Smoke Sesh - radical acceptance, follow your dreams & escaping toxic relationships

Episode Date: November 19, 2024

hello hotties and happy Tuesday! so excited to be back with you all on this beautiful smoke sesh day, today we have a super fun packed episode to celebrate the week! so take a hit, get a snack and lets dive in! I chat for a second about what ive been up to, plus surviving the winter and decorating for the holidays, life changes, emotional support person, sugar daddies, what is cheating? and secrets in relationships, changing career paths, feeling stuck, perfectionism mindset, major decisions and following gut instincts, nursing school and my personal college experience, being brave NOW, and following your dreams, immature men, Christmas presents (on a budget), sentimental vs monetary, work opps, handling jealousy, women are magical, staying single, you want it but don't need it, let them go, controlling your emotions, cons lists, recipe updates, radical acceptance, surviving anxiety, it is what it is mentality, accepting the situation, unbothered mentality, celebrity crush, current smoke routine, Friendsgiving recipes, hot to get yourself out there as an artist, the power of social media, homewreckers, therapists, bad roommates, narcissistic men and my own Brianna Chickenfry/Zach Bryan situation, craziest party night, escaping toxic relationships plus MUCH MUCH MORE! this was a jam packed episode and I hope you all enjoy so much, can't wait to see you all next Tuesday! If you want to see more from me join the patreon (smokeseshshawty) for more content and exclusive episodes where I answer every single question! If you want me to read your question follow me on instagram (hannahmarlene) where I upload the questionarre every Sunday! stay sane, LOVE YOU! MUAH!

listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all hello hotties of the world welcome back to everybody's favorite internet smoke sesh my name is hannah your host and i am so excited to be back with you guys today oh my goodness how are we feeling thank you for all the love on last episode i know it was a little more serious than unusual but listen we gotta get serious every once in a while okay we gotta get real every once in a

while um and that felt like the perfect episode to do so so i'm glad that i could reach you guys i'm glad that i could provide a little bit of resources and information and just a little bit of support as well for those who feel like oh my god the world is spinning out of my control it is but the more you relinquish control and the more you focus on what you can control yourself your own mental health, your body, your wealth, the easier it is to accept. Anyways, I have had a great weekend. I recently just moved my little baby Danger, my cat, in with me. So he is so happy to be here. It's been, what, three days so far? He has settled in quite nicely. He is my baby boy. I got him when I was I think I was 12 maybe 13 that's crazy considering I'm 25 and he has lived

with my parents my entire life just because you know graduate high school go to college I'm not bringing him to the dorms I'm not putting him through that obviously I'm not a responsible person get out of college I move into my first apartment it was just like a room in a house and my old roommates had dogs like little dogs who were they were friendly to cats but it wasn't really a risk I wanted to take considering I had five other roommates and they were going in and out and he loves to run away so he stayed at my parents house and he has stayed there pretty happily up until this weekend finally I was like you know what I feel like I can give him a little more attention a little bit more love than my parents are giving him considering they just got

like a brand new puppy they're a little preoccupied at the moment why not move him in and give him the best life possible now that i have the money to spoil him and buy him all the cat trees he deserves so he's here he's pretty happy as you guys know i am also a squirrel mother i feed the squirrels they be going crazy around this apartment so he is loving it just sitting in the window seal watching the squirrels go wild and the squirrels are unbothered you'd think that they would be like conditioned to be afraid of cats duh but they look him dead in the eyes and they're like okay but can you give me food like it's insane it's pretty cute so it's been a great weekend very chill very rainy big winter energy me and my boyfriend have just been hanging out making sure

that danger is getting settled so it's been a good little you know family weekend um other than that i haven't really been up to much so luckily i don't have a lot to catch you guys up on and we can get to all of your questions i promise i will make this a fun and silly episode for you all today so we can lift our spirits and also maybe lift our moods as well and with that being said should we smoke should we smoke is it too early every time i sit down to film this podcast it's like 10 30 in the morning and i'm like usually i don't like to smoke that early but girl it's my day off why the fuck not let's treat ourselves all right let's hit this and let's see what you guys have on your minds cheers also i finally decorated for christmas i want to get more

like little decorations for here spice it up a bit get into the holiday mood you know i always talk about like one of the key ways to survive the winter the cold weather when you're indoors especially is to get into the seasonal decorations go to dollar tree spend like 10 buck get a couple garlands a couple strands of ornaments get some bows throw them up I guarantee it will help your mood someone said hi Hannah you are my emotional support white woman keep doing what you're doing queen lol listen I just try my best that's really all I can do I feel like showing up every week kind of is not only showing up for myself but also showing up for you guys it's so nice it really is to have this community that all sees each other respects each other uplifts each other

i feel like it's really special what we've created here um and i couldn't do it without you guys so thank you so much for being here is it unethical to have a secret sugar daddy in a relationship if nothing is physical in my opinion anything that you have to intentionally keep secret from your partner is probably breaking the rules and boundaries that you have in place in your relationship so that's definitely something to consider now if this relationship like kind of means nothing to you and you're just like semi-attached like girl leave him go run away with that sugar daddy go book a flight be safe please for the love of god but also if you're in a relationship genuinely there is nothing that you should be doing that you have to keep secret

from your partner that in my opinion is in the realm I feel like cheating is such a there needs to be a different word because I feel like cheating can be so many different things whether it's like touching a girl messaging someone else going to see someone else keeping secrets being in contact with somebody that you know your partner wouldn't like it could be physical it could be spiritual it could be mental like there's so many different aspects to it and I feel like cheating is just such a broad term and everybody thinks oh well cheating is only physical when it can be so many different other things in fact like I feel like mental cheating would piss me off more than physical cheating I mean any cheating bad never ever going to fly in my book you're immediately

getting kicked to the curb but like i feel like there's so many different ways to break your partner's trust and every single relationship has different boundaries so talk it out you know it's something to bring up and if it's something you have to keep secret i say either bring it up now or if you want to keep the secret and keep it going break up with your boyfriend how did you know nursing wasn't for you currently thinking about it but i'm not sure oh my gosh i've had so many career changes in my life and i currently am going through a career change so i think this is a great topic to really talk about especially for those of you who get stuck in the perfectionism mindset where it's like no i need to make the right choice every single time i need to do the

right thing every single time i have been there before you know you go to high school they're like okay pick a fucking degree pick a college go for it now you have no choice but to do those things and in my brain I was like okay let me do it let me stick to what I said I was going to do even though it made me fucking miserable I chose nursing school I wanted to be an artist I have always wanted to be an artist art is probably the only thing I hold so much passion for in my life and this is art you know art can be anything anything that I'm creating I'm happy and I don't know why I chose nursing school actually I do I did enjoy the aspect of taking care of people I do enjoy the aspect of taking care of people I enjoy the aspect of being a helping hand even in

the medical process it's nothing that I was ever afraid of I'm fine with blood I'm fine with surgeries anything like that and I did have like a morbid curiosity about it so it did seem like a real authentic route that I could take and the money was going to be good let's be real everybody's choosing a degree based on you know financial and future security I mean you should be in some sort of aspects in my opinion if you're passionate about it you're probably going to be successful in it but yeah in general most people are picking degrees based on financial security and that was a major reason why I chose nursing school I went to the same college my brother went to I went to Creighton University. It was a private Catholic college. They ultimately just gave me the best

scholarships and also they had a four-year nursing degree program versus where most state schools have a five-year nursing degree program where you do your first year undergrad and then you apply for nursing school your second year. I immediately was accepted to nursing school for my first year and I said fuck it let's do it now in your gut you always know when you're doing something wrong you do you do you always know there's like this chirping in the back of your mind that just will not fucking go away and it feels like your gut is like twisting back and forth you feel uneasy and I definitely felt that I remember driving to nursing school going to move in with my whole family and it was me and my dad in the front seat and i looked over at him and i was like i think i

made the wrong decision i think i want to go to art school and he was just like listen too late you had the option to pick that you gotta at least commit to this for a bit and i feel like that really solidified in my brain like okay you made the choice you have to do it ultimately i feel like this whole interaction really got me stuck in this perfectionism mindset of yeah i made the choice now I need to do the best that I possibly can like even if I know it's the wrong choice and I'm suffering immensely I have to see it through I was genuinely so depressed in nursing school now I was interested in it I was succeeding in it but it was the ultimate factor of I know this is the wrong choice for me my gut is not happy here my brain is not happy here my soul is not

happy here that it was killing me i could not see it through physically my mental health was on a decline even though i was getting all a's even though i was succeeding better than anybody else in my entire grade i was suffering immensely i knew i made the wrong choice ultimately now sitting here and looking back i am so proud of myself for seeing the situation for what it was and making a new choice making a new choice to save myself to better myself to put myself genuinely on the right track that perfectionism no i need to make the right choice i need to stick to what i said really was keeping me in a place that was just killing my soul and in reality i needed to follow what truly made me happy and making a new choice and going on a new direction and understanding

you know what sometimes you make mistakes but you always have the choice to start over to try again that really freed me i mean it was a hard choice to make i had a backup plan you know move home apply for art school so it wasn't like i'm just dropping out of college and doing nothing as soon as i made that call my soul has never felt so free you know when you make the right decision and it's okay if you find yourself in a place where you're like fuck i think i'm on the wrong path i think i'm doing the wrong things even if it seems good on the outside but you know on the inside like genuinely i'm not going to be happy here it's okay to sit down with yourself and be like you know what i made the wrong call i made the wrong decision i know this isn't sitting

right with me and I need to adjust my life that shows more maturity and understanding in yourself and more drive than sticking to what you said just because you said it if you do not genuinely want to be there it's okay to make a change in your life it's gonna be hard it's gonna be the hardest thing you've ever done but as soon as I made that call I have never felt more free in my entire life Ultimately, looking back, I am so proud of myself. I was so young at the time, too. I was like, what, 19 for choosing to kind of stop seeing all my friends, stop going on to my usual routine to completely backtrack and to start brand new. you know I was one of the oldest people in my freshman year at art school I was definitely a little bit out of place but I knew what I needed and I knew what I wanted and I made that hard choice and ultimately I succeeded and did better way way better than I ever would have if

I stayed in nursing school simply based on the fact of I finally put myself onto the right path it's okay if you find yourself on the wrong path it's okay if you catch yourself and you're like shit i think i made the wrong decision the smart people will recognize oh my god i need to change and they will choose that hard decision to make a change to backtrack to put themselves on the right course you need to be smart and make that decision now weigh it out don't just you know because you simply hated a day so much that you have to quit entirely you know weigh your options think about it a little bit make a pros and cons list really sit down and ask your soul what is the right path and you know how can I rebuild my five-year plan now that's something

that I had to do while in nursing school where it's like okay well let me look at applications for art school let me weigh my options let me make sure that I am creating a good path for myself and not just blowing up my entire life for nothing but I knew what I wanted I knew what I needed to survive I knew nursing school was going to kill me I knew nursing in general was not going to be good for my mental health and I said you know what I am not going to make my mental health worse for the aspect of perfectionism and having to stick to something that did not seem right in my soul I am going to stand up for myself I am going to make that hard change I am going to persevere and I am going to push into the path that is truly right for me now I think nursing

school is a great option all of my friends are nurses the things that they tell me now i genuinely am so happy i am not a nurse nurses deserve so much more money holy shit the things that they get put through insane teachers nurses any sort of like public service worker you guys deserve the entire world because people are fucking insane and that is some shit that i simply could not put up with and i am only able to see that now that i am stepped outside of it and i have different perspectives of people around me and i'm so glad that i was smart enough to recognize what i needed and make that change because ultimately i dodged a fucking bullet now the friends that i do have you know they're nurses it is what they wanted to do and they're finding paths in there that

they do enjoy i don't necessarily think it's a bad choice nursing school is very very hard it is extremely hard and if you are able to complete that props to you that is insane and i am so proud of you so i don't want you to see challenges as roadblocks you will always face obstacles and if you see your soul wanting to persevere through those obstacles it's probably the right choice for you but if you see yourself sitting and daydreaming about an alternate reality about a different path about a different place of where you actually want to be in life not just you know cheap dreams such as oh well I'm stuck in the library but I wish I was in Italy right now no real solid dreams where it's like I want a full career change those are things that you should

really look into and weigh your options about I think it's okay to make change and I think most importantly if you're already in college make that change now I'm sure you can switch majors I'm sure you can switch maybe even schools maybe there's a different college close to you that has a better major opportunity for you there's always an opportunity to change there's always an opportunity to adjust and i think that's important to note it's easier to do while you're younger it's harder to do the older you get so if you're young and you see yourself needing to adjust your path do it now be brave for yourself stand up for yourself and speak up for yourself i think that's a majority of what i had a problem with you know everybody around me was telling me

well you made your bed now you gotta lay in it but i knew i was suffering and i knew if i didn't speak up for myself ultimately i don't know it like it could have been my downfall not to be dramatic but like i'm a dramatic ass bitch let's be real and genuinely thank god for 19 year old hannah for seeing a clear path for making that adjustment for making that hard change it is probably one of the best decisions i've ever made in my life now i don't think you should just drop out of college because it's hard that's not what i'm saying but yeah if you need a new path i think it's okay that's why i tell everybody if you are in high school right now listening to this go into college undecided it's okay to do it's okay to do believe it or not you can go to college

undecided i know crazy right who would have fucking thought find a school that overall matches your personality matches your lifestyle is in an area that you are going to enjoy that is going to help you thrive make sure that school has maybe two or three really good programs that you're interested in it's like okay well maybe i want to go into the science field but also maybe i want to go into like philosophy field maybe i want to go into the artistic side of things good well this college has options for all three of those let's go here let's make sure that i am just adjusting accordingly and then once i'm completely adjusted to college usually after freshman year then let's decide on a major then let's actually start figuring out what we want to

do I think that is the best route of how to approach college because I think too many young people put themselves into this like bubble they make that choice and then they have this perfectionism mindset of well I can't mess up I have to stick to this thing and it really just binds you to something when I think you need to have that free flow energy especially while you're young especially while you're in college because you're going to discover so much about yourself you're going to discover so much about yourself you're going to change immensely freshman year you versus senior year you you're going to look like completely different people and i think that's important i think you should allow that growth to happen i think you should really build yourself up

for success for discovering those different sides of yourself if you see yourself wanting to change if you see yourself wanting to grow and shift your path follow that intuition make that pros and cons list really think it through and if you cannot stop dreaming about it that's your sign to go after it how to deal with men lacking maturity girl if they are not on your level you need to be leaving them alone literally get them as far away from you as possible because they're going to regress you yes yes i said it because you're not a mother you're not here to teach men how to be empathetic and how to fucking wash your fucking balls like my god do you not have a mother you are too busy dealing with your own problems and if they are bringing more problems onto your plate

emotionally physically whatever it is not worth it save yourself stressing about affording christmas presents for everyone this is a real thing especially now oh my god everything's so expensive i am genuinely in my life the things that people have given me i don't give a fuck about the price point i'm not gonna sit here and be like you have to get me a certain handbag for me to love you girl let's be real i'm a very sentimental person i want you to simply just think about me when you're getting presents for someone all they want to be is thought about that is the whole part of a present it's not a monetary war where you're trying to essentially outbid the other people bringing presents you know over perform against them it's about thinking and holding space for

that person on that special day whether it's a birthday christmas holiday whatever it's all about just seeing them for who they are and representing that through a gift it does not have to be expensive my boyfriend last christmas yes he bought me a louis vuitton bag but one of my favorite things was we just had all of this old film like sitting around from different vacations we'd taken over our years of being together like old digital camera pictures just laying around collecting dust you know occasionally maybe once a year i'd find them in a drawer somewhere and i'd flip through them he was cleaning one day he found them all and he made a scrapbook for me he put them all in there and he made a scrapbook for me and he wrote down like why he loved each

picture and what his favorite memories about the trip were but he also left space for me to fill it in so i could also write my memories down like what that is so cute you can go to dollar tree and get a scrapbook for like five bucks. You can get stickers for a dollar each. A fancy metallic pen for a dollar. Throw it in a scrapbook. Consider it good. It does not have to take money. It just takes thought and wanting to show up for somebody to actually provide a good gift. What are some other gifts I've given my boyfriend or people around me? Oh this year for like my niece and nephew i'm making them like a felt christmas tree so they can decorate their christmas tree and it's a little bit more child friendly um i've made my boyfriend i've made my boyfriend

like a custom skate deck with a picture of me topless on it what was that like 40 bucks i got it online holiday season two you know get them a handmade ornament get them fresh local honey buy a loaf of bread get them a really good bottle of wine really it doesn't have to be crazy just think about who they are as a person and what they enjoy and lean into that more than the actual cost of something dealing with work ops oh yeah i've dealt with this many a times in my workplace here's the thing when you're young hot confident you're gonna attract a lot of haters it just it is what it is it is what it is you're going to attract a lot of haters the reason they're attracted to you is not because of anything that you're doing everything that you're doing

perfectly fine please stay confident stay hot stay sexy stay unbothered that's why they're pissed off because they are the opposite of all of those things um and when you're dealing with a jealous person they do have a way of attacking and lashing out at you in order to receive a reaction because they want you to feel as bad as they are making themselves feel because they ultimately are thinking that you are the one making them feel bad when in reality they just hate themselves and it is what it is sorry babe like unfortunately that is not my problem to deal with the best way to deal with them leave them alone stay unbothered stay happy don't let their snide remarks and comments get to you don't you know feed into the negative behavior don't stoop

to their level really just ignore them that's the best way to deal with any sort of jealousy is just like girl that is an emotion you're gonna have to handle on your own and i'm gonna keep being me and hopefully you'll be able to see that me being me has nothing against you and all i want for you is to be your own level of confident hot and sexy as well i want you to meet me up here but i can't meet you down there speaking of pursuing your dreams someone said i'm becoming a midwife girl to all the girls pursuing their dreams you can do it okay i've thought about becoming a midwife i don't know i love just helping women through like difficult processes um and i find like women to be amazing and beautiful can you believe we are able to create life inside of us can you believe

you are literally a portal yeah yeah crazy crazy um no wonder people want to fucking control us and put laws on our bodies and try and make us less than human duh they see that magic sparkle inside of us so please see it as well and honor it uplift it protect it um but yeah you can do anything your mind sets itself to the real question is just how bad do you want it my mom is genuinely scared by how much i am not interested in men i'm 18 girl protect your peace stay uninterested if you're not like your mom is gonna worry about everything that's the thing about moms they're going to worry about everything every single thing that's one reason i'm afraid of being a mom is because like oh bitch control issues to the max insane out of control anxiety

being a mother would be very hard for me mentally like i would need to be in a lot of therapy not because my child's doing anything wrong just because i'm afraid of doing things wrong but yeah moms are gonna worry about everything just do your own thing honestly props to you for not getting involved with men especially at a young age i feel like it just regresses women so much um the number one thing i think young women should be is selfish i think they're not that enough and i think too many young women put up with shitty men for way too fucking long because they're young and they have so much love in their heart and i want you to stay young and full of love forever but i was the same way um i really did not start dating until i don't think i even lost my virginity until

i was like 19 and like all throughout high school my mom never really addressed it she would just kind of make random remarks like we'll love you no matter what and like she started wearing rainbow shirts around the house ally we love her um i think low-key she was secretly hoping hoping that i was gay um but yeah i mean technically i am bi you know i'm on the spectrum somewhere but i did start bringing home men and she was like oh fuck so i had the opposite of your problem but eventually you'll find a man you'll bring him home if your mom is making like mean comments i would just respond with something like you know i'm being patient and i am making sure all of my needs are met before i'm settled down with somebody sorry i have boundaries and

necessities in a relationship mom more in love with my ex now that we've broken up than when we were together help okay i talked about this on the patreon podcast episode and i feel like these questions kind of go hand in hand you being oh my god my ex we're not together anymore and now i want him more than ever and also this girl who was like i cannot get over my situationship he wants nothing to do with me and i want everything to do with him these are the same exact situations because it's you and somebody who is completely out of reach you only want them because they're out of reach that's the only reason you want them the allegory i gave her was you know when you go into a grocery store pretend you're three okay you go into a grocery store you see a chocolate bar

you know you're at checkout you see the candy aisle you ask your mom you know you're like i don't really want a chocolate bar but i'm here let me take advantage of it hey mom can i get a chocolate bar and your mom looks at you and of course she goes no no you cannot fucking get a chocolate bar you know you didn't really want that chocolate bar in the first place but you asked for it and now that somebody said no you want it more than ever you're screaming you're crying you're rolling around on the fucking checkout aisle floor over this chocolate bar when in reality in the first place you didn't really care about the chocolate bar you weren't going into the store thinking about the chocolate bar chocolate bar was not something you ever had

on your mind before you simply want it because it's out of reach you want it because somebody said no there's a funny little thing about the human brain where it's like as soon as reality is out of sight we start twisting and warping it and thinking about it not based in reality and we start putting this like shiny coat on it and seeing it in this different light and romanticizing it in a way that we never had before that is not reality that is just in your head you gotta come to the conclusion that if something doesn't want me or if it's out of reach it doesn't mean that i want it and it probably needs to stay out of fucking reach okay stop being the kid rolling around on the grocery store floor screaming and crying throwing a tantrum no more of that at some point you got

to grow up you got to realize i got to take control of my emotions i got to look at the situation for what it is and i got to keep it pushing forward we can't scream and cry and throw tantrums anymore okay we're past that age a big thing that helps me kind of especially when i was going through like hard breakups and i was romanticizing too much in my brain or maybe in a situation ship and i was just romanticizing the situation but maybe he still wants me craziness I would make a pros and cons list I love a pros and cons list from one neurotic baddie to another who like is never thinking in reality a pros and cons list will keep you in reality and you got to be real when you're making these lists you got to get into the details okay actually sometimes

when I gotta be real I will only make a cons list if it's involving a man and why you should leave him alone you should probably just make a cons list and then every single time you start to have that like romanticization feeling of but maybe we were good together but maybe he does love me but maybe i do want him pull up that fucking cons list in your notes app and read the hundred different reasons why they were not good to you how they kept being mean to you how they didn't want you how they treated you badly you read through every single one of those examples you will close that notes app and you will forget about them again but i think it's important to have something to kind of redirect your brain and keep you on track especially when your brain has a habit of drifting

off into la la land the same way mine does you know i love a good fantasy but we gotta put our feet in reality sometimes you know and a cons list is perfect for that stop throwing a tantrum on the grocery store floor you're not getting the chocolate bar maybe next time maybe next time but we gotta get up now that it's winter i'm making a lot more recipe videos i love cooking if i'm gonna be in the house i might as well be doing something with my hands distracting my mind and also eating something good so i'll be posting a lot more of those i just posted a red curry wonton soup so if you're interested go check out my instagram at hannah marlene and you can make it as well super easy it's also a great option if you're really sick i think it's a great like

nourishing healing soup also soup is also the best when you're picking up a cold or any sort of winter ailment but it literally is just chicken broth red curry paste veggies if you want coconut milk and your wontons of choice literally that's it like you can make it so simply what dessert are you bringing to your friends giving oh i'm not doing a friends giving but if i were i would make my pumpkin cinnamon roll recipe they are so fucking good and they're massive like you can cut a cinnamon roll into eighth it's basically like a fucking cake um but they're so good and they're perfect for like a seasonal dessert dish and it makes a lot and it's really easy either that or i love maybe a churro cheesecake that would be easy just a sheet

pan churro cheesecake hannah oh my lord i just made those pumpkin cinnamon buns girl i've been a long time silent watcher but holy shit i feel like i owe you money for those fucking cinnamon buns um please drop more sweet treat recipes i love them i love you i'm currently listening to your podcast right now please never stop making these uh i need it in my life love ya i love the energy that is so fucking sweet listen i'm from the fucking midwest i know how to cook and it's not healthy fucking cooking there's a lot of butter there's a lot of seasonings there's always garlic and onion like i i know how to cook i'm not saying it's healthy but it will be the best thing you ever put in your mouth best believe someone asked can you say more about radical

acceptance and how to enact it daily thanks for existing by the way oh thank you you're so sweet okay radical acceptance um i think the reason why so many see me as like unbothered completely maybe checked out from reality i'm checked in i promise but just unbothered cool calm collected is because i practice radical acceptance a lot of the time listen i'm a very anxious controlling person not controlling in a manipulative way I just have this weird brain issue where I need to know what's going on at all times like I have a problem if I don't you know know my routine or know where I'm going or simple things like that if I don't have a plan it's gonna make me anxious as well as being just an overly anxious person in general about everything around me I had to

learned to practice radical acceptance as a self-preservation tool very very quickly I grew up in a chaotic family I grew up constantly being anxious about everything so I was living in a state of anxiety which was completely out of control and what I thought was normal I had no idea that everybody lived every single day not completely freaking out and overthinking every single thing in their entire life I thought that was just normal I thought everybody thought that way and it got to the point where I was having like panic attacks a lot a lot a lot that on top of my out of control depression got me landed in the psych ward and the psych ward is actually where I first found out about radical acceptance and simply sometimes throwing your hands up in the

air and saying it is what it is. And I know that sounds so simple, but radical acceptance is radical in the ways of sometimes you just gotta accept reality for what it is, understand you are out of control in this moment, and accept your emotions and your feelings about that for what they are there's some real steps that you can take here observe that you are fighting against reality if you're like oh it shouldn't be like this you know maybe this isn't the right thing you know maybe there's another option understand that there isn't we are in reality right now and what you are experiencing is real life okay observe what idea you are trying to fight against remind yourself that the unpleasant reality cannot be changed it happened the thing happened acknowledge that

something led to this moment this is how it happened here are the steps in which it happened practice acceptance with not only your mind but your body and spirit be mindful of your breath your posture your heart rate list what your behavior would look like if you did accept the facts then act accordingly plan ahead with events that seem unacceptable and think about how you should appropriately cope remain mindful of physical sensations throughout your body such as tension or stress embrace feelings such as disappointment sadness or grief acknowledge that life is worth living even when there might be temporary pain and if you find yourself resisting my favorite part complete a pros and cons exercise to better understand the full impact of your

choice or the experience say for example you hate your apartment but you can't move until you get a new job so you feel stuck and every day it's getting you down and fighting with the situation is draining your energy you can think i hate this apartment i want to change it i don't want to live here and this is where i live realistically i can't move now it's like two things can be true at once i feel like a lot of the times people just feel the emotional build-up and they feel the negative energy and of course when you feel a negative emotion you want to make a change about it you want to adjust your situation your reality so you stop feeling that a negative emotion but sometimes it's just letting go of the emotional charge of the facts of the situation

which are unchangeable accepting your situation or something that happened in the past doesn't mean you like or approve of it or that you don't still want to change it it's just accepting your emotions and your situation for what they are and adjusting and moving accordingly it's not asking you to change your thinking entirely it's just asking for a little nuance it's there to add another perspective to your thinking that despite how you feel about it the facts of the situation remain the same and that sounds like giving up power but that surrender and acceptance actually leaves you feeling more powerful with more options not fewer once you accept something i found that it makes it impossible to move on or move forward i think especially during this time it is important

to practice this process it's important to lean into this side of fuck it it is what it is i'm here situation has played out how it is fate has rolled its dice there is no going back in time we are here the only option now is to move forward it's okay if you're in a place where you're like this sucks I hate where I am I don't like it but are you gonna let that emotion take over your life and you're gonna sit here and constantly think about how you could have done something differently or are you gonna get the fuck up feel your emotion and make a change accordingly adjust your situation for what it is make a plan to move forward you can't move backward there is no moving backwards so how are you gonna move forward in the best way possible

ultimately it made it took me making a lot of mistakes for me to learn this power it took a lot of wrong choices it took a lot of bad situations for me to finally fucking throw my hands up in the air and say you know what i'm tired of feeling out of control because i am upset with where i am i ultimately am in control i can accept this for what it is and say this sucks and you know what always make a change in my life i can always move forward that is the ultimate fact of life is you always have the option to wake up and adjust your situation sometimes your situation sucks and that's okay but feeling that emotion fully processing that emotion not giving it weight and letting it overtake you and using that to fuel you forward is the best way to go about life

radical acceptance the it is what it is mentality and i feel like it is what it is is such an affirmation it is what it is we are where we are whatever happens happens it's just like that sometimes it's out of my control now maybe i should smoke a bowl you know sometimes you just gotta fucking throw your hands up in the air and understand you can't control everything that is the key to a successful life that's the key to that unbothered mentality and the more you try to grip and control and backtrack the situation the more out of control you're going to feel the more high emotions you're going to feel the worse things are going to get relinquish control understand life is flowing through you and move with life adjust accordingly feel your

emotions accept it for what it is i love you hi hannah i love you been listening to your pod since the very first podcast you ever had always love hearing what you have to say and just hanging out um just wondering if you have any advice for somebody who is an artist and trying to make it more into their career or job if you will um and trying to get it out into the community and noticed by very specific people that you have in mind if you have any advice or suggestions i would love to hear from you you're always so insightful and helpful and creative um yeah i hope you're having a great day okay hey baddie first of all i love uh using instagram for your guys's questions because every single question that people are submitting i look at the profile picture and i'm

like yep baddie yep baddie this is a community of baddies and i love that for us okay art putting yourself out there getting your name on the map how the fuck do you do it i think there's two different major routes you can take a you can take the old school route of maybe going to college doing internships doing creative outreach signing up for classes signing up for courses and then from there networking there's a lot of networking that goes into art especially the old school art world you had to get into that scene by you know talking to people getting to know them letting them get to know you um i realized how important this was actually from the owner of my restaurant he went to the same art school i did um he's like very old but a insane networker

watching him network with people at my restaurant is crazy it's so impressive and i didn't realize it's such a important tool for anybody to learn and especially in the art world to learn because the more people know you the more they have that emotional connection to you and the more they want to show up for you you know it is human nature especially if they like you they'll want to keep you in mind they'll want to give you these opportunities they'll want to include you in future things that you can participate in so you can do it the old school route by word of mouth networking putting yourself into situations applying your art for different showings and maybe taking courses talking to the professors networking that way I feel like that's the old

school way in-person networking I went the new age route which is social media networking in that sort of sense and what's great about social media what's amazing about social media is at the tip of our fingers we have access to so much information so much connection outreach to people that you would have never even met in your entire life if we didn't have it and I think that is beautiful and I think if you are a person who is trying to get your art seen and known out there the easiest thing you can do is post it it's the easiest thing you can do just upload it and there's something genuinely so freeing about posting to the void about just putting it out there and seeing what people connect with and what they don't and you know what they pull from the

different things that you're posting who is enjoying it who is interacting with it I think that whole atmosphere is so energizing and so interesting but you have to remove the connotation of emotion from posting I think sometimes especially as an artist the goal needs to be just creating and putting it out there creating more and putting it out there consider social media as like your studio your art studio and you're showing to the world the different things that you're making the different things that you're creating but ultimately the more you're going to be posting the more of a chance you are going to have of getting seen I think it is such an amazing tool that is at our fingertips. We don't have to go to school. We don't have to go

to internships. We don't have to do these things. We don't have to do these in-person networking situations when we do have social media. So if I was a person who wanted to be seen or discovered in any sort of way, post. Post. Put yourself out there. Forget the perfectionism mindset. Stop holding yourself back post like five times a week fuck it what do you have to lose that's ultimately what i did and here i am now look at how far it's taken me and thank god for younger hannah for being so brave and just bored during the pandemic and genuinely just craving human connection like i just wanted to chit chat with people and like i don't know share little funny things online and this is how far it's gotten me and i'm so thankful for that i'm so thankful for the bravery

i had when i was young i was a little bit more unhinged and off a lot of molly so of course i was putting myself out there more than usual but so many blessings have come from it and so many blessings that i don't think i would be able to have created in quote unquote the real world um it would have taken 10 times the amount of effort and the amount of time to create the same connections that i have created simply with my phone put yourself out there and don't focus on the reception if it gets two likes that's two more people that have seen your things than before if it's one like it's one more person that has appreciated your art than before don't focus on the numbers don't focus on the algorithm don't focus on that bullshit focus on creating and just

sharing it with the world eventually you will be seen i promise that's the beautiful thing about the algorithm it really does give every single person a chance i mean you know this i know this do you know how many times i've been like scrolling reels or tiktok and like a random crazy ass fucking video that i never would have seen before pops up and it's like three likes and it's like why the fuck am i seeing this yeah you will have your opportunity but ultimately the more times you put your things out there the higher your opportunity will be the more it will push you the better your observation will be i hope that helps who's your celeb crush i for real have a crush on like 50 year old men okay my celebrity crush is and i think this is really

telling of why i'm dating my boyfriend um but my celebrity crush is johnny knoxville that's been a long time celebrity crush of mine i love a man who's just like down willing to do anything for the bit like a little psycho in that sort of way i love that i live for it because i'm the kind of person who once again control freak anxious anxious person so i love a person who can really get me out of my comfort zone and help me step into that other side of myself that i'm a little bit more nervous to interact with um so yeah johnny knoxville has been a long time crush of mine and very telling of why me and my boyfriend are together current favorite way to consume swede oh okay always and forever it has been a bong i love a bong i think the sexiest way to

consume is always a joint preferably a pink blazy susan joint hi but the best everyday usage especially for like my lungs and my health is a bong something where i can put fresh water in it every day the smoke is filtered through water you can put ice so it's chilled that's my favorite way to smoke um if i had to rate it i would say a bong for the practicality b joint for the sexiness c maybe like a vaporizer i don't know like a pax vaporizer and last last last z bitch a pipe i hate a pipe i hate a pipe i mean i get the practicality of it but like my god my lungs my lungs cannot take it anymore hey girl um so i broke up with my boyfriend in ireland and moved back to america which is kind of sad because america but um anyway i matched with these two

boys on hinge let's call it boy number one and boy number two so i started hanging out with boy number one but then realized that boy number two was his roommate and so like hung out with him through boy number one and then i realized that i like boy number two a lot more so i kind of broke things off with boy number one and now i'm hanging out with boy number two and boy number one um kicked boy number two out of the apartment so um am i a homewrecker wow that felt like the plot of challengers that was crazy i mean no i don't think you're a homewrecker because i mean i guess they had a home but it wasn't like a relationship home um i think that is fucking crazy but ultimately that's boy code okay they fucked up on boy code they were

both interested in the same girl and one didn't make the call so the other one swooped in they should have had those boundaries figured out within themselves you know what girl you're just there you're just having fun you're just exploring it do your thing i don't think i would feel bad about it because that seems like something they should have handled themselves in my opinion lol though maybe they just want to make out with each other and one's mad that they're not being included anymore how to deal with terrible crazy roommates oh honestly i just didn't leave my room i know i know it's so annoying when you want to like feel safe in your space and like free but at least you have your room where it's kind of your own personal free space um but yeah living

with terrible roommates sucks i love living alone but i understand like the financial necessity of having to have them having to have roommates i used to have roommates who were bartenders and like love bartenders but they were late late night bartenders where it was like they're getting off work at 8 a.m and then making a frozen pizza and then like they're so drunk they're leaving it on the floor and now all of a sudden we have like a mice infestation like girl i cannot be doing this i cannot be cleaning after you like that is just not gonna work i've also had like passive aggressive roommates where it's like why are you making my life a living hell i literally don't leave my room i don't know what's going on um and the best way to handle any sort of interaction

like that is communication i know and it's so annoying especially when you maybe communicate and you're not received well that shit really fucking sucks but at least you said what's on your mind at least you got it off your chest you said what's on your mind you communicated the best you can ultimately after you do that all you can really do at that point is throw your hands up in the air and say i did my part they either are going to receive this or they're going to keep being themselves either way i'm not going to sit with the guilt of wanting to say something that i didn't ultimately say um but yeah everybody goes to the shitty roommate phase um survive the best you can make your room a safe space for yourself communicate the best you can and ultimately it

will drive you into a better place you're gonna live alone eventually um it's just one of those phases of life that you gotta make it through hey girl i just wanted to say that my therapist knows about you because she was asking about if i have a more positive or negative mentality and i was like well recently i've been really listening to this podcast that i love and this girl has such a positive outlook on life and i'm just really inspired by her and that's been making me just a happier person and she's like oh i'm so happy for you you should keep listening to this podcast so i just wanted to say thank you for that and my therapist approves of you and she's like what's the podcast about and i was like oh she just smokes a bunch of weed and like answers questions

she's like wow that's amazing i love that so you might have a new fan too all right have a great day you're so beautiful and so smart and i love you bye you're so beautiful and so smart oh my god that's so fucking funny so many people get on here and they're like girl why don't you just become a therapist would love honestly i think that would be great um maybe one day maybe one day i feel like i'm doing enough therapy here as it is and i enjoy this situation so i'm glad i can help you guys reach maybe a more positive mindset and yeah getting the therapist check mark that is that is a gold star in my book i appreciate that so much that's so funny that you're sharing me with your therapist someone asked what's my craziest going out story this is kind of a fun

one to end on why not let's get messy everybody loves my story times also so let's do a quick one you know and the pot on a good vibe so if you guys don't know i used to be a party girl party girl i um i used to judge people who went to raves that was simply because i i don't know i it was i don't i was young i was a little bit more prude i wasn't even smoking weed at the time so i was seeing people go to raves and i was like that's embarrassing like they're just going to do drugs that's embarrassing that was the christianity that was warping my brain and the dare program you know and then i realized no life can be fun and i ended up going to a rave and i realized this is the most magical place on earth this is like disneyland but for adults who like to party and

i love music i loved going out i loved social drinking but then having crazy music to dance to and having a plethora of drugs around me I fell into that scene immediately now I don't think you have to do drugs to go to raves or you have to be completely obliterated out of your mind I think raves are such a safe space and really so inclusive and everybody's so positive and ultimately I've had really really great experiences at raves sober but you know I did really enjoy my molly during that time me and miss molly had a difficult relationship like any sort of habitual drug use there's gonna be some ups and downs and i think i had a lot of downs on that drug which is why i don't talk about it a lot because i don't want to really promote it i don't really want to

make somebody curious enough to try it i do think if you're going to do anything please make sure you are doing it safely please make sure you have a trip sitter please make sure you are testing your drugs please make sure you have narcan on you these are just basic things that everybody should be aware of especially in any sort of party space i want you to be the safest that you possibly can because i definitely put myself into some situations that i maybe shouldn't have been in and i'm surprised i made it out alive there are a lot of those party situations but I was deep deep deep into my rave phase with my last ex also should we talk about Brianna Chicken Fry real quick sorry my ADHD brain is really getting to me but the whole Brianna

Chicken Fry Zach Bryan thing he is an insane alcoholic narcissistic abusive man that is the epitome of narcissistic abuse okay and there's so much that she has yet to say and more will keep coming out but those men exist a lot they exist everywhere and the way that they're able to entrap these women and i know this because my last ex was this exact person and no you don't have to be famous to be this fucking insane a lot of broke young men have the same audacity as he does they entrap you by making you believe that every single thing you're doing is wrong okay putting all the blame on you oh it's your birthday so it's your fault that i'm having to come celebrate you oh you know you wanted this so you're being demanding and i don't like a woman who's demanding

making you cry and then making you feel bad about crying making you feel bad about having emotions because he's being mean to you it's this toxic cycle of you feel like you're doing something wrong and you're a good person so ultimately you're going to want to do right but you're being manipulated by this person to make you feel like you've done something wrong so one of my craziest nights was actually the night that me and my ex broke up um i have never been more free in my entire life i finally had that realization you know and i love seeing brianna have this realization as well where it's like holy shit the abuse that i was being put through was insane and now I'm free and now I finally can be a human again and it is just so enthralling and so exciting

so the actually night that me and my ex broke up was a night where we were supposed to go to a rave together okay I was in the bathroom I was probably looking too sexy for him so he was like I'm not going anymore I had gotten these tickets for him for his birthday it was supposed to be a birthday celebration well i'm not going anymore because you know you look this way and i don't want other people looking at you this way and you just want attention so that's why you want to go and like something in my fucking brain snapped and i was like bitch fuck you i'm over this i cannot do it anymore i'm done i am going to this rave alone i'm going to this rave alone ultimately not i'm not supporting please be safe but i ended up leaving this man's house grabbing all my stuff

leaving this man's house in like a thong fucking one piece and seven inch stomping boots and fish nets getting to this concert alone popping some molly getting on that dance floor having a great fucking fucking time having the best time of my life meeting people on the dance floor the opener of the dj ended up being on the dance floor too danced with him chatted him him up ended up at a second club ended up in vip section and getting treated lavishly and dancing having a great time popping bottles you know party girls out with fucking sparklers and thousand dollar bottles that i'm not paying for enjoying my time and it's so funny because it took me kind of like going batshit crazy which of course finally i am and finding myself in this vip section surrounded by

all of these people who are rich as fuck don't care just there to spread love and support each other for me to be like that piece of shit can rot at home with an xbox controller in his hand yeah i hope he's mad i hope he's mad and yeah partied all night with these people having a good time looking for a good time i was supported i was loved i did a lot of molly i ended up like on a go-go pole dancing for hours ended up behind the booth on stage you know did my little thing you know worked my little magic chit-chatted with people met some girlies it was a great great time that's probably my craziest going out story just because of the lavishness of it and also the high energy of literally breaking up with my boyfriend and then going out but it was so freeing and it

is probably one of my favorite going out experiences because I felt like I was being reborn into somebody that I always knew I was supposed to be I felt like I was like losing the chains of someone and realizing just how much they were bringing me down and ultimately yes i had my location turned off and then yes i accidentally turned it back on at the club and of course my ex saw this because he's a psycho freak and i came home to my parents house to all of my stuff packed up in a box on my front porch and it was kind of like this sigh of relief of you know it's over fuck him thank god he brought my shit here you know i'm sure he thought it was a passive-aggressive mood but i'm like thank god i don't have to deal with that bullshit and i have

all of my stuff here i went upstairs i projectile vomited into the to the toilet passed out woke up the next morning bought myself a extra large dunkin coffee i called a i think it was like a task rabbit it's essentially like people who are able to help you out with things and i had quoted it for moving but essentially it was just like this woman who showed up with a truck and i was like hey i need you to just take this tub full of my ex's stuff and leave it on his front porch for me because i refused to go there i mean he did it to me but like i am not spending any more my gas money or even risking seeing him in person and she was so on board such a girl's girl it's like this 40 year old woman chain smoking cigarettes in her red lifted truck she's like give me the

box i got you probably the easiest task you could ever get assigned to i'm sure she thought i was like moving houses i'm like no here's a gallon bucket full of his shit i wrote a mean ass nasty ass letter being like i did everything for you and you essentially threw it away like fuck you period signed with hate hannah left it in there gave it to this woman she dropped it off on his front porch took a picture of it on his front porch send it to me and said i hope you live the best life ever job done tipped her like 60 bucks that was that the best party night ever was me just really regaining my freedom um i've had many of other party nights that were great times too you guys have heard the baby pool in the backyard story that was a fun one my 21st birthday that was

crazy but this one really hits home especially with the whole brianna chicken fry situation where it's like you can be the baddest richest hottest girl in the world and men will still want to see you suffer do not let yourself suffer in silence do not let these men convince you that you need to behave a certain way that you need to act a certain way that it is your fault if you are crying every single week in a relationship because your partner is making you feel bad that's not normal it does not take that much work to be in a relationship sure it takes work and sometimes compromise but not that much and i want you to understand that if it happened to me if it happened to her it can happen to you too realize the warning signs

do not ever put yourself aside or your dreams aside your emotions aside for a man and live the best life you can possibly live okay pop that molly and go to the club and dance with the dj girl metaphorically you know like please please be safe but yeah um great time really great memory at the time of course i was probably more of a hot mess than i'm making it out to be it definitely was a messy messy night but it was such a freeing night and it was probably the exact way that i needed to celebrate my newfound freedom and yeah free yourself from that evil man okay there's no reason you should be crying or feeling like you're the problem constantly in a relationship honestly and my new relationship has really taught me that that it really doesn't take a lot of work okay

it really doesn't you guys should mesh well you know there shouldn't be a lot of compromise because you should be on the same page you should have the same goals you should want the same things out of life you should share the same morals i don't think you should have to put yourself and your freedom aside just to make a relationship work and please for the love of god if you find yourself there free yourself with that being said i love you all so much happy tuesday hopefully this was a fun little episode um for you guys it's a sleepy little day it's nice and rainy out um i think today i'm just gonna vacuum my house cuddle with my cat and smoke a bowl and just enjoy my afternoon and i hope you guys do too i hope it's a fantastic week

for you i hope all your dreams and your blessings comes true i hope you're able to change your path or find a new route if you feel like you're stuck um if you don't like where you are i hope you can understand that it doesn't mean you're in the wrong place sometimes it just means maybe you don't like where you are all you can do is persevere forward feel your emotions and do the best you fucking can so i love you all happy tuesday if you want to see more from me check at the patreon patreon.com slash smoke says shoddy i do an extra episode every week where i answer every single one of your questions yes every single one of your questions um it's pretty fun it's a fun little just casual chill youtube style sit down smoke hang out um i also post monday

affirmations sunday spiritual journal prompts um astrology updates and much much more also if you want to see my recipes my famous recipes or just what i'm up to follow the instagram at hannah marlene i upload the questionnaire for this every single sunday also i want to hear your voice more you guys are such cuties send all the call-ins i want to hear your voice i want to hear what you have to say okay you guys are what make this podcast so i want to hear more from you i want to hear crazy things i want to hear what's on your mind nothing is too outlandish for me show up be yourself do the best you can stay sexy stay sane and i will see you all next week