Smoke Sesh - influencers, partying, Travis Scott, men, and Hannahs tips to feeling better

Episode Date: November 9, 2021

Today Hannah talks everything from influencers, throwing her own parties, dating, what it’s like being a baddie in the Midwest and her go to’s on how to feel better, welcome to Smoke Sesh with Hannah come hang out for a bit !

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, someone to look out for them. Some people call me their internet big sister, others their fairy smoke mother. You can call me Hannah, the new host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. Some good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. Alright, good morning everybody. Welcome to Tuesday's podcast. podcast um it's actually i'm recording this intro after recording everything and listening through

it's like three o'clock on tuesday i'm so sorry i know i'm uploading it literally right now so you guys can enjoy i hope you guys have had the best week ever last week as you know it was a little bit rough for me that's why i had a mental health week um this week we're covering everything please feel free to send me any questions you have i'm doing a thursday podcast like you guys requested i'm so excited so i'm gonna need lots and lots of questions over on my instagram at hannah marlene but thank you for the support send some questions over there let's get into some topics so i got this dm the other day um feel free to dm me questions i get a majority of my questions that i answer through my dms um at hannah marlene on instagram but i got a dm the other day and it

was like hannah do you have any influencer party stories like have you what's the tea like i've been seeing a lot of TikToks about them and like same I've been seeing a lot of TikToks about the tea on influencer parties and like people telling stories about them but here's something that I need to like make very abundantly clear to my audience like yes I do fall in that influencer category i'm not gonna lie i do fall in there like i as cringy as i would like to think it is i'm an influencer like i guess that would be my job i like to call it content creating because that seems like a little bit more like soul worthy oh my god but they asked me and they're like hannah have you ever been to any of these influencer parties and like babe i love the

enthusiasm why in the hell would anybody ever invite me to an influencer party and you're like oh no but you're like the coolest fun party girl yes but like the parties I'm used to are like random addresses that someone happened to have told me in the middle of a concert and then I'm showing up to them afterwards and it's like a warehouse thrown by random people and we're just partying like it is not penthouses in LA although that sounds incredible and wonderful but also kind of like my nightmare I unfortunately am not being invited to these LA parties but to be honest I'm not like upset about it you know what I mean I feel like people especially like I've been there being somebody who's like viewing and has like a bunch of like idols in a sense and then seeing

them hang out together and it's like kind of in an influencer party type it's like oh well I would love to go to one of those things but I think and I'm not trying to make an assumption for everything but i think a lot of those kinds of situations are absolutely also being used as like business situations and when i'm trying to fucking party like there is no business involved because i'm gonna be blacked out and probably on three different subsystems so ideally i would like for nobody i know to see me you know what i mean um yeah influencer party low-key sounds like my fucking nightmare it sounds like i would show up and i would probably be judged and then people would probably ignore me which sounds like a middle school experience that i simply do not

want to have to relive in my 20s or whenever i have to relive it so i will choose to avoid it now i do have a party story time for you but i'm not done with my influencer rant i'm working into it when I went to LA this year I feel like a lot of people were like don't go like love LA but like what don't go like it's not that fun people are fake there it's boring like you're gonna hate it that kind of stuff um and I had previously heard just like people's bad story times of LA how much they hate it how everybody's fake it's all about money it's all about like socials and for my birthday I just want to go to LA to like hang out and like sit by the beach like I just want to experience it I have never been to California before so going there I had that like preconceived

notion in my mind that like okay people are gonna be fake like it's probably gonna be a little bit surface level you know but I had a grand old fucking time I had the best time of my life and you know why because I didn't involve myself at all with any influencers or any fakeness or any situations where I would possibly be around fake people like that okay and I didn't feel like I was missing out I didn't feel like I was losing a part of that experience or like my LA trip wasn't worth it because I didn't go to like an influencer party I didn't hang out with other people who have social medias it was more fun because I didn't it was more fun because the people that I did meet in California were random ass people either I was sitting next to on the

plane or like on the street and that is quite honestly the best way to live like I'm not here to network like sure networking whatever but I'm not here to fake being your friends like a network okay I'm not going to LA to do that I'm going to LA to get drunk on the beach with fucking pre-rolls in hand okay and I have a good time and quite honestly I had the best time so it was confusing to me why people are always like I hate LA I hate influencer parties because it's like just avoid them like if you hate fake people don't go to fake places I don't know but no i have not been to an influencer party but i have been to okay so this reminded me i've thrown a few parties in my lifetime um some accidental some on purpose parties i'll elaborate more on that in a

second but um i was in the car with my boyfriend the other day and i was like i would love to put on some events like i would love to rent out a space you know get some bands sell some tickets like i would love to put on a party like that because i used to attend a lot of parties like that and then do promotional work for them um and like they were so fun like why could i not just do it myself anyways that would be a future circumstance a future fun thing if i actually have money um but i have accidentally thrown a few parties and you're like hannah how do you accidentally throw a few parties well when you have good friends things become fun really quickly but at the beginning of quarantine um i was working at a restaurant and at this restaurant

it was a group of like 20 of us i was a server so like the cooks were friends the servers were friends the bartenders were friends it was like a big family okay i was the youngest semi-youngest so i don't know it was nice to have people who were older than you and be friends with them and kind of be excited for life again because you're like oh these people are older and cool like i can have fun in my 30s hell yeah anyways they're so sweet so kind very caring but beginning of covid our restaurant shuts down i know and like sad because we all love working there um but no biggie because now we can get on unemployment and rake in that hellish money that was going on during then it was so much money on unemployment like crazy we were like why are they paying us

this much anyways um we were bored straight up like everybody else are in quarantine we were like what the fuck do we do so we get together a few of us we get together for brunch and we're just having a nice little brunch you know drinking some mimosas eating some fried avocado tacos having a good time and it's hot out it's like the beginning of june so we're like oh i wish i had a pool you know like i live in a house no public pool like there's no public pools in the city um everybody else lived in apartments or houses with no public pools so we were like what the fuck i want to be in a pool it's so hot what the fuck do we do and then i had the wonderful idea of well what if we just go to target and we get some baby pools

right okay now we're on to something what if we put some baby pools in my parents backyard because i am currently house sitting for them oh my god great fantastic wonderful idea hannah so we're drunk don't okay listen i'm telling my stories they're not always the best stories like i'm not always making the best decisions but that's okay because you're here to learn from them do not drive intoxicated or on anything anyways we we leave brunch half of us are going to get ready and grab some alcohol and go do like get things the other half of us are going to get baby pools we show up to target they only have four or five baby pools there's like six or seven of us we're like whatever that works hell yeah grab the baby pools put them in tiny ass car like

these baby pools are laying half halfway out of the car with the trunk open but we're like send it drive back to my house throw these in the grass fill them up with water all of a sudden people are doing lines in molly and we're swimming in these tiny little cold ass baby pools no swimsuits of course not we're just in our underwear hanging out in the backyard um this started at 11 a.m uh fast forward to like 6 7 p.m okay now at this point i have been intoxicated for a long time there have been there's like videos of me with like crystals on my forehead me giving crystals to people like us hula hooping we had this like edm like led whip light people were dancing with like craziness like it was so fun but at this point in time i am like i need some dick okay

i need some dick straight up like ever everybody's been to the point where they're like i've been intoxicated for long enough i need to fuck anyways i was talking to my boyfriend at the time um we were just we weren't dating yet but we were definitely talking and i was definitely like i only want his dick so somehow uh i regained consciousness and i am pulling into his driveway keep in mind this is like a 30 minute drive from my house to his house i somehow arrived there alive open truly in hand um you know stumble into his house he just got off work so he's like not on the level i am and i'm having way too much fun and i'm like pouring trulies everywhere on accident like like sloppy like i'm embarrassed a little bit by this like i was a little too sloppy

hannah um but i love him he's so kind so sweet and understood i was like knocking shit off of walls like framed items just like falling you know like i was that annoying girl but he's sweet he took care of me i wake up the next day and i am like holy shit i left all of these people at my parents house my parents house not even my house my parents house uh i need to get there so it's like 7am he's like okay cool i gotta go to work i was like okay cool i gotta go make sure my house isn't burned down i've drive to my house pull up i'm fully expecting either no one to be there and we have to do a lot of cleaning or like the house to be destroyed they are still going strong and they have transitioned now to tea and they're just brewing tea and drinking some

nice tea in the morning literally what the fuck i was like this is the best possible outcome i could have expected for this thank you so fun 10 out of 10 recommend it was a great time don't recommend drunk driving please don't do that that was that was a mistake but we all learn like that's what i mean when i say influencer parties for me just like don't vibe i am used to molly in a backyard on a summer day with trulies and crystals and baby pools okay like a little bit of chaos i i don't think i could mesh naturally in a environment where it is like hierarchy but also like fakeness and no baby pools like it's a probably like a penthouse or something i don't know like sure love it incredible I'm sure those people have a lot of fun but I've spent a majority

of my life being no I've tried to be very authentic but I've spent a majority of my life occasionally around fake people and you can never impress a fake person like you can never impress them you can never do the right thing you can never warp yourself to fit whatever the fuck they want to see in their eye so it's just like not worth fucking with them like do you know what that means like it's not worth messing around with those kinds of people when you just like cannot make them happy you know it's a waste of your time go find true authentic people who are going to love you for yourself and party in your backyard without any remorse like they're just here to have a good time and enjoy life those are the kind of people you need to find so let's talk

travis scott let's talk astroworld and having some sort of care for other people in this world um because some of you guys have been like i want to hear you talk about modern events like things going on in pop culture and like although i don't want to treat this as like drama or tea or anything like that because like people die this is very serious so many fucking people are gonna have a lot of trauma from this like i can't even imagine like think about concerts being one of your favorite things to go to and then you get stuck in a crowd that is so tight that your feet aren't touching the ground and you are simply levitating in the air because your bodies are pressed so densely against each other that's crazy you are not going to want to ever go to

a concert again after that and that's sad that those people had their favorite things ruined for them um but i'm i hate to say it i'm not surprised like i'm not quite honestly i have been to a lot of concerts i have been to hundreds of concerts i have been to concerts of every single type of like um every single type of like genre like country been to it indie been to it done edm been to it every single type of edm house techno fucking deep bass anything i've seen like heavy metal shows i've seen rap shows all of them two like uh something that i've been thinking about heavily and something i haven't seen anybody talk about is like although we can all use critical thinking skills and we can understand

that like oh this is a situation where many different things went wrong like many people are at fault obviously you can't put the blame onto one person like it was a perfect storm combination of a lot of bad things happening at once that's why it was so severe like that's why so many people died but as an artist you have a a responsibility to hear me out set the vibe in a crowd okay you are responsible of essentially putting on a performance a party set it literally setting the vibe making sure that people are having a good time right that's why people wanted to go to this Travis Scott concert because you're there to have a good time and I've enjoyed every concert I've been to because the artists that I go see encourage

a sense of community and a sense of fun through community okay I love concerts because I am there and we're all on the same kind of wavelength it's like a big community everybody there is enjoying the same artist everybody's having a good time like usually at concerts if somebody's being pushy or an asshole like they're gonna get the shit beat out of them right or get kicked out because everybody is working together everybody is in that crowd to be with each other to have a good time everybody's gonna have each other's backs as long as everybody's being nice right because those artists encourage that and these artists also encourage like moshing and fucking like shit like that too like I have been in pits where people are fucking doing back flips into

each other where people are throwing elbows hands knees anything like very aggressive aggressive crowds but that sense of community has stopped people from getting too hurt right if somebody's in a mosh pit and they fucking fall they don't usually hit the ground because someone has already grabbed them and pulled them out okay if somebody gets hurt too bad people are lifting them up and sending them over the rail to security so they can get the help they need if people are pushing you too much and you say something they usually fucking listen the issue that Travis Scott played and the reason it kind of went so horribly i think is because he has never established a positive sense of community within his fans or at the shows um and that's kind of why i have

never attended a travis scott concert and why i have never attended concerts similar to his where I know the artist is kind of gonna like it's gonna be people there who feel entitled to you and your body and your space it's gonna be people who simply don't care about you and it's gonna be people who are going to like hurt you and have no remorse I don't want to be at those shows I would like to be at the shows where I know someone's gonna have my back like I know that some random person will have my back um and from the videos and from everything i've seen and from his previous arrests like he simply doesn't care you can't have a sense of like riot fun like let's fucking mosh if you're not gonna take care of those people like that's no

fun like people died at the expense of you wanting to make people go hard um and i think it's something to learn from i think it's something that hopefully like we can establish a better um concert experience after this other artists can learn i hope he learns i hope the family and the victims and anybody who's experienced any sense of trauma from this can heal and enjoy those things again because concerts are so incredible and they're so amazing and they're like everybody should be able to enjoy them and feel safe and comfortable but that was really tragic also what the fuck are these people who are spinning it into some sort of conspiracy theory oh well the eight eyes on his poster equal this and then plus this and it's

the devil's work and he's sucking souls bitch what yeah it had evil fucking vibes because people died like yes bitch there's gonna be some bad vibes but i don't we don't need to make a conspiracy out of this and i think it's because our brain tries to rationalize and some people rationalize in a crazy fucking way so they come up with you know conspiracy theories but like it's not the time to have conspiracy theories when young people died like that's just sad i hope he has a good response i hope like something comes this i hope people get the satisfaction that they need out of this the families um to move on but like shit it makes me okay it even makes me scared to like go to concerts now because i'm like fuck is this just

how crowds are like i haven't really been to a real concert since quarantine i've been to a few like bar shows but nothing big or like festival-y and it makes me scared because I'm like are people do people just have this sense of entitlement now like maybe it's not Travis Scott maybe people have been in quarantine and they feel entitled to people's space and people's um like to just not care about other people at concerts anymore because they've been quote-unquote denied of experience for so long but like haven't we all i don't know it's confusing it's sad it's crazy like i can't believe that happened um i'm sure more we'll hear more about it soon though but yeah travis scott it vibes are off the vibes the vibes are off i have to say so i got a lot of

questions about dating lots of dating questions um lots of like what have been your experiences what did you learn like oh my god what did you go through who did you date and like uh i have been through so much so much and here's the thing i i didn't start dating until after high school i didn't even lose my virginity until after high school i didn't even have my first kiss until like end of high school uh no i'm sure we all had our first kiss in like middle school but I didn't really count that you know what I mean I was like I want a real first kiss so I was a little bit of a late bloomer and uh I found myself accepting and embracing love like types of love that just were not meant for me does that make sense um

I just didn't know what I wanted. And so I let a lot of things slide. I didn't speak up for myself. I didn't know how to do that. I didn't know how to set boundaries. I didn't know any of this stuff because I was new to it. And that's okay. I think it takes a lot of time in dating to kind of realize what you want, realize what is okay with you, what is not okay with you, what kind of boundaries you need to draw in a relationship what you want your relationship to look like um and I think before you enter a relationship I know they kind of just like stumble upon you at least every relationship I've had kind of just like stumbles upon you and you're like okay I want to roll with this I want to go with this I the best thing I kind of have done recently at least

or my most recent relationship is when I was single I took that time to kind of just like ask myself what did I dislike in my previous relationships and what do I need and require in my new relationships and I literally wrote that down in my notes app as like you could think of it as like a manifestation as like a wish list, like quite honestly, but I demanded those things. And I put them in my notes app. And I took a day to kind of just write it all out. And then I kind of forgot about it, moved on with my life. Anyways, fast forward, I'm in a relationship, and I stumble across that note in my notes app. And everything has been true. Everything that I wrote down like came true and i am currently experiencing like it could be anything from

like little things like i need this man to communicate to me to like big things to like i want to go on trips with this person i want this person to be interested in experiencing life with me i don't know just like little things like that that i had written down had come true and it really shows and proves that like although young hannah couldn't have been able to draw boundaries and really understand what she wanted for herself because she didn't really have a lot of experience you will get the experience you will quickly learn and you will quickly mean to decide what is good for you and what's not because other people won't decide that for you okay and if you let other people decide that for you you're probably not going to feel the best and you're

probably not going to be super um super super super like happy with the reality you've created for yourself because you're living for someone else you're living for other people's boundaries you're not respecting yourself your needs you want your wishes so before getting into a relationship i really highly recommend that just writing down what the fuck you want quite honestly be demanding the universe will give you what you want you kind of have to demand it um and be understanding with yourself and be open with yourself and what can come towards you but people have been asking me like how the fuck how do you how did you find love how did you do this all this stuff and it took me a while to realize um and I think it's something that young people have an issue with right now as

well I mean I was young I had an issue with it at one point but love is sold to us to be dramatic and have these high highs and these low lows and have a little bit of nervousness and crying and fighting and all this stuff and that's like what the media sells us you know like a very chaotic type of love and that's what I feel like I see a lot of people drawn towards I mean including myself is like a unhinged chaotic type of love because it makes you feel something you're gonna feel incredible lows when that person disappoints you and you're gonna feel incredible highs when that person makes you happy that is not love like that is a chemical addiction baby girl that is your brain is addicted to the highs at this point so you're gonna stick around for the lows

that is not love and that is what i feel like a lot of people especially like a lot of the questions i get it's like how do i put up with this how do i don't okay sometimes you can just date to see if you fucking like that person straight up and if you don't leave and I can't push you to do that no one can push like you to do that you can ask your friends as many questions as you want but no one is going to leave unless you want to okay also sorry if I'm sniffling I've been sniffling this whole podcast but it's I don't know my nose is like runny every time I film weird anyways um i quickly realized in my short dating history that it has been i love to me is calming it is peaceful it is understanding it is enveloping it is a sunday

kind of love quite literally that is love to me I do not want the drama I do not want the chaos I do not want the worry I do not want to feel uncomfortable by the love I'm receiving okay and for like a long time in the relationships I was in that's how it was because I was just accepting what was in front of me I wasn't standing up for myself I wasn't verbalizing for myself enough i wasn't leaving when i needed to leave i just thought love was oh i need to put up with him being shitty to me so i can receive these high highs that are going to come later on because i'm a good partner and i'm here to stick around that's not love okay love is showing up equally for each other love is calming love is not the chaos that we've accumulated and come to

understand and I have a lot of qualms with dating especially the current dating world I think it's super toxic I think there's just a lot of shit that young people are going through that could easily be changed with a little bit of emotional maturity but it takes time I understand you'll get there it took me a little bit to get there too you just really do need to understand your boundaries write out like your perfect human and who they are and what they can provide you and what you can provide for them and i guarantee if you like set your sights on what you want it will show up stop settling for less stop settling for what is not you okay i love you i'm gonna load a little bowl real quick but so if you hear me take a hit apologies um but i actually okay i'll tell

you how i knew my boyfriend was the one there's many moments that i have experienced where i've been like this man is the one for me um but one in particular that really stands out to me is so at the beginning of quarantine i moved out of my parents house and i have a cat his name is danger he's the sweetest boy i possibly know um he's the love of my life he has been with me since i was like 13 12 maybe so he's like nine years old at this point he is like my son my cat son and when i moved out um a few weeks later maybe a month later and i was a little bit my cat ran away my parents left the door open did something wrong well they had gotten a puppy so their priorities were not on my cat and he escaped now here's the issue my parents had moved a year

prior so instead of my cat escaping at my old family home where we knew he's gonna hide in the same place under the porch so we can go find him grab him pull him out we don't we didn't he didn't have a hiding spot we didn't know where he went and i live in the city my parents live in the city so there was a high possibility that he could have been hit by a car whatever safe to say i was having a full-blown fucking crazy ass panic attack like this is my baby my child my kitty cat my danger and he is gone and in my head i'm like he could be dead like this could be the end like oh my god so i went to extreme measures and that means hanging up flyers on every single light pole within the like a 15 block radius calling everybody calling animal shelters sending out

like posters flyers neighborhood reminders on like the neighborhood app or whatever in my parents um neighborhood and occasionally my mom would walk the neighborhood looking for my cat and at night when cats are the most active my brother who's very sweet and his wife would walk around the neighborhood looking for my cat or my boyfriend my sweet boyfriend he who had met my cat only a few times okay would wander around my neighborhood for hours like every night trying to find this goddamn cat walking down the street yelling danger with me flashlight on like on all fours we're looking under cars we're looking under bushes we're looking everywhere like hours like a long time every night this man was out there looking for

this cat with me this cat he had no connection to this cat he was quite honestly allergic to he is deathly allergic to cats yet he is still out here looking for my lost baby with me that is how i knew this man loved me because quite honestly what man does that okay he wasn't gaining anything from this like i was an emotional wreck the entire time like sobbing crying looking for my lost cat who eventually came back um after eight fucking days he came back skinny too he was he was skinny he lost some weight but he came back eventually but the fact that this man took the time out of his night to go look for my cat with me when he would have worked the next morning at 8 a.m. That's how I knew. I knew that this man was going to put his priorities aside

to be with me and help me and be there for me. And that's what I needed in a partner. And that's how I knew I loved him. Shout out to my baby. He really did that for me. He pulled through. and my cat came back he felt the energy of us searching and hunting for him also he felt felt the energy of me probably going to kms if i didn't find him um because my parents literally joke around they're like yeah we're gonna have to plan a joint funeral for when danger dies for hannah because she is emotionally attached to that cat literally like that's how serious it was like if that cat didn't come back i would have lost my marbles so shout out to my boyfriend for helping me look for my sweet danger because now he's in my life again thank god oh my god oh my god

someone asked me this is so funny do you like being a baddie in the midwest literally yes that should be my tagline midwestern baddie because like although here's the thing i'm a baddie everywhere i go but i prefer being in the midwest because it throws people off like everybody's pretty in LA everybody like doesn't really shock people that people are gorgeous pretty incredible in LA or like New York or any of the coasts you know where the beautiful girls fucking flock to in the midwest Kansas City like girlies are just like naturally pretty like I love it people are gorgeous but like a baddie a baddie is somebody who doesn't care about other people well like you not like cares about other people doesn't care about their opinions so like i go a little bit

over the top in my outfits in my in how i present myself um and it throws people off and it's funny and it's interesting to view because although it throws women off and like grandmothers when i'm like outside in a mini skirt in 50 degree weather that's like hot pink and my hair is in giant curls in fucking pigtails like that's a lot for a 90 year old woman who has only lived in kansas her entire life to see on a wednesday morning at like 10 a.m like that is a lot for her to process um so i get some stares i get some it's pretty odd um some glares perhaps from um not really other women my age but mostly from older women and then men are fucking weird the only issue about being a baddie in the midwest is the men quite honestly because men

don't have boundaries here like on the coast baddies are normal they're everywhere they're a dime a dozen babe so men are kind of like unfazed by it or i see well some like men are gonna be objective no matter where you go it's just a majority of men are relatively unfazed on the coast now in the midwest all men are phased by it all like all men stop and stare and are fucking weird that is the only downfall is the men and i try to not let it get to me um but being with my boyfriend like out in public it's weird when i'm with my boyfriend and people are like like men are sexualizing me and like not like being outwardly like if anybody like tried to do anything weird or like say anything weird my boyfriend might kill them not literally but like

literally like protective obviously he's not gonna let me be in danger or like let people be weird to me but like men will just like stare and like break their fucking necks to get a glance and it's odd and it makes me sometimes not want to be a baddie but then I have to realize I need to not let men make me feel uncomfortable with how I'm presenting myself so it's a vibe there's issues wherever you go being a woman and having men being weird because men will be weird no matter where you go it's so odd like I'm a very normal you know down-to-earth girl but just the fact that I'm like wearing a mini skirt men will just like break their backs and do a cartwheel to see on my skirt like it's insane you know actually um here is like what it's like to be a woman in the world

here is the level to like objectification that happens so when I went to LA this summer we missed our flight um missed it my whole day quite honestly just did not have our priorities in order did not really know what the fuck was going on so I was shocked we found that out like not by a whole day we missed it by like a few hours we were on the we thought it was the wrong it was we thought it was the wrong day anyways so I'm freaking out okay we're not packed we have nothing ready um I throw on this little jumpsuit I have that has like it's like all black um it kind of short sleeveless and then it has like a cutout in the center it has like a little circle on the center that exposes my tummy it's a replica kind of of a 1990 Chanel runway design um so I was

wearing that and like Birkenstocks I was like that's my plane fit I'm not gonna do my hair my makeup because we're just gonna roll up to LA and go straight to the Airbnb like I can do it there whatever it's just like a plane I just want to be comfy and the jumpsuit's like cotton it's like perfect so i throw that on i pack real quick we head to the airport i'm like sobbing i have like tickets for another plane but also i want to go talk to this plane to make sure see if they can get me new tickets like chaotic okay and here's the thing when i get chaotic i get fucking chaotic like if i'm having a spiral i am going to be spiraling even if it's in public all right like i'm gonna have a breakdown no matter where i am and everybody's just gonna view this breakdown

because it's hard for me to keep those emotions inside when I'm feeling them so I'm like sobbing my face is puffy my bags are huge I'm walking through the airport pulling my bag behind me we're trying to get to the plane because we finally got it figured out like I am a complete mess very obviously me and my boyfriend both are we're heading to our gate I'm on the I'm like trying to find somebody for help this pilot walks by us he does not even stop to ask what is wrong he stops in his tracks to stare at my body this man made a full stop in his commute stopped stares at my body doesn't even take into consideration that i'm having a mental breakdown and i'm sobbing trying to find somebody to help me just stares at my body nods lets me keep walking

and then walks away what the fuck the way men will just like completely disregard every single thing about a woman like the fact that she's human simply because i was exposing a little itty bit of skin is psychotic and insane to me the fact that that happened is mind-boggling because men straight up don't care about women like i understand like here's how i view men individual men yes i have met some individual men who are great and incredible and super kind and caring about women um but men in general the whole humanity of men awful literally this man had no care about the fact that i was breaking down and crying and obviously going through something like i i made no effort to conceal that i was stressing the fuck out but this man did not care

he just wanted to objectify me and stare at my body and then get on with his day my boyfriend i literally had to hold him back he was gonna lose his shit i was like we gotta get in the plane i don't have time to deal with misogynistic men right now but like it really just does show you because sometimes I have hope sometimes I'm like maybe a man won't object objectify me today but it's like the littlest bit of skin they do not care they will not see you as a human being anymore and it's insane it's something we need to work on especially with men teaching them from a young age that like women are objects and they're not there for your pleasure and that oh I could go on this for hours if you have any specific questions with dealing with like misogyny men I'd love to answer

because it's something i deal with on a daily basis whether it's in like person or on my phone which happens a lot like commenters i'd love to talk about it love it love to hate okay this is a fantastic question um and something that i recently did so i think it's perfect to answer i went through a little bit of a depressive bout last week i'm gonna blame it on scorpio season because that shit got me feeling heavy it's i lots of emotions very intense um anyways they asked oh shit let me pull up the question so i can get the wording correctly because it was really good um do you have a particular list of things you do if you need to reset mentally and yes i actually do and i think we all do i think we all have little things um that we know make us feel better

but maybe haven't wrapped them into like a list capacity um but step one is shower i know it's like basic whatever like girl i shower every day every day it just makes you feel so great like if you have been in a depressive episode you know how hard it is to kind of like bounce back and feel good after you've just been sad and crying in bed for multiple days and barely able to take care of yourself shower get in the shower literally all these emotions all those things that you're feeling anything negative let it rinse off with the water you can stay in there as long as you need to as short as you need to can be as hot as cold as you want you don't even need to wash off let the bot let the water rinse over you and get all of those emotions let them roll away you can

sit on the ground for all i care uh the amount of times i've had ground showers ground showers are the best okay you're gonna crisscross applesauce yourself down there close your eyes and literally just like sit in the water you'll feel so refreshed reborn afterwards um next step i always kind of like have better days and to make myself feel more productive make myself more encouraged to get outside and go get my shit done this is gonna sound a little weird but putting together a good outfit i mean you all know me you all know i am proud of my outfits i love a good fit i love a good little combo moment um but putting together a good outfit making sure i feel um as good as i look sometimes i don't have the energy but whatever um making sure i'm put

together i am enjoying the way i'm presenting myself that will make me feel a little bit more encouraged to get out there get my shit done make sure that i'm moving on with my day another thing journaling um that's a really healthy step i like to add in either my mornings or my nights whatever is feeling the heaviest at the moment i like to purge all of my thoughts all my emotions or if you're not good with journaling um recently i've discovered voice memos if you just need to rant get it out of your fucking mind get it off your chest and you don't like sometimes I understand you don't want to be a burden to your friends your friends have been putting up with your shit long like for enough recently they deserve a little break you don't want to bother anybody you maybe

don't even have anybody to reach out to like girl been there voice memo why do you think I'm doing this fucking podcast like get it off you off your chest okay um that will make you feel 10 times lighter make sure you're eating a meal and no i don't mean like go out buy yourself sushi and treat yourself although maybe that's the way you like to do things and like sometimes that is for me but home cooking a meal just like nothing compares to it think of your favorite meal your favorite thing your mom used to cook or favorite something that brings you a sense of nostalgia sense of comfort cook it for yourself cook it for somebody else join somebody to come eat with you for the night oh my god so incredible you will feel so much better afterwards because

you created something and it's incredible to create something but then also like it usually always turns out well and then you're gonna eat something delicious afterwards and what is better than that nothing all right next thing um just in general i try and make sure i keep my like a water consumption up i know that sounds so dumb but like we're talking little steps to get myself back on track okay chugging cold water chug it get that shit in your system you'll feel so much more energized ready for the day the way i will be like i'm just so sad and foggy and cloudy and i don't feel good and i don't know what to do my mind's not working correctly and then i like drink a glass of water and i'm like holy shit my brain was just dehydrated to the size of a raisin

that's why it wasn't working correctly now i feel better also if you're feeling anxious nervous it kind of just shocks your system wakes you up i don't think like cold water is super good for your gut or like your organs in general like i know for a fact you're supposed to drink water that's like room temperature but like whatever fuck it you drink some fucking cold water snap yourself back into reality um good music making sure I'm listening to good music I made a tiktok about this on my second account but I was like listen I've literally never listened to a Phoebe Bridgers a full Phoebe Bridgers song or Mitski song like I know they're two both incredible popular artists and like wonderful love that I'm sure they're like great people and like that I I'm sure they

deserve every recognition and award that they've received i cannot listen to sad music like i i can listen to sad music i cannot listen to sad music that i know is going to trigger me because when i'm in these bouts of sadness i have this tendency where i want to dig myself deeper and i used to do that through music a lot especially when i was a teenager i was like oh relatable sad music but i realized if you just put that off and maybe play relatable music in a different way it's a little bit more upbeat has a little better beat you know a little bit more uplifting your your mood and your vibe is also going to be uplifted you know play music set the vibe for yourself be your own personal dj it's a fun little job also you guys can go follow my spotify haha

smoke sash i have all my playlists are public like i don't give a fuck i don't even like music on spotify like you know how you're supposed to people are like i build my playlist by liking the songs and then it adds it to your like library and then you can build playlists out of that i didn't know that's how spotify worked quite honestly so i have just been making playlists like every month and they're not named by the month they're just fucking random so whichever one you find is kind of just like the vibe i was going through which is interesting but yeah go check it out smoke sesh on spotify one word one word it'll be a picture of me you'll see it anyways those are just some things that you know make me feel better make me feel more alive

also i know this is hard to do in the winter and i'm finding it a little difficult now too so i'm gonna probably have to invest in a happy light if you guys know what those are um but like getting outside go on a walk bundle up bitch roll yourself a joint if that's what it takes to get outside but just getting some sunlight on your skin getting some fresh air seeing something else other than your walls you know crunching on a leaf that you step on like what is better than that you know what is also the best thing about going on walks stray cats there are so many stray cats that live in my neighborhood and it's just like the blessing that i never knew i needed but every time i go on a walk like a new stray cat comes up to me

like it is the best adventure ever and i get fresh air and sunlight and i feel a little bit more reborn get outside i used to go to the park a lot during quarantine that's like what me and my boyfriend's first date was we went to the park and just sat and did some art and talked and smoked and literally best first date but that's what i was doing at the time because i was going insane inside and i was at my parents house and i couldn't deal with them anymore so i would just go to the park in the afternoon um for like hours hours easily five hours i just lay a blanket bring my like coloring book and just sit out there 10 out of 10 recommend anyways i hope you all are feeling all right if you don't take these steps let me know if they work and i hope you feel

better soon next question actually we are out of time i know literally time flies like 50 minutes of recording goes by so quickly it's insane and that's why i'm gonna be doing two a week i'm so excited every tuesdays and thursdays you can expect a podcast from me at some point listen i might not upload in the morning i might upload in the afternoon it might be the evening who knows but it will be up on tuesdays and thursdays for you guys to enjoy twice a week because why not i enjoy it it's so fun hanging out with you guys it seems to be really helping some people and you guys like the views the encouragement the response i'm getting just keeps growing and growing and growing and i'm really excited to see where this is gonna go thank you for sticking with me like

it it means the world you have no idea creating has been really hard for a long time for me especially with tiktok it kind of makes it hard so the fact that i found a new outlet that i really really enjoy and seems to be getting a good response and is actually doing something for the world like maybe making people feel better then i like i enjoyed a lot and thank you for helping me continue doing this and for sticking with me on this little journey you guys have been here for a while some of you have been here for like years and some of you some of you are new and i'm very excited to continue this with you but i hope you all have a wonderful week i'm literally gonna see you in what one day though two days thursday i'll see you then bye