Smoke Sesh - new year rituals, party girls, boobs & baggage

Episode Date: December 20, 2022

Happy Tuesday! I know this episode is a little short but I’ll be uploading a second extra ep this Thursday to keep us on track! Today we have a fun girls episode as we chat what is happening in astrology & the stars right now, what energy we need to step into, and some rituals to go along with that. When to tell a friend some bad news and how to go along with it, getting “caught” and parents finding personal things, being a party girl and finding peace in the club, boobs! Small boobs, big boobs, understanding & loving your boobs, discovering yourself and what it means to step into growth, giving head, a how to, Hannah’s new year resolutions and goals to bring you some inspiration this season, people pleasing and learning self destructive behaviors, feeling of being unloveable and understanding you deserve love, matching tattoos & tattoo stories and general catching up. It’s a fun episode and I can’t wait to chat even more on Thursday

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash, so come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Good morning everybody, how the hell are we all doing? doing today we're ending the new or whoa we're approaching the end of December feeling good approaching the new year feeling great about that shout out also to all my girlies who graduated

this semester I got so many dms of people being like I graduated thank you for helping me get through it I it's an honor to be on this journey with you and I'm so proud of everybody who has achieved their goals accomplished something and is moving forward that is so fucking exciting even though i dropped out of school twice doesn't mean that i don't think it should be honorable and important and prioritized by so many fucking people um education is a privilege there's so much you can get from education it's so important shout out to all my teachers shout out to all my students you will learn so much about yourself about other people and just about the world through education and I felt so lucky to be able to spend the time that I did at school

I wish I maybe would have gone longer unfortunately the pandemic kind of interfered so I'm proud of everybody who persevered through that made it to the end accomplished their goals it's something to celebrate about you know what i mean do something good for yourself that is so fucking exciting um update thought i was getting my iud today and i got to my house and i was super panicky um because like i don't know if i can get a podcast on today i don't know if i might have time my anxiety is at an all-time level high well you know what anxiety gone because that appointment it was actually yesterday and I missed it I completely missed it oops so rescheduled that I get to make it through all the holidays without having to be in pain thank god so I'm going to

start my new year out with a new IUD extra protected very excited I bought so many like little snacks though like I bought gushers I bought um gummy bears I bought ice cream I bought like sour cream and onion dip and chips and all this stuff because I was like you know I'm gonna do this procedure and then you know what I'm gonna treat myself that's how I'm gonna get through it I'm gonna come home I'm gonna be in a little bit of pain I got these like amazing I used one already because I'm kind of on my period right now but this like um lavender infused sticky patches like heating patches oh my god incredible incredible love 10 out of 10 if you have anxiety horrible cramping and also you don't want to carry like something physically

around with you for your uh cramps I just got these on Amazon stick them to my belly stick them to my back whatever it's needed wow all I can say wow so at least I'm stocked up and prepared for that but whenever I'm approaching like anxious anxiety inducing activities I'm always like I gotta offset the anxiety at least a little bit with you know just some something important to me something that I can treat myself through you know what I mean but I wish I had some fun little updates for you guys I really have just been working working on this podcast I've also been rearranging my apartment it feels good approaching the new year I feel like sometimes when I'm approaching the new year and I'm trying to like switch up my mindset and set new goals I have to

like switch up the feng shui in my house and there's no better feeling than it being like 3am and you having like a slight manic episode because you've just been up so long and you're like I'm gonna just start moving furniture I'm gonna just start moving things around super fun I'm going to recreate this and usually I feel like that's enough to kind of refresh your brain um and move into a better more open more optimistic uh mindset because your environment does really reflect uh your mind and when my environment is cluttered and a little chaosy and not exactly how I want it it's hard for me to accomplish things in my mind so that's really all i've been up to we're approaching a full moon new moon full moon nope i'm sorry it's a new moon it's

a new moon in capricorn very exciting also i feel like a great new moon to kind of end the year and start the new year off with a few of you dm me talking about i want to learn more about the new moon i want to know things that i can do how to approach it so let's get a little let's get into it a little bit, and then we'll get into some questions. Okay, so we got a few things going on in the realm of the stars with energy right now. First of all, Jupiter just exited dreamy, flowy, fun Pisces. I'm a Pisces rising. Trust me, reality is not something I subscribe to, but Jupiter has now moved into Aries, which is going to fucking light a fire under your ass and get you prioritized towards where you want to go and this energy this fiery aries energy of like

i know what i want i know who i am i will not take any other shit other than what i deserve i'm gonna put up a little bit more walls but it's in order for me to get exactly what i deserve desire want um that energy combined with the new moon in Capricorn which Capricorn is notorious for think like project manager type take no shit they know what needs to get done there's no airiness about them they know what the fuck they want they're going after it they're going to get it and they're going to work hard that energy combined with the Capricorn new moon energy makes it in fucking credible for manifestation specifically in the realm of like um career path creativity what you desire in like a long-term sense like a long-term goal your big dreams and

things that maybe you've been putting on the back burner you've been kind of uh i don't know i'm unsure I don't know about myself I don't know about this thing you will know you will figure it out you're gonna feel that energy to accomplish to create and to go after your goals so for me personally I'm not sure how I'm gonna spend the uh Capricorn new moon I am gonna do some manifestation scripting rituals which if you are interested in like a detailed um scripting technique. I'll post that on my Patreon, but something simple that you can really do. Instead of focusing on what full moons are about, which is releasing, letting go, feeling uninhibited, which is kind of like stepping back, realizing your faults, realizing where you went wrong,

realizing what you need to do different this time, we're stepping more into an air and an energy of instead of stepping back, we're stepping forward. We're taking that first step. We're tired of the cycles that we have been continuing we're tired of feeling exhausted and let down and disappointed by either ourselves or by other people by not being aware of our situations we're tired of these continuous toxic cycles that we keep putting ourselves into or maybe it's a toxic cycle of us not engaging in what we truly desire and truly want that air of like i'm unsure i'm weary i'm a little discombobulated which was stemming from a gemini full moon that we had prior as well as a little bit of a mercury retrograde that we're in right now and jupiter being in pisces which is

not at all based in reality it's all about dreaming and wishing upon a star that energy is officially gone now we're stepping into our big girl pulling up our boss pants era do you know what I mean like we have to step into our life we have to take accountability for our life we have to understand that ultimately life is what you make of it and if you do not take those steps if you do not work forward if you do not you know make those dreams over a reality by simply just trying then it's never going to happen and that's the kind of energy that we really need to take into this new year this idea that we can do it we can accomplish it it's going to take a little bit of hard work it's going to take a little bit of energy but the payoff in the long run is going to

be so fucking worth it because everything that you desire is going to come to fruition if you believe you work hard and you trust in yourself so i feel like it's a great kind of turnaround point going on with the stars right now i have a capricorn moon so my time right now spent alone is very driven on the idea of okay what do i need to do what do i need to accomplish let me look at my life what's not working what is working what habits do i need to you know kind of cut out what habits do i need to add who do i want to be 20 years from now who do i want to be what does she act like what does she behave like um also this could also be a great scripting ritual um if you want to kind of do a little bit of dream work a little bit of manifesting what i would do um

because i really really like vision like um visioning where i'm going to be and what i want to do pretend you are grab a piece of paper and pretend you are going to lunch with yourself but it's yourself 20 years from now um what does she look like what is she talking about how does she carry herself uh what is she doing what habits does she have what is she sharing with you where does she live what does that look like like get really visionary with it and then from that really take the aspects that you've been thinking about that maybe aren't aspects in your current day life list them out and um what i would do is i would just maybe roll it up tie a little string around it place it on your altar i wouldn't burn it or bury or anything like that because it's not

something you're running from it's something you're running towards i would just honor it in some sort of way in whatever way feels natural and comfortable to you for me for me that's just simply rolling it up and placing on my altar lighting a little candle thanking the universe maybe doing a little tarot poll in order to get my wits about me and to get some information regarding what i'm looking forward to but that's kind of how i would go about celebrating a uh vision board would also be incredible um i wrote a little how to make a vision board on my patreon on but in reality it's just finding simple you start big abstract and then you move down to simple goals and habits that you want to identify and integrate into your life um and things that

you want to do stuff that you want to accomplish but you have to make it real realistic is something that you can actually do um instead of just kind of making your goals too big unaccomplishable then it makes it harder to work towards find things that are real things that you can integrate into your daily life um and then make a little vision board around it you know find very specific imagery of what you're looking for of what you're trying to move towards um so if you're a visual person vision board if you want to script uh manifest um your dreams your life really focus on that talk to your future self and then also this is a great time for manifesting money um Capricorn once again hard work bossy boss bitch kind of vibes another great time to manifest

money and abundance into your life and I do that mostly by how I think and speak um instead of being like oh I'm so broke oh my god I don't have money I'm just I don't know how to I don't I can't do this because I don't have money I switch my vocabulary and my inner speak to a more positive direct one of um you know I am moving forward to the to my financial dreams I am working forward to abundance and peace and prosperity I am moving ahead of myself towards the goals and the dreams and financial stability that I want to accomplish you see how simple that kind of like thought process can switch um you do have to catch yourself don't get down on yourself if you are thinking that way just catch yourself in the moment redirect your train of thought and i

guarantee i feel like that brings so much more towards you especially financially because you're not worried you're not constantly worrying and stressing and putting so much doubt on yourself you're understanding that life is a process you have to work you have to move forward and in order to do so you have to believe trust and show up for yourself in a positive healthy way so new moon Capricorn very exciting lots of peace lots of prosperity lots of hard work coming towards you lots of fun also um so with the new year coming up maybe make some plans with friends go out a little bit whatever that looks like whatever um peace and fun and prosperity looks like to you I would um really focus your new year's eve plans around that my new year's eve plans

god I gotta fucking work I don't know why they scheduled me to work anyways I'm probably gonna switch my my times so i can get the fuck out of there early because i just my new year's eve outfit came in today and it's so cute but me and my boyfriend are going to like a cabaret strip show vibes you know what i mean so i'm very excited for that get a little drink get a little sensual see some fun performers nothing crazy but i am super excited for what we're stepping into the things that are coming our way and it's gonna be so fucking good so with that being said good vibes right off the bat let's jump into some of your questions oh also i know we used to do two episodes a week tell me if you're interested i'm gonna put a little q a on my instagram too if you

want to send in your um your your thoughts your feelings very interested um but instead of doing an hour and a half episode every tuesday what if we did an hour episode every tuesday and then like a 30 45 maybe hour long episode on thursdays but switch it up a little bit make the thursday ones i don't know maybe like a specific topic a specific interest maybe like a radio show i'll give you the music i'm into right now i was just looking back on like all the people that i used to listen to who I used to look forward to kind of trying to find where my inspiration stemmed from and came from um and it's kind of funny because a lot of my inspiration especially for this show like I don't know I never visioned myself doing this at 16 but I understand that my habits at 16

probably led to this but every morning if you're a Kansas City native you know 96.5 the buzz okay they were amazing they were incredible and they sold themselves out in 2018 2019 to like a big radio show radio company and it has just been fucking downhill ever since then but when they were in their prime which was in my teenage years oh my god i would listen to this one girl every morning her radio show and she was just so unhinged she was a mom she like had a thick of like jersey accent um she was just like very blunt and honest with how she with how she felt about things with her story she was open and it gave me a lot of comfortability especially as a young teenager because a lot of adults who are around me at that time were very closed off did

not share a lot about themselves with me also did not make adulthood seem very exciting so she made adulthood seemed very exciting and fun and something that I could look forward to and I took a little bit of that with me I guess and I have incorporated a lot of that into this show but I would love to do like a little radio show like we chit chat a song comes on we chit chat some more I play some more music I like vibe out a little bit you know what I mean if you are interested in two episodes a day let me know what you might be looking for what kind of content you want me to chat about maybe we could do like a little weekly or like monthly uh like star update we can talk about the universe we can talk about things going on um within astrology i just want

to sit chat switch it up get you guys interested so if there's anything you're specifically looking for let me know but if not we're just going to continue on with our regular show today so with that being said so many questions i need to get into very excited because the questions this week are so good also psa i'm working on video episodes but but stay tuned it's coming i promise i'm working hard so many big things coming this new year for this show thank you guys for sticking with me i love you all so so much oh my god we're gonna start with the longer questions a little juicy was sent to my dms if you guys want to send me any questions my dms on my main account my main account are always open my meme account is just for memes and updates okay so let's get

into it they said please if you see one of my dms let it be this one because i need advice basically for some context i live with my boyfriend and my close friend's boyfriend my friend doesn't live with us because she goes to school out of town okay one night my boyfriend and friend's boyfriend okay we're drinking and her boyfriend told mine that he has an whoa instagram saved folder that includes thirst traps in it of other women including some from some women that we knew from high school uh okay that he oh my god he used it to jerk off to okay i don't even want to pause here we should keep moving so with this information obviously i have to tell my friend yes but i don't know how to go about it to do that especially since

she has finals and with christmas okay she's coming into town for winter break so i'll probably meet up and talk about it but idk how to break the news they've been together for six years and do you consider that cheating like i would be upset if my boyfriend was doing that and would call it cheating but idk how other people feel about it sorry that's a lot but i also just found out um do-do-do-do-do okay he just yeah he sounds like a piece of shit he also apparently hits on girls at the gym um yeah okay so overall piece of shit boy i understand how you feel conflicted as a friend because you want your friend to know but also you're like not trying to ruin her vibe felt obviously yes you have to tell her that in my opinion that is cheating that's emotional

cheating that's weird as fuck why are you on instagram jerking off to other girls very weird odd behavior especially if he's just like bragging about it like very toxic masculine unhealed wounded child vibes do you know what i mean um if my boyfriend was doing that i would want to know immediately absolutely immediately I'm not a snoop because I always am gonna get upset no matter what the fuck I find even if it's literally nothing so I don't do that because I save myself some emotional energy um and I know that if it was happening it would probably be revealed to me so you're with your friend yes you do have to tell her because obviously she doesn't know what's going on um but if I was your friend and I was going through finals and Christmas and some stress

I I would not want to have to deal with all of that on top of finals because once your heart's broken like that's the only fucking thing you can really focus on you can't be like oh I got a chemistry quiz tomorrow let me just let me just start working on that let me just start studying let me just start memorizing no no no no no so I think if she's gone this long without knowing she can go another week just for her own peace of mind and just to make it through finals also Christmas I get Christmas maybe you want to wait till after Christmas maybe not that's up to you but i absolutely would wait until after finals and then tell her christmas if he got her a really good gift honestly if he's fucking emotionally cheating on her he owes her that gift either if

they stay together or not which hopefully she will move on but i do think absolutely you should tell her i don't think i would add extra stress by telling her at a stressful time i would wait for the best opportunity um just to be like hey i saw some concerning behavior i'm your friend i wanted to let you know just because if i was seeing these things i would be sad mad disappointed fill in whatever emotional thing you want to there and then if she's home for winter break then you guys can go party on new year's and like you can lift her up you guys can go out to the bars go drinking you know she can avoid her ugly ex and yeah I think that's the best situation to go about it but no if that was me oh oh I'd be pissed I would be pissed so yeah save for the

stress finals is stressful enough do it after finals maybe after Christmas depending on how you're feeling or how she's feeling if she's already feeling like kind of not great about it not great about the relationship that is maybe just tell her but don't wait too long does that make sense because then she's like well why'd you wait you know don't wait too long i understand waiting after finals if my friend was like hey your boyfriend's cheating on you but i waited till after finals because i didn't want to stress you out i'd be like thank you that is a good friend right there because i did not need to deal with that right then now i have time to deal with it on my own time without having to worry about anything else but yeah good luck babes definitely

though i would tell her some of your questions i'm just like they make me giggle i love you all so fucking funny okay this is kind of a call out someone goes weird question but how do you make your uh how do you make smaller boobs look bigger like in your last story yes i do have small boobs they've gotten bigger as i've gotten older actually i just gained some weight which is probably good because I was stick thin um I needed to just like eat more thank you future Hannah for doing so and enjoying food and smoking weed and enjoying food um but my titties they're like okay so when it comes to smaller boobs there's there's many different ways you can approach boobage okay and all boobs are very very different some of them uh hang a little bit

some of them are more planted some of them have more tissue inside some of them have less tissue some of them have more skin some of them have less skin um there's many different ways the boobs are formed and made and they're all amazing and lovely and incredible but for me i've had like a cups most of my life then i made it to like maybe a b cup when i turned 20 and now i'm not like no I'm probably at a B I'm at a good B maybe a C on my period but like a good solid B cup um and my titties are more planted so it's like there's a lot of meat in there I'm sorry I'm describing myself as like an animal but whatever I'm trying to do the best that I can there's a lot of like tissue in there but it's more planted which means it is more stuck to my rib cage

if they were less stuck to my rib cage and they hung a little bit if they hung a little bit lower saggy's fine it's whatever um then I feel like they would be quote-unquote bigger like I would be more of a c-cup but they're more planted so they're more quote-unquote perky because they sit there so if I want to do to get like cleavage I have to push them together they have to physically be pushed together which means that I love a sticky bra I love a sticky bra specifically with a adjustable closure in the front that you can pull them together as much as you need that's what I love um especially if you're trying to get cleavage for me they're kind of planted they're not so saggy uh but they're a little smaller and they're also a little bit of like

a distant cousin when they're sitting on my body so I need something that pushes them together that pulls them together either that's me just physically pushing them together using boob tape using a sticky bra whatever it is now if you have less planted boobs a little bit saggier you maybe have a little bit more skin I would recommend just like a push-up bra because what you're trying to do is lift and push them together in the middle and I feel like a classic push-up bra is really good for that um and really great for just making them look pretty do you know what i mean but also like i rarely ever wear a bra if we're being honest like half the time i really don't give a fuck what they look like because i'm not really thinking too much about my boobs other than like

if my nipples are completely out because like they're pierced so they're always just like hard like i forgot i didn't have a bra yesterday and i had to go to work and i was like fuck who's gonna be staring at my nipples i don't want to do this which is like usually i don't really care but like in a restaurant environment where the the cooks are a little creepy and the customers are a little creepy I'm just like my nipples don't need to be pointing at these men I don't want any more attention than I have to have when I'm at work uh when I'm on a day off yeah my nipples are out all the time because like who cares but when I'm when I'm wearing a bra when I have cleavage I'm probably wearing a bra but do I care about cleavage that much no not really because

usually bras are very extremely uncomfortable and I try to avoid them as much as I can so I hope that helped but yeah if you have like planted ones a little bit more stuck on the rib cage also maybe a little bit more distant a sticky bra that pushes them together great push-up bra if they're a little bit saggier if you have a little bit more skin uh and a little bit more tissue that would be best but like push-up bras don't work for me like I put them on and surely like lift but that's not my issue I don't need a lift I need them to be pushed together because I feel like my titties are like under my armpits like oh my god okay anyways TMI but someone said mom got my dad pen in the washing machine help oh girl been there been there you know how many

times my parents found my weed when I was living with them a lot but it would always just like disappear and I didn't know if it was like me just being high and forgetting where the fuck I put everything or like my parents finding it and just taking it away from me but they never really had a conversation with me until I was older which is like why would you not have a conversation with me younger why is it older anyways yeah when I was like 18 18 maybe I knew i left like my pipe and my weed and all that shit out on like my little mirror dresser um and i was on a road trip with friends and i was like fuck my parents are totally gonna go in my room and find that it's definitely gonna smell real bad in there like real bad just totally left it out

silly old me um and i called my friend and i was like please god please you need to go over to my house you just just tell them you're looking for makeup um and just put it away so they can't find it she's like okay i got you real friend right there she goes over to my house she's like hey i'm here to borrow some makeup from hannah my parents are like okay totally she goes upstairs and she texts me she's like it's not here and i knew immediately my parents had found that shit but they didn't say anything to her and they didn't say anything to me so she just like took a random piece of makeup like a highlighter or something and left and was like okay whatever my parents never said anything about that very odd just like gave me a bunch of anxiety

um another time when I was older which is the time my parents called me out I um had like a I was like smoking in my closet because I had like a little window and I had like a little one hitter and I left it next to my window with the window open and I went to work and my mom was like why is the window open oh my god there's a pipe what the fuck and she just started going off on me because also this is a time where I got bangs for the first time and she specifically said do not fucking cut bangs do not spend my money as a hairdresser to cut bangs and i really wanted them and i was like fuck it mom i'm gonna get bangs and i got bangs and she was so mad at me and i don't know why because like they look good and then she found that and so then she like

finally talked about it and was like i'm so disappointed why are you why are you smoking weed but like my mom's understanding of drugs is like weed equals meth so like any sort of drugs just not great my dad is a stoner so he was just like whatever okay not that big of a deal go have fun do your thing but they took that from me um when I was smoking jewel pods like when I was in high school which is kind of the similar situation that you might have with your cart um my parents would find those in the washing machine like every couple months and they'd be like why the fuck is there a jewel pod in here you're not doing this are you're not vaping are you and I would just always be like oh it's blah blah blahs like I'm such a bad friend but I really would just

blame it on somebody else like somebody that was like a distant enough friend that I know that they wouldn't judge or ever interact with so I would just be like oh that's blah blah blahs she left it here oh that's blinks oh that's you know whatever which is a very easy easy excuse so honestly that's probably what I would do because no parent is gonna be okay with their kid you know like hitting a dab cart you know what I mean like I get it I know why they're protective but yeah I definitely would just lie and now I'm older and I talk about smoking all the fucking time but I get why they are uncomfortable with it when it's in their house because they don't want to get in trouble they don't want you to get in trouble and also like your brain's still

developing so like of course they're gonna be like hmm you know probably not great for your brain but yeah whenever my shit landed in the washing machine i would just be like yeah that's blinks uh yeah that's my friends sorry i just yeah it's not mine also i knew my parents were taking my shit because when i got older i went to the garage and i looked at my dad's toolbox and i found all of my missing pipes all of them like three to five of them like a lot of them i was like oh i bet he's using this shit i bet he took it so he can use it because he would have thrown it away if he's not going to but why is this sitting here anyways yeah lots of back and forth my parents regarding weed it's a touchy subject okay i feel like this is a great question

especially for new year's eve coming up which is like a celebratory party holiday but someone said how to be more confident and flirty when going out illy okay so there's two approaches to the confident, flirty vibe when going out. And it all stems from comfortability. So A, you have to have a good group of people. If you're with people you don't trust, if you feel like you're going to get drunk at the bar and they're going to leave you there, don't go with them because you will be on edge all fucking night. Go with people that you trust, that you love, that you can party with, that you know they're going to hold your hair back at the end of the night. That's who you want to go out with, okay? It's okay to judge people's characters. If you don't feel safe with them,

that's fine read the room understand you're probably not going to feel the most comfortable with them and move on anyways number two which is kind of a two-parter but it like comfortability I feel like the outfit makes a hell of a difference a absolute hell of a difference me personally if I'm going out and I want to be extra comfortable and extra confident and extra flirty I have to have a fantastic outfit whether it's like a new year's eve outfit which for me is like fluffy kitten heels and a sparkly skirt and a crop top and giant hoop earrings that's my level level of comfortability maybe that's not yours which is totally fine which is why I think it's absolutely okay for you to go with your hair and a ponytail and sweatpants and a plain t-shirt

like you don't have to be putting on the best fucking outfit ever as long as you're comfortable that's the key some people are like a girly girl type girl who's like I need to dress up in order to feel my best some people are like I like to dress down in order to feel my best um I am either of those at any given situation but lean into what you're feeling because the way that you feel about your body the comfort comfortability you feel about yourself and your group of friends um in a space that is necessarily probably a little bit uncomfortable and unfamiliar because it's a bar it's a club whatever it is by making sure you have at least those two things checked off you physically feel safe with your friends your body feels safe and comfortable with your outfit with

the way you're treating it with the way you feel about yourself ultimately you will be able to step into yourself more and act yourself and be yourself around people so those are my go-tos also like a little alcohol always helps you feel a little bit more comfortable but I feel like those to the two key things to build a safe environment in an environment that is usually a little bit more uncomfortable um and yeah then I feel like the confidence just rate or radiates out of you uh the people you interact with you have more of an easier time being yourself um the way that you behave easier time being yourself being your authentic self stepping into your authentic self so hope this helps okay this is a great question and one that I've been kind of dealing with

for the past few months now um but someone asked getting in tune with yourself it's been a while and I feel like I don't know who I am anymore valid feeling valid understanding let me tell you you haven't lost yourself you've just grown okay you have not lost yourself you've just grown I posted a meme the other day on my Instagram story and it's like the two people in the bus and it's like I'm not who I was anymore or what is it I'm I'm not who I was anymore and then also it's like I'm not who I was anymore you know that's great that's fantastic you gotta grow develop change become a new person every once in a while ultimately if you were the same person for the majority of your life that means you're not doing any growing you're not doing any changing you're

not doing any introspection you're not learning new things about yourself and the world around you change is a little bit uncomfortable because it means that you have to discover more about yourself so old habits that maybe you felt comfortable in don't work out or maybe you have gotten used to them and they've been integrated into a part of your life and now they're just easy and now you feel like you have no new habits or maybe your routine has been switched up um you graduated college now you don't really know what to do with yourself your college life is behind you and now there's this vast emptiness of what is adulthood um maybe you've just simply grown and changed as a person your interests aren't the same interests you have

anymore uh you're feeling a little bored because you don't have any interest to lean into and you haven't tried anything new that's okay that's wonderful growth and change is going to be uncomfortable but ultimately you have to kind of like step into it and own it and own the uncomfortability you know what I mean understand that sure it's going to be uncomfortable but this is just a more reason to lean into yourself discover more about yourself try new things reach out to new people explore new ideas go on that fucking random trip that you've been trying to plan uh reach out to that person that you've been trying to hang out with um try that new food go get a fucking spray tank go try pole class i don't know whatever it is whatever that is

interested or interesting you something that's like picking at your brain the one thing that kind of always stays on your mind try it the fuck out try it what's it gonna do hurt you no probably not uh you're probably either gonna learn that a you really like it and integrate it into your life or b you know this isn't for me and that's okay and that's awesome and that's wonderful you learned about yourself you decided how you feel you're moving on but it's all about being active in your life understanding that the past is just the past who you are is ever changing and always growing and if you lean into that and you're not afraid of it and you incorporate new activities new tasks trying new things um switching up your routine every once in a while

it'll make it a little easier um understand that your past selves are amazing and wonderful and they did what you what they could to get you through whatever you were going through honor them appreciate them love them i uh imagine my past selves as like little dolls like it's so cute i love them they really did that i really appreciate what they went through for me i love who I'm growing into so like what doll do you want to become next and the evolution of dolls that you are who are you going to become next what's she gonna wear what kind of box is she gonna come in what accessories is she gonna have what's her hobbies like literally look at yourself as a new Barbie doll unless that's not your vibe whatever um but it's a good visual what um what activity

is she gonna do is she like the vet Barbie is she the astronaut Barbie is she the like realtor Barbie like I don't know there's so many options out there and I feel like change and quote-unquote losing yourself and feeling lost when it comes to yourself kind of dissipates when you just put in the effort every single day to try something new to switch up your routine to have something to look forward to to accomplish goals to set goals but once you kind of get in that lull phase of i'm not who i was anymore and i'm not gonna try because the old things just aren't hitting right and i don't want to try new things because i'm afraid they aren't gonna hit right it's probably not gonna go great and it is a hard lull to put to pull yourself out of because

i think a lot of anxiety stems from that kind of unsureness but i guarantee the trust and the appreciation that you're going to have for yourself and your future self and your future quote-unquote doll is going to double triple if you just simply put yourself out there and you try new things and you discover new things about yourself and there's so many communities and opportunities and things around you like I live in Kansas City you would think there's fucking nothing here but there's honestly a lot of opportunities around me in different clubs and different like classes, different participation activities that I can join and try if I really am feeling like I need to attempt to learn more about myself. And if there's stuff for me here

in Kansas City, there is absolutely stuff for you to do wherever you are. It just takes a little putting yourself out there. You know what I mean? We're just like grown babies. And instead of like your mom picking you up and dropping you off at a random class that you didn't really ask for that she just signed you up for and now you're doing it and you're gonna have fun probably and you're gonna meet new people because you're young and inquisitive and curious now it's just yourself being the adult and signing yourself up for random fucking classes and random things to do and dropping yourself off at the places um and just doing it and keep that childlike wonder and curiosity and um just like openness I love that about kids they're just so open and curious and

a little bit understanding that no matter what they're doing they're gonna have a blast so keep that whim about you when it comes to trying new things but I guarantee you're not lost you're just discovering new things about yourself so put yourself out there a little bit you'll discover are so many amazing wonderful qualities about yourself and about the world around you god i love these questions this is so funny um starting sleeping with men again and i've forgotten how to suck dick girly please help okay so essentially enthusiasm and sloppiness i know i know i know those are kind of like the two key things to like really really good head is just you going at it and also not being afraid to be just like

a little sloppy okay my favorite thing to do especially when it comes to head is it's just like out of the fucking blue very random i've given a lot of car head um i will just be like drop your pants if i'm in the mood to give head i have to like do it right then and there or else They'll just be like, eh, whatever. Like, if it's later in the night and I've just eaten a meal, I don't really want to give head anymore. So, like, if you're feeling the vibes, just go for it, okay? They're probably going to enjoy themselves. Like, of course they're going to enjoy themselves.

Let's be real. So, enthusiasm. Drop your pants. Drop your pants right now. Can I give you head? Please just get on your knees. Whatever it is. Whatever you're most comfortable with.

personally i don't like giving head laying down like if they're laying down on the bed and then i have to lay on my stomach i feel like that's just like the end i don't have a lot of openness going on for me personally i like when they're sitting on the couch sitting on their bed uh standing up great as well um anything where i'm just like on my knees and get a pillow if you need because my knees will just like start hurting after a while prepare yourself whatever it is but um yeah laying down i'm just like i can't fit everything in here okay it's a weird angle for my neck start slow just lick okay do little kisses play around incorporate your mouth a lot while just like holding it and then you're gonna move to like taking it all and then you're gonna

move to incorporating one hand and make sure like it is real wet okay spit slobber a little bit don't be afraid but you don't want your hand on there like dry and you also don't want your mouth on there dry if i'm giving head and i have like the worst fucking cotton mouth which like been there if you're a stoner girly you've been there where you're trying to like suck dick and your mouth's just like the sahara fucking desert i'll be like hey spit in my mouth real quick or just choke on it a little bit naturally you'll build up saliva listen big sister talk right now pretend we're in my room pretend we're having a little big sister talk this is what this is me and my friends whenever we get together we're just like so let's talk about all of our sexual encounters

um which i love i'm just like very open book love talking about that shit but back on track sloppy will start slow just licking kissing focus on the tip a little bit then you can take it all get sloppy do some spitting spit on your hands incorporate your hand you don't want it to be dry now i also like to incorporate two hands one hand on the shaft and then one hand on the balls just like gently just just gently move them around in your hand if you want to get freak nasty you can then move down and like suck on the balls if you are feeling crazy and you want to just like really get in there if you want to get even crazier move further down you know what i mean just like whatever you feel comfortable with and whatever he feels comfortable with

lean into it enthusiasm like i said noise choking you can fake choke you don't have to actually choke you can kind of fake choke pull away spit the sloppy noise like if you like if you like suck a little bit while going up and down on the spit this is really tmi but i feel like it's honestly very great advice um you know it's just gonna get it's just gonna be a lot a lot of stimulus you got the noise you got the feeling you got a lot of hand action going on you can even use two hands on the shaft if you don't want to touch the balls i get it um and then really if you can have deep throat that is perfectly absolutely wonderfully fine use your hand on the base to kind of accomplish what your mouth can't and really if you can just focus your mouth on the tip and like

licking very simple and also just like a gentle suction just gentle gently suck with your mouth and I guarantee like fastest my boyfriend's ever came is like 90 seconds like I was like oh my god I'm just getting started but if you incorporate all those things and slowly make it a process boom he will be done with he'll be asleep he'll be in a coma babe okay but those are my top tips absolutely oh also if you're a little bit insecure which no hate I get it been there I feel like how i feel about everything changes in a fucking instant um sometimes i feel a little bit insecure sometimes i don't feel insecure i feel a little bit more confident but um if you're feeling a little insecure and you don't want all that pressure or all that focus or all that attention

on you when it comes to giving 69 69 it's my favorite fucking position because you guys can just get crazy freak nasty and you don't have to look at each other or if you do want to look at each other have a mirror in your bedroom so you can like see what's going on but it's a great way to give a little bit get a little bit and not have like too much pressure put on you you know what I mean someone asked what are my new year's resolutions so why not just go over them in order to maybe provide some inspiration, maybe get your gears going, give you something to think about. But I'll give you my realistic goals, things that I want to achieve this year that I have on my vision board, my mood board, my to-do list for the new year. So A is to really focus on

my home making my home a comfortable comfortable space a space I want to live in that means I'm going to be moving my lease is up in June I know it's like six months away but if I don't focus on it until June it's not going to go exactly how I want so I have to understand that these things are approaching these things are coming up and I need to put focus and attention into them before rather than later so then it goes my way a little better so I will be moving do I know where I want to move do I have any idea what kind of location I want to move into do I have a spot picked out no not at all but I'm trying to prioritize what I need in my apartment a big windows okay I moved to my first like real big girl apartment this year which was super fun I lived in a house prior

I was just renting um but there's a lot of things that I've learned from living here that I am going to carry into my next place I want higher ceilings I want way more windows I want hardwood floors I want in-unit washer and dryer little things that I'm adding to my list while living here so then the next place that I move into which will be halfway through the year will be perfect amazing wonderful while I'm also here in this current space I'm getting rid of things that I do not fucking need okay I have too much shit way too much shit which listen I'm a maximalist I like my things I love being a collector you know what I mean but some of those things that I collect is just like a hoarding situation I'm like why do I have this why this isn't necessary I would not

miss this so I'm trying to also like take one day out of the week to kind of like pick a corner pick a spot in my apartment and just go through my things do I need this yes no donation move on whatever I'm also investing in good new furniture my couch right now was like $600 it is so fucking uncomfortable it's so cute it's adorable it's an easy little love seat moment for people who are coming over but when me and my wife are gonna lay down and watch a movie oh my god it is the worst thing ever so I'm trying to really prioritize spending money on quality items that will last me a long long long time not just a trend right now something that I want to carry with me throughout my life quality pieces that are good that also extends into how I'm spending my money

and finances no more random online shopping no more oh I'm gonna wear this one time and then probably never pick it back up again when I'm spending money on clothes which is now pretty rare I was focused this month on saving money um and if you're trying to find a great way to save money I essentially just take like one calendar um and I'm gonna buy myself a new calendar for the year I love like little cat calendars or like a little horse calendar like so funny so cute um and the days that i don't spend money i color it in green the days that i do spend money i color it in red and i write it down because last month i spent money every single fucking day like i spent five thousand dollars like it was insane chaotic i understand some of it was christmas gifts some

of it was birthday gifts whatever but it was way too much so i was like i need to focus really look at where this is going and um think about it within my everyday daily life if I look at something and I really want it I will give myself like a week if it sells out and I feel a little sad that's okay probably means it wasn't going to work out for me wasn't going to be great anyways I can move on with my life understand that I didn't spend $150 or whatever it was but if it's still there a week later and I'm still thinking about it then I understand it's probably going to be a good purchase you know what I mean so financials um making sure I'm eating good meals every single day uh that I'm learning how to cook for myself that I'm cooking for myself um I talked a little

bit about how I plan meals in my last episode um but really just like taking the time to focus on the essentials in my life and prioritize them traveling something that I very much so prioritize in my life. I did not do nearly as much traveling as I wanted last year. I think I basically only went to LA, which is not enough for me. I want to travel a lot. So I have a travel plan coming up in February. I am going to Oregon for a wedding. It'll be fun. Little gloomy Oregon vibes. Gonna get out in nature do some hiking it'll be a little chilly but it'll be it'll be good switch up my environment I also want to go somewhere tropical for my birthday I'll be turning oh my god 24 crazy um but I want to celebrate that I want to be somewhere on my birthday that I can

wake up enjoy my time appreciate life and just relax okay because I'm gonna be working a lot the beginning of the new year um I also want to fit in a couple more places I would love to go to Colorado for a weekend I would love to go to LA for a weekend maybe a couple times do some work um and then maybe one more big trip later in the year like maybe a new year's trip but I have everything ultimately planned up until my birthday anything that falls after that will just be an extra special little treat so traveling and you have to think about these things now because all of a sudden it's like four months from now when you're supposed to be taking this trip and you didn't plan anything and it falls apart and you're just not going anymore so it's okay to buy tickets

early it's okay to book things early it's okay to look forward in fact it's probably the best option uh you waiting around for a spur of the moment thing to work out means that only like 5% of the things are going to work out. If you take the time and energy to plan and focus and really figure out what you want, I guarantee probably like 95% of those things are going to work out. So take a little bit time to think about it. You know what I mean? I also want to do like a big Europe trip. So maybe I'll do that at the end of the year. Maybe I'll start looking forward to that. But for now, I'm only looking at those two, three, four vacations. Some other things I want to do is work a little bit harder in this aspect, work, you know what I mean? I would love

to be able to quit my bartending job and just make things, get creative, interact with you guys a little bit more. So I have a lot of things prioritized with work coming up, which means me setting goals, things that I want to accomplish, me figuring out things that I want to make, me looking at new routes that I want to take with this podcast, new things that I want to accomplish with it new things that I want to integrate into it not being afraid to dream a little bit get a little creative with it um also with creativity I am assigning myself one painting a month as you guys know I'm very artistic I love making art I love painting but I looked back at this year and I did not make any art like I designed the hoodies which are really cute and I made like

one piece which I have on display in my apartment right now but I'm not making nearly as much art as I would like to especially because it's just really good for me it's really nice to be able to sit down and do something and get into that flow state um and just like allow myself to be there I'm actually looking into studios uh for this new year renting a studio a studio space where I can just go have my space to step into my creative energy have my space to really create to be there solely for creation just switch my mind into that mode because it's kind of hard to create in my apartment because I'm so focused on rest relaxation and just enjoying my time um so I'm looking at options whether a studio is necessary maybe I just need to give myself more space in my

apartment but one painting a month I want to do one big painting a month just because I know how much joy it brings me I know much I know how much peace it brings me and it doesn't have to be good okay I'm not like it has to be frame worthy it has to be gallery worthy no no no I just have to accomplish it I have to do one thing one thing a month as small or as big or as ugly or as pretty as it is one painting a month so those are kind of my main goals I also would like to get a little bit more physical whether it's a weekly class a weekly run that I take a weekly gym class that I take whatever it is I need to step into my body more I've already incorporated stretching moving my body a little bit every single day I always stretch just because it makes me feel better

it really just loosens my muscles loosens my bones a little bit um also if you are on your feet all day it's really great to just like connect with your body uh stretch those sore muscles really feel them help them out a little bit but I would love to push my body a little bit more I would love to step into my body a little bit more in whatever way that I see fit maybe it's a pole class I've been meaning to take one for a while now I've just been so busy maybe i'll integrate that maybe i'll take like a pilates class maybe i'll take a swimming lesson maybe i'll just go for a run in the park whatever it is i want to do something every week for my body so those are kind of my big goals my little things that i'm focusing on um the ways that i

want to approach the new year but hopefully that inspired some things for you hopefully that you know brought up some things that you can add to your list whether it is your like dream person list or your manifestation board that's my goal i figure me being open and sharing what i am doing will really help you guys someone said i'm feeling the weight of being a people pleaser a lot yeah it'll add a lot of weight to you that's for sure and it adds weight because it makes you it furthers yourself from yourself and also emphasizes the people around you in a unhealthy way. People pleasing is a disease and you have to learn to get over it. It's okay to be a nice

person. It is okay to be a good friend. It is okay to be caring, to be kind, to be consistent, to show up for people, to do it a little bit more than others might, to have a soft heart, to be kind, caring, compassionate. All those things are wonderful amazing beautiful qualities and you should hold on to those but people pleasing is you putting yourself down in order to ultimately lift someone up and a lot of people pleasing is you doing it inherently without the other person asking which is breaking both their boundaries and your boundaries so put up a few boundaries put up a few walls it's okay it is

absolutely okay to have some boundaries to have some respect for yourself to stand up for yourself every once in a while to say no to say actually i'm not gonna do this or hey i just need a day to myself or i think you can accomplish that on your own or hey i just don't have the mental well-being to discuss this right now whatever it is whatever you're feeling if you feel that thing you want to set a boundary and you ultimately don't you are furthering that trust with yourself you are stepping away from yourself you are ultimately pushing yourself down which is very very unhealthy and i feel like for me a lot of people pleasing was me going out of my way to do these crazy absurd things that people weren't even asking for and then I was building resent not only

against them but against myself because I felt like I was doing too much but they weren't even asking for it they weren't even needing that from me and it was ultimately ruining a lot of my relationships and including my relationship with myself so you know if somebody asked for something and you feel like doing it and you have the energy sure absolutely wonderful would love to it's going to heighten that relationship with yourself because you feel good doing something for somebody else it's also going to heighten that relationship with that other person because they ask for help you're there you're doing it you're helping out boom pow you know but if they ask for help or ask for something or are doing whatever and you feel that call to be like

you know i don't have the energy i don't have the time i can't add this to my plate right now i love them so much i really want to do this but i just can't that's okay speak how you feel show up how you feel be honest with them like hey i just don't have the energy hey i just i really can't today i love you and i appreciate you and i hope you don't take this personally but i just i just can't and ultimately you stating how you feel and how you need to go about things and them accepting it and understanding and learning more about you through that as well as you building trust with yourself by setting boundaries another great way to strengthen a relationship but ultimately you going out of your way to tire yourself out and build resentment against another

person not great read the room say no listen to your gut it's okay to say no every once in a while all right we as humans are very needy and the humans who have a little bit easier time asking for it are definitely going to ask for it but that doesn't mean your answer always has to be yes or yes ma'am or okay especially when you're tired exhausted or you just do not have the mental capacity to handle it right now it's okay to say no it's okay to show up for yourself and in fact it is important and should be a top priority to listen to your gut to interpret it and to show up in the way that you need this is a great question and i get this a lot general feeling of i'm unlovable i've been through too much i'm bringing not enough to the table while simultaneously

bringing way too fucking much and let me tell you this there is no such thing as too much baggage because your true partner your true love the person who is really going to be there for you every single step of the way is not going to judge you on those things whatsoever okay now having two humans learn to work together to be open with each other to be trusting in each other starts with you it does if you got baggage if you feel like oh my god i feel like i'm gonna weigh this person down or oh my god my depression is a little bit too much to deal with my mood swings are a little bit too much to deal with I get that I understand that I myself am a crazy bitch I myself feel like I am a little bit too much for people to love sometimes but in reality it's all about

how I approach myself if you sit around and you expect somebody to come here and fix you and fix all your problems and magically just show up in your life and somehow all your baggage all the things you've been through disappears and your life is just wonderful amazing beautiful brilliant that's not gonna happen that's not gonna happen the disney movies they lied to you you don't have to sell your legs in order to be hot oh wait not legs what did ariel do her voice in order to gain her legs yeah that's not gonna happen some man some woman some person's not gonna come randomly scoop you off your feet and make everything perfect better but you know what there are people out there who are gonna provide you love and provide you happiness and provide

you a little bit of stability that will in combination you working with yourself outside of the relationship and stepping into yourself outside of the relationship and diving into your baggage and learning your triggers and learning where you go wrong with things and being honest with yourself and being honest with your partner and apologizing when you fuck up those two things hand in hand will make for a beautiful amazing wonderful relationship there's no such thing as too much baggage i do believe you should be honest with your partners when you first meet them when i first met my partner i wasn't like oh yeah i'm amazing wonderful brilliant there's nothing wrong with me i was like listen my ex fucked me up i'm a little fucked up already just

like genetically um and I also like to make my life a living hell for some reason I just am very I'm called to things that are probably wrong for me and he knew that and he understood that and he had his own baggage that I was able to see and love and appreciate without judgment and he appreciated me without judgment and we're able to work through these things together we're open we're honest if we have some triggers if we have some things going on I'm like hey this is really bothering me or he's like hey you're being really fucking mean right now and i have to be like yeah you know what you're right i am having a crazy mood swing i'm sorry i apologize if i am fucking getting on your last nerve i get it i'm also getting on my last nerve because i

feel like i'm out of control right now if you need some space i love you take that space that you need maybe i need some space but i'm gonna be open and communicative with it there's no such thing is too much baggage, there is just mutual respect and responsibility of showing up for each other within a relationship. And if you guys do not have that trust, that compassion, that understanding and want and desire to work together and to figure things out and to communicate when it's hard, then it's probably not going to work. If your partner is shutting down, not expressing what's bothering them not expressing their emotions unable to communicate or if you are doing those things it's probably not going to last because a relationship a healthy relationship

even if two people are coming with the most fucked up mental illnesses with the most fucked up family background with the most fucked up things that have happened to them you can still create a amazing wonderful beautiful love out of that simply by showing up as your true authentic open caring kind honest self being vulnerable with your partner because you understand that vulnerability is necessary in order to grow and trust a person being honest with your flaws apologizing when you fuck up and apologizing honestly and openly um and standing next to your partner even when you have ups and downs that is how a good relationship is built no one is unlovable everybody in this world is absolutely and wonderfully understood and lovable it's just

is your partner and is your future partner and what you desire about a partner are they going to show up for you are they going to be there for you are they going to communicate are they going to take time when they need it are you guys going to work through these things are you going to work through these things together or ultimately are these things going to fight against each other and you want a relationship that works together so in my opinion no one is unlovable there's no such thing as too much baggage it's are you working through it or are you allowing these things to consume you and to be you and to like alter how you behave and interact in the world or are you taking time to yourself to work through these things learn more about yourself being open

with your partner about your triggers about your background about things you've gone through um there's two different ways you can approach it and obviously one is healthy and one is unhealthy but no one is unlovable in my eyes someone said matching tattoos especially with friends me and my two besties are going the oh I don't know I don't know oh are going the 30th for tattoos okay cute I say go for it um I know a lot of people are like do not get matching tattoos do not now if it's a love interest i do not think you should get matching tattoos definitely not if it's a love interest but friends sure go for it absolutely because even if you guys down the road are like distant or even if down the road you guys have a falling out whatever it is i do believe

that the tattoo that you get whether big or small you're gonna be able to look at it and look back at the moments that you guys had together the good moments the moments you shared the part of your life that you got to spend that with or spend uh with them and i feel like that's wonderful and beautiful and amazing i have a tattoo that was supposed to be matching with some other girls in my friend group it's like a dumb little inside joke but when i was like 16 i bought a tattoo machine don't I do not encourage that whatsoever so many people have really bad tattoos because of me and I'm so sorry but I bought a tattoo gun and I wanted to do matching tattoos with everybody in my friend group I did mine I did my other friends um and then I tried to do my other two friends

but they were freaking out the whole time and they were like it hurts too much so they only got like half and then none so I have the full tattoo my other friend had a full tattoo but then her friends or her mom saw it so she had to get it covered up with like a star or something um and so i'm the only one left with the tattoo but i still think it's so fucking funny like looking back i'm still friends with these girls they're hilarious looking back on all the fucking shenanigans we got into and that night especially when i was trying to tattoo them it was fucking hilarious i was tattooing people in this girl's living room and then my friend was putting it on snapchat and then some like random girls hit my friend up I was like can she tattoo us I want an L on my ass I was like

sure for $50 my tattoo machine wasn't even $50 so me at 16 these two random bitches turn up and I'm giving them tattoos and they're paying me and I'm like whoa this it was just chaotic chaotic but every single time I see it I giggle to myself and I think that is a wonderful beautiful thing so don't get like a giant fucking tattoo but little ones cute ones yeah yeah yeah yeah i agree okay we've reached an hour i've thought a little bit about it i'm gonna do a second episode on thursday for you guys because i have so many more fucking questions that i want to touch on talk about so many more interesting things and topics that i want to discuss but i don't think i can fit it into like a 30 minutes so you guys get an extra episode this week yay also my dumbass

did not do any scheduling correctly with my iud so i accidentally took wednesday off so i have a little extra energy a little extra time to put into this consider it my christmas gift to you and yeah we'll chat on thursday do one last end of the year episode week after that and then we're gonna dive into the new years it's gonna be so good i hope you guys are having a wonderful uh i guess it's like winter break for most people especially if you're in school um don't take your family too seriously brush it off if you can take some space if you can try and hang out with friends as much as you can um really just try and enjoy this time with yourself with the people you truly love um and don't take things really too seriously holidays are all about love

light joy so if you can deep dive into those feelings as much as you can that's the point of it all isn't it anyways thank you guys for sitting down and chatting with me i had such a fun time this episode was a little chaotic but i loved all the topics in it um and we will dive into so many more on Thursday but yeah very exciting extra episode love you all and yeah we'll chat soon if you have any last minute questions please please please submit them to my Instagram uh Collins would love to take them would love to hear them um but until then have a great rest of your day