Smoke Sesh - new year same me & making habits happen

Episode Date: December 27, 2022

Happy Tuesday! Wanted to hang out and catch up with you guys about the holidays and the extreme hangover ive been feeling after drinking for 3 days straight. We answer a bunch of questions and talk goals, 23 and your 12th house profection year, what I got for Christmas, being a flower princess and plugs, how to honestly accomplish your goals without getting overwhelmed, journal prompts for the new year, funny holiday and weed stories, wine, being a bitch and owning it, best advice I’ve ever gotten, trends and what’s on my mood board, matcha, fitting into “aesthetics”, and new year same you, accepting who you are and having hope this new year

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Good morning, everybody. Oh my god. How are we doing? Are we feeling okay? Did we survive the holidays? Are we powering through?

Good. I'm glad. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season. If you didn't, I'm glad you survived. I understand Christmas can be interesting for everybody involved, if you know what I mean. um my Christmas was a oh my god a whirlwind a absolute absolute fucking whirlwind um I started off my Christmas weekend with completely forgetting that I had to work and then getting texted like hey uh you're supposed to work all day right um yeah did not realize so sorry we'll be there soon got there worked my ass off went home fell asleep next day Christmas Eve woke up early um and went and did breakfast with my brother and my parents and that was fun I got an open presents with my nephew well I accidentally wrapped my boyfriend's like little stash jar

and my nephew's Curious George books in the same wrapping paper and they were wrapped the same shape so I brought it over and he started opening it and I was like oh my god that is a whole ass weed jar oh my god stop opening stop give give that to me and I didn't want my boyfriend to see his gift so luckily I intervened before he could really get into it hot mess then I dropped those books off um later which I think he enjoyed but I almost had a panic attack um and then I worked all of Christmas Eve which was honestly really boring no one was really there eating I get it like Christmas Eve you're out with family you're out doing something I don't know getting to go I'm not sure but like for sure not sitting in a restaurant there were a few people there

whatever I made a little bit of money enough money to go out and drink which I don't go out with my co-workers a lot I also just don't go out and drink a lot because I have what one might call an addictive personality and once I have one I'm like okay I'll take 20 more do you know what I mean um so I was like you know I'll go out for one drink and I got off at like 8 45 Christmas Eve and then it was like 11 45 so I was having a good time we were just playing go fish hanging out chit-chatting I was drinking we were just talking my boyfriend was at his family's so I was like okay he's I'm gonna let him hang out have fun I'm not gonna rush him I am also not gonna rush home because whatever I'll have fun while I can but it was a good time I went out to this little bar

called Bobby Baker's which is kind of like a hot mess of a bar and like the only thing that was really open that night so it's very much so an industry bar like everybody from the restaurants around where I work get off and then go there so it was really empty and then it was all of a sudden really really packed and I realized I was just like not like super drunk like I just had a few drinks but I was like okay anxiety too many people in here random people I'm not feeling it I'm ready to go home and go to bed because I've been working overtime these past two days so went home devoured in a burrito my boyfriend came over and we just immediately passed out so pretty good Christmas Eve and then we woke up Christmas Day and that was really fun we did gifts together um my boyfriend

got me these really cute art prints that I can hang on my wall because I have so much colorful stuff oh my god sorry I have the hiccups I have so many colorful things in my house but my walls are surprisingly bare like I wish I had more things to hang up and I've been really looking for some quality art prints of some artists that I really like so I got some prints of these this art by Odeh Laval which is the artist who did Kali Uchi's um EP cover of her like eating herself out such a vibe I didn't get that printed specifically but I got two other ones that were super cute so shout out to him um I got some art supplies which was really amazing got some candy can't really complain had a really amazing um Christmas morning and then we just hung out we cooked

some breakfast together we did like a huge breakfast we had mimosas we had uh like pancakes and Nutella and strawberries and a breakfast casserole thing 10 out of 10 amazing and then took a little nap and then went over to my my aunt's house which is always like a oh oh my god like i gotta go over to the catholic family's house i gotta be on my best fucking behavior um we were there i immediately started drinking because like they're a big drinking family i was drunk for like three days straight like if i'm being honest i was drunk for like way too many hours like my body is still recovering i kind of have a cold now because my brain and my body are like girl you just need water like you only need water but that's what

the holidays are about right like a little indulgence anyways made myself a little margarita or whatever um and then because they were making these like rum chata drinks and I'm like love the vibe but I cannot after drinking for the whole day before because Christmas Eve I woke up and started drinking mimosas with my mom and then end of the night with going out to a bar I I was like I cannot drink thick sugary milk liquid at three o'clock in the afternoon after drinking the whole day before and the entire morning cannot do that love the energy I'm gonna make me a little margarita something light and refreshing you know what I mean and I'm sitting there drinking a margarita all of a sudden a whole ass priest walks in the door like I get there deep in the

Catholic church but I have committed so many sins and this man was in full like like priest wear like the long black dress with the collar oh my god I was like hot hello father this is too much is happening right now very wonderful to meet you but I I understand you can sense the sins rating off radiating off of me right now and you probably don't want to talk to me which vibes whatever we left shortly after that to go to my boyfriend's uh parents house grandparents house had some tacos there had some presents there by then I was like I need to go to bed and so after that we just went home passed the fuck out and honestly pretty okay good Christmas, if I do say so myself. I worked yesterday, and I was also late to work yesterday

because my car wouldn't start. It's just been a whirlwind of days, and we just got fucking, I got my ass kicked. Like, we were so busy. We were short-staffed. My co-worker got into a car accident. I really hope she's okay, but we were way short-staffed, and there was a line out the door and people were like looking around like aren't you gonna seat me like bitch the whole restaurant is full where do you want me to put you also like do you not see only two people running around right now like obviously we're going through some issues right now like this looks like it's gonna be an inconvenience to you it probably is and i really recommend leaving but i get like no one wants to cook the day after christmas eve or christmas the day after christmas

no one really wants to cook you cooked all day on Christmas I get going out to eat I made a fat stack of cash they paid me in all ones so I have like five hundred dollars in ones to go deposit in the bank today that's like the only thing I need to do but you have to go inside if you want to deposit that much amount of money because they need to use like a money counter and shit and you know what if any of my girlies are strippers shout out because getting paid in all ones is such an inconvenient way to get paid like this stack of money is so bad I'm having to use a tote bag which is also super inconvenient because you can see right through it and see that I'm just carrying around a bunch of cash which is terrifying um and what am I gonna do walk into the

bank and just like be like hey here's a fistful of ones and tens and twenties please deposit it they're gonna look at me like where the fuck did you get this from you know what I mean so it's just such an inconvenience so shout out if you're having to deal with that on a regular basis um but yeah here I am I'm up I'm awake I had some espresso it's 10 a.m what I woke up at 7 50 crazy because I've slept to like 11 the past three days um which has felt really good and you get some more water in me my body and my brain are still trying to rehydrate from the holiday festivities and I'm very excited to just have this week before the new year's to kind of just like take a deep breath do some planning maybe do some dishes maybe vacuum my floor and

comb my hair and just chill you know what I mean that's what I'm very much so looking forward to so with that being said I got a shit ton of questions we got to go through very excited for today's podcast I think I'm only going to do an hour because I have a bunch of errands I need to run and also it's the last week before the new year so we're gonna take it a little easy you know what I mean I have a whole I released two episodes last week so if you need to do some catching up hey it's Christmas break now's the time to do so you know what I mean but I love you all I hope you had a wonderful holidays I hope you all are feeling okay um I understand Christmas can be weird for some people I get that but I'm sending so much love and positivity and

piece as we enter this new year. So with that being said, let's dive right in. Okay, starting off deep, we have someone asked, what is a long term goal you've set for yourself that you've accomplished? I would say the biggest thing is this podcast and not just creating it, but like taking the time to follow through on things that I am starting. I have a huge habit of being like, oh my god I'm gonna start this new project and I like get into it and I try it out and like I start it like I figure out how to start it but then I'm just like okay well I've done it I don't want to do it anymore and I quit and I give up and whatever but when I dropped out of college um during the pandemic I was like okay if I'm dropping out of art school and saying hey mom

and dad I am going to drop out of art school because I think I can make money on my own outside of art school I low-key need to prove it to them so I've just been throwing myself into this and working overtime and working really really hard and this past year um I've been doing this for about a year a little bit over a year I think my one year was in October um for the first year I understand that like not a lot of quote-unquote growth is going to happen which it has it has been mind-blowing I really appreciate all of you listening and showing up for me um but my goal mainly was not growth it was not recognition it was not all these big crazy you know dream goals which of course I still want and I'm still working towards it was simply following through with my

goals and sticking to them and being consistent and it's okay to have a few days you know you you fall through but overall just trying to stay consistent in the activities and the hobbies and the things that really do bring me passion um i'm 23 so this is what they call your oh what is it called 23 is considered your 12th house perfection year um which essentially means the 12th house is the house of mental health isolation withdrawal seclusion it's considered to be one of the more challenging houses in astrology because it makes no aspect to um the ascendant which is the first house which is where an individual essentially gains consciousness um so if the first house represents the moment your soul entered your body then the 12th house

is the place your soul resides um before it makes it to your body so your 12th house perfection year is your 23rd year on this earth which is why I think so many people have such a hard time during their 12 or 23rd year um my 23rd year has been all about okay sitting down I've been a little secluded I'm not gonna lie like I haven't been going out a lot as I have in the past I haven't really been connecting with a lot of people because I felt the intent to connect with myself and really look inward and figure out more about me figure out what I'm doing wrong what I'm doing right being very honest with myself trying new things um but 23 I think is really really hard on some people because that's what it's about it's about sitting down really just like focusing on

you focusing what's on what's important to you trying to tweak things here and there and I feel like a lot of people especially in their early 20s are like no crazy party I'm supposed to be out doing something I'm supposed to be out you know and it's okay to sit down and relax and think and try and like combat the negative habits you have or figure out what positive habits you want to bring on so that's kind of I think my 23rd year as a whole has been very much so me just focusing on what's important to me and trying to emphasize that within my life and that has been my main goal for this year now after 23 you enter your first house year which is essentially when you gain consciousness so I'm very excited for 24 I feel like I've put in a lot of work this year

I've tried really hard I still have like six more months to go so I have plenty of time to keep practicing to keep focusing on me to keep working hard figuring out where I need to tweak things here and there it's okay to be isolated sometimes especially when you just want to uh just be with yourself and you're comfortable with yourself do you know what I mean so very much so focused on in growth, change, and discovering who I truly am and where I want to end up. That's really what I've been focused on and has been my main goal that I have been trying to really follow this year. And I feel like I've done a pretty good job of sticking by it and also not being too hard on myself in the process of doing so. Someone said, shout outs to all the plugs getting us through

the year. True, period. Shout out to you. I appreciate you. I hope you're safe. I hope you're loved um i don't buy my own weed anymore that sounds listen i'm a flower princess i've talked about this once before many times before actually i'm a flower princess through and through i used to love like going to a little dispensary going to a little house you know meeting up grabbing whatever i need but after that one guy locked me in his car with him i'm good i'm good i do not need to really just ever deal with plugs ever again so i let the people around me deal with that and then i i just i acquire through that but i very much so i'm a flower princess if you want to protect your peace and your uh your safety as well i very much so recommend just becoming a

flower princess like it's okay to be like i'll smoke it if someone else has it also like that that's not a reason to be a mooch i don't think you should be a mooch i entered my relationship very much so on the agreement that listen i do not have to deal with the weed aspect that is your job as a man that is you find it i smoke it that's it if it's with friends like i will always throw in always pitch money whatever it is i don't ever want to be a mooch but when i was back in my heydays of like yeah i'll run i'll grab whatever i was always just like throwing it at people like listen, I have plenty, I'm so happy to share, I would love to share, so I assume it's similar with the people around me, you know, you give a little, you take a little, but when it comes to mostly

day-to-day interactions, yeah, I am a flower princess, but shout out to the plugs, not shout out to the plug that locked me in his car, that was insane, I don't know if he was just like extra paranoid, and he just like wanted to make sure there was nobody watching us, so he was like hop in my car and then lock the doors and was like we're gonna go for a drive i was like is this because you would like me or are you just like really off a perk and like completely paranoid either one could have been a possibility he was a fucking weirdo but i this is my i survived story um he did only drive around for the block and let me out but i immediately blocked that man's number i was like i cannot do that ever again and i literally have not since then so shout out

someone said how to actually stick to healthy habits this new year resolutions but also real life i get that i feel like everybody approaches the um new year in different ways either from a positive way or a negative way and both those ways can be overwhelming if you are trying to completely change every aspect of yourself um into a brand new metamorphosis of a human that's not gonna happen let's be real with ourselves that's not gonna happen am i gonna go to the gym every single fucking day no no no no no no i could maybe do it for like a week but like is that number one on my priority no not at all at all so like let's start with uh doing the dishes like let's start with like a like simple simple easy goals that you can

integrate into your daily life not something that someone else is setting you're looking at someone else's goals and you're just like oh that sounds cool let me add it to mine no these need to be things that you're actually trying to do and feel pushed and inclined to do while also their goals that are easily accomplishable now they're not going to be simple of course you want to work and try to integrate them into your life but they definitely are not going to be hard and not going to be completely out of like out of nowhere you know like I haven't gone to the gym in years so me going every single day for every week for the next year is going to be insane and definitely unaccomplishable because I'm going to get overwhelmed and I'm going to give up so let me

look at places and aspects in my life that I can actually make a change and things that I actually want to do um so instead of like oh I'm going to the gym every single day maybe it's like okay I'm gonna walk to get coffee and then walk around my neighborhood once a week you see how those are kind of the same goals you're getting out you're moving your body you're getting out of your house you're doing some exercise but one is way more accomplishable than the other you have to set goals that are actually achievable and you have to actually look at your life and be honest with yourself if you're not a perfect amazing penthouse clean girly that's fine your goals are going to be way different than that girl's goals and that's okay but you have to be honest with yourself about

how you approach things and um and what you actually need to incorporate in your life so like I said with my podcast like some people might start a podcast and be like now I need to be famous and I need to be like Spotify's number one cool wonderful amazing that is a good goal to have is that super accomplishable no maybe let's start smaller maybe it's like okay I'm gonna put out a podcast once a week like very simple very baseline very easy for me it's like okay let's maybe do the dishes right after using them instead of letting them sit in the sink or like let's make sure we are accomplishing all of the hard tasks that we need to do in the morning looking at our email in the morning when we have more energy when we just drink our espresso instead of putting shit

off to the end of the day you got to look around you and be like okay what actually do I need to integrate into my life and what is just like a placebo effect what is just like some some like weird thing that I want to add to my life to make me seem like I'm better but really am I going to accomplish it probably not you have to get real with your goals and it's okay for your goals to be small all right because that means they're more achievable and then once you achieve your goal it's very very easy to add on another goal after that and keep motivated and keep moving forward but if you are working towards some giant big thing like yes it's okay to be delusional and you have to be a little delusional with your goals but like working out every single day

you're not gonna be able to do that that's not a sustainable goal you're gonna burn out you're gonna get tired your muscles are gonna get sore you're not giving yourself a rest day and you're gonna lose it and you're gonna start resenting the gym and then you're not gonna go but guess what if you take that one walk every week okay that one walk gets easier okay maybe we up it to like a run in the park once a week okay now maybe we up it to a run and a walk uh in the park once a week okay now like we really like moving our body okay now I maybe am interested in a gym membership you know like I want to see what else I can do with my body now I have a gym membership now I go to the gym once a week once a week it's easier now I go twice a week now I'm lifting

weights you see how it will just spiral but you have to be honest with yourself you really do it's okay to set simple easy achievable goals that's okay that's perfectly fine and in fact it is better than having these giant unachievable goals that you are not going to accomplish because one will spiral into more whereas the other is just going to get overwhelming and you're not going to get there so be real with yourself be honest it's okay you will get where you want to go but you have to make sure you're doing it at your level someone asked for end of the year uh journal prompts so here are a few for you you can feel free to write these down i'm also going to post them on my patreon if you are looking for more of like a concise written out you know easier to read

whatever anyways so you can write about um what was your favorite memory of this past year you can also write about what was your least favorite memory of this past year it's okay to address the good and the bad in a situation we have to be honest with ourselves in order to feel things in order to let go of them good or bad you can ask yourself what is something that I need to let go of in order to move forward this next year as well as what is something I need to bring into my life in order to move forward this next year what is one accomplishable goal you can integrate into your life? Accomplishable. We just talked about this. Make sure it's simple, easy, concise. What is one dream that you have for this next year? This is where you can get a little delusional,

a little big. Oh, I want to go to this country. Oh, I want to travel. Oh, I want to move out. Whatever is on your mind. What is one practice you can move into your life? This is not a goal. this is going to be a daily habit uh for me this would be my dishes I'm literally still staring at my pile of dishes it's like it's like falling out of my sink like you know when your your sink is so full that the dishes end up on the counter like yeah that's what I'm focused on like okay let's do that or maybe I'm not going to spend as much money on coffee this year I integrated that into my uh life this past like three months and my parents got me a matcha tea kit so I can make my matcha at home I can make my espresso at home no more eight dollar coffees

twice a day you know what I mean now I spend like eight dollars once a week amazing wonderful I think those are very simple um topics that you can think about write about in your journal really reflect I am not gonna really have any deeper ones just because I think keeping it simple light easy concise is the way to go about approaching the new year but yeah those are some very easy ones quick journal prompts entries also maybe five things you're grateful for from the past year I think it's very important to focus on gratuity on feeling grateful for your life and opportunities you have and sometimes when our years feel super overwhelming or we're overwhelmed for the next year of our life it's really important to focus on what's important to us what has made

us feel special and what we're thankful for bringing peace into our life so love that I get this question a lot people are like oh do your parents know you smoke it's like uh I talked on the other episode about how my parents found my stash many a many a many a times they know they know my dad definitely knows I've never smoked with my parents because that would just be weird I'm still like like I'm 23 I still feel like a child like I feel like once I turn 30 then like okay I can smoke with my parents um my dad would be a vibe to smoke with he's cool my mom would give me a anxiety attack she doesn't really participate in drug culture she's like a wine girly which love absolutely a vibe um but they have two very different views on drugs my dad

being like yeah weed perfectly fine decriminalize it let's get weed to everybody my mom's like oh weed equals meth because i was talking to her and she was giving me the update on like some distant family members because they went to a family Christmas and a different one and I was working um and she was like yeah this guy just it didn't look like he was doing too great and I was like oh what do you mean and at the same time both my parents were like oh he's doing a lot of drugs and I was like okay well what kind of drugs and at the same time they both give different answers My mom was like, oh, he's smoking too much weed. He's high all the time.

My dad was like, meth. I was like, okay. Those are two very different things. Like, mom, I'm high all the time. Do you think I'm just like on meth all the time? What's going on? My dad, on the other hand, he gets it. He understands.

Like, that man was probably on meth. I get it. Like, he knows what meth use looks like because it definitely does not look like weed use. You know what I mean? so i keep my mom on the dl about what i'm doing i don't really bring up drugs or alcohol or anything to her well definitely alcohol we can vibe over some mimosas i don't really bring up drugs to her my dad on the other hand he's fine he's okay he literally just texted me about picking up gummies from or for him from the dispensary so a vibe you know what i mean but listen if your

parents are gonna hate you like it's okay to keep them in the dark about things like they don't need to know everything and i've talked about this once before um like it's okay for your parents like it's like yes you got to discipline your parents every once in a while to earn your freedom and to let them know that you're their own person or your your own person and they can't manipulate you or treat you like a little doll in order to kind of live vicariously through you like you have to claim your own personhood yes but also they do not need to know every single aspect about your life okay they do not need to know every detail they do not need to know that you blacked out and then ended up at some guy's house and you don't know where you are anymore like that's too

much information go tell your girlies about that over some brunch you don't need to tell your mom you smoke weed all the time like that's okay she you can look a little innocent in her eyes um that's different than earning your own freedom under their ruling in their house because you are their kid uh but you do not have to tell them everything absolutely not speaking of not telling your parents everything um we were talking about like Christmas plays and all this stuff and I was like oh my gosh I remember when I was in this Christmas I was a little drunk I was like oh my god I remember when I was in the Christmas play and I was mother Mary and then all the other girls in my third grade class sent me death threats because they wanted to play Mary and my mom was

like she just looked at me dumbfounded and like looked at me in this like sad way and i was like oh maybe i shouldn't have told my mom about the death threats i received in third grade but i did slay as mary though so love that i don't know why a public school was putting on a christian religious holiday play but i ate that roll up absolutely someone asked what's the best cheap wine for me personally i don't drink a lot of wine and when i do i only drink my parents wine because it's like imported from oregon which is a vibe my aunt lives like very close to some wineries so she's always just sending some over and i think my cousin works at one so like love that incredible wonderful tasting wines higher in alcohol percentage uh not as sweet like over

bearingly sweet as like cheap wines you might get at the grocery store cheap wines are usually like sugared down like extra sugars added and the alcohol percentage is going to be a little lower because they're usually considered like dessert wines so they're usually like a four to seven percent range um which is not enough for me personally i go for if i'm drinking cheap like from a bottle i always go for like a champagne or a prosecco love a prosecco okay the bubbles love there's not going to be too many added sugars um for like a cheap brand i would go with like lamarca um and it's also going to have like a pretty normal alcohol percentage and with the bubbles like you fill up faster so you're not just going to be drinking a shit ton of like

sugar alcohol you're going to drink enough to get you a little fucked up and then you're going to be like cool let me cork this up for the next bath i take so i can enjoy that and also it makes you feel so fancy because like come on come on when i was in high school i would drink bagged wine which literally like it gets you so fucked up but the hangover the next day is so not worth it like it's just like too much sugar and I realize the sugar content is what gets you so fucked up the next day I'm not like this weird like gluten-free sugar is bad for you like Kourtney Kardashian vibe like I don't give a fuck I just ate a whole bag of gummy worms the other day love it love sugar sugar and me best friends but sugar and alcohol like you're just guaranteed

to not feel good the next day so it's not worth it lower sugar content the better and that's why i don't drink too much cheap wine but when i do i do drink a good prosecco someone said how the fuck do i speak up for myself and be a strong independent woman without being a bitch here's the thing you're going to be seen as a bitch no matter what so you have to get over the idea of having to be nice and approachable and kind you're gonna be a bitch every once in a while to some people's eyes and that's fine and that's okay a bitch is really just what you just said a strong independent woman who speaks up for herself and a lot of people hate that shit they want a woman to be small they want a woman to take shit they don't want them to ever speak up for themselves so when

they finally do and it's like normal and you're like hey maybe stop verbally abusing me they're like you fucking bitch how dare you people are going to see you that way when you show up for yourself when you speak up for yourself and like I get it sometimes I meet women who are very like and listen this is just internalized misogyny that's okay we're working on it we're growing but like you know when you meet women who are like very outspoken very loud know what the fuck they want take no shit my immediate and my immediate thought is oh they're a bitch but it's not in like a bad way it's not like oh a bitch like oh I don't want to interact with them like it's just simply like that's what it's seen now like there's there's what's the word

i don't even know uh synonymous oh my god i pulled that out of the depths of my fucking brain you know that spongebob episode where they're just like running around looking through files that is literally what just happened in my brain synonymous they're synonymous with each other and that's okay you have to accept the bitch term okay wear it proudly okay pretend you have a little name tag on and it says my name is bitch okay i used to think being a bitch was a bad thing you didn't want to be a bitch because that means people didn't like you or that means people pushed you away or that means you were loud or spoke up too much who gives a fuck yeah you know what i will be a bitch and i will be one proudly okay because it means i take no shit it means i show

up for myself and others around me i speak what's on my mind i say what the fuck i want not in a rude horrible awful way but like sometimes you don't have a filter it's just simply put you're an independent woman who speaks up for herself and unfortunately in a patriarchal society a lot of people are going to see that as a bitch i wear my bitch name tag very very proudly and i really recommend you doing so as well as soon as you start doing so it makes things a lot easier no i'm not saying be a bitch in a sense of you know you're just making other people's lives miserable i feel like that would just be a whole different word than bitch but i love reclaiming the title of bitch like yeah you know what sometimes i am a bitch but that means i am

showing up i am speaking up for myself i'm saying what the fuck's on my mind i maybe have a little bit less of a filter but it's because i'm trying to get a point across and y'all can't seem to understand what point i'm getting across so i'm going to make it very abundantly clear i'm not gonna take any shit i'm not gonna let you speak to me that way and i don't care what you think about me afterwards sure you can think i'm the worst person in the fucking room but there's one thing you're not gonna do and it's disrespect me period point blank and if that makes me a bitch absolutely i'm gonna be your worst fucking nightmare okay i am gonna be a bitch so yeah you really just have to reclaim it and it's not like a reclaim it yes let's participate in the

patriarchy in order to um make sure we're doing well no no no it's literally just like people are gonna see you as a bitch if they have some um internalized misogyny for speaking up for yourself but like honestly who gives a fuck okay if you want to put that term on me go ahead i really don't care um because at the end of the day if i'm speaking up for myself and i'm showing up for myself and i am not letting people disrespect me that's all that matters to me you know what i mean and if people are gonna get upset at you about that they're the true bitch someone asked what's the most valuable piece of advice you've gotten this year and i think at the beginning of this year i don't know i don't even know who said this to me or like how it popped into my head

but it was simply don't take things so fucking personally I used to be such a sensitive girly which is wonderful amazing having a being sensitive just means you have a big heart you're very caring you're empathetic to the people around you but not everything has to affect you and that's a big one I had to learn this year especially with me entering my like isolation kind of era, um, shout out Kali Uchis, um, uh, oh my god, anyways, literally spiraling, um, but you don't have to take everything so personally, okay, what people think about you is a reflection of them, what you think about you is really all that matters, not everything is related to you, even the things you like or dislike don't have to be so deeply ingrained in

who you are um when you are getting in a fight sometimes it's good to step away from yourself and understand like hey maybe tempers are high right now maybe we just need some space to listen to ourselves work it out when friends aren't responding to you or your boyfriend or your girlfriend it's not that deep they're just fucking busy uh focus on yourself okay it really not everything has to do with you i understand we're in this like quote-unquote main character era like we are everything that we are but like we're not okay like I understand the universe centers around us but we are just one small piece in the overwhelmingly large puzzle and if you look at it that way where it's just like yeah I am small I am just a very simple human being trying

to figure it out you will take on a lot of peace and you will have way more understanding for yourself as well as the people around you which I think is a very important tool and lesson to learn. You don't have to take everything so personally, okay? You really don't. Allow yourself some grace. Allow other people some grace. Allow yourself some room to breathe. Allow other people room to breathe. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Allow other people to make mistakes. Allow yourself to move freely. Allow other people in your life to move freely as well. Remove attachments. That's kind of what i've learned so much also like allow yourself to try new things um allow yourself to take on new endeavors allow yourself to work hard allow yourself to release stress these are all

kind of things and little aspects that i've learned through like don't take it so personally and i feel like that has really just been me removing so much ego that i used to have and understanding that like life can be really simple when you just allow yourself to simply be and exist and move freely and naturally as a human being i feel like these two go hand in hand but someone said new trends you're looking for as well as what is the question sorry there are so many um well first of all someone said how to give a hand job i don't give hand jobs like i'd rather just suck your dick i'm so sorry i do know just like spit on your hand that'll help a lot um but like if i'm gonna touch your dick i might as well just like put it in my mouth um

oh oh someone was like what's on your mood board for this year i or my vision board i posted my vision board on my patreon if you're interested in seeing it um but yeah someone also asked new trends i'm looking forward to which i feel like those two go hands in hand so let me just kind of express what i got going on okay um let me pull up my vision board so i'm i had like one two three four five five areas of life that i wanted to focus on and i talked about how to build a vision board on my patreon so you can kind of look at how i did so but i just we can start with things that i want to focus on family which comes in the forms of friends people around you close what are close people to you hard work nature the divine and creativity so i have um health eat good food

move your body very simple very easy achievable tasks okay yeah i can have gummy worms every once in a while yeah I can eat that giant piece of cake I don't care I'm not gonna hold myself back eat good food period whether that's that giant slice of cake or that salad that you know your stomach needs and move your body I have been in a very sedimentary lifestyle this past year and I want to get up move go on walks get to the park more often whatever it may be I want to implement that more in my life next self-care listen to your gut okay follow your gut drink water i definitely need to incorporate more water speaking of i have my giant jug next to be next to me that i've been sipping on dance and move i feel like i want to go to more festivals i want to move my body more

i want to freely move my body more as well not only in public but in private travel um i didn't do as much traveling as I wanted to this year like I envision myself on a beach at least a few times this year so that's a big goal of mine and expressing myself that's another form of self-care not being inhibited by what you think or by what you think others think just freely and openly expressing yourself and under it I have like this little picture that says I'm I am who I am your approval isn't needed I have like a picture of a fridge with a bunch of like photos and letters and notes on it which i think is adorable i have a picture of um uh someone smoking a blunt in the forest um i have a picture of somebody like laying in this mossy ocean it says i'm open to healing

okay next connection i want to share more i've gotten pretty good at sharing this year but i want to share more i want to reach out to people more especially like other creators and people that i find inspiring i would love to collab with some people and i'm hoping to do a little collaboration here soon wink wink and i want to create more not only just uh like in a content way but in a artistic way um i talked about my last podcast that one of my main goals was uh one piece of art a month so just like it can be anything it can be big it could be small but one piece of like artwork that I sit down and I put like five to six hours into or 20 or 100 whatever I'm feeling that month uh next career I once again collab paint more

and reach out very simple I also have some pictures of like things I want to create some fun lighters I got a girl smiling next to a bunch of weed I have something that says like goddess energy um the answer to your problem is self-discipline and then finances spending on travel more than anything else spending on importance so no more impulse shopping impulse buying and save and trust so trusting in myself and saving and listening to the universe i have a lot of pictures of people on beaches i have like this picture of a seashell holding a candle that's lit I have a picture of um Mick Jagger um what's Mick Jagger's wife's name anyways uh she she has like there's a picture of like her in a giant stiletto high heel and her press pass is like

hooked to her heel which I think is like so hot and such a vibe I have pictures of like bikinis I want to create I have pictures of girls dancing of people kissing of fun artwork of cute apartments of people painting their nails of lots of pink screens self-love self-care being open with your body being open with yourself and lots of travel so those are the kind of themes slash trends that I'm looking forward to right now and I feel like they're a little vague but they do take your mind wandering into some very interesting creative places so it works for me whatever works for you works for you but if you want to create a vision board before the new year starts or even after the new year it's never too late and never too early um and you don't have to

wait around but that's on my patreon if you want to check it out someone asked how to break in a new journal and I think this is a really good idea or a really good question and I recommend getting messier earlier rather than later if you start your new journal trying to make the perfect amazing organized journal entries it's not going to leave you a lot of space to keep working in the future and to get messy in the future because you're going to think oh well I don't want to ruin it now there's no ruining it use crayons use markers use stickers paste things in there glue things in there get messy with it you can just literally open it and write down the moods you're feeling or scribble on it really hard you know how uh we used to like in 2016 there was like

racket journals where it would give you a different prompt every day to like mess with the pages you have to approach your journal the same way you're not gonna act like it's supposed to be some amazing fucking diary that they're gonna find years and in or well years from now and they're gonna put in the smithsonian no that's probably not gonna happen it's okay if it's illegible it's okay if it's unreadable if it doesn't make sense the key is to use it and feel open to using it i used to have a really hard time journaling because i felt like i had to behave in a certain way um i felt like i had to write in a certain way and i had to write about only specific things you really just need to allow yourself to be okay stick stickers on the outside like get messy with

it free yourself and the sooner you do that like within the first few pages the better because then you're going to feel like you have more freedom for the rest of it your pages don't have to make sense you can skip pages you can rip shit out you can glue shit in do whatever you want with it you have to have freedom with it or else you're not going to use it oh my gosh so i posted a picture yesterday and um i've just been mia on instagram for a second not like story-wise like I've been interacting with people and using it for sure but posting wise like in feed posting just because I just needed a second to like not focus about how to be an insta baddie and more so enter my era of like I just want to take fun pictures and I don't want to have to like

think about oh am I taking content no I just want to like go through my daily life and take pictures of things that I love and I need to remove myself from forcing myself to post on Instagram and more so approach as like I want to share my life so I needed a little MIA little break but I posted and I was like I love a fresh start sometimes you have to disappear for a little bit to find yourself again and it was a picture a cute little picture of me holding some flowers if you want to check it out it's at Hannah Marlene and then I posted like a why do I feel so good all the time starter pack and in the starter pack I had a view that makes me feel small yes love joint i didn't have to roll preferably by my boyfriend the perfect outfit for running away music and a

non-anxiety inducing drink and then in the comments a bunch of people were like well what's well someone was like what's a drink that has no caffeine but is like um doesn't give you anxiety and my friend was like hot water which yes love hot water a little lemon very much so anti-anxiety but for me matcha is my o2 uh sorry matcha has a chemical in it l-theamine don't know anyways i don't want to google it because i'm going to roll here it is anti-anxiety inducing so it gives you caffeine it gives you that stimulant but it's a green tea like it's not going to make you feel overwhelmed and anxious like coffee does it's going to calm you down chill you out you know those kind of vibes so if you're looking for a anti-anxiety drink i really

just recommend green tea or matcha but then the girlies were getting into an argument about things or about matcha in the comments and someone was like well you can't get matcha from starbucks because it tastes like fish and someone was like where the fuck are you getting uh matcha that tastes like fish she's not wrong you cannot order matcha from starbucks which is why i don't drink at Starbucks anymore I don't go to Starbucks I haven't gone to Starbucks in like a good six months eight months it's been a while I can't even remember um but it's because every time I go there I'm disappointed and also it's like way too much sugar and also I love matcha and their matcha is horrible you're right it does taste like fish and you know why it tastes like fish because it's not

ceremonial grade matcha it's not good matcha um it has to be like a high quality standard level of matcha um in order for it to taste right the matcha i got from my parents shout out it's really good i'll tell you what it is actually also post on my instagram if you guys want to check it out but i just got this little pack i sent them the link to it on amazon but it's organic japanese matcha um culinary grade and the brand is jade leaf but it tastes amazing tastes wonderful and doesn't taste fishy but yes every single time i go to starbucks their matcha does taste fishy which is why i don't go to starbucks anymore but if you're looking for a good anti-anxiety drink matcha matcha is my go-to my parents just got me like a $20 kit on amazon

and honestly 10 out of 10 has been wonderful i've drank in a hot latte every single day incredible someone said how do you find your aesthetic my adhd gemini ass can never decide on my style xoxo love you same my gemini adhd also cannot ever decide on a style i know when i like something and that's all that matters um when it's truly calling to me and i'm like yes i love it uh that piece it makes sense for me it could be some like leather leather daddy uh jacket with tons of buckles was worn by some motorcycle man in the 70s or it could be this frilly night gown that some old lady donated or it could be uh leather pumps or it could be fluffy pink sandals like my style evolves past so many different quote-unquote aesthetics and me

trying to tame myself to one is so harmful that is the number one way that I have lost myself is just trying to be like other people and trying to be like other aesthetics you have to look around you within your own world and ask yourself what can I create from this okay what have I amassed and brought to me through my gut through my gut instincts through things that really call to me and what makes sense for me and then work with the things around that I'm not looking at something and being like oh this fits this aesthetic I'm gonna buy it or oh this fits um this trend right now I'm gonna buy it that's not what I'm going for it's does this make sense for me does this call to me is this healing my inner child in some way or my inner adult in some way

um does this fit my vibe if so then wonderful amazing I'm gonna bring it towards me and then instead of trying to like consume consume consume you have to quote unquote create the things that you want out of what you have um if you try and always be like the other girl or the other person or fit the synthetic you're never going to feel accomplished you're never going to feel whole because ultimately you're never going to perfectly and utterly fit what you're looking at that is how they translated what they were trying to find and create for themselves you can recreate it it's still not going to feel the same you can go out and buy every single piece that that girl's wearing every single piece that's in that person's house every single book that that

person has you can read them all you can put on the same outfit you can go out take pictures and stuff in front of the same fucking place it's not gonna feel the same okay because it didn't come from your heart it didn't come from your creativity it didn't come from your imagination all right you have to listen to your gut when it calls to you about things that feel right and then you have to create within the means of what you have and that is how you create your own self your own personal style all right the things i have in my closet not all of them match they're very mismatched there's lots of colorful things there's lots of black things browns greens pinks purples blues giant pants skinny pants orange plaid fuzzy jackets leather jackets like there's

so many different things but that's because I that's who I am I cannot be confined into one style one specific color one specific thing I love many different things I love embracing many different things especially about myself and so that is a reflection of me now if I was trying to build this perfect wardrobe that I saw on Pinterest out of the things I have I probably am not going to be able to because the things that I'm seeing on Pinterest are from their personal style so instead of trying to directly recreate it you can simply be like hmm okay inspiration I like the way they paired that shirt with that skirt I don't have those exact same colors I don't have that exact same skirt but I can work with it and I can build something similar out of what I

have okay you have to create from your own brain sometimes all right and I love a mood board because you can take so many aspects of different things that you really enjoy and put it in one and then create from that what uh what calls to you and what really means the most to you you don't have to create specifically what other people are creating or follow the plan that other people are following um or fit yourself into one category it's so limiting and ultimately really really hurtful to your identity in my opinion it's going to leave you really confused and searching further for who you are it's way harder to find who you are if you're trying to confine yourself in one little box than just letting yourself explore the world find things you like and create from it

so i hate aesthetics no i'm kidding i think they're interesting i think they're fun i think it's a fun little thing to follow but if you live your life confined by it it's it's gonna be a confining life anyways we're rounding out the end of our podcast i love you all so much i hope you're entering the new year a little optimistic I've been trying to keep the vibes good the energy good the last three podcasts pretty much just because I feel like the new year is it can be exciting it doesn't need to be all ever-changing and terrifying you know what I mean here's the thing let me be real with you it's gonna be a new year but it's gonna be the same you you're not going to enter the new year and magically be reborn into a brand new person okay it's going

to be the same you and once you accept that and understand that you yourself are amazing and wonderful um the good and the bad and the ugly it's way easier to make direct changes better habits um better ideas throughout your life um there's nothing inherently wrong with you you're not a bad person you're not an evil person you're just human okay you really can do no wrong of course you can do wrong but you have to allow yourself forgiveness and you have to allow yourself some grace and some peace especially some grace and peace that maybe you were not offered when you were younger or the people in your life are not offering you I understand that can be hard to give yourself when you've never been given that in your life but if one person

going to give yourself some peace of mind, some grace, some peace, some forgiveness, let it be you, okay? You can accomplish anything that you dream, you can accomplish anything that you need, you can accomplish anything that you really set your heart and desire, but you also need to understand that there are small little things that you can implement that are going to make those big dreams way more accomplishable than you focusing on the big and then getting deterred because the big doesn't happen in a month all right life is all about what you make it and it is a game it literally is the game of life it's all up to you how you decide to play it and how you decide to approach it and by approaching yourself with a little bit of grace and peace and forgiveness

and understanding it makes the game of life way easier okay give yourself some forgiveness understand that it's not all about you it is about you of course but also you don't need to take everything so personally and so seriously all the time but I love you all it will be the same you entering the new year and that's okay because the you that you are is amazing and wonderful and brilliant and beautiful here directly as you are no matter how low you think you are no matter how high you think you are you are amazing and brilliant and wonderful and beautiful just here raw who you are at the very core center base of you as a human okay there's nothing you don't need to force yourself into a new skin you don't need to force yourself into a

new way of being you don't need to force these huge elemental changes on yourself because you don't think you're good enough or you think you're bad or you think you're not a good human being or you think you're ugly or whatever it is. I feel like some people take the New Year's really, really hard because they look at themselves and they start hating on themselves and they start putting themselves down. That's not what the New Year's about. It's all about reminding us and encouraging us to look forward and to dream

and to understand that we can take at any moment the steps that we need to in order to make those dreams, to make our dream self, to make the goals that we want to achieve accomplishable and to make them reality. and you can do that. You can do that today. You don't have to wait until January 1st. You can do that January 16th. You can take three months and do it in fucking like March, April. It doesn't matter. It is just about getting the momentum and getting the energy to look forward, to believe that you have a bright future ahead and to go for it, to not hold yourself back, to understand that everything that you want is all accomplishable in the future okay it's a game of life it's all

about deciding when you're gonna play how you're gonna play and what you want to incorporate in your little game i know that sounds a little manipulative but it's kind of fun to look at you know you got your little people you put them in your little car you decide if you want babies or you want to go to college you decide where you want to live like it is just that tiny little game of life and we're just sitting here rolling the dice trying to figure out how we want to go about things and I think it's a little fun to look at it that way but you don't need to look down on yourself you don't need to you know hate yourself into a better person I don't think that's how it works it's simply just accepting that we are who we are looking at the things that we want to change

raw realistically being honest with ourselves about what we need to do and then having the courage, the guts, and the dedication to ourselves and our future selves to make those changes and to work forward. But I love you all. There's so much bright, wonderful energy approaching us all in the future, now, whenever. I am just so excited for us all and for the things that are going to come in this next new year. And with that being said, I am going to sign off. I have, I will see you after um new year's very exciting i'm going to a cabaret show new year's eve and my shift just got covered so i don't have to work so i can literally just spend the whole day chilling hanging out maybe chatting to you guys maybe i'll go live on instagram oh get a little crazy with it

who knows maybe we'll do a little get ready with me whatever it is i'm so excited for us all and i will catch up with you guys after new year's have a wonderful fucking day and i will see you all so very soon.