Smoke Sesh - how to not give a fuck, crushes, and retrograde

Episode Date: December 22, 2021

Happy Wednesday! Sorry about Tuesday and Thursday taking a little holiday break, but please enjoy todays episode! We talk everything from crushes & how to spot em, communication, how to simply not give a fuck, the stages of hannah’s life, edm, and the retrograde that’s kicking my ass! Love you all and I’ll talk to you next week! MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, someone to look out for them. Some people call me their internet big sister, others their fairy smoke mother. You can call me Hannah, the new host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. Some good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. Good morning, everybody. How are we all doing?

I know you're probably not gonna listen to this in the morning. literally every time i'm like good morning and then i uploaded it at like three o'clock in the afternoon so apologies about that but for me it is the morning um it's like nine o'clock in the morning um welcome to smoke sash if you've never joined us before welcome my name is hannah it is so wonderful to have you if you are um a returning listener it is wonderful to have you back please feel free to light up with me you know people like to do some clean their rooms you know some self-betterment stuff some laying in bed alone maybe you just don't want to be alone and you're listening to my voice whatever it is it's wonderful to have you welcome to smoke sesh let's get into

it it's been like a week since i recorded a podcast and to be honest not a whole lot has happened i'm trying to think no honestly not a whole lot has happened um i've just been working honestly lots of working with this holiday season lots of money um lots of money i love being a server because it's just drama it's all drama not like between co-workers but between the people who are eating there and like the shit i overhear and it's just wild like there's swingers there's like people on sugar baby dates there's like craziness all the time and it's so fun to listen in because I am just so nosy like I feel like we're all that way though like okay there's a little bit of drama and it's happening in public I'm gonna I'm gonna walk by that table so I can hear a little bit more

like okay but I don't know I've just been raking in cash trying to fucking figure out all these fucking presents I gotta get I love getting people presents I love gifting people presents I hate spending money and um I hate wrapping them I know it's like not fun but I just bought this new wrapping paper and i was talking to my manager about it and she got so excited for me i was like girl she's like so laid back but i was telling her about this wrapping paper i got wrapping paper with mushroom christmas trees on it i know like little mushrooms and they're like wrapped in lights it is so cute i got wrapping paper with santas on it and bongs bongs and santas and they're both wrapped in christmas lights and then i got one with like um little candy canes

and rainbows and like it's pink it's like fun um i could i uh actually we had secret santa at my work and i got the little host um so i wrapped her stuff and like the cutesy stuff because she's 16 i was like i'm not gonna give you bong wrapping paper but um i got her a little journal i got her some nice um alcohol markers to draw i got her um some cute little like daisy socks and then my secret santa um was one of the kitchen boys and we were all in the back and he came up to me he's like uh merry christmas and he handed me the bag and my manager was there and he was like oh shit don't open it in front of her you can't open it in front of her i was like what why he's like what she was like trust me i already know what it is she doesn't do that stuff at work she's

probably gonna do on her podcast I was like oh and it was like opened it and it was like some incredible incense and the most beautiful like pipe I've ever seen it was like opalescent with like cute little like blue and purple flowers and like leaves all over it I was like this is adorable my manager was like this is cute okay I was like girl she doesn't care as long as we just to do it outside of work you know what I mean like Missouri is a legal state um just you know you can't really just want to go work but I have to go finish Christmas shopping today I'm gonna go to Lawrence and go wander around do some Christmas shopping I've also been there is this one deck of tarot cards that I've had on my mind for like four months in this one shop and I have

been needing tarot cards i've worked with tarot cards long in the past for a long time um my intuition and my gut feelings are something that i work heavily in um if you believe in like the supernatural and all that shit um uh i don't have like any psychic gifts or anything like that astrology i mean i haven't really read into it too much other than what i am and like the retro going on right now which we will get the fuck into um in one second but i mean astrology is really easy to learn if you just read into it but some people are just genuinely naturally gifted at it for me personally every single spiritual person that i've come in contact with has been like you are greatly in tune with your intuition um this is insane like you are so in tune with it

you need to stick to it and tarot cards are a great way to kind of work with that I stopped working with them though because a psychic told me people were taking advantage of me and draining me of my path of like um some energy um through me doing them readings all the time um and them just not accepting and giving into the readings I was giving them so I stopped doing them for a very very long time but I'm gonna pick it back up because I think it's very important to do it for myself so also i have a little bit of a cough so i apologize if i sound like a little nasally a little snotty um it's because i literally work so much and my restaurant is so goddamn loud at night because we have like music like fun music it's like fun r&b music or like rihanna and then it's

so loud and then every table is full and they're all shouting so then i have to shout on top of that plus i'm wearing a mask so i have to shout on top of that so it's just a lot of yelling so my voice is kind of gone so apologies but let's get into some questions you guys actually these might be my favorite questions so far you guys sent me a ton of questions and i'm so excited to get into them um and they were so like deep so interesting i was like wow your mind's incredible all right so first question um quick question have you always been confident in your sexuality i'm over halfway done with college and i've always thought i'm straight but now i'm thinking that i'm bi or even just gay lmao what are your thoughts so with sexuality it's obviously a spectrum okay

it's easier to think of it as a spectrum than it is to think of it as a black and white i need an answer i need a label okay because it might change you may not know fully about yourself yet you may discover new things in the future and that is okay but you need to leave room for that so you don't feel boxed in in any sort of way um when people ask me my sexuality i usually just say bye um because i like men and women but i quite honestly just like like anybody i can form a very special emotional and mental connection with and a physical connection with so it's like not as limited as bi you know what i mean but i think it's okay to explore your sexuality i think it's very important to explore your sexuality i think it's important to um learn more about yourself in

those ways and see what you're comfortable with but i don't think you need to worry about putting a label on yourself or fitting yourself into some sort of little box just know that you are on the spectrum somewhere of the lgbtq community and you're still trying to figure it out and you're having a grand old time you're in college you're in college you're 20 20 something probably i'm 22 i would have graduated at 21 um but like just just go with it if you're bi you're bi if you're gay you're gay then like wonderful i think you should lean into those things if you are comfortable doing so and maybe um you know explore your sexuality a little bit it's very exciting it's very exciting time you're in your 20s that's what your 20s is all about you explore your sexuality

seeing who you are finding out who you are so don't worry about it it seems like you might be a little stressed um i think it'll come to you the more you kind of experience connections with people in real life oh my god this retrograde this retrograde literally it's hitting me like a ton of bricks first of all we had a full moon in gemini if you weren't aware um that was what our last full moon was and i have a gemini sun so that little bit of chaotic energy that little bit of like um out like pushing you outside of yourself pushing you to do more pushing you to be a little bit more um talkative a little bit more energetic that kind of had a spark in me thank you to the full moon um i didn't really do any full moon celebrations i think i was working but then

it's Capricorn season um I think it was Capricorn season started yesterday and I'm a Capricorn moon which means um Capricorn placements are heightened um the drive for power money success is heightened as well which is incredible for me I just feel like I need to get so much shit done all the time and i'm very excited to do it but but uh okay retrograde uh it's a venus retrograde right now and it's conjunct to pluto so essentially what that means and what can what we can so whatever your venus sign is that is what you're mainly going to experience my venus sign is in cancer and then the retrograde means that we're gonna do some inward looking so my cancer venus is very emotional very emotional very sensitive very egotistic very high horse you

know what i mean but not high horse also like i want to care for people i want to take care of people i want to be um a motherly figure in a sense to a lot of people and it's it's making me look inward and it's making me do a lot of re-evaluations with like work relationships with interpersonal relationships with my needs my boundaries things that i want um and it's just a little bit stressful i do have something i want to read to you guys though so this is from orla's 115 page i know crazy fucking like full-on reading like full-on deep dive into who the fuck i am and what i'm gonna go through for six months this is the first entry she has for it and it perfectly explains like kind of the retrograde at least for me and

what i'm going through and i think it's awesome to read so um you are in a process of transforming your philosophy of life at this time your faith and religious or spiritual feelings are definitely in flux right now you may look more deeply into fields of endeavor that are important to you or become involved in a research project or other serious study during this course of this transit if you find that you are in the midst of a crisis in such a project you have an increased capacity to deal with these challenges travel and education plans are another possibility for more serious and renewed consideration at this time you also may be more interested in your own unconscious process or that of others during this period your ideals and aspirations for yourself may be called into

question while this transit is in effect you may have revelations concerning philosophies that have guided your plans for the future up until now but which are revealed to be inadequate in the light of your current understanding changes to your basic beliefs do not come easily and it may be that a crisis of understanding comes up for you at this time it is always difficult to leave parts of yourself behind and to embrace the birth of new ideas but it pays to remember that your own largely unconscious process is at work enforcing events and that you will benefit from the ultimate outcome however difficult things may seem at the present anyways i spent all last day crying yet last day all of yesterday crying so and just like re-evaluating re-evaluating what the fuck do

i want who am i like oh my god i'm like freaking out a little bit and then i read that and i was like oh i can take a deep breath and chill i can relax i can understand there are things at work for me that i'm unconsciously or i'm maybe not consciously aware of and that's okay and i need to let those things play out and i also need to be more flexible and understanding about change change is good change grows us change pushes us forward um and i have a horrible time letting go of things um that is my capricorn moon for sure and my pisces rising she is just like a little love bug but yeah change is really hard for me actually I got a tattoo based on change um if you guys have ever seen a picture of me on my left arm I have a some foliage tattooed on my arm and

it's actually a sumac leaf um it's a sumac branch and it's because in college my parents sold my childhood home without me really knowing or anything like that and before I could say goodbye I was at college they moved everything out and essentially put I had to stay at my grandparents house for a little bit and it was like okay I don't have anywhere to go I'm in college and I already feel like a transplant there and now I don't have a home to go to I don't have like a childhood home to return to and that felt like a really big loss it was a hard change that I really had to deal with and that's why I got the sumac leaves tattoo on my arm because I grew up on sumac street and I wanted to remember and honor that nostalgia that I feel towards my childhood

um yeah really hard time with change but it's something i am still working on and something you can work on too anyways if you're not sure what to do during this time really i think you should rest relax recharge rejuvenate until the new year um until kind of because capricorn season is not the best time to do manifestations um the zodiac new year begins when aries season starts and i think aries season would be an incredible season to start doing doing manifestation work so hang out chill literally do some inward reflection do some journaling um whatever kind of helps you look inward i think that would be way more beneficial than any manifestations at this point so someone asked how to know when someone has a crush on you and as much as i

want to be like here are five different types of body language you can watch this person do to see if they're interested in you if they point their toes at you while they're talking then they are in love with you and madly in love with you and you guys are gonna get married but if they if they look away no uh-uh i don't have any of that shit i don't have any i don't play that bullshit if they have not told you how you how they feel about you you're gonna assume they don't feel any sort of way i know i know and as crazy as that sounds really it is like just genuinely the best for you okay because if you are a grown-ass adult and you cannot communicate how you are feeling and your fucking emotions towards another person then you should not even

be connected towards that person in any sort of way okay i'm not talking about you i'm talking to the person you have a crush on now if you're like but i just want to know like is he interested in me is he men are the worst at communicating like their feelings in any sort of way quite honestly some men are really good some men are very emotionally in tune i'm not going to make a generalized statement there but a majority of men don't know about that and that i'm going to blame that on the patriarchy and demasculizing men's emotions as children um that's a big issue that we definitely need to fix but it quite honestly girl is gonna drive you insane if you are like i like this person i i almost love this person and i don't know how they feel about me so

i'm gonna stick around in hopes that they maybe tell me how they feel about me and maybe it's what i'm thinking uh-uh uh-uh you are not a mind reader you do not have time to waste okay we have what tick tick 80 years on this fucking planet you are not going to assume one thing about a person assuming other people's emotions is a very dangerous game to play and that is just like in any aspect of life okay i have realized that is where most of my overthinking comes from that's where most of my anxiety comes from that's where most of my worrying comes from is me just making up things in my head and thinking that other people think this way because they don't they do not all right if you have a crush on somebody i know somebody somebody i know it's really scary

and i know you need to allow time for things to grow and naturally develop without there being any sort of like maybe like weird confronting conversation but talking about your emotions and how you feel about each other is very important and I think if somebody cannot handle that that says more about their emotional immaturity than it does about your emotional maturity does that make sense and I saw this and I think it's a very important thing to know um someone tweeted and they were like do you ever want to just sit face to face with someone who did you dirty and have a deep talk with them as to why they did uh did you or they did what they did and they go my therapist says it's not healthy to be wondering what's going through the minds

of grown people who you can't think for you will literally drive yourself mad and that is like beautiful spot on every single person on this planet is gonna think vastly different than the way you think okay and that's okay that's beautiful that's what makes every single human incredible and it's so wonderful to sit down and have conversations with people because we all think differently we all have different thoughts about things but you cannot assume other people's intentions for you or how they feel about you because it will literally drive you insane if you have a crush on somebody maybe ask them hey how do you feel about me what kind of relationship do you want blah blah blah very simple if they can't have that conversation bye bye quite honestly

and I think this also has to do with um people who hurt you I get a lot of questions about like this person hurt me I don't know what to do um I think they feel this way um this person did something like they did me dirty whatever you cannot think for a grown-ass person that grown-ass person has to think for themselves okay and if you can't rationalize why someone hurt you it's because you're not like them okay and you guys think very differently and you guys have very different boundaries okay there need there shouldn't be any sort of rationalization okay the closure should be you two think differently and you simply have to accept that and if you can't accept that maybe that person isn't right for you and maybe that person shouldn't be in your life

and i'm just saying also if they haven't confessed and it's been a while how they feel about you and you feel heightened emotions towards this person and it's like driving you insane and you don't know what the fuck they want from you maybe maybe they just don't like you i know as crazy as that sounds maybe they just don't like you and that's completely valid because you know what i go out there on the fucking street every day and i see the fucking ugly ass shit that people are putting on their bodies and i am like some people just have bad taste some people have the worst taste in the world okay and maybe you just aren't that person's taste and that's totally valid that's totally fine like i am not a lululemon uggs girly but like i respect them like even

though that's not my vibe my taste i respect them and i know they'll find another lululemon uggs girly that they will love you know what i mean you just have to find the right person who's going to be there and show up for you okay this is a great question um somebody asked me how to initiate the i don't give a fuck what other people think phase as a 22 year old or any age that is a great question that's a fantastic question i think it is never too early to start initiating your i simply do not give a fuck what other people think about me phase now i need to make a very clear distinction because some people are assholes and i don't want you to be an asshole okay i hate i hate the kind of people who are like well it's a free country i could just say

what i want no that's that's a different kind of i don't give a fuck that's a toxic i don't give a fuck that's an egocentric I don't give a fuck you can't just intentionally or you can't just say whatever you want you can't just you know be an asshole and be rude and be mean to people and just think that oh well I'm doing whatever the fuck I want so it's okay uh-uh uh-uh that's not what I'm talking about okay I'm talking about I don't give a fuck about other people's toxic limiting negative mind spaces okay because I know mine is way better and way safer and incredible so I'm just gonna do me and I'm gonna do what's best for me and I'm gonna dress however I want and I'm gonna decorate my room however I want and I'm gonna choose my own life path and that's okay

and I'm not gonna care what other people think about me I kind of started that life path when i was 16 i would say 16 is when i started breaking the mold of like what my parents and society had kind of set up for me um from the ages of like 5 to 16 i um trained in piano like every tuesday and thursday at 5 a.m i'd wake up and go train for an hour before um with my teacher before school and I hated it I hated every second of it I did not enjoy piano I did not enjoy the competitions they put me in I did not enjoy any second of it I did not enjoy the performances I did not enjoy the music but my parents made me do it and they made me do it they said I could quit when I was 16 so 16 comes around and I'm like I've I hate this shit I've

been telling you guys I hate this forever I'm quitting and they kind of looked at me and they're like what you've been doing it forever like what and it's like yeah I know you guys taught me resilience and to pull through on agreements but this is my life I hate this it's not gonna get me anywhere in life it's not gonna do any sort of benefit for me other than me just enjoying playing piano on my own time why am I doing it I quit and that was like the first mold I broke that was like the first domino in the chain of events um then I dropped out of nursing school that was a that was way bigger of a heartbreak on society my parents level um but yeah and then the dominoes kept falling and then they kept falling and they fall every single day at this point um like over and

over and over again I knock down dominoes every single day because once you start you really can't stop you really can't stop it is very hard to stop once you choose yourself and once you show up for yourself and once you're like actually i'm gonna make this choice and this decision for myself it feels incredible like it's kind of addicting like i'm not gonna lie and i've been addicted to a lot of drugs it's like i know addiction that shit's addicting like picking yourself is really addicting um and yeah every single day i just try to show up for myself and be there for myself and pick me you know I didn't go to my extended extended family's Christmas because I know that they were going to ask me questions that I did not care about they didn't

they probably would not see me as the kind of human that I would enjoy being seen as and I do not agree with many of their moral values the I don't give a fuck in that situation was I'm not going and I choose not to interact with these people the I don't give a fuck in college was I hate doing this and I know you guys are gonna hate me for this but I need to choose myself the I don't give a fuck is you know what I really enjoy this skirt I know it's a little short I know it's 40 degrees out I know people are gonna judge me I don't care it really fits the outfit and it makes me feel incredible and I love it the I don't fuck or I don't fuck I don't fuck the i don't give a fuck the true i don't give a fuck is showing up for yourself really being there

for yourself you really have to put aside every single other person's idea of you and push it out of your head and just simply focus on who do you want to be who do you want to become and who are you growing from someone asked me how tall am i that is so funny okay first of all i started everybody's like you look so tall you look so tall you look so tall how tall are you like on tiktok and so i started i was like i'm six five i'm six five i told everybody i was six five and everybody believed me I'm not 6'5 and I do look very tall in my pictures it is just because I have extremely long legs my legs and my hips take up about 75% of my body quite honestly so from any angle that you take pictures of me I just look like long I don't know how else to put it I

literally look long like I look I look tall um and like my whole family is pretty tall my uh grandpa was like over seven foot like very tall my brother is like six five um me i'm like five eight i'm not that tall like i'm i mean i'm like average height i'm sure but my boyfriend when he first met me he was like i thought you were gonna be way taller because all i've seen are your pictures and they you look very tall and i'm like i know it's just my long legs but i love my legs i think my legs you're like one of my best qualities um because I'm I'm so pretty but yeah I am not six five I did start that lie if you have heard I'm over six foot it probably stemmed from me lying about it and I just wanted to see if I could pull it off I want to see if people could believe me and they

were and then some people started being like thank you for being a representation for the tall girls like I'm so tall and like it's just so nice seeing somebody else out here who's tall and it's like no love my tall girls like yes like you should totally be like confident in being tall like i don't i don't understand why being tall is a bad thing but i am unfortunately not one of you and i'm so sorry that i lied about that but you are beautiful and incredible keep doing your tall girl thing i'm not gonna lie um i do wish i was taller i wish i was like 5 11 um six foot and that's i know that sounds crazy but um hold on i need to get some of my coffee when I was little I used to like look into um like procedures to have done like you can get

rods put in your bones to elongate them my friend in college wanted to be tall too and she was like I used to hold onto my headboard and make my brother pull my legs really hard to see if we would like grow in any sort of way I was like that is so funny but yeah I've always been like five seven five eight like nothing crazy um but i have always wanted to be tall just because everybody in my family is tall and i want to be on their level and it would probably i would be a killer basketball player someone asked if i've ever had a passion project and to be fair the only passion project i've ever had like outside of a school setting has been this it has been this podcast it has been creating and coming up with like a brand and an idea and trying to be

original and trying to reach people and trying to do that like authentically and trying to show up like authentically as myself and give good advice and this has been like the most passionate thing I've been passionate about in a while does that make sense like I love doing this and I know I say that all the time I know it probably gets so annoying but like I love sitting down every Tuesday and Thursday and getting to hang out with you guys be honest be open talk about everything that is on either of our minds um it genuinely brings me so much joy and so much happiness and I I'm probably gonna keep doing this no matter what like I don't make any money from this I'm solely doing it for fun and to try and reach people and to try and make the world seem a little

less lonely than it really is um so yeah this smoke sesh smoke sesh would probably be my passion project um i mean school really pushed me really made me do some hard things it really made me do some really creative things things that i really enjoyed but this has been the only thing that i've been like i'm starting i'm learning about it by myself i have no help i have no equipment i don't know how to do it and i did it and we're here and there's 8 000 of you guys joining every fucking week and that is so insane and it blows my mind every single time i see the analytics thank you so much I really cannot express enough how much I love you guys thank you for showing up thank you for being here thank you for being alive um your presence is worthy and valued and I love you

okay so this is a good question someone asked me what were my childhood phases like what were the phases I went through growing up and I was like wow that's incredible I have to do some deep thinking on this one um okay so when I was like a kid like a kid kid um I went through like a soccer phase well no no first of all I think my first ever like real birthday party was a VeggieTales birthday party I know I had a VeggieTales birthday party because I was obsessed with VeggieTales so I think that was honestly my first phase was love me some VeggieTales okay then um i outgrew that and then i kind of got i was like probably like nine um i had to jump a few years to nine i was really into soccer um so i was like a little bit more of a tomboy when i

was younger very into soccer very into the woods very into like playing outside like having a good time like wild child vibes then i kind of exited childhood and entered no i was probably like 10 11 I entered my Taylor Swift phase yep my Taylor Swift phase I became obsessed with Taylor Swift I loved her so much so much like obsessed with all of her music I've been to every single one of her concerts I have seen her front row I have touched her hand like obsessed that went on for about three years okay then I went into a Star Wars phase I know these are very odd phases I don't know why i got like nichely obsessed with these random things but then i went through a star star wars phase loved me some star wars and hunger games hunger games was the shit i feel like

every single person who was around my age who grew up in like the 2010s had a hunger games phase the grip that book had on us and the entire world was insane now here's the thing i went back and read that book again low-key like there are way more similarities than i remember when i was younger to the real world now and that is a little scary um i don't think we're really gonna ever get to like a district situation but uh like the capital is like essentially what the future is right now anyways outgrew the hunger games phase outgrew the taylor swift phase um i really got to like a witchy art ho phase in high school lots of witchiness lots of spirituality lots of crystals lots of bones um my favorite store is oracle and kc for any of that shit if you've ever been there

it is incredible it is so beautiful the way they decorate their shop the things that they have in there so well taken care for everything these sources ethically sourced they have taxidermy as well um i grew up in high school my favorite thing to do on the weekends and on the weekends but they would have this thing called first friday so every first friday of the month it would be a huge art fair a huge gathering in the city um of just everybody to celebrate art celebrate life to celebrate community and so every first friday is my favorite thing to go out there and we would go out there and just like be belligerently high and drunk and run around and go through galleries and we would get like there would be like dance parties in the street and i would go to oracle

and i pick up some new crystals or bones and then um our favorite thing to do if you if you walked from like uh the crossroads district down to like all the food trucks at city hall if you walked there um there was this one burger stand and they had this burger called the hangover burger right um this is like my favorite thing because it is a challenge to eat this a challenge because it is like a half pound burger they stuff like a fry fryer full of fries to the point that when they pull it out it is like a re it's like the shape of the basket still it is still like a block of fries like that is how much fries it is they put that on the side they put like a weaving of bacon on top of it they put hash browns on top of it they put a fried egg on top of it literally it

just so much fucking food and like i make i'd make people sit down and eat it and be like literally this is the best burger you're ever gonna have but the first time i had it i ate all of it and then i went and i fell asleep on the streetcar and for like a good hour i fell asleep on the streetcar i woke up and i was like oh fuck um but yeah i loved first friday's first friday's was my fucking favorite thing all of high school um and then i got out of that phase i entered a hippie phase like early college like lots of pla- or not plaid what the fuck lots of tie-dye lots of like fun flowy colors I was like selling edibles and like peace love vibes then um I left college um went back home and I kind of entered this like this fit I was dating this guy and I didn't really

have a personality and I was really sad all the time so I entered like a no personality phase for like a good year and then I entered my EDM phase which was is still not I don't think it's a phase I'm still I still very much like EDM um I which is so many shows so many concerts for like the span of a year and then COVID hit so no more concerts no more shows and then I entered this phase this phase that I'm still currently in I'm still currently growing from and this phase that i would like to call hannah it's me i i feel more connected to myself than i really have ever felt and it's incredible and i love doing what i love i love content creation i love being creative i love connecting with you guys um i love that i'm inhibited at this moment in my life like i feel

comfortable and connected to who i am and understanding that that connection is resulting from inside of me and it's not a phase it's not sourcing from like some other thing it's really just sourcing from inside of me so who knows what phases i'll go into probably a lot more i have so many years left so stay tuned and you will definitely hear me go through those but the edm phase probably had to be my favorite out of all of them edm phase was probably the best the one direction taylor swift phase was like chaos because the whole fandom was like so drama and like i definitely had some fan accounts but like so much drama lots of drama and i couldn't handle that but speaking of edm someone asked me have you been to many edm shows slash any fun stories

from any festivals slash concerts illy yes yep yep yeah i have a lot i have a lot of stories now here's the thing i usually was rolling at the time of any of those situations so uh memory is not the best not the best but i have been to so many shows so many edm concerts and i love them they're all incredible i 10 out of 10 recommend anybody going to any show now maybe not like a heavier like more edm show but like a lot of them are really fun really um inclusive the vibes at edm shows really made me get comfortable with who i am with my body with myself with my true personality because the whole community there is all about celebrating self-expression and not judging others who are doing themselves and more so joining in on the

fun that they have going on instead of making fun of them um like everybody's in costumes everybody's wearing whatever they want most of the time i showed up in like disco bikini sets or like fun trippy patterns or like fucking platform demonias like stomping around like it made me feel so incredible because it was a place without judgment it was somewhere i could go without judgment and be myself dance however i felt um and everybody would love me for it and i would love everybody else for that and that is incredible and that should be saved and sacred um but like yeah the whole community like their tagline is like plur peace love unity what is it respect i could be wrong but like yeah everybody should go to one if you have like some sort of

like EDM person that you follow you're interested in go to their show it will be incredible it'll be great I 10 out of 10 recommend it um even like the club I'm going to on New Year's Eve it's an EDM club and I made sure of that because I was like I want the vibes to be good I want it to be posi vibes I want it to be great and the EDM community really just sets that bar so yeah I made sure it was like an EDM club and New Year's Eve we're gonna party I'm so excited but last new year's eve no two two three new year's eves ago a while ago oh my god this pandemic literally the years are flying by i'm literally like it should be 2019 right now i don't know how it's 2022 um anyways i'm gonna avoid that little um spiral i almost went down because the years

are flying by um there's this festival called decadence and i went to decadence one year and it's a two-day festival indoor edm festival um and it's one day before new year's eve and then the day of new year's eve and it goes from like 10 to like 3 a.m or like 9 to 3 a.m and it's like thousands of people performing like everybody you could possibly think of and so i went out to colorado for decadence and you know i just brought some molly with me rented a good airbnb put on some good fits like was so excited um now here's the thing if you have anybody in your life that is dragging you down not making you feel good you know just you're you're on edge about oh my god i of a cough you're on edge about them a little bit do not cut them out of your life cut them out

immediately because i spent so much time putting up with shitty people and i am now realizing like girl you could have just like avoided that whole situation if you just like stood up for yourself and cut them off anyways i went to decadence with a shitty ex of mine and um the first night we went there and i was so excited i was so excited to have a great time um to like go see all my favorite artists like one of my favorite artists was playing at 2 a.m we get there i'm tripping balls there's like blow up mushrooms if you go on my page you can see the blow up mushroom pictures on instagram at hannah marlene um there was like a silent disco there was two stages there were aerialists in the air um spinning around to this edm music incredible

shaq jumped off the stage and like was mosh pitting next to us like kind of scary because he's so giant but like so fun um and there were these like live painters and stuff and i think i've told this story before but he ended up like getting mad and like uh at me and he canceled the night early and i didn't get to see my favorite performer and he almost left me there by myself because he wanted to go home and he ended up just dragging me the fuck out of there like crying and yeah that ruined my decadence experience um i woke up the next day i was like i do not love this man i in fact hate him with a passion i went to decadence day two um we we i saw res now here's the thing although we were together I straight up spent that whole night alone I

although we were together I straight up spent that whole night mentally alone I was talking to the people around me I was hanging out with the people around me I was just like I am not gonna let this person ruin my night again like like are you kidding me I spent so much money so Rez was performing that night um at New Year's Eve it was Louis the Child they had two giant stages it was louis the child and res and i've seen louis the child and they're great but i wanted to see res because it's a little bit darker it's a little bassier it's so fun um and like tripping balls they do this thing where they pull out spider webs and they pull spider webs over the entire top of the crowd like giant lasers giant balloons dropping on us they had a giant

balloon drop like craziness so fun great new year's eve experience then i remembered i was with my ex and I was like oh my god I hate this um then I moved on you know had some more fun went and saw Zedd's Dead Zedd's Dead is incredible if you guys um have never seen them that would be a great first concert Zedd's Dead like Flume any of that Odessa would be a great first concert for EDM um but my goal anyways I just got off track but that night we ended up leaving um and I left like so much molly at the airbnb like so much molly that's the only thing i really regret about that whole trip is i left so much molly at that airbnb and i hope she didn't judge me for it but anyways um being with people you like is gonna make or break any situation you're in if you're

with somebody you just genuinely dislike it's not gonna be a fun time for you like i'm so sorry it's not gonna be a fun time for you if you're around people that you just like aren't friends with you don't really want to associate with like you've realized they're not a good person you're not gonna have a good time and it's way easier to realize that earlier than it is later and then still enjoy your time because that new year's eve sucked that news you've sucked so bad um i do want to get out to red rocks and see some edm shows i feel like that would be super fun i think edm shows at red rocks would be fucking mind-blowing plus like that um venue is like oh beautiful like wobble rocks would be incredible to go to but i have to save up some money i need to get out to

colorado soon and if you guys live in colorado also hit me up um let me know your favorite places to go because i've been meaning to make a trip out there soon anyways that's it for our wednesday's podcast thank you so much for joining me we are gonna get back to our regularly scheduled two podcasts next week i'm gonna go get a covid fucking test after this um because i have like a cough and i don't really want to unintentionally spread it if i do have it so better safe than sorry i'm gonna go to test do some shopping fucking get a hold of my life before christmas i have so much anxiety hopefully it won't be a quarantine christmas that would be a little more stressful if i'm being honest but yeah i hope you guys have a great rest of your wednesday

thank you for joining me i will see you next week with some christmas news some news from my week and with many many many more questions um if you are wanting to submit questions i uh take them on my instagram at hannah marlene you already y'all already know the drill you already know the drill at hannah marlene is my instagram um send me them literally whenever you like uh just feel free to dm me um whenever they cross your mind because i will get a question in my mind and then i will immediately forget it five minutes later so if you just send it to my dms i screenshot a lot from there and thank you for joining me i love you all so much i hope you guys have an incredible christmas oh my god i'm not gonna i'll talk to you guys after christmas so i hope you guys have

an incredible christmas um try not to get too anxious i know it can be a little stressful just remember this too shall pass you'll make it through okay i promise love you oh my god also i forgot to add a spotify just added ratings to my podcast oh i saw that the other day when i was checking it out we have 4.9 stars i was like what we have like stars okay 4.9 if you want to go ahead and throw a little rating down throw down how you feel about me i would love it give me a little five stars i'll give you a kiss have a great day