Smoke Sesh - inner child, periods, and getting caught with weed

Episode Date: January 18, 2022

Happy Tuesday everyone!! Today we go over many topics including spending a day with 5 year old hannah, ideal bath routine, cancer full moon, sex & confidence, periods, what music I’m listening to, how to style yourself and parents & getting caught with weed. It’s a long episode so feel free to light up and hang out and let’s have a good Tuesday. Love you all so much see you Thursday! MUAH

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, someone to look out for them. Some people call me their internet big sister, others their fairy smoke mother. You can call me Hannah, the new host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. Some good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. Good morning, everybody. Happy Tuesday.

Welcome back to Smoke Sash with Hannah. um if you don't know who i am my name is hannah wonderful to have you if you do know who i am welcome back it's wonderful to see you again um oh my gosh tuesday start of a new week start of a new fucking era rebranding no i'm it's not that deep um what have i been up to i gotta catch you guys up i only did one episode last week because my tuesday's episode didn't upload so i'm gonna try and get two out this week this week so you guys know i'm a server right oh love serving i've talked about serving before 10 out of 10 recommend it's just such fast cash so quick great for adhd people great for people who want to show up to work blink and then have it be over because you

were just so goddamn busy um i make so much money there holy shit but this week so i live in kansas city if you guys don't know where i'm from i yeah i'm born and raised kansas city missouri and every year they do something called restaurant week um so they a lot of restaurants in kansas city um team up quote unquote this is not sponsored i'm just telling you what the fuck i'm going through because i've been so busy um but they all essentially do like special deals like really really good deals at their restaurant and it supports a charity of some sort that the restaurant week um community picks out but it's just bringing so many people to my restaurant and i'm exhausted i'm exhausted i can usually count on like one two shifts being slow and i

can just like chill show up to work like you know kick it with my co-workers gossip a little bit hang out get a few tables make a quick hundred bucks leave be out of there uh-uh that is not what this week's about. I am exhausted. I am drained. Literally every table I have is constantly full. Oh my gosh. Dude, I was closing the other night and I had these two people come in. First of all, I've been this person before. Like, restaurant etiquette. If it says they're closing in 15 minutes if it's anywhere under 30 minutes don't show up just don't go like be respectful just just don't go i try to avoid that as much as i possibly can like and if i do show up to a restaurant late which just happened the other day me and my boyfriend went to the casino we

were gonna go get dinner but then um we were just so hangry with each other that it was not working out so we had to like regroup replanned ended up at the casino to go get some food and just hang out and drink i've never been to the casino before but like fuck it let's go i don't want to fight like might as well just go to the casino spend some money um we showed up and the restaurant we sat down and they were like we're closing in two minutes can i get your order i was like i'm so sorry like as a server i understand that frustration so i tipped her hellish money i tipped her so much money like i think 50 um but yeah if you're like going to sit down and eat at a restaurant late nights especially close to closing tip fat because those people do not want

to be there okay i had two people come in the other night oh my god very odd people no offense very odd people i thought they were recovering meth addicts for a second i was like love it girl boss you're recovering meth addicts great let me get you some food no they were not recovering i don't know if they did drugs while they were there i don't know if they had taken drugs before they showed up but they were sitting in the booth making out like slurring their words and sweating everywhere this couple sweating so much everywhere like just completely fucking like leaning on each other like could not keep their eyes open methed out in the booth I was like get the fuck out of here I don't want to wipe up your messy sweat out of the booth that might sound

really insensitive I'm so sorry but like they also didn't tip so straight up fuck them I like at this point no remorse actually fuck them they were methed out in my booth and they came in literally two minutes before closing and i was like this is my nightmare this is this is my nightmare because i i literally almost cried i was like i need to go home and sleep i need to go home and sleep oh my god anyways yeah i've been raking in cash though i've been raking in so much money and i'm so bad at budgeting um so i have just been spending it all tbh i have been in a treat yourself kind of mood a treat yourself vibe perhaps um i have so many new outfits to put together i've ordered shoes i've ordered sweaters i've ordered uh jackets everything

i usually buy off of depop also it's usually second hand um even if it's like a new name brand like skims or whatever i don't know i was recently looking at skims just why i bring it up like a newer brand you know shit's popping out more recently i'll even still buy it off of depop because you can get it for like 25 cheaper because it's technically been quote-unquote used even though somebody might have just tried it on and not enjoyed it most of the time they're still taxed too um you just get it for way cheaper and like why not like i know it's fun to get new things but what's the difference with where you're getting it does that make sense anyways yeah i've spent a shit ton of money on depop recently um i also just bought my valentine's day dress this

morning which was a little bit of an impulse purchase but it's a wolford dress which like that brand like retails for upwards of 500 it's vintage and it's a vintage bodycon black dress with black like panels like um i'm trying to explain this here there's like black panels that are not see-through and there's black panels that are see-through and the see-through panels like hit like on the upper thigh on your tummy on like the side like it's just like hinting at like the idea of like oh i love it oh my god it's so sexy i cannot wait i have no idea what i'm doing for valentine's day but i'm sure it'll be fun and i need to look hot as fuck and also depop just updated their fucking app and i am constantly in anxiety if i don't know if you're a depop

really like i am but constantly fucking anxious because they just made a new update that it's like they show you how many people have that shit in their bag literally like it could like i have stuff that sits in my depot bag that i forget about it's my bag and forget about it but now when you're looking at an item it'll be like in five plus people's bags and my anxiety skyrockets because i'm like a thousand people have liked this are looking at it and five plus people are about to check out and buy it it makes me want to buy it faster so i like have an impulse buying some shit oh oh my anyways that's what i've been up to i don't know hasn't really been a whole lot just on pottery been trying to keep up on um doing my journaling and staying organized with my week

um with getting this done i've been just working having a good time i haven't crashed and burned quite yet um but it will probably be soon um for now we're gonna ride the wave and have a good time you guys sent me so many fucking questions oh my god literally so many questions every time i put up a question on my instagram at hannah marlene um i am expecting a hundred maybe maybe 50 and i get thousands and it's crazy so thank you guys for submitting every fucking week oh my god i have criminal minds on in the background and there's a weirdness going on i'm sorry i got distracted but you guys sent me so many questions all of them are literally better every week if you blow my mind let's answer some okay this question is so cute i saw this and i

almost cried i was like this is the best question ever um mark my girlie mark sent this to me um let me shout them out because i love their fashion also a friend of mine um mark culp i'm sure you guys know from tiktok from instagram look them up incredible 10 out of 10 love them the vibes are everything but they asked me um if i had a day to spend with like five-year-old hannah what would i do if i had like a whole day what would i do and i was like oh my gosh like i love that question i think it's a question that everybody should kind of answer within themselves it's a great way of like deep diving into the inner child and discovering like what truly makes you happy um and how to satisfy your inner self um the five-year-old Hannah oh my god I was in

kindergarten I loved art I love sports I love playing outside most of all so I feel like if I was to spend a day with a young Hannah um probably would have to spend it when I was younger i would wake up like well first of all i would spend most of my time outside just playing having fun so like if i was to do that i would probably go outside go play go have fun go take her to a park go take her to a forest you know what i mean literally i could just thrive in nature and have fun with my own imagination i didn't need toys i didn't need anything like that um like i didn't really like i had toys when i was younger but a lot of the shit that my parents left me up to was absolutely with my own imagination so I would definitely take her to go explore nature

hang out outside I love being in nature I love connecting to nature I think it really just like helps me kind of like regenerate in a way I feel more connected to myself um so I spent a majority of time doing that um of course art art is like something that satisfies my soul um although she didn't know it at the time she arts like a very big part of my life five-year-old Hannah would have no idea what the fuck that would mean at five because my brain was barely developed um but like I would absolutely do some art with her painting paint outside hang out and then my favorite food and it's still kind of my favorite food but like my favorite fucking food when i was younger i would always ask for it for um literally for like birthdays for christmas

a fettuccine alfredo and pickles not together just separately those are my two favorite foods um so i'd probably feast with her hang out make her feel good watch a movie i don't know like my inner child is very much satisfied by very simple things like it doesn't have to be big it doesn't have to be extravagant most of it is quality time and truly spending doing things um that make me challenge my imagination and challenge i don't know what is around me where i am my environment um but yeah connecting with nature connecting with my creative self and indulging a little bit in food also young hannah loved playing dress up dress up would have to be a part of our day especially with all the fucking clothing i have collected at this point i have

like the biggest wardrobe literally hannah's five-year-old hannah's ideal wardrobe um so we'd have to play some dress up i have some funny pictures of me playing dress up as like a pop star i'll have to post them on my instagram later today um but yeah dress up get creative do some art do some painting connect with nature eat some good food i feel like that would absolutely satisfy my younger self um but yeah i really that's such a cute question if you guys i get a lot of questions about um inner self work and her child work that question in itself is a very good question and would be a great um idea for a journal prompt if you're wanting to deep dive into that about yourself um get out your journal ask yourself write it down but as somebody who

participates in the sweet the devil's lettuce perhaps um uh this is probably the biggest question i've gotten relating to weed um and i wasn't really sure how to answer it or how to go about it in any sort of way because personally i wasn't really sure how to answer it myself but i've kind of thought about it and i've kind of come to some conclusions um but it's about dissociation i get a lot of questions about dissociation specifically relating to weed um and uh here's how here's what i gotta say i get questions that are like i i disassociate a lot from weed and i don't want to um i'm disassociating after i smoke weed um how do i stop dissociating and here's the thing when it comes to weed it will any drug it weed is a psychoactive drug it

is going to change the way you perceive the world around you. It's going to change the way you are thinking. It is going to change the way you are connecting to everything around you, which is fine. That's okay. That's cool for some people. If you cannot handle and you do not think the disassociativeness is going to be good for your brain, don't do it, okay? Don't participate. That is okay that is valid you do not need to participate in any sort of drug ever all right if you don't think it's going to be good for your mental health and the way that you are participating the world around you don't do it don't do it it's very simple don't let anybody pressure you into doing it you can make good choices for yourself you can make the best choices for yourself but only you

can choose those things so you got to make the accurate judgments and see if it's okay now personally i don't have any issues with derealization um um but like i do get it does that make sense i don't have any issues with it because i spend a lot of my time not being high and a lot of my time intentionally connecting to the world around me and doing so um like I don't know very intentionally, uh making the most of every moment. I have romanticizing my life journaling doing gratitude journals It connects me to my day My day-to-day life connects me to what i'm doing right now connects me to the situation i'm in right now. Okay but

I like dissociating a little bit. It's why I smoke weed like if you don't like dissociating don't smoke weed Does that make sense? um but i love getting off work at the end of the day and not thinking about anything and just eating some food and watching fucking criminal minds and not paying attention to anything you know what i mean dissociating is sometimes okay but when it gets dangerous is when you are consistently and constantly dissociating from society and the world around you okay i feel like the floating rock mindset and a negative light can be very dangerous i think dissociating too far from society around

you can be very dangerous and it can be confusing and it could be scary because you don't feel like you're connecting with the world and i don't want anybody to ever feel like that okay i feel like a majority of the reason why i was like suicidal and depressed when i was younger is because i was not actively connecting to the society around me to the people around me and in turn i felt alienated and as if nobody understood what i was going through and i didn't know how to ask for help because i didn't know if anybody could help me because i felt alone i felt dissociated from society okay it can get dangerous and it should it shouldn't get dangerous you should be able to you know stop coolly calmly collect yourself um try and do some work to reconnect back to society

if you are feeling um kind of down that path starting to dissociate a little bit too much but yeah i don't think dissociating um a lot is good and if you do think that um your dissociation is caused by weed and you want to stop dissociating stop smoking weed straight up i think uh stopping smoking weed will help you a lot um because it is a disassociative drug all right that's what it is and I know it's mainstream I know it's popular but like once again moral of the story you do not need to participate in those things and if you are going to participate in those things actively try and incorporate things throughout your day throughout your life that help you connect to society and um not feel so alienated you don't need to feel lonely in this world there's

no reason to feel lonely in this world there's fucking what six billion people on this fucking planet like there's no reason for you to feel alienated and lonely i don't want you to ever feel disassociated from this world um if you do like i said um for me personally because i like especially with weed usage um like i said the dissociative part is something i kind of enjoy and i have found myself falling not recently but in the past in cycles where i will just be high all the time in order to just oh my god disassociate from the world around me for long periods of time so then i don't have to pay attention to what's going on around me very dangerous behavior as well cut back on smoking take a deep a tea break or something like when

that happened i realized i just went cold turkey um and then incorporate things into your daily routine that help you connect to society in the world around you um and it doesn't have to be society society can suck sometimes like i understand that but i'm just talking about like modern day like what's going on in your life um so like i said gratitude journaling do three things for one day or for a week and then do five things for a week and then do 10 things and work your way up from there um journaling literally um just and when i say journaling i'm not saying you have to do a deep psychoanalyst dive on your psyche no no no um that's what i think people get scared off of journaling by literally put a date down and write about your day what did you go through

what are you feeling you'll look back on that in a year from now and it'll be crazy to read and look back on um just writing about your day connecting back to um how you're experiencing the world around you I also like to romanticize my life in a way and connect to my life in a way through taking pictures um I found that is kind of something that works better than journaling almost um in a way of reminding myself of like the good times the memories um things that I do enjoy even if they are small is a photography and just literally on my iPhone take a little snapshot of something you're enjoying at that moment and then put it in a favorites list and then you can go back and look through them and remind yourself love it but yeah I think

disassociation can be very dangerous and if you can't handle it well I'm not saying can't handle it but it's just not good for you maybe don't smoke weed also participate in things that are actively connecting you to your life at this moment um but yeah i i think that like negative floating rock we're on a floating rock nothing matters mindset is very dangerous um because like things do matter you do matter the actions you make do matter at this time at this moment sure in a thousand years when this fucking planet is gone no but people need to understand that their actions and their behaviors and everything they're doing and participating in does have uh pros and cons you know next question okay so somebody asked me how do i let go of somebody

when i see them every day and i was like i feel like that's very valid because a lot of the times especially with like ex um relationship advice that i give i'm like just get them out of your fucking life and move on that is like the best kind of ex relationship anybody can ever give you block them try and get them out of your life completely like completely sever ties never see them again never speak to them again never even see a picture of them ever again um that's like the best x advice i can give you but like what if you see them at school what if you guys work together what if you guys have mutual hobbies mutual friends like sometimes it's not always that easy um and I totally understand that personally um I haven't really been in any

situations like that like the two exes that I've had I've completely cold turkey cut those bitches off um but those situations are a little bit easier to do so um but how do you move how do you move on from somebody when you see them every day how do you get over that when they're constantly being reminded um or when you're constantly being reminded of them when they're constantly around like that is harder it's harder to heal it's harder to move on best piece of advice i can really give you is um i don't know you feel like a a breath of fresh air when you realize somebody doesn't know any part about you anything about you and it sucks to see somebody every day and think back on the things you used to do and think back on the parts of yourself they used to enjoy

the parts of yourself that they brought out in you the parts of whatever you know whatever way you are connected um so find new hobbies find new ideas new things they will never know about you and literally never will although they knew you you do kind of have to just become a new person i'm not saying revamp reboot lose who you were completely i'm saying grow move on do the healthy things and soon enough you'll realize that every single new part about you that you worked hard to regrow to regenerate to heal from they will never get to know about you and they never will unless somebody tells them or they happen to have a second hand encounter with it but they will never get to know what it's like to be with you to experience you to know you all right you'll find

so much peace in knowing that um but when you're holding on to old things old behaviors old experiences it's gonna be hard to move and grow on uh grow past that so do the work put in the effort sure you might see them every once in a while maybe at school maybe at work wherever but you'll find peace in knowing that they will never get to know you again and they'll never be able to know you again they will know the old you the old couple that you guys were the old people you used to be but they will never get the satisfaction of being able to be in your life and get to know the incredible and beautiful parts about you ever again i don't know i think healing and moving on does a lot um and i'm saying that as if it's a very easy thing but like no my ass

was laid up for like weeks when i first got broken up with um watching fucking ted talks googling does will you ever heal from a heartbreak will you ever get over you will you will okay put in the work for yourself put it in to yourself focus on yourself and the process will speed up a little bit and also you'll feel much better at the end but you will find peace in knowing that at the end of it those people will never get to know you again and they'll never understand you someone asked me how i feel like this is the best fucking question if you don't know like what kind of style i have or how i dress um if you ever interested in like knowing a little bit more about me but maybe in like picture form my instagram is at hannah marlene you can check

out all of my outfits there um but somebody asked me how to feel more comfortable not fitting into one style like wearing all different things um and i feel like i kind of show that in some sort away like all the outfits i put together they never really fit one aesthetic they never fit one idea i just put on an outfit and if i like it i like it if it works it works sure there might be some trends that i'm fitting into some ideas that i'm fitting into that are in style right now um because i enjoy dressing like that if you don't don't do it but um i base all of my outfits completely off how i'm feeling who cares if you don't fit in one style who cares if you don't fit into one aesthetic i feel like i feel like um trying to fit into one aesthetic one look one

style is so limiting and so inhibiting to yourself and that's like low-key self-sabotaging in some sort of way because you're really just inhibiting inhibiting your true self and who you really are um i absolutely think going by emotion by feeling by peace by item i think is the best way to dress um do you guys know who uh okay so look at tiny uh at tiktok at tiny jewish girl i think that's her name you know what i'm talking about bad bitch she does it perfectly um the way she dresses herself is she wears all different items i love the way she like talks in her videos as well um just like how she goes about putting things on she'll start with one item and then she'll it doesn't even have to match it could just be an item that she also enjoys or it's something that

she thinks going to complement it i think going by that um uh as long as she's enjoying it like that's all that matters to her and that's kind of the ideal and she still gets haters like but that doesn't let uh she doesn't let that bother her and it's kind of like hot like i love that energy like yes go against the odds you know what I mean um but like I don't know it's just so limiting to try and force yourself to fit one aesthetic when we are all human we are all changeable we are all constantly changing in the ways we perceive ourself the way we perceive our world and trying to like I've been this has been I've gone through this before but like oh trying to put on an outfit and trying to fit this one style this one idea I had in my mind

when in reality the weather outside is not cooperating the pieces I'm wearing are not cooperating and also my mood is just not fitting it you're not going to feel good but if I start building that outfit based on the way I'm feeling hmm maybe I want to wear black today maybe I want to wear fun pink sparkles today or basing it on a item that you specifically enjoy oh I just got this top and I'm in love with it and I cannot wait to put an outfit together. Oh, I just got these pants and oh my gosh, this dress will match perfectly on top. Whatever. As long as you are doing it with the end goal to meet your overall happiness, that is the point, okay? By dressing by aesthetic, by dressing by style, by dressing by whatever the fuck. You're dressing for other

people. That's lame. That's boring. Stop doing things for other people, okay? You will never find happiness through that. Ever. I don't care what it is. You will never find happiness by doing things for other people i'm not saying like self like you should be selfish whatever like of course you will find joy through being a giver by being a nice person like whatever it's not that deep i'm talking about clothing right now you will never find satisfaction in trying to dress for somebody else okay dress for yourself you will look and feel 10 times better like like 10 times better and like i said tiny tiny jewish girl she dresses for herself she um picks out outfits based on what she likes and then i really hope i'm using the right pronouns

i'm pretty sure it's she but i've i'm so sorry if i ever use the wrong pronouns i'm really apologizing um but she also like i remember a time before when she would get a lot of hate not necessarily hate but just people being like this doesn't match this doesn't look good together you're crazy but it just they're just like stuck in their mindset stuck in their ways because literally 10 like a month later they're all eating her fucking ass they're all like all up in it all about it you know what i mean don't let other people's limiting mindsets limiting ways of life limit you as well express yourself free yourself from the binds of society okay have fun that's the point i just want you to feel good in what you're wearing and don't let other people get to

you someone asked me have i ever been into vaping love your podcast by the way it helped me so much um yes I was so um so I went to high school during like the zandemic um quite honestly I was not on zans but um it was like obviously that was like pre-vape vapes were really not a thing during that time like no one was really vaping when I was a freshman um or even a sophomore quite honestly i don't think vapes really came out until end of sophomore towards junior year that's when like jewels came out and jewels were the big big fucking thing okay that was like the big vape device in like what 2015 um when i remember when jewels came out a pack for like a the machine the little like jewel thing plus four pods at the gas station that we had to drive 45 minutes to

because um we had to go somewhere where it's 18 plus for nicotine and not 21 plus like everywhere else we literally had to drive like 45 minutes to go get fucking jewel pods for the first time ever um 70.99 70.99 uh-huh for a jewel case and fucking four pods 70.99 i paid that i paid that cash to a gas station now you walk into a gas station a jewel fucking kit is like 7.99 it is nothing now okay this was like brand new technology this was like mind-blowing everybody fucking wanted one it was impossible to get your hands on i got my hands on one of those i never let go of it okay i was smoking jewels well i started a restaurant job well i'm trying to think about this timeline my brain is mush um i got one in high school like end of high school i'm pretty sure and then smoked

that all throughout college oh oh i think i jeweled for a good two years then yeah i jeweled for a good two years at least but made my skin awful i realized looking back on those pictures my acne he was horrible it was absolutely from jeweling um but yeah i was high key addicted to jewels for quite some time um it was just i realized at the end of it it was just the um hand like the uh oral fixation and i didn't really need a jewel i replaced it with a hydro flask with a sippy cup lid does that make sense the little straw lids it's shaped exactly like a jewel and it does the same fucking thing except you're drinking water and your skin's gonna get better and you're uh i don't know it's gonna be way better for you all right but i was addicted um don't recommend

any sort of vape ever because they're impossible to get off of they're impossible to get off of okay there's so many flavors so many fun things it's impossible until i don't know if i've told this story before i stopped vaping because i like psycho conditioned myself to associate vaping with throwing up that sounds crazy i know i do a lot of psychology on myself without even fucking realizing it like this whole podcast is essentially just me psychoanalyzing myself in some sort of way without really realizing it I do it all the time it's kind of fun I'm not sure I'm just way too self-aware in some sort of way um but I would I was in my party phase not really a phase but definitely going hard and I would jewel while also being drunk and that gives you

like super spins like you're already spinning and drunk all right you hit your jewel you get a head high like a head rush and you're extra spinning okay i don't really ever throw up unless i'm spinning that is when i throw up i could be nauseous i could be drinking so much unless my head is fucking spinning like i am in a fucking i don't know tornado i will not throw up so when i hit my jewel i didn't realize this was happening but i would get the spins and then i would project how vomit for the rest of the night okay and then i would wake up the next morning hit my jewel and would taste horrible horrible would have to go out buy a new flavor I would do it again the next weekend not even realizing it I did this so many times I went through every single flavor I cannot

smoke any flavor anymore I smell them and it makes me want to vomit I cannot do any sort of jewels any sort of vape because I smell that like juice and I have conditioned my brain to remember all those times me projectile vomiting from spinning from drinking and I just can't do it I just can't do it I can't have any sort of nicotine that like it like it makes me so nauseous even smelling it makes me nauseous which is kind of crazy but yeah I was addicted to Jules that is how I broke my addiction that's how I broke free if you were smoking Jules do not if you're smoking any sort of nicotine do not okay you will thank me years down the line because that shit just eats away at your skin okay it will make you have not that like wrinkles are a bad thing but like i would

rather have wrinkles and sunspots and stuff like that from being out in the sun and experiencing the world and having fun okay but you smoking jewels are gonna fucking destroy your skin barrier give you so much acne make you super lethargic plus you're addicted to a chemical drug all right we don't need that now i wish i had an actual cure for you to help you on your journey um i don't recommend the thing the way i did it i i didn't intentionally know i was doing that either but it does work i do have to say that um but yeah no tbh i think cold turkey is the best way uh go get yourself a cute little hydro flask with a cute little color on it put some stickers on that bitch get a straw lid and every time you go to hit your jewel every five minutes take a sip

of water of ice cold water so it has that like brain chilling effect that jewels do all right but yeah yeah nicotine uh it's just not good for you it really isn't oh what is your ideal bath setup for self-care okay this is a great question um last night was the cancer full moon big emotional vibes big i don't know cancer full moon had me really acting up the few days before like emotionally maybe the week before um but once the cancer full moon hit last night i have felt uh peace i have felt so much peace um i was gonna take a little bath last night to celebrate but i got off work and immediately came home and passed out so if i was to celebrate the cancer full moon last night my ideal self-care bath routine first of all

before you ever run a bath you need to clean that bitch out okay growing up my mom always cleaned with vinegar i don't know if you guys do that i have just oh the smell is so bad but nothing cleans better okay you're gonna you're gonna clean out your bathtub you do not want to get in that bathtub unless that bathtub is clean because who knows what the fuck is in there okay i shower in my bathtub but like you gotta clean that bitch before you're gonna soak in it okay vinegar great natural way to do that toss some vinegar in there scrub away fill that bathtub up you're gonna do some epsom salts i like dr teals or whatever i love the eucalyptus love that you're gonna throw some doctor is it dr teals i'm trying to remember i don't know i don't

the bag next to me but if i'm saying that wrong you were just gonna have to hold on because i'm gonna keep saying it wrong because i do not know what it's called um i love their bubble bath they have like a sea salt bubble bath love that toss some of that bitch in there all right we're gonna turn some hot ass water on love hot water um candles important i have i like candle lights um so i have a lot of like candles that are unscented um just colored color based on mood based on how i'm feeling um for cancer full moon i'd probably do lots of pinks reds whites um toss those up love a little candlelight get you a good nice smelling candle as well i like bringing my crystals don't put your crystals in the bath i like having them on the

side um i don't have one of those little like things that go over the bathtub like a tray i wish i did oh my god i think they're beautiful and they're lovely i think they're wonderful i just put all my shit on like the side of the tub i got a lot of space around it um crystals candles smell good candles i like fresh um eucalyptus as well if you're gonna steam it for like a shower or um just letting some eucalyptus leaves float in the water love throwing some rose petals i love any herbal mixtures that i can throw in the water as well um lavender pet or lavender seeds anything like that um i always get like a fresh clean white washcloth and um whenever i'm laying in the bath i'll literally just like soak it in hot water and

and lay it over my face and let my face kind of steam for a bit um it helps pull all of those clogged pores put on a little face mask my favorite is the ole hendrickson oh my god butchered that shit um pore plunge mask love it 10 out of 10 being in a hot tub plus having this face mask on because is incredible because it feels like ice it feels like you're rubbing ice all over your face so the hot tub plus the ice is like oh stimulation love it um journaling always journal in the bath always just hang out in the bath always have some cbd joints on me in the bath love pass pack cbd joints they have great nighttime cbd joints um plus the packaging is so fucking cute like it just adds the aesthetic love them you can use code smoke sash for 10 off um but yeah it's very simple

like i really don't need a lot for a bath tbh i could just put some epsom salt in there clean the shit out and just soak in the bath and i'd be happy i don't need all those things but if i was gonna do like a big one oh also like for your full moons if you ever collect full moon water my favorite way to use full moon water is to take a bath just dump your full moon water in the bathtub take a bath soak in it relax i think that's kind of the best way to use it some people drink it um but after leaving my shit outside all night i'm like i don't know if i want to drink that i might just bathe in it that sounds more relaxing but yeah self-care is important self-care is great i think baths are quite honestly my favorite self-care oh favorite mixed drink okay

i have i drink a lot not really well i used to um uh me and my boyfriend like i said i went to the casino the other day my boyfriend does not drink I occasionally drink I don't like drink no I don't like people come home every night and have a glass of wine I do not do that I come home every night and have a bowl all right um I do not really drink daily I drink I would say at most once a week okay but I used to drink a lot so my boyfriend doesn't drink at all like i would say at most once a month because i'm making him okay um but we went to the casino and we obviously you're at the casino you want to get a little fucked up you know what i mean and it was like 10 o'clock at night by far my favorite mixed drink red bull vodka my parents

got me hooked on that shit red bull vodka feels exactly like cocaine i know it like essentially does the same chemical thing as cocaine that's not true but it's very very similar as somebody who's tried both vodka red bull vodka red bull i don't have a lot of these because red bull is not good for your fucking heart like you should not chug a bunch of red bull on a night out um obviously eat some bread before this but my parents got me hooked on vodka red bulls because in high school like i'm not sure what age i was but one summer my parents took me on a vacation and i thought it was gonna be like a vacation but they took me to the mountains in colorado to go camping and the entire time i had zero cell service zero cell service and i remember like um

i remember it being hell specifically because i was in the talking stage with one of my exes and so i was in the mountains for a week with no cell service and i couldn't talk to him and i was like freaking out um but at the end of the trip my parents took me to a concert at red rocks where i could finally have fucking cell service and i was young i couldn't get alcohol at the time i was probably like 16 17 um so you're at the concert and i asked my parents like hey can you give me a drink um like hey are you guys cool i don't really know like i would assume so we just spent a week in the mountains alone together like can you buy me fucking alcohol and they did they got me a vodka rebel and it was like my first ever vodka rebel and i had three of them that night

they just kept buying me vodka rebels and i ended up just like my parents have a video of me so funny crawling on the hotel floor back to the apartment or back to the hotel doing like cart wheels down the hotel um hallway like just crawling like completely drunk out of my mind ever since i had that experience oh love them vodka rebels have never done me dirty now vodka rebels are not the best for your health um if you got something going on that night if you're trying to get your kitty ate if you're trying to you know get a little freaky vodka waters the lime vodka soda with a lime tbh i love the bubbles way better than the water um vodka soda with a lime on the side you squeeze it in that's like fucking sprite and vodka or uh vodka

cranberry i'm just a vodka girl i don't know i never ever take shots of vodka because i will projectile vomit everywhere i never ever take shots of anything because i will projectile vomit everywhere um but vodka red bulls vodka cranberry vodka soda those are my top three by far if you're a drinker if you love going out let me know your favorite cocktail i'm literally i forgot to tell you guys this i'm bartending now uh-huh i'm gonna start bartending crazy right maybe one day i'll be your bartender but um let me know your favorite cocktail i would love to know periods period tips someone asked me any period tips um for anybody that bleeds anybody that's bleeding anybody that has a uterus that is bleeding respect i feel you you were so strong if what i've learned in my 22

i think somewhere in this podcast i said i was 21 i keep forgetting my age i'm 22 anyways um in my 22 years of experience i've gone through a lot um i've tried the diva cup i've tried the the tampon i've tried the pad i've tried it all um big rules period rules that i've learned if i feel the overwhelming urge to die randomly for a good two days it's probably because my period's coming check my flow app check it out figure that shit out you most likely don't want to die um 10 out of 10 recommend keeping a flow tracker app great for when you go to the doctor go to an ob-gyn anything like that also great for your own peace of mind um i used to spend a majority of my time having my birth control be um god so I would just like freak out all the time

because I didn't know if I was pregnant because I never tracked my period track your periods then you know um 10 out of 10 very helpful very helpful also if you feel like you're dying you can check your flow app or whatever and be like oh nope my period's supposed to start in three days should be good all right now i used to be a big fan of tampons okay my period used to be very heavy very heavy i got on a birth control a type of birth control i got i have the iud to kind of uh or fix that um my i was just like it was way too heavy i would be out for like a week because i was anemic plus i was on my period and i would go through like a super plus tampon in an hour it would be soaked and like it soaked in an hour like very quickly pads have to change them in an

hour um personally i've come to the realization tampons i hate them i hate them unless you leave them in long enough um for them to like completely absorb and then take it out they just like feel like they dry up my pussy like they're soaking up all of that juice that my pussy needs you know what i mean and i don't really like it the diva cup i enjoyed it they it was just like too messy and too much for me i'm not great at like keeping things clean and organized and all that shit so a diva cup was just like not good for me um before you're like girl that's the only reasonable option though like valid yes use that if you want totally it's completely up to you another great reusable option that is my personal favorite i used to use pads in the beginning but they get

like squishy and i don't know i feel like they make my pussy gross um okay my favorite way favorite way favorite way and you guys need to join the wave just like one period try this okay if you have the time free bleed i know i know i know i know free bleed makes me feel so much better my cramps aren't as bad I feel like tampons kind of make me cramp up a little bit more for some reason um it my period goes by faster for some reason I don't know I couldn't tell you why if you are on your period you have times you're just sitting around at home okay throw a towel down one that you're not a huge fan of one of you you know maybe a cum towel I don't fucking know throw it down sit on it you're chilling that's it that's it hang out let

yourself free bleed okay it's essentially the same thing you're doing with a pad but like you know you just don't need a pad because it's trash you know just sit on a towel let yourself fucking free bleed i'm i'm fucking free bleed in my boyfriend's bed i free bleed in his boxers uh you're in his dms i'm free bleeding his boxers that's so funny but like um no i love free bleeding that has been the best way to experience my period so far in my 22 years of being a girl love that i am obsessed with free bleeding okay even just like free bleeding on the toilet i i wouldn't do that in the past and didn't realize i was doing it i just get cramps i go sit in the toilet for like 20 30 minutes and just let myself bleed out essentially into the toilet it's the

same thing just let yourself free let yourself feel free and then when i'm not free bleeding say i gotta go somewhere i gotta run errands whatever um my periods aren't super duper heavy um anymore they used to be very very heavy when i was first going through my periods um so this maybe wouldn't work so much now but getting my hormones under control is really what fixed that um i'll just throw a little panty liner on and go out for the day i'll be chilling literally that's it but i'm obsessed with free bleeding i think it's so healthy for you i think it makes my body feel way more better especially going through periods it doesn't make me feel as like oh shameful like i need to hide it in any sort of way um it makes me feel like i am just a woman

and i'm going through my period and i'm letting it happen and i'm just like free bleeding i love it give it a shot give it a shot literally you don't knock it till you try it you could be like girl i hate blood that's disgusting you'd be surprised i just i don't know i feel incredible after free after free bleeding for like a good week i feel like rejuvenated in some sort of way let me know what you think about it and i want some updates i'm serious okay this is also a great question especially for my girlies um someone asked me how to feel more confident in your body um wait wait wait wait how do you feel more confident with yourself your body when dating slash hooking up and i okay i'm trying to think about this

I've never been uh no I was about to say I've never been super self right now I'm at a place where I feel very stable with how I view my body very positive with how I view my body um but I do know in the past you know as a woman I have insecurities I oh I don't look like I you know whatever bullshit I don't need to get into that um so like I understand and I feel you top way i felt more comfortable in my own body like before going into hooking up before going into dating i usually had a very sound sense of how i felt about my body um and then the way i felt about my body kind of fluctuated with the way i thought other people felt about my body um does that make sense I'm not sure so the best way for me to feel confident and stay confident

about my body is to have a partner whether it is a hookup or a relationship well for you if it's a hookup or a relationship have your partner be somebody who is enthusiastically engaging with you and positively reinforcing your body that has to be necessary in a partner okay like for me at least that has to be necessary my partner right now i have no qualms like this man makes me feel like the most beautiful person in the world he shows me unconditional love he literally wakes me up in the morning by kissing me from my toes all the way to the top of my head calls me his goddess like all this shit like worships me literally tells me he worships me like i need that shit quite honestly literally or else i'm gonna go insane like i in myself have a very

stable way of viewing my body but him as a partner when i mean we are very vulnerable with each other and him reinforcing that positivity and going out of his way to show that positivity towards me I have really had no issues with feeling confident about myself in this relationship um and in previous relationships I've been with people who maybe weren't outwardly like that and also were maybe doing things that made me feel insecure about my body whether it was intentional or not and stepping away from those and seeing um how much like treatment really affects the way you feel about yourself, you really just need to choose a partner who is going to respect you and is going to show you your worth. Although you know your worth as a partner, you need that person

to kind of reinforce that as well. And if they're not, listen, a big part of like self-sabotage is simply not asking for what you want and then being disappointed when it doesn't work out in the way you wanted it okay if you don't speak up for yourself it won't happen so maybe if you are feeling insecure with your body with your relationship um talk to your partner and if they can't get on board with that shit then kick them out straight up okay if they can get on board with loving your body more and being more enthusiastic about it and whatever girl there are so many men who will or women or whoever literally like there are people who will get on their hands and fucking knees and pray to you okay like you deserve that you deserve to feel comfortable and worshiped and

honored in your own body because your body is a temple and it should be treated that way i know that sounds like um cheesy but like with sex i feel like viewing the body as a temple and like viewing it as like um i don't know i mean sex is all about the body it's all about um engaging with other people so like being able to feel comfortable and sound in that space is very important and it also makes the sex way better if you can connect and feel comfortable and positive with each other with your bodies does that help but yeah there's been moments where i've like felt very insecure and i think having a partner who's there for you who can help you who also reinforces you is like a game changer and necessary oh my god okay so this might be the last question of the

day i know i'm so sorry but it's a great question um okay so someone asked me how did my parents find out about me smoking and did they ever degrade me in any way um like as somebody who smokes and as a teenager who you know smoked you know my parents had to have found out at some point in time um i started when i was like let's see i'm also gonna be making some coffee so if it's loud in the background i apologize um i'm very sorry but i started smoking when i was like i i always don't want to give the age because i don't ever want anybody to start smoking when i did but i'm gonna be very honest with you guys i was young i was like young high school um i kept it pretty hidden for a while i'm not gonna lie i did pretty good tbh i wasn't really smoking

in the house or around the house really at first um i maybe just had like a little pipe that i took to and from my friend's house so i would like bury it in this little fanny pack i got from pride and like wrap it in all of these like dryer sheets and then you know take it to and from my friend's house um but i was never really smoking inside my parents house at first um what was the first pipe they found okay so well it escalated from there um i wouldn't smoke my parents house and then i started i started smoking on my roof so like the way my childhood bedroom worked out was I had a window right next to my bed and then on outside of that window was like a little roof thing that hung over like our um screened in porch so um I would crawl on top of

the roof shut my window um smoke outside and then i would um leave my pipe on my on my uh roof leave all that shit out there so good air out open my window crawl back inside close the window i'd be good it would not smell because i was smoking outside you know my window is closed um first time they ever found my pipe oh my god they've taken so many i don't know my parents here's the thing my parents are dumb they aren't stupid and also like my dad partakes so like you know as like a stoner if i was a mother i would be able to tell when the fuck my kid was smoking you know what i mean their eyes would be fucking bloodshot and glassy they'd probably smell just like a little bit but just enough that like i fucking know um i would get home from

hanging out with my friends and my parent my dad this is so funny he'd be like oh come give me a hug and i'd give him a hug and he'd lean down and he'd like sniff my hair to see if i smelled like weed i was like this is you are playing games like this is crazy it's just a little bit of weed they did not want me smoking though i know that for a fact and i hit it ever ever since i started i've hit it um now they never really had a talk with me prior to me smoking about like drugs are bad they just um actually they did oh my god this is so funny okay so my brother's night i this is a little bit of a rant where it's it's a long story i just me and my parents have had a long history with me smoking and me getting in trouble um but when i was younger i remember specifically

like riding in the car with my dad one day at night and i smelled something and it smelled like a skunk i was probably like seven um and my dad i smelled a skunk and i like obviously my face like my nose turned you know i was like i don't smell good obviously i made a face and my dad was like yeah you smell that that's weed and i was like what's weed and he was like it's a drug it smells like that it smells bad and i was like oh well how do you know what it smells like and he was like well i'm a i'm a counselor and um the police came in and they did a burn test for us so if we were ever taken to court for like um any like testify for a student or anything and then um the police asked them well how do you know what it smells like then they could be like

well there was a test burn for all of the teachers and counselors just in case they needed to testify and me at seven i was like oh that totally makes sense and then fucking 15 years later i'm in the car with my older brother who we never really talked to each other because he's literally on a whole different life path um but like you know whenever we do meet up it's good i was like telling you about the story he was like oh my god dad did the same thing to me too and i was like there there's like no way this happened like there's no way the police did a burn test and me and my brother like so you're telling me he told us both the same lie just in reality he just smokes weed like he told us both the same lie when we he could have just been like yeah i

smoke it that's how i know but he wanted to frame it as if like it was a bad drug we shouldn't do it um but like why did he tell us both that like he really went to the lengths of the earth and now I see where I get it from, um, but I, that's, like, the first encounter I ever had with weed, I remember him telling me that, and then, um, anyways, flash forward, um, me and my friends were hanging out, you know, we had smokes, we had done our little thing, um, the first time my parents ever found my pipe, I actually was in high school, very odd, or I wasn't in high school, I was in um college like my first year of college and I had left to go back to my college um and I had left my pipe on my little vanity desk just out just out and actually I don't know if

I was going back to college I don't know where I was going it could have been in high school god my brain I just like so much has happened to me I'm trying to put it all together but I left my pipe out on my desk and I was like fuck my parents never go in my room but like they totally could find it and so I texted my friend and I was like hey can you go to my house can you go to my house can you be like um I left some something here from when you were spending the night um wrapped my room go hide my pipe from my parents so my friend's like yes I got you girl like I'm so sorry I put you in this situation but she's like yes I got you went over to my house she went upstairs she was like I'm gonna go look for some makeup or whatever to my parents went up

there the pipe was gone literally gone gone she was like Hannah I don't know where it is I was like okay it's fine whatever I'm just not gonna pay to do it went on to do whatever I was doing she went back home I was like you're a real one thank you for going over um and then I get a text from my mom and this is how it always has gone always it's just a picture of my pipe and then she's always like is this yours and it's always a text they're literally like confrontational but non-confrontational it's very odd and so I got I got that text and I was like oh my god oh my god and then literally nothing happens they just yell at me they would just yell at me and then my pipe would be gone that's the most that would happen this happened on three separate occasions at least

three separate occasions okay on the third time I was living under my parents roof I was like 20 okay my mom found a little one hitter she texted me a photo of it per usual oh is this yours whatever we have our little talk it comes to the point where I am like girl I'm depressed and I want to smoke weed like straight up I was like I'm an adult I want to smoke weed I'm depressed like obviously they weren't going to be okay with me doing it in high school they weren't really okay with me doing it in college but by the point where I was like an adult I dropped out I was trying to take control of my life I was like literally I'm smoking weed but like I'm an adult what are you gonna do you know what I mean and she kind of just made it clear

that she did not want me smoking in her house so I was like vibes all right I hear you she found my pipe like in my closet I was just opening my window and smoking out of it like I hear you you don't you don't want me smoking that's cool it's your house whatever I'm living under your rules it's fine so after that I would always just be like hey mom and dad I'm going out to my car to go talk to my friend real quick and I would just go out to my car every night and just smoke a bowl and after that they haven't really talked to me about it at all I mean my dad kind of vibe and we get along and he's like the other week or the other week he had a conversation about me he's like you still smoking bowls i was like no he was like you need to get a vaporizer it's way better

for your lungs i don't want your lung health like i was like oh my god okay tea dad all right um but yeah they're the kind of parents who are like as long as i don't see it or smell it you're fine as long as you aren't in trouble you're fine as long as you aren't in jail you're fine if i can handle myself handle my situations they really don't care but like as a parent the most they ever did to me was like yell at me and take my stuff i never really got grounded i never really got punished in any sort of sense um they always would just take my pipe and yell at me that's about it um which like that was a big punishment when i was in high school because trying to source a pipe in high school was so hard because you could never go to smoke shops um because you're

underage and also like it's i don't know it's just hard to get your hands on a piece so like that piece was usually very important to you um but yeah i got a lot of those bitches taken and then i found them all in my dad's garage literally like five years later found them all in my dad's garage they never really threw them away they just had them all so i don't know tbh it's probably the best my parents could have done trying to parent me with weed they did all they could and i respect them for that and i love them um but yeah they definitely yelled at me they definitely took my shit here's the thing though if you're like oh my parents took my shit and they yelled at me and you're salty about it i was salty about it too but looking back it's like they're your parents

what are they supposed to do encourage drug addictions no like tbh if i was a parent and my 16 year old smoking weed i probably do the same exact fucking thing you shouldn't do this here's why and i'm taking your shit like a very simple i feel like that's a very simple like way to parent and it's not harsh it's not like a dare program you know kind of punishment it's like a if you don't take care of your shit it's gonna get taken you know same thing with the police if you don't hide it well enough it's gonna get taken you're gonna go to jail so learn now now i don't think that was my my parents intention but it is kind of helpful but yeah if your parents are you know taking your shit not okay with drugs tbh should they really be okay with drugs probably

not wait till you're older they're gonna have a little bit more sound sense of self then not gonna care as much give it till 21 all right so sorry but that's kind of how it works you get a lot more freedom when you grow up um but play it safe play it fair play it honest um and yeah i think oh i think that's it for our podcast today guys um thank you for joining me happy tuesday i literally have to go to work um like two hours uh manifest lots of money for me thank you for joining um it was wonderful to have you thank you for sending in questions as well i only answered like half of the questions you sent in so i'm gonna finish the other half on thursday um but if you guys want to see what i'm doing in the meantime want to send me any questions that

are on your mind my dms are always open feel free to follow me at hannah marlene and the podcast instagram for any updates if scheduling is kind of off is at smokes at shawty so thank you for listening thank you for being here thank you for being you you are wonderful you are incredible and you are loved um and i appreciate you so much i hope you guys have a wonderful rest of your day Mwah