Smoke Sesh - finding happiness, social media, and hot girl summer how to

Episode Date: March 8, 2022

Happy Tuesday everyone today we talk what Hannahs been up to, crazy customer stories, hot girl summer & how to enjoy summer fully, social media and staying mentally healthy, PazPacks, you deserve to be happy & finding happiness, regret and how to deal with it, and meeting new friends. Hope you all enjoy and have a fantastic Tuesday remember to send all questions to Instagram @hannahmarlene ! Love you MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, someone to look out for them. Some people call me their internet big sister, others their fairy smoke mother. You can call me Hannah, the new host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. Some good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. Oh my goodness, good morning you guys. Happy Tuesday.

It's wonderful to be back. if you don't know who i am my name is hannah the host of smoke sesh it's wonderful to have you if you are a returning listener like over 10 000 of you guys oh my god it is incredible to have you back thank you for joining every fucking week i'm so excited to be here i'm so excited to finally have a day off i've been giving me or giving myself my podcast days so tuesdays and Thursdays off of work just so I can you know focus on the podcast really give you guys some quality I don't know some quality advice some quality time and then also not feel rushed so it's really nice that I just get to enjoy my day um like all day on Tuesdays and Thursdays because I love doing

this so yeah what have I been up to um well first of all we need to dive into some of your questions um which always always always you can submit on my instagram at hannah marlene you already know also we have a wonderful sponsor today paz packs i'm sure you've heard about them before we'll get into them a little bit more later on um but i haven't really been doing a whole lot recently um let's see weekend recap well thursday we left off on a great note talking about our bush hanging out um and then friday friday i had off and i think my plan was to go to first fridays on friday because i thought it was it was like 70 degrees that day like sunny super nice it was like hell yeah i want to go wander around outside and look at art unfortunately though and my other

midwest girlies will understand this um the weather in kansas city changes in roughly like 30 seconds so from 70 degrees and sunny it dropped to no sun none whatsoever 10 degrees cooler and extremely windy um and actually two days later it started snowing so yeah first friday's is not gonna happen but that's okay um we actually ended up at my boyfriend's friend's house they were throwing a house show um so there's a bunch of bands there super fun i was really fucked up i'm like very fucked up i spoke to a few people there who i think they listened to the podcast or saw my tiktok so if you're listening to this great to meet you um so sorry if i was odd i was most likely blacked out um but before we got there me and my boyfriend were just chugging

vodka and red bull um and then fucking so much weed house shows are great love house shows especially when you know the people because then you can just like you know it feels like homey it feels comforting it feels inviting you feel a little bit more safe a little bit more in your element which is really nice um like i love going to concerts love going to big concerts love going to festivals but like my favorite favorite way to enjoy music is absolutely at house shows like warehouse shows anything like that because i feel like the artists are very much so more authentic they want to put on like a performance for themselves almost so like of course the audience is gonna enjoy it more i don't know had a great time woke up very hungover on saturday

uh worked saturday got more drunk saturday night with my brother and then yeah i bartended fucking all weekend all day yesterday oh my god i'll tell you a little bartending story occasionally i'll i'll have like here's the thing as like working in what would it be called public service no um but just like working in the public in general you encounter a lot of um interesting and strange and wonderful people and to be honest most of the time my interactions are very great very fun love it vibes right but occasionally you will get a few people who i don't know their vibes off not having a good day or they're just cunts like some people genuinely and i've realized this from working some people are just brutal brutal to uh service

workers it's not the right term like industry people um servers bartenders anything they get off on the idea of like being mean almost and i don't like in my head that does not make sense because like if anything it makes you look like a loser when you're just assholes to people so my way of combating that is to be passive aggressively nice so nice that they feel so shitty about themselves and how they are treating me um so yeah i had one of those customers yesterday i think i've told you about the one regular we used to have who stopped coming after he realized um he was treating me like shit and i was also one of his art students um but i had these two guys sit down um at a table and keep in mind my entire bar is full also i have to make

drinks for every single other table on the floor so occasionally I'll take a table if um you know they're getting busy they're getting overworked I'll help the servers out you know I don't want them to be stressed it's teamwork all about it so I was like walking by to go to drop off some drinks and I noticed this table had been sitting there for maybe five minutes so I was like hey have you guys been helped yet and like two guys one had like both of them had brown curly hair looked like fuck boys probably my age and then one was wearing like a leather jacket and they're like no we haven't and i was like oh i am so sorry i would be more than happy to take care of you guys if not i can grab a server but if you're ready to order i'll just go ahead and put like

all your food in and so you know they were like great love it ordered they ordered a bottle of soju too i was like yeah let's get into it you're drinking love it you know brought them their drinks and then this is when shit started going downhill i'm behind the bar i have seven drinks to make and i hear something just shatter and i look over and these two boys okay had just dropped their shot glasses in their bottle everywhere and they're like oh sorry and i was like no no worries you know whatever i was like i told them i break glasses all the time you're totally fine can i get this cleaned up for you went over cleaned it up gave them two new shot glasses so on so on it is rare that i get to see karma work like literally within seconds within seconds i'll

keep going um i get them their uh appetizer you know put it you know how it works is once you order an appetizer appetizer goes back then you put in the entree so then it doesn't get all jumbled you know the kitchen isn't overwhelmed they get their food out in time blah blah blah they got their appetizer I put their entree in and then I went to go check on them and they go we're really hungry I was like oh okay yeah let me go back to the kitchen check on that food for you I go back there you know they had maybe been cooked the ticket had been up there for maybe 10 minutes maybe once it hits 20 that's when usually we're like okay can we comp something can we apologize if my manager go talk to him whatever 10 minutes with a full restaurant you

can wait 10 minutes sir so i go back there i'm like hey can you rush this a little bit they kind of gave me some attitude to my cook my cook's like totally my manager's back there i'm like hey can you drop this off and like a say sorry or something you know just smooth it over the goal is for everybody to have a good experience so my manager is like yeah absolutely I'd be more than happy to she goes over there she drops their food off they go this is the worst service I have ever had the food is awful the service is horrible they said that they were also like industry people they were servers as well and they had never seen anything like this and my manager came back to me and told me this and she was kind of laughing because like she

knows me she knows i it's not that bad she was like dude the ticket the ticket was up there for 15 minutes they waited 15 minutes for the food it's not that long she offered to buy them a free appetizer or free dessert and they said no actually we'll take a bottle of soju so we were like no we can't just give you free alcohol because you're upset like i'm so sorry we'll take the bad yelp review whatever so i literally go over there and i'm like i'm so sorry you are having the worst service possible if there's literally anything i can do to make it better you know that is my only goal here and they said no i was like does everything taste um good they said no it's just okay and so at that point i was like whatever these are two just miserable

people on earth and when people are miserable you really can't let it get to you and you can't let it affect you so it's like whatever i'm gonna drop them their check and move on because i have more important people who are nicer and who are gonna tip way fatter at my bar so i dropped the check off and they're like rolling their eyes drama drama drama queens and i get the check i'm like is this ready for me and they hand me the check I'm like great go over swipe the card declined declined I'm like okay let me try again declined let me try again declined I go over I'm like I'm so sorry my system is not accepting this form of payment right now I'm not sure why and he looked at me he's like I have money I was like okay well my computer says differently I was like

is it okay if i key in like hand type in your card i just don't want to you know take your like put in your information without your approval and he was like yeah that's fine and so i do it declined and i go back and i'm like your your car it's not working do you have a different form of payment he's like i don't believe you i literally point to this to the screen behind the bar where i have to check people out and on the screen it says just giant red letters decline he's like oh okay i have a different form of payment he gives me a different card just like oh i am i love every moment of this incredible these men had drove me fucking insane for the past hour and finally like i get to have some sort of karma back at them and it never happens like this quickly but it gets

worse he gives me another card I'm like great thank you so much I go over I swipe it it covers everything but two dollars so I have to go back to the table and be like hey this covered a majority of your bill but I still need a two dollars of payment and at that point his face is just completely red he is fumbling with his pocketbook and his friend has to pull out money his friend just hands me cash and is like keep the change i was like this is a win for me tonight this is a win for service industry people everywhere i loved it i was like thank god this happened because i have tables who are just like brutal brutal awful mean and i just like i don't i don't take it personally i'm like whatever if you're just having a bad day or a bad day

i know karma will get to them eventually but never ever am i the one delivering karma and like if his car would have went through i would have just you know handed him his card and done whatever but the fact that it declined four times on two different cards crazy he looked me in the eyes he said i have six six hundred dollars in my account i wanted to be like that's but that's mean i can't say those things i just hold my tongue so yeah that's what i put up with last night that's a great little story of just the shit you gotta deal with but i walk out that job with so much money i walk out that job meeting so many great people talking to so many great people my co-workers are incredible it's an incredible company to work for love it it's just you know

part of the job you got to put up with some people with some bad attitudes so my plan for the day we're gonna get some get this podcast out to y'all we're gonna answer some questions i oh my god follow my instagram at hannah marlene i just bought this brand new beautiful bikini from my bestie sydney mary you can find her on instagram at shop sydney mary and that came in the mail today so i'll be posting in that at least like a little story at least a little reveal you know what i mean um i need to eat a fucking salad or something you know when you just eat okay i'm not even lying to you i have had like tacos or mexican food every single day the past two weeks maybe so i need to go eat a salad for lunch or something maybe a fresh pressed green juice

something to get my gut back in order and then i'll probably i'll probably have bria for dinner um do some thrifting i need to get my nails done but it's very much so just a self-care day i love that tuesdays and thursdays are just take care of myself get you guys out a podcast get creative have fun because that's what life's about so let's dive into some questions i might smoke a little bowl here i'm still drinking my coffee but hey it's 9 30 so let's get into it okay so someone asked me talk about hot girl summer it's right around the corner love the pod love you thank you oh my god it is i know crazy right i'm so excited though like i am so excited unfortunately it just snowed here like what the fuck um because i was prepared to pull out all of my hot girl

outfits i was ready to go i was ready to have a good time but unfortunately um i live in the midwest so when it gets cold it gets fucking cold like like real cold okay um so there's no little crop tops there's no belt size mini skirts in fact all winter i dress like your dirty ex-skater boyfriend kind of um oversized pants beat up shoes three sweaters beanie no makeup unbrushed hair you know what i mean the only smell is a weed and a little bit of the glossier perfume that's about it um that's how i am all winter so i look forward to summer with my whole heart there's something about summer that just draws it out of me and now hot girl summer i feel like when it when hot girl summer you know the term came around everybody was using

that as like okay i'm gonna hoe out this summer i'm gonna go i'm gonna go like do whatever i want see whoever i want all that stuff and although that's like yes valid yes i don't think that's the whole point of hot girl summer yes you should go have fun yes you should get out there meet new people mingle a little bit you know what i mean but this hot girl summer and last hot girl summer i have been booed up so that is still not gonna stop me that is still not gonna stop me because hot girl summer is all about making your wildest dreams come true okay taking that risk going on that trip fuck work I'm gonna be out there having fun I'm gonna work extra hard so I make some extra money so I can go out to the club I'm gonna go put on my best outfit I'm gonna go to

brunches I'm gonna go buy myself flowers whatever makes your heart happy do it I don't know why the summer and the heat brings that out in me but it really does and it's incredible because I feel like we all go through this uh waiting period of winter now hot girl summer is not only for the girls it is also for the non-binaries the gays you know we we all got to be happy this summer but in the winter i feel like we all go through this um waiting period this uh transition period you know what i mean we're all just kind of waiting for the weather to get better to for the world to kind of open up more for our experiences to change and it's kind of a long wait it's like what fucking five months six months oh my god too long honestly but it forces you to

wait it forces you to um kind of re-evaluate the world you're in it forces you to ask yourself those hard questions so then when summer comes around you are completely and utterly free to be yourself and quite honestly be your best self let's load a little bowl here too but hot girl summer rules number number one stay hydrated okay always have water on you you're gonna have a water bottle on you 24 7 i just got myself a little hydro flask obsessed okay it's a cute little like berry pink color adorable i have been obsessed with it you do not need to be dehydrated for this summer okay first of all it's gonna be hot you're gonna be sweating you need water second of all it keeps your mouth and your kitty nice and juicy third i don't know water is just really good for

you okay babe and i know you're gonna be drinking i know you're gonna be having fun you need water rule number two always have a good outfit and a good outfit can be elevated by accessories patterns making sure it's maybe monochromatic look like all one color make sure you're stepping out in something that makes you feel good i don't give a fuck about what other girlies are wearing I don't give a fuck about what the trends are. I don't give a fuck about what Shein is pushing you guys in the TikTok timeline, okay? Wear what makes you feel good. If you pick up something and you're like, oh my god, I love this.

Listen to that. Put it on. Build a good outfit. Leave your house feeling good, okay? Rule number three, you are not putting up with any bums this summer, okay? If someone is bringing you down, if someone is not adding to the vibe, if someone is giving you anxiety, if somebody is not genuinely making your life better, incorporating something into your life that is meaningful, if you are not building important connections together, don't waste your time, okay? That is something you can waste your time doing in the winter when you have various copious amounts of time on you, okay? In the winter or in the summer, there's not a lot of time, babe. The sun

is up for maybe 12 hours. You need to get out there and do the most you can, okay? And you do not have time to put up with miserable, awful, horrible people, okay? You need to value your time and they need to value your time as well. And so you need to stick up for yourself. You need to be there for yourself and you need to realize these things when they're happening in real time and make change all right you deserve to have fun you deserve to be around good people people who are going to be life-changing people who are going to inspire you that's what summer's all about creativity building things together and you need to have people surrounding you who are going to feed into that energy if anybody is becoming an energy vampire if anybody is becoming a little

soul-sucking i'm not saying cut them off harshly i'm not saying be a bitch i'm not saying completely disregard the fact that they're alive you know there are various ways you can distance yourself from a person without being rude or disrespectful but understand when those things come to you and make the necessary decisions okay okay rule number four as i load this bowl um every single opportunity that finds your way this summer that makes you a little bit nervous but makes you 10 times more excited you're gonna take okay you're gonna take that opportunity because i have taken a lot of those opportunities and it took some time because my anxiety obviously got in the way and i missed out on a lot of those opportunities and looking back i i wish i would

have taken them you know um but as i've gotten older i've gotten more confident i've gotten more you know ballsy with my life like fuck it why not do this um and every single time that i choose to make a decision that makes me you know a little scared but also makes me so fucking excited for the future i have the most fucking fun the most fun okay road tripping randomly to vegas love it random festivals i end up at even random house parties i end up at random outings with friends going to fucking i randomly took a trip to colorado with my uh before me and my boyfriend were dating but we just like up and left just went to Colorado for 4th of July had so much fucking fun like on mushrooms in the mountains things that make you nervous are good it means

they're exciting it means you know there's new opportunities for you obviously don't do things that make you uncomfortable but those opportunities that find you that present themselves to you don't hinder yourself from those experiences, okay? Have fun. That's what summer's about. Take new opportunities. Meet new people, okay? Become the best version of yourself that you truly want to be all right let's hit this bowl sorry yeah i don't know i'm so excited for summer though i feel like every summer i become a hannah 2.0 in a sense you know your serotonin is booming sun's out weather's nice only thing i really need is to get by an ocean that's like my one goal for the summer and multiple times hopefully um i just want to have fun i want to not hold myself back i feel

like especially with the past two years in the pandemic we've kind of been forcing ourselves to hold back a little bit too like i have not really been out out you know a whole lot other than just going to work and occasionally going to some sort of event but i feel like none of us have really been out out like we used to be and this summer might be who knows hopefully stay safe get vaccinated get an std test but hopefully this summer will be a safe fun you know summer and i'm really excited i can't i literally can't wait oh my god you guys want to smoke let's smoke a little bowl i okay also we need to talk this is a serious important talk i've been smoking so much cbd lately and i've kind of been obsessed past packs has gifted me

some cbd um specifically the flower um and i've been listen crazy right well here's the thing i kind of smoke all day on my days off I am not gonna lie I want to be straight up with you but I find that if I you know start my usual 10 a.m routine of just smoking bowl after bowl and I do that all day my brain turns into mush I get the worst fucking headache possible and then I can't enjoy my night because I a I can't smoke enough to keep the kind of high that I would have in the morning and b my brain hurts and i'm tired and my lungs hurt okay so what i have been founding i a solution for all of us ladies and i have been doing not just ladies okay i don't mean to discriminate but i have found do you hear this fucking loud ass car going down the road every two

minutes it is making me so upset uh so sorry but um i have been mixing and we have a sponsor today so i'm very excited but i have been mixing paz pack cbd in with my um straight up just sometimes in my grinder um i will grind up like a little nug of my cbd and then a little nug of my um just regular weed and then all morning that's all all i will smoke and the oh my god so many incredible things are happening to me like so many realizations why have i not been doing this longer first of all i don't have that headache that tiredness that lethargy at night and i can take dabs and you know feel them my tolerance is sky high i'm so sorry but you know if i smoke all day my tolerance is shot by the end of the night um if i mix it together i find out i have no side

effects at night as well as in the morning i have more clarity the same clarity you have when you you know drink a cup of coffee um no head rush makes you feel a great sense of calm over your body um i get so much more shit done because i'm not just like flabbergasted and high all morning i am like at a functioning level like when people are like yeah i smoke a bowl and then i do homework i think that's kind of insane i don't know how my brain would be able to do that but you know what i can do i can mix cbd or just do a full cbd bowl and smoke that and then do homework and still get the great same effects of you know i feel so relaxed i feel so calm it tastes great um and i still have the clarity and the drive and the focus to get shit done get things accomplished

you guys know paz packs i've worked with them for years i have been obsessed with them they are a wonderful incredible company the like quality of their products is insane the packaging the thought process they put behind wanting to make sure that good people get good things is incredible also I mean you tell you guys last month if you guys don't remember I'm a lot of you guys purchased through them I saw which is incredible thank you so much um but last month worked together to raise money for the last prisoner project and the just say no campaign and um which is kind of doing the opposite uh fixing the damage of what dare did and then also trying to destigmatize decriminalize and get people out of jail for um weed related offenses

uh we were able to raise over five thousand dollars which is mind-blowing thank you guys so much for supporting um if you are ever interested they still have some products that are on their website that is specifically for donating to that campaign or either of those campaigns if you're interested if not give them a shot i you can use code smoke sesh for 10 off your order um if you ever are just needing a little even a tea break something to supplement with their pre-rolls are incredible their cbd flour mind-blowing they offer delta a and cbd carts as well so whatever type of smoking that you prefer you can find it for me personally i just love a good bowl so mixing that in in the morning has been incredible i've been loving it

so like i said 10 off your order with code smoke sesh on passpacks.com and their instagram should be passpacks as well enjoy okay let's blast through some questions real quick and then i'll get to some longer ones as well um but someone asked how to deal with regrets interesting um i don't have regrets i had fun no i'm joking um i i have a lot of regrets of course and i think i used to let them overwhelm me and cause a lot of anxiety for a like a majority of my life um and that might be my anxiety condition perhaps but i remember like and i i still i still do occasionally do this i'm just better at controlling myself and the way my thoughts go but i remember just having no control and laying in bed for hours, hours, just ruminating over, is that the right

word? Over the same experience, the same one thing, the same whatever I happened to mess up on, whatever I happened to regret at that time. And it would just be a constant cycle of me just feeling this dread and then I'd forget about it and then I'd feel this dread and then I'd forget about it and i feel this dread and it it it will continue being that cycle for the rest of your life with every regret you have unless you learn to simply stop punishing yourself okay stop punishing yourself my parents had a way of parenting me that i thought was pretty good like when i made mistakes genuine honest mistakes i'm human i fuck up sure i had a punishment but they didn't punish me for a long time does that make sense i never had a month long grounding

i never even had a week long grounding the most they did was take my phone from me maybe at night or like just getting yelled at my parent yelled at by my parents is probably scary enough for me that like that was the punishment so they never did this thing where they would continuously punish me for that one action um they actually you know raised me in a great way of hopefully teaching myself how to forgive myself and that didn't click in my brain right away but as i grew up i realized the only person who was punishing myself for these things was myself and that cycle of me continuously just beating myself up like literally beating the shit out of myself basically mentally about these things was not getting me anywhere and if anything it was probably getting

me to a worse place okay um and i had to simply come to the conclusion of you have to forgive yourself you know no one else is gonna forgive you uh maybe they do forgive you great love that you probably still beat yourself up even if you are forgiven but you have to forgive yourself you have to be the one to tell yourself you know what sure what i did what happened whatever's going on right now sucks i fucked up i have a regret um but the only thing you can simply do with that experience that you were given by the universe is learn from it that is it if you forgive yourself you genuinely you know take the time to think about what happened what went wrong what you did wrong and honestly you know look yourself in the eyes in the mirror

and like be honest with yourself there's no sugarcoating it there's no you know being easy on yourself or else simply the cycle will continue you have to be very real and raw and honest with yourself and be like yeah you know what i did fuck up but i deserve forgiveness and i need to give that to myself so i am able to heal and then i am also able to grow and learn and not do it again does that make sense so it's okay we all have regrets everybody has one thing that they regret some people have 10 some people have millions i don't know i'm somewhere within it but you know i love my mistakes i had fun i learned from it i forgive myself and i try not to beat myself up too hard over it okay i totally understand you i get you but the forgiveness does

need to come from within in order for yourself to grow does that make sense because i feel like also a lot of people especially i get a lot of questions they're like me and my friend had a falling out should i should i talk to her should i should i like um should i forgive her or should i apologize and it's like yes always but you will not always get that closure in your life you will not always get that either perfect or crazy closure sometimes it's just it happens and you have to live with it so you need to always be able to forgive yourself basically okay very great question somebody asked me um tips on using social media in a healthy and safe way and i've been wanting to talk about this so let's get into it um i think the best way to use social

media is to use it as a creative outlet i used to look at social media the same way i think a lot of people currently look at social media and um they see social media as like a bragging right as like a flex as like a well look at how good my life looks on here i need to prove something to people and i'm a victim of this as well i very much so used to hate going on social media because i think a lot of the content that i did consume was you know something that made me feel bad about myself and made somebody else feel better you know and it it's not very direct when you see these things a lot of it is very subtle but that had a huge impact on my mental health when i was younger especially in like my tumblr era um as i got older i found myself using social media as

kind of in the opposite way as like a bragging tool on my end and I just there was never this crossover of the correct way of usage of my life wasn't lining up with my online life and it wasn't the way I wanted it to be and I was disappointed with my real life and that was super toxic and i fell into a pattern of like like i said over consuming content that was probably not the best for me probably did not have the best intentions and so when the pandemic hit i was you know very bored and i had just been in art school for about a year and a half and through art school i was kind of forced to open my eyes to the world and see the world for what it really is and how i can use the world as a creative tool i was forced to dissect things down to the smallest component

and somehow find a way to make art out of it and so that affected me greatly with the way i started using social media especially um when the pandemic hit that's when i downloaded tiktok i did not download tiktok until like that summer and i started posting and it wasn't for my friends it wasn't for the people who were gonna see it possibly it was for me i made things that made me feel good and made me feel creative and made me feel passionate about my life again um and that ended up translating really well to a lot of people and i kind of gained a little bit of a following but i find myself still getting lost in these cycles of okay i'm trying to um perform something to to to my audience to social media to whatever i'm trying to do

and it's not it doesn't feel good because it's not creative it's not i'm not building something i'm not you know trying to interact with the world i'm trying to put on a face i'm trying to do something like that and you can tell when you're using social media in the wrong way because you will feel that kind of like existential dread that like what am i doing is this really beneficial but i am trying to get back on the healthier path of creating for myself i kind of lost that with tiktok i it turned into a monetary thing and then i felt like i was creating for um people on there and then i felt like i just it didn't feel authentic i didn't feel like it was adding to my life in any way and so if you ever followed my main account um smokes as shoddy

on tiktok which i have been posting on for two years i just stopped i stopped because it's not healthy for me it's not healthy for me to want to try and prove something something to people and not um create for myself anymore so i stopped there and then i made this podcast now social media is not only tiktok instagram whatever social media is a tool that you use to connect to other people period so use it that way okay i saw a tiktok and it was like me responding to somebody in 0.02 seconds because social media is literally a tool to converse as fast as you can and as quickly and reliably as you can and this whole i'm gonna wait two hours and play a game and i can't open it fast enough that's too crazy like what the fuck what the fuck social media is

literally made for us to be able to communicate to anybody anywhere who has like a signal in the world okay you have so much more outreach from your phone than you think you do and so i was like i need to get back into that connection i need to get back into creating for myself i need to get back into usual using social media for what it's really worth and so i created smoke sesh and now i'm here i've been doing it for what like maybe six months i am having the most fun i've ever had i am so creatively driven i am more passionate about um my life and work because i feel like i'm creating something that is beneficial and even if i had zero listeners on this the fact that I get on every week and I do it and I have a good time just literally talking

to myself basically um like that is enough to me but the fact that it also translates well to other people and I'm able to reach you guys in an authentic way and in a way that makes me feel good and makes you guys feel good like people are like you're changing my life and that's like mind-blowing to me but also so much of what i wanted to accomplish and that feels great and it is like a high i have never felt before um like being able to create something and have it adequately seen for what it's worth feels so good especially as an artist there's nothing better than putting hours and hours of your blood sweat and tears into a piece of art hanging it up on the wall taking a step back into the crowd and having everybody in the crowd

read it and perceive it for what it's worth and what you created it for that is what it's about and you can find that medium through anything i happen to stumble upon it in social media but i do think a lot of social media is negative and toxic and you need to be able to identify those people when you can. You need to be able to identify the people who are doing it for the ego boost, who are not doing it for themselves, who are not giving to the creative world, who are not giving to the real world of social media, of connecting with other humans. It does take some time to be able to realize what that is, but once you just start interacting with the right type of content the content you like unfollow everybody who you feel like you're having to follow or mute

them if they're a friend or something you know um block people if you need to like you have so much control within the bounds of your cell phone that you have no idea what is possible so i don't know i just think it's very important to a protect yourself and b as a creative person use it for what it is social media is all about connecting to other people so do so connect authentically how how you want people to see you and not in an egotistical way but in a real authentic i want to be perceived by other people way you know what i mean you'd be surprised what kind of um response you get and now when i did first start doing this i'm not gonna lie like when i first kind of made the switch of i'm gonna create for myself i don't really give a fuck what people think about what i

post um I might just do it for myself I did get a lot of fucking harsh feedback and I did get a lot of unfollows and I did get a lot of people being like you're fucking weird and I realized that has nothing to do with me me presenting my authentic self and them seeing that negatively has a thousand percent um more so what they have oh my god what am I trying to say it has to deal more so with them than it does you okay their little pea brain mind just can't perceive even being that close to being real or even doing those things so they take it out on you and i used to take it personally and then i realized you know what i have the balls to do but most people can't so i'ma just smoke and keep living and that's really all i can do and i still sometimes get harsh feedback i

still sometimes get some you know people being assholes to me but like I said I just can't sweat it I'm a little passive aggressively nice I do hope everybody kind of gets to the point with social media that I am at now which is like kind of like just using it as a diary almost like like documenting my world documenting things around me taking pictures of things around me posting things that i genuinely enjoy recording these podcasts giving advice making um like kind of making me connect to my inner self my inner child a little bit you can use social media in a very positive way and i really hope everybody gets there someday it does take time you gotta have your eyes opened a little bit but you can get there i really do believe so i don't think

this is the downfall of social media everybody's like instagram is trash now instagram's gonna go down pinterest is gonna go down tiktok's gonna go down it's like no i think they're probably gonna get bigger um so now's the time to you know make those switches in your mind do what's best for you be yourself okay love yourself honor yourself and do so creatively through however you want to do that um but yeah i started using it as more of a artistic tool and that changed my life and it might change yours too who knows oh my god this just brought up so many memories okay so somebody asked me how to find people to sesh with in college okay valid question when i was going to college i was so nervous about this specifically because i was going to a private

catholic institution so in my head i was like okay no one there smokes right there's no way anybody does so i roll up to college and you know doing your thing and i was kind of tiptoeing around the uh concept of smoking now my my college roommate at the time she had sent me a video of her doing like of her boyfriend doing like coke off her ass or something so i was like okay vibe she is crazy like vibe um she won't snitch on me right so i knew she was cool but the rest of my school i had no idea especially when you're young i feel like not a lot of people smoke it's not super common once you grow up you realize kind of everybody does um but at least at that age not everybody's quite there yet um so i got to college and i was very nervous and we had like

i was in nursing school so we had like breakout groups and um one of my breakout groups my current really close best friend was in and um now i wasn't really like looking to make connections with any of those people which is kind of why i love when random connections happen you strike up a conversation with a stranger and everything just kind of falls into place i love that um but yeah we were in our breakout groups and hanging out and we went to go do like a little lunch break or something and i was walking next to her and i heard her bring up weed or something and i was like i was like i gotta ease my way into this so how do i ease my way into this and the only thing that has to do with nursing and weed is the drug test we have to take over the

summer which literally i okay this might i don't think it's illegal i don't know um it's in the past i forgive myself forgiving ourselves yes themes vibes hopefully the police don't cover me but i faked a drug test for nursing school i use my friend's pee i don't know if i've told i've definitely told you guys that story before i don't know it's probably in the beginning of the podcast but yeah i had to use my friend's sister's pee because she was clean so fake the shit out of that so and i remember faking it and then my brother was still living at home and i was still living at home and my brother was like i had a conversation with dad because i didn't think you'd pass your drug test and i told him that i told him i told him i didn't think you passed

your drug test and he said she'll figure it out and i did i figured it out don't you worry um but like that's the only thing that i could make a connection with weed and nursing related so i was like oh yeah so how about that uh drug test this summer you know and i was like i can read the vibes from here you know people could be like oh yeah no totally be like whatever they could have a negative view on drugs from this or a positive one and my friend goes oh my god i was taking dabs all senior year and it took me like six months to get clean so i could um pass the drug test and i was like you were gonna be besties and literally from there we it was just a downhill spiral of smoking we fucking smoked in her dorm room so much that it

would just stink up the whole entire eighth floor of the dorm room like like a mess we rolled eight blunts one time and smoked them in the car during sunset on the drive to i don't know some fucking like view this like little overlook place we have had some days she's like you've gifted me more weed than anybody i know like i remember driving up there um to omaha one time to visit her and i just bought an ounce i was she was housing me and feeding me so i just bought an ounce and then like we smoked whatever we could while i was there for the weekend and then i left the rest with her you know what i mean um it's all about just like especially with any topic it doesn't have to be weed related it doesn't it could be anything just something you're interested in just make a subtle

drop make a connection something that's going on just just drop the topic into conversation and see how people around you react and then make your move from there don't just be like yeah i smoke weed anybody else because you never know who's a snitch who doesn't like you who is going to use it against you in any sort of way um just drop it in the conversation see how it's going okay and yeah go from there or if you're literally at any frat party any house party at college walk around just be like who's got weed weed you got weed weed hello and somebody will come up to you period that's basically it but when i was like at school school i had to be a little more careful because those catholic girls were some snitches oh my god i literally had one snitch on

me i'll re i think i need to yeah i'll reload the instant i'll re-upload the instagram picture oh my god i think i put it in archive but me and my friends were doing like a galentine's day and i had rolled a rose petal of blonde we smoked i had like thrifted a red fur coat and my friends had thrifted some stuff so we were like we want to do the little photo shoot you know like so fun like girls do you know what i mean and so it was like a it was like a me holding roses over my titties in jeans okay you could not see anything i might have had a bra on i'm not sure um but also it's all girls dorm floor right and so we were doing these one photos just like right outside against like not even in public it was like back at the very end of a hallway like maybe next to one door

that's about it but there was like this girl like running down all the flights of stairs and like past like the common areas and around the hallway and she ran past us and you know we didn't think anything was going weird we were just fucking taking pictures hanging out like taking some bomb ass pictures and i end up getting an email from my ra after i post the valentine's day pictures and she's like yes someone said that you're making um them very uncomfortable in the comment areas and you guys were doing some weird risque stuff and i literally had to be like this girl is a pussy if she has an issue with me she can come talk to me like who reports somebody what are you talking about bitches were walking around topless every weekend after the frat

parties i want to take one little picture holding a whole bouquet of roses over my chest for maybe three minutes and she reported me to an ra that's what i mean by some girls are snitches some girls will just tell on you for anything you're doing so you gotta be a little careful subtly drop the topic into conversation maybe don't pick a private catholic institution um that was my first downfall once i went to art school oh it was known that everybody smoked it's just like what else do you do you know do you do meth you do coke you do i don't do meth but some people get a little crazy there you know what i mean i'm just you got to find the right crowd and who's doing what you know what i mean but yeah good luck at college i you will make your friends i guarantee it just

takes a little bit of growing time give it a good month and also the friends you make that first kind of week i feel like people made like a first quick group of friends and then that friendship has like a big falling out and they make like a second group of friends and that second group of friends i think is what really sets you off tbh okay someone asked me how often do i clean my bowls and pieces um eloa illy love you um probably not as often as i should says every smoker ever oh my god so i have a lot of pieces and like maybe eight or nine and i have one piece that I'll use you know consistently every day and the rest are kind of just pretty if I want to pull them out for a special occasion I will if I want to switch it up I will it's great off it's a great

option I love having cute little pieces smoke out of depending on the vibe um but for my everyday piece just overall upkeep and care is you know always use a filter on your bowl um so then you don't get disgusting crusties inside of it always change the water before you use it you should always always maybe dump the water out after you're done as well but i forget to do that i'm not gonna lie i'll be honest with you um but at least changing the water every single day so then mold doesn't grow because after two days of the water sitting there mold will start forming yeah disgusting so stay on top of that but when it comes to cleaning them uh i'm bad i'm bad i say my main piece gets a cleaning about once a month i know but to be

honest if you stay on upkeep pretty regularly you know making sure gross stuff can't get in there um cleaning the water out every day that does keep it up kept pretty well um and then with the rigs and stuff it takes a little bit more time to clean it out because you have to get all the reclaim um but yeah same thing making sure you get all the water out so it can't mold and then replacing the water for you know lung health and also overall just cleanliness of your piece um but yeah i definitely need to clean those bitches more that's for sure i just like need somebody in my life like an assistant maybe who just cleans my pieces for me because a it's so time consuming and b it smells so bad so bad i basically make my boyfriend do it at this point but

oh it really is the worst smell okay um oh someone said hey hannah i've been struggling with some suicidal thoughts for five years thank you for telling me very valid felt i have i've i dealt with them for a long long long time and the issue with suicidal thoughts is i mean i still i still occasionally have them i'm not gonna lie i feel like we all occasionally have those thoughts at some point it's just how often do they occur okay when i was the peak of my depression it was like the only thing i was thinking about okay when death is the only thing you are thinking about 24 7 it's okay to seek help it is it's okay life is overwhelming it gets really fucking hard sometimes it's okay to ask for a little bit of help through it

all right i did it changed my life 10 out of 10 very thankful for it if you have the time do research if you figure out what kind of inpatient you want figure out what kind of doctor will work best for you even better help small therapy sessions starting from there great 10 out of 10 but if it's over consuming your life then you know get help everybody needs help every once in a while take a little vacation get better but if it's just like um occasionally every here and now i think that's just a part of you know being human with mental illness um i have depression and although like um suicidal thoughts are something that pop up every once in a while maybe when my depression gets bad i say maybe a few times a year um i now have the knowledge and

understanding to handle those thoughts understand their intrusive thoughts understand you know they're not rational and to work through them but if you don't know how to do that and it is over consuming your life get some help there's professionals out there who do genuinely know how to help you and how to make your life better okay i don't know if i personally can give you all of that information it is so specific so basically based on you it's your life you know what i mean um so maybe find a specialist who actually can help you but i love you please stay strong do what is best for you you're not alone i have been there okay um and it does get better i can promise you but let's do what you can okay i made this post on tiktok i'm not not sure if

you guys saw it me saying i don't post on tiktok anymore i do post on tiktok i don't post on my main account um smoke says shawty i post on my second account which is fairy smoke mother um i feel like i just needed a restart to kind of get back into my creativity and kind of get away from the performance i was putting on and more so post for myself you know um and i posted something and it said so the tiktok said it was like me killing off the sad girl version of myself because i realized it's okay to be happy and in fact it's the key to life and I got a lot of really good response from it which is kind of shocking and surprising because I was kind of expecting the sad the sad girl teen tiktokers to kind of come for me because oh my god I said it's okay to be

happy crazy right um but really like a majority of people overwhelming probably like 99% of people agreed with me and they're like yes love self-growth this was like the hardest thing i had to realize like oh my god thank you for reminding me i've kind of fallen in like a pit of despair and thank you remind thank you for reminding me to you know crawl back out and i was like oh my god no like i love that people needed to hear this because i also needed to hear it and i've been getting a lot of questions about like how do i stop being a people pleaser how do i stop relying on other people for my happiness and um like that was like i think i had like 3 000 likes like this girl was just like how how do i get to this point and it took me a long time

of not being happy to realize the only person who was holding myself back was me and it was all the decisions i was low-key kind of making i used to think that happiness since i was so sad for such a long time that it is impossible for happiness to derive from inside myself okay so i spent a lot of my time searching for happiness through drugs which worked temporarily but made me feel worse after searching through happiness through other people which uh like when it comes to relying on other people for your happiness it will never satisfy you ever literally ever and the quicker you realize that the better connections you'll make with people the more authentic they'll be and the happier you'll be let me elaborate okay because i've been getting a lot of questions that

are like i made a actually i made an episode on codependency and it got like at least 10 000 views in one day so i feel like we do need to talk about codependency but not just so in romantic relationships because i think codependency can go deeper than that it it's like relying on another person to make you whole to make you happy um but let me hit this bowl i used to put all the power of how i would feel into the hands of another person okay whether the other person knew they were holding on to that power or not i'm gonna say they did not because they did not treat me very well but i would continuously do this thinking that oh this person knows what's up they know how to be happy they can make me happy they can inspire me

in some way they can do something they can treat me well enough to make me feel whole but no every single time i did this i was finding out that at the end of it i felt worse than the beginning and that i was never satisfied and that they were never able to treat me the way that i wanted to be treated inside my head does that make sense whether it was a friendship or a relationship i was always finding myself disappointed and it's a shitty feeling it's a really bad feeling because you're like fuck i wanted this to work so bad i wanted to be happy so bad and it's just it doesn't ever work for me and i kept like i said the universe will literally keep keep giving you the same fucking lesson until you learn it but i kept doing this over and over and over again

until i got to the point where i was like i am exhausted i am so fucking tired and i'm not tired of myself i'm tired of just being upset being sad being disappointed and usually having it come at the cost or not the cost but usually having a source from another person okay and it did take me getting to that breaking point for me to be like why does this keep happening and what what am i maybe doing wrong okay let's maybe entertain the idea that i'm wrong what's crazy right um but i was wrong straight up and i realized and it was a harsh realization but every single person on this planet the beautiful wonderful incredible thing about human beings is we are all so vastly different the way we think is different the way we behave is different the way we communicate is

different the way we look is different that is the beauty of human nature okay we are all so completely different and that's what makes us unique and that's what makes us special um but that also means that no one else is like me and no one else thinks like me and no one else looks like me and no one else behaves like me and so no one else will be able to satisfy me okay other than myself i'm the only person who has to sit here with these thoughts i'm the only person who has to put up with my decisions well you know i'm the only person who has to um you know live in this body and deal with the thoughts feelings consequences actions that come so i need to take more control of what's happening to me okay i need to take more control of what's going

on around me I found that I was disappointed with every single person because when I put my happiness into their hands because they were treating me the way they would treat themselves and sometimes people treat you the way they treat themselves and it's great it's wonderful they love themselves they care for themselves they do the same for you but sometimes people don't know how to love themselves and sometimes people don't know how to care for themselves and that affects you greatly as well so i had to realize you know these people aren't mind readers these people aren't they don't know how to satisfy me that's okay but you know who does you know who is built into me and literally knows everything about me and knows exactly what to do oh my god who would

fucking believe but it's myself i already know the answer because i already know what i want i already have the answer inside myself i just need to trust myself allow myself to trust myself allow myself to make those decisions for myself and it's hard it's really hard um but i just got tired of being disappointed and i realized unfortunately it stemmed from a lot of me relying on other people too much and not relying on myself enough you'd be surprised how worthy you are how much work you can put in how like incredible you can be to yourself you are your own built-in best friend so start using yourself that way okay i think i used to have a lot of self-hatred and so i hated that inner self i hated myself i wouldn't listen to myself i

wouldn't do what felt good because i i didn't think i deserved it i didn't think i was i was allowed to be happy i had experienced sadness for so so long it had become my comfort it had become the only thing that felt good okay i had been denying myself of that privilege of being myself for forever and it just took me getting to a breaking point of being tired of learning the same lessons of relying on the same unreliable people that finally i was like you know what I will take a gamble and I will put energy and time and work into myself and who fucking knows maybe it'll pay off who knows that'd be crazy right that'd be crazy if my hard work that I put in myself paid off but guess what it does and you feel a thousand times better and you build

better connections with people because you're able to identify people who love themselves and you're able to identify people who also care for themselves and so you're able to build better communities around you but you're the only person who is going to take that first step you are the only person who is going to make that change for yourself so trust in yourself believe in yourself you deserve to be happy you deserve to feel the same way everybody else does and be content and excited and happy with what's going on around you okay sadness gets overwhelming sometimes and i think i find a lot of comfort in it because i did spend so much time in it and i'm not saying it goes away forever i think people have this idea of mental health um as okay i deal with it i treat

it and it's gone dust my hands off leave it in the past but i feel like that is absolutely not the way to treat mental health it is a lifelong thing depression for me is lifelong and it's something i had to come to terms with and understand and accept and know that yeah you know what sometimes life is going to be really hard for me and that's okay i'm gonna allow myself to feel those things and understand that sadness but what i'm most importantly going to do is allow it to pass when it needs to as well okay i love you all so much you all deserve so much happiness and care and wonderful things in the world so make it happen for yourself make those choices that are necessary and a little hard and a little scary but do so so you have the best life you could possibly live

okay i love you so much i hope this podcast fucking made sense most of the time i was just high and rambling but i will see you all i know not to end the podcast right here but i will see you all next thursday i have to get on with my day i gotta get a salad in my tummy i am so hungry i gotta go get my new bikini i'm so excited stay tuned you can keep up with me on my instagram at hannah marlene or always on the podcast every tuesday and thursday if you want to submit any questions once again feel free to send them to my instagram at hannah marlene and i'll see you thursday love you all