Smoke Sesh - getting old, learning to live & saying sorry

Episode Date: May 27, 2025

happy Tuesday! hope you're all doing well so excited to be back with you all today, we have a lot to catch up on so lets dive right in! we chat what ive been up to, therapy, new beginnings, enjoying the now, upcoming birthday, modern dating, having a roster, staying casual, friends with their ex, exploring sexuality, feeling yourself, tripping, ayahuasca, girls night, staying clean, adulting, hair growth tips and tricks, setting intentions, t breaks, UTI's, bouncing on it, staying positive in this day and age, apologizing, saying sorry, letting go of ego, instagram jealousy, navigating jealousy, getting old, peaking, dreaming of the future, learning to live and much much much more! follow me on instagram at hannahmarlene to see more from me and join the patreon at patreon.com/smokeseshshawty to get exclusive Thursday only episodes! stay sane, stay sexy, and ill see you all so soon! MUAH

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can call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all hello baddies of the world welcome back to another sexy little episode of smoke sesh my name is hannah your host and i'm so excited to be back with you all on this honestly chilly and rainy little day we have going on that's okay i do kind of need like a mental break from just the chaos that's been accruing in my life it's Gemini season ah you guys it is Gemini season I do feel like I'm reaching my full potential um and the beautiful thing about Gemini season is the chaos that I experienced at the beginning of the year was very different it

was very hectic it was very negative it was very just kind of like uprooting and challenging in a way that you know is difficult to face but Gemini season I find brings a different sort of sense of chaos when you think chaos you think negative obviously you think oh my god life's going wrong things are going wrong can't plan for things no no no no no Gemini chaos is a controlled chaos Gemini chaos is a bunch of manifestations coming to fruition where it feels a little bit overwhelming Gemini chaos is okay I have all of these little tasks to do all these things to do and I'm busy busy busy little bee you know going to all these appointments going to all these things hanging out with friends here going to this event going to this event it's that kind of chaos where you

just feel like you're on a roller coaster ride but in the best possible way whereas the first four months of the year definitely felt like a roller coaster ride that you don't want to be on Gemini season is definitely a roller coaster ride where you're actually gonna enjoy the ride this time you know you're throwing your hands up in the air you are just releasing yourself to the ride and enjoying it enjoying the process so that's kind of what I have been up to I have a stacked week this week I also had a stacked week last week but we are leading up to my birthday week I am turning 26. Next week will be like my birthday episode. Every year I love to do like what I've learned in my 25-26 years. So I will be doing a what I have learned in my 26 years

next episode. This week truly I am just planning and getting ready for my birthday that is happening. I'm getting everything organized. I gotta make a little charcuterie board. I gotta make a cake. I gotta get some stuff together. I'm doing like a pool day with my friends so I want to like make a little drink station i want to make a little snack station things like that i have to go get my car titled which fuck the dmv but also thankful for a car amen i also have like just random appointments coming up last week i got my hair done love a little self-care moment um i also had therapy we'll get to that in a sec we will we will get to that in a sec but i also tomorrow i have like a women's health appointment spooky scary um where i'm just getting everything checked

i mean please as a woman you need to take care of yourself especially your health it is a very important thing to do i know it seems scary i know it seems intimidating but the more you know about what's going on down there um the more secure i just feel as a woman because i feel like that shit is very confusing so let's go ask a professional let's go ask what's going on let's get our shit checked out so we know that we are good to go and then all of that plus work on top of it which who can complain about money that's one thing i'm for sure not gonna fucking do but yes last week i had therapy i started therapy you guys you guys i started therapy very exciting very exciting things um wow therapy sucks but wow wow i forgot how much that shit just like

that was like oh not prepared to talk that deeply about things I thought it would be a little surface level at first who came out of that one like oh my god oh my god I know it's like an intense therapy session when I say something and my therapist mouth drops open like jaw drops to her chin yeah didn't think that would happen on the first you know session but it is what it is i was walking to therapy i got a little lost at first because i was like fuck what i hate office buildings because how the fuck do i get in where the fuck do i park it's just so confusing i hate it whoever designed office buildings should be in jail there's they are so horrible to navigate and just not user friendly but i was like standing outside the door i was like how the fuck do i get

in like do i ring the button to let me in i don't have a code and this girly walks up and she goes oh my god oh my god are you i was like yes i am probably who you think i am i run into people very often but the last time last thing i thought i would run into is a fan on my way to therapy you guys are always the sweetest because you're always like you look so familiar i'm like i probably do but love you very nice to meet you she was such a cutie she was heading in to like go celebrate time with her friends she's like my friend just got her new office job i was like wow that's fantastic I'm headed to therapy she was like wow good luck at therapy girl I was like thanks queen I'm last thing I was expecting walking into therapy but I always love meeting

you guys it's always just catches me off guard I truly was like not dressed well like ready to go cry my eyes out for about an hour and I'm like hey queen hey queen nice to meet you but my therapist was really cool she seemed to know her shit which I appreciate um I love red or green flags for a therapist green flags for a therapist are uh her saying that she wanted to really target my goals and that therapy doesn't have to be a lifelong thing if you want it to be a lifelong thing then it can be absolutely but if there's just like one thing that you really want to work on and navigate here like we can work on that thing until you're done and ready to move on in life like i don't need you to be here every single week if you don't think you need it green flag green flag

green flag okay that shows that they are goal oriented they are solution oriented and they are there to help you actually heal actually do better she was like most people want to come every two weeks you can come every month you can come every two months i don't care let's set up your schedule based on how you want to target your goals green flag green flag green flag she asked me all the basic questions you know mom dad brothers where'd you grow up how was growing up like you know just basic information for setting up how she's able to view you green flag i don't think any therapist especially on the first meeting should really like the first question be like okay well what the fuck's wrong with you you know what I mean also something that surprised me when I was like

oh yeah no I was impatient at my first ever therapy appointment she was like that's kind of fucked up babe like not on you but on them like they didn't give you they didn't even talk to you they didn't even you know you filled out the questionnaire and they immediately impatiented you I was like yeah girl I don't know I had no choice in that matter they just dropped me off if I'm being honest they just dropped me off in a padded room asked me how I was feeling I said not great and then they took my socks my shoes and my bra and sent me on like I there was no choice there was no choice in that so she was also like that's I don't like that she's like I don't like that experience that feels very traumatizing I was like yep green flag for her green flag for

her also I love when a therapist is not afraid to show emotion because like shit bitch sometimes you go through a hard fucking time and you don't want to sit there being like sobbing and being like oh my god this this part of my life sucked crying to a person who was just emotionless sitting across the room from me like nodding with a pen and paper in hand like yeah yeah that did suck no she was able to show emotions back i'm so sorry you know like actually show emotions on her face i feel like sometimes therapists are really really disconnected and that doesn't feel comfortable when you're trying to open up on a very human level so all around 10 out of 10 stars from me to her loved it was able to set up my next appointment which is two days after my birthday

which will be interesting but had a great time but holy fuck i forgot how draining it is i walked out of that therapy appointment like oh my god emotionally i am just so exhausted i am so exhausted doing work on yourself is hard it is hard and I don't know the work will eventually pay off but I realized I feel like I've been on this journey with you guys of like just understanding ourselves and understanding ourselves in relation to the world in a very interesting way and I do think I've grown a lot from it but she was really able to provide a new perspective because when I would talk about things she would ask me how I felt rationally you know what is your rational brain telling you but then she would also pause and be like okay but now what is your emotional

brain telling you what is the emotional side of you telling you and I was like wait a minute wait a minute I don't know I have been so connected to the rational side of myself throughout this whole entire journey that I feel like I truly have been neglecting my emotional side and it is it is important to uphold both sides at a very equal balance because you can't get too rational about things or else you feel like you're pushing down a side of yourself that is truly feeling what the world is providing around you and you can't get too emotional about things because then you just become disconnected from the world in a very uncomfortable manner so I kind of was like oh shit I feel like I have not been as emotionally connected as I should be

maybe as emotionally connected to the negative things as I should be and processing those things so I'm very excited to go forth with this journey and kind of understand more of my emotional side because she'd be like well you know you really are giving very rational understanding of the situation but you're not really telling me how I how you feel okay clock that t all right so I think this will be a great journey she also does a lot of like specifically she works with borderline individuals which i appreciate because navigating emotions are a challenge for me safe to say um and she also does a lot of dbt therapy and also something that i've never heard before but i'm very excited to incorporate which is um i think it's called like bilateral therapy where you are

stimulating both sides of the brain while also processing your emotions and kind of visualizing a very calming place and it's it lets you feel the emotions that you that are usually like high emotional very stressful anxious minus the anxiety so you can really look at it almost like from a rational perspective and be able to process those things without the anxiety and the fear behind it bilateral stimulation can be like patting both sides of yourself it also is walking yes walking bitch bilateral stimulation um moving your eyes side to side things like that and then she also said doing that while also visualizing a safe space whatever that looks like for you um and truly very excited for that because a main reason i wanted to start therapy was my anxiety was out

of control i just feel like the first four months of this year were truly like ah oh my god what the fuck's happening and i my anxiety was just spiraling and spiraling and spiraling and i didn't know how to get control of it on my own and I didn't really want to start medication not that I'm not that I'm anti-medication I just felt like it wasn't at a point where I feel like I needed to utilize medication so I'm very excited that she was able to incorporate tools and tips and tricks that I can take home with me as well as new perspectives and understanding that this will be a good positive safe space for me going into the future I guess I really need to figure out what i want to target um she does a lot of work with processing things in the past so we

are able to move on in the future and i think that generally is what i am trying to accomplish here especially emotional because when i was younger i definitely was not tapped into my emotions at all and then all of a sudden i was way too fucking tapped in and now as an adult i am attempting to balance the emotions of like seven-year-old to 15-year-old Hannah in the future and that is a very interesting experience and I'm very excited to have somebody on my team that is helping me you know that is a third-party perspective who is able to see things outside of like in a relationship with me outside of like truly knowing me and yeah I think it's going to be a great change in my life if you are scared to start therapy please do not be getting help is

truly one of the bravest things I have ever done in my life and I after I asked for help for the first time I was like okay I'm gonna ask for help constantly constantly constantly what are they gonna do say no okay cool let me move on but there are people out there that want to see you flourish want to see you thrive and want to see you do better sometimes it takes some trial and error I think finding the right therapist is a lot like dating sometimes you know you hit the nail on the head and you're like this person's great love it luckily that was my situation I did do a lot of research on this person before going and seeing them um sometimes it's like you know what not feeling it let me try someone else whatever whatever your journey is I highly recommend

no matter who you are or what you're going through at least attempting therapy once um I thought I was like you know I'm fine walking into here and then I was like oh shit actually I do have a lot of stuff I need to work on and I think a lot of people out there no matter how normal you feel no matter how you know stable you think you have everything um just having that safe space to kind of be able to release your emotions especially if you feel like you don't have a place to do that is so incredibly healthy um journaling love journaling not really the best tool for me when it comes to processing my emotions because i feel like i lie to myself a lot so having another person to hold me accountable while also having another person that's maybe not my boyfriend or

not my parents or not my whoever where I can complain about the people in my life or maybe talk about their relationships and have it be a safe space for that it's not it's not going to like escape or anything like that it's truly going to be great and I'm very proud of myself for taking this first step on this journey I'm very excited for 26 and I think I'm going to do a lot of healing in 26 I think 26 is my year of processing and healing so I'm fully able to kind of like spread my wings and fly into my last half of my 20s I know you guys I'm old no I'm kidding this is I hate when people are turning like 26 they're like you guys I'm I'm geriatric I'm old girl mid-20s let's be real I truly don't think I'll consider myself old until I'm like

like 85 I'll turn 85 and I'll be like okay I'm old maybe 90 maybe 90 but truly I think age is all determined by how you feel in yourself and a lot of people feel old at 26 or like they're dying at 26 oh I'm in my life's ending oh my god that's because that's how they feel about themselves you know if you feel young when you are you know on your birthday it's because you have a young mindset if you feel old when you're having your birthday it's because you have an old mindset it depends on how you feel about yourself so truly you can stay young forever if you put your mind to it but yes that is all i have been up to i know enough of my talking girl rambling we got questions to get to so yes gonna be a good week setting it up with positive intentions my

birthdays on sunday i gotta take some birthday pics i gotta you know get my house in order get my little checklist in order love a checklist forever um and yeah very exciting but enough of me enough of me enough of me let's get into everything on your minds oh someone said going through a dating phase how do you keep up with talking to multiple men uh personally i'm anti roster having a roster seems like a full-time fucking job that seems like too much fucking work that seems like overwhelming and i know for a fucking fact you're not getting paid for it that's for sure so you're giving 20 men free attention and all your undivided you know um very precious and valuable time for what for what a little mediocre dick every once in a while

no no no no no a selfie with his dick in his hand no no no no no i am anti-roster i am anti-roster i'm not gonna sit here and be like you can play these men like a fiddle you know you know have your man that's at number one spot if he doesn't take you out to dinner go to the man in the number two spot no that is way too much fucking work i feel like that is free labor from women and i am anti-free labor from women okay you should be getting paid and compensated for your time i am pro dating as they come okay if you're getting into dating i think it's okay to be like okay i have my sights set on one guy i mean if another guy naturally comes into the mix then sure maybe a couple but i don't think you need to be like frantically trying to fill a 20 list roster i

think that's crazy um but I think you should focus one guy at a time and as soon as you're like I don't really like this guy anymore I'm not feeling him he didn't respond to my text I know he's not hooking with up with other girls he said he's not looking for anything serious right now he only texts me at 3 a.m we stopped talking for a week whatever it is that you're like no I don't like it get rid of him move on to the next that's how I think dating should naturally be I think this whole roster mentality has people searching for better and better and better and more and kind of getting greedy in the space of love which I am not against like keeping your sights open and trying to find the perfect match for you fantastic but I do think it creates this like in the future

a very negative mindset where maybe you do find yourself in a relationship with one of them but you have this inkling feeling in the back of your mind where it's like but what if he's not the one what if he's not good enough what if there's another one out there what if what if what if and I think the last thing you need when you're in a long-term relationship is that what if feeling or maybe there's someone better out there or like that nagging feeling and I do think having a roster kind of creates that negative thought process in the future so I'm anti-roster I am pro dating as they come naturally and if another one finds their way into your life cool fantastic maybe you have a couple but if you have more than three or four that is a full-time job that is not

worth your time or peace or patience babe and i argue if you're that desperate for a little bit of attention that you need 20 men in your phone at one point in time to hopefully get a message from one of them every hour we have some deeper rooted issues that we need to be working on when it comes to the lack of attention you probably received in childhood and are now trying to make up in sexual exploration like babe we do not need to be doing that one at a time okay stay patient give your undivided attention if they can't fucking give it back get rid of them very simple oh my god red flag red flag the guy i'm talking to is best friends with his ex i'm extremely turned off right now yeah you should listen to that feeling because you should be you should be

turned off right now because they're definitely gonna fuck at some point i'm sorry i'm sorry don't make the rules but like if i i'm thinking like and this is just theoretical i always think in theoretics but like if me and my boyfriend broke up and then we were like but we're just gonna stay best friends we're just gonna stay best friends forever and then he started seeing another girl and i was still his best friend best believe i'm gonna be like hey now i need to fuck that man i don't care if there's another woman involved now i need to fuck him because i'm jealous duh so i would take that red flag i would probably leave him and keep it moving forward speaking of i guess how to reconnect with your sexuality i spent two years in a very unsexy

partnership oh okay um as we stay on the anti-roster train i think we when we think sexuality when we think sexuality we think especially now more so than ever we do think about it in relation to other people and i'm going to challenge you to start thinking about your sexuality in relation to yourself do you feel sexy do you think you are sexy no do you only think you're sexy if you're wanted uh-oh that's a problem we need to pause and work on our relationship with ourself and finding ourself sexy building up that sexuality within ourselves i think a lot of women go into dating a lot of men or get into like messy relationships with people that they shouldn't give any time to at all because they think that they can only feel and this might be a subconscious

perception i don't think a lot of people are aware of this and i know i definitely wasn't when i was going through this but they only see themselves as sexy or desirable if they are wanted by somebody else no no no no no no no no no no no you should base how you feel on how you on your sexuality your sexiness your divineness on how you feel in relation to yourself so i'm not going to be like go out there and date men until you feel sexy or date women until you feel sexy or sleep with a bunch of people until you figure out what you like no i think you can figure that out on your own you know for me personally when i was kind of trying to build up that self-confidence within and build up that perception of like positive self-image um i spent a lot and this is going

to sound very weird I've talked about it before but I do think it helps I spent a lot of my time naked I think we don't look at ourselves naked enough if you are only naked in the shower in the bedroom what's going on we need to get used to our bodies being a body being a vessel you know and not have that be such a jump scare appreciate ourselves appreciate every inch of ourselves and that takes work and it kind of takes getting over the jump scare of just like being aware of ourselves you know so i spent a lot of my time just generally naked i am definitely a naked neighbor so sorry to the new girls who moved in across the apartment from us because our windows are about five feet away and when i need a glass of water at night girl i'm walking butt ass naked

to the fridge best believe but also like you don't have to be perceived close your blinds spend some time inside spend it naked or spend it in like a silk robe also underrated touching yourself i know oh my god freak oh my god weird touching yourself yeah girl if you cannot make yourself come how the hell do you expect anybody else to i remember i have this like really long term friend and in high school we were all sitting around talking chit-chatting hi girls girls talk and she was in probably a four-year-long relationship but she's like you guys I don't think he has ever made me come once and like that is a shocking statement to hear from a woman in a four-year-long relationship like what the fuck do you actually mean but then I was like

pause okay girl but like have you ever done it to yourself she's like no no I haven't I just assume like that's the man's job oh jump scare so so scary you need to know what you like what you enjoy how you enjoy being touched what like do you like nipple play do you like you know only being touched on there do you think like things inside you can you even come from things inside you probably not that's okay there's nothing wrong with you or is it just clitoral stimulation do you you know like your ears played with you like your hair touch like you do not need another sexual partner to figure that stuff out of course you can and I think that is a really great way to explore especially if you have a safe partner trying new things testing new things learning

together that's what that's why it's called making love hello that's it's beautiful okay but I don't think you necessarily need that and I do think we should know what we enjoy on our own so then when we go into a partnership when we finally do go into a sexual relationship with whoever we know how to have a good time, we know how to enjoy, and we know how to communicate that to our partners. Okay. Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research.

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using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business the result less time spent on operations more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most learn more at accenture.com spotify so get used to yourself feel yourself up girl hype yourself up positive affirmation bitch that shit really does help i also love a good um decoration um i am pro decorating yourself i love decorating myself i think it is a great way to honor myself as you can tell i do wear a lot of jewelry a lot of rings i have my nails i have my nipples pierced i kind of want to get my belly

button pierced but i don't think honestly i don't think i have the right anatomy to get my belly button pierced either way um but i love a good decoration especially to kind of like emphasize the spot that maybe you don't feel so confident on um even tattoos it's a great way to decorate that's a big reason why i got my nipples pierced i was like my titties are too small get them pierced bam all of a sudden i'm like wow i love my boobs everybody needs to see them just kidding well i remember i first got my nipples pierced and my best friend was walking out of target and i was like look i just flashed her in front of target at like 3 p.m in the afternoon why all all these suburban moms were shopping but i was just like so excited about it

decorate yourself honor yourself you know your body is a temple but like honestly it truly is and i do think you should treat it as such honor yourself you are divine you are loved you deserve to feel that especially from yourself oh my god thoughts on ayahuasca uh i don't have a lot of thoughts I know ayahuasca is like kind of a major topic right now because of the whole um I don't know if you keep up with the random internet drama that's going on but the like ace family drama where like Catherine is on her whole ayahuasca journey and I have done a lot a lot a lot of psychedelics in my time but one thing about psychedelics is I enjoy them and I enjoy the perspective that they bring and the kind of journey that they bring but I am a massive

control freak and I do not like feeling outside of my body or too out of control I feel like that kind of ruins the journey and ruins the understanding that you might be searching for because you are no longer connected to yourself anymore does that make sense like you're too space cadet to the point where you kind of lose all meaning of what you were trying to discover and figure out because you are no longer even connected to this earthly realm and I think ayahuasca I don't want to completely write it off because I know that it is a medical tool used in certain cultures and I never want to deny anybody of their culture but I do think like the white people traveling to go do it is a little dumb it's a little dumb it's a little odd like if you

are so disconnected to yourself that you have to go travel and spend thousands of dollars to go do a ceremonial drug in order to connect to yourself it's like wow babe i think there's other ways to achieve this without a insane psychedelic um it's not something i personally would ever want to do i do know that it makes you so incredibly sick it is it's like mushrooms in the sense where you're getting food poisoning it is kind of poisoning you in order for you to reach that high or whatever it's giving you and the the projectile vomiting or the diarrhea or the insane you know stomach cramps or just like the pain of it all is not enticing to me I do not have the urge to inflict pain on myself in order to transform I don't think that is a necessary part of life I don't

think you need pain in order to learn things about yourself and so ayahuasca to me is just a big fat to me to me to me big fat thumbs down not something I truly want to participate in I mean I've had my fun I've done my fair share I think if I were to do ayahuasca at this point in time I would come back brain dead like I would come back just completely not myself not who I am and that might be because of how much I've done in the past and then just adding something else on top that's extra insane extra you know strong just doesn't seem like a good mix especially for my brain and trying to stay healthy inside myself I don't know when I was younger I definitely felt like um the tripping experience was fantastic to be able to connect to yourself in a sense where

you're seeing life from a different perspective or you're able to you know address things maybe you haven't addressed or feel a little bit of euphoria but now that I'm older I'm like goddamn life's one big trip as it is I don't need any drug to help me realize that like girl it is front and center all I need is a therapist and um iced mocha and bitch let's handle that shit let's get deep in my brain but like while I'm sober while I'm able to actually navigate these feelings in a level-headed way um that's kind of how I am now that that thought process makes me feel old that's one of the things that I'm like oh maybe I am getting old oh you don't want to do drugs anymore oh boring old no no it's just like I don't know life's a trip as it is and I I feel

like personally at this point in time I don't need to add anything extra or insane to my life to my journey in order to understand myself I am way too connected sober as it is like girl I need to catch a break for myself if anything um so yeah ayahuasca not on my list never has been on my list even if someone approached me and was like I have ayahuasca do you want to try it probably be like nah I am I am good but to each their own you know we all have different journeys in life and whatever you feel called to is your prerogative not something I would recommend you guys my boyfriend's on a boys trip right now and I'm so excited I'm so excited I'm so excited you know you would think I'd be I'd be like oh my man my man my man's leaving me no no no no no no if

you know me you know I fucking love love my alone time and I love my man and he will always give me my alone time I mean he's practically not here he's usually at the skate park or like if he is here he's playing video games like in his little office so like I have plenty of alone time but I have not had a night alone this is crazy this is crazy I have not had a night alone without him the entire time we have been dating I mean at the beginning on and off but practically we met each other and then moved in I mean whether it was him staying at my place or me staying at his place I have not had a night alone probably in four years even like on trips you know I go on trips with my girlfriends but I'm still like staying with my girlfriends night alone it's girls night

you guys it is girls night it is sleepover night and I could not be more excited my plans for the day podcast with the girls of course duh hello um edit smoke some weed do my dishes or like i said there's always something to do when it comes to cleaning dishes is a major one on my list right now chill for the afternoon and then i'm gonna go get sushi so excited i'm gonna get as much sushi as i can physically fit in my body a bottle of wine and then i'm gonna watch all of the hunger games movies that is my perfect evening that is my perfect evening for myself and i'm very very excited to be able to do it i know i could definitely do it if he was here but it just feels different me and my cat eating sushi drinking wine watching hunger games let's go

everything 13 year old anna could have ever possibly wanted someone said i'm never able to keep my house clean all the dishes laundry endless vacuuming there's always something okay real i've been dealing with this this past week because i just did the biggest fucking house clean of my entire life i don't know what got into me i do think with the astrology we have coming up um i like my body is physically preparing my home for what we're going to go through not that it's gonna be bad it's just like sometimes when things get a little bit hectic or crazy especially like Like I talked about in the beginning of the year, you have this need to kind of like purge that energy out of your life.

And I think with my home, a lot of my stagnant energy sits here. So guys, guys, when I tell you I have donated about 15 trash bags worth of things, I have gotten rid of things that I haven't seen in years and just pulled out of the depths of my closet. I was on my hands and knees with a brush scrubbing my baseboards I think I'm gonna paint my house because I've been on the house hunt you guys know I've been on the house hunt and the thing is I'm just picky I'm very picky I love where I am now like aesthetic wise and although where I live it's a little bit hectic a little bit busy I truly don't mind waiting it out to find the perfect

space to live and I hate that period of life where you're like just unhappy where you are because you're constantly looking towards the future and I think that's what was holding me back so I was like fuck it pause in the future because I've spent about five months looking for homes can't find anything let's see where I am now and make it the best that I possibly can so like just decluttering organizing dusting shit off um scrubbing my baseboards full house deep clean I'm talking mopping the walls bitch like I had a mop on these fucking ceilings craziness craziness but it needed to happen and I realized those those deep cleans those big cleans are something you do probably every season I mean I vacuum pretty often but like the big deep like

hands and knees scrubbing kind of cleans those happen every season the kind of cleaning that you have to do where it's just keeping up with your daily tasks you're gonna have like one of those things to do every single day and I really hate to break it to you but that's just a part of adulthood a part of adulthood is just like eating good meals so always having dishes to do or wearing fun clothes and wearing a lot of them so always having laundry to do or you know maybe you have a little cat and he tracks litter everywhere so you gotta vacuum more often but it's like would you rather not have good meals not have good outfits and not have a little creature friend that's keeping you company hello hello so you gotta look at it with a different perspective

I don't mind doing the small things now that I am older and I'm a little bit more stable I'm able to keep up with my cleaning pretty frequently and also like um trying I'm able to find times where it works for me key to dishes is if you're cooking something just put it away right away you know as soon as that dishwasher is done unload it get that shit out of your way when it comes to laundry i do my laundry in like big batches like every sunday i'll do all of my laundry and put all of it away that just makes the most sense to me but yeah unfortunately when it comes to adulthood there is just always something you have to do doesn't mean you are falling behind okay it just means that you know you enjoyed something you appreciated something and now you got to do the cleanup of it

how how how were you able to get your hair to grow past a certain length beautiful oh thank you queen thank you queen i've talked about my hair journey before on here but it truly has gotten long i went and i got it done and if you're a visual listener either on spotify or youtube also shout out to my Spotify girlies those ad checks been coming in I really appreciate you listening to them I really really do I really do hopefully I'm going to be able to create more content for you guys here soon but she has gotten so long my hair's gotten so incredibly long um and I was not able to grow it past probably my collarbones for about two years and this was because of many different things but specifically one of the major reasons why I was unable to grow my hair past my collar

bones for two three years even though I was trying everything in my power to do so was because I was using so much heat on it I was doing these big barrel 70s curls if you remember following me on TikTok like in 2021 2020 you know me by those big ass barrel curls um and I was also doing it on like 350 fucking degrees because my hair does not curl easily and I would wake up in the morning I would do my curls and I would head to my nanny job and I had to be there at 8 a.m so like I was looking about 7 a.m to do these giant ass barrel curls I was cooking my hair I was frying it it was snapping off in the process it was killing the length it was creating you know split ends it was just awful for me and I truly think that me using so much heat on my hair is why it was like

stunted in growth that and also I was dying it at home not really dying it mostly just bleaching it at home which was like killing the hair where it sat in my scalp and just wasn't growing and I had a horrible diet so what I changed to make my hair finally start growing even a little bit a I stopped dyeing my hair at home I stopped dyeing my hair for about two or three years I recently had it done for the first time in a long time this past January and it's still able to grow after I went to a professional please just go to a professional I know it costs money I know I know I know but if you are not a professional who knows how to handle these chemicals and things you're probably going to do something wrong even if it looks good you're

probably doing something wrong to your hair unfortunately unfortunately unfortunately now that really helped I stopped doing the big ass barrel curls and I started wearing my hair as you saw in the beginning of this podcast I would twist it up I put it in a claw clip I have worn my hair like that practically every day for the past three years I think it is a great protective hairstyle I used to do a lot of braids things like that but I felt like using any sort of elastic was snapping my hair or was like putting too much pressure on my hair a claw clip is easy because it's not really allowing so much pressure or so much pulling at the hair where it's going to snap if it's not able to hold itself up it'll fall out of your hair and I love a claw clip because no

matter how much hair you have you will always be able to put it up so I started doing protective of hairstyles and I stopped using heat practically completely I maybe maybe now use heat on my hair every other week I do blow dry my hair now that it's healthy but even back then no blow drying no heat at all last but not least you've got to get your protein in you've got to get your protein in and it can't be the only thing you eat of course you need to eat like a well-balanced diet but most importantly you need to make sure like you're eating proteins whether whether it's meat whether it's eggs whether it's like lentils or beans what you need protein to be able to create strong strands of hair okay once I changed those three things about myself bam instantly my hair

started growing um I was anti-haircut for a long time because I'm like oh but I I just grew this inch I don't want to cut it off but I do think occasional haircuts every once in a while is important to stop these split ends and to keep your hair from breaking even more especially if you know your hair is really damaged get one really good haircut um and then just let it grow out from there i guarantee if you do all those things truly your hair will have a dramatic dramatic dramatic life change um and it did take me a long time to get here this has been about three three and a half three and a half full years of me committing to my hair and i've put on like what six inches seven inches if i can do it you can do it too and at this point i'm like

i'm just gonna let it grow until it stops growing we'll see how long it'll really get but i'm just gonna let it kind of do its thing until it's like okay no more we really can't grow anymore but like okay miss rapunzel all right let down that golden hair oh for my stoners this is a good question i love having like one stoner question every episode you're like bitch this is called smoke sesh how was it not the full episode because I don't know the older I get the less I base my personality off of drugs or whatever but how do you get things done stimulate your creativity or be energized enough when you smoke so you know what is really underrated in the weed community is having intentions when you smoke I realized that my relationship with weed was very not I guess kind

of negative but I just felt like I was using to use when I had no intentionality but behind it it was just like well I'm bored let me smoke well I don't know what else to do let me smoke that's when it's kind of just like okay I'm just doing it to do it I guess and that doesn't feel great and then you kind of find yourself in this loop of like I'm just getting high to get high and I am anti getting high to get high I'm pro you know maybe smoking to achieve something so setting intentions is very important especially when it comes to any sort of drug use of course being safe in a safe environment all those things getting from a safe place but when it comes to weed usage I've really transformed how I utilize my weed you guys

have probably been noticing I am smoking less on this podcast because I find now that the way I'm using doesn't you know operate in a way where I can also podcast because my intentionality with it is definitely I've been using it a lot to clean when I smoke I am like locked in on those fucking dishes I am locked in on those dishes I'm like I said scrubbing my baseboards best believe I was high as shit deep cleaning this entire house because it's just like that was my intentionality with my usage sit down get some shit done get some cleaning done be able to enter this flow zone to do that maybe it's I want to do art I want to be creative I want to do a big painting okay cool i'm gonna smoke my intentionality behind this is to enter a creative you know

zone to be able to focus on my art and to complete this painting fantastic wow amazing uh honestly maybe your intentionality is a chill the fuck out the end of a long day my intentions behind this usage is to calm myself down to relax myself to really just enjoy and be present in this moment instead of letting my brain kind of wander off to work whatever it is set your intentionality I think it's important it also makes it a little bit more of a spiritual practice and you get more out of it instead of just like okay I'm getting high but for what to run away from life no no no let's connect to life I guess I could smoke and be like my intentionality is to do a good podcast but I found that recently when I smoke especially because I've been smoking a lot less when I first

started this podcast I was very well I was unemployed so it'd be like between every question I would smoke and then answer the question and smoke and answer a question I mean that was great at that point in time I just don't think my brain can handle it now and the best thing you can do for your body is listen to it and listen to what it needs and listen to how it functions best and now especially podcasting when I'm trying to operate like a hundred percent and really just like get to as many questions as possible answer as much as i can speak as fast as i fucking can and a spresso shot does me wonders rather than a joint but i hope you guys still love me and appreciate me minus as much weed usage as i have been doing don't judge me for taking a break we

all deserve a little tea break now and again okay but yeah i've been smoking maybe like um twice a day which is a really fantastic change in my life um i've been doing it like if i have a day off i'll smoke in the afternoon to clean um and then maybe smoke again in the evenings to calm down wind down things like that but set your intentionality what is the purpose behind this usage is there a purpose can you even set a purpose you need to be using it right now be aware of your usage and why you feel called to it girly can we please talk about utis and preventatives oh i'm very prone to utis i'm very prone to utis to the point where like i remember being younger and getting them a couple times just because i do think um some things are very

genetic so some things are very genetic in the sense where it's like you just have an easier time developing them my mom gets utis pretty easily so i knew i would get utis pretty easily um and the best best best way to avoid utis is truly just to say stay hydrated um make sure you are constantly flushing everything out of your body i remember like my first ever uti was because we were at our lake house and it was like i was just a young kid running around jumping in the pool blah blah blah like i was busy too busy to drink water so i don't think i drank any water for like a full day like yeah that will cause a uti if you are prone to them drinking water flushing out your system and most importantly water not iced coffee not Gatorade not whatever

bullshit water your body needs it okay now when it comes to getting UTIs I mean now what I get most of my UTIs from is like just sex um and so when I do have sex it's like after the shower after the shower we can we can do whatever you fucking want to do after a long day before the shower no no no no I'm not taking that risk at all doing it in the shower fantastic we love doing it after the shower fantastic doing in the morning great amazing in the middle of the day no I no I don't know you are all hot and sweaty I'm all hot sweaty I don't want that inside me does that does that make sense um also something that you need to think about is if you do any sort of like back door play you don't want any back door going to front door that's not how you do things that's

not how you should do things that is scary and spooky even like wiping do not wipe back to front okay do not pull that shit to the front of you like you will get a uti you will get uti and it will not be fun at all but when it comes to back door play if he's sticking anything in your back door it should not go in your front door okay if even his mouth if it's going in your back door his mouth should not then go to your front door there is a high risk that you're probably going to get a uti from that so drink your water have your fun stay clean you will be good i do swear by those what are they the azo pills like the azo cranberry pills it will turn your pee red you will think you're peeing blood you're not you're not it just is showing you that it's flushing through

your system um but I do swear by those when I do feel like I have one coming on they are truly truly so helpful plus you do probably need an antibiotic so please contact your doctor but I haven't had one in a while thank god thank god that's because I am very precautious when I was younger and like more sexually promiscuous and didn't really give a fuck um I got them pretty often just because I was not you know in my right mind but now that I'm older I'm like no no no no get in the fucking shower get in the shower we'll do in the shower I don't care but like we are not doing it after spending eight hours outside that sounds like a horrible horrible time not that I'm dirty I just don't want to take any risks at that point in time I am very anti-pain in my life and

If I can avoid pain by waiting a little bit, best believe I'll be doing that. This is funny. Low-key, don't know what to do when I'm on the D. And I want to know how to get better at writing. Okay, girl. Okay, if I'm being honest, I think I touched on this briefly in the last episode. But if you did not hear it, I talked about like how to have good sex. And how to have good sex is to truly seek pleasure.

I think men when they're laying down and you're writing them they want to see you experience pleasure from them okay they want to see you kind of like be able to utilize them to experience pleasure so that is the entire point of writing all right the bounce up and down on that thing until you eventually are able to utilize it to come okay you will look hot and sexy doing that period point blank find the angle you know lean back lean forward whatever it needs to be and then just in just bounce on it enjoy it okay you don't need to be throwing ass i mean you can be reverse cowgirl is more for that reverse cowgirl i don't think i'm gonna be able to bounce on it in order to reach fruition reverse cowgirl is a show okay you better throw that fucking ass

that's for sure the best way to do it is to like lean forward a little bit with your hands either like in in between their legs they're like right above their knees so you're able to like hit that arch perfectly and then just throw it girl throw it as fast as as fast as you can as far as the wind will take you now if you're on top facing them obviously riding it and you want to put on a show there are some tips and tricks you can do personally if i'm putting on a show i am not on my knees i'm on my feet bouncing on it yeah yeah it's gonna take it's good that's gonna be a thigh workout that's for sure but if you have a hard time with balancing especially like on a bed hold their hands hold their hands in front of you to utilize as like a leverage and then you can

just like kind of bounce up and down on it on your feet that's the way to do it or if they're kind of sitting up a little bit you can hold on to the wall but truly if i'm on top like i'm utilizing that to get to get pleasure honestly like i think when men want you on top they just want to be used and to be able to see a woman kind of use them i think it's like a little hot and sexy to them definitely at least my man my man's a scorpio so he's a bit of a freak but yeah just have fun make sure you are getting pleasure that is the most important step to any sort of sexual escapade how do you stay positive with everything going on in the world right now oh girl i fear there's no choice there's there's no choice there's no choice babe hello can it get worse from here i mean

probably anything anything can happen but the last thing they're gonna do is kill my desire for peace and positivity within myself and within the world like they want us down they want us on the floor they want us sobbing and crying and rolling around so they can go around and do whatever fuck shit they want to do okay it's easier when you can step over the bodies than it is when they're standing up and you know rebelling a little bit and i fear the biggest part of rebellion now is just staying positive uplifting and supporting your neighbors you know and trying to find the best in every situation around you I mean some situations are fucked and like you got to address it as they are but also like I said they want us crying and screaming and rolling around on the

floor I refuse to do that okay they want to make our lives hell they want us to suffer they want us to feel bad about ourselves they want us to you know be negative and you know hate ourselves to the point where we forget about everything else going on in the world I don't have time for that I don't I really don't and I kind of learned this especially from the owners of the restaurant I work on they've really provided such a positive worldview experience because they have lived in places where like dictators have taken over and you know they've actually participated in real acts of resistance against their governments and I mean they had a big sit-down conversation with us and it was like listen right now we really have each other and that's what makes us strong

is you know providing that community providing that positivity providing that safe space for everybody because that's what they're trying to diminish when you remove sense of community and you remove sense of like partnership with other people around you it's very easy to get people to turn on each other and to kind of create this chaos within an environment. But when people stand together, when they stay strong together, when they show up for their neighbors, support their community, and kind of like don't give up on the hope within each other, it's hard. It's hard to push those people down because they have other people lifting them up. So I am pro positivity around here, okay? Listen, you think I'm pro negativity, bitch? You must be new. But yeah,

if you need a dose of positivity every week come listen come hang out I'm sure that's why a lot of you guys find your way here how to recover from acting out of character and saying things you 100% regret saying oh you know what is um underrated right now you know what's so underrated right now apologizing apologizing you remember when you were kids and it's like you're on the playground you know you're hanging out and like maybe I'm thinking like four-year-olds okay I spend a lot of time with like two to four-year-olds especially as a teacher and it's like okay maybe the other one hits the other one because they act out of character maybe the other one says says something mean because they act out of character maybe the other one you know refuses

to let somebody play or to share because they're acting out of character you know what happens one of them is crying one of them because the teacher's teacher blah blah blah won't let me blah blah blah okay well let's go over there let's figure it out you know can you share can you apologize and guess what the other kid goes yeah i'm sorry i didn't mean to do that my bad and then the other one's like that's okay we can still be friends they stop crying they start playing together it is that simple why the fuck can kids do that and adults can't why do adults have such a hard time apologizing it is literally so simple it's so simple if you feel like you did something wrong and you're like god i fucked up i fucked up i did not mean to do that i did not

mean to act that way i did not mean to do that to that person whatever it is no matter how bad no matter how little you think the situation is if you feel like you hurt someone's feelings or did something wrong or act out of character in any sort of way just apologize it is truly that simple and i think apology goes a long way i mean it doesn't have to be this like long ass paragraph long ass rant it can be depending on if you did something really bad but i think it can just be like you know what i'm owning up to my my mistakes i fucked up i did not mean to do that i personally do not believe that i acted in character to myself and i'm really sorry that i directed it at you you were undeserving of that but i want to just come forth and apologize you do not have to accept my

apology but i at least wanted to get get it off my chest that you know maybe i didn't act in accordance of how I truly believe myself to be and I really apologize for that and I hope you can forgive me apologies are so underrated I realized this especially um I had this big friendship falling out when I was in my second year of college these were girls that I was like ready to have as bridesmaids like fully loved adored appreciated and you know they kind of went behind my back and backstabbed me in a way that felt very juvenile and high school-ish and there was two major girls at play one of them was just like I didn't do anything wrong I don't regret it blah blah blah blah and it's like cool well you showed me who you are you obviously

don't care because you didn't apologize it is what it is that's just who you are I'm able to see the signs see that I don't like this behavior and don't want it around me now the other girl which I really appreciate her for this because she was acting as an adult and I appreciate when other adults can be adults and also when people are able to have like a full um worldview and sense of themselves or they are able to take accountability when they do something wrong but I mean she sent me this long ass handwritten like note of just like I fucked up I really apologize you are somebody that I really want in my life and I just really know I've messed up and she was just so remorseful and apologetic and in that moment I was like you know what I accept her

apology I kind of needed to be alone after that to heal and grow and move on and find my new path but it's something that I sit with to this day that I'm like I appreciate her for that I really do appreciate an apology I really do and like you could she fucked me over big time but it's just like you know sometimes we make mistakes sometimes we act out of character and if you are brave enough to come up to me and be like i fucked up i'm sorry then that's something we can work on and that's something that i can at least appreciate from you that you are able to see the situation for what it is and not let ego get in the way we act in ego a lot especially when it comes to making mistakes and i think a lot of people make a lot of mistakes but their ego keeps them from

being remorseful or apologizing because even if they believe in their heart they acted out of character well i did it so now i need to stand by myself and stand 10 toes down and not apologize it's like girl no one gives a fuck just say sorry and move on it will go 10 times further than you staying in your ego and refusing to take accountability for what happened like just say sorry it sometimes is that simple and sure it'll probably still weigh on your brain like fuck i did that thing what you can do from then on out after you apologize is just like stay true to yourself to never ever do that thing again to never act in that way again to never hurt somebody in that way again that's truly how you heal and move forward and sometimes you have to make mistakes or act

out of character in order to learn how you don't want to be okay how you don't want to act towards some somebody we are not all perfect humans we are not all perfect human human beings and we will make mistakes what are you going to do with yourself in that moment are you going to apologize and not make that mistake again or are you gonna sit in your ego and stand 10 toes down behind that mistake and become that mistake become that person that made that mistake you have a choice in life who do you want to be you know apologize it truly is the easy option how to stop being jealous of girls on instagram girls i know in real life but only see online social media is not real i know it's so easy to say that but then actually once you're viewing it it feels real but i do have

that affirmation in the back of my head whenever I feel a tinge of jealousy online I'm like social media is not real that person traveling somewhere every month is probably an insane credit card debt there's probably some face tuning going on if not surgeries so like don't take it too personally seriously now when it comes to like accomplishments and things I get being jealous of that but when it comes to the accomplishments I use my jealousy as a way to kind of like I use it as a compass I think it's very important to utilize your jealousy as a compass because when I feel jealous it's because I want something it's like she has something that I want that's why I feel jealous you know same way you know kid is on the playground playing with the ball that you want you feel

jealous of that kid you want to go over snatch that ball out of their hand and take it from them uh you could both have that ball you can both play together theoretically you know what I mean So utilize your jealousy as a compass. I think it's a great way to learn without staying in that negative mindset or that egotistical mindset. You know, if you're seeing these girls on Instagram accomplish fantastic, amazing things like graduating college and you have never graduated college, maybe you should go graduate college. You know, maybe that is something that you want and you see someone else and you have and you know that you want it. So why not go after it? You know, it doesn't have to be now. It could be eventually. Just keep it in the back of your head. you know maybe she's wearing a really really insane outfit that you want okay utilize that jealousy as a compass am i actually jealous of her or do i just want that dress can you buy the dress you know can you make the dress can you metabolize what they have into your life i remember my jealousy on instagram or like on social media has always been with people i don't know okay so like pinterest photos random aesthetic photos famous celebrities you know things like that

where I'm like okay okay clock that I'm jealous like I'm jealous okay fine I'll just I'll admit it I'm jealous of her so instead of sitting there and just like hating myself for it and then also hating another woman which is two things we shouldn't do in this day and age is hate ourselves and hate other women for no reason especially for being successful or hot is utilize it as a compass what about it is making me jealous and why am I feeling that way it's probably because I want it now how can I bring that into my life you know oh am I jealous of their self-love towards themselves cool well maybe I just need a little self-love in my life am I jealous of their traveling cool maybe I add that to my bucket list and I work towards going to that place and I kind of

utilize their their trip as like a navigational tool to create my next outline for my trip you know what I was jealous of last year everybody going to Japan very jealous of those videos very jealous of the 7-eleven mukbangs so what did I do I paused I understood why I was feeling jealous and then I started getting to work I'm jealous of that lifestyle but can I live it can I create it in my own life can I metabolize it into my own life it took a little bit longer than you know instant gratification like six to eight months to a year but finally I booked a Japan trip fuck it i saw what i wanted i went out i went after it i got it i utilized my time and i picked up extra shifts of work to afford a plane ticket bam purchase that shit i'm going in the fall it's

a great way to kind of utilize those feelings without getting negative on yourself or the people around you because that's the last thing we need in this world why are you jealous what do you want how can you bring it into your life and if it's not something that you can have realistically that is just not something you can have you know maybe it's a body type i think a lot of jealousy comes from how other people look you know I will never be that triple d bbl baddie body whatever it is that's just how like I was not built that way literally and I'm not going to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to be built that way because that sounds like a lot of pain and a lot of wasted money so what am I going to do I'm going to look at her and I'm going to be like

damn that bitch is fine but that doesn't take away from anything that I have right now doesn't take away from who i am now because i'm also fine hello just because someone else has it doesn't mean you necessarily need it okay you can be appreciative of someone else's trophies while also looking at your own and be appreciative of your own it doesn't always have to be this compare and contrast it can kind of be this navigational tool of how you want to live life what you want to bring into life what can you appreciate about yourself in tandem to the world around you oh my god you guys are my biggest haters someone just asked how do you feel about getting old girl I'm not getting old what are we talking about here what are we talking about here actually I guess

in the grand scheme of things I am getting older every single day we're growing up we're getting older so are you so are you I personally have never been afraid of getting older because I mean from the ages of zero to 16 I didn't envision a life for myself outside of 16 okay so I wasn't afraid I just didn't see it and then I made it past 16 and then it was kind of just like okay let's take it year by year and now that I'm about to turn 26 I have realized that I mean secretly whether I want to admit it or not but I've always kind of looked forward to the next year I truly do getting older brings more peace brings more positivity brings more stability brings more understanding brings more money okay more achievements more enjoyfulness more people

more love more experiences getting older is a blessing and i will never sit here and give into the old mentality of like but we need to preserve our youthfulness we need to preserve who we were at the age of 16 i need to genetically modify myself to look like a child for the rest of my life no no no no no no no no no no that is not the way to live life i truly am living life every single day appreciative of every single day appreciative of every single experience i get to live through whether good or bad i am appreciative of this life and everything that it brings me honestly because I never thought I'd get these years I truly never thought I would be 26 so best believe I'm taking advantage of it every single step of the way best believe I am

living my life to its fullest potential I am treating myself to the highest level of gratitude I am giving thanks for all the experiences I have I am doing the things that I want to do I am attempting new things. I am being brave. I am going after my dreams and my goals and my desires. I am traveling. I am learning. I am adjusting. And that truly has beat the old scaries. It really has. I talk about it a lot. I think I will hit my prime when I am like 80, 85 and I live in a little cottage and I have hundreds of garden beds outside in the backyard and I spend my time with tea picking fresh garden vegetables and fruits with the stray cats outside probably smoking cigarettes at that age because fuck it that's when i think i'll peak that is when i will

be like i have made it but until i get there i am living every day for the memory for the experience and to hopefully get me to the place i want to be if you think you've already been in your prime well then you have you know you build the prime for yourself that you want to be if it was you when you were 17 and you were constantly chasing that 17 year old version of yourself life's gonna kind of suck because 17 is not that fucking great but if you're able to look forward and dream a little bit and have that future version vision of yourself that you want to be it makes the years going forward a little easier and also it makes you feel really fucking young if i think i'm gonna peak at 85 26 i feel like an infant you know what i mean 50 i'll still feel very incredibly young

but this mindset of old and getting older is just truly what you make of it if you think you're an old old lady two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research together we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer register today at pmcfwalk.ca legendary is here with bet mgm sportsbook sign up to unlock access to hundreds of pre-match and live betting options for all your favorite sports Download the BetMGM app.

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with the Alberta iGaming Corporation. Standard message and data rates may apply. He at 26 and you want to treat yourself that way, congratulations, that's the life you're going to live. But I think I am young, I am spry, i am hot i am sexy i have so many years to live and i am not going to dwindle it down to just the feeling of being old no and also who cares if you're getting old it just means i'm more confident more comfortable more understanding more appreciative of myself i've gone through so

many more experiences i've gone to so many different places and that in itself is a blessing getting older being old is a blessing i also think i kind of subconsciously learned this from my grandmother because she hates being old um she always ever since i've known her since i've been born has been like a very um trying to go back to youth you know fighting getting older not wanting to get older and i've realized that the reason she has always fought that is because she found the most freedom in herself when she was in her teen years when she was in her youth you know and she no longer had that when she was an adult because she didn't build that for herself she you know was a housewife she waits on her husband she doesn't do anything other than

live life for her husband and that can be a very draining unfulfilling lifestyle to live and so i saw her in her, you know, older years, you know, 60s, 70s, 80s, kind of being like, I hate being old. I have nothing to do. I haven't built a life for myself. The only life that I'm living is for another person. And like, yeah, bitch, you're kind of right. Clock that. Like, I would also hate being old because all of her memories that she's looking back on and all of these years that she's lived has been for not herself so take advantage of you and the life you want to live and live fully to experience that don't live for somebody else don't live for somebody else's dreams because at the end of the day all we are going to have is ourselves we are going to be sitting on our

deathbed looking back and asking ourselves did we do everything did we accomplish everything did we you know attempt at least everything that we wanted and i want you all laying there saying yes I did I went after everything I wanted I tried my hardest I did the best that I could I created memories that I wanted to create I had love affairs I had these adventures whatever it is that you dream for yourself go out and accomplish but don't you dare sit down and just let life pass you by take advantage of life live it it is a beautiful life that we get to live we are all so very lucky to be here and it's kind of like a once in a lifetime moment if you really think about it like we are these anomalies in the universe not that i don't believe in aliens i

definitely believe there's something out there do i believe it's maybe reminiscent of what we have here on earth probably not but i do believe you know there's some sort of life life out there but what we have here is such such an anomaly we are so privileged to be able to live this life in tandem with nature get to experience all of these beautiful things outside get to you know have little cats have our homes have our trinkets to go to school to go to college to pursue these jobs that we want to pursue to help people to build community that is all so incredibly very special and i don't want you to lose the specialness of it all i don't want you to make life a mundane thing because life is special being here is special every day that you get to

experience is special so live that life go after it you deserve it whether you believe it or not you are here and that is truth that you deserve it but with that being said i love you all so very much ah my birthday's coming up i'm so excited i love a good birthday i always celebrate my birthdays how i kind of want to set up the next year of my life and the past like four birthdays i've always been traveling this year is the first one i've actually had at home i'm very excited to kind of just like enjoy what i have created for myself here enjoy you know all of the fruition of my hard work my deep cleaning things like that um and then what i asked for for my birthday was a fish tank i wanted a fish tank for my birthday growing up i always had betta fish and so i told

my boyfriend i was like i just want you to take me on a shopping spree and help me build a fish tank so i think that is our activity for the day along with laying out in the sun and going to the pool and drinking with my friends honestly what's better than that but if you want to see my birthday pictures you want to see what i've been up to follow me on instagram at hannah marlene i also upload the questionnaire for the podcast every week every sunday on my instagram story so follow me there and if you want to see more from me join the patreon we have a lot going over on the patreon i just uploaded a gemini new moon write up i always do monday affirmations and we always do an extra episode every week where i answer every single one of your questions yes every single one

of your questions i think this week we had like 45 yes 45 different questions i sit down i answer them i give you the answers you want you need and yeah you can find that at patreon.com slash smokes at shawty come join come hang out with us i love seeing your faces and seeing you guys and i'm so appreciative for every single one of you for a whole another year of being able to celebrate with you guys i'm so thankful and i love you all so much stay sane stay sexy and i'll see you all so soon two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer

foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research together we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer register today at pmcfwalk.ca wayfair's labor day clearance is on now right now at wayfair you can get up to 70% off everything home. Shop Wayfair's Labor Day clearance now through September 7th at wayfair.ca.