Smoke Sesh - get free, cringe, body image & clubbing 101

Episode Date: July 29, 2025

helloooo and welcome back to another episode of smoke sesh so excited to be back with you all! we have a lot to catch up on this sleepy Tuesday, we talk about my hectic weekend, clubbing, go to drinks, dancing, rules of the club, pushy men, bouncers, safety, working, clubbing 101, coming soon, new vlogs, chocolate chip cookies, summer traditions, fair food, backdoor play, crazy in the bedroom, pillow princess, pleasure princess, new piercings, commitment to healing, nose rings, vacation prep, feeling gross, living a slow life, patience for slow season, rest & relaxation, group therapy, current therapy experience, proud of you, hard worker, going through their phone, trust in relationships, healthy relationships and weight gain, body image, summer body, chasing and choosing your dreams, my perspective on food, getting free, cringe, facing your fears, allowing yourself to be disliked, crazy manifestation, sororities, smelly partners, keep it to yourself, new, finance, and much much muchhhhh much more! if you want to see more from me join the patreon for exclusive and early content at patreon.com/smokeseshshawty, new vlogs every week on YouTube at hannahmarlene444, and submit your questions to the instagram at hannahmarlene to keep up with the smoke sesh community and see what I'm up to! love you all so much! MUAH

listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all hello baddies of the world and welcome back to another sexy little honestly sleepy episode of smoke sesh my name is hannah your host and i'm excited to be here despite the lack of sleep in my life for the past couple days that's okay that's okay sometimes the delusion makes for a fun episode you guys seem to like last episode a lot so if you are here for more of that kind

of energy girl you came to the right fucking place honestly i just had a really busy weekend and like oh who am i to complain about a busy weekend i love being a little busy busy bee but if i don't get my adequate time to recharge then i feel sometimes like just a drained battery but sometimes a drained battery is a happy battery and yeah this weekend was good but my god i just did not get enough sleep i worked all weekend as i'm kind of like finishing out some shifts um and that was just fucking chaos because like i said as you guys know this restaurant is a goddamn fucking mess if i own this place i would be gutting it restaffing completely taking over but obviously that's not happening like why am i waiting an hour and a half for an entree

why why are we waiting an hour and a half for an entree customers were pissed rightfully so i had to look them in the eyes and be like yeah girl i'd be mad too like i'll comp it for you i don't give a fuck like so sorry i'm so mentally checked out from this job at this point that it's like i don't really give a fuck you want your money back cool you want something for free cool i just i have no more bandwidth for the drama and the chaos um but it was all girls this weekend which was such a good vibe outside of that because even though we were suffering in hell at least we had each other at least we had each other and Friday night one of my last tables of the night they were like what are you doing tonight I was like I don't fucking know I'm at work that's all I know

what I'm doing and they're like oh we're playing at this venue later this evening like you should come bring the girls like you guys seem like a fun group you guys are laughing hanging out taking shots downstairs like you guys seem like fun like we'll put you on the guest list you should come and I was like I'll think about it I'll think about it I'll think about it if I can rally the troops then sure because I I used to be like every shift I worked which was Monday through Saturday at my old restaurant with my old restaurant crew we were going out we were going out I mean I was 18 years old back then and I was partying with 35 year olds because they were like yeah it's okay I know the bouncer I literally used to work here they don't give a fuck as long as you're with

me you're getting in like let's go out let's go have a good time and when I'm 18 19 who's to say no to that hello and these people genuinely took care of me as if I was like a little sister they always watched out for me they always made sure I was taken care of even though like we were going out and partying they always made sure I was like safe and okay and like not interacting with weirdos or strangers like we were just there to have a good time and they wanted to make me feel included and uh when you find a perfect like group of people at a job especially in a restaurant you guys kind of end up trauma bonding and it becomes like almost like family and this was a family I carried with me for like three years and I had so much fun over that time but once you know

we all kind of went on different areas went down different avenues it all kind of fell apart I was like wow what an era but really not trying to have that again because when I tell you we were out club bus train plane another club another club like we were going wild crazy cuckoo bananas and that was fun but god my god my body feels like it's 80 years old so the restaurant crew I have right now love them endlessly the girls are amazing so fun I have a great time working with them but when they go out I'm like oh girl my knees feel like they're gonna explode my heart feels like it's swollen like my insides are not okay I just don't have the time or energy to go out I don't know if there was just a perfect storm of events where it was like we're all in good

moods even though it was chaos we made it through we're closing early everybody wants to go out oh everybody said yes not one person is bailing girl I went home I changed immediately we're pulling up to the club immediately my restaurant owner really made it a priority to really like only hire very strong-willed individual women which is the exact kind of person that I love so when we went out it was like oh we're taking over we're taking over we're taking over absolutely shout out to the girl who was running the host desk who got us in for free I love you endlessly queen thank you thank you for that because even though we were on the guest list there was like five of us like not all of us are on the guest list so she waived all of our entry

fees like oh my god a queen thank you so much we got in we got shots we got drinks we went to the dance floor we were dancing all of a sudden we're outside kicking with the girls smoking cigarettes smoking a little jay hanging out with the bouncers because my friend knew the bouncer in the gm so we're chatting with them now we're back inside we're dancing now we're having a bathroom break now we're dancing I do really miss the club energy because it is like as a social butterfly you can run around and do your own little thing and just be a little free-willed fairy finding her place in society especially in an environment like that where it was very much so like nightclub-esque but still such a small venue that you're not gonna get lost no one's gonna fucking take you like you can

simply just run around have a good time drinks are not the most expensive thing I've ever had in my life thank god oh I did have someone ask what do you order when you go out I've been in a shot mood recently I love a drink where I'm holding it and then I'm sipping on it throughout the night if I'm going to do that I'm ordering a vodka soda with a lime period but recently as I've gotten older I found myself and me trying to combat my alcoholism not me like taking shots instead but if I have something and I'm holding it and I'm sipping on it I have more of a tendency to get more of those drinks so I have something to do so I am sipping on it now that I'm older I am in a hands-free mood and I feel like one shot every like I don't know hour or so 45 minutes

is perfect especially when going out where I'm only going to be out for like three hours because it's going to be a cheaper then I'm hands-free so I can dance and have a good ass time and it's quick you're not like bothering the bartender like i need a craft cocktail now i do love just a and this is not ideal for you probably but i do love just a vodka shot with a lime wedge on the side like let me just get it down and keep it pushing you know what i mean or vodka shot and then a side of sparkling water but we got our little shots in we're dancing whatever but me and the girls were kind of dancing towards the back and i was like no no no no we're meant to be at the front we're meant to be at the front we need to get to the front hello of course and

there's like a perfect little gap where everybody in the center is all men so like fuck the men no one wants to watch the men dance at the front no one wants to watch the men dance at the front life lesson for you all if you are a woman you can get to the front you got it i believe in you sorry sorry excuse me i'm so sorry like let me just sneak through real quick we all grabbed each other's hands i pulled them to the front all of a sudden we're in the front dancing having good time right next to the dj booth just living our best little hot girl lives like having a great time dancing together and those girls can dance shout out to them like i love a girl who's just like no i'll get down on the dance floor absolutely like you would not believe what these hips could

do but but like i said there were some men there and all of a sudden this six foot beast not in a good way ogre appears out of thin air in front of us pushing us back excuse me excuse me ogre ogre like man shows up in the middle of the dance floor pushing these girls away holding a mickle of ultra what the hell are you doing up here what don't you know this is a space for the girls what the hell are you doing up here it's like i was here first i just i was here first we're like okay fine whatever like you're blocking the view for everybody up here whatever i don't give a fuck i'm just focused on dancing having a time blah blah blah blah well then he starts kind of like pushing into us like shoving into us a little bit and i'm like no

no no no no when hannah gets drunk oh i do not fucking play especially now that i'm older i don't give a fuck if you're bothering me i'm gonna let you know you're bothering me especially if you're a man if you're a woman i get it maybe a little tipsy maybe you're stumbling around whatever but you are a behemoth ogre of a man pushing into women no no no no i looked him in the eyes i go this is really embarrassing for you that you are a grown-ass man shoving around women this is really really embarrassing for you and then he's trying to like cuss me out but he's too drunk to be like actually forming any sort of words actually not even probably drunk just stupid i'm like no shut the fuck up turn around get away from us you're such a fucking weirdo like cussing him the fuck

out obviously since he couldn't form words because he wasn't smart enough he just started like the annoying ass not even man boy he was he started just like shoving us really hard and me and my other co-worker who is also like the baddest bitch i've ever met in my life it was me this other co-worker bad bitch aggressive fuck with her hardcore and then two other girls who are a little bit more shy a little bit smaller me and my bad bitch co-worker locked eyes and we said hell no we both had the same idea but different plans so she took off out the back side of the pit i took off to the side i immediately went to the bartender and i was like hey there is a man harassing us on the dance floor and listen if you are a woman and you ever feel unsafe this is

exactly what you should be doing if you don't know anybody else there go to the bartender tell them there is a man who is harassing us or being rude or disrespectful i do not feel safe can you find a bouncer for me so we can you know settle this this bartender locked in said yep follow me right this way right this way yep on full speed taking out around the crowd follow me yep follow me this way right around the corner and then i saw my friend talking to the gm who we're talking to earlier because i forgot she knew the gm who was also this giant bouncer and this giant ass gold chain we're looking at them we're like dude he's so fucking annoying he's shoving us around he appeared out of nowhere like he's being rude we told him to fuck off and he isn't oh i love when

bad bitches get together because we will get that shit handled the gm looked at us and said say no more i haven't handled just show me where he is we go in we go straight to the pit the two girls that we left there are holding the fort down while he's still harassing them all it took is me and my girly to point at this man him right here right here the gm like a fucking cartoon reaches over grabs his collar and he yanks this man out of the fucking pit yanks this six foot man out of the pit come here get the fuck out of here rips him out of the pit he's like yelling at the gm because he's like what did i do what did i do no those are being annoying drunk bitches i didn't do anything he said you're permanently banned get the fuck out of my club right now get the fuck

out of here literally drags him by the collar with two other bouncers down the steps into the gravel road goodbye and guess what guess what me and the girls had a grand old time shutting that club down dancing in peace you do not need to put up with any bullshit when you are out if you are a woman if you are there to have a good time all you're doing is having a little drink with your friends dancing minding your own fucking business if anybody else is causing you problems you are not the problem they are the problem and best believe if they're ruining the vibe for you they're ruining the vibe for everybody fucking else because we're looking around and we're looking around at all these men standing around us watching this other man harass us they're not

gonna do shit because they're pussies sometimes you gotta handle your own fucking business and there are people there who are working like bouncers they love to throw people out they really do it's their job they love the chaos of it all it makes a great story like if some they're there to protect you period and if you feel unsafe or if you're like even slightly annoyed by a man shoving you on the dance floor yes rightfully so annoyed go find someone they will help you they will get that man out of there but i have never felt like more of like period thank god my friend knew the gm because he handled that shit on his own the other bouncers were ready to come with him he's like nope i haven't handled let's get it done and then afterwards you know they're closing

on the club like you could stay outside smoke whatever but the gm came up to us he's like i'm really sorry like you guys should not have had to deal with that thank you so much for finding us you know like if anybody is ever bothering you let us know we are here to help you you are always welcome here like we want you guys at this club having a good time but we do not want that man here ever fucking again because sometimes you know especially after standing up for yourself you're like ah did i go too far did that man need to get practically snatched out of that club he did he did but we told him we were like we wouldn't have come and got you if it wasn't like a real fucking issue like if this man wasn't practically shoving us with both hands like if

it wasn't an issue we wouldn't have found you so thank you for understanding and like believing women hashtag believe women because girl fuck that fucking man and i'm so glad we got him permanently banned because that was just not the vibe and you know what especially in this economy where this societal standpoint where men feel entitled to take over women's space and to push them around and to bully them and harass them and think they can get away with it no no no no no not in my fucking town not in my fucking space that is not gonna fly with me and yeah you did get what you were asking for you should be permanently banned out of that goddamn club immediately uh but it felt so good it felt so nice i woke up the next morning my boyfriend's

so sweet i was like i'm coming on a change and then i'm going to the club with my girls he's like okay have fun i woke up the next morning i rolled over i was like we got this man permanently last night my boyfriend's like what what were you guys doing like what's going on but no it was a grand old time and i love that i have friends who are strong women and strong willed and also i love having connections in nightlife because it just makes it makes life so much easier honestly the more you go out the more connections you'll have so if you're trying to get make connections especially in the industry maybe you'll get yourself a little bartending gig you know go frequent the clubs be nice to the bouncers be nice to the people letting you in be nice to the

workers always tip fat for the bartenders because they're going through it too and you know take care of them they'll take care of you always but yeah we went to our restaurant job the next day i was a little hungover I ordered everybody pizza because I was like this is the only thing I'll get me through and we were talking to the owner who he was like I'll come out with you guys and then like he went somewhere else he's such a party or two we told him about it he's like oh fuck I missed it like oh my god he was like I would pay so much money to see that whole situation go down because wow love like I said he only hires strong women that's for sure uh but that was just it was so fun that little moment was exhausting thank god he got kicked out and he

was with girls too and the girls turned around to us and he was like did you know where this guy went and we're like yeah girl he's out in the streets rolling around the gravel dirt like i don't know what to say and then she's like on the phone with him she's like oh my god these random drunk girls got him kicked out and i was like oh my god that's crazy maybe you should leave with him oh my god that's so wild maybe you should go too actually don't go with him because that man is might kill you I'm not even kidding that man was a piece of shit and I hope he rots oh but yeah that and then the next morning I was so freaking hungover and then I went to my boyfriend's grandma's birthday party for like five hours which was so so sweet you know you got to show up and

see the fam and you know let them know that they have a partner period you know you got to be an active partner in your partner's lives so I'm hungover like in glasses sitting on the back deck like trying to nurse my hangover with a diet coke my boyfriend's like going on a slip and slide with three and five year olds in his jorts like living his best life I'm like okay then I go to my next shift and I work like eight hours again but at least it was all girls again so we had a grand time then I woke up the next morning and we deep cleaned the house I didn't get any sleep mostly because my cat has like a set schedule and there's no sleeping in with him like you're up at 8 a.m I don't care how late you were up you're up at 8 a.m because I need to be fed so I'm running on

like maybe maybe 12 hours of sleep but that was my crazy hectic weekend and then yeah this week's gonna be very very booked and busy for me because although i've been busy i do have a vacation coming up you guys i'm so excited i've been telling you i need to i need to run away i need to run away to the forest i need to run away to the mountains and i will be doing so i went to colorado with some really amazing girlies that i've known for my entire my entire fucking life it's the same group i went with to the tetons last year um we're just going to the mountains to escape to hike to live our best life in the forest we're going to a rodeo we're gonna go yeah just drive around the mountains and swim in as many little random

creeks and riverbeds that we can and go on like eight mile long hikes until i can't feel my legs it's gonna be so freaking wonderful but that does mean that i'm doing a lot of prep this week so you guys are prepared for next week now i know you're sitting here and you're probably thinking oh my god is this a confessionals episode she hasn't mentioned it once because i did post on my instagram story asking for your confessionals if you're hearing this now you still have a little bit of time if you want to submit your confessionals uh just go to my instagram at hannah marlene and you can leave them my dms that works too but the reason i asked for that is because this week will be a normal episode and then next week while i'm on vacation i'm pre-recording and pre-uploading

a confessionals only hot sexy summer episode okay it's gonna be a good fucking time i do love confessionals especially like every season i try to do a confessionals episode so if you have you know made mistakes or you need to repent this is a safe space come tell the girls we'll forgive you that's for sure and it's also nice just to have a little laugh and realize goddamn sometimes we're all a mess and that's what makes life fun so next week will be the confessionals episode this week regular episode i don't think i'm really skipping any content same with the patreon girlies if you're wondering like oh my gosh you're not gonna post nope i am having everything pre-uploaded for you guys so don't worry you will not miss any sort of regularly

scheduled content with that being said i did just upload another baked and baking vlog on my youtube vlog channel at hannah marlene 444 if you want to just like hang out get a little stony and make some cookies with me i made chocolate chip cookies it's so freaking good so amazing such a fun little vlog for you all um i have so much fun editing i'm realizing i really enjoy editing so if it's too much editing let me know taking feedback always and then this week i'm actually going to the fair with my boyfriend my favorite favorite like country thing to do every summer it is a ritual that i have to do or else i feel like i did not achieve like my july august season of the year which is you have to go to the county fair you gotta go to the county fair always and i'm just

gonna go film myself eating as much fair food as i possibly can i don't do rides i don't do rides are you guys a ride girly i am not a ride girly i do not like feeling out of control i don't like when my neck snaps around on roller coasters i don't like the feeling of my stomach dropping out not the vibe for me and that's how i knew my ex-boyfriend wasn't the one because for my birthday one year he bought me season passes to worlds of fun and i said who the fuck do you think i am when did i ever when have i ever been on a roller coaster with you literally he up the whole year before he was like can you go to the worlds of fun with me will you ride a roller coaster will you ride a roller coaster with me will you ride a roller coaster with me like no bitch i fucking

hate roller coasters and then you get me season passes to worlds of fun no that's not fucking happening that's how i knew goddamn this bitch doesn't know anything about me i need to get the fuck out of here i don't do roller coasters i don't do rides even the ferris wheel at the county fair last time i was on the ferris wheel i was on mushrooms and we were on this ferris wheel and like ferris wheels they should be calm they should be chill it should be for like making out or like little romantic skyline view okay this roller coaster was going a million miles per hour yes roller coaster ferris wheel it was like so fast and then we were flying around this thing and bolts and bits were falling out of it and i was on mushrooms i was like i nope nope nope nope

so i do love the fair food and i do love seeing the animals so if you want to see a little vlog for me that will be up at the end of the week but for now chocolate chip cookie recipe is up oh my god but enough of me fucking yapping you guys i had a moment yesterday where can we get a little tmi i need to start doing tmi warnings because i started talking about a sucking dick from the back in the last episode and I think it was a little bit of a jump scare for some people it was a bit early in so here's your TMI warning about sex talk you guys okay so yesterday me and my boyfriend were fucking and I don't know what overcame me but I was like yeah we can do anal girl what my god very random of me we didn't end up doing it but I don't know what the fuck

got in my brain where I was like yeah no you sure whatever um but I did have you guys asking a little bit about butt play so let's talk about it a do it after the shower like just shower first and then get into it like you'll have a grand old time don't worry don't worry about douching genuinely if they are a real partner and a real explorer okay sometimes there's gonna be a little bit of a mess and that's okay it shouldn't be like too messy but like it's an asshole don't worry about it being squeaky fucking clean for sure that is the last thing you need to be worried about okay your partner should just be happy to have access to that area if they are granted access if you don't want to do it then period you do not have to but my sexual exploration and like

pleasure was heightened to a new level once i discovered butt play listen if you're hitting from the back and you want to put a little thumb inside you know i'm not one to complain if you want to ever explore with like a i do love a butt plug especially like a vibrating butt plug because if you put it inside and then it's vibrating while they're fucking you it will also like vibrate their dick a little bit which gives them pleasure and you pleasure fantastic 10 out of 10 recommend if you guys need something to do this weekend with your boyfriend and get freaky freaky nasty girl get a little butt play going and have a good old time but i will like to warn you that if you do do anal you could get hemorrhoids i had never had hemorrhoids until i started doing

a backdoor play a little bit more often and then all of a sudden i had all these hemorrhoids like all the time or more hemorrhoid occurrences than i've ever had in my entire life so please be aware that that is always a possibility and please for the love of god use as much lube as possible use as much lube as possible my favorite lube baby oil oh oh my god sorry anytime i hear the word baby oil i get like triggered just because of like the whole diddy thing i hate to say it is a great lube that or coconut oil but sometimes coconut oil is not just like it doesn't stay as like lubricated as long i feel like you have to keep applying it coconut oil is great if you guys want to like sit down and massage each other or like oil your entire body up um but like if you

need something that's like actually gonna stay lubricated for a long time just go invest in a good loop seriously and have fun but i was literally thinking about that i was like what the fuck on my brain where i'm like yeah you can put it back there girl chill i get into this zone when i'm having sex where it's like let's get crazy let's get fucking wild and then i like sober i like get sex sober and i'm like what the fuck was i thinking oh my god that's what the beauty about sex where it's kind of just like you lose each other or you lose yourself in each other and you're just solely focused on pleasure and like what brings you pleasure and what brings them pleasure that you're like fuck it let's go on this adventure together you know what i mean but when

i'm out of that zone i'm like oh my god girl that's crazy of you i guess since we're talking about sex someone asked do you have any tips for being more relaxed during sex as a woman thanks girl honestly i'm such a pillow princess i am there's a there's a couple times where i'm like okay yeah i'll put in some fucking work usually the work i'm putting in is like a sucking dick i'll go crazy when i'm sucking dick absolutely other than that like i'm here to receive and it does depend on like the kind of relationship you and your partner have like i don't know if your boyfriend's more of a pillow princess i don't know if your girlfriend's more of a pillow princess i don't know if you are sometimes you can switch it off where it's like maybe i'm gonna focus on

my pleasure and then you know next time next round i'll focus more on them but me personally I am such a receiver I am I deserve good things I deserve pleasure I deserve to sit back and enjoy thank god I found a boyfriend who's like yeah girl let me throw it down for you but especially when you're trying to like focus on just like receiving or like being in pleasure do not focus on the performance of it all you're not a porn star there's no camera up filming you like simply focus on the feeling and if you need to kind of just like lay back and close your eyes and like lock in then that's what you got to do you know what i mean i feel like a lot of the time when i was having sex but not receiving pleasure it was because i was too focused on the performance

of it all i was too focused on my partner and like that's good you should be but not every single time like you deserve to receive too so if you need to lay back relax enjoy like have your partner massage your back eat you out dick you down it's okay if you're just gonna lay there and focus on pleasure i am pro pillow princess in this house absolutely i do not think the girls need to be swinging from the rafters or doing anything crazy crazy in the bedroom just to win a man over no in fact he should be throwing down to win you over absolutely and if you have a hard time like getting in that zone especially with adhd like sometimes be like oh my god the fans moving too hard and it's like girl you need to be focused on that dick inside of you the fans

moving too fast it's too cold in here like what the fuck sometimes it's hard to focus sometimes it's hard to lock in so if you have a hard time like with that adhd one track mind like it's okay if you take all of your effort and willpower just to focus on the pleasure in front of you i give you permission know your partner will not be mad at you for receiving pleasure they should not be that's not how it should work but yeah girl if you need to pillow princess it out and just like lock in on the feelings and what feels good to you and discovering that and trying new things then I respect you and that journey and I hope you have so much fun but don't stress out about the whole like observation of it all or like needing to provide for your partner girl you

had the pussy that's up that's providing enough in my opinion but yeah when I really want to throw down I'm just gonna like go crazy sucking dick that's about it also I think I'm gonna get my belly button pierced vlog ideas so far this week fair vlog eating as much fair food as possible week after that i'm gonna do colorado vlog and then week after that i think i'm gonna get my belly button pierced because i just uh i think a belly button piercing is so sexy and i can't believe i don't have it yet like girl you have your nipples pierced not your belly button pierced yeah yeah and i'm so ready for something new i've been thinking like maybe i get a tattoo there's something about summer where i'm like i just wanna i want to get tatted up i want to

change something on myself i want to dye my hair pink and i think the easiest route to go is belly button piercing i know the healing can be a bitch but i think it'll be a good thing oh also someone said girl how do you heal your nose ring i've had mine for two years and keep getting bumps that's the thing about piercings like you have to be committed for the long-term healing i don't think anything heals like in a fucking month i mean maybe something maybe like ears heal really quickly but especially with like my nipples or my nose especially my nose I got it at 16 it was my 16th birthday present my dad cried when I got it my mom took me to get it like hello you didn't tell him but my nose took a good two to three years to fully heal I kept getting like keloids

or just like little bumps just like little pimples I don't know they weren't like infections but it was just like little bumps that I would get and it was just so bad because I was like why is it not healing why is it not healing girl it takes a while it takes a while that skin is so thick like there my nipples my skin the skin's so thick to get through that like even just the slightest jostle or even just like the slightest movement can open up that tissue again so you have to be committed to the long-term healing and it will heal eventually don't worry i remember a traumatic in high school i since i had my nose pierced at 16 i was like junior year and i had this massive keloid on my nose that i was like kind of covering up with like a band-aid for a while then eventually

i just stopped wearing the band-aid because like fuck it's just a hole in my nose whatever it looks nasty but whatever i don't care i had acne at the time i was going through it like my will was at the very lowest point possible i don't give a fuck about a keloid on my nose and i remember i was walking in the hallway and one of the teachers looked at me and goes damn with like if it's that fucked up maybe she should take the nose ring out oh oh my god what the fuck what the fuck why would you say that to me god a horrible evil what the hell i didn't take the nose ring out thank god i never listened to a man and i kept it in and yeah i would say it fully healed 16 17 18 probably a full three years after so as long

as you commit to the healing commit to taking care of it you know cleaning understanding that you know sometimes there might be a little bit of goop a little bit of blood that's okay take care of it clean it moisturize it will get to the point where girl someone could grab me by this fucking nose ring and i don't think it would do any sort of damage genuinely it's been here so long same thing with my nipples i got them done at 18 yeah 18 so i'm 26 now oh girl yeah you i could pull a car with these nipple rings i'll tell you what they're so healed someone said i have a vacation coming up sooner and i feel so gross gross what how would you lock in before vacay um i feel like i just do a lot of tlc self-care right before vacation um especially

when it comes to just like keeping moving eating healthy or healthy or because i know when i'm going on vacation like I'm gonna go crazy usually vacations I'm not hiking eight miles a day so I know since I'm doing that on this vacation I also probably will be eating like not the healthiest I don't really focus on healthy unhealthy but like I'm gonna be eating out I'm gonna be eating good food I'm gonna be going to different restaurants trying new things you know so the week before since I know I'm gonna be indulging when I'm out on vacation I do really try and stick to like a good routine food wise before of just like trying to get my greens in trying to get my fiber in trying to get you know sometimes i'll be eating burgers for eight days why don't i try and eat

as much vegetables before i go do you know what i mean not restricting i don't fuck with that but at least just like making sure i'm taking care of my whole self my whole body you know i do love a little daily walk i think it gets you ready to kind of especially if you're like going on vacation you're gonna be moving a lot i'm going eight mile hikes like i have to stay active before or else my body's going to go into shock on that eight mile hike. Like I need to be prepared that way. I need to stay hydrated. One thing about vacation, it will dehydrate you like a like crazy. I always get so dehydrated on vacations. So I always like to just chug as much water as possible before I leave. And yeah, I mean, once you get on vacation, you're going to

feel hot and sexy anyways. So if you feel bad here, it's just because you're not on the beach you know like I'm not really worried about how I feel here because when I'm at the top of a mountain next to an alpine lake I'm gonna feel the sexiest I've ever felt in my entire life it's hard not to feel sexy when you're surrounded by beautiful things you know what I mean so don't focus on that but focus on like how can I prep for vacation where it's like maybe I'm just taking care of my whole body you know shave shower whatever it is so you don't have to do that on vacation stay hydrated take your vitamins take your minerals all that good old stuff how to find motivation in slow season oh i miss slow season so bad i do i'm in my fast season right now i am in

peak busy season for me personally in my life and my god it makes me miss the times where i was sitting here like what do i do with my day i don't know what to do i don't know what to do so I say don't focus on the motivation of it all but focus on like maybe your life's slowing down for a reason when I life has you know the peaks and the pits and the middle grounds and if you find yourself in a moment where it's like this is very chill I'm not doing a whole lot maybe I'm a little bored I don't know what to do like I'm a little it's a little slow right now you know I don't really know where to go or you know enjoy what I have you really got to focus on just like really taking advantage of that slowness of calming down of relaxing of enjoying the downtime

that you do have because usually and what I've noticed is that downtime comes before you enter another really busy season so it is kind of the universe setting you up for success where if you do take advantage of like taking care of yourself and slowing down and getting enough rest and really focusing on like relaxation and taking advantage of that time when you do get to the busy busy worker bee season of your life since you took advantage of that slow time you feel like you have rested and rejuvenated enough to work hard achieve a lot that's me right now I'm like thank god I laid on the couch for five days last week so then this week when I'm filming eight things a day which love thankful for I have energy to do so I have motivation to do so I have inspiration

to do so you know what I mean and if you do find yourself in that bit of time where you're like no I'm just bored like it's slow but I'm bored I need something to do that's when you pick up hobbies you don't pick up hobbies when you're like in the busiest part of your life possible like girl you don't have time to add a 18th thing onto your plate but when you do have those slow moments and you're like okay but what do i do i don't know what to do with my life right now that's when you pick up those hobbies those ideas you have during the busy time where you're like god i wish i had enough i have more time to do this maybe it's a gym maybe it's a class maybe it's whatever it could be that's when you pick up those hobbies during that slow season recovering from a mental

breakdown and now attending group therapy any advice i love group therapy i personally when i was in group therapy especially as a teen i thought it was fantastic because it really puts things into perspective of like maybe my problems aren't so bad like no but genuinely genuinely sometimes you need a little bit of perspective and i remember being in group therapy and i'm like they make you introduce yourself almost like a meeting. Hi, my name is Hannah. I have depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and tendencies. The list goes on and on and on and on. That's everybody introduces himself with whatever they're going on with whatever problems they have. And then you kind of go into like what you're going through in that moment. Well, everything I

complained about it was like crickets, which like duh, it's just a place to be heard or like be in a group of your peers where if someone is going to the same thing like they can kind of hear you out it's really nice in that sort of way but also I'm like complaining about not being loved enough valid valid and then there's somebody who's like yeah so I was stabbed at school and my family did the worst possible things you ever could have imagined for me like completely have had such a horrible awful life and I'm like oh my god wow I truly have nothing to complain about genuinely my problems feel so small compared to like what some other people go through and I think especially when I was younger that perspective was really nice like girl it's not all about you sometimes

I mean it is when you're going through something really really hard but also it sets you up for success with people that you know are like-minded or going through similar things or maybe have like similar diagnosis and ways to cope and manage throughout it that you maybe would have never imagined or had perspective on so that's where i think group therapy really really comes in handy especially for people like me where it's like one i'm one-on-one with a therapist and i'm like girl i don't know what the fuck to talk about right now like i have nothing in common with you like sure i have problems but i don't even know how to bring them up like maybe you know me and my therapists are kind of going through it right now not a bad way I just go and I'm like I leave

and I feel like I did nothing there and it's 160 a session babe babe what hello I went to a psychic last week and that was so much better than my therapist ever could have been oh my god my psychic read me to filth like I said I love a psychic because they're gonna sit you down and they're gonna be like no bitch you gotta lock in and i do love that like you can't argue with the universe and this psychic specifically does intuitive counseling too she has her phd in behavioral science and therapy so like she's coming at from a psychiatric background and i did film this and i said i was gonna upload it for a vlog but i actually just uploaded it for the tier three patreon girlies so if you want to see it join tier three it's only a couple dollars

more but I post a lot more on there for the girls if you want exclusive exx exclusive content not like that but just like fun little things patreon.com slash smoke slash shawty to join there but I went into full detail about it and I kind of vlogged you know the entire experience but essentially the tldr of it is she was like you need to get out of your fucking head and get to work get out of your head and get to work I was like all right bitch I will all right fine but my that was such a good lesson and it was 60 bucks hello I'm going to therapy it's 160 dollars and I'm like girl what are we talking about here I'm gonna keep up with it though maybe we'll make some more discoveries therapy is also like dating you got to find someone who understands you and sees

you and knows how to kind of like pull those problems out of you a little bit um and I think group therapy is a great alternative where it kind of is better for putting things into perspective and also like just working with your peers is in my opinion I have such an easier time working with my peers than maybe working with someone in a authoritative place like sometimes a therapist can feel authoritative in that sort of way and I have an issue with authority as you can probably tell so when it's with people who are also going through the same things and kind of going on the same journey with you it can feel a little bit more supportive more understanding and you just get a better perspective out of it so I do really enjoy group therapy yeah and I hope you do too

hopefully there's some cool like-minded people there for you anxiety about needing to be a better person even when feeling like you're doing your best no but I do think you need to hear this because this is what I needed to hear you're doing enough and I'm so proud of you I am so proud of you you've come so far you've done so much hard work and i want you to pause and take a moment to look around you at the life you've built around you at all the hard work you've done and just look yourself in the face and go i'm proud of you you did that you've accomplished so much and that is amazing yeah yeah i grew up with two highly motivated individual people in my life as parents who no matter what i was doing even if i was like soccer varsity cross-country

varsity distinguished scholars like all ap classes all a's winning awards like it didn't matter how much i was doing it was never enough and that has really fucked me up as an adult it's made me a very hard-working individual but hard-working to the point where sometimes i'm like oh my god girl you're killing yourself a little bit uh it it fucked me up to the point where i realized i never really paused and looked back on all the shit i did and told myself like wow that's amazing i'm proud of you because i did you've probably done a lot of shit i've done a lot of shit you've achieved a lot you've done amazing things and like if you don't hear that if you don't get that like kind of appreciation it doesn't teach you to like stop and slow down and really celebrate your

success because your success should be celebrated it keeps you more motivated than that like self hatred or feeling like you're not doing enough does that will make you work into the ground and die if you want to stay motivated in a positive direction and continue to have energy you have to do it through celebration and success you have to do it through appreciation you have to do it through a positive outlet or else you're gonna burn yourself out completely and you're gonna lose all hard-working ability that you have so pause tell yourself I'm proud of you you're amazing you're so hard-working you will achieve everything you set your mind to but it is important to just take a beat look at all the amazing things you've done and celebrate that success you should be

proud of yourself what do i do with my boyfriend going on my phone when i'm sleeping oop oop oh god boyfriend going through your phone what the hell usually it's the other way around and if it was the other way around i can't blame a girl but there is something to be said about like privacy and i do think privacy is important and i think with privacy comes trust and the number one thing you need in a relationship i mean attraction sure but trust if you do not have a relationship based on trust on mutual trust it simply is not going to work period point blank so they need to trust you hopefully this is like a one-time little slip up and hopefully he told you about it and was like i'm so sorry i did this blah blah blah but i do think a conversation needs to be had about trust

in every single relationship even if you go through each other's phones or not where it's just like if you ever feel insecure upset curious just like something's going through your head i want you to come to me first before feeling like you need to sneak around and discover things on your own also i do think relationships should have an open phone policy you know what i mean not that you guys should like not have passcodes or know each other's passcodes whatever it is but like if your partner wants to be like hey can I use your phone real quick that should not be anxiety inducing in any sort of way it should be like yeah sure here's my phone let me put my passcode real quick go ahead you know what I mean I do think there should be that sort of trust

where it's like yeah if you want to use my computer use my computer if you need to use my phone to call your mom or like search something on the internet I don't give a fuck you can use my phone I don't think there should be you know any sort of sneaking around or snooping I don't like that I don't think you should feel that way and sometimes you know even your partner might get in their own head and create this weird idea that you're cheating on them and you know of course there's gonna be a text message in your phone so they go through your phone while you're sleeping but that can feel very invasive and just like bad so talk to them be like hey that's not allowed again we're not doing that again because I'm right here I'm literally sleeping next to you you can

wake me up and ask me about it and I do love having that crazy bitch moment I'm that crazy bitch who does create ideas in their head where it's like I know you're cheating on me with 1800 women I know you have a secret harm out there and it's like obviously not duh nor have they done anything to make me think that it's just I'm a crazy fucking bitch the best thing to do is literally with those delusions just find your partner and be like I don't know why I'm thinking this but I am thinking it can you help me you know regulate a little bit like I'm having a crazy bitch moment I say that a lot to my partner I'm like I'm having a crazy bitch moment and what I'm about to say to you is not based in reality at all but also like I need to get it off my chest

or I'm gonna go crazy I'm gonna lose my mind and your partner should understand that you know they should be like okay I'll hear you out like let me let me help you settle down let me calm you down I think that's what's nice about having a partner is you guys should be there for each other but I understand if you're pissed like bitch what the fuck are you doing going through my phone bitch i'm trying to sleep and now i can't trust sleeping next to you like that's weird so have a conversation duh let them know that's never fucking allowed because they should trust you as a partner and if they are like at the very least they should trust you enough to have a conversation with you you know and if you're ever going to go through that phone please know whatever

you find you have to be prepared to leave you got to be prepared to pack your bags and go if you are gonna take the risk of going through someone's phone and you should only do that if you know there's something there if you know if you know you know but if you're gonna do it you need to be prepared to pack your shit and get the fuck out of there immediately how do i accept that i've gained a little weight since being in the healthiest relationship ever can i complain for a second and not about this question the skinny propaganda girl they want us out here starving i do not fuck with that i do not fuck with it at all and here's the thing the skinny propaganda usually i find that like the body image propaganda that women receive is usually for

the male perspective but i do think the skinny propaganda is for women's perspective the same way men think that like getting jacked and being like the most massive man ever with the most massive muscles ever is for the women's perspective no no no you're doing that to compete with other men it's like a it's like a man competition and i think the skinniness of it all is the same thing but like women's perspective like women versus women and i just i don't have time to give it any of that i don't have time i like food i like food i like enjoying myself i'm a woman i have a woman's body okay i don't want a 16 year old body i don't i'm not a 16 year old anymore I want to feel like a woman and with that comes you know putting on a little weight

your body changing your boobs changing size your ass changing size having a little bit of tummy to protect my uterus hello like your body's gonna change and ebb and flow with the different kind of hormone cycles you go through with the way that you're like just managing throughout the world and one of the beautiful things about being in a healthy healthy relationship sometimes you gain a little weight I call that love weight I call that you know just a little extra cushion for pushing you know what I mean it means you're comfortable it means you're supported it means you're not thinking about your body because your partner loves you no matter what it means they're taking care of you it means you're healthy both physically and mentally because I'll tell you what

when I was at my lowest weight when I was at my lowest weight which is also fucked up because I got the most compliments from women at this weight and I don't I don't ever compliment anybody on weight or like body at all at all I think that's fucked up and there's more to women than their bodies and I will never compliment you know like body size or anything like that that is just not a real adequate compliment to be giving people and I found that the only way like especially my extended family has ever complimented me is like oh my god you look so skinny today and it's like thanks my boyfriend's been mentally abusing me for years when I was at my smallest teeny tiniest it was because I was constantly in fight or flight mode because a man

was mentally abusing me every single day I couldn't eat I couldn't think straight I could barely function all I could do was like wake up drink and go to bed and that is so so so bad but like thank god you're not in a relationship where it's like holy shit I'm so fucked up that like I'm malnourished you know what I mean I thank god you're in a relationship that's like it's so healthy that I'm taking care of myself that they're taking care of me that like you know my body is changing in accordance to the love that I'm receiving and I think that's beautiful because yeah same I met my boyfriend when I was just coming out of that abusive toxic relationship and yeah I did put on some weight because like I was like like malnourished literally I was not

taking care of myself at all and you know when someone comes through and they love you and they want to take care of you and they want to see you at your best the way that they treat you will naturally reflect you know how you take care of yourself and I do not want you to adequate you know like any sort of gaining weight or putting on weight in a negative way at all I'm probably at like the quote-unquote heaviest I've ever been and I want to say quote-unquote because like still you know I am a very I'm very I lucked out in the jean industry where my mom is very very curvy and my dad is really really skinny so I was somewhere in the middle but I have noticed especially when I found myself like maybe the same thoughts creeping in as you have where it's

like kind of overthinking my body in general because it has changed and in my brain change equals bad I had to stop thinking of my body in terms of bad and good and start thinking it of it in terms of do I feel good okay do I feel good if I'm moving if I'm eating you know good fucking food and I don't care what it is sometimes it's taco bell sometimes it's a salad there's balance to life if I'm you know in clothes that I enjoy that fit me that are cute that make me feel comfortable I don't give a fuck what weight I am because if I'm taking care of myself in turn I feel good and in turn my relationship with myself is more positive people should love you no matter what weight what size what you look like period and no one should ever judge you based on your

body these are just vessels for us to move around to get around to see the world to experience the world and the more you start treating it like a vessel like a decorative piece the more easier life gets but yeah congratulations girl on the healthy relationship as you should be okay you should be you know loved no matter who you are no matter what you look like and yeah sometimes with that good loving good food good sex good experiences good vacations you're gonna put on a little bit of weight but who cares it is spooky scary how thin the girls are getting girl it's okay to love yourself with a little bit of weight on it it's okay to love yourself no matter what you look like it's okay to take care of yourself you do not need to be in competition with other

women 24 7 especially about bodies that's the last thing you need to be in competition about and it is a slippery dark road to fall down so the sooner you get a grasp on those thoughts and the sooner you start treating your body like the goddess it is you don't really change my perspective on like body image is looking back especially being like in art history i was going to be an our history major and focusing on like the um divine perspective of women and looking at like the oldest goddess statues you ever could have possibly thought that humans made they are the most curvaceous voluptuous beautiful statues that you have ever seen in your entire life and once i saw that i was like okay that's the beauty of being a woman that's the beauty of like the goddess

iconography is just no matter the shape size you are you're a woman you should be treated as the goddess you are you should be honored and loved no matter what your vessel is presenting as period but my god those those toxic relationships will do a number on your body and please for the love of god get out of there before you die i'm begging you how to pick which dreams are worth chasing it's also overwhelming oh I am also like I talk about dreaming a lot dreaming dreaming and if you're a dreamer like me you probably have a lot of dreams you probably have a lot of ideas you're like I want to do this then I want to do this me personally I'm like I want to be a tattoo artist but also I want to work with horses but also I want to like be a travel vlogger but also I want

to like be a painter but also I want to like be an interior designer but also I want to like like girl that's good that's fantastic absolutely you should have that many dreams but it can get overwhelming when you're like okay but what do i do what do i do like it's so hard to choose i want to do all of them what do i do here's the thing you can do all of them dare i say dare i say you can do all of them and that's what's beautiful about life sometimes you can overlap a couple sometimes you can take on a couple different things but usually what's so beautiful about having so many dreams is you're going to live those dreams as seasons through your life. So pick whichever one makes the most sense to you right now. That's how you choose. Okay. Oh,

but I have so many dreams. What do I do? What makes the most sense to you where you are now? What is most tangible? What you can go and achieve sooner than later? That's the dream you choose. That's a dream you start living out. That's a dream you start going after. Now in the future, maybe you know you achieve that dream you get into it maybe it becomes a lifelong career fantastic amazing maybe you're like all right i'm ready to try something new that's when you pull out those other dreams that you have and you think okay you know i did one of those things now it's time to move forward and achieve something else what do i go look for what do i do what fits in best to this season of your life what is the most achievable thing to this season of your life

that's what you go after and don't worry about oh but that's delusional everything is everything that anybody who has achieved that is a high achiever that has like you know created things out of thin air those were delusions those were delusions that they had that they said you know what fuck it i don't care if that's just a fleeting thought in my head i'm going to figure out how to make it tangible I think that's so beautiful and like alchemizing your ideas into reality is such a skill and so admirable and if you're able to do that if you're able to like hone in on your ideas and bring that to reality props to you that's incredible that's amazing and if you're a big dreamer and want to achieve big things you can do that unfortunately you just

have to start doing it and if you don't know what to do ask yourself what makes the most sense to me right now? What feels the most authentic to me right now? I guess this is going to be the body dysmorphia episode. Trigger warning, sorry. But someone asked how to have a healthy relationship with food and calories. A, don't focus on calories. No, don't focus on calories. Unless it's something like you medically need to do, I can't focus on calories because I'm a control freak. And if I focus on anything too hard, it's going to turn negative. And the last thing I want it to do is turn negative when it comes to food and calories. I started cooking more so for myself and for friends and family and then also making videos for you guys about a year ago. And I'll

tell you what, cooking has completely changed how I view food and how I eat food and how I go about it. And you know how I go about it now? Previously, it would be like, well, for a while it was like, I don't want to eat a lot, which is bad, toxic. And then it moved into, well, I want to eat what's ever easiest to me which was not good because it was like all fast food and that was fucking me up i'll tell you what just not good i was not getting enough fiber that's for fucking sure and then it moved into okay but what's like not easy but just like something i can make at home to save money and that completely transformed how i view food because now i view it as like fun fuel energy tastiness food is meant to be enjoyed and shared and honestly look forward to i'll tell

you what my meals throughout there are the number one things i look forward to because i love a good snack i love a good ripe peach i love a good sausage i love a good slice of cheese charcuterie board dinner fantastic i love it i love it all and that's how food should be enjoyed it should be something that you look forward to that makes you feel good that makes you feel full that makes you feel fueled setting yourself up for success setting your body up for success because ultimately like I said in the vessel of it all like this is the gas you're putting into the tank to get to move in you know what I eat before I work an eight-hour shift is very different than like if I'm going to be staying home just hanging out all day but period point blank what I'm focusing on

is a i do think sourcing locally has really changed how i view food getting from local farmers supporting locally eating locally local honey vegetables even going to a local butcher shop it really makes you focus on the whole like the whole heartedness of food and how beautiful it can be like how much work these people put into like think about cows and like butchering a cow that's a lot of work you know locally especially from local farmers or even like growing carrots like that takes a while it takes a lot of planning like a lot of hard work people are getting their hands dirty down and dirty to bring those carrots to you so like if you could show up and support and appreciate where they're coming from I think that's beautiful I think it

really changes our perspective of food as a commodity and more so into like art form because I think food is art I think eating for my cycle has really affected how I view food as well it's setting my hormones more up for success, setting my body up for success where I'm feeling healthy and fueled and ready to go and take on the day. And I don't think there's any like good food or bad food. All food is food.

How you view it is the good or the bad. Like, listen, I'm still gonna do my late night Taco Bell runs every once in a while. I'm still gonna eat my yummy, yummy gummy worms every once in a while. I'm going to the movie theaters. I'm getting a big ass bucket of popcorn with extra extra extra extra butter i do not think restriction is healthy i don't think we should be

restricting ourselves from the pleasure of life what's most important is are we balancing that pleasure with function that's how you build that good relationship and like bitch i'm not eating nasty ass food i want to eat yummy food okay i want to eat food that tastes good that makes me feel good that i can look forward to at the end of the night tonight i'm making tikka masala and i'm so fucking excited about it it's like one of my favorite meals ever paired with fresh garlic naan oh yummy my god i can't wait but i'm not gonna sit here and look at my favorite food and be like no that's bad for me i shouldn't eat it it's like no sitting down i'm home making it it feels nicer when i make things on my own i'm sourcing as locally as possible supporting locally

i'm really paying attention to where i get my foods from and i'm making something yummy out of it now that's a win win win win win especially when I'm traveling like I love to enjoy foods from different cultures from different you know experiences perspectives new places new restaurants to try that's so fun about life I love that about life and I do look at food more so as an art form now than I do as like a means to get by I feel like previously it was like I was paying too much attention to it in the wrong way when I should have been paying attention to like the artfulness of it all the experience of it all the beauty of it all i do think you can find beauty in food i don't think that's a bad thing and i think you should be finding beauty in the food that you're

eating it's another way to romanticize life and also like i just i love a good meal i saw a clip of vanilla mace the other day kind of talking about the whole um body image of it all and she's like listen it's hot out i'm gonna be in a bikini if i'm in the pool at a summer barbecue and they're cooking up cheeseburgers i'm gonna eat a cheeseburger tis the season that shit smells good i want to eat period as it should be life is meant to be lived and enjoyed and experienced to the fullest and i think sometimes when we are overthinking over analyzing it really puts a roadblock up between us and a lived life experience and i want you guys to live life to the fullest and the number one way to do that is to stop overthinking and observing and perspectivizing

yourself allow yourself to be a human humans are weird and messy and ugly we all look different that's beautiful that's what makes us beautiful as individuals i don't want to go outside and see other hannas there oh my god scary like i want to see other people who are individually themselves who are showing up fully as themselves i think that's what's so beautiful about life but I do think when we are completely over analyzing over perspectivizing ourself it does put that roadblock up of just like not allowing ourselves to enjoy life to enjoy a good bikini to enjoy a good summer barbecue to enjoy a good cheeseburger to enjoy just ourselves in this moment and you deserve to enjoy life to the fullest period it's summer it's hot out get out

there go live your life go experience life you deserve it that's how summers are meant to be lived and if you're worried about if people are going to like you enjoy you um or even just like appreciate you because of how you look that's not how you should be viewing it you should not be viewing on trying to fit in on trying to be a cookie cutter person because you want somebody to like you because that is a selfish ass weak-minded individual and I argue why would you want bad people to like you if they're a bad person with a bad perspective I don't care if people like me because of how I look because that's an ugly ass horrible perspective if you're gonna judge people based on how they look that's a weirdo behavior and I don't give a fuck about

your perspective it doesn't hold any weight in my world I don't think people should be judging each other based on how we look at all and yeah if you are trying to appease somebody or win somebody over on your looks then that's the wrong person you should be winning over the right person will not give a fuck what you look like who you are how you are they will love you for who you are period no matter the shape size craziness you go through that person will love you unconditionally and that's who you want on your side not the selfish ass weak-minded individual who's going to judge you if you get a little bit of acne or a judge you if you put on a couple pounds throw that man to the curb get him out of here he does not deserve to be in your presence as a goddess

as the goddess you are literally but enough of me rambling we're getting to the end of the episode so i'm going to fly through a couple questions just like little speed round towards the end someone said i masturbate to fantasies of my future success jobs house lifestyle etc yeah major manifesting tool absolutely i do think there is power and pleasure and i do think that is a old school witchcraft tip which is just like through manifestation adding pleasure through manifestation will bring those things to fruition and i do think sex is a very powerful tool and yeah girl if you want that fucking job what do you have to lose to flick the bean to imagining that you know if it gets you the job period as you should that's also a baby witch like love

spell is if you just kind of like uh flick the bean to the image of them in your head i do think that is kind of like putting a love spell on them in the sense i think love spells can be very dark dangerous that's a very light-hearted simple one because i know men are doing that you know what i mean so why not do it back how to stop thinking everyone thinks the worst of me you only think that because you think that of yourself when you start thinking the best of yourself you will automatically assume everybody else thinks the best of you your perspective of the people around you are a direct perspective of how you view yourself period and if you think everybody's judging you it's because you're judging yourself because like they're not judging you they're not

putting those thoughts in your head you're putting those thoughts in your head and once you release and relinquish and understand that like you're not here to win people over or to be liked i mean like be a good person period i know you are so that's why you don't really need to justify it once you realize oh my god i am a good person i am deserving of good things i am deserving of like peace and you start thinking the best of yourself you will automatically assume everybody else is thinking the best of you our perspective is a direct reflection of how we view ourselves in our heads so show yourself a little bit of love because i know you are a great person and i know everybody doesn't think the worst of you I got really high with my boyfriend and couldn't stand

his touch does that mean anything or was I just fried I do think sometimes the weed helps break down it thins the veil in a way where we're able to see things for what they really are it's hard to ignore cringy weird behavior when you're high because it's all you're going to focus on so I do think sometimes weed can be a truth teller or just drugs in general and I don't encourage this but sometimes that perspective is you know truth honesty you're just not putting up those rose-colored glasses anymore now if it was just his touch like you were like bitch leave me alone I just I'm overwhelmed I don't want to be touched I get that way too even when I'm not high it's just like sometimes I get like so anxious and overwhelmed that even though I love my boyfriend

and he's fantastic and amazing sometimes I come up and like just kiss on me and I'm like oh my god I can't I just can't I can't I can't I can't I'm overwhelmed and I'll do that sober so especially when I'm high it happens um now if it was his whole personality and everything about him if you're like I can't stand even looking at him thinking of him I don't I can't see his smell I can't stand what he looks like I can't stand the way he's talking I can't stand the way he's touching me that's when I'd be like okay I fear you might just hate him I fear you might just not like your boyfriend and you're kind of realizing it feels just as touch maybe you're just overwhelmed but if it's everything about the person weed will tell you weed will tell you it'll be like this

person's a weirdo freak bitch and not in a good way and it will give you that perspective and it's hard to ignore that once it kind of shows it to you thoughts on frats and sororities i'm pro frat and sorority i was never in a sorority but every single friend i've ever had has been in a sorority even like my bestest friends were like presidents of their sororities like living their best life in their sorority i do think it costs a lot of money but i do think it builds friendships that last a lifetime i do love a frat for the parties they put on i will tell you that i was only going to frat parties pretty much throughout college having a grand old time there and if you want to live your party girl experience in college i do recommend joining a sorority each sorority

does have their own vibe i'm not anti-sorority i'm not anti-girl that's why um and they can be a little clicky but i do think sometimes the clickiness is nice especially in college when everybody seems kind of against each other if you have that good group of people that you can kind of get in with and experience life side by side with them it can be really life-changing and beautiful and wonderful also sororities will have connections for you outside of work if you go to an interview oh my god we've been in the same sorority bam i guarantee you're getting that job and it's that's just how it works sorority is a connection tool as well it is expensive that's why i didn't do it and also i just like didn't care i just never saw myself being a sorority girl

but i did have a bunch of friends in sororities and i do think they had a great time and yeah if you're interested go for it i do love a frat party but don't drink any sort of pre-made alcohol they have there bring your own hi love how to tell your partner they smell down there in the nicest way possible oh that's hard it's so hard to tell people they smell it's very hard to tell people they smell but if it's your partner it's like no no no you you have to not smell because like i'm trying to fuck you and i don't want to fuck a smelly beast uh maybe like shower together and see how they wash themselves and if you notice they just like don't wash themselves then maybe you can kind of like and i hate when people have to mother their partners but sometimes

sometimes people aren't set up for success if you like really love the person you can kind of show up and show out for them but you're shouting together and you notice like oh my god they never wash their body maybe it's like you wash your body first with a washcloth then you pass the washcloth and soap over and you're like your turn okay you next you next your turn and it's like he's like what i don't need that it's like yeah you do what we're oh you've never washed the washcloth before here you go like you gotta scrub it down girl like you gotta get down there and clean it up like you were working hard you're a hard worker you gotta get all that grease and grime off of you so you can sit back relaxed and refreshed up that man's gonna get to scrubbing

that man's gonna get to washing his fucking asshole immediately so that's really the nicest way I would go about it I think just looking at them and being like you smell is gonna cause a lot of insecurities you do have to be smart about it in a sense of like have you ever bought a loofah before what kind of soap do you use like you gotta play a little bit of a mind game with it but if it's so bad so bad so bad and it's like really bad I argue maybe you don't need to be with them i know and it's so hard how to tell my parents i'm not religious i don't believe in god but i'm spiritual this is when i come in and i say there's some conversations that don't need to be had with your parents your parents don't want to know everything about you this was one of the biggest

life lessons i learned when i was younger which was just like i thought oh i'm older i need to be a complete and open book to my parents and then i was and they got very concerned about me rightfully so and i did kind of break their hearts a little bit rightfully so so i learned very quickly there is not a lot you need to tell your parents and in fact you don't have to tell your parents everything you don't have to tell them that you are not religious to your very christian catholic parents because they are going to be heartbroken if you sit down and look them in the eyes and say i don't believe in god your feelings and opinions are valid but sometimes you need to understand that everything in your head doesn't need to be said everything doesn't need to be

said and there's something to be said about truthfulness and honesty and who you are but sometimes there's some people who are going to judge you for that and everything doesn't need to be said period especially when you're trying to maintain a relationship with them or just like not be so rocky some things are better left unsaid and kept to yourself you can still continue on your spiritual journey and enjoy that path to the complete fullest absolutely but would i look your catholic parents in the face and say god's not real no that is going to be just more problems on your plate that you do not need to deal with do you ignore all news for sanity xoxo no i do stay fairly connected to the news um there's a couple like streamers and just like yeah i'm not

like tapped out for my sanity because i feel like that's kind of like i don't know there's only so much like bandwidth i can you know give to being aware of society and what's going on but i'm not gonna turn a blind eye and cover my eyes and be like nothing bad is ever happening ever it's like no there are horrors and awful things going on everywhere and i do think it's important to be aware of them and to be aware of your perspective and like to stand up for those people who do need to be stood up for like hello free palestine duh but like but do i have 24 hours to give to reading the news every single day no but do i stay updated and connected absolutely and i do think you should too because i think turning a blind eye to these situations does make you a little bit complicit

in them I know I know and I know it's easier just not pay attention but like girl sometimes you have to be aware now do I think you need to deep dive into it and build yourself into a ball of anxiety and stress no I don't think that's going to help the cause I really don't but being situationally aware and being aware of the news I do think is important yes what should be a financial standard for marriage sorry but how poor is too poor oh for marriage um i think the only i don't really care about poor what i do care about is debt if you get married and that person has a thousand fucking credit cards maxed out that debt is now your debt now your credit is tanked even though you have never taken a credit card out in your entire life that's a problem i think debt is more

bad than anything else student loans it's not the worst kind of debt to have but what's really bad is debt of mismanaged money of people overspending past their means I don't care if you're poor but if you have a hundred thousand dollars in debt then we have a fucking problem I think debt is a big issue and then I also think once again I don't care how much is in your bank account I mean I kind of do not that much but I do care how much you're bringing in do you have a stable job with benefits are you contributing to your retirement fund are you setting yourself up successfully for financial return in the future because you don't want to have like a backup plan and you know retirement plan but your partner is having to work till a hundred years old those are the

two things i really care about money wise um because my parents raised us very very frugal like i understand the frugal life i understand the we don't have a lot of money to spend kind of life and I don't think that's something to be judged over because we're working full-time job we're adding to our you know Roth IRA or retirement fund we're saving money and we're not taking out a massive amount of debt that's healthy any advice on how to embrace cringiness without a fear of judgment me vlogging in public has really gotten me over this idea of like perspective and people judging me because like what I would rather be cringe in your mind than caged in my own do you know what I mean I don't care about that random in the street oh they're gonna judge me for five

seconds because I'm holding my phone out and vlogging cool then they're gonna judge me for five seconds but I don't know that person I don't value their opinion I'm not in their way I'm not actually bothering them they're gonna look at me and make fun of me then like go ahead I really truly do not give a fuck it's not actually inconveniencing me it's not actually doing any sort of physical or mental harm like some people are going to judge you there's people who are closed-minded in this world there's people who are judging themselves so hard that they can't help but judge everybody else around them but if i were to base my perspective of myself on weak-minded people around me i would be a shell of a human being and i deserve to live this life

as freely and open as possible and I do think I have a lot of anxieties about just being in public so you know challenging myself to get out to be unafraid of people's ideas of me to really just like break down those walls that I've built up a little bit and to put myself out there more has been very helpful of just like getting the fuck over it like I do not give a fuck if you like me or not because I know truly in my heart that I'm a good person that I like who I am that I think I'm cool and I'm sexy and I'm wonderful and nobody else around me especially like a fucking stranger a random stranger on the street is ever going to make me think differently about myself the only people I value is like their opinions are like a very small handful of people

I value you your guys's opinions because you guys are cool you're lovely you guys know me you understand me like that's important you're a community that I really value and trust same as my really close friends or even like my parents now that we're in a better relationship maybe previously not so much but now yes sure kind of you know my partner those are opinions that i care about where it's like if i'm fucking up they're gonna tell me but like yeah random people in the street who hate themselves of course they're gonna hate on you i don't care about their opinion like i said i would rather be cringe in your mind than caged in my own and if you feel like you're a walking cringe ball you got to get outside more you have to get outside you have to

experience life more you got to put yourself in more situations where you're allowing yourself to be a cringe or you're allowing yourself to be a little weird it will make you feel so free it really will vlogging has really helped me with that where it's like no i'm just gonna get out there and do whatever like fuck it fuck it i'm gonna challenge myself it's gonna feel a little weird and embarrassing but also like who cares who cares like life is meant to be lived and experienced and enjoyed truly the only opinion that matters should be your own opinion of yourself and i really recommend having a high opinion of yourself in order to fight the cringe allocations absolutely because i know for a fact there's people who are like looking at me looking at my

page oh my god she's so weird she's embarrassing oh but girl have fun in that hellhole of a mind that you have if you think the life that i'm living is embarrassing because i'm over here having a ball I'm having a grand old time and I'm so sorry that you can't have that too sucks you know what I mean but like it's so fucking hot out you guys I'm a little too exhausted for me to even give a fuck right now that I truly am just committed to living and enjoying and loving life like as much as possible I'm so excited to go on vacation and like bring you guys with me I'm so excited to vlog it and just to like be out in nature and just like in the mountains with my girls fucking running around sprinting through the forest through meadows like living our best

lives it's gonna be so fucking good and i'm so thankful for you guys i really enjoy sitting down doing this every week i know i say that and it's like girl yeah we get it but truly genuinely i enjoy this so much i'm pre-filming like eight podcast episodes today to make up for next week um so we will be doing our confessionals next week confessionals will be up it'll be a hot sexy confessional summer if you want to see more content from me i do patreon exclusive episodes every single thursday where i answer every single one of your questions they get long those are long episodes but we have a fun time i can be more unhinged on patreon i do not hold back that's for fucking sure patreon.com slash smoke says shawty please come support come hang out i would

love to have you exclusive vlogs videos go up early extra patreon episodes i do weekly inspo sunday spirit like it's going to be a new month so new book club month i do a new tarot reading every month to kind of set us up for success we do a lot over there i put so much effort into the patreon and i really try and make the tiers as available as possible if you want to support please come support also new vlog every week uh for everybody else the vlog is up for this past week it is a baked and baking chocolate chip cookies episode that is on youtube at hannah marlene 444 and if you're new and don't know where to submit questions come follow me on instagram at hannah marlene i upload a questionnaire every sunday for you guys to submit your questions so

we stay on track and on tune to what's going on in the world as possible but enough of me rambling i love you all so much truly i could cry i hope you have a fantastic rest of your week i cannot wait to see you guys for the confessionals episode and after vacation but with that being said stay sane stay sexy stay free and i'll see you all so soon Mwah!