Smoke Sesh - keep moving, karmic relationships & copying

Episode Date: September 29, 2026

hello hotties and welcome back! we have a LOT to chat about as I have been booked and busy with life lately, we talk what I’ve been up to, renaissance faire festivities, fall activities, apple picking, fall recipes, getting outside, living life, copying, mimicking, keep moving, staying stagnant, making progress, being the odd one out, friendship dynamics, breaking up, taking risks, comparing yourself, online stalking, cancelling plans, 20’s transitions, it’s all up to you, locking tf in, trust in relationships, safe sex, what if it doesn’t work out, karmic relationships, ghosts and much much morewatch the vlogs on YouTube at hannahmarlene444join the patreon! new episodes (and more) at patreon.com/smokeseshshawtysubmit your questions and call ins every week on instagram.com/hannahmarlene

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of SmokeSash. So come hang out. Let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. Oh my goodness. Hello, hello, hello, hoties. And welcome back to another episode of SmokeSash. My name is Hannah, your host. My God, I have been so fucking busy. recently. We have a lot to catch up on. Hannah has been outside. If there's one thing Hannah Hannah has been doing, it's I've fucking been outside. I'm a little hungover still because I went to

the Renaissance festival yesterday and had about roughly 18 meads. We'll get into that in a second. But yeah, I have been outside per usual. I had my early morning lessons out at the barn. I actually last week invested in a new saddle kind of just like took a chance, took a risk, take a chance, take a risk and bought a random one off of Facebook marketplace. Oh my God. It was like an hour and a half in the middle of nowhere, Missouri. I'm like, where am I going? Whose house am I pulling up on?

I drive. I love a Facebook marketplace purchase because like you kind of get to meet new people and see new places and experience new parts of whatever area you happen to live. live in. Like I love playing up to a neighborhood and being like, I didn't know this place even fucking existed. Like, cool. Great to know. Well, I'm out in the middle of nowhere, Missouri, like thick-ass forest, dense-ass trees, cows, cattle, hay, fields upon fields. And all of a sudden, you've arrived at your destination. It's this long-ass dirt road. At the end of it is this like multi-million-dollar mansion.

Like brand new, freshly built in between all of these other, like, teeny tiny little about to collapse houses, this multi-million dollar mansion. I'm like, no wonder they're selling this beautiful saddle, like brand new black leather, gold hardware, gorgeous, gorgeous saddle for like 150 bucks on Facebook marketplace. No wonder they're selling it for so cheap because they don't give a fuck. Obviously, they have plenty of money to go around. So I'm like driving around their property. They're like, oh, just pull past the house and down the road and you'll see the barn and pull in front of the barn.

I'm like, okay, great. I pull in front of this nice ass barn. She's like, oh, follow me. Just shut the door behind you. It's air conditioned it in here. I'm like, yeah, air conditioned barn. Totally, totally, totally, totally. Anyways, scored.

Damn. Didn't know even that place existed though. And then I was on Zillow hunting for houses. Like I love to build out there. that'd be great she is living my dream i told her that i'm like you have so much property and you have these beautiful pasture she had a pond for swimming she had her badass at tv her air-conditioned bar and i'm like girl you don't know how jealous i am of you but like i said scored a new saddle that was fabulous today this morning i went out there and finally got to put it on zina to see if it fits

and thank god it fits with saddle fitting it's always so random. Like you can do all the measurements. You can have everything exact. It's like there's no sizing really and every horse is so different. In reality, I probably should get like a saddle fitter or whatever out there to do it for me. But mama was just taken a risk. And it paid off. It paid off. It fits her well. It's gorgeous. She looks like she's going into battle. It's a bit crazy. I posted a photo of it this morning on Instagram. If you want to check it out. It's probably too late by now. whoops since this comes up tomorrow um but that was a win great start to the day because i was so nervous i was like fuck this thing it's a teeny tiny little saddle i don't know if it's gonna fit it's an

australian saddle i've never tried this before you know when you see something on facebook marketplace and you're like it's too good i have to just i just have to hit purchase and hope for the best thank god it worked out so now i can finally ride her because i haven't been able to ride her in months you guys we've been doing so much groundwork i did a little liberty lesson with her today with my trainer, which is nice. They just got this brand new horse out there that is a draft horse, but she's all white. She looks like she came from another planet. Her name's Nova.

Oh, my God, she's gorgeous. Massive, massive, massive horse. I'm like, where the hell did you find her? My, whoever is in charge of the stables I go to, they have some great connects because the horses that they've been buying recently. I'm like, I wish I had whatever money you have to be buying these majestic, univoccurts. corn like horses that you seem to be gathering because wow, she's so cute. So that was nice little grounding moment for my day today, considering I was so hungover.

I was not in the mood to even ride at all, let alone to wake up. Because yes, yesterday I went to the Renaissance Festival. Oh, I love the Renaissance Festival. If you guys have never been, I highly recommend going. I usually go every year. I try to go every year. It's just fun to dress up and drink some meat and run around and frolic around. even if I go alone, whatever, you're always going to meet people.

Like, it's a nerd convention if we're being so fucking for real. And like nerds are some of the friendliest people, honestly. So if you are ever afraid of doing something alone, don't be, you'd be surprised how inviting people are. But I ended up going with like this big girl group, me and my girlies from work, my friends from work outside of here. We were like, fuck it, we're going to the rent fair. we're celebrating a couple girls birthdays everybody dressed up everybody committed to the bit committed

to dressing up we were all colorful we were all gorgeous they had handmade wings they had handmade crowns little fairy wands like we were having a blast but i got there a little bit earlier than them so i was already like two meads deep by the time they got there and i was like ladies we're going to have a fabulous time we saw jousting i wrote a horse we did archery we did archery we One of them went zip lining. I had a turkey leg. I had 18 more meads. But I was out there for seven hours drinking, frolicing, spinning and dancing with my girlies.

And there really was nothing better. Oh, my God. It was so nice. It got to the end of the festival and it was literally like they were ushering people out. Like, you guys have to go. We were like, okay, fine. but my ass was asleep by 8.30 last night. I think I got about 12 hours of sleep.

So I'm feeling pretty good. I'm feeling fairly caught up. I'm feeling grounded. I'm feeling rejuvenated. My heart is full. I had a fabulous time running around with the girlies. There really is nothing better. But yes, before the Renfair is over for the season,

usually they go until the end of October. Please get out there and experience it. It's so fun. It's so beautiful. And it's just nice to kind of put yourself in a new zone, a new area, new people, new experiences. And yeah, once you have one or two meads, there's no way you're not going to have a good time. Some of my favorite parts of the Renaissance Festival is the local vendors that they have. Not always local, sometimes local.

And then there's people who travel that have their vendors. And so I got perfume. I got incense. They had a perfumery where you can hand-make your own perfume. I got a bunch of beeswax candles. I got honey. It was good. It was a good-ass time. I thought about getting a chalice by the end of it. And then I was like, I'm not going to be drinking out of a chalice at home. My friend got a little dragon that sits on her shoulder and like talks. It was hilarious. Oh my God. Such a good time. Great way to spend a Sunday. But I will say usually my Sundays are spent like literally doing nothing.

Sundays are kind of holy to me. Not that I go to church, but I do treat them as if I do. But church is my house. my bed and I just lay in it all day. That's usually what I do on Sundays. It's like my reset, recharge, regroup kind of day where I'm deep cleaning the house. I'm doing art that I want to catch up on. I'm watering my plants. You know, all the little things you have to do to feel like you're ready for the week. That's usually what I do on Sunday. And I got none of that done. So I do feel like I'm a little behind. Also, damn, I really, I can't keep up with the drinking anymore. Day drinking. that's hard. That is difficult. When I was younger, I remember it'd be like, thirsty Thursday. Go to your class. And then after class, like 10 a.m. We're going to start drinking. And then there's a sports game.

There's a basketball game. So everybody has to keep drinking. Then you drink through the basketball game. And then you go to the frats Thursday night for Thursday Thursday. And then Friday morning, usually you have no class. So you just keep on drinking through the day. And then you go to more parties and you do that all weekend. And it's the way I would wake up with zero hangover. It's actually crazy to think about if you were a young person and you're like, I don't get hangovers. Oh, just you wait. I feel like such an old bitch being like just you wait because I finally hit that age. But it does force me kind of rain things in a little bit and think a little bit more ahead about my drinking habits and like when and if I'm going to.

because yesterday I started drinking at 12 and I hit a moment where I was like, there's no other choice but to just keep drinking. Otherwise, I'm going to crash hard. I'm going to crash really hard. So that is exactly what we did and I am paying the price today. But I'm feeling oddly good. My heart is full and thus, although my energy is low, I'm feeling good. And I cannot wait to share that with you guys.

I hope you had a fabulous full moon, Aries full moon. Oh, tensions were high. Tensions were a little high, but I was able to keep my cool, keep my head on straight, you know, power through the weekend, had something exciting to look forward to. So no big revelations or mishaps in Hannah's life over that full moon. Thank God. That is not what I needed. And I hope you guys were able to stay cool and level-headed as well. If not, it's okay. It happens. You know what I mean? Sometimes you just got to say what's on your mind and get it off your chest. Even if it is you yelling and screaming, sometimes you just got to say what's on your mind and get it off your chest and baby girl i don't blame you i really don't what else did i do this week oh i also went to the gynaecologist shout out to my gyno pussy's in great shape don't you worry she's doing good i got all the tests all the things and a pap smear some people are scared of a pap smear papsmere since i have an iud since i got i've on my second iud it's like they can do anything down there and it's not gonna i'm not going to feel anything because nothing compares to the pain I felt from my IUD.

So like a little pap smear, oh, that's another. Go ahead. Take whatever cells you need. But if you're afraid, don't be nervous. Like, these are professionals. Do your research. Make sure you find someone you trust and everything will go smooth and easy, peasy. It is slightly uncomfortable.

I mean, anything medical down there is going to be uncomfortable. If I'm being honest, like, even when I go to the dermatologist and they're like looking at my back knee, I'm slightly uncomfortable. it's just a medical setting in general. They have to have it so sterile that it makes it feel a little bit inhuman sometimes, but it is for your overall health and safety. But got a pap spear. We're good.

Test came back. Negative. I was about to say positive. Positive in a good way. Negative in a good way. Are you picking up where I'm putting down? You know what I mean? Not pregnant.

No cancer. Feeling good. Feeling funky. Feeling fresh. You got to go. You got to make sure everything's good down there. Okay, you never know what's happening. I even got a breast exam just in case because every single female in my family has had breast cancer except for my mom.

So I'm like, oh, all right, let's just make sure. Let's double check. And then literally directly after that, I went and got a new tattoo. It was a busy week for Hannah. Gyno, new tattoo, Aries, full moon, Renfair, lots and lots of horse things. but I went and got my swallowtail butterfly. Hold on. Let me unbutton my shirt and show it to you.

I finally found a new artist that I love. Shout to my nail tech for putting me on to her. But her artwork is so good. And she's really good about like, she doesn't really have her own style. Well, she kind of does. But whatever you're looking for, she's good about like adjusting accordingly.

It's a little crunchy right now since it's in its healing phase. But this is my swallowtail butterfly. Isn't she gorgeous? I posted an up-closed photo, of course, on Instagram. That's why you guys have to follow me on Instagram. I'm at Hannah-Warleans. You can see what I'm up to. See my tattoos up close.

But I haven't had a new tattoo in years. I think my last time I got a new tattoo was 2023. So now I'm like, I am hooked. I need more. I need more, I need more. I finally feel balanced up top where I'm at the point where I'm like, okay, it's time for me to start getting some leg tattoos. I think a thigh tattoo would be super sexy, maybe some feet tattoos.

That's what I'm moving on to next. But all of my tattoos I talked about are based on nostalgia, nostalgia of where I live, nostalgia of what I'm going through, what is meaningful for me at this point in time of my life. And oddly enough, you'd think, oh, you know, Missouri, you would get a monarch butterfly, right? If you're going to see any butterfly out about, it's probably a monarch. but oddly enough, the ones that catch my eye the most and that I see quite often are the swallowtail, the swallowtail butterflies, specifically the female swallowed tail butterflies. I feel like every time they kind of cross my path, it's like a good omen, a positive omen.

It's just like a little universal good luck sign whenever I see them. And they are out quite a bit. They're very popular out here. In the Midwest, they're quite prevalent, especially when you get towards the Arkansas area. of Missouri and Kansas. So yeah, nostalgia purposes I had to get my swallow tail butterfly. Who knows what I'm going to get next? But I do think it's going to be on my legs if I had to guess.

So yeah, busy, busy week. I don't have that much plan this week. That's for sure. My only goal this week is to finish my painting, fingers crossed. Hopefully that goes good. We'll see, we'll see. But other than that, that's enough of me yapping. I hope you guys had a beautiful week.

Like I said, I hope you kept your quip your quills. cool. I'm still in my like farm get up. So bear with me. I'll pull together some more baddy looks as we head into the fall. But I hope you guys are getting out and maxing out the most of your fall activities that you can. Oh my God. And I went apple picking. Love apple picking. We actually got, there was an accident in front of us on like a one lane highway. And we were stalled out on this one lane highway for and like 30, 45 minutes. And we were trying to race to the apple orchard because they were closing like in an hour. And it was like, we're going to get there. And it's going to be like 10 minutes before closing. And as somebody who has worked in a public service space, it's like,

I hate getting anywhere even an hour until closing. I feel like it's rude and disrespectful. 30 minutes till closing. It's like, holy fuck, we're really pushing it. And then 10 minutes, it's like we might as will not go. So I was like hoping and praying the whole time we were in the car like, please God, if you're there, you will clear this accident in front of me by God. But we made it there. Luckily, I spent a lot of money at that orchard and a lot of time at that orchard because we pulled up like 20 minutes till you're like, listen, we just got to at least ask, you know, we got to ask. We got to see if there's other people there. There were a couple other people there still picking. And so we walked him. We're like, please, please, please. And he's like,

you know what I know you guys you come out you support us you really show up for us so yeah go ahead you know get your apples I was like we'll be quick so we got our apples and then oh if you want a good orchard in Kansas City well Kansas City adjacent it's called Weston Orchards Weston Winery and Orchards Weston Orchard something like that um it's fabulous small family owned super great great produce like 18 different types of apples. You just get a run and frolic and gather. And they're very well priced for the amount of free you pick apples that you get. They make slushies.

They make apple cider donuts. It's good. It's great. It's fabulous. I highly recommend. But then since we were out and about in this little town in the middle of nowhere, Weston, my parents always told me about this like underground bar that they would go to, this underground Irish seller bar that they would go to.

to and get fucked up at. I was like, you know what? We're going to go find it. Like, whatever. We have time. What else we have to do? So we ended up finding it. It was like this, this, um, Irish seller that they converted into an underground bar

from the, like, four, no, no, no, 1800s. I was about to say 1400s. No, no, no, no, no. 1800s, but like way the fuck back then. Like 1842, I think is when it was built. And so we got fucked up in this cave bar. It was crazy. I love, you know what, the Midwest is so underrated because there is just this, the most

random shit ever that you stumble upon. You're like, why did I know about this before? Like Apple Orchard, back to back cave bar, cave bar, 18 Mokkow mules deep, feeling good. Oh yeah. It was a great time. But like I said, busy, busy, busy. I'm manifesting a very chill, relaxing, outdoors. week for me this week. The weather's getting cooler. It's been raining on and off. Fall is fully here.

And I know winter is upon us because as the days get shorter, like the sunlight gets shorter, the horse's hair is starting to grow out. They're getting their winter coats. Zena looks gorgeous. She's like all black and sleek right now. But it's like, all right, time is ticking. Time is thinking if you're afraid, bitch, get outside and live it up. What are you doing? Oh my God. Please, please, please go on a little nature walk. Go on a hike. Go visit a cemetery. Go bring someone flowers. Go apple picking. The time is now. The time is now. Do not waste it. Speaking of those Apple photos will be up. I think I'm going to do a rent fare dump. I also have made butternut squash mac and cheese. And apple hand pies. Oh, and the weekly vlog is up.

Baked and baking. I just smoked some weed and we hung out in my kitchen and baked some pumpkin cinnamon rolls, which was fabulous. Hannah Moline 4-4 on YouTube. Okay. All right. Let's get into your guys' questions because there's a lot of them I want to get to. So this might be a little bit of a faster-paced episode as I try to get to as many as possible. All right, let's go. Staying positive when it's getting colder and my seasonal depression is awakening. Like I said, there's no time to waste. What are you doing? Sitting around doing nothing, doing nothing. Okay, your fear is paralyzing you. fear is never going to help you move forward. It's only going to help you move backwards. So if you ever feed into your fear, just know you're doing the wrong thing. Easier said than done because I'm constantly feeding into my fear, like constantly.

But when you find yourself doing it or like ruminating on fear or letting it kind of like escape or take a hold of your brain, you have to catch yourself in those moments and redirect. Okay. The best way for redirecting fear is taking direct action against it. Okay. A lot of this redirection we talk about can be done mentally. You know what I mean?

Oh, I'm talking down on myself. Okay, well, let me kind of adjust with some positive affirmations about myself. Or, oh, I'm feeling anxious in this moment. Let's kind of ground ourselves with like five facts about what's going on based in reality instead of living in this other place that's not based in reality. With fear, though, fear is a very interesting, feeling a very interesting and complex energy because it is so paralyzing, it is so like completely overconsuming. So when you feel it, you have to take like physical action against it.

There's not much you can really convince yourself to not be fearful of, like mentally. But you can convince yourself to not be fearful by physically doing something against it. Okay. Oh, you're afraid of winter. Oh, you're afraid of winter. Okay, get outside. Baby, it's not winter. It's not winter.

It's not winter. You need to get outside. You need to live. You need to experience. You need to enjoy. That is the only way you are going to mitigate your fear of winter. And I'm kind of also having some complex feelings about winter because, yeah, you're inside, yeah, this, yeah, that. But I'm going to try and max out winter too, to the best of my ability.

I'm really going hard this fall, but it's like, I want to build a snowman. I want to do some snow angels. I want to catch a snowflake on my tongue at least once this winter. I don't know what else I'm going out of my bucket list for the winter. We'll get to that at another point in time. But it's like winter doesn't have to be so scary and so, you know, oh my God, like world ending, world shattering. There's also great ways to, you know, elevate that season, enjoy that season and make the best of it. You cannot let fear win.

We cannot let fear win. You must take direct action against it in order to persevere. And falls perfect. Falls a perfect time to do so. Apple picking, apple cider donuts, going on a drive outside of the city. Renfaring it up with the girls, going on a nature walk, picking pumpkins, carving pumpkins, baking whatever the hell calls to you. Like, you have to live.

You must experience and live. That is what life is about. So if I can encourage you to do anything ever, it's to simply get the fuck up and go live. Even if it means turning off this podcast, that means I've done my job. Okay. Keep in mind, I get DMs all the time where it's like, oh my God, girl, I start. stop listening for a couple years, but I'm back. It's like, that's okay. That is a okay. That means I did my job. Honestly, my one goal here is to convince you guys to just like get up and go do

whatever your heart is calling. Like that is something that I had to train myself to learn how to do. And so if I can really communicate that to any of you guys appropriately, that's my main goal in life. So do do one thing this week, one singular thing that is a way to celebrate the season. even if it is just getting up and walking outside and taking a deep breath, that is enough to me, baby girl. How to deal with copying and mimicry? Well, the best form of, what do they say, best form of flattery is copying. I don't know what the full, you know, saying is, but they aren't wrong about it. It really is. I, like, I think if somebody is copying you or mimicking you or something like that. It just means you're an influential person. It means they're looking up to you in some

sort of way. It means they're inspired by you in some sort of way or appreciate the way you do something. And honestly, like, that's really cool and fun and amazing. Now, if they're ripping off your whole entire personality and they're close to you or whatever, it's kind of like, okay, side eye a little bit. Because at that point, it just gets annoying. It's like, I want to see you be yourself. You know what I mean? there's anything I want to see you guys do it's be yourself be who you are authentically and if it takes kind of copying a little bit to find that totally understandable um like i i'll see outfits on pinclair and i'll copy it i'll see vibes or whatever or like inspiration from other of what other girls are doing and i'll go you know what i want to go do that sure maybe that's copying but in my brain that's just

inspiration in my point of view like you know how many of you guys are like i want to i just started getting into horseback riding. I'm not going to sit here and go, oh my God, they're copying me. It's going to, I'm going to be like, fuck, yeah, I'm so excited for you. I'm so glad I could inspire you. You see what I'm saying? When it gets a little more personal, like when it's a best friend, maybe they start taking all of your, the way you speak or the way you behave or the way you dress, like they're taking a little bit too much. A conversation can be had where it's like, hey girl, I love you. I want to see you thrive. I want to see you be your best, most authentic self. but you don't have to pretend to be someone you're not you know you can you can kind of address the elephant

in the room a little bit but if it's outside of that if there's a good distance in between you and the person you just have to take it as flattery honestly it just means you're a cool ass bitch and they want to be you and like that's amazing and wonderful of course we want them to be themselves but maybe it'll help them find themselves in the process you know what i mean in like a social media sense i've had a lot of my videos get quote unquote ripped off or copied. I've had my quotes get taken or copied. But the one thing you have to learn very quickly is that like there is nothing new ever. There's nothing new ever. Like ever. Art, the art world will teach you that very quickly. Okay. To be a good artist is to learn how to steal from other artists, but also make it your

own in the process to find inspiration from other artists and tweak it a little bit. so then it becomes something that you are doing, not something that you are recreating. Art is just copying and stealing, but, you know, twisting a few things so it's not an exact replica. So truly there is nothing new in this world. There is nothing, you know, groundbreaking. Like, we really have done it all as humans. We've come up with every concept. They all will date back to like an original form of thought or, you know, imagery or.

or whatever, but copying exists everywhere. Mimicry exists everywhere. And it is honestly the biggest form of flattery because it just means you inspired them in some sort of way. So don't get too but heard about it. Just focus on what you're doing. Focus on your elevation. Focus on how you're going to change and grow and develop.

And I think it'll all work out. How do you decide whether to move or hold on? Dot, dot, dot, dilly. Huh. Why is they always move? Always move, always move, always get moving, always get grooving. I mean, move or hold. So take action or stay still.

Always take action. Now it doesn't mean you have to take like the biggest action ever, but maybe it means you take that first step, you know, just a little bit of action. Never ever ever will I encourage anybody to like settle, to hold still, to stop. moving in life there's going to be periods of slowness you know there's going to be periods of rest absolutely but there should always be next action next step next growing opportunity next goal next thing

there should always be that and if you can't find that well that means your next step is finding that you know it really is as simple as that but like i said it doesn't have to be like the most biggest massive goals i feel like all the goals people talk about are their big, big, big, long-term goals where it's like, I'm going to own a farm. It's like, great, cool, but what are you doing tomorrow? You know? Or, well, I'm going to move across the country. It's like, well, fabulous.

Love that for you. But like, what are you doing now? You know what I mean? To get you there. So any movement is positive as long as it's just something. You know what I mean? I never want you guys to hold still or stay stagnant or, you know, really. solidify yourself in one zone of life. It's like there's always different ways that you can grow,

whether it's mentally, maybe you haven't read a book in a long time. So that's your goal is to finish a book this month. Period. Like that is movement. It doesn't have to be moving across the world, but it can be just like a little bit of, you know, elevation in one area. Or maybe it's like, damn, I really haven't moved my body a lot recently. I'm going to start going to one workout class a week or just like two walks a week. Love it. absolutely girl or it's like wow damn i'm bored as hell and i just get on my phone all the time and i need hobbies i need hobbies i need to try something so i'm going to take a pottery class fabulous absolutely yes girl get into it actually side note my dad started taking pottery he he got us a pottery glass

because i was like really massively depressed in like 2022 massively massively depressed in the wintertime and so he's a very good form of parenting well he'll hold He'll never sit down with me and go, hey, I see you're depressed. He'll just be like, hey, come do something with me. And sometimes that's really all it takes. So we took this pottery class together. I'm not big on pottery. It wasn't my thing, but, you know, we gave it the good old college try.

I got some pieces out of it, cool, fine, fabulous. But he got really into it. And so sometimes it really just takes, you know, just that one class, that one action, that one little movement to completely transform your life. And now it's something like he can't live without. He just dropped off a bunch of pottery for me the other day. so excited. He asked for, he was like, can you bring me some of Zena's hair? Because we can burn it into the into the clay and it turns out really cool. I'm like, okay, sure. Yeah. But any movement is better than

stagnancy. I don't want you guys to feel stagnant. And also you might feel stagnant, but take accountability. There's probably movement that you are taking. You're just not giving yourself the props. Like any sort of movement is positive, no matter how small. And you have to celebrate the little things as much as you celebrate the big things. It will make life feel more meaningful. It'll make you feel more connected to life. And it's going to make you feel just better about yourself in general. So even if like all you can do is just get up and go to work today, period.

That's movement in my opinion. We can get to the big goals, the medium size goals later. But just you got to stay moving and grooving. Hey girl, how to cope with being the odd one out and a trio. friend group. Well, of course there's going to be an uneven dynamic because it's three people. Like, absolutely. I mean, even in a big group of friends, you go out.

Like, you're not always going to be talking with somebody. You're not always going to be the center of attention. You're not always going to be whatever. But like, that's a very normal part of just existing and coexisting in a social group. So like in a trio, like maybe two of them are talking. and you're not involved, but that doesn't mean they don't love you or don't appreciate you or don't care about you. It just means like, baby, you're just not a part of it right now. And I think it's a very positive lesson to learn very quickly that like you don't have to be involved with everything to be,

you know, appreciated or loved or, you know, whatever. I understand that some of my friends are going to be friends with other people and hang out with them outside of me. Does that mean, they don't love me or don't care about me or didn't think about me. No, it just means they're human beings who are doing their own thing. Who cares? Who cares? It does not matter, okay? Unless people are taking direct malicious attacks at you, even if it's like slight,

such as like they're whispering about something and you're like, hey, what, you know, what's going on? They're like, oh, nothing, oh, nothing. I don't like that. That's different. That's completely different. No matter what friend group it is, no matter what the social setting is. There should not be like weird malicious attacks or desire to other you.

If you are ever feeling othered in a social situation, maybe get up and leave. Straight up. Get up and leave. But don't other yourself, you know. You got to have proof of it. Like I said, if they're whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper. Hey, what are you guys talking about? Oh, nothing.

You wouldn't get it. You wouldn't get it is nothing is nothing. It's okay to be like, uh, that's weird. like I'm sitting here, you can talk to me. And if they continue doing it, after you called them out on their weirdo behavior to remove yourself from the social setting, you know, you shouldn't have to fight for your place.

You shouldn't have to prove yourself worthy. Like, real friends are going to include you. Real friends are also going to be busy with something else and might not be able to, you know, invite you or incorporate you all the time. But that's just a part of the social dynamic of, you know, friends and groups and big settings, small settings, whatever. Don't let other people other you. If you are ever othered by somebody, that is not a good friend. And in fact, I think that's a situation I don't want you to be in. And I wouldn't encourage you

putting yourself in that situation again. I don't fall out with friends often. In fact, like, ever. And the only people I've ever had a falling out with were othering me intentionally. And after I called them out on it. They did not own up to their shit. And I said, all right, well, I will not continue going through this. So I'm going to have to leave. I'm going to have to leave. I'm going to have to cut you off because it's weird. It's weirdo behavior. Like, I don't like weirdo bitches. I want real ass bitches. I want weirdo bitches in a good way, not in a bad way. You know what I mean. But you can't other yourself too. You know, you can't make up this weird like, oh, but they're talking about me. Oh, blah, blah, blah. It's like, no, actually, they're just

chatting about something else like whatever you can't get in your head too much about that unless there's like real honest truthful proof and if there is real honest truthful proof get the fuck out of there but yeah in any social setting especially a trio trio is hard you're not always going to be the start of the show you're not always going to be um probably well incorporated the energies are not always going to be balanced but that doesn't mean they don't love you appreciate you and want you there you know breaking things off with my situation ship i hate breaking up with people oh yeah breaking up is like never easy hello if it was easy they'd probably have something else to call it other than breaking up you know what i mean you could be around someone for a week i have to break up with them and that's just going to be hard

you could be around them for a year it's going to be hard two years 12 years 20 years it is never easy but it's always good it's always good, it's always good, it's always positive. It really is. Whether you're the one getting broken up with or you're breaking up with somebody or there's a falling out or it's a friendship breakup, whatever it is, there is always something you are going to gain out of it. And this is somebody coming from somebody who has broken up with friends, broken up with

boys, been broken up with, had to leave, had to put myself first, all the things. okay yes it's hard yes it's difficult yes it hurts yes it feels like your heart is snapping in half but will you get hotter yes will you get more secure in yourself yes will you learn something about this person yes will you learn something about yourself yes will you be forced to rely on yourself a little bit more yes will you come out on top yes it's it you will always gain something from it i can promise you that always always always always always i think people see breaking up as like physically losing something because you're physically removing someone from your life but you're actually gaining something because you're opening space for either you to pour

energy and love into yourself or your friends or your hobbies or for someone else to take their place so if anything you're actually gaining something from it instead of losing if you really think about it and if you break up and take some time away and really pour into yourself and you reconnect with that person and it works out, then fabulous. If you don't and everything turns a shit, then who cares? You know what I mean? But you will always come out the other side, feeling better about yourself, feeling more confident about yourself, feeling stronger about yourself, especially when it's maybe somebody who's been overstepping boundaries or you haven't been agreeing with or, you know, it just hasn't been a good time with them. And you're like, I got to cut you off just for my own mental well-being. Talk about

to elevation. Talk about gaining something. That is going to elevate yourself trust with yourself. That's going to elevate yourself confidence. You're going to feel like the baddest bitch ever because you stood on business. Like I promise you, it will be hard to get the words out of your mouth. But once you do, the weight will come off your shoulders and you will feel so strong and so proud. I promise you that. Nobody ever said it was easy. Cue, nobody ever said it was easy. Okay. but I think if you really put it into perspective where you're not thinking about the moment of the breakup and instead you're thinking about what happens afterwards such as like the freedom you're going to feel okay that that's what's worth it and if you keep that in your brain

keep that idea in your brain it will make the doing so the breaking up much easier I hate my career I have another option how can I believe in myself in this change Well, first of all, congratulations, you have another option. Many people don't. So, like, why would you not take the option? If an option is ever presented to you and it's like in reality the better option, always take the better option. Like, at least you have an option to weigh.

That makes things much easier in the decision department. Okay. Yes, transitions are hard. I have a friend who's going through this who, you know, enjoys her job, knows it's not going to work out forever. She can't work at a restaurant forever. Love working with her. Great friend, great girl.

Lovely, lovely, lovely all around. But she wants to work in marketing. She got an internship. It's paid internship. It's full time. Like great opportunity. But it does mean she has to leave something behind. That is a law.

There's a universal transaction law where if you are going to gain something, you have to leave something behind. Always. Always, always, always. Don't think about right now, because you haven't made that transition, whether it's going to work out or not. We're not even going to think about that. Just understand that if you want to gain something, you must leave it behind. Truth and point is she tried to manage both working at a restaurant, getting off her, you know,

internship and immediately going to the restaurant and working six plus hours on top of the eight she just did. And it was killing her, killing her. killing her. I literally was like, girl, we love you. You can come here whenever, but like you have to put yourself first and we want to see you succeed. And that means maybe leaving this place behind. Like I'm so sorry, love you. But like obviously you, it's like too much for you. It's too much. And like it's too much for most people. I don't think anybody could really do that. You're managing right now. But like it's going to slowly eat away at you. So please before it eats away at you like just put yourself first. You know, put your goals first. Put your desires first. I know this is something you've always wanted. So. Why would you not? Universal transaction law, you have to leave something behind in order to gain something else. Period. Point blank. Now, if you don't know what you are gaining and you just want to leave something behind, like pause, wait, you know, seek things out before you just like abandon ship and take off. But it sounds like you have another option. It sounds like you're just afraid of change. It sounds like you're fearful of a transition. You will gain nothing but positivity through this transition. what if it doesn't work out? Yeah, what if? Who cares? There's always something else to transition to if it doesn't work out. But I think truth of the matter is you're going to regret not taking an opportunity that's placed in front of you out of fear. What did I say? The best way to limit fear in your life is to take direct action against it. The direct action you have to take against it right now is choosing what is best for yourself, leaving this negative ass life in this negative ass workplace behind and moving. on to something that is new and unknown, period. You're not going to know what it's like until you get there.

So don't try and play guessing games and just throw your all into yourself. Feeling stuck after a breakup. How to move forward and stop comparing my life to my exes? Well, hmm, how are you comparing your life to your exes? Hmm, are you stalking them on social media? Hmm. Are you being a watchful eye? Hmm.

Are you self-sabotaging by keeping. up with somebody who is no longer in your life? Hmm. Are you being a, what is his name, Joe from you and like stalking him and following him around and subconsciously comparing your life to theirs? I understand one thing if it's like, oh, we work together. I have to see them. I get it. You can limit contact, but yeah, seeing them's going to hurt. Oh, we go to the same school. So, you know, I see them around. Yeah, totally. I understand that. But internet stalking is going to ruin your life. Okay, you have to set boundaries with yourself. You set boundaries with them.

Hey, we're breaking up. Or maybe they did it to you. Either way. The boundaries were set. We are breaking up. We are no longer in each other's lives. But you are trying to keep that person in your life and it is driving you mad. This is why post-breakup, I tell every single person,

you have to block and delete them on every. everything. I'm talking photos, videos. Bitch put them in a hidden camera roll if you have to. If they're best friends with your friend, maybe you got to block the best friend for a little bit. Like any sort of possibility of you seeing them, you cannot allow that to happen. When I, when I go through breakups, there is a switch that happens in my brain where it is like, okay, well, it's as if they never existed. I went through that period in time with that person. yes, but they don't exist anymore. They don't exist anymore to me.

And that might seem cold and dismissive. It doesn't mean I'm overlooking the positive things, you know, that we experience in that life. But it just means like in that moment, I don't have the mental capacity to even think about them or else it's going to send me into a fucking mental spiral and I'm going to have to go to a mental institution. Like literally it's like I'm going to go fucking insane. So for my own safety and self-preservation,

I have to pretend like they never fucking existed. That includes no contact, no seeing them, blocking. I don't even want to mention of them. My friends know if I go through something like this, like do not even bring them up unless they are brought up. It's like Bloody Mary, like do not say their name. And you are torturing yourself by keeping up with them. Why are you torturing yourself?

Why are you torturing yourself? Why are you torturing yourself? You do not need to suffer in order to experience. live and learn. It's going to be hard putting that last boundary down with yourself and fully removing them from your life by not keeping tabs, but it will make you a much happier person. It'll help you move on one million times faster. It's going to make you actually lean on yourself for coping and your friends and build that strength up within yourself. And also, you're not going to be a stalker anymore. I don't like internet stalkers. I don't like that behavior. I don't like that behavior. I don't like

like what it makes people do. I think the internet has given people a lot of access to others that they might not necessarily want, but we think is okay because they have a quote unquote public account. It's like, no, we cannot stock people. We can't. It's going to drive you absolutely fucking bonkers love. Please, you have to leave them alone. Like I said, you know, maybe workplace, maybe school, you happen to run into them here and there. Absolutely. I get that. That is a, real everyday problem that happens. But outside of that, you got to set boundaries with yourself. And in fact, in your head for your own self-preservation until you can actually manage to think about them with any emotional reaction, you got to pretend they fucking died. You do. That they never existed.

And you got to move on, baby girl. I know you don't want to, but you got to move on. Or suffer. Or sit there and suffer and watch him make out with girls and live his best life and be so, you know, not caring and whatever while you sit here and care and suffer. Where's that going to get you? Nowhere. That's what. So let's not do that. Thoughts on people canceling plans last minute because they're tired.

Okay, me as fuck. I have such a bad habit of this. Well, not because I'm tired. And usually because I've like over-scheduled myself is usually the biggest issue. And like totally valid. Absolutely. If anybody is like, hey girl, I'm just. exhausted there's no no reason why I would be like oh that's not okay you know to be a good friend is to be

understanding now there is something to be said where it's like every single time you guys have something planned they go oh actually I'm exhausted it's like okay well then that's just not a reliable person that's not someone you should rely on and that's probably someone you should stop reaching out to hang out with if every single time they're tired and don't want to hang out maybe they just don't want to hang out with you. Maybe they don't want to hang out in general and like whatever. But like, you know, there's a give and take to friendship where it's like, um, like with my friends, it's like, okay, one of them reaches out to me.

They plan something. We have something. We go, I do it, whatever. And then it's my turn. You know, give and take, give and take. But if you're the only person reaching out and they are always canceling and they never bother to reach out to you, that's not a friend. That's not someone you can rely on.

So why would that be a friend? And I understand you want to have a relationship with them. want to reach out you want to be with them but like it's a two-way street and you can't be putting in all that work but in general someone canceling because they're tired yeah cool definitely me too me too i am also tired and actually thank you for canceling because i didn't want to be the one to cancel just kidding i've been pretty good like i said about being active and busy but i am i'm understandable with the i'm tired excuse like no totally girl totally i get it but it can't be every time It can't be every time.

Tough is lesson you had to learn transitioning from teen to young adult. Any tips? Ooh. Teen to young adult. I think teen to young adult is a very similar pipeline. There's not much of a transition happening there other than you just like panicking and trying to figure it all out at once, which like let me go in and break the news to you. You don't really figure anything out from your teens to your early 20s.

So like don't even stress with the figuring it out part, like straight up. Now, early 20s to late 20s, there is a massive transition that happens. And that is all due to your brain fully forming. And if I can give any piece of advice for that transition is, and this is like so scary. Maybe it's a warning. Maybe this is a warning. It's all up to you. You're like, bitch, it's the last fucking thing I wanted to hear ever.

What do you mean? It's all up to me. It's all up to you. I think that one. pieces of advice could shut this podcast down immediately because like every single question I get it's like well it's all up to you baby girl should I do this should I do that it's all up to you do I go do this it's all up to you should I get out of my house it's all up to you how do I do this it's all up to you like it really is all up to you no one's coming to save you no one is going to physically lift your arms

like a marionette doll and move you off that goddamn couch to go outside to take a nice sip of that cool autumn air no one's going to do that for you but yourself and you have to find it in yourself to want to do these things for yourself and a lot of it is going to come from just like self-love scary scary spooky it's like i love myself so i'm going to feed myself well i love myself so i'm to indulge in my hobbies. I love myself. So I'm going to take care of myself. I love myself. So I'm to surround myself with people who love me. I love myself. So I'm going to try something new. I love myself. So I'm going to go put myself out of my comfort zone. I love myself. So I love myself. So I'm to say, no. You see what I'm saying? But it's all up to you. No one's going to make these choices for you.

No one's going to get you up off that God Jam couch. No one's going to schedule the appointment. No one's going to drive you there. No one's going to make your lunches. No one's going to set up your future. No one's going to finish college for you. No one's going to take care of whatever issue is going on in your life. Maybe you have fabulous parents. Maybe you have some people to rely on. Maybe you have a cool ass partner who's going to do that for you. Sure, but they're not going to do everything. It is all up to you. Wow. Scary, scary. Well, actually, how beautiful. How beautiful that you don't have to live someone else's life. How beautiful you don't have to listen to to someone else. How beautiful you don't have someone like forcing you to do things you don't want to do.

how beautiful it is all up to you how beautiful you can make whatever you want of this life but you gotta make it you gotta make it you gotta do the things you gotta do the things yep like i said teens the early 20s not much of a transition there you would think there would be a you would think there would be a big transition there but no once your brain fully develops it literally is like locking key door is open and your world is broadened in a way that it never has been in a very beautiful steady way that it never has been before and so like love that absolutely but it's all up to you it's all up to you i know but once again how beautiful you know because i know you have this beautiful idea of what you want out of life you just got to get up and go get a girl maybe i talked about this i

can't remember if i talked about this last week or on the patreon episode but it's a good one to touch on how did you balance your workload in school while still maintaining a social life? I didn't have a social life. There are, I'm going to go ahead and give you a PSA. There are moments in your life where you are locked the fuck in where you have to kind of sacrifice one aspect of your life in order to maintain balance because another aspect of your life is taking over. And that sacrifice is usually always worth it in order to achieve the goal that you want to achieve. Okay. So like my friends who are in school right now, it's like, Like they don't have time to be social.

And that doesn't mean, although I have time to be social, I'm going to sit here and be like, well, they're a bad friend because they aren't reaching out to me. And when I reach out to them, they say no, because they're busy with school. It's like, bitch, they're getting their doctorates. And the best thing I can do is just sit back and let them do their fucking thing and offer support whenever I can. And the best thing they can do for themselves is focus on fucking school. I'll still be here.

Also be here. I don't care. But they got a hustle. and I want to see them hustle and I want to see them succeed. So that means they need to focus on that. And in fact, the only social life they really do have is with their cohorts, with people in their school, with people in their classes. And sometimes that's enough social life when you have to lock yourself in a library

every single day for eight hours and study. You know, like sometimes there are sacrifices you're going to have to make in order to get further ahead in life. Okay. Maybe it's not school. Okay. School's a great example where it's like I have so much to do. I physically can't maintain a social life.

That's okay. There will come a point in time where you can maintain a social life and you can put all of your energy onto that thing. Maybe it's work. Okay. Work can be the same way that school can be where it's like, I'm building a company, I'm doing this. I'm working my way up in the company and maybe I don't have time to socialize as much

as I'd like, but I'm working hard and I'm working towards my dreams and my goals. Or maybe it's the opposite. Maybe it's like actually I've really been neglecting my social life. So I'm going to put a lot of emphasis and work in on my social life and building friendships and getting to know people. And that means I'm maybe not going to be doing as much overtime at work. Maybe it means I need to kind of put some boundaries on work so then I can focus on my social life a little bit. Or I really want to work on this big goal I have of moving. So that means I'm going to have to kind of like put more time in at work to save money. You know, you see what I'm saying? It's a delicate

balance it's a delicate scale but nothing's ever going to be perfect in this life you know what go ahead and ignore the idea that everything's going to be perfect it never is nothing ever works at how you expect it to so go ahead and break that idea in your head very quickly but it'll always turn out better than you ever could have expected period point blank there's a reason you don't know what's going to happen and that's because it's more beautiful than you ever could have imagined whatever you need to focus on focus on whatever you need to work on work on it's worth the hard work it's worth the you know maybe sacrifices you do have to make especially school i think school is so fucking worth it you will find a moment in time where you have an abundance of time and energy to build a social group and a social circle absolutely

but if that's not right now like don't be hard on yourself for not having that because obviously your priorities need to be elsewhere and that's okay when you got to lock in you got to lock in in and no one's going to hate you for locking in. After being lied to once early on in the relationship, would you be worried your boyfriend is unreliable? Uh, it depends on the lie. I don't know. It depends on the lie. Like, what do they lie about? Is it like this other question where someone said found out my boyfriend had a girlfriend while him and I were talking until one month before dating to this person? I say, oh yeah, they're unreliable. And in fact, they're going to do the same thing they did to that other girlfriend to you.

And baby, you might as well break that man's heart and run away as fast as you fucking can before he fucks you over in a way that is going to take years of damage on your psyche. Like, what? Now, if it's a, like, lie, what is it a lie about? It's like, oh, you know, a little white lie or one that, like, maybe you would have told or one that's, like, not that big of a deal. Who cares? Who cares?

Now, if you're lying about big things such as, yeah, I had a girlfriend while we were talking that's psycho fucking behavior and please run run run run like we talked about last week where like people will show you who they are at face value and you have to take them at face value you can't pretend in your head there's somebody completely different than what they are they are who they are and you have to accept that and if you don't like who they are they're not going to change so so run as as you can. But like a little white lie or it's like, uh, you said you were going here, but actually you went here. It's like as long as he wasn't cheating on me, I don't give a fuck. I truly don't. I don't, controversial topic, I don't keep tabs on my partner.

Like, genuinely. I don't. I found out. I used to and it drove me fucking insane in my last relationships. Maybe that's because I was dating people who were unreliable. But like, going into this current relationship, I was very intentional with myself where I was like, I am not going to keep tabs ever. They are who they are. If they fuck up, I'm going to find out eventually because the universe has my back, whether they tell me or not, I will find out. Don't you worry. If it's that big of a deal, I will know. So I'm just going to let go and let God.

And I'm going to, scary, scary, love is scary. I'm going to put all of my love into one basket. I'm going to hope for the best. And we're going to see how it turns out. And you know what? I feel a lot of freedom in this relationship because I don't keep tabs. Location, I don't have it. I don't have it. I don't need it. If you, if you were, you should be able to as an adult, as a grown ass fucking man, be like, hey, I'm going out with my friends. And I as a grown ass woman should know in a relationship that you're telling the truth and that I believe you.

Why would I not? And dare I say, if if they give you reasons for you to not trust with they are saying as truth, then why are you with them? You know? The lying thing, it's hard to decipher because there's white lies, there's protective lies, there's malicious lies, like what is going on? You know what I mean? If this is a person that you think is untrustworthy, then why are you trusting them with your body, with your life, with your soul, with your future? That is not someone I would want around me as a friend. Why would I keep them as a lover? You know? But I think you will find a lot of freedom through not keeping taps on your partner and like learning to try. trust them. Like I don't know where he is right now, but I could fucking care less because he is a

grown ass adult who should be able to make grown ass level-headed choices and also keep me in mind in those choices. The fuck? And I'm busy. I'm busy. I don't have time to be checking locations. I don't have time for these things. I have my own life. I have so much going on. It's like at the end of the day, you need to be able to trust your partner with your fucking life. and that means letting them be their own person, but also it means like, you know, having a little bit of forethought of, is, is this a trustworthy partner? Is this someone I trust? Is this someone I want to keep around me? That's a question you have to answer for yourself. I don't know the background. I don't know the background. If you want to give me the eight paragraph background, join the Patreon. Patreon.com slash smoke slash shoddy. You guys can submit like long as fucking questions. And I love keeping up with you guys every single week on how things are changing and growing and how you are applying advice. But it's like, yeah, I am. I'm not keeping tabs on somebody. I don't keep tabs on anybody. Why would I keep tabs on my partner?

You know? If I'm going to a sketchy place, I'll send him my location. Like Facebook marketplace is like, I'm in the middle of the woods. I'm a little scared. Here's my location. Valid, totally. But it's like outside of that, there's no reason. We check in with each other.

We stay communicative with each other. That's really all you need in a relationship. And if you don't have that, then bitch, what's it built on? Nothing. How do I practice safer sex? protection and communication. Those are two key things to save sex. Protection and communication.

Communication of boundaries, what you desire, what you like, what you dislike. If you're in the mood, if you're not in the mood, what's going on, what turns you on, what doesn't turn you on. Communication during sex, that feels good. Let's switch it up. Let's change positions, this, that, the other, the third. Communicate, communicate, communicate. The more you communicate, the better sex you're going to have.

I promise you that. people are not mind readers, especially when it comes to sex, and you should not treat sex as mind reading. That's when things go wrong. That's when things, you know, boundaries are crossed. You should never make assumptions during sex. It's okay to literally look your partner in the eyes and go, do you like this? Can I do this? Can we try this? Or literally the opposite. I'm not in the mood. I need you to do this. I need to feel this to feel this. Communicate, communicate, communicate, communicate, communicate and also safe sex protection you got to be protected mama i don't care if you want babies or not if you are not actively trying for a child you need to be doing some sort of birth control

some sort i don't care if that's tracking your cycle i know controversial i can't track my cycle because well i do track my cycle but i can't do that method because i'm unreliable to myself like baby I can't even eat a birth control pill every single day reliably why would I assume I would not fuck up that system you have to understand who you are how you treat your body what works best for you and for me my best form of safe sex protected sex is an iUD where it's like it's in me and i don't think about it much i really don't i don't feel any pain my partner doesn't feel any pain um my periods are I'm feeling good. I don't have to think about it. That works for me. If you are somebody who likes to be maybe in tune with your body, maybe you do a different kind of birth control. Maybe you try the pill

or maybe you try what is it like fertility tracking. Is that what it's called? Um, they have like the family planning method. Is that what it's called? And I think it's literally called that because it's like maybe you're probably going to get pregnant this way. Whatever works for you, works for you. I'm not shitting on anything. Okay. I don't care. You have bodily autonomy utilize your bodily because we literally, I'm not even fucking kidding, are probably like the first generation of women. Even my mom's generation. It's like we had one option, which was the pill and it was kind of hard to get. It's like, we are the first generation of women to have like almost.

We're almost there. Holy shit. But the most bodily autonomy that we've ever been given, please utilize that right to its max. Safe sex, protected sex, get STD checking. Like I said, I went to the gyno. and I'm in a long-term relationship, but I was like, something's going on down there. Give me an STD check just in case.

I don't know. I don't know. Who knows? Like I said, if the universe is supposed to be to know something, it will tell me. Well, I'm clean. I'm good. But it's like, get tested.

It's so cheap. You can go to like a local testing site. It's like $15 without insurance. So cheap. Do your research on your places because they will charge you out the wazoo if you go to the wrong place. Ask your partners if they have an STD year when the last time they've had an STD check? Hmm, when was your last partner? Hmm, have you had an STD check? Hmm. Do you want a baby right now?

Because if not, bitch, put on a fucking condom. Like, it is that simple. Communicate and protect yourself. Made a tough decision to take a leap of faith and trust my intuition. It wasn't meant to be. That's okay. That is okay. That is okay. That doesn't mean your intuition was wrong. That doesn't mean, you know, you did the wrong thing. Doesn't mean you made the wrong choice. that doesn't honestly that doesn't even mean it didn't work out you're like bitch it didn't work out what do you mean by that it just means something else is in your in your future something else is in your future and this just wasn't it and that's okay but you know what bitch let me give you your flowers you are braver than most you try you put yourself out there you attempted something new you listen to your intuition it felt right in the moment absolutely you went after it that is something that is something

to be said that is something to celebrate whether it quote unquote worked out or didn't who cares bitch you tried and that's all that matters i think we get too preoccupied with the outcome of what's gonna happen if it's going to work if it's not going to work if we're going to fail if we're going to be happy and it's like you really don't know until you try and so props to you for taking that leap of faith for putting yourself out there for putting yourself in a new position for trying something new that's all that matters there's always something that you will take from it that you will learn from it whether you succeed or not and I guarantee you learn something from it you learn to listen to your intuition you learn to try something new you learn to lean on yourself you learn to trust in yourself to put

yourself out there to take a new step who cares if it doesn't work it's just going to be another chapter in your storybook of life where you're going to talk about oh yeah remember when i tried that oh yeah remember when i tried that all the stories i talk about here are like oh yeah remember when i tried that. Remember when I went to nursing school? Fuck. Remember when it's art school? Remember when I was a horseback rider? Remember when I did pottery? Remember when like who cares if it works out or not? It's just another story to tell. And at least you try. Damn, bitch, at least you try. Most people are too afraid to try. Bitch, I'm too afraid to try. Just kidding. Not putting that into the universe. Knock on wood. But you tried. That's all that matters.

Can you talk about karmic relationships? No, I'm scared. No, I'm scared. No, I don't want to talk about karmic relationships. Karmic relationships are just mirrors. Karmic relationships are relationships that kind of like bring out the worst in you and show you like a side of yourself that you never want to experience ever again. And a lot of it is just from like lack of knowing yourself, lack of self-trust, lack of putting

yourself first. That's the fastest way to fall into a carmic relationship. I have been, I would say my last relationship was a carmic relationship because bitch, we were just, he was evil to me and then I was evil to him. And then I was like, I'm wasting my time being evil. What am I doing here? That's a very, very carmic relationship where it's like you are putting your energy into something that is not worthwhile for you. And the more energy you put into something that is not worthwhile for you, like the more negative energy you get out of it. I also think a lot of relationships can be mirrors to yourself where, whether it's through like um treatment where you're like oh i believe i'm undeserving so this is the

treatment i'll put up with or i believe this is all i should get out of life so this is all i'm going to get out of this relationship or you know whatever the the truth of the matter is whenever you find yourself in a comic relationship though you can always leave like there is a beauty to it if you ever wake up one day and you're like this feels like a comic relationship i feel like i'm learning a really negative lesson here. I feel like I'm reaping what I sew and also like not liking what I'm sewing or reaping. In fact, I'm miserable. Truth of the matter is, bitch, you can always leave. Is it as easy as I say it is? No, never is. Never is. Life lesson there. Is it ever as easy as anybody says it is? Nope. But I will say there's no higher feeling. There is, oh, God. Similar to doing

meth, I would say, is leaving a karmic relationship. I'm not kidding. I'm genuinely not kidding. Did I mean to do meth? No. Do I know what it feels like? Yes. Did leaving that bum ass man to rot where he deserved and telling him to fuck off and leave me alone and pretending he died for the rest of my life? Oh my God. It was the best fucking feeling ever. Nothing compares to what I like literally am still riding that high and that was like six years ago you guys there is no better feeling if if you want the high if you of your life leave that loser-ass fucking relationship where it belongs in the dirt and the dust and the grime and move on to bigger and better places baby girl because i know you deserve it but yeah carmic relationships it's not because you're deserving of it it just because

is like I think a lot of them can be mirrors of like um this is what I feel I'm deserving of and so this is what I'm getting but like you always deserve more even if it's good you always deserve more does that mean you should leave them yes no I'm kidding but you know if you ever wake up and you're like I'm miserable here I'm telling you there is no better high than the feeling of leaving a bad fucking relationship no matter what relationship it is because I don't believe anybody's deserving of a bad relationship. I think we're all deserving a fabulous, amazing, wonderful relationship. So if you ever feel like you're in a negative relationship, it's just the sign of the times and it means you got to go. It means you got to go. Do you believe in ghosts? This is a good one to end off with. You know what?

I actually saw a ghost the other day so we can get into it. Um, a post seller bar. Well, actually in I'm, okay, I'm very in touch with the spirit world. I don't know what it. it is maybe just because I'm open in a very neutral sense where it's like I'm not calling upon them but I'm also not like antagonizing them I'm also not really fearful I also take a lot of self-protection in general that it's like oh whatever you know you can pass through I've talked about many ghost stories but right now the veil is really thin as we kind of work towards Halloween and with all the astrological things going on right now the veil is very very thin so you if you're open to it if you're closed off you're not going to experience it. Let me be so fucking for real.

With any sort of life experience, if you're closed off to it, you just, you won't experience it. But yes, goes through real. Yes, there is like an operational sense of energy that you might be able to see or feel. And energy is weird. It plays around in weird ways. If you are a witchy girl like I am, you see it in spellwork, you see it in manifestation work. You know the energy is real and it is potent and it is transformational. If you're into astrology, you know, that energy is real and transformational between us living and the stars. Just think it's so beautiful. And thus, like the energy that we contain within ourselves, you know, in between worlds, in between dimensions, in between, you know, the afterlife and now, like there is some

mix up there. And sometimes people get stuck. Sometimes energy gets stuck. Sometimes there's just, like, weird overlap. A lot of the ghostly experiences that I have had are that overlapped. where it's almost like the afterlife or just like the experiences that they had had overlapping from that past to this present and you can feel that energy overlapping. You can feel the veil thin. When I say the veil is thin, that's what I mean. You know, those two experiences, that exchange of energy is very prevalent in that moment. And when I was in that cellar bar, oh yeah.

Oh, yeah. I could feel it. I could feel it. It would be like out of the corner of my eye. I would see someone sitting and it's like there's no one there. Yeah. Uh-huh. And then after the cellar bar,

we were driving through middle of nowhere fucking Missouri, like west in Missouri, which low-key underrated teeny tiny little town. Very cute. Very, very storybook. Cute. And we were just driving the street and there was this big ass cemetery on the side of a hill. And I haven't been to a cemetery in a long time. I'm going to some in New Orleans.

I'm very excited for the ghostly experience there. But I was like, you know what? We're going to just like pull up and drive through the cemetery. I don't know why, but I was like, why not? It's sunsetting. It's beautiful. We have the windows down. Fuck it.

Let's drive through the cemetery. Let's kind of show our respects and just like, you know, appreciate people's lives and look back on the, you know, on who they were. You know, show appreciation in that way. Not that I really traverse through cemeteries often. But as we were driving up this big ass hill, big ass hill, we passed a couple headstones and then bam right in the middle i see like a figure and it's always like a split second but i saw a figure and i look and it literally is a headstone of somebody

with the same last name as me and i was like wait a minute loki am i related to them low key need to send my mom a text real quick but it was actually kind of beautiful because it was like a big sunset on this beautiful rolling hill headstone and it was so funny that the i saw like it was a woman it was like a like a big step she was taking and then bam it was gone and i looked down and it was a cemetery of somebody who had the same name as me wild wild wild wild but ghosts are real whether you're open to them or not they exist whether you're going to experience them them experience them or not they exist i've always been pretty in tune with them I've always been pretty in tune with the, you know, spirit realm for some reason.

I don't know. I was just born with the gift, I guess. But I have run-ins. I've been having more run-ins than usual, so I'm curious to see what more experiences I gather as we get into spooky season as it's about to be October. Oh my God, can you believe? Time is flying. We must get out.

We must live. We must experience bitches all up to you. So go make the fucking best of it. So when you are a ghost eventually, you're at least a ghost in a club, dancing your little heart out. That's the energetic experience that you leave behind. What energetic experience do you want to leave behind on earth?

So when you eventually haunt someone, they get to see you as that. That's my question for you. Did that sometimes make sense? I don't know. Anyways, I'm covered in horse poop and hair and dirt in sweat and grime because after the renaissance festival i just fell asleep so i need to go shower off

honey mead and horse hair with that being said though i love you all so much there's so much to catch up on if you want to see more from me watch the vlogs at hannah merlene 444 if you want my pumpkin cinnamon roll recipe and you want to bake and get baked bitch do it over there it's a good time if you want to see the renaissance festival dump slash apple picking photos i just got to new digital camera. Oh, they came out so good. Plus butternut squash recipe, actually butter not squash mac and cheese recipe, plus apple hand pie recipe. All of that is coming out this week. Plus, you can submit your questions every single week to my Instagram at Hannah Marlene. And if you want to submit longer questions, if you feel like your question is ever answered,

or do you just want to support me and dive deeper into the smoke slash community, join the Patreon. Patreon. Patreon.com slash smoke slash shoddy. I have a lot to catch up with you guys there. But with that being said, most importantly, stay sane, stay sexy, and I'll see you all so soon. M-mm-a.