Smoke Sesh - first highs, living your best life, and fake friends

Episode Date: October 19, 2021

Hannah talks anything and everything today, answering questions you sent in and advice you need answered. Today we talk first highs, running from the police, random advice, bad roommates, fake friends and what it means to truly live your best life. The answer may surprise you! So let’s hang out, light up, and welcome to smoke sesh with hannah.

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, someone to look out for them. Some people call me their internet big sister, others their fairy smoke mother. You can call me Hannah, the new host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. Some good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. Oh my god, episode two, you guys, we did it! Hannah actually did more than one episode and she's sticking to it that's insane because I

have a tendency to like straight up I'll like do things and then I'll be like you know what I just won't submit it like I just stand in the way of myself so I'm refusing to do that anymore we're growing we're becoming better people you know um it is 9 30 and I have already cried um crying before the time of 9 30 should be illegal in my opinion so you know we're just gonna get a better start on our day we're gonna turn it around you know go smoke go grab something to eat go you know start power cleaning your room and together we'll kind of we'll have a good time we're gonna make this a good day all right so let's jump into some questions okay so we're gonna start this off someone asked me how to be content with the present and i need a little reminder myself

this morning because i had a little mini panic attack because of situations i physically cannot control and here's the thing if i can't control them period i have learned not to worry because i freak out the most i think when i'm not in control and my panic attacks and my anxiety revolves around mostly things that i can't control such as actions or thoughts of people or worrying about the future um so being content with where you are right now revolves completely around not living in the past or the future okay you need to be content with every moment you spend by doing that you really will get the most out of life and you will also probably feel the most happiness and gratitude to everything around you um gratitude is a really easy thing to work into

your daily life and it's saved my mental health um especially when i find myself in dark pits where i am like i hate everything nothing's going right for me i don't belong here everybody hates me everything around me sucks when i get that kind of mindset you do have to forcibly remove yourself out of it and gratitude is kind of the perfect thing i will literally sit down and be like okay forcefully write five things that you appreciate in this present moment and it can be anything i appreciate that i have a roof over my head i appreciate that i have both my parents in my life and they love me i appreciate that you know the list can go on it could be simple it could be complex ideas as long as you are identifying and appreciating things in your

daily life you will be more content with the present moment as well as i kind of started using social media to document my gratitude in a way um so instead of journaling i will take pictures oh my gosh i love this moment take a picture throw it on my instagram story i won't even like caption it or anything it's just like something beautiful that i enjoy oh my gosh i love this flower oh my gosh I am very much so enjoying this walk I'm taking oh my gosh this coffee is just hitting different today taking pictures is a incredible way to like romanticize and appreciate your daily life and stay content and happy where you are it's all about romanticizing the little things appreciating where you are and taking a moment to breathe and focus on the present moment

that you're in right now because the past doesn't matter the future doesn't matter I guarantee anything that you're trying to predict for the future won't come true and anything that happened the past people have forgotten about and moved on so focus on the present focus on yourself let's boss up babe next question okay so someone asked me about my first smoking story and here's the thing it's not super interesting i started smoking at like 14 15 which like i don't recommend i do need to make this psa if you're smoking and you're at a young age i really don't recommend it because literally i'm 22 now and my brain is rotting from the inside out yes it could possibly be to the kobe's amounts of molly and mushrooms i ate um as well but i know we definitely didn't

help while my brain was developing and all my reading and comprehension skills are shot so if you have the the the time and the place and the choices that you oh my god see this is what i'm talking about my brain just like doesn't function normally anymore anyways if you can make the life choices to maybe smoke later in life or smoke less please make those choices anyways moving on my first smoking like story isn't super interesting i just got like belligerently high off a gb in this girl's closet um and then my mom was calling me like where the fuck are you and i had to be like girl i can't drive home don't ask more questions um so it wasn't super interesting but my friend's first time which i was there for we had ended up running from the

police um anyways this is my favorite story this was like me and my friends have never trauma bonded closer than with this story and i feel like i've told everybody but it's so so good okay so um at this point i had been smoking for two years i think we were juniors seniors maybe seniors but no juniors i had been smoking for like two years at this point so i was like a solid stoner like i had reached my high school stoner level um after that first initial gb hit and um my friend smoked a lot too i'm not gonna say their names just for just for them um and their privacy uh i'm sure they don't care but like they're like adults and have like real ass jobs and i'm just like telling stories on the internet so we're gonna just save them their jobs this time

but she's like i want to try smoking again because we would take you know little sesh drives and she would try and take a hit but she like wouldn't get high which is very common you just have to learn how to inhale correctly um and so she had tried like three times she was like i want to try for real this time can you guys like hook me up and get it situated and get me high and i me hearing that i was like oh girl i got the spot i got the weed i got you let's go let me take care of you there was a party that night too so we're like okay game plan let's get ready i know a place we'll go there we'll smoke we'll go to the party easy peasy right we're like hell yeah we get ready back at that time we literally had to sneak out of my friend's like two foot by one foot window

like tiny basement window so they were cheerleaders so they would literally like stunt us and like push us up to the window and then like we would just like have bruises on our stomach because we'd climb out this window and then like run to our cars so funny the things i did in high school anyways we run to the car we're like hell yeah we drive off my my smoke spot I don't know why for that time was at my church I know I know I I'm definitely not getting into heaven with that one but my smoke spot was at my local church the church I grew up with the church that everybody knew me at the churches my parents love and continue and continue going to um yeah it was my church prayer garden um so we pull up of course we're the only car in the parking lot

because it's like 10 o'clock at night we pull up we park on the very like outer edge of the parking lot and then you walk down this hill and there's like this little walking path and there's like a prayer garden and this giant cross and um like a bench and it's in this it's near the woods so we walk down there we're like messing around it's smoking and like out of this tiny little pipe oh my god and the weed was of course like horrible and like of course we're like trying to light it for her oh my god i accidentally just said her name okay so we're like girl take this hit we're showing her how we're messing around you know having our fun goofing off and we see headlights pull into the parking lot we're like what the fuck why is there a car here because we're obviously

the only car in this church parking lot at 10 p.m and we're sitting on this bench you know just kind of like casually observing this car slowly pull into the parking lot and at this time we could only see headlights so we're like whatever this car's driving towards us and the headlights get brighter and it gets closer and it turns the corner and as i'm reading the side of this car i see the words olathe police all three of us read that at the exact same time because as soon as that car turned we could read the side of it we started sprinting sprinting i had the jar of like my stash and my pipe in my hand and we just got up and started running into the woods because as this car turned the corner they also parked and out of the police

car comes an officer with a floodlight a whole floodlight running down after us and we are sprinting sprinting into the woods scariest moment of my life i'm running as i'm running i like we've gotten too far and i dropped to the ground and i kind of grabbed them and i pulled them down to the ground too because of these bushes so we dropped to the ground i have my pipe and everything in my hand i grab my friend's stuff i bury it under this like dirt and this brush and i push it to the side and i grab my friends and i pull us down to the ground as low as we can get and i'm like everything will be okay we'll be great we'll be fine just stay quiet we'll be okay and i just kept repeating that i was like we're okay we're okay we're all right

and this officer walks down with his floodlight for a second like wanders around my heart was i thought this officer could hear my heart i thought it was the end of days i thought i was going to jail i thought my parents were never gonna speak to me again i thought i was not gonna get into college i thought i was gonna have a horrible life from this from this on because i live in the suburbs and like that minuscule weed charge plus like trespassing on a private like property church property smoking weed on church property the judge would not have been on my side it is safe to say so i was just like my life's over this officer is gonna find me my life is over you know and my friends are freaking out and we're like trying to be quiet this officer walks

down turns around and walks back to his car because he couldn't find us and drives off we stood there for like three more minutes and then like went back to the car and drove away as soon as we could my friend hopped in that front seat and we just drove off i left all of my stuff there and we had to come back the next day to find like to come hunt for it again and the best part yet we didn't even notice that there was this giant wire barbed wire fence three feet from where we stopped so if I wouldn't have grabbed my friends and pulled them to the ground to hide in these bushes we would have ran in the dark straight into barbed wire like like just straight into it if i didn't grab my friends also back that night we're leaving you know the parking lot we're

driving off we're freaking out we're like oh my god is the police around you know my friend who has never smoked before was the one in front of the wheel and she's driving off and my heart's racing because i know we just ran away from the cops and she looks at me as i'm sitting in the front seat and she goes hannah i can't drive and i look over at her and she just took her hands off steering wheel and i'm like excuse me babe what do you mean you can't drive because you're in front of the wheel and we're going like 40 miles an hour down this road right now what do you mean you can't drive she's like i i'm high our plan had worked my girl was high we got her high but then we just ran from the police and now she's driving a car and i can't like i couldn't drive

a car the first time i got high and she's freaking out so i'm like okay we're just gonna pull over right here please please just pull over safely and we're just gonna exchange seats and yeah successful mission um i got my girl high and we did not get arrested and then we went to the party for the night and it was it was a blast i will forever remember that uh moment and be terrified of that literally scariest moment of my entire life scariest this is the part of the episode where i'm gonna give you random life advice that seems random but in reality it's from a good place in my heart okay let's get into it um if you go if you're gonna go to the thrift store you guys know i love the thrift store um i'm the thrift queen literally i'm obsessed 9 a.m and 6

p.m that's the time you want to go okay no one's there there's no one else that's like intimidating and thrifting other than me um you're gonna get belligerently high and put headphones in and put your favorite music on and it'll just be you and the workers with all the good stuff out and i guarantee you'll find something you can spend like hours in there i will spend like three to four hours in a thrift store my boyfriend will be like can we fucking leave and it's like i need to check every rack okay um don't do coke um it's a waste of money and there's better drugs like i don't understand the hype behind coke i understand it was like a fun little party drug in the 90s but it is overhyped um and you don't want to be that person um okay um go for what you

want not what is available what is available is going to disappoint you period it's always going to disappoint you um and you can usually always tell if a man is going to fuck up your ph just by looking at them so don't subject yourself to that just just don't you deserve better you deserve to have your ph normal i love you okay i just ripped the shit out of my bong um but i forgot i got this comment on my tiktok the other day if you guys don't follow smoke says shawty and fairy smoke mother is my backup account slash private account if you guys want to hear more of my thoughts i pretty much just dump on that one um someone commented and was like hannah can you please remind everybody to um never have roommates and i was like felt but also don't i don't feel

that because here's the thing i've been in good roommate situations i've been in horrible roommate situations okay and I feel like the horrible roommate situations was mostly when I was rooming with my friends freshman year of college also let's talk about fake friends we're gonna we're just we're gonna talk about that okay um because I had to go through some healing um I grew up lucky enough privileged enough most of my friends are very like real friends authentic like the friends that I have kept close to me and kept with me have been in my life for at least 15 to 20 years with me like a vast majority my bestest friend we literally had like my parents had our baby shower together like I've known her since I was in the womb

um they're like my ride or dies they know me better than anybody else um I trust them better than anybody else but I was privileged growing up that my friends were authentic to me they're very nice they're very kind I um sure I was friends with people that like maybe weren't the bestest of friends like we weren't the closest I don't think that really means they're being fake in any way um we just maybe we're just like acquaintances or just like friendly with each other but I never had any bad interactions with people or any fake friends ah there was one in middle school but whatever it wasn't that big of a deal until I got to college I know flash forward um I got to college and I met these people which were amazing incredible like they were just like

my new group of best friends which is kind of what happens in college um you'll meet people who you'll just group with work well together um we went through freshman year together and we were such good friends they were so nice they were so sweet um sophomore year you move out of the dorms and you'll move into like apartments kind of or a house if you choose so we still lived on it um in-campus apartments so we need four people so we get together four people to room together and it was going great it was going wonderful we were so excited to live together um I had a boyfriend at the time which I was leaving college to go see him a lot so I wasn't spending as much time with my friends sophomore year and I think they didn't really enjoy that

and um which I shouldn't have been doing um if you're leaving college to go home or leaving college to go see someone don't do it either drop out of college and pick a better one because obviously you don't like it or you need to drop that person because they're being controlling okay um but I also had essentially flunked freshman year not super flunked but my nursing program put me on probation and took away my um scholarship I know like craziness because I just wasn't trying and I had to beg for my scholarship back and they said if you could prove it we'll pay and so I was working my ass off so to be fair I did not have a lot of time for like social time with them and we just weren't bonding the same it was freshman year and like I was fine with that

because I was doing things that were benefiting me and I wasn't like harming them in any way I just wasn't around a lot you know I was busy out studying or I was busy I couldn't go to a party with them or I couldn't smoke with them for the night or I was gone for the weekend and by the end of the semester things have had kind of come to a head like I knew when I'm not dumb I know when people are talking shit behind my back for some reason I know when the vibes are off it felt uncomfortable for me and I wasn't sure why and at the end of the semester we had our finals and these finals are super super important to me because it was essentially like the deciding factor on if I was going to get my scholarship back or not because I was like on the edge

um and I heard my friends talking about a party and the way um finals line up is it's a week of finals so some people have their finals in the beginning of the week some people have their finals at the end of the week and I still had finals going on at the end of the week so I needed like quiet study time um and they had finished their final so they wanted to party and that's like cool whatever but you don't purposefully set up a party in the dorm room knowing your friend is studying and purposefully try and make it loud to kind of sabotage her you don't do that that's weird and conniving and you've got issues if that is what you're doing because that's what happened I was in my room my other roommate had left for the weekend I think she went home

um early and the other two roommates were there and um I heard people come in I heard the music get louder and like that was fine it was fine with me until it reached a point where I was like I can't focus and I need to stand up for myself so I text them and I hear talking about me on the other side of the wall and giggling and I hear the guys that they brought over like talking shit about me and at that point like we're having full-blown tears because I thought these people were my friends I was like great I have new bridesmaids and they do this you know it's like well what did I do to deserve this and that was a shitty roommate situation because I well I passed my classes but they fucked me over so bad that i dropped out straight up i was like i can't live

with you guys i'm so incredibly unhappy here you've made it this a living hell on top of everything i've been through i'm i'm packing up and i'm gonna be out of your hair in the in the week i'm moving home and i dropped out and um one of them realized their mistakes and what they did and apologize profusely and i genuinely believe that if somebody does something wrong you you can cut them out like yes protect yourself but if if they genuinely show change of character and that they apologize and go above and beyond then like yes you should forgive them it's your choice if you want them in your life or not after that i decided that she she had wrote me notes she had given me presents she showed up she was the only one to show up to my art show um when i was having

an art show in a different city she was the only one i knew to show to show up and i forgave her and she's incredible for that and i really appreciate her realizing her mistakes and growing from that we all grow i understand that the other one um have not talked to i have not talk to her last i heard uh she dropped out as well i think she moved back home um safe to say fucking up somebody else's life isn't probably not going to help yours um and yeah that was because i was friends with them um that hurt a lot because i had never had friends purposefully do something like that to me and it was weird because i was like i'm an adult and this is happening you know like this should be happening when we're kids not when I'm an adult and it took

a lot for me to kind of just I'm a very quiet and timid person to stand up for myself and standing up for myself felt so incredible you really do need to do that if someone's just shitting on you you need to put them in their place you need to tell them they're being a shitty awful person because they need to grow as a human being as well and they need to not be in that toxic mindset now we've moved on from that i've dropped out of college i'm now in a way better place like i'm thankful for every experience i've been through because i've grown from it and i wouldn't be where i am without it but i moved on i moved back in with my parents and then quarantine i moved out and i was looking at single apartments just by myself because i knew i had that horrible

experience and i was like i never want to live with people again but i found this house on um facebook marketplace and i came and toured and the woman who owned it was incredible like incredible she seemed so cool like this beautiful house in this location i wanted like i was gonna have a huge room it was all completely furnished like a great price and she as soon as i was like yeah i love it i'm gonna sign a lease she was like okay great but we're not gonna be friends and like at first I was like whoa what and then she was like listen when you room with your friends it never works out like sometimes it does but there's always a lot of fighting and she had had a falling out with her ex-best friend ex-roommate so she was like I will be there for

you I'll be like a great person I'm gonna be nice we're gonna be friendly like I of course I'm gonna be like your friend but we're not gonna be besties you know what I mean and I think the best way to have a roommate situation um is you guys have your outside besties but also like when you're in the house you're cordial and you're nice and you hang out and you talk um but there's no expectations when there's expectations of like people to hang like you have to come hang out with me like you're supposed to be around you're supposed to spend time with me things kind of get messed up um because i like having my home space be like individual time i'm gonna choose me you know friendships are hard but if you if you just genuinely be your authentic self you'll attract

attract authentic people um and people fuck up everybody fucks up i'm sure you've been a bad friend at some point i'm sure i have um but i genuinely learn from your experiences try and do better people always ask me hannah how do you live your best life i want to live my best life i want to go out there and live the the bestest biggest awesomest life I can ever live and here's the thing I feel like we're sold this idea especially on social media and with like travel vloggers and lifestyle influencers and all that where to live your best life you need to be in the biggest poppin city the prettiest place you need to eat the best food you need to be going to new places you need to be wearing the newest clothes and it's all this like it's all about image image image image

what can I project to others that's not living your best life okay let's start there living your best life is living your life for yourself I don't care what anybody else says living your best life is not oh I have a hundred million social media followers and I have all the best stuff and I have all this money in the world and I'm going to all these new expensive fancy places okay because I feel like that's what's projected and then that's what people work towards and they quickly realize like that is kind of unachievable okay like that in that like influencer lifestyle is kind of unachievable I don't even live that if I'm being honest it might seem like I live that but I don't living your best life is living your life for yourself period if you are choosing daily

yourself you're living your best life okay if you're not letting other people's ideas and influences and their thoughts on how you're doing things influence you you're living your best life you're making choices for yourself you're living your best life okay i don't care what those choices are simply if you're choosing to you know what i'm gonna get out of bed today and be productive and maybe clean my room boom that's living your best life you know what i'm gonna choose to remove this person kindly from my life um because they're maybe not serving me and i need to pick myself boom that's choosing your best life okay you can you can make those daily decisions in your everyday practice and when you do I kind of preach the idea of like live your best life

because I want people to live for themselves okay and I feel like I spent a lot of my time on this planet in my 22 years living for other people because I didn't want to live for myself you know like I didn't think I had anywhere to go I didn't think I had any hope and so I was just like oh my parents want me to go to nursing school okay sure i'll do that i'll choose what they want to do right and guess what i was miserable miserable i hated my life i almost flunked out and then when i finally got my shit back on track and i was a 4.0 gpa student in nursing school which is slightly impossible still hated my life it didn't matter and you know why it's because i wasn't choosing myself i wasn't living my best life it doesn't matter if my gpa

was perfect and i was number one on the nursing honor roll my parents could brag about it or i was living the perfect image life for my parents that wasn't my best life because i wasn't living for myself and i was miserable every single second now that i've chosen what i want to do picked myself made very very very tough decisions no one ever tells you how hard it is how hard it's gonna be to choose yourself because quite honestly it feels impossible i feel like we're raised to live for other people and choose things for society and choose how we're gonna present ourselves or how we're gonna live and make sure we fit into this little bubble fuck all that you are gonna be goddamn miserable for the rest of your 80 years if you're gonna

to choose other people okay pick yourself if you're going to do one thing today pick yourself it's not even being selfish it's not even being like self-centered actually maybe it is but maybe those things don't have to have like bad connotations okay i want you all to live your best life make one decision for yourself today that's going to better yourself okay and work your way towards that ultimate dream lifestyle i know you all can do it i'm still working on it every day. And I'm still not where I want to be. And I'm still going to continue using these practices and putting my best self forward. Because as I've made those choices and made those hard fucking choices in my life, things have gotten better for me. I feel happier. I feel

more content. I feel excited and joyful for life again. I feel like I want to continue. I'm excited to know where I am, like where I'm going to be at 60, at 70, at 80. Like I look forward to the future now that I'm picking myself and I would rather be excited and joyful for life and choose myself and what passions I want to do than be miserable and not want to continue and sometimes you just got to pick yourself okay I want you to live your best life I think that's all I have for you guys today this was so fun I actually I love this let's be honest I love hanging out and just talking about whatever i want to talk about and i have been getting such good feedback from you guys thank you for everything i got so many dms of people just being like this was incredible i

love listening like please do more and listen when you guys tell me that stuff a lot of people will be like i know you're not gonna respond to this or see this and i know you don't care but here's the thing i do see it and i do respond and i do care like that means the world to me because being a creator is really hard like coming up with new content and creating is really hard like it's so fulfilling it's everything i've ever wanted to do so of course i work hard at it and i keep going but it's so draining sometimes so hearing that you guys actually appreciate and like enjoy being here especially on the podcast something that's kind of new and i'm a little scared about um i love it thank you guys so much for the encouragement the kind words it's

wonderful to have you here um go take a hit for me go have a wonderful day and i'll see you next week bye