Smoke Sesh - growing up, life lessons & late 20's

Episode Date: June 2, 2026

hello hotties and happy birthday to me!!!!! today (actually yesterday June 1st) I turned 27 and today im sharing allllll the life lessons with you all, growing up, getting older, intuition, trusting yourself, following your heart, being your best self, finding success, being successful, doing what you want, finding power in yourself, divine being, late 20's, realizations and much much MUCH more!join the patreon! new episodes (and more) at patreon.com/smokeseshshawtysubmit your questions and call ins every week on instagram.com/hannahmarlenewatch the new vlogs every Sunday on YouTube at hannahmarlene444

listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sesh so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all hello hotties and welcome back to the smoke sesh podcast and happy birthday to me as you guys are listening to this i will be officially officially guess the number bitch 27 years old I never thought those words would ever come out of my mouth if we're being honest never envisioned a 27 never even saw over 23 if we're being honest so having those words come out

of my mouth is actually surreal you guys I'm officially old no I'm not no I'm not I'm actually the youngest i've ever been which is so beautiful um i am just really feeling this gemini energy this birthday energy and i am so excited to share it with you guys this week ah thank you for being here thank you for listening and also thank you for the support um i have been doing this podcast since i was let me guess i think like 22 22 is when i started this podcast 21 is when i started thinking about it but I have been doing this podcast for almost five years our five-year anniversary is in October and it is just such a privilege to I mean grow up and to transform and to change and looking back on that young very confused very rambunctious 22 year old who would

smoke fucking dabs and bowls and dabs and bowls and dabs and bowls with a podcast mic in her hand crazy insane i am so proud of our growth and where we have come and just i appreciate you guys going on the journey alongside me i have a lot of you guys who have been listeners since the very fucking beginning and truly you guys feel like brothers and sisters to me so thank you for all your support i hope i am able to return it back to you as well um but i get a lot of message of you guys being like I have changed so much I have grown so much and it's so nice being able to do so alongside somebody else to figure out life alongside somebody else this shit can get so scary and so confusing and so isolating and so lonely trust if anybody knows it's me so I am

just so happy to have made it bitch bitch we made it like low-key we survived and to feel good about it so today is a day of celebration today's gonna be a rambly rambunctious odd podcast but it's gonna be a fucking fun one we're gonna have some fun today I mean as you're listening to this I'm in California hopefully phone off dissociating in a riverbed somewhere alive floating in a pink sparkly tube if everything works out I cannot wait to share that journey with you guys on the next episode and also i will be filming a vlog that will be up on youtube at hannahmarlene444 and every time i take a vacation i always share behind the scenes photos footage crazy stories favorite things places i went on the patreon patreon.com smoke says shawty and if you want

to give me a little birthday present go subscribe to the patreon that would be the best birthday present ever and in general if you want to see what i'm up to my birthday gown my birthday fit my madonna in vibes my running around la living my malibu dream life frolicking at the ocean running around hugging big sequoia trees all of those photos and much much much much much much more will be on instagram at hannah marlene okay that's all the promo for today it's time to dive into the fun thing so i have three beverages here i just felt like i'm such a bev girl i have to just like like let's bev it up today on the podcast to start to get some energy going because it is quite early if we're being honest I have my favorite energy drink as you know Celsius

fizz free pink lemonade usually I'm a fizz girly but I don't know there's something about the pink lemonade if it just tastes so refreshing like it tastes like I literally went to a child's lemonade stand paid two dollars and then their mom accidentally slipped like crack into it or something i'm just kidding i'm just kidding but shit if i can open this with my nails cheers let's take a big old gulp of this next since this is the smoke sesh podcast and i love my weed girlies i'm so happy to have you here weed has taught me a lot about life and has brought me together with a lot of very fun individuals weed honestly probably brought us together as well if it didn't either way happy to have you here but it's my fucking birthday and i'm gonna partake

so i have a wink mandarin pomelo seltzer this also has some thc and cbd in it so let's crack this bad boy and take a chug so good i love these in the summer if you need an alternative to drinking equal levels thc and cbd so i feel like it has a really nice calm balance this is not sponsored i truly just love them i made a pomelo recipe with this seltzer on instagram if you want to check it out it is just oh so good and last but not least because it's my birthday we're getting crazy i have some plum soju uh soju is what i first grew up drinking actually just kidding that was vodka red bull but like drinking drinking like drinking a lot i worked at a ramen shop for about too long probably like five years and i started as a host worked my way to a server and

then became a bartender and once i had access to that bar cooler and yes i can say this because they shut down once i had access to that bar cooler bitch the way these full entire bottles would be in um to-go cups and i'm behind be behind the bar like oh this i'm just taking the edge off with a little diet soda in my to-go cup nope it was actually ginro plum or the ginro strawberry fire so cheers feel free to take a shot with me if you'd like we're not getting like blasted considering it's 11 a.m this is not going to be one of those drunk episodes but we're going to get a little twisted and we're going to get a little emotional with it what's better than that cheers oh oh my god today we're going to get like i said a little twisted a little existential

i just kind of want to reflect reflect oh my god reflect bitch it's already eating away at my brain selves, reflect on these past years. And I wanted to do this episode specifically because I feel like when I was younger, like I said, I did not envision a 27 for myself at all. And if you are a young individual who has a hard time even just like imagining the future or finding hope for the future or being like bitch why are we here what am i doing this for like let me be a living testimony that is also worth it continuing on pushing through but just simply doing your best is also worth it and it will take you to places that you never ever ever could have imagined so we're going to go through some life lessons and hopefully some life advice that i have taken directly from mine

that you can hopefully apply to yours as well either in order to elevate it in order to hopefully feel peace to learn how to hope to learn how to dream and simply put learn how to enjoy and love life there are 10 different things I want to go over today I actually saw a post about some of these things and it really just reminded me how special and unique we all are and how easy it is to forget and how simple it is that we are deserving of being here and living and enjoying life and so here are some of the things I took from that number one you chose to be here and you knew what you were doing I feel like when I was younger I spent a lot of my time bitch stumbling like baby deer stumbling no fucking clue we talked about this in the last episode like making

decisions very much so incredibly hard for me I had no idea who I was I had no idea you know how to interact with the world I was awkward I was weird I was quiet I was afraid to speak up I was just like very much so uncomfortable in who I am and something about growing up and getting older is of course going through trials tribulations being forced to make decisions make the right decisions make the wrong decisions simply just have life experience you naturally will get more comfortable with yourself more in tune with yourself more confident with yourself and there is this honest truth that I'm kind of coming around to right now as I enter my late 20s trigger warning oh my god which is I was an anomaly if you think about it bitch not to get crude or anything

but when your dad came into your mom i'm so sorry i'm so so sorry that genro is hitting my brain like no other there were millions of bajillions of sperm okay carrying a very limited amount of dna that then combined with one of i don't know how many eggs does a woman have probably like 100 not that much i know that for sure combined with that was able to make you bitch you already beat every odd known to man when you were born and that is beautiful okay we are all anomalies add in the fact that like we are sentient we have choice and we are human and we are able to like build a beautiful life for ourselves you are here for a reason you know everybody has a different reason some people are here to like work big amazing jobs some people are here to save lives

some people are here to create art some people are here to just fucking chill who cares what the why is as long as you find peace in knowing about the truth of it all which is you are here you are deserving to be here and ultimately you know what you are doing we find ourselves second guessing ourselves a lot i find myself second guessing myself a lot i will know what the right choice is and still be like but what if but i don't know but oh my god but it's like no you know inherently who you are you know inherently what makes you feel good what makes you feel bad what you are driven by what you are called to and if you listen to that baby girl that is just your gut intuition we talk about intuition a lot we talk about gut feelings and simply put

there is something very i don't know otherworldly about how they feel and how we feel called to them i think it's so beautiful having so many friends with so many different interests like i surround myself with people who are very very different from me i mean of course some who are very similar to me and it makes me so happy just seeing how people can be driven by different things I have friends who it's like their one goal in life is to save people's lives to be there for them in the hard times to get down and dirty and make sure that they are taken care of and that is so beautiful and so selfless I have friends who like you know maybe have stumbled through life don't know what they're doing but like they really know how to have a good fucking time a good

healthy time they know how to enjoy life they know how to bring that peace to others they know how to bring that joy to others to light up a room it is so beautiful to see i have artistic friends where it's like how the fuck did you think of this how did you even like navigate into this i can't believe you were able to come up this creative idea it is just intuitively driven behind them we all have that intuition within ourselves but it has to come from trust trust in knowing that we are here we deserve to be here and we know what the fuck is going on truly at the center of your core you know what's going on i promise you you've probably been in a situation that you put yourself in that you know was the wrong decision and internally you're like gulp bitch

like we should have just listened to what the fuck we were telling ourselves instead of being influenced by these external factors girl you know what you're doing you deserve to be here do not ever question any room you step into imposter syndrome where bitch you are deserving of this life you beat all odds and that is a beautiful thing i feel like younger hannah really fucking needed to hear that because every room i walked into oh my god insecure to the max overthinking myself just questioning myself questioning what other people are thinking of me not knowing how to speak or act or even make eye contact like i could not make eye contact with my immediate family for like the longest time because i was just so fucking in my head and i really wish

somebody would have just sat down and said to me like listen you are beautiful you are loved you are kind you are strong you are deserving of being here you are deserving of taking up space and you are deserving of being yourself you know what you're doing find that strength within you and listen to it i never got that that's okay i learned it eventually there's a lot of things you'll learn in your mid-20s that you probably should have been taught when you were younger but it's our job to teach ourselves now learn those lessons listen to them become wise and shit if i can share my life lessons with you guys and you don't have to learn them yourself and you can just take my advice you might as well do so save yourself the trouble speaking of being maybe

insecure and caring what people think there are no tests you're not being judged okay i and i kind of come from a very special background on this both my parents were teachers my brother was very very high achieving honors student um i was constantly placed in competition placements such as like competition piano competition art competition sports like everything so from a very very young age I felt like I was being judged maybe not judged in a way that people were people use the term now which is usually a negative connotation but judged in like a very analytical sense where it's like no they're paying attention to every breath and every movement because they're grating me and that carried into a lot of insecurity in myself when i grew up and especially

in my late teens and early 20s where every single person i met every single environment i was in whatever i always was viewing myself from this weird skewed outward perception and i truly did feel like everybody was holding a pen and pencil and like judging me and rating me was that real no absolutely not was that absolutely created in my head definitely and I spent a lot of my mid-20s working my way out of that perception I did it in a honestly unhealthy way I really just kind of jump scared myself by making a lot of really bad decisions very fucking quickly in order to like neutralize myself and go like well if I'm being judged who gives a fuck I mean if you were following me in like the pandemic era in 2022 you guys know like i truly my care level

was at zero did it put me in some sticky situations yes did i make some bad decisions absolutely but did it make me more comfortable in who i was forcefully yes it did you don't have to make as many bad decisions as i did but you also have to understand like our biggest critic is ourself I remember I would go into competition piano like six years old anxiety through the roof I'm vomiting in the bathroom at six from my anxiety and my mom's like all right get in there do the best you can and I'm sitting down I'm playing piano I'm like blacking out doing what I can't like trying to breathe as much as possible like I don't even know where my fingers are on the piano I barely even remember bowing and leaving and I opened the door and I finally come to

and my piano teacher's like that is the best performance i've ever seen in my entire life it's like oh my god like that is so much pressure for a young person to go through and i really carried that high stakes pressure with me a lot of the time and i realized like i was so hard on myself i would walk out of that room and i'd be like i failed i failed i fumbled i did horrible i did awful like i true no ribbon for hannah babe you ain't getting a ribbon not even a participation one and then my piano teacher being like that was the best thing ever it's like really we do hype things up we overanalyze we view ourselves way too hard we are our own worst critic we know what we're the most worried about so of course you're gonna press those buttons if you can learn to

really like bitch relax something i had to learn relax chill be kind to yourself realize everybody's thinking about themselves more than they could ever think about you realize no one's grading you there is no test there is no right there's no wrong you can take good from everything life becomes real chill real fast like extremely chill and that's kind of an era where i'm entering now where i feel like i'm on lexa pro but actually it is just life acceptance like bitch when i was on lexa pro i got into a car accident 75 miles an hour into the back of a police car not my fault should have sued almost died he pulled me out of the car and i'm like but where's my ride home like who's taking me home it's like bitch how are you standing you almost died lexapro really will do

that like unattached completely now i'm i'm not on lexapro but bitch if you gotta take medication props to you like do what you gotta do been there done that but now i really have come to this place of acceptance where like everything is equal no one is judging me i'm not judging myself good or bad if i make a mistake it's whatever i'll do my best to overcome if i make the right choice fantastic we'll celebrate we'll keep moving forward but there really is this air of positivity that comes from understanding like there's no test like you are not you should not judge yourself no one is judging you it really is just a day-by-day life and there's something beautiful about that i'm sure you probably understand if you grew up in a very highly academic world

i was in like honors role honors student classes distinguished scholars all the jazz so i always felt that air of competition and that can ruin friendships that can ruin relationships if you are constantly trying to like one up another person or if you're butting heads and putting yourself against another person it is never going to give you that real raw honest friendship that you're seeking so you have to learn how to uninstall that from your head to stop competing with yourself to stop competing with other people and it'll also just bring more genuine connection into your life the only competition i have with myself is me and hopefully just doing better than what i have i have no desire of playing the game of being better than anyone i am simply trying to

be better than the person I was yesterday and you know what even if I'm not better than the person I was yesterday whatever every day is a new day but there are no tests and you're not being judged as I'm getting dizzy I forgot I haven't eaten today don't do what I do but it's still early in the day three different stimuli beverages before the hour of 12 p.m is crazy but it's my birthday I really do turn into the birthday bitch does anybody else turn to the birthday bitch and as you should bitch it's your birthday you should go a little crazy i mean don't be rude don't be disrespectful please for the love of god but i love a birthday excuse i love being like no it's my birthday week no it's my birthday week no it's my birthday week we're going out we're

having fun i'm having a drink i'm having a smoke i'm having a celebratory cigarette dare i i'm going shopping bitch is my birthday like if you don't celebrate yourself no one will number three everyone's doing their best with what they know not everybody has the same life experience as you in this life not everybody has the same understanding of self in this life and I feel like growing up I was constantly around people of different perspectives different ideas different backgrounds different religions my parents very open-minded had a lot of friends I grew up practically in a commune not actually in a commune actually just living in a suburban cul-de-sac at the very end of the city but like growing up around those people those people became my family

those other parents became like my parents I was constantly around different ideas different perspectives and I think I've been blessed by that because my idea of friendship is very different than many other people's idea of friendship now I get a lot of questions like you know how do I deal with a friend breakup or how do I break up with this friend or how do I cut this person off or this person's not prioritizing me blah blah blah blah it's all these condition-based friendship questions that I get and I if I'm being honest I just don't understand them I really don't I have always been a person that is like very understanding not in a way where I'm gonna let you walk all over me bitch if you're being awful as a good friend I will call you out for that I would expect that

from my friends as well but I really do come from a place where it's like people are going through different life experiences every single day much different from what you're going through people have different backgrounds people have different understandings and from that I just need to be patient with them and honestly I hope people can be patient with me if I'm also not blessed with um the same kind of experiences and understanding that they have and it's made me honestly if I like I'm not the most forward friend but I do think I'm a good friend am I the friend that's gonna be like in your dms every single day no i'm just a recluse of a person and sometimes i disappear for days weeks months and it's just what i need it doesn't mean i hate you it's just like

i'm painting about 50 paintings right now and i don't want to be in contact with the outside world sorry but also it's like if my friends need those space i give it to them i'm understanding if they make mistakes bitch me and my friends when we were younger we've had like fist fights we fought each other we've we've slapped each other we pulled each other around we've had friendship breakups we had friendship getting back together and it really is at the end of the day like especially with my long-term friendships which my longest friendship is 27 years like old i'm not even kidding you guys are like what how's that possible bitch our parents had our baby showers together that's how long we've been friends two and five canadians will hear the words you have

cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research together we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer register today at pmcfwalk.ca this episode is brought to you by When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales, using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. I don't think I would have been able to have that friendship if I didn't just have like patience and kindness and understanding where it's like you want to run off and be with these people cool have fun I'm just going to be doing my own thing here hanging out with my other friends

you want to make that mistake all right fine whatever you know I forgive you it is what it is as long as it's not like an earth shattering problem then I really am patient and compassionate with those things I always understand like we'll convene we'll come back together and if we don't then that friendship served that period of time and I'm very thankful for that I also have friends that you know like friends friendships that were like very intense especially in high school girl friendships that it was like no we're swapping blood practically we're blood sisters was it a little bit you know homoerotic yes absolutely okay every girl has that kind of girl friendship in high school but you know we went to college we grew up and we slowly drifted

apart and i really don't put any pressure on that because it's like you know we serve each other for that period of time and we had a really good time and i'm so thankful of that person in my life and if we happen to reconvene after drifting apart beautiful fantastic i'm not gonna really put any pressure on that and really just like make sure that like i'm in a place that i'm happy with and i'm hoping that she's in a place that she's happy with you know what i mean but it's like everybody around you especially if you want to grow up with friends or grow up with family or whatever it may be their idea their mindset is constantly shifting changing and evolving and this also transfers into relationships as well like you guys will have to grow up with each other

you'll have to grow old with each other and you're gonna see that person go through so many different phases in life and in order to just like have the most compassionate understanding mindset you really need to trust in the idea that like i hope they're doing their best they probably are just simply put doing their best with what they know and what they've gone through and you know what that also transfers into like horrible awful people if somebody's doing something horrible and awful to you bitch they're just doing what the best with what they know but also does that mean you need to be accepting and deserving of it no absolutely not you can go actually i think i deserve people who are more kind compassionate caring who have more of that and more desire of

that that's okay but when it comes to maintaining friendships maintaining understanding maintaining balance having a good relationship having a good any sort of situation with people you have to have this innate trust that it's like they've got the knowledge they've gotten the life experience they've got and they're just working with that the best that they possibly can especially in the restaurant industry i have to remind myself of that a lot when people are like snappy with me table for two table for two it's like damn you really weren't raised any better and that makes me sad but also it's like what am i gonna do argue with you that you're stupid no i don't have time for that okay i'll find you a table for two all right are you ready for a big one are you guys

ready for a big one you already have what you're looking for yeah yep yep yep i've spent a lot of time aimlessly wandering you guys know what tattoo i was gonna get okay this is just a psa if you're a young person wait to get tattoos wait to get tattoos first ever tattoo i got was the giant eye on the back of my neck is it cute is it kind of sexy is it kind of fun yeah absolutely would i have gotten it at this day and age at 27 no do i love my other tattoos yeah would i have tattooed someone's twitter handle on my foot is 16 no absolutely not amazon your tattoo kits need to come with picture id of at least 21 years of age because tell me why my party trick in high school was being like oh we're all fucked up who wants a tattoo literally oh i could not be more embarrassed

honestly i gave so many people so many fucked up tattoos and if you are one of those people like genuinely i am sorry but we are both minors so what can you do you know what i mean and the crazy thing is my parents knew about it i remember i spilled tattoo ink all over the carpet in my in my basement my parents are like what the fuck is this it literally won't come out and i was like tattoo ink i want to be a tattoo artist and they're like bitch are you giving people tattoos in our basement whoops sorry about that now they just laugh it off because i was really out of control they had no choice in the matter it was like oh god okay but please for the love of god wait to get tattoos if you can now my sumac leaves love them they're homage to growing up on sumac

street i have my with love tattoo love it that really is just like homage to like reminder bitch always walk with love the best you can but there was this tattoo that i really really wanted when i was like 18 and it was like a full quote thank god i didn't get it because a full quote would just ate the fuck up out of my arm but it was like where must we go we who wander this wasteland in search of our better selves and it's so funny thinking about that quote because it really is like bitch you are gonna wander and wander and wander endlessly through that desert until you realize like damn bitch the answers really are with inside me that goes also hand in hand with the understanding of like intuition and gut feeling like you have those answers in your

heart you know what you are seeking you know what you are deserving of you know what makes you feel good inherently you know what makes you feel bad inherently and you need to listen to that you need to listen to that cue to that inner voice one might say because it will stand up for you it will put you in good situations and it really will help you make the best of your life i also think we go searching for like love in this life or compassion or kindness and we go searching in like the wrong places or we get stuck in the wrong places or with the wrong people and the answer really is like you can find that love that you are seeking within yourself because you are able to identify it if you are able to love somebody like horrible that fucking much that also goes

to show that you can love yourself that much you can show yourself that compassion if you're kind to everybody else but yourself it's like what are we doing if anybody deserves that energy it is you if you are compassionate to everybody but yourself like i said those answers are within you if you were able to do it to other people or even think of it or like compartmentalize it you can apply those things to you this also transfers into like art and this is a good kind of like comparison to what you can create in your life which is like as an artist i will just have like visions sometimes of like I want to paint this scene the way that I am able to think of that visualize it get out the paints get out the colors and put that on a canvas in the exact way that I envisioned it

in my mind is insane and crazy it is wild I do find myself very appreciative of that talent but also you can transfer that to your life anything you can visualize for yourself you can idealize for yourself that you want for yourself you can go out and get it bitch the answer is already there it is in your head really honestly and this is something that i'm really coming to terms with right now i feel like i've spent a lot of my life like looking looking searching to find myself i must be outside myself but actually i must be fully inside myself and not in a positive way or a negative way but in a neutral sense what drives me what makes me feel good what makes me feel bad what am i inspired by those those are the answers am i gonna find that

out there no is someone gonna tell me that no but we are born with this innate knowledge and innate understanding of i'm curious even thinking about the whole horse full circle thing when i was younger i wanted nothing more than to be around horses like i said i grew up like on the outskirts of a suburban county right before the farm country so like right next door to our house there were a bunch of horses and i remember growing up and we'd walk down to the end of the block and we'd bring carrots with us and we would go and we'd feed the horses and we pet them and it was like this connection that i felt that i never forgot about and then when i was like seven i was like i really want to take horseback riding lessons my parents were like yeah sure never

happened that stuck with me was it something i was very like heighten the aware of or or tapped into no but that stuck with me for so long there was innate understanding for so long that now at 27 bitch I have my own horse like I put that energy forward I listened to the intuition I followed through I go to lessons I try and be as you know aware and understanding as possible I'm picking up I'm learning to the point where now I'm able to go spend almost every single day with horses and that is such a blessing but also was that something someone else was going to tell me no was it something i needed to experience and understand within myself yes you already have the answers you just need to listen to yourself this is when i put my like witch bitch spiritual hat

on are you guys ready you guys love when i get spiritual with it and i've been spiritual for a very long time i mean i was raised spiritual in a sense i was raised christian specifically Methodist but I was also raised in a way that was like very out there for Christianity if I'm being honest like very out there I mean I had a gay pastor she was a lesbian and she preached a lot about openness connectedness just being in tune being in touch of course with the understanding and background of God but I do think I kind of took those lessons and took that understanding and apply it to other things in my life that were very inspiring no does that mean I don't believe in a god or a higher power or whatever it may be no who am I to have the answers you know and

whatever you do believe in I think there's power in that as long as you use it for good and not fucking evil horrible awfulness like a lot of people are using it for but for me I do kind of focus more on the universal aspect the power of the universe the power of being here the power of being you the power of being an anomaly one of a kind and from that I do really have this understanding that like we are this infinite source of power and we are infinitely divine like there's something not godlike because I think that's a bit inflated but there is something really beautiful and divine about us being here at this point in time here on earth and I do think I pull a lot of my spiritual understanding from that I get questions about abundance about

prosperity about peace about protection and if I do spell work if I do anything like that prayer it will always be in tune with myself knowing that I derive all of this protection from like from myself for myself this abundance I am inherently abundant anything I desire I can create anything i dream of i can manifest in a sense because i had the perception of it why would i not be able to go out and get it and i think it really does bring an air of just like chillness to my life in a way that is very beautiful that really makes people believe that i smoke way more weed than i actually do it really is just this like innate trust that like even if shit hits the fan if things go wrong if everything feels like it's burning down to the ground

inherently i know i'll figure it out i'm inherently abundant i will go out there i can create whatever i desire i can start over from scratch and immediately feel good and feel like i'm back on track like i can pull those things from myself and create it now is it gonna happen overnight and is it gonna be like snap your fingers and all of a sudden it's in front of you a million dollars bitch talk about obsession you're cracking that one wish willow a million dollars it's falling from the sky no that's that's not how it works but if you work hard if you put yourself first if you really go after what you desire you can do anything you really truly can do anything and there's something really divine in that understanding that we are this supercell we

really are this regenerative energy from simply being alive and being here when i was younger i didn't want a lot for myself and guess what i did not fucking do a lot for myself now that i'm older i'm kind of realizing wow those random one-off wishes i made did come true because i didn't stop believing in them and i kept working at it this podcast like i'm able to do this every single weak because well a i want to but also it's like bitch i just never stopped i just kept going i kept trying horses don't stop they keep going babe i think some people think like magic spirituality spells whatever it may be it's instant you know the universe is basically like transactioning something and it's handing something directly over to you but the universe needs proof you know

if we think about god they it any sort of god the idea of god idea of any sort of higher power they're gonna want proof from you to know that you're deserving of that and if you don't believe in yourself and you don't put that proof forward through believing in yourself then you're you'll never see the payout you know i see my friends do this very traditionally i have a friend who's in like medical school was that fucking hard did she probably stop believing in herself sometimes actually no like she always had this innate feeling of like i'll figure it out i'll get somewhere we just gotta keep powering through i gotta do the best i can i gotta hope for the best i gotta study as much as i can and she never stopped working and she's literally almost done

she's gonna be like pretty much a fucking doctor isn't that insane but that all came from self belief self understanding that like i'm deserving of this i can do this we are divine creatures anything i want i can create and there's something so very beautiful about that i didn't always believe this about myself and in fact this is actually a belief that i started developing very recently probably like a year ago and talk about like internal conversations gut feelings intuition whatever you want I ignored that for such a long time because I didn't have belief that I could do it I didn't have belief that I was deserving of it I didn't have belief that it was meant for me I didn't have belief that you know the universe was on my side or that I was

able to do it I always had doubt was it doubt that like other people placed on me and I placed of myself yes absolutely double homicide but recently i kind of started being like but what if but what if what if you just keep trying and keep working and keep putting yourself out there who knows what will come through it and you will never regret trying but also simply trying will get you the outcome that you want it will get you to that finish line that you so desire and so recently i finally started taking that intuition seriously something that i have known since i could even think something that i have inherently been drawn to art creativity painting drawing making money off my creativity i had no belief that i could do that of course and there's outside

perspective that's like um actually you need to go become a nurse because like no one will ever pay artists technology's coming ai's coming like no one's ever gonna believe in you as an artist and it's like damn okay since you said that and I trust your opinion like I'm gonna listen to it girl fuck those opinions you know what's meant for you I've always known I've met I meant to make art and it really isn't until recently that I've been like I've ignored that for so long and I think that's why I felt so stagnant because I'm not going fully towards my dreams I'm feeling pulled in so many different directions and I need to hone in and focus on what I know what is true because i deserve to work hard for myself i deserve to work hard for my goals for my dreams

and it's finally time to do so i'm abundantly full of energy sure caffeine driven but if i utilize that if i push myself forward and if i keep trying i can create anything i want there's something very beautiful and divine about that i told you we were getting existential today but it's a fun one i'm having fun are you guys having fun oh i love you guys so much speaking of going forth towards your dreams um i used to be terrified of doing this or trying anything safe to say because i always assumed i would fail i don't know where that stems from probably just lack of understanding of self but i always assumed i would fail guess what anything you try you naturally are inclined to succeed if you are trying for something that naturally puts you

in a positive position to succeed now if you put yourself in a position and then you don't try at it and you fail hello that's because you weren't going forth but if you go forth with a pure heart with pure understanding and simply just doing your best you will succeed i promise you i promise you that there's been a lot of things that I've done in this life there's been some things that I've succeeded at but the things that I have succeeded at are the things that I was like you know what I'm going to give it a good old college try they call it the college try for a reason because if you try you will pass at a grade level that will get you that college diploma I promise you that okay if you don't try yeah you probably won't succeed because you're not going

forth accordingly but if you do guess what you will receive that cap and gown but you will get that promotion you will get that paycheck you will accomplish more than you ever could have imagined but it does take you moving forward like i said is it overnight no no baby no no no it's going to take some time i promise you that it will take time okay but another innate truth with living is we have an abundance of time time is a very tricky thing we think okay we're given what how many years a hundred max pretty much pretty much a hundred max if we're being honest mostly like maybe to like 87 88 on average and that's if we take care of ourselves if we you know are born healthy if we don't face any like serious illness you know if we're not put in any

compromised position if we're lucky safe to say and that can feel if you kind of like really look at it in a math quantity that can feel very limiting but if there's anything we as humans know about time it is that time spans perception so i guarantee there has been five hours in your life that's actually felt like five minutes because you're having fun because you're in a flow state because maybe you're inebriated whatever may be and i also guarantee there's been five minutes that's felt like five hours you standing at work no customers coming in you're not allowed to be on your phone because there's cameras bitch every single second feels like a minute i promise you that in an awkward situation and everybody's like what the fuck's going on

i guarantee those 30 seconds felt like three hours time is an illusion so do not worry about time Do not worry about running out of time. Do not worry about feeling like it's the wrong time. I wasted my time. There's no time left. There's too much time. Whatever it is, bitch, stop worrying about time. Time does not matter. Time is an illusion and there's plenty of it. There's plenty of it. All that matters is are you facing your dreams? Are you walking forth and are you making just simply put one step at a time? are you giving a good college try are you moving forward if the answer is yes i guarantee you will succeed at whatever you're doing i never thought i'd be a good horseback rider i simply am trying i'm trying and guess what i'm pretty damn good at it is it like competition level no but can i stay up on there and trot around and canter yes does that make me feel powerful yes it does this fucking podcast i i never did it for money but is the money nice yes absolutely did i ever think that was a possibility no was it an opportunity that i found from continuing forward and trying

yes definitely making money off my art my paintings was that something i ever envisioned myself no was it something i just kept doing i kept putting myself out there from and now i'm making money from it yes do you see what i'm saying money's not everything recognition is not everything but wherever you want to go there's meaning in that and you can get there and naturally trying does equal succeeding cheers to that oh my god uh i do find peace in knowing that i'll always be a little bit of a degenerate no matter how old i get i will never be that chic southern grandma i will be the slightly wild weird hippie chick for the rest of my life i keep finding myself coming back to that it is very peaceful another one this one might burst

your bubble as a very existential person you happen to life life does not happen to you I have been a very passive person in my life that's because I was a very younger child I was like a very much so younger child like 10 years younger and so a lot of my life was me just kind of like oh your brother's a soccer game oh your brother's graduating oh we got to go visit your brother at college oh this oh that oh we have this set up for you like I felt like and think like this is a very nice way to live where my parents had things set up for me but it made me very passionate passive in life where there wasn't a lot of choice there wasn't a lot of like exploration there wasn't a lot of like self-exploration in that way and so I kind of

learned to just like wait around and wait for the next play date wait for the next event wait for the next thing to happen for my mom to tell me what to do and then bitch you'll rip that bandaid off real quick my early 20s happened and I realized oh actually two in five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on September 19th join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation walk challenge yourself friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.

At Desjardins Insurance, we know that when you own a nail salon, everything needs to be perfect from tip to toe. That's why our agents go the extra mile to understand your business and provide tailored solutions for all its unique needs. You put your heart into your company, so we put our heart into making sure it's protected. Get insurance that's really big on care. Find an agent today at Desjardins.com slash business coverage.

I've been waiting for my mom to tell me what to do for years, and she's not doing that anymore. What's going on? And so I waited, and I waited, and I waited, and I waited, and eventually got bored and then i started going out and trying things maybe i want to be the rave baddie let me go try and be the rave baddie baddie i was try and you will succeed babe but was that for me i enjoyed it had a good time do love raves is that everything to me no all right let's try something else maybe you'll be the hippie chick you know reading tarot cards was

that a vibe yeah did i have a fun time sure was that for me no i'll do that and to myself in private horseback riding fuck it let's try it let's see what that's all about does it is it for me yeah is it sticking yeah am i feeling good yes listen everything that makes me me okay all the things that i find deep interest in all the things that i feel inspiration by we're not things that were coming up on Pinterest were not things that my parents told me I should be were not things that society told me I should be were not things that I even really knew were an option until I tried them the key is I tried them and that made my life I was in this weird limbo phase where days were going by and I was just looking out a window bitch like I was locked in a senior home

just like days going by mashed potatoes gravy black coffee random weird games with other old people like oh my god time was moving so fucking slow and then i realized damn nothing's happening because i'm not doing anything and this seems so simple but i think a lot of us are waiting for the answer for the right tiktok to tell us what to do oh this face routine will change your life oh this oh that blah blah blah you don't know until you try until you put it forth until you get into life and experience it your life at the end of it when you are on your deathbed will not be things that someone told you but things that you experienced for yourself if you think about your life as one big storybook the major stories in your life are things that you

chose to do you went after you found inspiration by i think there's something so beautiful in that all of my major massive stories that you can probably think of as wild as they are here on this podcast are things that i did out of my own fruition just like fuck it let's try it like what do we have to lose you know what i mean and are they silly are they weird are they awkward are they funny yes all of those things but the key is i never would have experienced those things or even have those stories to tell or have that massive ass book of my life at the end of my life unless i went out and did them life comes from you not at you okay you happen to life life does not happen to you and from that i think for my control freaks you do have control okay you are

behind the wheel this and this ain't a tesla baby it ain't driving you wherever you want to go you are behind the wheel you do have choice and there is freedom in choice utilize that choice especially if you're a control freak utilize that choice put yourself in the best positions go after everything you want is it a bit scary is it a bit awkward is a bit weird sometimes yeah but you'll never regret it and at the end of my life when i'm on my deathbed do i want my book of life to be a paperback bitch no i want that thing foil wrapped in gold thick as fuck as if it's the holy bible itself from the amount of stories i've had in my life are those gonna come at me no but will they come from me definitely and i'm gonna go after every single one of them you guys i'm a bit

tipsy you guys me too shots in like whoa what a fun birthday it literally brings me to tears like how lucky am i how lucky am i i've had so many birthdays and my birthdays have always been special i'm very thankful to be a gemini i'm very thankful for hot fun birthdays all of my birthdays oh my god this is gonna make me nostalgic oh when i get rich and famous i will be buying a lake house on the ozarks nasty dirty disgusting but that's just how i was raised you know what i mean my birthdays were always spent at my lake house i know bouj it was not mine or my parents it was actually my grandparents that was their like retirement place and it was always spent just splashing in the water being outside getting sunburned eating hot dogs homemade cakes or

something so fun and beautiful about that and then when I became older I really did translate it into like I want to go live my birthday how I want to live the next year of my life I really want to celebrate that day as if it's a manifestation tool to then bring forth whatever I want that next year I think that's the best birthday spell you can ever do which is like whatever I want to call forth I'm going to do on my birthday if I want a relaxing birthday go get a massage lay in bed all day if that's what you want to do if that's what you're calling forth to your year if you want to be a gym baddie go to the gym on your birthday if you want to be a party girl go to a party on your birthday if you want to be surrounded by friends invite every single one of your friends to your

birthday this year I was like I just want to be in nature hugging a big tree that's all I've been telling everybody no that is not a euphemism that is just genuinely what I want to do I want to be tapped in with nature and so that's what I'm doing for myself I'm so excited I'm genuinely so excited to be on vacation oh i haven't been on vacation in like a month okay let's get into the positive order healing and love deny every moment of chaos pain and fear i do fear that we need to choose the positive moments in life and no one will choose them for ourselves when i was younger i was filled with a lot of darkness bitch I was a very dark child which is so funny because my mom always called me her summer child which I think is just a very nice way of calling me a ditz

and you know what summer child I am but I always lived with this like deep I don't know darkness with myself mental illness let's be real um and it's something I struggled with for a long time and the things that i went through as a human i do not think i would have overcome unless i threw myself into positivity like i had no choice that was a survival mechanism was i have to become as positive as possible does that mean negative things won't happen to me no does that mean i won't feel negative emotions no not at all we should not deny ourselves of emotions that is not healthy but does that mean that putting myself in a positive place trying to uplift myself trying to think as positively as possible doesn't work no actually it is the key to life to live a positive

life you must be a positive person and have a positive outlook i am surrounded sometimes by the most negative people i've ever met in my entire life and what are they doing constantly complaining arguing fighting looking down on people talking shit that becomes a reality very very quickly but do you know how little positivity it takes for them to turn their perspective around not a lot negativity can be powerful and it can be overwhelming but what is going to bring the lights positivity uplifting people showing up for people simply having a conversation with a stranger there is something so powerful about it and i really encourage you guys to do so now more so than ever especially when we feel very disconnected from

our neighbor and from the people around us who cares how awkward you are who cares who cares what you think about yourself say hi to people in the grocery store ask them how their day is you'd be surprised the conversations that you bring you are brought into and also the positivity that you can bring to people's lives there is duality in life as a gemini i understand duality more than anybody could ever fucking imagine trust me on that and i understand the good and the bad of everything i understand the positive and the negative of everything and i understand the truth the truth is positivity will always outweigh negativity you could be having the worst most awful day ever i'm talking the worst day ever talk about like you get to your job you work a

full eight hours you forget your lunch at home okay you're also feeling greasy you're breaking out you're on your period like things are going very very very bad also your co-workers are talking shit about you you're like bitch i'm on the verge of tears this is my worst day ever yeah it's gonna get worse guess what end of the day you're about to clock out you're like oh i'm so tired your boss is like hey can i pull you for a quick chat just real quick i want to talk about something you go into their office you're like oh am i getting that rave raise that i really need because like life is just so hard and everything's so expensive and your boss is like so i want to talk to you and just like really thank you for all your work here but it is time for us to let

you go we found someone else to replace your position you're like bitch i'm tired hungry and dizzy and on the verge of tears you break down crying you're leaving work all your coworkers are watching you leaving work you got mascara dripping down your face you're walking home blah blah blah bird poops on you you get home and you gotta eat leftovers like talk about worst day ever guess what your best friend calls you it's like hey what's up girl here's what's going on you have a knock on your door she shows up she's got flour she's got chocolate and she's there for you flour chocolate she's there for you not a lot of positivity all the negative things that happen a lot of negativity but that single act of kindness and understanding

as small as it is will outweigh that entire day of negativity that's how powerful it is if i can encourage you to lean in into any sort of emotion no matter the situation always positivity sometimes the positivity is like damn they really did me dirty but i don't have to ever go through that again because i got i learned from it i can move forward sometimes the positivity is like damn today was today fucking sucked but tomorrow will hopefully be better sometimes the positivity is i made a mistake that was horrible and awful but i know better now and i can go forward accordingly sometimes positivity is delusion where maybe you don't feel the best but you have to tell yourself you're the best either way it is the most powerful tool to tap

into especially in this life if you have doubt replace it with confidence if you have insecurity replace it with understanding if you have hatred replace it with love there's a reason i have with love tattooed on my fucking body it's like the biggest reminder you can always find love because you're full of it you can always find positivity because you are an endless well of it tap in bitch how we feeling you guys i got like five milligrams thc five milligrams cbd eight shots of soju and an entire celsius can in my body right now and that's a lot but i'm feeling good i'm feeling so good take a hit take a shot or take a deep breath for me babe especially if you're sober but let's get into the last one are you ready are you ready following your heart is the best way to

help others i uh i just i've been struggling with the needing a yes does that make sense i've been struggling with needing a yes i've been struggling with like i know what i'm supposed to do I know who I am I know where I'm supposed to go I know how I'm supposed to do it but how do I get that push and the push is knowing you will be the best version of yourself you will be the most confident version of yourself you will put out the best energy and in turn that will have an effect on other people's lives in a positive way especially doing this podcast I never thought it would turn into this you know rambly healthily rambly but this like a motivational kind of situation I never thought myself as a motivational person ever I never thought myself as like a public

speaker ever considering I couldn't make eye contact at all when I was a child I never enjoyed being in crowds I never enjoyed talking to people in general but I had this random innate feeling that i needed connection and i had connection and i deserved connection and it came in a very silly sense smoke sesh podcast where we would just like smoke and talk like taboo taboo shit you know sex love life things that people were too afraid to talk about because i felt like that's what interested me most and that's what nobody was talking about that's what my heart felt called to do was it very random and weird and do people side eye me and do people talk shit about my behind my back like people like bitch this podcast is so embarrassing yeah probably but also i could

care fucking less because i know that i'm able to make an impact in your life in someone's life and anybody who listens to this life by simply being a positive uplifting individual who shares life with you you know i understand how it is to be so lonely to be so not yourself to be so lost to be so confused to want someone to tell you the answers and sometimes you really just need that big sister influence that somebody telling you like it's okay to be you and so if I can do that if I can make a difference through knowing that's what I needed by giving it to you then like I can die happy I say this all the time but as somebody who struggled for a long time and consistently and very deeply i always pride myself on hopefully being able to like be a shining light

in whatever darkness is in your life to give you hope to give you confidence to give you the desire to turn inward no matter how scary it is to give you the desire to be a positive person or a change in someone's life that's how i know i'm doing what i'm supposed to be doing and i'm following my heart when you follow your heart you internally are putting yourself into a positive place and that will have a positive effect on other people's lives think about my friends who's going to become a doctor she wants to be compassionate she wants to be there for people following her heart is going to make a massive change on other people's lives considering my friends who just like are here for a good time them being able to be a bright light in any room they step into them

being able to make anybody laugh is a massively positive effect on people's lives even if it's something so simple as a conversation in a grocery store or a random drunk bathroom conversation with a girl you following your heart in a positive direction where you know you're supposed to be will have a positive effect on other people's lives it'll have a positive effect on your life and in turn will be positivity to your life and there's something so beautiful in the simple understanding of that you have the power within you you are innately divine you broke all fucking odds you deserve to be here you inherently are a positive person positivity is so powerful and you are an unstoppable feat if you don't stop yourself babe you got all the answers you know what you're

supposed to do you know what is intuitively calling you you know what you desire to be and there is power in that talk about saturn return my brain is like fully forming and this is like the one lesson that i really really am learning which is just like you're beautiful you're wonderful you're powerful you are loved you are supported because you have yourself and there's power in having yourself did i have to work a long time to have a good relationship with myself did it take years did it take crying on the kitchen floor and rolling around and screaming yes absolutely did you take a psych ward yes absolutely did you take medication and therapy and all the crazy hard things yes but was it so worth it absolutely I would have never seen

27 if I didn't do it if I didn't have that innate self-trust if I didn't just like try and I have succeeded in a way that I never could have imagined for myself and I'm so incredibly thankful for going on that journey and going on that path and I'm so incredibly thankful for every single one of you whether you listen one time or a thousand times for being here and if i can touch you in your heart in a way that maybe you've never been touched then i'm doing what i'm supposed to do i love you all so incredibly much happy birthday to me what a good one i truly am going to be living my best life this 27 am i think do i think it's going to be a challenge yes considering the sad in return of it all but am i excited for that challenge absolutely i cannot wait and i'm so

excited to see where i'm at at 28 29 30 80 can you imagine i want that book of life to be as thick as possible as beautiful as possible and with the most innate stories you could ever read i am ready to go on the journey of life and i hope you are too but please understand that journey comes from with it with that being said i love you all so much if you want to wish me a happy birthday follow me on instagram at hannah marlene i'll be posting all the birthday photo updates possible i'll be taking you along with me on my trip i'll also be vlogging the entire trip that'll be up on youtube at hannah marlene 444 and if you want to give me a birthday gift for any sort of reason join the patreon patreon.com smoke set shawty every single tier is under ten dollars and i do

try and post every single day even if i am on vacation yes don't worry i'm coming through those for those patreon girlies and they'll be the first people i hang out with back vacation i'll be actually hanging out with them right after vacation the day i get back and uploading an exclusive episode there with that being said stay sane stay sexy and i'll see you all so soon Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research.

Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.