Smoke Sesh - identity, money, + the season of being sensitive & dramatic

Episode Date: June 21, 2022

Happy Tuesday! So excited to be back with another episode, today we talk the summer solstice, cancer season, and what it’s like to be a little sensitive and dramatic. We also talk identity and individualism, how to connect back to yourself after feeling a little lost as well as connecting back to community. Hangover tips, engagement, romanticization. Plus tips for saving money and learning what’s useful spending. Thank you for all the questions I will absolutely be asking for more, please feel free to submit to my Instagram @ hannahmarlene and I’ll see you Thursday ! MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash, so come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Good morning everybody, oh my god, how are we all doing today? okay today is get this the summer solstice i know so exciting right and i'm sure we can all fucking tell it's summer um because it's a million degrees out literally i don't know if it's as hot

as um it is where you are as it is where i am but i don't remember having summers this hot when i was younger we're just having consistent days where it's like 101 102 like 105 some days which is fucking insane like that is a way too hot you can't do shit outside when it's that hot um also sorry if you hear my air conditioning working its fucking ass off in the background um it's just like brutal in my apartment so it's really working overtime so i appreciate i appreciate you putting up with that but some nice little white ambient noise for you really relax the mind relax your third eye but it is a summer solstice my niece is um actually going to be born today i know big witchy vibes in the um in the family she's gonna be like right on the cusp of the gemini

cancer season i literally talked to my brother i was like oh my god she's gonna be born on the summer solstice he was like yeah she's definitely gonna be a witch I was like love great she's gonna take right after me I'm so excited um my nephew is a Scorpio so anyways me just thinking about Scorpio men I'm literally dating one so it's intense but it's worth it for sure um but yeah i have just been like having the most insane fucking dreams recently let's talk tea breaks let's talk um what makes tea breaks hard what makes them kind of difficult for me personally it's not the not smoking part i feel like people are like oh tea breaks that shit's hard because you know i'm so used to smoking i feel like you know i got that shit down my adhd doesn't allow

oh my god sorry my mom called didn't mean to cut out right there um sorry full 360 yesterday at work i was i was bartending and i like got a call from my mom my mom never calls me at work she like never calls me past five o'clock if she's gonna call me well she's even call me she just texts me you know like why would you call me when you could text me and it's the phone i'm like i'm at work what's up she's like okay um well everybody's fine everybody's okay you know everybody's good um i can text you this information if it's better but um i was like stop it stop it right now i hate when people are like we need to talk my anxiety just like immediately just skyrockets i'm like bitch just tell me what is going on just tell me what is going on because

it was about my grandma and i was like the first thing i'm thinking is okay she's dead because no offense my brain is obviously gonna go to the worst possible place if you're like you know everything's okay um we just need to talk it's like oh my god my anxiety cannot handle that she's okay she fell she broke her hip she's in the hospital i'm gonna go visit her either later today or tomorrow whenever she's in recovery but holy shit i was just like tell me what is going on tell me asap i need to know because my brain has this way of just like overthinking and working up my anxiety like a little cheerleader like a hype man it really just loves making my anxiety spiral so i was like girl tell me right now what like you cannot withhold information from me especially

when you're like already giving me anxiety anyways yeah she's okay um but when it comes to back on track tea breaks shit um this not smoking part is quite honestly the easiest for me like i said my my adhd does not allow me to just sit around because if i do sit around and i'm just like twiddling my thumbs and I'm like doing nothing quite honestly for all my girlies with anxiety it does not help okay sitting in your room sitting in your bedroom doing nothing does not help now if you're cleaning if you're doing dishes if you're picking up maybe you're emptying your closet you know you're keeping yourself busy even reading journaling whatever if you're doing that in your room that's different but when you're sitting on your phone and I think we can all

relate to this when you're sitting on your phone literally doing fucking nothing just like staring at the walls like my anxiety starts to spiral and in those moments that's when i'm like hyper fixated on like well i want to smoke i want to smoke things would be so much better if i could just smoke like whatever so i just keep myself busy and that means that like the not smoking part is literally the easiest also i i allow myself to kind of want those things i think people go cold turkey and then they have a really hard time because they've built a ritual out of it i mean like smoking is a very ritualistic activity um you know you get your weed out you grind it you either roll up or you pack yourself a little bowl you maybe get yourself some good food turn

on a good show you know it's this ritualistic kind of behavior that you know is setting you up for relaxation um or fun or whatever and so i still allow myself to have those rituals because i think they're still very important and you know the whole ritual within itself is not a negative it's just maybe the amount i'm consuming and how often so like i said i have been supplementing with cbd cbd is incredible um and i think it's very important that you know where you're getting your cbd from because i've tried a lot and some of it is straight up just like shit like quite honestly shit you guys know i love paz packs um you can use my code smoke sash for 10 off if you ever want to try them um but paz packs has been getting me through this literally so incredible

the most incredible product you will ever try like quality wise and also like their branding and their packaging like they put so much love into it i just love it i love getting like little gift boxes from them because it just like it's a fun little surprise they also have like vapes if you don't like flour um and gummies cbd gummies but i love the ritual of it so i really really love the flour and i love like rolling up on my own um so like when i do want to smoke and you know i am bored and i'm like you know getting that craving supplement with some cbd i think there really is no issue with that especially because cbd is a completely different feeling than like getting high you know like sure there is thc in it and it is a minimal amount it still has good um

like qualities that i really enjoy such as like if i still need to be productive i can't just like smoke myself out and then do nothing i love supplementing with cbd um it does give you that body relaxation and it gives you a slight like you know when you smoke nicotine and it gives you that like head buzz it gives you a slight head buzz but nothing like so much that you're like inebriated and you're like knocked out for a good few hours you know like sometimes i'll smoke strains and i'm like i am going to be locked to this couch for literally hours and i'm not gonna move that that is my plan after smoking some strains cbd is great when you're like i got shit to do i gotta keep moving i gotta keep rolling i can't knock myself out quite yet so like i said supplementing is

never a bad thing um and personally i think cbd is literally the closest thing to supplementing weed that you can possibly get the hardest thing about my tea breaks are my dreams my dreams go fucking crazy like tell me why i am waking up in the middle of the night like sobbing like what i haven't dreamed for three years i swear to god i haven't i haven't had a singular dream for three years when i would smoke at night i would wake up and i would not remember any of my dreams now that's because like when you smoke you're not reaching those natural deep sleep levels that like rem sleep um it just kind of inhibits it and i don't i wouldn't say like i'm more tired or i was more tired when i smoked i think i'm i still feel the exact same it's just the fucking dreams i like

my mind is going crazy at night and none of them are important. None of them I'm like, oh my god, my dreams are telling me something. Oh my god, it's predicting something. No, it's just the most chaotic random sequence of events. I had a dream. My, okay, my friend's mom, this is the only one that was like, um, actually like kind of pertaining to my real life and the only one I remember, but my friend's mom she is the kind of mom that just like you ever have those like adults that bully you like that bully children and you're like what's going on why why are you insane why are you crazy why are you uh so concerned with people's lives of people who are younger than you very odd very strange behavior um very much mental illness but whatever it's been like that my whole

life anyways she like started coming for me for some reason and like talking to my friend about it and so i started getting stressed out because i'm like what the fuck is she gonna like talk to my parents about some weird shit like she can involve herself in my life like i would appreciate it if she just pretended i didn't exist quite honestly because it would cause me so much less stress anyways i went to bed that night and i had a dream that her she broke into my house and was like tearing up all my clothes and setting shit on fire and she like facetimed me during it and was like look at what i'm doing like aren't you mad and i was like i'm gonna have to call the police like i'm gonna have to call the police and she was like no don't this is what you deserve

and yeah i ended up calling the police my dream and she got arrested and she's like what the fuck why am i getting arrested anyways that was a whole ordeal but yeah i'm just like waking up like sobbing or i'll wake up like manically laughing very very strange like i wake up and i'm like where am i what's going on and a majority of them i really don't remember but it is quite honestly just the dreams that are throwing me off during this tea break everything else chef's kiss been easy to blast through but the dreams oh my god but to be honest it's kind of fun because you know it's like it's entertaining at night as long as you don't have bad dreams which i rarely do have bad dreams i'm kind of superstitious and i have to sleep on the right side of the bed as

long as i sleep on the right side of the bed i don't have bad dreams i can't tell you why i don't know why my brain works like this but as long as i sleep on the right side of the bed i dream i dream perfectly fine they're always like strange but they're never like they never like stay in my brain and like make me worry afterwards it's just like so chaotic in there like what is going on at night anyways if you have tips on how to deal with dreams let me know because they are just so intense it's probably because i haven't dreamed in so long my brain's finally going fucking crazy but yeah that's what i've been dealing with recently anyways let me just getting on here and ranting immediately, we can finally dive into some questions. I'm very excited to dive

into them. A lot of you guys submitted call-ins, so I think we're going to start with one of those. Hi, Hannah. I wanted to say I absolutely love the podcast. I love how I can relate to every episode, and I'm really in awe with the community you have created. I'm calling in today because I need a little bit of advice myself or just to hear your point of view so me and my current boyfriend have been together for almost four years we aren't anywhere near engaged or at least we haven't really talked about how important it is for us and it's never really been but throughout the years I've kind of became a little bit more lean towards the idea of being engaged and getting

married and he's not currently there yet so what would be your advice on time frames rings everything anyway let me know bye oh my god this is a fun one i like this okay so to start i like that you said the like four year um you guys have been dating for four years because i feel like after four or five people do start thinking about engagements but i do think there's like a weird societal timeline pressure and you shouldn't let society kind of pressure you to get engaged faster than you think is necessary every couple and every couple's kind of mature and grow and discover what they need at different time frames so somebody's four years could be somebody's eight years somebody's two years could be somebody's four years it's totally up to you

guys and i don't think you should allow other people to kind of pressure you or be like you've been together four years why aren't you engaged like what's going on because who gives a fuck you're together you're you're already committed to each other if you are in a relationship a ring is only a symbol for other people you know and as long as you feel comfortable within each other that's the most important part and as long as you guys are growing together that's the most important part but i get it you're like bitch i want to ring i want to be locked down i'm excited and here's how it works if he if he hasn't expressed it to you i don't think it means he's not interested um and i don't think it means it's maybe not on his mind he might be

preoccupied with other things going on in his life like i don't know like i feel like when i get busy at work or i'm focused on a promotion or i'm focused on like building my business or like outside life things i'm not focused too much on like relationship things because i already feel secure there and it doesn't mean i'm neglecting it or not thinking about it it just means i might be preoccupied um so i think the best way to kind of you know drop hints if you are interested is to just be like oh my god look at this ring it'd be so cute for an engagement ring like straight up just like randomly even if you don't think it's cute i doubt he'll remember that style well maybe but just like randomly bring it up you know just randomly oh my god my friend's

getting married i can't wait to get married straight up sometimes men are just fucking clueless and fucking blind and they don't express a lot especially like weddings like i feel like i don't know like of course weddings are exciting for men as well but um you know if you feel like he's maybe like is kind of clueless right now drop some hints you know send him little i even do this my boyfriend right now i do not want to get engaged not right now we're like we've only been together two years but i still like i'm sending him rings i'm like this be so key for engagement ring just so he knows one day when when the time does come around you know um he knows what the fuck to look for but yeah i don't know i feel like you shouldn't feel any pressure on

yourself um and if you are if it's like a serious like uh he's totally fucking blind just sit down and maybe be like do you want to get married one day like should we get married one day and see how he feels and like test out the water you know but i think these are normal conversations that you should have and when you leave it up in the air and kind of leave it up to the man and kind of leave it up to like well you know he should just like pop the question one day i feel like there there becomes a lot of like uh like um the fuck what am i looking for what word am i looking for it's just like miscommunication you know you you have to communicate a lot in relationships and even for like weddings and even for surprises you do have to communicate still so i say give it

some time you know drop hints here and there don't stress yourself out i think four years is plenty I think um like to feel secure sure but also like there's no need to rush into things you know if you're not in a good space like get married right now or like get engaged maybe wait it out you know it takes like a year year and a half to plan a wedding like are you in the space to do that because I feel like that happens right after engagement or later I don't care when you get married but yeah no i say i say just like drop little hints see how he's feeling and i'm sure it'll happen sooner than you think babe i promise but yeah no when i get engaged i i can't even think about me getting engaged quite honestly i do know that i want to elope i don't want to

have a wedding i think weddings are more for the guests than they are anything and i don't give a talk about the guests because like when I think about who I'm gonna invite it's like crickets it's just crickets like I guess my family but like that's it I have like three friends that I'd invite um like I would not be able to have a big wedding because I don't know that many people intimately that I would invite you know what maybe I invite you guys my wedding that'd be fun but yeah no I would just I want to elope I want to just like randomly like I don't even want to get engaged either maybe but I just want to randomly go off to Vegas and just like get met married and elope and have all our friends there and fly my family out and just do a cute little

small chapel wedding have a hot ass wedding dress not like a not like a uh like a wedding wedding dress but just like something fun and maybe one day we'll do like a ceremony or whatever for like my family since they do like the traditional you know the traditional values or whatever the fuck um but for me personally yeah i just want to run off get a a lope and then i want to just go on like a two week long honeymoon maybe a month and just go have fun that's like my dream wedding because i feel like you know the wedding should be about the couples it should be about you guys it should be about your love and we have just completely lost it in trying to entertain and like show off to other people like i think about my brother's wedding holy shit this this

wedding was in a magazine like it was insane like hundreds of people were there um i was a bridesmaid but i was like fucking 17 so i was pretty young but like everybody got their own engraved personalized bottle of champagne and we all popped it together and they had a local bakery make their incredible cake and like her dress was so incredibly beautiful it was like a week-long event like it was insane it was it was insane like craziest most bougiest wedding I've ever been to like I ate filet mignon anyways I don't want that I just want it to be about us you know and I feel like it there's no that's not selfish I just feel like everybody's taste and how they want to get married and how they want their timeline to go is so unique and so different

and you really have to honor that and try to stay like authentic to yourself and to your relationship so yeah don't pressure yourself drop some hints you know drop some drop some pictures of some rings you know open his work laptop and pull up a ring website and leave it open i don't know just be sneaky about it it's kind of fun you know but give yourself some time and if you really are like concerned like is this bitch not on the same fucking like path as me does he not know what the fuck's going on like sometimes you just have to sit down and bring it up and that's totally valid totally fine and if you're in a relationship you should be able to have those conversations so good luck i'm sure he loves you i'm sure your engagement is going to be beautiful

incredible please keep us updated when you do get engaged i would love another call in and yeah so my mom bought me an espresso machine and quite honestly i think it's my favorite thing that I own like in my house like it is incredible instead of having to like well also if I feel like I need to get up and walk and like get out of my house there's a coffee shop like a block away so it's really great that I can just like get up go out sit somewhere like change my environment up a little bit um but in those moods where I'm like I just want to stay inside I don't want to do anything you know like i just want to relax and stay here i can make my own coffee shop coffee literally it's so good i just make my little espresso i throw a little it has a steamer like

a milk steamer attachment so i just throw like oat milk in the espresso and then a little bit of the best creamer ever is like sweet cream flavored creamer because it's not super sugary i don't like super sugary coffee coffee oh my god it's just like a hint a little hint of sugar and yeah then i steamed that bitch up oh oh my god it is there is literally nothing better nothing better so i'm drinking that i'm debating on if i should go get indian food for lunch later i've been craving it so fucking bad i just i don't know if i should pull the trigger and go get it I just want some butter chicken and some like good garlicky naan oh my god this is literally all I've been thinking about for like thinking about for the past 24 hours

I can't lie all right let's talk identity everybody starts panicking everybody's anxiety skyrockets I don't know let's just let's talk like identity and like individualism I think it's a really fun topic and I think it's something that a lot of people have been struggling a lot with lately um i saw this like huge shift during the pandemic um where we we fell from this idea and this worldly sense of like community and we all come from the same source and we all are the same source um not in like a religious way just generalized energy consciousness way to um we're all very polarized and we're all thinking differently and even if we are thinking the same we there's no way we could be thinking the same and so we're inherently thinking differently and

I'm different from you and you're different from me and I'm different from myself in some sort of way and I think it's causing a lot of chaotic energy in the universe like the amount of people and videos I see of people who are just like screaming in public like yelling in public when did that ever become okay when was that ever okay why are you so hyper individualized that you believe it is okay to go out in public and scream at people in that sort of behavior and i'm not talking like these are like mentally ill people these are like people on drugs like whatever i give them a pass always these are normal ass people who are just getting upset and just screaming who yells literally that's my favorite broad city quote who yells why are we

yelling what is going on what is happening in the world that people feel so entitled to other people that they are just behaving in these crazy ass fucking ways and i do think it goes down to this stench of like hyper individualism um and I have this problem too like literally me and my boyfriend were sitting at dinner the other day and there was like I looked at the restaurant's menu before we went and there was this one burger that I really really wanted and we sat down and you know we're looking things over and I was like I think I'm gonna get this burger and my boyfriend goes that looks good I'm gonna get that too and immediately I just lost all appetite I was like I don't want that burger anymore i don't want that and i literally ordered something else and we ended

up splitting it so it worked out we split my burger and we split his so it really did work out but i don't know why it was just like inherently i was like oh you have the same idea as me i need to change i need to do something different when in reality there's there shouldn't be an issue with you both getting something that you enjoy and enjoying it simultaneously at the same moment and finding like your own like peace and joy in your own environment and not from doing something different or like breaking the code you know what i mean and i think it's causing a lot of people to feel lost and like that feel like they're wandering in life and feel like they're isolated. I feel like a majority of the time that I was the most depressed, most like

high anxiety, most like overthinking was when I was too focused on the self and too focused on my individuality. I'm not good enough because I'm not like this person. I'm not good enough because I'm doing this like this person. I'm not good enough because, you know, I'm just like everybody else or I'm not good enough because I'm not like anybody else. It totally can go in any direction possible. But the key with the issue was I was just too focused on myself, way too focused on myself. And it causes a lot of anxiety and a lot of worry and a lot of overthinking when you are just constantly and only focused on yourself quite honestly the biggest key to peace the biggest key to you know feeling comfortable within yourself and feeling comfortable within who you are is

quite honestly viewing yourself and stepping away from yourself and like kind of like letting yourself exist in not a like a sense of like like identity and a sense of self but instead letting yourself exist as a part of the like worldly conglomerate you know as a part of a community and find peace and understanding that yeah we are very small and these actions that we're making probably won't have any meaning and no that shouldn't send you into an existential dread spiral because you need to get comfortable with the idea that shit has no meaning and it's okay to only find meaning just from yourself and make that meaning enjoyable just for yourself sometimes things don't have to be moving for other people and things don't have to be completely and

utterly like like shocking and world ending and not even a world ending but world stopping sometimes you just need to find peace in knowing that like you can find enjoyment in what you're doing and find peace in what you're doing and not have it be like some weird individualized like hyper focused activity or feeling and just understand that these are simple enjoyments that your human brain, that your monkey brain simply enjoys and stop trying to give it some weird, deeper meaning, okay? Because when you can't find that deeper meaning, when you can't find that worldly change, when you can't find that connection on a giant level, that's when you start spiraling and that's when you start overthinking and that's when you start feeling like you're not

enough when in reality you are enough you just have to be enough for yourself okay does that make sense we're getting somewhere i promise we're i'm ranting i'm sorry but we're getting somewhere holy shit i had to take a pause because i was like what is that noise it sounds like there's literal metal getting dragged down my hallway and what is that stomping literally fire alarms going off literally fire men walking through my hallways it was like um do i need to leave i'm pretty sure there's testing shit but i was like uh what what's going on here what's happening i just listened to that back and i realized i say quite literally like every other sentence put that on a fucking t-shirt because god damn if that isn't my slogan anyways i just

And, okay, I just want to dive in the sense of identity and, like, individualism because we just all are so unconnected from ourselves. And not from ourselves, but also from each other. We're so focused on identity that we are completely losing who we are. That we're completely losing our true selves. That we're completely losing who we want to be. and we're losing it in the idea of like other people and your own expectations and society's expectations and I don't think being online chronically for two years during the pandemic really helped anybody if anything it probably hurt us all we got too used to focusing on ourselves

from a outside perspective and viewing ourselves from a outside perspective and disconnecting ourselves um from ourselves you know um i have this issue too i will go and i'll experience a moment and a moment that really brings inner true hannah peace and fun and happiness but there's still these weird expectations of well it's not a quote-unquote social media moment it's not something that i can brag about it's not something that somebody else has experienced and enjoyed it's not you know it's not good enough when in reality it is good enough I just have this disconnect from myself and from the world that I kind of assume that nothing is good enough you know what I mean um and I definitely being online for so long did not help any of us um

we're too focused on wanting to be different and not focused on connecting I find this even in myself, when I'm talking to other people, when I'm discussing things with other people, I don't know why my first instinct is to be like, well, but, well, but, even if I agree with them, even if I understand them, even if, you know, we're coming from the same place, I still want to be the one to say something different, to have a different perspective, to have a different idea, when it's, when in reality it's okay to just sit and connect and agree and see where each other is where we're coming from you know what i mean we've lost ourselves in the way of we have been wanting to quote unquote find ourselves and we've been aimlessly wandering and searching for so long

that we have just been walking the other direction away from ourselves there's no reason in finding yourself when you already are yourself it's just finding a way to create yourself finding a way to get creative and to discover yourself and to you know bring yourself to light you already are yourself you already know who you are you already know what brings you joy because it naturally will make you feel good it naturally will uplift you it naturally you know it feels good it feels like you're moving on the right path. What doesn't feel good is when you are trying to force things and force an identity on yourself and force individualism so hard that it removes you from the conglomerate. It removes you from yourself. It forces you to see things from a like outside

perspective instead of just moving within yourself. I feel like that comes in the self-love movement as well um it was just like like self-love was more so of like a curation of yourself in a way that looks like self-love and a way that is really just setting yourself up to be accepted from a third party point of view even viewing yourself from the outside when in reality a true self-love is just acceptance from within acceptance of who you are and acceptance of those small joys and those small moments that really do bring you peace i don't know i feel like we are just all waiting around for something for something big we're waiting around for things to be perfect for things to align in a way that society deems acceptable we're waiting for those big moments

you know what i mean when when we can really just be creating our dream lifestyle and creating our dream world and our dream self by simply sitting with ourselves and listening to ourselves and accepting ourselves and creating those moments every single day in any way that we can whether it's big or whether it's small we are just like so removed from ourselves and wanting to find an identity that we are just all completely losing ourselves and completely losing our fucking minds like i said why the fuck is anybody screaming in public why because they are so removed from the like community the sense of community and also so removed from themselves in a third world or oh my god not third world whoa like a third party perspective viewing themselves from the

outside that those behaviors are acceptable that that is fine to them because they aren't going to sit with and accept that behavior they're going to just like you know they're going to get on facebook and brag about it and get acceptance from other people it doesn't have to come from within so i don't know i've just been battling with this a lot lately especially within myself especially with like um being able to sit down and enjoy small moments and enjoy experiences and not have to compare myself you know to whether it's social media or whether it's to other people it's simply just like getting in a way of the lot of the joys that i should be just genuinely experiencing in life um and i feel like constantly comparing yourself whether it's to

who you want to be in this idealized world or to other people either way you're just moving away from yourself um by constant comparison and constant overthinking and constant anxiety and worry um we all are meant to be on this earth to connect and to see each other and to really get to know each other as well as get to know ourselves and i feel like we're doing everything but um so that's why i went on that little rant but i think a great way to kind of practice um the whole like loss of identity and trying to find small joys and really um trying to connect back into yourself and connect back to your true self like i said it's not quote unquote discovering who you are or feeling lost or aimless or constantly searching for who you are

you do already know who you are i think the best way to kind of practice that and sit with that is to just listen to yourself those like small inklings and feelings that you get those gut feelings those gut joys sit with them experience them feel them to their fullest um let yourself feel those emotions when it comes to other people take a moment to sit and connect before that you know but but comes out take a moment to you know talk to people get to know where they're coming from simply sit and listen i think we can learn a lot by just listening and not to other people spew bullshit like listening to the world around us listening to ourselves listening to other people um i think like a lot of the um have you guys ever watched the channel five um youtube

videos i feel like those are so entertaining simply because we are just sitting and listening the entire time uh andrew's whole like journalism perspective is nobody's ever listening everybody is always trying to twist people's words and convey their own meanings through other people that a lot of the message gets lost um and he simply just stands with a microphone and occasionally ask people questions and you know so much comedy and so much joy is so much true like individuals and true like like characters quite honestly present themselves just by allowing other people to be open and authentic with how they are expressing themselves you know what i mean i think we've lost ourself in individuality i think um people think that they get to know

themselves a lot more a lot better by you know entertaining than this individualist I like oh my god this I have had so much espresso that my brain is literally going in circles we've lost a lot of ourselves and this make this kind of sounds redundant but in the idea that we're trying to find ourselves and we're trying to build this individualistic identity it's okay to connect it's okay to be like other people find peace enjoying community find peace and joy that knowing that you know maybe this experience doesn't matter to other people but it matters to you and accept that and you know um honor that within yourself like i find so many small things in my life that bring me so much joy and no they're not an instagrammable moment no they're

not a moment that i can you know put into a cute little collage on tiktok and have people enjoy but it's something that i enjoy and it's something that you know brings me peace in that moment and that is all that matters okay you can build that dream lifestyle you can build that dream um what not persona because i don't ever want you to build a persona i don't ever want you to dumb yourself down to like a persona we as humans are so complex and so ever-changing that you need to allow yourself to ever change you should never just like dumb your identity and who you are down to a simple list of qualities you know what I mean allow yourself to change allow yourself to experience life differently and allow yourself to really enjoy those small moments but like I said

I think the individualism is really just pushing us all further and further away from each other and further and further away from ourselves. Be open to connecting and listening to yourself and be open to connecting and listening to other people. That's my personal challenge for the summer. Anyways, sorry for that little ramble. I don't know why that's been the topic that I've been focused on this summer solstice. But listen, I'm complex and I contain many multitudes of how I behave and how I am perceived. And I think the key that you can really start practicing to kind of get away from this hyper individualism is to stop viewing yourself from a outside perspective. Stop curating yourself from an outside perspective. Stop completely removing

yourself from yourself and try and become integrated with yourself and integrated with the world and integrated with your feelings and integrated with your moods and integrated with those small joys um i think our purpose on life is to connect and to be connected and a lot of ourself a lot of ourselves are removing ourself constantly from everybody around us um i even have this habit of like if somebody says something or i hear something i kind of like immediately will think the opposite when in reality maybe we do have the same thoughts and the same ideas and I just need to be more open to connection and more open to you know having the same thoughts as other people and having the same perceptions as other people and being okay with that it's okay

to connect it's okay to experience the same ways I think it's beautiful that we all have an experience on earth that can be similar with just how different we are that we can all connect in similar ways so I love you we're gonna dive into some more questions sorry for that long rant and then i'm gonna get this podcast out to you guys so you can enjoy the summer solstice and i can sit in the sun and enjoy mine as well also something that i have been practicing recently is some more witchcraft i don't talk a lot about my ritualistic practices really um but i set up a little altar at my house and it's really beautiful and it's great to sit down and pray and talk to the universe and light a candle and um you know talk to somebody that isn't listening you know

well quote unquote you know isn't listening i do believe that when i speak somebody's hearing um or at least the universe is accepting it but it's really nice to kind of sit and get your worries out and just kind of have a beautiful altar set up so i have like sage up there oh wait not sage what is it eucalyptus leaves i have some beautiful shells i've collected my crystals i got some random bones and teeth that i collected uh throughout the years because i'm a weirdo um and then i have my fortune candle and a white candle some money up there and my tarot cards but i think it's really important to set up little altars for yourself and i find myself setting up altars like constantly and like daily whether it's like my breakfast setup or

my workplace setup i think it's beautiful that we constantly are setting up little altars for ourselves wherever we go oh we will do let's do some hot girl money tips i know very exciting very exciting because a lot of you guys have been like babes i need help with money i need help with budgeting and i got you i really do am i the best with money no am i surviving and also enjoying my life yes so i do think i'm slightly capable of giving you guys good advice um so let's let's jump into it first of all i'm a server and bartender so i don't have a set weekly amount of money that i make um if you do have a paycheck and you know how much it's going to be every week or every two weeks whenever you get paid that is a very easy to budget because you know how much

you're going to make no matter what sometimes we have slow weeks sometimes we have really good weeks um so my income does fluctuate but i'd rather have it fluctuate because i do make a lot more money than if i was making a paycheck which no hate i've been there you can still work it out you can still have it good enough that you can you know enjoy life and pay bills so let's jump into it number one i'm not gonna be like invest in stocks invest in blank that's lame and i don't think that's gonna help you in the long run especially when you're first starting out you can invest later let's make sure you're comfortable where you are now the first thing i do with my money whenever i get it is i put it directly into a savings account my savings account only comes

out for bills that's it i make sure that my checking is usually pretty low um and my checking is for fun money my savings is for all the money that i need to save up to pay bills so the first half of the month the first week of the month the first part of the month i am taking all the money that i'm basically making minus like a hundred dollars for groceries and for gas and i'm putting that directly into my savings and saving up money for my rent my rent is the obviously the biggest amount of money that's going to come out of my account so that's the first thing I'm going to save up for everything else is just gas and food and fun which are all separate things but the first thing that I'm going to do every month is save at least a thousand dollars my rent isn't a

thousand dollars but the first thing I'm gonna do is put a thousand dollars as much or as much as I can whether it's two hundred dollars at a time three hundred dollars at a time I'm gonna put all the money that I needed to save into my savings account so when I'm halfway through the month I can you know let out a deep sigh of relaxation and understand that foof I can chill I got my money saved up I got my rent covered now all the rest of the money that I'm making I'm still going to be putting into savings, but that is still going to be fun money slash money that I get to like save just in case for there's like a rainy day or a, you know, like my car has issues or whatever I need to spend money on that isn't something that I monthly spend money on. So I make sure that I'm building my savings up. i'm not building my checking up because i see my checking as money that i can spend okay so all the

the only amount of money that i have in my checking is really 100 to 200 at a time everything else i put directly in my savings the first thing i do i make sure i'm saved up for my necessities my bills that i need to pay okay and then everything after that is money for like rainy day money and also fun money now I don't spend a whole lot of fun money um you know I do invest in clothes here and there I do you know go out to eat every once in a while um but I don't think that's a majority of my paycheck and I think that's what you really need to focus on um is making sure that yeah it's okay to have fun it's okay to you know buy clothes every once in a while invest in yourself yes but also you need to cut back on spending a little bit i know i know crazy right but it's very

important to you know only indulge in those things when really necessary you know there's no reason you need to be going out to eat every single night that's crazy if i spent 50 every single night going out to eat i would have no money to pay rent you know so it's okay to cut back and you know cook at home which i have learned is way better than going out to eat quite honestly um and i spend maybe 50 to 100 every week on groceries not a whole lot i budget for that um gas i spend maybe i would say 20 a week because holy shit gas is so high and it's about 50 to fill up my tank um and i fill up maybe like once every other week so i'm chilling on that so i know i spend roughly about 120 a week on necessities everything else straight up into

the savings once you feel like you've built up a savings it's nice that you'll be able to be like okay you know i can drop 30 40 50 here and there i say maybe like once twice a week you know nothing crazy nothing huge you're not spending hundreds of dollars on clothes and when you do want to spend money on clothes how i cut back on spending specifically is if i i own the online shop first of all because if i go into a store i'm going to purchase way too many things i'm going to walk up to the counter and have way too many things and you know just spend too much money i'm going to ball out same thing if i go into sephora i have this issue of i'm going to ball out if i just wander around and pick up things willy-nilly so you really have to pay attention

to is this purchase really like necessary and also is it going to bring me joy um when it comes to clothing i make sure that i have been thinking about that item of clothing for like two three weeks like i'm not even kidding if it stayed in my brain that long i'm probably gonna wear a shit ton and it's not gonna be a unnecessary purchase you know and then the times where I do feel like you know going out and doing a little shopping I'm going to the thrift store you know if I do want to go to a store I'm gonna go to the thrift store and search through there because half the time I leave with nothing and half the time I leave with a few items that either a you know I I try on because there's no dressing rooms and I don't really like but you know I can resell

um not for like an elevated price but just like resell so i can get it out of my closet get out of my house and get some money back and also if i do find something in the thrift store half the time i'm gonna wear it a lot quite honestly um so it's really just making sure that your spending habits are coming from a place where it's like no i'm genuinely gonna enjoy this item i'm i genuinely need this item it's been in my brain for this long um and not just like oh i saw someone else wear this and you know it'd be cute and i literally saw it in a tiktok three seconds ago so i'm gonna go online and purchase it asap like no that's not that's not meaningful spending that's not meaningful budgeting you know make sure you're thinking about those things for a long amount of

time um and they're really gonna hold a place within your heart i found that has really helped me cut back on my spending because i used to spend like fucking five hundred dollars like every two weeks on clothes which is insane because a majority of the clothes i literally don't wear and i had to just like get rid of um so been there if you're a chronically online shopper girly been there make sure that cart that thing in your cart has been there for like two three weeks okay make sure it's something you actually want and also when it comes to like overspending i make sure that it's like something that i can use at least 5 to 15 times okay 5 doesn't seem like a lot 5 is still pretty low but it's enough you know that if you do want to buy it go for it um but yeah cut

back on spending make sure you're saving for your necessities asap early on i really don't do a whole lot of like fun spending in the first part of the month a lot of it is straight up just saving my money um and um budgeting for like what i need for grocery and gas but then after that yeah if i am gonna do some fun spending i make sure that it's absolutely spent on things that a i've been thinking about for a while or b things that i want to i want to have been saving up for if it's a big purchase like um traveling i'll budget for that i'll maybe buy a flight one month and then the airbnb the next month and then you know the rental car the month after that you know i'm not making big purchases like all the time or all at once i really am allowing myself to build that money

back up before i'm gonna spend more does that make sense and i think it's all about just saving for your necessities and make sure the money that you are spending is spent like coherently you're not just being influenced to buy something asap or you're feeling like you're falling into a trend make sure it's something that's actually gonna you know you're gonna enjoy that you're gonna get your money's worth out of and yeah those are my top saving tips um the only thing if you are interested in investing i'm not gonna recommend stocks i'm not gonna recommend nfts what i do recommend is um a 401k okay you can take out a oh no no not a 401k that comes from your fucking work a Roth IRA account you can take you can build a Roth IRA account I have $50 for my savings comes

out every month to go into my Roth IRA and basically that is just a retirement fund for me I am a independent contractor my I'm not working for a company that's going to help me save for retirement so to make sure that I do feel like I'm financially investing in my future and lessen that anxiety a little bit i made a roth ira account um i just went to a local financial investor not a bank and it's someone that my parents also trusted so yeah and i just set up that account with them i put 50 in there every month not a whole lot you know and it makes me feel a little bit less anxiety so just make sure you're saving for your necessities asap so any fun money that comes after that can go towards things that you've been thinking about for a long

time and if you do have anxiety about the future i think your first step should be a roth ira account but other than that i hope that helps um all my hot girls save a little bit of money also speaking of the summer solstice and cancer season me being like why am i crying all the time why am i so emotional right now why am i just like over emotional a start of my period so that's fun b it's cancer season it's cancer season all my romantic girlies rise up all my you know sensitive girlies rise up i made tote bags tote bags um a few months ago that said sensitive and dramatic and i feel like that is a great way to kind of sum up cancer season i think the best way to kind of honor cancer season as well is to allow yourself to be a little romantic you know

jump into that sensitivity be sensitive to the world it's okay i don't think it's i don't think it's good to like harden your shell and to like have a hard shell against the world you know let that soft underbelly show you know be a little sensitive and you know what be a little dramatic it's okay to be dramatic it's okay to be the drama you know every once in a while it's okay to do that now don't cause chaos for other people that's not what i'm saying but you know it's okay to have those moments where you're fucking lying on the bathroom floor sobbing get it out let it out baby you know feel that fully and like express that openly and then let it go you know i think that's what cancer season is all the fuck about but today the sun moves into cancer um marking the beginning

of cancer season and bringing us a flood of complicated emotions you may find yourself seeking to relax and release during this high emotion slash energy time trust your body and mind to seek to take better care of yourself and then also today's a summer solstice which brings us the first day of summer and an opportunity to utilize the power of light of the sun to bring our manifestations to life this bright healing energy calls us to connect to our brightest future and began taking steps onward to the horizon shout out to my favorite cancer or yeah cancer girly callie uchis i think now is a great time to binge a lot of her music she is so raw and open and like sensual and dramatic and sensitive and you know completely open and honest in her music and i

think it's a great time to put that shit on blast and drive with the windows down and put on all your white summer clothes put on a cute little dress go to the art museum look at art see yourself in the art write poetry you know collect flowers put flowers in your hair now is the time to do this summer girlies need to start rising up you know what i mean like summer is all about like sensuality and like openness and i feel like everybody's always like it's summer of love summer's about love and they're not wrong I feel like with the heat and the sun it's hard to you know not feel that way it's hard to not fall in love it's hard to not fall in love with yourself with the world around you with the experiences around you be open to it don't close yourself

off to it be sensitive to the world around you you know what I mean that's what cancer season is all about all right one of you asked which I think is a really good question um someone said tattoos piercings and if looking professional is really that important anymore um when i first i've been thinking about this too because i'm about to get another tattoo but um when i first got my tattoo which my professional tattoo which is on my arm my parents freaked out because they were like no one's gonna hire you especially if i had a like i got a nose ring my dad was also freaking out because he's like no one's gonna hire you because you look crazy you don't look like a quote-unquote professional but i think the idea of professionalism

has completely moved past outward appearance okay you can have piercings in professional settings you can have tattoos in professional settings i was going into the nursing world and you can have tattoos piercings colored hair in that setting as long as you are you know working for a good hospital you know what i mean if a patient thinks you are not going to be fit for them they will tell somebody and you will just get assigned a new patient it really is not that deep um as long as you don't have like fucking weird ass tattoos that are like offensive to other people obviously but just getting normal tattoos normal piercings um i see no difference in how um you are hired because also that's now like a discrimination um during hiring if they hire

you based off a different look so i really wouldn't be too worried about it once again like don't get fucking weird tattoos that are going to be super offensive to other people that's just weird in general but i think professionalism has absolutely moved past what we look like and it's moved towards how we carry ourselves and how we communicate or communicate with other people i think that's the most professionalism um that people focus on all right someone else asked um how hard is it to find a special someone you actually want to hang out with i don't think it's hard at all i really don't um i think we and this goes back to our ideal or the idea of like individualism and um seeing things from my outside perspective um we put too much emphasis and we put

too much too many ideals and expectations on people and we don't sit with people and accept them for who they truly are we sit with them and we ask ourselves well why aren't they behaving in this way well why aren't they behaving in this way well why aren't they doing this when in reality you can just accept them for who they are and if you don't like that cool move on and if you do like that that's beautiful and you guys are going to have a great connection and get to know each other um i think we set too many expectations for people and this kind of ties into the how people are quick to cut each other off and call it self-love when in reality that's self-harm and you're just perpetuating a more unrealistic ideal that no one is going to be able to achieve to be

your friend or let alone your partner um you have to see people at face value and you have to show up as yourself at face value um and be yourself and be open with people and be authentic with people and hope and pray that they're doing the same thing back but when you hold these extremely high expectations and i see kind of tiktok perpetuating this as well if he doesn't you know pay your bills and all this shit then he's not good if he doesn't wear this and if he doesn't who gives a fuck people aren't going to be able to fall into this really harsh set of rules that you're setting up for them it's impossible and also it's going to be super harmful to them as well as to yourself allow people to show up as they are allow people to be authentic with you

and see that at face value and accept that at face value um if you show up and hang out with people and you know maybe like first date or whatever and you show up as yourself and you see that person as themselves and you accept it and you kind of evaluate the situation um by that instead of by instead of like by what they aren't you're gonna be able to build way better relationships and you're also going to be able to find a better connection um and probably a better partner so yes I do think it's very easy to you know find a partner that you can really connect with it's just are you open to connecting are they open to connecting are you you know limiting yourself by putting up walls are you limiting yourself by putting up harsh expectations

if you are evaluate that and kind of try and change and try and be more open um but yeah I just think people are way too limiting and people have way too many expectations and just allow people to be themselves that's really all i could ever ask oh my gosh someone said not a theme but you should give us your hangover cure i've had a hell of a weekend love that um so personally my favorite hangover cure is sleep very important if you can just sleep through your hangover do it my anxiety the next day is always insane and i just wish i could nap through it number two stay hydrated i mean chug fucking water and not just water as well you need to build your electrolytes back up i love the liquid iv packets you can pour in water and chug especially if you

gotta work they have a macho one that's like the energy one or whatever love that incredible and also high fatty foods okay this is the time that you need to get a greasy burger you need to munch down you need to get some fries i we have these fries at my work and i say every time that they are the best hangover cure there's sweet potato fries we have a chili lime aioli that we put on top it has fried pork belly and then um it has a fried sunny side up egg on top incredible just carbo load okay and just fatty foods a nap water liquid IV lots of Advil that is going to be the key to making it through also when I'm hungover I do really like smoking the next day I can't lie I like smoking um I do think it helps but if you don't like smoking that's your that's valid that's

fine totally good but yeah that's that's my go-to someone asked how to not end up laying the whole summer on my bed in depression felt i do feel that although it is summer you know we're supposed to be outside we're supposed to be having fun it's really really easy to hold yourself back and i think a lot of that holding myself back and especially during the summer and you know spending my summers in depression was mostly just by overthinking everything and removing myself like I said from myself that weird sense of identity and kind of viewing myself in a third party perspective um if you aren't comfortable enough to get out in public and do things in public that's totally valid that's totally fine I think the best way to just like make yourself

kind of feel better and just take that first step is just get outside okay go to a local nature trail where you're maybe gonna see three people on your walk put in some headphones listen to some music that isn't going to trigger your depression i like specifically have to avoid sad music when i'm sad because i know it's gonna make me spiral yes when i'm sad and i want to indulge it's good but when i'm only consuming sad depressing music for weeks and weeks on end that's not gonna have any benefit to my mental health go outside you know what go outside go to a nature trail um go to a park whatever it is get in nature tip number one and two put on plantasia's um album put some headphones in and go for a walk get outside my favorite if you're in kansas city go to the blue

river okay you can also wear your swimsuit there you can get in the river you'll be alone do some deep breathing but i think the first step is simply taking that first step okay and if you're not comfortable in public you want to be alone you like being alone that's totally valid totally fine i think just it really is just taking that first step you don't have to look cute it doesn't have to be instagrammable put on some good hiking shoes shoes that you don't mind getting dirty dig your fingers into the dirt you know just go breathe in all the natural air that's surrounding you because like if you're in a highly tree populated area the oxygen is gonna be i live in the city and it's just like smoke constantly everywhere i go um but yeah i i

really do think it's just quite honestly taking that first step and yes i get it it's really fucking hard it feels like your body is made of sand it feels like you weigh a thousand pounds and simply swinging your feet out of the bed is going to you know cause the world to collapse under you but i promise you it really isn't and there's a whole world waiting for you outside and if people give you anxiety and you don't want to be around people you have a little bit of social anxiety that's fine but mother earth the natural world itself is still waiting for you so get out experience it deep breathe the air bring some fruit with you um enjoy these simple joys that the earth is providing you watch the little bugs crawl around on the ground below you

watch the butterflies fly through the air and understand how simple and small life is and how simple and small you are and find peace in understanding that and knowing that yeah you know what the weight of the world does feel like it's on your shoulders sometimes but i promise you it's it's not as heavy as you as you might feel and it your feelings are valid absolutely 100 000 but don't be so hard on yourself you know sometimes like i have the habit of elevating that weight onto myself holy shit these fire alarms have been going off for two hours and it just turned off fucking finally and now they just turned on i'm going to go insane i'm going to go insane i think that might be my key to you know get out of my house i'm gonna

go grab some indian food i'm not in the mood to be around people today not really so if you're in your summer depression i get it i love you i'm here for you it's okay to be a little sensitive and dramatic you know what i mean it's okay to cry it's okay to feel that heaviness but you also have to allow yourself to let go of it and to release that weight you know release that energy um if you hold on to it it's only going to compact itself and it's only going to get heavier be a little dramatic with it you know get outside get in the romantic uh like romanticize your life a little bit even if it's your cup of coffee in the morning or you know washing your face and splashing your face with cold water or you know putting on your favorite dress even for nobody

to see just for yourself and getting outside and going on a walk I think that's all very important and romanticization and you know being a little sensitive to yourself and the world around you is okay all of that is valid but I don't think you should let it hold yourself back um my plans for the day if this helps you at all I'm gonna go get some good food I'm cooking myself dinner tonight so you know I'll treat myself since I've been craving this food for so long I'm gonna go get some butter chicken um some naan bread and I'm going to maybe go to the park eat it there in my car listen to some good music or maybe go on a little walk bring a I have a blanket in my car always at all times I always take a blanket with me um just in case I do want to go to the

park i always have that opportunity i always keep my journal and my pens on me in my bag just in case i need to let go of any feelings or there's any fleeting emotions that i want to get out of my head um i might get into nature a little bit later with my boyfriend it's go skate day so we might get to a park or something which will be good i need to sit in the sun it is the summer solstice the longest day of the year the sun's gonna be up you know that tlc is gonna be waiting for you all day so take advantage of it take the opportunities that the world is presenting you and stop holding yourself back especially within the four walls that you're confined to in your room there's only so much that you can do inside but there's a whole entire world waiting for you

outside so many new experiences I might also go to a new thrift store or something I always feel inspired by looking at vintage clothes even if I'm not buying anything just looking at what they carry and finding new ways to style things and new ideas and um new things also look for at the thrift store um i like getting creative with it and getting lost in the aisles and just having myself to be with so those are my plans for the day i get it summer depression hits a little bit harder because you know winter it's a it's like quote unquote okay to be depressed you know it's cold outside the world is reflecting the emotions you might feel inside summer it feels a little different feels a little off because you have those expectations to go out and make big memories

and do all these big things but you can't compare yourself to other people and everything that they're doing and all the experiences that they're having or else everything that you're doing is never going to live up to it find peace in yourself find peace in your authenticity find peace in the everyday moments in your life and in turn the world will grant you so much peace and joy okay you just got to search for it and it's kind of beautiful that we do have this opportunity to constantly search for it and constantly find it in new things and constantly be changing you know you're not always going to find it in the same thing but i guarantee it'll present itself in a new way a new possibility you just have to be open to it and you have to be willing to go

reach out and grab it and also to experience it when it does present itself so get outside even if you're alone get outside get out of your head get out of your body a little bit i get it sometimes it's good to escape get a little sensitive feel the world around you and have a great day i love you all so so very much thank you for showing up today um for this summer solstice one of you guys said it's your birthday so shout out happy birthday first day of cancer season little cancer baby you're you're actually on the cusp so that's exciting being born on the summer solstice i think is a very special privilege and i'm so excited that my niece is gonna be born any second now um that's super cool so i'm just playing a waiting game today and just finding my little

joys wherever i can i'll keep you guys updated with my life please please please send in any more questions that you have to my instagram at hannah marlene i think i'm gonna put up another questionnaire today to prep for Thursday's episode um and yeah send anything that you're possibly feeling any questions you have to my Instagram in the DMs um and the questionnaire that I upload or if you want to call in my link tree is in my bio um of my Instagram at Hannah Marlene and you can submit your call in there I love hearing your guys's voice I love hearing your questions and I would love to have more of them it just helps me connect to you guys and I love like you know like hearing your voice and really connecting in that way um so you don't have to hear my voice for

fucking hours every week but i love you all i hope you're all having an amazing wonderful summer and i'll see you thursday