Smoke Sesh - free the tiddies, confessionals & the toxic side of “self care”

Episode Date: May 12, 2022

Happy Thursday everyone! Today we cover a ton of topics starting with the toxic side of “self care” and cutting people off, iud’s and what to expect, shitty men & situationships, and free the tiddies and how to confidently embrace the public, finally we go to Church today as Father Hannah takes your confessionals and we embrace our mistakes and funny experiences together. Hope you guys have a wonderful weekend if you have any questions to submit please send them to Instagram @ hannahmarlene and I’ll see you all again on Tuesday! MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, someone to look out for them. Some people call me their internet big sister, others their fairy smoke mother. You can call me Hannah, the new host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. Some good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. Hello, happy fucking Thursday, everybody. buddy oh my gosh i finally woke up early enough we're gonna start this podcast we're gonna get

her done we're gonna go to church i got so many confessionals for you guys today i'm so excited um and then i can get this out to you guys and we can all have a fucking fantastic weekend it is so hot here like incredibly hot like mind-boggling hot um like i am wearing a bikini top and no underwear everywhere i go like i have no choice it is just so fucking hot um but that also means i can fucking get outside for once and enjoy the weather and enjoy everything going on in my city so i have about five hours left in my day to do so before i have to go to work you already know i am hustling for that money recently um moving soon so i just i want to be able to buy as many plants as i want once i move in and i need quite a bit of dollars for that so picking up a

ton of shifts at work um luckily haven't had anybody super crazy come in last night was so slow um i think three groups came into our restaurant the whole the two hours i was there I made like $50 I was like okay I'm just gonna leave it's time for me to go home but thank you all for listening to Tuesday's podcast if you haven't go listen you got to catch up babes there's so much content for you guys out there and I have even more coming um a lot of you guys sent in last minute questions um last minute like uh confessionals for today tons and tons of call-ins as well so i just want to dive into it don't have a whole lot to catch you guys up on yet um other than yeah no that's really it i slept in this morning had some good coffee and then now

i'm about to do a face mask face mask a loops face mask um this one is called sunrise service it's for morning calls barely theirs and lazy sundays it's de-puffing brightening hydrating and provides antioxidant support i've been loving loop lately this brand um they are like the best jelly masks i like masks but i don't like i feel like they always dry out my face they always have like alcohol or like um synthetic fragrances and they aren't made for all skin types like my skin is a weird combination skin like i have patches of oily and then like patches of dry and also this is not sponsored i just i like putting you guys on to what i'm interested in at the time um but it's all made in korea um and it's for all skin types and it's dermatologist tested so

i haven't broken out from it yet i've been having a great time i've been loving it so if you guys want to check it out i say go for it i've been obsessed but let's just we're gonna go ahead and dive right the fuck into some questions okay so we're starting in my dms for the day um so these are like longer um questions confessionals whatever you guys send me there is usually longer more detailed than the little questionnaire i put out so we're starting there everybody take a moment to hydrate a group hydrate moment i wake up in the morning and then like two hours later i will get just like the world's massivest headache i'm like what's happening what's going on oh yeah maybe i should consume

something other than coffee within the first two hours that i'm awake maybe just maybe that would be a good idea but like who fucking knows right i am just gonna try and prepare for that hopefully the water offsets it but okay i um this is just like most recent dm um literally the only way i see myself getting what i want out of life is to completely remove everyone and just start from scratch i continue to get the same kind of friends and relationships thinking new equals better but it's not i but it's not i want more than what's being offered and i feel like i can't change my life if i'm continuing to give energy to the same people in different bodies and not just say that all these people are bad they're just not who my higher self can be around love you and the pod

okay um positives here you know you're looking for better you're looking for um something that's good for you but also cutting off and removing is not a healing process okay I feel like a lot a lot a lot of like self-care self-love girlies you know and I've I've been this before it's it's very easy to do so over social media especially when you're only given like a hundred characters to work with in two lines of space like of course we simplify these ideas but a lot of them have been you know when i see this a lot is cut them off cut them off get rid of them babe like if they aren't good for you cut them off and it's like okay the concept is good i think people take it a little bit too literally and they are quite honestly cutting anybody off considering them

toxic considering them not good for them at the first sign of um like them possibly messing up or the first sign of them possibly being human and making mistakes and that is not healing that is simply putting a barrier between you and the world and letting your ego get to you that is not healing that is not self-love if anything that's probably hurting you more than it is helping you Now, I think what most people are talking about when it comes to cutting people off, we mean like that super toxic ex, or not ex-boyfriend, super toxic boyfriend who's hopefully about to be an ex that you've been putting up with for three, five, six years, six months, who fucking knows. and you can't seem to bring yourself to get rid of them even though they make you cry every waking hour of the day that is what we mean when those simplified messages are presented at least for me because you know on tiktok i've been the girl who's been like yes bitch cut them off fuck that

hoe you know like whatever but i don't mean that by people making simple mistakes and you just avoiding them at all costs after that that is making you the toxic one unfortunately what i mean by that is you know in those hard situations when you are putting yourself out there more than you are getting back you are consistently getting hurt and turned away over and over and over and over again by the same person then yeah maybe that person isn't good for you and not meant to be in your life and you have to get rid of them okay and i'm not saying this is your thought process it's just something i've been wanting to touch on for a while now um there is a toxic side of the self-care you know put yourself first kind of mentality and i think it's just when the ego gets

involved and you start prioritizing yourself more so than you do you know prioritizing your conflict resolution skills or your people pleasing skills or your um need to you know where am i going with this sorry i started this and i was so goddamn high so i have just been rambling but i think a lot of people are cutting people off and naming them as you know negative people or toxic people when they're simply making general human mistakes human mistakes that you make maybe when you don't know somebody super well or when you know you're first getting into a relationship or mistakes that you know you've grown out of but maybe other people haven't experienced yet i think all of those are i guess somewhat innocent mistakes and you can grow from

that and you do as a person need to learn how to solve conflict and understand people better through this now if you're fighting all the time if it's constant negatives like yes there's some nuance to this cut them off if they are not good for you but also i've been in this situation before where it's like why does the universe keep presenting me with the same fucking horrible awful people that are doing the same behaviors and it's quite honestly because I have not done the insight on what I am doing to attract those people and what I am doing whether it is like subconsciously or consciously to bring those people into my life there's work that I need to be doing and work that I need to be focusing on inwardly and that work is not going to present

itself in other people i can't focus and hope that other people are going to heal because they probably aren't quite honestly they probably won't because a lot of people really enjoy where they are and they don't want to move forward so sometimes you do have to accept that um but do the inner work ask yourself you know why do i keep bringing these people into my life and you know are these issues actually real issues or am i just not willing to work through things with people you know do that work ask yourself those hard questions um but if they are if these people are presenting themselves and they are like super horrible awful people then yeah the cutoff culture the the that person's toxic kind of like mentality is probably valid in that situation but i think a

lot of people since it is so simplified especially on social media like if you go back and watch my old tiktoks like very simplified concepts that i could get on here and talk for 25 30 minutes about um and it's very easy to get them um you know a little confused not understand the full aspect of it but don't let your ego kind of take a hold of you really question wonder ask yourself am i doing anything to bring these people into my life because usually it's like me rooted in something that i have not grown out of that i have not accepted within myself that i can't see within myself quite yet um and then once i realize those things it's easier for me to make better connections and that's just something that i've experienced growing up in general um you do have

a lot do a lot of like inward looking um in order to also do honest inward looking on other people so take that into consideration love you a lot um you guys my titties i think they're growing i'm putting on a little bit of weight which love because like now when i'm walking down the street my titties bounce which is like a first in my life but like they hurt they hurt so bad and i don't know what's going on I don't know where I am in my hormone cycle right now but they are just like going crazy hey girl so I have a little story um if you want more details go to lava girl sugar daddy on tiktok because I posted a story time about it but I've been sick for the past like three years and um nothing has helped me and I went to regular ERs and hospitals

and doctors for the longest time and they misdiagnosed me with CHS cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome and eventually when I kept going back there because nothing was working because I was misdiagnosed they refused service on me they were like they would see the THC in my system and basically be like um it's your fault blah blah and then send me home um so I stopped doing that and went to a holistic doctor and the holistic doctor was like uh that's like sue worthy the fuck and then she ran a few tests and turns out i have celiac and also a parasite for three years i didn't know about so that's uh wonderful anyways that's my story love you oh my god okay i'm not even gonna lie i think i saw this tiktok video because i was like parasites that is my worst

fear like leeches internal parasites internal anything like oh my god makes my skin crawl so sorry not that doesn't make your situation any better but also at least you have it figured out so sorry you went through that medical process for so fucking long i understand having closed off like closed-minded doctors um and i think the best thing you can kind of do in those situations especially if you guys are like afraid of going to the doctor not being heard so if you go there and you explain like what you want and what you need and they they kind of like laugh it off or take it for granted or ignore you leave leave that goes for therapists too if any of the situations that you're in with a medical professional that you don't enjoy or agree with leave quite honestly

find a new one and don't feel bad okay don't feel like you have to keep going back to that person out of convenience if that person is not helping you find somebody who will listen to you because this lady listened to you but yeah in nursing school you would be surprised how many fucking people have like pinworms or like what are they like um they're just like multi-cell parasitic worms like hookworms tapeworms roundworms you'd be surprised how many people have them um they are rare though so if you're afraid of having them i'm sure rare occurrence don't worry don't freak yourself out but i swear to god i saw that video on tiktok that is that is wild sending you prayers hopefully you can get that figured out soon i'm not sure what

you do for that but love you okay so this is from my dm someone said uh iud help slash advice hey Hannah I'm getting a Kyleena IUD put in in like a week or two could you walk me through what to expect getting it put in and how it felt after and having sex after having it put in I'm nervous and I trust you more than Google okay um I the things I am saying I don't want them to deter you in any way okay but I feel like medical professionals are never upfront and honest with this procedure and a lot of young women go through trauma because of it because they're not mentally prepared enough for it i being one of those um i would like to preface by saying i love my iud i love it i am up fucking sessed with it it has consistently and constantly

protected me for three years now and i have not had one scare no scares and if i do have a scare you know like i start freaking out worrying myself like you know you know how you get in your head and you overanalyze and overthink all i have to do is reach in my body okay and if i feel the strings coming out of my cervix which you will and you should then I know it's in place and I know it's working correctly okay I mean most times out of not I know that if I feel those strings it's not displaced I don't have to worry anymore and I can chill and I mean like I have the most unprotective sex my boyfriend comes to me like four times a day like it is insane the amount of risk I'm putting myself at and I have gotten through it with no

scares the iud has protected me completely now i have the skyla which is a lower hormone one i think the kylena might be higher or might be lower one of the two um and i've had no hormone issues i'm somebody who is extremely susceptible to like um like hormone issues and like birth controls didn't work for me it put me in a major depressive disorder um it's like ruined my life um i got off of hormones for a while and did the natural planning method but that just gave me so much anxiety that i then got the iud and i wanted to get a non-hormonal one but i was afraid that the non-hormonal one might be too big because they're different sizes not a huge different size but i thought it'd be too big but it's a great option as well because that one lasts i

think 15 years so you can get one procedure and be protected for 15 years which i think i definitely should have done because my procedure was not fun at all and i'm dreading it a little bit like dreading it the same way you do the dentist um going back and getting it replaced now here's why um it is a painful procedure i cannot lie to you i'm not gonna sit here and say it's all rainbows and easy and you know it's just like a slight pinch and then it's over um it is a different kind of pain that you have probably never experienced before and i think that's why it makes it so intense um it's sharper than a period cramp it really is now you will get period cramp like symptoms afterwards so have your ibuprofen ready um advocate for yourself

at the doctor they they really downplay how painful it is so advocate for pain medication if you can short-term pain medication other than ibuprofen um ibuprofen was great though after the procedure i felt like i really only needed ibuprofen for afterwards um i feel like a lot of people have issues with afterwards but i felt like it was like going through a normal period you're gonna bleed a little bit you might have irregular bleeding afterwards for upwards of a month or two i know i definitely did but it settles off it it it regulates after a while you just kind of have to go through that period of your uterus having to get used to something in there um i was able to have sex i mean i was a little nervous so i i gave myself a good amount

of time but i was able to have sex at least a week after i mean i'm pretty sure i did it three days after but give yourself like a week at most or honestly more if you need um and i felt no pain after sex i do sometimes feel pain from it um uh very very occasionally and only when i'm having rough sex um and in a position that is just not good for me you will notice your uterus probably more often and you will notice how your uterus is changing not your uterus but your cervix changes positions in the body because sometimes i'll get in one position and like it'll be deep but it'll kind of like i'll feel like a pain and i'll know like oh my god okay that's pressing on my cervix in a weird way and you know my iud hurts so let's just switch positions um so if you ever

feel pain switch positions or take a break is a really good um rule of thumb but i have had zero zero issues with this iud other than the five minutes of getting it inserted if someone can come with you and be in the room with you i highly recommend that um whether it's a friend whether if it's a boyfriend whether it's a parent someone whoever you're comfortable with if you can find that i really recommend that or ask a nurse to hold their hand because you'll definitely want something to squeeze um try and ask for a cold ice pack for the back of your neck when it's happening because a lot of girls tend to pass out from this procedure um don't sit up fast definitely like deep breathing throughout it um but it's very quick it really is and you will um

be set for a fucking while after that i love it all my friends who have the iud love love love it but yeah the only thing that we really have had an issue with is the um insertion procedure and i really think that i don't think now here's i don't think people should be put under for it um it's too short and anesthesia is just so expensive that it's like for five minutes i don't know if anesthesia is necessary but what is necessary is pain management and specifically i don't know if they can provide pain management to the area to the cervix um i've heard of some doctors having like a lidocaine spray so it numbs the cervix so at least there's like a little less pain that you feel or you can get a shot but i do think it should be similar to like a dentist

procedure where you are awake because it is short but you know you don't feel anything you don't you don't feel any pain or discomfort throughout the procedure other than that initial shot or whatever you're receiving to help with pain management i definitely think there should be more of it i think doctors should be advocating for their patients for more of it i think a lot of young women have traumatic issues or experiences with this because doctors downplay what it's like and they downplay the pain um and they also don't advocate for their patients so considering that i just like to make it clear to every young girl who's getting it to advocate for yourself like if you've never had kids iuds were originally made for women who were post post birth okay so your

cervix has already given birth been fucking stretched out she's good um and you get the iud after that um i have never given birth so my iud has never opened other for anything other than um you know your period so it hurts a little bit more because you have never experienced anything like that i think the only adequate pain description that i've seen online is people describing it to childbirth um it's very similar your uterus is gonna feel probably the same pain that childbirth would probably be similar to not not as excruciating because childbirth is also fucking like hours okay i'm talking minutes here um and the pain that you do feel is very quick all right it's very short but i do want to make that obvious to all the women out there because

i don't want you guys to go in there and have a bad experience um but i do i love my iud i do i just wish they would have told me kind of more about what to expect so i could train my brain to be prepared you know so love you i'm sure you'll love it the procedure should hopefully go great um don't drive home afterwards have somebody else drive you and then somebody else needs to pick you up something yummy to eat um but afterwards you really only need a heating pack i had got a great heating pack from like urban outfitters um and i held that on my body for like three days and after three days i was good i took some time off from work which i think is really good unless you have like an office job you could definitely go to an office job and just sit there

but i just needed to sit and rest and relax but after three days i was back on my feet and i was serving at the time so i was working long hours long shifts and i was chilling but iuds love love if only we had a better way of getting them another one from my dm someone goes hey shawty i just shaved my pubes into a heart and now dyeing them pink while listening to your podcast thought you'd love this illy you know what i do love that that is incredible and i love you too i've always thought about going and getting wax specifically because i know the wax ladies could shape my bush up into like a heart and i feel like that would be so cute i feel like it'd be adorable so that is on my to-dos at some point hello hannah um don't mind my voice i do have a

bit of a cold but I have a question about like situationships I know you've already covered them a lot but there's this guy who really wants to be friends with benefits and I'm kind of iffy on the subject because we have had sex before and it ended really badly like he went off and dated like one of my best friends and like I'd been telling her about him and like how I kind of liked him and so like we weren't friends for a month but we kind of reconnected and he wants to be friends with benefits again and i'm really conflicted about the entire situation because of like how messy it ended last time and i don't want to ruin our friendship because it's like it's really important to me so no no no no no no what we're not gonna do is that

that is what we're not gonna do you just went into a 50 second detail of how this man hurt you and used you and you're considering letting him do it again which is why i'm concerned stop letting shitty men get away with shitty things okay and continue to do them to you okay he wants to fuck and not have a relationship and not have to care about you and only use you for your body he seems to quite honestly not give a fuck about you or your emotions so if that's a vibe you want if that's what you're going for sorry is this harsh i love you i do but someone needs to be honest with you like i have seen the world's greatest girls ruined by the world's most mediocre men okay and i'm tired of it happening i'm tired of women putting themselves aside for mediocre

dick like what like what are we doing men have used and abused us for too long it is our turn to be picky it is our turn to pick and choose what the fuck we want it is our turn to tell men how the fuck they need to act okay so get on board with it and stop letting this man ruin your life he literally went off and dated your best friend also your best friend seems a little sketchy only because she heard you talking about how much you liked him and then immediately ran off with that man seems a little backstabby-ish if you worked it out great love it hopefully it stays that way but do not involve yourself with this man if anything he should have no contact with you at and that's just my opinion love you hi hannah so i have a question how do i get more confident

um with like not wearing a bra because i have like a c cup and i hate wearing bras but every time i go out i get like i don't know i start to do a hunt like a humpback um since i live in a bigger city and i feel like everybody's staring at my titties but i still do it because i don't like to wear bras but uh yeah i get like hella anxiety and hella insecure because they are just wobbling around and you know main stairs so yeah what's your like tip for that i love you set them free i love titties i love small titties i love big titties i love different size titties they you could have three titties i would love it you need to set them free i get it like bras so uncomfortable especially like if you

have bigger titties like uh i don't know if like if if you have like huge i have like a cups so i always wonder this i don't know if like bras would make it better or worse um if you have huge titties because i like couldn't imagine but like c cups if they're out and about let them free it took a while for me to get comfortable with this and i feel like it's more socially acceptable for me to do this because i have like more a b cups um but i want to see more bigger titty girls getting out there and freeing themselves and doing what's most comfortable for them um the thing is no matter the titties you have if you have titties people are gonna look they are and i used to think oh no one's gonna look at me i don't want people to look at me um and then i would get

insecure when people did look at me and i just had to realize that you know i don't have any control over what people are thinking or doing or looking at um especially because i'm presenting myself in a way that i authentically want to present myself and if i feel comfortable i need to not let those people get in the way of my comfortability does that make sense um so like if you get insecure in public because you realize like oh my gosh this person's looking at me um instead of like you putting the shame on yourself i just put the shame on them instead of like you know doing the hunchback like kind of reverting yourself inwardly like uh i don't want to be seen right now which if you feel that is valid um and if you want to cover up that's valid as well um but instead of

placing the shame on yourself i place the shame on them i'm like that person's a fucking weirdo why are you staring at me i shoot them a dirty look they usually look away um but i'm all about the attitude if someone's making you uncomfortable i'm all about the attitude but you know i live in the midwest i live people are wearing like button-ups everywhere they go okay no one is showing skin it is a sin to show a elbow in this city um but you know i rarely ever wear a bra i wear a bottle of work that is it if my nipples are out they're out if my titties are out they're out and that is no one's problem but my own okay if someone else wants to make it their problem that is their weird weirdo initiative to do so but for me myself and i i'm chilling i feel

comfortable i feel free and that is the point of it all um and in those moments i do have to remind myself of that but it is kind of just like the more you do it the more you'll get used to it the less you'll care um you'll kind of realize that after a while um but once you first start doing it i get it i understand the anxiety i understand like you realizing like oh the social norms around it but every time i think that i just think to myself who gives a fuck i like titties everybody likes titties like everybody likes titties okay i don't think anybody's judging you and if they are they're lame and you shouldn't feel bad about yourself but love you set the girls free okay time for confessionals welcome to church ladies and gentlemen so excited to have you here

i'm your pastor hey uh smoke says shoddy um and i'm here to give you the cold hard honest truth that god won't give you so let's dive in because you guys have some mind-boggling shit that you sent me hi anna so i'm submitting more confessions so i want to talk about when i was like in my own face i would literally fuck like i it's so easy like people underestimate how easy it is to fuck a guy men will fuck everyone okay you could literally use anything to your advantage i would fuck every guy to like sometimes it was like it was like mainly out of fun bitch airports are the best fucking place ever tips for anyone go to the airport do it like in like the little i don't just fucking airports are the best anywhere in the airport also it's so easy to have a good man

like all you need to do is like just fucking seduce him it's so easy to seduce men and when i had to fuck with this guy i fucked like two of his friends three of his brothers and two of his cousins so yeah in conclusion i'm a fucking serial cheater and i've cheated on everyone i've been with bye and i love you bitch oh my god why are we whispering that was that was chaotic that was absolute chaos first of all there's music in the background the whispering oh my god you are right though men are that was just insane okay men are yes all men are ginormous whores all they're doing consistently and constantly is thinking with their dick whether it's a good thing or a bad thing they're thinking with it okay and it's leading them in whatever

direction they want men will fuck anything and everything and anyone so like if you want to fuck a man all it takes is you walking up to him and being like hey let's hang out let's do something let's go that let's go to this place let's fuck the airport what you're just going to the airport to go hunt men you are a different level of person i have never met i have i'm like in shock and kind of impressed just a little bit serial cheating baby girl i will never be for cheating but the way you go to airports to hunt men is so funny you're hilarious thank you for calling in that shit was a ride that was a wild ride anyways after that one that's the only audio one i love i i got the only audio confession which thank you you're a real one for that i cannot front

um but we need a bowl we need to we need to smoke a little bit that was insane three brothers and the cousins and the friends you are your chaos your actual chaos but i get it sometimes when girls get in like their depot phase it's like you you are nothing but chaos that is the vibe the vibe is chaos and specifically towards men um so i get it i understand but we need to smoke we we need to smoke um i'm going to my favorite wing place after this for lunch my boyfriend took the day off so he's chilling and i i live next to this like incredible wing spot so i'm gonna go munch on that later i can't fucking wait where did my lighter go we're having a moment we're having a moment a okay found it thank god um but cheers let's hit this

i'm smoking out of my celestial bong it's like my favorite thing it's from um fuck canna style oh my god i love them incredible oh yeah okay okay now we're gonna get into the confessions that people have submitted on my instagram oh yeah all right let's dive in i have a lot in here so we're gonna just like we are just gonna fly through them um but first one i really hate one of my closer friends like they've really pissed me off and every time i see them i'm annoyed af you need space you just need some space you're chilling it gets that way sometimes one times one time me and my really

really good friends like friends I have had since fucking birth basically we like spent 10 days together throughout the summer like constantly like 10 days we did not separate at all and by the end of the 10 days we were like yeah we just need like a month away from each other because we were just getting on each other's nerves um uh my boyfriend wants to marry me when we're older but I don't know if I can promise him that um I don't think you need to promise him anything while you're dating if he's not on one knee you don't have to think about that but it is something to consider in the future if you're like i don't want to fucking marry this dude then have fun for what you're doing for now and enjoy it but also like if it's not something you're gonna do long term

understand that and um maybe step away but my mom my friend's mom ratted me out for smoking at school and I got in a lot of trouble but I haven't seen her since then and I haven't been able to confront her about it since she got her phone taken away and hasn't been back to school 90k if I should be mad or concerned I'm just pissed off that all of this happened on 420 and didn't get to smoke the quarter I bought um I don't think I don't know if you're mad at your friend but I don't think you need to be um it's understandably be mad at someone's friend's mom like my my friend has a crazy mom and she would like always go through her phone and then like get us in trouble and it was just like why are you so concerned with my business like let me be a teenager

understandable to be pissed um don't blame it on your friend she probably is embarrassed um and yeah i get that sometimes you just gotta take the l sometimes um when i get mad at my sister i spray hairspray on her makeup brushes oh my god i would i would break out intensely i accidentally queefed in my bf's face did he say thank you um because that is the only adequate response it happens men should be able to take it i'm addicted to my vibrator i'm a changed woman i'll never be the same that's like a real thing i cannot even lie that is a real thing well if i'm gonna masturbate at all like well usually i'm just having sex but if i'm gonna masturbate at all like of course it's gonna be with the vibrator but if you're using it all the time all the time

all the time you will get less sensitive like your clit will be less sensitive so careful i do have to give that psa um i once used a roommate's towel to wipe when she didn't buy toilet paper out of anger oh my god number one or number two one of them will give her pink eye the other one won't the the first one is okay no it's not okay but it's like better in consideration number two babe oh my god um sometimes i root for my bestie and bf to be to break up oh and her bf um i know i'm supposed to be her best friend but she's always complaining about him and doesn't want to ever stop what do i do i get that i would be um pissed as well i would also be like annoyed um i think it's okay to plot people's downfalls especially when they are not good for each other

tbh i can't lie um what else what else i'm dealing with constant fucking mood swings i'm literally going and saying love ya okay felt also i don't know how old you are but like that's just a thing until you're like 24 you're just constantly having mood swings it's because your hormones are trying to balance out and level out but i feel like if i knew that when i was younger i would have had more peace of mind knowing like okay i'm not going fucking crazy i'm not like psychotic um it's just my hormones and i'm going through normal teenager things i probably would have had some peace of mine but no no one ever fucking told me that so i was like institutionalized because it got too crazy um also if it is too crazy take adequate steps to protect yourself and get the help you

need love you um oh do you know where um do you know anywhere i can find artsy pipe pieces like your strawberry one this is more of a question but i just mentioned my celestial bong um love canna style and love dank love those two of my two favorites for like artsier pieces um i once shitted in a priest's yard oh my god actually that reminds me um my brother i know i don't want to put this out there maybe i do my brother has a story from college where we went to the same college which is like kind of surprising um at least for my first college we went to the same college um we're both very similar so he made it through because he's a little bit more hard-headed i didn't because i i hate authority so it was a catholic college and the priests live on campus

so like and they teach some classes you usually have to take a a class a year that was related to the bible or the priesthood and you would learn a little bit um but they had this like garden area behind like some of the bigger buildings and then they had their dorms on the other side of that garden area and i remember like we were touring one day and it was like my family and my brother and me we were sitting there like eating a picnic and literally um it my brother's like yeah one time i got so drunk on the way back to my um dorm room i just like i couldn't hold it and I had to shit in the priest's garden so yeah that's just I feel like that happens to priests a lot um what else what else is going on what other chaos are people causing right now

oh my god one time I was fucking my now ex and I was so high I hallucinated and saw someone else oh my god i don't want to be like hippies like that i've never had that situation happen but like i understand because i used to get so high that i would like kind of hallucinate a little bit and it is a hallucinogenic drugs like obviously but i think you just like paranoia yourself out so much in your head um but that that you like see it um but oh my stomach is having the worst cramp i need wings i started thinking about those wings literally okay i sucked dick in a faculty bathroom in high school impressive i can't lie someone from my high school got caught sucking dick under the stairwell um freshman year i do remember that i'm sure many other people got

caught but i don't really remember holy shit these just get crazier okay i dated a guy who never let me see his feet relationship was one plus years are you telling me he showered with socks on like are you telling me that he would you couldn't see his toes was he missing toes not that that would be like a bad thing like i'm just why was he insecure about his feet that is so interesting men are insecure about like the randomest things but so are women i'll like hyper focus on one point of my body for like a weeks and then like get over it after that and be like why was i thinking about that um okay when i was 13 i got caught sneaking a boy in my room slash bed in the middle of the night he used to walk miles from his house and climb to my second story and through my

window that is dedication that is true love like i don't know if that's still happening hopefully he was also 13 if he's just a random man walking miles questionable but that is true dedication i can't lie one time i drank a snapple that was on the side of the road it was not snapple okay next i teed on all my finals i did what i had to to survive valid honestly valid um that was me in nursing school last semester when i was like i'm dropping out anyways um and i needed to pass and so when we took all of our finals on our laptop and i had a macbook and so like the um the the keyboards are all like that matte black color you know and i took like a a mechanical pencil and i wrote on the um like the on the keyboard in tiny lettering

what i needed to know and then i would sit down with my laptop towards the back a little bit in the middle so you know no one's looking super close at me they can't see the writing on the keyboards but once i was done i would just like wipe my hand over the keyboard and all of the um all the uh pencil would just wipe off and that's how i passed everything anyways when i was 15 oh my god i put a carrot up my boyfriend's ass i'm hoping this was consensual why would he want a carrot when fingers exist and are the same size uh told the whole school my ex had syphilis i didn't he didn't i was like 15 i regret it lmao who gets syphilis nowadays is that a common std i feel like everybody has chlamydia but

who gets syphilis let me let me google that syphilis just googling syphilis rare okay very rare yeah that's what i thought syphilis is like what the kings and queens would get from like ancient not even ancient just like british royalty the french like all of them that's what they would get and spread around anyways i was fingered by my bf in class multiple times that is i am just wondering what else went on around me in class because i was not getting fingered that is for sure but if i looked over and saw that i would be shocked i never told my parents about my abortion i never will because it's none of their business period i don't tell my parents about a lot of things like i think our relationship is better when they don't know a lot

about me they do want to know a lot about me and i do i do share a little bit about me but i made a video on about this on my tiktok i don't know if you guys saw but um one of the top comments was like my parents get to know three three big facts about me and that's it and it's like valid i'm just a problem child and my parents want a lot for me and it's better if they just know a little bit and i choose to share with them what i will then them know all of it okay sometimes it's just better to have secrets me and my ex broke up because he was literally having an affair with his stepmom help what call the police that would be my revenge my revenge would be putting an anonymous tip to the police officers that there is a woman sleeping with her stepchild that's psycho father hannah i

have discovered that clit suction toy sex toys over dildos and vibrators yeah i agree i do agree i think it's a better feeling i got one from um i can't remember where i got it from but it's incredible and i love and i'm obsessed with um and also my other one died and i can't find the chargers that's all i'm stuck with um okay hey girl boss oh wait which one am i reading oh yeah oh this is just a question okay hey girl boss love the podcast anyways not a confession but what do you think about guys that follow 20 plus instagram models basically only fans type of thing um i don't like a man that's a slut in public personally i don't enjoy that so if they're following a bunch of like the ass models on instagram i just don't like a public

slut i would slut shame him anyways if you like that that's a vibe good for you also i do support and they should support independent businesses and i'm not shaming those women at all like love that but he is a slut i don't like public sluts he can be a slut in private but god damn um i well okay um i snuck out and drove across state lines at 2 a.m to buy weed and got pulled over the car was so loud they searched and my cousin hid the weed where literally in her pussy they never found it and let us go home that is a real one that is a girl you should keep around you forever if that happened to me i would wife her immediately because you absolutely would have been caught if it was hid anywhere else like i can't lie like they pat you the fuck down they

go through everything in your car they don't go through your pussy thank god i have chronic utis and pee my bed at least three times a year us piss girls need love too you know what you do deserve love it be's like that chronic utis are a pain i used to get that a lot especially in college i don't know if i wasn't drinking enough water or something but daily cranberry supplements really helped me and also helps the kitty cat too when i was a uh maca's manager did i fucking butcher that i'm pretty sure that's british anyways come for me if i'm wrong i would take some money and use it to buy weed for myself honestly i can't blame you um sorry i needed a water break hydrate ladies come on step it up i'm healthy oh i'm deathly

not healthy uh afraid of spiders i've seen a doctor about it i truly throw up if i see one that is insane but i feel you like i have those weird fears as well one of them is specifically heights uh but i always think and i'm like what why do i have this like trauma like what happened to like um one of my like i don't know someone from my lineage what happened with them involving spiders that now i am just like deathly terrified of spiders in my dna um you know what i mean like i'm afraid of heights so i'm like which one of my family members got pushed off a cliff like why am i terrified of this so much to think about um i use my period blood as my face mask do you really because i'm curious i'm not judging you if it does work dm me i'm curious i want more

information on this or are you just using i i have this mutual take van incredible artist go stream her music she just put out an ep um she used to make a bunch of um tiktoks being like i love putting my period blood on my face like i think just like um like trolling a little bit and i don't think it was actually a period but i'm pretty sure it was um that one face mask from the ordinary that's like bright red it's like it's like the aha plus bha mask um and it does look like blood i think she's using that and trolling and it was so funny because every time she posted like in the comments people would be pissed they'd be like that's disgusting and i'm like you guys are stupid but if you're actually using period blood i'm curious tell me more i

rode my bf's foot and came i have a lot of questions i do was it inside of you was it outside were you like it was a humping situation i'm just i'm curious i went snooping and found my boyfriend's old or when i read boyfriends i'm incorrect i went snooping and found my girlfriend's old strap and toys idk what to say or do um when you go snooping and you find things i think it's just better to keep them to yourself especially when it's like bringing these up is not like i don't need to bring this up also have you done anything together like do you buy new toys when you find a new partner like are these just going to be used on you because if so i think you shouldn't worry because like if my boyfriend found my vibrator i wouldn't care and

he he looks it looks at it every single day because it's sitting on my nightstand so i don't know i say keep that one to yourself babes unless there's like concerning information that i'm not aware about i slept with my ex's plug in his bed the exes okay you know what that is a move how how did that situation arise where your ex was gone and you literally slept with his plug in his bed that's crazy anyways i love you all you're all forgiven something that the church won't tell you i don't think you're all sinners and i love you all so much that was super entertaining thank you guys so much for submitting confessionals we'll probably do another we'll do like one of these episodes maybe like once a month so we have time for you know people to join new confessions

to happen um but i love it thank you for coming to church with me i am pastor so access shadi and it is a privilege to have you all here i'm trying to make it fair for you guys and like trying to think of something that i can confess but like i get on this podcast and i share like the deepest darkest parts of me like i'm like yeah i pissed my boyfriend's bed i'm sorry like i just no filter i'm like trying to think of all the craziest like experiences that i've been in and it's just like i've just told them all i really have i'm just very open and honest um i'm trying to think back to like college if i did anything like psycho or crazy or things that i truly do need forgiveness for not really i cheat a lot on my tests if anything i might ask for

forgiveness for that um but i just told that story um but thank you all for joining me here today we'll take one more bowl you know what we'll take one more um and then i'll put this out so you guys can join me and i hope you guys have a wonderful rest of your um thursday afternoon an incredible weekend i don't even know what i'm gonna do with my weekend like the pools aren't open i don't and it's gonna be so fucking hot and i actually like don't work for once so it's like i want to go do something but another reason why i'm like i'm moving to california in a year everybody here hearing this i'm moving to california in a year it's going to be incredible i'm so excited um is just because in one central location there is so many different things that you can go do that

you can go see that you can go explore i love kansas city and i love where i'm at it's great for visiting but living here like there's no nature near me other than lakes and the only lake that we have it's like okay and you can't even it's like disgusting actually is the lake the ozarks um so that's like three hours away i've been to every restaurant there is in my city because new stuff doesn't survive for some reason which is really confusing um and i'm just like over it i want to experience the beach i want to experience the good weather i want to experience the new pop-ups and restaurants and new food that i can try new places i can see i want to go to the parks that they have they have like the desert three hours away the mountains like three hours

away like anything that you could possibly want I'm ready to get out there I'm ready to kind of explore that area I've never really moved out of my hometown well I mean I moved to Omaha for a little bit for college but that's about it that was a few years and I didn't really establish a home there so i i really don't count it i was away from home but did i establish any any home there not really because i had a very easy time leaving um i have a hard time with nostalgia and escaping it but i've realized that it's okay to outgrow places and it's okay to outgrow situations you just have to learn and accept that in your heart so then you can move on and do the growth that is necessary um and i think this happens with people i think it happens with places i

think it happens with things i'm very go with the flow type of person um because i realized this a lot about myself i will simply outgrow things and that's okay and it's okay to also enjoy the nostalgia and um be appreciative for it i have a tattoo for this i i mean i got a giant sumac leaf tattooed on my arm because i just felt so much nostalgia for my younger self and um where i grew up especially up until high school and i had a hard time leaving that behind um and i needed to honor that in some way so then i could grow up and do the growth and you know do more for myself um i'm about to sign a lease i do need a year to kind of you know get my priorities in order get myself straight adultify myself a little bit more before I up and move but yeah I'm just I've

outgrown this place and I'm ready to move on and do more for myself and let myself explore the world a little bit more um it's like when you get a baby kitten you know you put that kitten in like a bathroom or it has like a designated area that is its space it can't just get out and roam around because it will mostly find itself in trouble um the world's too big for it you can't just put a kitten out in your front lawn and expect it to do okay you usually have it in one designated area but you know as it gets older it it gets more explorative um and you kind of offer the world a little bit more to um it it to experience to learn to grow from and the same thing kind of happens with um people and as an adult and as somebody who's becoming an adult i've realized

that i need to accept when i have outgrown something and you know move on and do what is best for me so very excited for that not sure how i got in this ramble i did think a few people asked about you know what it's like to move or grow up or you know expand yourself in a direction that will do growth and it's hard it's a hard change it's a hard choice to make but ultimately your future and your past self will probably be happier for it so with that let's let's cheers let's smoke a little bit and then i will get this podcast out to you guys thank you all so much for joining me today i had so much fucking fun um thank you to everybody who sent confessionals sent questions sent call-ins i love you all

so fucking much um as always you can submit your questions to my instagram at hannah marlene i always look through them there if they're in my dms i also put up a questionnaire and you can find the call-in link in my bio but i love you all so so much i hope you have a wonderful safe fun weekend and i will see you next week for two more episodes of smoke sash have a wonderful weekend