Smoke Sesh - Happy 1 Year of Smoke Sesh!

Episode Date: October 11, 2022

Happy Birthday to us!!! I started this podcast October 12th, 2021, and here we are now basically one year later still having so much fun. We have a lengthy episode as I try to cover most topics you guys sent in this week as well as the most iconic topics of smoke sesh. We talk slumps, and getting yourself out of them, smoking & acne, anal, authenticity and breaking down walls, hannahs famous edibles, breakups, threesomes, identity crisis, mushrooms, change, growing, dealing with the hard things and not shutting down, social butterfly’s, impulse shopping, budgeting, everything about orgasms, toxic family, toxic in laws, innies & outies, love languages, blacking out, and careers. Thank you all so much for sticking with me this year and for everyone who is joining the smoke sesh family welcome

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know? Just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash. So, come hang out! Let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. Hello! How we doing? Another day, another smoke sesh it's so exciting to be here you guys i would be like good morning but it's

one o'clock in the afternoon um if you hear uh sawing noises in the background i don't fucking know girl um they're like renovating the rest of my apartment building and god damn it is so loud like unnecessarily loud so apologies for that but this morning i was like i need to you know i don't know sometimes when i get in a slump like it's okay to get in a slump and it's okay to have your days where you're like i'm gonna lay in bed and scroll on tiktok for exactly 12 hours and 12 minutes so my brain does not have to function simply because I don't know if I'm avoiding something I don't know what's going on but when I get in that slump like listen I'm human I'm not gonna beat myself up and be like bitch what the fuck you could be doing so much because that's

just gonna stress me out more and if anything it's gonna put me deeper in a slump so when I'm feeling that way i really like to give into it and not give into it in a sense like when i was younger where it would like overcome me and i would just hate on myself and absolutely like push myself deeper into a hole no no no no i gotta be healthier now because i cannot afford that shit i cannot afford another trip to the hospital so i've learned like it's okay to be sad it's okay to have those feelings it's okay to get in a slump put yourself in bed let yourself relax let yourself check out for a little bit but then you gotta be like all right bitch i'm tired of this we gotta get up we gotta get shit done i've been driving with my engine light on for like a week

now so i was like i need to get my oil changed asap like straight up asap so that's the first thing I did is I just went to the oil place they were like hey you know this is like really low like how like how did you get here and I just had to be like yeah no it's totally like but are we gonna fix it though like whatever um so I got that done took like 25 minutes girlies this is your sign to go get your oil changed if you have not done that in like three months like I think you're supposed to do it every three months it's been like a year and a half for me personally not good not good at all your engine is gonna explode on the highway do not do that um all good took care of that I had no clean clothes to wear to work yesterday like none whatsoever so like before

work I had to go thrift clothes to wear to work luckily use my manager's day off so I'm like I'm not gonna get like written up not that she would do that but I'm not gonna get in trouble or made fun of so let me go thrift some clothes real quick and I just had like three minutes before work started i went in there and i found two things that i've been like scouring ebay for as well as clothes that i could possibly wear to work i was like okay this is a win we're winning we're slowly working our way up you know what i mean so i did some laundry today fucking powered through work yesterday in my thrifted clothes i smell like someone's grandma walking around i know you shouldn't wear thrifted clothes like directly from the thrift store you might i don't know it's

just like you feel itchy it's gross um but i had no choice that's what i did and then i woke up this morning and i was like no more hannah no more no no no more we're not doing that again so laundry done car oil perfect fed myself i made a salad i've been loving making salads the best thing about a salad is you can take whatever is in your fridge and just fucking throw it in a bowl and eat it like today i just took lettuce red pepper hummus white onion and then i took like a cheddar jalapeno bra and like diced it up and threw it on top you know what pretty fucking good i really cannot complain yesterday i had a bunch of like tomatoes left over so i did like i like roasted tomatoes and onion threw it in a bowl with some tzatziki i diced up like um some naan

bread and made like croutons almost threw that on a salad 10 out of 10 incredible just i have been loving that recently outside it's like 80 degrees it feels like spring like you know when you finally escape the cold and it's warm and a little humid that's what it feels like out which is very confusing to my brain because we're actually about to enter winter so i think i'm really gonna try and get outside and enjoy that soon i would open my windows and let some fresh Erin but it's like 80 out and I do not need it to be 80 in here my plants would love it though um but yeah that's what I've been up to I feel like the full moon like up until that I was really just kind of not struggling but definitely like in just like a tired lethargic kind of mood

um and after that full moon I did like a little bit of release I'm trying to let go of some things that are maybe bad for me or holding me back that's kind of my goal um and i talked about some full moon rituals on my patreon if you guys are interested um specifically for the last full moon i partook in one of them i wrote down everything that i wanted to get rid of and release on a piece of paper and i burned that and let that go and then just immediately passed out because I was so tired but I hope you all got to see the moon she's so big and beautiful she still is definitely get outside and look at her tonight um but yeah now I'm home chilling smoked a bowl might make some iced coffee and I'm hanging out for the rest of the day I went to the art museum

this weekend and that was extremely fun if you find yourself in a slump or kind of like in the middle of a creative drought or, you know, you want to bring yourself up. You want to kind of escape yourself a little bit, but in a healthy way. And you want to, you know, kind of bring some more creativity into your life. I used to do this a lot in college. I would just have breaks between class. And I mean, the art museum was right next door. So it's like, why not go over there? It's free. I'm going to just hang out in there and look at art. And it was really beautiful and a great way to kind of escape my brain escape what was going on and also like get inspiration find inspiration and kind of learn more about myself through the type of art I was drawn to

oh my god and I did that this weekend and it was really fun it was really nice to step away and kind of consume a different form of media that's not completely brain rotting you know and also take some inspiration from it and from the paintings and the artists themselves but i feel good i'm back into it vibing trying to prep myself for winter uh working overtime trying to make some money because why not you know if i'm not gonna do anything i might as well go out to work and make some money um but yeah that's really what's been up with me i hope you guys have been having a great week i had so many fucking questions sent in this week like more than i ever have i think like more than when i first started and everybody was like oh my god oh my god let me submit

everything like i woke up to like 104 dms last night like it from the span of yesterday to today of people just asking questions and i was like oh my god all right i'm coming to the rescue i'm here i'm ready let's dive into it um that being said i'm gonna go smoke another shh don't tell mom i'm gonna go smoke another bowl get in the right headspace and we are going to dive in if you would like to participate here is your cue to if not no worries i still love you do not feel peer pressured all right let's get into it so one girl asked me on tiktok and i might as well just bring it up here because i think they follow me and listen to this podcast so shout out girly for this question but it got a lot of likes it was like 52 likes i was like okay people must be

interested in this but someone asked how do i keep my skin so clear while also you know hanging out with miss mary jane doing the thing you know and here's the thing i have been through two bouts of extreme I'm talking extreme cystic acne like I would wake up with two to three new deep painful pimples either on my face or my back every single day um and it was not fun extremely not fun you know as somebody who has probably had acne I'm assuming you guys have gone through acne before it's not fun to feel that way um and to have that constantly like painful thing on your face or on your body um and then having to feel like you have to cover it up um you know you just start to feel bad but you really shouldn't like during the time i felt like i noticed it way more than anybody else

did but for me personally my first bout of cystic acne was because i it was just hormones you know when you're a teenager you're gonna break out people break out to different levels to different extremes you know but as your hormones are kind of taking their place and figuring themselves out as they do as you grow up I personally just went through a really really bad wave of acne and my mom had had acne so I knew you know it's probably going I'm probably gonna get it as well um and I did that's okay it's a part of growing up um i powered through it of course it was annoying a little bit satisfying getting to pop all those pimples but i think my one advice for anybody who's kind of just going through something that they can't help is just don't touch your face i

know that's like the last fucking thing you want to hear because it's so annoying because everybody says it but i do believe a lot of the acne that wasn't hormonal caused i definitely added on top of it by just constantly scratching and picking at my face um and using dirty hands if you can't help yourself for me personally i love using just two cotton swabs run them under hot water and then use that to pop the pimple if you can't get it with that it's simply not ready um and it really doesn't break that layer of skin like your nails would so i say you know it's a part of growing up i felt like i thought everybody was judging me for it but i think people really didn't care um everybody gets it everybody understands i don't think people were too judgmental of me

um but but but but the second round of acne after i had gone through medication and accutane to get rid of my you know hormonal acne it went away it cleared up i think simply because I got older my hormones balanced out and then I got hit with another wave which fucking sucks because after you feel like you know you got your routine down you you have learned about your skin you know how to take care of yourself now what the fuck like I just put in all this hard work why is it happening again and I thought maybe it was still hormones it was not it was in fact my smoking habits i didn't realize your skin is so fucking sensitive to nicotine my skin layer was breaking down from the inside out because i had a jewel on me 24 7 or cigarettes

and i was only only smoking blunts and i think the blunt smoke is what made it worse because i quit nicotine not well I quit jewels and cigarettes but I was still smoking blunts and it was still there and it was still persistent and I had to think to myself like what is the what am I doing so I stopped smoking blunts because I had to move into my parents house and I started smoking like a little one hitter or a pipe just like very easy to screed and once I started doing that and doing it out in the open where you know you blow it away from you and there's no residual smoke my acne started to clear up and it was the most fucking mind-blowing thing so yeah blunt wraps very bad for your skin for some reason very fucking bad and like i didn't think you would

have such a big reaction to my skin but it really did like i'm i'm talking like two to three giant cystic pimples a day extremely painful not fun also like just not something you want to have to deal with with your daily life so once i cut that out boom cleared up perfectly fine i was fucking shocked so yeah smoking does affect your skin so you have to be very careful with what you're smoking how you're smoking where if you're hotboxing your car you're probably going to break out because that smoke is staying around you taking up space and constantly pressing against your skin which is just gross clogging your pores making your skin dirty um if i can be in the open air blow things away from me that's what i'm doing um that is ideal i love joints love that

shit but still even that type of like residual smoke is not good so always always always be outside okay number two make sure your pieces are clean that moldy bong water that's sitting over there in the corner yeah that's gonna fuck with your insides just a little bit you know it's gonna do some damage so just take the extra minute to get up and clean that piece um i try and clean my pieces probably once a month like a good deep clean um but you know make sure you're changing the water make sure you're wiping it off even i'll notice that like if i don't clean the mouthpiece of my bongs or my pipes enough um i will get like little breakouts on my lips because like say i wore chapstick and took a rip and then didn't wipe it off or clean it

now that residual chapstick smoke combination is stuck there and if i put my lips against it again like gross not fun so i think the best thing honestly you can do for your face is just stay as clean as possible and that comes for everything involved in your life don't touch it don't pick at it you won't you don't want dirty things touching it um and that includes your pieces and also nicotine extremely bad for your skin absolutely the worst choice i could have done for my skin and at that point i was like i don't give a fuck about the nicotine like if it clears up my skin good riddance goodbye you know so if you need to make some life changes or need to you know reevaluate some things i would say look into getting rid of blunt wraps

there's so many better alternatives hemp wraps incredible i feel like those are okay for my for my face um or even just like joints you know save yourself some weed don't have to roll a whole giant blunt but yeah um i thought that was interesting and i didn't really want to do try and explain all that in 60 seconds on tiktok oh my god oh that app really just brings my fucking brain down i can only consume like short content and it's like brutal oh my god i love this dm okay hi queen i would love to stay anon for this message please i got you girl but let's get to the point me and my man have started getting a little experimental with anal a couple of times of course all with me on the receiving end um but sometimes when we get a little tipsy and freaky

i find myself getting lower to that like lower ball gooch area in parentheses so so sorry okay it just cracks me the fuck up and i can tell that it's obviously something he likes but like i don't know girl how are we feeling about the giving into things because like men don't shave down there i trust my bf but still the gooch might be where i draw the line let me know your thoughts girl love ya okay no i think this is a very valid question i love the freakier questions you know what i mean i think life is all about getting to the freakier parts of life and listen i'm a i'm glad you have a partner you're comfortable with okay um i'm glad that you guys can experiment and try new things and it's important you build a sense of like trustworthiness and comfortability

and it seems like you know you've built that considering you're diving into some deeper territories here um anal you know for me on the receiving end fun on the giving end fun i think it's fun like if you're in the mood i don't think anything's wrong period i don't think anything is wrong as long as you are in the mood if you're uncomfortable with it don't do it straight up i don't think you should ever do anything in a sexual sexual situation that you're uncomfortable with and if you're sitting with this and you're thinking about like okay you know we're getting lower um but i don't want to go further which is absolutely fine everybody has their taste in things quite literally i think that's that's good okay

maybe just like and like you can either voice that to your partner or if you don't want to voice that um if things start moving lower just be like okay let's switch positions you know get yourself off the track of where you don't want to go also like conversation important maybe talk about that uh maybe talk about like is this something he would like for you to try you know if there's things that you are interested in and you would like for him to try i feel like you would have that conversation so why not just ask him for me personally like the freakier the better preferably and like only after a deep shower okay like if you're nervous about that area if you're nervous about going down there just make sure things are clean okay make sure things

are gonna be fun if you're worried if that's like your only worry make sure you know you've checked all the boxes of your worry off so then when you do get to the time you can kind of just have you know so much fun so much fun i have acrylics so like never entered a man but like a little rim job here and there like it's fun it's funky it's fresh you know what i mean um you know if i'm going to the balls in the gooch area like whatever i might as well go lower but only if a shower has happened because you're right there is a lot of hair down there which means a lot of sweat which personally i'm not gonna deal with uh wash yourself but yeah personally i say go for it if you're feeling it if you want to try it i don't think you should ever feel

shamed and if you want to explore new territories and you have a person in your life who makes you feel comfortable and supports you through that i see that as a win babe so if you're feeling it try it if not don't feel bad okay but communicate your boundaries for sure oh okay someone asked hi love you in the pod love you any advice on being your authentic self when uh around new people i have such a bad habit of mirroring others in an effort to match their energy it always ends up with me taking on a whole new personality and completely losing myself by the time i'm deep in the relationship would love to hear your advice on improving this thank you so much okay i feel like this is a people-pleasing habit because felt i would get stuck around like

life fucking draining people and want to succumb to their level and want to be as mean and awful and spiteful as them even though i knew it wasn't true to character and it would feel soul-sucking i also would be around people who maybe didn't have the same personality type as me maybe i just really wanted to be friends with them i wanted to gain that but i was not evaluating who the people in front of me really were um and like they're real you know human person so i was trying to people please and trying to match the energy in order to kind of you know gain that and both they're not good so I feel you I understand how draining it is and how tiring it is and the only thing I really have to say is when you go about it this way you are never going to make true

friendships or make true connections because you are not behaving true to yourself if you don't open yourself and break those boundaries down and really show people who you are you're really not allowing for a true connection and true um experience with other people to really honestly happen um and i don't think that's fair to you and i also don't think it's fair to the other people i live by this rule i used well i used to be a huge people pleaser like for 21 years of my fucking life ginormous people pleaser and i never felt like i could hold space anywhere and it was a really draining tiring feeling and I constantly felt that way everywhere I went and I dreaded leaving the house because it felt like I needed to behave a certain way

but once I just allowed myself to be and I challenged myself to show up as who I am and be that authentic self and really show the world who I who I was and who I I am currently I feel like that weight was lifted and it was the opposite feeling that I was expecting to have because I expected like oh my god if I'm real with the world the world's gonna fucking hate me but no like the world opened completely and I really got a chance to show off who I was and the connections I made and the people I met and the experiences I've had have been so much more worth it and much more worth than anything else I have really put myself into because in the past it was all fake it was all me putting a wall up me trying to behave how I think this person wants

me to me trying to guess these people's like thoughts and feelings and actions and fucking just wasting my time and breath and my energy where was i going with this but now incredible i feel so open i feel so peaceful um and i feel like i don't have to you know hide myself from the world so i think i just encourage you to like just just try it you know i guarantee the world is not going to attack you if anything it's gonna welcome you with open arms and i'm very excited for the connections in the real honest true um like deep connections you are going to make because people are going to be able to see you finally for who you really are which is amazing and beautiful and i don't think you should you know withhold that from the world you know

someone asked drop the brownie recipe drop the brownie recipe like a hundred times in my dms i've talked previously about a endeavor you know that i went through to make some money back in the day keywords back in the day back in my my olden days of college I made and sold brownies to make money I didn't have a job while I was attending school but you know your girl still needed to fund herself fund her alcohol that she was going to bring to frat parties and new little going out tops and there's not a whole lot you can do if you don't want to work a job that's like serving outside of you know serving or retail and also attend schooling so i was like all right we gotta get you know entrepreneur we gotta get

into it and at the time i was dating this guy who you know he bought and sold some stuff and so i was like okay you know let me use a little bit of your stuff make some butter make some brownies sell them to catholic girls and make some fucking money and i shit you not these are the best fucking edible brownies that you will ever have okay no it's not a pre-made no it's not a oh no it's not a homemade mix i'm not buying cocoa and buying flour and all that shit literally the box brownies yep the box ones the ones preferably Ghirardelli with the chocolate chunks oh my god but literally any box brownie that's your favorite whatever you prefer and the key is when it asks for oil for baking you're not going to use oil what you're going to do

is infuse coconut oil because i feel like the the coconut oil binds better than like a like a dairy butter and you're gonna use that instead and that was the best fucking combo ever the best combo ever i'm telling you like i get it butter is good but making like a coconut oil is better it makes it creamy doesn't make it super like hard or crunchy or anything like that you also can't taste it oh my god and they were so potent like incredibly potent i'm not going to tell you how to make the oil because like come on but as any brownie calls for any certain amount of oil that's basically what you use and for me personally i worked with levo oil a while ago and they make like um infusion machines and i love that it's way easier than the fucking cheese cloth and i

would be up for fucking hours making this oil um but this machine does it for you it's incredible i love them shout out levo oil but yeah the key is a box mix basically box mix and then yeah just make sure your your shit's potent but box mix and coconut oil it's it's i made so much money so much goddamn money i just um broke up with my boyfriend and obviously it hurts um i actually called my mom because i wanted support and she said that she hopes i don't regret my decision and now as a consequence I am regretting my decision so how do I know if I made the right decision breaking up with him like when is it time to end a relationship how can you be certain or completely sure also love the pod um you're fucking you're getting me through this

very good hi love you proud of you for making the hard decision um i get it i hear you i think you know you do truly know when it's right and i don't think you should let the outside world convince you or say anything otherwise like relationships can be picture perfect amazing wonderful and they can still not work out that's okay as long as at the end of the day you know you are moving on to bigger and better and brighter things that's really i think all that matters um as long as you can keep moving forward um you want to keep moving forward and maybe the relationship didn't fit in to where you wanted to move forward to that's okay sometimes we outgrow people sometimes our paths don't align anymore they can be amazing wonderful brilliant treat you incredibly nice but sometimes

it just doesn't work out and you will know that in your heart i think when you're thinking about it and thinking about it and constantly thinking about it and it's something that's been on your mind for a while then yeah it's probably right if it was a random late night fight kind of just like you very last minute very quick in your feelings break up um then i don't think it's right maybe you were just in the heat of the moment um maybe you were just you know blinded by your emotions but when you're alone and when you're with yourself and when you picture yourself further along in the future where do you picture yourself um i think that is kind of the big question here and if they fit into it um you know maybe you guys can keep working on things but if

they don't fit into it then I say really just focus on yourself know that it was right and keep keep on moving forward someone asked thoughts on threesomes I think they could be really fun for me personally I'm way too much of an like I get attached to attach like if that's like if I'm within a relationship with a person his dick is my dick like do you know what i mean so if i'm in a relationship do not think i could ever do a three-way with that person i'm too much of a lover girl i might cry i'm sensitive okay it's fine at least i recognize it and understand it um but like if it was two people i didn't know very well or had any sort of connection with other than like hot would be fun then I think I would have a great time but yeah I just like

sex is all about you know building connections and and if I already have a connection with one person and I'm in like a monogamous kind of mindset with them it's hard for me to switch out of the monogamous mindset so yeah I think it could be fun if you're in a relationship and want to do it i think it absolutely could work out as long as both parties are interested and both parties talk thoroughly about it beforehand and discuss rules and boundaries and also discuss rules and boundaries with the other partner being involved in the threesome uh so then there's no mistakes slip ups make sure you have maybe like a safe word so if anybody's ever feeling uncomfortable you can just call it off call it quits move on um but yeah i think being open

honest communicative with your partner or the partners involved is kind of key there but for me i'm very much so uh one dick girly what can i say someone asked i feel like my life is falling apart how do i deal and not shut down and run away from problems i promise your life is not falling apart you might just have a stacked plate which is okay all right i get it life gets a little overwhelming sometimes and when it does get overwhelming and you feel like it's all falling in on you i really like to sit down with myself and like break it down you know what i mean so when my like car was falling apart and i like was spending so much money on it i was working overtime and you know it was just like a lot i had to stop myself take some deep breaths you know

allow myself that quiet time peace that i was craving and then really dive in on and focus on the things that i really needed to focus on and i do that by giving myself like when i'm very overwhelmed like one task a day um just so i feel like i'm making progress and getting something done and i don't feel horrible and awful and lazy and like my life is spiraling out of control I give myself one thing so like maybe my one thing that day was like take my car to the auto shop um maybe my one thing the next day was like do all of my laundry maybe my one thing the day after that is like just simply go to work as long as you are giving yourself small meaningful tasks to achieve um I feel like that really helps with the spiral and like they don't have to be

hard if you're in a really really deep hole maybe your task for the day is like change your sheets maybe your task for the day is like get out of bed make sure your teeth are brushed and make sure you eat a meal as long as you have a task no matter how hard or how easy you will feel like you're moving forward and you have control on life and you're working through the problem instead of letting the problem completely overtake your mind someone said the vibes for the week are we we're feeling hot social girl vibes and i was like honestly felt like i'm missing my party phase a little bit just a little bit like i keep telling my boyfriend like i want to go party i want to go on party and he's not a huge partier like he could care less um but he also doesn't

mind if like i go and go out and party by myself i just like don't know like i don't know where i want to go or what i want to do but i've been feeling the itch you know what i mean my social meter needs to take an just an uptick just a little just raise it a little bit you know party every once in a while get out every once in a while i don't need to party like i used to where it was every single fucking night doing the most every single fucking night but i would like maybe like a once a month outing you know just go get belligerently drunk make some memories have some fun listen to some good music dance come home pass out and eat a good breakfast like that sounds like an amazing night to me um and i think it's because halloween's coming up i'm like it's tis

the season you know i i mean back when i was in college like all the fall was all about just going out and partying and partying and frat house to frat house to frat house and although i do not want to do that anymore i feel it in the air you know so i say if you're feeling that go out go to a concert take your friends out try a new bar you know what i mean um one of my friends just turned 21 so i've been meaning to take her out for her birthday and buy her a shot so maybe i'll get to that maybe you'll have some story times from that coming up but I agree very big hot girl social vibes right now hi Hannah I just smoked before this so I've recorded this so many times but I love you in the pod and I just wanted to say thank you because I feel like since I started

listening I've just been looking inward a lot more and reflecting and thinking more deeply about how I approach situations and I think it's really improved my mental health my question that I have though is back in a podcast episode a couple months ago you were talking about building your own confidence not relying on other people's like personalities and like to build upon your own and not taking what other people say to heart and changing for other people and I was wondering what a good first step to start doing that is and to kind of like how to start exploring if you don't even like really know who you are I know that's a lot but I love you bye love this question identity crisis anybody been there been there quite a lot been there many times

um it's okay I love that you're doing some introspection you're asking yourself the hard questions that's always fun um but when it gets to a point where you feel like like i'm confused about myself and i'm confused about who i am i feel like that stems from at least me personally looking back like i said many a times this has happened i've been like i don't know who i am i don't even know my favorite color like what's happening and it's because i was growing and I was changing and the old Hannah the old person that I was didn't quite encapsulate me anymore and didn't really define me anymore and that was okay doesn't mean I'm crazy doesn't mean I'm losing my mind doesn't mean there's something wrong with me it just meant that I was ready for

change ready for growth ready for taking the next step because I feel like you find yourself in a weird middle phase where you're like looking back on your past and who you were and you're either like I loved it or hated it but it's not me anymore and also I'm looking forward at who I want to be and I'm not there yet and you're in this weird middle phase of like well who am I then and the beautiful thing about that is you're going through a period of change you're going through a period of growth and now is the time to really sit down think about who you are think about what you want from life think about you know your dreams and your hopes and aspirations and who you want to be in the future and to start implementing the steps that it takes to get there

now okay it's fun because you know it's like getting on a fucking dress-up site and getting to put together a whole new character and a whole new you know little outfit and a whole new thing and give them a whole new backstory that's basically what you're doing to yourself no don't change like everything about yourself no don't go through like a period of crisis where you're like becoming a completely whole new different person because um you feel like it's necessary um really honestly sit with yourself and sit with the uncomfortability and ask yourself like where do i want to be where do i want to get and what does that future person look like and how can i start living that life daily today so yeah but i get it change is uncomfortable growing is

uncomfortable and there's going to be many points in your life where you get to a point where you're like what am i doing where am i who am i and i i think i well i used to be very terrified of that feeling but now growing up it kind of gives me a little bit of peace because i don't want to be the same person i was four years ago for the rest of my fucking life if i'm not feeling that uncomfortability if i am not feeling that you know need to kind of like not change but to give myself some some new stimuli like a fucking lab rat you know then it means i'm not changing and it means i'm not growing and it means i'm like not bettering myself um but when you are feeling that uncomfortableness i get it it's not fun but also it means you're moving forward okay

don't succumb to the uncomfortableness and start doing like i feel like people start feeling that way and they start behaving very what's the word self-depreciating sorry my ac just turned on let me turn that bitch off because she's way too goddamn loud self-depreciating maybe like um you guys know what i'm talking about you do you really do it's um self self self-sabotaging um talking about like i don't know who i am so i don't deserve to be here i'm gonna do a bunch of crazy shit and ruin my life like no i feel like it's very easy to go south but in reality just take some time to sit with the uncomfortability understand that you're changing understand that you know soon we're gonna need to take steps to move ourselves forward and also be proud of

yourself be proud of how far you've come be proud of the change that's about to take place um and really honor where you are right now but also like let's look forward let's start taking some steps let's start thinking about the big picture here you know i feel like for a while the future was so so so scary which is why self-sabotage was so easy um but i realized you know life is one big game and i didn't want to play the game for a while because society sucks and i hate being alive and life is so hard and miserable and we're here for so long but living that way is just fucking draining and soul-sucking and tiring and i realized if you don't play the game of life life gets really fucking boring but if you give in and you play a little bit and you really take

the time to take a hold of your life take control of your life really start to direct it in the ways that you want it to go things get a lot better they get a lot better and i think the self-reflection and self-introspection that you're doing right now is good i think that's step one period you are able to look inwardly have honest conversations with yourself step two is enacting those conversations into the real world um and behaving in the ways that you want to see change so i love you it's okay to go through identity crisis it's fine i get it um challenge yourself a little bit try new things um really listen to yourself and trust your intuition but you're just growing you're just changing and that's okay we all are going to grow and change and it's going to get a

little hard sometimes but just know you are on the path that's moving forward which is the best path love you okay this is a great question how to limit retail therapy and spending too much money on unnecessary things love this question definitely been feeling this way the past three months um i just realized in the past i used to spend a lot of money on things that i didn't necessarily need at all whatsoever i just thought in the moment you know it'll give me instant serotonin so why the fuck not i'm such a slut for instant serotonin like come on um does it work for a short amount of time yes but then I check my bank account and I get sad again um so when it comes to retail therapy listen I'm still I still do retail therapy but I don't

do it as often as I used to so there's some small changes that I've made into my spending habits and things that I'm doing that I think have really saved me and here's what I've kind of been doing maybe it'll help you guys as much as it's helped me a i don't go out to eat as much um i used to go out to eat like five nights a week i know that sounds crazy um it is crazy abso-fucking-lutely um but at my old house like my kitchen was a fucking mess i was not about to cook anything there my roommates kind of destroyed it um but now that i and then like starting to live in my own place I didn't have pots and pans for like three four months so bad now that I have pots and pans look I can cook myself food I can make myself those uh ice lattes at home speaking of

I'm literally gonna go make one in about five minutes um I can make those ice lattes at home actually I can make like 12 of them for ten dollars instead of one for ten dollars I can cook myself dinner for $20 when I would have spent $40 on food um and I'll have a meal for two days so I really really try and limit how much I'm spending money wise on going out to eat that is step number one yes it includes lattes yes it includes land random you know lunch runs yes it includes I'm too lazy to cook dinner so I'm not doing it you just got to plan a little bit once you plan a little bit you know make a grocery list get your groceries on a Sunday or Monday make like three meals that you can eat throughout the week and get coffee like I am

good you know what I mean and it saved me so much money okay another thing that saved me money I'm not thrifting as much I used to go like once a week maybe twice a week just because like something to do something to occupy my mind it's fun whatever but I realized there were so many times that i was just in there and i would spend hours in there so i would like um collect a bunch of things you know and that was the main issue is i was leaving the store with like 70 worth of items when i could have left with like one thing that i really liked so i've been putting a lot of things back the thrift store understanding that like i do not need any everything um who cares if it's not going to be here the next time i come in if i'm not going to integrate it into my weekly

wardrobe then it's not worth the purchase um and even limiting my time instead of going for like two three four hours i am only i went for three minutes the other day literally like i was talking about before i you know uh was going into work and i had to thrift clothes i just i was in there for three minutes and i found two things that i've been looking for forever like if you can't find anything good in a short amount of time you're probably not going to find it being there for two three four hours so really limiting the time you're going out um and putting things back when you know they aren't really gonna work um and i do think the thrift helps when it comes to like retail therapy i don't really shop online that much i can't lie if it's ebay i do shop online

a lot which i've just deleted that app or depop i shopped online a lot which i deleted that app as well no access really fucking helps um that was really the only online retail therapy i did so like my in-person retail therapy being thrifting i feel like is okay i wasn't going to like huge big expensive stores and spending thousands of dollars that's fucking crazy so limiting my time very much so helped with that aspect um also i am never spending money on anything like that unless i have a saved enough money to cover all of my rent plus you know all the like uh money that i want to save i usually try and save like three four hundred five hundred dollars a month um which isn't a lot i should be saving more but listen whatever we're doing the best we can we're

starting somewhere that's all that matters um so saving all of rent plus money i want to save plus money i would like to use for next month so once i save about like maybe three weeks worth of work then i'm like okay we can go do some retail therapy and that only leaves me like a week out of the month to do retail therapy so really i just have not been purchasing a lot making sure i'm saving saving saving once i hit the quota of what i want to save then i'll allow myself to spend some money of course i have some rules in place but i also think it's important to treat yourself every once in a while like i think that's okay i think that's valid that's fine like sure i'm gonna go buy a lip gloss but i'm not gonna go on a 400 sephora spree

um limiting your time inside limiting when you're allowed to buy things um avoiding online shopping deleting the apps that are that you're spending money on deleting your card out of your phone so you can't just easily throw it in into postmates or uber eats or whatever and making sure you're planning some easy meals that you can make throughout the week that you will actually eat okay and not spending as much money going out to eat i've really cut back on my spending a lot like quite a lot um it's really easy to be indulgent and treat yourself and have that treat yourself mentality and you should i think you should want to treat yourself but you have to think short term versus long term short term this is going to feel really really really good

but long term this is going to fucking suck so i might as well just suck it up and believe in the long term and put it into the long term so i feel good on a month-long basis compared to like a 15 hour basis um but yeah you can save money i believe in you you got it like would you give a child your debit card and let them go purchase anything they want in the store no so you have to like give yourself quite honestly the same rules because i am so impulsive so fucking impulsive hi hannah i have a sex related question so i have been together with my boyfriend for over two years now but I cannot orgasm just by like sex and so what we do is I sometimes use toys or when we finish and I still feel kind of horny I have like some five minutes for myself and do myself with

a vibrator or whatever but i just want to know is that a problem or how do i get to come just by um him i try to have like a vibrator break or whatever and of course it's going to feel like more sensitive but still like the big oh i i can't i don't know have a girl out please because i love the sex with him and i love him obviously okay king okay love that he's like hell yeah involved toys love that sounds like you have a great partner um i'm gonna tell you something that i think a lot of women sorry i'm making iced coffee a lot of women worry about but i don't think it's a huge issue um i think i think a majority of women cannot come all the time from pnv and i'm talking like just getting dicked down i think it's a it's a smaller percent of women who oh my

god whoa a smaller percent percentage of women who can come from that then can't so i don't think there's anything wrong with you straight up and i don't think there's anything wrong with your boyfriend i do believe the sex is probably great um i don't think anything wrong is happening it's just yeah you probably need some like clitoral stimulation during the deed okay because like we got nerves in there but like our main nerves are going to be our clit of course so maybe like i would encourage you to maybe have him use them on you or use them during like it's really easy to just have like a vibrator and use it during missionary doggy whatever um and also i think sometimes vibrators can bring the stimulation down a little bit um like it'll make you a little

less sensitive so if you feel like you are getting less sensitive because the toys you're using maybe take a little toy break um and really focus on like fingers and finger action because then you can also like teach him how to use his fingers and then he can you know use them while also fucking you but i don't think there's anything wrong let me find the actual percentages hold on okay yes so in the journal of sex and marital therapy um in 2017 study they found that only 18 said they could orgasm from penetration alone so like for me personally i feel like i can sometimes if it's the right position right mood whatever i don't know it has to be like fucking like magic is working though um but i can a majority of the time there's like a toy or if i

like there's some clitoral stimulation there so i think you got to do like the combo which i think most people have to do so don't worry about it i don't think there's anything wrong with you but yeah incorporate some toys but incorporate some toys during the deed um either you using them on yourself or him using them on you one of the two i think you'll have a lot of fun trying it out though someone asked how do you not fear having to work for the rest of your life and i counter you with this question well maybe i'm countering myself with this question what the fuck would i be doing if I wasn't working I would probably be bored I would probably be exhausted doing the same routine every day um yes I work a very menial job but I enjoy doing it do I think I'll work in the

service industry for the rest of my life no I look towards my dad who has very severe ADHD and he has had I mean he's had one job a majority of his life but he didn't find enough like just like it kind of got menial so now he's working like two or three jobs and they're very like simple very menial you know uh like hourly jobs but it keeps him occupied it gives him something to do it feels like he's working towards something and he also gets some money at the end of the day he's like what the fuck would i be doing if i didn't have a job like he's technically quote-unquote retired but he retired and then got three other jobs he's like I would just be sitting on the couch watching tv all day and that doesn't feel good like it feels

good at first but it drives you crazy after a while because you want to get out you want to see the world you want to meet people you want to talk you want to have those experiences um and that is not going to happen if you're just locked inside all day so like yes I will have to work for the rest of my life and I used to find that terrifying but I was really only focusing on jobs that I personally found terrifying if you can find a job that is just makes you happy I think that is worth more than any other job that's gonna pay you more gonna do whatever as long as you feel happy and comfortable at that job that is an amazing job like cannot lie I will probably be working until I'm like 75 80 like when I worked in the daycare I worked with 75 and 80 year olds

because they'd be like well I was a nurse but I didn't want to stop working and well I did stop working and I went home and I got bored and there's nothing to do there's no stimulation so like I got a job at a daycare like very menial easy work but it gives them purpose and it gives them something to do and it's something they enjoy it's like yeah I guess it's terrifying but also if you can find a sweet spot where you know you make enough money to survive and also you enjoy the place you work then I don't see an issue with it and I'll probably retire at like 95 when I can't walk anymore and I've talked about this before but I think I'll peak when I'm like 95 and retired and it's just me probably chain smoking in the back yard with my garden and my

cats and that sounds pretty incredible to me someone said they did mushrooms for the first time and um they listened to my podcast during i fucking i love that so when i when i was first told to start a podcast it was because i was just going live on tiktok all the time i think a lot of you guys know me from tiktok um but i was going live on tiktok literally all the time just giving advice and i would either be like belligerently hi like hi sorry i'm used to censoring myself for tiktok i literally almost said h-i-g-h anyways i would just be at the park like smoking um or i would be on mushrooms um just like tripping balls giving advice hanging out with people on live and it was it was so much fun like i loved it but i couldn't imagine listening to myself

on mushrooms i feel like connecting is so much fun on mushrooms so i feel like it could be really fun um but i've been missing them a lot recently and since the cold weather is starting to float in i really want to take advantage of doing them soon because i mean i've done a lot of mushrooms there's a point in my time or point in time in my life holy shit where i literally did me and my boyfriend did like 10 grams um do i don't recommend that i i do not recommend that my boyfriend to this day is like that permanently fucked me up i'm like yeah probably um definitely cannot speak fluent sentences anymore but i had already like previously fucked myself up over molly anyways don't don't i'm not recommending either of those but i did personally really

enjoy mushrooms and really enjoyed the insight they gave me and the just like kind of like forced time I took to sit down and connect with myself and really ask myself the hard questions and you know um just enjoy the weather sometimes it's nice to just be able to just go outside and enjoy the weather um I know you don't need hallucinogens and drugs for that but on mushrooms the park is really really fun but I spent majority of the pandemic um just doing some micro doses of mushrooms and it really did change my outlook on a lot of things i i really enjoyed those trips um it made me really appreciate the smaller things the little things it made me look more at the now and not live so much in the past or the future and it really made me sit down and like appreciate my

life for what i have and not for what i wanted or what i'm fiending for because i feel like we waste so much of our time wanting and wanting and wanting and never really appreciating the time we have now um but i've been meaning to do some maybe i'll do some soon in honor of like our one year anniversary and i will do a podcast oh my god but yeah me and mushrooms have always gotten along personally and i really miss um i haven't tripped in like at least trips on mushrooms in like uh two years um and previously i had done them for like a full year i felt like i just you know with everything like i feel like when i'm over indulging it's never good so i just usually give myself a harsh cut off and don't ever have them around me and don't do them anymore but now

i feel like you know i'm in a good place and it would be really fun before i enter the winter seasons but i love that you listen to this podcast during i hope i was able to facilitate your trip and um i hope you had a lot of fun but yeah someone asked how to tell a friend you no longer want to give them advice if they won't take it um great question i am such an advice friend i've been on both sides of this actually first of all like if you have a problem the first thing that's gonna fucking spew out of my mouth is advice i just can't help it i'm sorry i want to see everybody do good why do you think i have a podcast all about it like it is just instinct number one but I had to realize not everybody wants advice all the time because I feel like sometimes when

um people are getting a bunch of advice and a bunch of advice it starts to feel like an attack after a while because you live in a little bit of a state of delusion and if anybody says anything is wrong about your characteristics or anything that you're doing it starts to feel like an attack even if you know it's wrong or not um so I had to start catching myself and being like listen if people want to change they're going to change if they don't want to change they're not going to change that is not up to me um what i can do if i still want to be in these people's lives is ask them do you want advice or do you just want company because sometimes like i'm not gonna lie when you're going through a hard time sometimes you just want somebody to be

in the same vicinity as you you don't really care you know what they're doing what they're saying you just don't want to be alone and that's okay that's a valid feeling i hope everybody has that person in their life um and sometimes you just got to realize your place and be like listen my friend doesn't need advice right now it's honestly gonna make her feel worse so maybe i can just be there for her um i have also been the friend who keeps getting told the same advice over and over and over and gets ghosted by this friend because i keep complaining about the same thing over and over and over and i had to realize like that is absolutely fine um not on my part on my friend's it is totally okay to distance yourself if you see your friend only coming to you for advice but

then never taking it and then constantly complaining about the same things um that that is fine you were you're not being a good friend right now not the person giving advice but the person who's not receiving it you're not being a good friend right now and I think like when I was in that position I had to realize like not everything's about me and it won't ever be about me um all the time so I need to be a friend of this person and kind of switch up of course you know you're not in her position so you can't really tell her she's being like a shitty friend she has to come to that realization on her own but what you can do is be like hey we keep talking about the same thing over and over and it hasn't gotten better and I would really appreciate it if

maybe we just didn't talk about it when we were together um because I keep telling you the same thing and nothing is happening nothing's changing so obviously you don't want to hear it but also if you maybe want to go about a softer approach you could be like hey I know what you're going he was hard would you like advice or would you like just somebody to be there for you and open that relationship to them and open that opportunity for kind of like what they're looking for to them but god damn i've been there like i've been there with myself too i will give myself advice and give myself advice and just like close my eyes and plug my ears and ignore it um but at the end of the day like it's gonna eventually catch up to you and you're gonna have to take that advice

that advice at some point in time so it's just you might as well rip the band-aid off it really is easier just fucking rip the band-aid off and just take the advice and move on but as a friend you know when people can't change it's not your job to change them it's not your job to facilitate facilitate that change as a friend it's your job to be there um and i like you i personally i love it when my friends are honest with me i'm never gonna take it personally when my friends are like telling me straight up what the fuck they they mean and what they want for me and maybe it comes off a little harsh sure but like i i take that well i don't know if everybody else takes that well so i think it's best to kind of leave that up to um yourself and if you want to be in their

life if they're not going to change and also like up to if the friend wants advice or if maybe they just need someone to support them right now so yeah hi Hannah um before I wanted to say anything I just want to say I am in love with you and your podcast and I've been a listener for a very long time so I just want to say thank you I listen to your podcast literally every morning um but my question is, how would you deal with toxic in-laws? I recently got married and it's specifically my grandmother-in-law who is really not very nice, not a fan. She's always said kind of rude comments to me, but once me and my husband got engaged, it just got really worse. Just a lot of negativity so I was just wondering how should I go about just I don't know I'm trying to think

of how to say it how can I be nice but also to her be nicer but stand up for myself as well uh anyways I love you bye honestly okay standing up for yourself is very very important and I understand when it comes to the situation of family it's like you're walking on tiptoes a little bit because it's not your family so you can't really be straight up honest with them because you don't know them super well it's your um husband's family and you obviously want to make a good impression because like you're conjoining families but obviously there's some resistance there for me personally that's a conversation your husband needs to be having with his grandmother um i think you know you should voice how you feel to um your partner and you should be like hey

this isn't gonna fly like if you're allowing your family to disrespect me you are also disrespecting me it by allowing it you know i think he needs to have that conversation with his grandmother and if she is just going to be stuck in her ways maybe you don't need to come around you know send him off to the family things um send him off to do those things and be with his grandmother but also like like even with my own family if I don't like you I'm not gonna come around so if you're not even a part of my quote-unquote real like blood family why would I come around you I know you need to save face and you need to be the you need to be like quiet and you need to not speak up but i'm so fucking bad at that like i just like i can't even be put in

situations where people are going to disrespect me because i will lose my shit um and no one needs to see that so i would say maybe distance also have your partner talk to their grandmother about that um discuss how you know we're not going to tolerate disrespect especially against family if she doesn't understand that maybe there just needs to be some distance I think that is a okay if anybody is making you feel uncomfortable about who you are or being just straight up rude and disrespectful I don't think you ever should have to you know take that to the face and smile through it because that just doesn't feel um uh good for anybody involved like literally my aunt she is just like she always has like she oh my god eating disorder vibes you know like

older white woman eating disorder vibes and when i'm going through periods where i don't need to be around that and i am around that it is really really not healthy for me not good for me not to be reminded of those thinking patterns like i was at a family lunch and i was making a plate and she was like oh my god hannah i have never seen seen you eat this much and i was like do you want me to put it back like i was like girl do you want me to put it back and she was like oh no no no no but it's like that's what I mean by like I cannot let shit like that slide like I meet people right where they're meeting me and that's where like if grandma was like shitting on me it would not go good for grandma maybe you're nicer and kinder than me um if not definitely space but if

you are like I don't think that's a conversation you should be having with the with the what I guess grandmother-in-law that's definitely something that your partner should be um talking with their family about because disrespect should not be tolerated by anybody um and easily can be talked through but i'm sorry that fucking sucks i get it um i understand you know you want to be accepted by these people but also like if they aren't willing to accept you you don't have to accept them someone said can you please talk about innies and outies and no i don't think the mean the belly button my thought process on innies and outies is he's gonna slurp it up either way and that is all i have to say about it because that's the only thing you should really be

thinking about uh women come both ways women come halfway women come one way or the other same way like some women have small boobs some women have big boobs some women have tits that are two different sizes actually i think most women do i don't think thinking about it and over analyzing like how you're built ever helps because at the end of the day they're gonna be slurping it up either way amen oh my god this one hit hard i'm not good at expressing my love for my boyfriend in words how do i show him i care and love him love this i i'm a lover girl but i have a very hard time expressing love because i was shown only a little bit of it at a young developing age and now my brain doesn't know how to process the feeling

anyways so for me personally like standing in front of somebody and like telling them they love i love them is like very hard of course it's not hard now like two three years into a relationship like we say it between every fucking breath but like at first taking like accountability for how i was feeling and then also expressing it outwardly was like oh my god it felt like i was putting a gun in between my eyes i wasn't it's not that dangerous it's not that scary but it feels like that um and it's like I don't know if it was a fear of rejection or maybe a fear of intimacy or maybe a little combo of both but I really think you need to look into um your love language um very simple I'm sure there's plenty of online quizzes and things you could do um and I had to

learn that for me personally, I love in a very specific way and everybody does. Everybody's going to love in a very specific way. For me personally, me making myself available to you is me caring about you. Me showing up constantly and consistently to hang out with you and like always being around somebody, that means I care about you. So quality time, very important. Also for me personally i am a i love gift giving um if i see a little like thing at the store and it reminds me of somebody i'm picking it up i'm buying it i'm giving it to them if i'm at the thrift store of course i'm looking for things for my boyfriend things that i can you know come home and surprise him with um and it's not always like materialistic items i've also found

in the past that like i am i always love to bake and cook for people and gift give in that sort of way also like acts of service if anybody ever needs help i am always there but like when it comes to lovey-dovey like gushy stuff i am not great at it um standing in front of someone and like reciting vows of like like a whole paragraph of why i love somebody in front of like all of her friends and family like is giving me chills like that is terrifying so little things that i think have helped are notes i love leaving notes for my boyfriend and he loves leaving notes for me just a little reminder of why we love each other that we're appreciative of each other and we can just leave it out where they're gonna find it not right away maybe after work or you know maybe in

the morning whatever it is but it's a fun little reminder or like expression of love that isn't too like oh this is like it's vulnerable but it's also like i'm not opening my fucking chest to you right now like craziness um it's just a cute little fun reminder keeps it quirky during the day that's one way that i have found to really kind of um you know be vulnerable and communicate how i feel and how much i love a person but i feel like a lot more of it is just the little things that we are doing for one another so if you're in a relationship or even if not take the love languages quiz um really ask yourself like how do i love a person because you also have to ask yourself how do i want to be loved and i think it's like when choosing a partner i think it's

important to pay attention to these love languages pay attention to what your partner seeks and pay attention to what you seek as well as pay attention to what you provide for your partner um because it's not always going to be huge ginormous gifts or luxury vacations or um penthouse dinners or like i don't know just things like that it's not always that because sometimes people don't give a fuck about that for me personally i would rather have you show up to my house with a fatty joint and like a cheap ass greasy ass pizza and we just smoke and eat and talk all night like that is ideal for me I don't need any of the fanciness I need the craziness any of like you know things like that that are prioritized specifically right now because it's not my love

language and that's okay but really you know take that quiz ask yourself how do I love and how do I want to be loved I think it's a really fun way to get to know you get to know yourself as well as get to know your partner when you're in a relationship hi Hannah love the pod been here since october 2021 i think or november um but i was just wondering if you've ever done anything you regret while drunk or high or like intoxicated of any sort um because i know there's been a lot of times where i have gotten intoxicated and kind of lost my ability to correctly like judge certain social situations and like behaved in ways I kind of regret um so I was just wondering if you could tell some stories about that because I just want to know that it's like not just me that like

forgets how to act basically um sometimes so yeah thanks so much I love you so so so so so much okay bye oh my god girl i've been there we've all been there i think everybody has experienced this um and it's okay it's okay to listen you're intoxicated you're inebriated of course you're gonna make decisions that like aren't the best decisions okay you you're not gonna fully think through things like you would if you're sober and that's fine everybody makes mistakes everybody has those days as miss hannah montana put it but you just gotta learn from it don't beat yourself up up over it and move on there was a time where i was partying a lot in a very self-sabotaging way and i would just get out and i would like black out for hours and i just wouldn't care

there's one time i went out and like i was looking back at the videos i was posting and the like videos I was taking the photos I was taking and I was like I was really out of it like I didn't remember anything I was doing which is a scary feeling and also I had woken up and realized that I had projectile vomited all over this person's house and I like didn't have pants on I like had left them in the car somehow like there was just a lot of horrible awful things going on and I woke up the next morning and i was like never again never again like beforehand i would have those nights to be like whatever i'm just gonna keep going out i won't remember it tomorrow but then i had to be like girl this is too much like it's okay to make a mistake every once in a while but

it really got to a point of me being like i'm embarrassing myself a lot for me to really cut back on my drinking now i don't think you're like there i'm just explaining where i was like it's okay it's okay everybody's gonna go out to the bars to a frat party whatever embarrass themselves it's just a part of drinking and being intoxicated you are not in your right mind and that is all right and it's okay to have a little anxiety the next day that's also a product of your brain being dehydrated from drinking so much and having no electrolytes in it um but all i can really say is you know everybody makes mistakes you the like difference between somebody who makes mistakes and then you know does worse compared to somebody who makes mistakes and does better is they take

those moments and they learn from them and they really try and take action to not repeat those so like i really try and not party as much um and i try to you know limit the amount that i'm drinking so i'm not blacking the fuck out for hours because that's terrifying um but like there's little steps you can do and also just understand that like you probably embarrassed yourself but everybody else was probably also embarrassing theirself at the same time so nobody probably remembers um and hopefully you can just remember it and move on and learn from it but anybody who's ever drink alcohol has been there we've been there it's okay all right you just gotta you gotta learn from it and take no and keep it rolling babe someone uh asked how to enjoy

cooking i absolutely hate it um sometimes i hate it sometimes i love it growing up my parents always worked like extremely late so i was always cooking like they'd be like start dinner it's like all right let me put something together you know what I mean so luckily for me I have a lot of recipes and knowledge in the back of my mind but when you're just starting it is a little daunting um that's why I say come up with like two to three recipes like a week and that's pretty much all you really need to get by um and have enough meals for the week especially if you're you cook enough um for like cook for a family but like eat for yourself and then you'll have leftovers you know um but to really get into it a find find a recipe you're passionate about something you really

really want to try um i find all my recipes on pinterest or there are things that like i've been cooking for years one of the two um but i love finding recipes on pinterest they give me inspiration give me something new to try love it be light a candle set the vibes okay always got to set the vibes turn on some music all right get yourself distracted turn on like a youtube video that you've been meaning to watch that you can just listen to in the background shit play this podcast you know um anything to kind of just like give you something to do in your brain while cooking um and yeah just get passionate about it set the vibes and make sure you're making that's something that's going to be tasty at the end so then it's like worth all the work you're putting

into it i also try to make sure there's garlic in everything i cook because sorry i'm taking a sip of my coffee hold on i feel like the smell of garlic really just brings out the inner chef in me i'm like yes i'm really i'm really cooking here shit this garlic smells so fucking good but cooking like you really just gotta set time aside for it for me personally i'm not cooking at two three o'clock in the afternoon like when lunch hits like i need something easy to throw together that's why it's a salad that's why it's a sandwich something like four steps and i'm done when it's nighttime and i need something to occupy myself and i need something to do and i'm just like shit i might as well just like i don't know it's not wasting time but it's like

passing time that's for sure that's when you can have like the more complicated dishes that you want to try um for me personally tonight i'm making chili because that is the easiest and then i have like jalapeno cheddar brats and i'm gonna put the chili on top of um some jalapenos too some sour cream it's gonna be good it's gonna put me in the fall mood um but yeah you can do it i promise you can chef it up girly i'm scrolling through all the questions i get on my instagram and the the the overall feeling right now is like a lot of you guys are going through breakups a lot of you like a lot like a like it's every other question that i'm getting and i feel you and i hear you and here is your kind of message from the universe a we just had a retrograde end

which means a lot a lot a lot a lot of karmic relationships are coming to a end cycles that you've been continuing for a long period of time are coming to a end um and that might be this either a maybe you stepped into your power you realized something wasn't good for you you took control and removed yourself from the situation or maybe you know you were forcefully removed from the situation maybe you know this was something you thought was good but you know maybe didn't work out and I guarantee it'll probably be a blessing in disguise in about three months you'll be good you'll be you'll be doing great I promise um right now is really just a great time to sit with yourself and ask yourself in your if you're in this uh situation

where do I want to go from here okay when I first met my boyfriend I had written down in my journal after my last breakup like what I wanted from a partner I was like I need them to be able to communicate with me I need them to be confident in themselves and not bring me down with them I need them to whatever I just listed that shit off I'm not digging through my notes up right now i don't need to get triggered but um just like a very simple i think there's only like five things you know what he checks like every fucking box because i would continuously revisit that list and i would ask myself hmm is this person you know living up to what i need in a partner if not no issues removing it like just you just gotta you gotta rip the band-aid off

but if it is then like maybe it's not a karmic relationship anymore maybe you have entered a you know new cycle a new thing a new opportunity so i really just challenge you all to dream to fantasize a little bit to to get into your life really ask yourself like what do i want because if you can think of it you can achieve it absolutely especially when it comes to a partner you just gotta be a little picky you can't settle for the first one um attention does not always mean love but really you know look back on your previous relationship ask yourself like what qualities work what qualities didn't work um what am i looking for next and i feel like once you get distance that's when you're really able to evaluate a relationship because the rose-colored

glasses come off and you can actually sit with yourself and ask yourself these things honestly and most of the time you'll look back and you'll be like what why was i putting up with that or that was really shitty or i can't believe i didn't take notice of that earlier so distance very important but really is it now is the time to really like sit with yourself and make sure that these karmic uh cycles do not come back full force again and you don't continue them um but i think that's why we're seeing so many like scandals in like uh media right now like the try guys and adam levine and whatever and that's why i'm getting so many questions on breakups or cheating and it's it's because a lot of like sneaky hidden things and a lot of karmic cycles and things that need

to be put to the end are being put to the end right now especially with the aries full moon that just happened um aries is all about taking control of their life uh they do not give a shit they are fucking like head first into what they want and only what they want basically um and i think that energy is still lingering in the air for everybody so try try and catch the wave okay try and push yourself forward try and keep yourself motivated try and keep you know moving forward focusing on yourself choosing what is best for you and not falling back into old habits but yep end of that mercury retrograde a lot of things are coming to an end but they it's needed okay I guarantee it's needed hey queen how are you doing amazingly um

I am a junior in college and I would just like love some I would just love your perspective on like taking next steps towards a career that like aligns like with my highest good and like makes me happy and also like makes a difference in the world because I'm a math major and an environmental science major and recently like I've fallen in love with math which sounds crazy I know it sounds cray I've fallen in love with math like so so much and like I have this amazing female professor and she's like so convincing me to go to grad school for math and I don't know what to do because I've always wanted to like make a difference in the world via environmental science and help hi babes mathematician okay I can't even do mental math when I'm giving people change back

at my restaurant i don't even pick up i don't pick up the change like if it's like 5.75 i'm just gonna like give i'm gonna take the five and i'm just gonna take the 75 cent hit because i don't want to get change that sounds crazy i know but i'm a server so i can do change that way uh because it comes out of my pocket at the end of the day it works out whatever um not good not good with fucking math at all um i was an all a student except for math like solid c's anyways that is not the point i'm just thinking back on math um and i love that you have an appreciation for it that maybe i'm unable to see and that's beautiful and wonderful and definitely you should lean into it so you're talking about like careers are hard and i talked previously in this podcast about

um you know a career doesn't always have to be like world changing and like the highest paying fucking crazy thing um sometimes it just needs to be something that makes you feel good and pays the bills and i think that's kind of the highest good that you can find i never want anybody to be stuck in a situation that they don't enjoy i never want anybody to be stuck in a job that they hate and that is bringing them down i never want anybody to be stuck in a place where they feel inadequate not good like they're not moving forward like they're not putting something out into the world um and where was i going with that anyways you sent a second voice message in which kind of was like you addressing that you understand that which is good i'm glad that you do

um but when it comes to choosing a career path you really just have to think long term because the first job you are ever going to get is not going to be the job that you probably end up at in the end of your life you gotta dip your foot in and know that job is not going to be perfect it's not going to be amazing it's not going to be exactly what you want but it is going to put into perspective where you want to work towards and what you're trying to achieve so if you want to work in like environmental you know um like you want to work in the environmental sect of things and not really the math sect of things there is a line where those things like interconnect and i think in order for those things to interconnect you have to also do so math makes

you happy that is what makes you happy i am never going to tell you to ever give that up um grad school might help you further your knowledge further your understanding make better connections so that when you do have that environmental position and when you are working towards that environmental goal you maybe have more connections have more people you know which can also lead to more job opportunities and also have more experience that can help the environmental sect of things that not many people can do you know and if um like you want to have a job or you want to participate in um helping the environment but maybe you can't find a job that really really um like interconnects with it or you can only find a job that is really

math related I think that's okay it doesn't mean we can't have hobbies and activities outside of your career if that makes sense that's why I say the highest good of a career is simply a job that pays that pays you enough money to survive and do your hobbies and doesn't make you hate your life so at the end of your job when you're clocking out you can finally take off to the hobby that you really really enjoy that really really gives you passion in this life and makes you feel like you're a part of life and you're giving to the world and you're really taking accountability for what's going on in the world and that's another way that those things can go hand in hand so maybe math is a thing that funds your environmental um appreciation and the way

you're reaching out that um the way you're reaching out in like a hobby sense maybe you find something that interconnects um with the math and um environmental sect but either way you really just gotta find something that the end of the day is going to make you happy is going to pay the bills and allows you to further pursue something that makes you feel excited about the world and like you're participating in the world whether that is directly correlated with your career or if that is a hobby that you do outside of your career that your career funds so I really hope that makes any sort of sense but like if there's something that you're truly passionate about I don't think you should give it up there's definitely ways you can go about like

having many different interests and either not making them your key focus in your career and doing it outside or finding a sweet spot within it but I do think furthering your education will help on both levels just because um I think education is a lot about connection and um like the people you meet um once you graduate high school and especially when it comes to environmentalism um i think the people you can meet within the math realm and the connections they might have you will be able to make a huge difference specifically but also hobbies careers very important but happiness at the end of the day and feeling like you're pursuing something that is giving you purpose is key so like listen i work a bartending job is that something that like

i want to constantly do or that i find a huge purpose in not really but i can go to work i can do my job and not fully hate it while i'm there i can make a pretty good amount of money leave not feeling awful terrible horrible leave like i felt like i've done something with my time um and then i spend the rest of my time that i have off doing the things that really inspire me and doing the things that really drive me like this podcast or like anything that um like art podcasting anything creative you know those are the things that really drive me um i don't have a full career made out of one of them yet but by pursuing both things a stable job that makes me not completely hate life as well as a passion that makes me feel connected to life i've found

a incredible sweet spot that i think a lot of people can find anyways with that being said i keep getting dms like girl where's the podcast i'm patiently waiting what's happening so i gotta end this so i can put it out and you guys can have a wonderful rest of your day this was so fun did you guys have fun i hope i could alleviate a little bit of stress give you some insight help you guys out in whatever way possible thank you so much for all the questions also shout out to all the new listeners right now um i just checked my analytics and like there's a ton of new people listening to the podcast and it's so exciting to have you here thank you so much for fucking being here and giving me a chance i hope i can help you out as much as you guys help me out um but yeah

this is basically like i've been doing this for a year isn't that crazy isn't that kind of crazy to fucking think about like i have been doing this for a full year i started october 12th which is technically tomorrow whatever it's October 11th but I started this October 12th and it has given me so much insight it has given me so much passion and drive for life it has really changed my life so much just kind of being able to build this community and connect with you guys and by connecting with you guys also being able to connect to myself so I'm so eternally grateful for just you guys showing up every week showing up not only for me but for yourself as well thank you for all the questions you guys submit thank you for the vulnerability we share um thank you

for being open and honest with me and i guarantee i'll be open and honest with you and maybe together we can grow like who fucking knows where we'll be one year from now i remember when i first started this podcast i um i had my own place but i was basically living at my boyfriend's because i was unemployed um i was nannying previously but then i went through like a three month period of unemployment which was not good i had zero money it was really bad like very low point also very much so a depression and i just didn't have any creative spark and i didn't know what i was doing and so in an act of desperation and kind of like an act of trying to save myself i was like okay we'll start a podcast um i had had a following beforehand i think a lot of you guys know me from

tiktok but i had had a following beforehand oh my god i'm getting chills saying this because like i literally just envisioned my future and i'm sitting in it speaking it but um a lot of you guys have been asking for a podcast um who previously knew me on tiktok and i'd put it off for a long time and i just like was not living my true self i was not doing well at all and so finally i just gave in and i was like hannah you gotta break the loop you gotta get out you gotta to do something and simply just believing in myself enough to start and I'm not talking about I had like a million views to begin with I had maybe maybe a thousand like not a lot not even a thousand maybe 200 um to begin with but slowly and surely as I continued more of you guys showed

up and more of you guys started to listen and through that I've also started to believe in myself just giving myself the time to do that introspection to ask myself the hard questions the same questions you guys are asking yourself and are asking me and I remember sitting down to record the first podcast and I was like where where do I want to see myself from this like like what am I doing I'm unemployed I'm not doing anything with my day I'm sitting on my phone scrolling for 12 hours a day and then just sitting next to my boyfriend at night and that is not fulfilling at all like what am i doing i have to pull myself out of this slump and i envision myself in the future like in my own space with my own things with bright windows bright light in my

house a plethora of weed um being able to just like lounge in my house and feel fulfilled and talk to you guys and connect with you guys weekly and like right now i'm sitting in the kitchen that i dreamed of um recording this podcast kind of like one year later and it's crazy how much something can change is it in a year but if you really believe in yourself and you really just take the time and effort to kind of just pull yourself out by the fucking hair from the hole you've dug yourself into you can do it you can get there you can get anywhere that you possibly want simply by just taking the time to put effort into yourself and really just try and show up for yourself

the way you would show up for a friend. So I hope I can be your friend. I hope we can keep each other company through the good times and the bad. And I cannot wait to come back and do another episode with you guys in like a week. Maybe I'll do an extra one this week or something. Don't hold me to that.

Do not hold me to that. I have a crazy week this week. but i love you all i am so very eternally grateful for this and for you and for myself and this is just your sign i think if you need it that if no one's gonna believe in you you need to at least believe in you because you know what's right for you you know what you really want and you're the only person who can make it happen i love you i hope you have a wonderful fucking rest of your Tuesday and yeah I will see you soon