Smoke Sesh - rejection, mushrooms, being the problem & spiritual awakenings

Episode Date: June 16, 2023

Hellooooo hotties and happy Friday, so excited to be here with you all for an extra episode of the pod! We have so many fun topics today, so sorry for being MIA yesterday, but I catch you up with what I’ve been up to, we talk being a creative, new projects, rejection & opening yourself up, maybe I’m the problem… and how to better yourself, spiritual awakenings and living in alignment, call ins! selling on depop and building a brand online, pregnancy and birth control, feet problems and service industry shoes, mushroom experiences and living in the moment, moving, roommates, and years in review! 18-24 and what I’ve learned along the way! Had so much fun hanging out with you guys, follow me on instagram @hannahmarlene for updates and life experiences, and I can’t wait to see you all for our usual episodes on Tuesday! MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Hello, hello, hello, hi, how in the hell are we today, you guys? guys welcome to our extra special little episode of the week sorry i didn't get it out to you guys yesterday but i'm still so excited to be here with you guys for you know our smoke slash summer

school get a hang out a little bit spend some extra time together since i know you guys have plenty of free time one of you guys dm me and was like girl i've listened to every episode like four times we I need more and I hear you and I am here to deliver safe to say um I know when I have creators that I really enjoy I'm like girl I need all the content I need everything and I really enjoy hanging out with you guys and creating so I am happy to be here to hang out a little bit so sorry I didn't have this out to you um yesterday I had planned to go to lunch with my grandma get some sushi hang out a little bit and then it kind of just spiraled into us like going antiquing and going shopping and driving around town and then I went back to her house and

we hung out on the porch and drank some sweet tea you know midwestern things and then they needed help with their computer like setting up their email and I was like I can't just leave I gotta stay here and help so that spiraled into like a six hour event which is good when that can happen with family and you're not like okay gotta go bye you know because usually that's kind of how it is um so it's nice when you can just like pause and enjoy a little bit especially with the older people in my family it's nice to hang out and also see how much we have in common um but yeah i got home at like six and i was like done for the day it's like i cannot hop on a podcast because it's gonna be mid and i don't want to put out bad content for you guys so bright and fresh

early brand new little friday episode but i am gonna plan on getting these out regularly on thursdays i usually don't have anything going on on thursdays so from from now on as i'm getting used to this new routine stick with me but i am happy to be here happy to be hanging out i got my coffee i got my weed are you guys ready because i am speaking of let's take a little hit just to get us in the right you know the right mood so funny being a creative and then looking down it's like oh i am loading up with my smoke sesh grinder and lighting it with my smoke sesh lighter which is so cute and so fun and i don't know things that i create i know i enjoy so i really hope you guys enjoy as well let me know if there's anything you guys are interested in because

i have kind of caught up in all of my creative endeavors we did the lighter cases which there are a very few left so if you are interested go check those out they're linked to my bio um and i sold out of the grinder grinders i me and sydney dropped our bikini collab which is almost sold out so go check it out see if there's anything in your sizes we really tried to make sure um we kind of covered all our bases with different sizes and size um combinations because I know like I'm not just like a small I'm like a extra small top and small bottoms or sometimes a medium bottoms um or some people are like extra large tops medium bottoms so we have some fun combos on there go give it a look but I am kind of now working forward into what I want to

create and do next so if you guys have any ideas from what you want to see from me I've thought about robes I thought robes would be really fun with like fairy wings on the back or something because you know i live live quite literally in my robe constantly um i also thought maybe more grinders a little smoke sesh starter kit i thought could be fun you know like rolling papers little grinder a little lighter whatever it may be uh maybe some tote bags again i have thought about that and then this fall i know for a fact i want to release more hoodies um but since it is literally a hundred fucking degrees outside I I'm not gonna be releasing hoodies until it's you know like fall like cozy cozy vibes going on anyways let's hit this bowl and let's get into this

yummy oh jesus that's some kickback i'm smoking on clementine which is a sativa hybrid and honestly really yummy i am a fan of fruity i have i've come to realize strains are either like fruity in flavor or earthy in flavor i'm definitely more of a fruity gal you know i i definitely lean towards those flavors for sure so like the last episode i asked you guys are we interested in a mini you know like mini ep about one topic or are we interested in just like a whole another episode maybe not as long sometimes i go like hour and a half maybe like a little under an hour you know like still mini-ish but still as chaotic per usual and the overall consensus was let's stick

to the routine that we have now because I do get into topics deeper already someone said you know you do spend 10-20 minutes on topics sometimes so keep that in there but then also like the fun sporadic little things keep with it maybe we can pick like one bigger topic a week to go into during the mini episodes uh as well as include all the other questions so i think that's kind of the vibe that we're gonna we're gonna keep looking at because i really enjoy our regular episodes and i think they work really well especially for my brain which is constantly going a million miles per minute and can barely focus so i'm assuming the people listening are also very similar um and we need that in our lives we need that sporadicness we need that

oh my god I'm literally looking at my balcony window and here's the thing in Kansas City there's no pools there's no pools at all uh don't like none there's no public pools and as someone who grew up kind of like in the suburbs you know every neighborhood had its neighborhood pool that if you lived in the neighborhood they give you a key I guess that's just a part of having a homeowners association which I do not have because I'm not a part of a neighborhood but the apartment across the street for me like literally right across the street is their parking lot and kind of gross in the middle of their parking lot is a pool which like if i was sitting in that pool and a car drove by and all i smelled was exhaust would just like ruin the vibe immediately like i need

some distance but it is every day just taunting me i emailed here's the thing someone said how do you get over rejection and it's you put yourself out there and receive rejection and you get used to it and that's how you get through it and then you become more open to doing more things and putting yourself out there more once you get over the fear of rejection especially because that fear is usually rooted within uh just like kind of fear of yourself most people are very open and well receiving um a lot of the times you're just talking yourself out of it if you open yourself up to rejection more sure you're going to face it but also you will find freedom I guarantee guarantee so my ass after going through that whole revelation within my life

in the past couple years I have of course been putting myself out there more but one of the things I did recently which is a little crazy is I emailed the apartment across the street from me and I was like hey I live across the street is it possible that I could buy a pool key off you for like a summer pass I'll pay literally whatever I know this is weird but if I don't ask I'm just constantly gonna think about it so why not ask what's the worst thing that's gonna happen there say no okay cool I know I was being a little outlandish anyways who cares anyways I didn't respond but one day i'm gonna meander over there with like a pack of cold beers no i don't drink beer but like something and be like hey i forgot my key can someone let me in because literally

no pools around here and it is so hot and the river is like 20 minutes for me i love it i love getting out in nature but sometimes i just want to throw on a bikini and walk down my stairs and be there you know and i am very jealous but yeah rejection put yourself out there more and i know it's scary it's literally just exposure therapy you have to like be open to every possibility that there is in the world and understand that most of the times those reactions don't have anything to do with you and mostly have everything to do with other people and if other people aren't feeling it cool that's their prerogative their reaction is their reaction and how you respond is how you respond but the most you can do to live like a free and full life is just open yourself

to the world who cares if someone says no who cares if it doesn't work out at least you tried you know what i mean hey hannah hope you're doing amazing um i love you and i love the podcast and I was just wondering, how do you forgive yourself after hurting your partner because of your own self-sabotage? Just this past weekend, I was projecting onto my boyfriend because of what I was going through internally, but i wasn't able to see what was happening in the moment and was just kind of blinded by my own anger and i ended up hurting him so i understand like forgiving yourself forgiving myself for what happened but how do you forgive yourself for hurting them this is a good question because i feel like whether whenever you hurt anybody and whether they forgive you or not you do constantly

kind of live within the fear of like or not the fear but like the guilt of kind of what you did i mean if and i hate to say this but like if you're a good person the bad people are the ones you do bad things and then don't give a fuck because they never believe anything is their fault so you are inherently a good person because you you know you made a mistake and you're feeling guilty for it normal human emotions the psychopaths are the one that have no emotions okay so step number one you're a good person good people do shitty things sometimes and that's okay but we're really what makes a good person is not you sitting there stewing on it it is what you do with what you did wrong did you apologize did you show them you have a game plan and take

control of the situation and the aspect of i'm sorry i'm gonna hear you out and i will do better okay because true forgiveness comes from the inside when you you know see that you fucked up and then tell yourself hey and be real with me I fucked up I did wrong sometimes it's okay to be wrong but let's make sure it never happens again and then enacting the life changes that it takes for you to write the situation whether it's a never doing it again be you know really making sure your partner is taken care of making sure they're okay emotionally mentally um being there for them hearing them out whenever need be while also making um changes within your life and making sure they're heard and seen and felt um and you apologized doing all those things and kind of

moving forward with it and allowing you know the other person to be hurt allowing them space if they need allowing themselves to vent hearing them out apologizing um not asking for forgiveness i think is also a big thing but forgiveness specifically from within yourself is uh just making sure you never do it again and then building that trust within yourself when you see yourself not doing it does that make sense because like yeah i've done shitty things before i'm a human of course and it's like oh fuck i did not mean for it to be like that or i did not you know mean to have this situation go this way but like when you're the problem you're the problem and you gotta admit it and you gotta be real or else people are not gonna respect you and they aren't

gonna trust you straight up because they see oh she's delusional and she's causing chaos for everybody around her and then blaming it on other people when she's the chaos and no one likes to be around that so like be honest with yourself like yeah i fucked up i'm sorry let me be real with my apology let me hear you out let me ask you what your needs are whether it's like space if needed or maybe they need you closer and then make a vow with yourself to never do it again and if you do find yourself in that situation make sure you right the wrong and make sure you take the steps needed to not have it happen again um but after you kind of like move along the guilt fades away if you do the work um you will always remember it just because it probably was a big life lesson

um but also that's kind of a good thing because as time goes on um you don't want to be the person who forgot a mistake and then makes it again you know but forgive yourself good people do make mistakes it doesn't make you a bad person um what makes you a bad person is doing bad things and not giving a fucking continue to continuing to do them so make a change love you okay scrolling through the questions loving all of them someone asked would love a topic on spiritual enlightenment and how to go about centering life around it um and honestly great question I feel like I do touch on the spiritual concepts sometimes on this podcast and of course I'm a very spiritual person um but also i've seen a lot of people around me lose themselves to spirituality whether it be

like um and spirituality can come in all forms whether it be like christianity or whether it be like uh metaphysical spirituality such as like working within the universe working with deities whatever it may be because it's so easy to lose yourself within because there's it's such a complex topic and thought and it is interesting to also see people devote their lives to it um like any sort of spiritual higher being um me and my grandma are talking about this because my uh cousin is like a catholic monk he uh went to theology school and then he went to just live um essentially in a commune with all these other catholic they're not priests yet because you have to go to like basically go get your masters and then you're a priest um but they are monks and they live there

and they pray there and they eat there and it's kind of restrictive like you can only call on certain days and like you wake up at a certain time you go to bed at a certain time you have a roommate I'm pretty sure but it's like very like devoted and my grandma's like I kind of am surprised back by that and I was like honestly me and my cousin used to be pretty close when we were younger like of course we were the closest in age so we hung out a lot but I was like I'm not because I feel like I'm very like similar I could definitely although not see myself running away to devote myself as a catholic monk like i could definitely see myself running away to like a commune somewhere where everybody does art and like hangs out and is like very connected to the

earth and spirituality like i could see myself doing that so like it's i see it but also i don't want you to like lose yourself to spiritual psychosis so devoting your life to spirituality in the most sane way is when you have like a spiritual experience even if it is just like a regular life experience a learning experience i feel like any experience can be spiritual depending on how you see it but let's say it's a spiritual experience to you uh whether it be something big in your life changes uproots you changes you maybe you experience something within a substance maybe maybe you experience something within somebody else um and you have like a quote unquote coming to jesus moment is that what they call it in the midwest you know like a coming to

god moment um the best thing that you can do for yourself in a way that is like centering your life around it and moving forward um is taking what you learned and like sit down be intentional about how you're thinking about this and the lessons you're taking from it so ask yourself like what have I learned and how can I apply it to my life now and how can I take this experience with me and move forward as a better person I think that mindset is ultimately the best not only for like my spiritual people who want to kind of involve that within their life or just with any experience that you have whether it's good or bad like i've had bad experiences that you know changed me completely as a person honestly for the better i've had good experiences that completely changed

me um into a better person but the way that it changed me into a better person and into knowing more about myself and knowing more about the world around me is i am such a overthinker not a great habit but it made me really sit down with myself and think about these experiences that I was having and think about what I was going through and realize okay this happened for a reason if I want to believe it happened for a reason amazing if I want to believe you know the universe is chaos all like at all times cool but let's take what we need from this and actually wow step into the shoes of life and take advantage of this life that we're giving and move forward learn lessons apply them to our lives ask ourselves how do we need to change do we need to

change what do we need to learn and then be intentional about implementing those life lessons within your life you will see so much change so much growth so much more connection to yourself which is also so spiritual so much connection to the world around you which is a beautiful experience um but yeah love a good life lesson oop i said that out loud i know the universe is gonna be like girl let me knock on wood real quick okay love it let's go on okay someone asked tips for selling on depop how to price exposure etc love you love you okay um so for depop or just reselling anywhere or selling any sort of product whatever whatever it may be whether it's like okay myself or a branding or i just need to get rid of these

extra clothes i need to sell something on facebook marketplace facebook facebook marketplace is a little different well actually no this all works everywhere across any sort of platform exposure Exposure is key. And exposure doesn't come from good content, you got to start stop wrapping your mind around good content, because good content will come naturally, if, if you put more out there. Because I feel like people withhold themselves within life very commonly to perfectionism, once again, stepping into the human stepping into allowing myself to be human, allowing myself to make mistakes okay we're over the perfectionism we're into sorry i am literally right by the street i don't know if it's so loud but we are into the messy now okay we're into

being real and raw and that comes with putting yourself out there so if you're trying to sell anything or you know expose anything i guess whatever it may be like yourself your clothing your artwork put yourself out there post put it up on the walls go to art galleries show it off and like when I say post I don't mean like once a week I mean like 10 times a day like think about the most popular um tiktokers there are I don't know like Victoria Paris um I've been seeing a lot of that like milk mob girl I've been seeing a lot of like Ken Urich is her last name I don't think about like the girls who popped off really quickly oh Alex Earl all those people got so big because they were posting like a million times a day which is actually crazy and probably a little

insane and I wish I had that kind of energy but it's because repetition forms a memory and then people connect to that memory so the more people were seeing them across their feed whether good are bad liking them disliking them they formed a memory because they kept seeing it it wasn't just random they formed a connection and then they started engaging in the content more because you film like a you form a parasocial relationship um so like if you're trying to sell on depop literally just post if you have shit to sell post all of it all of it just get it out there it doesn't matter if um like it it's not gonna sell in one day you're not not gonna become famous or like big in one day your art isn't going to get discovered in one day whether it be music

painting it will be over time but the more that you put out there the more opportunity you are allowing yourself for people to react to it and also how they react to it doesn't matter you can get zero likes on something doesn't matter leave it up keep moving on because like videos i have especially on tiktok or instagram will like do normal numbers for what i like what my followers are which is usually like 10 very low just like if people watch my stories they'll see it if people are like scrolling through my page they'll see it but sometimes it'll hit the algorithm and then it will pop off like a hundred times you know like it will get so much engagement but it's always like four or five six months down the line um sometimes a couple weeks and especially on

depop like i will just be like you know what i have this whole closet to work through um i am just going to take all of it take photos and immediately put it up there because people will catch on to it in their own time but you have to allow the universe to work within that own time and if you only have one thing up the universe doesn't have a lot to work with there okay the algorithm doesn't have a lot to work with there you have to give it stuff to work with so say it's your art like you're never going to get discovered with your music if you only have one song out there people only have one song to base you on no put your shit out there don't be afraid of failure allow people to say no allow yourself to learn through what you're going to do um because

the most learning that you're going to have is when you are in the active processes of creating and usually that is creating more than one thing not just one thing so get to work put it out there allow yourself to be seen allow your artwork to be seen allow your clothes to be seen but literally literally like especially on depop since that's that's a specific question that was asked sorry i've been chugging sparkling water oh love it um but i got the hiccups um just put it out there people will notice it people won't notice it sometimes like the most sold items on my depop are the ones like two likes sometimes they go quick sometimes they don't but if you don't have clothes up there to sell people will not sell and also accept offers people will make offers put it

up there for whatever price you don't have to worry about like finding the perfect price because especially like ebay or depop or any of the reseller apps if you can at least message somebody um or like instagram story sales or if you have an instagram page where you do vintage if you put a price up there people either pay the price or they'll probably dm you on the side or make an offer that's like hey here's a little less than what you wanted and then you can as a person be like do i want to accept that or do i think it's worth something else you know and usually i'm always like i'm gonna accept because i'm just trying to i'm trying to let this item find a new home that's going to love and appreciate it and i don't really care the price like get it

off my hands let's let's get this shit moving you know what i mean but allow people to see you it's okay to be human it's okay to be um vulnerable i promise i know it's so scary i get it but the more you do it the more exposure therapy you essentially have and the easier it gets period oh my god girlie said took my first pregnancy test and she was a negative nancy i will not be a mother today or tomorrow uh slay so proud of you amazing queen i hear you loud and clear i will not be having kids until i'm at least over 30 at the very least so shout out to my eight-year iud i'm like what six months in and we're doing great honestly and i'm so happy that i have eight years of protection because when i was living without birth control oh girl oh

oh girl which a i don't know if like birth control the extra hormones on top of my teenager brain with so many crazy hormones popping through me is what made me so depressed and so sad and so suicidal in high school along with the overwhelming anxiety that comes within growing up with social media um or I don't know also definitely just have too much depression and anxiety and it was just heightened by all that but I don't know if my birth control added to it or not so after high school I stopped taking birth control um because I was like this is just bad news bears stopped taking birth controls and I was on the pill um because a I'm just not a consistent person and that's okay i see that in myself and i am honest with myself and i work with it when i can but i

know taking a daily medication every single day is just extra hard for me especially a hormone one where you have to take kind of at like the same exact time every single day i was like you know i just kind of want my period to start i'm just gonna skip these pills and hopefully everything's okay and then yeah it would just like spiral of course like real um so i was off birth control for a hot second which was a really nice for my mental health and I know like no birth control is like ideal unfortunately because just hormones and hormones interacting with me are not fantastic and everybody's different so listen what's great for me is not always great for everybody but I know when I'm off birth control like I'm so much happier I'm so much more myself but the constant

fear of possibly being pregnant is like essentially giving me way more anxiety than I usually have within my normal life um so although like mentally I kind of was happier the anxiety definitely was not worth the not being on birth control so yeah I love my IUD constant protection eight years no babies don't really have to worry also doesn't have a huge hormonal um impact on me because it's mostly localized to your uterus I did notice like a influx of acne and moodiness the first couple months just because I changed to a different one which is normal with a change of medication um but now I'm six months in and it's definitely leveled off my periods are so much lighter I'm pretty sure I'm on my period right now but I really can't tell because it's

like i only occasionally bleed um which is new for me but at least i know i'm not pregnant love but yeah iud i really think being on birth control can be good for you look into them research them find a good doctor and i think you'll be very happy but no babies no babies what year is it oh my god 2020 2023 wow anyways okay hello this is sad um two quick questions one what shoes you wear for work i've been wearing my docs uh my like chelsea boot docs for years now for work for as a server um sometimes my feet just be hurting girl though they're so bad um i think all the other ones are so so ugly though so um any non-slip recommendations um second uh have you tried the shuffle or shuffles app oh my god

it's so amazing you're gonna be shook if you haven't tried it it basically um syncs your pinterest with like a collage app with like canva so like think of no it doesn't sync with canva but basically it's like those three had a baby it's so phenomenal you can basically grab from your pinterest and create like as many collages as you want so good okay i'm running out of time love you bye oh my gosh work shoes has been a dilemma for me since forever when i was younger i could wear any shoes possible um and make it through the day like literally i wore the same pair of high top black flat ass converse for four years like in the service industry threw those out this year and they were basically disintegrating off my feet like gross ass shoes definitely not non-slip

um but they were easy to throw on and they're my work shoes that's what i did i do occasionally wear docs in the um summertime or not summertime wintertime but i think docs are too bottom heavy and they're gonna make your legs tired and sore like you need a lighter shoe especially within the service industry the service industry shoes are ugly so right now i'm wearing my boyfriend actually got has the same pair he i he got them and i was like those are awesome because i've been wanting a black pair of low adidas but i don't like a white sole like i didn't want a black shoe with a white sole or like a black shoe with a gum sole so these have a black sole they're actually uh the black adidas skate shoes in collaboration with taishan they're

not slip kind of because you need a little bit of grip on skate shoes but also you need them to be flat they're not heavy and then also no matter what shoe you're wearing if you're wearing it all day if you are constantly on your feet and you find yourself having foot pain buy an insole i literally just bought it's like skinny because all my shoes are kind of skinny like thin regular everyday insoles off of amazon you can pick and choose between what you think is best for you but they were a game changer within working on my feet all day or just like even if you're a runner if you work out a lot if you're somebody who has foot pain get a insole okay and they can be shitty shoes it will transform your shoe into like the fancy what are the like cloud shoes you

know what i'm talking about the ones where like every nursing girl is wearing because a they're in style but b they're supposed to be great for your foot you don't have to spend a hundred fucking dollars on a pair of shoes that are ugly like get shoes you like and then get a cheap insole off of amazon from your local shoe store whatever it may be um and it it will yeah i can work on my feet for hours like even by the end of my eight hour bartending shift i'm like i could keep going like obviously i'm tired but my feet aren't screaming at me like they used to also love the app recommendation definitely gonna check it out because i have way too many playlists um and they all have so many different fucking vibes within them i'm not the kind of person to make like a

playlist for a mood i feel like people are either like the mood playlist where it's like sexy time or like i need to cry and then they put all their songs by vibe but i just make a new playlist like every season every month whatever it may be whenever i feel like i need to start a new one like i'm in a new chapter i do so um and then i just throw all the music that i'm listening to during that time into that playlist but it's cool to go back and then like listen to that playlist um and like listen to the music and be like oh my god i can remember exactly where i was when i was listening to this and then sometimes i'm like wow i really must have been in dissociative state because i don't remember any of this like when was i listening to this anyways definitely gonna

check it out love you thank you for the rec someone asked oh my god please tell every mushroom story you have and give tips hmm I would tell you everyone but I can't remember everyone because there have been too many don't recommend definitely facing the consequences um but I've told you about a few but overall like the ones that I can remember the most are when I was at my old house it was like um this old house that I had rented from was like the first place I ever rented from me and my parents got in a fight mid-pandemic i was like i gotta go i cannot live with you during the pandemic i'm going to lose my mind i was also just kind of seeing my boyfriend at the time um so i was like oh so i need like my own space hello um i need my own space i cannot you know

i don't want to go with a go through like a early stage relationship at my parents house during the pandemic no no no no we're not doing that so impulsively which was honestly a good impulsive decision because I needed to get out grow up and sometimes you just hit that point where you're like I gotta fucking go you know like I gotta get out of here I was looking online and this is kind of the best best possible way if you are a young person who enjoys living with other people or doesn't want to live alone or can't afford it at the time best thing you can do go on Facebook go to your local like housing rentals whatever Facebook group it's going to be you're going to find probably a few for your location join it I think the um common one in Kansas City is like

roommates looking for roommates um renting or just housing like it's just one big group and then look for the one with like the most people in it or it's the most active and then you can either a post in there and be like hey my name's blank I'm looking for this in this area this is my price range let me know if anybody has any availabilities but what I did is I because I didn't want to put myself out there like that have like weirdos message me I just scrolled through it and you will find people who are either like subletting or renting a house within their house or renting a room within their house and that's what i did i found my lovely uh roommate for a while her name i'm not gonna give her her name actually but love her amazing i have a weird

thing with names i never am sure if people are like yeah or no i understand wanting privacy but um she was um a couple years older than me so she had like a level head she had two dogs she had this beautiful older house a historic house in this amazing neighborhood um like one of my favorite neighborhoods in Kansas City I really lucked out with the location because I was just guessing at where I was right next to this huge park right next to this like a community garden and I remember having the also was like deep into my mushroom experiences at her house but the ultimate best times on mushrooms are when I was either a with friends do I remember having this night with my friends where we went out to dinner and then we got so drunk because we

each did like uh we taped wine bottles to our hands you know we take wine bottles to our hands so we were forced to drink them and then we ate some mushrooms and hung out in the backyard and it was like a hot summer night and um you know beautiful like twinkling star lights were out we had a hammock we had music playing we were smoking so much weed and we were just chilling and chit-chatting and it was honestly one of the best experiences i've had on mushrooms and it was just because it was such a great environment a i was outside b is the people that i love we were a little tipsy we were having a good time i was in this new stage in my life i was feeling comfortable i was settled and it was a great time to uh just have a little bit more fun with my friends and

i was also a little kind of impulsive which i don't recommend for drug use but my friends uh had never really been deep into mushrooms but i had been for a while so it was fun to get to share that with them um especially after only doing them mostly just with myself or with my boyfriend so that was fantastic i love having a giggle with my friends and that's one of my favorite stories but also when i was just starting on tiktok i would you know eat a little stem a little cap here and there if i had a night to myself and then around sunset i would walk down like a block to my um a local park and i would sit in the steps and i'd be playing music or i'd be like uh on live with you guys hanging out and i would watch the sunset and then i would go home

and i'd cook some pasta because i was really broke and i would just have some red sauce and pasta and then pass out fantastic like ending my night with just like a not like a casual night but just like every once in a while ending my night with just like a me day to hang out with me to do my thing to enjoy nature to really step into the world around me and live in connection to it i had like a bunch of neighborhood cats there so cats would always come up to me and i'd be like oh this the best day ever watch the sunset and then head back to this home absolutely wonderful absolutely fantastic and even though it is mundane not a crazy like oh i'm in france on mushrooms living my best life no like sometimes the most simplest things have the most impact on you um and you

don't have to plan some elaborate crazy trip like sometimes it's just being comfortable within yourself and wanting to connect to that or being so comfortable around other people that you want to connect to that as well and it really has a transformative experience to i mean anything but especially when you're on mushrooms you feel so connected to everybody tips per usual like in my last one when i was talking about acid is just um less is more and then make sure you're in a good environment specifically mushrooms you're gonna want to be outside like i don't know what it is i just feel so much more connected to the earth um and i want to be like sitting in the dirt so that is always a plus and i had this oh i had a backyard which is like so rare in kansas city and

it was gorgeous and i miss it being able to go back there like walk to the park um right fucking next to my house like what's right next to my apartment right now is a street beautiful apartment not hating but that house i think about that neighborhood a lot and like if i ever buy a house in Kansas City it will be in that neighborhood oh fantastic anyways speaking of moving into that house I also had a few roommates throughout my time um and someone asked advice for advice with living with random roommates for the first time um so when I moved in with this girl she had already gone through a bad roommate situation with her friend so she was very forward to be like I would like to like you and I would like to hang out and I would like for it to be

fun here but also like I cannot be your best friend because when you have falling out with best friends like someone you hang out with every day it's hard to then also live next to them so she was amazing and awesome but I really like that a she established boundaries early but was also still very inviting she wasn't like closed off like we're not gonna be friends and like no no no like it was very much so like okay I see that it didn't work out before and I trust you because I've never had a roommate and it worked perfectly um so I roomed with her and a lot of things where we had rules uh or like if we had certain boundaries like hey you're gonna really fucking throw me off if there's like dishes fucking everywhere so please do your dishes

don't say it like that but you know be forward with the things that bother you or be forward with how you are um and open yourself to that be friendly and inviting if you have new roommates try and do like roommate things like if you're cooking dinner offer them food if you know someone's watching tv they'll probably be like do you want to watch or if they're playing a game they'll be like do you want to play um you know it's a house a shared living environment so be friendly with one another and you're gonna have a good experience also within the whole like a weed community um and being unsure about that when i moved into her house like first thing i asked her was like can i smoke in here like how do you feel that weed she's like oh i smoke literally

everywhere in this house you're fine and i was like wow the heavens are opening up to me and god said here you are like we have delivered she's like yeah you can smoke whatever oh my god i'd be smoking like blunts in my room so when other girls were moving in she made sure to let them know hey this is a 420 friendly house you don't have to smoke but other people in this house probably will be so you need to be keenly aware of that and if that's going to be an issue for you for you maybe this isn't the place for you and I mean I remember a one girl touring and I was like smoking a joint in my room she came by and she looked a little shocked and I didn't see her again but it's like you have to be forward with these things because you don't want it to become a

problem later like the best thing you can do for having a roommate is be communicative and be open like hey i need to like do this thing at this time i need to be quiet in the house let them know prior see if they have things going on if we were inviting people over i was always like hey um my boyfriend's gonna stay the night is that okay or if her partner was coming over she'd be like hey he's coming over is that fine um and like thank you for being i open with me absolutely no issue whatsoever but it's just the little things and being like extra communicative that really goes a long way and makes rooming easier because i had a very bad roommate experience um not for a majority but just for a little bit of college and that was because a we were best

friends but that also because we were best friends we didn't feel like we could be real and open and honest with each other and then that uh turned into people then talking behind my back and then sabotaging me in a sense um especially after giving a boundary which was like a big no-no for me and i had to get out of there um but i do think that whole like peak of a situation how intense it was and how bad it was did stem from us just not communicating enough with each other like not saying the little things that were bothering us not saying the big things that were bothering us and that spiraling into just mass negativity so if you have something that's bothering you let the other person know in a kind compassionate caring way people are gonna be way more

understanding than you think um and make it a fun environment to live in like decorate have little like christmas gatherings you know do like thanksgiving together if you're cooking food offer it to them um you know it really is little things that go a long way it of course is not only your home but it's going to be theirs as well so make sure you turn it into a home but yeah hey girly so I've recently been listening to some of your older podcasts while I do like artwork and crocheting and stuff just because it's like very calming to me and it's very like reflective and like inner healing work um so anyways I was listening to any one of your podcasts from like a couple weeks ago and you mentioned being 23 and this being like your prolific year I think

and how you kind of were just like floating through life grinding making money and planning um and I was wondering if you by any chance know what your 20th year and 21st year kind of like directions where because I am 20 going on 21 and I am starting to like live on my own and be in control of my own life and I just feel like the world is opening up to me and I don't know what to do with my life I feel like there's so many options and I don't know where to go and I yeah thanks oh I think this is a really fun one so I'm gonna give you like a short recap of what every year since 18 has kind of looked like for me 18 is like oh my god I'm I'm gonna I'm an adult question mark I'm scared but also like I'm really hungry to have a lot of fun 19 was I think I'm an

adult and I'm acting like I'm an adult but I'm doing all the wrong things um and I'm definitely not an adult and I'm definitely still a kid 20 is okay I don't know what I'm doing I mean from 18 I don't know what I'm doing to 19 to thinking I'm doing everything right and really I'm doing it wrong to 20 back to like okay yeah not I don't know what I'm doing um but I'm getting a little more excited and I have a little bit more of a level head not quite there yet still having a lot of fun definitely having the most fun but also putting way too much emphasis on things that are that i think are supposed to be good but are not good such as relationships um and not really taking the time to focus on myself which i really wish i should have 21 i'm 21 let's party let's

have so much fucking fun really just checked out for that year um not in an unhealthy way but just kind of like in a delusional way of like i'm gonna have so much fun i'm gonna party it up it's also during the pandemic so i don't really have to focus on anything um and i am just going to make the best of my situation that's what 20 was 22 was okay we're getting up there we're not 21 anymore um i'm kind of burnt out at this point from having so much fun and like doing too many crazy things let's chill at 22 let's kind of it was mostly a chill year but let's take a moment to like focus on what we want and dream a little bit and ask ourselves where do we want to go with this so in 23 like i said was very much so like a prolific year it was a very chill under the

radar putting my head down working towards the dreams that i had at 22 kind of getting more of a level head and then 24 which i am now is definitely the year of travel i'm now putting myself out there more i literally just booked a flight to arizona for july like we are getting out there we are experiencing life we are in connection to the world around us we're still dreaming but we have some bigger aspirations some more long-term goals that we're looking at um still working hard but definitely not an inside girly anymore i'm also a little bit more confident just because i have more experience under my belt which is nice with with experience always comes confidence I just feel more comfortable within the world I definitely feel myself becoming more

level-headed my frontal prefrontal cortex is like completely developing so we're doing better we're getting there but it's all still a learning process basically until like I mean until you die you should be learning new things constantly every day you should try to continue changing and learning but I do think I'm going to be in this kind of like quote-unquote 20s phase that is I'm still learning how to live life like up until my 30s I think once I'm 30 I'll be like okay I know how to ride the bicycle of life now like we're getting there now we can do some like long bike journeys and like bike to the grocery store theoretically the grocery store that is life I don't know you know what I'm saying but I'm excited for what the future holds

your your younger 20s and like your like late teen years are definitely chaotic and I think the most comforting thing that I should have been told but really never was told was you don't know what you're doing I don't care if you think you know what you're doing you don't know but that's okay it is okay to not have any clue what you're doing you don't have to wait around for life to become perfect life is meant to be lived especially while younger so go live it take risks take on new opportunities dare to dream and then your mid to late 20s can be all about working hard and having fun but i think your early 20s are all about making mistakes learning from them trying new things learning what you like and learning what you don't like so give yourself those opportunities

love you anyways well that was uh smoke sesh summer school happy to have you i know it's a little bit shorter but i did like an hour and a half on tuesday and i'll still devote tuesdays for our longer episodes but thursdays will be just a little extra something and when i feel like we've hit a good cap you know i think i think i'll go ahead and end it i also need to get some food in my belly make me a little egg sandwich very excited um and then i gotta go work gotta clock in i just want to be outside at the pool across the street honestly i don't really want to be clocking in but hey we got to do what we got to do sometimes you just got to put the uniform on and get to work um because money gives you experiences and money gives you things that

you want in life unfortunately um but yeah i'm gonna clock in i'm gonna work my ass off to make some tips i'm gonna go play my new zelda game that i got for my switch and i'm so excited it's not my switch i stole my mom's switch because all she has to play animal crossing and i was like girl i have to play this new game i have to it's been really fun i've never played any of the zelda games but so this is my first one um but it has been really fun like literally i had my first gamer girl moment you but it was up to like 5 a.m the other night uh playing this game while my boyfriend was sleeping next to me and i was like oh my god i have to go to bed but then i like i can't go to bed because i can't stop thinking about it anyways definitely gonna do

that after work probably going to get some yummy food as well because what's better than that after a long shift something to treat yourself with and then take a fat nap do it all over again so excited to have you here so happy to spend a little extra time with you guys today thank you for sharing yourself with me and thank you for being here with me along this journey i'm so excited to see where we go with this and what this summer is going to bring us it's going to be such a hot sexy summer and i can't wait to do it alongside you guys um but yeah you know where to find me at hannah marlene if you are interested that is my instagram um all the links are in all the bios for all the things patreon you know what it is i want to do youtube videos soon once i get

this place set up because like my dining table my fireplace like such a perfect area to do a podcast and just hang out with you guys i do do all my vlogs and my extra videos on my patreon if you're curious love my patreon girlies you guys have been loving the weekly affirmations recently and i've been loving doing them i think this past week was some of the best ones that i've done and that's probably because i um took a week off while i was on vacation but i really like this week's and i think you guys did too the feedback was fantastic and also i'm able to interact with you guys a little bit easier on patreon because you can direct message me on there and i can see all your comments on there whether it's about the pod or the posts that i'm putting up but yeah such a

fun little community get community there so shout out to all my girlies um and yeah love you all have a fantastic safe weekend and i will see you all on tuesday for our regular episodes Thank you.