Smoke Sesh - mentally unwell & seeking the positive

Episode Date: August 4, 2026

hellooo hotties and welcome back, august is hitting me hard as I talk making changes, taking on challenges, setting goals, recent adventures, upset over the little things, seeking the positive, doing what you can, flop era, growing up, outgrowing yourself, playing the game of life, choose your own adventure, being a complainer, energy vampires, functioning through depression and grief, hypnotists, past life regression, periods, getting emotional, bedroom problems, climate change, following passions, getting existential, the weight of life and much much much morewatch the vlogs on YouTube at hannahmarlene444join the patreon! new episodes (and more) at patreon.com/smokeseshshawtysubmit your questions and call ins every week on instagram.com/hannahmarlene

listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you could call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all oh hello hello hello loves of my life hotties of the world welcome back to smoke sash my name is hannah your host as you guys are freaking aware and wow what another week of life and getting through life and managing through life i'm still going through it as all of you are before i sit down to film this obviously i go through every single one of your questions and

i do this to kind of catch a vibe see what's going on see how the girls are doing maybe a couple questions pop up that are the same um similar situations similar vibes similar things and from the gist of the thousand questions i receive it sounds like people are going through it it sounds like the girls are struggling so you know what at least we can struggle together because it's no fun when you're the only one struggling but when we're all kind of like oh oh I'm a little nervous it's nice when we all have each other's backs and we don't feel alone in doing so I mean that's kind of the main reason why I do this podcast is I just don't want anybody to ever feel alone the same way like i will feel lonely even if i sit down with you guys it's like

all right i'm not alone i'm hanging out with the girls i'm having a little chat life is good we're chilling we're chilling and you know what babes life lesson the only way out is through not circling back not trying again through getting through it going through it doing your best crying here laying on the floor for five minutes getting up finishing that shit you know what I mean that's I fear the only way through but I mean in grand scheme of things not much has changed in my life and I think that's probably the problem I'm just hitting this point of Saturn return is approaching it feels like there's a monster coming after me I'm also in my late 20s there's like a new kind of mindset switch that's happening my mid-20s were super fun as soon as my brain

fully developed and I was like damn okay we can think through problems we can handle shit like it's good and then it was like oh I can handle shit and now I'm facing a new challenge of now babe you got to choose what the fuck you want to do in this life and how you want to approach it and oh choices choices choices there's so many of them but overall I had a good week pretty as you know what not great but it's been fine I'm trying not to complain I hate I hate a complainer genuinely my biggest pet peeve so I'm trying not to complain it's just been like emotional emotional turmoil that I feel like maybe is a bit self-inflicted by sitting and letting myself suffer because sometimes suffering feels a little bit more comfortable than actually making choices

in my life towards betterment hmm something to bring up with my therapist but did my usual weekly routine I set some small goals for myself I've kept up on them doing my best just to kind of like stay in routine stay goal oriented pick up some new books do some journaling small little things here and there to kind of keep me balanced. Then I went to the rodeo this weekend. So that was my little outing for the weekend, which is really fun. Honestly, had a fabulous time. If you've never been to the rodeo, I mean, it's an event. It's something to do. Listen, I live in Kansas City, Missouri. You would think there would be more rodeos, but no, there's really not. There's only a couple that come through every year. And also like for the people who have never been to

rodeo rodeos are not just an animal abuse show you know with with animals there's good people and there's bad people think about zoos like some zoos are fabulous they do animal conservation they do education they they have you know so much goals and you know rehabbing work and you know there's good people in those environments and there's also like the roadside zoos where you drive through in your car and feed them out of a bucket and it's like well that seems a little sketchy right there you know with anything in the animal world there's good and bad so you have to kind of be I mean smart about what you go to you obviously don't want to support um places that are gonna obviously do things the wrong way and luckily this one was a very good one I was very impressed

with how they handle the animals and um the events that they put on and I mean as now that I have some time under my belt working with horses I'm able to actually read animal body language a little bit better because you know with horses with cows with bulls anything like that the way they behave is a little different than like dogs or cats um you know the average animal you come across um so it was really nice to see like some animals you could tell they didn't want to participate and the people were like all right they're not going to participate then you know we're not going to force them to do this thing they don't want to do we care about these animals obviously these animals are super fucking expensive you would be surprised how much a horse

costs how much a bull costs a lot of money a lot of money more than your car you're driving right now i can tell you that but it was nice to see you know some horses they were like uh i'm kind of freaking out i don't want to do the barrels and they'd come out and they'd be like all right they'd stop and i'd be like all right i'm gonna get off we're gonna walk back very chill so that was actually really nice to see it was good to see the community come together and celebrate that and have a good little time there um i have honestly just been out at the barn all week spending time getting lost in the middle of fucking nowhere and finding myself hopefully through that i don't know I've been spending a lot of time with animals recently and it's been very healing not having

to hear so many people around me um I'm finding myself in a place where everybody's kind of having an opinion um of what I should do how I should do it this and that and that shit gets super confusing especially as a reformed people pleaser where it's like well I want to make them happy and they said I should do this with my life but I don't know who to trust I don't know if I trust myself like when i am trying to make real life decisions for myself i don't have really anybody i can come to and get a solid answer out of other than me and same thing goes for you of course you know you can you should have good friends where you trust their opinions hopefully you have good family where you can trust their opinions but at the end of the day opinions are opinions and what

you choose to do in this life is ultimately up to you completely up to you spooky scary i know Halloween scary skeletons dancing around kind of scary but also it's like sometimes when there's too many opinions going on it gets really cloudy it gets confusing it gets overwhelming and so to kind of ground myself I really have been spending a lot of time outside in nature with my horse she's been kind of a brat recently too so we've been kind of just like chilling doing little spa days just hanging out in the grass in the sunshine it's been really nice at the barn actually um there's been a little creature lurking around and they've been like i don't know what this creature is but it keeps coming into the barn eating all the cat food the cats are like where the fuck is

my food what's going on you know the two barn cats that are there they thought it was raccoons at first because i mean raccoons love cat food and of course they're little thieves they want to get in there and steal as much food as they can and escape but no one day the barn manager was out there and she was like you know what i think it's another cat i think there's another cat coming in here so they put a can of wet food in a trap you know just like a very normal cage trap and they caught a mama kitten mama kitten not mama kitten mama mama cat all right big mama cat big mama and they were like okay well we know she's here but also like it had seemed like she'd given birth so it's like okay we gotta release her now because there's kittens somewhere and

we don't want the kittens you know getting hurt or ill or sick not having their mom around so they let the mom go put another can of cat food out caught a kitten caught a kitten so they're thinking oh maybe they're and these this kitten's old enough to be on its own so they're thinking and maybe the kittens are starting to grow up and wander around, and the little creature that was stealing all the cat food was this little kitten, and it is so stinking cute, it is absolutely feral, I'm talking like holding on to the, to the bars, like screeching at people the first day they caught it, which like, of course, you gotta, you know, survival of the fittest, you ever see a cat in a trap, like they are trying to get out, but they're on like day three now of having this cat,

and kind of like slowly starting to socialize it you know it's got its little litter box it's got its food it's got its water but like and it's got like blanket over it to make sure it's like kind of hidden but slowly socializing it slowly getting more people around it slowly like you know associating humans equal you know we're not gonna eat you don't worry and also we are gonna feed you and take care of you you know safety and it's slowly starting to come around but they have know when to take this cat and I'm like do I need a project I don't know I'm in this era of my life where I'm like all right fuck it I'm booking a trip I'm going to stay with nuns at a monastery for a week like I'm doing a vow of silence for a week I'm getting a new kitten a feral kitten I'm

gonna socialize it I'm training a horse like I I'm such a fixer and I want I don't know maybe I'll take on this challenge we'll see we'll see we'll see I don't know how danger would do with a semi-feral kitten and it would be like a month's long commitment of trying to get this to work which it's young you know a good amount of socialization will go far away but I'm like do I take this cat in do I take this cat and everybody vote down below should I take this kitten in it's not like it's not gonna go to a home it's gonna go to a home they're making sure it's gonna go somewhere safe and good you know these people aren't horrible and awful they're like we want to make sure this cat this cat has a home that we trust we're not just gonna put it on facebook

marketplace like let's make sure we socialize it let's see someone comes around that we trust give it to them but she's like hannah if you want this cat it's all yours and i'm like listen the most socialization it's gonna get is at the barn so like let's let it kind of chill out a little bit and let me think it over because maybe it's been three days and i can't decide to get a cat that fast i mean i know danger will put it in its place but i'm like i don't know if i want to maybe i'm in the mood to be a mother i don't know i just started my period sorry this is a rambly episode but this is just girls chatting right now og smoke smoke sash i also for the first time in my life first time ever went back way the fuck back to the og episodes and listened to like the

first kind of week couple weeks of episodes that i put out and they were just like so random random and rambly so that's kind of the vibe I'm curating right now so if you missed the OG smokes yesterday's baby we're back okay not one fuck is given but also like my life is just kind of like wild and chaotic as it was then so it's funny how shit circles back it's funny how this happens but I don't know I'm in this phase of my life where I'm like I don't know what I'm doing so let's just do everything let's do everything i'm tired of the sedimentary lifestyle okay i have been in this apartment for three years i've been in kansas city i mean forever but like i've been in kansas city living on my own since i was 19 i feel like i finally was became stable like adult

stable in my life once i moved into this apartment and for three years now it's been kind of the same fucking thing which is safety and control and safety and control but I'm the kind of person who enjoys growth enjoys change enjoys challenging myself and leveling up I mean life is one big fucking video game and are you going to stay at level one and do the same challenge over and over and over and over and over again or are you going to take on a challenge and level up and do that boss battle and do this and do that you know that's kind of how life is you gotta you honestly gotta play the game of life now you can play any game you want that's the beautiful thing about life you can be papa's pizzeria you can be opening up your own little bob's burger shop

have your own restaurant work in a restaurant do all that fancy stuff cook your own food if that's the video game you want to play you can if you want to be red dead redemption and become a cowboy and be on horseback 24 hours a day and work with horses and be in that world and live on a ranch and live in the middle of nowhere baby guess what game of life you can do anything you fucking want you want to play nurse simulator for the rest of your life and challenge yourself in like medical ways live the gray's anatomy kind of lifestyle minus probably the drama but medical field it's always drama trust in that guess why babe it can be that way you want to live five nights at freddy's like you want to be spooked and scared baby become a ghost hunter like genuinely anything

you want to do you can go after and i'm very blessed with i i broke that mindset in me early on that like i needed to live a very certain type of life such as like the setup life that we all get which is good and dandy and fabulous and fun if that's the way you go trust there is stability in that love it beautiful amazing where it's like graduate high school go to college graduate college go to grad school get a job have a family have kids you know that kind of traditional path which is fabulous for you know some other areas of life they have to go into maybe like business administration if you want to become a teacher if you want to become a professor if you want to be a medical school if you want to school is fabulous I'm not shitting on school I think

everybody should go to school I think school is a privilege and we should treat it as such okay but I kind of am not that way and so I broke in my brain very early on like I have to be on a traditional route but now I've been realizing I've kind of been floundering and trying to figure out what I want to do but but this game sounds good but this game sounds good but I want to do this but I want to do that and it's like I can do all of that I can play every single game I want I can put one to the side and pick up a different one and do that one for a little bit and then try a different one but I have to at least pick it up and try to play the game or else it'll never happen or else shit doesn't happen shit doesn't change I'm just sitting here and staring at a wall which

is what the last three years have kind of felt like I've been in my comfortable routine I've been doing my comfortable things the most i really challenged myself recently has been with horseback riding which has taught me so much about confidence bitch my horse was throwing a bitch fit today she practically became a bucking bronco i'm not kidding it's because she has uh flyby allergies she gets bit by flies especially the horse flies she has an allergic reaction and she just gets like she wants to come out of her skin she gets so itchy so if there's a saddle on top of it a saddle pad or a girth anything any sort of attack touching those bites she just is like a wild child so i was on that horse trying to control her and she was backing up she was about to flip

over on me she was throwing her head drama queen but it's like okay you face a challenge you're a little scared you kind of want to get off there's you there's no getting off the ride there's no get off the ride or else you're teaching that challenge that yes it can overcome you you know you do it safely you kind of win it over you work through the problem then you get off then you end on a good note you know you always got to end a challenge on a good note on a satisfying note for yourself and for your horse so this has been today was probably my most challenging day ever in horseback riding um and it was so nice because I realized damn I've been craving a challenge like she was going crazy and the girl I take lessons with was like no like I was scared for

you and I was like yeah but also like every one of our lessons has kind of been the same thing this is the first time she's really kind of like thrown a fit with me on her so I mean although I was nervous and scared and a little like oh what the fuck's going on I knew it was a safe environment I knew it was controlled I didn't feel out of control I felt like I could handle it and I wanted to end on a good note I didn't want her to get the best of me and I realized how good that felt how much I love a challenge how much I love leveling up that felt like I passed a new level and I'm going on to the next you know and sometimes like challenges are really good for us you know life is never going to be easy and low-key when it's super easy I kind of side-eye it a little

bit because I'm like what the fuck is coming next or maybe I'm not feeling satisfied so I'm finally in a place where i'm like you know what fuck it we're gonna challenge ourselves we're gonna try new things we're gonna put ourselves out there it's gonna be hard it's gonna be difficult it's gonna be challenging but like it's gonna feel so fulfilling and so worth it and baby there's no other choice oh you're just gonna sit here and do nothing with your life no no no no good things never come easy they're gonna take work they're gonna take effort you're gonna have to prove to the university you deserve it by taking this feral kitten i'm about to be gloved up trying to you know love on this kit and figure it out before it is like able to be a cohesive unit you know what

I mean it's gonna take work it's gonna take a lot of love and care but it's like I need I'm in a place where it's like I need challenge I need newness I need to kind of force myself out of my comfort zone so that I'm able to reach the next level that is life now there's so many options to it but at this point it's like I just gotta pick them and try see how it goes otherwise nothing's gonna fucking happen and doing nothing is actually driving me insane actually driving me insane I had my I started my period this week you guys I'm free bleeding the fuck into this couch right now it's actually a mess it's actually a horrible awful mess any men who listening to this right now you're probably like what the fuck yeah imagine how I feel imagine how I feel I've been

losing my mind this period I don't know what's been happening but literally I am at this point of my period of life of whatever where it's like fuck it i can handle this horse this bucking bronco of a horse i can handle this feral kitten fuck it let's book a flight let's go to a monastery let's do a 10-day silent retreat let's pick up a new book let's start painting let's do whatever it takes to get me to the next level so i'm gonna allow myself to go insane sometimes as a human being to grow you kind of have to let yourself be crazy sometimes when i find myself holding on to staying sane or no I need to be normal I need to smile through it I need to I need to show up and perform I need to do this I need to do that it makes me complicit complacent complacent and in

reality sometimes I get the furthest in life when I allow myself to like lose it lose my mind a little bit to go crazy to go off to be a wild child that's where I thrive the most that's where i find myself pushing myself into avenues that are challenging but rewarding through every challenge there's always a reward period point blank and getting off easy sometimes is never the actual easy answer i know baby i wish there was nothing more do i wish i was an epo baby born into a multi-billion dollar family where my parents could just hand me everything on a silver platter and i can do everything i ever wanted and just travel the easiest life easiest life ever baby there's nothing i want more than that but that's not what i was given so bitch i better work with what i got

i better work with what i got be thankful and keep it pushing okay no time to dwell no time to be sad there's shit we gotta do okay and sometimes to do the best thing for us you gotta lose your mind a little bit you gotta go a little crazy you gotta be a little bit of a bitch yes you gotta say no I want this and I'm not going to settle for less and you will achieve everything you've ever wanted do I even know what I want to achieve no not really but fuck it I'm going to try everything and something will stick so hopefully this fiery energy that I am feeling this potent I don't give a fuckness I can transfer on to you guys because it sounds like a lot of you guys are going through situations similar where you're like what is happening what am I doing I don't feel

good I don't know how to change I don't know how to make decisions I don't know how to go forward and you know what the beautiful thing about life is we're never alone you will figure it out and what makes it easier is hopefully we can figure it out together but yeah I've been really mentally unwell recently very mentally unwell and the more mentally unwell I become the more I resonate with my mother where i'm like damn they didn't give that bitch props enough i know me and my mother have a tumultuous relationship but that's because we are the same exact person she said copy paste and we are challenging individuals we are cut throat individuals we are hard working we are fixers that's probably the biggest problem we both have is we are fixers we want to fix people

we want to help we want to show up which can be good but when you overexert yourself it can be real bad especially if you have something attached to you that always is a problem um but the more I kind of step into my womanhood the more I'm like damn bitch you didn't you did not get enough props you did not get enough props you know you showed up you showed out you raised these kids you worked hard you excelled in the job field that you were in you always overextended yourself you always were lending a helping hand anytime you had free time you were showing up for other people and I knew and I knew I mean I didn't know but now I know that whole time she was suffering so emotionally so much emotionally massive depression like it runs in our family

we can't help it it's just something we're born with but also like the situation doesn't help and it's like no one showed up to to her and asked her how are you doing are you okay how can i help you know no one recognized that in her and yet she kept fucking going and never gave up and it's like damn that's kind of the lesson i need right now where it's like you know what people might not show up for you they might not notice that you're suffering they might not notice that you're going through something but you know who you are you know how to help yourself you know how to show up for yourself and bitch sometimes you just gotta keep it pushing and of course she wasn't like that isolated or lonely of course like my dad was a good partner to her you know lightened

the load the best he could as a partner they had a really good relationship and still do to this day so it wasn't like full isolation mode but it definitely was like a damn bitch you really did that and i'm impressed and if i get to be even half the woman that she is i will achieve amazing wonderful beautiful things literally she's talking to me this morning i was like hey i have a feral cat for you she's like actually i'm dealing with your uncle's emotional problems that's enough for me and also i'm volunteering at this concert and also um i'm volunteering because voting is coming up midterm elections bitches get out and vote get out and vote get out and vote that's my psa i'm voting tomorrow i'm getting an oil change she's like and i have an eye doctor's appointment and

I have this and I'm like that's your Monday oh girl props to you but enough about me complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining I feel like I'm not complaining I'm just having realizations let's get into what you guys have on your minds how to stop getting upset about the small stuff two and five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research together we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer register today at pmcfwalk.ca hear that it's your money calling

it wants a promotion elevate your savings with the scotia high interest savings account always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest conditions apply visit scotiabank.com slash hisa to learn more scotia bank you're richer than you think oh baby a small stuff is nothing compared to the big stuff i find when i am getting ticked off by everything sometimes I'm peopled out like of course by the time you hit Friday and you've been at your nine to five all day maybe nine to nine whatever it is sometimes you get peopled out where you're like actually I just want to be left alone so my question is when you're getting upset about the small stuff your emotional battery all right is it empty and have you taken the time

to recharge it if not that's kind of how you fix that problem is recharge it but outside of that that's obviously the simple fix the easy fix when everybody's going through normal emotions of getting ticked off by small little things getting upset by small little things usually it's the emotional battery but there sometimes is a larger problem outside of that which is you are hyper fixating on the negative hyper fixating on the negative okay when you train your brain to focus on things you can i know everybody's been through this before where it's like um you break up with somebody and now you notice every single fucking like white Honda that drives through the city and you're like how many white Hondas are there it's like because you've trained your brain to start

hyper fixating on it you never thought about how many they were there were then but now you're focused on how many there are now you've trained your brain to hyper fixate on the negative and then to indulge in feeling sad or upset or depressed or whatever negative emotion that then brings out of you because it feels comfortable because negative emotions are the easy emotions to lean into trust I've been I've been a little sob mess depressed mess recently and is it like because I am actually like going through real life problems yeah sure but also it's because it's so easy to feed into it is so easy to feed into it's so easy to sit and suffer it's hard to be like actually i don't give a fuck about that person rolling their eyes at me

actually i don't give a fuck about that small little thing that happened actually i don't care that that happened i'm choosing peace i'm choosing you know my peace i'm choosing to focus on the positive that is unfortunately the harder decision in life sometimes and you can retrain your brain to not focus on all the white hondas driving around your city you know what i mean you can train your brain to start focusing on the positive so when you feel like everything is negative every single thing you're noticing is negative every single thing you're noticing is bad horrible awful you have to work with your brain to start focusing on the positive easy step three things you're thankful for yep three things you're thankful for every night every single night end of

the night you're winding down you're laying in bed you're doom fucking scrolling on your phone that won't be a positive on the gratitude list that's for sure you write down three positive things the first day might be real hard you might think of 50 negative things and it might take you 10 minutes to think of three positive things but eventually you'll get there whether it's like i ate today love it fabulous i brushed my hair beautiful i pet my cat perfect it doesn't matter how big or small three positive things slowly but surely the more you practice that eventually your brain is going to be trained to look for positive things everywhere in your life everywhere oh I saw a butterfly flutter around and that was such a beautiful special moment I'm gonna

remember that all day that's gonna become my memory for the day you know it's so easy to fly through life and remember nothing sometimes like sometimes a whole day passes and I'm like what the fuck even happened so even if you're not hyper fixated on the negative but if you feel like life is passing you by and you're not taking enough time to stop and smell the flowers then bitch we gotta train ourselves to stop and smell the flowers okay it's so much easier and i hate i hate how easy it is that's the one thing with mental illness being mentally ill is like i hate how easy my brain can revert back to that like 17 year old like nasty ass fucking attitude everybody hates me shit sucks nothing's ever going my way blah blah blah blah blah like that

angsty ass attitude it is so easy for me to revert to that literally so incredibly easy it is difficult for me to stay upbeat happy positive some days are easier some days are harder but it's like goddamn i wish it wasn't so easy so that means the work is even more worth it you know it just means i gotta put a little bit more work in and it is so worth it you want to know there you go here's an example positive thing i did for myself yesterday this was oh i love it are you going through a hard time do you need an escape let me give you the recipe the perfect recipe i always find myself doing this subconsciously whenever i'm like i'm like at my breaking point i drive my happy ass to barnes and noble and i spend about sometimes an hour maybe an hour and a

half wandering through barnes and noble something about the scent of that place and all the books it's like so comforting yoga could never like the scent of barnes and noble i need that and a candle they should sell those immediately i usually get myself a new journal because my other journal has memories that i don't even want to flip through it's like let me get a new journal let's let's consider this starting over let's go look at some books maybe some fiction maybe some non-fiction maybe some fantasy maybe some romance maybe graphic novels sometimes i'll go looking at art books they got art books fashion books in there and then yesterday I found myself in the horror section I was like I need something that's kind of like an escape and so I picked up this new book

Lady Macbeth um it's like a retelling of the story of Lady Macbeth and it's like this just like a depressed ass bitch who's going to marry this like scary man and she's like I don't want to be here and then he's kind of involved in the occult it's gonna be very interesting to read it's gonna be a really good escape that i need you know sometimes i don't need the the um hard reads when i'm going through a hard time but just giving myself that time to wander around to get lost in different stories to read the synopsis maybe read the first chapter put it back if i'm not feeling it to kind of get lost and explore so fun so refreshing i highly recommend if you guys are going through a hard time right now go do that go do that go to barnes and noble also we should be supporting

bookstores that are not Amazon I also love thrift books if Barnes & Noble is too expensive don't worry go wander a Barnes & Noble find the book you want go on thrift books and order it for five dollars you know there's ways you can go around it but get yourself a journal get yourself a pen get yourself a new book wander on Barnes & Noble and then go to a park sit your ass down read a chapter do some writing do some journaling get those emotions out that's all I did yesterday and I had the best day of my entire week because it was like okay I'm just gonna indulge and get these emotions out and work through them and feel them fully so that I don't hold on to them so much you know release them by acknowledging them and I feel like a much different person today am I 100%

no but am I like at least 15% more absolutely and it sometimes is the little things that make the biggest difference but you sometimes to create those moments for yourself or look out for them train your brain to look out for them someone said i'm in my flop era help you're not in your flop era you've just outgrown your last era and now you feel like a flop because you feel stuck in your body a little bit and i know this because i'm i'm exactly where i am it's like if i think about who I am right now on paper it's actually really fucking cool horseback riding baking being in nature reading writing I got a podcast I've been creating I've been slacking on some of the creation but I'm picking it back up like painting working with animals like grand scheme

of things on paper really cool really cool girl would love to know her but in my soul it's like I okay I've done all those things I feel comfortable doing all those things but now I'm ready to to change a little bit I'm ready to to switch things up to have some newness in my life to have some excitement in my life and so I kind of also feel like okay flop era but that's because I was ready to grow and change you are a little butterfly in a cocoon and you are ready to hatch out of your chrysalis right now you are in this stage where you're growing and growing and growing and growing and that chrysalis is real tight but baby you're about to hatch out so when you are in your flop era or you need a rebrand or you need to kind of

like you know move on to that next era of your life here's some things you can do number one you got to address what is working okay like i said on paper i'm a really cool girl here here's all the things that are working for me you know i love content creation i love creating in general I love being in nature I love working with animals I love being alone sometimes I love painting I love photography I love writing I love reading like okay what's working let's start there positive affirmations what is working what do I feel good with right now I like my style I like how I dress whatever it is it doesn't have to be a long list it could be just like address what it is. Now, you know, next, what is not working? What are maybe some of my bad habits? How am I

self-sabotaging? What are some problem areas that I see? For me, it's like I'm not maxing out my days. I become a little lazy. I become a little depressed. Those things go hand in hand. You know, I kind of need to pick myself up a little bit and push through it a little harder. maybe like social habits or drinking or smoking or little things like that that do slowly start to add up over time you know small little habits where you're like okay I'm not going to the gym and it's not making me feel good I'm not eating like how I want to so it's not making me feel good um things like that what's not working what is working what is working love it we got to address the positive we got to celebrate the positive what isn't working that kind of gives

you some ideas on how to kind of pull yourself out of your flop era you know oh i don't like that i'm not moving my body okay let's start maybe like once a week going and doing something and moving your body or a daily walk something simple like that oh i don't like my physical space my apartment okay well let's purge and let's clean and let's get rid of stuff and maybe let's do a little decoration you know I'm doing that this week I'm doing a bedroom makeover and I'm so excited I feel like my bedroom it's just been like the same thing since I moved in and it's needed to revamp for so long so I finally ordered all the stuff that's going to be the vlog for the week I'm so excited to redo my bedroom I feel like a bedroom redo is like the best

energy reset ever oh I don't like the people I surround myself with my friends aren't good for me or um they just like don't they don't represent who i want to be okay so let's cut those people off let's maybe take some space let's do some alone time let's do some journaling maybe i've been avoiding some emotions i don't like that about me okay so let's do some journaling let's do some internal work let's sign up for therapy little things that's kind of how you slowly pull yourself kind of back up to neutral all right you're in your flop arrow which feels like a negative you can't go negative to positive because that's going to give you fucking whiplash and you're going to burn out you kind of have to go negative to neutral listen i've been a depressed

girl for a long time if anybody's going to speak on like kind of how to get through these emotions and survive it it's me and when you are in such a negative place all you want to be is in a positive place you think back to when you were happy when life was easy when it was carefree and when you ruminate on that and then push it pushes yourself down further so let's not focus on being down let's focus on just getting to neutral so i think the what's not working list is fabulous because it'll give you key points on what you need to change in your life it's going to pull yourself back up to neutral now once you're in neutral then you can work on the positive such as like okay let's try a new hobby all right that's gonna pull you into your cool girl era no more flop

era more cool girl era let's try a new hobby let's develop a new personality trait fuck it i'm gonna go become a cow girl that's kind of how i was i was like i'm bored of who i am i need to i need to completely change my entire identity if that's how you feel go for it fuck it maybe you want to up your wardrobe change up your style a little bit i just cut my bangs that made me feel like a brand new bitch made me feel good um dye your hair get a new piercing get a new tattoo small little incremental positive changes and then rewarding yourself for doing the hard work so if i have like a really heavy emotional day and i take the time to um work through and process those emotions or to clean my house or pull myself out of bed and shower whatever it is

i take time to also like reinforce that positive behavior with a positive reward such as okay well this evening you get a chill and smoke congratulations or all right i'm gonna order in my favorite food or go pick it up and treat myself to that or oh i just did like a really hard workout and or i went for a really long walk okay fabulous now i'm gonna go treat myself to a really long everything shower little things like that you will eventually work your way back up to positive but you have to accept where you are look towards you know the future dream towards the future and take small incremental steps and you'll work your way out of that flop era all right i promise someone said turns out i am the energy vampire i need to stop complaining so much

oh i feel this i feel this sometimes it's like misery loves company and so sometimes it's really easy when people are like asking about your day to focus on the negative and to complain and complain and complain and complain and complain but like not only does that make people only see you as a negative thing but also it sucks people's energy because they're like okay how much can I listen to you complain for and also it doesn't lighten your load I think sometimes when people just want to complain constantly you think it's because well you are going through something if you're complaining it's because you're going through something like trust you know but sometimes people think like complaining about it will and I've been here before will make the situation

better sometimes people think complaining means I'm working through I'm processing it but in reality that's just going to create rumination of you constantly thinking about it constantly thinking about the negative unable to see the positive unable to work through it stuck on an issue I don't think complaining helps anybody at all now I'm not saying you can never say a negative thing out loud or you can't complain sometimes i had a really shitty day and i gotta get it off my chest i had a really i had the hardest work day ever of my entire life um this past weekend as a server ever we were short staffed i had not one but two sections 15 tables anybody who's a server is like bitch what the fuck 15 tables full house three rounds i did almost

like $3,500 in sales yeah crazy batshit fucking insane I fell on the stairs my legs are like all bruised and beaten and battered I feel like a beaten woman from my job it was horrible as awful I was going through a fight I was massively depressed I was having a hard time in my relationship I'm having a hard time in relation for myself and at the end of it I just like broke the fuck down and listen after that shit after a hard fucking day sometimes you gotta get off your chest this suck this hurt i had a bad day blah blah get the energy off of you but you can't do it over and over and over and over and over again or else you're just ruminating on your misery you're just sitting in your misery and allowing yourself to suffer it's okay to go

through a hard time it's okay to have a bad experience it's okay to go this shit sucked but that's all it is it's just a hard day a bad day a shitty situation and the only thing we can do to actually make our lives better is to go damn that was awful but we're moving forward we're looking at better and brighter and bigger things when you constantly complain you are letting yourself sit in that place of misery and we don't need to do that we don't need to do that also like i think it's a cheap way of bonding this is not me shitting on you this is me thinking about like my past habits because it is very easy especially when you're in a negative place or a depressed state to um complain about a lot of things um i think it's a cheap way of bonding

like me and my co-workers we complain a lot but it's because it's a very cheap way of bonding with each other um sometimes i'll bring up positive things of course they're receptive to it but you know it's a very easy thing everybody can complain about something you know what i mean and though sometimes I think to bond people think oh let me complain about something and that'll make the bonding better but I think it just cheapens out that relationship and the best way to actually build conversation build up rapport is to talk about positive things in your life and yeah being a complainer two and five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on September 19th join thousands in Toronto for the Princess

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calendar year 2025 for the cadillac definition of luxury does make you an energy vampire i know this because once again bin one not only does it make you an energy vampire to the people around do because people naturally want to fix things for you so they're going to give you advice and give you this and give you uh their emotional bandwidth even though maybe you're not asking for it you just start complaining but also you are becoming in a an energy vampire to yourself because you're allowing yourself to ruminate to sit in that misery to think about it over and over to replay a situation over and over and over again the truth of the matter is it happened you made it through and that enough is enough positivity to accept the situation for what it

is and to move on you know the only way to move on is through acceptance and you can complain about it you know you can in you can acknowledge what the situation is but eventually you're gonna have to go and it is what it is and we're moving the fuck on you know i don't want you to be an energy vampire to yourself it's very easy to be an energy vampire to yourself very easy i can ruin my day the snap of my fingers i can ruin my fucking day but it's like where's that going to get us what's the point why am i inflicting self-hatred self-misery onto me it's a waste of energy it's a waste of time there's bigger and better and brighter things we need to do it is an active choice you have to make in this life but it is a choice that i highly encourage you to

how to move forward in life demanding education career etc while grieving and depressed oh i'm first of all whatever you're going through i'm so sorry um this is something a lot of people don't talk about because we don't like to talk about this stuff humans don't like to we like to talk about the positives or sometimes your misery loves company and people only like to talk about the negatives but there will come a point in your life where you are facing a challenge facing a hardship facing a problem grieving losing a loved one losing a pet losing a relationship losing a friendship whatever it is a loss of some sort maybe it's a loss of self loss of identity any of these things will trigger then a feeling of grief overwhelming grief and overwhelming

depression i think a lot of people will tell you to just like you just gotta feel it out and go through it and time heals all wounds but like damn yeah no shit but time's moving so fucking slow and actually this is genuinely so incredibly hard and so when I am in a place where I feel like I don't even know what direction I'm going it's just kind of like I'm just suffering I start to you life as one big ladder one really long ladder okay and if I get up and I brush my teeth that's I'm going up one prong on the ladder all right now we're getting ready for work all right we're moving forward another prong on the ladder okay now we're driving to work like I'm not kidding when you are going such a hard time sometimes those small steps are all you can focus on

because tomorrow is too much to think about sometimes it's like that so let's get fucking real sometimes life is like that tomorrow's too much to think about tonight's too much to think about i don't even want to think in general so you have to set up small incremental steps in your life and when you are grieving when you are depressed i mean yeah you can start implementing new hobbies new things big challenges but like usually you don't have the bandwidth for that and I don't blame you and I'm not telling you to do that sometimes you're just like okay right now we are going to get up and we are going to just sit in the shower and that's all I'm gonna do right now and that's all I'm gonna focus on I'm not gonna think about what's coming next I'm just

gonna think about right now that's all you gotta do it really is like you just gotta slowly work yourself up that ladder and eventually you'll be moving quicker up the ladder it won't be like next step it'll be like all right i'm looking 10 steps ahead i'm looking 20 steps ahead but when that 10 steps ahead seems so incredibly far away light years away you just got to focus one at a time and yes with the truth of it all truth of life time heals all wounds you will get over it eventually you'll feel your emotions they will pass too but like yeah no shit that's not what I want to hear I want to I want to know how to keep functioning you know I want to know how to keep functioning and keep moving on and it really is just baby one slow small step at a time and if

you can't function 100% that's okay that's all right you will eventually if you can only function 15% today and all you can focus on is just like waking up getting yourself together going to class and coming home then that's all you can do if all you can focus on is just getting to work and getting home then i'm proud of you for even doing that all right mental health days are important as well if you need to take a day off absolutely but with like how heavy life can get if all you can do is just continue functioning then i'm proud of you you know and like i said with time it gets easier duh hello but all sometimes you can focus on is today and if that's enough for you that's enough for me all right and i'm proud of you nonetheless one step at a time just which is

one step i know you can do one step all right i believe in you i love you and you will get through it you know that is the truth to life there's there's many truths to life that feel almost impossible when you're going through it but one of the major truths to life is like you will get through it you'll figure it out things will get better and with time you know life will get easier you will be happier i promise okay a couple silly questions to lighten the mood thoughts on hypnosis and past life aggression um i've not i have never done hypnosis and i've never done past life aggression because like baby this life isn't this life is fucking enough this life is enough i got enough on my plate I don't even I can't even think about past lives but I have friends who

have been through past life regressions accidentally um through probably massive amounts of um psychedelics actually I have a friend who's just telling me about this where she had this past life regression moment where once again massive amounts of psychedelics don't do that don't do that but it just happened that wasn't her goal it just kind of happened and she found herself like she was like almost like when you're falling asleep and you feel like you're falling like that feeling it was that but she fell into like the body of a woman in like the 1500s like in a log cabin churn and butter she's like what the fuck and then she fell into another body of a woman in like flapper girl era you know then she fell into a woman in like the the 80s like you know big teased

hair and then she fell and she was like in her body I was like damn bitch that's crazy but then I was like what'd you learn from it she's like I don't know it's like okay well you know sometimes this is an experience and I don't think I would have anything really to learn from any sort of past lives I've been through do I believe in past lives kind of yeah because I think energy is an exchange and so I think with the give and take of energy like maybe when we pass our energy gets split up into like 15 different directions which creates 15 new lives I don't know if it's like one whole soul transferred into another body I don't know when I die I'll come out with a podcast about that share my experience with you all but um no I don't know I'm not in the mood to really

do any past life regressions like I said I'm overwhelmed with my current life so but I think it's possible I don't know how I don't know when I don't know why but it's definitely a thing I know people who have been through that experience hypnosis I think like the okay have you ever been in college and they have like the hypnosis people come through they're like hypnotizing people on stage that shit fake as fuck can't hypnotize people that way but you can do hypnosis on like retraining your brain to think about things the same way I was talking about retraining your brain to think about positive things. That's kind of hypnosis in a in a way as well. I have a friend who was trying to quit smoking. And she kind of went through hypnosis to quit smoking. But in

reality, it was like her in a meditative state with the same thought process over and over and over again, the questioning of someone else in front of you of why you're doing it, how to address it, how to move forward. So then when you are confronted with the feeling of needing to smoke or whatever, you're like, actually, I don't need to do that. And I am strong enough to challenge that feeling and not give into it. I don't know. I'm not woo woo enough when it comes to those two things, but also I've never experienced them. So tips for heavy periods. Also thoughts on period sex um uh I used to have massively heavy periods I'm talking I would oh to be a woman I was like 13 going through my period for the first time and I'm talking super plus tampon every hour

yeah every hour every single hour so much so where when I when I was in middle school and I my period i would pass out from the amount of blood i was losing it was almost as if you like nicked an artery and i was like bleeding out that's how much blood i was losing women do not get enough credit okay that shit is fucking insane now the older you get the more your hormones kind of stabilize and the lighter my period has become especially with the introduction of uh birth control my iud sometimes my period is non-existent but this period oh girl i could feel her coming from a mile away and of course she was extremely extremely heavy i'm talking like chunks chunks feet just kidding but like i'm like oh are we excavating something out of there

because that's what it feels like um and for me now the way i go about periods now is much different than the way I went about periods when I was younger when I was younger I felt ashamed of them because it was new to me I didn't know how to go about it it would be like tampons but tampons are uncomfortable then I do pads but pads would kind of gross me out and then it's like just a whole hot mess of a situation and now I have accepted the messiness of what that situation is and I just let it be like I said baby I am bleeding out on this couch as we speak and I don't give a fuck i am a free bleeder i'm a free bleeder i am i'm a free bleeder i free bleed everywhere i go and i'm dripping clots and shit in the grocery store aisle i'm just kidding i'm

just kidding i think when like people who don't have periods here free bleeding they think you're just like drip dropping down the grocery store aisle you know what i mean that you're sitting down and then getting up and there's a puddle that's not that's not how periods work it's more so like okay yeah like when I'm at home let me lay a towel down let me put on some boxer shorts or some like period undies if I'm going out in public and I have to dress up and do stuff and be gone for a while sure I'll throw a pad on I'll throw a tampon in we'll make it work we'll do what we gotta do but for the most part a bitch i'm free bleeding and that's because i feel like when i use tampons my cramps are worse because my body's like get this fucking thing out of me

and when i'm wearing a pad my pussy doesn't have room to breathe there's no breathing room it's like i'm suffocating her and she needs to breathe she needs to be a free girl and so yeah nowadays I'm like to make my life easier to make everything easier and everybody you just I gotta let it go I gotta let it go and also I find my periods go by faster because of that but like I said sometimes my periods are super super super light where I don't have to use anything and I can wear normal underwear and it's just like a little spotting here and there but this time around it's like oh this is like a normal period again where it's like god damn like I said what are we getting rid of down there like who's moving out it's crazy and yeah right now it's just like i'm just bleeding

through everything i'm just wearing dark colored pants and hoping for the best truly honestly and if that's what it takes for me to feel comfortable as comfortable as i can in this shitty situation and that's all i'm doing okay lots of ibuprofen lots of water hot bath heating pad and i'm usually i'm good if i got all those things now period sex yeah i don't care if i'm having sex on my period it's like you should be thankful to even have something inside of me so yeah a little blood's gonna get on get all over you and it is what it is a real man a real woman whoever's strapping you down or dicking you down hello if they are not brave enough to have if they're not brave enough to have period sex and they shouldn't be inside of you in the first place i have this

big qualm with men or anybody i mean usually it's men but let's just go ahead for safety purposes and say everybody if you are going to put rules on your partner about how they take care of their body obviously like don't be dirty and gross but like how you take care of your partner oh i can't have sex with you like this or oh you have to shave this way or oh i don't like if a body part has something like this like bitches is an organ and it's gonna do organ things and if you want to be near this organ you got to be thankful to even be near it okay so i don't put up with that shit i usually don't enjoy having sex in my period sometimes i will depends on the hormones i'm going through um so like if i want to i will if i don't want to then i don't and it really is as

simple as that and my partner better be thankful to be near me in general and amen to that you know what i mean if you if it's like really heavy really messy lay a towel down pro tip do it in the shower the hot water on your tummy just get real from behind and then there's no mess there's no cleanup easy peasy in the shower best way to do it especially in your period but yeah if your partner's like no i can't have sex with you when you're on your period because that's gross bitch that person should not be anywhere near a vagina in the in the first place no you need to be mature to have sex that should be a rule obviously it's not a rule but like it needs to be more of a rule a rule that maybe you hold in your life but yeah i personally you know i just

treat it like any other day truly honestly and it's funny because when i first met my partner i remember and this wasn't even related to periods but um i remember i don't know i think i was gonna get a shot or something and he was there you know when you're just hanging out with somebody and it's like okay i'll go to your doctor's appointment with you it's like okay we can really fucking hang um he like had to look away and i was like what's going on he's like i'm squeamish when it comes to like needles or blood i get really really squeamish and i get lightheaded and i was like oh and the thought popped in my head or i was like well what is he gonna do during period sex because like if i want to fuck i want to fuck i mean of course willing participant but like it's just

blood to me it's just another day you know is he gonna pass out if i if we have period sex and i remember like the first time we had period sex together i was like oh okay you know he's fine and even he was like this is the first time i've ever had period sex and i even he was like and i thought i was gonna be squeamish but no it's just like a little extra lube down there so it's like come on be mature if you're gonna do mature things be mature about it what do you do with your long hair while fucking fellow long hair baddie usually it's braided and usually it's being pulled two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret

cancer foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research together we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer register today at pmcfwalk.ca visit bet mgm casino and check out the newest exclusive the price is right fortune pick bet mgm and game sense remind you to play responsibly 19 plus to wager ontario only please play responsibly if you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you please contact connects ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge bet mgm operates pursuant to an operating agreement with i gaming ontario oh i don't know the best way for me to manage my long hair in general is just a big long braid

i usually if i'm at home if i'm doing anything that doesn't require my hair being down usually it's put up in some sort of way just to make it manageable whether it's a claw clip a braid two braids three braids four just kidding um but usually it's like in a manageable situation where ponytail where sex ain't a problem and you know what sex is wild it's crazy it's dirty it's gets you know there's gloops and globs everywhere things are happening okay two organs coming together that shit's gonna be crazy and wild a little hair here and there what's it gonna do if it's in your face just brush it out of the way put a claw clip in you know put a little braid in that's usually how I go about it but usually I'm having my partner hold it for me and that's cute

and fun and sexy and I highly recommend if your hair's in your face while you're bouncing on it riding it throwing it back taking it this way that way upside down and you're like oh my god get this fucking hair out of my face just tell your partner just be like just grab it and be like hey like hold this for me you can do that you know put them to work that's how it should be how do you cope with climate anxiety slash grief as a young adult who loves this planet and people deeply this is hard because bitch it's hot outside and you can't ignore it like there's there's no ignoring it it's really really really really hot outside really really really hot outside scary hot outside and it's like uh-oh i'm nervous i'm nervous so here's the thing

when it comes to massive things relatively out of our control such as climate change of course there are small little things we can do we'll talk about that but when it comes to the existential dread of it all you have to focus on what is physically possible for you okay so a if it's something that you are extremely anxious over and also maybe extremely passionate about and you want to do something with that and you want to go become a climate activist work with you know the parks service department work with the trees work with become a farmer um you want to be an advocate there's so many different ways you can work with nature and advocate for it you can work with animals advocate for any sort of thing if you have that energy and you are a passionate

young individual i highly recommend going into something where you can use those passions okay if you are that passionate about it i want you to go do something with that passion is important passion will get you far passion gets you further than anything else will and we need especially now young passionate hard-working driven people who want to make a change in the world who are willing to go out there and make that change themselves so if you are that person who wants to take that big step go forth do good spread the word then do it absolutely okay now some people don't have that passion in them where they're like i'm gonna go become a climate activist but they still want to do something about it and that's when you look at more of like a community level okay maybe showing

up to protests maybe just doing small little things in your yard um to help with natural preservation conservation little things like a little bee watering areas bird baths um maybe you want to have like a wildlife or not wildlife like wild land protection area natural grassland protection area if you have that maybe you want to go volunteer your time somewhere maybe you want to go work on a farm maybe you want to go do small little things here and there that will help ease your anxiety okay but sitting here and being anxious over it and thinking about it and thinking about it and thinking about it and thinking about it and doing nothing is going to make your life worse. And there's always a direct positive change you can make in your life with your anxiety that

will help you. Your anxiety is telling you something, telling you you want to do something about it. Can you go fly up there and fix the ozone layer and cool down this planet? No, you can't. No, you can't. For now, you can't. But what can you do? What do you have the bandwidth to do? what do you have the passion to do whatever that is how small how big it all is progress and it all is change but sitting here and suffering with the anxiety is not going to help you with anything it's not it's not and i've been i've been this way before especially with climate change something we all think about like i want to grow up i want to have a family i don't want the fucking earth to be on fire i want my kids to have a good place to live that's something that i get anxious about

of course anybody gets anxious about that anybody who wants to have a future is going to be anxious about that if you are a normal rational human being duh hello i spent many a countless nights at 2 a.m on my phone googling where is the safest place to live in america um for climate change so funny like i said me and my mom are the same fucking bitch she told me she had that same exact moment she's like it's minnesota you're yep uh-huh it is yes it is again minnesota i don't know somewhere up there near the lakes all right it definitely is not kansas city missouri because bitch it's hot here and it's like am i gonna uproot my life and move to minnesota is that a passion of mine no not really but what is a passion of mine is what i can do here voting

voting in people who believe in climate change voting in people who will show up and show out for what i believe in and not settling for people who are not going to believe in those things okay going and volunteering maybe at farms there's food banks you can work at that helps um sort through produce that maybe is not good for restaurants or um supermarkets but is great for food pantries or food shelters or anything like that um working with local places in that sort of way recycling planting local native plants getting your pollinators stuff that are gonna keep them going keep them cool feeding the birds feeding the squirrels like literally whatever you do that eases your anxiety is enough but utilize your passions where they can be used

it is so worth it and it will ease your anxiety and it will make you feel like okay maybe there's a possibility of change in this world because where does change start it starts with us starts with you okay advice for existential dread as a woman in her early 20s oh baby wait till you're late 20s not to make you scared not to make you scared not to come off scary the existential dread you feel in your early 20s is that of who am i what am i doing like who who who are you you i'm talking to you who are you that's what my early 20s was was like who is hannah what is she doing there was no space for me to really think too much about the future because baby i didn't know who i was it was like my early 20s was for making mistakes trying new things dating people

not dating people working at this restaurant quitting that job going trying a new job this that here and the other picking up hobbies meeting new people like making new friends moving places is like that's what the early 20s was for it was like there's no direction we're gonna pretend like there's no direction but in reality it's for like discovering who you are and you are gonna constantly evolve and discover who you are throughout life there's no finished version of ourselves until we die so like you are constantly going to be evolving and changing but like the existential dread that i'm going through right now is much different in the late 20s which is like I actually want to settle down okay when I was in my 20s it was like settle down

I am here for a good time not a long time I'm here to have a fun fabulous time and discover who I am and go on these little excursions to find myself whatever it is okay there was no like forethought on the future now that I'm in my late 20s it's like okay actually like I'd die to have a house i'd die to have a house i'd love to get married i'd honestly love to have children but i have a lot of rules for myself and shit i gotta work through before i'm able to do that it's like i actually am setting goals now the goals of longevity goals of purpose big goals big achievements and that kind of existential dread is different because it's like oh damn it really is all up to me if i want to save enough for a house i gotta figure out a job i gotta figure

You're a stable job that's going to pay the bills. It's going to have good income, things like that, to be able to afford that. If I want to get married, I got to make sure I'm with a partner I can trust who shows up, who is there for me, who, you know, can be an equal willing participant. If I want to have kids, I got some generational trauma I got to work through. I got some deep rooted issues I got to figure out. I got to become a little bit more stable of a person. I got to have a house.

I want to have a house before I have kids I want to you know have a support system there if I want to have a house do I want to live in Kansas City or do I want to move to a different state now I have a horse like if I want to move to a different state do I bring the horse with or like it's like the big picture questions and since they're so big they feel so daunting I'm sure the questions you're asking yourself in your early 20s feel daunting too such as like who am I what am I doing what do i want to do for a job or a career those are big picture questions we ask ourselves in our early 20s but i want to say if you want to set yourself up for success for your late 20s what you do in your early 20s should be all about trying new things and putting yourself out there

okay it's as simple as that you want to heal that existential dread of your early 20s go out go party figure out if you like partying or not figure out if you like partying too much figure out if you need to leave that life behind figure out how to make good friends figure out how to build a good social group figure out oh do i like serving or does this fucking suck do i want to go back to school do i want to try this do i want to put myself here do i want to apply to this job do i want to quit this job you know do i want to try this hobby do i want to try this like it's the small little steps the small little things of figuring out your personality where do i want to live do i want to move here do i want to do this okay that's what your early 20s are for

trial and error late 20s is like okay let's start let's start putting concrete moves down so i don't want you to stress yourself out too much because you're young and shit's wild and shit's crazy and your brain isn't even formed yet so just go out there have fun try to make the best choices possible but either way just make a choice try it out you'll learn more that way than trying to sit and suffer and figure out if you're making the right choice or not you never know if you're making the right choice until you make a choice so just be who you are and if you don't know who you are try a million different hats on until you find the right one okay because I'm so glad I did that in my in my young 20s I was wild like I said I'm getting back into my like

wild era i'm just going crazy i'm just doing different things and trying them out if they work they work if they fail they fail i don't care there's no more time for care anymore because where i am is good yes but i want more i want more and i want it all and to get that you got to just move forward it doesn't matter what direction you just got to move forward and yeah i do want stability in my life it's something i'm realizing especially the older i get it's like I like the stability I have now but I want a more stable stable and that means that's funny that means graduating this era and moving on to the next so if you find yourself in a place where you're feeling the existential dread dread congratulations you've graduated one era

one flop era you're moving on to the next and that's a beautiful and that's a wonderful thing and I don't want you to get to get too caught up on the sadness you may feel leaving something behind or the anger you may feel of not choosing the right thing or feeling this way or feeling that way or comparison contrasting no focus on what you want and what you're moving towards what do you desire it's all possible like i said game of life whatever video game version of life you want to pick up and you want to try on for a little bit go try it you want to be a cowgirl fabulous you want to play papa's pizzeria papa's pizzeria absolutely you want to be a mathematician beautiful you want to go advocate for climate change amazing you want to be a politician

hopefully a good one go be it i don't care what it is but you have a passion you have a spark inside of you you have something that makes sense to you and i want you to follow through on that and lean into it everything else will fall into place i promise you and if you don't have that passion or that spark the only way to ignite it and the only way to get it to actually discovered inside of yourself is to try things make choices go out travel move here pick up this hobby get into this meet this person break up with this person make this friend do this do that eat this food like literally it doesn't matter just make choices go after them it'll be so worth it i promise you but yeah i feel like when i was younger making like the chaos choices was so much

easier because it was just like enthralling and exciting now that I'm older it's like actually I'm having to make hard choices which are not easy very difficult very difficult very hard and so right now I'm just being patient with myself and kind to myself as I make those choices of like where do I want to settle down what job do I want to have blah blah blah blah growing up changing developing you can feel very uncomfortable literally we maybe stop growing physically but I still feel those growing pains deep inside my bones deep inside my soul and all i can do is be patient and kind to myself as we grow and change and develop and i hope you can be patient kind yourself too uh it's so funny how like i'll sit down and do this podcast and at the very

beginning it's like oh i'm so depressed i'm so sad and then by the end of it i'm like actually things are okay we will all be good life is worth living we must keep moving forward one little ladder ring at a time we'll get there i promise you but with that being said i didn't have a lot of call-ins today and i was kind of in a rambly mode so if you want to submit a call-in maybe we'll do a call-in heavy episode next week we're also due for a confessional so if you guys are in the mood for a confessionals maybe i'll do that next week it might be fun maybe a little silly maybe we'll do like a sleepover episode where we just hang out and we kiki like girlies and have a little confessionals sleepover vibe that'd be fun i'm really in the mood for that the

end of summer kind of vibes i'm going to be filming finally a bedroom makeover vlog so if you want to see that that'll be on youtube at hannah marlene 444 at the end of the week on sunday um patreon girlies i love you so much thank you for being patient with me i will be back to the usual beginning of the month grind set but i do appreciate your patience as i've kind of been just taking time to myself to make sure that i'm good um i hope you guys are taking time to yourself to make sure you are good and if you haven't done a little self check-in in a while do so it's always worth it i just got a new journal and it's been so cathartic to just kind of like feel those emotions and get them out someplace safe where i am you know not having

to hold on to so much emotional baggage release it let go focus on the positive life is good but life is what we make it so let's make it rock let's make it good at the very least but with that being said i love you all so much thank you guys for giving me something to look forward to every week um i really wouldn't be here without you guys truly you guys make life worth living i know it's so silly and a little parasocial but it's true i look forward to this so much and so I just appreciate you for being here for making it through another day if nobody's told you good job or congratulations I'm doing it okay I am proud of you and together we can get through anything truly but with that being said stay sane stay sexy and I'll see you all so soon

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