Smoke Sesh - Identity crisis, serving & being a spiritual hoe

Episode Date: September 13, 2022

Happy Tuesday! Missed you all so very much, we have a stacked episode today as I update you on the chaos of Mercury retrograde so far in my life, freakouts at work and how to make good $$ as a server. We also talk work and surviving the burnout, and how to rejuvenate that routine, boundaries, identity crisis and how to survive, learning to look inward instead of outward. We also talk that first year college struggle, balancing life when it gets too hard, and learning how to be an adult and put yourself first. Skin cycling, how it changed my skin, nudes and getting comfortable in the skin your in, creating art out of yourself, Mercury retrograde, healthy detachment, change, mood swings, how to be a spiritual hoe, fall food and much much much more. Thank you for joining me this wonderful afternoon and I can’t wait to chat soon

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash, so come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Good morning everybody, OMG. gee it's like 10 a.m i just brewed myself a little pot of coffee i have a nail appointment in like 30 minutes because one of my nails snapped off at work last night oh work was just insane but

i'll get to that later um so let's get a little get a little intro done talk to you guys a little bit go to my nails and then finish this up just because like if i don't go to my nail place in the morning i feel like they kind of slack a little bit in the afternoon which i get you know you're getting tired you don't really want to do any more nails so i'm a morning girly for the win but i don't know what is in the air recently people have been losing their goddamn minds losing it losing it so if you're the person who's losing it just take a deep breath okay i i promise everything will be okay you'll get through it but yesterday at my restaurant actually my whole day honestly was fucking crazy first of all i wake up i go to a coffee shop the coffee shop i usually go

to just to sit down do some writing you know get my shit done sorry i took a sip of coffee but i go in there and there's some lady in there yelling about jesus she comes in she's yelling is the united states not a catholic country is you where is the closest catholic um church just yelling and we're all like ma'am ma'am it is it is like 9 a.m what are you yelling about and they ended up having to be like if you're not gonna stop yelling you have to leave and she was like you were trying to silence a christian woman you were all trying to silence christianity and i was like no just leave and finally she left which like i kind of felt bad i feel like there's a little mental illness stuff going on there but still like the space is so

small so if you're yelling at all you cannot ignore it like there's no ignoring it i had a good afternoon i made me a little salad i hung out i got my apartment clean and then i'm like okay i gotta go to work i gotta go close and i show up at work and there's like it's like very loud when i walk in usually it's quiet because it's afternoon it's like 4 45 you know like nothing's really going on at that time it usually happens around dinner and there's like yelling so i'm like oh maybe it's busy and i walk in and this lady is yelling at my bartender i'm gonna fuck you up bitch i'm gonna get behind that bar i'm gonna fuck you the fuck up like screaming at everybody they're like ma'am get the fuck out respectfully she's like apparently yelling at

tables her friend is like yelling I'm sorry like yelling in general just does not help apparently they they were just like a very needy table and were um sending a lot of stuff back which like at a restaurant you can't really like you can send a like one or two things back like I get it you know you get something it's not what you thought or it's not cooked right like totally get what you want you know like that's not gonna hurt my feelings but when it's like the ninth time it's like okay babe what's going on here you know what i mean apparently she she said she found a hair on her food but the hair was like dyed bright red and no one in my restaurant has bright red hair except for the customer who was eating it um and she wanted like a full refund for her meal

and yeah she looked at the waiter and she was like what you have a problem he just couldn't hold his tongue and he was like actually yeah this sucks you know what i mean and she just started losing it on everybody i'm gonna fuck you up i'm gonna beat the shit out of you bitch she was like i'm gonna send people here at close to come and find you and get you to my bartender and i was like wait a minute i was not involved in this situation and i'm the one who has to be here till close so i'm not sure how this is adding up but just it does not seem fair at all and yeah they had to kick her out because like listen when we're kicking you out it's it it might because we don't like you but that's not the main point the main point is you're being so disruptive to everybody

else who's in the restaurant eating that it's just embarrassing and for your own sake we're just gonna have you leave you know what i mean like everybody in the restaurant was just like what the fuck is going on why is this lady losing her shit she was cursing like no other and these poor little children trying to eat their food were like looking around like what is happening like a little scared you know what i mean because that is a scary situation anyways she left made it through the rest of my shift it's like 9 48 and we're closing up because people haven't been in the restaurant for 30 minutes and we can close um once the kitchen closes if no one's in there and so all the chairs are up i've fucking mopped the doors are locked and i look over and there's

some lady standing at the front i'm like what's happening i thought she was homeless she was just very very intoxicated sorry to her but she's standing at the front my manager's like okay i'll go deal with it because uh there's just too much going on i didn't want to go to speak to her so she walks up and the lady's like can i get a drink and she's like what are you talking about babe like all the chairs are up what are you talking about why do you want to drink she's like um well your doors say 10 o'clock and my watch says 9 48 what does yours say and she was like uh my clock says we're closed like what are you talking about she's like well no you're not technically closed like you need to serve me you need to give me one of those drinks and she

wouldn't take no for answer she's like give me a drink give me a drink give me a drink and at this point like babe we're not serving you because we're closed we're not serving you because you cannot stand on your two feet upright and we're concerned and we cannot add to that damage you know what i mean and so she got pissed and started recording my bartender and she's like well i want to speak to the manager and she's like well i am the manager she says i want to speak to somebody above you she was the owner of the restaurant bitch i'm not giving you the owner's information they don't care so she ended up finding like some random email of somebody she could speak to but like she was so mad i was like you obviously don't need another drink because it looks like

you got cut off from the bars around us and you're coming into a fully closed restaurant all the chairs are up babes the lights are off what you what do you want like are you kidding me she was so pissed she was honking at us driving away she should not have been driving in the first place very concerning i was like fuck i gotta get on the road after her i'm worried But yeah, there has just been a lot. It's been a lot. It has been a lot. I don't know if it's the Mercury retrograde. I don't know if it's residual full moon feelings, but people are losing their minds, losing it. So before you snap on somebody who's making $2 an hour working in a restaurant and start screaming and yelling, let's take a deep breath. Let's just take,

let's just take one to one deep breath and the funniest part about it is she yelled at my bartender the the not the the last lady but the middle lady who was upset about her food she yelled at my bartender she goes do you know who the fuck i am and she looked at her and she goes no and she's that was the like breaking point she like up and left after that but like holy shit there is some high energy in the air so today my goal is to just have the most relaxing enjoyable day ever and that's why i have a nail appointment in 30 minutes you know what i mean i'm like fuck i gotta just chill out you know that energy was too much yesterday i was like

i literally do not know what's going on but for it to happen three times in a row too much this is when i bring up my favorite broad city quote why are we yelling why is there ever a need to ever yell ever if you're yelling you already have lost any sort of like respect that i've earned for you because embarrassing like there's no point for you to be screaming to get your point across especially when you're apologizing she's like i'm sorry hey listen to me i am so sorry i'm like okay but you're still yelling we're still yelling okay i'm just i'm tired my ears hurt it's just it's not good not good at all anyways i hope you guys have had a good week i hope your week hasn't been as fucking insane as mine has

um but yeah that's what that's what i've been up to i've just been trying to roll with the punches this mercury retrograde i cannot lie that's the only thing you can really do is just like try and and like roll with it rock with it you know what i mean but if you fight it it's going to get very very bad so i've been dunking or i've been um dodging punches for the past 24 hours so i might just take a little a little relaxing day and i really encourage you to do so as well oh my gosh just got my new nails feeling good if you want to see what i got they're pretty basic i just posted them on my instagram story though if you want to check it out um it's at hannah marlene i got just like pretty thick white french tips i want something just clean i've been doing really

colorful nails all of summer now they were kind of hitting fall i just wanted like a good basic and then i got just some cutesy little rhinestones made it back to my place i devoured a like wrap like a chicken wrap so good now i'm chilling just vibing hanging out it's a good day you know what i mean um i've been obsessed with like wraps and salads recently well i've always been obsessed with salads but like a wrap is just a salad in a tortilla so like what's better than that right so i've been getting like a roasted chicken um some ranch some hot sauce some jalapeno some green pepper some red onion tons of lettuce nothing better you know what i mean put it in a tortilla like chef's kiss but now i'm hanging vibing i've been getting a lot of

questions recently about the service industry and after the fiasco of yesterday i figured you know why not give some tips you know what i mean why not help the girlies out and making some good cash money um but i literally just got this dm someone said hey hannah i'd like to hear more about the server industry on your podcast and maybe some advice on how to get more tips i just started working at a restaurant and i want to learn more thanks love oh my god sorry making tips is all about faking it until you make it straight up okay everybody who's gonna sit down in your restaurant is gonna be very different everybody who sits down and eats there no one is going to behave the same nor are they all gonna want the same type of service so you kind of have

to just read the energy and go by that you know what i mean if it's a first date for example like two people on a date i can tell there's a little bit of nervous energy i like to just give them space you know space to talk i only come up occasionally i introduce myself whatever um but I like to give them space if they're like businessman at a work brunch you know you gotta giggle a little bit you gotta laugh a little bit you know you gotta make your tips if they're like an old couple they're usually fun you can usually laugh with them have a little chat you know what I mean but you really have to read the vibes because some people will want to sit down and not be talked to and some people are like cool just kicking it with the server and talking for

a little bit so I think reading energy is a really really big thing as well as the better you know the menu the higher they're gonna think of you and the more you're gonna get tipped at my restaurant I I mean in a total I've been working there for four years not continuously I took a little break there for a while to nanny for like two years but I'm going on one year back and I know that fucking menu in and out people will like ask for like you know how well I'm looking for this and you have to know how to mod something in order to get what they want or you know have suggestions ready know your alcohols know your cocktails um know the dishes so that when they're sitting down especially my restaurant it's an Asian restaurant and a lot of

the dishes we have are not very well known nor do we have like any pictures or anything so people sit down and they have no idea what they're ordering so making sure I'm able to explain it fully is uh very important very important because people want to know what they're eating you know what I mean and there's been times that I'll come up to the table and they'll just be like well give us like your favorites on the menu and our menu is like fat so I will go on like a five minute spiel and i think that's a really good practicing opportunity like take a menu home with you and then like pick three dishes from each like sections like for us it's like appetizers sushi noodles rice like whatever it is and then like know those by heart in order to explain them

to people um but yeah kind of just like working with the customers that's the way to do it and it's all about just playing it by the vibe i personally love being a bartender more than i do a server because people who come to the bar like to chit chat i don't mind chit chatting i don't mind like talking hanging out you know what i mean and sometimes tables will just like push you off like kind of rudely don't take it personally i feel like people like sit down for like a dining experience with the other person or with the people they're with which is absolutely understandable but when people come sit at the bar it's because they don't don't really have like a bunch of people to come sit with and they they like chit chatting with the bartender and talking about

things which is why I like bartending because I also make way more tips when I do so oh my god sorry I'm like burping up this fucking rap I literally ate it in 30 seconds I cooked it in five minutes then I ate it in 30 seconds so I don't know I at first I wasn't making good tips and I think that's because I was just socially awkward and then I had to learn that they simply do not care the people who are sitting down in your restaurant do not care about you in the best way possible like that is so freeing to think about like they don't care they just want their food and they want to drink and they want to be happy okay and when people first sit down they're probably a little hangry so don't take it personally um if they're like I want this this

just go get it you know um don't really catch attitude don't take it personally just try and get through it because some customers are literally it's hell on earth um and also if you're new utilize that i said i was new for like the first eight months i was working there um because people would ask me questions and like maybe i wouldn't know which is okay totally fine to not know but you shouldn't look that person in the eye and go oh i don't know you know because then they're like well what the fuck why are you working here be like oh my god this is my first week even if it's not your first week i just started here i'm still learning i'm so sorry i would love to go ask my chef and get you the answer and be right back if that's okay or i would

love to go ask my bartender and get the answer and come back to you if that's okay it'll be a learning experience for both of us you know what i mean utilize that if people see that you're going out of the way for them they love that shit if there's a kid sitting at your table your focus needs to be on that kid and making sure that they are happy because if that kid's happy everybody around that child is going to be happy as well when i get tables where there's like a child there i'm focusing on that kid and making sure that they're getting their food they're getting their chocolate milk or whatever the fuck they want that it's filled that i'm like laughing with them you know what i mean because i don't know people especially with young kids don't like it when

people just kind of ignore their children which i think is the first instinct for a lot of people um really just like focus on the kid have a little laugh get them like a toy or something if you guys have a sorry my ac is so loud i need to turn that shit off someone was like actually multiple of you guys were like i thought my car was having car issues but it was just your ac you blasting like i'm so sorry yeah it's my ac i'm gonna turn that shit off though so it hopefully doesn't interrupt us again um but focus on the kids if they need space give them space it's okay to be new it's okay to ask questions just say you're gonna go ask the questions and then come right back you know what i mean so it looks like you're working hard for them know a few like

quote-unquote secret menu things um so then when people are like well i want this but i don't know you know then you can be like well if you get this but add this and maybe like sub this it's like the best thing ever i like using the words like um uh like server favorite because then they're like oh like this is a secret menu item that like only they know about like that's so cool um always try and sell drinks drinks add up more than food's gonna add up i if there's if they are getting a drink if people aren't drinking that's fine that's that's okay but um if they're getting a drink by the time that drink is like two-thirds empty there's only one-third left i'm going by those tables i'm like another round we do we want another round of drinks because usually

the answer is yes and then guess what that's an extra twenty dollars on that bill but the goal is to rack up their bill i hate to say that which is i mean they can always say no like i don't care if you come in and order twenty dollars worth of food i don't care that's perfectly fine if you come in and order two hundred dollars worth of food that's perfectly fine as well like i'm not gonna purposefully extra charge you for things but like if they're there to have a good time make sure they're having a good time make sure you're selling them drinks make sure you're bringing that dessert tray by make sure you're suggesting the best appetizers for them so then they have a great time and they're willing to spend money on themselves and then willing to

spend money on you because here's the thing if you're not getting paid because like straight up you don't get paid as a server you get paid what two dollars an hour and that money goes straight to the government um so you need to hustle a little bit you really do and the higher your check is, the higher your, you know, percentage is going to be the more you get paid at the end of the day. But yeah, no, I just like to have a good time, be myself, laugh a little bit with the customers, sell as many drinks as I can. Don't be afraid to not know things, but always go out of your way for them. And usually things work out. I know it's kind of like a weird conglomerate of things but that's kind of what I've learned um also coming to work kind of put together

I hate to say that but like I don't mean put together as in like you need to have a full fucking face of makeup on like no like I have my bangs done I throw my hair in some like braids or pigtails I do my makeup but it's like not really a intense makeup situations like maybe five minutes or some winged eyeliner or whatever and then I always wear like fun clothes to the extent that I possibly can we have to wear um like just a regular t-shirt for our restaurant but we can wear whatever pants we want and whatever shoes we want so I make sure that I'm you know wearing some cute pants or I'm wearing some cute shoes with it you know what I mean although my restaurant shoes are disgusting they're converse they were white now they're black

it's gross um but yeah i always just make sure i'm showing up and like um kind of presenting myself as authentically as i can even though i'm in like a working environment and i'm supposed to be an employee um the longer you work the more you will come up with like your own kind of a narrative or your own spiel like to tell people like you walk up to a table and you're like oh hi my name's hannah i'll be taking care of you guys tonight is there anything i can get you to drink other than water you know whatever it is make sure you're not giving that spiel to every single table because then they will all look at each other and be like uh she's literally saying the same exact thing to every single one of us there's no diversity here uh lame you know what

i mean um so make sure you're switching it up a little bit you're giving people like you know the service that they want if people tip you bad don't take it personally some people are just broke straight up uh or like old or have never been in the service industry before so they don't understand that's okay don't take it personally the other tables will really make up for it but yeah i usually make like 25 to 30 percent a night um and tips on a low night it's usually like 19 but i'm never making any time lower than that uh so yeah get out there hustle make your money have a fun time doing it you know what i mean um work doesn't have to be so draining and tiring and horrible and awful i really love my restaurant because everybody i work with is like a friend to

me they're all chill we all get along we all work together which is really nice we're all also very different um and yeah i think that really just sets the work environment for a great time also our clientele is really easy I think it's important that you focus on clientele as well there's a restaurant next door to us that like I would never ever ever work at simply because the clientele are just like dicks to be fair like when I tell you they slapped a waitress like yeah no I'm I'm gonna catch a charge if I work over there that's why I don't work over there um at my restaurant very laid back very chill good vibes all around you know what i mean so i do think that also makes or breaks kind of where you are but if you can find that plus a good um like crew of

people plus you can like just be yourself at work i think you can absolutely make a lot of tips but i think the chiller you are the less you kind of care if you know what i mean the better you'll do know the menu know yourself and you'll do great you'll make all the money hi Hannah I'm gonna try to make this quick but I was just wondering if you had any tips on getting burnt out at work I work uh in part-time retail and it's just a really unfulfilling job I guess um it's really repetitive and it gets very easily boring um just doing the same things like every day when I go into work and um sometimes I'm a lot more positive about going into work because I do really love my job but the repetitiveness and the unfulfillment I feel from it is just it it makes it hard for me

to feel motivated to go into work and it makes it hard for me to push myself to be positive about working so if you have any tips to help with that that would be really amazing but I love you and I love the podcast um I've been listening since almost nearly the first episode and you just inspired me and that's why I keep listening but thank you for doing what you do and being who you are love you I think a lot of people can relate to this especially me because I have to pick myself up off the floor by my hair screaming and crying to even walk into my restaurant it's just because I know what's ahead of me do you know what I mean and I think to combat that sense of oh I need to be fulfilled by work or I need to be active at work is to make sure that there is

some non-repetitiveness outside of your work like listen there's not a whole whole lot you can do about what you're doing to make money the point is you're making money right as long as you make it to the end of that shift that is all that's important because I'm not gonna lie a lot of our jobs are not going to give us fulfillment a lot of our jobs are probably just something that we have to do in order to make sure that we're fed and housed the end of the day which is okay all right we're not all going to find that amazing uh penthouse suite type of job um especially when we're first starting in the job kind of world so to make sure that you're just like not burnout on life make sure you're doing some fun things after work make sure you have something to look forward

to after work or even before work i don't know what time you have most free um i'm just gonna assume this is similar to a nine to five but like make sure that you have new plans every once in a while oh well i'm doing this as a friend on tuesday and then i have this class on wednesday and then i have thursday off for myself so i can just do whatever and then friday i'm gonna go to this bar or to this to this new restaurant even if it's by myself like i'm gonna go try this you have to have some variety in your life or else it all just gets boring and overwhelming which I get I also understand having barely any energy after work okay but sometimes in order to feel good we have to fucking pick ourselves up off the floor and go and get done what we've kind

of been putting off like taking care of yourself is unfortunately the hard choice do you know what i mean but you'll feel so much better afterwards that it makes it really really worth it um and it starts becoming a little addicting i can't lie um but i think it's okay i think what you're feeling is valid and i think a lot of people who are probably listening to this are feeling this way i even feel this way like sometimes going into work it's just like fuck i don't want to be here and also there's things you can do at work to kind of switch it up um when my new manager is in there i'm on my phone like all the time if i have downtime i'm just like whatever i'm gonna scroll on pinterest i'm gonna scroll on tumblr i'm gonna write a little bit whatever it is when she's there

and it's like a no phone go kind of situation have a book on you have something else on you so when you do have that downtime it's like whatever i don't know if you can have airpods maybe some like music going a little podcast in there if you have good co-workers that always helps time fly by because you can just bullshit the whole time which is kind of nice um but there's little things you can do at work so you don't have as much like boring downtime um but also i think what would really really help you is just making sure that after work you're switching up your routine if you don't have control of the routine that you're doing from your nine to five or whatever it is um make sure you have control over the rest of the time in your day and it

doesn't have to be something big and dramatic and life-changing as like well i'm gonna go on to this amazing restaurant every single night no we don't all have money for that um so make sure you're just working in little things that bring you happiness that bring you joy so maybe like your plan tonight is oh i'm gonna go i'm gonna pack my dinner up and i'm gonna go sit in the park until the sun sets by myself that's like a free trip you know and you're out of your environment you're switching it up a little bit or maybe the next night you're like oh well i know have this nature preserve that i want to go uh look at or this art um gallery that i want to go check out check out or maybe you're gonna go to the library and go look at new books and find a

new book to find um but there's little things you can do you know you just gotta plan a little bit just a little bit i'm slowly becoming a planner girly i used to be a planner girly in college oh my god that planner was on my body 24 fucking 7 and it was filled in from 8am to 12 o'clock 12 o'clock at night by hour i know i was i was crazy and i would do it like a month ahead and i'm kind of getting back into that not as intense because i don't think it was healthy um but i am really trying to focus on my week and what i have planned for my week and making sure my week is filled up and i usually do that on sundays i've been talking about like week planning a lot on my patreon um i start on sundays i just write my week out monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday saturday

sunday i fill in um what my obligations are so like say i have a doctor's appointment fill that say i have work fill that in whatever like my set plans are um and set requirements are i put those in first and then everything after that are either tasks or things that I need to do during my free time um and some of the things are fun you know going getting dinner with my boyfriend going to this place hanging out with co-workers whatever it is and some of it's like okay I need to drop this mail off I need to take the trash out you might do my dishes I need to you know I I have to have like a little bit of balance in there but if I don't do any of that I find myself just sitting down and being like well what do I do with my time and also what's coming tomorrow

and then I get overwhelmed and then I just ignore it all which isn't healthy so I'm trying to kind of combat that habit that I have um so yeah maybe do a little planner write it out go through your week set up little activities to do it's okay to have nights to yourself absolutely we all need to rest recharge um but if you're feeling that mundaneness mundaneness in your work life nine to five i think that's totally fine just make sure you kind of have a control on what's happening during your own time i love you all right now i need to go through all of the amazing questions um that you guys send me on my instagram also we have a thousand new listeners this week people keep joining and joining welcome to the smoke sesh club it's fun here it's a vibe so happy to

have you here also to all my regulars i love you as well thanks for joining me again on this wonderful tuesday i'm gonna see if i can fly through some of these someone said a partner set a boundary that is hard processing but happy he said it you know felt i feel like whenever people set boundaries our first like primal instinct is to kind of like take it personally that might be a selfish ideal of mine but like i get that instinct to be like well what did i do you know what i mean and sometimes it has nothing to do with that um and all to do with like everybody just has different preferences and in situations like that i have to think like okay well how would i want someone to react in this situation and how can i kind of embody that um

and also feel the love that he cares about you enough to um you know be honest and set that boundary and have you in their life like that. But yeah, let's see. Ooh, how to deal with an identity crisis. So I felt this way for a long period of my life. And I think it was probably from like 13 to 19 I had well I thought I had no fucking clue who I was and I was going through a very major identity crisis you know when you're on google and you're like who am I you know what I mean like when you're like but who am I like how do I figure this out and I think I've kind of found out what I was kind of going at it the wrong way when I was in that age range 13 19 and going through that huge identity crisis I was like how do I find

myself how do I figure out who I am and like focus too much outwardly on like well this person presents this way and this person presents this way and I I love this trend and I want to fit into this thing and i i want to i want to be this and that kind of fueled the identity crisis instead of solving it because i was not even remotely focused on myself i was way too focused on what everybody else was doing and what everything was going on around me and how people would think about me that was what i was focused on and that fueled the identity crisis because it really drove a fucking wedge between me and myself now when i got a little bit older i started giving into myself and giving into things that i liked and clothing that i liked and habits that i liked

and i got a lot of pushback at first but it felt so goddamn freeing because it was the first time of my life that I was actually listening to myself which being able to hear yourself is kind of a hard trait to figure out and it's still something that I'm trying to figure out which is okay I'm getting closer and I think life is all about you know learning who you are but that innate sense of like oh I need to discover myself is wrong because you know who you are it's just being able to translate and listen to that um when you're getting those feelings or when you get that idea or when you're trying to speak to yourself you have to listen to that and not push it down and i think the majority of my life i'm just i'm just like a weird person you know what

i mean i'm a little odd i'm a little out there i could never you know conform to the suburban lifestyle i hated it i didn't want to be there um any sort of like artsy or different kind of like way that i tried to portray myself or even like be um was usually met with some harshness um and i think that made me want to push myself deeper deeper and deeper down but then i grew up oh my god my ac i thought i turned it off your car's not freaking out i promise it's my ac um but then I got older and I realized the world is much bigger than where you are right now do you know what I mean and I think my world had to open up and I had to kind of realize that I didn't need to play by these people these people's mentality in order to start listening to myself again because

I realized the world was much bigger than what I was focusing on and um if I just really listened to myself and listened to who I was and built that support system around me, then I felt way more comfortable within the world. So I get the identity crisis. I really do. But I do think you need to look inwardly and practice listening to yourself. And it's gonna be hard at first because it feels like you're doing something wrong. It feels like you are not doing the right thing do you know what i mean but i think that's because we've told ourselves for so long to be a certain way and act a certain way and fit this type of like a certain type of lifestyle um which is all very different i think from where we are or depending on depending on where we are so really

just practice like listening to yourself if you find like a item of clothing that you are called to and try and focus on something that's maybe not a trend right now um but just like i i think thrift stores are perfect for this because you can just go in and look at everything um and there there will be at least one thing that calls to you whatever it is and then like ask yourself okay well why do i like this like oh maybe i can build an outfit around this maybe i can you know um incorporate this into my wardrobe just take it home with you you know what i mean for me personally i think a lot of my connecting back into myself was from my style i understand if people don't connect to clothes like i do um maybe there's something else though maybe there's a type of

reading that you enjoy doing a type of activity um a place you want to go you know what i mean and really just lean into that inherent feeling um because at the end of the day you are going to feel so good if you do does that make sense does it make any sort of sense but yeah i think my like six year long identity crisis was fueled by me really really trying to push myself down um and me trying to convert myself into oh well this type of girl or i gotta fit this standard or i gotta fit this certain type of trend or this type of you know body shape or whatever it is and once i kind of just like was like nah fuck all of that you know what i mean and started listening to what I wanted and who I wanted to be and what I wanted to surround myself with

um things do get a lot brighter and you do start connecting a lot more with yourself because you simply are starting to listen to yourself again um I think a lot of identity crises can be kind of worked through if you just really really deep dive which is scary and hard I get it but once again the payoff is incredible like i swear maybe get a journal you know what i mean um mckenzie i love her um i'm pretty sure her instagram was mckenzie which is kind of just a slay you know what i mean like i wish my instagram was hannah that would be awesome um but my mom called me hannah marlene my entire life so like i had no choice but to be hannah marlene yeah mckenzie on instagram she also is on tiktok but she she posts her very raw like old diary and journal

entries and i love it i think it's the most perfect example of like just having fun in your journal you know what i mean and just letting all of your feelings out which is so nice and so cathartic i think that's also like why people use therapy um i'm gonna sneeze maybe yeah um i think those people also i think that's why people also use therapy for me therapy was great because i love to talk i didn't realize i loved to talk until i let myself come out of my shell a little bit and be a little bit weird um but i love to talk and therapy was great because i could just go in and just like spew everything on my mind um but maybe spewing everything on your mind isn't the way to go so journaling is also a great way to kind of just like see what

you're thinking about see see what's going on inside because sometimes i'll like start sad and then like i'll start just like giggling by the end of my journal or sometimes i'll be like well today i did this and then it'll like spiral into this deep you know me trying to figure out something about myself whatever it is um or this idea or this concept or just being funny it doesn't matter it's just about having fun and connecting uh with yourself and opening that sense of conversation with yourself um but yeah love a good identity crisis i love it stop looking outward stop comparing yourself um stop putting all that pressure on yourself stop pushing yourself down if you lift yourself up and you show up for yourself and you listen to yourself and you

become an advocate for yourself then i think i think you'll get a little bit closer to where you're trying to go if that makes sense i also think this is a big reason why i i'm not like i don't label myself but i have a hard time labeling myself if that makes sense um when it comes to sexuality i feel like i have a hard time labeling myself when it comes to how i want to identify i feel like i have a hard time labeling myself and i think that is a okay i don't think you have to have it figured out and i don't think you have to have it like nailed down to a t of how you want to describe yourself because i think we as humans are very complex and ever-changing and i think you need to allow yourself to constantly be open to change and um to growing and to be you know be

becoming different versions of ourselves and um yeah so i don't think when it comes to identity you should really be focused to like how would i describe myself in two sentences like no none of us are that simple none of us are that surface level um of course you know i'm respectful to all like pronouns i think using them is important and i understand the like um how important that is but i also think like when it comes to identity and identity as a whole be open to complexities and be open to maybe not understanding who you are fully because that's the magic of getting to live and live with ourselves as we are so constantly ever-changing and becoming new versions of ourselves and that's so exciting um and to allow yourself to tap into that and let it

flow through you you guys i posted matcha kit kats on my instagram the other day it's been my go-to at the farmer's market i always go to the farmer's market and then i go to um this little store and i go and i get my matcha kit kats every week and that's my little treat for the week because they are my all-time favorite and someone swiped up and was like are these even good yes 10 out of 10 matcha kit kats are the best kit kats like it is i don't even like white chocolate and i'm pretty sure they use white chocolate but that matcha flavor with a little bit of crunch oh my god it is like my go-to munchie right now um I ate like six the other night and I was like oh my god because they're so small and cute I'm like I could fly

through these hey girl so I'm going through it right now like I don't know if it has anything to do with that retrograde shit but like I just started college and like it's literally so hard like I'm struggling so bad I feel like I'm behind constantly I feel like I'm on like a really busy schedule not only that but my boyfriend broke up with me like two days ago and like I'm just going through it like I unfollowed him on everything but last night I called him he answered and I was just like crying I was like why did you do this like it was so bad it was so bad I felt really ashamed after but yeah he says he wants to get back together after he gets his shit together but I'm not really sure what that means or like what his problem is so yeah you have any advice

thanks I'm so sorry you're going through it I feel like we all can relate college is hard also I remember my first year of college college was hard it is a drastic change from high school and that's okay because it's honestly like it's harder than high school but in a way it's a lot easier um because I think you have a lot more support if that makes sense um and you're on your own which is exciting um but during this time I think it's important to um let yourself be open to change and let yourself be open to the challenge you are probably not going to get a hold of the whole college thing until the first semester's after over and then you're going to be like okay next semester i know what to do different i know how to go about this but the whole like the best way

to get through it is to simply get through it okay doesn't matter the grade just make sure it's turned in all right make sure you study at least three days before i promise if you do those two things you'll make it through the first semester with like a C okay make sure you do your presentations whatever it is like at least you're make sure you're just standing up and doing them it doesn't have to be good and then like at least you'll get a C that's okay you won't lose your scholarships you won't lose whatever you had you won't get kicked out of anything um C's get degrees but then you will have a little bit more of a hold on it and then you'll know to do the next semester and I guarantee your grades will just go up and go up and go up because you'll

know how to approach it so there's a little bit of a growing pain there but you'll get through it also your boyfriend breaking up with you is probably a blessing in disguise cannot lie i do not think anybody should have a boyfriend especially their first year of college okay um it's fun to go out to parties it's fun to be flirtatious it's fun to simply have fun and i do not think anybody needs to be like chained down in the first year of college okay first year college is about meeting people making connections having fun making new friends okay that's what you need to be focusing on you do not need to be focusing on a boyfriend whether he's at your school or whether he is at a different school or whatever if he's at a different school great easy it'll be really

easy for you to move on because you are in two whole different communities when you go back for winter breaks or whatever it might be a little bit harder but i get it also we all slip up we all have those moments of like oh my god why did i do that do you know what i mean but the heart is so strong and emotions are so strong and sometimes you make mistakes as humans and that's okay but really just like think about how you feel afterwards and like did this help do i feel better afterwards not really so why should i reach out again and why should i torture myself again you know what i mean also he's gonna get his shit together but i don't think you should get back together with him because that is the number one male excuse okay i just i'm not ready

i just i need to figure myself out that's okay i get it absolutely we all get in those moments where you need to figure yourself out you need to change you need to grow you need to do better but the thing is you two are probably going to grow in opposite directions which is okay because you honestly probably need to um because that means you're growing in general all right but we as people are going to change so drastically especially within um you know your first few years at college you're going to change completely and i don't think you should sit around and wait and like have that thought in your back pocket of like well i don't want to do this because maybe he's gonna come back or i don't wanna i i gotta do this because maybe he's gonna come back whatever

it is de-center him from your life focus on you have fun lean into your studies okay um but yeah you're gonna get through it i promise you'll forget all about that nasty boy and you are going to have such a fun time at college i promise i know it feels like you're drowning um also if you can go to your academic advisors they have great suggestion and helps and tips um on how to survive straight up when i said i was making that planner of like literally 8 a.m to 12 p.m i went to my like nursing advisor academic advisor and i was like i'm really struggling on like getting shit done and figuring it out and she was like well here's a 12-step plan and just handed it to me and I was like god damn like they're there to do a job okay they can do more than high school

counselors so reach out to the resources that you do have go to office hours ask your professors for help stay after class and ask questions you know what I mean show up to lecture and don't just scroll on your computer because you are not gonna like there were times where I could just like not even study for class or for tests because I had paid attention during lecture and retain that information and actually like learn something and am able to use it um but the times where i was just sitting there scrolling on fucking tiktok or just like scrolling on my computer i didn't retain any of that information and then i would go home and i try to re-lecture to re-listen to the lecture and i also wouldn't um retain any information because i can't learn from like

online schooling that's why i dropped out of art school um and so just like do the work before you have to do extra work if that makes sense but yeah I literally had a planner in college where I had my whole day written out I think it was like 6 a.m to 12 p.m because I had to wake up early for classes and I would have that whole bitch filled out okay well from for this 30 minute period is getting ready and then for this hour and a half is class and then I have a 15 minute walk and then I got 30 minutes to sit down I'm gonna go to Starbucks and I'm gonna go study and then I got four hour lecture and then afterwards i know i have a test in three days so i have to go to the library for eight hours whatever it is you know what i mean and make sure you're eating and sleeping

and getting enough water and i love you but you'll make it through i promise um but yeah boy from breaking up that was it might have been a blessing babe i think it was i think you're gonna have so much fun and i think you're gonna be a lot less stressed um about everything now that you can honestly just focus on yourself someone asked what my skincare routine is and it's very simple i also didn't realize i was doing this but i've been seeing it on tiktok and i realized this is what i've been doing and why my skin i think is so good but skin cycling so it's like you give you have two days of using something and then you have two days off and then you go back to it so that first night i use like a um i use the fuck what is it called hold on let

me go get it it's really great especially if you like collect a lot of dead skin on your face okay polish choice two percent bha liquid exfoliant i use this i would honestly say whoa like once a week you know what i mean and it really just clears my fucking face out gets rid of all the dead skin um and my my face feels like baby soft in the morning um i always follow it with like just a simple moisturizer but then the next day i do like a deep moisturizer kind of thing just to kind of help my skin and then i have like two to three days off where i'm not doing anything um so giving your skin healthy breaks is going to be the key um giving your skin time to breathe is going to be the key and when i'm giving it time

to breathe i'm talking about i only wash my face that's it sometimes if i over moisturize i break out really bad for some reason so obviously moisturizer important but like i'm only washing my face you know what i mean and also make sure you have a good cleanser i think a good cleanser really is important but you have to know kind of your skin type and how cleansers are going to affect skin types for me personally my biggest focus is bacterial acne and hormonal acne I get a lot of it which is okay totally fine but I needed something to kind of combat that and kind of like you know kill the acne so i use a salicyclic acid cleanser no no what is it it's i used to use one of those but instead i use me going into my bathroom for the fourth time

today um cerave acne foaming cream cleanser benzoyl peroxide that's what it has but that's what i swear by um especially if you have a lot of like um breakouts or even are you pick at your skin a lot and you are depositing uh bacteria into your skin a lot i say yeah find yourself a good cleanser but yeah i think giving your skin adequate time to breathe is the most important someone said can you do a pod app about nudes and all that um sure so love nudes i'm literally staring at a beautiful painted picture of a nude right now of me i'm not fully nude but it's a vibe i think the photos on my instagram um at hannah marlene but i i like them i really do i think i'm not saying i gained a lot of like confidence not even gonna say

confidence but i also think confidence just is comfortability in my body from nudes and i'm not talking like photos that i'm taking for men's pleasure i'm talking more of an artistic sense because i did a bunch of like nude charcoal drawings of myself in college um so that was a fun little project but it made me get very comfortable with my body um which i think comfortability and confidence kind of go hand in hand if that makes any sort of sense don't send them if you are under age period just a little psa was i yes do i regret it yes that's my own personal experience but also p.s i do not send them if you're underage anyways let's get into it i never really felt comfortable taking nudes because for a long time i thought

nudes were for other people does that make sense i thought nudes were for somebody until i learned um how to simply appreciate myself and learn how to appreciate myself without meeting others appearance or approval does that make sense um i started collecting pin-up books and a lot of playboys and i would sit in there and i would flip through it and i look at these photos and the idea behind playboy is like it's there to it's for men right playboy for men like these men are getting off these pictures of these women but i'm sitting here as a woman flipping through it just looking at all of these beautiful women looking like they're having a shit ton of fun so much fun also there's a ton of variety in the way they're built and

what size titties they have and how they're shaved and they don't care they're just having fun and posing and owning their body in a sense of they're not flaunting it it's just like they look so comfortable in themselves and i i appreciated that and i was like okay there's something i can learn from here um so i started just having fun taking photos of myself um i would smoke a little bit turn on some fun lights put on some good music feel myself dance around a little bit and um take photos and it wasn't always like naked like nudes you know what i mean but i had to learn to get comfortable in my body um and i do think playboy and those models for me finally getting the insight that like i can have fun and feel sexy no matter what i look like

does that make sense um but also i think you need to we need to take the pressure off of nudes being for other people because there's nothing less sexy than somebody like demanding a nude like the fuck no if i'm ever sending a nude to my boyfriend it's because i'm feeling comfortable and hot and sexy with how i am right now and i want to share that with him it's all about sharing do you know what i mean but when it becomes demanding for me personally it loses like all the sexiness um so if anybody is ever like pressuring you into doing anything like that i think that's a major red flag because i don't think that behavior is going to stop and i don't think you sending them is going to stop it as well and i think you should distance yourself

um because it's a sticky trap i have been there um so take them when you're feeling yourself share that little bit of somebody or share that little bit of yourself with somebody if you're comfortable if not do it for yourself draw yourself paint yourself take photos of yourself There's so many different types of mediums. You know what I mean? But all of it is about owning your body and being comfortable in it. I think I started kind of getting in tune with that by just allowing myself to be naked. Do you know what I mean? Just allowing myself to be my body uncovered. And then once I got past that, I was able to more so identify myself and um be you know comfortable on camera or in front of cameras but if you're not that's totally valid

and totally okay and i um think you should listen to that but if you are nudes are fun i have a lot of fun taking nudes um once again always on your own time only whenever you are comfortable um but it's a fun way to kind of just get a little flirty build the tension with your significant other i am horrible at sexting i think that shit it's just it makes me giggle you know what i mean like i'm just so bad with my words and then also like reading it and like imagining them saying it i'm like oh like i just it gives me the giggles i can't help it um so like i would much rather just send nudes um so i am all about that there's so many fun angles you can you can set up your photo set a little timer get a cute little outfit do like an undressing video whatever it is that's

like my favorite way to kind of communicate with my partner especially when i am kind of um just like bad with my words straight up i'll be like here's a titty pic have a good day love you can't wait to see you love you know what i mean like and then my partner kind of does the same thing back to me because we're very similar people um but yeah i think it's all about comfortability building that comfortability um with yourself with your partner make sure it's mutual make sure it's on your own terms do you know what i mean and to make sure you're having fun those are the top kind of rules when it comes to it uh nudes a lot of people have been asking me about how to deal with change i'm looking through all like the questions you sent in on

my instagram a lot of it is about coping with change and i think this is a great time to talk about mercury retrograde because i've touched on the topic of change in previous podcasts and i probably have one podcast kind of dedicated to it but i do think this is also a kind of a great time to bring in how much change happens during mercury retrograde mercury retrograde basically is just like a forceful hand and all of those band-aids that you were too afraid to rip off they are getting ripped off whether you want to or not you know what i mean but mercury will enter its third retrograde of 2022 or actually it did on september 9th um also this is a little reading from my patreon so if you guys are interested i post a lot on patreon um i'm trying to post more i've just

been busy with packages which all hoodies they're out to you guys and they should be there within what at least by the end of the week like within a few days so keep an eye out but um mercury retrograde is from september 9th until october 2nd so the 9th through the 23rd is in libra and the 23rd until the 2nd is in virgo retrograde doesn't have to be as scary as everyone makes it out to be what the one thing retrograde wants you to do is slow down and think a little bit this is a very impulsive time and sometimes the impulsivity can be a good thing if you've been thoroughly thinking about it if it's a random on a whim kind of idea give yourself some time to sit with it for a while there will be a lot of loops thrown into your plans and this is the time to

really practice patience and learning to trust yourself and instincts you're going to have a lot of weird dreams people from your past might start coming back as this is the time to heal from your past and move forward keyword forward do not move backward into bad habits before you snap on people give yourself some breathing room don't take things so personally practice a light area mentality and don't be so hard on yourself so some simple retrograde do's reflect revise and double check everything expect delays in travel and technology issues wrap up old projects and things being put off and think twice before speaking don't let old flings or toxic people back in don't make large purchases and impulse buys don't get into unknown contracts before thinking and don't let

miscommunication ruin your relationships but i think this is just like a good kind of rule of thumb for everything going on in the universe right now hey hannah it's madeline here um i'm on my way back from vacation so I'm just driving in the car right now but um I just want to say I love you and thank you for um the whole past packs thing I just did my first order and I'm really excited because I decided I need to quit smoking for a little while and um I loved your idea of like still being able to smoke CBD like when you're with other people or when you feel like you need to smoke because I know it's always been hard for me to quit because it's just like the act of doing it is so enjoyable and you know just the sesh so I'm super excited to get home

and open up my package um from past packs and light up so yeah thank you so much um love you and i hope you have a great day i love you i'm glad you ordered i yeah no me and past packs have been going strong for three years both when i'm smoking and when i'm not smoking but yeah it was a game changer for my tea breaks because god i'm just such a little slut for a good sesh you know what i mean and yeah this still allows you to participate um but also keep your tolerance down because you're smoking cbd win win win also they have the best fucking packaging i've ever seen like every time i open one of their packages i'm like oh my god this is incredible like it's a whole experience and i love that about brands like when a brand like really thinks through

um everything i'm just like always impressed like the product's incredible the um the like boxing's incredible the the people who own the company are incredible so yeah 10 out of 10 i'm so excited for you to try it and let us know how it goes let us know how your tea break goes i'm excited to hear back um but thank you for sharing and once again code smoke sesh for 10 off if anybody is ever interested in trying um some cbd paz packs are the people someone asked how to master from detaching from somebody you really want i don't think this is necessarily healthy and i think a lot of young people are putting an emphasis on detaching themselves from people that they like when in reality you should be de-centering them does that make sense detachment means you're

putting up a wall you're not allowing them to get to know you you're not not allowing yourself to get to know them and in reality when you like someone and you know you're maybe starting to form a relationship or you're starting to get interested in each other you need to be vulnerable you need to be open you need to be able to make those connections or else you are not going to have steady ground to stand on does that make sense but i think de-centering them from your life especially when they aren't like a key character or key person in your life yet that is totally valid totally okay you should not be spending your entire day revolving around this one person who you are not even like attached to yet you know you're just starting to get to like them

that is not healthy you need to focus on yourself you need to really put yourself first you need to start thinking about what you want to do and when those thoughts pop up of like oh what about them or let me think about them it's like okay distraction you know what i mean like the same way you would distract a dog from chewing on a table leg you know what i mean you got to distract yourself from kind of centering them in your thought process 24 7 detachment i don't think that's healthy i don't think we should be building walls in between people unless like they hurt you in some sort of way then yeah remove them completely um but when you're trying to make those important connections the key there is to really remove the walls and let them in and make

those connections and be comfortable with each other and learn how to be comfortable with each other but you can't do that if those walls are built but when you're not together and you're not hanging out i don't think you should center your world a thousand percent around other people i don't think that's healthy if that makes sense someone asked do you think people can change yes i think everybody is constantly changing and ever changing the question is do they want to because sometimes the answer is no okay i dealt with an ex who was constantly hurting me constantly putting me down constantly just being a honestly just a fucking dickhole 24 7 making me cry making me upset purposefully doing things to hurt me um not healthy at all and the entire

relationship i begged him to change begged him to change begged him to change thinking like okay you know he would he would right he would if he loved me he would and the key is yeah if he loved me he would but he didn't and he didn't want to change and he wanted to continue being that way and i had to realize that there was no place for me in his life if that is the way he was going to behave and act and you cannot force change on somebody else if they simply do not want to um and it's not your job to change other people does that make sense so yes i think somebody can change and if somebody you know realizes that they hurt you they can take that step to you know make sure they don't do it again to make amends to um make sure that the future is better but

some people simply don't care okay and they like put themselves above you and they don't mind and they don't want to change and they're they're fine feeling stuck do you know what i mean but it's not your job to kind of help them through that it is up to everybody else to take care of themselves and to help themselves through change um so i'm not really sure what your situation is here but yes i do think people can change i just think a lot of people don't nor do i think you should be trying to force change on somebody else if they're not the right person for you they just might not be the right person for you you know what i mean someone asked how can i be more vocal about mood swings illy um so the only person that really has to deal with my mood swings is my

boyfriend um and my co-workers so sometimes when my boyfriend's coming over i'll just have to be like hey i am not in a good mood right now because my cramps are on 10 and i really need food and so until I get both of those things figured out I might just be a bitch um or like before he comes over I might say those things so then if he's coming over expecting oh happy bubbly Hannah and I'm not that then he's not like oh what the well did I do something or what's going on or like then he's trying to guess what's going on it's it's like way better to kind of like be vocal to your partner whoever you're around and be like listen I might be a cunt for the next hour and I'm so sorry and you honestly might not want to be here for the next hour but if you are here

don't take it personally I need to get myself figured out and I'm sorry because then like they're not sitting around wondering oh my god why are they this way what happened what can I do they're just like okay you know this person's going through their own thing right now and that's totally fine my boyfriend will get in moods like that too I'll be like I just have a I had a horrible day I'm just not feeling it it's just not a great day for me and I'm like okay that's fine I'm not going to go over there expecting him to you know be perfectly fine and you know like happy and bubbly I'm going to go over there expecting him to um be in a bad mood and maybe show up and want to support him and want to make him feel better or be like you know what I'm gonna let

him have his space if maybe I can't you know deal with that right now and that's fine and we can just have a little bit of space and he can work through his things I can do my own thing and then once we're both feeling better we can come together do you know what i mean but i think it's important to be open about those mood swings i just finished my book i need to get my next book i think i'm going to get size swoon's new book oh my god i'm so excited i've been waiting for it to come out um it's called i honestly just might order it today it's on amazon but it's notes on shape shifting oh my god i'm so excited um i finished my other book it was called slouching towards bethlehem by joan didion really good i love her style of writing i love her insights

on the world she's might become my new comfort reader or comfort author but it was a very very good book i did a book review on my patreon if you guys are interested or if you need another book to pick up it's based in the 60s and 70s um from just like experiences there places there her life people she met and like famous people she met and gotta um write some like do some journalism on which i thought was very interesting um but yeah now i'm like itching to find a new book my morning ritual is to go get coffee and then sit at the coffee shop and read for as long as i can and now that i don't have a book i'm like i'm not just gonna go sit there and do nothing you know what i mean so i need to get on top of that but if you have any book recommendations

i asked for some the other day but i would love to hear more if you have anything in mind oh this is a good question someone asked i like sex and i don't have a partner so i'm kind of stuck with random hookups but i'm also spiritual and think sex is a sacred energy exchange do i have sex with randos because hot girl autumn or just like wait and try to date men ew i think there is a there's a balance you can find especially when you just like wanna when you're a girl who likes to have sex that's totally valid absolutely i think what you should be focusing on is is this going to be a mutually beneficial orgasmic exchange okay okay if you're just hooking up to hook up the orgasm gap is just so large it is so large it is just clear that men

when it comes to hookups are not taking care of the women period point blank so i think if you are going to be having like a lot of just like sex like just casual sex which is totally fine absolutely just make sure it's with people who are going to respect you and that you respect and that you're excited to have this like sexual exchange with does that make sense if you're feeling pressured if you're feeling any sort of uncomfortability if you're feeling any sort of this guy's kind of a loser i don't want to do this no just say no just say no you can find somebody else okay but make sure you're respecting yourself make sure they're respecting you make sure you know you're having a fun time during make sure they got boundaries in place and are listening

to your boundaries but yeah i think that you can absolutely find that on a kind of like quote unquote hookup occasion and you maybe don't need a date or maybe you're doing that and it leads to dating either way just make sure there is a respect there between yourself and between i mean between the guy and yourself and you and yourself um and make sure you're listening to yourself during that time and if you're ever feeling uncomfortable get up and leave okay because i feel like we've all been there where it's like maybe a little uncomfortable um maybe we don't the balls to like kind of stand up for ourselves stand up for yourself okay do it and if you want to have a lot of just casual sex just make sure you are doing it with people that you're gonna

enjoy doing that with does that make sense but yeah have a hoe phase if you want to have a celibacy girl phase if you want to it doesn't matter you can have sex with one people or 100 people i do not care as long as you you are respecting yourself that's all that matters and i feel like when people like talk about respect and sex it's usually in the in the aspect of like you you can't have sex because that's disrespectful like to yourself what the fuck men are having sex all the fucking time and no one is ever like that's disrespectful to yourself so why the fuck are people telling that to women you know what i mean have sex as much as you like just make sure you know you're doing some thinking about the person you're about to engage with

um and you know make sure you're picking the best person for that experience that you want to have does that make sense i'm really hoping that came off right because there's absolutely no no slut shaming here i think everybody should be able to do whatever they want with their body um but yeah be a little picky you know if that red flag comes up you know walk away um but be picky with the men you're choosing because men will choose anything all right we've all heard the phrase men will literally fuck up my chicken so you can do without a man so you are in control you are the one who can be picky about who you want to sleep with but yeah have a fun hot girl autumn i love that someone said what are you going as for halloween i just ordered my sailor

moon costume so i'm very excited for that and then i think me and my boyfriend are gonna go as clowns one night um and then probably a few other things that i'm still trying to figure it out i'm unsure i do want to pull off like three to five different costumes so if you have anything in mind that i should be let me know but i want to take some pics of me as sailor moon with like long ass pigtails just like completely facing a blunt like i think that would be iconic you know what i mean Ooh, subtle red flags to look out for in guys. Hmm. If they can't take a joke, if they talk down on other women as a way to compliment you, if they don't tip well, if them making a plan is hard for them, if they have a demeanor about life that's just utterly negative if they're not trying to better themselves in any way um what else what else what else and if if they wear flip-flops

yeah those would be my red flags oh and someone asked any fall comfort foods i am so excited for fall because the foods always pop off we kick off the fall with state fairs which are the best because they have the worst greasiest fried food ever and if you saw um my my like instagram stories this weekend me and my boyfriend went to the state fair the one that i grew up going to and we just like balled out we had like an oreo funnel cake we had like a reese's funnel cake we got these things called grange pops which are what i grew up eating they're so good they're basically just um corn dogs but with cake batter and not cake batter um pancake batter instead of like cornmeal or whatever they use um we got like pulled pork nachos we got fried pickles i got

another hot dog it was a lot but it was so good i love that since i was little me and my mom have always like done a homemade tomato soup with like homemade grilled cheeses um lots of chili i love chili especially chili over rice chili dogs any of it a midwestern staple you know what i mean um we do i do these like pumpkin muffins so it's like pumpkin and yellow cake batter muffins with a cream cheese frosting those are fucking to die for i do those in the fall lots of baked pies um i used to bake pies a lot with my grandma so lots of apple pies um we me and my mom do a blueberry cobbler um what else lots of marshmallows because you're always around a fire for some reason um but yeah i love fall i love fall foods and i'm so i'm like

i'm a soup girl right now i'm a salad girly because it's summer you know what i mean and i feel like all the veggies are so fresh and nice and yummy um but in the winter i am a soup girl forever potato soup bitch i used to eat potato soup for like breakfast lunch and dinner like we make a huge pot of like homemade potato soup and then my mom would just like reheat it for breakfast lunch and dinner um because like listen it's potatoes like okay potatoes plus bacon plus cheese that's a breakfast meal but then also with a little baguette on the side like that is also a dinner meal so good so good oh i'm so excited i love fall i hate winter so i'm gonna really just try and appreciate this transition we're going through and hopefully i will be able to survive

winter um as it comes oh my god but yeah fall foods are ultimately the best i still want more fair food i just don't know if my stomach can take it because it was a lot of oil someone asked i need new underwear um i want to be sexy and comfy what do you buy i love urban outfitters underwear i do not know why i love it it's the it's like a great like mid middle ground between comfy and sexy cute i'm also a thong girly so if you're not a thong girly maybe don't go there um if you're not a thong girly i would honestly just go with like cotton underwear i think that's the best for you and it'll help everything breathe down there but for me i love thongs i don't know why it's just what i've grown up wearing um obviously not as a child but like once i was

able to pick out my own underwear and buy it i've always bought thongs and they have the cutest underwear urban outfitters and it's like a 5 for 25 sale that like victoria's secret used to do you know what i mean um but yeah every time i go in there i always snag a few pairs so check it out they really have cute stuff oh someone asked does weed equal acne um help please love you i okay looking back at pictures of myself i used to have such bad acne well first my first like five years of acne was because of my hormones just freaking out which is totally valid totally fine um but then the two years after that was because i was smoking too many blunts and too much nicotine i think smoking does make you have acne specifically though nicotine and like wraps

avoid joints avoid blunts all of that blowing back into your face is not good um bowls i feel like the smoke is pretty contained so you should be good careful about acne around your mouth and make sure your pieces are really clean um because for me personally if i don't clean my pieces and like the mouthpiece a lot i will get like a little like little acne around my mouth um but yes i realized i had a shit ton of cystic acne because i was drooling so much and because i was smoking too much papers and all of that blowing back in my face plus with the nicotine that just completely breaks down your skin barrier um it was a recipe for disaster but once i cut those things out and stuck to like pretty clean ways of smoking i was fine so i'm

not sure if weed inherently equals it but definitely um the way you are smoking it pay attention to that every week i always am like how are we feeling this week any questions on your mind you know to ask questions and someone goes i'm feeling pussy popping i love that that is the energy we need to be like consuming right now especially with all the chaos going on in in the universe it's just a lot so if we can channel that vibe and energy that is the key for real though that like pisces full moon combo with the retrograde got people fucked up i woke up the next day um from that full moon i was just exhausted i was like i just need to go to bed i woke up the next day i felt pretty good my boyfriend was like i'm cutting my hair and i was

like what he had about like 18 inches of hair like hair longer than mine i when i first met him he had short hair and it's just been growing for the two and a half years we've been together um he's like yeah i'm gonna cut my hair and i was like okay whatever sure and then like you know midday through the day he's like yeah i don't know i just really want to cut my hair and he'd been saying it for a while but i was like okay whatever and all of a sudden like six o'clock rolls around and literally he's bald i was like what he had his um like aunt is a hairstylist i trust her with my life i knew he wasn't gonna look bad but she came over and cut his hair so short it looks like he's going into the military i was shocked but obviously mercury retrograde

got its claws into my boyfriend because he immediately just like shaved his head i was like oh my god but it was kind of sweet the reason he did it like i i would accidentally like pull his hair all the time because it was just so long and you can't really help it like you know how it is with long hair like it's gonna accidentally get snagged and shit and he would just get so mad because he's not used to having his hair pulled because like his hair it was the first time of him having like long hair and so he like shaved it because he's like you couldn't touch my head without hurting me and i wanted you to touch my head so i shaved my head i was like what the it's was very very sweet it is very sweet and he looks so handsome but i was like wow

you're really feeling sentimental are you now okay and then i told him it was because of marky retrograde and he got pissed he was like what do you mean what do you mean my actions aren't dictated by the are dictated by the stars what are you talking about like listen just take it one day at a time things will be okay you're gonna roll with the punches a little bit the universe is gonna try and knock you out but as long as you just keep getting back up you will survive okay and you will feel great afterwards but yeah i used to just have such a hard time with change once i just embraced it and got into it um and really just um understood that there's stopping it and tried to not fight it anymore life got a lot smoother for me so that is a

great tool that we can be focusing on now during mercury retrograde is just rolling with the punches not taking things so seriously having a little laugh you know what i mean and just trying to make the best out of any sort of situation um but i love you guys i gotta get this podcast out to you because i know some of you guys are sitting around like hello babes where is it literally as soon as i wake up on tuesdays i start getting dms like where's the podcast like i haven't even recorded it yet but yeah getting this out to you guys um i don't know if i have any big plans for the afternoon i got some errands i want to run i want to maybe stop by a trader joe's and pick up some flowers for my apartment maybe get a little bottle of wine you know what i mean um and then

me and my boyfriend are probably gonna go lay outside at the skate park and then go get dinner together um a little Tuesday ritual it's just so nice I need to get outside so if it's nice where you are try and get outside try and enjoy this weather while we got it and yeah I will see you guys soon um maybe I'll be back every single week I'm like maybe I'll be back on Thursdays some girl um DM me and was like why aren't you doing Thursdays anymore I'm kind of I got back into a period where i just a little more tired a little bit more lethargic i'm also doing some other projects so i don't have as much brain power to do um podcasts on thursdays they might be back soon though i get in like just this ebb and flow of energy so i gotta wait to catch wind

um of that energy and then we'll be back into it you know what i mean but for now i hope this Tuesday episode suffices and I love you guys and I hope you have a great rest of your weekend if you're interested in catching up on anything that I'm doing you can find me on Instagram at Hannah Marlene and also if you want some extra content on Patreon I did like a 45 minute vlog on there the other week I'm gonna do a little get ready with me like tomorrow so if you guys are interested do a little subscription there go follow my instagram but if not the podcast will always be here for you every tuesday i love you all so much have a safe rest of your week and i will see you all soon