Smoke Sesh - I solve your problems! hangxiety, embarrassment & romanticizing your life

Episode Date: March 19, 2024

Hello hotties! Welcome back to another amazing smoke sesh, so excited to be celebrating the Spring Equinox with you all on this beautiful Tuesday! We have a lot to catch up on as we talk accepting change when the universe practically throws it at you, my recent rave experience, and how I spent St. Patricks Day. We jump into all of your best questions and kick it off with a lil sesh drink. We chat the pedestal mindset and allowing yourself to have no expectations, how to really stay consistent, I solve your problems, book recs, bikini recs, self sabotage PSA, embarrassment is fiction, gatekeepers, compliments, body confidence, hangovers & dealing with hangxiety, accepting forceful change, treat yourself, romanticize your life, hot girl summer and pisces energy, spring equinox celebrations, anti pen, therapists, fear of the unknown, and TikTok thoughts as it might be gone soon. Love you all so much! Can't wait to chat next week! If you want to see more from my everyday life follow the instagram @hannahmarlene, and if you wanna join the Patreon club for extra podcasts & more fun join at patreon.com/smokeseshshawty. Chat soon hotties! MUAH!

listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all good morning hotties welcome back to another beautiful amazing wonderful episode of smoke sesh i'm so excited to be back with you guys hanging out lighting up chatting everything there is to life i hope you're all doing well i hope you had a safe and sexy weekend um I actually had a pretty hectic weekend I feel like usually I get on here and I'm like

oh I did nothing which is that usually that's the case usually that's the ideal I have lived my hot girl party girl lifestyle now I do truly enjoy spending my weekends doing absolutely nothing maybe some like yoga making a fun meal sleeping in like those are the things I look forward to now. But this weekend, I kind of reverted back to my party girl lifestyle. If you don't follow me on Instagram, Hannah Marlene, I was posting all about it this weekend. But I went to a rave. Fun, amazing. You guys know how much I love my raves. And you know, St. Patrick's Day was on Sunday which I was like you know I'm not really gonna I'm not really gonna do a lot for St. Patrick's Day you know I went all out you know it's always those days where I'm like no

we're gonna have a chill day that I end up like losing my fucking mind for some reason and like in a fun way like in a little bit too fun of a way um but we'll get into that in a second how are you all doing though i hope you're doing well i hope this spring you know intro has been treating you guys well it's actually really cold out today it's like 20 degrees out it was so nice last week it was like 60s 70s i was outside every single day i was also watching my parents dog um slash house sitting for them since they are out living their wildest dreams running around the country um so sorry I was holding you back all your life but now it's my job to watch their dog so I was doing that all week last week um and one morning I woke up I was walking her outside

and 8 a.m I'm in just a ratted t-shirt hair barely hung up on my fucking head okay um a mess dark circles bags not dripping down my nose like a mess and she loves like watching the cars go by watching the trash trucks go by whatever so we're standing in the front yard and a the recycling truck started coming down the street because it was recycling day and i was like oh look look at the recycling truck it's cute you know like oh let me hype her up a little bit the recycling truck comes down the street hits my fucking car right in front of me oh wow good morning happy friday fantastic that's something i have to deal with this upcoming week uh shout out to them because they will be paying for it but honestly

in the past when i've had shit like this happen where it's like what the fuck did i do to deserve of this I would start having like panic attacks and like worry attacks of course those sound like the same exact thing but I feel like panic attacks are pretty quickly onset and they're very intense while my like worry attacks or are more like long form um and not as intense as like a panic attack where I start spiraling it's more so just like I'm worrying constantly um that's how I used to react in the past because I felt like I didn't have control of the situation it's not something I wanted to happen so it felt like it was out of my control and then it felt like I couldn't do anything and that was just such a hard feeling to deal with but this time around I I chose peace

over my panic attacks okay so like in the past this would have sent me into a spiral I saw I saw the man driving the truck like start to spiral he got out of the car and he was like shaking and he was like i'm so sorry i've never done this um uh and the only thing i could do which is also the only thing i can do to myself is offer being nice you know offer kindness like i'm sure he got out that truck expecting me to be like what the fuck how dare you you know blah blah blah go the fuck off on him because he seemed concerned although I don't look like that type it's 8 a.m you just hit my car that is kind of the normal reaction but all I could really offer him which is all I could really offer myself as well um is just kindness and like understanding like whatever

that's why we have insurance it'll all get figured out in the end just trust in the process chill there's only so much you can really do the the damage has already happened so let's just like try and make the best out of this situation so that's something that I kicked off my weekend starting to deal with um I've it literally hit my back bumper ripped my entire back bumper off and scratched on the side of my car and I was like oh wow oh wow fantastic so I will be taking my card of the body shop uh this week to go get a quote and then have them pay and fix that which honestly listen even in the bad situations it usually works out for you because my back bumper was already fucked the fuck up so yeah you know what we're getting a new one for free fantastic

um kicked off my weekend doing that and then I actually had a lot of days off from work this week um I recently I told you my manager gave me Mondays off so I could focus on this podcast and filming with you guys um which is fantastic love her endlessly and then I took Wednesday off um because it was just so nice out and it didn't seem like I was gonna make a lot of money that night that's the one thing about being in the industry that's really nice like especially the service industry is if you're if you don't think it's a good money night you can call out like don't waste your time there's nights where I will go into work for four or five hours and make 14 dollars and at this point if I feel like that's gonna happen I will offer up my shift to trade

it whatever needs to happen you know what I mean like if it's not worth my time sometimes you just gotta accept it instead of forcing it and move on so I took Wednesday off and then Friday I had off because I was going to a rave we went and saw Zed's dead I've seen Zed's dead a couple of times i think the first time i saw them was at what's it called i don't know it was like a um new year's eve rave decadence decadence colorado i saw them new year's eve i think they did the ball drop no i did the ball drop with rez they played the first night they played like the midnight set the first night and they were super duper fun so i was like fuck it let's go let's have a good time it was a two-day event um one of you guys asked me what the rave scene in kansas city is like

and honestly there's a lot of like especially in this city there's a lot of small groups that are very well organized and there's a lot of people a part of it like um the music scene the rave scene the art scene like any sort of small interest you have i guarantee there's a group of like 50 plus people who are interested in the same thing and there's like a weekly event in your area I promise you um and the rave scene is something that I've been a part of for a long time especially in this city um and I think the rave scene here is really great we have a lot of amazing artists that come through here we have a lot of amazing um small artists that are from my city that throw great shows you have a lot of amazing venues um I remember growing up like my

form of partying was not going to the club it was going to a rave and then going to the warehouse downtown after hours until like 6 a.m and then just like partying in the warehouse until a the cops showed up and kicked us all out or b i got tired and had to go home but the rave scene is really great and i think it's a really great community everybody is really nice and kind to each other that's just the territory of the rave scene in general it's not just kansas city it's everywhere um i feel like people are very plur you know peace love unity respect which i am obsessed with so yeah i think it's a great scene here um but we went out friday night and i was like you know what i'm just not going to get too crazy you know like but my problem is i'm like a

literal binge drinker this is a problem that i have slowly been recognizing within myself it's like when I start drinking I'm like well another one won't hurt you know another one won't hurt why don't I have another one so after I started realizing that I had to start limiting myself because it's like you know what I binge drink sure but it's also like in a fun environment where it's okay to do so I just can't be doing it every single night or honestly every single weekend just not healthy for me um so i started out the night with a beat box i don't know if you guys know what those are honestly 10 out of 10 love they're very similar to like what a four loco is um and they sent me a case of beat boxes so shout out beat box um but they're so yummy and

if you need a fun little drink to carry around with you all night it's perfect they have a screw on top that you can put back on which is what i love about it um because then you can take it togo you know walk down the street have your little box with you but um i had my what did i just call them wow brain empty let me take a sip of this espresso okay also one thing the drinking has really affected my memory i don't think it's the weed i genuinely think it's the drinking uh alcohol is so bad for your brain not to be like a debbie downer here like shit i'm just turn it 25 my brain is fully forming I'm making a bunch of connections and I want to share them with you guys so then we can kind of learn together but my memory is so bad and it's not

from the weed like it's not from smoking when I smoke I my memory doesn't disappear like I still remember what I do and I remember the events and I don't have a hard time recalling past events but when I drink I it's not like I black out I just forget what happened and I don't know what necessarily causes that maybe one of you guys are doctors shout out to you and you can let me know but it's just a reoccurrence that I have been realizing but I had my little um oh I had my little to-go cart and we pulled up to the rave um we pulled up a little late the opener though was amazing oh my god had never seen her before um her name was dewey she was fantastic honestly better than zed's dead dare i say i mean love zed's dead they're a classic but

dewey was such a vibe um she was playing like a lord house remix and i was like she just gets it she knows what the girlies want to hear this is fantastic um but yeah i'm over drinking i had my little carton my little um i had my little beat box got there immediately went to the bar got a double vodka soda with extra limes um my boyfriend had a vodka red bull i chugged that before zed's day came on everybody was waiting for them to come on and I was like okay I have exactly five minutes to make it upstairs to the bar and back downstairs fuck it let me go get another drink so I left I went and I got another vodka soda with lime came back down I think that's all I drank not a lot in the grand scheme of things not a lot I have definitely drank more before

but holy shit the next day it just really took it out of me no one tells you like getting older your hangovers get worse like the way you process alcohol is harder your body has a harder time dealing with it like when I was young I would drink that as like a start and then more and more and more and I would wake up the next day and be fine I'd be like all right who's going to IHOP with me what are we doing let's hang out like full of energy now holy shit I'm like my brain cannot handle this anymore uh so I think I'm more of an edible THC drink girl now and I think I'm over drinking I say that as if I didn't start drinking two days later um Saturday I finally had to go into work was a little hungover for that shout out to my manager for being cool about it

but um randomly found out that my manager was leaving us and I have gotten really really really fucking lucky with having the best managers ever um throughout my restaurant career and it's really hard to find a good manager but I I have so much love for her she was just like a second mom to me I've been having a really hard time like reconciling with it because I have like a little bit of like a mother-daughter wound so whenever I like lose I know I'm not losing her but whenever I feel like I lose a um older female friendship in my life it like triggers some form of abandonment in me that I have a really hard time dealing with um and this is not something that she wanted to do it was something that corporate and fuck corporate I cannot wait to

tell you guys all the fucking tea on this place i work at and how awful and horrible they are to us um but they told her essentially you have no choice you we are forcefully moving you to a different restaurant and we're not paying you anymore even though it was like a 12 to 20 grand difference in what the annual salary should be working at this other restaurant they said we don't have the money to pay you for that and you have no choice if you want to keep working here for us you have to move restaurants oh but we just sent out an email and the top three people working in our company just got a raise and a promotion and like a hundred thousand dollar raise and a promotion and remember to congratulate them on it remember to say congratulations if you see

them but fuck everybody else we don't have money for you we're not gonna pay you anything the worst the worst the restaurant industry just be like that and upper upper management sucks hate them but the overall management that I have to deal with on a daily basis has been great like my close manager my store manager has been fantastic um and she has been just like such an uplifting personality to be around and such a fun person to be around and it really sucked learning that they were gonna move her I think she found a new job fingers crossed love her really hope she gets it she deserves the world um but that was something that was very fun and funky to learn um and I kept saying you know once you leave like tell me when you quit tell me when

you leave so I can apply to different places because I mean I love my restaurant but I've been there way too long it's time to switch it up I want to move to like more of a fine dining smaller more home you know homegrown restaurant something like that less corporatey so I was like tell me when you're leaving tell me when you're leaving and she just sprung it on me so I actually have an interview at a new place coming up pro tip if any of you guys are like I need I need a new job I don't know where I want to work I need them to recognize me first of all for whatever industry you work in I guarantee your city has like a Facebook group revolving around it where they post job offerings or like hey I'm looking for a job or just like small networking things

um in Kansas City it's like the KC restaurant group or whatever so I was in there um panicking and searching and looking around and I saw a few people mentioned a couple different restaurants that would be possibly hiring so I first of all crafted a beautiful resume you need to brag on yourself a little bit and make sure your skills are listed make sure it's very easy to read and make sure it's one page fit all that shit onto one page okay um now I will apply on like the zip recruiter indeed kind of um applications i will apply on those but like 98 of the time they are not going to see those applications they aren't because they're getting hundreds of them so they might look at like the first five find someone who's qualified and then immediately

hire that person but they might not look at the last 90 so to make sure you're seen take that email or take that resume okay you're going to hunt down the HR person on what's it called what's the what's the networking app what's the networking app LinkedIn you're gonna hunt down the HR girl on LinkedIn you're gonna hunt down the hiring manager on LinkedIn find her email send her a personalized email with your cover letter in the email attach your resume say the times you are free how she can contact you why you would be a good fit for the company reach out shoot your shot do that for every single company I guarantee they will get back to you in a week I do I guarantee and even if they don't they have that email they see you like working harder than

everybody else they see you putting the extra effort in to be seen and they will remember that so if another position pops up they will make sure that you are then contacted they have your information they don't have to go hunt you down through 90 to 100 different applicants they can find you very easily so like be personal reach out find their email hunt them down okay it shows initiative um i also really recommend taking your resume and going into places make sure there's a physical copy on hand whether it's a restaurant industry where you're like i'm gonna go sit at the bar i'm gonna go chit chat with the bartender kind of observe see how they run things see if it be fun to work here leave your resume leave a fat tip especially in the restaurant industry if it's

like a more corporate job i think dropping off your resume is a really great idea but obviously you won't have the kind of like tipping situation so just make sure you go in there and hype yourself up um but interviews i used to be really nervous for interviews because i felt like um i didn't know what to say or i didn't know how to present myself interviews are all about bragging about yourself also not only are you being interviewed but you're interviewing them are they a good fit for you don't be afraid to ask questions interviewers love it when you ask questions when you're actually interested instead of just being like I'll take it I don't care what it is I'll take it you know like I don't care if it's a bad company like they want you to be inquisitive

they want you to make sure you're putting yourself into the best position and they also want to make sure that you are like proud of yourself and your qualities so don't be afraid to brag um like that's literally the whole point of an interview is like I'm perfect and you need me do I need you you know what I mean of course not that arrogant but that's kind of the attitude you have to have but I guarantee if you go in with that um you will get hired you will like don't be afraid to brag talk about your skills talk about why you be a good fit um and yeah so I have that coming up wish me luck but I have been saying you know oh I gotta switch it up oh I gotta switch it up and it's funny how the universe will be like oh you want to switch it up okay we're changing everything

for you and now you have no choice but to so the best thing you can kind of do in those situations where you're like what the fuck just happened my whole life just turned on a head roll with the punches accept your new path in life don't fight against the current go with it um i guarantee if you learn to just go with the flow accept try and make the best out of the situation the universe will provide goodness to you tenfold so that's kind of what I've been going through this weekend and kind of supplying reaching out um you know networking a little bit but yeah I am so sad my manager is leaving um our last day together was Saturday and then Sunday was St. Patrick's Day hope you guys had a fun and safe weekend um I got off my bar shift and I slept for like 12 hours

he woke up at 11 my boyfriend loves saint patrick's day and he woke up and he was like oh my god we missed the parade it's 11 o'clock this parade goes for like four hours i was like no we have time let me drink my coffee let me put on an outfit let me do my thing let me get ready and then we live pretty close to where the parade happens so we just walked a couple blocks up to the parade hung out corner of 39th and broadway there was a fun family out there dancing hanging out so we were hanging out with them dancing like shout out to the girlies out there who were having a good time um ended up in Westport for a while I had to stop by Kelly's because it's the only like Irish bar that I really really constantly go to um actually the only bar that I am constantly

going to I love Kelly's um yeah we had a lot of fun went there had a beer went back to the parade hung out watched the floats uh watched the drum lines you know had a too much fun um ended up at westport cafe they were doing like gourmet hot dogs and rouclettes so we had like a gourmet hot dog with sauerkraut on it listen hot girl breakfast gotta have the hot dog um also after the chief's parade there was a lot of police and fbi question mark with large guns they brought the dare car out um if you guys didn't see that picture i posed in front of the dare car shout out to them um but yeah just had a blast ended up finding the jello shot lady shout out to her she was hustling she had her boyfriend dragging the cooler around and she was just jello shots

jello shots so we got two of those um and yeah just had a great time um i was also my manager's last day and even though i didn't work i wanted to come celebrate with her i always told her i'd bring her lunch or something and so I went and I stopped by my favorite Mediterranean spot um hibashi house love them love them love them loved them so much um got her some homemade hummus and pita bread brought that dropped her off got a little drunk at work um had a couple cocktails with my co-workers just celebrated with them um and said goodbye to my manager and then ended up at home when I get drunk once again I get into a binge drinking mindset so I was like I'm gonna go to Westport after this I'm gonna go out after this girl no go home chill take a shower

that's what I ended up doing thank god I did not need to go out again um but so sorry to my co-workers that I'm always like I'll be out later tonight and then I never end up back out really sorry about that um I ended up staying in and then I made steak frites um for dinner just like homemade fries um bernese sauce and then some steak it's the best kind of sundae meal maybe I'll make a video on it and post it on um reels you guys really like that cooking bit in my outfit video I'm gonna do more of those so stay tuned follow me on instagram at hannah marlene if you want to see more of those I've been having a really fun time making reels but yeah that's a lot to catch you guys up on so sorry that took up so much time I've just honestly been busy for a

change usually my intros are like six minutes long because I'm like I did nothing I protected my peace which is a vibe valid but I actually had a lot to catch you guys up on so I thought I'd chat hopefully next week I'll maybe have a new job stay tuned but yeah having a great time the rest of the week I think I'm just going to rest relax the spring equinox is happening so I am going to try and just like deep clean my house ritual a little bit I posted some spring equinox journal prompts on the patreon I will also be posting a spring equinox ritual for you all tomorrow to partake in I love a simmer pot if you guys don't know what that is it just like cut up oranges fresh herbs um cinnamon any sort of like spices and smells and things like that you like some fresh jasmine

flowers throw them in a pot of boiling water and then just boil it all day as you clean your house um you can just keep adding water to it adding water but it is the best way to kind of like cleanse your house cleanse the space cleanse the air um and bring in newness and just like revival to your life it's a great um ritual for you guys to partake in this spring equinox but i hope you guys are feeling the um the warmth the light the renewal um i know i definitely am and i'm very excited to see where this takes us this spring i think it's going to be a really good one i think it's going to be the best summer and spring yet so with that being said that's really all i have to catch you guys up on really just minding my own p's and q's this week trying to

adultify my life in whatever aspect I can deep clean interviews things like that um but it feels nice it does feel nice to kind of like be on a new path and follow it and kind of just go with the flow instead of fighting against life um life gets a little bit easier if you just learn to um accept what's in front of you and make the best out of it um so love that that being said let's not waste any more time and let's get into all of you guys's questions speaking of not really drinking anymore um i just got some of these thc infused like seltzers they are zero calories zero sugar 2.5 milligrams thc 2.5 milligrams cbd in the small ones they're called wink they're so cute hold on aren't they adorable and they have a bunch of flavors um my go-to like afternoon

evening activity post dinner um is I forgot I'm an adult and I can like buy gummy bears and fruit snacks so I bought a family pack of fruit snacks um and I'll have like one of these and a bag of fruit snacks as my like little dessert every night and honestly it's a vibe um they make bigger ones too but i like these little small ones they're like perfect on the go this one is lime twist but yeah like i said they have like a mango a tangerine here's a little asmr for you mango tangerine lime and then black cherry and they're seltzers they taste exactly exactly like a la croix so if you like la croix these are fantastic 10 out of 10 recommend but cheers good morning oh I haven't had the lime before this might be my favorite I'm not a limey girl

but this is good this tastes like a hmm and no alcohol onset in 10-15 minutes I feel like when you drink THC it starts acting way faster than eating it because your body doesn't have to like metabolize a gummy um it kind of just goes directly into your bloodstream so this will make for a fun podcast cheers anyways let's get into all of your questions that i am going to try and fire round through um my dumb ass since i was literally drunk when i uploaded my questionnaire for the week i forgot to put in the call-ins once again if you have any call-ins you can submit them to my dms um and i'm going to reiterate that next week when i upload the questionnaire um i know the call-in form that I usually use for like Spotify doesn't work for a lot of you guys so to make

sure I can get as many in as possible I will make sure to reiterate next week that you can submit them to my Instagram um but once again I forgot to upload that link so so sorry about that um which means I guess I'll get some more of your typed in questions but someone said I get super hyped for things but then i can't experience them fully and let go any tips love you um yeah i feel like this is the whole pedestal mindset when you place things on a pedestal you place way too much of an importance on them and nothing will ever live up to the importance of the pedestal the pedestal is a place that is simply unreachable because it is a place in that your mind has completely created okay it is a place that no one can live up to because it only exists in your mind

whether it's a person a place a thing an experience it will never live up to the pedestal because you're not allowing it the opportunity to be its own thing you want it to be the pedestal you want to have control you want it to be this thing it's simply not going to be so when you are placing it on there and then it's not living up to it you're ending up disappointed that's okay you just gotta stop placing things on the pedestal you can get excited for things i love that get excited for them but go in with zero expectations if you want to have the most fun in this life go into everything with zero expectations just maybe the only expectation you have is like i want to have fun I want to make sure I have a good time you know I'm going in with the expectations of

positivity and peace because that's what I'm bringing to it I'm going in with the expectations of fun because that's what I'm bringing to it not what is it bringing to me what am I bringing to it but I do believe the less expectations you have the more fun you're going to have because the more you're going to allow space for things to show you what they truly are show you what the experience truly is so it's okay to be excited for things and for people and for experiences but you have to let go of the pedestal mindset um anything you place up there you will never reach because it is a place that no one dares goes okay um just desire fun bring peace bring positivity but allow yourself to experience the unknown and allow yourself to enjoy the experience of

having zero expectations because guess what if you go into things with zero expectations your mind is going to be blown every single time every time you're gonna have a blast because guess what would have never expected it anyways how do you stay consistent not gonna lie it is quite honestly through force it is um a lot of the times especially with things that i'm consistent with they are things that I do not want to do okay if I had everything if I did everything I wanted to do like truly in my brain which is an unhealthy place that I do dare not visit um I would be a human being that lives in my bed 24 7 that eats fast food that I get delivered to my house 24 7 I don't throw it away I don't clean myself I don't wash my hair whatever that is literally how I would live

if I could choose and you're like whoa gross I know because I'm lazy and I desire things that are bad for me so a lot of the things that I stay consistent with such as cleaning my house working out cooking healthy meals cleaning myself making sure I'm staying you know groomed well taken care of not only physically mentally spiritually you know environmentally um those are things that I really have to force myself to do no one really talks about that no one ever really frames it that way um but once I started framing it that way for myself I had an easier time reconciling with with it because it was like yeah I don't want to do it but also good things are not going to come easy and the best things that you do for yourself are not going to be the

easiest things you have to challenge yourself you do have to force yourself to do those adult things every once in a while but you will be better for it and a lot of consistency is just holding yourself accountable and forcing yourself to do it um I also am a chronic lazy girl so I need a day off every once in a while you know sometimes I'm not gonna wash my face before I go to bed sometimes I'm you know gonna have a day where I don't do laundry sometimes I'm gonna miss a workout that's okay the key to consistency for me personally especially the chronic lazy girl is you cannot miss more than one day in a row once you miss more than one day in a row your brain stops seeing it as a routine your brain stops seeing it as like a consistency thing and

it becomes like oh who cares about that I like immediately forget about it for some reason and then it's like a week later I'm like holy shit I haven't worked out what's going on it's because you missed more than one day you got to hold yourself accountable it's okay to take time off it's okay to offer yourself a little break but you have to stay consistent and a lot of it is simply through force i'm so sorry i hate to break the news to you but sometimes you got to force yourself to do things you don't want to do for the sake of betterment someone said i can hear the birds chirping again i think it's gonna be okay real i love waking up every morning to like the morning doves outside cooing and the birds chirping in the morning it is so nice it is such

a nice change of pace help i'm a chronic alarm snoozer and wake up at noon daily nothing helps illy um first of all you can't snooze there's no snoozing snoozing doesn't work there's no snooze you have to get up as soon as your alarm goes off and in fact i really recommend you plugging your phone in to the opposite side of the room. So when your alarm goes off, you physically have to get up and then do not allow yourself to lay back down. You can sit on your couch. You can go to the bathroom, sit on the toilet. You can go sit in your kitchen, whatever. Go sit in your living room, dining room. I don't know. Do not sit back down on your bed. You will crawl back into bed. You do, once again, sometimes I don't like doing things that I have to do in my life, but it is

with force i really recommend plugging your phone in across the room though so it does force yourself to get up so you can't hit that snooze button so easily book recommendation for spiritual girlies that can only read in the train or a cafe um my personal spiritual guru is eve babbitts i love her and i'm obsessed with her i have read four of her books and i'm on my her last one and I haven't started it yet because I'm kind of just like holding it sacred and I don't want to read it yet because it's like I don't want it to be over I know I can reread these books but I love Eve Babbitt's and these are the only books that I can really like I can just get through very easily um she's my own spiritual guru she's just like a hot girl from the 70s that was living and

experiencing things and she writes short stories and it is just I love her she's such a fun writer to read also if you want like a spiritual book to read I would really recommend what is it called the four agreements i feel like that's a perfect um beginning spiritual book for you guys someone said where do you shop for festival fits plus bikinis um bikini wise sydney mary bikini every single time she gonna do it for me every single time you want a cute handmade sustainable one of a kind bikini sydney mary bikinis i have had a bikini of hers for like five years now and it is one of my favorite bikinis ever it has lasted this long it is so freaking cute every time i wear it somebody's like where did you get that and i'm like it's one of a kind but also let me put you

on because i love her so much um she is amazing and i will never ever stop supporting her she is the best um when i'm looking for bikinis i always go to her first when it comes to festival fits um or like micro bikinis i'm not gonna lie i usually just go to my local sex shop um like your local small um you know on the corner random stripper shop that's the place to go um they're gonna have a really good amount of bikinis in there they're also gonna have a really good amount of like dresses mini skirts fun outfits accessories things like that especially when it comes to festivals like the less the better honestly like you're gonna be hot it's gonna to be sunny first of all make sure you're wearing sunscreen but the less you wear the better because

it's going to be easier for you to kind of just like move do your thing I do recommend at least having like a hoodie an oversized t-shirt or a pashmina on you at all times at a festival so when you're tired of wearing your little bikini and mini micro skirt or mini micro dress you can just throw on an oversized t-shirt wrap a pashmina around your head throw some sunglasses on and just vibe in your own area um so but yeah um a lot of my shopping for festival fits either comes from depop or my local stripper shop love them i think my local one around here is called cerillas i don't know if you guys have that in your area or if that's just like a midwest thing but the people who work there are always the kindest sweetest people ever um they are the best so 10 out of 10

recommend how to not self-sabotage an amazing new relationship i think you do have to do the full like relationship psa first of all you need to hold yourself accountable you need to know your red flags you need to know your bad habits you need to know how you react to things and what your triggers are i think it's really helpful to know those before you get into a relationship so then you don't have to learn them together because that can be kind of messy um it is good to like fully understand yourself before getting into a relationship so understand your triggers understand when you get crazy understand why you get crazy it's okay if it's not based in reality obviously none of my crazy behaviors are based in reality ever um so that's okay but understand like where

they come from and why and I do think it's important especially you know not in the beginning beginning beginning but if you're like dating you need to have the relationship PSA of like okay here's my crazy i'm gonna just like tell you how i get fucking crazy and like my demons and you know the scariest parts about me we need to have that little psa and share that together to see if our demons mesh well you gotta find someone whose demons you can put up with and who they can put up with your demons quite frankly um once you find demons that like vibe with each other that's when you guys will get along but you have to have the relationship psa so then they know what to look out for and then when maybe you don't know when you're behaving crazy you're just

like having a blackout crazy moment they can be like okay we talked about this you told me you do this habit that's really bad in a relationship that's self-sabotaging and I think you're doing it again I don't mean to call you out but I do want to hold you accountable because we did have this talk and you did tell me to hold you accountable if this happens I'm here to help you i'm here to see you to help you through it but we did have the relationship psa i know this is something you brought up so i know how to handle it and how to react to it as a partner because i feel like as a partner especially when your partner's being crazy you feel a little bit out of control because you're like i didn't do anything what the fuck i didn't do anything why

are you coming at me like this and it is never based in reality um but if you know where it's stemming from then you as a partner could be like okay this is just some weird trigger of hers let me help her through it let me be there for her so relationship psa don't do it in the beginning stages of dating like the first month wait a little bit okay wait a little bit and then get into it how do i learn to be confident in myself and not be embarrassed when i try to feel confident embarrassment is not real embarrassment is only real if you feel it literally embarrassment is fiction so if also feeling confident makes you feel embarrassed maybe you are trying to inhibit a form of confidence that is not based in your true form of self you know what i mean like when

i really truly believe in the fake it till you make it situation especially if you have never inhibited confidence before and you don't know how to inherit it or to you know behave confidently you do have to fake it a little bit just to kind of put yourself in the mindset and get comfortable in the mindset so once again you do have to fake it till you make it a little bit just to get used to the whole like confidence feeling um confidence mindset confidence understanding but if you are a pretty confident person you feel like you've lost it and you're trying to re-find it and you feel like the confidence you're inhibiting feels fake maybe it's because you've grown and developed as a person and the confidence you're referring to is a confidence that you used to hold but you need

to grow and develop and inherit and inhibit a new kind of confidence a new form of self a new way of upholding and uplifting yourself um like the person i was in 2020 confident love her if i was her now i would not feel confident in that because i feel like i've outgrown that person um i have developed into a new person um and I really need to uphold and uplift the feelings that I um have this current day um and uplift that confident person rather than somebody in the past um so ask yourself is this a confidence that is based in who I want to be right now and who I want to be in the future if it's not if it's something you're holding on to from the past let go open your mind up to a new possibility of who you want to be and how you want to present yourself um and also understand

embarrassment is not real it's not okay you can only be embarrassed if you feel embarrassed of yourself so allow yourself to be a human being allow yourself to be a little weird and fucked up and you know everybody's gonna have their human moments but unless you're embarrassed then no one else will be embarrassed for you and if somebody else is embarrassed of you why the fuck are you even around them do you know what I mean like if they're making you feel bad about who you are as a confident person why the fuck are you around them literally anyways yeah embarrassment is fiction fear is fiction you only feel those things if you make yourself feel those things but also easier said than done you know what I mean I understand those feelings will come

I think having a good affirmation or word of wisdom to help yourself through it um is very nice just being like embarrassment is fiction you know whenever you feel those things say that to yourself um embarrassment is only real if i let it be say that to yourself whenever you're feeling that it'll help you kind of reframe the way you're thinking about it and not thought spiral so hard not liars but people who like to withhold information oh a gatekeeper yeah i hate those people i hate those people like no one cares about your little secret no one cares about the song that you are hiding from the world like just tell me what it is share I love a sharer I love an open person I love a person who's not afraid to be themselves I hate that withholding

information like I also feel like it comes from a place of they don't feel like they are being seen and they don't feel like they're being reached out to so they're forcing that connection rather than just having it naturally by sharing information they feel like they need to uplift themselves in a certain way and they want to make themselves feel valuable in a certain way and so they withhold information so you have to go to them and go to them and go to them in order to you know receive that information and then that makes them feel valued and loved not healthy not healthy at all I hate those people and I love calling them out on it I love a gatekeeper and calling them out on it like why are you being weird just tell me the song name

no one cares or like you know what never mind i don't care anymore whatever you know sometimes you do have to call them out a little bit um but if you feel like this is a constant thing that somebody else is doing and you're not vibing with it maybe it's not a person to be around someone said what is the proper response to a compliment i feel that thank you should be reserved for favors slash gifts i do agree because when i give a compliment and they're just like oh thanks I'm like oh is that it I'm sorry I was trying to spark up conversation and it just like ended for some reason that conversation started and immediately ended I love a compliment to start a conversation so like I think the best way to respond to a compliment is to give one back always

always always always return that energy if they're giving you positive energy return it back instead just feeling oh instead of just being like oh thanks because then you're just like oh why the fuck did i say that you know what i mean i mean sometimes it's not that deep ever um i just want sometimes i like compliment people because hey i like her fucking shoes i'm gonna say as i pass her cool i don't care how you respond i just want to compliment you but sometimes when you're trying to spark up a conversation through a compliment and it ends very quickly because they're just like oh great thanks it's a little awkward it's a little awkward so every time someone compliments me i really try and make it a i really try and make it a thing that i compliment them back give

that energy back someone said getting over insecurities about my body during sex one thing that helped me be really confident in my body and this is really weird advice um it's not going to be uh you just need to love and uplift yourself i mean always but for me personally i when i was the most uncomfortable with my body it's because i was constantly avoiding it i was not interacting with my body i was not addressing my body i was not looking at my body i and when i did it felt like a shock because i was never interacting with it you need to interact with your body as a body not as a commodity or something that's supposed to be snatched and so hot and all that you that's not what your body's for your body is a body for living in and experiencing through so address it

as that um one of the best things i did for myself um when i felt like i was uncomfortable with my body or i wasn't addressing it as much as i should or using as a body was a i started off with just like allowing myself to be naked okay shut your blinds make sure you safe area but just allow yourself to be naked allow yourself to be a body stop covering yourself up stop avoiding it look at yourself in the mirror get used to it so then it's not so fucking scary okay so then it's not a jump scare your body should never feel like a jump scare and if it is it's because you're avoiding it in some sort of way so the best thing i really did was a allowing myself to be naked allowing my body to be a body and also allowing my body to physically move as a body whether it was simply

stretching it whether it was going on a walk and moving whether it was doing a little tiny pilates routine and feeling my muscles stretch and feel them get stronger and feel them get sore um that is honestly the most recent thing I've done to really address my body as a body and as a physical form and uplift it in that sort of way and kind of uplift that relationship I have with it um just simply moving it and allowing yourself to move as a body as a form of you know a vessel of such um not a ideal you need to live up to but as a form and a vessel that is worthy of being here no matter what so a stop with the jump scares address your body don't be afraid of it visualize it see it uplift it respect it and to move um if you can um sometimes like a small

arm workout sometimes a stretch sometimes a walk um sometimes just simply doing a little workout routine I'm not saying go on a 10 mile run but if you are that's fantastic I'm not saying go to the gym and lift weights for two hours but if you are that's fantastic I think the small can lead to the big but start small you know don't scare yourself away too fast and then specifically when it comes to sex i love high sex i do i love it it's fantastic i also think it's a really great way to escape your mind during intercourse and get into the aspect of feeling because that's all it's about okay like i get wanting to look cute and be in the right position and all that but i feel like our minds are so warped from porn and having to be a performer during sex that's not

what it's about okay i mean every once in a while you can be the performer and put on a show that's fantastic but that's not what sex is about it's about feeling and experiencing and sharing that bliss with another person so i personally love being high during intercourse okay it really helps me escape that overthinking you would think it'd be the opposite but it really helps me escape that overthinking because my senses are heightened okay my feelings are heightened that is what i'm focusing on i'm focusing on what feels good and the best sex you ever have will be the one where you're not performing it's the one where you are focused on how you feel and making sure you feel good and your partner feels good so my body doesn't know what to do i've had two

but two lattes double shot espresso oat milk then i had this no water my brain's like girl please please hydrate us oh no one talks about how like hangovers when you're older gets so much worse like all of a sudden i've had this for 25 i'm like holy shit my brain cannot handle this anymore oh someone said this feels like therapy i have questions all week then when it's time to ask they're gone literally whenever you have a question dm it to me just send it because i'll see it and i'll screenshot it um so if you ever have one and it's not the usual questionnaire day just send it to my dms i promise i'll see it oh my gosh oh i shipped out all the hoodies um so they should be arriving soon in fact a lot of them have arrived if you got your hoodie take a photo

in it i want to see listen to the podcast in the hoodie i want to see you guys in it you guys look so cute um and i want to share that with the world anxiety so embarrassed after blacking out smacking my bf and having to be carried yeah this is kind of why i've stopped drinking because no one talks about like the party girl ps ptsd psd ptsd the party girl ptsd where it's like what the fuck happened what did I do why can't I remember eight hours did I embarrass myself did I not like what happened that is the worst feeling ever and I hear you and I get you let me go ahead and provide you a little bit of reassurance you're a hot girl out having a fun time being silly with your friends having a little laugh what's embarrassing about that period you're also

ingesting a intoxicant of sorts, of course you're not going to be in your right mind. Of course you're probably going to make some mistakes. Of course, you know, you're probably going to embarrass, sober you a little bit. You are embarrassing. You're having a good time with your friends getting drunk. Isn't that the point of it? But I do understand the anxiety and having it be overwhelming first of all you're dehydrated your brain is begging you for water it's going to be naturally anxious because you need food you need to be hydrated you're super dehydrated from up from all the alcohol you also probably had a couple red bulls or at least some sort of stimulant some sort of caffeine that's also going to up your anxiety a little bit

very natural response bodily response that then turns into the anxiety of well where is it stemming from you being dehydrated no no no it must be stemming from what I did last night so let me overthink it let me you know overthink myself let me overthink all of my actions and let me spiral a little bit not healthy it's okay to have a little bit of anxiety after drinking very normal reaction it usually has nothing to do with what you did last night and everything to do with you were just drunk period but also that was a big factor in why I've been trying to cut back on my drinking and not drink so much it's just not a feeling that I enjoy it's not and I know it's just like a part of the whole drinking process the same way the anxiety that comes

with the onset of smoking or enjoying a THC edible or beverage, you're going to have a little bit of anxiety because there's a bodily change happening. There's a chemical change happening. You are ingesting something. Of course, your body's going to be like, wait a minute, what's going on? Very normal, natural reaction for your brain and body to have. Same thing with drinking. The next day, you're dehydrated. You ingest it and intoxicant. You're coming down from it. Your stomach is trying to process it. It's still in your body. You know, your body's having a hard time processing it. It's going to be a little anxiety inducing. It has nothing to do with your behavior, but it has everything to do with the intoxicate. Now, if you also made a mistake last

night, you know, you were also like a little embarrassing, something you maybe wouldn't have done sober, of course, because you weren't sober. That feeling heightens that anxiety of what you were going through and that is really really no fun let's be real not a great feeling um so how do I combat that a I feel like I've tried to drink less um it's okay to feel that way every once in a while when you're not dealing with it every weekend it's way easier to deal with um when you are not experiencing it every weekend it's way easier to deal with and experience the few times that you do have it because you're not experiencing it all the time it doesn't feel like reality um you know this is just a reaction your body's having you know it's because you went

out last night but if you're constantly going out of course you're going to you know have a little bit more anxiety a little bit more anxiety than usual i say cut back a little bit also um you need a good fatty meal in the morning after you drink first of all drink as much water as you can take a Tylenol smoke a little bit if you can to reduce those thoughts and chill yourself out have a good fatty meal I'm talking egg McMuffin from McDonald's and hash brown with some ketchup and orange juice I'm talking homemade breakfast burrito homemade breakfast sandwich I'm talking a burger from McDonald's and chicken nuggets if that's what's best for you but you do need something fatty so your brain has something to heal with you know your body also has something to

work with when it comes to processing the alcohol that's still in your body be kind to yourself chill out it's okay have good friends around you if you made a mistake apologize be like hey listen i'm so sorry obviously i was intoxicated really bad mistake of mine so sorry let me really show up and apologize for the situation i put either you in or myself in whatever it was have a little laugh laugh it off you know it really is never that serious especially if it's something small um because like you can't help what you do when you're blacked out sometimes anxiety let's break it down you might also have regret or worry listen that's okay once again you're drunk you're intoxicated um but yeah that impact on your

judgment and reasoning can make you say or do things you won't usually do very real experience um you might also develop an alcohol intolerance so i i know this comes with when you drink too much also too often but you start developing onset symptoms quickly such as nausea rapid heartbeat head pain fatigue other symptoms include sleepiness or um excitability and warm flush skin especially in your face and neck it's also possible to experience mood related symptoms including feelings of anxiety i'm just breaking this down scientifically so you feel better you're also not going to sleep the best alcohol can affect your sleep even if you don't drink that much literally when i was drinking at the rave i got home had tacos went to bed woke up in the

middle of the night heart pounding dehydrated feeling like spongebob and sandy's little house when he had no water completely dehydrated so if you live with anxiety you're probably familiar with the cycle that happens with or without without alcohol um your anxiety symptoms get worse when you don't sleep enough, but those same symptoms make it hard to get a good night's sleep. You know what I mean? This also doesn't happen to everybody. I do believe these symptoms happen more often or more frequently if you drink frequently or if you drink a lot. I feel like those are the best two kind of reasons why you might have a little bit more anxiety, but the best way you can really deal with it is manage your physical symptoms such as rehydrate, eat a

good meal um try to get some sleep if you can i love eating edible or smoking and just like going to bed okay take ibuprofen all right um take a deep breath do some breathing cycles it's going to be okay practice some mindfulness and really put the night into perspective remember you're human you're just a fun girl being silly having a good time really everybody else there was the only reason you're overthinking it is because it has to do with you okay so cut yourself some slack you know you deserve to recover well you just have to help yourself through the process anxiety is a real phenomenon um and it's going to happen to everybody out there so understand you're not alone it's also nice when you have friends that you went out with that you

can kind of like recap with go get a good breakfast with just talk about the night um and hopefully your friends can give you a little bit perspective on the night and make you feel better about it but yeah anxiety is real and unfortunately the only way to not develop anxiety is to not drink thus why i've been cutting back on it because the party girl ptsd is so real oh my god especially with like the blacking out or the memory loss that's been my big issue i was like what the fuck did i do why don't I remember it why am I blacking out so easily and then you're like recognizing people and you're like why do I know them did I embarrass myself like out at the club but they're like oh I met you at a bar and you're like I don't remember that at all I hope I wasn't embarrassing things

like that like that's real party girl PTSD where you're like fuck also like the memory loss party girl PTSD your joints hurting your hangover is getting worse that's the real party girl PTSD so don't party yourself out too fast okay it is a marathon not a race take it slow have good times whenever you want but also remember moderation is key and if you need a good replacement i love my little thc drink that's for sure oh someone said girl we have the same strawberry bong cheers to that i love you baddie i love my strawberry bong should we take a hit should we take a hit also shout out to the girlies and the patreon so many of you guys showed up for the extra episode i love you if you want to watch the extra episode come join the patreon not only do i post extra

episode a week i'm also posting you know monday after affirmations sunday journal prompts i'll do astrology updates we have a full moon coming up i'm talking about the spring equinox i'm doing a little um spring equinox series right now so come join come hang out um patreon.com slash smokes at shawty we have a lot of fun over there but also thank you for the love on the regular episode as well um so sorry once again that things are changing but they're getting better change always means better i promise you you don't have to be afraid of it um so thank you for standing by while i change and i develop to make sure i'm bringing you guys the best content ever but with that being said let's bust out cherry bong or strawberry bong ignore her and

how kind of messy she is but cheers yummy oh my god i got hit by a car then fired the next day from my job please help what's happening wow yeah i've actually been there before like actually which is kind of fucking crazy but when you refuse to change or see these signs that you need to change the universe will force you to do it it will especially when you're constantly thinking about i need to do this i need to do this i need to do this once again like we talked about last week the universe only understands yes the universe is gonna be like great she's ready to change let me force it to happen and it's not always in the way you would like or the way you would think um it's never actually in the way you would like or the way you'd like to think

unless you enact the change yourself so pro tip enact the change yourself so the universe doesn't fucking punch you in the face with change and then you're forced to deal with it um I remember when I got into my huge car accident I'm talking major major car accident probably should have ended up in the hospital but I just went home and then showed up to my 8 a.m class the next day instead insane of me um but it forced a lot of change to happen in my life I felt like it was like a very quick domino effect and it was a change that I really really needed to take um and it was something that forced me to grow and learn and accept change a little bit more especially because it came out of nowhere it felt like um and it was a quick and hard and fast change like getting hit by a car and

then fired from your job um but ultimately I guarantee a thousand percent you will be better for it I promise you I promise you you will be better for it so trust believe in yourself take care of yourself put yourself out there if there's something you've been thinking about and trying to enact in your life this is your sign to do so this is your sign to make that next step to make that change you got it girl i believe in you okay tuesday suck at work so i'm rewarding myself with treat tuesdays suggestions oh i always have one day a week that i always treat myself mine is honestly usually tuesdays too because i have tuesdays off and it's the day i record and upload this podcast so i do a lot of work and after i get all of my hard work done for the week

um i really like to treat myself and usually my treat myself evenings look like maybe i'll go out for like a drink go to like a pinball arcade get a couple drinks go get my favorite food which is obviously usually tacos i'll always go get like a asada quesadilla or a bunch of tacos like street tacos maybe a little margarita um devour those eat edible scroll on my phone I know you're like that's how you treat yourself yeah girl especially after doing a lot of work I don't want to go work out I don't want to go to a sauna I don't want to massage like I just want to kind of like dissociate a little bit have some good food watch my favorite movie just chill out and have like a little bit of like a rotting girl moment actually i'm not a rotting girl i'm just a princess locked away in

my tower so yeah i think self-care can look like a lot of different things maybe it's a massage followed by hot yoga followed by you know skin care followed by a bath and then an early night or it's like i'm going to devour my favorite food and i'm going to watch my favorite movie and lay in bed for three hours like there's no in between for me personally it's usually the latter someone said how to fully romanticize your life it really just starts with the little things it's all about the little things okay if you can find joy in your morning coffee or your morning routine you can find joy in anything if you can find joy in putting on your office outfit then you can find joy in anything if you can find joy in the 15 minute drive to work in the morning you can find joy

in anything and i truly truly believe that life is not about the big things in fact the big things are a accumulation of little things. Um, so focus on little things. So your life feels like it's being romanticized. I also think being intentional about what you do provides romanticization, um, intentional in like maybe aesthetics, maybe routine, um, maybe just like the time you give yourself, the space you give yourself, the music you listen to while doing it. Um, that's what really makes those little things so if you feel like you are not having you know the romanticized life that you dream of start small and then work your way up and also start with your routine if you don't know where to start so maybe start in the mornings if you have more time in the mornings

or you have a harder time in the mornings or start in the evenings if you feel like you're wasting your evenings and you know you don't have any hobbies or you don't have any things to do in the evening and you feel like it's just wasting your time start there and then work your way up i guarantee life will be good you will enjoy it um but once i started realizing it was about the little things and collecting my little things and having my plants around me and making sure i'm having a good morning coffee um not wasting money at a place for coffee saving myself money providing myself peace of mind that way creating a good uh morning routine making sure i'm getting enough sleep so I'm mentally ready to do so romanticizing my drive to work or changing my job to one that I

actually enjoy um fingers crossed on that interview um but that's really what what makes it um matter that's what makes life worth living I also think it's about the connections that's a very like individualized experience but a lot of uh romanticized moments do come from connections as well and building those connections with people and sharing moments with people so reach out share love enjoy life so it said left my boyfriend and ready for hot girl summer as in tanning and eating fruit all day that is exactly my summer plans uh i can't wait to just go lay out and tan and eat fruit all day as well um i cannot wait for mangoes to be in season again they are the ultimate best and then finally when mangoes are in season i'll make a mango sticky

rice recipe for you guys because it is one of my favorite desserts slash just snacks it's so good um but congrats girl she also used a lot of emojis so i know she's feeling good i know i'm in a good mood when i'm like let me put nine emojis at the end of this text like some millennial mom i'm feeling it blocking people you don't like please love your thoughts on the topic cutie oh yeah like go for it whatevs life is what you make it like don't let people in your phone that literally don't it doesn't matter so once you put this down you enter the real world again don't let people in your phone make you mad it's not worth it that's why my following is like 99% women like if you saw my Instagram analytics it'd be crazy because every time like a random man likes my

photo or comments I'm like oh blocked this is not your space this is not your space I don't want you here like sometimes I'll be like oh I got a new follower and it'll be like some straight man and I'm like oh I don't want you here I have to block you and that's for my peace of mind someone said it's my birthday tomorrow slip dress sweet tea and good weed that's the vibe i love it that's big pisces season energy wow i'm obsessed with that literally the little things that's all it's about enjoying life um indulging a little bit that's what pisces are best at and dreaming and living that dreamy lifestyle so happy birthday to you girly i hope you have the best time ever um take an extra hit for me cheers loki feeling like spring is really in bloom and excited to

garden we love a little self-care i love a gardening moment in fact i emailed my um landlord and i was like do you guys do you have any like window boxes that i can do like planting planters in he's gonna drop those off for me so i'm excited to do some gardening do some planting i have some like little baby propagations i need to plant getting your hands and your fingers in soil and dirt this spring i feel like is a really good way to celebrate spring and just renewal and rebirth and also celebrate yourself um and your own personal growth it's also just really nice change of pace especially when most of the earth has been frozen over or cold um this just kind of reminds you to put things into perspective and to celebrate renewal and rebirth and this new spring

but yeah spring officially begins on Tuesday that is the spring equinox so yeah celebrate a little have a good time enjoy the warm weather you deserve it once again this is exactly what the getting hit by a car girly was going through when the universe makes you lose everything in your life to be in your highest timeline hard it is it's so hard but I do believe it'll be so worth it at the end of it so hang in there you got this it'll be one of the biggest challenges in your life but good things never come easy trying to quit the pen because it makes my brain into mush yeah if you are hitting a pen constantly like a dab pen constantly you're basically taking dabs all the time so your tolerance is crazy of course you're dissociated all the time so your brain is

gonna become a little bit mushy so is your memory so I recommend like if you are having a little bit of a pen addiction just switch to flower switch to like actual weed actual bowls you won't be able to smoke it as often you'll have to be a little bit more intentional about you your use and where you use it which I think really helps regulate when you're using it and also you're not completely going cold turkey so it's a it it's an easier transition you know what I mean but yeah I'm not pro pen i've never been pro pen um i feel like my life starts to spiral when i constantly have a pen in my hand i do love one on like vacations or road trips just because of the convenience um but that's really the only time i ever try and keep them around me the only pen that i do keep around

me is a cbd pen love a cbd pen wow oh my god someone said my therapist and i listened to you and you've helped me so much through college i love you so much i love you shout out to your therapist hope she enjoys if she has any recommendations let me know um but love that how to stop stressing about my future and to stop thinking so deep into it i need meds prob girl very normal feeling i think a lot of us feel this way it's just the fear of the unknown it's a very real phenomenon and something that i think a lot of us in our early 20s are feeling um especially when you don't know where you're going or how you're gonna get there or maybe you have one step out of the hundreds that you need to take and the unknown is a little

scary. I get that but you got this. You'll get there. Your fear means you are aware of it and you want to do better and you want to grow which shows that you'll have dedication to complete all your dreams. So your fear and anxiety is very real. The unknown is scary but you have to trust the process okay if you got from today and then tomorrow you were where you were supposed to be in five years and you missed the process completely and you just jumped directly into your dream self you would not get the satisfaction out of it that you would get actually putting in the time and the effort and the sweat and tears and getting there it really is completely all about the process all about the highs the lows the unknowns figuring it out learning to trust in yourself and stand by

yourself as you learn and grow that's really what makes it all worth it that's what makes that big dream that big goal worth it and if you completely skip out the process that satisfaction will not be as great so give yourself a little bit benefit benefit of the doubt reassure yourself be like bitch we got this don't worry so much and just focus on the next step ahead okay there's always something that you can do in front of you you don't have to have all 100 steps lined out in perfect order so you know where to go because it'll constantly be changing so you're wasting your time trying to figure out the 100 steps anyways just figure out the next step figure out the next thing you need to do figure out the next person you want to become and how you get

there um and just one step in front of the other because sometimes it's going to change up or maybe that step didn't work so you have to go back and then go forward again on a different path so if you waste your time trying to think and think and think and figure out the situation perfectly or figure out how to get to your destination perfectly it's never going to work exactly how you think i mean nothing ever works exactly how you think so open yourself up release your expectations and just take that next step in front of you you will get it all figured out i pinky promise you because you are worrying about it and it is on your mind which means you will accomplish it so trust in yourself offer a little bit of peace and take that next step also everybody

was freaking out that tiktok was going to be banned honestly i'm not that upset about it and i like i am a tiktok creator because i do think deleting it would reduce the overall brain rot in this country let's be fucking real but i do understand the outrage like bitch hello government a bag of chips is eight dollars the a bag of potato chips eight dollars and you're concerned about an app let's be real about what we need to focus on like let's fucking get real okay honestly i hate to say it my prediction is i really could see them banning it i really could um also unrelated but semi-related I'm obsessed with the editing girlies okay like the Josh Hutcherson edit girlies you know like the the crazy edit girlies I love you you guys are so

talented like you are what the Wattpad girls were of my generation do you know what I mean like thank you for providing for the girlies um anyways I saw an edit of the TikTok CEO giving a statement at like a senate hearing or something and honestly it was kind of hot like i felt like tiktok ceo old nerdy no no young hot nerdy so that was fun that's why i love tiktok also speaking of tiktok why are people so comfortable posting their children online i do not need to see your child on tiktok ever i especially don't need to see your child doing a brand review bitch what the fuck all of those people on uh tiktok making money off their kids do deserve jail time i genuinely believe that um until there are regulations like there are child actors i don't

think like legally you should be able to post your child on tiktok nine times a day i'd be pissed i'd be pissed if my mom was doing that like are you kidding me anyways do you guys have like very niche like tiktok people that come up on your feed that you're like obsessed with like super niche you're like why does nobody know about these people i have two of those first of all are the rubway workers do you guys know what i'm talking about maybe my feed is just crazy but it's like the two people that work at subway and they're just high as fuck all the time it's like this gay guy and this girl with killer bangs okay and they're just so fucking high at tick at a subway like goofing off like that shit love it literally the other day i opened the app and that guy was

eating a entire polka dot mushroom chocolate bar on the clock and live posting i was like i love it this shit is hilarious hilarious i'm like what are they gonna do get in trouble let's be real it's subway love the rubway workers and then also there's like this woman who lives in china i think and she is a vape man manufacturer saleswoman and she's just like constantly posting her life on tiktok and it's either like random things you're like her complaining about her husband or like her just showing what it's like living in the city she lives in or like what her job is i don't know why i find that so interesting especially like their work week and how she works and how hard of a worker she is she's like i own four houses in here i'm like what is going

on i love it i love it is it like really that interesting or like greatly developed content no but it always comes up on my feed for some reason and every single time my ass is gonna sit there and watch it every time and you know what i wish them all nothing but the best honestly anyways those are my two like very niche tiktok watches and they always come on my feed at like 10 o'clock at night as soon as my edible is hitting and i'm like perfect Perfect Anyways, I think that's it for the podcast you guys. I know I gotta go I gotta edit this

I gotta get on with my day Um, but I really hope you guys have had a great time hanging out with me I have a blast every week being able to do this. Thank you for hanging out Enjoying my life side by side with me while also simultaneously um sharing your life with everybody else in this community um i'm so genuinely grateful for every single one of you i hope you had a fun safe weekend remember anxiety it's a very real phenomenon but just remember to be kind to yourself accept change whenever it comes your way and um let go and live life you know what i mean be kind to yourself but if you want to watch the extra episode every

single week come join the patreon um patreon.com slash smoke shotty i post the episode there for all of you guys um last episode was like 30 minutes but i'm gonna try and get the extra episodes to like an hour hour and a half as well as a tuesday episode to hour hour and a half but thank you for being patient with me as i learn and grow and develop um if you want to see more content from me i'm posting a lot more content on instagram at hannah marlene um i've been posting get ready with me reels i've been posting cooking with me reels i'm gonna start posting like ritual reels with me soon like full moon ritual things like that but i try and keep you guys updated on there um so if you want to see more from me follow me there if you want more content

follow the patreon smoke says shawty and i will see you all next week you