Smoke Sesh - rock bottom, ghost stories & halloween prep

Episode Date: October 21, 2025

hellooo everyone and HAPPY 4 YEARS OF SMOKE SESH!!!! we have so much to catch up on as we talk what ive been up to, fall festival, craft fair, supporting local, buying small business, pumpkin picking, horseback riding, looking back on me 4 years ago, how I started this podcast, staying true to yourself, halloween prep, going out, hangovers, the perfect costume, the perfect night out, my halloween plans, childlike wonder, skims bush, fashion coming back in, my most recent ghost run in, spooky season, current reads, favorite reads, go to books, bring back reading, creative blocks, powering through, prioritizing rest, life purge, making space for the new, how to actually get clear skin, going crazy to go sane, loving the unloved, spreading love, finding love in yourself, rock bottom, picking yourself up, finding hope, moving forward, inspiration, and looking back with appreciation for all of you over the years! thank you so much for showing up for me every week love you SOOOO MUCH!!!! MUAHif you want to watch the most recent vlog check out YouTube/ hannahmarlene444see what im up to on instagram/ hannahmarleneand for allllll the extra content and exclusive episodes join the patreon at patreon.com/smokeseshshawty

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Standard message and data rates may apply. listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you could call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all hello hello hello my besties welcome back to another episode of smoke sesh my name is hannah your host i'm sure you guys already know actually maybe you don't there's a lot of new people joining this spooky season which i am so happy to have you guys here oh my goodness randomly we

will get an influx of like a hundred thousand two hundred thousand plus plus plus new listeners randomly on like a tuesday and i'm like oh my goodness where the hell did you guys come from either way happy to have you here welcome to smoke sesh the podcast where all walks of life get together to talk everything honestly everything and everything and everything and everything under the sun no topic is off limits here anyways hope you guys had a fantastic week it is officially fall you guys it dropped down to 65 degrees there is a crisp cool chill in the air the leaves are finally falling they're no longer green they are red i'm like oh my goodness before we know it everything's gonna be bare and barren and cold and anyway so i'm trying to really enjoy and soak up

this beautiful weather while i can yesterday i actually went to a fall festival oh my god i love this fall festival if you're in like a kansas missouri area it's called the baldwin maple leaf festival you guys anyways so we always drive out like an hour to the country and we do a lot of shopping because it's basically this giant street craft vendor fair and one thing about me i love a homemade good i love a homemade good i love a fun little thing i love a trinket i love an item and we always go and just stock up with as much as we can of little fun things to get us through the winter so I always go and buy handmade soaps like body soap there's this one place that makes this really beautiful shea body soap with homemade herbs that they grow at their farm I also bought

some immunity tea from them shout out I got some new oven mitts there's this like mother and daughter who make handmade oven mitts with like cute cats on them i got one with like cherries and fruits on them for the spring it's gonna be amazing what else honey of course i got some tallow butter oh and then um i this is so cool there's this new company out there who hand makes flour out of ancient grains from the midwest what hello didn't know i needed that yes i bought a bag and it was so beautiful because they had these handmade hand printed original flower bags like flower sacks instead of just like a paper bag that you would get at the store I was like I'll take 20 just kidding I bought one but I'm hoping to make some sweet potato donut holes with that

I have a lot of recipes coming up you guys on the Instagram as well I know I sound like a mother of eight children right now I don't know what it is about just like fall that gets me in the cooking good food mood no girl I just get so freaking stoned and love eating food like it is probably the one thing in this life that brings me an immense amount of pleasure so I have a homemade french onion grilled cheese recipe as well as tomato soup coming up by the end of this week I'm also going to be doing a caramel apple nachos infused recipe which is going to be super fun munch on those before you go out for halloween but it's been a good little honestly kind of country week country girls shake it for me all right i also had lessons last week which was

so fun i technically my lessons are only supposed to be an hour but me and this girl have been doing it together and we were there for like four hours my boyfriend was like are you okay like i'm a little nervous that you died on the highway can you just do a little mental check-in with me and yeah we show up the instructor is probably a couple years older than me so we just sit down we have a kiki we do our little horse riding lessons we help out around the barn she let me like feed the horses last time it was just so amazing and so beautiful because I'm like if I want to actually like be around this or even just like have property or have animals at some point like I need to know how to do everything like sure the fun things riding a horse being able to take

care of it be safe around it absolutely but also like maybe the not so fun things that you would think about are fun to me because it's new and also i need to learn like i need to know how to do these things i'm in my nara smith if she was just so incredibly high era honestly i'm trying to get my money up and disappear into the forest with farm animals where it is peace and quiet mill my own fucking flower if i have to and then i'm so excited i'm going to the pumpkin patch tomorrow finally oh my goodness usually we go beginning of october um we've just been busy busy busy around here so finally we are going to the pumpkin patch tomorrow go get some pumpkins carve them up keep out the evil spirits if you guys don't know the history behind or why people

would carve pumpkins essentially it is to ward off evil spirits from your house on hallow eve's night the spooky scary faces are supposed to scare them away from entering your house so I think mine's gonna be a cat I'm gonna make a cat pumpkin put that up on my front porch and yeah like I said get all the seasonal things done so when the dent of winter hits I'm not like oh my god I let life slip me by no I took every opportunity I could to enjoy and frolic and relic in the fall foliage wow that was a mouthful also t-minus two weeks before i leave for japan yeah my life is going to be moving so fast for the next month i think pretty much i am just prep prep prepping before i leave for japan but essentially it's just prep for halloween

halloween happens immediately on a plane oh my god it's like a 24-hour travel day but those tickets were so cheap i'm like you know what i'm young my back is relatively healthy like fuck it let's do it landed japan we're there for like a week and a half if you have any japan tips tricks recommendations let me know below but i'm pretty much just traveling there to shop eat and hopefully kind of get out into nature and experience the countryside of japan as well but then i get back mid-November and then it's Thanksgiving and then it's oh my god Christmas and then it's New Year's you guys this year is fucking flying by I honestly can't even believe it's already October I don't know if your guys's year has been moving as fast as mine has this is one of those

things where as I get older I'm asking myself like is this just like an old person thing where you're like holy shit each year is moving faster and faster and faster or is it just like this year in particular has been moving quickly either way i'm like oh my god girl it's time to lock in enjoy to the best of my ability set my goals for winter so i do have a successful winter and then you know start planning for 2026 2026 what the hell anyways we're not gonna get that far ahead of ourselves oh my god i just opened my podcast app you guys we officially have hit four yes four years of smoke sesh what the hell time has flown four years are you kidding me i started this podcast when i was a teeny weeny little baby what like 22 year old hello oh my god

i was such a hot mess thinking back to the 22 year old who was sitting in this chair now where I am now oh thank god trust your brain will develop you will settle down from all of that chaos and anxiety you will figure it out one step at a time do not worry but who when I was 22 first starting this podcast I was wow dabbing taking dabs probably once an hour throughout the entire day i was unemployed in between jobs about to start serving again i was like struggle busing on a lot of mushrooms all the time it was post-covid the world was still kind of in shambles no one really knew what to do with themselves i didn't know what to do with myself and this podcast at 22 when i first started was something i had been putting off for about a year it was

something that people had been wanting people been asking for and I was just like I don't really know how to do it until I finally just started doing it and I literally started not with a microphone not with a computer not with a camera I started this podcast with through my voice notes on my iPhone I would record each segment each question as a voice note in my iPhone and then upload it directly to like the streaming service that uploads it to Spotify that's how I would make those episodes you can do anything you have if you have an iPhone you have the tools in your hand to genuinely do anything it is crazy to see myself go from that to now go to I guess like semi-professional setting and how far I have grown in four years I'm so incredibly proud of myself

and where i've gotten and how i've challenged myself and how settled i am now of course i always want more for myself but seeing how much i have completely transformed and changed in four years is so incredibly beautiful and wonderful and just brings so much hope for what the next four years holds and if you are someone who has been here from the beginning thank you thank you thank you so much and please please look back on those four years and give yourself a pat on the back for how much you have grown as well, for how far you have gone alongside me. And if you're new here, welcome. I'm not going anywhere. We got plenty of time to hang out, to catch up, to grow up together. I think that's what's so beautiful is that we can all come here and be our true

authentic selves to show the messy, the unseen, the untalked about, but what is real and what is human to all of us. I think that really just brings people together, especially now more so than ever where everybody likes to put on a facade no i don't make mistakes no i'm not i don't have pimples i don't fart you know like hello we are human we all do these things and the more we try and remove ourselves from our humanness the less connection we have to each other i think it's just really nice to have this place where we can all just be truly and honestly ourselves no matter what that looks like and know that we have something in common through our uniqueness and ability to accept ourselves for who we are oh how beautiful it's a sunny day out there's a crisp

chill in the air it is fall we've hit our four-year anniversary i am blowing you a big kiss thank you for being here enough of me rambling let's get into your guys's questions all right someone said help halloween is in two weeks and i don't know what to do at all at all help help help okay you know what queen you are so right and i need us all to take a deep breath exhale because halloween is about fun fun times eating candy gallivanting around pretending you're a different character painting your entire body green to be Elphaba like it is a very unserious time and I need you to kind of take it that way I think there's been this pressure especially the older we get on Halloween to be like you have to have the most perfect costume ever for the year

it has to look amazing and it has to cost this much money you need to look a certain way and behave a certain way and you need to party for about two weeks before halloween even starts it's like oh my god i'm exhausted even thinking about that you know how i'm celebrating halloween i'm buying all of my favorite candy i'm dressing up like a couple times in outfits that i think are just like fun and fit the theme of me personally this year i'm maybe gonna go out one night and then that's it i will be so happy doing that in fact last halloween i was in my inside era i was in my agoraphobia era and we didn't even go out i just got dressed up at home bought a bottle of champagne we called in pizza we watched a spooky movie and ate candy it was perfect halloween is

what you make of it and it's truly all about doing what you feel like is fun for you your Halloween costume does not need to be like so incredibly I mean if you want if you're a DIY queen please get into it please please please but like you can hit the thrift store and put together a Halloween costume in about five minutes I think for me personally the niche costumes are so fun like the random character that you're just like super interested in even though nobody has any clue what it's about like that's what Halloween's about it's like those little random kids who are like walking up to trick-or-treat at your doorstep and you're like who the fuck are they dressed as i gotta catch up with the lore of the children like what is going on who is that person that's

what makes it fun when you're drunk at the halloween party and everybody is like who are you it gives you an opportunity to just like be a little part of yourself and what you're interested in and also just like contain that childlike wonder you know no one cares who you're gonna to be for halloween except for you and that's what matters for me personally i have a couple different costumes i'll talk about my past costumes i think my best one by far was sailor moon i mean for obvious reasons um she was so fun to be i did that i think three years ago so i've been sailor moon i was alice in wonderland after that because we went to a rave and i felt like that was just on theme hello alice in wonderland down the rabbit hole girl i mean

the mushrooms and going to a rave and staring at lasers all night thank you last year i was pamela anderson i had her really sexy red and pink latex dress made and just got all dolled up and looked cute and hot back in college when i was like super broke i always went for like the funny costumes so like when post malone was really big you know i just threw on some face tats and called it a day any sort of store-bought sexy Halloween costume in college was also like perfect this year I do have a couple costumes under my belt I'm not sure what I'm going to be when or where or why at all but I do have like a cowgirl costume I feel like that was very on theme for me this year I have a kill bill costume because that's what I wanted to be in high school

But I didn't have any money and also like I wasn't really do anything on halloween So I didn't really dress up but kill bill like one piece set hot sexy fun I'm gonna throw some fake blood on myself. I also have a starfire costume I don't know if i'm gonna wear that just because I don't want to wear a wig all night That just seems like a lot Oh, yeah And then I have a hannah montana costume because that just felt like I said on brand with me this year my life is a movie call me hannah montana period so think about you think about your personality

and go from there it doesn't need to be anything crazy spectacular insane you can diy it if you like i think the diy costumes are so much more fun than the ones that are maybe store-bought but also i don't hate a store-bought costume all of the ones i just mentioned are practically store-bought costumes most importantly don't stress yourself out and dress up as what you want to be the same way children are like hmm imagination who do i want to be oh i want to be a zombie prom queen that's what i wanted to be one year fuck it let's go thrift a prom dress let's throw some fake blood on you and a prom sash and tiara put some dark circles under your eyes babe call it a fucking day now i will say we will do a halloween confessionals episode i'm not sure if

we should do it before halloween like next week or after so let me know in the comments what you guys think i don't know if i'll have like more stories more confessionals if we wait until after actual halloween weekend but i do know in the whole party scene party world halloween does it has already started it has i've already seen some costumes pop out i've seen some people start dressing up i feel like last weekend and the next two weekends are when people are going out partying and people are taking time to throw their parties me personally i cannot do the party marathon anymore i'm not built like that i don't want my liver to die and i do hate hangovers in fact i had this realization everybody hates hangovers but i had this realization this weekend because

on friday night i was having a good night we went out i was like have my little drink doing whatever the thing about me is i can only drink vodka or wine that's it i mean if it's a mixed drink i can do it because it's like mixed with something but I had tequila at some point in the night my body cannot process tequila if I have a shot of tequila if I have a tequila soda margaritas are fine but tequila in general it like has this way of throwing me into the most violent hangover ever and also like it throws off my stomach I don't know what it is I think it's just because I never drink it but I came home I had some ramen and I vomited I have not thrown up in such a long time and even as I was throwing up I was like I didn't even like drink that much it was just like

maybe three or four drinks on a night out but one of them was tequila shot oh girl that was what did me in I woke up the next morning semi hungover my key to getting over a hangover as fast as possible is of course chugging water but if you can go get yourself like a 68 ounce green juice like apples kale fucking cauliflower i don't care throw it in every single item that is green that comes from the earth naturally chug one of those you will be feeling better definitely i get up i'm like all right we got to make a green juice run i end up at the juice bar i'm hung over as hell standing around looking around me with all these people who looked like they just got out of a race oh yeah the kansas city marathon was the same morning and me hung over in the juice bar

at 9 a.m everybody else was in there and had just finished 26 miles yeah two very different lifestyles and i had this realization where i was like i just i can't do it anymore props to me for getting it out of my system when I was younger because I do feel very at peace with where I am now I don't feel the need to like oh my god I need a party party party party I need to like go out and drink every single night I got that out of my system when I was younger but now I'm like I'm just really really over it of course I enjoy maybe a cocktail at a nice night out with friends or a glass of wine at like a sleepover party movie watch situation with my girls but gone are the nights where i'm like i can take 12 shots in a night and be fine it's just it's not gonna happen

i'm over the hangovers i'm over the binge drinking era over the party marathon era i'm not built for it but if you are built for it go out have fun be safe stick to one alcohol drink your water in between please for the love of god and make sure you eat beforehand seriously but for me halloween is looking like go out dress up get some photos have a couple cocktails dance my little heart out hopefully be home by like midnight eat a bunch of candy watch a scary movie pass the fuck out that is my ideal halloween actually you know what if i was still crazy you know what my halloween costume would be and i think this is a great halloween costume nude bodysuit skims bush thong that's it you guys bush thong fashion really is so cylindrical i didn't realize we would be going

all the way back to like the fucking 1500s nobles used to wear but fake bushes because they shaved everything down there not for aesthetics like we do now or whatever they shaved everything down there because it was a sign of cleanliness because if you don't have hair you don't have crabs and so they wore fake bushes as you know a fashion aesthetic tool but they didn't have bushes because if you had a bush you had crabs nowadays it's kind of different still a little similar fake bushes you know what one thing about her marketing genius marketing genius if I had a million fucking quadrillion billion dollars like she did and the power to do anything genuinely i would also be out there making bush thongs because why the hell not you know but it

is so funny how everything comes back into fashion this year we've seen a rise of like the indies these 2016 which i think we're gonna see a lot more of next year but also like we're seeing a rise of like oh my god people are wearing nightgowns from the edwardian era and skims bush thongs that's insane and as like having a little bit of like a fashion background it is just so interesting to see and honestly i am here for the charades i'm here for the fun of it all fuck it but yeah if i was crazy that's what i would do nude bodysuit bush thong maybe some high heels call it a day oh also i have a ghost story for you this actually happened the other night so crazy um so on youtube i just uploaded and i uploaded earlier for the patreon patreon

girlies know they get extra special treatment i'm so sorry but of course they do shout out to my girls patreon.com slash smoke says shawty come join we have so much fun over there but i uh made a vlog where essentially i went ghost hunting not really ghost hunting i wanted to show up for my sisters there was these two witches out where i live in missouri that were murdered um for being witches they were just like sisters obviously didn't do anything wrong so i went and found the jail cell where they were killed in and then also left some offerings i also did a little altar refresh and like what herbs i use in my practice if you're curious it's on youtube hannah marlene 444 but that night i came home you know cozying up going to bed laying my little head down to

rest after being so incredibly exhausted i fall asleep to the twilight movie of course i'm on a twilight kick right now we're re-watching all of them my boyfriend has never seen twilight so he's like bitch what the fuck is going on in these movies just sit back and enjoy the ride all right there is nothing quite like a twilight movie marathon those movies get crazier and crazier the older you watch them but i'm falling asleep i'm laying my head down i'm falling asleep i'm falling asleep and then i wake up bam bam bam bam four loud knocks on my front door it's like 2 30 a.m i wake up immediately i'm shaking my boyfriend awake like what the fuck was that get up of course he didn't hear anything my cat's looking around because he his least favorite

noise in the world is someone knocking on our front door so i knew i wasn't crazy because he was also looking around like what the hell is going on but this has happened probably one year prior where in the middle of the night about 2 3 a.m i hear four loud knocks on my front door steady loud knocks bam bam bam bam four of them then it stops last year i was delusional and i tried to wake my boyfriend up he's a deep sleeper and he didn't wake up but i was like oh my god what if there's a fire what if something's going wrong i wasn't in a right state so i got up and i actually checked my door. Don't do that. I opened my door. I unlocked it. I opened it. It was probably like 15 seconds after something knocked. No one was out there. Two in five Canadians will

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and i'm not going out there he gets up he turns on all the lights he goes he checks the front door no one is there i don't know what it is i've looked online i don't know if anybody else has experienced this but it's so funny that it's only happened twice and one year and but in between it happening i would say it was probably about this time last year i heard the knocks i asked my neighbors they said they didn't hear anything at night no one knows what happened no one was there I did some research online someone said maybe it was like exploding head syndrome which is when like when you're falling asleep you start hearing loud noises because your brain is like in between like the dream state and the real world and you have like auditory hallucinations sometimes but the

fact that I heard it and my cat heard it was the confirmation I needed that no that actually happened like I said danger he's on edge he does not like the front door being knocked on it puts him on edge he immediately goes into hiding and he was ready to bounce as soon as he heard that he was standing up ready to go I don't know I don't know what it was I'm gonna just let it be though that's for sure not gonna investigate any further but that's been my most recent paranormal experience and the thing is I definitely live in a very very haunted apartment it is there's a lot of paranormal activity I've talked about you know walking out of my bedroom door at 2 a.m to go get a glass of water and I walk directly into a man's chest I'm not even kidding directly into a man's

chest so much so that it like throws me back for a second like I stumble backwards no one's there no one's there I look up no one's there okay let me go fill up my water I see people walking through the hallway out of the corner of my eye this building has been around for about a long time I would say at least since late 1800s that's for sure and my building my apartment is actually what was three apartments so they tore down the walls in between them and made it big enough that it's one giant apartment now but that means there was three different families or three different groups of people living throughout here for however many years to come until i ended up here i've also talked about my neighbor literally dying downstairs of course he's gonna hot the

fuck out of this place so there's a lot of energy and spookiness and ghosts and goblins and creatures lurking wherever you may look in this apartment and the one thing i do when it comes to approaching any sort of like paranormal or ghost is i just you cannot let fear give into yourself the fear is what really powers i think more of the visions or experiences they're not gonna hurt you they're not here to hurt you they're not here to even just like make you scared it really is just like a cross between realms and sometimes they take one step foot over into our realm sometimes we accidentally take one step over into theirs and it's just kind of like a mix match i talked about the veil being really thin last episode and i think that's why i heard those knocks is because you know those

realms and the veil is getting thinner and thinner and we're crossing over into each other's worlds more often than usual and thus i'm like we need to go to the pumpkin patch and we need to carve pumpkins immediately any sort of spiritual protection i can take i do take jar of salt by the door done okay incense burning to cleanse the air to cleanse the energy done pumpkin carving gonna happen leaving out offerings gonna happen one thing about me i do believe in the spiritual and i do interact and i do take precaution and so should you but yeah that was terrifying i was like oh my god who the fuck is banging on our front door because for me with like my um anxiety ocd i have this thing about like a house fire i'm just like so terrified of that happening because it's

just something that's out of my control a lot of my anxiety stems from things that are out of my control things that i can't do anything about and i'm terrified of being in a position where something bad happens and it was out of my control thus me freaking out about house fires so whenever like there's any sort of interaction or like of course knocking on the door that's my immediate first thought it wasn't oh there's a ghost man outside my front door knocking no it was oh my god the building's on fire boyfriend get up make sure there's no one out there who's like trying to get us out of here oh but happy halloween season you guys someone asked do you have any book recs actually yeah now that we're rounding out the end of the year if you guys don't know

i do a book club book every month on the patreon where i just share what i'm reading for the month and why and why it's inspired me let me go grab some of my at least like top three or five Favorite reads so far one second. Oh my god I literally just walked around real quick as you can tell from the bookshelf behind me I do have quite a book collection so far Um, I really have been challenging myself this year to read one book a month. The kids are illiterate They need to be back in school. We need to be reading and not using chat gbt I am begging you. We need to think for ourselves

I get some comments sometime, which is so funny because I really don't think this about myself but thank you queens um where it's like you use some words that i've literally never heard of do you know why i use those words it's because i get them from books i read them in books and i'm like oh that's how you use this now i can apply it to life all right we need to keep our brains fed we need to keep our knowledge and our me like yes i am very articulate no girl you can't string together barely a sentence the same way the gym bros are working out their bodies we need to be doing that but also we need to be working out our brains it is very important especially now more so than ever when they are trying to silence education and silence our access to knowledge so let me

share some things that i have really really enjoyed um first of all what i'm reading this month is on the witchy theme um it's been so it's been good so far i don't know if it'll be like my five star read but it's definitely interesting it's called slew foot um it's about a ancient spirit and then this woman who is essentially a widow and people start believing she is a witch and it's based in like I don't know the 1800s pretty good so far I need to get further into it even though I have like two weeks left in October sometimes I can fly through these real quick there's also illustrations in it which I find interesting not a lot of authors include illustrations as much anymore and I think that's a really fun part of reading not that I need a

picture book but especially when there's some very very visceral imagery i do enjoy seeing how they would depict that in their own image now last month which was a five star read absolutely for me such an incredible read between two fires i heard so many good things about this book and honestly listen self-help podcast whatever chatting just chatting podcast yes but because of that i had spent the past two years reading a lot of self-help books which kind of killed my passion for reading and so I challenged myself to kind of get into the fantasy world of it all and so this is a medieval horror actually it's a medieval horror book and it's about a essentially like a gay priest drunk gay priest a medieval knight and then this young girl who is seen almost like

at this godlike angel figure um traveling throughout like bubonic plague europe and trying to survive while angels and devils wage war on the earth it is crazy it is insane this is such a fun read i actually read it i'm not even kidding in 16 hours i went on a road trip i read it for four hours in the car there four hours in the car back and then i immediately got home sat down finished it it is so good and absolutely a five star read from this year if you are interested in fantasy horror a tale of like real journey this is so good now my other five star read for the year i've only had two so far although everything i've read this year has been honestly fairly good is braiding sweetgrass i've talked about this before this is by robin

wall chimera it is so good and so inspiring if you need a new output and like inspiration on the world and not like the world in tandem with people although that too like community-based but also how we view the earth and how much we use the earth without really thinking of it like that sweater you're wearing where do you think it came from how do you think it was made was it made with love was it made with purpose or is it just like in a mass factory somewhere being made you know that neighbor down the street how can you reach out to them and make sure that they are loved and cared for thinking about intentionality living side by side with the world and finding inspiration in it this is such a good read it was actually recommended to me by my brother and robin

is a botanist as well as a member of the citizen potawatomi nation and she embraces the notion that plants and animals are our oldest teachers so incredibly good i recommend this to literally everyone now switching it up i read this in july i think it was a perfect time to read it because i think this is a great summer book it's a great road trip book and it's actually a poetry book but it is called instructions for traveling west by joy sullivan and she wrote this after leaving her husband of like however many years and traveling across the west in hopes of like finding herself in life and it's a collection of short stories and poems of her experience of her finding hope in the world of her finding herself and of her travels it is really really

good and I think it's a great book to pick up when you need just like a dose of inspiration an easy read and a high dose of inspiration this is fantastic now of course I have to shout out my favorite author ever literally ever honestly she is such a hot girl I think she is the ultimate hot girl if I'm being honest and I wish I had more to read from her but I fear about two years ago I went into an Eve Babbitt spiral and I only bought things that she had written whether it was articles poems novels it didn't matter I read it all and so I have nothing else to catch up with her on unfortunately but she is such a good novelist eve babbitts is definitely one of my favorite authors ever sex and rage is a fantastic one to get into it if you are interested in getting

into eve babbitts most of her writing is based off her real life experience this is based off of the idea of this girl who is um moving between los angeles and new york and her experience kind of in the 1970s of sex of love of dating of being in the party scene it is fantastic it is such a quick easy read and the way that she views life and like the um rants that she goes on are so beautiful she really finds beauty in everything there's this one chapter she wrote about of her going to a dance night and it was so random she just showed up this man convinced her to dance with her the instructor she was stumbling over her feet but it brought this new inspiration and hope to her and so she started incorporating it in her everyday weekly routine until it became

something that like she couldn't live without that she truly enjoyed and it really is those little things that do bring joy to us and so it's little writings like that little chapters like that that really changed my outlook and my inspiration on life but eve babbitts uh the woman you are love her down now I have one last book which is kind of beat up but I think it is a fantastic book especially if you're going through a creative block I had someone ask actually you know what do I do when I'm going through a creative block and if you need a good written out long form instruction instructional manual on how to be an artist how to create and the act of creating this is the book for you it's called the creative act okay a way of being by

rick rubin and it is all about his perspective on creating what is creating what is making art how do we do it how do we be passionate about it how do we keep creating and fuel that fire inside of us i literally just picked a random page and open it and it said sometimes the mistakes are what makes us a work great humanity breathes in mistakes love that there's just so many inspirational and fantastic chapters in here about like the unseen it's always there finding hope finding passion finding creativity how to actually craft the energy in the work putting your energy into the work creating from yourself finding cooperation within yourself the reason we're lives to express ourselves in the world and creating art may be the most effective and

beautiful method of doing so art goes beyond languages beyond lives it's a universal way to send message between each other and through time it is just so inspirational and fantastic especially if you're an artist especially if you're in a creative block and you need a new dose of hope and inspiration on being a creative person it can be troubling sometimes this makes the weight and the burden of that be lifted so those have been my favorite reads some really fantastic reads I mean I have so many to recommend if you are interested in what I'm reading and what I'm picking up join the patreon like I said every month I share what I'm reading there my little book club book I have no clue what I'm gonna read for November but I keep finding these really

beautiful hidden gems and reading has been such a huge passion of mine for a while now I love that I've been able to spark it again within with inside myself and hopefully I can spark it within you as well it's also going to be like the number one way I get through winter a little escapism is healthy for us especially if we are reading a book like I said someone asked on how to overcome creative blocks I do think the creative act a way of being is a great way to start I mean reading gaining knowledge and how to incorporate that knowledge into being a more successful artist But I do think, especially being a very creative individual and going through creative blocks quite often, I think most creative blocks are a lack of rest, a lack of relaxation, and not enough balance in life. When I find myself like overproducing, overcreating and not allowing myself time to rest and relax

in between, I find myself unable to find stability in the act of creating and make it a stable output. When I balance it out though, when I plan ahead, when I really make sure I'm not overdoing myself or if i am overdoing myself compensating with enough rest time then i am able to create more often and create at a consistent rate where it feels right it feels good you know so rest is a very important factor making sure you are taking care of the whole body the whole self that you are finding balance within your life so then you are able to prioritize not only yourself your creative act your work whatever it is and also when you hit that creative block don't stop that is not

the time to stop resting is one thing it's still moving forward because you know that reserving that energy or rebuilding that energy you'll be able to then push it into something else so i do find resting as a way to keep pushing forward but when you hit that creative block it does not mean halt it does not mean stop the entire process it means okay let's switch it up let's try something different let's you know adjust a little bit maybe we're going to go into like a little brainstorming mode maybe instead of painting we're going to draw maybe instead of drawing we're going to mold sculpt maybe we're going to build a mood board we are going to start a new project we're going to start brainstorming a new project and then we'll come back to that

old project you have to come back to that old project though all right maybe it's like okay instead of doing a big massive painting I'm simply gonna do one little sketchbook drawing but the thing is you have to keep that creative process going in art school we had to do and everybody hated this but we had to do daily pages I think a lot of people do this when it comes to journaling they'll do their morning pages and it's the same sort of thought process where every single day if you sit down and do something it will put you in the habit of being able to persevere through creative blocks and so every day we were forced to sit down and do some sort of page a simple page in our sketchbook probably like four by six small little sketchbook didn't

have to be anything special all you had to do was put pen to paper it could be anything you could be lazy literally my professor didn't care he was like you could be lazy you could put your pen to the paper and draw a smiley face that's it one line one line half circle full circle done you could call it three seconds if you want it doesn't matter put that pen to that paper do something you be surprised even with zero energy with the most creative block you would like to say when you finally put that pen to that paper and allow yourself to enter that creative realm you will usually create something you have never thought about you never thought about doing something that you will blow yourself away with because you allow yourself to enter the free realm the free

realm of you can do whatever you want this page is open to anything that you could possibly imagine if you allow yourself to just enter that flow of it doesn't matter what I put on here as long as I put something on here it opens up that freedom it opens up those gates and really gives you the wings to be able to create what you never could have imagined a lot of my best artwork my best creative process has come from not me sitting and thinking and pondering and wondering but simply just following the flow of energy okay we're gonna start with pen to paper we're gonna do some little doodles we're gonna do some drawing maybe it's just color theory maybe we're just working on pairing colors okay now let's move from there let's do something else let's let's

focus on maybe how these colors work together and what shapes they work with okay now let's Oh, what's the mood in here? You know, it really is following that flow of energy, but you cannot halt that flow of energy. And I do truly believe that resting is pushing forward. A lot of people think, oh, resting, we're pausing. No, sure, in the grand scheme of things, you might be pausing for a second,

but you being able to take time to rebuild that energy, to recoup, recover, is the same thing as taking a step forward, in my opinion. But I do think when you encounter a creative block, you have to push through it. doesn't have to be the biggest most amazing artwork to push through it doesn't have to be the same thing you've been doing for the past three years but it needs to be something whether it's a simple little smiley face on your sketchbook page it doesn't matter just put pen to paper keep

it moving forward someone asked what do i do if i suddenly hate my whole closet and insta feed nothing feels like me we are facing the air of change you guys you know fall is happening we're kind of looking around us and we're going what the hell this year's flown by what's going on what do I do from here I think a lot of people are encountering this where it's like I just don't feel myself maybe something feels off you know I'm bored I'm ready to do something new that feeling of everything in my closet doesn't feel good I put on clothes that I wore last year and I love I don't like it anymore I'm I want newness I want change you don't start with purchasing a bunch of clothes you don't start with okay I'm gonna up and move somewhere you don't start with the go

you start with a purge you need a life purge you do and i'm not taking like you know a massive purge we need to get rid of everything and become like a nun no just like clear out that closet you're looking for space for refresh you can't bring newness in if you're holding on to things from your past your past will not push you into the present or even into the future only space for opportunity will so that comes with clothes that comes with style that comes with relationships that comes with everything and especially in the fall now is a great time to purge the great purge all right get into that closet ask yourself literally try on all your clothes does this feel good on my skin do i feel comfortable in it is this just something that oh i think looks cute

but i actually have never worn before literally the tags are still on you can find a new better home you can donate it you can sell it on depop make a little change to put forward into some new clothes down the line you know but we need to purge out things that are not bringing us joy things that don't fit into our lives and realistically ask ourselves you know does this thing actually belong in my life in the future or is this something I'm holding on to from the past like I said this has less to do with clothes than anything and more so do with like the whole holistic aspect of our lives I think we all right now are purging a lot of things whether it's like spiritually physically mentally so we can bring newness into our lives so we have space for

excitement in the future and you're making room for those new opportunities and those new blessings to occur so i don't think it's like your life is going wrong or everything's off or whatever it may be i think you're just chasing a new future a new beginning a new start and that has to start with opening space and opening energy to do so and if your life is so cluttered with all of these things you won't have any room to bring those things in so we gotta purge we gotta release we gotta let go that old you know emotion you've been holding on to for forever that has never done you any good that has only put you down and kept you four years in the past babe we gotta let her go we gotta leave her where she is she's not helping us she's not making us a better person she's just

keeping us pushed down and held back those old people that you know aren't good for you but you keep hanging out with because you guys have the same interests even though those interests don't even interest you anymore it's like it's okay to expand and you know open up time for other things or maybe fill in that gap with some hobbies you know release so you have space to do so maybe it is something physical like clothes or your space you're like oh my space is just so cluttered and messy our brains could be our space our homes could be our space clean donate get rid of it will open up opportunity for goodness for newness and for breathing room for you to decide where you want to go next how you want to fill that space to really think about it and enter that new era

intentionally but before we get to the whole okay how do we move into this new era you need to enter the purge phase someone asked what's your key to healthy skin honestly the i'm tired of recommending products or things like that if i'm going to be real genuine honest with you on how you get healthy skin and you understand your skin it's two things i know oh my god not a whole 10 step skincare routine no two things an esthetician a really good esthetician and if the esthetician can't do enough and you're really facing some serious like hormonal deep acne scarring whatever it may be a dermatologist fuck the noise of what these fucking influencers are trying to sell you or these celebrities celebrities are not estheticians they are not dermatologists i do not trust them

these you know mass marketed brands where you're scrolling scrolling and you see oh my god there's another one oh there's another one this person loves that oh my gosh this person loves this too oh i should try that since everybody's talking about it no they are corrupting your brain because they're feeding they're paying all these people to push it to you the only people i trust genuinely when it comes to information about my skin and what i should do to it now is my esthetician and my dermatologist back in the day when i had severe cystic acne i'm talking like three to four cystic acne spots a day on my face five to six on my back i'm not kidding i'm not kidding it was so incredibly bad i had to go to a dermatologist i had to it was not something i was going to fix

with like the newest cream or the newest fucking acid facial fucking salmon sperm ah no it's not that's not gonna work i needed like actual medication it was something i needed to actually fixed with medication I went on Accutane and it did help now that I'm in my mid-20s my hormones are a little bit more out of whack I don't think it's anything I need to start medication for but it is something that I started seriously going to an esthetician about and this is an esthetician who works with like she doesn't push brands but she's very very clear about the brands that she does use and how good they are for your skin this is not celebrity brand this is not influencer brand this is like teeny tiny little skincare brand that is i guess known between the

estheticians one's called like image skincare and the other one's called face reality um these are the only brands that have ever actually worked with my face i when i tell you i have not been able to find a moisturizer that i can actually put on my face and not have it break me out ever i've never used a face moisturizer up until last year and then i started like playing around with different face moisturizers and they'd make my face feel you know like moisturized but I'd still find myself like with blackheads and with pimples and waking up with closed comedones because it was actually clogging my skin even though I was like what the hell these people said oh it's not supposed to clog my skin what no she put me on to this new face moisturizer it has changed the

game it's so good it makes my skin actually feel moisturized and doesn't break me out and it actually keeps me from developing blackheads it's crazy i trust her with my life now i do and i go once a month and it's expensive i'm sure it's probably something you maybe can't afford in your early 20s but in your late 20s when you do have time to prioritize the things that matter to you and maybe your skin happens to matter to you i highly recommend it having a good aesthetician has changed my life and how I view my skin and how I approach it because honestly I don't know anything about skin I don't I didn't go to school for it I'm not a dermatologist I don't have the knowledge on it and there's some things in life especially now that I'm older

where I've come to appreciate other people who do have the knowledge we as human beings do not have to know everything we don't I mean if you have a special interest absolutely go out there gain that knowledge i think you should be smart and be aware and you know have those niche interests and go down those rabbit holes skincare is not something i'm going to be able to understand to the fullest extent because it's not something i want to dedicate my life and my learning to i know this but i want good skin sometimes you gotta pay a specialist it's like my car okay i don't know how to get under the fucking hood and do all that goddamn shit all right i don't i'm just a girl but that doesn't mean i'm just gonna like let my car burn to the ground no i'm gonna sometimes

have to pay a specialist who knows what they're doing to fix those things for me whatever it may be in your life that you encounter i think we should reward people for having good knowledge i think that is something that is important i think knowledge especially nowadays is important and i'm very happy that i was able to find somebody who is very knowledgeable and very skilled in the industry that she does work in so much so that it's so funny me and my old manager I remember this like three years ago we were chatting and I mean she has fantastic skin but she was like Hannah you have no idea like I used to have the worst skin ever like rosacea and insane acne like massive cystic pimples like horrible horrible acne she's like and I met this esthetician

she changed my life I I swear by her I go by her every to her every single month like everything she gives me really does make a difference and I was like oh my god that's crazy I love my estheticians too like she's amazing she's really changed my life I was like oh you should go to her you know like you should check her out she's like oh what's her name we were going to the same esthetician yeah we were going to the same person and I mean in the grand scheme of things she is fairly affordable uh like one good facial a month that's like 30 to 60 minutes long i think is like 70 bucks plus tip and for clear skin listen oh that's a couple less t-shirts i have to buy a month that's a couple less chipotle runs i have to take a month for clear skin i'll do it you know

sometimes we got to prioritize what we enjoy and what brings us peace and for me a good facialist has changed the game for me how to stay sane in this crazy world right now much love honestly I may seem sane but I'm not and I think especially when everything is so chaotic like government wise and just like everything wise staying sane is not an option no no no no staying sane is really not an option I think we do have to be a little crazy I think it's okay to look around you and be like this is fucked up and I'm not gonna pretend it's not I don't think we should be pretending things are fine when it's not it's like that meme of that dog sitting in the house fire and it's like everything's fine it's like no no that's gonna drive you to insanity that's

gonna drive you to closing your eyes when you shouldn't have your eyes closed to accepting problems when you could overcome those problems to kind of laying down and being a doormat to life i don't want you to ever be that i think especially when you're asking yourself like should i be losing my mind over this the answer is probably yes and it's probably yes for a good reason and i think we should allow that crazy out sometimes i mean we just had the no kings protest and i love it because it's so many people coming together that are like no this is insane and we need to do something we need to speak up we need to stand up we need to show up to the protests we need to be out there if i think something's wrong i gotta voice that i think going crazy over crazy

things is the sanest thing that you can probably do nowadays genuinely the most insane thing you can do is be like wow that's crazy i'm just gonna turn my head and look the other way and pretend like i didn't just see that for my own peace girl for your own peace it's about to happen to you too like we're all gonna be affected no matter what it is it's okay to be like oh my god that crazy thing is making me crazy that is normal that is real that is healthy and it's probably the most sane thing you can do nowadays is to be like no that's wrong that's weird what's going on what are we what are what are you guys talking about oh my god i'm not gonna pretend that just flew over my head i'm not gonna pretend to be sane because like that is crazy that's crazy you know

and i say that in a very general standpoint because there's a lot of fucking crazy things going on no matter what country you're listening to this from and i know there's a lot of people who listen to this from a lot of different countries there's crazy things happening everywhere you go and i think it's important to be aware of the situation around you and how you feel have those gut feelings have those gut instincts and stand tendos down behind them to look around and be like that's not right and i'm gonna tell you to your face that's not right instead of pretending how you treated me or how you're treating people around me is okay no no no no no no no sometimes being crazy is the most sane thing you can do honestly especially in the

given situations we're in right now help hannah the pain of loving someone who doesn't love themselves oh this is so hard it really is because i think it's important to show people love i think especially when we're growing up a lot of people don't know how to love each other because they weren't shown love growing up and especially you know the older you get the more you're set in your ways but that doesn't mean we still shouldn't show each other love or show each other you know oh you know this is my love language so I'm going to share it with you this is how I appreciate my day so I'm going to share it with you buying a random cup of coffee giving a random compliment like I think we should go through this world sharing love and appreciation and kindness to

whoever we approach I think we do owe that to each other to kind of like brighten each other's lives I think it's the human natural thing to do and if you're sitting here and you're like I don't owe anybody anything I don't have to be nice to anybody that's crazy that's actually crazy and I need you to step outside of your ego a little bit like it's okay to tell that girl who's wearing a cute outfit that I like your outfit or like I like your hair or to compliment a person down the street or to just be genuinely kind to your neighbor that that's a very normal real natural thing to do and you know you should be doing those things out of kindness and compassion in your heart not because you want something back now if it's in a more intimate sense of the word where

you know maybe you're in a relationship with a friend a close relative a lover where it's like i love them and i show them love and i do it all the time they just don't know how to love themselves but i keep showing them i keep trying to convince them i keep trying to tell them you can't teach somebody to do that especially in a close relationship you cannot like fix somebody into loving themselves you can show them the ropes you can you can give them some light and some ease to their life i think that is absolutely an option but when it comes to learning how to love yourself that comes from within you can't love someone into the perfect person you can ease their mind but you can't switch their way of thinking the only way they can do that is from

themselves and showing themselves love i know this because i've been there okay i've been the girl who's like two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research together we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer register today at pmcfwalk.ca legendary has arrived in alberta with bet mgm casino sign up to unlock access to over 4 000 casino games including exclusive slots you can't spin anywhere else. Survivors ready? The iconic TV show is now an online casino game where you can tap into island

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You know, let's be real. I don't really, I don't like myself. I don't know how to do this. This is weird. I've only ever talked down on myself. I've only ever done that. No one really came and like tried to show me love or appease me in any sort of way or like help me out.

Whoops. Anyways, but I learned very, very quickly that the only way to learn how to love myself was through myself. And that's a motivation you have to find within yourself. That is a habit that you have to find within yourself. And you do kind of have to force it on yourself. I'm gonna be honest when I first started learning how to love myself it was not easy love it was not I had a fake a lot of things fake smiling fake positive comments about myself fake not

actually caring about the negative things putting hard roadblocks in between me and those negative thoughts or you know habits that I was falling down that weren't good for me it was a lot of hard work the same way that you know you put in hard work on like working out you know strengthening your abs your core strengthening strengthening your arms um it was a lot of hard work on my brain it was a mental workout of redirecting changing those thought processes learning what a good thought is learning what a bad thought is and you know learning what kind of love i enjoyed and that didn't come from receiving it it came from doing it to myself and you have to have that motivation to learn to love yourself to learn to be inside yourself to learn to be a part of

yourself to then learn to love yourself it's not something that someone can teach you it's something that you have to teach yourself and I think what's so beautiful is in this world you will have a lot of teachers you will have a lot of elders who will give you advice which is so amazing and so wonderful you will have a lot of people in your life who love you who want better for you who will try and give you the tools and the tips to become a better person but the greatest teacher in this world will be yourself it will be yourself it will be walking alongside yourself it will be challenging yourself it will be getting yourself out of your comfort zone it will be learning alongside yourself as you would a friend that will be the greatest teacher in your life because

genuinely can i give you guys a secret nobody knows you like you nobody does and yeah some people you know their love language is getting a million dollars transferred into their bank account i mean who doesn't love that but some people they could give less of a fuck it's like i just need physical like connection i just need some cuddles you know and we don't know that until we learn that through ourselves and listen to ourselves and and know how to listen to ourselves and put ourselves in those situations to learn and trust in ourselves and work on ourselves and unfortunately i just don't think that is something you can teach somebody and it sucks but if you're in a relationship where you feel like they don't love themselves dare i say they don't know how to

love you i don't want you to ever be stuck in a loveless relationship love needs to come from both sides it needs to be like a flowing river from both sides where you both give give give give give not just one giving because the other person's gonna burn out and it's just it's not fair it's not a balanced relationship so if you find yourself there please understand you can lay all the roadblocks down you can give them the perfect tips the perfect tricks the perfect advice i know this from sitting here and giving you guys a lot of advice a lot of like tips and tricks but truly like you listening to that is only going to give you so much motivation you doing it is going to give you the ultimate motivation it's going to give you the ultimate

push it's going to actually make a change and a difference in your life once you make that step i can't make that step for you the same thing in a relationship when you're loving someone who can't love themselves you know you can do so much but until they have the courage and the capability to take that step for themselves it just it won't happen it won't we'll get there eventually i do believe that i do have this like general hope for the world i guess that everybody does want better for themselves and they are working to be better people i mean god i fucking hope so but i don't think it's something that you can really push onto a person or like rewire their brain for them it's only something they can do for themselves the sooner you learn that the sooner you will

dodge a lot of bullets and a lot of like energy vampires a lot of energy draining and you'll learn how to establish healthy boundaries you know someone said i generally feel lost in life feels like rock bottom girl we all hit rock bottom i've hit rock bottom many times i have i have i have i have and you know what low key i'm at a good place where i can say this universe don't take this as a sign to make me hit rock bottom again because like oh girl i just got out of that we don't need to be there again please for the love of god i think my last rock bottom if i'm remembering correct and i would like i said i've been there a couple times was last february march i would say march yeah March where my cat was extremely sick we were going on like month three of him facing the

same illness my car got stolen and it was tax season and I was like there's too much happening this is too much for me to balance I don't know what to do luckily it was outside of myself where it was like okay real world math problems in that sort of way luckily it wasn't like too much mental anguish i mean it was actually a lot of mental anguish um but it was extremely hard very hard very tough i'm talking sobbing cheeks touching cold tile floor on the bathroom floor sobbing sobbing sobbing crying i can't lose my cat i need to find money for a car i need to buy a new car I have I can't get anywhere what do I do oh my god I just dropped all this money on taxes which is like not a big deal amen thank you for having money period but it was like a oh man

life just got real heavy real quick the thing about rock bottom is you will learn more about yourself at rock bottom than you will at the top of that mountain yeah when you are naked cheeks to the floor sobbing on your bathroom cold tile floor when you are raw stripped down to your most basic being that's when you learn about yourself okay how we getting up are you picking yourself up okay are we gonna move forward are we gonna persevere through this are we gonna stand strong beside ourselves you know we're gonna have a good cry but are we gonna get the fuck up and you know try to do better for ourselves or try to figure it out are we gonna sob ourselves to sleep and keep digging our hole deeper you know telling ourselves we're not a good cat parent and i'll

never drive a car again and i'm never getting a car and i won't ever get it and oh my god i'm so broke and life is so hard for me and just dig dig dig dig are you gonna dig your grave or are you going to get up and try to just take one step forward we learned so much more about ourselves at rock bottom than we ever could anywhere else so please if you're there know it does get better it does get better i'm thinking about march to now oh wow had so many great experiences in between i figured it out of course you do of course you do all you got to do is stand up you'll figure it out you will get through it life does get easier you will find yourself back on top of that mountain again but it is a great opportunity i'll tell you what to learn about yourself and to build

resilience and build strength within yourself like i've said i've been at many rock bottoms that's probably my most recent i've been at rock bottom when i was a fucking like a drug addict been at rock bottom when i'm like waking up delirious and not knowing where i am i've been at rock bottom in relationships where i'm just with an abusive ass person and i feel like a shell of a human I've been at rock bottom in the psych ward you know like I have been at many rock bottoms and the goal is to limit those you know the more I learn about myself the less I'm there but I will tell you it has made me such a strong individual has made me so much more confident in myself it has made me so much more understanding and appreciative and courageous and kind by

knowing that we all get down sometimes we all hit that low point but you will get up you will get up you will get up you will go to the top of that mountain you will relish in what it is to be alive and the beauty of it all but what will you learn from this moment in time maybe this moment is strength maybe this moment is kindness maybe this moment is compassion maybe this moment is you know completely switching things up i can't live this way anymore whatever it is face that lesson real raw strip down who you are face that lesson head on learn from it get the fuck up and push forward if you need like real real like uh inspiration i'll tell you what i know my tiktok girlies they they get it sometimes when i'm in like a really low point where i'm like i just can't do it i'm

i wasn't meant for anything i go on the hope core tag on tiktok and i just go through hope core videos i'll just sit there and i'll sob and i'll scroll through hope core videos because i think the one thing that will really help you push and succeed in getting up from that low point that rock bottom is hope hope that you'll do better hope that it will get better hope that you can create that dream future for yourself hope that you'll figure it out hope is everything it really is it is the number one motivator and it is such a powerful tool to have on your side you should never give up on hope and i'll tell you what even at my lowest point even when you know i'm talking lowest point like did not want to be here like ready to take myself out of the game ready to

turn off the console i say metaphorically because i don't want to get this taken down there was still that like spark that like teeny tiny little spark inside of me of hope of like but maybe I'll get better and that is the one thing that got me to get help that got me into the psych ward that actually took therapy seriously that started building up momentum and building up momentum and building up momentum started my podcast four years later now I'm here I'm living such a life that I'm so proud of myself for keep for being here for persevering for getting through for getting up it gets better life gets better there's so much beauty out there that you will create for yourself that other people will create for you light up that spark

of hope inside of yourself cry it out if you need to watch some hope core videos get up take one step forward you got this i got this seriously there's one thing i can do on here and like the one thing i really care to do with this podcast is provide hope um i guess it's a good little you know full circle moment but back in the day when i you know got into my severe depression i was like a senior in high school and i was a part of all of these like uh suicide prevention groups um i really wanted to like i understood how i felt and i understood how isolating it was and i wanted other people to know how it felt to not be alone you know i don't ever want to deny your experience or even like talk about the depression but i want you to know that you're not alone because it can

be such an isolating such a lonely journey to be on when you think that nobody understands you and i think it is so nice to have some understanding i think what made my journey less lonely was just a few people who reached out with understanding to me and i found myself in these groups and these groups were doing nothing for understanding they weren't they were doing anything for understanding sure you hand out your flyers you hand out your phone numbers great fantastic I think we need information I think you need readily accessible information period but there was no hope there was no understanding behind it and so I kind of fell out of that life got ahead of me and then I found myself you know back kind of in the same place and I realized how important

it was and started this podcast and realized wow finally I get to do what I want to do finally I just gonna sit here and let people know that I get you to metaphorically like reach out a hand to you and set it on top of yours and be like it's okay I've been here you've been here you're not alone and it is such a blessing to have finally been able to achieve that to be here and be able to reach out that hand to you guys and I'm so so lucky to have the platform I do I'm so lucky to have you guys showing up for me every single week for new people finding me it is a blessing and such a life beautiful life that I get to live just being able to do this every single week twice a week with you guys and I could not be more thankful because I know if

There's one thing I'm going to do in this life. There's one thing I really feel passionate about in this life is making people feel less alone. That is my one goal, my one passion, my one drive. And I stumbled upon it. You know, I knew it's what I wanted. I kept moving on with life, had it in the back of my head. All of a sudden, I'm like one year into this podcast and I realized, holy shit, everything

that I wanted to do that was going wrong and all of these like suicide prevention groups that were going high school to high school I'm finally able to you know do I'm finally able to reach that hand out to people and let them know it's okay you know what you're going through is hard we'll get through it but most importantly let me be a little bit of hope and let me give you guys you know a laugh to break the tension a giggle about the messiness of life and most importantly just understanding that you are not alone in this life ever ever but i love you all so much seriously wow what a world what a journey how thankful i am for this podcast literally cannot be put into words and i know it seems silly oh podcast but yes you guys have changed my life and

hopefully i have been able to make some sort of impact on yours you know sure we can get on here and be silly and stupid and high and stoned i mean that's what life's about but also in the serious moments i hope i can provide a a spark to that light that i know is burning inside of you i love you all so incredibly much my smoke sesh family my hotties around the world thank you for showing up for me every week like i said i'm forever indebted to you all and with that being said next week let me know next week if you guys want a confessionals episode episode next week or after halloween please please let me know if you want to see more from me always on the patreon i do an extra episode where i answer every single question i'm not even kidding and on the patreon

what's nice is you can upload like upwards of like three to four paragraphs and yes i will read it out loud like girl i'm ready let's dive in what problem you got maybe we can work it out together maybe i can provide some understanding we go over every single question last week i think we went over 55 questions we have a ball over there and i can be a little bit more chaotic because it's it's behind a paywall you know plus much more fun things on patreon and if you want to check out the vlog oh yeah um on youtube at hannah marlene 444 it's a little fun little spooky little vlog i got into my like buzzfeed unsolved era where i like did some fun editing it's cute it's silly i don't know i'm just trying to like i said keep that creative spark alive just

keep pushing out content keep doing the thing that i do enjoy and more recipes going up soon on Instagram as well as some fun cute pumpkin picking pictures but with that being said I love you all so much stay sane stay sexy and I'll see you all so soon two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.