Smoke Sesh - high sex, disappointing your parents, and near death experiences

Episode Date: November 16, 2021

On today’s episode Hannah talks everything from alone time, begging you to disappoint your parents more, online bullying, isolation and alone time, high sex, near death experiences, and cows falling from the sky. Come hang out and let’s light up, welcome to Smoke Sesh with Hannah!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, someone to look out for them. Some people call me their internet big sister, others their fairy smoke mother. You can call me Hannah, the new host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. Some good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. Good morning! It is Monday.

Well, I'm recording Monday. I'm assuming you guys are going to be listening to Tuesday. anyways who cares about the day they all just stream together anyways into one long day i like to call my life so let's get into it you guys i uploaded my last video i'm not let video oh my god i'm so used to tiktok holy shit i uploaded my last podcast last week and i didn't check so like anchor is what i record on i'm sure you're gonna hear some ads i love them um 10 out of 10 this not this isn't even sponsored right now I'm just I just love working with them but I uh uploaded my podcast on Tuesday I got a little busy so there was no Thursday podcast

last week but you can expect one from me this week don't worry um and I didn't check the stats at all after I posted it and usually like I get excited I'm like okay it's been 12 hours how many people have listened oh my god 200 oh my god i'm so excited 200 people that's crazy i did not check my stats until today as i opened this app to start recording 3 000 people have listened to it 3 000 are you kidding are you kidding literally it's telling me that there's like an estimated audience of like three to four thousand people who are turning in every day oh my god i want to scream but i know that's not gonna sound good on audio so i'm gonna muffle myself but thank you thank you thank you so much i owe you guys everything this is like i love podcasting it

is like cathartic to me it makes me feel so much better after a recorded episode so thank you for tuning in thank you for enjoying the advice i'm giving you guys thank you for sending me questions to answer like without you guys i wouldn't be here obviously because you guys provide me like the questions what you want to hear from me so thank you for always tuning in and telling me those and giving me confidence and hyping me up and telling me how much you're enjoying the podcast every single dm every message i get it means the world to me thank you so much let's get into this week's episode you guys sent me in as you all know tons and tons and tons of questions on my instagram um which is at hannah marlene if you have any questions anything you want to hear from me feel

free to shoot me a message there i usually see all of them i might not reply because i don't have the energy to sometimes that's not on you that's usually on me i'm sure we've all been there sometimes but thank you so much you can find and send questions on my instagram um and i'm gonna start getting into some we have 50 minutes to go let's go girls i'll give you guys a little life update while i'm at it i figured i should probably start doing this just for like my own mental records so like when i'm 60 i can come back and listen to these and be like what the fuck was i doing but also like just to keep you guys updated on my life i feel like you guys get very curious about what i do quite honestly it's a whole lot of nothing so don't feel like you're missing out

on anything i'm not going to give you any fomo really um i've been taking oh my god so funny my dad signed us up for pottery classes together um i got into a little bit of like a bout of depression and so he signed us up to take pottery classes together it's surprisingly fun i didn't think it'd be fun it's it's surprisingly really fun and we go to pottery class i'm going to pottery class with him tonight and then wednesday and we're making like mugs and bowls on the pottery wheel oh it's so funny like what anyways 10 out of 10 recommend casey um clay guild is where i take my classes i'm pretty sure it's pretty cheap and then they give you a shit ton of clay and they have like so many open hours so if you're interested in you know getting some

getting your energy out on something that's other than yourself like putting your energy into some art getting your mind off something i recommend clay or like a painting class or like i recommend just classes in general i personally want to start taking more um it builds a really nice sense of community you're more likely to find friends um meet new people you know it changes up your space it changes up what you're experiencing in life I think it's so beneficial another class that I think I want to take and I might ask for for Christmas um is a pole class um like I want a membership to go take pole classes like at night and go you know get my body back in shape which is like I used to have a very negative sense of working out because I

used it as like a self-harm tool is very much so like i'm going to the gym as a punishment um when in reality like you can go to the gym as a form of like self-expression a form of like fun a form of just like feeling your body and your muscles and getting back in tune with that and i don't think i could ever go to a gym again i think i would need to take like some sort of supplemental class like a zumba or like a i don't know like aerobics something that's like not free bro gym because then i think i'd spiral anyways that's what i've been doing i got a new job crazy i know holiday season's coming around and i've been getting the urge to travel a lot recently so i'm like i need more money let me just go pick up another job so i picked up a little part-time

serving gig that'll be fun if you guys see me around the town tip me well tip me tip me well i'm begging anyways that's what i've been up to really it hasn't been anything crazy you've just been living life taking it one day at a time enjoying the little things I've been trying to just like reconnect and figure out like where I fit in life because I feel like I've been living a little bit on autopilot for the past year and I need to stop living on autopilot and start like actually connecting and enjoying my life and that's kind of what you have to realize what you have to do once you become an adult like no one's gonna set you up activities or play dates or like you don't have eight hours of scheduled time because you're not in school like it's up to

you to do those things and that's kind of what i'm learning so it's a process i'm getting into it i'll probably update you guys later but that's what i've been up to i hope you guys are having good weeks so someone asked me if i have any mantras or anything that like affirmations that I repeat to myself daily um yes I constantly have like little things that I go to just to kind of get my mind back on track just to you know make myself not as crazy as I'm going and they're all like super helpful to be combative against anxiety because here's how I view anxiety and I'll share my mantras in a second i you totally don't have to like use my mantras i think everybody has different mantras like for themselves or what they're going through it's very like specific to

what you're experiencing i'm sure you can oh my god i forgot to blow out my incense it's on fire oh my god anyways um panicking for a second you would totally like look up some mantras come up with them for yourself based on what you're experiencing what kind of thought patterns pop up most but very helpful very helpful for anxiety sorry um anxiety is you kind of have to realize you're in control of your thoughts okay like i thought oh whatever my brain is thinking is reality that is simply not true because in my 22 years i have learned that i'm quite literally psychotic so you have to view these thoughts and these in like intrusive thoughts i'm sure you've heard those words before um anything you're thinking that's maybe not beneficial or productive

to what you're doing you have to think of them as clouds and they're simply just passing by okay you gotta let them float by do their thing all right let them pass usually things will get better if you just let it go if you can't then you replace it with a mantra so like if i'm looking in the mirror and i'm like oh i'm just not feeling myself today i don't know what it is like and my thoughts start spiraling towards like a negative self-image thing then like i'll replace it and just like start complimenting myself like very much so i'll just be like oh my god i need to get control of my thoughts and be like no you're the sexiest bitch alive look at how perfect you are literally I love you so much like everything that you would you would want a stranger to

compliment you you need to do it for yourself okay also just general like worry anxiety like a lot of my anxiety stems from like unnecessary worrying like I'm just worried that something bad is gonna happen I don't know what the bad thing is gonna happen like I don't know what that bad thing's gonna be I don't know when it's gonna happen but I know it's gonna happen and I'm freaking out and anyways you literally have to stop yourself and be like take a deep breath you're going insane redirect your thoughts okay so in college one of my favorite artists came into town and at the time I was literally sitting in class like literally in class they tweeted hey we're gonna be at this local burger restaurant in like 15 minutes and my class had like 45 minutes

left to go so of course I'm like packing up my shit and I'm like sorry professor uh family emergency bye I dip right I leave I'm speeding to this burger restaurant I get there there's already a line waiting for my favorite artist like they're not even there yet but there's a giant ass line i emerge myself into the line you know as one does they pull up with merch saying hi to everybody just like you know meeting the fans doing whatever it's my turn right i'm freaking out i walk up these are like this is glass animals so i walk up to dave bailey and i'm like oh my god i love you like i'm obsessed with your music you guys have helped me so much through everything I've been through like you have no idea and I mean love merch love whatever that's

wasn't what I was there for though I asked him can you write down something or draw something for a tattoo like I want to get a tattoo for you guys like in honor of you guys I just don't know what to get and he took my pen he took my paper and he wrote down don't panic and I read that and I was like that is the most perfect goddamn thing I have ever seen in my entire life because he's right like don't panic like so many moments of my life I'm just panicking and losing my goddamn mind for no reason for for no reason simply because like I'm overthinking things because I'm blowing things out of proportion because I'm just like letting my thoughts get control of my mind when my mind needs to be in control of my thoughts don't panic okay don't panic I have mean to I've

meaning to still get that tattooed I need to go get it done but Dave Bailey thank you for that life lesson he really it's i'm serious you have to have mantras that you have to use to redirect your thoughts or else your thoughts are going to completely control you and you don't want that to happen because when your thoughts control you shit usually goes downhill pretty fast i'm sure you know this by now because i've fucking learned this that's for sure anyways next question regarding affirmation and mantra like examples or how to come up with them or what to do with them in my website goldilocks.store you can find it in my instagram bio my tiktok bio anywhere where it says like my link tree um it'll take you directly to my store i have a um ebook on manifestation

that also includes how i use affirmations to do that and then i also have journal prompting i have a journal prompt book um and i have various affirmations in there as well as journal prompts you can use to kind of deep dive when you're having anxiety or kind of just like redirect your thoughts to a more positive space um so a little self-promo there go check it out if you guys need a little bit of help though i put some time and effort into it and i think it's really it's really beneficial it's like six dollars i think on my website i think it's on sale anyways okay so this is one of my favorite topics to talk about i don't know if you guys will agree with me but it's one of my favorite things to talk about my friends hate it my

friends hate it when I bring this up because I usually go into great detail and a little bit too much detail and they usually never ask for it but it's about sex I know I love talking about sex I love sex in general it's like so fun as it should be like if you're having bad sex don't worry I can help you but someone asked this is a great transition if you guys want to hear more about like sex and stuff ask me specific questions and i'd be happy to answer but someone asked me what my thoughts on high sex were and to be honest i love it and i'm talking high as in like weed sex do not ever have sex on molly you will be emotionally connected to that person for the rest of your life also low-key shrooms me and my boyfriend when we first like

started seeing each other slash talking we would just eat a bunch of mushrooms and then fuck a bunch and i joke about this all the time but i literally think our brain chemistry is like intertwined at this point because we've had so much sex on so much mushrooms but anyways that's a story for another day high sex weed sex marijuana sex 10 out of 10 and i understand some of you probably won't agree with me on that because I your highs can get a little bit too intense sometimes you know it can get a little bit too like too much is going on you're a little too high I understand sex on top of like being too high is a lot don't do that but if you do it the right way you smoke the right amount that makes you feel comfortable makes you open up a little

bit I think it's a great tool for two people to be like very intimate with each other and makes you especially as someone who deals with adhd and kind of deals constantly with living in their head all the time um it gets you out of your head it gets you more connected to your body which is more important it may it might make you more vocal in what you like or what you don't like which is great for connecting with your partner um but high sex 10 out of 10 you know like what is better than getting rid of those barriers that make you not feel intimate it makes you feel sexy like you feel comfortable in your skin you know I feel like everybody has had that moment where where every girl at least has had that moment where it's like I'm gonna get high because I feel sad

and do my makeup and put on a good outfit and feel myself like same thing happens every time I smoke I immediately feel prettier so that obviously is going to lead into sex obviously you need a good partner somebody who's going to trust you understand your boundaries is also very open that's also a positive thing but yeah high sex I think everybody should try it it's a great way to just like get out of your head get real honest get real down and dirty and have some fun and usually you can just like i'm like high for a while so i'm like let's keep going let's keep having fun i think oh my god first time i had sex high that was a little traumatic should have had some more boundaries i think low-key i lost my virginity oh my god you guys the first time i had

sex high i lost my virginity i'm thinking about it now my virginity experience was not a good experience you know what we'll get into that too now that we're on the topic I feel like everybody I've talked to when I'm like ask about I mean it's not really something people ask about it's not that deep like nobody's really like how'd you lose your virginity it's like whatever everybody has to lose it at some point but like every time the topic is brought up for some reason people always have bad experiences and I'm like what like well even me like I even had a bad experience but like we grow up thinking like it's gonna be roses and beautifulness and whatever as it should be I think I think we need to nurture a state of like comfortability so like when people do lose

their virginity there isn't that trauma tied into it but like yeah low-key when I lost my virginity it was horrible i was so fucking high i couldn't see straight and i was on top that should be illegal illegal are you kidding me anyways if you do it right though if you smoke a little jay with somebody you truly trust and you want to get a little freaky nasty with them it opens up the doors to have some fantastic sex your emotions are heightened your feelings are heightened you're more comfortable you're not living in your head i don't know those are like the perfect conditions for some bomb ass sex so give it a shot just just like a little puff before you get on top you know what i mean you'll have a great time girls i promise okay very valid question here i'm gonna

actually read it straight from my instagram because they worded it perfectly um and i feel like a bunch of you are probably going through the same thing as they are okay um uh i want to change careers from psych to fashion design but i'm so i'm so scared and feel too old because i'm 20 i'm scared of what my friends will think and the disapproval of my parents about it too the college i could go to has a lot of people from high school um and that freaks me out and like valid i absolutely understand um and i'm begging you i literally just was talking about this early this morning i'm begging you disappoint your parents do it please the first person that you need to lose like attachment of ideas from is your parents because we're i mean as at an early age

were conditioned to seek the approval of them first before like high school people. Disappoint your parents, okay? The more you disappoint your parents, the more they'll see you as human beings and the less they'll attach ideas onto you. The more you go with their ideas and against your true authentic self, the more you choose things for them, the more you push things onto yourself to make them feel better the more fucking sad you're gonna be okay and the less in tune with your life you're gonna be I a thousand percent guarantee it because I mean I spent a majority of my life doing it disappoint your parents I'm begging you because once you disappoint your parents enough they give up they give up trying to push this narrative onto you push you in a

direction that you don't care about they give up trying to conform you into the ideal child and they actually like genuinely start viewing you as their own child as somebody who was like separate than them you know as a human being and then the choices you make that better yourself in the future really won't freak them out they will be on board with you okay like oh my god i i have disappointed my parents every single day i've been alive quite honestly and it's like my favorite thing to do because at this point in my life like i can go to my parents and be like oh yeah this crazy bat shit thing just happened to me and they don't even like it doesn't phase them they're like okay uh do you need help and i'm usually like no i got handled they're like

okay cool like they don't care at this point they just want to make sure i'm happy and healthy that's it they want to make sure their child is like happy in what they're doing and where they are and they're healthy and can take care of themselves that's literally it and then once you kind of stop caring about the approval of your parents you literally will not care about the approval of any other person okay because you just broke the most intense attachment there is of parent and child approval okay once you break that and you get over that and it it takes a lot of courage and it's really hard like when i dropped out of college it fucking took everything in me to tell my parents like hey i'm not doing this and i thought they were going to disown me

and kick me out but in reality it's just something that they had to deal with like good luck charlie i'm not gonna help you cope with this because this is my life you guys if you have an issue you can cope with that on your own and they did rightfully so um but once you stop caring literally nothing else matters and then you are just so free and it's incredible i am begging you disappoint your parents more often not in like scary ways like don't do dangerous things please be safe please make good choices for the betterment of yourself and your well-being all right i'm not saying go do coke and then tell your parents about it that's not what i'm talking about my bestie asked if she should pursue her dreams and absolutely i think you should absolutely pursue

your dreams it's never too late okay babes i dropped out of college and people i tell people that and they're like what the fuck are you gonna do like oh my god it's like oh my god as if i can't go back to college that shit sits around forever for me as if i can't go back and continue and then move on with my life from there on right now i'm happy doing what i'm doing make sure you're happy doing what you're doing too if psych's not the thing for you absolutely go to fashion design also the people from your high school they're probably lame and boring now okay don't care about what they think let them be the housewife mothers that they want to be all right let them judge from afar you go on and do good things and be positive and make yourself a better person

that's all that matters you really have to live your life wanting to disappoint people because the more you disappoint them the less they'll care i guarantee it begging disappoint your parents more often you know who i learned that lesson from um i actually learned that lesson from my older brother disappoint your parents more because my older brother he's nine years older than me um I kind of just watched him grow up and then I wanted to do what he was doing because he was doing everything right he was making my parents so happy he was like the perfect all-star student like varsity soccer in high school moved on went to private catholics also if you hear me hit this bowl apologies it's me taking a bong rip because it's 11 a.m and I need to smoke but you know

moved on to private catholic school graduated top of his class in psych and then moved on to law school graduated top of his class in law school and moved on to like work at a non-profit like he did everything right if there is a playbook of how your child should grow up and be he did it all okay he is like the most perfect he has like the most perfect wife they had the most beautiful incredible wedding they have the most perfect baby he gave me the cutest fucking like nephew i have ever seen in my entire life like their baby is a gerber baby my nephew is so cute like i don't know anything else about him i mean wait what was he saying like he's just perfect i don't know i don't know how to put it and growing up that is really hard to follow like

I tried I definitely did try but that shit's hard to follow it's a tough act to follow um and it definitely made me want to be perfect and it made me want to do what he was doing and it made me um a little insecure in my life choices but when I eventually went on to college and found out I was miserable doing what I was doing and I felt lost and confused and scared I went to him and you know what he told me he said hannah if you do what they want you to do you're gonna be miserable just like me and that shook my whole core because i never knew he was miserable i never knew he didn't enjoy doing what he was doing he was like you need to go live for yourself you need to go do what makes you happy or you're gonna be like me you're gonna be stuck

not that he's not happy with what he's doing right now not that he doesn't love his wife not that he's like he is in the most perfect place ever he found his way but this was when he was in law school which I know was incredibly tough and challenging and I know it was probably a great stressor on him and the fact that he was kind of doing it because I know my parents pushed him in that direction of doing law school we just all thought he would be a good lawyer so you know that's what he did he was miserable miserable and so I went to him and I was like I don't know should I do art school like should I drop out and go to art school and he was like yes do it please like if anybody's gonna do it you need to do it so I've quite honestly kind of just been

living my life being so authentically close to myself because my brother never got the chance and it's sad like he I'm sure he chose things for his life but I know a majority of it was for my parents and I don't know I needed to break the cycle so in honor of him I'm just making every bad life decision i could possibly make no i'm joking but like shout out to my brother for really giving me that life lesson and it's it really shook me because i in my head i thought he was the most perfect human being i thought he was so happy i thought everything he was doing was great and incredible because i mean on paper it is but you don't know that people are miserable because they're not doing what they truly love and enjoy doing and he's really lucky that i mean the life

decisions he made did end up turning out to be really beneficial for him like he ended up in a really great job that he really enjoys doing that is i think very fulfilling for him um so like good for him shout out to my brother but he really did change my perspective there and it's a waste of time if you're gonna live for other people like you're just gonna be miserable and sad and what's the point of living if you're gonna be miserable and sad and it's like you can easily change that it's a such an easy change and people think it's so hard but the easiest change is so easy because when you know you're choosing for yourself because you feel calm afterwards you feel this like overwhelming overwhelming sense of like everything's gonna be okay as much as this is like

scary and nervous and like oh my gosh i'm switching on my life like all this stuff you know in your heart it's gonna be okay there is that odd sense of peace and calm so please i'm begging disappoint want your parents be your authentic self choose your happiness choose your peace that's all that matters in this life also i kind of had to change recently my thought process when it came to like how people view me because like the one girl was saying she was worried about what her like old high school um peers were gonna think about her if she like moved colleges as someone who posts pretty regularly on the internet I very quickly stopped thinking about what high school people thought about me um I just simply didn't care because like why would I care I more so started

caring about what these random people on the internet were gonna think about me and I don't know why I don't know why that started getting to me but I had to like uh here's a mantra here's a good mantra i just start telling myself a view is a view on my videos of a view is a view on my podcast a view is a view whether it's hate or positivity that is on them they are simply just viewing my shit and whatever they take from it i know i'm putting out positivity and good things for myself out there so i know i'm not doing anything wrong if they're gonna send positivity towards that oh love it I hope they receive 10 times positivity back because they're being a great encouraging human being if they're gonna send negativity towards me they're gonna receive

10 times negativity back like their karmic energy is gonna hit them full force but that's not something I gotta deal with okay that's not what I'm in charge of like I'm not the universe I don't dish out karmic energy well sometimes but like what those people put out into the universe is going to get sent back towards them so if they want to be a hating ass bitch then like let them be a hating ass bitch like they're going to receive 10 times the hate back but um yeah a view is a view if someone's going to view you negatively that's on them like it's just a projection quite honestly i've learned very quickly especially being like a public figure on the internet um receiving a lot of commentary and a lot of like feedback that i didn't necessarily

ask for or care about a lot of it especially the hate is just like absolutely projecting absolutely because like i have a very sound understanding of who i am and like what i want and that is very necessary especially if you're going to be on the internet because people will try and project and skew how you view yourself they oh with every ounce of willpower they have they will try and skew how you view yourself like they have all day to send this hate to you to send this energy towards you this negative energy and you just have to realize it's all projection like baby girl don't let them get you down it's literally all projected projection oh my god because I mean half of this hate comes from men because I get more hoes than they do

like my audience is like 96% female of course they're gonna be upset with me because they can't pull one female but I have a very sound understanding of who I am I of like how I present myself like I'm putting out positivity into the world so when they send me hate and anger back I know they're just like an angry sad little boy like that's on them also a lot of it is just, like, people, like, throwing hate and judgment because they face hate and judgment towards themselves. I don't know. You really just have to disconnect. It's a lot of disconnecting and connecting back to, like, how you view yourself. As long as you view yourself in a positive light, as long as you are doing things that align with your true person, with who you

really are, as long as you are doing things that make you happy, if other people are gonna fucking hate let them okay let them be sad little haters all right don't worry about them I guarantee your life will improve you will do so much better than them just focus on yourself and bettering yourself and being a good person that's literally all life's about so someone asked me to talk about an experience I went through that changed my perspective on reality which is like wow perfect question thank you for sending that in um i'm not sure if i've told this story on the podcast but i'm i'm sure i've told it like somewhere on my socials at some point either on like a live story or like on my tiktok you can probably find it but so about three years ago i was dating a narcissistic

emotionally abusive man boy i should say man child um and when you find yourselves in those relationships i don't know if you're in one right now if you even find yourself in one in the future you find yourself just like giving and giving and giving and giving and nothing seems to fill the hole that they're creating nothing seems enough nothing seems good enough you don't even seem good enough like you're exerting yourself trying to make this person happy and it's just like impossible and i'm a people pleaser i'm all about it like i will admit it it's a fault of mine i want to make people around me happy and sometimes we need to accept that maybe that person is just a fucking bitch and they just can't be happy in life and that's not my fault as much as i want to

bring them to the light and make them have a good time sometimes that's not your fault well one night I used to drive like 40 minutes to see this guy like every few nights just to like go hang out or whatever go see him for the night and I was driving there drove there we because I found out his grandpa had died I was like okay let me blast over console him I feel terrible it's like a school night but I'm like going over to my ex's house to make sure you know he's mentally okay I'm sorry your grandpa died try and put some stuff together for the funeral um it turns out it's like 3 a.m I've been there for forever trying to help out trying to do my thing I got class in the morning like 8 a.m and then probably another class

like 12 I was like okay gotta go like sorry I wish I could spend the night gotta go my parents were still at a point in time in their life where they just like I was living with them so they weren't super comfortable with me spending the night at his house they were just like you know come home whenever as long as you just make it home 3 a.m rolls around I put in my work he seemed unhappy but you know what can you do i needed to get home we said our goodbyes i got my car i was feeling so exhausted and like tired and worthless get in my car to go onto the highway start driving on the highway it's pitch black blasting whatever music i'm listening to to keep me awake and my eyes open all of a sudden i hear this loud crash my head hits the steering wheel

literally the most pain i felt in my body in a while and like i black out and i wake up to a police officer pulling me out of my car saying yeah you shouldn't be alive right now uh excuse me a police officer had parked his car in the middle of the highway without lights on middle of the highway babe middle of the highway around a curve so it was kind of hiding like i couldn't see it when i was coming around the curve because he was there to help with a cattle truck who had overturned on the highway above us and cows were literally falling out of the sky falling out of this truck onto the highway below and getting hit by cars i know that's a lot it's a little traumatic i'm still processing it because i was vegetarian at the time and i was

like this is like i'm watching cows get hit by cars around me he pulls me out of the car says i'm not supposed to be alive i'm like what the fuck do you mean i look at my car the entire front end is smashed up into the point that my steering wheel is so like yeah i should have died i very much so should have died i should have gone through that windshield that car should have crumpled onto me i almost okay this is not just ad but doc martins you need to go buy a pair right now because my doc martins kept my ankles from like crushing in on themselves from the pressure of me hitting them because you know how like it's leather so it goes up your ankle it kind of wrapped around it kept my ankles from getting crushed um so i could still walk on them

but they were still sprained and they were bruised like a sock my entire my feet were bruised like a sock um up until where my my doc martin stopped like craziness broke my nose horrible concussion i am like oh my god freaking out i call my ex he's like okay i'll come pick you up whatever he's causing drama because he can't find me and i'm like i don't have time to deal with your drama like god damn i'm the one who was just in a car accident you're making this about you and um yeah that was extremely traumatizing and the police officers end up taking me to their station or whatever because i didn't have a ride i get picked up i go to school the next day and it's just like time stopped time stopped because i was like

this needed to happen for a reason i felt so used so sad so lost so confused i didn't know what to do but in that moment when that police officer pulled me out of the car and said you should be dead right now i knew i was not living how i wanted to live i knew that if i had died right then i would have been fucking sad because i was not living for myself i was living for somebody else i was living for somebody else's happiness i was living to make somebody else happy i was putting aside everything that i wanted to do to make this other person happy and it was not working and i was not realizing it until i hit that fucking cop car and then i realized fuck everybody quite honestly babe at the end of the day you're the one who's gonna die not anybody else not your

mom not your dad not your sister you are the one who's going to die and face the consequences will not face the consequences but like it's your life that's gonna end so you need to be in control of your life be in control of what you're doing and you need to put your all into yourself or else what's the fucking point you know what i mean obviously we're gonna have relationships we're gonna have like social relationships that we want to thrive and continue and absolutely that's so important you need to put your all into those relationships but make sure that those people are putting their all back into it okay when i heard that i was supposed to be dead I was like I need to make some major life changes major life changes also

at the time I was in art school right and our art school was like very intense safe to say like you miss one day of class your grade is dropping so I got into this major car accident could barely walk my nose was broken I had a horrible concussion I wake up the next day and my parents like you better get to school I make it to school I walk up to my professor I'm crying I'm like I'm so sorry I'm a little late I'm like I'm really sorry like I got into this big accident like I I don't know I just I know I need to be here though and he almost started crying because he is like Hannah I have never seen the drive from a student like you like there are people who have missed class simply to lay in bed and do nothing and you're here showing up after a severe car accident

but you can barely walk on your legs and you're showing up to do work and i think that landed me with like one of the only a's in my class um please do not put your mental health aside for school work like i'm begging you do not do that but that did like land me with an a shout out oh my god there's glass falling on me from my phone you guys know the meme where it's like you hating from a cracked screen on an empty stomach bitch ain't you dizzy vibes but anyways yeah that was a near life accident that i realized i need to make major life changes i needed i needed to make some changes and it took me a while to make those changes but i eventually did and i have never felt freer and i live my life every day assuming

that any moment can be my last any moment because i hadn't i had no clue that me just driving home one night i could have randomly died i had like i was not assuming that i was not thinking about it it could like death is gonna hit you sideways over the head and you're not gonna realize it so make sure that what you're doing in life is worth it make sure what you're doing you enjoy make sure you're happy make sure you're putting your all into your relationships make sure that everybody's putting their all back into you okay you deserve a good life you deserve a happy life it takes some work it takes some realization but you'll get there you don't need a near-death experience like i did to realize this stuff take it from me okay so this is a little bit more

specific of a question but i feel like i need to answer it but someone asked me how do you deal with your boyfriend living the college life quote doing drugs going slash passing out while you're home bored and worried about his well-being and actions i have friends to um hang out with but i'd rather be with him and i'm not a big fan of the stuff he does with his friends illy i love you too that great question i think this could be applied to like any sort of situation where you're like uneasy with the path your partner is choosing or you're feeling a little bit lost or confused for you specifically girl I think you need to break up with him I know drama tea probably not what you want to hear but I think it's beautiful and incredible to love somebody and be with

somebody if you guys are on the same plan if you guys have the same life plan and life is about growing and changing and love is really complicated because you you both are very much so going to grow into different people throughout the time you spend together you're going to choose different life paths you're going to choose you know the best for yourself hopefully you're both choosing what's best for yourself that's the ideal but sometimes it is the hardest part about love is when it's like a breakup that is kind of mutual you're both just going in different directions nothing really went wrong there was no drama there was no cheating there was no scandal other than just like we need to move on with our lives and unfortunately i think that's the situation

you have here um you guys enjoyed the time you spent together but i think these are major issues that you're dealing with and it's keeping you from living your life uh like you said you don't enjoy when he goes out with his friends you don't enjoy when he's drinking and doing drugs and partying and unfortunately like you can't control other people you are you can't have that control on somebody else that's it's just toxic and i i'm not sure if you want that control i doubt it i'm sure you're a great human being um but having that control on somebody is toxic you can't control another person and if you don't enjoy what they're doing maybe they're just becoming that person maybe they're just a new person and maybe you realize the person that you used to love

maybe is not here anymore and that's okay but i do think it's time to move on i think it's time for you to do what's best for you because i don't want you to hinder your life and your experiences like you said you have friends but you'd rather be hanging out with him but he's off doing things at college that you can't participate in nor do you enjoy and i think it's just a conflict of interest kind of situation um and unfortunately i think a lot of love ends that way you guys are just growing into different human beings and that means taking new life paths and who knows maybe down the road you guys will meet again and things will work out this time but it's not something you need to hold on to and it's not something that you need dragging you down i say talk to him have a

serious conversation talk about your feelings be very open and honest with everything you've been feeling um observe how he reacts and maybe you just have to accept that he is growing and becoming a new person because when you go to college you become a very very new person very completely new okay and it's okay to maybe realize you don't you aren't in love with the same person that you used to be but i don't want you to wait around thinking he's gonna come back talk it out see what you can do but i hope you choose what's best for you i love you okay someone i've been getting a lot of questions about this actually and i think it's just because we're like in the uh some of you might still be in in like mid pandemic i feel like most of america has somewhat opened up you know

what i mean like festivals are going back on um concerts like i went to the movies the other night that was like crazy like no one I haven't been out of my house in forever but I've been getting like a mass influx of questions of people like I'm alone like what do I do I like what do I do when I'm alone how to deal with loneliness how to cope with that um and quite honestly I'm gonna be a thousand percent honest I don't think we're meant to be alone as human beings I I don't think we're supposed to be that way and I think a lot of isolation comes from feeling no need to be around other people because we have so much going on in our phones okay we have so many people on our phones we have so many contacts so many communications so many

different forms of media that it feels like we don't really need the outside world so we feel little bit more comfortable secluding but I think it's honestly uh at least in myself when I notice myself isolating it's a toxic trait of mine um I obviously we all need self-care time we all need alone time we all need you know rest and relaxation rebuild ourselves back up so we can get back out there but there's a difference between like self-care and like isolation and i find myself falling into isolation and not really realizing it um and you kind of have to crawl your way back out there because as human beings we are very much so pack animals we are very much so community animals we feel better when we're in a community we feel better when we have like a system around us

where we can talk to many different types of people have many different types of viewpoints in like a form that is actually like face-to-face I'm not talking like getting viewpoints and information from your phone I'm talking like a community setting where you're sitting down and talking and enjoying other people's presence okay I think people human beings thrive in that and as much as we don't want to accept it and we don't want to think about it and maybe we not believe in it uh I think it's a thousand percent true because past two years I have been completely isolated completely I'm like not really my choice you know what I mean like we've been in a pandemic you we all had to isolate to not kill people straight up so like I did my job but it took a

major toll on my mental health that I didn't realize it was taking and it was something that me and my boyfriend had to talk about because i just like started breaking down i was like i don't have anybody like i used to have these communities i used to have people to talk to and now it's just like i don't have anybody and it's like there's a difference between like having a partner and having friends like of course my partner is my friend and my partner but that's like way too much pressure to put on him as a human being to fulfill all of those categories like you absolutely need friends and things to do outside of your relationship and me being lonely wasn't a direct reflection of like and inadequacies as him and a partner in any way it was just like me not

fulfilling my own self-needs of needing a community outside of my partner and so realizing that was really hard but it's something that I'm now actively taking steps to combat and so to deal with my loneliness and to deal with my isolation issues i signed up for a pottery class and now even though like there may be people i don't super know or relate with that much like they're kind of just like older people and like they're mid to late 40s it's nice to be out around people it's nice to be in a community setting again like we're all doing pottery half the time we're not even talking it's just nice to even if i'm like not doing like a community thing i'm still in a community setting um another example i gave earlier like a pole class just like going to

different activities that a interest you okay that interest you and that are in a space with other people I think it's super positive super beneficial for your mental health makes you feel a little bit less alone makes it so when you do go home after that and you are alone it's more fulfilling it feels more relaxing more refreshing like you're actually taking a break for yourself you're not isolating um but I do genuinely believe like we as humans need to be around other people and the idea of like alone and isolation is not positive as we have like conditioned ourselves to be like cutting off people and kicking people out of our lives and isolating ourselves is not healthy at all like we absolutely are animals that need to socialize with other animals so get out

there put yourself out there i'm serious so i don't feel like a class a week like that alone took enough energy out of me now i'm doing two classes a week and i'm sure i'll work my way up you know get out there go like meet people seriously like it's post-pandemic you don't need to isolate anymore you don't need to well unless like your country is still like in a pandemic then like please i'm begging stay home like do what's best for you like you know stay safe but like stay connected to a community i'm serious it's so beneficial this is a fantastic question for the end of Tuesday's podcast I'm gonna see you guys on Thursday I know I know I said last week I was gonna do Thursday for real this time because

you guys sent me way too many good questions and I'm like I want to record another episode today but I can't because I need to focus on this one anyways they asked me beautiful lovely what's the mindset i need to turn my life around for the better oh baby it's the mindset you need to make everything right to make your life turn around for the better to have things go good for you is literally choose yourself choose yourself you have to want to get better for yourself step one you gotta choose yourself okay you no one's gonna show up and drag you out of bed and brush your teeth and put clothes on you and get you out of the house and even if they did you probably still wouldn't feel satisfied because it wasn't you doing it you need to choose

yourself show up for yourself pick yourself when it comes to life choices choose yourself do you feel comfortable going to this party? If not, no worries. Go home. Do what feels best. Do you feel comfortable wearing this outfit? If not, you realize, oh, maybe I'm kind of dressing for somebody else here. I would rather wear this. Choose yourself from the smallest moment to the biggest thing. As long as you're acting within boundaries for yourself, everything's going to relatively turn out okay all right you have to show up you have to pick yourself because quite honestly no one else is gonna do it for you I would always sit around not speaking thinking that someone's gonna speak up for me no one's going to no one's gonna show up and be your

superhero you literally have to look yourself in the mirror and choose yourself and realize that the only person showing up for you is you unfortunately actually not even unfortunately because at this point it makes things more gratifying I feel more complete I feel happier in life I feel more comfortable with who I am because I've simply chosen myself and it's not an easy thing to start doing I started choosing myself when I was 16 and I had stumbles and I had falls and I had moments where I realized I was deviating from whatever plan I truly wanted to be on or truly wanted to follow and i had to redirect myself and it was hard and i probably disappointed a lot of people and i probably made a lot of people mad or upset or angry but i'm pretty

fucking happy i'm chilling so like do i really care no i don't honestly choose yourself i'm serious you gotta show up for yourself because no one else is going to and it's not sad it's not depressing because like you're here with yourself for your entire life you've so many moments and opportunities to show up for yourself so take every single opportunity you can i love you all i'm gonna see you guys next thursday oh my god next not next thursday this thursday i might not release one on thanksgiving now that i'm thinking about it because it'll be next thursday i might release one the friday um after thanksgiving but you'll still be getting two episodes a week thank you guys for joining me this was incredible this was lovely i love having

you guys here um this is so fun i hope you guys tune in for thursday's episode i'm serious you have to tune in i'm like serious because you guys sent me so many good questions and i want to answer more and i will be so tune in for more life advice i'll see you guys then please have a lovely incredible week i love you