Smoke Sesh - growing pains, anxiety, gossip & gay

Episode Date: June 10, 2025

hellooo everyone and welcome back to another episode of smoke sesh so excited to be back with our regularly scheduled Tuesday episode, we have a lot to get up to this week as we talk what I've been up to, my very recent anxiety, what I've learned in therapy, happy pride month! I love all my LGBTQ+ listeners out there and I talk my sexuality and how I present myself, presenting feminine and masculine, feeling and following your intuition, when your teenage years follow you and healing your teenage self, toes, body insecurity and decorating your flaws, learning to just do it, taking it one step at a time and learning along the way, upcoming strawberry full moon in Sagittarius and what to expect, gossip- is it harmful or helpful? desire to move and where I would move in America, short term pain for long term gain, sticking to your goals, growing pains of adulthood, regulating our nervous system and grounding ourselves, living for the hope of it all, mid 20's meltdown and much much more! if you want to see more from me follow me on instagram at hannahmarlene and if you want extra episodes every week join the patreon at patreon.com/smokeseshshawty for more! love you all, stay sane stay sexy and ill see you all soon! MUAH

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can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out. Let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. hello hello hello welcome back to the smoke sesh podcast my name is hannah your host and i'm so excited to be back with you all on this honestly kind of beautiful little tuesday thank you guys for listening to the birthday episode i know it's not what we usually do but i do like to find little ways you know especially with a birthday to celebrate and to share just what I've learned and you know what I've taken throughout the years. I know that's kind of what you join me here for every single week but you know switching it up every once in a while is fun. So I hope you guys

enjoyed that episode. We are back to regularly scheduled content today. We have a lot of questions to get to to kind of make up for last week and I know you guys have a lot on your minds. I do too. I do too. Probably too much. Safe to say, probably way too much going on in my fucking head currently. Anybody else feel like they're running from their demons? Anybody else feel like they're overwhelmed with anxiety 24-7? Because that's what I've been going through. That's what I've been going through. Your girl, if I'm being honest, has been struggling. She has been struggling quite a bit. That's the funny thing with life. You know, you have your goods, you have your bads, you have your problems to work out. You think you have it solved and then it switches up a little

bit or you think you have it figured out and then there's new lessons to learn. Life is just funny like that if I'm gonna be real so I'm trying to stay you know I mean during hard times all you can really do is be patient with yourself and truly try and take whatever lesson you can through the struggles you're going through so that's what I've been trying to do recently but girlies safe to say it's been a little hard I will say the sunshine and warm weather does make up for it If I was going through this during winter, like eight feet of snow, I probably would have been committed to a psych ward at this point. Honestly, the sunshine is saving me.

Please get outside. My parents took off to Sicily for two and a half weeks. So you know what that means? I am watching their dog, which usually I hate doing. but honestly since i have been so just full of fight or flight anxiety insane amount of overthinking the three times a day walks really are helping truly and i understand why people get dogs especially when they're depressed to kind of you know get into a routine and have something to live for other than themselves especially when it's hard to live for yourself

I'm like okay okay I get it I do get it so I really have been enjoying I mean I wake up in the morning and immediately go for like a 30 minute walk we've been trying to do about an hour and a half walk in the afternoons and then another good little 30 minute walk at the end of the day and honestly a little sunshine on your face and some deep breathing exercises while moving at a very quick pace does it does help but you guys I started therapy a month ago I've been going every two weeks so far. And I started therapy because I felt like my anxiety was in a place that was uncontrollable. I used to have, I've always had anxiety. I mean, I've generalized anxiety condition my entire life. And when I was like 14, 15, 16 in my teen years, it kind of felt

the same way it does now where I was living in fight or flight mode constantly and it truly is so so draining now you know I took the time especially when I was younger to learn to heal to do what I need to do to grow from it and it is safe to say that I have had a really good like past five to ten years however many years in between with pretty limited anxiety or I felt like I had the tools and the coping mechanisms where when I did have a flare up I was very quickly able to satiate it to rationalize my emotions to ask myself like what is my anxiety telling me to learn from it and to move on fairly quickly to the point where it wasn't bothering me but this year you guys know I went through kind of a really long health scare with my cutie little

cat danger luckily we are in the clear now thank you all for your kind wishes but that was about five months of me being in constant fight or flight mode like high high anxiety wondering what's going on unsure spending a lot of money I mean I'm happy to spend them not happy but I'm willing to spend the money like I don't care about that but just like overwhelming emotions i was in that state for such a long time that now my body if i'm not in that state when i'm like calm it feels like that's not normal and it kind of pushes me back into that anxiety mode so that's what i've been struggling with and that's what me and my therapist have been trying to deal with and you know what her first piece of advice was this is always my first goddamn piece of advice

that any therapist any like even like my women's health doctor which i'm having a health scare with her as well like my girl please call me back because these test results are not good safe to say um but everybody asks every doctor in my life asks are you working out when i say oh i have overwhelming anxiety oh i'm super depressed blah blah well are you working out when you're depressed or facing like intense anxiety you're like bitch that's not what I want to fucking hear honestly I just want you to feed me a pill so I can feel better I'm not doing that but like that's the kind of the last thing you want to hear and it does piss me off a little bit but I hate to break it to you guys they're right they're right they're honestly so so right so

unfortunately I fear I must get back into my workout routine just to kind of have a way to physically run away from the demons and also exert energy I feel like especially like if you think of like a child or an overactive dog you have to tire them out so they're not just like overwhelming themselves you know almost like scaring themselves with the amount of energy they have and I do think our minds act the same way and if we are not exhausted like practically exhausting ourselves or like staying busy or you know keeping ourselves mentally in tune then your brain's gonna find something to ruminate on and usually it's not fucking good and it's not gonna be good especially if i'm if it's on the goddamn phone my therapist banned me from using google she's like no more

google google is not your friend girl you are not allowed to to use google because i'm googling symptoms i'm googling the most random fucking things you could ever think of and like scaring myself and it is just not a healthy way to live please free me from my mind oh my god but listen we'll get out of it i understand you know what caused it i know the trigger and i also know that my anxiety now is not necessarily based in reality so i do have that to at least rely on a lot of it is very intrusive thoughts i saw someone post the other day which cracked me up um they were like i have insane intrusive thoughts and my therapist recommended me writing them down next to a picture of donald trump because he is the last person i will ever even listen to or rely on for any piece

of source of information at fucking all like everything that comes out of his mouth is a goddamn lie so when you have like a visualization tool of like your intrusive thoughts do not hold weight let's put it next to an image of something that you do not respect or does not hold weight it really helps you like emphasize like oh wow these these intrusive thoughts do not matter we can release them we can let them go we cannot give them weight but listen one step at a time and if you find yourself randomly struggling or randomly like wow why am i going through it in the out of nowhere sometimes life's just that way sometimes life throws us a curveball sometimes we do go through a hard time sometimes we have some fucking trauma to work through and that doesn't

mean just because it's hard that you shouldn't in fact it probably is more of a sign that you should that you should take advantage of that situation to learn to grow to heal yourself and to move forward because I know that the work that I have done in the past has made me such a strong human being such a strong individual such a you know just powerful and hard-working and loving and caring and kind person and that hard work was hard fucking work but the payoff is tenfold always so sure you know going through a hard time we'll get through it and we will come out on the other side better than we ever fucking have been but i did have someone ask you know what do you do in the morning especially when you have morning anxiety i also am the person who is waking up

at honestly any hour of the day with extreme extreme anxiety whether it's 3 a.m me waking up and starting to google things bad bad don't do that whether it's 8 a.m as soon as I wake up whether it's right before bed I have started kind of implementing things now that I've sat down with my therapist and talked out how to work through these in my daily routine that have really really helped one first of all i wake up immediately you need to chug water not caffeine caffeine if you have anxiety is not your friend at all it is not here to help you i unfortunately am a substance whore so i do need my caffeine or i will have physical withdrawals but it does not need to be the first thing in my body okay the first thing in my body needs to be water and probably food

not a double shot of espresso straight to the dome okay you can have that in a second pause chill drink some water make sure your brain is taken care of make sure your body's taken care of then you can move forward all right i've also been implementing especially in the mornings when my anxiety is bad um like ice baths but not for my entire body not in like a gym bro i'm trying to rapid heal my muscles i'm kind of i guess trying to rapid heal my brain but i will take a bowl of ice cold water and I will dunk my face in it over and over again and it does have a funny way of shocking my system into at least neutrality in a very very nice way and also feels very refreshing especially first thing in the morning I'll wrap a towel around my neck so I'm

not like just dripping in water because that's so overstimulating and then I'll just dunk my face in ice water pull it out take a breather if I need to go again do it again do it again you know wipe my face off and then i'll go sit outside of my front porch in the sun and let it dry off and do some deep breathing breathing in positivity breathing out negativity until i feel like i have somewhat of a regulated nervous system to work with then i make my coffee then you can have your stimulants okay and not too much not too much okay girl and yes now i need to start implementing as well just working out more i need to definitely move my body i need to have some sort of workout routine whether it's pilates i do really miss doing pilates or yoga or even just going on a

walk that is workout in itself i mean there is no hierarchy to it simply moving your body is priority and then also for my spiritual girlies because i am a spiritual bitch don't fucking come for me it helps me it works believe it or not yes witchcraft does work um i just shared with the patreon girlies shout out patreon.com slash smoke says shawty i made an anxiety spell jar i do love a spell jar especially when it comes to either wanting to bottle something up or wanting to attract something and so i shared how i made that with you guys but essentially i just wanted at a place where especially like when my anxiety was at an all-time high the other day to bottle up my worries and to put them somewhere else physically and to physically remove them from

my body another great tool is to take a piece of paper write down what is stressing you out write down what is causing you anxiety worry depression whatever it may be the negative emotion that you're feeling write down a piece of paper crumple it up throw it away I love that tool I think it's such a physical reminder that it's okay to have these emotions they're not based in reality let's put them down get them out of our head and get them the fuck away from us but it's summer it's summer it's time to have a good time I fear June is calling me to do growth and healing and I am picking up the fucking call and I am going to answer it safe to say but we're gonna have some fun we're gonna get outside we're gonna enjoy the sunshine this weather while we got

it before it's too goddamn hot we are going to grow we are going to learn and we are going to come out on the other side better than we ever have been but i hope you all have been doing well and you know having a great fantastic little sexy girl summer out there i know i have if you want to see some pool pics of me check it out at hannah marlene i've been having a great time i'm posting a lot on instagram i have a hong kong style mango pancake recipe coming up if you are looking for something lightly sweet and mangoey i love mango season ah it's so fucking good that should be up by tuesday or wednesday depending on when i am done editing but oh so good so many more recipes coming so much more to share with you guys follow me there at hannah marlene and i do submit the

questions you are about to hear there every single sunday they are up for 24 hours so i make sure i sure i'm in tune with the collective you can submit them there on my instagram or just send me a little dm send me a little call and voice message to my instagram and i will see it there but with that being said enough of my rambling i hope i didn't stress you guys out with my anxiety i just know you know one of the things i talked about in my birthday episode is no matter what emotion you're feeling or no matter what you're going through no matter how isolated you feel somebody else out there is going through it or somebody else has been through it before that's what's so comforting kind of and just like the human existence is we're not special in that

way where we are set up in a very specific way and our humanness is very equalizing in that sort of way we are all kind of connected and so hopefully me sharing what i'm going through maybe inspires some of you guys to you know get help if you need it um or just know that you're not alone know that your struggles that you're going through are valid and you are seen and you can do better you can come out on the other side stronger and you know what i'm happy to hold your hand along the way i love you all so much thank you for being here enough of me rambling let's get into everything on your mind oh also i left the balloons up not because of my birthday but because it's pride and i just love the rainbow balloons i think it's very fitting happy pride

to all my gays my days whoever wants to be included in that um i love that pride falls in gemini season i think it is very very fitting because gemini's truly are a one size fits all kind of sign i think it makes a lot of sense that uh pride is occurring during gemini season i'm definitely somewhere on the spectrum there with you guys not sure where exactly i fall i would say the closest label i would probably fit into is the b standing up for my b's out there the bisexuals um i get a lot of questions like how do you know you're bisexual if you have never dated a girl listen i know i could definitely much munch box if it was in front of me you know it's very simple to understand what you like and what you don't like i do think of course labels

are important especially for just like being able to claim space for yourself especially in a world that is very obviously a little aggressive to people who are outside of the quote-unquote norm so bitch get out there claim that space you deserve to take up space you deserve to be seen you deserve to be yourself a thousand percent but also I found it very hard when I was younger to kind of understand my fluidity or my sexuality because there were so many boxes but I felt like I never checked just one box you know and listen sexuality it's a spectrum as long as you know what you like that is all that matters you know get out there be gay have a good ass time period that is what june is all about we had pride this weekend in kansas city and i feel so bad because

it was downpouring rain but best believe they were still outside the parade goes right by my house i was waving from my balcony like yes love y'all period i'm glad that people still showed up for each other the community here is so incredible to see um just supporting one another and getting out and every year just gets bigger and bigger and stronger and more people show up and that just makes my heart genuinely so happy first pride i ever went to was in high school i think i was a junior um because i had this friend who was in all my art classes and she was a freshman and she was like i want to go to my first pride and i was like okay girl like i'll take you whatever i've never been either but i got nothing to do on a saturday like let's go and i remember that first

pride it had one stage i remember monet exchange played and it was it was very small maybe like 10 tenths in one small stage and now bitch they shut down half the city for that shit and it makes my heart so incredibly happy just to see like you know kansas city come around a little bit to see the community get bigger and stronger and just to see everybody stand strong beside each other and show up for a good ass time period that's what it's all about show up for your friends especially right now especially with all the fucking chaos happening in america right now and just in the world in general we need community now more than ever we need positivity for one another now more than ever we need to show up for each other stay strong besides each other and love on one each

other so happy pride i love you guys months that i wish i felt more comfortable in feminine clothes makeup accessories advice maybe you know the feminine side just isn't for you you know and there's no shame in that at all I understand you know being a woman and wanting to you know be female presenting but truly if it doesn't make you comfortable then why would you want to form yourself into that box I mean if it's something that you're like aspiring to be and something that you do genuinely want in your heart but maybe it's new and that's why it's uncomfortable i say just you know try new things stick it out feel it out but also you know you if you don't feel like you present that way and you don't want to present that way you should not feel a you know

need to do so you don't have to do so i know there's a societal pressure to do so but you should always be listening to your heart and what you feel most comfortable in at that time you know in your head and your heart somewhere in the middle what feels right you do know that of course there's a bunch of outside noise okay but it's kind of like if you imagine a hurricane you have the eye of the storm that's where the answers lie in the eye of the storm and listen i flow before between feminine masculine all of the things daily like today i was like i definitely should you know get ready and curl my hair and put on a cute outfit for this podcast but guess what I just am not feeling it and I know if I were to do all of that even though I would physically

look good I know I wouldn't feel as confident as what I was presenting as you know what I felt confident confident in today and just comfortable in fucking sweatshirt and biker shorts easy peasy lemon squeezy that's what I was feeling today tomorrow could be the complete opposite but I do think it's really important to listen to that eye of the storm listen to that intuition listen to what calls to you I've always been a very like tomboy-esque individual where I was always just like outside in the mud not really caring don't really care about doing my hair or makeup or any sort of that like feminine stuff and it took me a long time to feel comfortable in that place and of course i'm sure a lot of you guys see me as very feminine like i said uh it definitely

flows day to day but it i started to feel more comfortable in myself when i just listened to how i was feeling in the moment and followed that intuition directly i think it's very important and i think you know you don't have to box yourself in completely it's okay to flow naturally i do see life and just in general everything as a spectrum and me personally I'm not just like a pin in the spectrum where I sit forever I do think you know my pin ebbs and flows along the spectrum on a daily basis and once I learn to understand that and once I learn to just go with the flow and to listen to myself daily and to do like little daily check-ins of how am I feeling how do i want to dress how do i want to present do i want to go outside today do i feel comfortable

interacting with people today that's when life got so much easier okay you don't have to box yourself into like feminine masculine gay straight sometimes just listen to how you're feeling in the moment and that's what truly holds value what's to do about feeling like i'm regressing to 13 year old me oh I actually had this conversation with my therapist I was like I feel like 26 right now feels very very similar to um 16 in a funny sort of way funny scary sort of way and she immediately asked me well what at 16 did you not heal that you are now caring with you at 26 and I think that's very important to ask especially if you're like wow I feel like this old version of myself you know what did you not do at that age or what did you do or what happened at that age that is

like triggering you to maybe making you feel like that point in time again and what can you do now as an adult which is a blessing because we have more control we have more choice we have more understanding in ourselves you've learned life lessons we've moved forward what can you do now to heal that side of you to give yourself maybe that thing you are missing to show yourself a little bit of love to you know make sure that you are living the life that that age version of you needed that's really all it's telling you especially when it comes to anxiety or past traumas when they do kind of find themselves you know resurfacing it's because it's trying to tell you something it's not because something's wrong with you or something bad's happening or all the

negative feelings it's telling you something it's trying to communicate something with you so ask yourself you know what am i being communicated with what is it trying to tell me and I feel like for me personally when I say 26 feels a lot like 16 it's because at 16 I had all of these huge lofty amazing goals and I have lived my early 20s accomplishing a lot but there's more that I want to get out and do and me feeling like I'm 16 again is not me feeling like stuck or small or depressed or anxious. It's actually telling me to get out there, to keep going, to keep accomplishing your dreams. There's more things you want to do. You know, you maybe feel a little stuck here because you've outgrown this place. You're ready to get out there, to do more, to get

a house, to move places, to get a new job, whatever it may be. It doesn't always have a negative connotation. It does always have a lesson though. Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research together we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer register today at pmcfwalk.ca legendary is here with bet mgm sportsbook sign up to unlock access to hundreds of pre-match and live betting options for all your favorite sports download the bet mgm app see bet mgm.com for terms

18 plus alberta only please play responsibly subject to eligibility requirements if gambling is affecting your mental health or well-being 211 alberta is here to help call or text 211 or visit ab.211.ca bet mgm operates pursuant to an operating agreement with the alberta i-gaming corporation standard message and data rates may apply girl i hate my toes but my man wants to suck on them during sex what do i do i'm scared illy um immediately ask him for his card go to your local nail shop get your toes done ask him first of all ask him what color he wants your toes painted then take his card then go to the nail shop then get your toes done then send tim videos of your feet while you're getting your toes done then come home and have the freakiest

freak nasty sex of your entire life but if your toes are done you're going to feel more confident tenfold maybe throw a little toe ring on there if you want to get crazy i have a toe ring i've had a toe ring for like honestly four years and i love it i think it makes my toes look so sexy when i didn't have a toe ring if you're ever insecure about something accessorize it that's my that's probably my biggest piece of advice especially if you're insecure about your body accessorize it i used to think well oh if i accessorize you know the part of my body that i don't like then it's gonna draw attention to it and then i'm gonna overthink it no no no no no oh you hate your nose get it pierced bam now it's like covered in diamonds and gold love it

fantastic oh you hate your titties cool get them pierced now they're covered in gold and glitter and hot sexy fantastic toes too long throw a toe ring on you know you might as well like make it sparkle a little bit if you think it's dull that's probably the biggest piece of insecurity advice i can give you especially when it comes to your body um whether it's clothes jewelry tattoos whatever it may be decorate it a little bit you deserve to celebrate yourself um just because you're insecure about something doesn't need you mean you need to hide or shame yourself away from it or cover it up in fact it means you probably just need to address it accept it and move forward neutrality have you ever thought about streaming and playing games or a day in your life etc

yes actually i have and it's something that i'm working towards currently i'm hoping to and i know i know you're like hannah you get my hopes up all the fucking time saying i'm gonna do this i'm gonna do that well guess what me too and i'm tired of getting my hopes up and then doing fucking nothing and one thing that me and my therapist have talked about recently is like your anxiety is out of control because you're bored bitch you're bored go do something like you need to be getting out of the house you need to be going and running errands like well not just running errands but you need to be doing things that inspire you and that keep you motivated but are not just you sitting and googling symptoms and freaking yourself out you know what I mean

and so i like content wise love the podcast will always do the podcast period will always do patreon content period but something that i do want to work into my content schedule coming forward not streaming i don't think i could be a streamer i don't think i have it in me but to kind of edge myself into it i would like to do more vlogs i love editing i love editing i love people's editing styles i love you know putting together cute fun little videos and so i am going to be making a vlog channel and as soon as i am done watching my parents dog that's when i will start implementing my vlog channel my goal is to put out one episode a week i'm like bitch you can do one episode a week you can do one vlog a week hello the vlogs will be out earlier on

patreon so if you want to join patreon patreon.com slash smoke slash shawty but they will be available to everybody else like a couple days later for free if you are interested I am going to start filming in about two weeks so yes it is something that I have thought about and the same thing with my podcast when I was like oh I want to start a podcast I thought about it for two years I sat here and I thought about it and I was like well I could do it what would I talk about what would I blah blah blah how do I even do it what technology do I need guess what bitch you're not going to be able to think yourself into figuring it out you have to sit down and start fucking doing it that is all it takes all it takes is just like doing one step at a time but most importantly doing it

you will figure it out along the way yes you'll run into roadblocks yes you'll you know have to go buy things you'll have to figure things out you'll have to download new devices whatever it is but you will figure it out no matter what i remember i sat here and i was like do i do a podcaster I do it do I not for two years finally started doing it now look where I am so looking back and I'm like wow I accomplished so much all I had to start is fucking doing it that's kind of how I feel now with vlogging and I'm like I just need to start vlogging because I love hanging out with you guys and I love sharing my life with you guys no matter how mundane it might seem and also you know what's pissing me off I keep getting recommended all of these like

like um kansas city influencers and all of their advice is so bad it's so bad and i want to share the real kansas city with you guys they're showing they're like best steak to eat and it's like 801 top house i'm like girl a chain steak restaurant hell no like let's support some small local businesses if we possibly can you know let's actually find that good shit out there and i want to share that with you guys i want to share my life with you guys i want to share my travels with you guys you know even when I'm anxious I was like well let me make like a little day in the life of me running away from my demons like very simple so that is a big goal of mine and something that I want to do and if any of you guys are sitting here and you're like well I want to do

something too this is your sign get up and go do it you literally cannot think your way into perfectly performing it it is all trial and error but you know what comes first trial that's what you gotta do so stay tuned for the vlogs they will be out shortly but they will be out before june ends period y'all hold me to that if i don't have one out before june start shaming me like genuinely i give you i give you permission to start shaming me as jesus has crackers and wine as his body and blood what would be your body and blood this question is crazy you know what jesus kind of ate with the the body and of blood and you fucking oh my god the crackers and the wine okay charcuterie board like he he was one of the girls for sure for sure my blood would be

a crisp can of LaCroix honestly or you know what I've been really into recently grapefruit soda especially this summer when I want something just like slightly sweet and a little sparkling a can of grapefruit soda goes a long way and then my body would be definitely a breakfast burrito there's one thing I am it's consistent and your girl fucking loves a breakfast burrito safe to say you guys you know what I think tracking my period is very important especially with my emotions because i was like oh my god i'm having a mental breakdown my anxiety is too much it's just it's all too much it's all too much and then my like period tracker app just popped up with a notification that's like happy period eve like okay that's that's why i'm losing my mind i mean that doesn't

negate all the feelings that i'm having but it does make sense why they're so incredibly heightened heard all right well happy period eve to me gonna be bleeding on the full moon that'll be fun full moon and sagittarius coming up girls are you prepared are you prepared i'll do a full write-up on the patreon if you guys are curious please come join i love having you guys i love hanging out with you guys there we have such a fun little community a lot of you guys asked me for my like a discord but honestly patreon is the discord if i'm being honest um but june 11th it is a strawberry full moon in sagittarius i think for me personally as a bit of a healing routine i'm just gonna let myself lose my mind a little bit um strawberry moon feels a whole lot

like a werewolf finally ripping its way out of its human body and just letting it be the crazy animal that it's supposed to be Sagittarius's key characteristics outgoing optimistic a little bit unhinged enthusiastic adventurous lots and lots and lots of energy but with that energy it can also be a bit reckless a bit chaotic a bit very much so unhinged that is a very broad generalization, but with any full moon, we can kind of expect those characteristics. So with it also behaving in the sign of Sagittarius, please expect to have those emotions heightened. For me personally, I will probably be engaging in activities. If I am locked up inside the house, I will feel like a wild beast in a cage. So I encourage you guys to get outside on the full

moon go lay outside go for a walk do something that's probably the most important key factor here go do something if you feel like you're overwhelmed go be alone but go do something if you feel like you need a distraction go do something but maybe with some people full moons are not for manifestation full moons are not for manifestation full moons are not for manifestations full moons is definitely where i kind of cry it out and then i am prepared for the rest of the month you know it's where I have that like heightened sense of emotion and I physically exert it so that I am mentally prepared to continue on with my life new moons are for manifestations not full moons but I do think with the Sagittarius full moon it is kind of prepping

us for a fresh start it's prepping us for a breath of fresh air it's prepping us for some fun for some adventure and I think we do have that to look forward to so don't stress yourself out too much do something positive for yourself and most importantly get out there do something have some fun seek fun you deserve to have it I think I'm overindulging in gossip dot dot dot dot yeah it happens I overindulge with gossip in gossip too much when I am unhappy with my own life if you find yourself indulging in gossip too much it's probably because there is something that you feel insecure about or something that you feel uncomfortable with in your own life and when we feel that way naturally we want to overcompensate by kind of comparing contrasting and it's like

well yeah that sucks about me but if I focus on what's so bad about other people my situation doesn't seem so bad now does it but that's it's just that is a soul-sucking way to live and I have seen adult people who involve their entire lives with gossip and never address the real problems in their life and it's scary I feel like I'm looking at like a walking zombie like they have gnashing teeth and oozing skin and they just want to grab onto you and sink their teeth into you and your problems then they can focus on you and make fun of you instead of actually paying attention to what is going on with them I don't want any of you guys turning into a gossip zombie that is not the life you deserve to live okay and listen i do think gossip is healthy i do think

there is an element of gossip that is healthy the element of it where like women gossip as a way to like warn each other of negative bad behaviors of other people i think that is valid and i think that is real but that is a very fleeting moment in time it is a very quick conversation it is more so like addressing a problem and moving forward it is not a constant topic of conversation it is not the constant thing on your mind it is not the most important thing that you have going on in your life is what somebody else is fucking up okay it's a very easy way to kind of avoid your own problems and avoid your own issues i mean with everything there's good to bad and everything you know and a little gossip here and there it's for the girls i love a little gossip i love a little

kiki i love a little did you hear but also that can't be the most interesting thing i have going on about my life somebody else's issues somebody else's problems making fun of other people oh what a boring soulless way to live my life i feel that though and the best way to really address it is to like check yourself you know you've already done that where you're like i feel like i'm gossiping too much okay you checked yourself that's important you've notified it you have addressed it you see it in yourself now what i challenge you to do to move forward is ask yourself why why are you paying attention to this thing that this person has going on and what is it telling you about yourself a lot of these negative processes that we go through is trying to tell you

something we're just not listening we're not listening we're not paying attention so pay attention to yourself you know what are you running away from in your own life are you bored with your own life do you need to have more hobbies and activities and things to do is that why you feel like you're trying to supplement with other emotional things of other people's lives that's the question i have for you you know going forward that's how i think you could probably transform your life is if you fill it with things fill it with hobbies fill it with activities fill it with positivity ideally and the more more so you do that the less over consumed you will be with other things that people have going on what are your favorite u.s states to live in i'm thinking

about moving illy queen if you're young and you want to move i could not give you more of a thumbs up a yes please go do it than there is now please if you are young and you want to go do like move now is the time to do so before you are like settled down with kids with a long-term job when you're young you have more energy you have less things okay you have more of a drive it's easier to move and i it's something that i've definitely been thinking about more now so than ever i am so ready to move but also there's so much of kansas city that i just really enjoy and love and appreciate and it's going to be very difficult for me to move from the midwest i keep saying though that i am ready to go live in the woods i love the city but my god i am ready to

just escape into the woods where only the animals live have some chickens have some greenhouses have some stray cats and just peace and quiet that's what i'm seeking now big thing right now is i'm just i i'm ready to get a house not financially not mentally but i know spiritually i'm ready to get a house i'm ready to move into a house to own a house to like invest my time into my home I was going to paint my apartment but honestly I'm just going to be painting someone else's place and I'm ready to have my own space to have something that feels like mine to have like a project and I think a home would be fantastic for that that's a very long-term goal that I am working towards but when it comes to buying a house I'm also thinking like well where

do I want to move for me personally I think I could move out to the great plains of Kansas and have a great time out there i also really feel called to like northern california if there's any northern california girlies listening um i would love to live out there just like have a farmhouse and be out in the woods in northern california not like la northern like northern northern almost oregon i know my parents will move to oregon but i just don't think i'm an oregon girly i think oregon is so incredible and so beautiful um i just don't think it's for me i am trying to say a little bit further south because i don't really want to deal with winters i'm over winters i've done enough winters in my life i'm tired of the snow i also think montana

was really beautiful i definitely left a piece of my heart in montana when i was there last year i could see myself out there being a ranch hand working with horses and just like out in the hills one of my friends who I grew up with moved to Missoula and her life out there is just so gorgeous and so beautiful but I'm definitely a west coast baddie I don't think I can move to the east coast I don't think I'm meant for the east coast I'm definitely a west coast baddie somewhere out there even like Illinois I've heard is really gorgeous in some areas just the nature aspect of it all I think Denver or Colorado could be a great option I just know how crazy busy it is right there right now I just love the aspect that you can get to the mountains

so fucking fast but me personally I'm feeling called to nature and I think what's most important when you feel these intuitions of like I want to move I want to go somewhere I want to be in this space is if you ignore it my biggest fear is growing up and being old not being old but like being old and looking back and being like damn I wish I just listened to myself and my intuition to do that thing I wish I would have moved I wish I would have taken that job I wish I I don't want to have any I wishes I want to do everything that I feel called to do and not everything will be an overnight transformation I know that but I do understand that listening to my intuition is powerful it is telling me something and that's how you truly live your

dream life is if you follow that if you go after the things you want if you don't hold yourself back and you just most importantly live your fucking life so if you want to move go do it me personally i do think i'll probably end up in northern california somewhere not sure quite where i do want to go do like a big west coast trip where i just hit town to town and feel out the energy feel out the vibes and hopefully settle down somewhere after that lots of ideas lots of things lots of big planning but I know I will accomplish it all how do I push through the pain of building new habits aka eating healthy slash waking up early well temporary pain for long-term gain that's something that I've been telling myself a lot now temporary pain for long-term

gain temporary pain for long-term gain bitch if I could get that tattooed on my forehead I would temporary pain for long-term gain I'm gonna keep repeating it so then you can kind of process it a little bit listen i think we're all afraid of like the rip the band-aid off situation the rip the band-aid off um moment where it's like damn this sucks i don't want to leave behind my old life of binge eating doordash at 3 a.m that's that's the way to live you know modern technology i want to be doing that that's my favorite thing to do in fact i did that all week i was constantly eating not horrible not healthy i never want to demonize food but we cannot be spending 30 dollars on door dash taco bell every single night that is that is a problem that's that's ultimately a

problem you know what i mean or not moving my body staying too still only being on my phone that's a problem we gotta work out we gotta move we gotta do things a the best way to kind of also implement new hobbies and activities and you know routines and rituals you can't demonize your past life if you demonize your past life you're gonna have this shame aspect that i do not think is motivating i do not think shame is motivating i mean listen if it's motivating for you absolutely but i don't think it is like a it's not gonna hold longevity in your life if you motivate yourself with shame you must motivate yourself with the desire and the dream of who you want to be you must look towards the future and that idealized version of yourself, not towards the past and who

you were and what you didn't like. That's not going to be your motivating tool. What's going to be your motivating tool is that vision board, that dream board, that dream self. That's what's going to get you there. I also think with the whole process of it all, you're going to have ups and downs with anything in life. You know, you're going to quote unquote fall off the wagon. You're going to eat a quote unquote unhealthy meal or you're going to miss the gym one time or you're not going to pick up that book that day it is what it is don't focus on not doing it focus on your goal for the next day okay like yeah if you have a slip up if you you know don't do that routine for the day if you have a lazy girl day where you don't get out of bed that's okay every

single day is going to ebb and flow based on what we need what's most important is are you getting what you need in that moment and what do you want to do moving forward temporary pain for long-term gain the older I get the more my joints hurt which is freaking me out which also is emphasizing the need for me to go to the gym more often to just like build up my bone density and to build up my muscle and my strength and my balance training balance is so important so right now I'm really especially with like eating and working out and staying in my routines and even like focusing on moving and getting a house really what's making me motivated is not like oh I don't like where I am now it's more so I cannot wait to be that future version of myself and I want to do

right now what is best for 70 year old Hannah or 50 year old Hannah or 30 year old Hannah you know I want to do now what's best for them so then I am able to secure a positive and healthy life in the future that's what helps me stay motivated and helps me you know keep the ball rolling a little bit or if i do fall off the wagon to stand back up to do better you got this we all got this we're all learning a little bit together but just take it one step at a time what i say now more so than ever if you don't know what to do visualize that dream self build a mood board get on pinterest make a make a pinterest board of like my dream life what i want to do things like that it'll help you just get a simple idea and build that momentum so then you're able to move forward

speaking of someone asked growing pains uh adulthood growing pains there's a lot of them a lot of it is just like the unknown and the weight of it all that's my growing pains what is it uh like um sisyphus pushing the boulder up the hill like literally me and all my dreams my hopes and my desires like shit that weighs on you shit that boulder is heavy my god that's the growing pains that you really have in adulthood it's no longer like when you were younger where you could you know what's fucking crazy like literally when you were younger you ever get that way where it's like i can feel my bones expanding in my body like that's crazy being a child is fucking gnarly like your teeth are falling out you can feel your bones and your

muscles expanding in your body like it's physically painful that's crazy kids are that's impressive that's impressive adulthood it's all mental you know your body's done all that it can do and now it's a lot of like these mental hoops these mental games of just ultimately figuring it out the growing pains are just like shit let me add another thing to the list let me take one more step let me keep trying to grow and keep trying to work my way there but also like that's kind of the game of life you know and you got to play the game you got to play the game you got to be an active participant an active player and the more you visualize life as a game and not as a like mental math challenge the easier it gets okay this is a game of life this is a game of clue this is a

game of fucking yahtzee all right you got to have a little bit of fun with it you got to laugh when you mess up you gotta roll your eyes when someone gives you the draw for you gotta just keep it pushing but never throw all your fucking cards down and give up that's not what we're doing here all right and also growing pains tip and trick advice number one piece of advice don't focus on the pain don't focus on the pain pain's not worth being focused on focus on the gain always what are we getting out of it what are we learning what are we stepping towards next okay what lesson came out of this what friendship did we make what you know strength did we build that's what you need to be focusing on not the not the pain of it all not the not the boulder sitting on your back don't

focus on that focus on the next step up the fucking hill bitch you got this you got this and yeah definitely try and have as much fun as you can speaking of again these questions are really nice they're all kind of leading into each other and I'm glad we're all kind of having the same existentialism uh mindset at the same time it's so funny how that works out I love how connected we are all like we're all so individual but like collectively we're all kind of on the same wavelength on the same path and uh truly like I love doing this podcast because it does make me feel just so much less alone so much less alone and I'm so glad that we have this community and I'm so thankful to all of you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I couldn't, I genuinely cannot emphasize as, oh my God, brain chill, emphasize as much as I want to how thankful I am for you guys in this community. And just like the rawness, the realness, like life's silly, life's a little fucked up, life's a little odd, but that's okay. We have each other and we're here to have some fun, healthy outlets.

You know what? I've been really into the nervous system regulation, really, really into the nervous system regulation of it all like imagine hating on me and i'm at home dunking my face in a bowl of ice water like imagine hating on me and i'm doing a five minute yoga flow session because i'm having a panic attack like girl i truly am doing everything in my power right now especially with my overwhelming anxiety to regulate my nervous system a you need to address what is not helping you okay what's not helping you being on that damn phone goddamn your parents are right get off that damn phone. Your grandma was right making fun of you at Christmas dinner about being

on TikTok. Yes, get off the damn phone. It is not helping you at all. Googling symptoms, not helping you. Not making time for yourself, not helping you. Not getting out of the house, not helping you. Not living the life that you want to be living, not helping you. Not going literally outside in nature, not helping you. Not drinking water or eating enough food, that's not helping you doing too many substances not helping you all right address the things that are kind of like causing setbacks or causing unnecessary anxieties or freaking out your nervous system address those things it's important just because you address them it doesn't mean you're going to stop doing them like duh but it will help you be aware of just like the the cause so then you can implement

a regulation now for me personally I created a nervous system menu okay it's kind of like a dopamine menu but it's a nervous system menu where when I am feeling a bit out of control I feel a bit dysregulated a bit anxiety inducing crazy crazy panic attack whatever it is I have a nervous system menu of things that I enjoy doing that help me pause that help me regroup and rebalance and i have this written down in my notes app so when i am in that moment and i'm kind of like fight or flighty i don't have to recall all of those things i can pause go to my notes app pick one thing okay pick one thing i guarantee it'll help things that are on my nervous system menu things we've already talked about sunlight exposure getting outside going on a walk reading

10 pages of a book or even just one chapter of a book chugging a glass of water dunking my face in ice water or even my feet that's another one if you don't like dunking your face if that causes you like um anxiety put your feet in a bowl of ice water ground yourself go stick your feet in the dirt go physically sit on the ground doing a five minute yoga flow putting on jazz music and doing some deep breathing i love a butterfly hug my therapist taught me about butterfly hugs where You cross your arms like this and you do slow taps, bilateral stimulation, okay? It feels calming, it feels regulating,

it feels like you're giving yourself a hug. I love it. Very easy to do in the moment. Weighted blankets are fantastic. I love a weighted blanket if you feel like you are like freezing up and you need just like an even bigger hug, you know? A warm bath, a really hot shower,

even a cold shower if I need that. Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research.

Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales, using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business.

The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. journaling is great i talked about writing down my worries crumpling them up physically throwing them away giving my kitty cat a little bit of love going over to him and telling him some affirmations and nuzzling my face in his fur that really helps but dude after covid after like just the chaos of the world that's going on right now it is very normal to be stressed the fuck out especially if you are in your 20s i mean your 20s is a whole entire decade i don't care what age you

are but it is very very normal for us to be like whoa a bit dysregulated a bit overwhelmed there's so much information there's so much going on we need to prioritize ourself a little bit if we are not doing so and you and like you know getting anxious and then immediately going on your phone or tiktok to try and distract yourself is not helping you know it's not helping i know it's not helping so let's figure out what can help your homework this week yes i'm giving you guys homework yes you're welcome i am your therapist for the week create a nervous system menu put it in your notes app where you can reach for it very easily very quickly write down things that actually calm you down write down things that are helpful if you don't know what what helps you maybe test

some things out if a five minute yoga flow doesn't fit in with what you enjoy doing then don't include it on the list only include things that work oh one that i left off getting creative drawing painting going on a bike ride whatever it is whatever calls to you whatever makes you feel good and distracts you a little bit calms you down grounds you add that to the list very important so when you are having that moment or you get off work and you need a way to settle down from the chaos of your work day or if you have a day off and you don't know what to do with your time other than scroll on your phone then you have options to quickly access and to quickly implement it's important you're important we need to take care of ourselves and it doesn't need to be in this

stressful manner of i need to be doing every single thing perfect i need to be living a perfect life from when i wake up to when i go to bed you're not going to have it all figured out completely in that way but i do think it's important in those moments that you don't know what to do or you do feel dysregulated or you do feel like you need a moment to yourself that you have options and you have the coping mechanisms and the tools to do so that aren't so negative that's why i asked for a fish tank for my birthday you guys i got a fish tank i have been loving it i love having a fish he is so freaking cute little beta fish that i saved from pet smart i we found this really cool fucking like fish store and they had the craziest betta fish i've

ever seen in my entire life i'm talking hundred dollar betta fish like these were these were like getting a um dog from a breeder instead of like going to the pound i was like i feel like i need to go to the pound just to be able to like i don't want to give pet smart my money in that sort of way but i do feel the need to save this animal and give it a good life but i've been like aquascaping i've been like getting new plants and planting them in my fish tank we got snails last week the snails are fucking hilarious watching them like swim around me and my cat will sit next to the fish tank when i need to like distract myself that's not with a tablet like a child i will just sit next to my fish tank and watch my fish and hang out with him and like look at

the snails and aquascape a little bit change out some water feed my fish whatever it is and it's such a nice little way to like pause and relax a bit and distract myself with something that's like a little silly and for me personally I think it's important to have things that rely on me that's not just myself like getting up and having a full routine of taking care of my cat is important it gives me something to do outside of myself and it gives me purpose and he's so sweet and I would do anything for him having plants okay that's important it gives me at least like 10 to 15 minutes twice a week where I am getting off my phone or distracting myself a bit and watering my plants doing something for something else it gives me purpose it gives me drive

feeding my fish taking care of my snails making sure the plants in my fish tank are healthy it's good it's important I think having purpose is important and if you don't know what your purpose is like go get a little fish i mean make sure you give it a good life or go get a little plant if you don't want all the stressors of having a living animal near you but it is so silly like i'm watching these snails they're about to have babies i know for a fact because they've been fucking in this fish tank they've been having a good ass time i must have a good environment in there because these snails been going crazy and this cutie little fish is adorable he's like opalescent like blue and pink and yellow he's so gorgeous and it was honestly such a good little

birthday idea i i never don't know what to ask for birthdays uh it's easy to ask for items or things but i just i'm tired of things i'm tired of things and needing things or needing to rely on items to bring me some sort of dopamine um people ask me a lot about like shopping addictions and like how to break shopping addictions it's just because you want things you want that dopamine mean boost and honestly I have too much shit around me I don't need more things if I do get things I want them to provide something for my life I want them to appeal to my five senses I want them to actually like implement that positivity into my life like getting a fish tank or getting a plant or maybe a new perfume that I wear daily that makes me feel more like

myself or a new set of paints that I'm gonna sit down and use for five hours in the afternoon that's going to bring me joy a new book that I can escape into if you're going to surround yourself with things make sure that they're things that are actually like giving you something that are providing you something that are giving you a little bit of joy giving you a little positivity not just like that purchase button positivity but like daily positivity like new fresh clean sheets a soft blanket a warm candle I don't know my frontal lobe has definitely like developed your girl is locked in and what's kind of funny is the mid-20s meltdown mid-20s meltdown is very real it's very real but it's kind of healing in the sort of sense where the early

20s mental breakdown is very much so a mental breakdown of like i don't know who the fuck i am you feel very much so like a newborn in an adult world and you're surrounded by all these adults who know what the fuck's going on but you're sitting here and you're like I don't know I don't know what's going on I'm just doing the best I can and I'm still growing and I'm still changing and I don't feel very secure with myself it's kind of a bigger mental breakdown when you're in your early 20s it's okay be patient with yourself you'll figure it out your mid-20s is a little bit more stable but it's like the call to stabilize even more I'm deep cleaning my house I'm getting rid of random things I'm not shopping so much and buying these random dopamine boost bullshit

I'm you know doing the shadow work I'm healing myself I'm looking towards the future more so now than ever the mid-20s meltdown is definitely like I feel the crushing weight of it all and I know it's up to me to live up to it but like I can fucking do it you have that stability you know you have those strong legs from carrying that boulder for so long that you know deep down inside that like you have the tools and the means and the strength to do it the weight of it is just it's up to me doesn't need to be so scary we can do anything anything we set our hearts out to do we can go do it anything that we want to achieve in this life we can go do it sure is it up to us yes but that's like the beautiful part of life you don't have to like wait on somebody else you

don't have to like wait on your boyfriend to buy you that thing or wait on your parents to figure it out for you or wait on your best friend to you know achieve this thing for you you can go do it you don't need anybody else to do it for you you can figure it out you can achieve the things you want to achieve you can live that dream life that you was have always wanted to live it's just are you gonna go out and get it i know you will i know you will because you're listening to the podcast and if you're listening to this podcast it's because you want more from life it's because you want to live and discover and achieve new things and have a good time we are all deserving of having a good time okay life's important live a good life have good sex eat good food travel as

much as you can listen to your intuition follow your feelings follow those gut instincts if you're not having a good time it's a sign that you need to change something seek help if you need it surround yourself with love invest in community don't hold yourself back from the world the world is meant to be experienced and loved and shared it's important and you're important with that being said we have come to the end of the podcast i know i know i'm so sorry this is kind of a rambly one but i think it was very cathartic for me i think it has kind of this episode definitely has healed a part of me and stabilized my brain a little bit especially after a bit of a chaotic week so thank you for being here and helping me through that and standing beside me regulate that

nervous system girls you deserve it get out there go enjoy the sunshine go lay in a river go swim in a pool you deserve it you deserve everything you desire if you want to see more from me though and you want your question answered follow me on patreon patreon.com slash smoke session already where i do a exclusive episode every thursday where i answer every single one of your questions yes every single question that you submit i answer on thursdays on the patreon and if you want your question answered on the main episode uh follow me on instagram at hannah marlene to see what i'm up to new recipes you can always just dm me your question there or call-ins i want to implement more call-ins soon so stay tuned for that there's a lot coming i have a lot i'm working on mentally

physically and always for you guys vlogs coming soon um i will have a separate vlog channel on youtube i don't know if you watch this on youtube or spotify thank you to all my spotify listeners oh my gosh and for sitting through the ads i really appreciate it with ad monetization i will be able to afford just to like create more to have the funds to like buy technology to create more and i'm so thankful to all of you guys for showing up every week for showing up for me for showing up for you full moon coming up do something for you get outside enjoy the world around you it's meant to be lived and experienced and enjoyed i want to get a little crazy next week so send me your craziest fucking questions i'm talking don't hold back send me your wildest shit kind of like a

confessionals episode but instead like that one question that you're too scared to google i want to hear it i want to hear from you guys no shame we don't we don't give into shame here we have a good time no matter what through the pain of it all through the weirdness to the craziness I want to get a little crazy next week we'll have a silly episode but with that being said stay sane stay sexy and I'll see you all so soon two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of

life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. Ready to take your investing knowledge to pro level? This is Fidelity Connects, your daily edge in the markets. Get deep insights on real-time market topics that may impact your investment portfolio. Listen to Fidelity Connects on Spotify today and power your next move tomorrow.