almost like i literally don't even know how to quantify it because i'm trying to think of like a great a good example so you know when you're in like an inner tube in the water i have the craziest examples but it's really the first thing that hits my head you know when you're in an inner tube in the water and it's like the waves are moving you around and you're kind of having to like adjust your body weight accordingly to keep like it balanced you don't tip out that's what adult balance in life is where it's like okay we have the knowns we have the the what is known now the shifting of the weight is adjusting the unknown oh my friend called me and wants to hang out this

day great let's shift our weight a little bit where maybe we're not doing anything the day before so we have energy the next day to then go hang out with them oh this random thing popped up this event that i want to go to okay now we're shifting our weight so we have enough time energy space accordingly to then go do that thing oh usually i get groceries during that time okay so now where are we moving the groceries it really is this like delicate dance life is this delicate dance and once you start learning to like relinquish the control and the organization dear libra you got you got to let go of that control once you learn to just like flow there are no steps to the dance this is not line dancing it is a salsa dance where you have to feel the

energy follow the energy stay balanced spin on one foot occasionally let life dip you down and trust that it's gonna pull you back up that's that's the balance of adult life it really is a lot of it is just like an energy exchange for me personally where I really am every morning looking at my energy bar the same way I am my phone and I go okay so here's my non-negotiables for the day I have this doctor's appointment I have this work I have this home stuff I have to do I have this friend stuff I have to do okay that's gonna eat up a lot of my energy bar in fact probably most of it so how can I what when are my charging times when am I gonna go plug myself in plug my phone in charge up that bar you know when am I gonna take a rest a pause moment

where i can kind of like recharge in order to have energy for this next thing coming up what can i plan ahead to do so then i make sure my bar is fully charged that's what balance is it's not this like perfect organizational method so you can really know what's coming every single day there's only a limited amount that you're going to be able to do that before life kind of knocks you on your ass and that's going to throw you off completely so you have to learn to dance a little bit you gotta learn to like go with the flow really focus on your energy where are you gonna have energy make time for things understand your limits understand your limitations set those boundaries accordingly and i do think it is kind of beautiful it's kind of like fun it's kind of

like playing playing tetris if you really think about it you know don't get so overwhelmed with the the prospect of like having so many things to do because i think that's what makes life beautiful is like a really good day for me like today is when I wake up immediately coffee horseback riding feeding the horses coming home filming podcast eating lunch editing going to yoga coming home doing some chores working on this making dinner eating a gummy watching a movie going to bed that is a busy day that's a busy day it is but those are good days that's when I feel like i'm dancing the best i can that's when i feel like i had my death my best moves you know that's when i feel like i'm challenged to my fullest extent and also feeling like i'm living

a full life is when i do have a lot of things going on but the only way i'm willing to balance those things and make the most out of life is energetically really paying attention to myself paying attention to when I need to charge up paying attention to how much energy certain things cost me and loosening up those joints and hips and learning to dance with what's going on learning to make the best of any situation learning to keep that momentum going and keep that energy going that's that's what the balance really looks like it's never going to be that scale of nope it's going to be ebb and flow and up and down and side to side it's going to be a little bit crazy and a little bit wild but thus is life i also have these moments where i'm like oh i'm

too busy the life sucks i'm just so busy i have to do all these things and then i think about you got to put things into perspective sometimes of like thinking about me 97 oh that's kind of old i don't know on my deathbed and i hope and pray to god that i go wow i'm tired but i did everything i did my best i did everything i wanted to i tried everything i wanted to yeah bitch i'm tired i'm 97 but i i did it i i pushed through it i paid attention to myself i tried new things i challenge myself but i did it those those days i lived were full fun days and that includes some days just like doing fucking nothing like i said pay attention to your energy bar if it's zero me after going out with my friends post working a shift post filming like i worked for 12 hours

straight and then went to the club and was out till 3 a.m and it was like oh that next day energy bar zero charge battery dead gonna take forever to recharge but that's okay because i made sure i had things organized i did the bare minimum a little bit i took time out of my day to recharge it's that fine dance of understanding yourself understanding what you need making sure your battery is full and living to your fullest potential you got this you got this girl it's fun once you once you learn how to dance once you learn how to lean into the dance and relinquish control it's it gets very fun seriously like i said my fullest days my busiest days are some of my best days no matter how exhausted i am at the end of it how to deal with desperate

single men online oh i love blocking a man i do i'm sure there's some men that i've accidentally blocked that i'm like oh i thought you were a straight man that was coming on to me i'm so sorry and if i did you know i apologize sometimes i get really high at night and i get scared and that's okay that's my right as an individual but also it's like i love a good block i love a good i've said this forever but like how are you gonna bother me on my 1200 phone huh huh how are you gonna bother me in my own home from online that's crazy no no no no people talk about in person boundaries a lot you know oh i don't want to deal with this i don't want to deal with that blah blah blah blah let me set in-person boundaries but what about online boundaries

what online boundaries are you setting for yourself and that comes with the you know the boundaries of like oh I don't have to let this thirsty man be in my dms all the time because it's annoying why don't I just block him but also can we talk about like online self-harm and the lack of online boundaries because I think with the idea of oh I have a phone in hand and I have access means i should have access at all times but it sometimes does more harm than good and i'm not talking about this in a sense of like oh like prying into people's life maybe i am the perspective i'm looking at it is last week on the patreon we had someone talk about who it's like i keep falling into this repetitive behavior of checking ex's socials or i'm dating this new guy and i keep

checking his followers or his likes or his location things like that and for me personally as a reformed crazy bitch I really had to get my online boundaries in check otherwise I was gonna drive myself insane and boundaries I think we also approach with the idea of enforcing them on other people which you can and most people do but what about those boundaries you hold with yourself what what boundaries are you setting with yourself and especially what boundaries are you setting online it's very important to have online boundaries such as no i'm not going to check their following for my own mental health if frankly put that's just a control issue you're gonna find something that's gonna piss you off anyways and if they're cheating on you you'll

find out anyways and you're gonna have to leave it is what it is you can't control people's behavior oh let me check the likes no no let me check their location no it's gonna glitch you're gonna think they're at some some bitch's house when in reality they're a dairy queen like it really truly doesn't matter but in your head it matters and reinforcing that control and not not enforcing boundaries on yourself is gonna drive you insane i know it drove me insane back in the day where it was like no i have access for to this stuff so i should be checking it just in case something happens just in case a random girl pops up in his following just in case he ends up at the wrong place and thinks i'm not checking it it's like oh my god what a soulless way to live life constantly

being in a surveillance state on someone else no i quickly because i was driving myself crazy and it was like very toxic not only to myself but my partner at the time i had to set very harsh boundaries with myself online boundaries of you're not checking that you're not allowed to go look into those things occasionally you slip up here and there but relatively i'm very good at it and even so to the point where i'm like no i'm not going to allow myself to go down that rabbit hole let's pause with a great example of the epstein files someone said epstein files hello i've been depressed and traumatized yeah guess what as an online boundary for myself I'm able to look at a couple things before it's like okay we have to stop looking at this like you're re-traumatizing

yourself it's not good it consuming this content feels like self-harm I feel awful afterwards and i actually saw someone make a post that i felt like was perfect at encapsulating how i feel and how like if you also feel is okay which is if you're a survival survivor of sexual violence you actually don't have to read about the epstein files all the time you know what evil men and those in power are capable of maybe take a walk or touch your toes i love you and i'm sorry and truly it really is that simple sometimes where it's like especially with the influx of information it can feel overwhelming or crazy fucking shit like that happening that is very real and apparent sometimes especially when it's not good for you you can put the phone down and walk away

okay you are allowed to do so if you are tired of that creepy ass fucking man in your dms block him if you find yourself checking up on people too often in a big brother type way that feels very surveillance statey that is causing you to go insane over random hypotheticals set that boundary stop checking it okay if you're consuming content that is making you go crazy or feel really shitty after consuming it stop looking at it even comparing yourself online to other women we need to see a rise of online boundaries i think people have got really comfortable with the boundaries thing and comfortable with it in their real lives but what are you doing on your phone yeah yeah and that's just the truth of it all as someone who

spends a lot of time on their phone like a lot of fucking time i'm not even going to check that screen time because i know it's it's unnecessarily large but a lot of time on my phone i'm somebody who also understands that it can be very good it could be evil depending on what you do with it and if you are not setting like rules and regulations for yourself the phone is going to take over your brain and we need to be in control in that situation and that includes being clear with what's good for us understanding maybe like bad behaviors or indulgence in bad things sending bad or boundaries accordingly i promise your life will be so much better for it truly there's literally so many different scenarios that i think you could set online

boundaries in but if you find yourself feeling like the the phone is in control of you and you're not in control of the phone such as like involuntary checking things like looking at things that make you feel bad um consuming content that feels like not good to consume you are in control of the phone the phone is not in control of you okay i love you hangover recovery day fatty bowls and instant mash but instant mashed potatoes are your go-to honestly that is such a good idea i love a mashed potato underrated hangover meal kfc mashed potatoes mac and cheese and like a three-piece spicy tender my stomach is grumbling i don't think you can hear it but like wow that just sounded so good also recently drinking again hello hate it wow taking a month off from something

will really show you oh do i really need this do i really need this and also why do i feel like i need it you know no hangovers in the month of january was actually magical incredible wonderful because the thing is if i'm drinking i'm having a hangover the next day not because i'm like excessively drinking but because once you get past the age of 25 three drinks or even two or simply a glass of wine will give you instant instant hangover it is what it is you're going to be exhausted the next day our bodies must like metabolize it differently once you get older or it's just like growing up and not having the mental strength to get over it faster but it's like the inconvenience of what it is after drinking has completely turned off like

the fun for me like actually I don't really I don't really want to drink it's like sure I'll go out and I'll have a couple drinks but at this point in time of my life it's like I don't have the urge to like get fucked up anymore and thank god I grew out of that because I really thought it was gonna be a no you're gonna go get impatient somewhere for a second like the there was no self control when I was younger it was like no we're drinking to blackout and we're doing many other drugs i thought there was going to be a rehab stint truly and honestly that was definitely something i thought was in the books for hannah but taking time and being patient with myself and also like distance makes the heart grow fonder or it shows you wow i want that thing

out of my fucking life okay you can quote me on that that mess of a sentence but if you are someone who consumes substances i don't care what that fucking substance is it could be coffee it could be meth i'm joking it could be alcohol it could be nicotine it could be weed okay taking a little bit of time off is so important it could be relationships it could be sex it could be anything taking spending money oh my god doing a no spend month doing a month off alcohol a tea break for a month doing okay let me let me stop smoking nicotine for a little bit see how it makes you feel it'll put some fucking things into perspective and you'll realize wow a why was i having these urges b am i using it in a way that is like healthy and makes sense c let me

understand like why my brain works the way it does and the effects it has on my body d once you come back to it you'll be able to have a better understanding of like truly how you work with it and i am realizing yeah you know a night out every once in a while with the girls couple drinks go to the club do some dancing great fantastic the next day I am out out out for the count I'm not gonna sleep I'm gonna be dehydrated as fuck I'm gonna be hangover central headache low energy that's just what comes in the realm of drinking and I'm not willing I don't think I'm in a place where I'm willing to give up my good days anymore you know I'm not willing to have a day that should be a chill good day where i'm doing a bunch of stuff because i decided to have three drinks the

night before it's just i like my peace i like not feeling like shit every once in a while like i said i'm gonna go out i'm gonna get i'm gonna get a little tipsy i'm gonna dance with my girls hell yeah but at this point in time that month off really broke my urge because like i said i was in a place where i was like let's drink every night no no no no that's just habit by then once you break that habit you really have to understand you know what your relationship is and why and they'll challenge your beliefs a little bit and i think that dry january is very good for me but yeah now that i'm back to drinking i'm like hangovers instant mashed potatoes yeah i'm writing that down i think my next hangover meal is gonna be kfc mac and cheese or churches peak fried

chicken churches chicken you guys have churches chicken oh maybe i'm making fried chicken tonight oh yeah speaking of someone comes in it was like why doesn't she smoke weed anymore I smoke a lot of weed honestly that's probably something I need to take my next month off on I think my next like month challenge which I'm gonna do I think I'm gonna keep this a routine in my lived experience where it's like okay you can do dry January any month of the year just put dry in front of it you can do dry November if you really want to no drink november there's a fun one but like i think every couple months i want to challenge myself to one full month of giving up something i think my next one is going to be one month no

spend like unnecessary spending where i am like no going out to eat no iced coffees no thrift trips like cut it down and see how i feel see where the urge is see if i can break it see why it functions that way in my head when i spend money i think it's really good it's good to like healthily challenge yourself and I think a month is a perfect stint where it gives you just enough time off and also challenges your self-control just enough that it gets it puts you in a good perspective but I don't smoke weed on the podcast anymore because I have changed my relationship with weed before when I was first starting this podcast which is actually insane to think about I would do two episodes a week I was unemployed and I would be smoking dabs or like sometimes I

would smoke eight bowls an episode and an episode takes me maybe an hour and a half to film total that's with like random bathroom breaks and this and that here and there I like thinking about that that's really bad for me because I know I was only able to function that way because I only liked myself or only liked the way I functioned when I was so fucking high and that's not a way that is good for Hannah to live eight bowls in the span of an hour and a half yeah my brain probably should have been hemorrhaging at that point but like I know I was doing that and I was able to function because I only liked myself high I only liked myself when I was feeling that way and thus the compulsion to smoke that much now I'm like actually I've reframed my relationship

with weed where instead of like oh i need to be high 24 7 because i want to dissociate from life and i don't really like who i am or what i say unless i'm stoned to the fucking bone now i'm like i like weed but the way i use it is in a sense of like relaxation winding down you know what we'll go ahead and say disassociation but disassociation to connect to other things where it's like oh i'm i'm focused on relaxing right now or i'm focused on yoga right now or i'm focused on cleaning right now you know really changing what you're focused on in that moment and i don't think it's something that i can smoke and get on here and talk and form coherent sentences that are important or worthy of uploading anymore it's just it is what it is my relationship with

weed has changed completely and it's good it's a very good change i'm very happy with where i am sorry if i'm not smoking eight bowls in a row on the podcast anymore please that's what you want to do when you do this when you listen to this by all means girl i feel you and that's why i try and make the the message of the smoke sesh very clear which is i love the beautiful formation of the smoke sesh in random places like the epitome of the smoke sesh is you being at a party seeing a bunch of people in a circle that come from all walks of life you know it's the nerd it's the jock it's the the boho hippies it's the girl with all a's it's the it's the girl who doesn't even smoke weed but it's still there because they want to chit chat and talk the fucking aliens it's

people from all walks of life all getting together as a form of communication conversation and indulgence and things that they enjoy and i think that's beautiful and wonderful and maybe i'm the girl right now that's sitting in the smoke sesh chatting about aliens and not smoking any weed but there's a place for everybody here on smoke sesh so with that being said if you're gonna hit a bowl best time to do it is right now but for me personally i saved my weed for the evenings for winding down for really focusing and i'm trying to limit as much as i smoke recently it's good self-control oh my god who would have thought who would have fucking thought truly i think about that a lot i'm like this hannah could have gone down two very different roads

one a very dark road of many many substances all the time self-loathing and hate or i could have developed a little bit of self-control and confidence and not so much addiction to substances and truly i'm glad i went down the the road maybe less traveled or should be traveled and if you need help please get help for the love of god we all deserve a little bit of help in this life but very proud of how much i've grown since starting this podcast um and where i am now and i hope you're proud of me too okay hi this is so exciting i've been a listener since like 2020 covid era and so yeah this is so honestly fun i love your pod so shout out you i always play it on Tuesdays and put on the YouTube and I start being productive with my life so thank you always

for bringing the vibes anyway my question is I would love to hear more about your experience being a spiritual girl and your spiritual growth throughout your 20s and how you've navigated sort of I don't know familiar familial relationships or friendships being spiritual because what I find myself running into is i'm very spiritual person and it's been growing on me a lot recently and i've been branching out from tradition for a while now outside of my catholic roots into dabbling in astrology tarot energy stuff um and how you navigate that because people really do it's super taboo and i don't know i have a lot of friends that are non-religious i have a lot of people in my life that are just very traditional and i'm curious how you navigate that what it's

look like and if you would just be down to talk about it so yeah thank you again oh well hi baddie thank you for calling in we're so happy to have you here and thank you for listening for all of these years oh my goodness well i do think i'm very privileged in the sense of like i haven't had many people be like you're weird as fuck for that like i've always been a weird bitch and own the weird bitchness so everybody around me just assumes what i'm doing is normal for me and i think that's been like really good but also i haven't faced a lot of people who it's like if i have like crystals on me they're calling me the devil i like i i really haven't faced anything like that the hardest thing i've had to come to terms with when it comes to like

spirituality is um like in high school when i was getting deeper into it and more so when i mean deeper into spirituality it was more so like questioning the church um the hardest thing i related to face there was like telling my parents like i'm good on going to bible school i'm good on going to youth group you know like it's just it's not for me i'm not getting anything from this like in the simplest terms like don't want to be here and i'm also very grateful that like my parents were like okay she's just like growing out of it it's not for her whatever it is like my parents are very whether they would state it or not they're very boho hippie people and although i grew up in the church i could tell it was kind of like a just like another tradition they passed

down from their parents so they didn't really hold it to any sort of value or serious state it was just like this is what we're supposed to do so it's what we're doing so when i was like man i'm good i'm collecting bones in my room they were like okay whatever like she's just she's a weird girl she's a weird girl i've always been this way so i am thankful that it's like something that i really haven't had any challenges with but i do understand the perception you're coming from especially from the catholic faith i understand if you're probably surrounded by a lot of people who would scream in your face that you're a witch and the devil and you're messing with like devilish things right now you're doing some devilish horrible things with those bones and

those crystals here's the thing at the end of the day no matter what you're doing the only perception that matters is yourself but i also understand like the need and desire the humanness that it is to fit in what you do spiritually in your own time doesn't have to be something that other people know about i know i share like a lot of like spells or things i'm doing or you know tarot or witchcraft or you know spirituality moon cycles things that I'm really into in that sort of way I know I share it with you guys because it's my job to share it with you guys but if I was just like in the middle of the woods doing this stuff like no connection or just like no connections outside world just like my inner circle I probably wouldn't tell them about these things you know

Not because I don't feel like I'd be supported or loved or understood or heard. It's just because I think there's something very meaningful about your individual practice in your own time. When you're sharing it, it does become slightly performative in that sort of sense. And there's a major performative aspect to Catholicism where it's like if you're not showing up, then you're not being seen by God. and was that i had a challenge that a lot when i came to my spirituality where it's like no like you this is like a meditative time to connect to yourself to connect to the earth to

connect to the world around you and there's something very beautiful about keeping that inner world kind of secret that doesn't mean you need to never tell anybody about it but also it's like time and place you know the same way i don't talk about fucking sucking dick in front of my mom I'm not going to also talk about like oh yeah my witchcraft that I'm doing time and place some people want to know about things some people are more curious about things some people aren't some topics can be brought up at the dinner table some topics can't it is what it is and once you learn the nuance of things in conversation and the safety of each person around you and the really the tier level that each relationship is on and how they view you and the transactionalness of

that then you'll know like okay i can sit down and talk to this girl about whatever spell i did and she's not gonna think i'm the devil but you know some people will think that way and honestly outside perception does not matter at all it doesn't it really doesn't what you do in your own inner world and the safety and comfort of your home in a positive manner that's what matters your relationship to spirituality that what that's what matters you're gonna have to challenge a lot of things especially if you grew up catholic a lot of internal beliefs that are probably placed on you probably a lot of shame that was placed on you but that's something that you can work with on your own and i know you can figure out and i know you're curious about and i know whatever

avenue it leads you down will be healthy because it sounds like you have a really good head on your shoulders but yeah i don't think you have to share everything with everyone all the time I think actually what makes spirituality so so so incredibly beautiful is that internal world that you build on your own it's the same way let me go ahead and put it in catholic terms it's the same way your grandmother when she's going through a hard time at 9 p.m at night she goes to the church even though it's quiet and no one's there and there's just a couple candles lit she's not going there to perform she is going there to indulge in her own inner sanctity and to indulge in that meditative behavior that is prayer she's going to those pews she is kneeling down in front of

god her god she is doing she's conversating with her god she is asking for something she is praying she is doing what she needs to do that's what makes it beautiful that personal connection when no one is around that spiritual world you enter when you do have that beautiful relationship when you are able to enter that meditative state it's the same way i feel when i go to my altar or when i'm in nature you know but yeah the simplest answer is what everybody else thinks about you doesn't matter i understand breaking out of the conformity of having to tell your parents like i don't really want to go to church you can stop showing up you don't have to tell them you don't have to tell them hey like i'm a pagan or whatever you consider yourself there's conversations for

times and places that can happen do i have i told my parents i'm not super religious no not really i just told them i wasn't interested anymore there's certain amount of information that people can handle and certain amount of information that people can't handle you gotta weigh that information accordingly with the relationships you have and the understanding you have in that relationship i used to think oh all relationships if i can't come to you and talk about my deepest darkest fears and beliefs and the worst things going on the best things going on then it's not a relationship I want to have and then I realized oh wow there's not a lot of those people in this world and I'm all alone all of a sudden and then yeah it's okay to have those surface level

relationships or you know maintain a good relationship with your parents even though you aren't close just for the act of like having that support in your life understanding maybe my mom can't love me in this way but that's all right that's fucking her problem that doesn't mean that someone else can't you know there's different it's that relationship menu i've talked about before where it's like don't order off the menu if it's not there babe you don't have to have that conversation if you don't want to if that person's gonna scream at you that you're the devil then you don't have to tell them you're getting into crystals you know what i mean all that matters when it comes to spirituality is that inner world that inner connection that inner

peace that inner sanctuary that you're building the same one that people have with god same one that people have with any deity they work with or whatever thing they think is god whatever whatever you believe in is valid in your own sense fingers crossed it's fucking positive because that's all i care about but that internal world how you build it how you get into it the connection you feel there that's that's what's magical that's what's beautiful and that's truly what religion was kind of built on until it became way fucked up way fucked up and controlling that's the magic love you guys are crazy but you know i'll answer any question how to get rid of that stale period smell okay shout out my iud and spironolactone combo because when i have my period now it's like

maybe a day and a half crazy crazy to say out loud because when for the first like five years of my life where I was bleeding out of my vagina and yes I'm gonna say it exactly like that so if there's any man listening they know what we go through every month we spend a week of every month bleeding profusely everywhere and we don't have a choice in it you think I want to be doing this no girl I don't but the beginning of my period I'm talking super plus tampon every hour and that was just like too much too much so for me personally because all hormones are different and our bodies are all going to react differently if you're a woman please understand what works for one woman might not work for you and i guess that's just like the beauty of womanhood i don't

really know but for me this iud spironolactone combo wow there's like no period but i still get one stale period smell stale stale is a word that i'm concerned about because are we not changing things often i if i have my period i will change my underwear multiple times a day and honestly i do that now even as a person who's like not on their period i'll be like yeah morning underwear next let me pull out another pair of underwear i went out to the club and i was like let me change my underwear because i feel like gross if i don't like i want to make sure she's taken care of down there i don't want to like have a pussy and like not think about her you know like i gotta uplift her and support her and like the confines of that underwear and tight jeans girl i know that's

uncomfortable i'm so sorry like let me put on a new pair of underwear for you you know switch it out especially if you've got a ushy gushy kitty i get it it could get swamp like down there if you don't check in every once in a while so check in you know also peak during your period is um any sort of like unscented wipe like a wet wipe oh perfect because like tmi but like not even tmi because this is just what we go through when there's like chunks and stuff like it's your there's flesh coming out of you okay there's chunks of flesh and blood it is what it is welcome to womanhood but like you can't get all that with dry ass toilet paper then you're leaving toilet paper up there on the creases like a wet wipe is the best honestly after like a really

sweaty gym sesh if you don't have time to shower if you feel like you got a stale period if you feel like you're bleeding everywhere too much and you can't get clean completely if you're like about to go out and you want like a refresh a good unscented wet wipe oh peak peak um but yeah hannah's hygiene tips today don't be afraid to wear four pairs of underwear in a day if that's what the pussy needs it's what the pussy needs and how dare you deny her of a good time and also wet wipes wet wipes all the way and don't flush them if they're unflushable you will clog your toilets and that's an awkward conversation to have with your handyman anyways feeling disconnected from reality nothing is exciting yet i'm not depressed just existing

this is the unfortunate road to depression let me let me tell you how my depression works because i realized like there is a little control i have over it like i i i know my uh triggers i know what's bad for me now after living with it for so long um sometimes it's uncontrollable sometimes it's hormone based where it's like okay like i said when it rains it pours sometimes you gotta accept the situation for what it is understand where you are try and move forward the best you can but have patience and kindness for yourself in that moment but for me what like if i was going to like trigger myself into a depressive episode this is what i would do this this is what i would do which is what i don't do okay a i would only live for work and home

okay I would only wake up to then go to work to then come home I would only go through like the simple motions of life all right I would not indulge in any hobbies no painting no no getting out horseback riding barely even getting out to get groceries I would do none of my hobbies not picking up books I would only be on my phone I would stop doing everything I love and only live to work that in itself bam that's an instant disconnect from yourself okay that is an instant disconnect from your hopes joys and passions which is what keeps that that sometimes tiny light but light nonetheless at the end of the tunnel okay i would stop talking to friends i would stop hanging out with friends i would stop talking to family i would self-isolate and

then congratulations inherently from there you're gonna get way too in your head you're gonna think everybody's against you you're gonna start talking down on yourself the negative self-talk is gonna spiral because you have no outside stimulation and now congratulations now you're in a depressive episode that is usually the the routine i find myself falling into when i enter a very very bad dark depressive state especially when i got um when i was uh impatiented it was because i stopped doing my hobbies spent too much time inside did not interact with my friends did not get out of the side of my head indulged in too much sad content was only listening to sad music curated a really bad energy in my head started hating myself because i hated the way i felt and felt

like it was self-inflicted spiral spiral spiral spiral now i'm in a white jacket behind bars like it really is that fast sometimes and people don't realize that it's the little things that build up that really puts you in that fucking hole you know it really is that the little things that lead you down the road instead of like one big thing happening that triggers a depressive episode yeah that does happen you know it's maybe a little bit more rare it is that slow momentum that really gets you there like if you think about it before i was impatient i was on that path for like two years you know and I could have switched that direction if I knew what was going on and I have kindness for myself because I didn't know what was going on at all but now that I do when

I see what happened in the past and I know the road I was going down I know when I'm in a place that I have to make an adjustment and I think you not that I'm like putting this pressure on you that you're about to hit a depressive episode but there are maybe some things that I'm a little bit nervous about and that numbness to life is something that I'm a little bit nervous about. Numbness to life gives me the feeling of you don't have any external stimuli. And external stimuli can come from anything. It doesn't have to be like outside of the comforts of your house. You know, you can get external stimuli from the comforts of your bedroom or your own home by indulging in things you enjoy. Playing piano, picking up that guitar, putting on some roller

blades picking up that paintbrush drawing simply filling out a little coloring book flipping through a magazine pulling out a book getting off your fucking phone external stimuli in the safety of your own home is very important even when you feel like you don't have time taking five ten minutes to fill out a coloring page you will feel a little bit of spark of hope and you will feel like you're getting some sort of external stimuli that shows you oh wow love is real i need to keep doing this it's important to make time for yourself and dare i say when you feel like you don't have the energy or oh it's not important that numbness that's the most important time to start indulging in those hobbies that you enjoy now you also need like external stimuli in the

sense of outside of your house maybe the bigger harder things to do like hanging out with friends interacting with family if you enjoy being around them because sometimes that can make you even more to breath let's be honest some families fucking crazy indulging in your bigger hobbies trying out a new big hobby simply going to a new coffee shop picking up a new type of food to try eating inside of the restaurant for once yes alone instead of picking it up to go the thing is in life when we're growing up we have this like well if you're privileged enough you have this beautiful childhood of random exploration random family trips hanging out with this friend hanging out with that friend doing this thing picking up this hobby playing this sport and we're privileged enough that it's

orchestrated by your parents you're a child you can't make all the right decisions for yourself sometimes you got to get pushed out of your comfort zone whether you like it or not and guess who is in charge of that your parents but when we grow up we have to become our own parents okay your mom and dad are not there for you to be like i set up this play day or i'm putting you in this new sport that i think you'll like and i'm gonna be there to pick you up and drop you off no we have to become our own parents we have to set up our own playdates we gotta pick up those new hobbies we gotta try out that new sport we gotta go to the art store and get those art supplies for you and yeah maybe organizing and figuring it all out does take a little bit of the fun out of it

but it makes for a much more enthralling stable fun and joyful life it makes you less numb yeah a little bit of planning a little bit of looking forward ahead a little bit of pushing yourself out of your comfort zone indulging what brings you joy that you already know it will it'll completely switch up the vibe that I think you're on right now I think you have a disdain for life because you're only living you're only you're only just simply alive dare say you're only alive but you're not living and that's okay listen as a symptom of capitalism when we feel down and out because life gets fucking hard those bills pile up responsibilities get too much you have to go to four fucking doctor's appointments in the past week you to do this

you to do that that's the symptom of life but what do you do with that symptom that heals it that fixes that problem that what is the vitamin c dose you're taking to get rid of that fucking cold of life you know because it is what it is we're gonna be adults we're gonna have these responsibilities we're gonna have to pay bills we're gonna have to go to work we're gonna have to have a nine to five it's gonna suck you're not gonna want to clock in accept the bad for what it is make the good find the good that is our job as parents to ourself curate the good put ourselves in new exciting situations try new things follow our heart go after what we want provide some fucking fun you need to have some fun and i believe in you i know you know what

you need i know kind of getting that momentum and getting that energy up is a little bit hard but simply doing one small thing i think you'll realize just how much of a drastic effect it can have on your life in a very positive way speaking of curating a more excitement for your life this is maybe like one of the bigger things you can do but I love a good trip we talked about solo tripping on my last episode oh it was so nice to go to Oregon and just be out and kind of like have to build that trust in myself and explore on my own and be my own best friend it was fantastic but looking forward I have a couple more trips I'm planning a bachelorette party I have to go on in Austin, Texas. And then I finally, I finally decided what I'm gonna do for my birthday. I know

usually it's been my, um, my go-to every year since I was like probably, probably 22. I started when I was 22. I take a trip every year for my birthday. Um, one year I was in Mexico. One year I was in Colorado California California multiple times um we went to Japan for my boyfriend's birthday I think a birthday is always a reason to have a trip and I mean last year I had my birthday here I rented a pool on like I think like poolie or pool finder I don't know it was like an app where you can rent people's pools so I rented this like bougie ladies pool had a pool day and then I went to the river it was perfect it was a great little birthday but I did have that feeling of like damn I wish I was on a trip right now I mean in America there are so many

beautiful landscapes and natural national parks that we need to be uplifting and supporting right now and I highly recommend if you don't know where to go to go to a national park um and I have been talking a lot about northern California and exploring northern California so I finally decided on where I'm going for my birthday and we are going to do a Big Sur Yosemite and Redwood trip where we fly in and do like kind of like a big circle exploring the national parks going to Big Sur going to the ocean going to like Carmel a little bougie little town I'm gonna try and stay at the Madonna Inn like glamour fun get out in nature be my best little fairy self and also explore Northern California a little bit because I haven't been there and I've been talking a lot

about it so that feels really good that is a even just like deciding okay we're going here I mean i have no flights book i have one hotel booked you know i'm starting to plan i'm starting to like figure things out but even just having that one thing really does bring a lot of like seeking and desire to move forward and look forward and keep moving forward um but someone asked tips for road tripping planning activities camping etc etc oregon and washington well i don't have oregon and washington specific things but i do have one little tip that i would like to share because it truly has changed how I've been planning as like a very type a person how I've been planning my trip this is how I planned all of Japan my entire trip in a different country

and also planned my Oregon trip which I didn't have to do as much like figuring out but especially in Japan I use this app a lot it is called this is literally not sponsored I wish goddamn I use this app every single day especially now that I'm like actually planning it's called wander log w-a-n-d-e-r-l-o-g and it allows you to like it has an overview where you can organize based on like what you're looking at whether it's like national parks camping spots places to visit you add your own it'll give you an itinerary where you can really plan day by day it'll let you like add notes or add captions to like what you need to figure out or let you build a to-do list it has a map so you can see on the map all the places you've saved like we would be in the middle of

to pay I'm like randomly and I'm like okay let me pull up my wander log app of the thousands of restaurants I saved and look at the three around me and then pick from those three it also gives you an explore page where it has like what locals and people who have visited visited there suggest in the area oh my god I love it and is it free no but every time it prompts you to pay for it there's an exit button so I just click the exit button I've had this app for like a year and I love it as a type a planner like I said literally not sponsored that's why I just told you the hack to figure out how it's free but it's the only way I can plan a trip as a type a person I need to see a map I need to see a list I need to see an itinerary it gives me a full view and full

understanding and it really just makes me so excited for every trip that I have coming up even my Oregon one which like it's like I knew things still gave me some new ideas and some new opportunities which i really liked but i'm so excited to finally have my birthday trip figured out i was like should i go to rome should i go to greece should i go to i don't know the desert i really wanted california and i'm very glad i'm going to northern california if anybody has any northern california yosemite big sur sequoia national park recommendations though please let me know in the comments down below or dm me you know where to find me but yes talk about bringing that spark back i after like finally deciding i was like oh something to live for

thank god needed that hey hannah hello smoke sesh girlies so my question is about sugar daddies for context i'm 20 recently this past saturday i went to a galentine's at a local cafe where i didn't know it at the time but there was a man in the corner of the room who thought i was he and i quote thought i was really beautiful so he asked somebody else that he knew in the room who i was we exchanged phone numbers we started talking a little bit whatever I come to find out he's 31 weird for him but also he has a really good job meaning he gets paid very well so it's like do I tell him that he can't talk to me unless he cash apps me or do I not and if I did how do I go about it I don't know advice and thoughts would be appreciated

love you all now listen you know how I feel about young women and older men okay all right you guys know how I feel but it's like every situation you can kind of like checks and balances you know if you're seeking a sugar baby situation ultimately you're look like you're looking for money and the best way to get money out of a sugar baby situation is to have it be their idea not you being like hey cash at me a bunch of money but I think you know usually I'd be like don't entertain this but if you think it could be like a good arrangement you're not with a fucking loser it's it's a person with a good head on their shoulders of course they're getting something out of it which is like a younger woman unfortunately it is a little transactional

you should also get something out of it too you know you might fall in love who fucking knows but for now if you if it's been a good vibe so far which is like you know good job not a fucking weirdo creep kind of sort of but also like ask politely for your information from somebody you trust the somebody you trust gave it to them they wouldn't just give your information away to a random fucking creep the next thing the next move i would probably pull especially if you're looking for more of like a transactional relationship is be like here's the most expensive restaurant in town like let's go why why not why not from there you can get dinner you can get drinks not a lot of drinks but get some dinner chit chat feel the vibes out feel if he has some like weird

fucking energy before you get too involved see what the fuck he's looking for if he wants a sugar baby situation he will probably propose it to you there but like real hustle mindset is like in the mindset of like getting the most the most bang for your buck okay if you want to be a sugar baby is don't immediately send your cash app you know hey let's feel this situation out what the fuck are you looking for if you want to date me i mean let me make sure you're not a weirdo let's go to a nice restaurant especially if you're older than me and have a good job like bitch you can afford it hello and yeah be careful keep those walls up girl especially with like a someone over 30 and you're 20 it's like very easy to succumb to the idea of them having their life together

but like from a 20 year old's mindset having your life together is way different than like a 30 year old mindset so it's okay to hold older people to much much much much higher standards than you are at at 20 but right now it sounds like a sounds like a an okay situation you're in be careful if you're meeting up only go to a public space make sure your friends have your location hold those boundaries and standards okay and yeah if you're like i don't really want to entertain him i don't really give a fuck what happens then sure go ahead and send that cash up be like i need a thousand dollars now why not life's too short you might as well take advantage of whatever situations in front of you to the best of your ability uh but that being said mama

needs some food in her tummy i i have not stopped thinking about fried chicken since i talked about it i'm gonna go get me some church's chicken after this that's for sure and i hope you guys get something yummy to munch on as well i love you so much thank you for being here uh what a beautiful little i'm gonna go ahead and call it spring if it snows again i'll come on here and i'll say i'm wrong which i'm always happy to do that seriously but i hope you all experience the sunshine that i got to experience today if you see the sun out there please go say hi to her for me go get some sunshine on your face go get some yummy food in your tummy go do a little self-care go recharge your battery you deserve it especially now more than ever the best thing you can do now more than

ever set those online boundaries too okay girl you don't need to be on that phone all the time you don't need to have that phone control you all the time that's gonna be my challenge for the week off the phone into my body hopefully get to a lot of yoga this week but with that being said if you want to see more from me join the patreon patreon.com smoke says shawty and stay sane stay sexy i'll see you all so soon