Smoke Sesh - karma, confessionals, & bad trips

Episode Date: November 8, 2022

Happy Tuesday!! We have a stacked episode today and one of my favorite segments that we do, I take you guys to church as I read off allllllll your confessionals. From love and karma, the 12 laws of karma, saying No, making bad decisions (sex, friends, cars, money, love) learning from it, growing from fear, bad trips and what to avoid, making it through loss and so so so so so much more. This has been such a fun episode and I loved going through all the confessionals with you guys, purging and understanding we all make mistakes and sometimes the only thing you can do is look back and laugh. Hope you all have a wonderful week and I will see you all on Tuesday! MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash, so come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Good morning everybody! How the hell are we all doing today? on this lovely little tuesday we got going on we got a lot of things going on today let's see

we got the well we got a full moon love which is also going to be an eclipse kind of the last part of eclipse season i believe it's in taurus it's also an election day very interesting that we're having an a election day on an eclipse i wonder how that's gonna turn out um but yeah i spent my morning um i had to get up go get some groceries get me some cold pressed ginger shots because i've been feeling really under the weather recently probably because i've just been working so much um and i also got some aloe vera juice which i have been loving recently i just take a little um shot of it in the morning if my stomach can handle it if not i take it at night but it's been really great for like my skin for my gut um i'm not huge on the fucking gut well gut health wave

i'm so sorry i will be drinking as much caffeine as i want and eating as many crab rangoons as i can fit into my mouth unfortunately um and i'm perfectly fine with that i know my gut does not like it but i am more interested about the skin benefits and also i am a very dehydrated bitch i try and chug as much water as i can but still it feels like my body is just like craving more water and this is a really great way of just like kind of um oh not me like it's really influencing the water intake on my body but like low-key um it also makes your pussy ushy gushy so love that like you're gonna be slipping and sliding off your chair so i got some of that this morning and then i went and i voted yeah very exciting um gotta get out there gotta vote my favorite thing about

voting is i know my vote cancels out another angry republicans vote which i just get so much satisfaction out of like they're getting up they're going and voting and thinking it has any fucking it has some say in anything like yeah i'm gonna vote for these republican people but then i come in and i'm like psych i'm gonna cancel out your vote love that i love that energy anyways did that chugged a lot of coffee as you can tell since i'm talking 100 miles per hour um and yeah it's a full moon so i'm kind of just i have the day off i'm hanging out doing this gonna make me some yummy lunch and then i found a little coven here in town i have been meaning to you know try and get out of my comfort zone try new things um experience new activities or classes

are just things i've never done before that's kind of the theme of the winter just to kind of keep my brain from wanting to implode on itself so i found a little coven in town um you can really find one wherever you are if you just search for um for me personally i started looking for psychics i was gonna go get a tarot reading um but i can do that to myself and then i found out that they were doing a full moon gathering and i was like love it sign me up so i will be going to that tonight with some other lovely ladies and it'll be very interesting because i've never been to a full moon ceremony so i'm actually doing a vlog which will be up on my patreon so if you want to see the ceremony see what happened hear about what happened i will be posting that there if you're

interested in any of that shenanigan that might be going on around you really just look into the people around you look into the psychics around you see if they're hosting any events I guarantee they are and I'm excited I think it'll be really fun um I have no idea what's going to happen they just said dress for ceremony dress for ceremony I was like I hope I don't know what that means but love um and bring a journal and yeah I think it's gonna be amazing just giving myself something to a little challenge you know for me personally hate leaving my house but i think it'll be really fun and eye-opening and i'll get to meet some other lovely witchy people and it'll be a fantastic way to celebrate the eclipse um this past weekend was my boyfriend's birthday so i got really

fucked up which we all love um his mom like he okay scorpios are always like oh my birthday's not important I just I don't really care like whatever but then on the inside they're like oh my god I need people to care about me like I want people to show that they care about me but on the outside they're like I don't give a fuck I'm gonna block the world out I don't care but on the inside they're like I really care somebody better show up for me and I know that and I recognize that so I pulled something together for my boyfriend made sure that he just had a really good day and then his mom had a little get together over at his place and his friends showed up and yeah took a lot of patron shots drank a lot of margaritas fell asleep on the couch it was a

good time ate some tacos um but yeah i think he had a really good birthday that's really all i was focused on this weekend i kind of treated it as a birthday weekend for him making sure he had a good time um because we always we always got to celebrate our loved ones you know what i mean especially on the days where it's like you're supposed to feel loved and celebrated like I know how much I want to be celebrated on my birthday even if I say I don't um so I just try to make sure I show up and show out for the people that I love and care about and you should too if there's any birthdays coming up do something special um for birthday present I he's been doing glass work so he makes like pipes things like that and so I just like hunted down the

person that he takes classes with and I prepaid for some classes and some glass um and it was a nice little surprise for him to show up um you know support his hobbies a little bit but yeah i had a great weekend i hope you guys did too i hope we're all feeling not too heavy from this eclipse um i honestly am feeling pretty good which i guess means i'm probably on the right track and listening to my intuition and i'm not ignoring myself um there's nothing i really need to release there's nothing i really need to feel like change about myself i feel like i'm kind of working hard and working towards my goals which is really good and I'm going to try and stay focused on that especially around this time um but yeah this is the time to kind of question to look around

yourself to release good time loving it anyways I am going to go on a little smoke walk it's actually really nice out today it's cloudy but it's 60 so I can wear a light jacket um and I have one more joint left for my little container of joints that i got from the dispensary so i'm gonna go smoke that and i'll be right back and we will get into all the questions that i got which also includes confessionals which i'm so fucking excited about um i had you guys submit confessionals to my instagram at hannah marlene so with that being said let's take a little smoky break and let's get into it okay feeling good feeling the vibes let's jump into some questions once again these are all for my instagram um but let's start okay someone said i literally have stopped having

thoughts recently like i used to overthink and now i'm under um okay i felt this i feel like my mind is usually always racing at like a thousand percent like we are going over the speed limit babes constantly with the thoughts but when i am like overworking or constantly busy or just like i have a lot of shit to do i will find myself getting home uh after those activities and just sitting down and it's just like tv static in my brain like no thoughts which is honestly i feel like okay and healthy i'll get home and i'll kind of be like that and my boyfriend will be like are you okay like you're not talking to me are you mad and it's like no no like everything's fine i am just like so mentally exhausted that i don't want to think and i think that's okay and i think

that's valid um i don't think there's anything wrong with you i just think that's a part of you know stimulation if you have a lot of stimulation to your brain if you're doing stuff if you're moving and grooving um there's not going to be a lot of energy or stimulation left at the end of the day or when you have time to sit down with yourself which is okay there's some simple like mind numbing things you can do that aren't super stimulating like read a book um paint draw sit on your phone if you need to because you haven't gotten phone time that's okay um but yeah i personally have to literally wear my brain out because at the end of the night if i am still like overthinking and constantly going and thinking and thinking and

thinking it's just not healthy and then i also don't get any sleep from it so yeah for me personally i like to work out my brain a lot during the day just so i'm not constantly running with thoughts but it just sounds like you're working a lot and that's okay and that's a vibe and maybe take a little break if you need to but yeah sometimes we don't need to think okay someone said how to uh whoa where did it go um trying to figure out how to reject someone that won't take no for an answer i feel like when we're rejecting people we always think like oh their feelings are gonna be hurt um you know you want to be a little sensitive about it you don't want to like completely crush them soul and spirit which is okay you know you don't want to like

overtly hurt people but with people who just like won't take no as an answer which is also huge major red flag you kind of have to be a little mean like you kind of just have to set the fucking record straight and hurt their feelings a little bit because at that point like if they're being pushy and rude and making you uncomfortable they deserve it a little bit any other time you have to reject somebody i would be like be kind about it be nice as long as they haven't like done anything but if they're not taking no for an answer sometimes you just have to be like dude i don't fucking like you you fucking weird me out leave me the fuck alone like sometimes you just have to be like blunt and honest with people because they cannot see

reality for what it is um and they think they're amazing and awesome and wonderful and brilliant why wouldn't everybody like me um and i'm gonna be pushy and i'm gonna push this person into liking me which is not good or healthy whatsoever um so yeah i would say just be blunt about it um and if this is kind of like an online pushy thing like you're not in close proximity with them you don't see them a lot it's just like uh maybe you hooked up you're talking whatever this is when i would be like okay ghosting is okay like you don't owe them any conversation you don't owe them any sort of like explanation um if you said no once and they're still like hitting you up and hitting you up and hitting you up just block that bitch like just you can

get rid of them it's fine all righty somebody asked how to um be less dependent on wanting oh my god on wanting a relationship and external validation love you love you okay so here's the thing i think it's okay to crave love and want love and want to be loved and want to feel it and want to feel validated i think those are all wonderful amazing feelings that are totally valid and totally okay i feel like when people are like no you shouldn't be craving this or no you know you can be self-sufficient on your own you shouldn't want love from other people it's like kind of building a wall between you and the outside world um and not only putting yourself on a pedestal but like pushing everybody else around you down which is not healthy it's okay

to want love it's okay to want to be loved it's okay to you know crave intimacy and crave connection those are all very natural wonderful amazing human feelings that we're all gonna feel at some point in time um and i feel like when people give the advice of like no you don't need that like fuck that shit um it really yeah it just builds a wall between yourself and the world that is just a a thick wall that a lot of people build up and is very hard to take down so i feel like a i should address that it's okay to feel these and want these things but it's all about priority um you know love and connection and things like that can be found through so many different outlets it does not always have to be romantic yes self-love can be a part of it but also i don't

think self-love is a replacement for outside connections um you can find validation and wonderful meaning love and friendship and purpose through just the people around you building friendships building connections through that it doesn't always have to be quote-unquote romantic love it can be a wonderful community builds um like a friendship type of love do you know what i mean so say romantic love is not on your radar but you are still wanting those feelings of like feeling accepted and feeling like you're a part of something um i would really just recommend focusing on your friends and strengthening those friendships and putting yourself out there a little bit it's scary yes um but you will get so much just like wonderful joyous experiences

and moments if you really just take time to prioritize your friendships and those relationships that you are building um now if you do want a relationship like you're craving a intimate you know romantic relationship not a friendship type of relationship i think that's okay and you can keep it on your mind but it shouldn't be priority number one nor do i think it should ever be priority number one because that's when i see people settle um when they make their whole life about love and finding the perfect person and you know i need to find somebody you were kind of in a lack mindset and you're in a mindset of i am not whole until i find this person and half the time when you find that person they're not going to be the person for you which is okay you have to date

around to figure out what you like, what you don't like. So I would really just emphasize not making it your sole reality and sole purpose because that's when you are going to be approached by the first person who you find interesting and you're going to settle without taking into consideration who this person is, the long-term effects, you know, you might ignore some red flags there so i would say it's okay to like crave and want intimacy especially romantic intimacy but don't make it your whole character and don't make it the only reason why you're surviving um it's okay to keep your eye open but i think the true connections and the true the truest form of love and romantic relationships that people find um are accidental um yes they're maybe single

they're kind of looking but it's not their full reality it's not their full drive their full drive is themselves and making their life a life that they want to live and making sure that their reality and their everyday reality by themselves is wonderful and amazing and they are working forward if you are doing that then the right person will fall into place okay you just got to give it time unfortunately don't close yourself off to the world um and really prioritize your friendships and that community aspect because i feel like a lot of people think of you know romantic love is the first type of love but you can find so much deep meaningful love and connection and validation through your friends and your family family and the community that you build

for yourself so love love though love it okay someone said let's talk about being the crazy ex but being proud of it because he deserved it um definitely been there definitely um when i was younger though because i was way more unhinged way more mentally ill and had nothing to lose because of it was definitely doing some batshit crazy things um not like super crazy like i wasn't burning down people's houses um but i definitely was like oh you make me miserable okay let me turn this shit around um which was fun until listen karma's gonna bite you back um so i think if my one thing of advice for my younger crazy girlies is is just let karma handle the things that you wish you could handle because if you handle it and you handle it a little bit too out of control

and you do hurt somebody and you do kind of do some batshit crazy things that are really not great karma is also going to come for you unfortunately um and i had to learn at a young age to just allow the universe to work out what needs to work out because it does it absolutely does every single person who has hurt me who has gone out of their way to make me miserable who has emotionally manipulated me who has put me into a place of darkness who has done horrible awful shit to me laughed at me while i was down is in a awful place right now in fact the universe said oh you think this is funny let me grab you by the fucking hair and put you into the place that she was and guess what i didn't even have to lift a finger all i had to do was realize what was

happening remove myself from the situation and do better okay realize what was happening move on and make it a priority in my life to never ever ever put myself in a situation like that again okay to see the red flags unfortunately you know you got to go through a little bit of a crazy time to see the red flags but like yeah i fucked over many of my exes um after they had hurt me now i i felt good in that moment but then directly afterwards the universe was like oh you want to be on their level you want to be that type of person let's make you that type of person and it didn't feel good so i really really encourage you guys just let karma handle it girl okay you will get your satisfaction but the true satisfaction is going to come from you moving on

and doing better than you ever have with those people or with that person and making your life as beautiful and as wonderful as you can and the more energy you put into that lightness and into that positivity specifically directed at yourself the more the universe is going to take the negativity that you're releasing and put it back on that fucking person okay karma is a fucking bitch and she will come for anybody okay i think about it all the time if i like if i like i'm pushing my grocery cart to the um the like little stall i always put my grocery cart away but the amount of times i see people not put it away this is like a small little thing i saw someone not put it away and then immediately back into the fucking grocery

cart and scratch the fuck out of the back of their car and i was literally like that is instant karma bitch you're so lazy you didn't put it away assume that somebody else would put it away or didn't care if somebody else hid it now look at you directly fucking backing into it the universe has some funny tricky ways of playing but the energy that you put out is the energy that you get back and if you are putting out negative horrible awful mean ugly energy the universe is going to be like oh this is what you want to surround yourself with love it let me give it back to you 10 fucking fold okay i know for a fact i don't even have to check in on these people i have no connection with these people i have not heard spoken to connected with the people who

have hurt me in my past at all I'm very big on if you hurt me it means you do not deserve to be in my life and I am blocking all connections that are even remotely possible um and I move on but I know for a fact that those people who just made it their goal to make me miserable are feeling what I felt but tenfold and it is so satisfying it is so satisfying to think about and you know that there's some people where it's like karma is always on your side but there's some people also where i'm like i know karma is always fucking against you because you are miserable you put you push it on to other people you go out of your way to make other people feel how you feel because you are not even closely or remotely interested in making your life positive in any sort of way

so the energy that you push onto other people is so negative that of course you're gonna fucking get negative energy back of course karma is gonna be against you karma is never gonna be your friend because you're miserable and making everybody around you miserable but there's also people that i see in the world that i'm like you are radiating like even if like a bitch is sobbing crying like in a low place in life i am like i can still see that like you are a positive wonderful amazing person and you have just been hurt you've been put down i am so sorry but i guarantee you will be lifted back up and just let karma do the dirty work okay the way you are feeling the way your heart is tearing in half don't worry because someone else is going to feel that the person

who did that to you is going to feel that but a million times worse okay because karma knows your weaknesses it knows your strengths and knows directly what to go for it aims for the fucking throat every single time and it is so satisfying so i would say look around you and ask yourself like is karma on your side like for real is karma on your side are you acting in a way in the world where karma is going to like look at you and be like you know what i'm gonna rock with this bitch we're we're rolling with her she's doing good we're gonna give good back to her um we're gonna make sure she's protected that's kind of the way that i um approach the world and think about the world around me um but i guarantee if you've been hurt the best thing you can really do is just step

away um from the situation uplift yourself into a better situation and let the universe do the rest okay no contact uplift yourself and understand that the universe hears your prayers it feels your heartbreak it understands your hurt and it loves to dish it right back out it loves to okay now if you're interested in how karma works or how you can achieve better karma how you can get karma on your side there's actually 12 laws to karma um so let me kind of lay them out for you they're not probably what you're thinking um but they're very easy ways that you can look at the life around you and ask yourself like am i moving in a positive direction so first of all the great law whatever we put into the universe will come back to us okay energy is real the energy you

portray is the energy you are going to also magnetize towards you so really focus on what that is and focus on what you want to bring towards you the law of creation life does not happen by itself we need to make life happen okay life is not just like an incident or a thing sure it's moving around us we maybe don't have a lot of choices that we directly got to choose but we have a lot of choices lined up in front of us you if you sit on your couch and don't do anything all day your life is not going to miraculously become wonderful and great and amazing okay you got to get out there you got to keep it moving you got to put positive energy towards yourself positive work um to make life happen and move around you the law of humility

one must accept something in order to change it okay if you're a horrible awful person if karma has been eating at your neck recently it's okay it doesn't mean this is going to be a lifelong ailment it just means maybe you need to take some steps to look at yourself ask yourself like you know what kind of energy am i asking uh to attract towards me and if it's something that's not great and you realize you maybe have some behavioral issues very simply can change it okay one thing about life is we always have the option to change and the law of growth when we change ourselves our lives change to directly influence even if it's a small thing a big thing if we make a change your life is going to follow all right the law of responsibility we must take responsibility for

what is in our lives you cannot always blame and project other people um for the good and the bad you must also understand that you are a player in your own game that is life and sometimes you fuck up and you got to take responsibility and understand law of connection the past present and future are all connected okay sure we're moving on a timeline but um the past affects the present and the present affects the future the law of focus we cannot think of two different things at the same time it's going to literally split your fucking brain in half my adhd girlies probably already know this find one thing focus on one thing and finish that one thing before you move on the law of giving and hospitality our behavior should match our thoughts and actions

okay if your thoughts and actions are good make sure your behavior is good as well um if your thoughts and actions are bad i i mean listen i don't know if you should match that in behavior because karma will get you but you know if you're trying and seeking something that's in your brain you can make it into your reality uh the law of here and now we cannot be present if we are looking backwards although we are all connected with the past present and future we you're still moving forwards if you are living in the past you will never be able to enter the future the law of change history repeats itself until we learn from it and change our path that's why miserable people stay miserable because half of the time they cannot change and they cannot

accept that they are a bad person and you have to accept that you have made a mistake and accept that you maybe have been a horrible awful person in order to change um and if you cannot change you will just continue being a bad person receiving bad karma and it's an endless cycle so let's break that fucking cycle all right and the law of patience and reward the most valuable rewards require persistence um yes it's like getting up and going to the gym every day uh you gotta you can't just go once and see results you gotta get up and go and try more than once maybe more than twice maybe more than three times build it into your into your routine but i guarantee if you just focus on the little things work them into your routine attract positivity

you will get there and the law of significance and inspiration rewards are a result of the energy and effort we put into it if you put no energy into the things that you want you're not going to receive any energy back if you put a lot of energy positive energy into it guess what you probably absolutely will see that back um i think true peace is found when you stop seeking revenge and understand that horrible awful negative people are only going to attract horrible awful negative things um and removing yourself from the situation is the best way to save yourself not stooping to their level not allowing them to drag you by your hair down to the depths of hell um remove yourself seek light seek inspiration seek positivity understand when people aren't

changing understand when people are making everything around them negative um and try and look at different ways that karma is affecting you and um see if it's really on your side for me personally i think i've done a really good job of i'm not the toxic one anymore thank god i really put a lot of work and effort and time into the life that I'm creating around myself and a lot of it really is just focusing on bringing light and positivity into my life not only into my life but also reflecting that outwardly to other people as well and I know that I stay out if I stay on that path the bad things that happen to me are just going to be bad things and none of them are going to be horrible awful things that karma is dishing out to me but if you feel karma you know

reaching up grabbing you by the neck um dishing out just like so much pain like tenfold amount of pain kind of look back on your past ask yourself like okay have i fucked up you know did i hurt somebody do i deserve this like it's okay to deserve it sometimes i've been there as well um but look at ways that you can change and look at ways that you can move forward and look at ways that you can bring karma onto your side because i guarantee if you enact change if you focus on those laws you will get there anyways funny little karma story um in my first relationship we had broken up and he was still trying to like well here's the thing i feel like it was my first breakup so i was like trying to find closure and sometimes just the only closure you can find is

really from yourself and taking time to yourself but i didn't understand that yet so i wanted to meet with him thinking that you know it's gonna it's gonna solve this you know i won't feel any feelings i'll be fine so we meet up i was living in omaha at the time and we meet up at a boba place which was a boba place that me my friends and him used to go to all the time so we meet up for boba it is pouring down snow negative three degrees outside like freezing fucking cold i go in we get our boba obviously no closure happens but i go outside he leaves and he he lived like 45 minutes away so he leaves and i sit at the place for a little bit because i'm like sobbing or whatever and i go outside and i like go to start my car and it is not starting it is not

starting at all negative four degrees like bitch it is cold it is so fucking cold not starting i go inside does anybody have jumper cables nope no jumper cables all righty i go i sit in my cold car and i call my ex because i'm like oh my god last resort what what what can i do like i'm gonna call my ex he knows cars maybe he can turn around and come back he was maybe like five minutes away and i was like hey my car's not starting it's freezing out can you please just come help me like start my car and he was like no i'm already on the way home my ass had to i was losing it i was like what the fuck am i gonna do this man just this man first of all met up with me to receive his end of closure he got it i didn't and now he's heading off to live his happily married life

and is refusing to turn around and help me after i had just helped him through a hard time yet he didn't help me at all um fast forward like four months and yeah he moved to california totaled his car got broken up with by the girl he moved uh on with me with immediately um and had to move back in with his parents started back at ground zero and i do truly believe that is his karma for not helping me when i was at my point of no return at my zero but do you know who did help me you know who did help me my friends yep that's why community is so very important they came from my school they came they helped me jump start my car in my negative four degree weather we literally could not feel our hands or our feet for like 30 minutes we all had to like get in the

shower and like warm ourselves up and put ourselves our fingers on like the radiator to heat them up but they pulled through when no one else did for me and i really fucking appreciate that and those are some real friends and i know karma has their back because they go out of their way to help people to show up for the people they love um and the one person who didn't show up for the person who gave them you know peace and positivity guess what they felt that pain they really did i know they fucking did but anyways okay i know why you guys are here let's jump into some confessionals because i got so fucking many i wish i could add like church bells to the background of this right now like welcome to church girlies i know we probably all have some trauma from church so

please understand that this is a safe place there is no god here um there is only peace positivity love and acceptance so with that being said let's jump in okay um i fucked my friend's brother for multiple years and they didn't know hopefully there were no hard feelings uh i feel like all of my friends slept with my friends brothers but we were all kind of the same age so it's fine as long as there's no weird age difference uh i like being petty sometimes me too love it you can't live in a state of pettiness for forever because i realized you just like surround yourself with negativity and anger and it's not a way to adequately live your life but it is a great way to get shit done okay i am so driven by pettiness only occasionally though okay um my boss and i

have this weird energy connection what he trusts me so much he's giving me mushrooms run run as fast as you can from that man weird power dynamic first of all don't know why he's giving you drugs i do not think you should ever sleep with your boss me personally i live with my grandmother and she definitely heard me having nasty sex the other night oh you know what hopefully your grandma's just like go girl you know what i mean hopefully she's a chill grandma when i was living with my grandparents i had to drive like 45 minutes to get dick because i was not about to sneak a man into that house um oh i cheated on my ex-boyfriend of three and a half years halfway through the relationship and never told well now you're telling now hopefully karma

doesn't come for you but thank you for sharing um i feel like if i was cheated on like yes i would want to know but also part of me is kind of like if it's a one-time thing and you fucked up like maybe i don't want to know but also like i want to know i don't know i'm torn um oh broke up with my boyfriend on the night of our three years i feel awful it was that night but i know it's not the right thing i feel like when important dates like that come up like our one year or valentine's day or the day we met um are very important days because it's a reminder of like a check-in of how you're feeling um and if you're feeling bad on those days that is very much so a sign that the relationship is just genuinely not working like with my ex i

dreaded those days there was a valentine's day where we like went out had dinner gave each other gifts and then went to the hotel and just screamed at each other for like two and a half hours and we i fell asleep on the separate bed with no talking just like crying sobbing he was like fuck you i'm going to bed and i slept on the other bed with my back turned to him crying anyways that definitely should have been a sign that like if you're crying yourself to sleep on valentine's day like this relationship is not working so i'm proud of you for listening to your guts um all righty slept with my manager babes no judgment made out with 10 guys on halloween found out one i liked was republican and ghosted him i think that's valid i would also ghost a republican man um in a straight

relationship but yearning for pussy never tried before hmm maybe a three-way would be in your best interest i don't know like make some really strong rules like i also feel like you can bring a girl into the bedroom and like you can enjoy her while your boyfriend's enjoying you like your boyfriend doesn't always have to get in on the action with the other girl like if you want to test it out maybe it's a conversation you should have um i like three guys at once all righty i've been in a healthy relationship for three years but still feel lonely um i think that's okay uh relationships are never going to fully and like completely satisfy you ever i think that's a valid feeling um you have to find satisfaction through yourself through your friends and through your partner your

partner cannot be a replacement for yourself and your friends um you got to have like all three kind of um i used to be a huge kleptomaniac and now i'm filled with shame felt i cannot steal shit anymore like i can't i used to steal like thousands of dollars worth of worth of stuff from sephora when i was like 14 15 16 not anymore don't come for me um but then i was like in target one day target takes that shit seriously do not ever steal from target um and i like took five panties and put them in my pocket i think i've told this story before and i walked up to the checkout well i was walking around my friends and this like guy in a vest kept walking by me and then he started following me to the checkout line and i should have known like bitch go put those back um but i

walked up to the checkout and he walked up right next to me said are you gonna pay for the things in your pocket and my dumb ass was like uh yeah but it's a five for 25 sale can i go grab an extra pair of panties and he i think was just like taken aback by that so i went and i threw the panties without the tags in the like pile and then grabbed five random pairs of panties that had tags on them and paid 25 for underwear that didn't fit uh but that is your sign to not steal okay um my parents are cops and i'm a stoner they have no clue i would be terrified if my parents were police officers um i would be so scared but also i don't know i feel like well some cops are either like really anti-weed or i'm sure there's some cops who are like yeah i'm stealing the

stash of shit we take from people either way it's still a little fucked up hopefully they don't find out um i have a thing for fucking in public spaces i think this is really common and i have nothing against it as long as you are not putting other people like into a sexual kind of situation without their consent such as like fucking on a train in front of people like let's be real some people probably don't want to see that shit but if you're in the middle of nowhere with no one around you like go for it that was me the other week me and my boyfriend going on a walk in the woods and I was like no one's around here let me just drop my pants real quick so I mean felt been there girly hi Hannah I just wanted to say I literally love your podcast so much like you've

literally got me through like so much shit like don't even know so first I love you second if you're doing hollywood confessionals I want to like get some shit like off my chest so I went out on Friday night it was like the best time of my life I got like stupid wasted but like that was my goal like I just wanted to like drink and dance and like have a good time um and I ended up dancing and like this one guy saw me like from across the room and like came up to me we were dancing for a while I was grinding on him for like a good minute it was so much fucking fun and I was dancing with him for a while and he like motioned to kiss me um and in my mind I was just like not super like wanting to kiss him like in the moment he's like a senior at this one school

and I'm like a first year at my school um so I didn't end up kissing him but honestly like I've been like overthinking like the whole situation and like I'm a Virgo too so it's like I'm overthinking bad but like I kind of want to kiss him now because like yeah it would have been fun but thank you so much I love you bye I think that's kind of fun though you know like it's a little tease like I'm sure he's thinking about you too because you didn't kiss him so if you see him around again be like hey halloween was fun want to hang out again if you are regretting it and are regretting like not you know doing something but also i feel like it's important to listen to yourself in the moment if you're not feeling it in the moment like there's no reason you should

give in and there's no uh like there's no hurt in saying no you know what i mean uh you can say no whenever you want if you're not feeling it you're not feeling it and that is totally valid babe but also like I'm sure he is constantly thinking about you because you guys danced the night away and had a lot of fun and then you didn't kiss him that's like a power move okay hello love the podcast so I have a little quick confessional I'm gonna try to keep it quick because I have a tendency to just absolutely ramble and talk shit so basically I have this whack-ass boy toy who literally messages me being like oh my god this mercury retrograde got me fucked up like come over a baby girl and he makes me listen to MGK and he's like real cringe emo but like dick game good so

I'm gonna stay there anyway anyway and he does my tarots it's pretty sick but um I'm over there and I just want to note there's no like prior discussion we've never like really discussed like some sort of like pet name or anything of this sort just out of the blue I'm giving him head and he calls me an anime character's name like he just randomly and we're both really cooked so I didn't like really think too much of it and he's just like oh Misa Mane like you know from Death Note um yeah what the actual fuck and then after I was like thinking I'm like that's not my name I'm not excuse me what like anyway yeah that's my life that is so funny love Misa I feel like honestly compliment love it um but yeah I feel like when you're in a relationship with a man

but the relationship is only like dick and fun and i don't really care about you because you're kind of a weirdo um shit like that happens like i feel like they feel more bold in those situations um hilarious funny are you going back i'm curious because i would be like bitch what what delusion are you living in sir like what reality are we in because obviously we are not in the same reality right now okay more confessionals someone said i love my girlfriend but i keep having cheating dreams like almost every night and i feel so guilty don't let your dreams influence your reality but also i do believe your dreams have some sort of say on the things that you're thinking about um so like if you want to cheat on your girlfriend i would say

just break up with her like if you were thinking about other people and thinking about doing that shit then break up with her but also if you are not whatsoever but just keep having these dreams apologies i would say maybe eat a melatonin gummy um and say your affirmations before bed and don't let it affect you too much you know like that is not reality your dreams are not reality um oh my god oh my god i fucked my boss and it turned why are there so many stories about people fucking their bosses wild shit okay anyways i fucked my boss and it turned out he had a secret girlfriend so i got him fired and became a manager honestly boss bitch shit okay i'm plotting to fuck my friend because my ex really likes him and wants to stay friends with him interesting

interesting i'm glad we had to talk about karma before we went over these um one time i spit in my science teacher's cupcakes and watched her eat all three one by one oh my god to be fair she called me names okay well maybe it's deserving it's just spit you know what i mean i think at my school someone made cupcakes with laxatives in them and gave them to a teacher so spit's not too bad i just watched american horror story 2 and it's so funny because um in the first murder house season she makes those cupcakes and she's like all right babe now spit in it okay i love talking to really older guys because they make me feel safe um in fact i hate to say it to you they are more dangerous than the people your age um they probably make you feel safe and secure because

you've been sold the idea that older people of course are secure and can provide security for you but the trick is if an older person is seeking out a younger person they are very very unstable and cannot keep relationships of people their own age so they have to seek um immature younger people i'm not saying you're immature but of course you're younger you're going to be uh more immature than somebody who has more years of life experience um because they in themselves are immature no no no no older men will ruin you i have imagined dating oh my god oh my god i have imagine dating my brother and how good of a boyfriend he'd make is that weird i don't think we should be dating our brothers i think it's okay for people to have good

characteristics and traits that you seek in other people though uh i work at a pet store and i was mad at my boss so i threw a tub of crickets into his office that's hilarious i love it i cheated through all of my high school math and people paid me to do their essays i'm in college right now that was me but in college um i would write people's essays for money great way to make money if you guys are interested in making money just make friends with the uh like student athletes they have no time on their hands um and you just have to make friends with the not smart ones because then you only have to write a paper that can get a b because they're used to getting like C's and D's and they'll be happy and probably pay you like $200 also quick little tip um also

confessional I cheated in like all of my um what is it like nursing school like tests they were all on the computer too um but I had a friend who was in Rome at the time she was studying abroad and so the time difference she would take her test like three hours before I would take my test and then she would facetime me and tell me all the answers and then in mechanical pencil on my macbook i would write in mechanical pencil very lightly on the keys like on the black keys the answers um or like words that i need to know or anything like that because you could just read it and then just like run your finger over the key and it would be erased and also like teachers can't see that while standing up um use that to don't use that okay okay my boyfriend admitted he finds me hot

as fuck with a strap on vibes we all have our kinks i am loving that i am living my sexiest 20s life ever since cutting off my old middle school friends love that too sometimes you know you got to understand when people are just not good for you um my boyfriend made me mimosas on halloween and that is how i how you earn a gluck gluck yes literally men need to understand that like we i love giving head but i only love to give head when i'm like this man's deserving of it you know like do something for me i'll do something for you um oh uh i waited for my ex for eight months after we broke up and he left yesterday for someone else this is why you don't wait for people even if they say they're waiting for you do not wait for people if you wait for people

you're ultimately wasting time i don't mean to put you further down in a hole it's just a life lesson that we all have to learn sometimes i've been there it's okay but for the people who have not gone through it you do not ever wait okay because while you're waiting and while the other person says they're waiting they're really moving on so you might as well just move on with your life and if it's meant to be like if it's truly meant to be it shouldn't require you to wait okay if it's truly meant to be you'll find your each other again in the right time but in order for that to happen in order for the right people to enter your life you need to be doing what is positive and necessary for you to do in your own life but yeah I have COVID right now so I'm stuck

at home bored so I decided to buy a ton of acid careful with taking a lot of acid in a short amount of time that is how my ex-boyfriend turned into a delusional fucking maniac because he took like 12 tabs at once uh don't recommend me personally not a huge fan of acid because i think it mushes my brain a little bit too much but i definitely have been there with covid where i'm like i'm just gonna eat mushrooms and vibe in my room like come on hi hannah so first of all just wanted to say love the podcast but I have a confessional for you so a couple months ago I was driving my dad's car and it's a Cadillac you know it's like this nice car I was driving it and I accidentally hit a parked car in the Goodwill parking lot and I was freaking out because I've

never gotten in a car accident before I've never like hit anything before the person whose car I hit actually worked at Goodwill and she came out of the store and I was like crying because I was so scared she gave me a hug and she was like don't worry it's okay because luckily nothing happened to her car but my car had this huge like totally scratched up there was paint you know transfer on my dad's car I was freaking out luckily I was able to go home and girl boss my way out of it I grabbed some dw40 and I got to work and it's been like two months and he hasn't noticed so I just wanted to get that off my chest love you I love that I hit a parked car in the Whole Foods parking lot one time I just like was turning in and I just totally just like was did not accurately turn and

i just like kind of hit the side of their car not hard i really don't think like a lot of damage was done but my karma for that was somebody who was sitting at the bus stop saw it and i started backing away because i was i wasn't gonna drive off but i was gonna just like repark you know i was gonna leave my car in the middle of the fucking drive and like with the like i wasn't gonna back people in and i guess this person thought i was driving off and she ran over and started hitting my window and was like you hit them don't drive off what the fuck are you doing i saw you i was like bitch i'm trying to park my car so i can go into this whole foods and find this person but now that a crazy ass bitch is yelling at me and hitting my window you know

what bitch i am gonna drive off i am because i'm not getting out of this car right now and also you are riding the bus why are you concerned with what i'm doing with my car like you're gonna miss the bus it's right there go i was like holy shit anyways i'm glad that she offered you some peace of mind at least she gave you a hug but yeah um i definitely hit that car and that lady started screaming at me and i was like this is i'm leaving and i did go back i went back and i like took a picture of the license plate and i went inside the whole foods and i i went up to the security guy and i was like um i hit this car it wasn't like hard this is what it looks like here's the license plate and he was like well i mean you like could go upstairs and report it but we're probably not

going to be able to find the person and also i don't care and so i was like okay i guess i'm gonna turn my ass around and go back to my car love that i came back here uh someone said i like the same guy my friend likes on idk if i should act on these feelings or not um definitely do not a man is not worth um you losing a friendship ever girl code number one never ever lose a friend over a man men are worthless you can replace them easily just because you like them doesn't mean they hold any true value okay i'm so sorry but anyways uh everyone i like at my new school is talking shit about each other to me that's just how it is i feel like in high school um if you don't want to be around it i would just be like i don't

really give a fuck i feel like people in my high school would just come up and like vent to me about people and like i live for drama i didn't create it ever but people saw me as like a source of like peace so they could just get shit off their chest and then be like whew okay and then i never told anybody but i'd just be like okay yeah bitch you can vent i don't really care um i'm pretty sure i'm a narcissist with the god complex time for therapy i hate my best friend so much and like she makes me so mad why is she your best friend i would say remove her okay someone said sorry i'm in the middle of munching i'm eating some pretzel crisps and some french onion dip honestly 10 out of 10 but someone said i stole a man's cart battery a car and battery because he

is patronizing me absolutely if a man is uh you know being horrible awful no good to you i would say take something okay once this girl posted an ugly picture of me on her insta so i hacked into her account and deleted it that's fucking hilarious um oh i hooked up with someone's boyfriend that I've loved for years but they broke up the next day no one knows if you are ever the quote-unquote other woman I think you owe it to um the girl in the relationship if they're still together you know obviously he probably felt guilt about that and broke up and I would probably not rehash old feelings and make her feel bad by you know being like oh you guys broke up also I slept with him but if they're still in a relationship absolutely tell that girl she definitely deserves

to hear about it um went on a mountain trip with my boyfriend this weekend and got railed in a hot tub love that careful i if you're getting railed in a hot tub just make sure you are not underwater i hate my boyfriend's mom but i love and adore him sos uh yeah family is hard and a lot of people have really bad family but it's okay if you guys are just dating for a little bit but if you're like on marriage mode also understand that like um you are gonna marry into that family and there's probably not like a whole lot of escaping you can do so careful um i have a crush on my roommate she's so hot and always flirting with me help um i think that could be really fun um as long as you guys set boundaries ex-boyfriend bought me underwear i had somebody uh on this

podcast their ex-boyfriend bought them my merch and texted them from like an unsaved number and was like what's your address and what size do you want okay i was a summer camp counselor and had a threesome in one of the cabins you um camp counselors get up to some crazy ass shit i think it's because you're just alone in the woods um but i've heard some stories i let a guy spit in my mouth on the first date that is how you fall in love that's what happened to me and my boyfriend i had an abortion my senior year of high school and i feel so guilty for it i don't think you should feel guilty um you did what you needed to do in the time and probably what was best for you and that's okay um but yeah I feel like if I ever had to have one I'm getting on the

end of my IUD but if I ever got pregnant recently I would absolutely have an abortion and yes it would be super hard and very difficult and a very hard thing to choose but I think it's very easy to understand when you're ready for motherhood and when you're not and picking yourself should never make you feel guilty um sometimes i think i use masturbating as a coping mechanism definitely me in my high school years i was like i don't feel anything so let me just like uh masturbate okay definitely seek therapy um i have no idea what i'm doing in life lol i'm just winging the fuck out of life that's what life's about though you really just have to wing the fuck out of it and move forward um why don't boys talk to me and why can i not start conversations with people

I used to be so anxious and so just like overthinking and it made interactions with people really really hard and I say just let yourself breathe okay first of all it's not your goal to make people like you um being yourself is the best way to attract the people who are meant to be around you um and I say just let yourself breathe stop being so hard on yourself and also practice practice makes perfect um uh never masturbated i can't get turned on unless it's an emotional connection felt no i don't feel that definitely used to masturbate all the time when i was like just kind of like over hormonal and a teenager um but i feel like it's very common with women to not be able to get turned on unless there's an emotional connection

so no worries um I have been sleeping with this guy since June but I know I can do better oops uh yeah I would say oops I feel like it's okay to sleep with somebody and have your fun and do your little thing but also like if you know he's not the one don't lead him on um I know this isn't a confessional how do I journal girl you just gotta sit down and journal it can be like two sentences it doesn't matter just like try and make sure you sit down every day and just like release you know I fucked this guy at the airport and it was in a stairwell and he was hot as fuck living on the edge oh my god how did you not get caught like was it a tiny airport like what kind of living for it though i'm 20 and my boyfriend is 42

okay billy eilish none of my friends or family know but i love him so much i feel like if this relationship ends or by the time you turn 25 you're probably going to see a lot of red flags a lot of them and i hate to be a debbie downer but i just think there's such a power imbalance with younger women younger women i mean by the under the age of 25 because you are developing your frontal lobe up until 25 um and older men i would say over the age of 25 oh my god i don't know what this means but i keep falling for the gayest men to exist like do they leave you for men i'm confused i have a preference for like semi fruity men i can't lie like you got to be able to you got to be on the spectrum somewhere i can't just be with

a straight man no offense to my boyfriend right now you do give off fruity vibes but i love you for it um uh oh my god silently masturbated at a sleepover while my friends were asleep never done that but i did wake up the other day and my boyfriend's like yeah i just couldn't fall asleep so i just jerked off next to you no hard feelings i was like dude i'm asleep i don't really don't care um but vibes one time i was a family float trip and got so fucked up i fell asleep and shit the bed it wouldn't have been a problem if i wasn't sleeping in a room with 12 other people we live and we learn i will pack more underwear next year oh my god true family though will not care one time i drank a bottle of piss i found on the sidewalk

did you know it was piss like do you have a piss kink or were you just thirsty i have so many questions when i was younger my sister would piss me off and i would scrub her toothbrush with soap with my ex i scrubbed his toilet with his toothbrush before i left and put it back um i i found multiple bottles of lube in my mom's nightstand i feel like it's very common um probably should do a better job of hiding it also why are you going through your mom's things give her some privacy but like yeah I when I'm a mom I'll probably have toys like somewhere in my house but definitely need to put those bitches hidden somewhere I have fucked all of my exes in their parents beds at least one time huh what is it like a you kink or is it like a them kink like

they're like yeah let's fuck in my parents bed some of my friends they're not dating anymore but the first time they ever hooked up was at this party i threw um i disappeared in the middle of the night to just go do whatever i don't know i was on a fucking bender um i they fucked in my parents bed that's the first time they ever got together they fucked in my parents bed first time my boyfriend went down on me he accidentally burped into my kitty I feel like true relationships like true real relationships will be able to have like awkward things happen during sex and you're just like whatever you know that's how you know you're really comfortable with someone um I sometimes go on dating apps oh I sometimes go on online

dating apps just to flirt with men nothing more nothing less I feel like that happens a lot especially when people need just like a little bit of um what is it uh like they're insecure and they need a little bit of like oomph you know you know what i mean i feel like that's why a lot of people use dating apps okay let's see what else we got i eat my discharge turns out it's actually good for you i don't know if that's good for you i have never heard of that i can't believe i just took a bite of french onion dip as i read that oh my god i once had sex with a guy and abandoned cornmeal because my ex had told me that dot dot i don't know where the rest of it went but abandoned cornmeal vibes i have fucked in a cornfield before um my boyfriend literally

hasn't made me come in so long and i bring it up and he just laughs it off not good not good your pleasure should be priority number one okay when i was 15 i went to a nightclub in cancun and kiss someone seven years older than me vibes one time i found twenty dollars in a card from my stepsisters oh from my stepsister's grandma for her 10th birthday and i took it because she doesn't live with us and i see her rarely so i was like someone should have it lmao i hope you put it to good use um hope my ex-boyfriend has a foot fetish and i promise to keep it secret but i let it slip and his friends know not that a foot fetish is a bad thing but he's really ashamed of having one and i feel bad listen i love feet you could say i have a foot fetish and like i don't want feet in

my mouth but like i love my toes getting sucked on okay and nothing you should ever feel ashamed about i feel like he probably feels ashamed because friends have a tendency to like pick on each other especially when they know something bothers them um so that sucks but really though foot fetish men own it okay chill it's fine just put some toes in your mouth i was peeing in the woods wasted and broke my arm this weekend how did you break your arm while peeing did you like tumble down a hill i'm so sorry mentally i'm signing your cast love you okay um what else we got we got so many we're almost to the end though this has been a wild ride a wild ride my boyfriend pissed in walmart drunk like in the bathroom or just like

in the grocery aisle that's why i don't go to walmart anyways when two hot people i know get together it makes me want both of them even more maybe ask for a threesome um i am sad i'm so sorry i'm sending so much love your way understand that it's only temporary i blocked my ex on everything and he tried to buy me a hundred dollars so i kept it and blocked him that is the energy i'm talking about bitch okay that i love it i love it i ate a guy's ass and could only get off when i started to imagine it was a vagina okay no i love that though that's kind of funny i can't lie like you both get off you know sometimes you gotta do a little imagining it's okay also maybe eat a pussy i think you would really like it considering if you ate ass and

got off to it thinking it's a pussy like a real pussy could do you wonders i stole my weight in croissants from the hotel buffet love that sometimes i think about going into hotel buffets like without even staying there and just like getting breakfast and leaving um did school for solid two months during the pandemic me too and then i dropped out of art school because i just literally could not do online art school like it was so easy to skip um live it you live and you learn bff's ex drove our drunk asses home friday night and he has the same name as her current boyfriend that's weird it's so weird when people date like exes that have the same names as their first one because like how are you not thinking of that person all the time um i had my first kiss

and first oral experience last week at the ripe age of 19 that sounds about when i first had my experience too vibes um i can only squirt out of six people i've lied to four four of them don't even know i'm a squirter what are you talking about i can only squirt out of six people i've like four i'm sorry i just have to really think about this four of them don't even know i'm a squirter so what did they think you were doing like just pissing on them i think people are into squirting i think squirting's a vibe usually for me it's like an accident i'm just like really into it and also very much so full of liquids um but it's a vibe love a squirter squirting queen um anyways drove back from a festival and my dad's work car drunk do not go drunk driving

got so drunk at the beach i convinced all my friends to go skinny dipping that's super fun cheated on every german test i ever did and still failed lmao that okay love that all right i think that's basically all the confessionals oh my god we had a lot y'all had some stuff on your mind that you really need to get off it was a fun fucking ride i love it thank you guys for uh joining church with me today hopefully we can laugh with each other understand that we maybe all haven't gotten into some crazy shit and if we have gotten into some crazy shit at least we haven't done it alone there's always someone else out there who's probably done it as well um but i love you all no judgment here sending you all peace and love and positivity and thank

you for the submissions i love that love confessionals so much fun um with that being said though we have some more questions we need to get into some more topics to discuss so let's get through those um all righty somebody said uh turning 18 this saturday and i feel like i've never been a carefree teen i'm in college so it feels too late babes you are not fucking 50 your 20s guess what are probably even more careless and carefree than your teen years are because you have more like time and money and power on your side so like enjoy your time go out party do the things you always wanted to do as a teen but now you can't actually do because you have some freedom as an adult you know what I mean sorry that was a big crunch oh um someone asked how do I know

if I'm being too clingy with my boyfriend oh honestly I don't think there's such thing as being too clingy with your boyfriend um because like you should want to feel love and give them love and give them attention and be understanding with them um and like want to touch them and want to be around them absolutely of course we all need our space every once in a while i think too clingy turns to toxic when you don't allow them to be their own person um and when you don't allow them to do their own things and you know feel their own vibe and go off and do their do their activities um now if he's like you're too clingy you touch me all the time you want to be with me all the time maybe he's not ready for a relationship but if you give him his space um

you give him his time you let him do his thing and you're still too clingy like yeah maybe he's not ready for a relationship but for me personally i'm a clingy ass bitch i want to see you every night i want to spend time with you i'm going to text you every 20 minutes that's because i love you and i appreciate you and i want to show that to you i don't think you should ever be in a relationship and feel like you need to pull back unless you know there are some toxic uh tendencies there that you maybe just um know are not good and maybe don't want to show anymore someone uh asked i'm so scared of everything um leaving my house going to parties how do i stop living in fear and i feel like this is a very valid question because i used to live in fear

a lot and I still kind of do. I just think I live more in comfortability now than I do in fear but they're very similar. So for me personally like I couldn't get my license because I was too scared to be on the road and I was too scared to drive and I would like want to drive and close my eyes which is not safe. I was too scared to join clubs in high school because I was too scared of what other people would think about me I was too scared to even open up conversations with people I didn't know because I was so in my head about what other people thought of me um I was too scared to try new things or to put my best self out there uh for fear of kind of of myself of me hating myself um of the scenarios that I came up in my head becoming real which they never

do um I was in like competitive piano all my life my parents thought oh maybe that would bring her out of her show give her some confidence because I was really good but I would have panic attacks all day before these shows I would play and then have to go to the bathroom and throw up um and I would still get gold but I still was living in this constant state of fear because I was letting my fear win okay i was letting my headspace and the way i viewed the world and as well as the way i viewed myself turn into a fearful state um i was scared of everything i wasn't taking new opportunities i wasn't meeting new people i was scared of the world around me and i was also scared of myself and that is not a adequate or healthy way to live life for me personally um at first

like I understand that my parents wanting you know to put me out there and challenge me a little bit is good but I was not willing to be challenged and I needed to tackle the fear in my head before I could tackle the fear in the real world and so I had to stop letting my fear win and first I needed to build up my confidence I needed to understand that you know somebody has my back and that one person is myself and if I am not in tune with myself if I am not listening to myself if I am not honestly understanding and looking at scenarios truthfully then I am not going to be able to build that confidence listen to myself and protect myself um and in order to protect myself I needed to you know build that confidence I'll build that relationship with myself in order

to trust myself and so first of all it took me really just challenging myself internally um so every time i was fearful about something fearful about talking fearful about living in the real world i would have to a combat that negative um instinctual emotion with reality okay i had to actually step foot into reality and be like hannah you're being a little crazy right now like sometimes you've got to be truthful you're truthful with yourself you're being a little insane you're being a little dramatic which is okay I love the drama of it all um but it's not good in this situation so let's honestly and accurately sit down and look at this situation and understand things that are going on in front of us um and once I started getting a handle on

adequately reading situations around me and fixing my thought processes about them then I was actually able to step foot in the real world and challenge myself um and I'm still challenging myself to this day you will never stop challenging yourself but my challenges started from okay we're gonna leave the leave the house okay like very simple like girl just get out of the house go into a target it's gonna be so overstimulating and you're gonna be in your head but you need to challenge yourself to stop living in fear and to get into the real world and so I started small okay we can all start small we can all start somewhere and now it's getting to bigger things where younger Hannah would look at oh my god you're going to a full moon ritual with people you don't know oh my god

in a place you don't know oh my god in an experience that you are unable to understand or identify terrifying I'm just not gonna go and I will never go and I'm just gonna stay in my room where i know it's comfortable and safe um and i know what's gonna happen here in this room but that's not a way of living okay that is called a prison cell and you don't want to be in a prison cell of your own creation okay so challenge yourself get out there it's okay to be fearful and it's okay to have that reaction because it just means it's something new and sometimes the fear is not actually fear and anxiousness it's anxiousness and of excitement and anxiousness of trying something new so no it's not actually a fear you're just excited and you're getting

anxious and you have to be able to differentiate between those feelings and also persevere but through the bad feeling in order to get to the other side because guess what that situation that thing, that person, whatever you're feeling is a million times worse in your head than it is in reality. So try it out, okay? I had such a block in my head that I was never able to see those gold medals and piano as something that was good. I just saw it as a fearful activity that I was going to resent and I was never able to, you know, see it as like, okay, you know, you persevered do this thing and you you did it you did well sure i felt proud but i needed to tackle that prison cell in my brain before i could tackle the outside world that is also a prison cell of my own

creation but it all comes from challenging and to from listening to yourself and from building that inner trust and that inner connection um but yeah i'm very excited i'm i have a lot of challenges for myself coming up I'm tired of living in comfortability not that I'm going to be an agent of my own chaos and create negativity in my life which I feel like a lot of people do when they start feeling too comfortable they're like oh comfortability is bad I need to create chaos like a negative chaos but in reality you just need to create new experiences and new things so I'm very excited for my full moon class tonight it's time to stop living in fear Taurus full moon very excited get onto new better more productive paths um and I have I'm going to a rave next week very

excited but I'm starting to implement little things into my life that are really just my key focus is to stop fearing life and to grab life by the fucking balls one could say and to enjoy it and to make my life my own reality and to be the conductor of my own life and stop sitting back on the back burner and just assuming that everything around me is bad and that nothing can ever possibly be good things can be good for yourself it takes work it takes time it takes patience but you can absolutely get there I would also like to bring up that you cannot live in the fear of what other people might think about you because in turn you are not living in your own reality you're you're really oh my god you're living in somebody else's reality that also is not a real

reality it's a projection of your hatred of yourself onto yourself in turn also like blaming and other people um other people really don't care about you and they don't care about you in the best possible way i used to think that meant like oh no one cared about me like i don't deserve to be here but in reality like everybody is just so busy with their own thing caught up in their own life and that is a-okay and perfectly fine okay people don't have the time and energy to pay attention to you as much as you really think they are they're not looking at how you're breathing they cannot feel your heartbeat inside you they are not over analyzing why you're tucking your hair behind your ear in that certain specific way you are and sometimes you really just need to take

a step from yourself and like learn to not like not overanalyze every single fucking possible step that you're doing and also understand that you are the one overanalyzing not the people around you everybody else is so caught up in their own life that they could like literally not give a fuck and it took me becoming a server and seeing so many different people constantly throughout the day to learn that because people would come in and be like oh you served me last time and I would look them dead in the face and be like I don't remember you like I hate to be like that but I just like I don't remember you because I see so many people constantly and that's when I kind of learned that it's like you know that person remember that situation and who knows maybe

they overthought that situation or overanalyze themselves in that situation the same way I would but i don't fucking remember anything about that which is so interesting to me because i used to live in a world where it's like everybody was constantly having their eyes on me and that's because i was projecting that idea onto myself and i was too over focused and fearful of myself let yourself breathe let yourself live a great tip for this also um before going out in public is to like stretch your body make your body as big as you can reach your hands all the way to the sky and reach your arms all the way out open your chest stretch your legs out do some lunges take up fucking space it is okay to take up space you are a human being in this world you deserve

to live freely openly and wonderfully and i feel like really just making your body as big as possible is a great way of just releasing that stress and also understanding that it's okay to be yourself um and we're gonna be here for a long time so you might as well just focus on trying to enjoy it the best you can but yeah you really gotta stop living in fear because fear is no way to live you're not gonna get anything done it's gonna be miserable and act like actions and just making small changes in your everyday life and understanding that you're stuck in a loop really really does do a lot and you will get a lot further if you just take that one step and slowly move your way forward someone asked me if i had any bad trips which like i was kind

of reminiscing on all the past times recently because i really want to do some mushrooms again here soon um but i figured i would share you to you guys consider this my own form of the dare program uh me just explaining how shit can go bad very very quickly um anyways okay so first bad trip that i had i would say was due to a lack of planning okay i my friend drove in from town um i had a little acid and i worked that night which means i was working pretty late i worked to like 10 um she didn't really care she was more than happy to just hang out wait until i got off work she actually came up and sat at the bar and had some shots um and just waited for me to get off work but we got off work or i got off work at like 10 11 and then i thought okay this is a

perfect time to eat some acid if you don't know acid is like eight plus hours of tripping like you're gonna be tripping for a while and you absolutely will not be able to sleep anywhere during the trip um and a little bit afterwards the trip after the trip so i had just gone a full 12 hour day full six hour shift um and i was like yes let's eat some acid honestly great at first we made friendship bracelets we ate like fun candy i'm not a huge fan of eating on acid um but we made friendship bracelets we looked at fun pictures there's no more fun thing to look at um while tripping than like the google play like when your google tv like freezes or whatever it it turns on those like very like hyper incredible hd photography from

like around the world oh my god we were just staring at that and giggling we were sitting outside watching the trees sway and whatever um and it it's like 7 a.m at this point like time has fucking flown we've been giggling we've been having a great time we've been doing whatever all of a sudden it's 7 a.m i'm like okay you know next day she's supposed to be leaving at like sometime in the afternoon i have like school work i need to be getting done like it was towards the end of finals so i was like we i need to get to bed i need to get some rest no no no there's no such thing as rest when you are going through something like that so i remember hannah montana playing in the background and me just closing my eyes and being like go to bed go to bed bitch go

to bed go to bed go to bed go to bed go to bed could not fucking sleep by this time it's like 8 a.m i can't sleep she already knows she can't sleep she's chilling watching hannah montana i'm like okay let's go do something let's go get some bagels so we go and we drive to get bagels i fucking forgot that this bagel shop was right across the street from the synagogue that my ex went to um and we get there i look a hot fucking mess my pupils are so big i'm in like a tie-dye hoodie and short shorts um and we get our bagels and we sit down and literally the synagogue must have just got out because the whole place was flooded with old people and the whole time i'm just like oh my god his grandma has to be here his grandma has to be here like what if his grandma

just walks up to me and i'm on acid like she will know i look a hot fucking mess so i don't even finish my bagel i'm like girl we gotta go we gotta get out of here um so i go back to my place by this time we were done tripping she's like girl i gotta go home um so she takes off and i'm like okay i gotta somehow sit down and finish my uh project my final you know what i mean so i sit down and i'm like trying to do my final but i'm on like zero hours of sleep i've been up for like 36 hours um and i'm sobbing and my art project involved smashing mirror pieces and knitting the mirror pieces i don't know holy shit i i was just like cutting my fingers and i was sobbing and i was trying to knit these things i was like i'm having a horrible time this is awful like i was

up for three days I was up for three days three fucking days I did not sleep for three days I thought I was going insane and I was but that kind of makes for the best art um and honestly that final I did an incredible job on I got an A in the class one of the only A's in that class and the president of my art school came to see it and congratulated me on it and I was like okay maybe there is some secret in the acid but no I probably would have been able to do more if I didn't do that like day of finals um so yeah that was first bad trip second bad trip was not one for me personally I'm usually very good at keeping a level headed during trips because I know when to do things and when to not do things uh well sometimes my last story was obviously a time

of when I should not have done something but during the pandemic um me and my friends were still working we worked the service industry so you know they don't shut those bitches down they're like we gotta make money we gotta serve food so we were working so of course we still hung out with each other um after work and me and some friends had gotten together to just like hang out in the park for somebody's birthday and my friend had just made a mushroom run so he had like a whole giant mason jar full of mushrooms fresh mushrooms so he brought them out and of course I'm like I'm not gonna turn that down i'll munch on a stem a cap whatever um and we're i ate some we're having a great time my friend has her chihuahua it's so fucking cute we're just hanging out and i hear

the guy behind me be like oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god and that's not fun to hear when you're tripping balls okay because you're like peace love vibes only what is happening and he walks up to me and he hooks up his foot and there is a needle sticking out of his foot like like a injection needle some homeless person had like must have just like because like by my old house there was a huge homeless population which is fine um but someone must have just like injected in the park and just left the dirty needle there and my friend who was also on mushrooms stepped on the needle and it pierced his foot and he's like hannah hannah i need you i just need you to tell me everything's gonna be okay is everything gonna be okay like i'm gonna

get some disease like some this is gonna be horrible awful for me like what's happening i'm gonna get tetanus i was like okay we're gonna take a deep breath here and we're gonna chill and i had no idea if anything was gonna be okay but i told that man i was like you know what everything's fine you're totally fine you can maybe go get a tetanus shot my ass called a doctor and was like hey my friend stepped on a needle should we come in and they were like well you could get a tetanus shot but as long as you know it doesn't swell up as long as you don't have any negative horrible reactions to it you know you should be okay so i was like you're chilling deep breaths let's just vibe and be all right because you cannot go to the hospital on mushrooms

um but i had to keep a level head in that situation because as soon as he picked up his foot and there was a needle hanging out of the side of it i was like oh like only the worst fucking thoughts came to my head i was like i cannot handle this right now holy shit um what else okay so i also have had a bad trip on molly which is very hard to do because usually molly just releases all of the like positive vibes going on in your head it releases all the serotonin so you're feeling very very uplifted but here is like a good just rule of thumb that if you're around people who you don't like and you are not going to have a good time with they are going to ruin your trip okay make sure you are surrounded by people who are good positive uplifting people

okay people who will look at you dead in the eyes after you've stepped on a needle and be and be like everything's fine let me call the doctor for you that's what you want around you okay i was around an ex of mine on somali and it should have been a red flag number one that i could only have fun on him fun with him on drugs that is just not a vibe but um yeah he was just not having fun not having as as much fun as me and his narcissistic ass was like let me just verbally assault her and just like make her feel horrible about herself to the point where i was on the convention center floor sitting down sobbing my eyes out to the point where security came up to us okay and was like are you okay can you go home with this man are you comfortable

being around him and we had bought an airbnb together and he drove us there so i had to be like yes i'm fine whatever but i look back on that moment i'm like hannah you should have just been like fuck this man you can leave you are being horrible awful like and to go off and to just have the most fun as you can and to not let this person drag you down and to just call your parents and figure out a ride home um but instead i just like cried and sobbed myself to the street and went home and uh he just went to bed and i just kept crying so not fun people will really ruin your time if they want to so make sure you are around people who you enjoy who you trust who only want to uplift you and make you feel good because that I look back on that moment

for young Hannah and I'm like girl this could have been better you should have just told him to fuck off and call him a pussy like he really is like call him out bitch okay done that I've done that now though so I feel satisfied um karma is doing her job as we speak but um yeah definitely have had some bad trips um if you do them if you do any sort of thing you should understand that it is a possibility um and to really just make sure that you have a safe space safe friends and it's a safe thing okay that's really all you can do for yourself and to understand that when you're in that moment that it's only temporary um when I was having my breakdown of three days of no sleep I was like I will fall asleep at some point this sucks yes but we'll get through it um and to just

persevere but yes definitely had a lot of bad trips but more good than bad I do have to say overwhelmingly way more good hi love can't wait to hear what you have for us this week but anyways my question for you is how can I feel connected with someone who has passed away or with a place that I no longer can go to pretty much my dad passed away two years ago and then eight months after that I lost my home to a hurricane so I've just been dealing with all of this grief and all of this loss and I just I just don't know what to do you know my 20s are already hard enough but now I'm dealing with these two major losses and I just I'm just having a hard time navigating this so let me know your thoughts on it thanks love you hi baby girl um I am so

sorry for your loss. I hear you. I understand you. I have been there when it comes to loss and I've actually been getting a lot of questions about loss. So I feel like it's a great opportunity to talk about this. I feel like, well, loss is hard, of course, because it feels like a part of us is being ripped out, whether it is like a physical place that we lose or a person a loved one an animal it does feel like we are losing a bit of ourselves because that person was a part of us that person we've built so many memories with that thing we've built so many memories with and when we are forced to move on sometimes it's too early sometimes it's just not the right time usually actually it's not going to be the right time but the universe has a funny

way of working and you know its timing is always right to it but for us it never feels right it always feels too early it never feels like the right time but it's our jobs i feel like when we have lost something or we are forced to move on um not to dwell on the feeling of that loss and the feeling of that whole but to enact the things that we have learned and the feelings that we received from the people and the places and the things that we have loved into our life and into our future when it comes to people that you've loved you knew them you knew the way that they approached the world you knew the way that they loved the world and cared for the world and they taught that to you and now it is your job to use that and use their strength and use their

teachings and use the things that you've learned from them and appreciated with them and put that into the world okay um and a loss is never truly a loss because there are so many different people that they touched um and that they loved that now get to go out into the world and share them with the world through their actions and through the way that they enjoy the world and through the way that they see the world um so when it comes to loss of like a loved one i think it's really important to there's a specific lesson they taught you um try and put that into the world put that positivity into the world put that lesson into use um share that person with your friends share those stories with your family and your friends um when it comes to place or like things that

they enjoyed continue doing those things continue doing those motions that maybe they would have done and even though they aren't there next to you it doesn't mean that you shouldn't enjoy it the way that they have enjoyed it um and find that connection still even if they maybe aren't there when it comes to places um like losing your family home uh to a hurricane i'm so sorry i um also went through a loss of like a family home and for me personally i really just had to honor it in some sort of way and for me that was a tattoo i'm not saying go get a tattoo dedicated to them but i feel like it's very important to enact different ways of honoring the things that we have loved in a meaningful and important way to you okay um not only a meaning and a meaningful

and important way to the thing that you've lost but also a meaningful and important way to you just so you can have some closure um and for me personally that was a tattoo i got a sumac leaf tattooed on my arm because i grew up on sumac street and i wanted a way to remember um my childhood and growing up and all the memories i had there and the innocence and the playfulness that i felt while living there um through my 18 years of life um but yeah there's so many different ways that you can honor and appreciate and respect the things that you have lost but i think focusing on the feeling of loss is not a um this is i feel like it sounds harsh but it's not a productive way of um pushing or getting through it but honoring it and finding ways to appreciate the world and

view the world especially through their eyes and their lessons and the things that you've learned through those um people places things pets loved ones is the way to really kind of feel that closure and feel that um whole kind of return to normal you know what i mean um so do those things that they taught you live the way that they preached um visit the places that you guys used to enjoy i feel like it hurts a little bit at first of course because you're reopening old wounds that you maybe want to forget about. But the best way to heal a wound is really to expose it to the open air and to expose it to the world around you and to, I don't know, just live your life as best as you can in the ways that they taught you. But after they have passed, it is up

to all the people they met and the people that they loved to continue on living in their honor and to embrace the world how they would and see the world through their eyes and breathe in the things that they would breathe in and enjoy the things that they would enjoy and honor them that way but i get it loss is hard i think it's important to take your time um understand that this feeling is not forever um understand that there is never any perfect time or perfect place or perfect anything the universe decides when it's perfect and when it's time to go and all we can really do is move forward and appreciate the world in the way that they would want us to so yeah i love you i'm so sorry for anybody who is going through loss right now i do understand

it's hard um but we can get through it together absolutely also with that being said i feel like when people experience negative emotions um they see that negative emotion as a burden or as a horrible awful thing but i want to read this to you to kind of maybe make you feel better in a sort of way um never wanting to feel bad is like never wanting to feel hungry or anything other than the perfect temperature your body will betray you every second of every day there's no moral suffering is just information you need a sandwich because you need a sandwich you need love because you need love when you trust yourself to eat gorgeously you can stand to be hungry for a few hours before dinner when you trust yourself to love beautifully you can stand the ups and downs

of intimacy and what life brings um not everything's going to be great not everything's going to be roses wonderful and if it is it's no way to live because you're never going to truly appreciate the good things so i think this is a great reminder to just appreciate what we have where we are and understand that that suffering and pain is only temporary it's only information and our life is really only what we make of that information anyways with that being said this has been a really fun episode we actually got a lot of confessionals this episode which was really fun i hope i was able to um actually i hope you guys if you guys did most of the work were able to uh bring some laughs to each other i hope we can all giggle a little bit together understand that

we're not all perfect okay we not we will never ever be perfect we're all gonna make mistakes we're all gonna have slip-ups we're all gonna have weird feelings weird things happen and that's okay that's a part of life and the best thing you can really do about it is just sit and laugh and giggle um and try and do the best you can to make it through uh but i love you guys i hope you have a wonderful full moon tonight if you need a way to celebrate i think it's a great day to do some releasing um and releasing in a positive way if you need to i would say take a piece of paper take a colored pen that you feel drawn to write down everything that's not serving you ask the universe to get rid of anything that is no longer serving you um fold it up and you can either place

it in a planter with some flowers or with some plants that you're growing if you want the things that you're releasing to grow into a more positive note but if you need to like purge and really really fucking release write the things down on a piece of paper this is what i did last full moon write the things down on a piece of paper and burn them um banish them basically i feel like those are two really fucking good ways of just doing what we can with the things we're given and trying to move forward from the things that have hurt us and the best way to end a full moon is really a full moon bath just draw yourself a bath and you can also put some water in your windows windowsill tonight let the full moon charge it you can take a bath tomorrow with the full moon water just

dump it in with the rest of your warm water and just let the warm water release the tension in your bones release the pain in your muscles and really just purge all those feelings let out a good cry if you need to if you're going through a hard time but that's what full moons are all about releasing purging so we can move forward and do better tomorrow but i love you guys i need to get this podcast out to you guys because i'm i'm already getting dms like girl where's the pod what are we doing okay we're slacking i know i'm sorry but i will upload it asap and have it ready for you guys go vote if you haven't voted already this is your sign we you've got to do your civic duty it is literally so fucking easy we cannot let the devil republican men win anymore okay

i love you all um and i hope we all have a wonderful fucking week i will see you all again on tuesday you already know all questions can be sent to my instagram at hannah marlene um you can also send some to my dms if you have like longer ones that won't fit in the questionnaire but i love you guys and i hope you all have a fantastic wonderful incredible fucking week and i will see you all again on tuesday