Smoke Sesh - I quit my job... crashing out, the service industry & finding your path

Episode Date: July 15, 2025

hello everyone and welcome back to a very fun episode of smoke sesh, so excited to be back with you all this week to talk about toxic work environments, quitting my job, the service industry, burn out, balancing too many things, the service industry, being a server/bartender, finding meaning and purpose in this life, looking towards the little things, crashing out and finding freedom, full moon lessons, being weird, say yes summer, making a difference, finding your voice, cutting out bad habits, looks vs chemistry, appreciating the now, following a creative path, self doubt, inner critic, finding peace, being brave and much much much more! if you want to support me pleaseeeee join the patreon!! patreon.com/smokeseshshawty and follow me on instagram hannahmarlene and YouTube hannahmarlene444 to keep up with what im doing, love you all so much! stay sane, stay sexy, and ill see you all so soon! MUAH

Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire

and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. Trade ice skating at Nathan Phillips Square for ice cubes in your umbrella drink. Let Porter Airlines fly you from Toronto Pearson non-stop to 10 top sun destinations in Mexico, the Caribbean, and Costa Rica. Enjoy award-winning Porter service Toronto has loved for 20 years, and start your vacation as soon as you're on the plane. Book your sunny getaway today at FlyPorter.com and actually enjoy economy. listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you

could call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all hello hello hello hello hotties welcome back to another fun little sexy episode of smoke sash my name is hannah your host and you guys you guys you guys you guys you guys you guys we have a lot to catch up on i i had a major crash out but before we get to that we there's a lot we need to go over a lot of exciting things a lot of big things coming for us here number one i want to say thank you thank you thank you thank you for all the love on all my vlogs recently on youtube you guys have been loving them and yes i am hearing your requests for more like baked and baking

long form cooking videos um i was drunk with my friends the other night just like going through it and i was like just randomly decided to check you know see how the video was doing and it was at like 13k views so thank you queens because that's insane for me having started my youtube channel literally like two weeks ago if you want to check it out if you haven't seen it yet my youtube vlog channel is hannahmarlene444 you can find it there but i have much more content coming for you guys and i do upload that publicly every sunday i just uploaded a makeup tutorial so if you want to see how i do my makeup and just like a little yap sesh come hang out but then i also upload it early for the patreon girlies the patreon girlies are getting so much extra content

if you want extra content from me if you want to hang out more and kind of involve yourself more with the smoke slash girlies in the community you can find us over on patreon patreon.com slash smoke says shorty shorty shorty smoke says shorty shorty oh my god girls we're i'm going through it so we had a full moon last week we we sure did we had a full fucking moon and usually full moons i'm just like exhausted tired over it usually you know with full moons the whole theme of full moons is it's illuminating things in our life specifically correlated to like whatever sign it might be in um on what we maybe need to get rid of on things that are holding us back and this past full moon specifically was in capricorn um and with it being in capricorn

it's really highlighting work balance home life relationships but mostly mostly mostly like what work we are putting into either ourselves our relationships our work in general and best believe those were the those were definitely the themes I was feeling because I quit my job i i quit my job i quit my job i cannot fucking do it anymore not this job this job happy thankful i am ready to go hard on the content expect two youtube videos a week expect the podcast to be longer longer episodes more content for you guys i am ready to fully jump into this job but I feel like what has been holding me back the most is working in the restaurant industry as a whole. I have been working in the restaurant industry since I was 19. I took two years off

during COVID because my restaurant closed down to be a private at-home nanny which was fantastic and it was absolutely like the breath of fresh air that I needed from working in the restaurant industry but there's something just so soul-sucking and something that just really the restaurant industry has a habit of digging its claws into you especially if you've worked in the service industry before because it's so fast paced the shifts go by so quickly they you can make so much money in a short amount of time usually it's kind of like trauma bonding with the people around you because it's like holy shit what the fuck did we just go through and you know you get your social hour in you get your hangout time in even if you're hating the social interactions

so it's definitely like you know a job that is on the easier side to do and it's just so addicting it is addicting working in the restaurant industry i know i can go clock in and make 300 if i really really need to it's that kind of addiction but i fear i i have to break this addiction and I have to get the fuck out of it it has become such a soul-sucking lifeless job to me and every time I would clock in I would just be like fuck like why am I here why am I wasting my time here when I could be elsewhere like there's other things that I want to be doing such as like creating more videos creating more content maybe streaming maybe doing art working on merch for you guys coming up with more creative ideas and creative things that I want to share with you

guys every single time I would go and clock into that job I would be like I just am not in the right place right now I'm not in the right place and I feel like I'm working against myself by being here and this theme has been growing and growing and growing and growing and growing all year honestly specifically because the restaurant I work for is just a absolute fucking shit show it is a complete hot mess and coming from the restaurant I was at previously which was definitely a bit more corporate i'm like at least they had food being delivered so we could sell food what do you mean we're out of half of the entire fucking menu every single time i come in what do you mean half the shift people like scheduled for the shift are calling out every single time i'm working

keep in mind it's also tip share and you're hiring inadequate people that are just stupid and lazy and I'm having to do 10 times the amount of work to make up for the shit that they're leaving behind but yeah we're still making the same money no no no no no I was fucking over it completely over it and I remember on that full moon I could not sleep I was up till at least 3 4 a.m this is me always in the full moons but I was just constantly thinking like fuck I need to get out of here I can't do this anymore I can't work this job anymore I need to I have to get out of the service industry I need a break I need a fucking break dealing with the horrible awful bosses the demeaning behavior from management from people around me from the customers being

on my feet 24 7 props to you if you're on your feet 24 7 and also this restaurant like the dining area is upstairs so I was doing almost I think one night I checked how many like floors I ran in one day I did 110 flights of stairs on one Friday night my knees are absolutely fucked up like I'm in so much pain constantly because of this it is horrible it is awful the people I work with I mean god love them but my god they're also miserable and it just makes for this just recipe of disaster every time we clock in that on top of everybody there's on substances whether it's like literally basically shooting up in the fucking office or oh my god i need my drinks because it's been a 30 minute ticket time and you're in the bathroom doing cocaine off of

the best brunch menu in kansas city award sign that we have hanging in the bathroom fucking crazy and then also we're drunk the entire ship high key i was turning into an alcoholic here i'm like i can't be drinking this much and it is just kind of like a we're all trying to survive so we're all drinking together we're all taking shots together but like i would be working a friday and saturday shift and i would just feel like death i would feel like i need two to three days to recover and it was just not good for my psyche or for my body or for my spirit at all i needed out i needed out my breaking point this week oh girls my breaking point this week i was like you know what i'll finish the week and then i'll send a text and i'll be like hey

you know i'm putting in my two weeks essentially my breaking point where i was like uh maybe i won't maybe i will i'm making the right decision should i should i not i go into work saturday night busiest night of our fucking lives we literally get a text from the managers that's like hey hey everybody show up early be about that action you know because we do have like probably one of the busiest nights that we're ever going to have in our entire lives i'm like okay not getting there early but i'll get there on time at least you know i show up it is just me and one other girl keep in mind there's supposed to be five servers on a saturday night there are two people there plus the manager who's also the bartender and the manager is looking at

us like where is everybody where is everybody you haven't texted them you haven't called them no that's not my job i don't know where they are i don't know what the fuck's going on half the time people don't even show up until an hour after we open what the fuck what the fuck then this other new guy finally shows up probably 45 minutes after we open he's like hey guys clocking in ready to come work hello we just spent an hour and a half opening the restaurant on our own we have a line out the door it's busy as fuck we can barely keep up this dude is so fucking incompetent he's like I don't have a tray so I can't carry food so I'm not gonna carry food bitch you have hands and arms what do you mean you're not gonna carry food I don't know how to garnish the drinks so I'm just

not gonna carry them oh I don't know where towels are so I'm just not gonna go look for them hey we're out of napkins in the bathroom like somebody has to go deal with that no you you need to be a problem solver you need to go deal with that I felt like a literal mother having to clean up after their incompetent ass child by the end of the night i was burnt the fuck out burnt the fuck out you know what every person who's rushing worked in the restaurant industry has had that moment where it's like mid-shift you're either gonna cry at your tables or you're gonna go stand in the walk-in cooler and shove your face in front of the freezing ass fan i was like i need a second i need to go downstairs i need to stand in the cooler and just literally chill the fuck out and

I was standing there and I was like I I'm done I'm done no more no more restaurant cooler crying for Hannah for the rest of her fucking life never ever ever again I cannot do this this is hell on earth I go back upstairs this dude looks me in the face and goes yeah I took the food to the wrong table yeah I know you were waiting on that pizza for 45 minutes but I just grabbed it and took it to my table because they needed it i about lost my goddamn mind i about lost my goddamn mind i started i low-key bitched him the fuck out first of all how the fuck are you not working and able to look around you and help the people around you he doesn't know what 86 means if you're in the restaurant industry you gotta know what 86 means that means that we don't have that shit

why are you ordering it constantly and then making everybody else's problem about like we'll figure it out because i rang it in i was like you are being incompetent you are not being a team player you need to get the fuck up and go clean, go help us, go work. He looked me dead in the face and goes, looks around, looks at the manager and goes, a woman should not ever speak to me that way. Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk.

Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. Trade ice skating at Nathan Phillips Square for ice cubes in your umbrella drink. Let Porter Airlines fly you from Toronto Pearson nonstop to 10 top sun destinations in Mexico, the caribbean and costa rica enjoy award-winning porter service toronto has loved for 20 years and start your vacation as soon as you're on the plane book your sunny getaway today at flyporter.com and actually enjoy a comedy oh oh oh oh really well then you need to open your

fucking ears because i'm gonna start speaking louder i you guys you guys i swear to god the universe heard what i needed which was out of there and knew that like unless i hit my breaking point i would not make that decision and the universe made sure i hit that fucking breaking point immediately not to mention after that my manager comes up to me and goes you really need to watch your attitude and how you speak to other people oh watch my attitude watch this two-week notice hit your fucking desk yeah nope I'm out of here I'm done I cannot do it anymore I do think that working in the restaurant industry in my last job easy peasy lemon squeezy simple job simple tasks everything was organized I do look back at that like corporate restaurant job and

I'm like damn I really had it good because this one here is such a hot fucking mess that I'm like I'm surprised they're even open at this goddamn point I'm surprised they're even able to semi function at this point it is absolutely fucking insane and I do think you know if you need quick money if you need a job whatever restaurant industry is fantastic I have come and gone for the restaurant industry like I said since I was 19 it will always be there for me but like a toxic relationship i do need to step the fuck away at some point in times simply for my mental health and i have realized i have hit that breaking point and i gotta fucking go i gotta go so last night me and the girls get together a love island finale night yes yes love island finale night

let's go miss amaya papaya and brian are our winners i was gonna be happy with nickel andrea or am i i'm brian either way but she's just so precious and i do kind of love them together so i'm so happy they won congratulations my girl um and we were there i was like okay i need two white tea shots and then i need to send this text we took these shots i chugged like five margaritas sent that text put it on do not disturb i feel such a weight off my chest i feel so excited for the future I feel like wow you know what growth peace I've realized what I did not need and I realized how much of a toll it was taking on me and I knew what I needed to do next in order to make my life better in order to bring prosperity into my life in order to make more time for myself

and wow I am so proud of myself for finally making that decision because this is definitely the kind of place where it's like they're gonna guilt trip me they're gonna be like well actually like please can you stay please can you do this no I don't have any more fucking time for this place I have given it my all I've given it my heart and my soul I've been running their social media for free for since I started yeah no I need to get the fuck out of here I cannot do it anymore and I'm proud of myself for knowing what I need for seeing it for standing up for myself and for ripping that band-aid off and getting it the fuck done it is like the end of an era though i am kind of like oh sad mostly because i'm gonna miss like the adrenaline rush of it all but i know just for

my mental health it's gonna be so much better not being there and i would like to say like a very huge thank you to you guys because you have put me in this position to be able to make this step in my life to be able to like focus on my creative endeavors and share more of myself with you like because of you guys I am self-sustainable like I am able to live and create and make art and hang out with you guys and also like pay bills that is fucking insane I am genuinely so thankful to be in this position and for all of you guys showing up every single week also you know I made this decision and then I checked like oh you know like let me see the comments on Spotify or let me see the numbers on spotify this podcast has like tripled in size within the past month

i don't know where you guys are finding me but like welcome i am so happy to have you on this journey with me it is just a dream come true and if you do want to support me all you got to do is listen if you want to join the patreon i would also love that i really hustle for my patreon girlies but because of you guys i am able to you know make this hard decision to make take the next step forward towards my betterment and genuinely from the bottom of my heart I could not say thank you more like wow wow wow wow I have therapy tomorrow and I have to break the news to my therapist that I quit my job I don't think she's gonna be very happy until I'm like no girl I don't think you realize how much of a shit show it is oh but wow on to bigger and better things I'm just

so ready for this next step in my life and I do think we all you know hit this point in our lives where it's like either i make the hard decision for myself or i stay somewhere that i know is not good for me and ultimately i would rather make that hard decision than just continue suffering tenfold i would rather just rip the band-aid off and be like you know what i'm gonna take a risk i'm gonna take a chance i'm gonna believe in myself i'm gonna go after what i want because where i am now is obviously not fucking doing it for me and i can't live in fear of the unknown forever truly unfortunately or fortunately life is what we make of it what we create for ourselves is the life that we're going to live and i had that realization where i was like do i want to

stay here and be miserable for the rest of my life like everybody else around me who i know is like i hate this place but it's kind of like addicted to it or or do i know what's bad for me know what's not good for me and take that next step forward at hopefully bringing in betterment positivity and peace for myself guess what I'm gonna make that leap every single fucking time I do think it is always worth taking a chance on yourself I think it's always worth giving yourself that opportunity to show yourself what you're truly made of and sometimes it is the hard decision but I do think the hard decision can always be the best decision as well and I think I owe it to myself I've always been in this mindset where it's like listen I've been doing this podcast almost

four years now I've been in the creative content creation industry for almost four four years now since like 2020 2021 is when I first started on TikTok just making silly little videos and I don't know if it's like self-doubt that other people have put on me or genuinely even self-doubt that I've put on myself but I've always felt like uh content creation isn't like a job this is like a fun little thing I do on the side like it's not a job though it's not like a real solid salary paying job so I need to keep looking I need to keep searching like it's not enough but I I hate that because this is enough the one thing that brings me so much joy in my everyday life is getting to sit down and do this podcast with you guys every tuesday to do an extra podcast with you

guys on the patreon every thursday to make vlogs to edit for you guys to make fun little videos to make reels that's what brings me joy and appreciation to this life you guys so i don't know why i've always put myself aside and been like it's not enough it's not enough it's not enough in fact it is enough dare I say the only thing that's bringing me this joy why the hell would I not put my effort and my all into it a million thousand percent why am I always spending half of my time somewhere trying to make something of some place that I know is not going to work when there is something in front of me that is working and working really well I owe it to myself to give a little dedication to myself to hustle a little bit to try something new out to prove to

myself and to you guys and to everybody else around me that like fuck it maybe i can do it you know and yeah it is a risk but it's a calculated risk and it's a fun risk and i do like a risk you guys know me i do like switching up my life a little bit i've been at this restaurant a job for a year now and I should not be this burnt out a year in so I know it's the end of an era it's time to go it's time to step away and I'm proud of myself for seeing the signs and not staying somewhere that I know is bad for me and for taking a little bit of a risk in order to achieve a little bit hopefully of betterment and prosperity in my own life because mama's tired mama is exhausted from that fucking job and you know what life's too fucking short to stay at a

shitty ass job that is eating up your time your mental health your sanity it is not fucking worth it if you are laying in bed every single night like thinking about work and how exhausted you are from work and how mentally draining it is girl switch it up switch it up try something new out take a risk take a chance I always say you know have a backup plan don't quick until you have something else lined up you know like safety first safety is priority number one but like there are so many different opportunities out there there's so many different things to try there's so many different jobs out there that maybe you never would have thought of but you could fit in very well and if it's not working it's not working for a reason that is your sign right then and

there to try something new out to take a chance take a risk i guarantee it will pay off i promise you but my god i sent that text and i literally felt angel wings grow out of my back i could have flown away practically i i'm so happy i'm so happy and with that you know so much more content and things are going to be coming for you guys and i'm very excited to throw myself fully into just like engaging with this community and creating more opportunities not only for me but for you guys as well I had a very very exciting meeting at the beginning of the week as well with a local manager here in town like a bar manager and we are working together to hopefully throw some like ladies nights some themed nights even like a hosted by Hannah Marlene night and I would love

to take that like around the country I would love to do like a girls meet up in California girls meet up in New York you know where it's not like a live podcast I feel like that can be boring but just an environment where girls can get together and maybe it's like a little craft night where you can make new friends and meet new people and just have a fun little activity to do I love hosting events and I've found myself to be a very outgoing person and I don't know why I've been holding that back from the world as much as I have been because I'm exhausted that's probably why but now I'm ready to go I'm ready to go I'm ready to work I'm ready to put on events to meet you guys to set up opportunities for you guys to meet each other to make new friends because I think

that's what's really the beautiful part about this is so many like-minded individuals have found this podcast and you guys are some of the most positive peaceful energetic amazing characters that i've ever met in my entire life anytime i run into any of you guys out out in the wild out in the real world it's like you guys are just like a bundle of energy and joy and i know that if i threw an event where it's like paint and sip with hannah you guys would get together and have a fucking blast you guys would get together and you know immediately hit it off immediately make friends we talked about making friends in the last episode and it's like yeah it is hard as an adult making friends and finding that good community but i'm so glad that

we have found it here and i would like to bring it out and create more opportunities for everybody to get together and even just expand this community because i do think what we have here is so incredibly special and like i said i owe it to you guys to put to put my whole fucking pussy into this job right here the one that is inspiring me the one that is actually making a difference in this world the one that's fun god damn we all deserve a little bit of fun so that was really cool and i'm very excited about that new opportunity it's totally random i was at love island night and kicked it off with the manager who was there bartending and you know we sat down we had a meeting i was like i would love to host some things i would love to you know get together

and maybe do some like themed nights some girls nights like country night 70s night paint and sip smoke and paint i don't know if they'll let me do that but you best believe i'm gonna ask life's what you make of it and i'm ready to create new opportunities for myself also bong restock this thursday pink fairy bong restock very limited quantity if you are interested go sign up for the restock email notification on canistyle.com but i will be posting um you know as soon as they are restocked and then they will send out an email as soon as they are restocked so that will be your fastest way to get it oh my god i'm so glad you guys have loved your fairy bongs when i tell you i love my fairy bong so funny one of you guys commented on my most recent youtube video was

like i smoke out of you every day that is so funny see i want to do more things like that give more to you guys and just yeah expand all the opportunities i know are abundantly flowing my way I know this is going to work out more than I ever could have imagined and I'm so proud of myself for taking this risk so thank you guys for coming on this journey with me because my god will it be a journey we've been through everything together though it's fun to you know take that next step in transformation and bring you guys along with me life's too fucking short to stay miserable genuinely I don't want to be laying on my deathbed thinking about everything that I was miserable about I want to be laying on my deathbed thinking about everything that I've created for

myself and all the positivity that I've experienced in this life and if you are constantly miserable from your job from your shitty boyfriend girlfriend from your friends from your environment you always have an opportunity to change it you always have an opportunity to work to change it to take that next step to take that leap of faith to try a new job to break up with that shitty person to ghost your friends don't do that but like there's always an opportunity to make a change and if you feel called to do so listen to it i think we owe it to ourselves to our intuition to listen to that like soul calling of what we need that's how you build trust in self it's how you build trust in just having choice and autonomy over our lives is by listening to ourselves and

what we need and going after it no matter what our fear is telling us doing what is best for us always and you know what i'm probably gonna show up to finish my last week this week honestly i shouldn't even give them one more week of my time genuinely i just wanted to finish the pay period because this week sucked and i better get paid for it my god i know i'm gonna show up and they're gonna be fucking assholes to me and guess what i'm gonna say actually i resign right now and clock the fuck out forever oh i can't wait i can't wait wow anyway sorry for the rambling at the beginning i just a lot going on a lot going on in hannah's life thank you guys for listening to me ramble every single fucking week genuinely like i said so thankful but enough of me enough of me let's

get into everything on your minds i guess this one's kind of on themed someone asked should i get a serving job how do i get it okay here's the thing i i've talked about serving and how i do think it is a great job but you gotta see the red flags for what they are okay if it's a crazy hectic chaotic place get out of there a restaurant should run like a very well-oiled machine you know all the bits and pieces and parts are working out perfectly sure you know it can get busy you can get a little hectic in that sort of way but there should not be like major flaws such as half the menu is not available every single day half the people are not coming in there's not enough people staffed there's not enough people in their places to be working properly that would be a major

red flag but I do think that you know when it comes to being in the service industry anybody can work in the service industry anybody can genuinely and if you need quick cash quick money I do think serving is fantastic for that I think it's a great job if you're like I'm in college and I need money on the side I'm working but I need money on the side whatever it may be and even to my career servers like I think that's a fantastic job to have especially if you find a restaurant that really really meshes well with you um if you like a fast-paced environment if you can be on your feet for long hours at a time if you know you are a person that can simply get along with people or at least make simple conversation i think you can be successful in the restaurant

industry and make some good money but i do think the restaurant burnout is real and people do get there where it's like holy shit i can't do this anymore sometimes you just switch restaurants and you feel a little bit better but also please look out for red flags such as people not doing their jobs you know the chaos of it all if it's too chaotic it's okay to leave always always that goes for everything I'm very lucky that like I feel the one good thing at this restaurant that I was at was that the clientele was really good I mean it was like a Mediterranean restaurant so like the usual clientele if you're not like adventurous or not like looking to try new things new cuisine um they were not coming to our restaurant that's for fucking sure so i found that

the clientele was very easy to get along with because they were there to simply like enjoy and try new things and i found that very interesting whereas at my old restaurant it was very much so clientele that was like i know what i want and i want a fucking steak and blah blah blah they can be hard to deal with but if you can find a place it's a little more adventurous I do find the clientele is easier to deal with and always always always my favorite thing about serving is like I realized later into my serving that you don't have to put up with that bullshit if anybody's giving you a hard time you don't have to sit there and take it I love telling a table I won't be serving you anymore today and walking away and then making a manager take it that is always an

option if you can't deal with people because like I will fucking cuss you out right here right now and no one wants to see that so yes I will be stepping away from this table period what's life about I don't believe in anything established and don't know where to follow what's my purpose oh my gosh girl oh my gosh like I said life is what you make of it it really is sometimes like my life's purpose is finding the perfect matcha sometimes my life's purpose is creating like a very well edited in-depth youtube video sometimes my life's purpose is like laying in the park for three hours it ebbs and it flows but i do think purpose is what brings you that positivity in that moment your purpose is what's bringing you that happiness and joy in that moment for some

people it's work and like congratulations you found that work-life balance that's amazing i don't think most people get there work is usually just work you know it's gonna suck it's gonna be hard it pays the bills you gotta do what you gotta do unfortunately we do live in a society and you have you gotta participate sometimes but that doesn't mean like you have to make your shitty job your life's purpose and I think that's what I was getting so tied up with it's like I had this good thing in front of me that's my purpose but I was getting so caught up in the chaos of like the shittiness of what was going on in my other job that I was forgetting about what was truly making me happy and what was the good part of life and I had that realization was like wait no

I know what is making me happy I don't know why I'm trying to fix something that's unfixable that's completely broken that's just like a miserable place that's gonna stay that way whether I'm there or not when I could be focusing on the good around me the positivity around me things like that and guess what usually work is not going to be that for you sometimes it is congratulations like i said love that but most of the times it's just your hobbies you know it's your oh my god i'm hanging out with friends this week that's my purpose is to go hang out with friends and have a good time with them maybe my purpose for the week is learning how to paint or learning how to crochet randomly maybe my purpose is i'm gonna go take a yoga class and now i'm a

my life's purpose is to like just enjoy yoga three times a week it can be all so simple I do think we spend so much time looking for this big picture big idea when in reality we need to be looking at the small things around us that do bring us that positivity that do bring us that peace dare I argue that to create that big picture life of positivity of enjoyment of grandeur you know when people are on their deathbeds and they like i've lived an amazing life i don't think that comes from having one big life's purpose that you follow your entire life i do think it comes from a bunch of little things that they knew brought them joy and they followed no matter what they listened to that intuition and they followed it whether it's like you know i've always wanted to

be the girl who paints okay now you're picking up paint you're doing it bam that's your life's purpose it could last a week it could last a month it could last a lifetime who knows but follow that joy following joy will create a joyful life and I don't know I feel like maybe I was conditioned to ignore joy in my life for a long time which is why I stayed in so many miserable places and tried to make it work girl if it's not working it's not working no matter how amazing wonderful hard working you are sometimes the unfixable will forever be broken but you'll always be able to find joy and I feel like I was conditioned probably to just like ignore that joy to I don't know force myself into boxes that I knew I didn't fit in when in reality to me at this point in time

I know that following my joy no matter how big or small is what creates a good prosperous joyful life always doesn't have to be such a big idea you know it can be also simple keep it simple dare i say someone said to help i'm about to crash out i fear i must go to the psych ward okay listen if it's a serious crash out sometimes the psych ward is a safe space sometimes literally all week i was like i need to admit myself and i should not be feeling that way over a fucking job thus i was like i need to take this step but dare i say i think a good crash out is healthy i i think a good crash out is healthy i am such like a i hate to say i'm not like a good girl like a rule follower like stay in line kind of girl and a crash out for that kind of girl can

be so incredibly freeing and just like amazing literally growing angel wings out of your back flying away do you know what i mean i was a kid in high school or like elementary school in school in general where it was like i followed the rules like so strictly like sit up cross your legs dot your eyes cross your t's like make sure you were staying quiet and listening and paying attention like i was so on my shit like i need to behave correctly that all the teachers always sat like the behavioral issue kids next to me in hopes that like i would rub off on them a little bit in reality like you would think that that would make them behave no they don't give a fuck they'll never give a fuck and then i subsequently was learning like wow what a freeing way to live like

kind of annoying but also like they don't give a fuck and i'm kind of jealous of that and the only difference between me and them is they're not afraid to crash out sometimes they're crashing out too much you don't want to crash out too much but i do think if you find yourself in that place where it's like holy shit holy shit holy shit i'm such i'm living such a rigid life i am putting up with bullshit that i don't need to be putting up with like i am just going through it because i am sitting here and just taking it i think a crash out can be absolutely valid and absolutely so freeing i always imagine myself at this job like fully crashing out like cussing everybody out clocking out leaving at mid shift and you know what I absolutely should have I definitely should

have I have one more week you know who knows it could absolutely happen but quitting in general when they just fired like four people is a crash out big enough and worthy enough for me like knowing that I need to stand up for myself and make the right decision and low-key fuck you and your feelings or how much you're suffering you brought that upon yourself I'm not dealing with your bullshit anymore i'm over it i'm out of here like it is so nice even like if you're dealing with a toxic relationship you know you'll hit that point where it's like i'm done i'm done i can't do it anymore we're arguing all the time i'm fucking over it i'm over you i'm over this bullshit i'm done i'm out of here my last like major major major crash out i'm like i said very well semi

i say an individual my last major crash out was after my last relationship i just hit a point where it was like what the fuck is going on what the fuck is going on i can't do this anymore you're a pussy you're a loser i'm tired of you stay miserable left his house immediately went to the club partied all night long like cussed him out went out partied it is such a freeing feeling and if you feel like you are due for a good crash out and you haven't had one for a while i'm giving you the go ahead to do what you need to do and to live your life truly and fully and sometimes that means being the bad person you know hurting another person but like hello if you're an asshole yes i will cuss you out i'm tired of living by the rules and just like

taking bullshit sometimes you gotta stand up for yourself sometimes you gotta be the villain ooh but if you're not the villain that often like you never will be fully the villain maybe you're just standing up for yourself maybe you are just doing what's best for yourself and my argument is actually we had this question on the patreon someone was like i'm afraid of being the villain you can't be afraid of being the villain in somebody else's story you need to be afraid of being the villain in your own story and if you're the villain in your own story then yes there's some problems there there's some things we need to unpack and deal with but sometimes making the right decision for yourself will make you the villain in other people's stories it is what it

is you know we can't always be perfect people we can't always live this rigid life where everybody likes us it's impossible it is draining it is tiring just make sure you are not the villain in your own story and you will live a good prosperous life but i do think that sometimes a crash out is absolutely warranted and absolutely fucking necessary especially for us girlies who are root followers free yourself free yourself live your life speak your truth you deserve it and best believe that is something that i learned from sitting next to the problem kids in school like god damn they do not give a fuck and you know what i also wish i didn't give a fuck So bear with me on this episode, you guys. This is my crash out episode. This is my chaos episode. I really am just still riding the high from sending that text yesterday. So we're having a good time. We're having a good time. Someone said, please, God, help the full moon. Fuck me up. Good queen. I need info. Listen to your heart. That's basically what it was telling you.

listen to your heart she is speaking to you and we need to get rid of what is not actually serving us and making us live a good life if you are suffering you do have a little bit of choice over that suffering and if it is something you have choice over i highly recommend getting it the fuck out of your life now how to get rid of the fear of being too weird and different my favorite people are the weirdest bitches ever like i said i really have a lot of admiration for people who live their life authentically even if that does make them kind of like the odd one out i would rather be surrounded by a bunch of weirdos than surrounded by people who are like trying to fake it to fit in socially and living in this weird mask of society i spent so much time

especially like around my extended family that's very like we don't speak anymore if that is putting things into perspective but very like rigid catholic basically mormon very suburban white where it was like we don't talk about bad things here we don't talk about bad things here and even if bad things are happening in my life we're not going to speak about it and we're only going to talk about our goals and aspirations and we're only going to just sit here and brag and brag and brag unless somebody else is suffering then we're gonna talk shit on them oh my god oh my god i hate it get me away get me away get me away i hate that shit that shit is so so scary so yes finally in adulthood i found myself around some weird people some people who did not fit in

some people who lived authentically who are very different from the people that like i grew up around and I was like oh wow what life could be oh wow what a life to live and I'm kind of jealous I'm kind of jealous they can live so open and freely I think jealousy is also something that teaches us a lot maybe about admiration it's okay to be jealous but maybe you're just admiring them and that's okay you can admire people you can see traits and things that people hold and want to be that person want to be that way and especially being around people who are like not so socially awkward you know loud boisterous themselves it did make me kind of like admire that be a little bit jealous and be like damn i wish i could be like that so never ever

ever will i judge somebody for being too weird being to themselves because like congratulations ultimately to them for society not killing that within them and honestly like i said a little jealous i would rather be surrounded by a thousand weirdos than a thousand normal people scary normal i say in quotations also like what a boring life to live if you're not a little weird a little awkward a little out there a little off-putting you know what a harsh rigid way to live life what a soul-sucking way to live life to be anything but yourself having a say yes summer and ended up cliff jumping with strangers yesterday so so fun i love all the like little i had my little um episode about saying yes in the summertime just to kind of like get yourself outside and just do

more things and so many of you guys have been like i've been doing this with people i've been doing this i ended up here like i've been having a great time and i love it i love it you're so right it is a say yes summer not me quitting my job to focus on having a good summer how do you feel you contribute to making the world a better place day to day hmm this is a great it's a great question I think it's something that also we should ask ourselves pretty often um you know whether it's like community outreach or just being a positive uplifting individual I would hope that you know this podcast at least is doing a little bit of that being a place a safe space for just like fun and laughs and enjoyment like no negativity over here bitch do not bring that badass energy

over here we do not want you this is not that safe space but i do think that this and i would hope i mean this has been my main goal with this podcast that if anybody is ever feeling alone or sad or depressed or like they're going through it that you are able to find a community of individuals that are all experiencing that same range of emotions that you are and knowing that you're not alone in it when i was younger and i was going through like the hardest time of my life the most intense depression that i've ever felt in my entire life i thought that that was a emotion that only i was experiencing that i was like weird for that that it was shameful to feel this way because no one else is going through this that you know i was like the only girl in the world

to experience this and then you know i mean i was young i didn't know what depression was until my mom's like oh yeah i got that bitch and i'm like why the fuck do you not tell me i didn't know this something that people go through but it was such an isolating experience and so lonely and I never ever ever want anybody out there to feel as lonely as I did in that moment so if I can create a space to be that person for people to be that space for people to feel a little bit less alone then I am living for my purpose and hopefully making a good positive impact in the world today because we have too much negativity too much bullshit too much isolation that we are fed all the time like fear-mongering too and i am just over it it is so soul-sucking like i can't even get on tiktok

anymore because half the videos are like just completely depressing and it's like i just want to have a laugh and kiki with the girls and escape for a little bit but like in a healthy positive way um I did have this real life moment though this week kind of realizing maybe how big of an impact this podcast does have um so the manager that I was talking to who we want to throw events together or I just want to work with her to hopefully host like a girls night she we we met for a second and she was like Hannah I need to tell you something I was like oh okay like I'm ready girl she's like I have this friend who is like your biggest fan like for years she has been sending me your tiktoks like your uplifting positive tiktoks your podcast like she's been

such a fan for you of you like you've brought so much light to her life like oh my god wow that's amazing love that like love the girls so glad that I can be that for them and oh you guys she's like and she died two months ago from cancer. You guys, my God, I'm crying. And you were what, like, got her that positivity every day. And after I heard that, I was like, okay, fuck, like. Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters.

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Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. i i don't know i never even thought about like having that kind of outreach you know like that kind of i mean influence or being able to make that space for people and after i heard that i was like i have to go tenfold into this like that is just so insane that i was able to like i was able to be there for her and she was like as soon as you walked into the bar and i saw you i knew that we had to work together i knew that this was meant to be because i i don't ever go to westport i have never been in this bar ever before so it truly is like an act of god the universe that we were able to meet in this space so randomly and get together

and connect minds and connect ideas and hopefully work together in the future so after I heard that I was like okay you know what maybe I am doing something and I can't give up on this not only do I owe it to myself but I owe it to you guys you guys are so incredible and so inspirational I live my life hoping to make you guys proud to make you guys feel less alone in whatever journey that you're going through so if I can do that that one simple thing which is just make a space of inclusion then I have lived a happy life and when I am on my deathbed I will feel fulfilled a thousand percent so thank you for being here and if I can be that person for you I am so incredibly honored and grateful to be that person here for you and yeah that's why I want to expand

this community and just like connect you guys with each other to hopefully have you guys create friendships and just have this beautiful space because it is something that i am so lucky to have stumbled upon and i owe it to all of us to like keep going and to keep trying and to work my fucking hardest so thank you thank you thank you thank you how do i stop bad habits oh i have a bad habit me with my drinking habit my drinking has gone out of control and it's definitely because of my job it is definitely like alcoholics anonymous there except for the anonymity is us just getting completely wasted together like girl it's a problem it's a problem and i see it as a problem and i know it's not a healthy environment for me

to me be in so step number one for realizing to stop bad habits is to have that you know clarity moment where it's like oh fuck you know i'm doing something i don't like what i'm doing simply having clarity is step number one so please understand that you've already taken the hardest step which is realizing the problem the next step that you take is action okay realization and then action action would be I mean you don't have to go cold turkey on anything whether it's like I don't know what your bad habit is whether it's like smoking too much drinking too much partying too much um whatever it may be I do think cold turkey is only meant for the like most dedicated hardest people I'm not that girl I'm not that girl I do have to do like a soft

launch of any sort of like habit that I'm trying to build or break um and so say it's like drinking I want to cut that down it would be like setting a limitation you don't have to fully remove it but simply set a limitation or set a goal maybe it's I'm gonna go a week without or it's like I'm only gonna drink two nights this week or one night whatever it may be um and then slowly but surely weaning yourself off um but that gives you a little bit more control over the situation so you feel more inept to follow your rules that you've set in place to stay true beside yourself instead of just like fully withdrawing from something that can be really really hard especially on your brain setting those rules for yourself and then following them

so you feel like you have a bit more control and it's a bit easier to follow as well but yeah congratulations step number one down bitch you've realized what you're not doing right now you need to take that step and create a routine that's good for you that will bring you closer to hopefully maybe removing the bad habit completely oh but yeah i'm lucky i didn't fall into more substances working in the restaurant that i did work in because it's like oh my god can you guys get out of the office and stop doing cocaine i'm very lucky i don't like cocaine cocaine psa to the girlies not worth it not worth it not fun i don't care what you think or what people around you are doing or how quote-unquote chic it looks it isn't at all it's gross it's

dirty it's grimy it is not cute please don't do it not worth it for real like genuinely it is just a nuisance to everybody around you and also to your brain and body so yeah like i said lucky i don't like that because i would probably be even more of a mess than i am now and yeah but my drinking was out of control where it was like i don't need to be drinking every day every day every single day i don't need to be doing that it's not good for me definitely not something that i need to be engaging in i quit that job so then i don't feel inclined and then also just like in my own home like instead of at night drinking like maybe only doing it socially or um just cutting it out completely i did dry january at the beginning of the year and i think that it was so

freaking good for me and the only reason it was hard is because of the restaurant i worked in because everybody's drinking and it's like you know you want to be a part of it socially but you can't be a part of it socially because you're trying to stay true beside yourself it's hard with the distractions of it all but i do think maybe i'll do a month sober coming up soon is it better to go for looks and chemistry and work your way to getting to know the person or go for personality and who might be good for you even if no attraction and work to like them oh i guess it depends well no i i think attraction is like very important i think attraction is very important because like a healthy good sex life is important you know

what i mean and without that attraction you ain't gonna want to fuck them nor do i think you should feel inclined to be forced to have sex with an ugly person like i do think that attraction is very important i think attraction naturally builds up those chemicals inside us naturally builds up that love inside us um and i do think it is important to have that as like a baseline but attraction can't just be everything um it needs to be in tandem with that chemistry with that like meshing of personality like you guys have to get along as well i don't think it's one or the other um and i don't think you should force yourself to choose one or the other unless that's the kind of life you want to

live but I think like a perfect healthy relationship would be both you know attraction is there initially and then you get together and then you get to know each other and then that chemistry is there as well that's the recipe for like a perfect relationship but if you feel like you're forcing anything like forcing chemistry or forcing yourself to like them girl just get out of there and find somebody that you think is hot you deserve a hot partner period you know you deserve a partner you think is hot come on now think about it like if somebody was with you and it's like they're just ugly like i'm forcing myself to like them that's so bad that is crazy like you should find your partner attractive absolutely i worry about not being in the right place which is making me lose

connection with now oh i had a i've had a really hard time with this um kind of all my life where i've always wanted to be in that other place and i've never appreciated where i was then and it has caused a lot of like um nostalgia searching like i spent a lot of my time like I wish I would have just you know appreciated like think about it like oh I wish I would have just enjoyed high school while I was there instead of constantly thinking about what I'm gonna do next or where I'm going or college blah blah blah I wish I mean sure think about that but I wish I would have just solely focused on enjoying those last years of high school or college like I wish I would have just enjoyed that time instead of constantly searching outside of it

or like looking outside of it living in that other place even like looking back when I was a nanny or when I was younger you know I wish I would have enjoyed that time more instead of just constantly looking ahead or even backwards looking elsewhere and not living in that moment it's caused a lot of like yeah that nostalgia searching for me and it has also taught me that like goddamn there really is nowhere better than the now even if you kind of hate the now like you have to kind of force yourself to enjoy it because you're going to be out of there one day and then looking back like, goddamn, I wish I would have not taken that for granted. It's very easy to look at right now as, you know, not the place you want to be or to be seeking growth constantly. I do think that

seeking growth is important. Duh. You know, you should be dreaming a little bit, but you should not be living in that third place or else we're going to completely lose time. It's going to slip out from under us and we're not going to be an active participant in our lives. And I do think we need to be an active participant in our lives no matter where we are that's why i do preach a lot of like the romanticization of the everyday life you know uh how important the little things are i do think that is a grounding technique to keep us more present in our daily lives to seek happiness and find happiness in our daily lives and to keep us present here in this moment i think gratitude is also a great way to keep us present in this moment even if you know you have

something big coming or you're going to bigger places or you're trying to get out of the space you're in finding moments to be happy in right now will make you more appreciative of where you are and make it a little easier to live your day-to-day life but yeah i definitely feel you on you know not being in the right place feeling like you're not in the right place wanting to move forward wanting to grow wanting to change that will come eventually you know trust in yourself that you will grow that you will move forward that you will be in that place that you want to be it is coming to you it is flowing to you the universe has you on the right path period it is our job a to dream that up to have that goal to set those goals but then also to

like make the right decisions in the now so that we are living a joy for life that we are living a positive life here now it'll help us get to our goals faster it'll help us achieve those goals faster instead of just like setting roadblocks up for ourselves and like essentially kind of like ditching our current lives even though you know I'm like miserable at my restaurant job I'm like you know what I'll still work my last shifts show up be positive do the best that I can because I do know as much as a terror this job is and as much as I'm so ready to get the fuck out of there i know that i don't know like five years from now i'll be able to like oh you know i do kind of miss the chaos of it you know that's the funny thing about time time always kind of heals all wounds

and although you are just exhausted of the now or exhausted of maybe something now or maybe you're just not living how you want to be living or you're ready to move forward you're ready to take that next step i do think it's important to just be present in our daily lives and to find that hope and that joy in our daily lives it helps the moving forward um so much better and then also if you're a nostalgia slut like i am i love a nostalgia moment i love a looking back and enjoying and ah what a good time it makes the nostalgia way better okay if you actually take the time to be like appreciative of the now when you're looking back eventually you will be like i'm so glad i enjoyed every moment of that time in my life i'm so glad even though maybe i was

miserable I really took the time to find the peace and the joy that I could so instead of just looking back at that time and being like damn that sucked you're like you know what that was hard but I got through it and I stayed positive and I did the best I can oh oh my god oh my god literally how do you commit to a creative lifestyle slash job when you're filled with guilt slash self-doubt oh talk about hitting home my god something that i've been debating for a long time for a long long long time big reason why i have been afraid to take that leap of faith and put myself fully into my creative ability is because i do think a lot of the guilt or like self-doubt is taught i don't think that it is something that we are instilled with in birth i think

is something that we are taught from society that like um you know it is a risk to believe in yourself that it is a risk to listen to yourself that it is a risk to follow your dreams and I hate that bullshit I hate it I hate it I hate it but that doesn't mean that I don't get those moments of like oh my god did I make the wrong decision oh my god am I going to be able to do this thing oh my god am I going to be able to blah blah blah blah blah you have to focus on what you can control okay you can't control you know the self-doubt the self-doubting beliefs i mean you can you know you can redirect them whatever instead of focusing on that self-doubt or that taught self-doubt start focusing on what you can control okay such as creating as much as

you can putting yourself out there working hard working forward moving forward you have to enact action against those self-doubts or else the self-doubt will eat you alive completely no matter what job you have creative or not no matter what you're doing i do think that self-doubt will always pop up yeah maybe i'm not good enough yeah maybe i won't succeed maybe i'm not pretty enough maybe not i'm not blah blah blah blah blah but i cannot live my life according to the doubt that I have in myself that is a soulless lifeless way to live life and I refuse to do that sure the thoughts will pop up occasionally sometimes we'll have that insecure moment but I owe it to myself to at least try to at least work hard to throw everything I have into doing what I can into

achieving what I want to achieve I owe it to myself we only get one life to live and I'm not going to live my life in accordance to everything that I think I'm not I'm going to live my life in accordance to everything that I think I can be and also the creative journey is a long one it really is but I do think dedication and time and work does pay off like I said I've been doing this podcast for almost four years now and I am finally getting to that moment where I'm like okay I think I can commit fully to doing this and yeah it is a little scary even though I've been doing it for a while but i know if i don't try now i never will try and i owe it to myself to at least put myself out there to at least open myself up to the universe to go after all of my dreams my desires

and guess what if i fail i fail i'll figure something else out there's always other options out there but i know what i need to do now and i know that i need to lean into my self-belief not my self-doubt i also think if it's something that's been you know instilled in you pretty heavily since birth I don't know if you have parents that were very doubtful of you or just people around you that instilled that kind of self-limiting belief system you have to kind of re-record those thoughts kind of recode those thoughts because they're going to be there no matter what it's going to be impossible to avoid them they're going to pop up but you cannot give them weight and you have to have ways to fight back okay if you have that self-doubt where it's

like I can't do it I'm scared sure you know sometimes I think that as well but I have to follow it up with something like yeah you're scared but this is something that you're taught this is something that someone else told you not something you believe about yourself it is kind of like an internal battle and I feel very crazy in that sense where I am having like a constant fight with my inner thoughts but that's how you get to a better place of like having those good thoughts not being so consumed by the negative and having ways to kind of fight back when you do have those moments of self-doubt affirmations help therapy helps you know journaling as well really helps to get rid of that inner critic to get rid of any self-doubt things like that but if you listen to

the self-doubt and the guilt you're never going to do anything you're never going to get out there you're never going to achieve anything because your self-doubt doesn't want you to you have to understand that your self-doubt will never teach you anything it'll never get you to the right space it'll never you know achieve anything for you it will never get you to the place you want to be it doesn't want you to it doesn't want you to succeed it doesn't want you to be that person that you want to be so there's no reason to listen to it because it's not a rational real train of thought it is a train of thought that wants you to stay in a hole and live there for the rest of your life and never get out there and never do anything you can't give it weight you can't give

those thoughts weight you can't give them like rational understanding because they are not based in a rational way when it comes to committing to the creative life put yourself out there tenfold fuck what anybody else thinks only care about what you think especially when it comes to like what you're creating do you think it's cool is it something that you enjoy is it something that fulfills you not from the outside perspective an art piece in a gallery does not care what people are taking from it they just know how they were created and that's all that matters post about it follow your process put yourself out there reach out to local artists reach out to a good support team show up to new places set up a gallery showing who cares what other people

think or how well it succeeds as long as you are simply trying and put you putting yourself out there I guarantee you will get something from it always always I've always had that kind of belief and understanding in myself especially when it came to like creating this podcast and now starting youtube i just have this belief that it's like you know what i don't care if one person watches it or a hundred thousand people watch it as long as i'm putting something out there that i enjoy and i'm enjoying the process of it all and i enjoy sitting down with you guys every tuesday and i'm talking about topics that like i enjoy talking about but also i know you guys enjoy talking about then i'm happy then i'm happy i don't pay attention to the numbers i don't pay attention

to the analytics i do something that i enjoy and i put it out there and i leave it there and whatever people take from it they take from it but i know what i'm taking from it and that's all that fucking matters period i also think you have to release the um obsession with success i think you have to release the obsession with like um kind of like that winning mentality and commit to the process the process is the success okay finding a good process that works for you finding a process that makes you feel fulfilled and makes you feel like you are actually able to indulge in your creative abilities success will naturally come but you can't aim for success you have to aim for a good creative process and also creating something that you enjoy from there i think

success will absolutely a thousand percent follow but self-doubt will never get you where you want to go self-doubt does not want you to win you want you to win so listen to yourself listen to what you can control focus on what you can control such as like creating putting yourself out there simply trying and from that everything else will fall into place oh but you guys i'm having so many realizations so many real life moments so many like i don't know i turned 26 and like i kind of took a look at my life and i was like there's so much that i'm loving and i'm enjoying there's so much that I'm not liking and I've found myself not liking some things for a long time and just struggling with things and then I realized like my brain synapsed into place and I was like holy

shit I do have control over my life I am not a sim being controlled by some third party I can make decisions for myself and yes some decisions are hard some decisions are not easy sometimes you find yourself having self-doubt sometimes you know you face hardship or you face struggles or whatever it may be but there is always an opportunity to create happiness and positivity for yourself you always have that opportunity in this life and my god i am tired of living in ways that are not making me happy that are not making me feel prosperous that i am just constantly living in these cycles of negativity like i need to release and let go and make space for betterment for positivity for even better blessings to come my way we do have a choice over what life we live

whether it's a day-to-day life whether it's a career whether it's a love life friendships whatever it may be we do have a choice in this like this is kind of like you want to start thinking about life as a game it doesn't have to be so hard it doesn't have to be so like overwhelming and negative i do think you kind of have to look at it like a video game a little bit you know customize your character dye your hair pink move to a different country go on that trip take that new job opportunity quit your job try something new date that person break up with that person like who cares life is one big game and the more you start looking at it like that the more fun it gets the more enjoyment you're probably going to get from it the less serious you're going

to take it but in a very healthy positive way because you're not taking things as deeply when you maybe don't need to be thinking that deep in the first place i love all my sensitive baddies out there my sensitive gangsters shout out to miss amaya papaya i love all my girlies out there who are taking risks who are you know taking every chance they can to get out there and live their dream life because that's what it's all about living your life according to you no one will tell you how to live your life nor should you listen to anybody else on how to live your life you need to listen to your heart listen to your intuition listen to what you don't like listen to what you like and follow that peace and joy wherever you fucking can it is a blessing to be

alive to be here to be living even through the hardships of it all even through everything else that we have going on any sort of negativity that we have going on it is still always a blessing to be alive and to make these decisions in our life and to always have an opportunity every day that we wake up to make that change in our life to move forward to work forward and to try new things and god damn it i am tired of living my life according to other people of living my life in like pain in ways that i don't want to be living and acting in behaviors that i don't want to be living i owe it to myself to live a life in accordance to me and now that i've had that realization i fear i can't go back i fear i have to make every decision that i possibly can

to live my dream life i owe it to myself you owe it to yourself it takes time to get there i'm 26 and just now figuring this out so if you're younger or even older and you're like i haven't gotten there yet don't worry don't focus on anybody else other than yourself other than how you want to move and grow don't compare yourself to other people that's not a way to live life focus on you where you are now where the next step you want to take is and how you can get there actually on my patreon um patreon.com smoke session already please join since i just quit my job would love to have you there um we every sunday i do a sunday spirit either when i'm talking about like spirituality spells connecting to yourself any way that you can engage in the

spirit and we talked about living our dream life and sometimes your dream life can feel very very far away I understand the big picture can get very overwhelming sometimes especially when like your dream self is like a complete maybe 360 of who you are now it can get very overwhelming and a little bit scary and daunting at times so I uploaded a way on how to kind of break down that thought process and break down like your dream life into daily activities that you can implement now so you can slowly start taking steps closer to where you want to be it starts with script writing you know imagining yourself in like five years writing down your dream life everything she's doing where she's living how she dresses who's around her things like that um ask yourself

then like what do you need to change to get this life or what do you need to add write these changes down in like a list format and then from these changes write down like little bite-sized ways that you can implement tasks and tools to this life now it's all written down but please if you want to come join come hang out with the girlies on the patreon patreon.com slash smoke says shoddy i am creating so much new content for you guys i'm hoping to do um weekly like little cooking vlogs with you guys because you guys like hanging out in the kitchen and like if the girls like it i'm happy to create more of it that on top of vlogs those are out early on the patreon as well as a patreon only podcast every thursday where i answer every single one of your questions literally

i think we had an hour and a half podcast last week because wow we had a lot to go over so thankful for every single one of you guys there and yes all my vlogs cooking videos whatever it may be will be up on my youtube channel please go give it a little listen you guys have been loving it and i'm so thankful for all the love you've been sharing me um hannahmarlene444 is that youtube channel and then if you want to submit your question every week for the main episode i do that on my instagram instagram at hannahmarlene i upload the questionnaire on sunday so keep an eye out for my sunday stories where you can submit it i just like to have a new one every week so we can stay true to the now true to the environment that maybe we're all living with

and stay as intuitive as possible but with that being said i love you all so so so much thank you for being here thank you guys for creating this space for me and also like keeping it positive for everybody else here i'm so thankful to get to show up with you guys every single week remember to take care of yourself to listen to yourself to follow your intuition and most importantly follow your heart only you can create the dream life that you desire for yourself with that being said stay sane stay sexy and i'll see you all so soon two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer

foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research together we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer register today at pmcfwalk.ca wayfair's labor day clearance is on now right now at wayfair you can get up to 70 off everything home shop wayfair's labor day clearance now through september 7th at wayfair.ca wayfair every style every home