Smoke Sesh - moving out, boys, breakups, and molly

Episode Date: November 18, 2021

Episode 7???!!!! Happy Thursday! Welcome to Hannahs first ever thursday podcast, today’s a little calmer perhaps as we talk everything boys, breakups, Hannahs first molly experience, raves and how to move out! So excited to be doing this twice a week thank you guys for showing up I love you all! Let’s light up and hang out!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, someone to look out for them. Some people call me their internet big sister, others their fairy smoke mother. You can call me Hannah, the new host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. Some good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. It's Thursday, you guys. I know, crazy, right?

i'm literally recording this intro and conclusion at 1 47 in the afternoon on thursday like i'm supposed to be uploading this right now but this is what you get with me okay i promise i'm putting my all into this which is why it takes me like 10 tries to get the right thing out anyways smoking a joint i'm doing my makeup i'm about to go work my serving shift like if you guys have this grandeur idea of me of like this incredible amazing like obviously yes I am but like I'm I'm just like you guys like I'm fiending for money picking up a fourth job I'm smoking weed while doing my makeup drinking Starbucks like what else is better than that I had an interview with a podcast platform yesterday you guys apparently i could cry i am crying now um

thank you so much you have no idea how much it means to me that you guys show up every week show up multiple times a week i'm putting out two episodes this fucking week are you kidding me and more people keep showing up you guys are telling your friends about it the amount of people who just like randomly followed me on instagram and been like uh i don't know like my friend told me about you and you're incredible and I don't listen to podcasts like thank you thank you for showing up thank you for celebrating me and joining me every week and committing with me to bettering our lives together it means so much because I was talking to this podcast company I'm not gonna work with them they were just too profit orientated and I was too I'm more audience

orientated like I'm focused on you guys and making good content and things that you're gonna enjoy I could care less about the money things i'm gonna enjoy because honestly the more i enjoy it the more you're probably gonna enjoy it um but he was like yeah you're charting on spotify and literally hearing that i was like are you kidding me because i don't even look at i just look at how many people are like watching it i didn't think i'd be charting i didn't think i'd be like actually making some movement with this so thank you like this is for you let me hit this joint for you i love you we're gonna get in today's episode i'm so excited i have so many topics to discuss please if you have any ideas for next week i'm obviously gonna post on instagram my usual q

and a but if you have any random questions that come to you in the mists of the night or like randomly just send them to me send them to me i would love to answer them let's get into today's episode love you i oh my god i never thought about this i need to like control myself on my podcast uh no i can like cuss right you think i can cuss i think i can say that i guess i can't i guess i bitch it's like my podcast right i literally took a bong hit in one of my other ones at this point i've like assumed so like with me and social media a majority of the social media content i create is around smoking duh this podcast is literally called smoke sash like my user hand my username on tiktok is smoke sash shawty before that it was smoke sash smoke sash was my if you didn't know

where i got that name smoke sash was the name of my finsta during high school and then it became my tiktok handle then tiktok took that away so then it's smoke sash shawty on my main account of fairy smoke mother on my second account that's where i got that from but like everything i create is based around smoking smoking smoking smoking smoking is not illegal it's not legal i think i said illegal but it is very much illegal in many states not the state i'm from we got dispensaries here it's expensive as hell but like people don't want to partner with me because of that i know drama i'm not really worried about partnerships but like i think i'm just going to continue cussing and smoking on this podcast so in honor of that let's take a hit we're we're

early into the episode I got so many questions okay I'm gonna be loading a bowl so apologies if you hear like random grinder noises in the background but you guys tomorrow I start my new job I know it's holiday season um I just love money and I've been low-key a little bored I haven't really had a job for four months I mean I have had a job I've been doing like uh independent like contracting work i guess or creative work you could say but i haven't had like a real real job like with other co-workers in like a year so i'm going back to my old restaurant and i'm gonna have a little part-time serving gig you guys so if you see me out about um you're required to tip me well you're required to because i love you and i'm doing this for you

that's just a joke you literally don't even have to tip me but um yeah i'm starting my little serving gig which reminds me you guys well someone asked i got a few questions like this and i get questions like this a lot but people are always like i'm in a toxic household how do i get out i have no money like what do i do like i don't want to live with my parents anymore i'm in a toxic environment i need to move asap what should i do let me tell you my little story of how i moved out in a snap first of all let me take this bowl where's a lighter also if you're gonna buy a lighter for me i made lighters and they're on my website you can find them in any of my link trees um any of them let's hit this

oh my god okay so i moved out during the pandemic because i was like 20 something at least 21 no i was like 20 when i moved out i was turning 21 in a few months pandemic hit i was serving that was all of my money all of my money is coming from serving i wasn't doing any TikTok at the time so other than just like for fun like I had probably a thousand followers so my parents were like very big on we don't want to get sick we don't want to get anybody around us sick we need to do our part we need to quarantine and like absolutely they're they were right they're very much so valid in that but they wanted me to quit my job and if I was going to continue my job not I mean honestly I didn't really think that was an option

I think they they wanted me to quit my job and they were kind of in giving me really restrictive boundaries it was kind of freaking me out because I was like I need my job this is where all of my friends work like I don't really have a circle outside anywhere else it's just these people this is where I make my money this is where I pay for college this is where I do all this like I can't quit so I told them I'm gonna move out and they were like okay they didn't really think I was gonna move out straight up they're like girl what just quit your job and live here for free like we'll pay for you but I'm like hard-headed and when I feel that little sense of independence I hold on to it with everything I can so also they were an anti-smoking household so that was

like I need to get out I need to get out I need to get out um so here's what you're gonna do if you find yourself in a similar position you know you're feeling stuck you need to get out this is what you do you get a serving job I know it's a little hard to get a serving job if you don't have any experience um I don't think they would any place would hire me on as a server if I didn't have any experience unless they were like in dire need so if you have no experience you're gonna apply as a host and then when you get there to um work as a host you're gonna negotiate because you can do that with your employers legally as a worker because they need you more than you think they need them and you're gonna apply as a host you're gonna say I

I agree to work as a host here if you agree in soon mine was in a few like a few weeks after I started working that i started training as a server but maybe in a few months you tell them that you want them to start training you as a server you want to make sure that you are telling them that you want to work your way up in the company and reach server level or you know if you have the experience apply as a server uh anyways hostessing you don't really make a lot of money i think i applied as a host recently well i applied as a server recently they didn't want to hire me as a server because i didn't have five years of experience it was like a nicer restaurant like very nice they were gonna hire me as a host they wanted to pay me 15 an hour but i

negotiated 18 so like if you go and work at these really big nice fancy you know uniform restaurants you can negotiate a very high wage especially like even as a host and hosting is kind of great because you just get a you will learn more starting as a host and then moving to a server than if you just start as a server but find yourself a little serving gig it brings in so much money and you leave every night with that cash in your hand like at least a hundred dollars in your hand every time i left a chef that was like guaranteed at least 200 to 300 on a good night best night i ever left was with over 600 i think i cashed out with 800 the next morning because they had to adequately like count the fucking money and tip share correctly because

it was like a private party you will make bank i guarantee it also i really recommend serving i know some of you are probably like i physically cannot fucking do that hannah because i have a little something called oh my god i can't think of what it's called oh my god my brain is blanking social anxiety i have a little thing called social anxiety uh girlfriend me too i literally couldn't look my aunt in the eyes until i was like 15 like i have had the worst social anxiety my parents put me in like competitive like piano performances i know weird to kind of like like shock me into being able to be around people and that really didn't work like i did not find myself healing from any sort of social anxiety until i put myself in difficult challenging situations

for myself like it wasn't other people doing it for me like you know my parents sending me up for these classes it was me choosing to go out there and get a hostessing job around thousands of people at night that I was forced to talk to as my job your social skills are gonna improve whether you like it or not because you're being forced to work in an environment that makes you practice it okay you're gonna get better it's just gonna exposure therapy you it'll be great I promise that quite honestly has solved all of my social anxiety issues like I can talk to anybody at this point because you are forced to have awkward small talk at these tables that you're serving because you want money because you want a good tip anyways serve you're gonna serve you're

gonna save up money now while you're serving you're gonna be looking at places I'm assuming you have no credit because you're young that's fine we listen I don't do things right I don't do things correctly okay we I'm like poor I'm broke like we're balling on a budget here baby I was moving out of my parents house like not a lot of money there's no way you have credit and if you do have credit it's probably like not good so you're gonna start looking at places but you're not gonna look at apartments because they're gonna require credit or they're gonna to require your parents to sign off on it and like if you can get a parent to sign off on it that's great I'm sure I could probably get my parents to do it but not at the time that I was

moving out I wanted to do everything myself so what you're gonna do is you're gonna go to Facebook I don't even fucking use Facebook I made a Facebook account to do this go to Facebook you're gonna look at your like roommate there's like I guarantee there will be a group for your area that's like roommate searching, housing searching, like roommate slash housing. Mine was like, I live in Kansas City, so it was like roommate slash housing of Kansas City. Look through there. What you're going to look for is you're going to look for a sub lease. I think that's what it's called. Essentially, what you're going to be doing is you will be renting from the person who has either purchased the house or the apartment or is renting the house or the apartment.

so you're paying the person who's paying for the place so you won't need credit really you'll probably need to prove that you can you know pay for it you'll need to put down some down payments but that's what you're going to be serving for and that's what you're going to be researching for you need to save up three to five times what your rent is going to be you're going to blow through that you also are going to realize you didn't account for a lot of things that you needed to account for and you really won't know what those things are until you move out and like actually experience life which is fine but at least account like one month of rent for those items and then you need at least three to five times rent saved up that's gonna take some time

i know you can't really rush things though in life if there's one thing i've learned you can't super duper rush things i just at the time happened to have all of that money already saved because i was living at my parents um i mean i paid for my food at work and that fed me all of my meals and then i just worked all of the fucking time and went home like i wasn't really i think i was spending money on festival tickets a lot but i had a ton of money saved up because i wasn't spending any money on housing so i was able to move out in literally like a week because i found this my incredible i don't want to say her name because you know privacy but the woman i rent from is incredible she's such a girl boss i got there she was like if the police show up do

not answer the fucking front door there is a bat right here um lock the doors uh call me if there's an issue badass fucking bitch it's a 420 friendly house she's cool as fuck it's like a early 1920s style house like the house is kind of tilted to the side it's like so cute and quirky it's painted like bright green it's so cool like i could not live in a cooler fucking space with like a cooler person to rent out from with like better roommates you know what i mean like shit worked out pretty fucking good but you do need to do some research okay you gotta go tour a little house you gotta save up money you gotta find a job but you do those things you do just like a little bit of planning just a little bit i guarantee a little bit goes a long way do a little bit of planning

you'll be out of there you'll be free i guarantee it but also like if you're living under your parents roof save up as much money as you can before you you move out because once you start paying for rent oh my god that's just such a chunk of money once you start paying for rent you're like holy shit a fourth of my wallet is gone every month like what the fuck stay under the roof as long as you could you can i put up with it as long as i could and then i had to get out of there you can too i think i was there until i was like almost 21 i think my brother was at my parents until he was like 23 so i guarantee you can do it i love you so someone asked me um love this advice for when you know you're cool and sexy and awesome and ready for a relationship but having no

luck and period energy i love that you are cool and sexy and awesome and you are ready for a relationship that is it that's the that's the entire thought process you can't think of it as luck a man is not luck all right if anything they're usually misfortune so it's not you aren't lacking luck it's maybe your life path is going on a way without a partner right now and that's okay that's all right it takes a little bit of time I guarantee you don't want to rush it because you'll probably end up in a place that you won't enjoy you do have to take it slow and I have realized the times that i want to speed through and go the fastest through life is when the universe is like all right bitch you better buckle down because it's going to be a long one you're

going to have to wait this one out and it's like god damn just when i was like i'm ready it's like no you need to wait and earn this so it's not that you don't have luck it's that you're cool sexy awesome and smart and you're living your life period and if you keep living your life and doing things that are authentic to yourself and authentic to who you want to be as a person and you keep growing and you keep focusing on yourself that in general will bring incredible people towards you and it will probably end up in a relationship in you meeting a possible new person okay for your life a new partner um if you just stay authentic to yourself and who you are and you don't really sway away from that especially when you're around other people you treat everybody

like they're your friend you're inclusive or like however you behave around people you just stay true to yourself it brings similar types of people in and it makes people more curious than you and it makes people drawn towards you and it makes people interested in who you are so just stay doing what you're doing and being sexy and cool and awesome and stay open keeping your heart open for a relationship and having hope and putting um you know hope towards that that's perfectly fine um but continue your life don't put too much worry on it don't think about it too much don't try and rush it the best lessons in life take a little bit longer the best things in life take a little bit of waiting so just keep doing you babe it sounds like you've got it all figured

out just you can wait for a partner i promise you i promise the more you focus on yourself the better they'll be anyways also i know i talk about being your authentic self a lot being your true self following what you truly want to do and i am now coming to the realization i mean i kind of have come to the realization but a lot of people don't know what that is a lot of people don't know who their authentic selves are what they want to do what what this calling is and that's kind of hard for me to understand because from a young age I have known what I disliked so much that it's kind of like emphasized who I am and what I want to do so I have only known a path of like or only known of what I want to do how the what the fuck am I trying to word

i've had a very clear sense of who i was whether i was being that person or not throughout my life you know i knew what i wanted whether it was happening or not because i knew what the fuck i didn't like but i the more i talk to people and the more i'm like oh what are your passions what do you enjoy doing a lot of people are like i don't know like i i don't know i don't know i don't know who i am i don't know what my authentic self is i don't know what i want to do in this life and that is okay that is perfectly fine I don't think you need to know I don't think it is our life's goal to know I think that is just like a happenstance of life but I think to find out there's like various things you can do you know um and it does just take some general self-reflection

and thinking of and analyzing experiences in your life also connecting back to like your inner child um and what they enjoyed doing what did you what did young you enjoy doing what were your passions what were the little things that drove you that made you excited that maybe no one else saw that you only know about yourself um that could be anything from like activities to food to hobbies to um how you behaved how you interacted with other people it could be anything like that that's a great way to connect to your authentic self because usually that gets suppressed a little bit as you grow up um i don't think everything is about the inner child though i do think i mean you just in general change as you grow up so just like taking time out of your day to journal or do a

little audio dump like a voice memo dump um of your day of things that pissed you off of things that made you happy and like analyzing those things and making gratitude lists and taking active steps towards things that maybe you're not sure why this thing makes you happy but you're gonna figure it out later but you know that if you take the steps towards it things are gonna get better just simple things like that I don't think you need to have this overwhelming sense of like I need to be on this life path I need to have everything figured out because there is no quote-unquote life path I think we're all going to end up where we're supposed to end up hopefully ideally um I because like every time I think I'm on the right life path or like

oh this is what I want to do my future drastically changes and that's okay you know like life is about change life is about switching it up but there's like there's no set rules that you're going to discover there's no set plan that you're going to all of a sudden stumble across and have everything figured out it's about taking those small active steps daily and actively and intuitively so you can be happier so you can feel more comfortable in the life you're living so I hope that helped I've realized this this is my favorite segment and I realized I've left it out of like every other episode which is like are you kidding me but it's my quick random advice segment where I just give you quick random advice that I think is very beneficial so

a recently discovered if you did not see my instagram post or my story robes love love 10 out of 10 I have always been like a big sweater kind of person like oh if I need to go somewhere and don't want to like well not go somewhere but like do something in my house and don't want to put on pants and like easy go-to throw a big sweater on right wrong I thrifted a robe I was I was like I don't know my mom always wore robes like why did she wear robes like she had to be onto something right like she's a smart girly of course she had to be on something I bought a robe it's my favorite purchase it was seven dollars at the thrift store are you kidding me it's now my smoke robe I wear it everywhere it is so goddamn comfortable I'm just gonna start a huge

collection of robes at this point 10 out of 10 recommend a smoke robe because then also like what's better than just being comfy and hanging out like joint in hand in a robe like how luxurious are you kidding me second of all don't have bad sex have i given you this advice yet i feel like i might have but if you're having bad sex don't also you probably need to communicate more i have a lot of i got like a lot of random questions like how to have better sex how to spice it up like just communicate like sex is way better when you're just like open and communicative with your partner and like you talk about your likes and dislikes literally your sex is gonna be bomb afterwards I guarantee just like communicate and honestly communicate with any life issue

it'll get solved away faster if you just communicate um third of all oh my god oh my god oh my god this is like my favorite piece of advice recently and something that I've been doing a little bit especially around my house I'm kind of redecorating um my room I live in like an attic it's odd but I have like a little living room and room decorating with like collecting things that bring you sentimental memory whether it's a piece of paper an image whatever something from the thrift store that you just like um words of affirmation very important can be sticky notes can be anything photos and decorating your room with those instead of just like random pieces of pieces of art sorry I have the hiccups I apologize I don't know why I

get the hiccups when I smoke weed I don't know that's some question for some scientists but um decorating with those kind of objects and just bringing a sense of like groundness of your own self into your space in your room and like I try and stay away from decorations that are kind of like mass-produced mass-produced images um just like buying for aesthetic and more so like buying for things that actually bring me some sort of sense of happiness it actually like makes your space feel way more comfier way more cozier you're gonna feel more at home when you are at home because sometimes those four walls i understand feel like they're closing up a little bit too much um so yeah i hope that helps let's get on to some more questions all right i need another bowl but

the next question is i have been realizing a lot of my girlies are going through breakups what is going on what is in the air i think it's a scorpio air literally scorpio season if you didn't see my latest instagram post of me smoking a fucking joint because it's scorpio season uh it's getting to everybody and it's making everybody's fucking claws come out and everybody's getting snappy with each other i'm getting a little bit colder um that's just a part of scorpio season unfortunately oh my god the sun's coming out you guys it was so cloudy this morning i was like fuck i can't do the cloudiness i really do need the sun but oh my god what question was i answering oh boys oh my god everybody's like going through a breakup all my girlies are i've been seeing so many breakup

posts and i'm like what is in the air what is going on and i feel like people either break up going into winter exiting winter or that's really it i think i've i've only been broken up with entering winter i got broken up with like right before christmas um over the phone i know i know over the phone broke up with me like a few days before christmas and then my other ex i broke up with him right after um winter was ending it was like springtime so hmm something's in the air i do need a hit for this boys boys boys boys break so many girls hearts and get away with it with no repercussions and so i'm here to answer some questions but this this particular question was how do i get over a boy and that's like pretty vague because who knows did you date them did

you not date them i have a feeling if you didn't date them it's probably harder to get over them if you then if you did date them because you haven't seen all the uh you know human sides the negative sides you can't really make a pros and cons list because if you guys never dated if it was just like a situationship then you probably have like this idealized thrown version of them in your head and it's really hard to dethrone them when you don't have any like solid evidence of them being negative unless you do they're they're a man they're a man they have negativity against them okay it's them being a man so you can add that to the cons list but also if you've been through a relationship with a man then it's kind of easier for you to get over them because i mean

if you guys broke up i'm sure there was some negativity there some negatives that you can add to your cons list but step one babes i'm gonna need you to make not a pros and cons list i don't care about the pros this is getting over a boy i don't care about the pros you need to make cons list you need to write down everything you hate about that motherfucker every single thing to like it could be like oh my god he annoyed me this one morning and it drove me insane i don't care how vague it is i don't care how small it is write it down because when you start getting into those thought spirals those thought patterns that very commonly happens when you break up with somebody or leave them um where you're like over analyzing the positives and you're too focused on

the positives oh but i missed this moment in the way he held my hand oh my god but but this one time when he actually picked me up food on the way over instead of making me pay for everything oh oh my god are this no i don't care i don't care write down the negatives so when you're thinking about the positives you can go into that negatives list and you can re-fucking train your brain and be like girl let's put this into perspective because if even though he did this nice little thing once look at all of this okay you're gonna go look at that step two uh we need to gain some confidence we need to you know get our hot girl shit on i don't know you're gonna uh i'm trying to avoid spending right now i'm not getting broken up with but go shopping go go spend some money on

yourself go to the thrift store you'll treat yourself to like fifty dollars babe that's like seven pieces of clothing that's a lot that's a wardrobe okay go to i don't know your favorite clothing store go buy a little something something that makes you feel good or like a new lip gloss i'm obsessed obsessed this is not sponsored i say that before every single item i'm like bringing up in conversation as if i would be sponsored by them like oh my god this dior the dior lip gloss the lip oil i think it's like lip glow oil i get mine in the rosewood color incredible best lip gloss i've ever put on my lips i use this shit like seven times a day okay i use it all the time because it makes my lips super soft afterwards and it's not like sticky like lip gloss is like

go buy something that makes you feel good like that like that is something for me that i go buy because it makes my fucking lips look nice and plump and juicy so go buy something like that go home take some bomb ass pictures smoke some weed turn on some fun lights invite some friends over turn on some music hang out with your girlies you're gonna do some like nails i don't know you're gonna talk shit on men you're gonna smoke some weed drink some drinks i don't know bond a little bit if you don't have friends you can do that all by yourself too you can go adopt a cat to cuddle with while you're gone while he's gone you know you're gonna go feel better about yourself i don't know what your self-care thing is to feel better about yourself mine is smoking

and doing my makeup and like dancing and living my best life in my room alone that is my best life if you're just going to the club with your girly friends and hanging out go to the motherfucking club and go buy a hot ass dress and heels and go have a good time you know go out there go like rediscover how hot you are because you're probably feeling a little bit down fair enough understandable boys have that tendency to bring people down so go feel yourself again you got to feel yourself but the main distinction is you are probably used to feeling yourself in the concept of like their eyes for a majority of the relationship you guys have had whether it's dating or not dating it was a really like a relationship nonetheless okay and you've probably

like only no it's that's dumb to base your whole like value on like from somebody else's eyes but when you're in a relationship it's like okay i'm only seeing this person like i don't care about how other people see me or i'm only interested in this person i don't care how other people see me so like you're you're you're like feeling yourself in their perspective and their presence from their eyes in a sense you need to go feel yourself in the perspective of yourself in the perspective of your single life okay you gotta go feel yourself in that sense next step i think of little revenge is healthy and necessary i'm not sure what form that will come in but i believe all girls deserve revenge of some sort and that can follow however it needs to follow but that's

probably a great step to add in there you know just seek a little bit of revenge nothing crazy i don't want you to go to jail i don't want property damage i don't want anything like that but my dad told me a story he's a bad well he's not a bad human but this is bad i think he told me a story about how his uh like high school girlfriend i don't know didn't cheat on him maybe broke up with him so he went and did like donuts in his truck through her front yard tore up her whole front yard don't do that let's not do that okay but yeah i think i think women are entitled to one revenge after a man breaks their heart because let's be honest it's usually the men breaking the women's heart usually usually the best revenge i ever did was being

such a public figure on tiktok that i'm sure any man who's ever interacted with me or hurt me in any sort of way can't even get on the app without seeing me that is my revenge because i know those men spent more time on their phone or on the computer or on their tv or on their xbox than they ever did paying any attention to me so fuck them i'm glad i ruined something for them i hope i did or they just have me blocked oh my god so funny i have other revenge stories but i have to keep those to myself for a while just like i need a few more years not for like legal reasons just cuz but i have some good stories i have some really good stories they'll come soon i just need like a better we need a better podcast episode you know what i mean like i needed to

we need to deep dive on breakup sometime but yeah um yeah you really just have to focus on the negatives block them on everything if you're gonna get over somebody like if step three is going to be anything other than revenge you need to forget that god ever made this person okay for all your concern that person is dead to you because they weren't a good human to you they broke up with you they didn't choose you whatever great i don't care they're dead to you now okay god never created that person their existence doesn't exist if you see them at school or something that's hard I've never like dated anybody that I'm like around constantly very intentionally I think that was a very intentional thing like I never dated anybody in high school

because I was like oh my god could you like oh could you imagine dating somebody than having to see them at work or like at school scary I always like dated people who were completely outside my circles um and honestly that's pretty good advice but um where was i going with this goddamn y'all got me too high and i'm just rambling at this point you gotta block them on everything really blah i say this all the time if a man is giving you any sort of inconvenience in general you guys didn't even have to date if you don't even have to know this man block them okay if they're being an asshole block i love blocking i wish i could do it in real life do you guys remember when uh victoria paris on haha t well not really t i don't i know nothing about

her but like uh i just remember seeing all the videos on tiktok where it's like victoria paris blocked me and victoria paris blocked me and to be fair i did think she go she went a little overboard with the blocking like you don't need to block people for giving any sort of criticism but i understand that some people just like make commentary on your life and it can get annoying sometimes i like only block misogynistic men i don't care who they are if you leave a misogynistic comic like boom blocked you lost access because i know i'm a hot girl i know i'm like a hot girl who smokes weed you just don't get access to me anymore like what the fuck also you don't get access to all of the hot girls i literally have curated like i have a hot girl following why would

you why would you come for me it's because they're insecure misogynistic obviously but like i wish i could block people in real life like i wish that was a thing i love blocking i'm all i'm completely here for it i don't understand when people are like yeah i'm friends with my ex yeah i still follow one of my exes i still do any of that bitch what the fuck are you living in the past are you still that person there's no way that person was good like for you unless you like are having hope and you're working through things there is no way there's no reason for you to be following them okay miss taylor swift said it best herself now i'm watching you what is it i'm watching you through pictures or like through a screen like i used to watch you in real life

you don't need to torture yourself like that babe you don't need to be like taylor swift okay you can simply just um block them and delete their existence your friends if they're real friends they won't tell you shit about them i don't care if they're in the same circle if they're your fake friends they'll bring them up constantly because they know you're worried about them they're your real friends they won't say shit about that person at all okay you really just have to move on cold turkey you'll move on 10 times faster i think when i was going through my first breakup i was like oh my god this is the worst pain i've ever felt my entire i was watching ted talks you know you're in a low place when you're watching ted talks like i was watching

ted talks on how to overcome heartbreak because i was like this shit sucks so bad like this man broke up with me over the phone right before christmas and it was like my first ever relationship this man was like absolutely love bombing me and just needed somebody in his life and so was using me and he was like yeah babe we're gonna rent a van and drive around the country and be together and honestly it sounds like my hell uh but when i was a young girl that was like oh love anyways you know you're in a low place when you're watching ted talks but you literally like you have to block them okay because i didn't block my first ex and then he kept showing up like just showing up like he was friends with my roommate too so he'd just show up

and i was like no he just messaged me whenever he wanted i'd be like middle of the day breaking down week after because we broke up and i was having a hard time and he'd just be like snapchat like uh-uh uh-uh do not give them that power like there were multiple times where he would show up at my dorms to hang out with my root my roommates that should not be allowed you should not see that person ever again because it made moving on 10 times harder i could not move on because i was constantly assuming he would show up again or be around me you cannot assume those things you have to move on with your single life okay block them have no sympathy no remorse oh that first ex was so traumatizing not really he was kind of lame i think that was the most traumatizing part he also

did i tell you guys stole two thousand dollars from me yeah stole hellish money and then left he broke up with me stole my money left to california and immediately started dating a new bitch i was like what what what what but my the karma you know i just i just blocked him as soon as i realized that and moved on with my life and have not looked back since and i think the karma is that he's probably like broke and might be homeless now that seems like the karma that i think is probably in store for him he was like oh my god hannah's standards back then were just so low this was a white man with dreadlocks that's what i mean by standards like there were none this was my first boyfriend i was a young i was a child i didn't know i didn't know oh so bad

never date white male hippies are kind of the worst people they always are they're like compensating for something usually no offense if you're a white male hippie listening to this i know there's some good people out there i've been around wooks you know the whole edm community is filled with white male hippies and some of them are super nice you know i'm not talking all men here but like low-key all men but like yeah that was that should have been the red flag was the dreads on top of his head they were disgusting disgusting oh my gosh okay we're getting in some more questions i think i'm at like 30 minutes now we got 21 minutes babe buckle up um 20s versus teens what to expect what it's like are they similar are they different are they

oh my god great question 20s versus teens i feel like they're very similar and they're very different and both in growth ways and just like the way you view life ways obviously in your teens you're living under somebody else's house you're conforming to them kind of you don't really have any established sense in the world and i genuinely mean that like you have an established sense in your high school and your friends and your family but not in the world like you don't have money you don't pay taxes and you might have like a part-time job or like a small job after school that's awesome that's not a job you're that's not a nine to five that a nine to five is completely different and you don't really realize that until you get into it and realize how draining it is but

you know you're still like a kid very much so as you should be like until you're 18 and you move out of your house and you know you're kind of on your own but to be fair at this point in time like I feel like your 20s like how people treated their 20s back then is now how people treating their 30s like the 20s has now become very much so a revival of like teenage years in a sense I see because like you think about my parents or if I think about my parents they had my brother when they were like 21 right like a lot of parents had their kids early 20s and then you know by the time they're 50 the kids are moved out they're moving on with their life now I see a lot of parents going through their 20s as if it's like a second teenage year like

non-commitment or like semi-commitment but not super commitment like children commitment that's a lot of commitment um and like aren't even getting married until like their 30s that is kind of the way age has switched in a sense and it has brought along a new sense of like it's not your teenage teenage years it's obviously your 20s but they're so similar they're so similar it's just the difference of now you are an adult and you're established in the world you're like semi semi established in the world i don't i would not consider myself an adult until i turned like 30 then i think i'll have like some sort of understanding of what the fuck is going on in my life or what it's like to fucking live as an adult normally in the world

but like your 20s is for figuring it out the same way your teenage years is for figuring it out your teenage years is for figuring out how the fuck you integrate with society okay where you take place in the world as a person your 20s is also very similarly for that except you already are an established human being in the world you're gonna be making money you're gonna be making a lot of money probably probably more money than you've been making your entire life even if it's like not a lot of money like a little part-time uh minimum wage job like that is still more money than you're making in high school because you aren't working well maybe you are if you're working full-time in high school that's baller status like that's crazy props to

you but a majority of people aren't like they don't they don't have money to spend your 20s you kind of have like this money to spend you have way more free time and you have no one looking after you you have your family obviously you have somebody looking after you but you aren't required to come to somebody's house every night and like check in or check in with your parents when you're 20 so you have this like weird sense of freedom and you don't know what to do with it like you can semi-control yourself when you're a teenager because you have to kind of semi be in control or else your parents are gonna beat you you know what i mean but like when you're 20 in your 20s you there's no there's repercussions but the repercussions aren't coming from your parents

the repercussions are something you are directly facing from whatever situation you get yourself into you know what I mean it's more freeing but it also feels more like the world feels a little bit heavier I'm not gonna lie it's a little bit heavier you got a little bit more responsibilities more things you got to think about you actually have to like start planning for your life I think I mentioned this in the last podcast but like in your teenage years like you have everything set up for you you're the classes you're taking next year already set up so like your friend groups are essentially already set up because the people are already picked for those classes and all you really have to do is maybe figure out where you're going to college like after college that's all you

really have to think about when you're an adult you got to think about like taxes and like how I'm going to feed myself and then rent and then electricity bills and then I also want to like look cute so I got to buy those clothes and then I also got to make sure I got all these forms figured out and i also gotta figure out health care because like god damn like i need health care like if i get sick but health care isn't free like that's something you gotta either figure out with your employer you gotta pay a lot of money for like it's a lot of little loose ends that you gotta figure out how to tie up and so that feels like a little bit heavier because you're like oh my god more responsibilities but it i mean here's how i view it like when i get overwhelmed

by that kind of stuff literally every other adult has figured it out every other adult like do you know an adult who hasn't kind of semi figured it out no so it just like comes with experience you know what i mean when you get overwhelmed by those little things of what it's like to be a human living in a capitalist society and having to do all these things um you can just take a deep breath everybody else has figured it out so just like believe that you will too take small steps you'll get there you know what i mean but you're also kind of facing this realization that you also need to kind of figure out what you want to do in your life and you don't you're not going to figure that out in your teen years I feel like a lot of people spend their teen years trying to figure that out

you're not going to figure that out in your teen years the most you should try and figure out in your teen years is like where you want to pursue your next level of education or where you want to take your life the next step like what path do you want to take kind of but when you're in your 20s you got to figure out like oh shit I gotta I gotta figure out what I want to do but also like kind of has to be tied in with money unfortunately and that's just like a product of living in a capitalist society you do have to think about money as much as you don't want to think about money you have to think about money because life my dad explained it to me as if like hannah life is a game you have to think of it as a game literally monopoly like and you have to play

the game if you want to do well in the game you have to play the game you have to learn the rules to understand the game and if you just want to passively float through life and think that everything's just gonna somehow possibly figure out for you maybe it will and it might and honestly i know a lot of people that it has worked out that way but you do need to take initiative and steps if you want to actually succeed and you have to have that drive and find that drive in yourself and i don't have that drive every day i don't and that's okay as a 20 year old like they especially in like the society we're living in i feel like we pride ourselves on like burnout culture and like especially in college people it's just like a bragging match of well I haven't

slept in four days and I've only eaten Adderall and Starbucks like oh well I haven't I I partied all night and then went up to study and then passed my exam like oh my god you don't have to fucking kill yourself for these things like oh my gosh it's not a burnout competition okay you can rest you can relax you can save it for tomorrow that's all right sometimes I think the biggest similarity is just like you feel a little lonely your teenage years you're changing your 20s you're changing you're gonna feel a little lonely and that's okay best thing to know is that like you're with yourself understand that things are probably gonna go the best for you if you just focus on yourself and do what's best for you things will work out you know nothing to stress over but

they're very very similar like i'm low-key falling back into a tumblr phase let's talk about that um loved tumblr in high school obviously everybody loved tumblr the chokehold tumblr had on everybody the mental illness tumblr gave me the issues tumblr gave me the kinks tumblr gave me like come on like i don't i don't really know if tumblr users are picking up but i know for a fact that like fashion period is coming back and i can see it in the way and the trends people are addressing right now like i am just waiting for it to be another like neighborhood sweater weather black and white stripe doc martin dark maroon lipstick vibes kind of season you know what i mean and i feel like people are kind of falling back into it and it's interesting because i didn't

think it would come back this quickly like fashion trends they usually come back 20 years like what the 2000s were 20 years ago and that's what's trending now i didn't think like 2013 would be popular now or like 2013 to 2016 but i'm here for it i'm living for it it's like perfect like my teenage years and now i'm in my 20s and tumblr is fucking coming back into fashion like yes turn on some lord i'm into it but anyways 20s versus teens very similar very different just prepare yourself it's time we must talk about molly i know i have been getting a lot of molly questions a lot a lot of molly questions um most recent one is was it is it addictive and it's like something that nobody talks about so like yes we need to talk about it but

so me and miss molly have had a long history together um actually it was short but long it aged me quickly but like oh god i miss her she's just i had me and her had way too much fun together and you know those kinds of friendships where you're like i love you so much but you're so bad for me i need to leave you maybe one day we can party together but for now babe we got i gotta move on that's me that is me and molly yes mdma molly no molly and mdma are different molly's like okay so what i was taking was i didn't take the press pills don't take press pills ever do not take press pills you don't know what's in there it could be cut with anything okay and half the time it could be it's like uh no you don't want that you want the crystals i know oh

my god if my parents are listening to this and i just said the word crystal okay okay do turn this off mom and dad if you're listening i doubt you are my brother i don't care any family member turn this off right now because you don't need to hear about my drug usage but crystal is like the crystals is what i was using it's like a pill you just put it in like a little capsule you take it i did that because it was the most pure form if you're gonna get anything first of all don't get anything don't do drugs if you are gonna get drugs test that shit okay telling people not to do drugs is not enough too many people are dying too many people are getting hurt and it's depressing and it's sad and it can't go on any longer

test your shit i don't care if it's your best friend giving it to you i am so lucky that i have not had anything that's been laced with something or i have not drank anything or not i don't know i've definitely been roofied but i haven't been like i haven't had fentanyl that's like the big thing you guys need to be super careful with anything you're taking all right i like carts even carts are laced with shit you know you guys need to be careful protect yourself okay it'll also protect your brain in the long run but always test it i always had my shit tested by my dealer um and it was like the purest form so i thought that was like better than shit that's just like pressed pills with random powder okay but I did a lot of molly a lot of molly a lot

for like eight months um eight months towards like the end of my last relationship and the beginning of my most recent I did a lot a lot of molly um when I say a lot I mean like multiple times a week which is crazy you should not be doing that and when i say multiple times a week i mean even at night like the nights i would be taking i would redose after a while um it got to the point where like i couldn't i just didn't do anything to me like i'd take molly and i'd be like well this doesn't feel like what i thought it would feel like that's because babe it's addictive okay little hannah got addicted to molly it's okay we all been all might be there but um i was forever chasing that first high forever and as somebody who has like a

obvious chemical imbalance in my brain and it caused me depression something where i feel long periods of sadness for a long time molly was like the perfect drug for me quite honestly because it just dopamine dropped i mean not dopamine serotonin dropped everything and it was just a rush of serotonin happiest you will ever feel this is not me trying to promote it this is me saying what it causes because this is also very very addictive feeling especially if you're somebody who's used to being in low places and it will fuck you up in the long run so like listen to what i'm saying please i'm begging you i can still i have barely any reading comprehension skills because of this okay um but i have so many stories so many stories

i did a lot of molly and yeah it just like fucking rotted my brain from the inside out you're supposed to wait four months in between doses i think if you're taking molly like once a year you're probably okay okay like you're you're chilling if you're taking molly once every four months five months you're chilling like that's not a lot the issue becomes when you're taking it because you're trying to supplement an emotion or hide something and that's kind of what it comes down to every drug like i think everything can be addictive depending on how you're using it so keep that in mind but i had a lot of good times i'm not gonna lie not not gonna lie i definitely was on a lot of molly on the pool party story i told you guys about in my backyard when i

just we threw that pool party um have i told my first molly story i don't know oh my god wait i need to go back and check but i'm gonna tell it oh my god i haven't okay so we're gonna end this podcast with this story but so i've told my furry story about the girl saving me um the furry saving me when i was on molly in the club i've told the story about me being on molly in my backyard on baby pools um my first time i ever took molly we'll tell that story because i've told my first high story so first time i ever took molly was at a rave i mean that makes sense you know you're at a rave of course you gotta eat some molly first rave i've ever been to let's keep that in mind it was at um dance fest in miss or kansas i don't know if you

guys know about that festival it's like an edm festival like two or three days it's fun it was fun i had a great time um i was with my ex which made it kind of miserable but i was with um some other really good friends and then i ran into my co-worker of mine and this is when i was not on molly but she's a bad bitch she was on she was fucked up like very much so like festivals are you are it's a three-day bender okay but in festival campgrounds and you have free range from the campsite to the festival grounds you can just run around wherever constantly intoxicated it's fantastic it is great and you're camping i know what's better than that all with your best friends so i knew my co-worker was gonna be there because she's the one who got me into festivals

and started telling me about them and i was like oh i'm sure i'll run into i'll run into her sometime this is also a friend who was uh slash co-worker who was at the pool party story but she i'm walking to the porta potties oh my god did i tell you the story about the girl also giving me a bump out of a porta potty bathroom at a festival i think this was this one out of her broken nail i might have told that on tiktok i get my story so confused you guys gotta keep me straight i'm walking to the porta potties to do my business hot in the afternoon sun is beaming down on us out of the i don't know where this brush came from it is the smallest bush you could ever like possibly see she somehow just stumbles out of it falls through it i'm like

oh my god hey girl like what the only bushes around of course you're like falling through them and she's like like so excited to see me she's like i lost my friends i don't know where they are like oh my gosh can i party with you she's like hell yeah i'm like for sure babe let's go she's like putting glitter on me like making me so gorgeous so pretty oh my gosh best best friend ever this is the night i ended up taking molly because i was like the vibes are correct i just randomly stumbled into my friend and she just painted me up all pretty and glitter so we and so that night this girl who was very excited to see play was performing she was headlining alice in wonderland she's a great performer if you guys are thinking about going to any edm show

she's really really fantastic i love the music she chooses as well um so alice in wonderland was um performing that night so i'm like okay might as well pop some molly might as well my friend had already popped a few with her boyfriend and she was holding on to it and i was a little nervous so i was my ex about taking it so i was like you hold on to it um i'll just come up to you if i want some so i came up to her i don't know we definitely didn't have pills i think or we might have had pills but i remember gumming it i remember gumming at least a little bit or like swallowing some and i remember it tasting fucking horrible it tastes horrible worst thing you will ever taste um i remember taking it worst taste ever i'm standing in the crowd doing my little thing

the best part about festivals is people bring totems which are essentially just like items that people put on giant sticks and wave through the air so there was like this beans totem like beans the character it was so funny and then um this spider-man spider-man danny devito from it's always sunny those are the totems next to us i remember looking at those and being like this is hilarious i love it um and alice in wonderland came on starts performing and i remember standing there staring at her and the way djs are set up on stage like you know how performers are like on a stage djs are usually like levitated in the air and then there's like usually visuals and lasers around them um it's not really on their performance

it's more so on the visuals and the lasers because everybody's tripping fucking balls like edm shows are made to trip at quite honestly um she comes up on stage there's a ring of fire giant ring of fire behind her and i stare at that fire and it looks like it's like i i feel like i can feel it like the heat coming from it it's not real fire it's a it's a screen but i felt like i could feel the heat from it and then she just just like the bass drops and she just starts playing this incredible music and i am on the biggest fucking high i've ever been on in my entire life best set ever i am feeling myself i'm feeling incredible everybody around me is dancing with me having a good time there's like bubbles they do this thing where they take a spider web and pull it across

the top of the um audience so there's like spider webs going across the top of the audience on a real one like you know the fake cotton ones that they hang out at halloween so it's like trippy as balls there's lasers you can look everywhere there's lasers someone handed me a lollipop to suck on give me some gum people were very nice girls were complimenting me i was like best thing ever she was playing bomb ass fucking music great visuals best set ever here's the thing about molly it takes like four hours right you're tripping for a while so the set finishes i'm still peaking high you know i'm still super duper high um so we are like i'm like what the fuck am i gonna do like everything feels great like it feels like the world is hugging me like i just start

wandering around the campgrounds i just wander off just wandering wandering wandering i find a fire set like some guys like dancing with fire so i remember sitting there for a while oh my god oh my god so it's a big circle circle of 30 people like if you if you imagine 30 people sitting like crisscross apathos in a circle in the circle is the people dancing with the fire there's tons of people it's like a big group meeting hundreds of people there just sitting watching these people i'm sitting down tripping balls watching these people throw fire just like trying to think about what to do next because there wasn't another performance for like another hour um this one kid came up to the front to come sit down and i was like eyeing him because he

looked a little odd or like nervous or something i don't know he was just like out of place and then i see like i kind of just start spotting people sitting around him that kind of seem out of place you know what i mean i'm like uh they seem a little odd like they just they don't seem like they should be there and i realized they're like older and they don't really fit in the crowd and all of a sudden like these five people are standing up and they're grabbing this guy from the front of the people like playing with the fire and they're arresting him like these people had definitely been hunting this dude down because he had been selling drugs or something at this festival but i was like whoa that came out of nowhere and i'm on i'm tripped i'm on molly so

i'm like fuck do these cops know i'm on molly like are they gonna come up and question me they obviously not like no they had other priorities arresting this kid but like i was like damn that sucks anyways i moved on from the powwow um and i remember like sitting on this bench with my ex for a little bit and just kind of just like breathing through it because it was a lot and then at festivals they have stalls of vendors um various items they're selling but i we were walking around and there was this teal like camper you know like the um old airstream campers the silver ones that you see from like the 70s it was that okay painted teal on the outside sitting in the middle of the woods right um bright yellow light flowing out of both ends

and the most beautiful guitar melodies coming out from the inside i am like oh my god what is this and it's like a trance i've i didn't walk there i floated there i floated there and i walked in the most beautiful couple i have ever seen surrounded by the most incredible vintage clothes i've ever seen this man is shirtless with like a mustache playing this like teal guitar melodies i swear these people were not standing they were floating in the air as i was floating through their store the most comfortable warm aura surrounded me i don't know who these people are i didn't end up buying anything because i was tripping too much to like really focus on anything i was really looking at but when i say tripping i'm not i don't mean tripping as in like

um what you think acid or shrooms would be like it's not your judgment isn't too clouded um you don't have visuals really only visuals is your pupil dye pupils dilate so colors are a lot brighter and just like more vibrant which is why of course there's lasers and crazy visuals at edm shows um and you kind of just feel like caffeine rushed and then you feel like a lot of love um basically that so when i say tripping it's not like i'm not like seeing things but the energy is exactly what I'm describing like floating good bright yellow energy teals like I was like this is incredible I don't know who these two people were but they have shout out to them they have the best energy I've ever encountered quite honestly anyways I floated my way out of there um oh my

god I totally forgot about this my friend who had never been to an ED shop well none of my friends who i came with had i been to one really but he got way too fucked up i remember got way too drunk and i think he was supposed to leave that night i don't know if he's supposed to camp there because he didn't have a tent and i remember him like meeting up with him he was way too drunk and so we had to take him back to the campsite but to like get back to the campsite he was like stumbling everywhere which is an issue because you have to go uphill it's like an uphill climb and I'm climbing uphill and these giant ass like demonia platforms like trying to pull him up like come on you got to get to this campsite but also like where am I gonna put him because like

I'm tripping balls he's drunk I have nowhere to put him I don't have a I don't have a tent for him I don't know how to set up a tent if he did have a tent um so I ended up just like pulling out one of my cots and I let him sleep on there and then I think I crashed for the night and yeah it was a it was quite honestly a great experience fantastic experience 10 out of 10 I do miss Molly but we're better we're better without each other it's like a toxic relationship you just really have to come to the conclusion and realize you're probably gonna live a better life without them anyways anyways thank you guys for listening i had a blast did you guys have fun i had fun um i two podcasts a week i know i'm gonna try and keep it up i probably will keep it up

um i'll just have to rearrange my schedule i don't want you guys to have to rearrange your schedules but thank you for joining me oh my god i can't believe you guys show up literally i think i'm at like 4 000 viewers 4 000 people are showing up every week that's insane if you ever feel alone if you ever feel lost confused isolated literally understand that 4 000 other people are here with you every week showing up feeling probably the same things you're feeling so you're never alone if if if we're here you're quite honestly never alone thank you guys so much if you enjoyed two podcast a week let me know um if not i mean i don't know why you wouldn't but let me know i love any sort of feedback i hope you guys have the best week ever