Smoke Sesh - rock bottom, new perspectives & fresh starts

Episode Date: April 14, 2026

hello everyone and welcome back to the internets favorite smoke sesh! today we have a lot to catch up on such as what I've been up to, spring time frolicking, taking advantage of the good weather, possibly buying a horse, bush problems, going bald, learning to love where you are, getting a new perspective on your life & city, new perspectives on life, does weed make you lazy? using substances not letting substances use you, festivals, Coachella, raves, going to concerts alone, doing things alone, holistic health, science, homesteading, finding a balance, being an evil girl, evil exes, getting back and getting even, hitting rock bottom, mental breakdowns, acceptance, learning to look up, surviving against it all, taking a break in life, getting back on track, daily meditations, hobbies, insecurity, fresh starts, pet peeves, dangerous driving, rude people, judgement of characters, travel recs, free time, learning to just enjoy the journey, influencing, how I decided to do social media, having an influence, being judged and much much more!join the patreon! new episodes (and more) at patreon.com/smokeseshshawtysubmit your questions and call ins every week on instagram.com/hannahmarlenewatch the new vlogs every Sunday on YouTube at hannahmarlene444

listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all oh my goodness hello hello hello and welcome back to the smoke sesh podcast my name is hannah your host as you guys already know and i am having such oh my god a lovely wonderful spring day i am feeling rejuvenated i am feeling bright sunshiny pastel in my heart and mind as you can tell from this beautiful two-piece set shout out Frankie's bikinis for this one you guys know

how I feel about a two-piece set and making me feel put together but I truly have been just like indulging in all the spring things recently and I feel like unfortunately damn they were right doing things that are good for you does make you feel say it with me good it really does um this weekend I honestly was planning on doing absolutely nothing and then I was like fuck it it stopped raining for like two days the sunshine was out the mud had dried up and I was like we're going to the tulip fields we're going to the tulip fields there was a tulip field festival going on in like I don't know mid middle of nowhere Missouri and there was only two days left in the festival and it was like all right now or never now or never and last thing I wanted was

FOMO from not going to the tulip festival so I got my ass up I got my ass out of bed I curled my hair I put on a cute outfit and I got out in those tulips fields and had the best time ever just frolicking being in nature being around fun other people who are just enjoying their time if you're in the Kansas City metropolitan area it's called KC fun farm and yes it is a fun farm The tulips aren't blooming anymore, but they are open all summer and they have like a plethora of animals that you can feed. I fed cows. I fed sheep. I fed goats. I fed chickens. I fed mini horses. They had like games and slides and it's just a fun little thing to get out and about and enjoy the weather and kind of just like get out of the city if you need to

because as you guys know, I love to get out of the city as as many times as possible, honestly, but it was just so beautiful and such a great way to spend a day they had the world's strongest strawberry cider and me and my boyfriend chugged a glass and then went out into the tulip fields and went frolicking and it was so beautiful those photos are gonna be up as you're listening to this bright and early tuesday morning um on instagram at hannah marlene also i know you guys already follow the instagram and i don't mean to plug it i just honestly do most of my announcements there so it just makes sense i'm i'm gonna go ahead and i'm like it's time it's time we should tease it a little bit i'm coming out with something on 420 so stay tuned for that drop on 420 just a little

something a little something that you guys really enjoyed in the past no it's not the pink fairy bongs i fear that was a once in a lifetime opportunity which i'm so thankful to have had canna style is fantastic if you ever need any sort of bong um but something a little bit different something a little fun a little trinket a little a little thing to keep on you to keep yourself lucky to keep yourself feeling full and to also light up your life that's as much as i'll say on that but those will be dropping on 420 i'll make a post about it on my instagram so stay tuned for that if you hear any of the questions on this podcast if you're new to it if you hear any of Collins and you're like how the hell where the hell did she get these from my Instagram

either through DMs or I upload a questionnaire every Sunday which you can submit to that's the main area that I look at questions but I'm going to try and do as many questions today as possible if I stop yapping about my week but lots of new fun things on there as for 20 approaches I'm going to be posting fun little recipes as you guys know I love to do a recipe i'll be making strawberry cheesecake wonton bites like deep fried strawberry cheesecake bites and then also with the wonton since you get so many different wrappers i'm going to try and make homemade pizza rolls so if you want to make those those recipes will be up on instagram later this week the big special announcement on what i'll be dropping on

420 as well as me just sharing my life my endeavors and what i've been up to and some beautiful photos from the tulip fields anyways i woke up bright and early this morning as you guys know per usual went out to the farm went to go uh to my horseback riding lesson and as soon as i got there they were like oh the farrier's coming all the horses are out i was going horse to horse and i was like which one is this one i've never seen this horse like i know it's not new i know i've definitely like i guess seen her but i haven't been like face to face with her who is this they're like oh that's Xenia that's the one that's up for lease and they were like oh yeah were you interested in that or didn't you say you were maybe interested in leasing this horse and I

was like yeah it's definitely something I've been thinking about I definitely can't own a horse right now I don't have horse money babe but I do have lease money that's for sure um so I was like yeah it's something I'm interested in like if you want to tell me about her quirks and who she is and all about her then I'm down to hear it out but I was already saddling up a different horse Bella my usual horse and they were like well she's already out you can just go and saddle her up and ride her for your lesson so I kind of got nervous for a second and I get usually a little nervous before every ride just because it's like who knows what's gonna happen but I was like oh new horse and also it's like testing a new car it's like all right we gotta test all the buttons

all the things let's see and I knew she was a fantastic horse because the owner of the ranch which has like 30 horses there this was her personal horse she has two personal horses one of which is a little bit on the fatter side and also a little bit better for working so she's like I definitely want to keep that one and I need to ride her I just haven't had time to ride either of these horses and the other one which is fantastic which you would love to keep is not great for like trail rides with small children fantastic with like a really strong rider fantastic in groups fantastic for lessons but just not great for you know what was working out there but she really wanted to keep her so she'd been leasing her to another girl and then now since

the other girl was uh bought a different horse is up for lease again or up for sale so i was like okay you know i'll test her out she's beautiful xena for xena warrior princess um she is massive she is so smooth she's a Missouri fox shotter darker horse I don't know how to describe it to you I don't know the terms I'm still very brand new to this and lesson went just like so incredibly smooth um she definitely had some quirks that I had to work out with her but she's lucky that I got a strong head too I know how to put my foot down and make a horse listen at this point in time and it went really well even the owner came out for a little bit and was watching me ride her so afterwards I was like all right okay how horse is expensive horse equals expensive

duh hello but like what are we looking at here you know I'm curious I know there was other people who are possibly gonna lease her there's like a little bit of a pecking order that has to go on I know I'm new I know I'm probably not the first option because of that but like what are the prices and the prices she was telling me for boarding and all those things were things within my range and she's so sweet she's like i'll also do lease to buy so if you really like her all the money that you put towards boarding towards everything that would cost monthly leasing i will also put towards the final cost of if you want to buy her at the end of the day or at the end of whenever you rack up enough money with this horse which will not take long um she has a couple

little things that need to be worked on a couple little vet things or just like allergy things but overall like fantastic amazing horse no wonder this was this lady's personal horse for like eight years um and and the people who own her are incredible horse trainers so I know that I'm not getting myself into a position where I'm gonna have to deal with like a younger horse who's a little bit more fresh who's a little bit more testy like this is old steady reliable Xena so I was like okay when do you need an answer like do you need it tomorrow she's like hell no girl like you should not be buying a horse within a day or even committing like that within a day like think it over take a month take a month to get a couple more lessons in with her

take her out on the trails do whatever but take your time she's like at this point in time I went out I saw you ride her I think in my opinion out of the three to five people who want to lease her you are the best option you guys work really well together and you know you are able to work through her little habits her little you know mayor tendencies which I don't I don't blame her girl you know I'd also be pissed if there was a bitch on my back trying to ride me like I get it that she's like honestly I think you're a very strong rider I think you are a fantastic fit for her and at this point in time I'm gonna go ahead and consider this your horse no payment necessary nothing you feel it out you test it out you see how it goes you work with your finances she's like

i'm just gonna go ahead at this point in time this is your horse oh you guys what what not me starting riding horses literally eight months ago and i'm like i'm buying a horse well i'm leasing i'm leasing but not yet paperwork hasn't been signed you know i still need to think it out essentially the leasing that they do there is not like oh it's their horse and i'm just showing up every once in a while she's like you pay for boarding you pay for everything that would everybody else would pay for for their own horse um so that includes vet fees that includes farrier that includes you also buying your own saddle you buying your own reins which i respect because it's like yes like i if i'm gonna take on this responsibility i need to take it on fully but i

also appreciate her being like take your time there really is no rush at all feel it out see how it goes but i might be a horse owner soon isn't that fucking crazy i never would have expected this for myself a year ago i never would have thought i would be in this position but i followed my dreams i got out there i tested myself i tried it out and i'm so proud of myself for doing so because now I'm in this position where not only am I kind of like gaining respect from people who have been in it for such a long time but I'm trusted by them they want to see me succeed I want to see myself succeed and I would just die to have my own horse and be able to go out there anytime I want anytime I want rider on the trails be out in nature go into the arena maybe even

start doing barrels oh my god dreams are coming true so everybody collectively manifest manifest manifest thank you i love you guys and also join the patreon or something like please come support me any way you can support the 420 drop even just listening to this is enough support you know i appreciate you guys being here every single week it truly means the world to me and does make such a huge difference in my life i try and make a huge difference in your guys's life and in exchange so i am just so thankful and yes i just wanted to share that exciting news with you all i don't know if you guys are into horses or some of you guys have been like I started volunteering because of you I started taking lessons because of you it has just been such a magical experience in my life

and I want everybody who is interested I get if it's not your cup of tea to get out there and experience it if they can because it has truly changed my life for the better it's made me a much more confident person it's made me you know much more decisive in my life it's made me much more excited about life time flies by because I'm always looking forward to the next opportunity that to get to ride and yeah oh my goodness i'm just ah i'm so excited and then i'll be able to vlog more because when i'm at lessons like i gotta be i gotta be on it i gotta be on it speaking of vlogging i have been staying up to date with my weekly vlogs all right i've been hustling and bustling you guys trust me i'm trying to put as much content out there as i can for you guys

but if you want to watch the weekly vlogs you can watch them at hannah marlene 444 on youtube different than the podcast youtube um this past week i just kind of like got stoned and made crafts i felt like what better what better than to just get high and make crafts i made some necklaces it was super fun just to kind of like get crafty and like easy crafts and just like yap it was such a good time so if you want to go have a little craft and yap sesh with me you can watch that there and with next week being 420 next week will be a super fun 420 vlog where i do all of my favorite things all of my favorite things all in one vlog i can't wait to share it with you guys but with that being said i think that's all i have really to update you guys on

420 drop fun new exciting things if you want to support me um new photos new recipes up on instagram patreon if you want to support me i post a lot of patreon i really try to make it worth your four dollars or seven dollars or maybe it's like nine is the highest here i really try and make sure your money is if it's being spent is worth it there's nothing worse especially in this economy than like yes I'll put five dollars towards something and then it's like wow the return on that was absolutely zero out of dollars out of the five it's so frustrating and I know that as a consumer so I really do try and keep that in mind for you guys and especially with the next drop coming up I try and keep that in mind always but thank you guys so much for the

support endlessly I do appreciate you guys showing up every single week to hang out with me it makes my it makes my life it really does i have such a good time with you guys just kikiing and smoking and having a blast you know what's better than just hanging out with the girls the girls and the honorary girls too i don't care what's in your pants okay if you're listening to this podcast you're an honorary girl me chugging my celsius okay with that being said though enough yapping let's get into your guys's questions because there's a lot that i want to go over so i think i'm gonna do kind of like a question roulette not even roulette just like let's get as many done as possible someone said not a question but i was trimming my bush and fucked up a cut and had to

go bald no a baddie down oh my god my my puss has not been bald in about i don't know i don't know let's go eight years i'm not even kidding i feel like when i first started shaving i would just shave everything off because it was so much easier but once I discovered how to maintain a bush which is pretty much just shaving around it and trimming it down it's the way to go but even if I fucked her up I'd probably just leave a landing strip just because I would feel like a naked mole rat without it not that I'm calling you that love you queen it'll grow back literally faster than you ever could have imagined I don't know what it is about the hair down there that grows back 10 times faster than any other hair on my body my armpits probably grow the slowest i shave my armpits like

once a month but down there oh my god i gotta shave like twice a week if that if i'm feeling extravagant i'll go twice a week but oh my god baddie down for real i thought that question was going somewhere else i thought i was gonna be like and i accidentally cut a lippy because i've been there especially when i was first learning how to shave oh my god the worst the worst if i got like a little a cut or a nick down there i'd be out for the count out and i can't believe women okay love you love women bravest of us all truly honestly i cannot believe they we give birth i'm like they no girl we not that i have but who knows we give birth and that shit tears open oh my god we need to be worshipped we need to be worshipped and prayed to and treated much better

than we are because the way we're able to create life and then go through like the most traumatic experience ever to bring it into into the world and then just like pretend like nothing happened and then raise it for 18 years oh my god mothers you deserve the world i know mother's day is coming up everybody send your mother flowers tell them i love you if they were a good mother um but props to us truly props to us advice on hating the city you live in but loving your job and that's why you stay oh you know what i was at a point there with kansas city where i was like i hate this fucking place i hate this fucking place i need to go i talk about california a lot but if I'm gonna move to California it's got to be like I have to be like very confident in why and where

and who and what and all the questions I'm a person who has to go over every single question every single situation before I commit and that is a fault of mine because sometimes overthinking is the problem acting is truly how you discover and how you know and grow and understand but I just am not in a place where I'm ready to up and move my life across the country quite yet um I would do it for a fantastic opportunity but it's like the things that I'm doing here would just be the same things I'm doing there it's just a different environment and so I was like all right what am I gonna do stay here and stay miserable and horrible and evil and awful because I'm upset at like the city I'm in or do I do I try and see it from a new perspective

see it from a new lens and listen you're thinking Kansas City oh who knows what you're thinking probably unglamorous and you're probably correct in that aspect I just spent so much time here that I feel like I was doing the same things over and over and over again or on the flip side doing nothing and that's why I hated it I needed to start building new experiences I needed to start seeing it in new perspectives I needed to go try new food I needed to go to new areas I felt like I had lived a full life here and it treated me well but I felt like I outgrew it and then I was like in this weird limbo phase of like i hate where i am and i hate you know that i'm here and i'm not going to do anything about it i'm not going to move so i need to for survival i need

to learn to love it so what did i start doing started taking horseback riding lessons i was like fuck it if i'm gonna be here let's just try new things i don't care what it is it could be hiking it could be atving it could be a motorcycle club it could be a paint and sip i don't give a fuck it was like i just need to try new things and see new sides of where i am so hopefully i can learn to love it a little bit more i also need to get out of my house more often i felt like i had done everything and then i stayed inside for too long and it was like okay well the three years you stayed inside bitch so much has opened so many new things has happened so many different opportunities are presenting themselves go out go experience go try new things it's so easy as

humans to kind of get in our favorite rotation of things it's like all right eat sleep work favorite restaurant once a week maybe hang out with the same friends and that gets very redundant it's very boring your brain wants new stimuli new experiences so i started kind of challenging myself all right one new coffee shop a week or one new restaurant a week or just like going on a walk in a new park figuring out new little trails to go explore taking a new route to work so i'm not seeing the same things every single day and I really put that into practice over the winter as like a survival tactic because I couldn't really be outside as much and it really has flipped how I see this city is it my dream city no is it the place that I'm going to live for the

rest of my life probably fucking not but do I now enjoy my life more and am I taking more opportunities and I am am I appreciating the world around me a little bit more yes absolutely that's why i was so adamant about getting to the tulip fields i was like oh i could stay in bed and just do what i usually do doom scroll and not experience life and it was like okay miserable get up put on a cute outfit yes you will feel good in that cute outfit go out into the flowers go frolic go experience a new farm that you've never been to and guess what i had a blast i had an exciting time and it brought new life new energy new joy to the place that i do currently live in so you love your job job's important money's important unfortunately so but you hate your

city that's okay have you given it a fair shot have you maybe tried everything that you thought you might like and now you need to try new things do you need to switch up your routines do you need to get maybe 30 miles outside of the city see something a little bit further these are the questions i'd be asking myself new hobbies new friends new whatever you need newness and there's always newness to find wherever you are i promise you i thought i had done every fucking thing in this city i have been in this city since i was 13 years old whether i was supposed to be here or not i would literally run away from the suburbs from the country hitch a ride out to the city spend like a weekend here crash at my brother's place on his couch do everything i possibly could the

worst way possible and it kind of like ruined the experience i was like damn i feel like i've ran this city dry and there's always new things to discover that's something i'm always learning you think you know it all you never do you never do and no one likes to know it all you know no one likes somebody who's like oh i've done that it's like okay cool well maybe you need to try something else now i'm talking to me personally like i just get so stubborn it's like bitch have some fun relax chill go experience life where our parents right is smoking weed every day making me boring and lazy? Oop. Did my mom submit this question? Here's the thing. And here's the answer to every question you could possibly submit. Maybe, maybe, maybe the weed is making you boring

and lazy and that's okay. I mean, is that, isn't that kind of why we smoke weed in the first place? Like, let's be honest. Let's be honest with ourselves. I'm not picking up a joint going, wow i can't wait to fill out an excel spreadsheet and do math that's for fucking sure definitely not am i picking up a joint smoking and going oh i cannot wait to do engineering work hell no i'm picking up and i'm smoking a joint and going i want to relax and slow my fucking brain down and chill out okay we talked about last week being a productive stoner it's possible but there's limitations to everything to understand your experience with something you have to understand that thing's true purpose i mean weed is meant to chill you out weed is meant to relax

you weed is meant to make you a little bit lazy and dissociative so don't do it at times that you don't want to be that way you know it's it's a very simple you know exchange of energy same thing with drinking it's like am i gonna take a shot before i have to go drive my car hell no that's the last thing i'm gonna be fucking doing am i gonna fuck like go drink a cocktail or eight before i have to go horseback riding no i need my full brain intact to make those decisions so so i won't be doing it in situations that it is unnecessary and you should probably question yourself when you're using substances in situations where you shouldn't be period point blank okay so yeah maybe maybe it is making you lazy dissociative all the things people like to

say about weed because at the end of the day I mean that's kind of what it's for I'm smoking weed so I can chill out and not be such a bitch all the time but also I'm not smoking weed when I need my brain to be on when I need to be thinking when I need to be doing things that are important that require full cognition I'm not going out and having cocktails when I need to you know be on be aware be doing things that are serious have my full brain attacked i'm having a cocktail on a patio on a warm summer day when i have absolutely fucking nothing to do afterwards i'm smoking weed maybe in the afternoon when i have nothing else going on other than maybe laundry or dishes or vacuuming my house and chilling out you know so maybe our

parents were right maybe they were and maybe i didn't need to be smoking weed at 11 a.m or let's actually say 7 30 a.m before i went into history class in high school that did not need to be happening not at all no no and they were right it was making me lazy and boring but also that's the point so do it when it's necessary do it when it makes sense and i think that will help with that difficult relationship balance that people might have with substances that's kind of how i i've always thought about it and that's what's made substances and when to use them and when to know if it's right much easier on me. And listen, I love to indulge, but I'm not eating eight gummies and going out in public.

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People thought denim on denim was peak fashion, inline skates were everywhere, and two out of three women rocked the Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting since 96. Travel back in time with us, and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. Hi Hannah, I wanted to say that you've had such a big impact on my life

that I'll be forever grateful for, honestly. And I wanted some advice on getting into rave culture when you have no friends to go with. i don't know if that hold me back though i don't know if that hold me back um any advice would be greatly appreciated hey baddie happy to have you here okay i guess this is great considering coachella just happened and i've been seeing a lot of discourse on coachella and i've never been to a coachella but still festival rave concert etiquette i feel like people have been complaining so hard about coachella this season because of the lack of

etiquette and I don't think that comes from rave culture I think that comes from just like the general people who go there because with rave culture it is all about community it is all about making sure everybody has a good time in my opinion in my opinion I mean plur is plur for a reason peace love unity respect but going to concerts going to raves anything like that I I actually have always done alone of course occasionally I'd convince a friend to go or you know I'd convince my boyfriend to go or whatever it was but usually most the time if I'm going to a concert or a rave it was me alone doing it so let me give you some tips and tricks to going to a concert alone first of all safety of course don't do any drugs do not get super

fucking drunk have fun make sure you have like a safe way to get there and get home make sure somebody knows where you are don't accept drinks from strangers blah blah blah blah safety is good safety is good to know but usually you know these are controlled environments controlled spaces safety is going to be thought of before you even get there thank god by the people working it but still just be careful be aware of your surroundings be kind to people around you now concerts are a great place to go and feel so fantastic because everybody's usually there to have a good time you know even if you're going to the most hardcore punk show where they're throwing elbows and fists and breaking collarbones it's like a girl's leaving with a broken collarbone

going that was the most fun i've ever had because they wanted to do it they wanted to be there they know that's that's an option that's a possibility of happening when people are windmilling around the pits okay of course it's not the ideal experience but you know it's like people are usually there to have a good time enjoy their space make connections make friends so i think it's always a great place to go even if you're alone as long as you spark up conversations with people around you even just like hey i like your shirt and then that starts sparking up a conversation you're like yeah i'm here alone is it okay if i like kick it with you here like in the pit like i'm i'm not gonna move anywhere else is it cool if i stand next to you and just like

chit chat chit chat in between like the opener and maybe after the show maybe you go to afters with them whatever it may be but like don't be afraid to spark up conversation and my favorite way to spark up conversation is through a compliment it really neutralizes the environment where you're like you're entering the conversation in a positive way and it shows you're a positive person and people are more inclined to you know chit chat with you i really am pro doing i mean anything alone but i think a concert a show a festival a rave really is the best way to experience being alone because the probability of you leaving with a new bestie is very very high like i said safety i think the biggest issue when it comes to rave culture is the prevalence of

drugs um it it was a big problem for me i got way too into molly in a very bad unhealthy way if you can do it without drugs that's probably how i would encourage you to do it i obviously do it now without drugs and i'll just drink a little bit if i'm there i'll have a little cocktail a little vodka red bull whatever it is maybe a little red bull before i go in if i want to stay sober maybe smoke a little weed keep it chill keep it light keep it funky keep it fresh but that's where you see it becoming maybe a little bit more um unhealthy is the drug usage that is prevalent at any sort of concert or show i have a lot of friends who go sober and i think it's so important to at least go to some shows sober because you've got to be there for the community aspect you've

got to be there for the experience of it all you've got to be there and remember it the next day it's so important to do so yeah i love concerts i love festivals i love raves because everybody's there for a good time especially if you're in the pit or the front like everybody's there to enjoy their time enjoy their space and of course there's a couple bad eggs there's going to be people shoving their way through the crowd there's going to be people who are rude who are mean whatever if you don't like it the best thing you can do is just like not confront it someone else will probably do that and hopefully it's security best thing you should do is just move spaces you know protect your peace of mind protect your environment your space it's not worth getting

into a fight or possibly getting kicked out if they want to be an asshole let them be an asshole but don't ruin your night over it but raves are really healing for me as an individual who's like very insecure and never got to let their freak flag fly because the freakiest wildest craziest people are going to raves they're going there for a good time they're wearing very little clothing they're very body positive they're covered in glitter they're there to dance and have a good time and enjoy the three hours that the show is and like stare into lasers like how are you not going to have a good time you know what i mean go there wear something you feel confident and comfortable in show up make conversation stay safe and really just try and have the best time

ever i think you will i i really am glad i had my rave phase you know outside of the drug addict phase that very subsequently came after um but i really enjoyed my rave phase because it taught me a lot about confidence body positivity building community and just being comfortable in my own skin the rave community is very pro community and just like acceptance and I think it's a really great place to be if you need a little bit of that an extra dose of peace and understanding so I hope you have so much fun and I hope you enjoy your time there and I hope you make a new bestie but yeah I always went to raves and concerts in general always alone because like what am I gonna miss the show hell no I'm gonna go I'm gonna get in line I'm a spark conversation

with the person in front of me and the person behind me one of them will stick one of them we'll be like all right bitch you're kicking it with us so yeah have fun what is your stance on holistic health and living with the land oh babe I'm ready to homestead any second but I am not ready to homestead in an R.S. Smith way I do believe in science and I'm not a Mormon so keep that in mind I am pro holistic health and I'm pro living with the land but also like we are thank god in a time with modern day science and medicine and sometimes most of the time you're gonna need science and medicine a little cold little cough little sniffle yeah i'm gonna have a little tea mixture herbal mixture that i can sip on with some local honey and it's gonna heal

that i'm gonna get through it much faster absolutely yes if i have breast cancer i'm gonna go get radiation and chemo like there's gotta be a balance to it there love living with the land too because i think as technology advances we're becoming very disconnected with the land we're becoming very disconnected with nature disconnected with animals and i think what makes us human is our connection with the land and animals so it's good to have a balance there where you're like not taking everything for granted because that's really the main issue there is we're just taking the earth for granted and sucking up all the resources and using using using and abusing mother earth you deserve not us humans that's for sure um so i do think being

aware and being more present in our position with the earth is so important and having respect there but also i understand like i'm not going to be able to grow all of my vegetables and herbs and fruit and berries and I'm probably gonna have to go to the grocery store to get some of those you know I'm gonna try and get like as you know healthy as possible as local as possible but also like not everybody has the money or the opportunity to do so and truly whatever you can get at the end of the day as matters as long as you can eat and feed yourself and your children and whatever you are I'm not gonna judge you there like everybody's in a different position but yeah I do want to kind of be more with the land, thus me about to lease a horse. Um, and I want to be more connected with

nature and yeah, I want to get a little more holistic by learning about local plants. I'm actually taking a class this summer. It's just like a one-off class about learning, um, local plants that grow in Missouri and Kansas, any sort of the plains area that can be used for medicinal purposes or teas. Um, there's a small little tea company that I'm going to go take a class with just because i'm curious you know we kind of forget about the earth a lot especially being so online and so um you know just connected to technology but i don't want to be i think about this a lot i think about this a lot i don't want to be one of those wally characters that are in space like 800 goddamn pounds floating around on those little chairs typing on their computers

completely disconnected. I don't want to be that Wally person with like a big gulp attached to my neck. That's not who I want to be. Okay. I still want to be a well-rounded individual. Yeah. I'm going to scroll on TikTok for maybe 30 minutes a day. Okay. Yes. I'm going to take pictures of myself and upload them on Instagram. Yes. I'm going to have a podcast. Yes. I'm going to enjoy technology, but I'm not going to let technology take away from me. That's kind of like my big balancing moment so yeah i do love holistic health i do love nature but there's balances to everything you know it's like this horse this horse has allergies it's like the main issue that she was really trying to hone in with me like you really got to take care of any sort of bites or skins

fly bites especially but um she gets two supplements one is a spirulina powder which is fantastic for her allergies i guess so that's one thing so that's a holistic option she's like she also gets 20 Zyrtec I'm like oh okay so there is a balance to everything you know a little nudge a little help from a natural but also knowing when to invest in science because science is so important please science is real please believe in science shout out to the squad who just went around the moon that's so cool love it question for you today this is so funny if you had to go anywhere no no not anywhere sorry you have two options you have to pick one would you go to outer space or the bottom of the ocean oh me and my boss were talking about uh the moon landing and

i was like would you go to space he's like hell no i was like okay now you have two options here space or the bottom of the ocean me i'm going to space i'm going to space immediately i don't know what's that down at the bottom of the ocean except for darkness and like massive squids i don't need to be there i don't think we're supposed to be at the bottom of the ocean i don't think we're supposed to be there as humans space we've been there i can go there you know i'm not an ocean gal you know i just i i love the ocean i love getting about three feet in it anything else i'm like honestly i'm good i think i think i'm supposed to be on land i don't even think i'm supposed to be in the air just on land tips on how to mentally deal with seeing my evil cheating ex in public

all the time oh girl get even get even i know karma is one thing but like fuck it if you're seeing him all the time in public i'm not against a little sabotage i'm not okay let's get crazy let's get crazy let's give some unhealthy advice here for a second i know i usually try and stay as healthy as possible but where's the fun in that where's the fun in that i'm curious on where you're seeing him i'm assuming out at bars considering he's evil and cheating and people who evil and cheat love to go to clubs and bars and see who their next victim will be so here's what i would do here's what i would do my boyfriend cheated on me and then was like going out all the time i would also go out because there's no reason you need to stay inside because the devil is

running rampant okay you just kind of have to become your own sort of angel which means if you see him this is crazy this is crazy and it's kind of a waste of time but fuck it we got time we got so much time to live if you see him like go up to a girl and you see it go well and maybe he walks off to go to the bathroom maybe he like you know um goes off to get them drinks at the bar or something you should go up to that girl and you should be like this is so evil Gemini of me okay Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde which one which one's the bad one someone tell me I'm sure someone's reading that book right now um I think it's Mr. Hyde you should go up to her and you should be like hey girl i just i saw you talking to him and as somebody who just like really wants to make sure

like you know the situation of what's going on i just want to let you know he has been giving stds to all of the girls across town to the point where he has his own dedicated facebook page where all the girls who have gotten std from him are coming together and they're actually putting together a class action lawsuit so i just don't want you to be a part of that because i've heard it's something that they like can't get rid of so i just wanted to give you a warning before you fully commit i'm just trying to look out for you girl i just saw him walk up to you and i didn't want to say anything at first but i just is that bad that's bad you shouldn't do that but like i'm laughing at the idea of that situation sabotage sabotage if you see him leave his wallet on the

table take it like go give it to the bouncer and be like i think someone lost this if you know anything that's happening go up to the dj booth and like be dancing up on the dj booth and be like can you give me a shout out it's my birthday and you're like shout out to miss hannah marlene in the house it's like yes you'll never forget about me make you're like oh i keep running into him and it's ruining my day you gotta you gotta switch it around he keeps running into me and it's ruining his day okay own that space take it over because you're a hot girl i know you can all right if he's talking to a girl go steal the girl hey girl oh my god i love your vibe come dance with me come dance with me all of a sudden he's at the drink he's at the bar getting them

drinks just kidding no you're dancing with his bitch it's kind of a waste of time but like like i said we got time to waste fuck it you can get a little evil i'm pro getting evil if it's necessary and i hate i hate that like he's in all those places that you want to go to that's no fun okay claim that space claim that energy you deserve to be there too girl make him uncomfortable make him leave as gemini season slowly approaches i find myself getting a little more evil i do like it though because it's like sometimes i'm too nice can we talk about being too nice i think i don't know as a woman or whatever as i say um i just feel like i was raised to be very aware of people's emotions and feelings and everything going on at every possible point in time but

never about myself I was actually I feel like taught and this doesn't have anything to do with my parents this was like a social conditioning of just being a woman in the world um I feel like I was taught to mostly ignore how I'm feeling and always be there for other people that's why I went into nursing I was like I mean I'm good at it obviously so I could definitely help people instead of helping myself then I finally was like no fuck it fuck it I'm dropping out of nursing school i need to take care of me i need to focus on me i need to get a little evil i need a little selfish i'm too nice okay sometimes being too nice is a downfall that doesn't mean you shouldn't be nice you should be nice at the end of the day you should be nice but also there's a point in time

where the niceness has got to go where it's like but they don't deserve my nicest they don't deserve my kindness they've broken my heart they've cheated on me they lied they've stabbed me in the fucking back they don't deserve they don't deserve nice me okay so it's okay to let the nice girl act go every once in a while and be evil i'm pro evil girl around here what to do when everything in life is going wrong tbh oh oh this is hard well this is hard because it's like mental breakdown central and as you should i mean no one's telling you to keep it together i'll tell you that i'll give you permission okay actually maybe society is telling you to keep it together but when you're on the brink babe sometimes you just gotta jump and not like jump like

like unhealthily i don't mean like in a bad way i mean like when you're on the edge of like do i start sobbing or not you gotta sob you gotta sob it out you gotta feel those emotions fully you gotta have that crying on the kitchen floor moment and then it'll give you the space to be like okay i got those heavy emotions and those feelings out of the way i don't feel like i'm holding something inside of me locked behind a cell door i actually have freedom to then kind of be at peace and not so emotional and think clearly and think fully and move forward so yes you when things are going wrong i'm gonna tell you what it's okay have the mental breakdown it's all right don't make bad decisions but if you need to go home early or take a day off take a

mental health day love and cry the fuck out of your eyes and order $80 of sushi maybe that is a bad decision but whatever whatever in the grand scheme of things not the worst decision you could make and I don't know like sob on the shower floor for four hours until the hot water runs out it's my favorite thing to do then do it it's necessary it needs to happen and honestly I feel like I mean back in the day my life used to be one long mental breakdown and then I got a hold of my life and realized wow I don't have to do that to myself every single day just because I'm comfortable in it and I can look for better I will I don't mean to jinx myself here but I will notice I'll be like hmm I haven't cried in a while and the universe would be like oh you said you haven't

cried in a while okay here's eight different things going wrong good luck good luck now you get a good cry sesh so you have to have the cry sesh you've got get it off your chest feel it out release those emotions so you have more mental room and mental capacity to then move forward i also kind of love when everything goes wrong because when you are at the deepest darkest place when everything is going wrong every choice you make even if it feels like the wrong choice kind of like an equal opposition will go right do you know what i mean i know okay let me get into the logistics of this okay let me get serious about this two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join

thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result, less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify.

When everything is going wrong, everything, I'm telling you, think everything's going wrong, or you're at the deepest, darkest, lowest place you could possibly be. And you're like, hmm well you can't get deeper than here you can't get lower than here it can't more things can't go wrong when everything is going wrong more things can't go wrong okay and i like to think it comes in threes you also hear when it rains it pours so keep that in mind there's also like a balance to things usually but when you're at that place where it's like i'm in the bottom of the pit babe there's only up and i think that's kind of freeing in a sense where you're like all right well everything's bad everything's horrible everything's awful world's on fire around me meme of the dog drinking

coffee and the house is on fire okay but also on the flip side the choices i make even if i decide to make crazy fucking choices if i decide to like 360 my life completely right now if i decide to look up if I decide to make a change if I decide to do something if I decide to do something the the probability of that thing going right is like a hundred percent okay I will say that 99.8 percent 99.8 percent chance that that shit will go right so there is that freedom I do think to make the right choice whether it's like you know I lost my job lost my car boyfriend broke up with me fucking everything's going wrong bills bills money bills um and I'm ugly and I'm chopped just kidding I'm just kidding but like when you hit that point you need to have that mental

breakdown you got to get those emotions out of you you got to get like a clear calm there's like a euphoria you feel after like a good cry sesh where it's like almost that like orgasmic spot you hit in meditation where your brain is like so empty and clear in a beautiful way that then you'll be able to go hmm well what do i have to lose let me apply for that new fucking job i never thought i'd get and let me apply to eight of them why not why not let me show up to that interview i wasn't going to go to because i don't think i'm qualified fuck it what do we have to lose okay let's let's sign up for that apartment that i really want and i know i can afford but they're really picky about people fuck it what do i have to lose let me sign up for grad school fuck it

what do i have to lose let me go lisa horse fuck it what do i have to lose well all right but you see what i'm saying you see what i'm saying so there's a beauty there you'll get to that spot where you're like all right the beauty is there you'll find it eventually but you gotta you gotta release the demons a little bit you gotta let them loose not on people not on places not on things on yourself just in a safe environment almost as if you're in a padded cell released those demons scream it out cry it out whatever you gotta do you'll hit the place where you will go you know what i don't give a fuck anymore let's let's look up just so we can garner a little bit of hope let's put ourselves out there let's do the random thing we've been meaning to do let's

try this thing let's do this thing let's sign up for this let's let's for any sort of opportunity for things to go right i promise you one of those things will go right 99.8 okay guarantee it rock bottom me and me and rock bottom we we know each other well so trust if there's anybody who's going to tell you about rock bottom and know it and know how it works it's me and these are things i also remind myself of when i am in these points where i'm like hmm do i lose my mind and literally go to the psych ward for the rest of my life or jail or do i like randomly out of spite and hatred for being in a bad place do i look at my biggest dreams and go fuck it let's try it that's that's the place you want to be hey mama and hey to my bud if you happen to recognize my voice he

introduced me to the pod and has not missed a tuesday in several years but i'm gonna give a quick reddit intro of myself i am 21 as of late december i am in college i have a job i have a great support system and that pertains to what is going on i believe in the past you have mentioned that you went to a mental hospital if you haven't i'm sorry for spreading fake news but that did just happen to me and at the stage that I am in my life right now I am able to kind of have a halt in school and work so I can really focus on healing because I kind of push it off for too long but that is really not important right now I have experienced medical therapy and I know you have too and it helps however I really enjoy the same things as you as like you know going out

side and like you interact with horses i love interacting with my rotund orange cat oscar love that man to death but i kind of want some advice i've been journaling for a bit i've been getting off my phone but i think i can do without more and you have a lot of experience so thank you you're so cute i'm so proud of you for getting the help you need and shout out to you and your bestie for being avid listeners happy to have you here um also take note perfect call-in crisp clear can hear what they're saying quick little reddit intro of background information let's get into it like i love perfect okay so like i said proud of you for getting help it's okay to take a pause it's okay to take a pause i think some people especially with like how fast life goes

and how like you know intense it can be especially college work job home like whoa it's a lot to keep up with sometimes you have to take a pause and if you don't take that pause things will get very very bad i've learned better to take a pause and then catch up later than not take your pause and crash and burn so i'm proud of you for getting the help you need and doing what you need to do yeah once you come out of the mental institution okay we'll talk about institution i need a hoodie that's like is it a harvard it's like mental health institution graduate top of her class they of course are gonna have you in therapy talk therapy is so important um i i did a lot of talk therapy when i got out of the mental um hospital just because i really needed that and

it is very helpful especially when you're struggling and maybe it's like you have a lot of um contradicting opinions around you having a professional who truly wants the best for you but also keeps it professional is important so it's good to have that i'm glad you have a cutie little animal to lean on i lean on danger hard i had him peak mental institution it was like he's the only one i'm holding on to well at least you got someone to hold on to okay important i love that you're like walking you're trying new things you're doing new things that's important because not only will it help you learn more about yourself it'll also keep you busy it'll keep your mind from instead of like running down dark paths it'll keep it on positive uplifting ones

because you're doing things that are dosing you with serotonin positive serotonin okay going on a walk getting some sunshine on your face maybe um going to a little workout class whether it's like maybe a little yoga situation or Pilates or going on a run. That seems like a lot, especially post-mentee-bees. So I don't blame you for being like, you know I'm not running 11 miles. I get you. I get you. At least a walk is fantastic.

10,000 steps a day. That's been my new goal. I've realized I'm not walking enough. At least 10,000 steps a day. I think also if therapy is like, eh, okay. journaling might be really fantastic for you I love journaling and like allowing myself to really just run through my feelings run through my emotions and get them out of my head and onto a page and also goal setting and dreaming when I was at a place that was like deep dark bottomless pit

it was because I didn't have any goals or dreams and it's okay if your dreams feel unachievable that's what dreams are for it's okay if you're like I'm gonna be a millionaire and I'm gonna move to france it's like okay cool well we got something to work towards we got something to look forward towards it's important to have those dreams have those things in mind so then it keeps you moving forward because when you come out of that place that's kind of like whoa we had to pause you know then you kind of play the catch-up game which is okay there's no need to run after stopping that's going to be really hard on your body and your brain it's okay to like take your time working your way back into life and kind of like figuring it out and maybe getting back into

a good work routine or home life routine or getting into a back into a good school routine whatever it may be all right take your time getting there but once you get there that's when you start implementing things that are like working towards your dreams sometimes school is working towards your dreams sometimes hobbies are working towards your dreams hobbies are so important also as like a mental break from the load that life gives you such as like work school things that you have to do so maybe pick up some fun little hobbies you never would have thought of ceramics painting drawing jewelry making crafting getting into horses getting into working with uh animal shelter maybe who know who knows building an aquarium i don't know i don't know what it is

but i know something's piquing your interest now is the time to slowly start dipping your toe in because that's what will give you the will to live that's what will give you the will to live work no it's not going to give you the will to live i fear it quite actually does the opposite unless you have the perfect job school yeah no definitely not going to give you the will to live once again does the exact opposite because they're pushing you as hard as possible so me i'm very pro will to live and i find that personally through hobbies activities things that stimulate either my mind or my spirit or my soul okay it's good to get into that flow state that routine take your time getting back on track once again i'm proud of you for taking

that pause because everybody's gonna have to take a pause eventually everybody no matter how mentally stable they will eventually have a crash and burn moment where they have to take a pause so i'm proud of you for knowing what you need and doing accordingly take your time getting back on track keep leaning into those coping mechanisms it's probably what they called them coping mechanisms whether it's therapy is great maybe some journaling when you're not in therapy so then when you are in therapy and you eventually sit down and go what the fuck do i talk about i feel fine you open your journal you have your things to talk about um love on your cat as much as possible and maybe start leaning into one new activity or hobby that you can work into your

routine gives you something to look forward to gives you something to help dissociate from life to also while you're doing it and um invigorates that part of your brain that gets you to dream more to look forward more to keep moving forward that's that you've got to kind of like train your brain and that brain muscle of move forward look forward dream i talk about dreaming and i talk about that so much because it's like i didn't do that and it truly is what almost killed me so if i can encourage you to dream or to you know have a healthy hobby that gets you to get excited about life no matter what it is there's no there's no embarrassing hobby okay i saw a video last night that was like uh people with rc cars they do rc car climbing on

big hills like teeny tiny little rc cars you can buy it like i don't know any sort of grocery store and they'll like just get together and they'll drive them up a hill and it was like them doing that and then like a run club stopping to watch them i don't care what your hobby is you could be playing with lightsabers for all i care as long as it's important to you makes you have the will to live then you should be doing it and if you don't know what that is yet try new things it's okay if you don't like them but you would be surprised by what you do like i love you uh and thank you for listening i hope um i hope i was able to keep you company along the way and I hope you feel better now are doing better now and I know you're gonna move forward onto a

bright and beautiful path so I'm proud of you for getting the help you need how do I become more secure when my confidence fluctuates I think people don't like me well yeah you don't think people like you because you don't like yourself that's a big thing when I when I get insecure and I'm like in a room of people or anything or even like um if I'm home alone and since I am like prevalent online I'll be like oh my god everybody hates me even though no one has ever said that ever like still I'll be in my head like people are watching my stuff and making fun of me it's like okay who cares if they are who cares they're stop it stop it sometimes I'll have like a pity party for a second and then I'll be like no quit it stop it get out of that headspace

but I find when I am in that headspace when I'm in public and I'm feeling insecure and I feel like everybody's looking at me even though they're not or like online I feel like everybody's making fun of me even though they're not it's because I'm doing that to myself we are our own biggest bullies we know our insecurities we know what makes us insecure we know how to talk down to ourselves better than anybody else because guess what we know ourselves better than anybody else okay the same thing that someone said in seventh grade that hurt you once you're gonna keep saying to yourself over and over and over again and believing that it's true even though it's not all right so you have to stop bullying yourself i think a lot of the times we just bully ourselves

to the point where we become so insecure that then we assume everybody else around us is doing the same thing to us when in reality babe i'm looking at the man in the mirror i'm asking him to change his ways okay so number one you gotta stop bullying yourself and when you're in those moments you got to catch yourself and go damn I'm bullying myself I gotta stop I can't bully myself or the same way you would like stop a bully by being like you're mean you're awful you're being horrible you kind of just say that to yourself a little bit like stop like why am I saying this myself like why am I bullying myself catch yourself in the moment and then the thing about insecurity or not being confident is that we always have the opportunity to grow every day

a new opportunity you can always get cooler you can if you're cool enough how you are i love that that's fantastic love security but the insecurity the instability comes from your truly honestly your desire to grow your desire to be someone else in a healthy way you know like wanting to change wanting to develop wanting to get new habits wanting to get new hobbies wanting to get a new look a new style a new thing whatever it is that's where the insecurity stems from and I love that I've been in a flow state of like talking about transmuting energy because I think a lot of our negative feelings or transmitting emotions negative emotions are truly at the end of the day positive emotions we just get them really fucked up and confused in our head due to our unstable

thinking patterns so I do think that a lot of like the insecurity instability lack of confidence is really your just desire to grow okay when I'm feeling the most insecure the most unstable not myself it's because well either a I stopped doing what works for me such as like taking care of myself eating healthy working out moving my body things like that I've stopped doing that and thus I've gotten out of routine and the things that are good for me are not happening and thus I don't feel good or I'm in a new place where I've been doing those things and now it's time to add on it's time to um I've just built another cocoon around myself and now it's time to emerge again as a beautiful butterfly which includes trying new things wearing new outfits

testing your limits a little bit picking up a new hobby um that cool girl that you imagine in your head becoming her you always have an opportunity to become that cool girl you can start over today and become her absolutely 100% I truly believe that because like I think about younger Hannah who was oh my god mind numbingly insecure to the point where I would be like counting freckles on my body because I'd be like so insecure about them or like over analyzing myself to the point where i'm like turning to stone and like just afraid to do anything couldn't go out in public agoraphobia all the things it is like it breaks my heart to think about that because it's like oh there's just such a hard place to be two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer

that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research together we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer register today at pmcfwalk.ca when you're a mid-sized business you need every competitive advantage you can get like an ai solution that works for you not against you sap grow is built with ai embedded at its core working across every system and it's ready to go from day one so you can hit the ground running. Bring it with SAP Grow, AI cloud ERP for any size business. But I imagine her looking at me now and it's like, wow, wow, wow, wow. I never

thought I could get here. I never thought I'd be who I am. And I love who I am. I'm so proud of growing to this point. And of course, there's more to grow too. I know I'm only going to get hotter and cooler and sexier and smarter and that's like the beauty of life but also it took me going i'm tired of this i'm tired of bullying myself i'm tired of feeling like completely frozen in time i'm tired of hating myself why don't i talk about rock bottom having no choice but to look up because the probability of it going correct is way higher why don't i just try doing something that i want to do why don't i just try putting on that outfit that i'm too scared to put on why don't i just try going out and getting some yummy food why don't i just try yoga why don't i just try horseback

riding why don't i try transmuting you know transforming into that hot cool girl that i could be instead of holding myself at this level that i know is uncomfortable that i know i hate that i know i feel insecure in it really is just like sometimes you get fed up with yourself and you go i'm tired of the bullying i'm tired of being sad all the time i'm tired of being angry at myself let's let's transform let's grow let's get those wings fluttering and flying let's get out of that cocoon okay let's become who we've always wanted to be it's always an option but yes i know that's like my first kind of like trigger i know when i feel like there's eyes on me all the time or um i feel like other people hate me that's like when i know oh my god i'm

getting to a place where i'm feeling a little bit insecure and why then i can figure out the why the how the what to fix but that is a big telltale sign because you shouldn't feel that way if people are who gives a fuck who gives a fuck truly once you're secure in yourself you'll realize damn that really does not matter like if people want to make fun of me online damn how miserable do they have to be also go ahead because it just adds more money to my bank account and also at the end of the day like i'm a good person i know i'm a good person i don't think i could get to the level of like noticeability like people who are like famous famous are because that's just like too much for me but I'm very happy with where I am now and my presence on the internet and just like living and

learning and enjoying life because if someone doesn't like me that's okay that just means I'm not their cup of tea but also I'm not everybody's cup of tea and I'm not trying to be once again too nice you don't have to be that nice it's okay if somebody doesn't like you it's okay if you're being looked at in public those people are miserable and ugly and dumb and stupid no i'm kidding i'm joking i'm joking i'm joking you should feel comfortable in yourself if you don't feel comfortable in yourself there's always room to grow and change imagine a dream hot baddie okay in front of you who are they what do they look like how do they present themselves what do they do now take on one of those characteristics that you can easily achieve maybe it's simply just like

doing your hair or fun makeup or a cute outfit or like a personality trait maybe they're more outgoing maybe you start talking to people in public a little bit maybe they're doing this hobby maybe whatever it is start with something small and then slowly add on you'll get out of that place i promise you it's okay we all get insecure it's human it's human to get insecure i fear that is the curse of sentience babe the older i get the more i go damn we are not meant to think that much i got too much free time i am not supposed to be thinking this much specifically about ourselves think about it cavemen it'd be like wake up food fuck shelter sleep sleep long time like that's how it would be because oh my god there's so much to do survival survival survival

they're not thinking oh my god is that cave woman looking at me wrong it's like we got too much time to think and I do appreciate being so busy because it's made me think a little bit less but I have to keep myself busy so the demons don't get me you know what I mean talk about your top pet peeves oh what are my top pet peeves okay let's be honest I don't like burping I don't like farting I'm not a he he ha ha fart louder kind of girl I don't like it I don't like it it grosses me out I didn't grow up actually I did grow up around someone who burped and fart and it was my older brother and it'd be like him burping and farting in my face and I'm like oh I don't need that hate it hate it especially if I'm in public and I don't know you and you're burping and farting

you please get those get the smells get the noises away from me I can't do it I can't do it I can't do it doesn't mean you have to change feel free to burp and fart in public but I will side eye you next not holding the door for people I find that strange and odd when I am walking into a building and there is a person behind me i don't care who they are i'm holding that door open maybe it's the midwest in me where it's like the sensibility of people around you bitch i was driving to horseback riding this this morning and there was a 400 pound shirtless man long ass beard flying down the road on an atv you would think he's probably the meanest person alive he still raised his hand and waved at me it's like the midwest like neighbor charm where like everybody's

waving at each other everybody's saying hello everybody's giving a smile everybody's holding the door when someone doesn't hold the door for me i'm like bitch what the fuck what the fuck and also just like a little thing to kind of like show respect show appreciation to people around you i love a hold the door and also like i'm not really gonna judge you if you don't it's just kind of like a huh you know i'll always at least hold the door for other people if you are rude to customer service workers i think you should be put in jet in jail i'm just kidding i'm not pro jail that's for sure but if you are rude to service workers i don't care i don't care how long your food's taking i don't care how fast you need to be out of there i don't care what

you're going through there is a retail service anybody in a position of customer service you could be a um like someone at the front desk of an office of a doctor's building even a doctor a nurse and if you are somebody who is working with the public general public they need to be nice to you and if they're not nice to you i'm quick to speak up about it i'm a karen but for good reasons like if i'm in line somewhere and someone's cussing out like a a service worker i am very quick to step in because i understand what it's like to be in that position where you can't say anything because you might lose your job and also i'm a little confrontational in that way i think that is it's probably my biggest pet peeve and also the biggest sign that that person

is like evil and horrible and awful if you're going on a first date i also love a first date that's in like a public setting especially a restaurant because you want to judge their character in about two hours see how they treat the waitress see how they tip the waitress see how they're able to communicate see if they talk shit while you're sitting at the table all right there's a way you can speak up for yourself that is kind compassionate caring if your food's taking too long there's a nice way to wave down the waiter and be like hey just checking in i understand you guys are busy but like can we make sure that order was in we're not in a rush but i'm just like double checking with you it's okay just like let me just test the waters let me see what's going on

you know there's a way you can handle it that is mature responsible kind and compassionate and if you are not mature responsible kind or compassionate red flag massive red flag some people go out to experience and some people go out to be served i don't like people who need to be served all the time because you will become a servant that's why it's a great like tester feeler especially for a first date go out to a restaurant see how they treat wait staff what else i don't know i really don't have a lot of pet peeves oh bad drivers and i don't mean slow drivers i mean aggressive angry drivers people who do not treat cars as if they're 5 000 pound metal caskets as someone who has almost died many times in car accidents that were not my fault when people are

irresponsible on the roads causing hazards drag racing down the street i don't give a fuck what it is if you are irresponsible in a car a license should be taken away immediately i do not fuck around with that because literally someone has almost killed me with their car and after that I'm like I do not have space or time or energy for anybody who is going to put someone else's life at risk especially in a vehicle I do not like that at all that is a massive massive pet peeve angry drivers pet peeve and any sort of like unsafe driver not good not good at all that's about it I don't know I don't care how you dress I don't care who you are how you present yourself as long as you're kind and nice and compassionate and aware of the people around you and try and

stay as safe as possible then like love it love it fantastic it's the people who are selfish self-centered angry upset taking their hatred on themselves out at the world that I'm like now that's a pet peeve that's a pet peeve for me I love this some people would be like my pet peeve as if someone's shoes don't match their outfit like what bitch that's just a weird thing to pay attention to don't pay attention to that pay attention what matters japan recommendations i will be in tokyo soon oh my god every single day i'm that annoying bitch that went out of the country and goes well in japan they do this it's like yeah bitch we know i love japan loved it am i currently looking at more flights to japan yes absolutely i would go back in a heartbeat as

somebody who like loves rules and knowing things and regulations japan was fantastic for me it treated me so incredibly well if i'm gonna give anybody and this is outside of japan this is just travel recommendations because i became kind of like a freak i and not in a good way i became like an ocd hyper vigilant freak and that kind of transferred over into my vacations and vacations are supposed to be like chill time like relax and explore and since it was a different country I was really planning ahead and organizing the days really strictly like we got to get up we got to do this we got to take the train here then we have an appointment here and then we got to go to dinner here and this and that it's good for a couple days but also no matter where you're going whether it's

a different city a different state a different country for however many days you have give one of those days absolutely nothing schedule nothing and make it an explore day you need at least one of those days especially in a different country where there's so much you want to do you on that intense itinerary will not be able to get everything done that day and you can kind of transfer it to your free day well i really wanted to try this restaurant i didn't get a chance to that's okay we have a free day i'll go there you have to be flexible and i found that free days are the days where i discover the most fun things i get lost a little bit which is a great way to discover more about yourself and a city around you i try new things i never would have tried

and i explore more than i ever would have in my intense itinerary i'm planning my birthday trip and this was something that i did differently for my birthday trip coming up in june i'm going to california yes of course cali girl hey we're going to the redwoods i cannot wait um but i'm giving we're doing like half in la and half in the redwoods and i'm giving one day in la where it's just explore have fun just get lost i'm giving one day in the redwoods where we just explore have fun get lost because those are the most fun days so if i can give you any recommendation for any sort of travel anywhere you go and especially in japan have at least one day where you can just run and do anything and get lost and discover random things and just enjoy your time because

that's when you'll have the most fun not on those intense itinerary packed days on the days where you have opportunity to go and do anything you want oh i love japan though it was so incredibly fun and yes i think about going back every single day it was just so nice people there the food the environment the things to do the landscape the temples it was just 10 out of 10 but I love you have so much fun babe someone asked what inspired you to start a podcast that should become an influencer well it all started when my mom bought me the influencer wooden block kit with its own wooden block camera and led light no I'm just kidding but I was shopping for my niece and at target the other day and i saw that and i was like now that's a brain rot central buying your

two-year-old the ages were like two to eight buying your two to eight-year-old and in wooden block influencer kit please get them on the abcs not the influencer kit i'm begging you your baby can't read okay it does not need a wooden camera next just kidding i did not think i would be here did not did not think i would be here i didn't really know what i was gonna do it definitely for how insecure and sad and horrible and awful I was to myself I did not ever envision myself being in the public at all I always envision myself alone in the woods painting or something which I mean still do still would love to do professionally but I definitely hit a point where I was just like so isolated so alone so lonely that I felt like

I was the saddest girl in the world the most depressed girl in the world the most hated the most evil the most awful girl in the world then I got admitted with everybody else who thinks that way and I was like damn I wish someone would have told me that like getting to this point is you know it's not normal but it happens and that's okay and you can come out of it no one ever told me that and I was like well number one you should have told me that I wouldn't have gotten this far deep and down and dark and held myself here for so long I probably would have gotten help faster and so I mean I was really young at that age when it happened but I kind of had ups and downs and ups and downs and then I got to a point where I was committed to sharing just like randomly during

COVID my growth and my just trying to bring light and inspiration to everybody's life and that is somehow spiraled into just like talking about life talking about my experiences there's only so much obviously you can share on TikTok because it's like I'm just having a silly little fun time here and i really wanted to like talk more at length and kind of get a little bit more intellectual about it and so i said fuck it i just started a podcast i really just like randomly started and it started with me recording two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk

21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business the result less time spent on operations more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most learn more at accenture.com spotify hour to two hour long um notes app like if you listen to some of the og episodes which are all

up okay on spotify i think they're only on spotify the original ones everything else is everywhere but the original ones on Spotify I think it's like first Q&A I'm recording that in my notes app and then just like immediately uploading on Spotify so there was no rhyme or reason or anything but people have been asking for it people wanted to kind of like hear my perspective on things and so I started I said fuck it what once again dark place what do I have to lose let's do it and then I just didn't stop I didn't stop I think there's something I don't really care about the money i don't care about the notoriety i don't really i all i care about notoriety wise is that if there is one individual that is sad or lonely or feels like the only person in the

world to be going through this they listen and they either have a laugh it brightens their day or they realize wow what i'm going through i can get through i can grow from and i can become everything I ever wanted because I was never told that I was never offered that I was never encouraged to do so and I had to find it within myself to do so and that was so incredibly hard and I mean I literally almost died from it so I really want to put the word out there with people that it's like you can do anything you set your mind to even on your deepest darkest days there's always light to find if you need help it is so worth getting and you know understanding your mental health understanding your emotions is a strength understanding yourself is a strength

there's always more to learn and to grow and to change and to do and there's always an opportunity to become everything you've ever wanted I don't know why I was never told that ever in my life but I needed to hear that and I didn't so every opportunity I can have to put that out there to the universe or even if I just have one person hear that then my day is made that's all I care about I feel like people get into the influencer realm the social media the podcast realm to like I don't know it's like an ego thing they want they want eyes on them they want the fame for the ego to feed their to feed their ego to feed like that negative part of their soul and it's like I don't really care about that it really is just like I want people to be their best selves and if

that means me getting on this podcast and talking about your bush cut and also like how to get from rock bottom to a good place then I'm happy to do so as long as I can make you laugh or you know give you something to look forward to then I have done my due diligence so yeah it's kind of how I got here it's very random I just kind of never stopped yapping online and now here I am twice a week if you join the patreon would love to have you oh with that being said i love you guys so very much thank you for being here and also so beautiful you guys have the best energy and the best souls if you want to see more from me i mean i gave you the rundown at the beginning but if you want to join the patreon and support me that would mean the world patreon.com slash smoke

slash shawty if you want to watch the vlogs at hannah marlene 444 on youtube and stay tuned for the special 420 drop okay on instagram where you can also submit your questions and call-ins if you can't submit a call and you go to submit a voice message just let me know you the people who have submitted know that it just they'll be like help i can't and then i'll respond and then you'll be able to i have to let you into like my general dms or something i don't know it's weird i'm working on a voicemail i need google to approve me so we're getting there but follow me on instagram at hannah marlene and with that being said stay sane stay sexy and i'll see you all so soon two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar

raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.