Smoke Sesh - i hate myself, in a slump & the big O

Episode Date: November 5, 2024

hello hotties and welcome back to the internets favorite smoke sesh! my name is Hannah your host and we have a LOT to catch up on after our confessionals episode last week. thank you all so much for the love on the confessionals episode and getting spooky with me, but we are back to regularly scheduled programing and alllll your questions! we kick it off talking what ive been up to and breakup season..... I got so many questions about breakup season, and in true scorpio season fashion a lot of you might be facing it, we also talk getting sober and signs your body needs a break from substances, I hate working, and how to handle the stress of capitalism at a young age, triggers, what are they? how to handle them? and how to sooth your triggers as well, mind games and what to do with a man who is playing you, I can't O! and how to achieve o gasm, is respect earned or demanded? what to do when you're in a slump, nesting and making your home as comfy as possible, coke...... eating out, to take a break or break up, and do I really hate myself? or do you hate where you are, plus much much much much more! if you want to submit your crazy questions to me I upload the questionnaire on instagram every Sunday @hannahamarlene and join the patreon if you want to see more fun content and extra episodes! be safe stay sexy and ill see you soon! MUAH

listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all hello hotties of the world and welcome back to another wonderful beautiful little episode of smoke sesh my name is hannah your host and i'm so excited to be back with you guys on this sleepy rainy very fall morning oh my gosh i feel like for the past couple months i've been like okay 80 degrees the leaves aren't changing what's happening and then all of a sudden like

out of nowhere all the leaves on the fucking floor no you no time for them to even change color it's just raining and cloudy and honestly back in the day this kind of weather change being such like a summer baby summer child this would have caused me to go into a full-blown panic attack spiral oh my god the world's ending there's no sunshine I'm losing my mind but recently I have learned to accept like the slower parts of life and indulge and enjoy the calmer more quiet parts of life and this is the first time I think I mentioned this before but this is the first time I've really kind of welcomed this season and I'm very excited to be in my fall energy in my winter energy get into the seasonal things and really just try and enjoy it the best i can i hope you

all had a very safe safe and joyful halloween weeks basically when halloween falls on a day that's in the middle of the week it's so weird because i feel like you're forced to party for at least 12 days before like the weekend before the entire week of halloween and then the weekend after that is just too fucking much for me you guys who went out and did that you survived props to you halloween next year will be on a friday so you won't have to deal with all that bullshit you'll be able to party three days in a row and then just like get it out of your system and move on it'll be great i'm very much so looking more forward to that halloween this halloween i was kind of like sure i can go party whatever but i wasn't in the mood mood to get out and like

blackout lose my mind throw ass on the dance floor usually that's how i'm feeling on halloween this halloween i was like you know what we have plans our friends invited us to like this local bar we're like okay maybe we'll dress up maybe we'll go out we started getting dressed up we had like a little wheel of brie cheese and baguette like enjoying our little halloween night the clock starts like nine o'clock where we're supposed to be there and me and my boyfriend look at each other and we're like what if we just don't go what if we what if we stay right here what if we don't go out and so we just split a bottle of champagne between the two of us devoured a chipotle burrito had some freak nasty sex and then watched like eight halloween movies in a row and honestly

i could not ask for a better halloween that is exactly how i needed to celebrate my time i didn't need to go out and like lose any more brain cells that i already am like grasping onto like my god hannah no more brain damage you don't need that but it was a good time i hope you guys had an enjoyable time i also felt like this halloween the veil was a little too thin and i felt a little anxious because of that and i really didn't want to like be out and about due to that i think a few of you guys had some experiences where it was a little spooky scary and halloween is supposed to unfortunately like bring that out so hopefully there's a lesson you can learn from it hopefully there's something you can take from it and hopefully you are safe and okay but i love you

all happy halloween it's time to take down the decorations now i'm like shit i've had them up for three weeks what do i do with them knowing me i'm gonna leave them up until thanksgiving and then we'll change them out whatever I had a good week though pretty chill nothing much really going on other than Halloween and then I finished deep cleaning my house oh my god it's taken me actually a month hello to do but I started top to bottom like I had eight bags of donation things I had to go drop off my vacuum broke because I was vacuuming too hard so I had to buy like an industrial vacuum that came in a couple days ago so I finally finished vacuuming everything dusting everything feeling good and then i got a surprise text my little baby cousin was like

hey girl i'm passing through kansas city with my boyfriend like are you available i was like oh my god what a fun fucking surprise she's such a sweetheart i'm so happy to see her doing so well she brings so much joy to my heart she reminds me of like a younger me so it's so good when i can run into her and just talk to her and see how she's doing it's also nice um i feel like i have half my family that's like you know i'm putting on a facade a little bit like i'm kind of having to fake who i am because they are extreme catholics and it's kind of like a very uh performative in the way that i have to behave where it's like a glass of wine in hand wearing a turtleneck you know like let's not talk about smoking weed but with her and with my other side

of my family it's like they come over they just want to chit chat and talk real shit with me and smoke some weed and it's really nice so I got to see her and her boyfriend they were doing fantastic she works in the national parks so if you listen to my Yellowstone girls trip episode she's the one that I ran into there and the season's over so she was passing through town heading to New York before they fly to Thailand for two months girl living the dream so it was amazing i gotta take her to like my favorite lunch spot we showed her around the city it was so cute and my lunch spot treats me so well if you're looking for the best food in kansas city it's called habashi house i have to put them on every single time they're like a mediterranean restaurant

in the river market they are so fucking sweet i've been going there for like 10 plus years and front desk lady she's so kind i was like yeah you know every time friends are in town we gotta bring them here this is our favorite restaurant and she was like giving us free bread free lentil soup like i know you love it i want them to try it so so fucking sweet so if you're gonna support one restaurant in kansas city let it be them hibashi house in the river market they have my heart i eat there at least like once or twice a week always and then had a little family dinner with them my parents my foster brother was there so that was really cool to get to see him and then yeah i had a chill little sunday woke up today ready to go you guys have a lot on your fucking minds

a lot on your minds oh my god have you guys been seeing the new york city marathon runners that is all what my tiktok feed is is like the new york city marathon i don't know why those videos make me want to cry just seeing people like go all out put their body through so much physical strain but also like see the whole city show up and show out for these people and just like have a good fucking time it really is establishing some hope and some joy in my heart that does contain a lot of anxiety right now considering election day is coming up um election day is also my boyfriend's birthday happy scorpio season i love my scorpios from a gemini i never thought i would like Scorpios considering how they are you know what I mean but Scorpio women they're some of the fiercest

most loyal most protective like siren-y amazing women that you could ever find like mystical so deep and like dark but kind of in a manner that is like comforting the same way like a warm fireplace would be comforting in like the darkness I love Scorpio women Scorpio men I'm dating one so like I get it you guys are a little crazy but it's coming from a good place you know what I mean I feel like a lot of people think Scorpios are controlling but I do genuinely believe they just know what they fucking want and they believe that that's what they deserve period point blank but I really love their loyalty and I love how freaky they get so shout out to my Scorpios really indulge in that Scorpio energy this season so we'll be celebrating

his birthday coming up that's very exciting that's really all i have planned i hope you enjoyed the confessionals episode that was really fun i didn't realize i would get backlash over a nun costume backlash it wasn't like that much it was like a few comments people being like my religion is not your costume girl you mean my religion what are we talking about here it's pretty funny to see but i didn't think that would happen so that was a little silly but you guys seem to really enjoy it. I love the confessionals episodes. I love to just get silly and a little unserious on this podcast, especially when things can seem like a little bit too much or life's getting a little crazy. I love that we can, you know, have a place where we can enjoy our time

and get crazy and tell fun stories and just get a little wild. Sometimes a healthy distraction is really necessary, especially when life gets just a little bit too much, too overwhelming. And especially with the fall energy here. I think a lot of you guys are going through that. Speaking of, I was going through the questions this morning. A few of you guys have been like, you've been repeating questions too much. I hear you, I hear you.

It's just because after I see like two or three people ask the same question, I'm like, okay, like let's talk about it, whatever. But I hear you. I do want to bring up the fact that it is breakup season. At least, at least 40 people or more maybe 50 sent in questions being like i just got broken up with i'm going to break up with my boyfriend my boyfriend broke up with me how do i leave questions like just broke up with my

boyfriend i knew it needed to happen but i feel like shit help i broke up with my boyfriend of three years after going through his phone he was a lustful piece of shit how to break up with sweet amazing boyfriend i don't have feelings for anymore happy scorpio season scorpio season is traditionally breakup season because it does plant some new ideas and new seeds in our mind where we do start focusing on the loyalty aspects like is this a partner I can trust is this a partner that is providing for me whatever you need whatever you are looking for it could be money it could be just love it could be attention it could be whatever it is but I think a lot of people right now are realizing the less time they're outside, the more time they're inside

with the people they thought they loved, that maybe they aren't the people that they thought they were in their head. And that's okay. It's okay. Better to break up now and enjoy the holidays without somebody being annoying and rude and mean to you. Better to break up now and just get it over with than waste your time and your energy on something that just simply isn't providing for you. so if you are in this season and you're finding yourself in a place that's like wait a minute who is this person who are they do i want to be with them am i really in love with them listen to those feelings okay and if you get yourself if you get broken up with don't take it too personally it is what it is you cannot force love to be something that it's not and if this

person cannot love you fully at least they were able to recognize and understand that you deserve better and they are not that person for you they are not going to be that person for you they cannot show up as that person for you and it fucking hurts i get it it sucks it hurts i kind of love a breakup because you're allowed to be just a crazy bitch for a second so let that inner crazy bitch out scream cry roll around on the floor get crazy drunk eat a tub of ice cream devour a pizza to yourself hug your friends go out party whatever it is you need to do to heal do so i have done some crazy shit in a breakup things that i probably shouldn't even speak about but it was things that I needed to do to heal my soul to purge that energy from my life

to find forgiveness in myself and there is method to the madness so whatever you're called to do during this time trust that intuition lean into it and listen if you gotta break up with them you gotta break up with them better to not waste your time or their time and make the right decision for yourself and stay on a path that is truly just not meant for you also if you get broken up with it's okay it's okay to go crazy let it out you will heal you will feel better but the more you try and push it down the more it's going to try and claw its way out of you so free the demons let them loose let that person free if they are not the person for you breakups are a part of life and the more you try and avoid them the more you're like avoiding a part of yourself

I've learned more about myself through breakups than anything else than the relationship ever taught me so I don't think there's something you should fear too much pain is an unavoidable part of life and the more you realize there's something to learn in the pain than just suffering the easier time you'll have anyways with that being said let's get into all your questions and let's see what's on your minds now this is a post halloween question considering quitting drinking forever thoughts honestly great idea the more i like get older and the more i consume alcohol the more my body hates it my body has this funny thing of like naturally weaning me off items that are just not good for me this happens specifically i remember with nicotine and cigarettes and vaping

a lot of you guys are like how'd you quit vaping how'd you quit vaping my body forced me to stop because every time i would take a hit of nicotine i would get violently ill violently ill dry heaving on the floor very bad and not good and i never felt that way before but it was almost like a the same way like an overdose would cause your system to kind of like freak out i feel like i was doing that on nicotine and my body could not fucking handle it anymore and i have realized alcohol is slowly making me feel the same way like a casual cocktail at the end of the night it can either go very well and i'm chilling or it's like i feel awful i all of a sudden have a headache my body feels heavy i'm gonna be like moving slower tomorrow i'm not gonna be feeling

good and this is a reason why i do you know smoke more weed than i drink i feel like the effects of weed and smoking it's not gonna be as bad for me physically this is my own personal experience than drinking is um drinking can be very very fun but of course the side effects are just make you feel so down bad that it's like you're re-evaluating your entire life you're re-evaluating your behaviors from the past night you're like do I remember doing these things do I not remember doing these things you're having anxiety your head hurts you're dehydrated it's like oh my god is it worth it for like three cocktails and I remember doing dry January last year and the benefits of it were so fucking good I can't believe I didn't just do dry the rest of the year

but doing dry January really showed me how I was consuming alcohol why I felt the need to consume alcohol addressing in those moments like why I was feeling those that way and then after dry January I had worked those behaviors and those mindsets of you know why am I doing this why am I feeling the need to is it in a social aspect is it in a I don't want to be awkward so I want to drink aspect is that I want to drink because I'm angry and I don't want to feel this emotion kind of way it was a mix of all of those things depending on the moment but once I came out of dry January I did not drink as much as I did before because when I started dry January I was probably drinking every day yeah yeah I was really drinking every day I mean I work in a restaurant everybody around

me is getting drunk everybody's on coke that's a conversation for another time ugh but everybody is drinking so like I didn't want to be the odd one out of course I'm gonna have a cocktail and I really need a dry January to show me like why I'm behaving this way why I'm relying on it so much and when I came out of it I do not drink as much as I used to I maybe have a cocktail once a week at the most occasionally like a couple glasses of wine sometimes I'll have a glass of wine like when I'm cooking dinner but I have found that the effects of alcohol are just not something that I really enjoy weed on the other hand I have a healthy relationship with weed I'm not using it like I am when I'm drinking I'm not trying to hide emotions or forget about things I'm doing it as a

way to like settle and calm down and just enjoy the evening and that's totally fine but if you feel these things arising with substances whatever the substances are I know weed works good for me but if you know you're smoking and you're like I'm not getting the same benefits as I used to I'm not feeling the same way it's okay to take time off it's okay to like take a step away you should not be a slave to substances in your life that is a major red flag and that's something I had to learn in myself just because everybody else is doing it oh well everybody else drinks that is that does not mean it's okay how you feel about yourself is all that really matters what works for you works for you and if you feel like your relationship to a specific substance is not

behaving in a way that is beneficial to you it's okay to take a step away so you can have a clear mind a clear understanding of maybe why you feel the need to indulge in these things but yeah i have noticed the same way that i was with nicotine i'm that way with alcohol like if i have a drink all of a sudden i just feel like horrible awful no good very bad so shout out to my body for like physically forcing me to stop doing these things I do really appreciate it I don't know if this is something that happens with other people's bodies but I do think listening to your body listening to your brain listening to that kind of anxiety that you maybe get from certain things is important it's telling you something what can you listen to and what can you learn how to get used to working

for the rest of your life oh my gosh I feel like this is something that everybody in their mid-20s or like even early 20s kind of goes through especially when you haven't worked a lot in your life I've been working since I was like 14 I mean honestly probably younger I think I started babysitting on the weekends when I was like 12 or 13 should that have been happening probably not but it was the early 2000s you know parents didn't really fucking care if I'm being honest and it's like sure I'll hang out with your eight-year-old we'll eat pizza and then watch a movie easy can do but I have been working for a long long long fucking time so I had this kind of crisis early on especially in high school where it would be like oh my friends are going out and doing these

things right after school but I have to go clock in and work until like 8 p.m. you know like I cannot do these things until the weekend and I feel like I really had that crisis early on so I don't have to deal with it much now but I am noticing my friends being like oh my god oh my god I hate working I'm gonna be in this cycle forever this sucks I hate capitalism and like you know what I will say valid valid I get it we're all gonna have those moments we're like fuck this job this sucks why am I here why am I having to clock in why did we work out society to be this way I also went through a phase of unemployment in my life and I've noticed my friends who go through the phase of unemployment start actually appreciating their jobs once they

don't have one once they don't have one and they don't have money and they don't have routine and they don't have co-workers and they don't have people to talk to and they don't have like a set plan that's when the real panicking starts kicking in and that's when you start seeing and appreciating jobs I feel like the whole you know job crisis oh my god I don't want to work for the rest of my life is kind of a young mindset and if you're a young person feeling this way it's okay it's a part of the process it's a part of you know your brain trying to comprehend and understand these things and change into a new routine it's okay to be like this sucks but give it time you will find that it's like you know what i do enjoy the routine i also love having money so like maybe

work isn't so bad especially once you take time off for a long time you're like oh shit maybe i do really want to get back into this routine maybe i do kind of miss work and i do think having a job that you do kind of enjoy helps like sure serving isn't what I want to do for the rest of my fucking life but taking a week off and going back it's nice you know I get to get back into routine I get to see my old co-workers my old regulars I get to you know enjoy the things that I did previously so yeah I feel like this is kind of like a young person mental crisis that you do have everybody does go through it but you do realize how much of a privilege it is the older you get to have a good job make good money and how much those benefits really really do matter

um i feel like until you get those adult jobs with those benefits you don't realize how nice it truly is but yeah give it time you'll get there you'll realize okay maybe having a job isn't so fucking bad especially when you have one you like like if you fucking hate your job valid valid you don't have to be there you don't like you can find a new job that is going to give you a new you know sense of purpose a new sense of life and that's why I do really encourage young people who are going into college to take that time to try out different things to figure out what they do like to figure out what they don't like so when you do finally enter the job field or whatever you do kind of have like an idea or a pinpoint of what direction you want to go

working in a job that is at least somewhat in your interest will help with that mental crisis that you might be facing someone said maybe this is a question for my therapist it is but how do i stop letting my triggers control me oh should we talk triggers should we talk triggers on this podcast so when i first entered the psych ward i feel like my mental health was a complete i had unchecked un-fucking-checked okay it was the wild west in my fucking brain i had no clue what was going on i felt like i was on the back of a horse and the horse was just sprinting as fast as it fucking could through a field and I was like barely holding on it was crazy it's crazy how quickly your brain can spiral out of control especially when you have no idea what's happening

that's truly what's scary and I wish I wish someone would have just told me like yeah you're mentally ill babe you know like I wish someone would have been like oh yeah you're we do have history of mental illness in this family because as soon as I was told that everything made fucking sense I was like oh that's what I'm going through that's what it is so when I was first admitted to the psych ward one of the main things we did in our work was figuring out our triggers and I had no idea what a fucking trigger was I was like what do you mean triggers they're like no things that make you start spiraling things that make you kind of feel more depressed maybe feel more anxious and being aware of those things is so powerful especially if you have a hard time grasping and

working with your mental illness when it comes to mental illness this is a lifelong thing for me it is she's not just gonna go away i mean she might for like a second but best believe she'll be back it's something i'm gonna deal with for the rest of my life so i better look at it not like a curse but as a friend and figure out how our relationship works that is the best way to go about it and with any sort of relationship you're going to have things that maybe make the relationship spiral a little bit and that's what triggers are so for me personally um my depression is very much triggered when i am out of routine when my routine is switched up and i don't know what's happening next my depression is triggered when i feel like i am unwanted or unneeded or

undesirable wherever that's coming from my depression is triggered in the past it was like a seasonal thing i will say um i have a pretty good hold on it now that i can i do feel the effects rising in the winter but i can kind of offset them a little bit but in the past it definitely was like seasonal changes working through winter that was a big trigger for me for my anxiety it was like everything i don't know but understanding those things really helps the relationship kind of work its way out and almost strengthens it in a sense where it's like i see you i understand you and i now have a plan of action and a course of action to work through these things so if you have these triggers and you feel like you know they are in control of you

you're not in control of them it's because you're not addressing them you don't have a course of action of what to do after these things so you have these triggers and you're like well i'm aware of them but they still keep affecting me they still keep having a hold of me and taking over my life that's because you're giving it power if you have these triggers and you know what it's causing in your life you don't have to be surprised of the outcome you already know what the outcome is going to be now you need a course of action of how to heal this side of you to heal this action before it gets out of control before it gets out of hand so say uh my trigger is my switch in routine okay i know that today like my day is going to be out of whack out of routine it's

something i'm aware of i know it's a trigger i know it's going to cause me to spiral if i don't take action against it so i'm going to implement maybe a self-care item or a self-care action in order to offset and rebalance the scales of my brain maybe i'm going to include something that i do usually do in my daily routine whether it's a morning routine and a night routine or adding in like a fun little lunch routine to make my day feel more normal and that's why i encourage you to like figure out a good morning and night routine to have hobbies to have you know things that you do in your everyday life that bring you enjoyment so when these triggers kind of take over you have something to use to act against it to kind of reverse it and shift the

scales so that they're even again triggers need to be addressed but also there needs to be a course of action of what to do to offset it so yes you did the first step you figured out what triggers you now we got to do the second step we got to figure out how to reverse these effects how to show ourselves some love and to rebalance our brain scales a little bit i hope that helps therapist hannah clocking in bright and early today keep getting played by the same man what do i do also love the pod love you are you a basketball sorry that was kind of mean but like what do you mean keep getting played are you a basketball if a man thinks that you are a game to be played with the same way he plays with his dick and his xbox controller you need to get as

far as you possibly can away from him run as fast as your feet can fucking carry you because mind games are anything to play with and men can be super fucking evil in the sense of they do not care if they if you live or die and they will do whatever they fucking want and taking precaution and not engaging in the game and simply leaving them where they are and realizing you're a crazy fucking psychopath who thinks that my life and my emotions are just something you can mess around with dropping them where they are cutting off all contact leaving them in the past that is the best way you can handle that situation that's how you truly level up in your brain a you're showing yourself like you know what i don't fucking deserve this i'm gonna stand up for myself

b you're not engaging in the game and playing in the mind game you're not stooping to their level that's a waste of time like i used to definitely do that but i realized how much it would really drain me and for what an ego boost who fucking cares i need to focus on myself and healing myself in this moment and see there's nothing more bad bitch than just being like you've lost access to me you played around and I don't play games so guess what all of a sudden I'm taking the key back I'm closing the fucking door and I'm leaving you at the doorstep goodbye the trash will be picking you up on Tuesday I love that I love it that's that grown woman energy and that's that energy you really need to hold I used to be a big uh I'm gonna engage in the games you know what he

fucked me over so I'm gonna do him worse and it's like sure you can if you're young and you're petty and you have that energy to spare but the older I get the more I realized how much it really drove me to their level and how much it really took out of me even though I thought I was oh well I'm gonna do them dirty I'm gonna do them worse I'm gonna you know level up and be a bad bitch and i'm gonna whatever the fuck it really was draining me so fucking much to try and put myself in their brain space when i didn't want to even engage in it in the first place so yeah leave him at the trash where he deserves to be and move on with your life my girlfriend seemingly does everything right during sex but i still don't get off what to do oh women and sex oh to be a man with a penis

and have sex like i wish my god i wish i didn't have to have like the brain and the romance aspect of it all because me personally as a woman i don't want to generalize all women i know everybody's different blah blah blah listen i get it but personally from me and the women of my life and what i've noticed is that like sex we do not give a fuck about like the p and v aspect of it like we i mean love to get railed absolutely but what truly matters to us and what gets us like the wettest and the horniest and the most ready to go is like the romance the adornment the appreciation the foreplay of it all okay and if we don't have time for the foreplay if that man just starts like or woman whoever if they just like grab your face and start making out with you and trying to shove

fingers in you it's like oh my god whoa whoa whoa whoa i'm just like i i'm not in the headspace i'm not in the mood like you we gotta work our way up to it so i feel like if you think your partner is doing everything right but you just cannot get there it's because you're not working yourself up to the brain space to be able to have that orgasm it takes work to like get to that dissociative level of like being able to let yourself fully relax and fully experience this pleasure and if you feel like you're having a hard time getting there not to be like practice dissociating but i do think you should practice feeling everything okay focus on the feeling focus on the pleasure focus on that versus the outside perspective the outside idea you know the other person what

they're doing the details of it all forget all that bullshit forget the sheets you're laying on forget where you are and focus on the pleasure this is why i like high sex so much i love having sex high i feel like having sex high really taught me to indulge in what true sex really is which is all pleasure because i'm the kind of person who a watched too much porn when they were younger so i thought sex was a performance which like hey it can be sometimes but it definitely isn't all the time like i'm not here to perform for you listen obviously not like this is a two-partner game you better perform for me as well i'm not here to perform for you i'm i was always seeing myself from this outside perspective of like trying to behave in a certain way and like position my body

in certain ways where i look sexy and it was just like too much pressure like jesus christ i was not focused on pleasure at all i was focused on like the performance of it all and that put me in a place where i was unable to focus on like the pleasure of myself it it put like a a fence in between the two and having high sex starting to have sex well like where it made me more focused on the pleasure aspect more focused on these senses I felt like when I was high I wasn't able to go to that third person place that out-of-body place I was more centered in my body in my sense of self I also wasn't overthinking myself I was really thinking about the experience in front of me it really changed how I focused on things and really changed how I viewed pleasure but like

before that yeah there was definitely a time where a man like ate me out for an hour and i was like i just don't think i'm gonna get there and like sorry but i was not focused on the pleasure there i was way focused on like what he was doing how i needed to behave you gotta get into that orgasm mindset you gotta get into the mindset of is this feeling good how can i make this feel better and how can i lean into the pleasure because that's all sex is about you aren't getting pleasure while you're having sex girl what the fuck are you doing and i'm not here to shame you that's for sure but practice practice makes perfect you know taking yourself out of that mindset and putting yourself in your body centering yourself in your body that's how you orgasm if it already starts bad

is always going to be like that in a relationship yes please get out of there listen if you are not head over heels in love like on the best behavior like being so kind and nice to each other and at least the first month of being around each other then no that person is not for you i don't think you should be fighting within the first three months that's crazy that is crazy it is because you have to think about like courtship as like a respect thing and if they're losing respect for you in those first three months imagine what they're gonna do to you two years in oop i had a partner like this where i was like well you know it's just a hot and cold game no girl he just doesn't fucking like you and you're not gonna make him like you so you might as well

get the fuck out of there and choose peace how do i attract the respect i deserve i'm tired of getting screwed over illy so i don't think you attract respect i think you demand respect and if you put yourself in the mindset of like well they were put into my life they were attracted to me so this must be the right way i deserve to be treated uh uh honey you will unfortunately as a good person you will attract some horrible awful people horrible awful people love good people they do they love to latch on to them like a fucking vampire and suck the goodness out of you so just because they're attracted to you does not mean they are deserving of your time you must demand respect you must demand what you are desiring you must demand your boundaries be

be held and reciprocated you must demand what you deserve and if that person standing in front of you cannot respect your demands then they're just not the person for you i love my boyfriend because he's quiet and he listens a good man will sit down shut up hear what the fuck you're saying and respect what you're saying okay no matter how crazy the shit coming out of my mouth is he will at the very least sit down listen to me hear me out say you know what valid i love you hopefully we can work through this and that's why he's a good man how do i get out of this slump i'm in slacking in classes sleeping in being late for work it sounds like you're a little detached and a little depressed and that's okay we all get that way sometimes especially with like the weather

change and maybe if you have seasonal depression falling into these patterns are going to happen but you can't look at it as like a setback you just got to look at it as like a phase in life um if you look at the rock in the road as a block in the path and you turn around girl you are going the wrong direction it's just a rock in the road you just got to keep pushing forward maybe move the rock out of the way and keep your feet going one in front of the other having a setback feeling like you're in a slump feeling like maybe you're becoming a little more depressed it's okay it's a part of life it doesn't mean you need to throw your arms up in the air and give up it just means you maybe need a little bit more tlc in a certain aspect of life when i find myself getting to this

point and i did last week so let me go over how i kind of healed this part of myself i was like sleeping in I didn't really want to be awake I didn't want to help myself I didn't want to do laundry of course I don't want to go to fucking work who wants to go to fucking work I just want to sit and scroll on my phone and not think and dissociate when I get there I have to pause and realize okay I am in a negative headspace I'm falling into a pattern that is not a healthy pattern for me what is one area I can start to feel good about myself in for me personally it was like okay I haven't showered for three days let's clean this negative energy off me let's at the very least the very very least today get up get in the shower and rinse myself off scrub off

this negative energy clean my hair show myself some love that way it's the very least I can do today starting with one thing in that moment especially when you're in a slump to show yourself self-love it will immediately redirect how you're thinking about things i love self-love okay i love showing myself love i love knowing that i'm a queen and i deserve that love no matter if it's from my partner especially from myself um i am deserving of that love no matter what state I'm in you do not have to earn love you do not have to you know like earn respect simply being alive you are given that love you are given that respect and you need to show yourself that so I feel like when I fall find myself falling in these slumps it's because I'm disconnected to myself

I'm not showing myself that respect I'm not showing myself that self-love so immediately the first thing I do to redirect that brain process and show myself like there is good is to show myself a little bit of self-love and whatever aspect is good for you maybe it's a really good healthy meal maybe it's a home-cooked meal from yourself maybe it's a hot shower maybe it's you know throwing those clothes that are on the floor at least in the laundry hamper or something small like that it doesn't take a lot it just takes a small amount of initiative and showing up for yourself to kind of redirect that slump now let's get into the the serious aspects of it all when you feel like you don't want to fucking do anything it's probably because there's

too much to do and you're overwhelmed and your brain doesn't know what to go after first it's just too much I'm just going to ignore it all that was definitely a problem with my ADHD where it was like oh my god I'm overwhelmed there's just too much in front of me I don't know what to do there's just I can't even think about one thing because which one's more important what should I do I just I'm going to ignore it and I'm going to be sad because I'm ignoring it no no no no no no that's not how we go about things as an adult so first thing i'll do especially when i'm feeling overwhelmed is i'll brain dump get out a piece of paper get out a pen write down every single fucking thing you need to do it's probably gonna make you feel overwhelmed because there's a lot

but as soon as you get that out of your brain and onto a piece of paper the noise in your head will immediately slow down calm down you will feel better immediately getting it out of your brain onto a piece of paper where you can physically see it and then categorize and organize maybe by day by time that you have off by importance whatever it is that's how you start organizing things that's how you start you know putting one foot in front of the other moving the rock out of the path and pushing forward but i do think in a slump there there's those two steps the first one showing yourself love and that you are deserving of kindness and appreciation no matter what state you're in physically and chemically altering that brain behavior from a negative perspective to a

positive perspective and then getting rid of the noise that's going on in your brain the reason that you're sleeping so much or you don't want to go to work or that you're ignoring these problems is because they're too fucking loud and you don't want to indulge in the loudness because you're afraid it's going to get louder you have to get it out of your head you have to quiet your mind and I think the best thing for me personally especially when I have like too much on my plate or too much going on is just writing it all down brain dumping physically brain dumping and then organizing based on like what's most important what can I do right now what can I do tomorrow so then you're not overwhelmed trying to do it all at once you'll figure it out I promise

it's okay to find yourself in a slump you know healing is a it's a roller coaster ride you're gonna have ups you're gonna have downs and the more you just strap your seat belt in tighter and throw your hands up in the fucking air and ride the ride the easier it's gonna be okay but if you take those lows as permanent and oh well i worked so hard to get to this high all of a sudden you know i'm in this low all my work is not paying off girl you are going to dig yourself into a deeper fucking hole understand it's a part of life show yourself forgiveness show yourself love and quiet your mind you will get through it oh nesting tips and how to bring more coziness and luxury to my life this season i love a scented candle oh oh bitch i love a scented candle specifically right

now target has these really cute little pumpkin pumpkin spice ones and they smell delicious i've been into sweeter scents especially in my home i have these candelabras i light like 10 fucking candles at night it's so gorgeous it's so cozy comfy fantastic um i love keeping my place clean i feel like i immediately feel cozy if my house is clean scents are very important lighting is very important i have my leds that i can change to like my fake sunlight in the winter to help with the seasonal depressive stuff basically if you have seasonal depression and you need like actual sunlight you know those like happy lights that they sell for 80 fucking dollars they're just trying to profit off your mental health the lights do work but they're literally just an led

light you can go buy an led light for ten dollars on amazon okay so i have my led lights everywhere that i can change to like fake sunlight to bring in a little bit more energy to myself to um signify to myself you know the morning and then maybe elongate the evening so we're not it's not dark at 6 p.m because oh my god daylight savings is killing me art i love art i love having art in my home i love having pictures in my home i love my little trinkets and my knickknacks i think it really makes my home um my space you know it makes me feel more comfy and cozy i can't to be like rich and famous one day and like invest in artists that's like one really big thing that i want to do in my life and in my future home is just like really find some amazing artists and

invest in some incredible pieces um comfy blankets are a big thing a good house robe and a pair of house slippers is a game changer um and also one underrated tip for keeping your home comfy and cozy is don't bring in negative people don't allow people into your house that you feel like are just weird and uncomfortable and not nice that's how you keep the energy good in your home don't bring in people that are not worth it my friend does a lot of coke and I think she has a problem what do I do oh oh lovey-dovey I am a huge coke hater I hate that shit I hate that shit listen I unfortunately am a drug connoisseur I have tried almost everything yes yes almost everything sometimes not on purpose sometimes accidentally but I have tried everything and I think coke

is the worst thing to ever exist on this fucking planet a not worth it doesn't feel good doesn't feel good at all wears off in 10 minutes now you got to spend 25 in another fucking bag now you're fiending and itching your face and scratching and being really fucking rude because you don't have your next hit i work with a bunch of coke heads and they drive me fucking insane it really makes me hate that drug because it's like i know you're good people but if you don't have this substance you're not a good person and that's super fucked up do not if anybody ever offers you coke it's not worth it it's not worth it don't even say yes be like i'm good literally i have only ever felt awful on it i have only ever felt like a bitch on it and not good it just basically wires you

but you can drink a vodka double vodka red bull and feel the same exact way that cocaine is going to make you feel so i do think having these conversations with people especially when you're starting to get worried about them in whatever aspect whether it's drug use bad people in their life going down a bad path whatever i think being a good friend is holding people accountable and you should be able to hold that person accountable or at least have a conversation with them of like hey i've been noticing these things i don't think you should go at it in a way where it's like i'm not accepting of you but more so like i want you to be the best person that you can possibly be and i don't think this is helping you be that ultimately everybody's going to make their own

decisions they're all going to become their own people but the best friend that you can possibly be is the one that is honest with their friends and a little bit more straightforward than you would like and yeah i think you can call people out on that i had a friend that i had to call out on that and be like girl you are following down a very slippery slippery dark path and first of all this shit isn't even worth it so i don't know why you're doing it all the time like let's talk about you why do you feel like you need to do it all the time why do you feel like you know you have to indulge in these things that are just not good for you and she ended up you know stop using it but that kind of came from her own fruition through her own experiences but i do think having

that conversation did help but a psa to the other all the girlies out there i know the whole 90s trend is coming back and being like super stick skinny and smoking cigarettes and doing cocaine is like very in right now but cocaine is not something you want to fuck around with at all I have seen people turn to zombies from it and it is just not worth it Like literally there's so many other better things that you can do Like in my opinion like weed is better than cocaine. Why are you spending 70 on a bag? That's gonna last you 30 minutes. Hello. What is your opinion on eating ass? um love

Listen, i'm a freak at heart. I'm dating a scorpio. Duh. I'm a freak at heart. Um, but yeah eating ass super fun I think you should definitely get into it. Uh, I think you should get into it post shower if you're going to get into it anywhere definitely like not after a night of partying and running around definitely post shower is when you should be doing that um but yeah i'm a fan of eating ass and getting my ass eaten i think it's fun listen the closer we are the more intimate it is how do you feel about taking breaks from a relationship i don't think breaks are real i think you should just break up because if you take a break unless you set very extreme rules on what's going to happen and like a date that you're getting back together it just it's not going to work out it's

not going to work out you guys want to be apart do you guys want to go and explore your individuality and i don't think you can fully explore that individuality unless you are completely unattached and single and that is an okay thing to do i don't think you have to keep that attachment to that person you either date and you figure it out or you break up and you take time apart and you maybe come back together later but I don't think you're gonna learn enough about your individuality that you're truly trying to learn in that break to then come back together and have a healthy relationship like just break up just break up it's okay it is okay if you want to explore like it's okay if you love somebody but you know that you need to be on a different path that is fine

but you cannot fully commit to that other path unless you take it alone okay you cannot drag someone behind you who is also trying to go into a different direction you know what I mean so no I don't believe in breaks in relationships I've seen people get hurt too much in breaks in relationships where it's like well we were taking a break so yeah I fucked five other people how do you get back together after that what the fuck just be single and then go live your best single life and if you're able to get back together at a different time and somehow find paths crossing again then that's beautiful and that's wonderful but go live your best individual life go find who you are as an individual someone said i hate myself how do i change that

oh this is interesting this is interesting because i don't think you hate yourself i know i know that's crazy that is a crazy thing to say especially when you're like no bitch i look in the mirror and I don't like anything that's happening I don't think you hate yourself I don't when I was in moments where I found myself like you know crying sobbing looking in the bathroom mirror and like not wanting to look at what is in front of me it wasn't because of my reflection it wasn't because of my reflection it wasn't because of you know what was going on in my head it was because I needed change I needed to change something and I didn't like who I was in that moment and that's okay that doesn't mean you hate yourself and you don't want to be yourself

it means you are desiring change and growth and there's something that is missing from your life that you need to incorporate like i never hated myself maybe i just needed to cut my hair i never hated myself maybe i just hated my friends and how they made me feel i never hated myself maybe i just needed to move my body more and find acceptance in that and work out i didn't hate myself I just hated the classes I was in and really desired a new class or I hated the job I was at and was desiring a new job I don't genuinely believe that you hate yourself I think that you need something new in your life and you need to start viewing yourself from a new perspective and I know that sounds counterproductive but I I think like radical acceptance but also

like unattachment will help you with this radical acceptance and the fact of we're here we are who we are we're born the way we are and it is what it is we do always have a choice to change to break up with that guy to move states to change courses to change your path to leave those friends behind to change your outfit to cut your hair to dye your hair you know to pluck your eyebrows whatever it is you always have an option to change radical acceptance and the fact that we are here but we do always have choice but also like detachment in the sense of attachment is the root of all suffering and if you attach who you are to something too much it will kind of cause you to spiral in a sense so allowing yourself to ebb and flow between these emotions and between

these feelings and these thoughts freely will give you the space to look at yourself and say yeah you know what i don't like who i am right now but fuck it we can go out there we can change we can do whatever the fuck we want we can adjust how we feel in this moment i don't think you hate yourself i saw this quote that i think will actually really help you in this perspective maybe you don't hate yourself maybe you hate how you feel with the people you spend time with maybe you hate the routines you've built for yourself maybe you hate the way you neglect your wants and your needs everything is energy your energetic frequency is in constant conversation with the universe what does your energy say about you like bitch i don't think you hate yourself

maybe your energy is just off and that's very real it's very real okay i feel like those moments where i am having that low moment i'm looking in the mirror and i'm like who is this bitch because I don't want to fucking be here it's saying more about the moment that I'm in and the choices that I'm making than who I genuinely am as a person because I know I'm a good person I know I'm trying my best I know you know I'm beautiful I know I all these basic things but what is wrong with your energy what are you feeding that's not giving back to you what are you looking or seeking after that maybe you're not going after that is energetically draining you because you're not in the right path you're not following the right path you're not following your wants or your needs ask yourself

that I don't think you hate yourself I think you just need a change of heart you need a change of pace you need a new perspective you need an energy shift so ask yourself where you can show up in your life in that moment ask yourself what do you need in this moment ask yourself where do I want to go you can get there you can make those things happen but sitting down and hating on yourself and oh well I'm not good at this and I can't do this and I'm not where I want to be that's not going to get you anywhere okay it's going to dig you into a deeper hole it's going to make you feel worse about yourself hate will never get you anywhere you are never going to be able to hate yourself into a better person so you might as well radically accept yourself and where you are

and understand that we always as human beings have choice you just have to choose to put one foot in front of the other and go after those wants and those needs and those energy shifts that you do truly crave you can make that shit happen how bad do you want it anyways with that being said we are coming to the end of our episode i know today was a little bit shorter but i just have a lot on my list that i need to get to and honestly with the 50 different i'm breaking up with my boyfriend questions there was not a lot of spicy ones out there so listen if you have never submitted a question before please do i want to hear from you get crazy get wild get into those deep dark corners of your brain let's talk about it you know there's nothing off limits here there's nothing

too taboo literally me saying i love to eat ass like it is what it is i'll talk about it all so next week we're gonna get a little bit crazy we're gonna get into some more questions um but yeah with that being said i hope you have a wonderful beautiful little tuesday afternoon evening maybe be Wednesday who knows when you're listening to this a lot of new people have been listening to this and I'm so lucky and amazed to have you here I'm always interested and so interesting to see you know people that join this podcast join this community and just how welcoming and understanding they are so I'm so glad we have able been able to create this community together of just like loving radical acceptance of each other you know I think through funny stories and honesty you can

always get there but i love you all so much if you want to see more from me i answer every single person's question on the patreon episode every thursday patreon.com slash smoke slash shawty for my patreon girlies i will be uploading um a tarot reading for the month today too so stay tuned for that but if you want your question submitted i do that on instagram every week instagram.com slash hannah marlene um that is where i post just everything that's my main instagram and i post the questionnaire every sunday so keep an eye out for that but with that being said stay sane stay sexy stay loving stay hot stay amazing and i will see you all next week