Smoke Sesh - mental glow up, just fucking do it & spring bucket list

Episode Date: May 7, 2024

Hello hotties and welcome back to another Smoke Sesh i'm so happy to be here with you all again on this beautiful Tuesday! We are really leaning into the Taurus New Moon energy today and focusing on rest, relaxation, and the glamour of life. We start off talking about prioritizing rest, what ive been up to and how ive been practicing that, the taurus new moon and how to celebrate, stepping into your femininity and what that looks like, drake VS Kendrick plus the astrology of it all, how we are mentally glowing up this summer, saying No I don't wanna, immature men, handjobs, bad kiss and awkward encounters, maybe they just don't like you... and that's okay, fat ass problems and objectification, money bowl ritual, how to connect as an older adult and using social media to your advantage, scared of growing up and finding peace in older women, modern day booty calls, allow space to be misunderstood, airplane edible story time, reading! accidentally coming out, choice paralysis and navigating hard decisions, how to lower your tolerance, sometimes you just gotta do it, spring activities and my spring bucket list, plus how your life will get so much better without men! I had such a fun time with you all today remember to stay sexy, have fun, and don't do anything I wouldn't do ! If you wanna see more from me join the patreon patreon.com/smokeseshshawty for extra content and podcasts, if not follow me on instagram @hannahmarlene to see what i'm up to and we will chat soon ! MUAH

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash, so come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, hotties of the world. my name is hannah and i am so excited to be back for another episode of smoke sesh with you guys how we all doing today are we as tired collectively as i am today because wow wow i love that i really

just set up my weekends to be the busiest fucking time possible to be fair the weekends are like when i work so of course i'm busy but my god does it not take me out takes me out my whole body is like in shambles i feel like especially when we're busy it's really easy to kind of like forget about the rest relaxation aspect um and it's way easier to just kind of like put your body on the line and your mental health on the line and just keep persevering through work um like i did this weekend I worked two doubles and then a Sunday brunch so your girl is a little burnt out a little sleepy a little tired but luckily this podcast gives me so much rejuvenation as you can tell from my pink fluffy robe for the audio listeners I am in just like re-lax mode I'm

relax maxing okay because my god after working those many days my body is just out of it my back feels like it's at least 80 years old my legs so tired so sore it took everything in me to crawl out of bed this morning and make my morning coffee but hey we're here we're happy we're about to be a little high so what's better than that you know what i mean but really you cannot overwork yourself to the point where you like collapse and fall it's really easy to kind of do that because once you're in the work mindset you just keep pushing and pushing and pushing but if you don't allow like adequate breaks or adequate time to really like get eight hours of sleep, eat a full meal, drink your water, take your vitamins, then like of fucking course your body's

gonna feel like it just got hit by a truck because you're overexerting the energy that you have and you're depleting your resources to the point where your body thinks it's going into apocalypse mode and it is in a survival mindset okay please rest please relax please do what you need to do after working like 40 hours in the span of three days i finally had last night off after closing sunday brunch and you know a bunch of people invited me out it was cinco de mayo they're like come do the cinco de drinko come come out let's go get tacos let's look at margs even like my boyfriend was going out to his family's house to go have tacos to have margs to just hang out and spend the days together and then my parents even invited me over and we're like

we're making burnt end tacos like come hang out let's make margaritas and you know what there were so many things I could have said yes to but I think for my mental health I really needed to say no and I get FOMO like even just like not seeing my parents or not going and hanging out with my friends I get FOMO real bad where I'm like but I'm not being productive I'm not being productive like sure i'm focusing on myself but i'm not being productive you really got to kill that mindset in yourself because focusing on yourself is productivity um and taking time for yourself is productive in the sense of it's allowing yourself time to rejuvenate so then you're able to keep moving in the future so i did the brave girl thing and i said no no i don't wanna

and I stayed home alone last night. It was such a nice change of pace. My boyfriend's so sweet and he cleaned up the apartment over the weekend so I didn't really have to focus on doing that. I really just took an everything shower. I shaved everything. I self-tanned. I exfoliated. I did a hair mask. I did as much as I could to just kind of chill and show my body a little TLC especially after being on my feet for so long yeah it was just so nice it was such a nice change of pace to switch my focus on external and switch it to internal and what can i do for myself i ordered in some birria tacos i devoured that my asshole is playing the price today i will say that because you know how they give you those roasted jalapenos on the side and like the spicy carrots the

pickled carrots. I'm gonna fuck those up. I always ask for extra because your girl is going to be eating all of them. Anyways, definitely paying the price today. But we're here. We're hot. We're happy. Let's get a little high. Please focus on rest and relaxation. You can work, work, work your little butt off as much as you want. But until you take a moment to actually pause and rest and recuperate you're not going to be able to keep pushing you're going to hit a wall you're going to fall it's going to be even harder to get back up so if you allow yourself adequate breaks in between your hard work which keep pushing keep doing your thing it'll feel so much better than pushing yourself to the end of the line and then feeling like whoa i have a lot to do to get myself

back to where i want to be rest is important you are allowed to rest i love you let's smoke um i think I have herpes question mark we'll get into that in a second let me hit this I don't actually have herpes but I think when I like get overworked and overstressed like some sort of my body will pay a price sometimes it's my feet sometimes my feet really hurt sometimes like today it's my back my back really hurts which like my back doesn't usually hurt I was just doing a lot of heavy lifting at my other job this weekend on what went wrong with Hannah's body due to stresses my upper lip I got like this little white dot on it and listen I the I only know one person that I'm making out with so I know it's not herpes

obviously I thought maybe a cold sore due to stress never really had cold sores but like fuck it maybe this is the time in my life where I start developing them like I don't know and then it just spread everywhere not the bumps just like the chapness of it all after great detail of web mding myself and reddit threads and googling what is wrong with me i this is gross but i think i just have empatigo empatigo whatever that is it's like just a skin infection bacterial infection because i think i was chewing on my lips so much that i like broke the skin and then they got infected somehow gross gross gross tmi tmi tmi but that's what i was googling for about two hours straight last night off the pen. So I thought I'd share with you guys. Once again, if you do not

rest, something is going to go wrong with your body. And for me, it was like this weird chap lip situation I've got going on. So shout out to my antibiotic cream. Love you, girl. I don't have herpes, but also shout out to my girlies going through that. Let's destigmatize STDs. Stay safe, get checked always but my god literally today is all about rest indulgence what can Hannah do for herself how can I prioritize myself and I love that for me tomorrow Tuesday I think it's on Tuesday evening tomorrow Tuesday we have a new moon in Taurus which is very exciting because Taurus is one of my favorite signs especially to have around me because as a Gemini I'm such a go go go go go go go next place next place bus train plane another club another club like girl there's

so much going on in my mind constantly it takes a lot for me to like pause and slow down and kind of remove myself from the external and turn towards the internal when Taurus is all about the internal once again like last episode princess era literally Taurus is all about indulgence self-reliance upholding themselves supporting uplifting it is all about the princess era of life it's about connecting to nature like digging your toes into the ground grounding yourself not only within like the world around you but also within your own personal self and I think that is exactly the energy we need right now so this Taurus new moon I really challenge you to indulge uplift get out in nature go stand knee deep in a creek like let's go on a

hike um let me pause I my I literally about to shit my pants oh my god indulge but please do not indulge case of bria unless you want a hemorrhoid anyways this uh taurus new moon is also a money manifesting new moon um taurus is in venus which means love is in the air everybody's feeling on track taurus is also all about finances and like ruling the house and taking care of yourself so if you want to do a money manifestation tomorrow is the day to do so i believe i'm going to post today on the patreon a money manifestation ritual success ritual for all of you so if you want something to participate in or a little bit more information um on that i'll be posting about that on the patreon patreon.com slash smoke says shawty but this is your new moon psa new moon psa

tuesday evening do not forget maybe i'll go to a witch's circle i don't know i have one that i go to every once in a while maybe this will be a good one I feel like being around other people is great for especially if you feel maybe low in your own self-energy like me um not like low but depleted on my way back up it's nice to have other people's energies to be around and use as inspiration to help increase so anyways um in this lunation you might feel a little bit more secure with your values and desires your steadiness will help you lay the groundwork for this lunar cycle this lunar cycle is also in that earth sign and it'll help you manifest tangible things um and venus the planetary ruler of taurus will help you create something that you want to manifest

so this new moon being in perfect alignment is a great day to really focus on yourself uplift yourself put things into the world and gain fruition from it I actually this is right on time for me I didn't even realize I got an email this morning about a really exciting opportunity that I will be able to work with but also be able to share with you guys very soon very soon we haven't really dived into it but exciting things coming this way and makes sense for how the moon sign is adjusting so happy Taurus new moon today I will be although I'm like exhausted tired right now if the sun pops out this afternoon I definitely want to get to the river I want to go hiking I want to be in nature I just love smelling all the fresh new plants that are growing around

me the like humidity the breeze it is just so nice and just grounding i want to stick my feet in some mud and water i want to lay in the sunshine i want to say no to things that i don't fucking want to do i want to focus on my dreams and my aspirations and growing those and yeah exciting love it ready to indulge maybe i'll eat a slice of cake later oh my new favorite munchie food has been if you go to the asian market they have these ice cream sandwiches but the outside layers are really thin pieces of cake and these are like oh they're so fucking good jajangmyung which is my favorite like indulgence food maybe i'll have that later today jajangmyung which is like a black bean noodle in tandem with these red velvet ice cream sandwiches the best thing on this planet

the absolute best thing on this planet also thank you guys you've really been enjoying my cooking reels recently um i really appreciate you guys showing all the love and just enjoying me sharing my life a little bit more with you guys if there's anything you want to see from me let me know more than happy to do that i'm working on a youtube video for you all this month as well i said it was going to be about my bedroom but i think i need to do that in like later in the summer in the fall where i'll be spending more time inside right now i'm focused on like glowing up mental glow up like looking the hottest i possibly can for all of june and all of my birthday so i think i'm gonna make a glow up with me video um that'll be fun so stay tuned that's really all

i have to catch you guys up on love you love you love you let's get into all of your questions tips for tapping into your feminine energy oh i feel like taurus is such a feminine sign because it is like rooted in venus which is the planet of love and beauty um think like aphrodite think like Marilyn Monroe Marilyn Monroe is actually a June Gemini we share the same birthday I feel like that's where I get my glamour feminine energy from I'm like we we get it you know me and her we get it not to compare myself to Marilyn but love her get yourself a big fluffy robe allow yourself time to relax eat your favorite food you know honor your body like taking a everything shower not in the name of like I need to get laid but in the name of like presenting

myself how I want to be presented and appreciating myself every step of the way is just such a great way to uplift your femininity I love a bath I love a rose bath you know get a rose petal bath bomb a cbd bath bomb and just like lounge relax uplift that like chill energy is really how you step into your feminine how i step into my feminine especially kind of like being in my masculine all weekend like taking charge getting shit done clocking in clocking out like oh my god on the fucking move i really have to like flip a switch and step into the opposite in order for me to recover and recuperate because being in the masculine masculine for me for too long is just like I just start losing my mind like obviously my body is having an

adverse reaction to it like I'm literally allergic to it anyways yeah I feel like when I need to step into my feminine quickly some small things are really just like self-indulgences like i did some sunday journal prompts the other day on the patreon and preparing mentally for the taurus new moon and one of the questions was what does self-care look like to you because it can look like so many different things to so many different people like self-care for my dad is going to the gym for two hours with his headphones in probably listening to like harry styles that's his self-care my mom's self-care is taking a nap for two hours mid-afternoon and playing zelda on her switch my form of self-care is like being left alone with some really good food my bathtub a cbd

bomb you know body oil like just indulging that way like my boyfriend his form of self-care is going to the skate park for three hours and just being with his friends it looks different for all of us but i do think especially if you find yourself like burning out very quickly and very often it's because you don't know how to self-pleasure you don't know how to self-care and having a really good self-care routine is a game changer having one self-care routine that you know brings you peace and fulfillment and refillment is very important because it's something you can always go back to and always utilize in your daily life so whenever you're feeling burnout you're like up i remember my plan i remember my self-care plan that's something i can step back

into that's something i can revisit so having like a solid plan and once again it's going to look very different for everybody like how you self-care is going to be very different from how i self-care but simply understanding how you do so and breaking that down mentally and then relying on that whenever you need to having that plan to utilize whenever you need to is so important especially if you find yourself stepping out of the feminine a little too much and you don't know how to tap into have your self-care routine what's your take on the drake kendrick beef never go against a gemini for real if it's a war against a gemini a gemini is going to win specifically against a scorpio that's the only take i have like astrologically this is so

interesting to watch also i love a good critic i do i love a good critic i love when somebody is like actually intellectual with the takes they have because nowadays i feel like it's just cool to be a hater but a lot of the hater-ness is stemming from like just i don't like you but it's like i don't care if you don't like me unless there's a good reason like what the fuck is that good reason like i want you to actually have facts and understanding behind it instead of just being like meh i just don't like them they piss me off it's like cool valid i'm a lot of fucking people piss me off and they don't mean to but i'm not gonna make it their problem like that just means they're not my cup of tea where are the facts where are the evidence all drake had to say in

his comeback was no facts no evidence just hater energy but kendrick kendrick had the critic energy he had the fully thought out and understood reasons of why i don't like you and he's probably been sitting on this for a while gemini's and scorpio's behave in the same sort of ways where it's like we're gonna take in small pieces of information slowly slowly slowly i'm gonna remember that for when i need it i'm going to lock that away in the vaults for when i need to bring that up and scorpios do it in the heat of the moment not really thought out not planned but gemini's are always 10 fucking steps ahead so they will they will always feel a little bit more personal a little bit more planned a little bit more aggressive in that sort of way anyways don't

really have any takes other than like yeah drake is a bad person also very interested you see the unity this has brought you know across the globe i love when everybody is kind of just like on the same train like a pokemon go situation i don't really like when it's like hate hate but this isn't necessarily like one way hate this is like this conversation that we're getting to see through art and i love that i do love that how are we mentally glowing up this summer you know what we're doing the work we're looking inwards we're repairing relationships we're seeking fun we're seeking joy we're seeking glamour in our everyday life we want good to happen not only for ourselves and others we're going to therapy okay we're saying we're sorry you know we're just taking

accountability for our lives and being like yeah i need to work on that yeah i did have fun today yeah i do love you you know what i mean um i had this moment this other day where so like as somebody with bpd one thing that i have a really hard time with is processing emotions whether it's my own or somebody else's like I have a hard time working through those rationally so it's it has a hard time moving through my body so easily and a lot of my dbt therapy has taught me how to really logically think through these emotions and think through these thought processes and kind of like de-escalate myself and that's why I think it's so important to do so and also why I have a very easy time breaking down these thoughts this hectic energy that sometimes you guys might be feeling

and helping you guys work through your plot problems I'm so happy that I did the work so I can share that with you guys but I had this moment the other day where I feel like I was having a hard time dealing with my own internal negativity nothing bad or too overwhelming but it was there and then my boyfriend came home from like a stressful event or thing and he just like of course as a good partner wanted to be able to vent in a safe space and be heard and he was of course but it got like very overwhelming for me very quickly because I just didn't have the time or the energy to take on any more negativity and it wasn't because he was being mean or anything like that it was just like i didn't have the space to take on anything else emotionally um and i had

to like be able to understand that and like have a little mini breakdown not take it too seriously understand that like okay this is why i felt this way that's valid how can i work on this in the future and how can i communicate that to my partner so this doesn't happen again how can i be understanding towards myself how can my partner be understanding towards me and it's like we're just doing the fucking work so we feel a little bit more stable that is how we're glowing up this summer there is no more avoidance there is no more i'm scared or i don't wanna it's you know what maybe i fucking have to but i'll be better for it and thus i'm just gonna do the fucking hard thing i'm gonna do the damn thing i'm gonna make that change i'm gonna go after what the fuck

i want because ultimately i will always be better for it always like what do you have to lose oh i don't want to work on myself because the demons yeah but like you can befriend your demons you know what i mean like you guys can work together you guys can be co-workers i promise it'll work out but yeah that's how we're mentally going up this summer talking about practice what you preach not my manager which she also mentioned the other day she was like you have a podcast and i was like I mean yeah no shame but also I'd be talking about some crazy fucking things on here that sometimes I want people in my real life to not be understanding but whatever I guess that's what I get for putting it out here doesn't really affect me that much but she was like um can you work

today no no I cannot I will be RSVPing no to that one I just mentally cannot today ASMR of me typing no i'm not coming in tips on dating immature men and having to mother them i'm not a mom there is no mothering i don't date immature men and if i tell you you're being immature you gotta figure that shit out asap because once again i'm not a mother and i'm not here to be a mother that's what mothers are for and if he needs a mommy you gotta send him right the fuck back to where he came from because she's got more work to do her fault his fault not yours i don't have time to date immature men you are going to literally lose years of your life to men who are immature one of my biggest like vetting processes with men we talked about the boyfriend

list on the last episode where it's like no you need to make a list before you get into any sort relationship situation ship on like non-negotiables and how you want your partner to be and what you are seeking because it's great when you're lost in the sauce or like digmatized to revisit and be like is he actually withholding these characteristics that I seek highly or am I just losing my mind or is he gaslighting me but dating immature men who refuse to fix themselves who refuse to work on themselves who refuse to understand that they're the fucking problem in their own world they will slowly kill you and deplete you of your energy and like haha funny but like it's no joke i've seen too many women completely lose themselves to losers save the

women don't give your pussy out to a lame someone just said hand jobs i don't give hand jobs i wear too many rings it's just not fun for anybody involved and then you have like saliva under your rings and that's pretty fucking gross if you're giving dry hand jobs you're doing it wrong imagine if like he's djing down there and it's just there's no wetness like it's just sandpaper like it's okay let's get some spit involved no one likes friction like that trust also it's just like more work like a hand job is more work like i can use my mouth and like full teamwork action that thing and get the job done faster so sure like maybe i'll tease my hand like oh like let me put my hand in your lap like let me reach over while you're driving you know whatever

feel them up but like am i gonna sit there like this hell no girl if you don't just reach over and finish the job with your mouth i just think it's so much easier now i did have a friend in college she was like a handjob queen which I found very interesting because I feel like handjobs are like a lost or art you know the girlies nowadays don't know how to give a good one including me would love to learn maybe I need to practice I just got the the bjs down so it's like why learn anything else but I do know that if there's a certain like grip technique and a of course you spit please use something use lube i don't care do not do it dry you're going to hurt that man when you're like gripping it i'm trying to like imagine hold on so when you're

holding it anatomically there's like a um very large vein on the base and i know that if you gently place your thumb there as you are doing the job and just slowly massage that vein it's like game over i do not know that helps but yeah no hand jobs i'm like that seems like more work in my opinion i will just like lean over you know what i mean i miss like a road job a road job wow the way my brain really um combine those i miss like a road trip blow job I need one of those in my life again soon my boyfriend needs to take me on a trip so I can do that anyways hi um I love you so much I'm a long-term listener this podcast means the world to me and anyways I'm gonna get straight into my question so I've been seeing a boy

um I really like him he's definitely looking for what I'm looking for which is a green flag um we're taking things slow i think that's what he wants um anyways so we had our first kiss recently and it did not go how i wanted it to i wanted a sexy hot passionate first kiss but it was kind of awkward very quick um i kind of felt really uncomfortable a little weird after that and then recently we hung out for our second time had a kiss had very high hopes for the second kiss and still very awkward very short i almost got the vibe that he's unexperienced inexperienced and he maybe doesn't know how to make out with someone um please send your advice I don't know what to do about this I don't even know how to have a

conversation about this with him like anyways please help me please please please I hope you see this anyways I love you and yeah okay I love you lol I have also had a awkward first kiss you are not alone not like first kiss but like first like high school kiss i went out on a date with this guy that like was funny lol love but also i don't think i was like sexually attracted to that much um well i don't know maybe i was but it was quickly killed after the kiss anyways he did the opposite instead of like I wasn't advanced but he was apparently and he went to go like make out with me and just like all over my face and I was going in for like a you know and it was just like chemistry immediately off like all the fantasies I had in my head immediately off what I thought

immediately off I was like this ain't gonna work because I do think especially early on especially early on sexual chemistry is important you must be able to communicate with each other you must be able to hold space for each other you must be able to uplift each other you must be able to have sexual chemistry and he might be new he might be experienced nothing no hate you know another experience to add under the belt but also like if you're looking for that hot manly make out they just grab your face and you're like making out with each other i don't think you're gonna find it here i think you realize that and that's okay sometimes a kiss is bad sometimes you gotta set a man free to keep going on their own journey but if that's

not a journey you want to take with them that's okay you've had two dates you don't need to commit to this man like at all if you've had two dates you don't owe anybody anything for two dates two dates so don't feel like you have to like you're marrying this man and like how are we gonna make out five years down the line no you can move on it's okay to have an awkward interaction and be like i don't want any more of that how to deal with the kind of rejection that says you don't care about me well if they don't care about you then you don't have to be around them you know whether it's your mom rejecting you and you're like oh my mom doesn't give a fuck about me girl you don't have to be around her or your friend where it's like oh my friends aren't

prioritizing me they're not you know they obviously don't care about me they're not your friend oh my partner rejected me you know he just doesn't care about me my my situationship is pushing me off he doesn't like you you don't have to gain the appreciation from people who don't like you because they don't like you and you're gonna be constantly feeling unfulfilled because they don't like you you have to let people not like you i know i'm some people's like i'm not some people's cup of tea and that's fine like why would i spend time worrying about the haters or worrying about people who don't like me when there's plenty of people out there who do like me because i'm a genuinely good person you know you really gotta prioritize what is best for you

and prioritizing somebody who is rejecting you in the name of i don't care about you is not somebody you need to be wasting time on love you feel insecure about having a fat ass not to laugh i'm so sorry they said in parentheses not to brag lmao because i know it's desired but how to embrace it babes love get you some get you some of those 2016 striped like tribal stripe bell-bottom cotton flares do you guys remember those you know how every tumblr girl wore those like hippie tumblr girl wore those in 2016 are you kidding me get you some of those and go walk your ass around and keep uplifting and honoring yourself now i do that's a joke but i do understand when you as a woman are over sexualized constantly because of your body and people can't control

themselves and that's uncomfortable and you are valid in like your anger towards other people and you're valid and not wanting to be seen as only a body part the way men only see sydney Sweeney as a pair of boobs valid in that anger but I do think Sydney Sweeney has gone about it the right way where she's like sure you can stare at me but like I'm gonna ride this success I'm gonna keep doing me I'm gonna keep focusing on me I'm gonna keep doing everything that I want to do for myself fuck the people who want to see me as this I'm gonna keep living my life the best that I possibly can and uplifting and honoring myself the best I possibly can and if people want to do this there's nothing I can do about it I was born this way fuck it let's ball do you know what I

mean sometimes you gotta work with what you got make the best of what you got fuck the people who are going to objectify you your anger is valid you're also valid on taking your anger out on him I think like hell yeah if you see a man looking at you I love the woman who'll just start barking I'm like that's hilarious please keep doing that but also please don't diminish yourself to make other people feel comfortable you deserve to feel comfortable in yourself always love you please what was that money bull spell that you were talking about in the past episode so I guess you guys could do this for the Taurus new moon I'm gonna post a different ritual because i've already talked about this on the patreon but a money bowl ritual or a money bowl

spell is simply like just a specific place on my altar where i honor like finances and success and money um so essentially you're gonna grab a bowl any bowl specifically for me mine's a green bowl just to keep it on theme you know green candles are gonna be pretty important white candles for peace green for prosperity um salt for protection and cleansing energy cleansing cinnamon for prosperity the same way you'd use cinnamon in a first of the month ritual to blow success through your front door i use some other herbs just whatever calls to me i know um you can use bay leaves to write your intentions and what you want to bring success from like whole bay leaves place those in the money bowl and essentially this is just like a place where all the herbs all the

things that you want to emphasize money success finances whatever it is is going to be in this bowl and essentially it's going to attract abundance the key with money bowls is you don't create it and then forget about it you can but it's not going to be as powerful i think you need to continuously add to it so anytime i have like pocket change i put it in the bowl anytime i have like a couple dollars on me I put it in the bowl now it's been a couple months there's like 40 dollars in the bowl like literally physically it has produced money for me I'm not going to touch it so I don't want to ruin the juju I'm going to let it just keep going but essentially this is just a space where you're going to build and cultivate financial success success abundance

whatever you are trying to bring prosperity into your life through symbolism and through herbs and through crystals if you want I know citrine is a great crystal to add to a money bowl and then as I place all the herbs in the middle I set my candles in there I set some money in there financial success objects and I draw a big money sign and yeah whenever I want to like tap into that energy I go I light candles I say a little prayer I give thanks to the universe and blow it out move on anytime I got money add it to it just keep it rolling I think it's a great way to kind of honor the universe and the abundance that it does bring to you um and it's a great little DIY on this Taurus new moon Hannah oh my god I love you girl I doubt that you'll even see this

because I swear to god I'll send you so many messages like I feel like I'm a stalker but no I just love and appreciate you and how you're for the girlies anyways random question but I am living post-grad in my university town so everyone's moved out but like I'm still here and now I have like literally one friend and my girlfriend and so I'm just asking where like as an adult post-grad where do I like go and find friends and go and hang out because like I'm a really outgoing person and I love chatting with people and like talking to randoms and making friends but I don't know where they are okay no I'm like really anti-social media but I didn't realize there are so many cool people around me hey I don't really leave my house that often but

I didn't realize there were so many cool people around me until I started like connecting with local events and local opportunities and small arts groups and then like following the people who I was seeing there and then seeing how cool they were and then reaching out and then hanging out um so it's like i know i'm like i don't like social media i don't like phones but also there is things to take from it and ways that you can utilize it in a healthy way and i think you can meet some really cool people on social media especially post-grad where you're not like going to as many bars or clubs maybe there's a couple in your college town but they're definitely more like for the college kids um maybe it's not like a place you want to network i would recommend

like post-grad maybe some like jazz clubs some like higher maybe some like a hotel bars things like that um cocktail bars where you know like the undergrads aren't gonna be and you can maybe meet some people your age or like in your skill level um but also i think you can meet some really fucking cool people off social media um if you see a cool person and you want to hang out with them just shoot them a dm you know be like hey i think you're really cool you want to get coffee sometime um great way to meet people it's kind of like the apps but not so much the apps there's cool people all around you all the time you just got to lean in and connect how to deal in a society that values youth especially in women you got to find some cool ass older girls you do when you

keep surrounding yourself with men and men's ideals and patriarch patriarchal ideals or even younger women or women your age people that you might view as like a competition in a sorts who keep perpetuating this narrative in your brain you're gonna lose your mind you need to befriend some cool older women i was so insecure with myself and so scared of growing up and so scared of getting older until i befriended some like cool ass 30 year olds so i met a cool 80 year old and had a conversation with her and realized no no no the older you get the cooler you become because the more established you become in yourself patriarchy only objectifies and uplifts young women because they know they're easy to manipulate they know they don't know a lot about

themselves because they have no real world experience they know that they can essentially get away with it whereas older women who are more established in themselves feel more comfortable fighting back against that and understanding the flaws in that so i say if you have are having a hard time with this ideal and like understanding this through a patriarchal perspective you need some cool older women you need to look up to cool older women like eve babbitts for me you know what i mean she's like a bad bitch our rest in peace baddie but like she talks about her youth and she talks about her mid-20s and she talks about later in life and just how she celebrates every moment and seeing how she was a bad bitch from start to finish is just so inspiring for me they don't have

to be women in your life they could be please do please seek out older women but also they can be people historical figures that you look up to as well but you need to prioritize that instead of the opposite instead of only looking back on the past or the younger version now i do think young people are cool like not to hate on young people at all obviously you guys are cool love you think you're being the trendsetters thank you for being yourselves but also i think it's really important to realize like your coolness doesn't deplete as you get older it only increases that is a fact okay that is something i have learned every single birthday i've looked back and i've been like holy shit i really have just gotten cooler i got the best compliment ever yesterday or the other day

and if you're the one who commented this i love you so much but someone was like you know what you've been popping up on my for you page since like 2020 and every single time you just keep getting cooler and hotter and it is so nice to see and i'm like wow that is such a compliment because honestly yeah like if 16 18 20 year old hannah was as cool as i was gonna get my life would not be that fucking interesting every year you just get cooler hotter wiser sexier and it is just so exciting but once again you don't really realize this until you hang out with some cool older women and they tell you that themselves maybe i'll be doing this podcast one day when i'm like fucking 80 oh my god could you imagine would love would love i hope i

can bring that understanding to people as well every step of the way someone said guys who ask to smoke later then ghost you and then text you hi a week later that is a modern day booty call okay another bitch came over that night that's why he did he ghosted you because he texted about 10 women wanna smoke and the first one to respond was the one who came over guess what he just sent out his weekly wanna smoke text congrats you're on the roster but do you want to be there that's the question feeling fear of being misunderstood there's a lot of people who do not get me but still love me you need to hold love and understanding for every single person even if you don't understand them always pro tip makes life so much easier but a lot of those people

will not hold love for people that they do not understand so if you're being misunderstood that's okay they're dumb maybe they're not gonna fucking understand but you don't have to convince yourself or convince them of being understood you know who you are stand strong stand proud in that if they want to misunderstand you let them you know that's a them problem that's a they are having the wrong perception that's a them problem that they need to figure out not something that you need to help them figure out stand true to who you are how to get over fear of flying i hate flying i hate it i mean i love the process of it all makes me feel so bougie like rejuvenated airplane skin the worst fucking thing ever i'm guaranteed to have at least three new

breakouts after getting on an airplane i don't know why it's like i use hand sanitizer i wash my hands i'm not i'm not dirty the i don't think the plane is dirty it's just like the air i don't know what to say anyways pro tip if you're afraid of flying do not eat an edible and then go on an airplane i thought that would chill me out i thought it'd be like everybody's like oh i eat a gummy and then get on the airplane bitch when i was leaving seattle last year around this time we had like an extra gummy in the rental and me and my boyfriend it was 100 milligrams me and boyfriend like do you want to split it like fuck it you know it'll kick in probably as soon as we get to like boarding whatever like let's go for it so we split it we get through tsa chilling

whatever don't really feel a lot and then we're sitting waiting for boarding and it kicks in and i'm feeling good i'm like hell yeah love this edible experience i'm just high as hell all i have to do is stand up and then get on this airplane easy so easy we get on the airplane we take off i'm chilling until i look to my right and i look out the airplane window and i notice that we're like what 50 000 feet in the fucking air and then the thoughts spiral start and then all i can think about i really hope no one is listening to this on an airplane i'm probably tripping them the fuck out right now but i just started spiraling because i hate heights i hate heights and all i could think about was falling my boyfriend off the edible is dead

asleep next to me so there's no one i could like panic tell all i had to do was just like sit with this panic on this airplane and just shut the window and just stopped i just tried to stop thinking about it in fact i did have an eve babbitt's book on me so i read that that calmed me down but if you have a fear of flying definitely do not eat an edible um flying is really not that scary nothing bad's going to happen to you and if it does it's like at least it takes you out quickly you know like at least like if i'm gonna think about all the horrible awful ways of dying let me think like freezing or being on fire or you know any of the bad bad ways this seems like one of the not too bad ways god please don't take me out yet i am not ready to go let me knock on

would yeah it doesn't have to be so scary think about all the flight attendants who are like on their eighth trip of the day and they're 40 years in find peace in that someone said i know you've said these before but book recs love you so much um great way to slow down and really remove yourself from like the chaos of outside world is to divulge into a internal world whether your own and like creativity or maybe someone else's fantasy books are like in and i love that i have not delved into the world of the fantasy books yet but i know those girlies are obsessed with them what are they called like a court of thorns and roses is that what they're called anyways if you need a world to escape please escape into a book i feel like that's kind of

the healthiest coping mechanism instead of like alcohol or hard drugs it's like girl if you want to leave this planet go to the library that's what healed women do please i highly recommend but the way my brain works right now fantasy books aren't really what enthralls me um or like romance books i really just like reading about cool hot women i just like taking notes from them and being like and looking towards them and seeking advice from them and just like admiring and appreciating cool women so i've been reading a lot of i guess you consider it non-fiction girl i don't fucking know that definitely didn't stick in my brain in school basically i've been reading a lot of short stories um real life accounts biographies

um poetry things like that that just cool women have created um people like joan didion bell hooks she's so knowledgeable on so many things um and another one of my favorites is eve babbitts she's like the coolest cool girl ever and somebody that i have really been enjoying and indulging in fact last summer i read through four of her books in the span of a month and i've read through all of her writing except for one book one book i was able to source the last book that I have yet to read that she has written I'm saving it for my birthday I'm saving it for June so this month won't be doing a lot of reading because I'll be doing a lot of other things just to kind of get my life in place for June June is a big month for me um I'll be traveling a lot

just doing a lot in general living a lot so I've really been saving that for June but yeah if you need a good escape i recommend either reading cool hot women books or fantasy for sure but definitely eve babbitts is a huge huge source of inspiration for me the way she looks at the world is just so inspiring um she wrote like a 30 page short story on like a flamingo dance class that she went to and how it changed her life and just like the small community and small interactions and it really just shows how glamorous everyday life can be and looking for that glamour in every moment very inspiring help my grandma walked in on me having sex with a girl and now she knows I'm not straight baby grandma knew since you were born those grandmas they know they know

they know even my grandma when she thinks about like my cousin who's a priest she's like we know and that's okay sometimes you got to see it for your own eyes to fully understand but she knew you know like my mom knew about me i'm not like a lesbian like she thought i was like my mom fully thought i was a lesbian like no girl it's the mood stabilizers and antidepressants and sleeping pills that i was on because my brain couldn't function normally i was not focused on sex or love or anything of the above but she started wearing rainbow shirts around the house and being like we'll love you no matter what and i had to be like girl love you thank you for the support thank you for showing out for me i mean i'm bi but like it cracks me up it cracks me up

because she still wears the shirt she still wears the rainbow pride shirt all the time all the time i mean she's an ally i love her ally for life but like it just cracks me up it cracks me up i was like oh yeah i forgot about boys like i forgot about romantic interest men or women also maybe it was me searching up p-o-r-n on the family computer at a young age and you know that shit was always girl on girl I don't know what to tell you it always is maybe that's why as well she was like we just accept we love her but baby girl she knew it is embarrassing to have her walk in hopefully hopefully you both just forgive and forget that's the best thing you can really do whenever you're placed in a situation forgive and forget what do I do with my life when I want to do

everything you can do everything you just have to pick one you got to start with one and then keep moving you know what I mean you can do everything you can do every single thing that you want to do period you do not have to choose you just have to start somewhere start somewhere okay for a long time I was like well I want to do this well I want to do this well I want to do this you are in choice paralysis and you're kind of forcing yourself there because you keep thinking of ideas and thinking of ideas and thinking of ideas but you are never going to complete any of those ideas unless you simply just start you have to start somewhere start with the first idea that pops your head whether you're like fully committed or not you have to start somewhere because it

will build momentum for you to complete all the other things you want to do you can complete anything you want you just have to start it's that simple someone said was about to go on a date with a guy and he canceled and then blocked me i don't know he has a girlfriend it's not that you scared him off it's that he was already claimed and he was doing something bad anyways someone said edibles stopped working for me i've tried all different kinds but nothing what's up with that so fun fact fun little chemistry lesson for the day if you find yourself like constantly smoking flour and then your tolerance goes up or constantly smoking dabs and then your tolerance goes up or constantly eating edibles and your tolerance goes up it's

because your brain is getting used to the chemical induction of whatever you are ingesting okay this can happen with certain strains if you are only smoking one type of strain this can happen with edibles if you're only eating one type of edible this can happen with dabs if you're only taking dabs you have to switch up like your routine every once in a while so then your brain is not able to so then your brain will be kind of caught off guard with the chemistry you know as we want when we are smoking you know we want it to not be able to process that super well because we want to be able to actually get high um but yeah if your brain becomes too used to it your body becomes too used to the chemical induction either from constant use of one strain constant

use of one type of way switch it up if you usually eat edibles try smoking a bowl i guarantee it'll probably knock your socks off if you usually eat edibles but you you know maybe you're going to switch over to a pen try the pen if you're on the pen too much and you're getting used to it try a bowl or try an edible switch up the way you're consuming so then your brain will actually be able to understand this is a new chemical wave new experience let's let's indulge let's uplift but tolerance is really all built by usage and chronic usage of one certain way one certain type so if you find yourself kind of like this isn't hitting the same way a maybe take a tea break that can always help but also b i think the simple answer is just switching up the routine

switching up the way you consume speaking of should we smoke i think it's time i think it's time my question is um what to do when you want to do something like i i would love like i love drawing but i literally never get up and do it like i can't like i'm like oh drawing would be great right now and then i proceed to stay in bed what is wrong with me it's choice paralysis choice paralysis it's got a hold of you guys like you do have a choice in this life you just have to make it you know it's like oh that sounds really good the only thing stopping you is you if it sounds really good like fuck it let's indulge you know what i mean you can still scroll tiktok and draw on your phone you can put on a movie in the background and draw you know you you should be

indulging in those behaviors the things you crave because a it'll help like build a healthy relationship with yourself to have healthy hobbies that are not scrolling on your phone and b it'll help you kind of connect to that like true side of yourself you want to find authenticity in your life when you have those urges to do something like oh i want to get up and draw you have to do them the phone is meant to be addicting it is meant to be stimulating and addicting and hard to put down that is the purpose of the phone so please put the fucking phone down and please go draw you do deserve fun and hobbies and peace and that will bring you more peace than anything else smoked a lavender joint by a bonfire it's spring oh i'm so jealous i wish i had like a

little bonfire space i don't even have a backyard i wish i had a backyard wow that i could just like chill and be in but that sounds amazing i'm so happy for you i need to roll a lavender joint asap oh this is cute craft night ideas just had a lighter decorating slash bedazzling b-day party with my friends how fucking fun are you kidding me oh my god if i ever do a meetup i'm just gonna do a craft night and i'm gonna buy a bunch of lighter cases and i'll buy a bunch of stickers and bedazzling things and i'll be like pay 30 bucks come in meet me smoke bedazzle your own lighters oh my god i'm going to be working on that let me know if that's something you want to do dm me on instagram at hannah marlene let me know if that's something you want to do would love to

do that because i love like a i want to meet you guys but like what you want me to sit on stage and take questions like sure would love but i like a more interpersonal react like interaction where it's like an activity i love an activity oof the nanny in me is jumping out the art girl in me is jumping out like there's no better feeling than everybody just like being in the zone being creatively indulged in those feelings of wanting to create oh love anyways that's so fun I'm so happy you set that up for you and your friends that sounds like such a fun time you can make candles that's something I've done before you could do like make your own jam night where you guys come in and you all bring like a different type of fruit and then you can just like be on

someone's stove making jam you can do that with candles too either like you can have like whole candle sticks and you melt little pieces of uh candle like little tea lights and you dip a paint brush and paint a candle with the wax or like you're actually pouring and scenting your own candles um what else what else for like summer you can have like a make your own keychain night a friendship bracelet night yeah i just love a craft that is so cute i remember when my friend came over last summer around this time we were going to breakaway festival which i will not be at because i will be traveling unfortunately it's a kansas city looks so much fun if you're in casey and you want a good um rave festival to go to breakaway is going to be really fun but my friends

came in and i had like all of these rhinestones and stickers just sitting out i don't know i think i had just went to michael's the day before and like all of a sudden we're just like bedazzling everything around us like my pen like pen battery I was bedazzling like my phone case my laptop I was just bedazzling everything and so were they and it's just like so fun to indulge in little activities like that oh also I made my spring bucket list I thought I'd share with you guys I talked about that in the last episode that I was going to create and share which I did on my patreon but I figured I'd just verbalize to you what my spring bucket list is um first one is drink my morning coffee outside i need to get patio furniture i put some really gorgeous beautiful

plants out there but i found myself moving from like sitting in my living room drinking my coffee to slowly closer to as much sunlight as possible like a plant um and now i'm just like i just want to be outside drinking my morning coffee you know listening to the sounds of the city ew but also just being in nature um dress for the occasion every day every day is a new opportunity for a great outfit you don't need that newest thing what you have in your closet will work you got to work with it so obviously today I'm not the most fashionable girl in the world but I love the glamour of a good robe and like even today I am dressing for the occasion so instead of just throwing on a big t-shirt or like a workout set which I mean love a workout set I'm trying to get

a little bit more creative with my outfits and I think I might post an outfit reel this week maybe like a week of outfits um so let me know if that's something you want to see I kind of just want to share more creatively with you because I literally am Carrie Bradshaw if she just like ate too many mushrooms smoked a little bit more weed and went to therapy so I want to get my fingers in some dirt already did that but I want to do it more I would love to keep repotting replanting just flourishing the plants that I already have um go to the park and read I just a need to read more books would love to have an eve babbitts moment at the park just on a picnic blanket me and my boyfriend's first date was a picnic date i think it's just like so easy and nice and such a neutral

spot that's not like a nightclub or like a big dinner it's like let's not put intentions out there let's just see if we can exist as two people and then we can like start dating do you know what i mean like if you can have fun on a picnic blank blanket with some with a drink and some Crayola markers and a notebook you can have fun at any given time so yeah I just want to go to the park a little bit more I'm always driving to work and I drive by our big park um in Kansas City and I always see so many people out there and every time I drive by I think I want to be out there on a picnic blanket so I'm gonna make it happen um go on a hike once a week that's a big goal of mine we'll see if I actually go on a hike once a week but I just want to be outside

in nature and I have such a good hiking trail I also need to break my boots in so that's just a goal for me to once again get outside maybe I'll do like go on a hike once a week or go to the park once a week pick seasonal fruit and enjoy right now it's raining but April showers do bring May flowers and they do bring a lot of May fruit and especially living in kind of like a urban area the midwest where a lot of fruit is produced or food in general um there's so many nice beautiful local farms that have a they do like you pick so you can come in and pick your own like apples berries i think strawberry season is right around the corner so i want to get to a local farm and not only support but maybe get some fresh fruit out of it as well i want to go to the drive-in

movie that might be more of a summer summer activity but once again all american girls summer i want to just get to the drive-in just like enjoy indulge kind of have that american experience that might be a little later though because nights have been a little chilly recently i haven't been to the art museum in a while um i feel like the art museum is a seasonal activity that i do that brings just so much inspiration so i want to get to the art museum i want to see some new exhibitions they have going on new art I want to go to a winery at sunset I love a winery that's my mom speaking but like my mom and like my extended family have really taught me the beauty of a winery and like indulging in local spots and what they create whether it's like pottery or art

or whatever but specifically wine we growing up I was always at a winery my parents always had me at a winery they would just get a bottle they would sit there's usually live music going on they listen to live music and they would just enjoy and then i'd be like running around playing tag with the other kids in the vines like such a nostalgic experience and in the midwest there's a lot of good wineries a lot of good wineries everywhere um so yeah i really want to get to a few and just be outside with a nice bottle of wine i want to picnic at the river one of my big spring summer activities specifically summer when it's hot as hell here this is just to get to the river throw a blanket down pack some sandwiches I think we're gonna do that for my birthday

actually um we're going to Arkansas like what girl you're going to Arkansas for your birthday honestly gorgeous insanely beautiful three hours away sold you know what I mean like not too far but far enough where I feel like I'm experiencing a new city or whatever just in nature but yeah I want to pack a fat sandwich some fresh fruit maybe a bottle of wine and just go to the river just be in my bikini all day lounging like a lizard fantastic and then sleepover with friends i haven't had a sleepover with my friends in a long time and in fact we're going on a girl's trip so i think that will be the sleepover with my friends but i miss it there's just like so much energy and fun shenanigans that go on at a sleepover and i feel like as an adult sleepovers

are really overlooked unless it's with a man and then it's looked a little bit too hard on so when's the last time you had to sleep over with your friend you know what i mean especially like turning 25 i'm like wow i don't think i had to sleep over with my friends in like a year or so and that's insane as a young girl if i could have sleep over with my friends every single day i would so i need to indulge hi hannah i've been listening to your podcast for a few years now i have to say that i love you very much i enjoyed a lot of hours with you and your podcast and ripping bongs with you so thank you for that for that uh companion with me uh my question is i just got broken up with and i'm starting to notice that for my whole life i didn't have

even one single healthy relationship uh i'm very easily manipulated and i'm very blind to um to say all the red flags i don't know my question is i guess how to know when someone manipulates me i know it's a hard question but i thought you would be a good okay thank you so much love you and hope you are having a wonderful hey baddie love you thank you for sharing in the bong rips with me thank you for listening um so me too girl me too don't worry you're not alone in this i think a lot of um women experience this especially when they're kind of in their like people pleaser male appreciation idealized state um it's very easy to put yourself aside to appease other people to make a man happy

to be manipulated it's harder it's the harder choice to get to know yourself and get to know yourself so well that you know when people are manipulating you because you know how you act and behave and you stand strong in that it's the harder choice but it is the more beneficial choice and it is the choice that every single woman should be out there choosing if you find yourself in these relationships where you're like i'm just they're not good for me they're not healthy this man is not nice to me he is manipulative he makes me feel fucking insane like valid real let's find a man who doesn't but the only way to do that is to really know who you are to have those boundaries to understand your emotions to understand how you think and feel to feel so

connected with yourself that no one else out there can break that connection to you you know so i feel like a lot of manipulation is people warping your perception of yourself and your perception of reality but when you have such a whole when you have such a strong hold on your identity and who you are and how you think and your feel and your identity to the world around you you can't be manipulated as easily because you know the fucking truth you know what is real and what is front of you so i say you know you just got broken up with honestly good for you girl sounds like you lost a loser and that's amazing congratulations um you are now stepping into the next moment of your life the next stage of your life and how you set up this next stage

is very important but i don't think you should get into another relationship i really think you should decenter men maybe have a little celibacy era you know um and focus on you focus on you make that boyfriend list of you know what you're seeking in a partner maybe once you're ready to start dating so then you have something to fall back on but please understand yourself and please get to know yourself you're deserving of a healthy relationship with yourself and it takes work but also like the work's kind of fun it's fun getting to know yourself that's what people really don't talk about you're not scary you're beautiful and you're gorgeous and you're a good friend and you're kind and it sounds like you're really loving so show some of that love to you towards yourself

let's get to know her love you anyways i think that's it for the podcast you guys i gotta go i need lunch i gotta get myself together a little bit i gotta finish my laundry too little things little things maybe go on a hike the sun finally came out i feel like within the span of this podcast it has rained and then became sunny and then rained and became sunny and rained and became sunny about a million times now which is so funny you really never know what's gonna happen especially in springtime how the weather's gonna be so I think I'm gonna take advantage of the sunshine while it's out maybe go on a hike stick my toes in some dirt remember guys Taurus new moon focus on yourself uplift yourself let's indulge in some you know our feminine side and our self-care

side let's work out our self-care plan make your money bowls do your manifestations that's very important i feel like it's a pretty lucky new moon so if there's anything you want to try or start now is the time to do so you are the only person getting in your way of the dream life that you truly deserve so be your own version of your dream girl that's how you should live life every single day but i love you all happy tuesday i hope you had so much fun with me um if you want to see more from me follow me on instagram i've been posting a lot there i think you guys have been loving my like high and cooking videos i'm workshopping some really fun things for you guys as well that will be surprises later on um instagram hannah marlene go follow go like go share i love seeing

what you guys have to say and what you're up to and all the support so thank you and if you want to see anything else from me follow the patreon patreon.com slash smoke says shawty i post all my extra content there Monday manifestation Sunday journal prompts I posted a little write-up on the Taurus new moon I'll be posting a ritual there as well that you can indulge in if you're not sure what to do and as always our extra Thursday episodes where I answer every single one of your questions so if you feel like I haven't gotten to yours I promise it's not because I'm skipping you it's because there's just so many to get to but if you want your question answered join the patreon submit it there and i'll answer it there but i love you all so much

and i'll see you all so very soon