Smoke Sesh - mid 20's crisis, growth, challenges & forward momentum

Episode Date: September 16, 2025

hello hotties and welcome back to the pod! today we chat the iconic mid 20's crisis- feeling stagnant and life and enacting change, betting on yourself, challenging yourself, forcing growth, building forward momentum and much much more! if you want to submit your questions for the pod follow me on insta at hannahmarlene and if you want to see more from me join the patreon at patreon.com/smokeseshshawty MUAH!

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life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all hello hello hello hotties of the world and welcome back to another fun little sexy episode of smoke sesh my name is hannah your host and you guys i am having a mid-20s crisis i am i'm starting to have a mid-20s crisis maybe it's just like where i am in my cycle sometimes like post period i start to I feel like since I've literally physically cleansed out my body like there's no more blood left honestly my brain is so empty my body is so empty that I'm like oh my god but we'll get into that in a little bit in a little bit entering with a positive mindset you know clean the house out quite literally start fresh start anew but you guys I have been busy busy

busy what's the best thing to do when you're running away from your demons even if you don't have any demons maybe you're making the demons yourself be busy as fuck i'm not even kidding you want to enact change in your life get busy as fuck you guys i have been picking up hobbies left and right i have been trying things out i have been out of my house and it's felt very good it really has but there is that overwhelming sense of like girl what are we running from or what are we running towards like the question mark of it all let's see I've still been doing horseback riding lessons which have been so incredibly fun my trainer is fantastic bitch they had me up on that horse it's my second lesson they're like okay I mean hold on but like we're

gonna start trotting like we're gonna start running and I'm like running girl I don't even know how to control this thing I'm just up here but it went really well it's so funny I actually enjoy being a beginner in this sort of space like with horses and stuff because it's like me and then two other like 13 year old girls who are taking lessons like I'm talking maybe eighth grade maybe freshman year of high school and they know what the fuck's going on they've probably been doing this for years you know they are tacking up that horse they are up there they are controlling it they are doing acrobatics practically and I'm over there like spinning in circles in the corner and it's kind of fun because it's humbling it is very humbling it is

I think it's important to humble yourself every once in a while specifically if you can do it to yourself in a healthy positive way where you're learning alongside yourself instead of letting the universe do it for you because every time the universe humbles me where it's like you're getting too cocky you're getting too confident whatever it may be you're getting too big of a head like when the universe humbles you bitch it feels like you know hitting a brick wall going 75 miles an hour in a car like it scrambles your brain you feel that concrete on your teeth you know but if you can kind of you know humble yourself in a positive way you do get to skip the whole you know concrete to the face sometimes that the universe does and you really get to kind

of just grow on your own and not change and allow yourself to grow on your own so it is nice to kind of be a new learner to be in a space and to be new it feels really nice to be new I think I was so scared of being new for such a long time in spaces that it really held me back I was like well I know what I'm good at and I don't want to kind of um get outside of that space where I'm like good at things because oh if I'm not good at it it's gonna make me feel bad wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong in fact you not bringing new things into your life is what's making you feel bad so it is fun and so sorry to those girlies that I am training with because I know I'm just all up in their business all up in their space like they're trying to enact maneuvers and it's like I'm so sorry

but but you know we're both paying good money for this lesson in fact I'm paying my money I know you're paying your parents money so I'm gonna get what I can I'm really looking forward to tomorrow too i have my lesson it's really nice also to kind of get out into the country a little bit get away from the city the more i'm taking lessons the more i'm just driving outside of the city it really is um showing me how much i do enjoy peace and quiet i love the city for the fact that it's like everything's easy here everything's easy here you want an ice latte i mean for 12 cool it's right on the block you know you want some of the top restaurants in the city in the entire state cool they're five minutes away from you you don't even want to drive you want to walk

amazing you could definitely walk there in like 10 minutes the ease of it all is fantastic but there's something in my heart that really craves and enjoys like peace and quiet and silence and nature it is so grounding and so humbling in a different way where it kind of just makes you feel small but in a very comforted way the same way like a little bug on a leaf makes sense like me out in the country or me out in nature even when I went on my hiking trip with my girls like it made sense it felt good it felt real it felt raw and that is also something I'm starting to note a little bit as I plan for the future like I said I'm having a bit of like a mid-20s crisis we'll get into that till in a little bit but one thing you can really do when you feel like oh my

god what the fuck am I doing where do I want to go is you got to start asking yourself well what do you want to become where do you want to live what do you want to wear who do you want to be what job do you want to have you got to dream a little bit that's why I talk about dreaming because it really helps you just set your sight on something in the future and want to move forward and I do think you know as I'm starting to plan and look forward I really am looking at getting out of the city I know I know it's so funny when I'm talking with my trainer like I'm not even kidding I'm out there I'm like an hour and a half away for these lessons and she kind of humbled me because I was like, Oh, yeah, you know, I live in this area of the city. I live in like Westport or

whatever. And she's like, what city? You're so real. You're so real. She doesn't even know what city I'm from. She just knows it's the big city. And that's how I'm trying to be. I don't even want to know, you know, what's outside of me. I just want to know what's right in front of me and what my sights are set on so much so that I'm so involved in the community that I don't even have a clue what's going on outside of there. Kansas City never heard of her. She is just Oh, you're from the big city yes ma'am yes I am unfortunately yeah thankful to be where I am thankful to have the place that I have I have an amazing apartment I have amazing view everything is pretty easy where I am because I am you know in the city where everything is but also I am changing or craving

a little bit of a challenge and I think with change there's challenges and in turn that enacts growth so I am looking forward to this next season of my life because we are in fall I'm doing all my end of the summer activities I went to the sunflower fields last week I ended up going to the renaissance festival this weekend which was so incredibly fun it was such a blast I love the renaissance festival I love anywhere where like the world's biggest freaks and I mean that with loving endearing like when I say freak I'm giving you a kiss on the forehead where the world's biggest freaks are because that's where I feel at home like when everybody's not afraid to be weird and to be a little crazy and to be a little odd that's the kind of group of people

that I love to be around I feel like the at least who I was raised with not like uh peer wise but definitely like within my family I felt like a lot of my interactions with like my extended family were performances where it's like you need to show up you need to have the right answers with what you're doing for your life you know you're bragging a little bit no one's actually talking about the truth of what life is no one's talking about the hardships no one's having a little laugh it's like you're going and you're showing up and you're showing out for your family and that shit was so draining I remember my parents would come find me from the fucking woods where I'm playing with my friends dragging me out of the mud I'm not even kidding one time I had to get I was stuck in

a mud pile and they'd come drag me out of the mud hose me off in the backyard and throw a sparkly dress on me because it was my grandma's birthday like can I wear anything other than a fucking dressed you know they're like curling my hair while I'm in the bathtub it's like no I don't I'm tired of the performance so anywhere I can go where people are a million percent themselves to the point where it's like a little odd but in a very endearing way those are my favorite events I feel like something that really helped me come into myself and I've talked about like my rave phase a lot I don't think I'm still in my rave phase but I am very happy that I went through those couple years of my life where I was going to these big concerts these big festivals these

big events especially ones that were based on like plur peace love unity respect where I was you know in a safe-ish you know you know any sort of live event is going to be a little bit out there but you know safe-ish event where I had good friends people watching over me and also just like the air and environment of like being a thousand percent yourself and being accepted for it i think that really helped me come into myself in my early 20s and allow myself to just explore those different sides of me without having to put on a facade and i love the renaissance festival because it does have that same kind of vibe where it's like bitch everybody's in like 14th century ball gowns full chain metal like there's fairies there's vikings there's furries there's everybody

under the sun at this fucking place there to have a good time and enjoy their life and i just love it i love a turkey leg i love some mead i love a chilled pickle fucking spear you know what what is better than that i love jousting i love walking around meeting new people and dressing up it was a blast if anybody has a renaissance festival in their city i highly recommend going these people are very friendly and forthcoming and yeah me and my boyfriend went we had a really good time i ran into one of you cuties hey girls shouts out your makeup looked incredible i literally was like i need more glitter now i love running into you guys in the most randomest of places too because it's like oh i'm glad we're both out here at the run of zone festival like as we should be as we

should be as two little girlies and it was nice because my boyfriend's friend was working in the bar so we were able to like sneak up hey hey i love that i'm also like out of the house because making more connections you know it's nice when i'm going to events and it's like oh i know someone who's working there oh i know someone else who's going there it makes me feel just like more in tune and connected to the community and the city that i'm involved in but yes i gallivanted around yesterday in my beautiful teal dress with my big ass fucking renaissance boots on hair quarreled i was giving princess runaway princess i was giving damsel in distress babe and yeah of course i had to sniff out the horses at the renaissance fair and i walk up i was like oh my god found

them i have to go see the horses i like she was just walking around with her horse before the jousting event and i walk up i was like hey can i get up like a picture she's like yeah she whips the horse around you know the horse is like sniffing me and giving it little pets but these photos had me cracking up my boyfriend's taking photos of me and then the night but she was like this beautiful woman who was in this like all black and red get up like red ribbon in her hair low-key I was a little nervous walking up but I was like I have to I have to I'm not gonna hold myself back and these photos oh my god my boyfriend stopped taking photos it was like okay thank you you know we walked away he was like she almost stole you like like I'm a little intimidated she

wanted you she almost took you the photo she's like staring at me like I love it I love it yes that is my girlfriend absolutely and yes you should be nervous I was a little nervous I was like shit maybe she is gonna suit me up you better watch out but no i had a great time it was really nice too because it wasn't too hot it's finally in the summer so when i'm wanting to get outside and do things it's not so miserable because sometimes oh my god especially in this fucking midwest hot ass sweaty ass weather it's like actually i am gonna just lay on my hardwood floors naked instead of being outside because it's too fucking hot so yes beautiful little sunday i also went out this weekend I've really been back in my party girl era I don't know what it is I

don't know what it is maybe it's just I'm in my social butterfly era and I mean when you're in your mid-20s the number one way to get your social hour in is to go out and drink I'm struggling with that too because I do have substance issues we'll get into that as well I have a lot on my list a lot to go through I went through your questions this morning and I think they really correlate with the themes that i'm going through as well so hopefully we can kind of help each other along you know through those understandings of ourselves but went out again this weekend um my best friend's older sister who also feels like my older sister was in town visiting so we all went out to the club we danced we had shots we enjoyed our time i love house music and i love a good vibe so

any sort of venue I can find that has like a pretty chill indie vibe plus amazing music plus some fun lights plus good drinks like I am there I am sat and I will be there all night like my friends left probably at 1 30 and I stayed I was like no no I haven't gotten all my dancing out I think dancing is fantastic for the soul and I don't do it at home maybe I should be doing it at home I don't do it at home but I definitely do it when I go out so I stayed there for like another hour and then this girl who was behind the dj booth came down she was like hey like i know you and i me and my drunken haze was like uh yes like i was like oh my god i do know you too we follow each other on instagram we have like mutual friends she's like oh my goodness i've been

seeing you here all the time and i meant to say hi it's just like life's been getting crazy so we had a little kiki we were up behind the dj booth like dancing showing up showing out her boyfriend was djing so i was like oh i'm sure i'll see you again here considering but it was so nice i just had a really busy hectic wild weekend and like i said running from the demons a little bit but bitch if i'm running from the demons i might as well have some fun doing it i hope you enjoyed last week's episode um not gonna lie i didn't realize it was an hour and 40 minutes long whenever i drink i just start talking that's probably like my one biggest downfall when i drink I just start talk talk talk talk talk talk talking I literally like I need a zipper put on my

fucking mouth because as soon as I have one drink in me I'm like okay let me tell you all of my deepest darkest secrets and you know me I'm an open book like I don't have anything to hide but also it's like girl an hour and 40 minutes is crazy I hope you guys enjoyed I hope you guys you know were able to maybe have a little drink with me and enjoy your time but that was a fun one. I'm looking for new ways to kind of spice up the podcast and I think a drunken episode was a fantastic choice. I also got to spend some time with my niece and my nephew. They are just growing up so fast. Those kids are so hectic, so crazy. I'm so proud of them. I'm so proud to be an aunt and just see how smart and charismatic and wild children that they are. I'm so proud of my sister

in law and my brother for raising two amazing kids. And yeah, oh my gosh, hanging out my family is like, that's some wild energy. I'll tell you what, but enough of me and all my 18,000 different activities that I'm doing. I hope you all are doing well. And just, you know, enjoying this last bit of summer heat that we have before we transition over into fall. Oh my goodness. I know there really is something about the change in seasons that makes me also want to kind of like start changing the color of my metaphorical leaves and dropping them to the ground and strengthening my roots and really just looking towards the future i think you know adjusting yourself with the seasons and how they change really helps you just become a well-rounded person

um really taking life as it comes and approaching it the same way that nature does i think really just makes life flow smoothly but there is something shocking about the transformation between summer and fall that makes you go oh my god what the fuck have i been doing all year what the fuck have i been doing all year how is it september almost october and what the fuck have I been doing where have I been who am I how did these eight months nine months fly by so fucking fast like what is going on what is happening it makes you take pause and really ask yourself like am I living my life am I being an active participant in my life am I enjoying my life and I do think I'm doing all of those things but there has been some reoccurring themes in my life

where I'm like damn I thought I would have outgrown that by now you know one of my co-workers and one of you guys asked me they're like how's the restaurant job after telling us you're kind of pulling back hours and it's been chill like I said I've been working maybe like one or two days a week and that's pretty much just to have like a little extra cash in my pocket because I'm going to Japan very soon and I wanted to be very you know forthcoming with that with my employer I was like no like i for my mental health i cannot be here that much but also like if you need the help i'll be here every once in a while i'm not gonna even consider it a part-time job because one two days is like whatever but who am i to turn down extra money as long as like i'm respected and

heard which i think after i threatened to quit they're like okay okay yeah like this bitch knows what's going on we need her on our team like you can do whatever you want you can work a couple ships a week if that's what you need but you know i'll take a couple extra hundred dollars every other week to you know fatten my pockets up before Japan but I'm definitely having those realizations where I'm like you know I thought I'd be out of the restaurant industry by now I thought I'd stop doing this habit I thought I'd be living here I thought I'd be doing this I thought I'd be having this job and that can get very overwhelming and heavy especially in your mid-20s in your early 20s you're gonna have those thoughts no matter what that's because

you're you're like a baby adult that's what I like to call them you're you're a baby adult you're kind of faking it till you make it and the whole faking it part makes you feel like an imposter so of course you're gonna feel that way of course you're gonna feel like oh my god am I doing this right you know I'm still figuring everything out am I even making the right choices that is very normal and natural for your early 20s by your mid-20s you are fairly secure you know you've gone through the hardships of early 20s adulthood of like how to set up a bank account how does credit work paying rent paying bills working a full-time job like you have the means in place to be a stable adult but then you're looking around you and you're kind of like but I thought

I'd be doing more I thought I'd be here I thought I'd be doing this I thought I'd be doing that and it can be kind of shocking especially when it's bad behaviors like for me it was like oh you know I thought I would be out of the restaurant industry by now you know and it's like well I'm not gonna shit on it because I'm thankful to have what I do have and to be making money period especially in this economy bitch money is money is money is money and nowadays you know the girls are like Hannah how do I afford things I want I hate to be the girl who's like maybe you need two or three jobs but like that's what I do and still I'm kind of you know just scraping by like I feel you on that but there is kind of that jump scare and that shock especially being 26 where you're

like no because where do I want to be when I'm 30 and I don't want to be here not that here is bad but I need to enact change in growth now like I need to do something I need to change it up I need to switch it up we need to you know the same way your your divorced mom has a midlife crisis at 50s and starts just like going on random cruises and starts dating a woman and starts trying you know pilates for the first time in her life it's like now is the time whenever you feel lost whenever you're like oh my god what am i doing am i even enacting change i feel like i'm not growing that is when you start doing everything that's when you get busy that's when you start becoming new at things trying things picking up hobbies attempting this attempting that

challenging yourself the number one way I think to grow is to challenge yourself and so I think this winter I really am going to challenge myself with some big ticket kind of behaviors one big thing that I know I need to challenge myself on and sorry this is like the Hannah hour as we're getting into it but one of you guys asked they're like I feel like I'm drinking too much in my like mid-20s and I feel you on that when when alcohol is such a social thing when it's like you know everybody's going out everybody's drinking it's very casual to just drink with your friends to go out to a club to take shot shot shot shots to be at home to have some wine like sometimes it could feel like too much sometimes it could feel like oh my god I don't

have any blood in my body it's actually alcohol and that's how I feel you guys am I an alcoholic no do I need to drink wine at 8 a.m to function no but I have some substance issues that we are all aware of you know and alcohol of course is going to be one of those substances and I do think it's something that I really want to challenge myself especially this fall and winter to step back on like fully step back on the one habit that I really don't like that I've picked up is just like every night I'll have like a couple glasses of wine and in the long run that's not a huge deal but after a while it starts becoming like oh my god this is a habit and I never want drinking to feel like a habit to feel like something that I have to do to be a part of my daily routine I

don't like that I don't like you know substances controlling my life I also work in a restaurant where there is a lot of drinking going on so I know once I fully step away from that life will get a little bit easier but I do want to manage just like my substance consumption I feel like I've really gotten a hang on weed I feel like me and my relationship with weed is better than it ever has been this time last year with the podcast I was smoking probably 10 to 12 bowls a day plus and edible at night or like dabs starting in the evening that was crazy that was out of control it felt like it was just a part of my routine so I needed to keep doing it but now I feel like since I've cut back on that maybe I've supplemented with something else aka drinking but I have gotten the

weed under control you know I'll maybe late afternoons like four or five before I start cooking dinner smoke a little bowl pause relax when I go lay down for bed I'll eat an edible and like scroll on Pinterest it's great it's very chill it's very like I don't feel like I need to do it if I didn't do it I don't think I'd feel like I'd be missing anything I've gotten a hang on that but the drinking is definitely something where I feel like especially in your mid-20s is so prevalent that I I need to cut back I need to cut back just for like my organs and my brain so that's a big challenge um i follow this girl who i've been kind of like i've been observing i feel like a lot of people i follow i observe because they're beautiful and i enjoy the way that they

live life and it's inspirational um and one of them i've been noticing has been like glowing glowing recently like i'm talking from the inside out she looks so healthy she looks 10 years younger like glowing and she made a video and she was like you guys everybody's been saying i've been glowing clock that tea in my head she's like the one thing I stopped doing is like cocaine and drinking I stopped cocaine and drinking and that's completely shifted like how I'm functioning as a human being and once I heard that I was like yeah it's time it's time I mean I'm not gonna give up going out every once in a while I'll go out with my friends but I do think it's important to notice habits that you know are not healthy and to adjust accordingly to challenge yourself

every single time I challenge myself with something the universe pays it forward tenfold the universe will always know you are like trying to better yourself it will know that you're putting yourself through calculated hardship in order to grow and it will always reward you tenfold always and I've noticed my stagnancy or like oh my god I haven't changed I haven't grown I haven't done any of this is because I haven't been challenging myself I haven't been specifically calculated challenging myself and I don't want the universe to switch it up on me because like I said I don't want concrete in my fucking teeth I don't want road rash from the universe challenging me I want to set it up systematically in place in front of me so I am able to approach these

challenges head on and if done right hopefully succeed so that's one big thing that I'm kind of thinking towards and wanting to set myself up for and challenge myself this winter number two working out I need to work out especially if I want to continue horseback riding lessons that shit has me sore it has me sore and i was on a big workout kick i think at like the beginning of the year i was doing pilates a lot well my pilates um classes were about an hour away from me and doing that two times a week it's like yes you get the momentum going you enjoy it you enjoy it you enjoy it but eventually you're gonna kind of fall off because it's so far away so i need to find a gym that's close to me and i just want to challenge myself to do more cardio and to do more

ab workouts even if it's just me on the treadmill for an hour in the morning fantastic I'm not complaining as long as it's something I need to just be doing something active to be challenging my body and to just be staying physically fit because as we treat our body now is how we're gonna feel in like 40 years you know if we don't set ourselves up for success now in 40 years 50 years like we're gonna be struggling and I see this a lot with the adults in my life they are constantly working out they're constantly taking care of their body not in an unhealthy way but in just like a cognizant way they're aware of taking care of their body they're aware of just working out and trying to eat good and doing like 80 20 just being healthy adults and it has made their

life so much easier as they're aging into like 50s 60s 70s where they are set up for success because they did the work when they were young and I know this is a something I just need to build into my routine so that's another big thing I need to challenge myself physically so then when I'm horseback riding bitch I'm not like so fucking sore I need to be more confident with my like core strength and I need more be more confident with just like my stamina and leg strength very real tangible ways to feel better about myself and better about my body and just incorporate more activities in my daily life so no alcohol that's challenging me kind of spiritually working out challenging myself physically and then creatively you guys I'm so sorry I fell

off on YouTube I am so sorry I really am I was in such a good kick of making YouTube videos once a week and they were just so fun I had such a good time creatively and I stopped because I went on a vacation and I broke the cycle I broke the loop not in a good way I literally just like stopped getting used to filming and creating and so I did I forgot how to do it essentially but I'm hoping to get back into that especially this week I'm hoping to have a new YouTube video up within the next week I'm gonna do some Halloween decorating I feel like that'd be fun fun chill I'm gonna do some arts and crafts some little DIY situation and I'm gonna decorate my house for Halloween and then you guys can kind of like see my apartment and what I'm doing but

going forward I do want to just challenge myself creatively make more YouTube videos I have so many different ideas I want to do like Pinterest to reality where it's like oh you saw that on Pinterest but is it real let's create it in the real world I want to do more vlogging I want to do more creative things like I love being creative and I think another thing a reason why I haven't feel satiated is because I'm not using my creative abilities to its fullest I mean this podcast love it down not that it's not fulfilling it's just I've been doing it for so long that it is like literally ingrained in me I wake up on Mondays and I'm like all right let's film I'm ready let's fucking go you know like I it's so ingrained in me and I am just so used to doing it

that it feels like second nature it feels like the same way i would hang out with friends once a week but i want to do more things that are maybe outside of what i'm used to doing as well as side by side with this and just like incorporate you guys more in my life and get more creative i also think that involves doing more hobbies i need more hobbies i want to take some jewelry making classes i want to keep doing my horseback riding lessons i want to just try more things incorporate more things into my life where through knowledge through learning through challenging I'm hopefully able to enact that like slingshot method of just pushing myself forward because you need to create momentum in your life if you feel stagnant it's because you're not

creating momentum in your life and like I said you don't want the universe to create that momentum for you because it's always chaotic and is very it's it's a difficult energy to work with it's always going to put you in the right place through a very crazy series of events and in order to avoid that chaos you need to create momentum in your own life a lot of my stagnancy has been because I'm comfortable oh I'm used to doing this so I'm going to keep doing it oh well this is just something that I'm I've always had in my life so I'm going to keep doing it I'm not challenging myself I'm not creating momentum in my life by doing new things having new experiences having new memories and so I'm hoping to build that momentum in my life to slingshot myself forward

into my next phase in life my next you know kind of season in life and the best time to do this is fall and winter spring summer we're busy as fuck we are that's when we kind of enjoy the fruit of our labors from what we did during the winter and the best way to also survive winter is to set goals and stick to those goals and those hobbies so then time keeps moving and we're not just in this weird snowy limbo phase you know what i mean but if you're like me and you're kind of like finding yourself especially with the change of season it's so prevalent sitting around and going like holy shit where has time gone what have i done life's slipping through my fucking fingers i don't know what to do like where am i going what am i doing how do i even look forward

we gotta create calculated challenges we gotta create momentum and we gotta move forward and so i am really looking forward to that i am i think it'll do me some good i think it'll help me become a better woman a better person um just like a more well-rounded individual and i really really am looking forward to this next season of my life and bringing you guys along with me and maybe this is just like a rambly we chat about life and get real and raw kind of episode you know but you might be sitting here and you might be asking like well how do i build that belief in myself or how do i look forward how do i dream how do i even like know what fucking hobby i want to do you know and even be successful at it and it's like you gotta just bet on yourself honestly

it's like okay i you know saw a picture of horseback riding lessons on pinterest oh that looks cool that looks fun instead of just being like oh that's fun for them I'll never be able to do that it's okay well let me start doing it it's it's literally that simple you want to be that girl become that girl you want to be that thing become that thing you want to do that thing go out there go do it yes as you're doing it you're going to feel nervous you're going to feel a little bit like an imposter because you're new you're not going to know what's going on but there is beauty in learning and i really miss especially being in my like later 20s learning and challenging myself like in my brain it's something i've been craving recently and so i have been trying to bring

it more into my life but yeah you want to be that girl go become that girl you want to do that thing do that thing you want to make youtube videos make those fucking youtube videos i don't care if you get five views or 500 or 500 000 do it upload it post it move on keep pushing for real you have to believe that betting on yourself will always pay out it will it truly will believing in yourself and believing that everything will work out for yourself will always pay out it will always push you forward into a better spot into a better place into a better mentality physically spiritually mentally it will always pay off it will and you know so there's sometimes redirection life is not like one straight line there's ups there's downs there's left there's rights like life's fucking

crazy but as long as you have this systematic belief that everything will work out i don't know where i'm going to end up i don't know like what life holds for me at 70 years old but i know that i will get there and i will be happy because i am putting my best foot forward today because i am believing in myself today because i'm challenging myself today because i'm enacting change and growth and momentum in my life that will immediately slingshot me forward into the best future possible and that's not something I was born with I wasn't born with the innate understanding that everything will work out for me in fact I think I was born with this understanding that like everything was going wrong for me I don't know maybe that was just like me in my head talking down on myself

it was definitely that but it was this was like a learned thing I had to do where you know I've spent so much time prioritizing other people prioritizing what other people wanted for me what other people you know needed for me that I felt like a shell of a human being and also like everything that I wanted to do wasn't coming true because I wasn't focused on me and once I started focusing on me and placing bets on myself bets and the bets not even being money just like trust in myself I became such a better individual much more well-rounded much happier more successful individual honestly but we're getting there oh the mid-20s is so weird it really is and like I said I have this placing bet on myself innate trust and understanding that like when I'm 30 I'm going

to be so incredibly happy and I'm going to be in this beautiful place and I'm going to be just like so successful and just like enjoying my life so much I think I'm going to be very stable especially at that time so I'm going to let myself ride the waves face the chaos do my thing now so I'm setting myself up for success in the future you know placing my bets and understanding that they will pay out life is crazy though you guys and it's really interesting to see like I went back and I listened to a couple of my old episodes like I'm talking from the beginning I was such a chaotic little monster and I love the I love that energy but it's so interesting to see how much I've grown and changed within the past like how long have I do this four years in the long run of your life

like four years is not a long time but I've changed so much and I've grown so much and I'm proud of those changes that I have made but there's also some things where I'm like okay you know i've lived my my early 20s kind of chaotic lifestyle now i'm ready to move forward and make some more concrete plans to challenge myself in ways that'll pay off like in years to come um and to bet on myself in the long run i'm very excited for this next phase and i'm honestly like excited for winter so i'm able to slow down and look more internally like i said summer we are running around we are it's chaos like we're enjoying our time we're playing in the river we're in the mountains we're running around in the forest like bitch i'm booked and busy 24 7 winter

is a fantastic season as well as fall where it forces us to slow down it forces us to have like an internal winter as well if you are in my what is it eastern hemisphere that's just a wild guess if you're one of like my australian girlies you're going through your summer phase right now which is going to be so amazing and so beautiful you're going to be just like busy busy busy busy but if you're going through your winter phase right now or fall phase right now it's okay to take time and to look inward that is literally what it's all about like i said we're strengthening our roots we're strengthening our foundation by turning inwards by looking inwards and by doing that hard internal work it will pay off you will glow beautifully people will look at you the heads will

turn as you walk down the street like who is that bitch because you're building that beautiful internal world you're doing the work you're breaking down the boundaries you're building up maybe different boundaries you're strengthening foundation and you're just going to set yourself up for sex success in the future but there is no end there's no end like i was sitting here this morning and i was kind of thinking to myself i was like you know damn like you may be asking like oh my god hannah what's causing you to have this mental breakdown and the thing is i've talked about like my 21st birthday party before you know where me and my friends we went out we did shots whatever but then um like that afternoon all of my restaurant crew came out and celebrated my 21st

birthday with me and it was fantastic it was amazing I had such a good time well one girl at my restaurant is turning 21 and it's me now in reverse positions where I am the age of the people I was partying with at that age and they were fantastic they were great people had a good time but at 21 you know I looked at the people around me and I was thankful for them in my life but I also had this innate sense of like well I'm not gonna be there at that age and I am here at this age and I was like oh pause pause pause pause if I keep going down this path of ultimately comfortability you know but also like too many vices not doing any forward momentum feeling very stagnant feeling very stuck if I stay in this position I am going to be the 50 year old working

at this restaurant who is miserable right now you know like and no hates the 50 year old working at a restaurant like period career servers you make that money I'm talking about like the restaurant I work at the people I see who are miserable like if I keep doing this if I keep like not changing not growing not challenging myself I am going to be in this position forever period and that like I was off a gummy last night thinking about it and I was like and I'm scared and that's spooky and that's scary and I'm nervous about that because I don't want to be that I don't want to be miserable and hating my life because I was not brave enough to make change to you know take on a challenge of living my dream life and so no more fear of challenge we must face our demons head on

we must go after them we must change we must learn we must grow or else yeah your biggest fears of being miserable and old will be a reality like yes yes you want that to be a reality okay then sit exactly where you are and do nothing but breathe you know but i am excited to bring you guys along with me and to just see where it takes us I think you know with every podcast I put out we are all kind of growing together symbiotically and I think that's really beautiful sometimes I feel so alone in this life where I'm like there's nobody who could be going through this and then it's like 18 comments that are like no girl me too me too thank god it's not just me and that is so nice because it is so silly how isolating life can feel yet how connected we truly are

you know I do think it's kind of beautiful so if you are also in this phase of your life where you're like oh my god what's going on what am I doing don't worry we have all the time in the world every day is a new opportunity but yes we must create forward momentum and if you're scared if you're like oh my god but I'm gonna be this way forever guess what bitch the only person who can change that is you uh-huh i now knight you i put that crown on your head and yes it is heavy bitch the only person who can change it who can create that dream reality who can actually challenge themselves who can actually follow through on those challenges who can actually you know become the person they want to be the only person who can do that is you is you and i

know you're sitting there standing there like bitch what the fuck that that meme of the alien standing in the fucking doorframe where it's like me telling my mom i threw up me realizing it's all on my own shoulders that it's really truly up to me honestly but like i said if you're gonna do anything bet on your fucking self bitch okay if anybody's gonna do it it's you if anybody's going to handle those challenges with ease it's you if there's anybody who's gonna show up consistently for themselves it's you and i believe in you i do i know because i believe in myself and if you're listening to me it's probably because you believe in yourself so sending you all positive energy sending you all you know strength and transformation positive transmutable energy i think we all are

deserving of that but yes like i said i'm gonna challenge myself i'm gonna hopefully create more youtube videos so stay tuned for those like i said halloween decorating i have so many fun Halloween decorations and I just started doing a little DIY project so I want to take you guys along but enough of me you're like bitch shut two and five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on September 19th join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research together we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer.

Register today at pmcfwalk.ca Hear that? It's your money calling. It wants a promotion. Elevate your savings with the Scotia High Interest Savings Account. Always earn high regular interest rates

that grow the more you save and invest. Conditions apply. Visit scotiabank.com slash hisa to learn more. ScotiaBank. You're richer than you think. let's get through some of you guys's questions before we get out of here i'm falling in love healthily for the first time have any advice absolutely approach with the heart of like the most precious little princess in the land i'm not even kidding like if you're falling in

love and it's a healthy relationship and it's good it's gonna feel like a whirlwind it's gonna feel like a romance you're gonna be asking yourself like should i put walls up should i do something differently should i play the game should i blah blah no literally approach this as if it's a romance novel and toxicity doesn't exist open your heart open your mind be a thousand percent loving and forthcoming and really just fall head over heels in love with this person because that feeling is so amazing and so beautiful and i want you to be able to experience that fully without fear so approach it without fear love unconditionally love openly love hard love strong for real you deserve to be head over heels in love the only person who's going to do

that for you is you I mean hopefully of course your partner is also falling head over heels in love with you as well like it's just this beautiful chaotic alchemy of positivity and love and just like intimacy like it's so cute and it's so sexy and you should lean fully into it you really should you should fall head over heels with this person so approach with a pure and innocent heart and let yourself love completely give yourself over to love completely how to find your fragrance and should it switch up every season i switch mine up uh every season not every season like four perfumes a year girl that's like a grand that is a lot of money um i would say at least like for the fall winter seasons i'll have a scent because i'm not going to be wearing like floral fragrances

then and then spring summers i'll have a different scent so for fall what i did is essentially i wanted something a little bit warm i wanted something like maybe a little more vanilla-y so i just i would listen there's perfume influencers on there and they will give fantastic descriptions and like show you new perfumes absolutely but you won't know what that shit smells like until you smell it in person so go in person i just went to my local ulta because i had a couple in mind that they carried and i was in there like i said kiki and with the ulta girls for like 30 40 minutes smelling perfumes until i found one that i was like i love this i love this it's perfect for me that is the best way to discover fragrances and yes i do like to switch

mine up um every at least every two seasons so i'm able to kind of feel sexy embrace my kind of intimacy within myself celebrate life through scent through our senses and yeah enact a new season how do i know what's better to listen to my heart or my gut or what if i don't want to accept uh the gut feeling oh if you don't want to accept the gut feeling you choose your gut always always always always if your gut's telling you something telling you something and you're sitting there and you're like no no please no please it can't be it really can't be it's true it is true if you're fearful of your gut feeling that's because it's so innately true that it's kind of hard to grasp onto you know I feel like especially when people go through breakups it's

very much like that where like the person doing the breakup is like I know deep down in my heart that it's not right but it's so hard to even be able to kind of accept and consider this that it's just like oh my god I don't I'm fighting the gut feeling you know I think this also comes like career changes moving cutting people off it's all of like oh my god my gut's telling me this I just don't want to believe it's true because it's the hard choice if it's the hard choice usually it's the right choice the right choices I fear are never the easy choices they they never are they really never are now if you're trying to fight between your head and your gut or your heart and your gut the heart usually has a way of communicating to our senses where the gut has a

way of communicating to our head i think you should trust your gut in a computer-like sense where it's like you pick up a calculator you put in a math equation it gives you the fucking answer bitch you know and there's no arguing with a goddamn calculator two plus two is four that's what your gut instinct is telling you it's very calculated it's very real there are no emotions behind it it is very straightforward and true and honest now your heart is going to be the emotional the sensual side of things your heart will also sometimes lie to you so if you're looking for the truth and real raw honest answers go with your gut tenfold but your heart is fantastic and when you're trying to decide between two things when you're trying to like weigh two options when two

options are pretty good or bad whatever if they're both on an equal playing field that's when you go with your heart what is your heart telling you between these two options now ideally you're going to be wanting to use both of these things in tandem your gut and your heart should work in tandem your heart will want to argue with the two plus two equals four math equation don't let it argue listen to your happiness listen to what's going to bring you positive energy positive heart chakra energy and then also listen to what makes sense mathematically that's what your gut is telling you it should be in a very balanced line between the two of those i'm talking to a guy who's definitely just for fun and he likes me am i a horrible person what do i do illy no you're

not a horrible person for having some fun you are a horrible person if you lead them on that's my only issue I think you should at least be real and raw and open and honest with them not raw actually don't get raw with anybody you're dating take that one back but you know if you meet someone you're having a good time but maybe you're in a position in your life where a this just isn't the person for you you're not ready for a relationship you kind of just like fell into this place but you know you don't want something serious with them you have to be honest about that that's why we encounter so many evil men because they are just not honest about their intentions you know they'll tell you they love you and the next day they'll tell you they want nothing to

do with you whatever answer you give them needs to be cohesive and concise I really like you as a person I am not ready for a relationship right now we can keep doing a fun little hookup thing but please do not get feelings involved with this like straight up be real and don't flip-flop on it don't do boyfriend girlfriend shit if you're gonna keep it like chill and fun only do fun casual hookup shit you know what i mean don't cook breakfast with them in the morning don't go grocery shopping together don't do intimate things keep those boundaries strong keep your answer clear and i don't think you're a horrible person no i mean there's many people in this world right now in a very casual relationship and i think that's just a part of dating especially

when you know we're still figuring out ourselves in our 20s as long as you're both on the same page and you both have the same understanding and you're very clear and honest about what you want no i don't think you're a horrible person but if you're like i'm just not gonna tell him i want nothing to do with him because i want to keep him around then that's manipulative and that's a little weird you might be a little horrible for that if you keep it going so honesty honesty is the best policy forgive a cheater thoughts girl you know my thoughts hell fucking no cheating is essentially like taking a sword and shoving it through someone's back genuinely and do you want a partner who's willing to shove a 15 inch sword through your back and pull it out and then look

in your eyes and say sorry as you bleed out on the ground no no no no no i don't care what manipulation they do i don't care what they say i don't care if it's like oh it was a one-time thing it's not a one-time thing because then you are forced to live with the fear and with the you know um chill in your heart that oh my god this might happen again and that head trauma is not worth it it really isn't you're going to be miserable you're going to be constantly thinking about it you're going to be mid-sex thinking about the other woman you do not need to go through that if you're going to have a partner in this life they need to be yours fully openly honestly and they are not there to be shared unless you're an open relationship then share away you know but

you're not in an open relationship they cheated on you that is evil there should be consequences when people do evil things they should lose privileges period if that man cheated on you you staying with him is condoning the behavior oh i can go around and i can do horrible awful things and he i can get away with it they'll still stay with me i'm gonna keep doing it you need to break up with him for all the other women in the future who encounter him i think sometimes breakups especially with evil men are you doing like almost like community service work for other women out there where it's like no you're horrible and awful and you've never been told no before so i'm gonna tell you no right here and now we're breaking up we're done that behavior is not okay you need to

know this and you need to stop getting away with it and i think if you are ever in a situation where someone cheats on you i don't care what level of cheating i don't care whether they put it in them or not i don't care if it's just dick pics i don't care if it's just dming whatever it is if they are cheating on you in your head you understand it as cheating you need to leave point blank period and i say that as if it's easy it's not it's gonna really hurt being cheated on is the ultimate betrayal and thus the one thing you need to do to stay true to yourself is to leave them amen feeling a lot of pressure with social media and consumption how to be okay i've been feeling this too i've been a little crazy on my consumption lately just because you

know change in season i'm like oh my god i have no fall clothes that fit i'm also picking up hobbies that i need certain like outfits for whatever not even like a stylistic way just like i need jeans that i can practically do the splits in if i'm on a horse i need good boots things like that and so my consumption hours have been crazy crazy crazy and so i am trying to cut back especially because i'm going on vacation and i'm sure i'm going to be doing a lot of shopping over there so number one ways i think you can kind of like cut back on online shopping is a delete that fucking card off your apple pay delete it off your apple pay you should not be able to make eye contact with your phone and spend a thousand dollars not that i've ever spent a thousand

dollars through eye contact even just a hundred dollars you should not be able to look your camera in the eye and spend a hundred dollars that quickly that's scary if you can do it that fast it's probably not the best thing for you delete amazon get off of amazon don't don't be buying things from amazon i think one of the biggest underrated things especially we're just like living life is going out to places and being in the world okay i deleted amazon i was like no more simplicity i need to go do things i need to interact with people i went to pet smart i had to go get my cat some churu treats because he had to go to the vet and he was such a brave little boy and he was he was so sweet to the vet i walked in they're like danger this week has been so crazy

like we've been looking forward to seeing him all week me too like i saw but it's so sweet i love my vet and so you know he was a really sweet good boy he it was just a physical he got some shots and i went to go get him some churu treats and you know i'm in this fucking pet smart i'm not even kidding for 30 minutes this random lady we're just chit-chatting about the the cats for adoption there then she starts talking about how she hates donald trump and i'm like hell yeah i'm sat girl like let's talk about it she's probably like my mom's age we're talking about like covet she's crazy but she was giving like motherly energy so it's like you know what fuck it what else do i have going on what else do i have going on oh i need to rush home to what sit on my couch

fuck it let me chit chat with this lady for 30 minutes while going over different kinds of retreats and how much we hate donald trump let's go that's what life's about those little interactions that's what brightens your day that's what makes you more um just like connected to your community around you I feel like I avoided interactions with people for so long because I was uh I work in the service industry right I have for a long time so I was like people burnt out but it's different when you're interacting with people from a service perspective versus just like a individual living side by side next to them of course the service perspective is going to be a little bit more draining that's why when i'm at work and i'm serving somebody bitch i'm a

character i'm not hannah i don't know who that is heather i don't fucking know i'm a character i'm putting on a facade so i'm able to make some money and get the fuck out of there without losing my mind completely but in the real world yes i'm hannah i'm here i am who i am and i need to get out and i have need to have more experiences and ease the ease of things nowadays the ease of just like getting rid of your money and buying random shit that you don't need is what is kind of the downfall of a lot of us especially me so I'm just trying to take the ease out of my life a little bit challenge myself more you know like I said and I do think that ultimately will help you save money and it will help you stop with the over consumption and honestly it's a little easier

to save money when you think about like the whole rounded wellness of it all where it's like no I just need to just save money by not spending it online so I'm going to force myself to get out of my house a little bit more interact with the world versus like a lack mindset that's a positive mindset a gain mindset where it's like well I'm gaining something in the process I'm not losing this ability to spend money I'm gaining the ability to have real world connection to have more you know experience in my life versus if you went at it from a lack perspective which is like I don't have enough money I'm over consuming I need to stop I need to stop I need to cut this out. I need to cut this out. It's easier when you go at it from a gain mentality than a lack

mentality. Lack mentality is going to make you engage in more negative behaviors. So go at it from a positive behavioral analysis perspective. How to not be depressed the entire week of my period. Okay. So I know we talk about periods a lot on here, but you know, who's really changed my perspective on periods is Psy Swoon. I love Psy Swoon down, love her endlessly. And you know how people will joke they'll be like oh yes when i'm on my period i need i need to be sent to like a cabin next to the sea the same way they did with women back in like the 1400s like they thought we were psychotic and they didn't want our period blood around them so they sent us to the fucking an island just to be alone which is honestly like the dream you need to create that island within

your own personal world you know we need to focus on the rest relaxation prioritization of self when we can i understand with the crazy world we live in when you're working five jobs when you feel like you know your life is just so so so so busy even those five minutes in the morning but you're taking time to instead of sit on your phone like have your coffee in silence and just like chill or after work that 30 minutes where you're usually like manically showering to take a little bit longer of a shower to enjoy maybe have a little bubble bath focus on us and rest and relaxation that is important it is important and it is very overlooked and the last thing you need to overlook in this life especially with how busy it gets is ourselves we need to take care of

ourselves and yes the number one way i don't lose my mind during my period is a i do eat a lot of red meat during my period i love a burger i love a steak i love a um a green like a really dark cruciferous vegetable and i love a me time i don't like work but work is work and we got to do what we got to do girls am i right joints don't get me high but bongs do any idea why it's because you're uh consuming so much smoke in one setting you know you're ripping a bowl and that's probably the amount of smoke that you would inhale from like half a joint through one bong rip so of course you're gonna get high off of a bong faster than you would a joint because you're taking little puffs here and there and honestly like if i want to be as bong high as i am joint high

the equation would be like one bowl would equal probably like two-thirds of a joint for me just because if you think about how much smoke escapes as it's burning between puffs of course you know you're probably only smoking probably like uh i mean you're gonna be smoking a whole joint but you're gonna lose a little bit it's gonna take a little bit longer the high is not gonna be as intense it's gonna be pretty gradual so yes of course a bong high is gonna get you higher faster because you're consuming so much so quickly at home i'm a bong high girl like if i'm gonna be smoking any sort of flower it's in my bong but socially i'm a joint girl best remedies for being sick why does it feel like i'm a zombie oh my goodness it is sick it is cold and flu season

my dad's really sick right now i think he got it from my niece and my nephew i don't know why me my mom are fine and my brother and my sister-in-law maybe just because we have like uh better genes or whatever no i'm kidding my dad is like the healthiest person i know um but number one things i do when i'm sick is a like you gotta shower you gotta shower the sickness out of you i highly believe in showering the sickness out of you and sweating it out so i will stand in that hot ass shower for 30 45 minutes if i need to sitting sometimes i'm just sitting on the bathtub floor shower hitting me blowing my nose as hard as i can but you've got to wash the sickness out of you you need to prioritize like cleansing yourself externally and then internally best way to cleanse

yourself internally not with green juice we need garlic we need onion we need butter we need hot broths soup rotisserie chicken number one thing you can eat while you're sick is a really good chicken noodle soup if you can that's one of my recipes I'll be making this fall so stay tuned this week I'm actually making a beef stew recipe which I'm very excited about more of so like a pot roast but my favorite kind of recipes are ones where it's just like okay I cut up a bunch of things throw it in a pot let it simmer for like a couple hours and then I get to eat that is the best way to enjoy food in my opinion so chicken noodle soup very easy and I will be making a recipe but yes cleanse externally and then cleanse internally and then of course if you can

rest as much as possible i'm basically bedridden when i'm sick like i am in bed and as soon as you start feeling better as soon as you're like okay i can finally get out of bed i can finally shower i've eaten a full meal i'm feeling a little bit better change your sheets that's the best recipe and last but not least someone said girl i need to glow up bad i just turned 23 and i feel like my life is so dull I think this is also kind of in tandem with my rambling at the beginning of this episode where sometimes we feel stuck in life sometimes we're like oh my god we haven't grown I feel dull I need to glow up I need to change I need to transform and a lot of it comes through internal challenges and I don't mean like I feel like a lot of the challenges I gave myself

where like severe challenges like in fact this is more self-harm than it is good you don't need to do very very intense challenges where you're forcing yourself to you know sell all of your belongings and become a monk i mean if that's what you don't want to do go for it but these can be very simple little easy challenges that you can do in your daily life that will incredibly have an effect on how you behave and interact with the world for me okay cutting out one drink a day gonna be a little difficult at first but then over time it's gonna be easier it's something I can work on every single day and then also I'm gonna feel better in the long run working out once a day it's gonna be hard at first it's not the world's hardest challenge but you know get on

that treadmill one hour a day do my thing challenge myself daily it's gonna be a little bit of a slow progress but ultimately that glow up will come it will create momentum that challenge will bring fruition it'll bring change and it'll bring positivity into my life i also think the number one thing that will help you really glow up and enact change in your life is release release is very important challenge and then release of whatever you think is holding you back even if you don't think it's holding you back any negative behaviors negative interactions with the world things that don't make you feel good releasing those things giving them to the universe letting go it creates room for new positivity new growth this could be a physical thing maybe you're like

holy shit i have too much things in my house get rid of them i just did a this is sort of related makes me feel just better but i did a fridge clean out the other day i'm talking five trash bags of random food random frozen things in my fridge that i've had there since i moved in three years ago get rid of them cleanse it out deep cleanse so then we have room and space to actually live and enjoy and incorporate new things in our life this can be physical this can be mental this can be spiritual but whatever you need to cleanse get rid of let go of that is also a great way to bring forth that glow up to bring more space for positivity and growth into your life but I love you all so much I'm so glad to be here every week with you guys sorry this is a bit of like a rambly

episode but I hope it was maybe a little bit more inspirational than the last episode which was just me drunkenly having a good time I like sometimes we have very silly episodes and I like sometimes we have more serious episodes it's a nice balance life is the same way sometimes you got to take it a bit more serious other times our challenge is to get as silly as possible but i love you all so very much thank you for being here with me this week if you want to see more or if you want your question answered on the patreon every thursday we do a patreon only podcast where i answer every single question you guys have more people are joining which i'm so thankful for but these episodes are like almost two hours long like if you want extra content for i mean very cheap

my price is on there low would love to have you come join the girls over there be kikiing I also am working on putting together a discord that's something the girls have been very interested in so that will be coming soon as well and like I said I am hoping to do more YouTube videos coming up I'm hoping honestly to have my decorating for Halloween YouTube video up early next week this week on my instagram beef stew recipe i have some photos from the renfair that i'll be sharing that are very cute and fun very princess vibes and yeah if anybody's gonna create the life that you desire it's gonna be you so don't be afraid to dream don't be afraid to challenge yourself don't be afraid to do new things to try hard things to make room for the good in your life

because if anybody is deserving in you and if anybody's going to bet on themselves it better be fucking you bitch I can't do this alone and I need you guys with me I need you to grow with me but I love you all so very much stay sane stay sexy and I'll see you all so soon two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.