Smoke Sesh - hard conversations, leaps of faith & burning it down

Episode Date: February 24, 2026

hello everyone and welcome back, excited to be back with you all for a grounded and perspective episode, today we talk about not being afraid to begin again, taking a pause to reset your life, starting over, controlled burn, not burning down your life but intentionally starting over, how to have hard conversations, hard conversations in relationships, arguing, breakups, hometown, moving home, living in the in between, finding peace in waiting, finding out what's making you depressed, getting off your phone, getting into the real world, journaling, finding hobbies, staying busy, disappointing your parents, living for yourself, making yourself happy, no regrets, spring goals, long term goals, moving to LA, leaps of faith, trusting yourself, awkward interactions, making friends, Gen Z communication habits, being a persistent person, getting a certification, learning because why not, being young and hot and having fun, how to just stay friends, staying single, and crazy story times (plus much more)submit your questions follow the instagram at hannahmarlenejoin the patreon club at patreon.com/smokeseshshawtywatch the vlogs at YouTube.com/hannahmarlene444

listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all hello hello hello hotties and welcome back to another episode of a smoke sesh you guys welcome back i'm feeling a little bit more festive so thank you so much for all the love on last episode listen it's hard being a depressed girl it's hard being a depressed girl okay it sucks it's hard but at least we got each other and it was good to just sit down and

really refocus and chat with you all so no matter what you're going through whether it's a hard time whether it's an easy time eventually we all go through those low periods and I just really hope that maybe last episode is something that you can go back and revisit and always come back to whenever you need a little bit of grounding and just some help on how to get back up and keep going so that was good i definitely had a um what i would consider a pretty climactic weekend oh my god why did i have such a hard time with that climactic weekend um i had a mental breakdown i finally girls i finally had a mental breakdown oh you thought last episode was my mental breakdown uh uh uh i did i wasn't really having realizations that i was having this weekend um so i was able

to kind of process those and understand those a little bit more which was really nice um if i'm being honest i've been like pretty depressed and i it's so funny because this is something i live with i don't really realize it's going on until it's like i'm in a fucking hole how do i get out of this um I've been like pretty pretty pretty depressed since what September and I realized this when I was having a conversation with my boyfriend and I'm like honestly it's really not fair to you genuinely it's not fair to you but I've been really checked out from life and of course in life that comes with this relationship and it's not good obviously I just feel like something's not going right I feel like I'm not living in alignment I feel like something isn't

something isn't adding up I'm like very sad in a way that I feel like I have control over and instead of like figuring it out and exerting that control I'm just really trying to like go through the motions of everyday life and hope it gets better and I mean fucking spoiler alert it does not get better unless you really address those problems and try and you know cut out the root source and get to the get to the root source and understand it and try and change a little bit and it sucks that it's taken this long for me to finally be like holy fuck like I need I need something to change in my life or else something bad's gonna happen like I can't keep living this way um yeah I feel bad that I've been taking out on this relationship but me and my boyfriend had a

pretty good chat um we came to kind of like a crossroads at least I came to a crossroads and I felt bad that it was kind of like throwing off his game but I definitely came to a crossroads where it was like so I've been living this very specific type of way for a long time now and it's not that it isn't good but it's the fact that I haven't changed or grown in any sort of way or really like gone after what I want um either because I don't believe I can or I'm preoccupying my things with stuff that just doesn't matter or I'm holding myself back in certain ways and I kind of came to this moment where I realized like I owe it to myself to fully and honestly go after everything I want and that means you know not being able to be the stay-at-home

girlfriend and do all of the laundry and all of the cooking like I can't manage for a dual household when I need to really prioritize myself um that means like I need to be setting like really big big goals like I want to move out of Kansas City it's something I've talked about for a while now if you are a new listener if you're an old listener I'm sure you've heard me talk about it I mean I think I've absolutely outgrown Kansas City I feel like I'm living in a town with all of the popular you know girls in school who did not give a fuck about me because I was just a little too weird and also subsequently with the really really weird emo punk people who also don't give a fuck about me because I'm just like a little bit too bubbly I feel very like off-center

here in a way that is not beneficial to my growth and so I really need to commit to what does make me feel better a different city maybe that I'm able to thrive in a better place for me to live big long-term goals focusing on my career focusing fully on myself and that means you know in relationship to my relationship is that something that we can manage together is that something we're willing to recommit to is that something we're willing to try out and ultimately I am very glad that you know it didn't come to an end this weekend it felt very like an abrupt conversation didn't feel right for my six-year relationship to come to an end because I think stuff that I was struggling with was more so things that I was struggling with that then was causing some

issues in the relationship and I mean it did come to the point where he was like do like do I need to go pack my shit and move to my brother's house like you say the word we're done and it's like oh my god that's a lot of pressure on me when I don't even know what I want at all like I'm literally so fucking low I don't I don't even know what I'm making for breakfast or like if I'm eating today so like don't make me choose a relationship yes or no because obviously I want to be here so we just had a big conversation pretty much like a two day long conversation of what are my goals what do I need what does he need what have I been like slacking on what has he been slacking on how can we like show up for each other and how can we like recommit and try

again because there is this point when you get to in long-term relationships where you two as individuals grow kind of away from each other I mean you grow in so many different ways you have new goals you have new aspirations you have new things you look forward to and I felt like maybe my growth was like stunted a little bit because I was not fully committing to myself and ultimately that's like my fault you know like I can be doing those things these things I can be going and living my big Hannah Montana fantasy like I really can be doing those things but I was holding myself back and then that was causing resentment it was just a very unfair situation all around for everybody involved but it was good to have kind of like a regroup and a recommittal of like hey

this is what I need please like be receptive and also like let me be very clear that like if this is not what you want that's okay like it's okay to have grown in different directions it's okay to maybe want different things out of life but like I know what I need because I haven't done it for myself yet and it's causing me to suffer exponentially so here's what I need to do here's how I need to fully commit to myself and you can be here or you cannot be here I understand if you feel like it's not fair to you or if it's not what you want so like let's be fucking clear with each other and ultimately it was something that we were both willing to work on and try and process a little bit and take our time with together so that feels good I feel like I'm in a very good

place now where I I'm almost at like a beginning stage again which feels good and I think if I was going to go through a breakup right now I would absolutely need to go to the psych ward so I'm very happy i'm very happy that it's like not like okay completely blow the fuck up out of your life to the point where like you were suffering mentally it's more so like a calc a calculated blow up of just like recommittal to self but i do feel like i'm in a position now that feels really good and very hopeful and very inspiring and I feel like I have this weight off my shoulders that I just put there myself that I can now fully commit and go after my dreams and go after everything and fuck it let's just fucking do it because if I'm being honest and this is kind of

just how your mid-20s are you get out of college you're in your early 20s you're figuring out you're living with eight roommates you you barely know how to cook you're barely eating you're barely doing laundry it's like holy shit how do I do all this adult stuff and pay bills and maybe get a job maybe you're living at home it's confusing early 20s is very confusing very chaotic then you hit your mid-20s where you kind of have it figured out you know you're like okay I found a stable place is it amazing is it my forever home no hell no but it's not eight roommates and I'm living on a fucking couch you know but you have it like stable where you get comfortable and that's good you want to be comfortable in life but I'm the kind of person

where I can be comfortable for a little bit until I'm like all right I need newness I need change I need excitement and I wasn't giving that to myself for whatever fucking reason I was making excuses I was too lazy I was too comfortable oh I'd feel I can't go after it oh my ADHD oh I smoked too much weed oh it's maybe it's not for me oh maybe I fail a lot of like shouldn't or maybes and that kept me complacent for too long to the point where I was like I'm going insane I need to blow up my entire fucking life so i can then bring in new change the same way like in forestry where they will burn down a entire forest or a part of the forest that is like overgrown on itself that like the trees are so compact so they're like choking each other out and the forest floor can't flourish

the trees aren't flourishing it's just like bad that's a part of forestry they burn it all down they completely level it out so then everything has a chance to restart and regrow in a healthier way and that's what I feel like I needed but I did not need a wildfire of fuck it let's just like destroy in a chaotic way because that's what I used to do I used to be like okay well fuck it I'm just gonna blow it all up I'm gonna be impulsive and I'm gonna suffer and I'm gonna have to start over in a way that's going to be really hard and terrible but it's like girl if you just put like some time and thought into it it might have gone a little bit differently and not been as stressful I mean do I ever regret blowing up my life no but I do I regret completely

catastrophizing it yes so this time around I I recognized the emotion I was feeling I recognized it wasn't good I recognized what I needed to do and instead of just completely demolishing it I'm like okay let's control burn this shit okay controlled burn let's really try in two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.

This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales, using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. the result less time spent on operations more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most learn more at accenture.com spotify take a full broad scope of what we are dealing with and what you want and try and go about it the healthy way whatever happens happens whatever my relationship turns into it turns into wherever i end up i end up whatever job i end up

with I end up with but I owe it to myself fully fully to go after everything I want and desire in this world and I don't think if I do that I will become a shell of a person and is that dramatic yes absolutely am I a dramatic ass bitch with very high hopes and dreams yes absolutely but it is what it is and I am who I am and I know the way that I was living was not sustainable for me or my mental health or my dreams or my aspirations and so if I like don't make this change I will not be living a life that will be conductive to my best being so I am really glad that you know I took the time to kind of like break down a little bit so I could understand my emotions and I'm really glad that I have a partnership with somebody who is able to like

be calm and like understanding even though it gets dramatic time from time but like it's truly understanding of who I want and truly does want the best for me it's really nice to have like even just that little of support not little it's big but just like even just from one person it does it means a lot so I do think I'm in a better place even though I'm on the verge of tears I've been dreaming it up this weekend I committed to just like allowing myself to dream a little bit to game plan to goal set to look forward um and I feel like we're in a better spot for sure we really i i am in a much better spot there was a moment where i was like do i need to commit myself to the psych ward and hey i was ready to go listen if you ever are like holy shit i need to check out

of this world for just like how about seven days how about not forever but seven days or even three or five however many you need do whatever the fuck you need to do but that was a big moment i was like do i need like a goddamn break in the in a healthy way you know i was almost there but i i think i really just needed some grounding and regrouping and understanding from the people in my life and from myself so that felt really good it did i i wonder if any of you guys were also going through fucking crash outs this weekend um with the year of the fire horse i have i feel this energy that's like prepare to be spooked and that's okay with me because like I can face scary things but I need myself I need I need like a strong connection to myself a strong understanding

of myself a strong belief in myself if I don't have that I don't have anything so priority number one for Hannah right now is really working on that relationship and getting back to the point where you know i was a little bit like god complexy where i was a little bit like yeah i'm hot and sexy and amazing and wonderful a fucking course like only that belief can come from yourself no matter what relationship in no matter who's fucking you no matter who you have attention from it has to stem from you and i haven't really given myself that or uplifted or supported that in myself for a while and so i really am trying to work on that and go forward into that like semi-delusional headspace but sometimes delusional becomes reality if you believe in it hard enough

anyways i feel like this is a good time to bring up this question someone said hi hannah me and my boyfriend of four years and i are navigating discussions around the potential of breaking up due to misalignment in a few days we both still love each other deeply though i'm i'm the one who initiated this but he is my comfort person and the thought of losing him makes me physically nauseous and start crying I keep psyching myself out and worrying if I'd be making the wrong choice to break up with him wondering if you could provide some advice and wisdom on knowing when a breakup is needed and navigating a breakup with someone you still love a lot although I'm not going through a breakup right now I think we did come to this like a crossroads that many

people in relationships come to where it's like do we commit and try again or is it not worth our time and I think that's about that's the conversation you're going to be having and I think it's a conversation that people should not be afraid of in relationships I think hard conversations bring couples closer together I think hard conversations bring closure that each person needed I think hard conversations are easier to navigate than simply blowing it up and miscommunication and yelling and screaming crying you know I've been in the two breakups I've been in there was no conversation the first one he was like it's done over the phone bye hang up like there was no choice it was just like okay well let me fucking deal with this now

the second one it was like okay we're toxic there's not even a communication that can happen we're just screaming at each other blow it up get gone and then this time around it was very like peaceful and understanding and calm in a way that i've never experienced before and I really appreciated that if you find yourself having to have a hard conversation with your partner it doesn't mean it's all over it doesn't mean you know throw it all out the window but if your partner is not able to have a hard conversation with you and keep their head on straight and understand your perspective and not hear you but feel you then yeah maybe it's time to fucking go. If your partner's not willing to communicate, willing to hear you, willing to

understand your perspective, willing to communicate their own emotions, even able to understand their own emotions, maybe they're not mature enough to even be in a fucking relationship. And it's not worth communicating to a brick fucking wall how you're feeling. So if you find yourself in that place where I was in my last relationship, which is exactly what I did, I was just like, this isn't working I gotta go I can't keep talk talk talk talk talk talk talking to somebody who simply just does not understand my language so you need like you need that partnership where there is two team players two people who are able to be fucking adults and be like okay yes I see your perspective here's what I'm going through here's my future plans do they align have we grown too far apart

do we need to let this go do we need to try a little bit harder what what's going wrong if you guys are able to have that conversation I mean it's gonna go one of two ways and I think you will be able to know what's best for you by the end of that conversation but point blank period I recommend you having it anyways and go into that conversation with no preconceived notions know like we need to leave we need to break up we need to i mean if it's toxic horrible awful then yes sure that but i think you should go into it as an open conversation of where are we right now and how do we see this working out in the future i think that will bring you the understanding the clarification the understanding that you need to be able to either move forward

or know that it's just not gonna work either way you owe it to your partner you also owe it to yourself and i think it's a good conversation to have honestly in every relationship i think you should probably have this conversation twice a year not the oh my god are we breaking up conversation but the like okay goal check-in how are you doing mentally how are you doing physically how are you doing spiritually babe where do you want to go from here are you silently suffering like let me check in i know you're still doing everything you need to do but are you silently suffering i think you need to have that check-in multiple times a year in a relationship so then you're always on the same page and always able to grow and change and get

to that next place so I understand you're also I think a lot of people are actually just went through all the questions a lot of people are finding themselves in this crossroad if your relationship is more bad times than good if there is no communication there's only arguing if you say how you feel and it's not received or receptive at all if you have an avoidant partner if they are not willing to change a little bit in order to make you feel more comfortable in a relationship not a lot you can't fundamentally change a person but like little things you know like hey can you do this for me or hey can you show up in this way it's very normal to ask for a relationship you should be able to ask for those things if you're not received as a partner in a conversation

you cannot be received as a person in a relationship and yes maybe you go into that conversation breaking up but in a very normal healthy real raw relationship I think you should go into this conversation as a check-in how are you doing let's be honest let's be vulnerable let's cry it out this conversation is going to take six hours maybe but I'm willing to have it with you because I love you and maybe we'll be able to get what we need out of this whether it's leaving trying changing understanding it will i think if you're able to come to a conclusion it will bring you guys closer together closer than you probably have been in a long time or it'll give you the closure you need to move on either way a win is a win a win is a win so

yeah my my whole thing this weekend was i love you but i need to start loving me and his was you need to not suffer in silence bitch hello you've been suffering for six months you haven't said anything i mean i say things but i don't i don't get like very like real and raw and like sobbing like i'm suffering because it's like aren't we always suffering like i don't know how big of a deal to make of it really um but I am glad that I I got to the point where I was like listen if we're gonna do this I need to like fully commit to myself like I've been I've been committed to you in a way where I'm putting myself aside and it's not what you asked for it's just like what I've been doing subconsciously probably because it's and this is I think why a

lot of people get stuck in toxic relationships but it's much easier to think about another person than it is to think about what you want for yourself duh hello and so i would kind of like uh i think subconsciously abandoning myself by being like well let me just live someone else's life and does it ever make you feel good or work no no no no no no it does not so i need to live for myself live fully for myself go after everything i want go after everything i've dreamed of work work work work hard as fuck for my dreams and if it doesn't work it doesn't work but I know honestly it will fucking work because I'm me and I know I need it because I'm suffering without it you know so if you're also going through a hard time whether it's alone whether

it's with your partner wherever it may be you would be surprised what a good conversation can do with somebody who loves you with somebody who sees you with somebody who understands you whether that's your mom your best friend your partner your brother your sister if you don't have that a therapist is also really great someone who just sees you I think it's really good to have those conversations and have those check-ins or else like time flies and life passes us by and we feel like we're behind and there's just no way to live you know so if you find yourself in those crossroads of what the fuck do i do ultimately at the end of the day the choice should always be what you want and need whether it involves another person whether it doesn't whether it involves a job

whether it involves housing living situation hobbies whatever it is at the end of the day the choice should always be you period point blank because it'll make you happy it will and I know this because my choice has not been myself for a long time and am I happy no no no I'm not every time I pick myself I do make myself happier and I made that very clear I was like I'm gonna get pretty fucking selfish for quite some time but it's what mama needs and that doesn't mean i'm gonna like put everything aside become evil but i owe it to myself i i deserve a little bit of selfishness i deserve a little bit of self-focus self-centering uplifting prioritizing myself because i haven't for a while spring is right around the corner summer is right around the

corner it's gonna heat up here soon i know a lot of you east coast girl is getting a lot of snow i'm so sorry it is gonna be 60 degrees here in kansas city this weekend very excited for that with spring and summer always brings like renewed joy and hope for life so i'm hoping this kind of aids in that process aids in that uplifting spirit and helps motivate me forward i also am like very committed to leaving Kansas City sorry this is a ramble but I think sometimes my way of thinking is also like a very simplified way of thinking and maybe a way of thinking that many other people think but I have to move out of Kansas City I do I was like very real about that I was like I don't feel like I fit in I know I know there's so many amazing people here I run into you guys all the

fucking time like for real it doesn't mean I don't have fun here but I don't I feel like I don't fit in here um I can't fucking do winters anymore I need sunshine I don't care how much rent is I mean I do care but like for sunny 24 hours a day most of the time I need that I need to move to LA if I am laying on my deathbed at 80 going damn I wish I would have moved to LA I'm gonna die sad so I owe it to myself to at least commit to a year a year minimum I think if I don't go I'm gonna regret it but I also think I need to commit to trying to love where I am someone asked how to stop feeling stuck and miserable living at home slash hometown and I think this is kind of the era I'm in where it's like okay I've outgrown where I am and I know this I know I need to move

or do something different whatever it may be I know I've outgrown where I am in my hometown not living at home but it feels like it but now is not the right time to move now is not the time to go it's just you're in that limbo phase of being in your hometown where you're like I will be out of here soon i know that i'm committed to it but for right now i need to learn how to survive here and be mentally sane so for me that looks like committing to like having some fun i have not had fun in a long time i'm can i be honest i'm really bad at having fun i'm bad at having fun i'm bad at chilling that's why i smoke so much fucking weed you guys you're like why why did why was he ripping eight bongs a day because I can't chill the fuck out I don't know how

it's a combination of my mom's paranoid anxiety and manic depressive and my dad's insane ADHD and overachieving abilities that in this body of a simple girl means I am constantly at war with my brain there's no fucking chilling I have a very hard time doing so and especially in my hometown where I'm like I feel like I'm in too tight of clothes that's what it feels like to live in your hometown sometime you're like oh my god the buttons on this shirt about to snap the fuck off because I just don't fit into it sometimes that means just like learning to try and love and commit to having some silly funny goofy time to pass the time okay so yeah I'm gonna be in Kansas City for a little bit longer I'm not moving like next month I do want to experience like

spring and summer here I do want to be here for that much longer I'm hoping to get a little bit of a ranch job this summer and add that to my resume just so I have that as like not a backup plan but it's just nice to have the experience and also just get out of the house a little bit but for me being able to live here and survive here during that time without going insane means like i need to commit to having some fun i need to commit to like getting out of my house and exploring the places i did as a child getting out of my house and going and experiencing the new things around in my city even though i don't fucking want to getting out of my house and going dancing getting out of my house and trying new food getting out of my house and just like

going to the river in the summer going on a walk maybe you know going to the lake of the ozarks which is where I like grew up when I was younger and just having that last little bit of nostalgia indulgence it's all about giving yourself the fun you wanted when you were younger that you were unable to do but now you can that you're an adult you know committing to joy committing to fun committing to exploration and rediscovery of self I think it'll be a really good like ending chapter for me here because it'll help me process the hardships that I went through when I was younger process the perspectives that I went through when I was younger that ultimately you know made me who I am and like get to have some fun even in what most would consider a not fun place I need to

chill and have some fucking fun that's what I need to do to be able to enjoy my hometown same thing with like living at home going from like having freedom at college to moving back in with your parents or having freedom in the big city and then maybe it doesn't work and having to move back to your hometown it happens it's okay but if you put yourself in the perspective of I don't need to I don't I can't be here I can't be here I can't be here it's not working it's not working the clothes are too tight the walls are closing in you're gonna panic you're gonna have a not fun time you're gonna lay in bed on your phone and scroll way too fucking much that's what's gonna happen it's what's gonna happen let's be honest okay that's not a way to live

okay you can't force yourself to suffer because you're unhappy it's okay to be temporarily unhappy or know that you've outgrown this place and still have some fucking fun still learn to enjoy where you are still grow and change and understand yourself more and i think if you commit to that in a very like unserious manner you gotta get a little unserious when it comes to your hometown you'll be able to have some fun absolutely you'll be able to discover more about yourself and maybe even love your hometown to the point where you're fine with staying you know i've had friends who get up and they move and they go somewhere else and they come back here and they're like oh my god i miss this place so much you know and sometimes it does take getting out of your

hometown for a little bit to learn how good it is sometimes it takes coming back to realize how good it is sometimes it takes coming back to realize how much you don't want to fucking be there but point blank period is you are here you need to commit to yourself to learn to have some fun learn a little bit more about yourself learn to chill the fuck out learn how to deal with your child and teenage self in a manner that is healthy and understandable learn to appreciate where you're from it'll make going wherever you're going next a little bit easier do everything that you want to do here so you feel like you've fulfilled yourself so if you do move out of state eventually you aren't like having these big regrets or this homesickness live to the fullest don't ever

imagine something holding yourself back it's just a momentary time a momentary pause a momentary era that's all that life is that's all these little things that we go through are so look at it as such look at it as that like filler episode that in-between chapter that everybody goes through that odd uncomfortable growth period that the main character needs in order to achieve her big dream in new york city you know what i mean it is what it is so the best thing you could fucking do is not be miserable and try and chill out and have some fun speaking of chilling out and having some fun someone said the phone is eating away at my brain and making me miserable help me too girl me fucking too a part of the conversation i had with my boyfriend was he was like let me be let

me ask you a very real question do you think you like of course you have to be on your phone for work duh hello but a lot of the time you're on your phone you're also just like scrolling or like over consuming like i'm i'm gonna be honest i'm on my phone a lot and not in a good way very much so in an over consumed way he was like do you think two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research together we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer register today at pmcfwalk.ca

This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. okay do you think that does affect your perspective on the world and i was like i mean yeah duh but until you actually think about it you're like well wait a minute and then guess what i did i got on my phone and i started scrolling and it was like and this is specifically

with tiktok it was like oh my god this person's miserable they're making a video about it oh my god this person's making a video about the worst moment of their life oh my god cute puppies oh my god Epstein files oh my god someone's talking about their husband cheating on them oh my god someone's crying like it like having that talk and then being like I mean yeah but like oh it can't have that much effect on me and then going and scrolling I was like oh oh okay okay okay i'm getting the big picture now yeah yes scrolling will make you fucking miserable scrolling will make you constantly compare yourself to other people scrolling will make you constantly compare your relationship to other people your living situation to other people

um one of the patreon questions this week which i thought was so good and the audio got fucked up and i was so sad about it because it was such a good question they were like i find myself scrolling on TikTok and seeing a girl who is living in France and just finished her novel and is living her best life. And I go, damn, my life's not that good in comparison, even though I don't want to fucking live in France or write a book at all or do anything she's doing. But I still feel bad about myself. And it is that exact experience that I think is kind of like fucking up my brain a little bit okay not even in like the overwhelming comparison aspect but the overwhelming consumption of negative media and the impact it can have on your mental health

listen it's so easy to just like mentally check out and scroll scroll scroll scroll trust me in the past six months where i've been massively depressed i've been doing that more than ever more than ever and has it helped at all no has it actually made my life worse yes and so sometimes it does take having those realizations of like god damn maybe i am the problem oh no tiktok's problem okay well who's opening the app maybe i am the problem and so a big part of like me committing to myself and it's hard when you work in social media and online stuff is i really need to start limiting my screen time and the best way to limit that is to up my creative endeavors and up my hobbies that's how you combat that that scrolling that that like oh my god i'm losing my

mind kind of thing i've realized when i have a busy day like today i was supposed to horseback ride this morning it got rescheduled but like my mondays are so fucking busy i wake up i have time to make my coffee poop and brush my teeth i ain't fucking kidding like real cowgirl shit like oh my god get your shit together put on your best denim and your cowboy boots and get the fuck out of there i have barely any time to wake up and do any of that i get to the ranch i'm immediately uh get wrangling my horse getting it cleaned we're ready to go we're doing an hour lesson i'm brushing them down i'm taking them out to the pasture sometimes they'll stay around and ask if they need help mucking stalls or feeding I'm doing all that I'm working hard I am done by

then it's like four hours later okay four hours later I'm in my car it's an hour drive I'm home it's one o'clock I sit down I immediately start filming the podcast it's four hours later I finally finished editing I'm in the process of uploading now it's dinner time now I'm making dinner now i'm making dinner eating dinner watching a show cleaning up by then it's 9 p.m okay have i had a moment to scroll on my phone no not at all and how am i feeling mentally a little exhausted but fulfilled i'm feeling fulfilled i'm feeling content with where i am i'm feeling happy with the things i achieved i'm feeling good i'm feeling refreshed i'm feeling like i said maybe a little tired from all the fucking things i had to do during the day

but good about what i'm doing and happy with what i'm doing that's how you combat that that scroll addiction so i really need to commit to that i still want to be able to like have the app and post and post freely i was doing that real good this summer but i need to be i need to get back in that flow state where it's like i'm not consuming i'm mostly just posting and then getting off the app and engaging and creating and doing fun things and that includes also like picking up new hobbies going to yoga and that two-hour free time that I have instead of just sitting on my phone or in the evening instead of sitting on my phone doing this doing that getting creative picking up a paintbrush instead it's important you you have to replace the negative

behaviors with positive behaviors and for me that's gonna look like upping my creative output and upping my hobbies a lot it is and I know it'll have a good effect on me am I like I wish I could scroll I wish I wish I honestly at this point after doing it for so long no I don't I don't even want that anymore I know I'll still get it every once in a while for like five minutes or like maybe an hour at night if I have that to myself but also it's like oh I'm just so over not being present in life and not going after my goals and making up these random things in my head to be paranoid about when in reality if you get into the real world and put the fucking phone down no one gives a singular fuck truly and honestly and i'm thinking i'm gonna find myself leaning

more into like youtube and long-form content and content creation in that sort of way even like i want to start like a clips channel for this youtube where it's like oh i'm going through this one thing let me look up this one kind of topic and being able to have a clips channel have more output in that sort of way hopefully be able to reach more people in a healthy way if you don't want to be here please don't be here girls like my mental health can't handle it but like the girls who do want to be here i want to find you i want to build this community i want i want to do more i want to be on the ranch more i want to work horses more i want to paint more i want to do all these things and sometimes that comes with putting the phone down down because has it helped

my mental health my boyfriend asked me that i was like well duh no it doesn't but then i was like oh my god perspective this shit sucks why am i doing this wait a minute it was really nice to be like holy shit i'm wasting my life i need to start doing more with it whether it's simply going on a walk listening to an album instead of doom scrolling painting knitting coloring i don't care but something has to change and i know it'll make me happier is it going to be hard yes i'm i'm addicted we're all addicted it's meant to be addicting it's not meant to be easy to get rid of it's meant to be addicting but like i said i'm in the point and place in my life right now where i'm like i need to commit fully to myself commit to who i am commit to what i want to do and that

means giving up the easy fucking dopamine and working hard and i want you guys to get to that point too and now's the perfect time to do it okay the sun's coming out longer it we're almost a spring we're almost a summer it's time to be outside girls it's time to be outside having fun and that's why i do really like this podcast i love a podcast don't get me wrong tiktok might be evil but i love a podcast i listen to so many podcasts i listen to so many long-form content i listen to so much because i'm a lonely person i like also engaging in like random hot topics or like listening to very different like personalities or perspectives. I'm a Gemini. I like getting all of that. There's a healthy way you can use your phone. I love Pinterest. I love drawing. I love

collaging. I love Tumblr. I love podcasts. I love music. Great. Fantastic. Those are healthy for me. What's not healthy? How can I cut it out? How can I use the phone in a healthy way? Because I'm tired of living my life in a way that doesn't feel conductive to who I am because of what? Because of perceptions of other people because of i'm too lazy to put my fucking phone down because i'm not going after my goals because oh a b c and d i need to stop making excuses and start just doing it someone asked how to go for your dreams when your parents seem unsupportive well i am the best person to answer that question that's for fucking sure a big thing that i have that's like massively wrong with my brain massively wrong with my brain is growing up I

my brother is 10 years older than me and he was very high high high high achieving he was also put under the same pressure that I was but I was also like an accident so I was kind of like the bonus child but instead of like having that high pressure put on me plus high reward such as like getting told good job or celebrated I had that high pressure put on me and then also I was like forgotten about there was never any like yay Hannah we love you it was always like okay are you getting all eyes okay great anyways we have to go to your brother's varsity soccer game so like get in the fucking car and it's like okay all right and it has mentally fucked me up really bad very bad and i understand everybody goes through different trauma and like in the grand scheme of

things like no my parents didn't fucking beat me but it was like a mental gymnastics that i was constantly playing which i think very much so leans into my inability to chill and have fun but also makes me kind of a miserable fucking person where in my head everything's not good enough I'm not good enough there's always bigger and better places I can go to there's always bigger and better things I can do there's always more that I want and desire root of all suffering definitely makes me suffer a lot does it also make me achieve a lot more than what many other people could ever imagine yes absolutely delusion will get you further than anything else being high achieving will get you to a high achievable place hello but also I have been in a position for a

long time where I have not been received by my parents in a good way in a way that they think is fun and cool mostly my dad's pretty fun and cool he's chill he's always worried about my finances dad's duh hello my mom is very much so like she wishes I was a senator and will I ever be that god fucking no I won't but I will be a girl with a podcast mic but I'm someone who I think has challenged their beliefs of success because I'm a very artistic person they're very like straightforward thinking um art was never something they thought anybody could succeed off of so it was like you want to go to art school no no no this is a hobby girl you can draw pictures of oranges as much as you want when you're alone at home but like you need a job you need to make

money and so I was at this like internal battle with myself for a long time of like I need to make my parents proud and same thing with like self-abandonment same thing I've been going through for a long time is like that will never make you happy and ultimately that will drive you to madness love it will drive you to madness it will drive you to very great lengths of depression so if your parents are unsupportive who cares who cares I know it's easier said than done because I do deeply care okay contradicting but also it's like your parents support even if you're doing the right thing doing exactly what they wanted you won't be happy even if you do get that because it's not what you want if you go after what you want you will have that self-fulfilled happiness

and you'll also probably be more successful because it's what you want to do then if you try and go after everything that everybody else wants and I know this because I lived a lot of my early 20s trying to make my parents proud trying to do what they want for me to do which was like nursing school go to nursing school go to nursing school make that medical money and it was like but at what cost because I fucking hate it here and then I realized holy shit if I don't actually do what I want to do I'm going to lose my mind and finally then kind of deciding what I want to do which I knew was in the art realm I was still kind of figuring it out but I was much happier because I was doing what my soul felt called to what my dreams felt called to what

felt in alignment for me and ultimately like our parents are gonna die okay and that leaves us with probably 40 more years on this planet alone with yourself without your parents saying good job or we love what you're doing or you're so successful whatever you need in your head or what you think you need in your ear you won't have that ultimately eventually what you will have is yourself and so if you don't have that passion for what you're doing and that desire to do what you want to do then ultimately at the end of the day you're going to be miserable and it's not a life worth living it isn't it isn't and i know i talk negative about the medical field but if that's something you really want to do and go after then please go after it like i have friends

who are about to go to like uh anesthesiology school doing big things in the medical group like really but it's like what they felt called to do what they felt passionate about doing and they're going after it because it's what makes sense for them is it the best financial decision is it exactly what their parents wanted for them no maybe not but they're happy because they're doing it for themselves and for the future that they want for themselves ultimately i kind of came to the conclusion when i was in my early 20s that like i will never get what i've sought after for a long time which is like we're proud of you two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in

Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows spotify and accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales using automation analytics and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business the result less time spent on operations more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most learn more at accenture.com spotify

and like oh my god it's gonna bring me to tears but like i'll never get that um recognition or appreciation and instead of wasting my time trying to get that out of other people because it's a trauma response of seeking it out of my partners out of people around me out of bosses out of my parents out of my siblings whatever it is I need that from myself because that is much more sustainable and much more secure than receiving it outside of you getting an external feedback loop is only so sustainable and it does create unhealthy relationships it does create unequal relationships it makes you put yourself aside it makes you decide things for other people like decide things for yourself for other people it's not sustainable you will crash

and burn so not no matter how much you want your parents to be proud of you or supportive of the choices you make it doesn't matter because at the end of the day you will not be happy unless you're doing what you want you won't it is what it is you won't my boyfriend actually said something to me that was really like eye-opening which was like you know what the one person who has like truly loved you in your life like is your grandmother she doesn't care how weird you are how combative you are what you're doing what you're up to how you're dressing she's always loved you fully for who you are and uplifted that and wanted you to simply be happy and wanted to like just go out for sushi for lunch that's all she's wanted for you from you and that's how you deserve to be like

loved and supportive and I was like damn it really is that simple it really is that simple so if you find yourself like seeking the validation of other people or wanting that like validation from your parents or the people around you and not getting it you're not getting it for a reason it's because they can't give that to you but you know who can give that to you yourself okay please there's one thing I'm going to do it's always uplift you guys to go after your dreams and everything you desire I do think you can make it work I do I know you've probably never heard that before but as somebody who's kind of making the the invisible a reality every single day it if you want it bad enough you can make it happen and I know I believe in you I know you can do it someone asked how do I

discover more about myself and get to know myself on a deeper level for me right now I'm at a place where like I said calculated burn controlled burn okay controlled burn we are not letting that fire horse get completely out from under that fucking saddle no you better hold on to those reins and do the best you can to ride that bunking bronco okay babe like you better hang on and try and control it to the best of your ability and sometimes that means having to be a bitch and get real about life it is what it is you got to show life's who is boss for me being in this place where I'm kind of starting over but not physically not you know spiritually more like internally a lot of the things that i'm working on right now is like getting to know myself better and

getting closer to myself for me this is coming in one major way which is journaling um when i am in a place where i need to do like deep internal dives i heavily lean on journaling and is it like beautiful cursive in my journal with my fountain pen? No. Is it random 2am mind dumps on my notes app? Yes. Sometimes is it beautiful cursive? Yes. When I'm mentally sane, but when it's like messy and raw and real, that's when the journaling is the most important. It's a great way to kind of like meditate your thoughts slow them down focus them one-on-one understand each one individually process them release them or dive deeper in the next journal prompt but I do love a journaling to understand simply what's going on in your head a lot of the times I don't really

know what's going on in my head I'm kind of just like going moment to moment because chaos I love it um and I was a little afraid of what was going on in my head for quite some time um but number one was like when I was really crashing out I was like I need to start journaling or else I'm gonna go insane I need to start journaling just what I'm feeling what I'm going through what I'm struggling with what I have desires for gratitude journal any sort of journaling is so important to get to know yourself a little bit more number one you got to get in your head okay journaling fantastic way to get in your head if you need journal props the patreon is fantastic for that i upload pretty much weekly journal prompts so if you're like i don't really know what to address join the patreon you

can also like i think you can join the mid-tier which is like seven dollars it's like nothing you get the entire previous every single post i've done so you'll have access to hundreds of journal prompts and hundreds of podcasts and hundreds of everything you don't get access to everything it's so nice now number two on getting to know yourself which i have been doing pretty good at honestly even when i was down low it was like a survival tactic is you gotta get out of your house and get into the world fantastic way to do this hobbies hobbies is a great way to do it you'll get off your phone you'll get into the real world you get around people who are normal fairly relatively and you'll start understanding yourself in relation to the world around you

i think you need to understand yourself in relation to yourself past present future and you need to understand yourself in relation to the world around you that means trying new hobbies trying new activities putting yourself out there going to that open mic night going out dancing going to yoga going to the craft store grocery shopping trying a new grocery store sparking up the conversation with the old lady in aisle nine is buying cat food it doesn't matter but you need to kind of like spice up your outside world and try new things that you've always wanted to try or get back into the things that you kind of gave up on but new helped it is the ultimate best way to getting to learn a little bit more about yourself and know more you're not going to

discover yourself through tiktok you're not going to discover yourself through instagram you're not going to discover yourself well may i argue for pinterest for dreaming i think pinterest is fantastic for dreaming because after i started pinning a bunch of pictures of horses i was like okay fuck it let me go get on a horse sometimes it's good for dreaming but specifically the like scroll scroll scroll kind of apps not good for dreaming so get off your phone get to the real world get into your head even though it's a scary place slow down those thoughts meditate a little bit write them down process those emotions process what you're going through I think it'll make you a better more well-rounded person goals for spring so for me personally massive spring cleaning I'm

doing a massive wardrobe closet clean out getting rid of everything not everything most things like the shirt I've been hanging on to for four years don't need it gotta get rid of it okay massive spring cleaning that includes like I want to redo my bedroom I maybe want a new bed frame I want to buy a carpet cleaner and clean my car like I need to do so much cleaning and I think I'm going to make it a video on youtube so if you guys want to get stoned and clean with me it's a great option i actually i'm gonna have a video coming out this week where it's just like let's go on a shopping spree because i'm going on a bachelorette party and i need to go shopping so fuck it let's like make a vlog out of it um but i am gonna do a spring cleaning vlog that's always a big thing

that i have to do in the spring but for me this year instead of just like spring cleaning let's just take this item and put it in a new place and now it's new now it's now it's new right no I need to get rid of all my random shit I need to declutter de-stress clean carpet clean I need to like power wash the walls whatever it is I need to do it I need to like massively purge my physical environment okay step number one step number two is more vlogs more content focusing on my career in that sort of aspect okay I want to be able to like put more fun content out there I want to engage with you guys a little bit more I think the routine that I have is good do I have time to add on to it absolutely I do I really do I love content creation I love YouTube I love connecting

with you guys I want to give more to you guys I owe it to myself I owe it to you that's a big goal of mine massive goal of mine in fact I am planning something very fun around 420 um a creative endeavor for my stoner artist girlies that's the most I'll tease out of it but something that I've always wanted to do and then in the depths of my depression I was like I gotta get off I gotta get off the scrolling but I still want to be on my phone so like let's start like designing and trying new things and drawing a little bit and that's been like really cathartic for me so I've been working on that I'll tease it a little bit but it'll come around the 420 era I want to be in my kitchen more I know that sounds silly but I love cooking I love baking I love working with

whole foods and produce and eating more whole foods and cooking from scratch I really enjoy it it's very meditative in a sense and I love sharing it with you guys even getting silly in the kitchen and being like i'm gonna make the world's biggest bean and cheese burrito it doesn't matter like i want to get creative and have fun with it and share that with you guys as well um simply put i need to get outside i need to be outside more whether it's having my front door open and being on the patio or going on more walks going on more hikes um i want to redo my office space so i feel like I have more of like a workspace, a flow space. I want to get into sewing and creating and crafting. I want to make like crafting a new thing on my YouTube channel where you can like

craft with me. Reading more is always a big thing on my to-do list. I'm really hoping I can secure a little bit of a ranch job this spring and summer just to be outside and work with horses more. It's something that I've become very, very passionate about recently. And yeah, those are probably my biggest goals for spring really just like grounding resettling regrouping getting into a good routine getting creative and enjoying the little things in life that's that's my spring plan someone asked any inspiring chances you've taken and how to take a big leap of faith well yes I've taken many leaps of faith more like head first dives of faith those are very scary don't recommend but a a classic like maybe I'm on a high dive and I'm jumping into a pool and it's safe there's life

guards I love those leaps of faith sometimes it doesn't feel that way but it is set up that way and I'm like pre that like I'm mentally preparing for that so let me tell you like how I know it's right how I'm finding myself comfortable in the era of change and how I plan on going about it So big leap of faith, whatever you're going through, moving, breaking up, getting together, trying something new, changing jobs. There's so many different leaps of faith you can do. In the past, my leaps of faith have been like dropping out of college, moving randomly, breaking up with random people, quitting random jobs.

Like it's been a lot of leaving and that's a little scary because I didn't have anything lined up. so this time around instead of focusing on the leaving I'm focusing on the moving forward because that's ultimately what it is sure you're leaving some things behind but if you dwell too much on that it's going to become like way too overwhelming and sad you have to build up the energy and the excitement of moving forward to the next chapter of your life because ultimately that's what leaps of faith are following your dreams or going after that thing or changing it up it is exciting it's new so it's a little scary all new things are but that doesn't make it any less fun okay so get

excited hype it up a little bit dare to dream fear also comes through being like well is this the right choice is this the right thing for me is this the right thing that i should be doing and deep down inside you know past the fear past the anxiety past whatever it is you know because you have that little ball of like I'm kind of excited for this you know like oh something a little new is happening you have that it might be a little quiet voice because the anxiety is always loud as fuck but you have that that's how you know you're making the right leap of faith it's that divine trust and understanding that like no this is aligned with me and even if it isn't like fuck it at least I tried at least I know that whole perspective of like when I'm laying on my death

at 80 and am I going to be going damn I wish I did that then yes this is something that you should probably be doing you know and find peace and understanding that you take a risk you take a change through that you will grow as an individual you will get something positive out of it whether it's the thing that you were expecting or not you will gain something from it no matter what you will I promise you that you will so find peace in knowing that no matter what you're doing there will be a positive outcome whether it's the one you're expecting or maybe like a very beautiful random blessing the universe gives to you or maybe it's more understanding of self maybe it's like oh i moved for a new job the job didn't work out but i love this city you know sometimes there's

like coincidences or things the universe blesses you with that you would never would have expected but you never would have been able to do unless you went after the one thing that you were going after which is that leap of faith go ahead and check over that parachute okay like i said you don't need to like wildfire burn your fucking life down let's controlled burn when you're jumping out of that plane that is life let's go ahead and look over our parachute and make sure there's no holes okay let's prepare a little bit let's look for let's think about the logistics a little bit don't overwhelm yourself with them but make sure you have a plan in place okay i'm not moving to LA with $200 in my bank account and nowhere to live I'm probably going to fail but some people

don't fail I probably am going to fail no I'm going to take my time I'm going to set my goal I'm going to save my money I'm going to look forward I'm going to try I'm going to prep I'm going to sell off what I don't need I'm going to commit to myself and my job like whatever it is you can controlled kind of make sure that you're in a safe situation by prepping accordingly whatever it is you need whatever you're going after either mentally prepping physically prepping monetarily prepping controlled okay it makes it feel a little less chaotic and scary and wild and like you're diving off headfirst and there's sharks in the water okay no you know what to expect you've checked the water levels you check the water temperature you've seen people dive off

before you know it's your turn you're in a comfortable swimsuit it's scary once you're up there it's scary but ultimately once you take the leap you're immediately enclosed in soft water it's safe it's safe you know it's safe you've checked it over you know it's safe that should bring also a little bit of sigh of relief chillness to the chaos and scariness that change sometimes is ultimately if i'm being honest whether my leap of faith was a chaotic wildfire burn or a controlled burn they have always been worth it they have always put me in a position that i feel closer to myself better about myself more understanding of myself more understanding in the world around me there's always something to gain from it unless it is not aligned with

what you want unless that little voice inside of you saying oh I'm so excited unless that doesn't exist if that doesn't exist and you feel like you're blowing up your life because it's a self-sabotage behavior or it's just you're panicking you're going a little crazy you don't have that internal understanding of like no this is what I want maybe it's for someone else maybe it's for your parents maybe it's for your partner whatever it may be there needs to be that internal understanding of this is what I want I desire this I am kind of excited about it even though I'm very scared I'm kind of excited about it if you have that no matter what the situation is you will leap quantum leap to a place that is amazing for you wonderful for you exciting for

you you will never regret that leap of faith ever ever I don't have any regrets in life I really don't I don't even if I'm like oh I was depressed for six months I didn't do anything with my life or three years I didn't do anything with my life okay and well now I know better now I'm now I'm actually doing something I don't care I don't have regrets because I always know I'll take that risk I'll take that change I'll find myself again I'll try harder next time I learned something from it there's no regrets when you know you're following your heart all right towards the end here we're gonna do a couple of call-ins sorry i haven't i didn't do them on the last episode but i do love hearing your guys's voice and connecting on a deeper level you know what i mean um it feels

a little bit more personal if you want to submit a call-in it's really easy um on instagram at hannah marlene where i upload the questionnaire every week you can also dm me a voice message of your question um sometimes it won't let you i don't know instagram's weird if it won't let you just go ahead and dm me and be like hey girl i want to submit a voice message i'll figure it out from there i'll respond respond asap but please if you have a question just go ahead and dm me on instagram two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar-raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto

for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync,

everything else follows spotify and accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales using automation analytics and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business the result less time spent on operations more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most learn more at accenture.com spotify i fucking love your podcast it is the only thing that gets me through my boring ass days at the office and sometimes I am literally cackling to myself and I look insane but you know what I don't even care but anyways into my question I am 20 years old I'll be 21 soon but I feel like I'm just like having the hardest time making any friends around my age and I don't know why I feel like every time

I put myself out there like I'm not sure if it's just our generation but like people aren't willing to make new friends so I'm just wondering like what I should do to get myself out there if you have any suggestions but love you thanks okay i have noticed this with the new era the era that you're kind of in that um early 20s right now late teens um ultimately i think it's a symptom of the pandemic and also like being online too much where people don't know how to have conversations they don't you know i will walk up to some people and i'll be like oh my god i love that shirt and they'll be like thanks and i feel like i'm talking to npc sometimes but i think it really is that real world disconnect that naturally i mean i don't blame them people lost

from being inside too much during the pandemic and also being online too much um where they're not they feel uncomfortable in social situations so if you find yourself putting yourself out there and trying to make new friends and being like hi my name is blah blah blah and I love it we should go hang out and it's not received that's okay some people are just fucked up or just like aren't in the place to be a friend or make friends or hang out with you and you'll know that like you said you put yourself out there you try but it feels like people aren't like wanting to make friends that's because they're not going to be able to be your friend at least you know it's the same thing when you put yourself out there like in a romantic way you're like I'm looking for this

I'm trying this I'm putting myself out there like let's hang out and if somebody is not receptive to that then they ultimately can't be what you're looking for you're looking for a good friend you're looking for a friend who can like you can kind of mesh with you can hit up randomly to go thrifting to do this to do that to chat with every once in a while over the phone you know that requires two willing participants and persistence from both sides you have to be persistent now if you're not received it's not worth being persistent but if you make that friend you hang out a couple times you're like oh she's cool or you meet a new girl she's really fun to talk with she's like oh she's cool sometimes it requires persistence to be like hey let's hang out hey let's do this oh

you're busy this day well let's go this day sometimes it does take being a little bit persistent to then finally have something that works because ultimately in your early 20s everybody's busy everybody's confused nobody has any idea what's going on sometimes communication is hard and difficult when you work like different shifts or have different times off and that requires some persistence okay so I think if you find a willing participant you meet a cool girl you spark up a conversation you're very similar and this could be also on social media oh I know this cool girl who lives in my area I'd love to hit her up and hang out with her whatever it is sometimes it requires a little bit of persistence of like hey sorry this is weird but like would

you want to go grab coffee sometime I think you're really cool if it's not received she can't be the person for you she can't be the friend you're looking for they can't be the partner you need but if it is received and she's like oh sorry I'm busy that day that's okay stay persistent well what about this day would you be interested in going to this event would you be interested in this I think ultimately nowadays that is what it requires I know it's kind of annoying but you have to be willing to be a little bit of annoying I think it'll it'll make it go easier and also it will allow the other person to be also annoying I think people are afraid to be annoying when it comes to other people but once you're kind of like no let's hang out let's do this let's go party

whatever it allows the other girl to be like yeah fuck it you're so right like let's go do it let me be annoying and then it it'll work out it takes a bit it takes a bit to get that chemistry you're gonna have a lot of strikes and misses because a lot of people in early 20s are like very chaotic and in weird areas and not able to be there fully and that's okay but you will eventually strike gold i promise you but yeah i have noticed this about gen z i've noticed this a lot whether it's like observing people like gen z's in a restaurant or in a coffee shop where it's like they can't speak up for themselves or they just like simply don't know how to communicate it's like i don't blame them they don't have a lot of experience doing so but it makes the situation very awkward

and it makes them seem very like angry at you or standoffish when in reality i'm sure the anxiety that's going on in their brain is so high that they really just don't know how to interact or be a normal human being and that makes making friends a little hard but if you meet that cool girl if you find it if it works out be a little persistent be a little annoying I promise it'll go good and if that first interaction doesn't go good it's not worth your time period hi Hannah so my question is centered around my life situation right now I moved to Vietnam in January and I just turned 20 and I brought with me enough money to basically be unemployed for about a year and a half and so I'll be going home next summer but I have a year to myself and it's the start

of a new decade and because of my mental uh my mental disorders I've been really just journaling and reading and living my day-to-day very calmly going to coffee shops and just staying there for hours but I need some ideas on like what to do and what I can do to work on myself because I want this to be a very transformational year for me so if you have any advice for someone who is starting this journey I would love to hear from you I really hope you listen to this even if you don't uh answer this on the podcast because i love you so much and it would mean like the world to me for you to hear this and hear my voice because i've also been sending you messages all the time so i love you um yeah i hope you're doing great thank you so

much for doing the podcast okay well baddie good news you made it to the episode um okay here's the thing I am pro certification you guys I feel like when people think of education they think college they think four years committed bachelor's degree we overlook overlook certifications so much in this world and I think certifications are so important they really are they really are sometimes it's the one thing that puts you a little bit ahead of other people it's also the one thing that like it gets your foot in the door you're gonna try something out see if it works and then if it doesn't you're not committed to four years and twenty thousand dollars down certifications okay whether it's like a blue collar job hvac electrician whatever it may be

maybe it's like okay certification to work with children work with adults be like any sort of like communicative therapist and therapist needs like bachelors but like I guess like life coach situation maybe it's like okay you get you're in your like spiritual era you get your yoga certification you get your you get like a meditative certification I don't know you learn to work with tarot cards and astrology some sort I think a certification is what you're looking for you're in a place where you have a good balance okay you have time you have comfortability you are taking time to yourself to get to know yourself you're journaling you're coffee shopping it's great it's fantastic it's only going to get you so far now you need to think about

hmm what do i want to try out what could work for me what's like a little thing i want to try maybe it's like oh i want to become a i don't know there's so many different certifications you can get realtor you want to become a realtor you want to become a you love traveling you want to become a travel advisor think about it idealize what you think could work for you what you feel inspired by right now what is available in your location no matter where you are and try out a certification of course it's going to cost a little bit of money a little bit of time but I think it'll help you kind of get a little bit more understanding of what you want to do what you're growing towards trying new things out meeting new people putting yourself out there and also it's great to have on

a resume all the certifications I got when I was working as a two-year-old teacher you'd be surprised how helpful they are when it comes to also like other jobs in different job fields or if I want to go back to that thing then I also have the certifications to back it up plus the time I don't know it's something I was thinking about the other day where I was in a I was in yoga class and they were like if anybody wants to get their yoga certification like I just finished mine here and it's it was really good journey like I really like this um company or I really like what we did together I like the way they teach and I was like that's so interesting is this something I could I want to do right now no this is something I could possibly want to do in

the future I don't know maybe but I was like oh my god certifications certifications I need to tell the girls about certifications it's not too much of a commit commitment where you're four years in hundred thousand dollars down two hundred thousand dollars on college I was crazy maybe there's like a even if it's simply just people don't realize you can just take a singular well at some colleges you can take a singular class i was thinking about this for metal smithing i was like i want a metal smith but some of the courses out here are a little expensive at like these private shops and i could probably get like what a whole semester of knowledge for the same price if i went to a community college and just did like one singular class you can do that if you want to take

a finance class get better at finances you can go do that for like one singular semester you don't to commit to all these long-term things but you can commit to the things you're curious about for short term and see if you actually really like it and then move into a more long-term situation but I think that's kind of what you're searching for here you're looking for something to engage in more like get into a routine a little bit instead of just living for your journal and your coffee shop maybe you need to go travel maybe you need to sightsee if you're in a place that's fantastic for sightseeing maybe you need to start working on whatever business you want to take on there's so many different options but i don't know why it was the first thing that came to mind certification

i don't know in vietnam if there's a lot of like certifications you can go after i'm sure there are i don't know what they look like or what they have there's so many different opportunities anywhere in the world but that's what i would recommend for the indecisive confused wanting to learn wanting to move forward girlies like me like me I've been listening to the pod since I was in high school and I'm about to graduate college in May so that's how long I've been rocking with you but basically I have a little bit of an unhinged predicament and basically I'm going to Hawaii on Friday which as I should but it's low-key to see a man that I met on facebook dating like a week ago and i'm going to hawaii to see him this week granted i got my own

hotel and everything he bought my flight but he seems cool vibes are good i'm not scared for my safety even though this is like a textbook like super unsafe situation but honestly like it's giving just doing it for the plot doing it for the trip like if i can look sexy in hawaii for the next few days why wouldn't I do it like I don't know so thoughts feelings tips tricks anything um but yeah love you bye literally every red flag that could have possibly gone off in my head was going wew wew wew but also it's like you're young you're hot have fun eat an air tag so your friends can track you and like whatever no I'm kidding but there needs to be at least three people who have your location they need to know what you're doing what you're up to and where

you're going okay i need this i need you to make that happen i need i need at least three people to know about your whereabouts i need you to also text them what you're up to we're going to this beach we're doing this we're trying this we're going here keep it public keep it cool keep it collected keep it hot keep it sexy give into the romance have some fun get crazy with it pack some sexy bikinis you know like you have your own hotel room do not go to his place alone i don't really trust that you know you bring him over to your hotel room or whatever public space public beaches public restaurants let him drive you around give you the fantastic little daydream situation of your entire life but have fun stay safe stay sexy that's really all i can say you're young

you're enjoying life whatever but yeah make sure at least three people have your location and you're texting them updates of what you got going on facebook dating they have facebook dating now that's crazy i didn't even know that fucking existed honestly anyways yeah have fun i'm pretty sure i know a girl who just did this exact thing so maybe it's the same man maybe this is his mo but she had a great time so i'm sure you will too just be safe pack some sexy bikinis get some hot ass pics stay in public spaces you'll be good hi hannah so first of all obviously i love you been listening since before this was a podcast and it was only you were tiktoks but anyways my question is i am in my single era for the first time ever i've like always had a boyfriend i've

been a really bad serial dater or girlfriend and now i really want to focus on being single and my friends but i am very fortunate that i meet a lot of people in the wild that want to like go on dates or hang out whatever and i know that that's like a huge privilege i'm very lucky and very grateful but how do I like not feel like I'm passing up on potentially like my future husband because it's not the right time I don't know if that makes sense but like how do I enjoy being single and not trying to participate in all of these potential relationships without feeling like I'm missing out okay well if they're your husband or wife like they'll wait you know what i mean i think you should go into any of these things well first of all okay hold

on any sort of relationship has to have the basis of friendship so if you can't build that friendship first it has to be romantic or else it's not worth it then it's not worth it like if if they're not willing to take the time to build that friendship with you then are they really a worthy partner you know what I mean you can hang out with people you think are hot and sexy and do it on a friendship basis I think you should be very open and honest with where you are in life and be like yeah I'm a serial dater I'm just trying to stay single right now and like really focus on myself I'm not really looking for anything so that it's clear so if people are very serious they know to allow you that space and maybe not overstep or to you know not engage with you if that's not what

they're looking for or to have their own healthy boundaries of this is a friend to me and then also keeps your boundaries in check because you communicated them hey I'm kind of just really focusing on myself right now I'm not looking for anything but that doesn't mean you can't go out have a little flirt here or there or you said people are naturally attracted to you love it fantastic work on building some friendships first who knows maybe that friendship will blossom into something a little bit more deeper into a relationship but I think it'll give you the grounds that if you do end up maybe getting into a relationship earlier than you wanted to you will feel confident about the relationship you're going into instead of just being like oh

uh-oh another person I'm dating that just happened to be around you know it'll keep your boundaries in order it'll keep it clear with other people it'll make other people have to also like respect you in a way where they're not just like going after you for love they're going after you for connection and i think it also set you up for success you know you don't have to completely oh i'm in my single era i'm not entertaining anybody i'm not hanging out with a man or woman one-on-one at all no it's isolating it's lonely you can have platonic friendships communicate that if they are looking for something a little bit deeper then they also know not to waste their time or maybe they you know go in it for the long haul they really take their time with you they they build

up that friendship they work on your relationship with them before you jump the gun into a bigger long-term relationship or maybe a random situation ship that's not worth your time I think you're in the perfect position you just need to make your thoughts and feelings clear to the people around you so then they can choose whether they want to be in your life and or not and guess what I think it'll bring a lot of amazing friends into your realm I think it'll really help you build a good community around you it'll make your connections more genuine and long-term and also it might set you up for some really really successful future relationships because you have that ground base level of we're really good friends we could be fantastic partners and if that happens a little

bit earlier than you wanted it is what it is but stay clear about what you want what you desire about yourself and your boundaries and let people know about that and I think you'll be you'll be good to go you'll be set up for success you're not blocking any blessings you're not like also accidentally slipping back into a relationship you're very you're very clear and conscious in this moment of choosing yourself, desiring yourself, and anything else that comes with it is really just a bonus. Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers

in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. In Toronto, every arrival is a statement, and nothing says it better than this. Cadillac Optic was the number one selling luxury EV in Canada for 2025. Find your rhythm across a seamless 33-inch display

and an immersive 19-speaker AKG surround audio system. This city demands agility, and Optic delivers with precision to make every drive extraordinary. Let's take the Cadillac. Find out more at CadillacCanada.ca. Luxury sales claim based on S&P Global Mobility Canadian New Vehicle total registrations for calendar year 2025 for the Cadillac definition of luxury. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Smokes and Shotties.

I am calling in about my crazy grandma. I'm going to try to keep it short, but it is a lot. Basically, she got involved with online scammers and probably gave away upwards of like hundreds of thousands of dollars lost her house her car banks won't talk to her anymore because she maxed out credit at banks and stuff like that she was dealing with counterfeit money stolen tv we found out that she actually was stealing money whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa at first i was like oh no your grandma got scammed she's the scammer oh girl what from her friend who was sick and dying and it wasn't a small

amount of money um his family let her know that they're having the fbi investigate her for elderly abuse we still don't know if that's true um this has all been happening over the past two years and she has also said really really awful things to my parents she has been no contact with me and my siblings she has said the worst possible things you could imagine to my mom and dad because she lashes out and gets angry when they try to help her um well she texted my sister and i out of the blue acting like everything is normal and asked if we want to go get lunch with her personally i think she's a bad person i know she also supports maga and stuff like that and clearly has personally damaged relationships um anyway what should i do we basically replied

and said hey we need time to think about this but honestly neither of us want a relationship with her it's just hard because we feel bad because she's sad but that's not really on us i'm shocked and flabbergasted the evil side of me is like she's kind of a badass for scamming that much at that age she's taking advantage of other people not a badass so sorry really not like she's actually evil evil and low-key she's probably gonna steal from you next so the best thing you can really do is very much so keep her at arm's distance when people like no matter how they're connected to you sometimes you encounter people you love that end up just blowing the fuck up out of their life and you still remember them as who they are but then they become this completely and utterly

different person and you go well maybe maybe i can remind them of like the goodness in their heart no this is not the grinch baby this is you can't save christmas i'm sorry you are also gonna get scammed out of ten thousand fucking dollars she's gonna take your card to go pay for lunch and end up at the atm cash in hand disappeared to go give it to her boyfriend in a different country but no no in fact she's if you said maggot she's probably donating that shit directly to donald trump so no the best thing you can probably do is just like block not respond at all but that is fucking crazy that is wild i didn't know you could be like that prolific of a scam artist at that age like what it's kind of like i mean props but also it's evil so i don't want to give too much props

but that's wild wild no that's not your grandma anymore i fear that is not your grandmother anymore she has been overtaken by something and the best time to visit her or reconnect will be when she's in federal prison if the fbi is already involved it's not going to be too much longer till she's there you might as well you know next time you see her have it be in a controlled environment and if she does ask for money it's maybe five dollars of commissary for a bag of potato chips and not 50 grand for her out of fucking country boyfriend or boyfriends or family that she thinks she has i don't know i don't know what's going on but it's too wild keep your distance visit her in federal prison it'll be a little bit better that way but yeah stay fucking

Insane, girl. That's crazy. I could only imagine my grandmother doing that. I don't, she can barely speak sentences. So that would be genuinely impressive if she was doing this. But yeah, wow. You always hear of old people getting scammed out of so much money, so much money. But you never hear of old people scamming other people out of so much money.

Usually they get scammed first and then they're like, oh, fuck, I got to scam other people to make money. Sometimes it's like that. Welcome to America. please do not engage in scamming activities but yeah do not don't go visit her don't talk to her cut contact she will call from a a collect number from federal prison eventually pick up that phone call visit her then you know but for now uh-uh it ain't worth the liability anyways with that being said that's kind of a crazy one to leave off on i'll tip my cowboy hat to that one um but

i love you all so much hopefully this is a little bit i i'm feeling very um grounded and refreshed i have a lot of work to do and i have a lot of distance to go and a lot of effort to put in but i'm finally excited about it and i'm finally committed to myself and i really hope that theme comes out over the next episodes that we do have let's get a little bit more fun and wild and crazy next episode so any crazy fucking sex blowjob partner multiple partner relationship wild dark thoughts whatever you have submit them i want to hear them i want to talk about it but hopefully the growth and journey that i've been on can also help you guys as well if you're ever feeling stuck lean on yourself you do have the answers even if the answer is i'm sad right now

I need to make a change sometimes that is the revelation you just simply have to have accepting where you are and understanding where you are having those hard conversations with the people you love in order to hopefully either better the relationship or get yourself on the path that you need either way it's always worth it it's always worth living for yourself showing up for yourself and supporting yourself and I love you all so very much if you want to see more for me join the patreon patreon.com smoke says shoddy we have so much fun over there like i said i think the highest tier is like what eight nine dollars that used to be the price of a chipotle burrito i have 2010 chipotle burrito prices okay now it's like 25 for a chipotle burrito it's such

a fucking scam no thank you no thank you now i make it affordable i show up for you guys you guys show up for me i owe it to you but if you want more content you know where to find me smoke at shoddy patreon i upload an extra episode every single week where i answer every single one of your questions i'm not even kidding and i usually spend like five to ten minutes on each question sometimes so come join we'd love to have you i know the patreon girlies would love to have you they love having the community and people there for each other it's just really nice especially when you need a little extra support which i know we all need sometimes more vlogs coming soon hannah marlene 444 on youtube if you want to submit your questions at hannah marlene on instagram

you can submit your voice message and if you can't dm me i'll figure it out for you but please submit your voice messages there i love hearing your guys's call-ins especially the crazy ones like send me some crazy ones next week let's get wild let's have fun let's hype up the energy but with that being said stay sane stay sexy and i'll see you all so soon Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto

for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. Ready to take your investing knowledge to pro level? This is Fidelity Connects, your daily edge in the markets.

Get deep insights on real-time market topics that may impact your investment portfolio. Listen to Fidelity Connects on Spotify today and power your next move tomorrow.