Smoke Sesh - haters, blood magic, honeymoon phase & true love

Episode Date: January 24, 2023

Happy Tuesdayyyyyyy cuties, we have a stacked and super fun episode today while I record on a very yummy edible (lol), we chat old friends and growing up, life choices and what that means & how to choose, caller submitted pegging how to so we talk about that, being a hater and how to not hate everything, loneliness and being your own best friend, fake bags, acid, the dab pen addiction is real, at home workouts, blood magic and the power of periods, karma sometimes comes in the form of kids, abortions, self sabotage, older men and money, the military and the honeymoon phase and what true love really looks like. This was a super fun episode and I had a blast hanging out with you allllll thank you to all the cuties who called in and I can’t wait to see you all next Tuesday for another episode! MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash, so come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Hello cuties! how the hell are we all doing today on this fabulous little tuesday i can tell all of you guys have gone back to school because during like little breaks and winter breaks um interactions

and stuff go down rightfully so naturally you're busy with family shit you're finally have free time finally doing your own thing i get that podcast or something you put on when you want to be like productive or check out because that's personally for me when I put shit like that on um but I can tell you're all fucking back at school now because like 10,000 new people have joined which is fucking mind-blowing and amazing but welcome back it's so wonderful to have you guys again uh I hope you're able to catch up I hope you're having a good time I hope this beginning of the school year is treating you well look at it as you've made it through the first half so all you have is a second half to make it through and then it's summer break I know incredible and the

best thing about the second half of things is they always go by faster so you'll make it you'll survive I know it's stressful um but I really believe in you and maybe with the help of Smoke Sash alongside you you can get through it but it's wonderful to sit down and chat with you guys today I just got back from a little uh brunch with some friends um I had a friend come in from out of town um and I hung out with her this weekend but I was lucky enough to be able to see her twice um she is somebody that I've just completely grown up with and always had by my side throughout my life like literally our parents had our baby shower together and we were next door neighbors growing up so she is like a sister to me um very close but it sucks when you grow up

and people move away which is very normal very natural um but then you don't see them as often which is okay doesn't mean you should you know get rid of a friend or anything like that it just means when you do get to see them it's a little bit bittersweet and it's even better than when you got to see them constantly so that was fun I got to see her and then another friend who uh we just all kind of hung out with um we all hung out together whenever we got in trouble and we're just like running around doing crazy shit like 1am uh partying you know the drill all that shit so it was really fun to get together and just talk about college and the shit we're getting into and reminisce on some times my friend also gave me an edible so I'm still feeling the wonderful

effects of that after eating it at 11am I was like if I'm gonna eat an edible right now I might as well have a green juice to kind of cancel out the you know health effects this might have on me I'm not sure if that's how that works but in my brain that's how it works so that was super duper fun I traded her a little edible for a little joint so she can enjoy her last night here before she leaves but that was really fucking fun it's so nice to catch up with old friends especially friends you maybe haven't seen or caught up with in a while um I don't know growing up is very weird and it's odd to think like how far back your youth was even though like I'm still in my youth whatever when I was a child but it's really fun to look back and giggle a little bit and see how

far you've come and even how far you maybe have not come which is okay um but life's a little fun and silly like that so now I'm just vibing sitting on my couch sipping on my green juice ready to get into some questions nothing real crazy happened this weekend for me um I went out for a co-worker's birthday got a little fucked up because I didn't eat anything that's always my fucking issue is I just get off work it's late at night and I haven't eaten anything and then I go out and I have too many drinks and then my co-worker gave me like a shroom chocolate so I had that too but I passed out a little too early for the shroom chocolate to kick in I was just like good night we had like lukewarm tequila shots and I was like I this has set me over the edge and my co-worker whose

birthday it was poor guy his like girlfriend or whatever they're like work it's like a work relation I don't know I don't know what to call it like they're co-workers but they're dating but they're not dating but they're seeing each other it's just what happens I guess in the restaurant industry um they she bought him like a birthday sash to wear and it was adorable until like I walked into the bathroom like I opened a bathroom to go piss and poor guy was like bent over the toilet projectile vomiting in his birthday sash and like I wanted to feel bad but honestly like that's how a birthday should end it was like 2 a.m like that's how your birthday should end you should be projectile vomiting in your birthday sash like that is the vibe we want a little bit

of chaos here so much fun some pink sparkly glitter like that is the true essence of a fun chaotic birthday if that's what you want to go for and I think that's what he wanted to go for so success absolute success so I put a little hangover routine up on my patreon if you guys are interested I put that up after uh going through it the next day um but other than that had a quick little easy weekend getting back into my weekly routine feeling good checking some stuff off my to-do list, which keeps me motivated, but yeah, it's so fun to sit down with you guys, and with that being said, I'm not going to ramble on any longer. Let's just, let's get into what you guys want to hear. Let's do it, all right? Hi, Hannah. First of all, thank you so much for this

podcast. I love it so much. It's gotten me through so much, so many hard times, I mean, but anyways, to jump into the question. Basically, I'm in high school right now, and I have so many passions, it's overwhelming ever since I was little I've been extremely into art I love it love it love it love it and you know I'm pretty good at it like yeah I'd say I'm good at it and I'm also really into science you know completely other end of the spectrum and literature and politics but really like science science and literature got to be the biggest ones uh especially environmental science yeah so really passionate about both of them and when I think about what I want to do with my life I can get I get very really overwhelmed because I don't know I just feel like I'm so indecisive

I'll never land on it and I'll end up doing nothing so yes please give me your advice on this I'd really really appreciate it love you bye okay hey cutie girl I love that you have so many interests you're so passionate about life it's very inspiring very enthusing okay so if you're young and you're in high school and you feel that need to choose your life path coming from a need to choose what major you want to pick don't pick your major going into college I do recommend going to college even though I've dropped out twice I really really think it's a great option especially for people who know they want to work their way up into some sort of field but need a little bit of time to figure it out college is all about figuring it out especially

that first year everybody who goes to college and has decided major that first year are going to change that major by the second fucking year usually i would say a good 85 of people which is a lot like that's a lot of fucking people who are going to change their major so go in that first year undecided that's perfectly fine that gives you room to be able to grow to try a bunch of things out to see what really calls to you in a more academic stance in a you know environment that's a little bit more intellectual than high school um and talk to your professors and figure it out that way go undecided that first year and then pick your major the second year that's the way to do it that's the way to succeed in college because your mind's going to change you're going

to realize the world is very different especially the real world from what you experienced and were used to in high school so if that's what you feel is kind of keeping you back go that first year you're going to have to take a class in every single one of those things you just listed off an art a literature a science just to get your basic credits out of the way and then after you spend like a year doing that integrating into the college environment then take a moment to really ask yourself what's intriguing me um and what is drawing and inspiring passion within me and go for that one because money doesn't money does matter like i get we're in a recession but if you are truly passionate and enthusiastic and you see yourself visually in that field of whatever you

want to do and you want to do more in it you're going to succeed no matter what it's when you don't feel passionate you don't feel inspired and you feel like it's a dead-end thing that you pick for somebody else and oh how did I get here that's when it starts to be kind of like a drawback and it's really hard for you to propel yourself further into what you've gotten yourself into because you're not passionate in it and you don't want to put passion into something that you don't really care about so I say if you're having some issues deciding about college and where to go go undecided give yourself a little break pick it out after that but when it comes to the overarching theme of just like oh my god I gotta choose a life path like I gotta figure

something out i gotta figure out what i want yes you do but you don't figure that thing out by sitting down and looking at all your options and then picking one and going after one thing or like evaluating it all perfectly in order to pick the right thing truth is you're probably gonna pick the wrong thing and a couple of times the real kind of thing that pushes you into actually finding your life path is simply choosing figuring out yourself around that choice and asking yourself does this feel right does it not finding power within yourself to leave something if it doesn't feel right and finding power within yourself if you found yourself in the right situation and you feel happy and then wanting to dive further into it but it all comes from the

simple act of deciding to choose um and sometimes you got to take a risk and sometimes you got to try things out and that's why i don't give myself a really fucking hard time about dropping out of college twice because like you know what i tried nursing school and i went for it and i had the top grades but it wasn't for me and i knew that and i made the hard decision of leaving and trying something new and then i went to art school and art school was exactly where i needed to be i naturally excelled i tried but i also like didn't have to try because it was something that came naturally to me um I had so much fun then the pandemic hit and I realized okay there's different ways you can go about art school and surviving within the art world which is its own nuance and

its own um but I don't need to maybe go to art school and also maybe it's not worth putting my money here during the pandemic so let me choose a different path of creating and pushing myself into creation and whatever form it is and being uninhibited with the way I share myself and my creation. And all of these things were simple choices that could have led me in one direction or the other, good or bad. And they definitely went both ways. But the point is, I've learned so much about who I am and where I want to go simply by stopping myself and just forcing myself to choose. There is no way that you're going to sit down and be able to run through every single life choice that you can possibly make, every single happenstance that could possibly happen

to you and be able to choose the right one sure maybe like one percent of people do that but that's like a low percentage that is very rare probably not going to happen so why hinder yourself and hold yourself back from engaging with life and working forward by not simply making a choice by not making a choice you're just avoiding it so you don't have to do it but in reality, sometimes you just, you gotta choose something, and maybe you won't be good, that's okay, you're gonna learn something about yourself, and it's gonna put you onto the right path, or hey, maybe you made, you flipped the coin, the coin landed on heads, it's the right, it's the one you chose, it works out, and then you learn more about yourself, and you love yourself

more, and you dive deeper into life, really, you can't lose, you can't, I guarantee, but the simple fact is you just gotta choose something but if you're in college that first year don't choose anything very conflicting information I just feel like college is very I don't know I feel like I got stuck in one box and that made me feel confined and I don't think people should feel confined in college I feel like they should feel interested in pursuing many different things in college which is why college is so wonderful and why people feel so free during college um but you kind of have that same issue with life too you have so many different choices and so many things that you can do the fact is you just have to choose something propel yourself forward into something

you're bound to learn something about yourself okay so you remember last week when i someone asked me if i've ever pegged somebody if i have pegging tips and i was like no i don't but if anybody i've never pegged anyone but if anybody has any tips to send them in one of your you beauties literally dm me and sent me like the perfect perfect pegging tips so let me just go ahead and forward these on to you guys so my girlies can get into it but i was just like shout out to you guys for giving me this information okay pegging tips for the girlies pick a clean man please for the love of god there are so many dirty men very true and start with fingers while giving head to just start the stretching process weed is very helpful to

relax muscles and do things that reduce anxieties together maybe a massage or a bath together i like not having pressure to do it a particular night i feel like everybody in any sort of sexual situation can appreciate that pressure is not fun ever so you know let the receivee decide when they feel relaxed enough pick a smaller dildo ideally and lots of lube is important pegging can be very fun with someone you trust great way to connect plus the empowerment hot girls top love the pod and you're oh my god you're my go-to for relaxing podcasts when i'm having a little self-care night love i put myself in the self-care um category on spotify and a part of me was like is this truly self-care but i think it is so i love that you have affirmed that for me thank you for submitting

that figured i would pass this information on to you guys if you're curious anyways more questions oh someone asked how to stop being such a hater lol sometimes it's necessary but other times it feels like it's preventing me true i think there is like two ways of existing i feel like people can see haters no okay because there's a difference between just like gossiping and having fun and chit-chatting um but having like no ill will behind it and then there's like a hater mindset where it's like you versus the world while simultaneously being like you versus yourself because it's you versus the world which is not healthy whatsoever there's definitely like a very healthy form of like camaraderie between friends um you know judging people's morals

which sounds so bad or not just judging but just like chit-chatting talking you know holding people accountable if you need to spreading the good news if you need to all that stuff is healthy and normal and fine within a within a friendship dynamic absolutely 100 000 but if it's like everything that you do if you can't have like a wholesome conversation every once in a while then you start reaching towards the hater category which is not healthy because you have such an opposing view of the world and you hate the world so much and people around you so much and you're hating so much because you feel that way internally towards yourself or you have an ego issue where it's you against the world and you have an unhealthy ego which is not letting you relate

to other people at a human level not great not good i have definitely been in a phase where i'm just like fuck everybody fuck the world i'm definitely in my hater mindset and i realized like people around me would get uncomfortable like it's not fucking fun hating on people 24 7 and i've also been in situations where like that's the kind of behavior that is emitted around me from a person and i'm just like damn like why are you so upset all the time like who hurt you what's going on like this is not fun to be around you were trying to embrace the positive vibes here um and i really think that i i think it just takes you practicing embracing the lights and embracing happiness like you can allow yourself to be happy you can allow other people to be happy

as well like that is a part of life you do not have to suffer i get that the world is hard and we face obstacles but that doesn't mean you are put here to inherently suffer we can choose joy we can experience joy that is a human emotion that was provided for us allow yourself to feel it you know what i mean i feel like when i was in such a hateful area of my life it was just because i that was the overwhelming emotion that i was feeling and i was not allowing myself to simply feel it and then let go it was something that i was holding on to i had a grudge against everybody I had to grudge it against myself. I hated myself. And I really just had to practice gratitude, like looking for the light in any sort of way. You can make like a, if you find yourself in this mindset, just like make a three dotted list. Like it doesn't have to be three things or it doesn't have to be a lot of things. Three things start there, move to five, then move to eight, then move to 10, however many you want to do. but write down just a few things that you're grateful for like every night or every morning

whenever you find yourself having a moment to sit down remind yourself put it on your to-do list find three things that you're grateful for that you enjoyed during the day that brought you joy that maybe you didn't see during the present moment but right now while looking back you see and you recognize and you appreciate because that will train your brain to start looking for these things within your daily life and then will make it way easier for you to bring in that feeling of joy in that moment and not be stuck in that hater mindset but for real I there are a lot of people affected with this mindset that they're miserable they want to make others miserable or others are miserable so they want to be miserable and it's just not something I can get on board with like

I get doing it every once in a while we all have our emotions we all like to vibe we all like to gossip we all like to hate every once in a while that's okay but it cannot be your personality trait that's unhealthy you know but yeah gratitude practice it also you can do gratitude in the form of pictures um you can look for happiness in your daily life through the lens of your phone just snap pictures of things that oh that's cute that's a cute leaf oh i like the way that tree's blooming or oh i like the way this is set up or oh there's people holding hands literally just anything that can flip the switch in your brain from like a hater to you know maybe the world isn't so bad do it practice it get into it I promise it works okay so I know you've talked on this topic a

couple of times before um but how do you get over this overwhelming sense of fear and anxiety and loneliness when you're by yourself I've tried to do different forms of self-care spend time doing my hobbies and the things that I enjoy doing and that make me happy but those feelings of loneliness and anxiety it just always seems to overpower whatever I do no matter what I try or how much time I give it so yeah any tips would be appreciated I guess I don't really know where it's coming from or how to explain that feeling but that's the closest I could get but yeah okay um I love you so much and I hope you're having an amazing day and thank you okay bye honestly this is a really good question and I feel like a lot of people have a hard time dealing with this because

they're like I'm doing all the things but it's not working like what's going on definitely been there definitely get it you got to look at being alone as you're not alone like you really are not you're with yourself which seems isolating and seems lonely but it's not whenever I have alone time which beginning of 2020 I had a lot of alone time which freaked me out at first was there didn't know what to do with my time I felt isolated I felt not connected to my body I like looked around I didn't know what to do so I was just smoking all the time not great um but then I started getting into hobbies or like getting into things that I used to do when I was bored or going out thrifting and I stopped looking at alone time as isolation and I started looking at it as oh I'm just hanging

out with my best friend and my best friend is me because like I know what I want and I know how I feel and I know the things that I truly want to do I know when I'm done with something I know when I want to start something I know hobbies that I want to try I know my favorite coffee order I know how to make myself feel better I know how to talk myself out off a ledge like what's a better fucking friend than that and you really have to start experiencing life and opening up to that lens of i'm not alone i don't need another person to fulfill me of course we do need a um i think community is very very important i'm not saying isolation is the way to go of course community is very important and being with friends and being with family a chosen family whatever that may be

but we're going to be alone at some points in our life and that is absolutely un oh wait inevitable so you're not truly alone you're not you know yourself better than any fucking person does and to me that is a true best friend so stop looking at it as like oh my god i have to do this thing to make myself feel better i have to do this thing to make myself feel better and just start leaning into things that truly call to you and things that like in the back of your head you're like well that would be fun well maybe i should try this or maybe i want to go there the more you stop listening to that and push it away the less you're going to trust yourself and the less friendship you're going to have with yourself the same way if you had a friend and you were like

i would love to try this and they're like ew no i'm not doing that you're just like oh okay you know what i mean that inkling is real and it's raw and it's something you need to listen to and that intuition is very important with building that relationship with yourself so don't be afraid to try it like my ass is about to put a pole up in my apartment do i know what to do i know how to pole dance no but i know it's just some weird thing that i want to try and if i lean into it and try it i'm probably gonna get good at it and i'm probably gonna build a good relationship with myself because i listened to that intuition and i tried it and i had fun does that make sense so when you feel this pressure to oh well hannah does face mask because that's her self-care thing

it's like yeah that's my self-care thing and i really like sharing it with you guys and just you know getting the ball rolling and getting you to try new things that's awesome but everybody's form of self-care and self-fun looks different vastly different so listen to that intuition don't be afraid to try new things and and really you are constantly with somebody who knows you better than you fucking know yourself sometimes and that's literally yourself you just have to train yourself to listen to that intuition and to not ignore it or shove it down um while also allowing yourself to open up a little bit and try new things those things that have been calling to you um those things that you constantly have on the back of your mind it'll help you build a better

rapport a better relationship with yourself the same way you hanging out with friends going through your trials and tribulations and surviving the other side helps you guys build a better dynamic um you doing that with yourself also helps the same way you know a friendship would work but i love you and i hope you can look at yourself as a friend soon i guarantee they are going to be an amazing wonderful friend um just learn to trust and listen to yourself a little bit um and try something new challenge yourself you know but i love you loneliness doesn't have to be so lonely sometimes someone said uh hi casey native living in new york love love that what's your opinion on dupe designer bags friend just gifted me one uh yeah fake bags very normalized every which

oh my god rich woman you see driving around new york or running around new york or running around la you know suburban mom mindset half if not more of their bags are fake because they have to keep keep up a facade and they need to have new bags every week and they straight up don't have the money to spend that on bags constantly they probably get gifted one every so often from their husband but they can't buy those new bags all the fucking time because it's a front that's that's like where like lower rich kind of category I would say lower rich isn't like a tier below chris jenner um they are not buying designer bags all the fucking time so like why am i as a commoner expecting to buy designer fucking bags to keep to the keep up with the rich people

who are getting them all the time but half of them are fake you know it's like a it's an endless cycle so me personally love a fake bag i got my first ever fake bag at 16 when i went to new york for the first time my parents took me to um i don't know the one street you go to for all the fake bags i'm trying to think but it's like little italy has some good fake bags definitely went there um but yeah got my first ever cutesy chanel bag we took it home it came with the authentic on authentic oh my god i'm on edible you cannot expect me to pronounce words right now authenticity card it was serial numbered it had every single piece of hardware that was needed the stitch was the same these are the same exact basically fucking bags they're not real

real leather but like they are very very fucking similar like you cannot tell and this chanel bag was $50 come on I've boughten a real like designer bag I didn't buy it from the fucking store because what I bought it vintage um and it was a pink Valencia oh my god what am I on I just mispronounced like nine words in a row my brain is literally shutting down this is wild um also the lights are off in my apartment right now so I'm definitely in sleepy mode but I bought a vintage Balenciaga bag a city bag baby pink super adorable super cute but a part of me is like I spent $350 on this used bag when I probably could have gotten the same fucking thing on DHgate for 50 bucks if you know where to look and it's the same quality unused love a fake designer bag nothing against it i

mean make sure it's good make sure it's not like fake fake like make sure all the letters are facing the right way but you can find those very easily very readily available and i think commoners like me and you deserve to have luxury items okay we deserve to have some of these things every once in a while so yeah go for it absolutely nothing against it someone said did acid with my boyfriend for the first time and you were all i could think about girl i hope i it was a good thought i hope i was helping guide you through your acid trip love you someone said i have a dab pen addiction yeah that's real but do you know why it's real it's because it's constantly readily available to you also dab pens are like fucking awful for you unless you're going into

the dispensary and getting them if they're street carts like i don't think if you're putting even putting like weed in your system like you have to be super careful because they can really just inject anything they want to those carts not to freak you out or anybody who is on them right now um but i just think they're very inconsistent not great they're good if you want to get around like on vacation, I will have a dab pen on me just because it's easy to, you know, bring where I need to go, bring it to Airbnb without syncing it up, readily available if I'm on the beach or in a restaurant or wherever I am. But that's like vacation mode. I cannot have vacation mode when I want to function on a regular day. Does that make sense? And when you're on vacation mode

constantly, when it's supposed to be a regular day, your brain kind of has a hard time working. Like I love weed and I think it has many benefits. I don't think it's for everybody. But the one general fact about it is like it's a demotivator. You can get shit done on it, but naturally it's going to make you relax, calm, want to sit back, might induce some anxiety for others. I think that's just a side effect. It usually goes away within the first 15 minutes, so you have that to look forward to. um but if you are constantly smoking and smoking and smoking and smoking and not even like smoking

like flour like you were hitting essentially a dab constantly that's gonna have a negative effect on your brain and how you function so yeah it is made to be addicting it's made to be readily available whenever you want it but you have to know when to use it and i get that like younger people um people who maybe live with their parents who don't like smoke um use it because it's easy but like listen when i was younger and i had to live with my parents and i wanted to smoke i had to go through hell to be able to ingest it which honestly i think saved me a lot of fucking brain cells like it would be me waiting until 11 30 when they went to bed to load a bowl climb out onto my fucking roof through rain or snow and smoke a bowl with the windows closed

wait for five minutes because i didn't want to smell and then crawl back inside like that's the shit i was putting myself through in order to just like smoke a mediocre bowl let's be real um or it would be like edibles every once in a while which were usually too strong would freak me out and I'd be like oh I'm good you know it wasn't dab cards I could only imagine what the fuck my brain would be like right now if we had dab cards if you're a younger person and you have a dab card and you use it daily I really recommend getting rid of it and switching to like a flower or something where it's like you have to be very intentional with the way you use it because it makes itself known it makes its presence known whether it's through smell like smoking a joint

or hitting a bong like you got to be very intentional with the time you spend with it or like maybe it's an edible like you can't just take an edible and go to work well me right now most people can't you can but like most people can't um you know you got to be intentional about when you take it how much you take it which i think is very important because like it's a substance like as much as it's normalized which it should be i don't think we should be criminalizing anybody for it in any sort of sense um it's just it's a substance and with any sort of substance you got to be kind of careful about how you use it absolutely 100 000 percent now if you're waking up and smoking flour all day girl go for it go for it go for it sure whatever but pens in particular

i have a interesting experience in history with so i try and veer away from them just because i know i'm the kind of person to indulge rather than hold off and if they're around me i'm gonna indulge that is for sure and indulging means like 8 a.m to 12 p.m and then i wake up the next day and i'm like what the fuck happened so someone asked what's my go-to form of exercise um i'm not gonna lie there's a lot you can absolutely do from home even if it's cold or sunny out i mean if it's sunny out and warm go for a walk go for a light jog go for a hike i really think it's important to get outside but if you're just trying to get something done feel your body move a little bit i always just am looking up 20 minute pilates 20 minute yoga 20 minute little uh cardio workout

at home and i just have a little yoga mat and honestly it is absolutely the best thing and it keeps you pretty toned like it really does you don't have to do the same video but if you're repetitive with any sort of movement it's gonna keep your muscles and keep your bones and keep your joints working, you know, and feeling good. So I really just looking, I really just like looking up, you know, quick 25 minute Pilates or quick 25 minute cardio or HIIT workout at home, 25 minute yoga flow, whatever it is, just sit down and do it for a little bit. And being able to do it within the comfort of your own home is really nice. Hey, Hannah, love the pod. I just wanted to ask you about period rituals like um your personal ones and what you like to do when

you get your period but also I've heard of like um period ritual ritual oh my god I can't say rituals um of like people painting pictures with their period blood or like putting it in a vial and like making their boyfriend wear it or something like that like I've seen that stuff around on tiktok and social media and I just wanted to know if you've ever done anything like that and um if you yeah have any recommendations for some um yeah little witchy period rituals anyways love ya bye oh my god are you asking me how to perform blood magic on somebody that is girl the universe is gonna come for me if I do that so I'm not gonna give specifics but yes blood magic is very very very intense and like connecting because it's like what pumps through

you what gives you life what constantly keeps you going and provides you nutrients you are giving that to somebody else which is going to either leave you overly connected depending on how the feelings are feeling or them way too overly connected which is a very dangerous road to go down i hate to be like not fun but like you can absolutely look up blood magic online and do your own research i'm not saying to do this because the universe has funny ways of playing with it and i would like to warn you guys but yeah no um i think it's very important to honor your period and honor of the cycles we go through as women uh just to make womanhood not so fucking unbearable as it already is and to also kind of fight back on the societal pressure that has been pushed on us to

kind of feel gross and dirty and disgusting during that time when we shouldn't feel shameful or shouldn't feel the need to cover up it's just another part of our life like think about how often we have a fucking period what's different like i understand it's gonna be different of course but also it's a natural part of our cycle and it should be honored and uh appreciated now that it means for me personally that i'm not having a fucking child i don't know if i'm gonna get periods in this iud though i'm feeling like i'm not because i feel like i should have had one um which honestly i think i'm gonna miss a little bit because i used to really take that time to check in with myself um and to really spend a lot of my time like self-care focusing on myself

taking that time to lavish myself a little bit especially if I had been neglecting myself in the in the month in like the couple weeks beforehand it gives me a good check-in and reminder like hey have we been kind to ourself have we been taking care of ourself and our body if we haven't let's start now or if we have let's keep that going um maybe integrate some new things next time but uh yeah um I was enthused with this artist um in high school who put yarn into her vaheen and throughout the month i believe or maybe it was the week of her period she knit and it was white yarn she knit the yarn into a blanket so you could see and visualize um the cycle while also like some take on you know society's creation out of periods and

hiding them and feeling unashamed to do so very interesting artist um but a lot of people found it really fucking weird but i was so interested in it because i had never seen anybody really work with or appreciate their period like that and especially at a young age i think it was important for me to see and to kind of normalize it in my life but blood magic yeah that shit's real that shit that shit's real when me and my boyfriend first met he knew i was witchy like come on I you can't not know I'm witchy when you see me or my house which he was in um and within the first month of me meeting him he just you know the term like uh don't eat the spaghetti because it's like in voodoo they would put period blood in the spaghetti and feed it to their men

in order to be, like, connected forever, um, on a soul tie kind of level, um, but he, I had joked about that one time, and, like, explained it to him, so, like, whenever I had my next period, he literally just, I'm not saying he, like, he just went down on me, and he was like, well, if anything happened, I got it straight from the source, so, like, we are ride or dies, uh, yeah, that's the energy that i really need from men like not afraid of me doing a blood sacrifice on them and us being tied together but like enthused to participate willingly um me and my friends were weirdos in high school and we definitely like pricked our fingers and put blood in vials and then gave it to people or gave it to each other but let me just tell you it kind of dries up really quickly

and it doesn't last a long time so those people who are keeping like blood and vials around their boyfriend's neck like that'd be just filling it up every month she has to be there's no way like that shit evaporates but yeah interesting topic of the day this has been a very interesting podcast episode and really great for the edible i'm on i'm really vibing so this morning at breakfast they brought up my podcast and like that's so cool like um what kind of questions do you get though like what do you talk about and so i like pulled up the questions you guys submit to just kind of find one thing that really encapsulated how this podcast is and how chaotic it can be and it was this question someone goes my ex got his new girl pregnant skull emoji karma

died laughing like yes that's the kind of gossipy let's chat let's smoke energy i'm going for with this um and then my friend proceeded to go you know if she died right now she could probably reincarnate as their baby and enforce even more karma onto them and i was dead dead so yeah girl you could reincarnate as them and you could provide him even more suffering but here's the thing i feel like kids really are their parents karma um that's another reason why i'm terrified to have children because i was a fucking bitch growing up which i can look back and realize and appreciate while also understanding i was young and didn't know anything but i know i gave my parents fucking hell that they just did not deserve like they were just doing their best

like holy shit um and yeah i cannot imagine what the fuck my kid's gonna be like especially if i have a girl would love for it to be not chaotic but i know how insane i am so like i can only imagine what my child's gonna be like so yeah no kids for me right now i am not ready for karma Hi, Hannah. So recently, my boyfriend of two years and I have been getting into more and more just kind of like, not arguments, but little disagreements. And I usually tend to kind of shut down a little bit and go quiet just as my own defense mechanism, I guess. but lately I've been doing a lot of reflecting and I think when I'm feeling threatened in the relationship or like having fear of abandonment or something like that I tend to get more defensive and I shut down so I'm just wondering do you have any advice for recognizing self-sabotaging behaviors in a relationship and how to stop those so I don't end up pushing him away

oh okay this is a really good question because I have self-reflected over the past couple years that I spent with my boyfriend and um I've thought a lot about this also like previous relationships and yes when I find myself constantly getting in like shitty moods around my boyfriend or like shutting down or like you know when something little happens then it's just like whole day is ruined like when I find myself feeling that way I have realized that says more about me me than it says about his behavior okay because usually he's just doing something little like he's not realizing he's doing anything it's not intentionally harmful he's not like screaming at me and I'm getting upset like of course I would get upset in that stance but it's usually because

I'm feeling some sort of inadequacies within myself or like some sort of um insecurity within the relationship whether it's something I've created within my head and is not real or maybe in my past relationships like where it's something that is actually fucking bothering me and I've been shut down too many times um and I just can't keep I can't keep not thinking of it or um maybe it's like uh i'm questioning the relationship and so i'm putting that feeling of inadequacies onto him and i'm getting upset over no reason but whatever it is it's usually from me and how i'm feeling and usually has nothing to do with what he's doing which is like exactly what a self sabotaging behavior is so when we're hanging out and maybe I'm feeling that way or like I find

myself being snappy or whatever it is I will literally be like okay I need to go to the bathroom for a second I'll shut the doors and I'll look myself in the face and be like bitch what the fuck are you doing like I will have to have a real conversation with myself like get out of this shitty mood he's such a sweet guy he's doing everything he can he's trying his hardest he's showing up for you he's showing out for you why do i not feel like i deserve this relationship like it's so good and he doesn't deserve this and i sometimes just have to sit down and have like an honest conversation like hey stop being a fucking bitch no one likes a bitch right now like you can be a bitch when you need to be a bitch we love a bad bitch but

we don't like a bad bitch like do you know what i mean like when the vibe's not there we don't want it you know and if they're doing everything they can sometimes you have to stop and like have a real talk with yourself and also like journaling or having that talk with yourself and like going over these feelings and being honest with yourself and just having like alone time to sit down and do these things alone time helps a lot when I am in these kind of spirals sometimes it's usually because I've just spent way too much time together and I feel like I'm losing myself and then I feel like this hyper independence and i kind of put it on him um and it's like bitch you can just go home like and take some alone time like they're not gonna be mad they're gonna let you do your own

thing if they're a good partner absolutely like just step away for a second spend some time with yourself regroup connect back with yourself um and also like maybe take that time to really ask yourself like why am i feeling this way why am i putting and pushing this on to another person why don't I believe I deserve love all these things also another thing that really helps with self self-sabotaging behaviors is whenever I feel the inkling to um self-sabotage or like start a fight or be snappy or shut down or whatever it is I'll just like immediately get up and do the opposite so like this I don't know like a couple mornings ago I felt that I was just like feeling overwhelmed for some reason which is obviously everything that's just in my head I'm

just being crazy as as we are here you know how it be so instead of like taking it out on myself and getting too far in my head i just got up and i wrote a little letter to him and i left it there so he can find it after work like initiating the opposite kind of reaction in place the self sabbing self-sabotaging behavior is a good because you're doing something good for your partner but b it's also helping you kind of redirect that thought and really redirect how you're approaching this relationship um and actually doing something that you do you do want to do um and ignoring the thoughts that are spiraling in your brain that makes sense it's like maybe you're out thrifting you know you pick something up for them oh i'm gonna cook them their favorite dinner tonight or

i'm gonna cook my favorite dinner tonight and share it with them or yeah i'm gonna write a little love note for them or i'm gonna send them a little nice text really quickly or whatever it is there's different ways you can honor your partner everybody's very individualistic but whenever you feel a self-sabotaging behavior some alone time is necessary really thinking it out talking to yourself and also like um just enacting the opposite reaction in order to combat that spiraling thought pattern so yeah hope this helps oh my god someone said i'm 21 the guy i'm talking to is 46 any advice oh okay okay i get a lot of questions about people being like i like this man but he's 20 years older or 12 or whatever it is here's how I view what a dating range should be

if you are 18 and under you should be dating 18 and under very simple very very simple and if you're 18 and under and you're in high school you should not be dating anybody outside of high school when you are maybe like um i guess 18 19 you should be dating under 21 okay and nobody in high school at all if you're out of high school you should not be dating anybody in high school and if you're in college you should not be dating anybody over 21 okay like if you're a young person in college now once you hit 21 I feel like you can date up to like 23 24 maybe 25 I feel like that's a good range I would say 25 on the higher end 21 and 25 because once you hit 25 then it kind of expands a little bit more because all of those age gaps that I'm talking about you are changing

dynamically in the way you view the world the way you approach the world and the things you are learning about the world which is why I think it's important to date within your age range in those ages now uh after 21 like 25 um I feel like it extends to like over a little over 30 once you hit 25 you can date a little over 30 and then after 30 you can date like upwards of 10 10 years difference 15 years difference because then it kind of plateaus a little bit at least a little bit, but when you're younger, I think it's very important to date within your age range if you are looking for a serious, healthy, long-term relationship. I would like to preface that because not everybody is, and that's also valid and wonderful, but if you are looking for

a serious, healthy, long-term relationship, you should be looking for someone within your own age range period because you're within your own morals you're within your the same world understanding you're within the same development level and i understand people older than you have it figured out more which makes it more enthusing and enthralling but tbh girl unless that older fucking man is paying for your rent taking care of your schooling um literally you don't have to worry about a thing in your life other than what you got to do like your work money is fun money because he's he's buying you everything because he's more stable right and he's more mature and i'm not usually about money but if that man is older and he is not completely

and utterly taking care of you like daddy level status then it is not worth it not at all because if you're dating a older fucking man for connection bitch what connection he's already manipulating you from the start because he can't get a man or he can't get a woman his age because a he's not attracted to them because they are strong about themselves and they've been through the world and they understand when to recognize a weak man and they're not going for him or um he's just immature yeah he can't connect to people in his life i was like or what like he just can't connect to women his age which is the biggest upon biggest red fucking flag absolutely the biggest okay so unless that man is sugar daddying you he is not worth your time or energy and you're gonna be left

traumatized one thousand fucking percent it is a un it's you just can't it can't work like it can work but i think there has to be a dynamic there because if you're dating a 42 year old and he can't take care of you during that time and you're 20 whatever then he's probably a bum and do you want to date a older man who's a bum like what you don't need to add that to your list of problems he's manipulative and he's broke oh my god that's the worst combination like i'm not against dating for money i understand girl like it's not if you want a healthy relationship you shouldn't date for money but bitch if you gotta get your bag and you you know don't want to take you don't want to pay for your bills and you find an older man who does

sure that's a relationship that you can have built on money and whatever connection that you're going to build within yourselves but if you're looking for a real real real relationship with no manipulation you're both the same kind of level of understanding and experiencing and you want to experience the world together and grow together i don't think that's gonna happen with somebody way completely older than you or younger oh honestly yeah yep anyways someone said opinion on opinions on abortions love yeah support absolutely have you ever had one no um no never i've definitely taken a lot of vitamin c to induce a early pregnancy but i've never like had to go to a clinic and have anything done if you're thinking about it support absolutely support children in

this economy what hi hannah it's funny to say i love your pod like your podcast is the only thing that i have consistently like kept up with um throughout my life honestly the only podcast i care about and also i love your genius gemini mind i literally feel you on every single level because i'm a gemini moon so you know we get each other anyway i wanted to ask what your thoughts are on the military i know it's kind of irrelevant to the kind of stuff you talk about but like i don't know like i'm thinking about like joining the military just because like i don't know like you know some funsies like and also like free college you know but also at the same time i'm thinking about how with climate change like we don't have enough time for me to like go to military

and then go to college also so yeah i just want to know your thoughts and opinions this is actually a hilarious question and yes i can relate because i almost joined the military dot dot dot uh looking back absolutely dodged a fucking bullet actually literally i'm not i shouldn't laugh silence anyways um yeah no when i was in high school uh i was my parents talked about their money issues a little bit too much around me and then i became hyper aware of money and how much college cost it and i wanted to make it cost nothing so i was like oh the military free college yeah let's do it which honestly great fantastic uh manipulation tech technique for the military to use on young children because they understand how much debt they're going to get into with college so why

not sell my body to the government so they can do whatever they want with it and put me wherever and use me however oh plus put me through abuse during training terrifying terrifying now if you're in the military no hate to you whatsoever i understand we all need jobs growing up my best friend i literally have had breakfast with this morning both her parents were marines provided so much for them and their family so many opportunities while also some not great things um but for me personally I think I really really you know the military was not something that aligned with any of my beliefs or any of my passions or any of the things that I wanted to do it was simply a reason to get my college paid for and I sat down with my counselor my high school counselor who

did go into the army and was in the army for like 12 years and he sat me down was like you're not gonna like this, like, let me give you every single fucking reason why, let me convince you out of this, like, sure, it's an option, but is it a good option? No, base camp, or boot camp, or whatever it is, gonna be a horrible time in your life, gonna be, you're gonna be suffering a little bit, you're gonna be putting your body through the ultimate test, um, and then you have to, like, go, um, into active duty for, what, five years, and then also, afterwards, they can call you back whenever my friend had a live-in nanny at her house for the first like year that i was conscious like we knew each other as infants but maybe a couple years maybe like two or three years

because her parents both her parents were sent overseas and so they had to have a live-in nanny to take care of all three kids which is wild like they didn't they weren't ready for that they didn't want to go but it's what you have to do um and yeah there's a lot of money in it that you can get out of it but it is at the cost of your mental well-being your physical well-being um and you are living essentially under a government contract for the rest of your life which is terrifying if we're going to take a moment to look around at what government we have right now like i don't need to be signed over to them no no i'm good but it is a good option i would say for people who see all of those things as maybe like all the things that I said were bad is maybe like oh

that doesn't sound too horrible don't really know what to do would love to put themselves into a more active literally active duty job maybe you want to travel a little more on the dime of somebody else but you also have to understand that there are going to be like a bunch of negatives my brother worked for a veterans hospital and it is just crazy the way the government just ignores these people after they've been through so much trauma and they're simply trying to get help and no one's offering them help very sad anyways military uh it's gonna be a no for me oops someone said um about to tell my boyfriend if he can't accept the good bad ugly and embarrassing got to go literally i got a lot of questions also surprisingly about the honeymoon

phase and what to do once it's over and feeling like conflicting feelings after the honeymoon honeymoon phase comes i also had a question asking like what is love and i don't think you feel love during the honeymoon phase you feel infatuation you feel serotonin you feel oxy oxytocin whatever the fuck your brain releases to make you feel like to feel good around this person you're probably having a lot of new sex with them you're having a fantastic time you're doing new things energy is heightened but there is like a seed of love there but I don't think it grows or prospers until you're outside of the honeymoon phase and that is when you truly learn do I love this person and can I not live without them and do I want to wake up next to them every day whether they're being stupid

or silly or having a good time or I'm mad at them like even in anger do I want to wake up next to them and still continue to love them um not that you should be angry all the time but that choosing yes and deciding yes literally good bad ugly embarrassing and saying yes no i still love this person and i see them for who they are rawly and fully and i still love them through all of it that's true love that is what love is period love is not conditional love is not oh well you have to behave this way in order for us to be around each other or I cannot put up with that behavior in order to be around you I get there's things that have to change here and there but learning to grow with each other is another beautiful part of love and choosing to grow with each other we

can't stay the same person forever but I wish I would have realized this a lot earlier when I was younger um because it would have made it a lot easier for me to let go of people to understand like hey I was having a really good time with you but I think the rose-colored glasses have come off and I'm sitting here and I'm looking at the human being in front of me and I don't like what I'm seeing and that's like harsh but that is a absolutely okay judgment for you to make on your part because you don't want to be fake and you don't want to you don't want to like if you were in their perspective you wouldn't want to be kept around just to be kept around without actually loving you like you want to be loved fully and unconditionally for who you are so if you're

sitting there and you're thinking like hey you know i don't think this is the same anymore like sure it's not going to be the same but also like maybe i'm not feeling the same things and maybe i should let go of this I stayed in way too many relationships for way too long because I thought if I held on tightly with my knuckles turning white then it would work out for me but that's not how love works love doesn't work by grasping onto it love works by being open and being free with your partner and allowing them to honestly be themselves while also feeling the connection and the warmth and the generosity and the appreciation of also being able to be your full complete and honest and unfiltered self which is a wonderful fucking thing to build with

somebody and to you know get to do with somebody like if you're looking for a real partner you guys are gonna have to shit in front of each other eventually like you're gonna have to give birth in front of him like you're gonna do some embarrassing things like my boyfriend's definitely held my hair while i'm throwing up i've thrown up in his car like we've done some embarrassing shit around each other okay i've gotten blacked out fucking drunk i've been at his house around his parents blacked out drunk on a molly bender not great not fantastic was making a fucking fool of myself but you know what he loved me he loved who i am he stood next to me he giggled with me you know if i went if i went a little too far he stood his ground he told me that he said hey

you're being a little too much of a mess can we tone it back a little bit i like just a little bit of a mess and i was like yeah maybe i did get a little out of hand but we're honest and we're open and we like to grow and learn new things about each other and watch each other discover new things about the world whether together or separate doing our own fucking thing but that's true love that's that's literally true love true love isn't oh we need to be absolutely fucking infatuated with each other and that feeling of those first three months those first six months those first eight months whatever your honeymoon phase is has to last forever because the fact is it's not it's not okay because you're not gonna be in that newness forever and that's okay

that just means your relationship's growing but that love does not fully take root and start to grow truly until the honeymoon phase is over so if you're at the end of the honeymoon phase and it's not feeling good just cut your just cut it okay don't waste years trying to make somebody else's puzzle piece fit into yours when it's just not working like it will find another place to sit and so will you and you will fit in somewhere but you need to keep working towards that place and unfortunately it takes time and it takes you know trying different partners and learning new things about yourself and I think it's okay to have different partners to try with and um you know I think people are fucking insane for literally only being in one relationship and then getting

married two months after meeting like that's wild because you need time to build that relationship and ask yourself like is this worth my time do I want to spend forever with this person is this person my partner and also just learning to kind of like it's good to do a check-in and ask yourself that every once in a while but also a lot of love is just living in the present moment and asking yourself like am I in love right now is this working for me right now and if it's not maybe that means it's not gonna work and that's okay you just gotta take it for what it is we can't pick and choose how we want to feel in this world well sometimes but sometimes you gotta take what you're given and work with it and really honestly work with it within yourself um but yeah honeymoon

phase it's a real thing it is it's just newness and it's just the excitement of having a new experience with somebody but once you guys have like shit around each other for the millionth time like that news that newness wears off okay it's gonna wear off and you're gonna be left with the with a human being a real human being in front of you who's flawed and imperfect but also wonderful at the same time it makes you laugh it also makes you cry sometimes and you gotta stop and you gotta ask yourself like ideally there's gonna be a lot of good but good or for bad do i love them is this working yes or no and if your boyfriend like you said isn't gonna put up with the what did you say uh a good bad ugly and embarrassing yeah if he can't put up with that

he's got to go gotta go anyways i was gonna go longer but the edible is stopping energy is draining ready for a small dab perhaps a little lunch maybe a little nap sounds fire it's like really kind of gloomy out i'm also trying to finish my painting for the month um it's almost done it's really big it's like um probably good five five feet by three feet so it's nice and big Like, my boyfriend got me so much canvas for Christmas so I can just play around and have enough canvas for each month. But I wanted to go big for the New Year's. But, yeah, I hope you guys have had a wonderful week. I'm going to try and do another video podcast.

If you're interested, let me know. We'd love to sit down and chat with you guys about something. If you have any ideas for videos, anything you want to see, even just, like, a little Q&A video, feel free to submit those into my Instagram DMs. dms that's gonna be at hannah marlene um my meme page is in my bio if you want to follow there um i just have been finding a lot of really good memes lately it's fun my spotify if you've been asking me if i'm excited for callie uchi's new album yes yes yes don't even get me started i will be at one of those shows i'm just not sure which one i think i'm just gonna fly out somewhere go to her show and fly back really quickly um i just have to see her in concert before i die and

she like very fucking rarely goes like on tour um so i'm probably gonna pick the like most intimate um place that she goes and goes there but i'm so excited for her album um if you are interested anything i've been listening to someone said that they listened to one of my sesh playlists and it helps them ski down blacks and i'm like oh my god that's insane um i'm curious which one but i have my spotify is smoke sesh one word it's a picture of me in a bunny hat and i don't like any of my songs i don't know how why i organized it this way but i just have been throwing everything in like a playlist a month or two month playlist um and so yeah you can see every single piece of music that i've ever listened to on my spotify in one of my playlists but yeah if you want to

listen to any of my music lots of kelly uchis on there smoke sesh one word feel free to give it a little listen um but i think that's all the catching up i need to do oh patreon i've been talking with you guys a lot recently that is um under smoke sesh 2 or maybe hannah marlene either way links in my bio if you would like to get a little extra content a bunch of video podcasts a bunch of just hanging out some thrift hauls um i did a rolling tutorial last week and i think I'm going to do a rose petal rolling tutorial this week if you want to learn how to roll a rose blunt I used to roll rose blunts for everybody um when I was in college all my girlies we'd celebrate valentine's day and I'd roll rose petal blunts so I'm going to teach you

guys how to do that on my patreon if you're interested but yeah with that being said I'll let you get on with your Tuesday and I love you so much I will see you so very soon