Smoke Sesh - how to find yourself, fear of the 9-5 & healthy detachment

Episode Date: April 11, 2023

Happy Tuesday my cuties I miss you all so very much, if you didn’t catch Thursdays episode go give it a little love but this episode is full of advice! Inspiration! And looking forward towards the future with love ❤️ today we chat what I’ve been up to & inspired by, current favorite podcasts, feeling inspired to better yourself, makeup and who are you putting your face on for, how to stop skin picking, fear of the 9-5 and what alternative jobs are there? normalization of alcoholism in your 20’s and being ok not knowing your sexuality, how to quiet your self demeaning demons, premature ejaculation & bedroom problems, healthy vs unhealthy detachment, how to truly manifest and make your dreams a reality, when to drop a relationship, brain aftercare and how to handle the day after a party, how to find yourself and to stop running away, April theory and why do we feel so good in the spring? allowing yourself to celebrate yourself! Stinky head, what prom was like plus much much more, hope you all are having a beautiful Tuesday and I can’t wait to chat sooooo soon

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Hello, good morning. How the hell are we all doing today? Hey, happy fucking Tuesday.

oh my god long time no see not really um I put up an episode on Thursday and so many of you guys have listened to it thank you so much for joining me um but guess what we're back sooner than ever usually you gotta wait a full seven days you only gotta wait you know I think like what's the math four or five so how wonderful is that I'm so excited to be back with you guys it is a hot and sunny and bright tuesday little afternoon i'm feeling good i hope you guys are feeling good as well um i just ate me a little breakfast my go-to breakfast recently has been just like some greek yogurt um a couple of berries and then like a mixture of nuts like i'll put some um i'll put some like pumpkin seeds and chia seeds and a couple almonds just to make sure i'm getting

all my fun little vitamins and my brain is taken care of i'm about to make me a little pasta salad for lunch and then i'm gonna go to the park go on a long walk just get my body in motion i did that yesterday we went out like foraging and trampling through the woods um to look for morel mushrooms we didn't find any i found one dead one but that's about it um so i'm trying to get back outside today just really enjoy the sun but it seems like we've really taken a turn towards spring like it is rainy a little bit but overwhelmingly sunny and hot and I am living for it okay I'm living for it I'm obsessed this is just what my soul needed I love spring because it is such like a time for renewal and growth and prosperity and dreaming and looking forward and I just oh I eat

that energy up so I hope you guys are you know connecting with me on that energy and if not maybe i can share a little bit of mine with you and brighten your day you know what i mean i'm signing the lease to my new apartment today i am so excited as you guys heard last episode um yeah i'm getting a new apartment it's gonna be much bigger it's a historical building i'm very very excited to let my inner decorating self out you know i have been pinteresting to the gods i have been posting everything pinning everything hunting down every little tiny thing that i'm looking for in order to bring my space together and honestly i live for that um i love creating the energy of a new space and although i love my apartment now it was perfect for you know 23 year old hannah figuring

it out, finding out who she is, discovering who she is. But now I feel like I feel very settled in that answer. And we're going to chat more about finding yourself and what that means in this podcast. But it feels very comfortable being able to come home to yourself and being able to like regroup and be like, I know exactly what I want. I'm not going to deter from it and I'm going to go after it. So with that energy in mind, we're going of just jump right in because as you guys know I get thousands upon thousands of questions every week and I feel so bad when I don't get to some some of you guys will DM me and be like you've never answered my question I'm like I am genuinely so so sorry um so with that being said we did a

little speed run last week and it was very fun I feel like the podcast went really quick um so let's do it again you know let's get to as many questions as we possibly can let's brighten some lives is have a good fantastic fucking day all right love you let's jump in okay this question I actually get a lot a lot a lot and it's what podcasts do I listen to and here's the thing I don't listen to a lot of podcasts I feel like I'm very lucky because the only podcast I really have listened to which has been kind of a random habit I've had since like 13 they put out so much fucking content that I am just like, I don't need to stray anywhere else, which I kind of need to get back into. I miss doing two episodes a week. I feel like you guys love that shit. Um, let me

know if you want me to do that, please, please. I love creating content for you guys and I would love to, you know, hang out twice a week again, even if it was like a fun little short 30 minute episode. Um, but the only podcast I listened to is the H3 podcast. I know, I know. It's just like they have been there for me since like as a distraction as a you know i can just throw this on and like clean my house and not really pay attention which is super fucking nice have a little giggle here and there um yeah the hc podcast that's the only one i really listen to so i miss frenemies with my whole heart and soul i understand it was like a super toxic relationship but like if they could ever figure that shit out and come back together my heart would be so happy

that was like peak podcasting like what I would tune in for but other than that I really am a music girly I'm a music girly through and through I love putting on a good album like a full album I love putting on a good record whatever it may be um and I love discovering new music so shout out Spotify for always bringing new things to my attention I love it this question is fantastic because it's something i'm kind of diving into um someone said how to uh how to get effort to look nice i love getting prettied up but i'm so busy and tired felt i okay so i used to look at getting prettied up getting dolled up as like well at first it was like oh this is me time i love just like having a fun way to do my hair and i love doing a cute makeup style and i love putting

together a fun outfit it is like something for me and then it turned into something else where it felt like I had to do it in order to um behave and to be a person and I couldn't go out in the world without makeup on or I had to get ready and it turned this is important here from something good and fun and something that brought me joy to something that felt like a chore and felt like something I was doing for other people if you put a like value on it that is not something that you genuinely value you're gonna lose interest naturally and that happens with anything it happens when you know artists you know get creative and they love doing art and then they put a monetary value on it and all of a sudden they're not interested anymore they're like well

fuck it i was just doing this for fun i don't really care about the money same thing with makeup and getting ready it's like once you view it as oh i have to do this for other people or i feel an intrinsic need to do this in order to get on with my day instead of just like oh I like doing this for myself you're going to lose interest in it and it's not going to become fun anymore so I was kind of that way all year um last year I let me tell you this I woke up every single morning glued fake eyelashes on my face every single day did big curler rollers every single day fried my hair off basically from it but at first I was having so much fun with it and then it turned into a point where I was like this isn't fun anymore I feel like I am doing this for ulterior reasons

other than just like enjoying life and then I just went cold turkey like I haven't really worn a lot of makeup this year I haven't really done my hair in crazy ways or I've done fun outfits and stuff that will always be fun for me but I feel like I've stepped away from the beautifying you know part of myself returned back to the core the normal getting used to myself without makeup and now I'm kind of pendulum swinging back up into I enjoy getting ready and I love taking care of myself and instead of doing things that make other people happy why not do things that make me happy and you know what spending like a good 15 to 20 minutes to just sit down and like put on a podcast like listen to this put on some music and do my makeup is really cathartic for me and very fun

especially after like a fat bowl or at night when you just need to like have some me time I love that shit that shit is just on par with me as like a good face mask um depending on how I'm feeling so I'm really trying to emphasize like you know allowing myself to explore makeup um I've never really allowed myself to do it I was not really raised by a mom who liked wearing makeup or wanted me to wear makeup really so I'm allowing myself to delve into that space I spent too much money on Sephora the other day I did a little haul on Patreon um but I'm just trying to up my makeup game and then as well I'm like looking on Pinterest and finding new hairstyles that call to me and I'm trying them out and by experimenting and allowing my true inner self to go towards

what's calling to me and leaning into that and expressing myself through that it feels amazing so if you ever feel stuck in something such as makeup or getting prettied up and you feel like you're doing it for someone else maybe it's not meant for you maybe you need to take a step back return to you know base one you know who you are no makeup just enjoying yourself and then sit down ask yourself what calls to me does doing my makeup even call to me if it's no then don't do it if it is then look into what you want to explore maybe it's hair maybe it's makeup maybe it's outfits whatever it may be allow yourself to explore those things but also ask yourself where that's coming from and if it's coming from a place of like lack like i need to do this i have to do this other

people will think differently differently of me if i don't do this then that is something that's not bringing you joy or happiness and it's something you need to step away from and that's okay I literally spent a whole year stepping away from it and now I'm finally ready to dive back in and it feels good so look at your priorities look at what you need and ask yourself where is it coming from someone asked uh how to get out of bad habits like pick biting nails and picking skin I still pick at my skin until it hurts okay so for me you know how like cats have those pretties claw things like the little claw caps that they have that's what my acrylic nails are to me like i have claw caps on all the time i'm basically a cute little cat all right because it

i can't pick up my nails because i have acrylics on they're glued to me and they usually do a very good job taking care of my cuticles there's no cuticles to pick um and they're like secured on there's no picking these bad bitches off and also if I get a good shape like I usually get a square or a rounded tip I can't pick at my skin I can't I can't get the right angle I can't get the right grip it's physically impossible so I just give up so for me acrylic nails have really really helped another thing that's helped is like pimple patches um you can use band-aids if you need um um but yeah nail polish acrylics um pimple patches that has what that is what works for me when it comes to like habitual picking because let me tell you i have some crazy scarring on my

face and my back because of just like i was just going ham on my skin and i did not need that i really did not oh how to deal with the fear of the nine to five lifestyle let me tell you this okay my cubicle girlies my girlies who are sitting at a desk at work i love you i appreciate you bad bitches get work done and they make money and that's all you're doing and that's fucking fantastic but also i knew from a young age sitting in a cubicle was like my worst nightmare and i've kind of run from it and let me tell you this if you don't want to get stuck in a like cubicle nine-to-five lifestyle, there are so many long-term good career options for you that do not include that. We as a society have just put an emphasis on those kind of career paths as

important because they're kind of the easiest. And of course you as a parent are going to want to push your kid into like the easiest, most straightforward path, okay? That doesn't mean it's going to work for everybody, especially if you already know that it's not going to work for you. Just because someone places emphasis on one job doesn't mean it takes away emphasis from another job. When I tell people I'm a bartender, I'm a server, they're like, oh, so what do you want to actually do? And it's like, of course, I have dreams, I have aspirations, there's things I'm working on outside of it. But the way people demean everyday working jobs as if they're nothing or they're just a stepping stone when like there are career servers out there there are servers

out there who make six hundred thousand dollars a year i know it's fucking crazy and i mean they're working their ass off they're working late nights but it's definitely not a nine to five and there are definitely jobs that you can find that do not you know have that kind of lifestyle around it i was on tiktok and one of my mutuals just became a beekeeper like are you kidding me they were just looking online oh beekeeper job I don't really want to work in an office um and they have like marketing skills it's like fuck it apply there are so many different opportunities out there that I think people can really enjoy um I have another friend who is like a migrant worker like they work on farms seasonally so they'll take like winters off and then summers and springs they'll

just be working on a farm hands in hand with other people uh who love food and they love you know the earth and I think that's amazing I have another friend who works in like parks and rec it is a park ranger like think outside the box there are so many jobs and things that need to be done that are not you sitting in a cubicle and can absolutely happen you need to allow yourself to dream you need to allow yourself to steer off the path a little bit and that's going to be hard you're going to get some backlash but if you stand by yourself you can really accomplish anything so dream a little bit have some fun with life you know you don't have to take it so seriously and all these jobs sure they're not six hundred thousand dollar paying jobs but you're probably going to be

more happier there than you are going to be where you already know you're not going to be happy do you know what i mean love you can we talk about alcoholism in your 20s and also i am pretty sure I'm gay but I've been dating a man for the last year and a half so can we talk about how to navigate that please I love the pod I love you that's it okay love this it's a lot to unpack okay but yes alcoholism in your 20s is a real thing um but if you think about it it makes sense because we just when we turn 21 early 20s we technically quote-unquote according to the law are not allowed to drink until then so a lot of people start drinking and they jump in and they dive in very deeply very quickly um and naturally i think that turns a lot of people off from drinking

in their late 20s because they go a little harder a little crazy in their early 20s um at least that's how it's kind of worked for me um but you're right a lot of events a lot of you know meetups hangouts are all inspired by alcohol if you think about like college you know frat parties um sorority parties going to tailgating events um even when I was out of college and I was not doing anything it was like me at work after work everybody's taking shots and then going out until 3 a.m. afterwards and then going home and then immediately going back to work and it's like there are a lot of alcohol inspired events there's a lot of them like when I went out to this wedding earlier this year in Portland um every single event was like oh we're having wine we're having

a lot of wine it's about the wine we're all drinking this is a drinking event and it tired me the fuck out I went really hard like really hard in the party scene from like 16 until 22 like drinking smoking weed and then that turned into molly and psychedelics and even more alcohol and turn into random baggies of stuff and it was just a downhill spiral for me and I realized that I was using alcohol as a crutch um to kind of make these events more interesting or to make my life more interesting and like it's okay to go out and drink and it's okay to go out and have fun with your friends and it's okay to go out to a tailgate or go out to a frat party and get fucked up I feel like that's totally fine I feel like I had a lot of fun doing so but also if you don't feel like

doing those things I feel like that's totally valid as well and I do feel like you can still have a lot of fun at these events without having to drink um I feel like it's just like a social lubricant that people use um and a lot of the time that I was with my family at that wedding or when I am now going to parties it's like I'll have a drink maybe but after going so hard for so many years I do not feel the need to drink at every social event now and maybe I'll have like a soda water instead or I'll have like a La Croix or I'll have like a San Pellegrino oh my god they're so fucking good um and I also feel like a lot of people our age are kind of getting turned off from drinking a little bit which I find very interesting it's the age of Aquarius right now and I feel like

a lot of people societally are like stopping the whole party alcohol scene and are it's oddly switching over into psychedelics now which i find very interesting um but i feel like we're all kind of realizing how negative alcohol can be so if you're feeling like alcohol is a negative for you that's totally fine there are alternatives i feel like you can still have fun in your life without alcohol um I drink maybe once every other week now and I feel fantastic um I do smoke a lot but I feel like hey I would rather smoke than drink alcohol that's my preferred method of escapism I guess um and it's just slightly healthier just slightly as long as I use it in the right mindset and then also sexuality I talked about sexuality I think in the last episode

maybe it was two ago but you you you don't need to always pinpoint exactly who you are I feel like we nowadays like labels of course are good and fantastic and it helps everybody be inclusive and make people who felt like you know they weren't seen before feel seen now and I feel like that's fantastic and amazing I'm not talking down on them but I feel like it does implicate a lot of people to be like oh my god i don't know who i am because i don't have a label for myself and i feel like that's totally fine to not have a label for yourself you don't need to figure out who you are now you do not need to characterize yourself down to basically like a paragraph of sentences of who you are i feel like it's totally fine to be like i'm still figuring out who i am

and that's gonna take time and i'm gonna lean into that now if you're in a relationship with a man you feel like you're gay and you want to explore that like maybe break up or maybe bring it up you know if your partner loves you and accepts you and you bring that up then they should stand by you and want to help you figure that out and maybe you know some distance is needed and they it can be like a very good mutual split and then you can explore that side of yourself but I feel like it's okay to allow yourself to explore and not know who you are right away all right love you someone said how do you talk to people if you have social anxiety and just get embarrassed of yourself so in my head there's a little demon that lives there no I don't have schizophrenia um

I feel like we all have this demon um but it's the negative self-talk demon and it is not real I mean it's real because it has an impact on you but you also need to understand that just as emotions come and go thoughts come and go like um i feel like we have all had intrusive thoughts before and some of them are just like oh they show up and you're like why the fuck would i think that push it off that's how you have to treat those kind of self-depreciating social anxiety demon thoughts all right you can't let that demon live on your shoulder constantly because it's going to hold you back and it's going to take over your brain and like remi the rat and ratatouille it's gonna literally sit in your head and pull your hair and steer you in the wrong direction okay

so take control like we are not victims of our brain we can work with our brain and make our brain work for us and I fight with myself a lot internally because of that by trying to make myself work with myself but I feel like the work that I put in like having these self-talks with myself not allowing those negative um or like self-depreciating thoughts to take over and it takes time it takes work but it really really makes a difference in your life if you take the time to put work into yourself and to not let your brain take over your body okay you can make it work for you i promise but don't let that little demon inside your head um convince you that you're not worthy of human connection because we as humans are naturally uh worthy of human connection

and also like when I find myself in social situations that I just know I don't enjoy it's hard for me to like be social and be interactive like family events like Easter I was just like very awkward a little uncomfortable and even though it's family it's still like I'm meeting new people um I feel like I have to put on a front it's not fun it makes me overthink you know how I'm behaving and yeah I'm gonna have a little bit of a tougher time there and I might be a little bit more socially inward but in environments where I know I thrive such as like parties raves um you know out and about at with friends at a restaurant whatever it may be I know I thrive and I know when um those thoughts pop up they are genuinely not based in reality and you

have to brush them off and you kind of have to tell that little demon to fuck off you know what i mean and i know that sounds crazy you're like hannah it's not that simple but it takes practice it takes time it takes like like a sore muscle you got to stretch it out you got to work it out and you got to make it work for you all right someone said bruh okay shawty help my boyfriend struggles to last longer than like five minutes in bed. Baby, you just got that WAP. You just got that crazy pussy. Do you know what I mean? No, I'm joking. Um, this is a real thing. I feel like this is a very real issue, especially with men nowadays who grew up with unrestricted internet access. Um, you know, they're there jerking off all the time to porn and like they're gonna come

instantly of course like when they're with themselves they're not like edging themselves i don't think um they're like i'm here to accomplish one goal and that is to come to jerk off and that makes a lot of sense um but then when they get in sexual interactions with women they're used to five minutes tops with themselves so they do not know what it's like to be able to hold off to wait to not come that fast does that make sense so what i would recommend in this situation is to a lots of floor foreplay i'm talking he does not even enter you until you have come like once or maybe twice or maybe three times like he waits and he better be fucking patient all right and you can have a conversation with him just be like hey i don't get off because

you get off before i even do and then i get bored so it's like speak up be like hey we're gonna focus on foreplay right now we are not going to get super crazy um and you're gonna wait and also that's like kind of hot you know what i mean like tell him to wait tell him to beg for it and then when it does come to it the the real deal the pmv okay you've already had your fill you can maybe get off like one more time before he does and then boom bam easy peasy all right but you really have to put the brakes and be like no you my turn my turn i'm speaking up for me and my pussy okay also like tell him about edgy like if he's like i'm gonna come be like i'm hopping off the dick right now and you're gonna wait and then i'm gonna hop back on like you can

edge a little bit but also have this conversation with him i'm sure he's not gonna be super embarrassed just be like hey i need to get off as well can we play more of like a longer game here all right can we can we wait it out a little bit and sure he's gonna be like oh like it's gonna put a new perspective in his brain but he shouldn't really take it too personally as long as you're nice about it i pinky promise all right love you someone asked please girl need to know how to practice detachment okay feel like detachment was very popular around the pandemic times um and then it spiraled into people being like i don't give a fuck about anybody else but myself and it's like yeah but you're coming at it from a place of hatred and and you're building

walls from the outside world and only focusing inward and it's causing an inward spiral while also not connecting to the outside world and that is unhealthy detachment okay that's what i call unhealthy detachment there is healthy detachment such as understanding that um we as humans have this one opportunity to be who we are to live how we are to live this life um and instead of getting so hurt and overwhelmed by every single little thing sometimes we just need to allow ourselves to feel to understand to look almost from a second hand viewpoint and to compartmentalize to understand to learn from and then to move on that's what I believe is healthy detachment so when I was very attached to everything I was suffering because every single person's thought

about me mattered every single you know if a if a leaf fell wrong off a tree I was crying if I took one misstep I was freaking out if my one eyebrow hair wasn't perfect on my face I was losing it and that is not a way to live life all right you have to understand that there is perfectness and imperfection there is learning and hardships um and it just takes understanding that we are going to go through things um to understand that you know everything has a meaning everything has a reason but we don't need to take every single little thing so seriously what you are thinking about other people thinking about you does not inherently matter only the things that you are pumping yourself full of really in your head in your mind matters of course interpersonal

relationships matter but also you should not live your life for other people you need to live it for yourself this is how healthy detachment works um and i feel like the best way to really practice this and practice healthy detachment is to honestly just and i do this all the time this is literally a practice that i'm doing every single time i sit down and do this podcast is to take a step back from the situation and look at it with a new pair of eyes and ask yourself like does this really matter and if it does listen to that and set boundaries accordingly and don't let people step over those boundaries but if truly deep down it doesn't fucking matter then it doesn't matter and you can't let yourself get worked over worked up over the little things do you know what i mean

But once again, like, unhealthy detachment, which I would like to emphasize, is, it can mean, like, avoiding certain people or situations that are causing you stress or anxiety, which can sometimes lead to emotional numbing or the dampening of emotions. That is unhealthy detachment. detachment when it's healthy is being so aware of how you're feeling and understanding and other people's feeling and understanding that you can take a step back and look at it from a healthy perspective and react accordingly and move forward with ease you hear what i'm saying here but yeah it really takes practice and i love you and i don't want any of you guys emotionally numbing yourself I'm never gonna be like yeah don't give a fuck about anybody else but yourself like of course we care we love we love hard I want you to love hard but also you can't let your emotions

other people's emotions outside perspectives get in control over you you hear what I'm saying hi Hannah I just wanted to start out by saying I have been following you since like your early days on TikTok and I've been here for the podcast since day one and I love you so much and you've done so much for me. So thank you for that. And second, I wanted to ask how do I manifest getting my dream apartment and the apartment that I want because I'm also going through the process of moving to a new city right now and it's super competitive and I'm just worried that I won't get the one that I ultimately want so any manifestation tips are very welcomed thank you I love you love a good manifestation tip okay I love you I hear you and I'm I'm manifesting that

you get your dream apartment too slay girl I'm so excited for you we'll be moving into our dream apartments together you know what I mean also you've been here for a while like three four years my god you're a real one I love you thank you for joining me on this amazing journey that it's been so when it comes to manifestation of a space okay I feel like it is genuinely all about a giving your all so not being afraid to be a little annoying and b visualization so a when it comes to anything that you want you can't sit down and oh I'm gonna only visualize I'm gonna only visualize I'm never actually gonna put work forward into this thing because that thing like will have a five percent chance of approaching you you need to physically put your energy into actions that

are going to secure that thing okay i feel like that's key the biggest key for manifestation a lot of people think it's crystals and rocks and meditating and visualizing and it is of course but also it's that tapping into that energy of i want this i am not going to succumb myself down to not getting it because i believe i'm unworthy i know i'm worthy and i'm gonna go after it so maybe when it comes to your apartment maybe it's like hey i have my deposit ready i am ready to submit deposit and application asap let me know when i can do this maybe it's uh sending a personalized letter of why you believe you are going to be a perfect fit for that apartment to the people who own it along with your resume along with your letter of application along with

your deposit whatever it may be um calling emailing yes it gets fucking annoying but also it shows you're interested and it shows you care all right and that's what's very very important when it comes to connections manifestations looking outward for your dreams for your goals i feel like a lot of people are afraid of being annoying but i'm not also like for emails back to back like if you don't respond in a day i'm gonna be like hello hi i just want to make sure this email venue safely um I'm very excited about this like you know and of course people are busy it happens um but there are ways you can you know make sure the other person knows you are showing interest then step number two is visualizing yourself there if I don't visualize myself

someplace it's just not gonna work out you know what I mean I toured like 11 apartments and every single one I walked into it was like I mean yeah it's an apartment but do I see myself living here no I don't so if this is a place that you genuinely like in your heart you feel like it is the right one in order to fuel that passion from step number one such as seeking outwards seek inwards make a Pinterest board do mood boards visualize what it's gonna be like to lay in that bed in your apartment at night what it's going to be like to come uh home every morning after your little morning coffee walk around the block what it's going to be like to have your pets there living with you what it's going to be like to decorate look into how you want to decorate it simple things like

that is a fantastic way of visualizing it can be poetry it can be imagery it can be textures colors shapes forms whatever it is devote a little time to dreaming okay i feel like that is very very very important especially when it comes to manifestation and like i said it will absolutely fuel step number one which is reaching outwards putting yourself out there making sure you're heard and seen and your needs are verbalized so your note oh my god so people know what you want okay love you love manifestation i hope you get the apartment fingers crossed um i'm sure you will get it girl go after it and don't let anybody take what you want away from you also if it doesn't work out i guarantee there will be something that does everything always works out for you

if um what you are quote unquote hoping and dreaming of does not work out for you it just means it wasn't the right thing and the universe had to deter you away from that it knew before you knew and that's okay that's wonderful sometimes you just got to play the game with the universe um brush it off your shoulders and move forward but i have no doubt that you're gonna get everything you want love you oh it's also breakup season every like turning of a season people are bound to break up because i feel like every change in a season there's like new things occurring in people's lives there are new plans new activities new new ideas people get tired of each other whatever it may be it's natural it's a part of life don't let it get you

too down okay release but someone asked how do you know when to end a relationship what if the pros and cons are equal i want to make it work but i've noticed a pattern with our issues and address them and it seems like i guess uh nothing's changed i'm assuming so when it comes to relationships that you feel like it's stagnant you keep running head-on into the same issue maybe you're putting more effort into it to solve it and they're not you feel like you're the only person caring for the relationship the pros and cons are equal i say just end it i say just cut it i say find a relationship that it is equally you both are putting in work you both are trying you're not running into the same issue over and over and over again because you guys are both putting into

putting in work to make sure that it doesn't happen twice okay you can't forgive a person a hundred times and assume they're gonna change you can only forgive them once i know i know i always i always give forgiveness i do but i will never allow somebody to walk over me a million times again because i've been there and sometimes the best thing that you can really do for yourself is to be like no I don't deserve this I deserve someone who's gonna put in work with me maybe we're just not communicatively compatible and that's okay but I need to move on with my life and find what is good for me all right if the pros and cons are equal baby what is it like if it's like five pros and five cons or like 10 pros and 10 cons that's too many cons there should be

like two or three two two maybe five but like the pros should absolutely outweigh the cons for a healthy relationship and now make sure you're making this pros and cons list in the right headspace sometimes i'll be pissed and i'll write a pros and cons list and it'll be all cons because i'm just like angry and i need to get it off my chest but if this is like genuinely something that's popping up all the time and you're like i'm just tired i'm over it cut cut ties baby you deserve the world all right you deserve someone who's going to love you wholeheartedly for who you are and work with you to make sure that you're both happy you know what i mean i love my girls someone said flirted with an with an old stoner man so he would give me a joint

he did feeling fabulous slay i hope you're enjoying that joint girly so for my coachella girlies um i feel like this will be a fantastic tip um for my rave girlies and for my post party favor girlies someone said i fried my brain so bad this weekend post party favor self-care tips i know you got me illy oh boy do i have you i am the queen of frying my brain i have you know there's days where I haven't slept for days and just cried there's times where I felt like oh my god I think I just killed my brain it's bad all right and that's bound to happen with any sort of you know intense drug over drinking partying too hard all right so let me give you the best self-care tips you can possibly get a sleep sleep is so important allowing your brain to shut off and to focus on

itself without you being present and to take time to rest and recover and rejuvenate sleep is number one. Number two is water. Make sure you are hydrated 24 fucking seven. I know you're not hydrated right now. Take a sip of water. Yes, listen to me. Make sure you are drinking water. Make sure you're chugging water. If you are going to be on molly, on any sort of like crazy powder drug, um, on psych, uh, psychedelics, make sure you're not mixing them with alcohol, ideally, all right, that drug itself is enough for your brain to be stimulated, you don't need to mix it with another stimulant that's gonna dehydrate you, that's gonna make you extra hung over the next day, extra not fun the next day having to deal with, okay, so make sure you got

of soda water in your hand make sure you got a water in your hand instead if you're doing something that stimulates your brain you don't need to add alcohol on top of it um it's just gonna make it worse weed that's fine you can smoke a joint i feel like that has healing properties it's not going to make the next day worse for you 5-htp is a lifesaver when it comes to your brain um especially post molly um hold on let me get the definition for you um so 5-htp helps raise serotonin levels in the brain which will help of course regulate mood and behavior has a positive effect on sleep mood anxiety appetite and pain sensation um it's just good when you have a depleted source of serotonin which happens after a lot of psychedelics partying um especially

molly where it just releases all your serotonin five hgp is fantastic make sure you're getting your electrolytes in liquid iv is wonderful make sure you have ibuprofen advil for the next day if i were you before i would go to bed i would chug like a plastic water bottle and then take two advils and just pass out make sure the next day you are getting a hearty meal in your tummy um you know I feel like people really prioritize like fatty foods um foods that are nutrient dense okay that's what's going to be necessary the next morning and also make sure you're eating the next morning even if it's hard your body needs to be functioning and if your body's not functioning it's going to make your brain want to explode and take it easy on yourself be kind to yourself

that's really my top tips when it comes to aftercare of some crazy party favors safe to say hi hannah um not a question but i just kind of wanted to give my input on something that someone asked last week about picking college so i'm finished up my freshman year in college and i went to a school that did not fit my personality at all did not fit my vibe at all um and now i'm miserable so I just kind of wanted to let the girlies know please please when you're picking college consider whether you will actually be happy there and whether it's a place that fits you personality wise and that you think you can succeed at and I know like tuition is crazy expensive everyone is trying to save money but I promise sometimes spending a couple extra thousand

on a school that you think is right for you is better than saving money and going to a school that doesn't fit you like please prioritize your happiness because I really think in the long run it'll be worth it even if you have to pay a little extra so yeah I love you all and good luck period like I said your your um major second choice okay that's the second most important thing most important thing love that it's being reiterated here thank you so much because Sometimes I feel like I sound crazy just saying the same thing over and over again. Make sure you fit there. If you fit there, you will thrive.

Okay, someone asked, how do I find myself? I feel so lost. Felt. I feel like we can all relate to this question. I feel like when I find myself, I'll lose myself again. Then I'll find myself. Then I'll lose myself again. And it's just like a constant ever battle.

And it's not a fun battle either. because when you feel disconnected from yourself you feel disconnected from the world so let me give you my biggest tip because I feel like I've kind of I've gotten back in the groove of things I'm getting back into touch with who I am and truly understanding that and I feel like when people phrase it as finding themselves I need to find myself they assume like oh my god I'm lost I am lost for myself I need to look elsewhere I need to do what this person's doing to do what this person's doing i need to try this um i've never tried this before which can help but but we're looking outwards we're looking at other people we're looking at different environments

we're running outwards we're running away when we should be running back to ourselves when you feel lost and disconnected from yourself you need to turn your ass right back around and head back to yourself you will find yourself when you stop running away from who you truly are a hundred percent the most times that i felt the the lostest was because i knew what i wanted my inner self was telling me what i wanted i knew deep down what was right for me and yet i kept running the opposite direction i assumed no i don't know the right thing i need to keep trying this or doing what this person's doing. I don't know what's right for me. When in reality, you know. Your gut knows, your intuition knows, the things that you want to try, the things you want

to eat, the classes you want to take, the inspiration that you find are all raw and real and what make you, you. You have to stop running away from who you are. Yes, you're going to be a little weird you're gonna be a little off-putting you're gonna be a little awkward you're gonna be a little odd but that's what makes you who you are and the sooner you open your arms and welcome yourself back to yourself the better you're gonna feel okay don't let anybody demean you don't let anybody put you down don't let anybody steer you off the path that is directing you back towards yourself who you truly are because that's how you find who you are that's how you find yourself how you discover yourself or how you find yourself again okay we spend so much of our times running

away from who we are running in circles running in every which direction but we never take the opportunity or the moment to really stop and ask ourselves why do we keep running when i know that the answers truly lie within who i am if you like a weird embarrassing thing own it own that shit yeah i do like that thing and i love it and i'm not gonna let you you know put me down for that or if you want to try something but you feel a little bit of fear go try it you will strengthen that bond with yourself you will strengthen that understanding with yourself whether you enjoy it or not you will discover something new about yourself because you listened to what you needed if you are in a position where you're like i don't even know how i got here i was just trying to make

other people happy i never really asked myself what i wanted to be happy then start asking yourself that okay the whole inner child fad the whole inner child discovering your inner child was so important because it turned people back inward on themselves when we haven't really taken time to really stop and ask ourselves like at the core value what do I enjoy and instead of being like every other adult or every other person in my life who would hear those things and laugh or push them off or not help you enjoy them be the adult in your life that helps you enjoy them and stands by you and loves you for the weird little human you are. Do you know what I mean? Finding yourself is so, so simple. Once you stop running away from who you are and actually listen to what

you want to do and who you want to be, you will feel so much more comfortable, confident, and compatible with yourself okay true confidence also comes from the knowledge of yourself comes from understanding yourself and comes from not allowing yourself to run away from yourself while also not allowing other people to step on who you truly are and to be able to do so you have to know who you are you have to know yourself through and through and own that shit the most confident people aren't the most pretty or the skinniest or have the most money the most confident people are the ones who know who the fuck they are and don't really give a fuck what anybody else thinks about them because they love themselves and they understand themselves and that's all that

they really need of course we need community we need compassion we love from other people we cannot be lone humans in this but those connections are going to come seamlessly and easy easily if you are comfortable within yourself if you are your own best friend that is probably practice number one become friends with yourself i used to be terrified of being alone i had to live with people i had to be around people i had to be in toxic relationships because i couldn't handle who i was alone but i'm really not that fucking scary to be alone with okay take yourself on dates try new things listen to that inner calling okay by understanding yourself by not running away from yourself in turn you will feel a thousand times better about yourself and that inner confidence

will radiate outwardsly and then you'll attract people who fuck with that confidence and fuck with who you truly are and fuck with the idea that you don't let other people tell you who you are only you can know that I feel like with the whole new Mario movie Jack Black is getting so much screen time right now and just interview time because he embodies that he does not give a fuck what anybody else thinks about him he knows who he is and he stays true to that it's not like a character he's playing he is himself and people love that about him okay channel your inner Jack Black no no no not really don't channel other people channel yourself but channel that you know energy of I know who i am and i will not let anybody else tell me who the fuck i am or demean me or put me down

because i love me and that's all that matters okay stop running from who you are someone asked about april theory which is like a new kind of um wave of something on tiktok anyways yeah like i said when it comes to new seasons especially a season where you're going from winter to spring which is such a hard change you internally are going to notice the world around you changing and want to also make changes accordingly want to grow want to develop and March theory is everybody has a hard time in March there's a lot of breakups in March but April theory is everybody glows up in April because March I feel like it's rainy it's still cold it's still winter but April it's like okay no like we're in it this is spring the leaves are starting to grow and flower and

blossom and i want to do the same myself so i'm not putting up with any more bullshit the two breakups i've been in one was in on christmas so that doesn't really apply but the second one was when it was march theory um it was march it was a very cold month we were toxic we were hating on each other the whole time and april came around and i saw the world light up and i could finally wear tank tops again and i was like fuck this dude i am not spending my summer with him when he makes my whole world feel like winter okay so april theory is real whether you're in a relationship or not the spring theory of people springing forward and wanting to do better for themselves is real we see that outwardly and we want that expressed inwardly and if you're

feeling that like you're getting called towards wanting to better yourself listen to it you know do it from a place of hope and aspiration and dreaming not from a place of lack and desperation if you're feeling lack and desperation whatever you're doing is not good not healthy for you if you're doing it from a place of dreaming wandering wanting to be better that that is coming from a healthy perspective healthy place differentiate between the two feelings go after what is good. Hey, girly. I was actually the girl on your podcast that you posted and who was crying because she got fired from her job that Monday. I thought it was actually really hilarious that you posted that because I was at the gym at the time and I was extremely high on the bike and

I was already like thinking and listening to your podcast and all of a sudden I heard my voice and I was like what is going on I thought I was tweaking so hard I was like these are my words this is my voice what is happening but I'm not thinking them right now but I just want to say thank you that was extremely therapeutic for me since then I listened to it like probably 15-20 times comparing my experience from then and now and we are on the up and up and I appreciate you and being there for everyone else and having everyone else's questions is wonderful and I want to say thank you and I love you for doing that and I have a question coming up next so I appreciate you bye love you hey love so here's my question for you I've been doing a lot of

reading and seeing a lot of things where it's like give all of your effort in situations and you will feel satisfied and that's most of like one of the best ways to feel satisfied in life is just no matter what you get into just try your hardest give most of your effort and I feel like that's very, very hard for me because I did D1 athletics in college and my entire life. I was very heavily influenced by athletics and they have that mindset of, oh, you PR'd, you can do more, you can do better. And so I'm never fully satisfied. And I feel like I have to kill myself mentally and physically, which is what they forced me to do in college all the time to be number one. and I don't know how to just be okay being myself and giving the most effort and satisfaction I can

into something without being so overly empathetic and wanting to do it all myself so help me love you okay I absolutely feel this I was not a d1 athlete but I was raised by a track coach okay like very heavily in the athletics world and you're right in the athletics world which i also think ties over into the academic world as well maybe you were raised by parents who were heavy on the academics heavy on you you need to succeed but also when you succeed it's not good enough um my mom was also a teacher so i got it from both ends hey as a girly who is healing from that and who for a long time and still now like you may look at me and be like oh my god she's achieved so many big things but I a lot of the times look at myself and I have a hard time appreciating

those things and actually understanding that I'm accomplishing something because like you said you get into a mindset where it's like no but I can do better you know like I did this but what's next what can I do better and the number one way to combat this mentality of I'm not good enough I'm giving my all but it's never good enough I need to do more I need to do more I need to do more you need to celebrate yourself you need to celebrate yourself you need to when you accomplish goals when you put your all into something which you should I agree you should always put your all into something if it's something that you want if you get that thing okay you need to take a moment to celebrate. Because if you come from the athletics world, if you come from the academic

world, if you come from harsh parents, parents who were hard to live up to, or even people in your life that were hard to live up to, you would accomplish those things probably. And they'd be like, good job. What's next? What are you going to do different? What else is coming? How can you do more? And I'm sure you never took a moment to actually celebrate. So stop, take time, and celebrate your accomplishments appreciate them go out to dinner tell your friends about them don't be afraid to share them um buy yourself that cute little thing you've been wanting take yourself out on a date literally look at yourself in the mirror and be like i'm proud of you you fucking did that but you need to take time to celebrate or else you're gonna keep running into a wall of i'm doing

i'm doing i'm doing i accomplish but it's not good enough i'm doing i'm accomplishing but it's not good enough because you're not taking time to celebrate those achievements and they can be big or small whatever you deem big sometimes like getting on the phone on the phone to like schedule a doctor's appointment is a big achievement for me sometimes me getting a million views on a podcast is an achievement for me it doesn't matter how big or small you deem it celebrate it if it's important to you okay that's how you put emphasis on accomplishments and that's how you keep those accomplishments rolling and keep that hard work rolling don't be afraid to cheer yourself on a little bit okay you're your own best friend you gotta you know celebrate along the way and it's

fun when you have people to celebrate with you whether it's a significant other or friends they don't have to be there you can still like share your successes with them like oh my god i did this big thing i'm so excited whatever it may be don't be afraid to celebrate them and to show yourself some love for the hard work that you put in on your life because life's hard we should have some fun every once in a while you know what i mean okay someone said girl i don't like giving head it's a bad thing question mark i have a problem question mark i don't think so because like when i was younger and i would think about giving head i'd be like no not for me i do not want to put my beautiful cute mouth on someone's privates you i get that like they're sweaty you pee out of them

like i get it i get it girl like i i totally understand i think everybody listening to this understands i also think you might have not been in great situations in order for you to do this like yeah your first time giving should not be after they just worked a 12-hour work day and are hot and sweaty and dropping their pants in front of your face that's not gonna be super duper tasty so like what I would recommend is just like with your partner whoever you're with or interested in you know doing this with if you're not interested and you're not in a relationship don't worry about it but if there's someone that you're interested in you're like maybe I could try this with them take them go take a long shower together hang out in the shower chit chat make

sure you're both scrub-a-dub-dubs and then get out and then that's when all the fun happens because then you know they're clean and you know you're all you're squeak clean um you feel new there's no dead skin cells down there and i feel like that's that post shower is kind of the best perfect time to possibly give you know what I mean but yeah sometimes I'll be in a mood where I'm like no I need to do this and then sometimes I'm in a mood where I'm like I'm good not interested and if you're not interested you're not interested don't feel pressured don't feel pushed into it that's not okay I don't want you to ever feel coerced or talked into doing something if it's something that you don't enjoy doing that is valid enough and no one needs to convince you

otherwise but for me i know when i first thought about it i was like yeah you stinky gross um but yeah post shower i feel like is the best best time and i think this might be the last question it's been really fun though oh my god i've had a blast i feel like this podcast has been so full of hope and energy and love and laughs but someone said did you go to prom if you did what was your experience like I'm not going in idk if I'll regret it later yes I went to prom I was my junior class president so I was actually in charge of putting on prom um which was fun I really didn't have to do a whole lot of work and I gotta go for free but the whole prom experience is less about the dance and more so about I'm gonna dress up with my girlies have a good time and then what

happens after prom for me personally um like I was at my prom for maybe 30 minutes I went in I stole a pizza I left you know we got our little pictures there my parents were working the coat room I said hi as they knew I was there and then yeah it was really all about getting ready having cute pictures with friends going out to dinner and then like the after party afterwards so like if you can participate in those things then I really don't think you missing the dance aspect of it will really really make you be like oh I missed it you know and when prom came around I was really not that interested probably not as interested as you are like I didn't have any crushes I wasn't interested in boys so I wasn't excited about going with somebody or having

somebody to go with I never went to prom with anybody I just went in a big group with my friends and their dates um and I I had a blast I thought I wasn't gonna have fun but as much of a tomboy as I was back then there's some funness to just taking a moment to dress up and hang out with your girlies and then afterwards I think my friend rolled like 20 joints and we just hot boxed basement and it was fantastic so I had a great time I think you can avoid the school dance part but still have a good time around the prom aspect of it um but I would participate in some sort of way whether it's your friends getting together um you know maybe even you taking a leap of faith and going to the actual dance I think my other friends got a party bus which was super fun

um but yeah I feel like you can participate without actually having to participate and still have a grand old time um and also like I am looking back on my prom memories right now and I'm 23 and I was like what 16 17 and I can barely remember anything about it so that says enough of probably what you need to know if prom's not your thing and you don't want to go I don't think you missing it is really gonna be a whole world shattering ordeal okay but also if you're like I'm going but I don't really care about the dance that's fine it's really more about just like the enjoyment of being with your friends and spending time together you know what I mean what's better than that anyways I think that's it I love you all thank

you for joining me I had such a fucking blast if you didn't if you didn't catch Thursday's episode go give it a little listen go give it a little love but it is so fun being here with you guys every single week and once again i'm so grateful for you i'm so appreciative for you guys being here thank you for sticking with me um and also sticking with yourself and being here despite it all i guarantee you the universe has such big wonderful amazing plans for you in store and i'm so excited to see where this journey takes us so with that being said i love you get outside go after your dreams accomplish your goals goals and celebrate a little along the way okay love you