Smoke Sesh - saying no, being sensitive, feeling sexy & being a studious stoner

Episode Date: September 27, 2022

Happy Tuesday! We have a loaded episode today as I fly through tons of your questions submitted to me on Instagram @ hannahmarlene. Today we talk how Mercury retrograde went for round two on me, travel issues, saying no and how to say no, astrology vs religion, this podcast & mental health, gaining energy, how to love yourself and celebrate others, adhd tips, being a mom, how to ride, BC tips, short kings, journaling, moving, how to get tf over it, becoming a studious stoner, asking for help, minimalism, after sex aftercare, piercings, being alone, fake ID’s, college stories, sensitivity, big emotions, owning your shit and feeling confident & how to survive. I hope you guys are having a good week and together we will survive this retrograde! Sending all the love this week MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash, so come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Oh my gosh, good morning everybody. How we all feeling? i'm feeling interesting i woke up at 6 a.m to go pick up my car again from the auto shop

mercury retrograde said no she's not had enough let's in fact make it worse for her so my clutch went out on my car which is like easily a $1,500 fix so $2,200 later my $2,200 is that the right no $2,200 yeah I think $2,200 later my car better be fucking fixed because oh my god that was like pulling fucking teeth to pay for i was like do i really need a car do i really do i need a car like i wish i lived in a walkable city i wish i could hop on a subway so fucking bad but unfortunately that doesn't exist where i am so i had to pay for it my dad was like you know have you ever heard the saying when it rains it pores i was like that's not helping that is not helping that is not helping anyways luckily

that's what savings accounts are for ladies okay that's why we save our money that's why we have a little cushion you know just in case crazy shit like this happens so then you know it hurts a little bit to do but you're not like fucking struggling after do you know what i mean um so i'm really thankful to past hannah for saving her money at least a little bit so i could afford basically a new car but that being said i'll probably buy a new car here soon just so i can upgrade and not have to pay any more shit on my car but holy shit if mercury retrograde wasn't like yeah we're gonna really fuck with her travel plans like we're gonna really fuck with them other than that i haven't really been up to a whole lot did a little uh thrift

video on patreon if you're interested um found some cute stuff been trying to prep my closet for this winter because i went outside this morning at 6 a.m and it was so cold and i looked in my closet and i realized i only had like two sweaters which is an issue um so i've been doing that me and my boyfriend went to a little art fair this weekend um i've been running some errands but other than that nothing super interesting has been going on i've just been in work mode work mode because i'm trying to recoup from all the money i had to pay on my car oh my god uh everybody just take your car to the car i wish you could go get like physicals for your car where you can just go get it checked out and make sure nothing bad's gonna happen so then crazy shit

doesn't happen so it's like 10 o'clock at night and i was driving home from work and it literally my car just boop stopped working i just couldn't shift and i had to like coast and i barely made it to a parking lot thank god but fuck anyways that's in the past i'm about to go deep clean her after this just because she's dusty needs to be touched up maybe go get a little car wash or something i don't really have huge plans for the day other than to hang out and treat myself a little bit not monetary wise but more so just like do all of my favorite things so like after i got my car i came home i went directly back to bed which is like the best feeling ever i got a couple more hours of sleep in um did a little face mask um i talk about the all henriksen face mask a lot

which is like the cooling one which i do really like but also there is a um charcoal face mask that i or like a charcoal and clay face mask that i really like by uh youth to the people so i did that now i'm drinking some iced coffee hanging out might have me a little i don't know breakfast burrito for lunch feeling good i think later this week on my patreon i'm gonna do a mukbang if you guys are interested and yeah that's all i really have going on as you can tell my brain is still waking up from my morning nap but i hope you guys have had a wonderful weekend i am so ready for mercury retrograde to be over um i'm tired of having travel plans and i actually want to travel so that's what i will be saving my money here for soon and shortly because i'm

ready to go on vacation i'm ready to relax i'm ready to chill out just a little bit you know what i mean so with that being said i'm gonna chug a little bit more coffee and smoke just smoke a little bit can you hear me whispering i don't know smoke a little bit and yeah we're gonna dive into a ton of your questions i kind of want to do a fire rapid rant around this episode and see how many i can get done in like an hour and a half so let's get into it i figured you guys might want to hit this bowl with me so let's get into it just just a little rip just to you know get us in the right mindset you know what i mean all righty i'm just high enough i'm feeling good oh my god i just saw a post from canna style

coming out with crystal ball bongs like are you kidding me i am like where do i need to set my alarm how do how do i get my hands on this it looks so cute and it looks like it's perfect for fall i'm so excited for fall now that the weather is finally chilled out the only thing i'm not super excited about is i have nothing to wear absolutely nothing simply because i've been spending the last six months building my summer wardrobe and i really have not thought once about winter and all of a sudden we're like edging into it and i'm freaking out because i hate being cold and i'm cold all the time and i have nothing to wear so that's my plan for the week once we transition into october is to kind of build a little wardrobe kind of like what i need to look

for and i'll probably share the list with you guys whenever i get that built um but for right now i'm just looking for like pants and sweaters because i only own shorts or like really thin pants and tank tops which is just not gonna fly anyways let's get into some questions all righty um someone said life is weird yeah i felt it is it does feel very weird right now um someone asked oh okay um how to get comfortable saying no without caring about other people's feelings so i feel like first of all we got a breakdown of the idea of saying no isn't inherently you not caring about other people's feelings when we're raised in a household or raised in a way to think that you setting a boundary or turning someone down and kind of putting yourself up

ahead of them quote unquote a little bit by saying no is you know going to hurt the other people's feelings and it's going to make them mad in reality if two rational adults are working together and speaking together and one of them turns them down or says no that should not that should not cause any harm nor should it make any people mad um or should it really you know be taken at a high emotional kind of level if you're a well regulated kind of adult and you have a good head on your shoulders if someone says no or if you get turned down or something doesn't go the way you may be planned you should have the emotional regulation to hear that and be like okay you know what i mean let's move on let's find something else do you know like you

understand so when it comes to saying no i don't think saying no is going to hurt the other person's feelings and straight up if it does that is their feeling to deal with okay that is not your feeling to deal with it should not be your repercussion and you should be able to walk away step away without feeling bad and without being made to feel bad does that make sense and I get we're all gonna have like a little freak out here and there we're all not gonna take everything as well as we probably should we're not all perfect human beings like there's times where you know my plans fall through or something like that and I get pissed but I have to you know as an adult you don't have to sit there and be like you know what it's not that deep let's move on

and you can't hold on to that feeling because that's just not going to be good for any of the parties involved um but I think putting yourself first is very very important because not only does it help strengthen your relationship with yourself but it it honestly helps strengthen your relationship with other people um i have been around people who are like this and i've also been the person so i understand this feeling but when you say yes and you say yes and you say yes and you say yes constantly it's going to make you kind of what's the word like just generally dislike everyone around you you're gonna start to disdain everyone around you because you're constantly going to be putting all of them above yourself and that's not healthy for you nor is it

healthy for the relationships you're in yes relationships should have just a little bit of conflict you should be able to you know say no to things you don't want to do um without it being too big of an issue um it helps strengthen that relationship and it helps understand between the two parties involved that you know you guys can't take each other for granted but also like you're able to openly express how you feel and openly express like what interests you and what doesn't and i feel like that builds a really big sense of like trust you know what i mean and way more trust than you guys would be able to build by one party constantly being like the yes man do you know what i mean um because that's just not gonna be healthy for anybody involved so practice saying no say no

here and there you know what i mean um and be true to yourself and be true to how you feel um the people you are involved with should be able to take at least a little bit of criticism i went to art school and immediately lost my soft shell like i was i used to be well first of all i went to art school and i was working in the restaurant at a restaurant at the same time and both are two very like non-emotional places and i'm a very very emotional person um and so that really just made me build a hard shell but not a hard shell is like i'm pushing people away and i'm pushing the world away but more of a hard shell that it's like i don't take things too deep because i understand we as humans all have very different motives and very different ways of seeing things

and we should be able to hear those critiques and hear those ideas without taking it personally like i used to sit through eight hour not even lectures just classes where we would all hang our art on the wall and we would spend a good hour maybe hour and a half just completely critiquing everybody's artwork so like think of the most personal thing you have ever made in your entire life now imagine hanging it up on a wall and 24 of your classmates can just like rip it apart if they would like to they can just completely tear it apart well i don't agree with the way this is shade i don't agree with this color i don't you know yeah once you do that a few times you're like okay i really don't care like i i gotta listen and take the pieces that are important

from this and the other stuff that's like petty i need to disregard and i need to not take it personally so i can move forward and my art can be better um once you sit through one of those yeah you build a little bit of a hard shell once you get yelled at by a chef yeah you get a little bit of a hard shell but you learn to not take things personally and you also learn to not be the like kind of doormat that you were by taking everything so personally um you don't have to be a people pleaser you don't have to constantly say yes um and in fact it's probably healthier if you say no every once in a while oh my god that hit was like perfect oh my god you know when you like smoke just like slightly too much that it pushes you over into the anxiety kind of mode and you're

like fuck i could have just taken just a little bit less and i wouldn't have this overwhelming sense that i'm gonna die you know what i mean um luckily i didn't get there today it's been good i think it it also is just like the tiny hit i took in combination with the entire fucking giant glass of iced coffee i just chucked so overall feeling great any sort of caffeine weed combo is like for creativity like perfect for getting creative um and in fact it is the combo that i ingest before doing every single one of these podcasts i am not gonna lie not gonna lie but more questions more questions let's keep doing this speed round someone asked um why do you believe in the stars so easily but not god really just curious love you interesting question um i spent a majority

of my life believing in god and silence what did i gain from that not a whole lot i mean like i had an okay moral code but i don't think that was inherently from church or being in a religion at all i think that was just from my parents instilling a very harsh not harsh but like you know treat people good period like there's no exception you know what i mean um and for that reason it's very difficult for me to believe in a higher being higher power because i believe too much in chaos and i believe too much in the nature of how the universe works that shit just happens sometimes and sometimes it's really fucking crazy shit and sometimes that's how maybe we got here and we just evolved into these crazy fucking humans that we are and there is no inherent

quote-unquote reason okay i feel like i believe more in that than i do anything else but also like i can see the stars and when i believe in the stars i am also just like it's a lot of fun it's a lot of fun to look into it and see like what correlates and what goes together and like actually see results in my life whether it's just like a fun happenstance or like actually because of the way the stars are positioned or whatever um but i would like to say astrology is more of a fun thing than it is a religion and god is more of a religion a belief like a full wholehearted belief that i simply just don't have if that makes any sort of sense i think they're they're both very different

hi Hannah I'm just sitting here listening to the podcast from this last week and um I know you talk about a lot of like mental health stuff and I was just wondering like how you think doing the podcast has been for your mental health um like if you think it's helped with anything um yeah have a good night hi lovey um i do think this podcast has helped me as much as it's helped you guys um as you all know i go through ebbs and flows my mental health you can probably tell by my episodes like sometimes i'll just be straight up going through it and sometimes you know i'm doing really really good um just like anybody else's mental health but i think the same way you guys kind of make discoveries through this podcast i'm also making discoveries through this podcast

which is really fun just you know taking the time to sit down and you know do these reflections with myself and talk and um think a little bit deeper than i would on an everyday average level um so yeah i do think it has honestly helped which is kind of surprising to think about um it's also just good to have a project that i am constantly working on and constantly putting effort into it feels good and that in general is um especially good for my mental health feeling accomplished whether it's something that's like you know award winning or something that's just like you know for myself something that i really really like it doesn't matter as long as i'm doing something and feeling that accomplishment it is really really good so it's fun to persevere with this

and show up every week and hang out with you guys i love it i wouldn't trade it for the fucking world and i feel so incredibly lucky but yeah i do think the same kind of insights you guys are finding i'm also finding because i will just be talking and kind of rambling and i'll say something and i'll be like oh i'm not gonna lie i never thought of like thought about it that way until i just actualized it and verbalized it and that in general has really really helped me and helped me kind of not take things so seriously um kind of figure out how to balance myself out a little bit and to see the positives and things um a lot more oh someone asked ways to gain back energy after life being hectic i think this is a perfect question for what i'm going through right now

because my life has surely been very very hectic um so for me personally my space is kind of a big thing to me um so being able to simply be alone in my space and to be with myself very important for like resting and recouping and feeling good um so like this morning i slept in a little bit i treated myself that way um indulged a little bit with myself did a face mask smoke some weed i ate like some mcdonald's like which i never do but i was like i'm i want the like morning comfort food of like a mcgriddle or whatever so i ate like half of one of those and passed out um and now i just have like a really comfy hoodie on just vibing hanging on my couch i got some fun lights on some candles lit um and just simply making time for myself

to do whatever i want which right now i'm on a no money spending mode so doing whatever i want has to happen in the confines of my house in my room so like it also forces me to get a little bit creative tap into that um do some work with my art because it's free you know what i mean but it's been feeling really good to jump back into art and to jump back into painting um I really missed it and I miss getting creative I've been getting creative in so many other ways that I kind of want to take a pause and go back to what I really enjoy and to deep dive into that again so if you have a certain passion that you've been putting off or something that you're really passionate about try jumping back into it um and kind of connecting back with yourself that way

but I really really just like to indulge in myself and in relaxation and just allowing myself to be a little bit lazy after life was just super duper hectic like I have been running around constantly like just having anxiety trying to figure shit out trying to get shit done for the past couple weeks about a month um and i really haven't allowed myself time to rest and so i took it upon myself today to be like okay girl we need to focus on you we need to get you done we need to make you feel better we need to just sit back relax and be just a little lazy like allow yourself to be a little lazy um because usually also when i allow myself to be a little lazy i'm gonna find boredom eventually and i am going to start getting creative and trying to get creative with what i'm

doing whether it's putting together a new thing like or making something new or painting or coming up with a mood board or writing a little bit whatever it is that time alone with myself um just to have free time and to quote unquote be lazy because i'm not running around doing work is important and i have to designate specific time for that so if you can find a day or even like a morning or even an evening would work um just really really try and feed into that and don't be afraid to let yourself relax every once in a while okay so someone asked um how can you stop noticing or caring about other people's flaws i think this is a very interesting question And I think to stop hyper fixating on other people's flaws or things that they are just going to do or be because they are human and we innately are going to make mistakes and have flaws is to stop being so hard on yourself.

i feel like when you have trained your brain so innately to focus on everything you are doing wrong and all of your flaws and hyper criticizing yourself you tend to direct that energy outwards um because it's something you've been doing for so long and the first thing that you think about for yourself so of course it's going to be the first thing that you think about for other people as well and so I think it needs to start from within and it needs to start from yourself so start complimenting yourself more start you know trying to become your best friend start trying to really lift yourself up even when it feels like oh this is not my first reaction like my first reaction would be to criticize myself here try and train your brain to be like no I'm going to

lift myself up here I'm going to compliment myself like even if it's hard which is going to be hard at first because you literally have to retrain the way you're thinking um i guarantee it'll pay off and then also you will stop behaving in that manner towards other people i think it's just a very big kind of um example of like how you act towards yourself is going to be directly how you act um towards other people so when i find other people being like hyper criticizing of other people or constantly making fun of other people or constantly putting other people down i just sit back and I'm like damn like living in your head must be really hard because the way you're behaving towards every single other person around you that must be what you're living with constantly

because it's your first reaction to behave that way towards other people so you must be behaving that way towards yourself or like when people are constantly you know very uplifting very supportive good vibes about other people I'm like okay you must have a really good relationship with yourself or like i'm hoping um because that's your first instinct is to be uplifting be kind to those people um and i'm not saying you know you can't be critical on yourself and kind to other people of course you can be there's nuance to everything but i do think when you the way you treat yourself and the way you think about yourself because the relationship we we have with ourselves is so important directly affects the way we think and treat other people so yeah write some affirmations

down hang them up on your wall help yourself out a little bit i even made a patreon post if you guys are interested in my patreon um i post on there quite a lot i try to post on there at least three to four times a week um but i talked about affirmations just because i've been having a hard week so i figured why not share a few of my favorite affirmations with you guys you know what i mean like what's wrong with that um so let's see i cultivate an attitude of joyous expectancy I love and appreciate myself I know I am amazing I am perfect healthy radiant beauty divine energy I am celebrating me my life my body and my body my mind I'm grateful to be me I am complete but never finished I am releasing everything that is best for me to let go of

I relax I let go life is in perfect flow I appreciate myself sincerely I love everyone around me dearly and i have an infinite number of reasons to be happy um but yeah start with a little gratitude moment towards yourself um i found myself also just like falling into the web of like misogyny and constantly pitting myself against other women i've talked about that before and i think to heal that i really really had to uplift myself while also uplifting other women as well um because we are not in constant competition there doesn't need to be one baddie in the room okay the room needs to be full of a bunch of baddies and a bunch of people who love themselves fully and a bunch of people who love other people for being their best selves

you know what i mean um you don't need to be in competition you don't need to be sizing other women up and putting yourself down if you're not good enough we as people are so vastly different the way we express ourselves the way we you know show ourselves off to the world the way we are simply made is so vastly different and i think that's so wonderful wonderful and so beautiful and of course we're not all going to share ourselves the same kind of way um so if you find yourself kind of having troubles there really really really just try and uplift yourself while also uplifting the person around you um or the person you're having trouble or the people you're having trouble with and you can do that simply by giving yourself five compliments and then giving

the other person five compliments and then moving on like completely changing your train of thought but really you have to alter the way you're starting to think about these things because it will consume you and it will probably consume you negatively and life is all about trying to kind of you know make sure we're thinking about things correctly and we're seeing things from the right point of view you have control over your brain your brain doesn't have control over you so try and you know take the reins and steer yourself in the direction that you really want to go but it can be done it absolutely can be i've been there i've been very pessimistic a majority of my life and it really took some time for me to train my brain and kind of

rethink about things um but if you put the time and energy into it i guarantee you can get there what's up hannah my name is nicole i am currently driving listening to the podcast of course but i had to press pause because I just really felt what you were saying about not having to rely on substances. You know, I've gotten so much better about marijuana. My use is a lot more tasteful than it used to be, but now I'm kind of concerned with just, so I have inattentive ADD and I have been prescribed Adderall since, um, college and I don't take it as regular as I'm like prescribed it but when i do take it you know i am a productive superhero i am looking for ways like natural energy supplements natural focus supplements or even just like habits or recommendations

that help you because you are so on your shit and i need a little help my girl so thank you and love you lots okay so here are my favorite adhd tips from someone who is diagnosed but never medicated um my parents medicated my brother but not me and they said good luck girly um so my dad has adhd and he's really really helped me with this because i've been like listen you guys are not medicating me but i'm struggling how do you survive because he also is not on medication and so number one lots of caffeine i just like i know it's still a substance but i try and make it a healthy substance like it used to be or it is sometimes coffee and stuff um try and avoid the like energy drinks or like the pre-workout that shit is just gonna give

you a heart attack um but my personal favorite recently is green tea lots and lots and lots of green tea i love green tea i shared my favorite like green tea combo on my instagram the other day and it's green tea like two fresh lemon wedges i just squeeze them in there and lychee syrup or just even just simple syrup but i like lychee syrup because it has a little bit more of like a citrusy um taste that is like the perfect combo on ice oh my god chef's kiss incredible and you could just make it at home and you can get like lychee syrup from the store very simple um love that that i will get to work and i will chug like five of those and i will be able to power through an eight hour shift no worries um and be able to be on my shit because my shit is usually

very very random so that works number two everything that you need to get done has to get done in the morning um i've talked about this before but like you have to get that shit done in the morning because as soon as three o'clock hits or like two o'clock my brain just shuts off like i'm in chill mode i'm in getting things done slow mode so when i have the most energy which is in the morning i try and make that my key focus is to get all of my shit done and out of the way so i can have the afternoon to relax um also if you put shoes on you're going to get stuff done if you need to clean your house i have to have my shoes on or i have to have like house shoes on or something um if i'm going to leave and i have a hard time training my brain to switch into that

like okay i need to leave the house mode put your shoes on first just put your shoes on before you even pack anything whatever for some reason it tricks my brain into being like okay we're on go mode like what do we need to do what are we trying to get done so that really really helps um what else lists i make a lot of lists a lot of lists there's no way i can organize my brain ever so i make big mind dump lists into my notes app and i take random things and i just delegate them by day by the amount of time i have and by the amount of energy i think i'm gonna have um and i add things in i take things out whatever it is but i make sure i have at least two to three things a day that i can go and get done and cross off my list so i feel productive and i'm also not just sitting

around with overwhelming anxiety from not doing anything because i am avoidant and i don't like to start things um and what else what else i feel like there's one more oh if i have big tasks that are overwhelming and like like you know the tasks where it's like not just one thing you can go and do and cross up the list but it's like 50 little things all combined in one so it's like not just oh i gotta drop this piece of mail off it's oh i need to deep clean my entire apartment you know what I mean I make a list like a sub list almost of every single thing I need to do that would be categorized under that big task so I can make sure it's all done and it doesn't have to all be done on one day or two days you can get it done over a period of days but it's very easy

to manage your time and manage your tasks when you're breaking it up but yeah caffeine getting your shit done early and in the beginning of the day um not indulging in substances until the end of the day i feel like you know making sure i'm prioritizing my life and my stuff and getting my stuff done before i'm gonna smoke is very important because as soon as i smoke my brain goes into relax mode and i really like that mode i like to prioritize that but also i need to make sure i'm delegating it to the right time and to um when i'm supposed to be doing it do you know what i mean um but yeah it's you can do it i promise you um adderall's not some big monster so if you do need it like every once in a while i don't think you should feel bad about it

but there is definite ways that you can manage it throughout your day um by just kind of being extra attentive to yourself oh someone asked do you want kids one day ah fuck i love kids i'm not gonna get on here and be like fuck children i hate children because those people i think lack empathy um kids are great i think they're hilarious i think the way they see the world is very interesting um i've spent a majority of my life working with kids whether it was babysitting working at a daycare or nannying um i have been around kids a lot and i do really really enjoy them of course there's their hardships do i want them one day maybe a harsh maybe i can't say yes i can't say no um right now do i want to meet no no no no no no no

absolutely not um unfortunately i think i would need to be a lot older in order to have kids in my life because i feel like you need to be a pretty well-rounded adult and also not selfish to have kids in your life and right now i'm in a pretty selfish period of my life which is okay it's fine i need to lean into it i do not need to lean into a child do you know what i mean um so do i think i'll have them one day like yes i would love a little family i would love like a little house like so fun right but in reality it's also scary and i have no idea if that would ever be my future um so i can't really say i think wherever i end up will be perfect and amazing but do i fully imagine my future with children not all the time no i definitely don't

like there's girls who grow up and they're like i want kids i want a family i want that and for me that has never been like a feeling i've ever had um so yeah that's how i feel on that love kids though i love being an aunt that's super fun when you can like return them love that like they're so cute they even look like you a little bit because like they're your niece or nephew you know um but like you can return them at the end of the day which is the best thing ever like there's so many nightmares about parenting that i'm just not ready to deal with right now so shout out to if there's any moms listening shout out to you you are a real one thank you for everything you do shout out to everything you put up with because I know it's a lot and I know you probably

don't get the recognition you deserve but I love you and you're incredible and you're doing amazing so so someone asked any writing tips um yes I actually do have some a okay so I can well when you're writing it's on top but like you can be facing them or you could do like reverse cowgirl you know what I mean reverse cowgirl my fave like I can throw ass for hours um I don't get tired don't know why reverse cowgirl is also just the best have them if you like to also like face your partner have a mirror in your room so when you're in reverse cowgirl you can still see everything um like you and your partner can still see each other so if you can like delegate between the two and figure out that one of them is easier then I say stick to one of them um and understand your

strengths and understand your faults you know what i mean like me facing my partner in writing is not as easy as like facing away i don't know why i don't know the science behind it either way try them both out figure out which one you like best but here's the thing when i'm facing my partner i feel like my legs just give out too fast so first of all i know like my i know my legs aren't gonna last long so if i'm gonna ride i also like to just suck his dick beforehand to be like okay i'm gonna get him like very close and then like i'll be on top of the finale you know what i mean so then my legs don't give out halfway through and i'm like well you know what i mean so i like to go down a little bit before and then go up and i start on my knees and then

once my knees get sore or once i feel like he is getting closer then i like to hop up to my toes which is a lot easier if you have something to hold on to if you're just on your toes like bouncing it's kind of hard and your legs are probably going to give out pretty quickly so like hold on to your partner's hands or like put your hands on their chest or i don't know if you're close enough to like a bed frame or a wall or something hold on to that um so then you can kind of have a little bit of leverage and you can bounce that way but that way is probably going to feel the best for you and your partner um for me personally i feel like i can get deeper um so yeah those are my tips i don't really have any other tips other than maybe do some squats so

your legs don't get as tired but maybe i'm just a pussy like maybe i'm just weak i might be just weak other girls might be able to last longer but me on top i am just like whoa all of a sudden my thighs are on fire so if i can't last or if my legs aren't gonna last long facing forward you know do a little pre-gaming move my way up and then get onto your toes for the end or for me personally reverse cowgirl can go forever I love it it's great um so those are my two favorite positions hi Hannah love you and love the pod I've called him before but I'm calling him again so essentially I've been with my boyfriend for two years um I'm 17 he's turning 18 soon um and we're seniors in high school I just pecked up my first packet of birth control

and I'm fucking terrified um I've never had sex before so I'm obviously just like kind of freaking out I know you are a strong advocate for the IUD but bitch I don't think I can do it I don't think I can do it right now so I'm starting off with a pill um and so I'm just scared like in general about sex now and I know you talk about it a lot so if you have any tips for your first time like let me know I think you've talked about it before but I don't know I'm just like I'm scared I'm not scared because like my boyfriend and I are very intimate I love him very much and I know he loves me and I know he's safe but girl I'm scared please send help okay love you bye so I was on the pill for like four years five years I got on it at

15 definitely was not having sex at 15 but I got on it for like acne reasons and then I was on it until maybe 19 so pretty long time can't lie um it personally drove me fucking insane but i was not taking it correctly i would like to state that very specifically i was not taking it correctly so let me tell you what to do so you don't have the anxiety i did when i was younger because i would just be like in in like a hyvee bathroom taking pregnancy tests with my friends because i would just be terrified um first of all take them every day take them every day okay and not only just every day but take them at the same exact time every day because if you think about it your hormones need to be pretty regulated and if you're not regulating your hormones and

you're taking these like pills with hormones in them pretty randomly your body's and your brain is not going to take to it well so whenever like maybe in the morning is your time or I'm pretty sure like at the evening is when they told me or something but set an alarm on your phone there's a birth control alarm that's going to go off at that time and try and stick to it the best that you can um just understand that even when you're feeling lazy like just go and do it because your anxiety will thank you when you're um like in the future so try and stick to taking it at the specific time every day um it's going to give you like quote-unquote sugar pills that are going to start your period do not try and skip to your period or do not try and elongate your period

or do not try and it like mess with the natural cycle that you're supposed to be in okay because it's gonna really throw your body off and it's really gonna throw your brain off um i would say probably also invest in just a good old box of pregnancy tests because you're probably going to have a little bit of anxiety you're going to probably have like um i don't know you know there's times where you're just like fuck what if you know what i mean so just have some pregnancy tests that you can just easily grab and take you can just get like the simple like cheap strip ones you can get them on like amazon like a pack of like 70 for like 10 bucks um that you can just take like whenever you're feeling anxious or whenever you're about to start your period so

you have that peace of mind also just because you're on birth control doesn't mean you can just be crazy and not care you need to still be using protection okay because birth control only protects against babies does not protect against stds um and it only protects against babies as well as you use it so be extra precautious um and don't think that you are completely and fully protected just because you're on the pill like of course you still need to be taking precautions because I was like oh I'm on the pill I can do whatever I want no no no no no no unfortunately that's not how that works I wish there was a pill that would solve everything but there's not um so yeah I think that's kind of the the best kind of um advice I can give you take it on time take it consistently

make sure it's worked into your routine still use protection and if you have extra anxiety like i do you know get some birth control um tests very easy very easy but yeah i think you'll be okay lots of women have had success with the pills me i didn't get pregnant so i would say they worked for me um the only reason i went crazy was my my own fault you know take them on time someone said thoughts on short kings um honestly love love a short king as long as they're respectful i feel like short men are either really mean and like really against the world because they happen to be short and they feel like they're persecuted for it or short men are like the sweetest kindest funniest people ever and there's

really no in between there isn't and you'll know you'll know the difference between the two oh someone asked how do i confront and ask someone what they want from me as a partner or friend i'm assuming you're probably in a situation ship and you're wanting to know how to ask if they want a relationship with you or if they just want a friend you know what i mean um and i think straight up you have to there's no sugarcoating it there's no letting them get away with half and half asked answers okay it's you sitting down and being like what do you want from this and maybe that means you have to go first and you just state how you feel and what you want that's okay you should feel like you should be able to do that um but i think you need to be like where is this

going where do you see this because this is what i want this is what i'm expecting and i need to make sure we are on the right page so neither of us get hurt does that make sense and then open the conversation to how they feel and make sure they're giving you a real answer like make sure you leave that conversation with a real answer not a oh i don't know oh i don't know no there's no i don't knows it's what do you want you do know what you want either this is just a situationship that's working for you right now and you don't actually like me and you don't want to put all these time and effort into me that you would a girlfriend and so you're just stringing me along uh or you maybe just want a friend right now and you're not looking for a partner that's

okay that's totally valid it's totally fine um or you know maybe you are ready for a relationship and you want to start slowly working that way you need to straight up answer whatever it is and it might not be the answer you're looking for um but make sure you're getting an answer nonetheless because i've seen too many girlies strung along for the longest amount of time simply because people don't know how to voice their emotions and voice their opinions and yes sometimes you simply just have to pull it out of them and be like what do you want from this actualize it because i'm tired of waiting around you cannot spend your whole lifetime waiting around for another person to decide how they feel about you they know how they feel about

you they need to be just emotional enough to explain that to you and to have the common decency to be honest with you as another human being that's a part of their life um yeah i think you absolutely should bring it up and um you know make sure you're getting a straight up answer out of it and also don't take it personally um take what they say um and act accordingly if that makes sense someone asked what to do with all my old journals i want to declutter but also feel weird tossing them don't toss them definitely don't go find like an old shoe box or like um maybe even just go to the thrift store and find like a fun little container or something and stash all of your journals there that's what i've done with every journal i've had with any like sketchbook

even i've had um i have them all stashed away because it's really fun to go back and look through them and it's very easy to just put a box away somewhere in your house than it is to put like 50 journals away um and i feel like once i confine everything to one area i feel a little bit less decluttered definitely do not throw them away but yeah I think just like have them all in one area um or box them up but definitely don't get rid of them because you will want to look back on them in the future hey Hannah my name is Kara and my question is just like how do you afford to live by yourself because right now I'm living with my boyfriend and I want to get my own apartment and I don't pay anything right now I want to just get like my own place I work a part-time

job but I also have a YouTube and I model I want to make like modeling my my full-time job I don't go to college or anything like that so that's why I work like a part-time job and I obviously don't make enough money to just afford an apartment on my own so I don't know my question is just like how do you not live to work and live on your own at the same time so yeah um my YouTube is Kara Claypool a shameless self promo but yeah please help a girl out because I literally don't know how to just afford to live on my own and I don't want to live with my boyfriend anymore so please help oh okay good question unfortunately living in a capitalistic society we do have to work and we have to work hard in order to succeed um and as a creative like you said you're not in

school um you have multiple passions I'm gonna kind of explain how I make it work for me so hopefully you can make it work for you um I have like four or five different jobs not all of them are like you know quote unquote real jobs I would say my what my parents might call a real job you know what I mean um I would say maybe one of them is and that's probably the most I get paid um and that would be bartending and I do that kind of like half the week um definitely on the weekends and that makes me enough money to a be able to live so check that one off i was able to figure that out by calculating a whole month of what i made and delegating it to okay well this part's gonna cover rent this part's gonna

cover food this part's gonna cover getting around now those are the bare necessities i could work all week bartending um and be able to make also the fun money that i want and the savings money that i want but i don't want to invest all my time into bartending because i have other things that are my passions that drive me that inspire me that i also can make money on sure it's not something that i can solely rely on in order to live but it helps me live in a different way as it keeps me passionate about life um so for you that's going to be your youtube that's going to be your modeling those are things that you know maybe don't really pay well or they don't pay often um but it's something that you're passionate about something that you enjoy so try and find those things and

try and keep them going and really don't give up money doesn't have to rule everything but you know if you can make a little bit of fun money and a little bit of savings money through these things then do so and pick up new hobbies that you maybe wouldn't have thought about doing you can make money that way um but it's really all about hustling especially when you don't have a college degree like i do like there's no way i could go out and get a salary job simply because i don't have actually i probably do have the experience in some fields but i don't have the degree to back it so if i want to survive in the world unfortunately that means i have to have multiple forms of income but for my adhd brain i honestly really enjoy it and i love the way i'm working and i think

it works really well with me and it keeps me on my toes um i like when my week is broken up very randomly i like when i am having time to myself to invest into new projects into new passions um and it took a while to figure out but i guarantee if you just really try and set a budget for yourself try to adequately um you know look at everything you make in a month and try and delegate it by what you need and you know really be thoughtful about this stuff and also save at least three to four months rent before you move in because a they're probably going to require first and last month's rent and also you are probably going to spend the equivalent of rent on things you need to move into your apartment so um yeah i would say maybe three or four times

rent because you also want some cushion there so you don't feel as drained out as you probably will after first moving in um but yeah save money work hard boss up you'll do it i believe in you you will get there i got here it takes time it takes learning it takes practice um and it takes asking a lot of questions so um yeah but you can figure it out don't let if you find like a wall though and you you stumble a little bit don't let it deter you um you really will figure it out and you're going to find problems within these things but that's okay life is all about finding problems and managing how you work through them so don't give up on yourself you'll get through it you'll make the money you'll live in your dream apartment you will get there um but yeah really

just sit down and honestly go through your financials um get a little part-time job that's maybe tip based, you can save some extra money. And you'll do it. I believe in you. Oh my gosh, someone said is bad sex a fair reason to break up with someone? Please answer urgent. I love that. Honestly. Yes, I do. I do think so. If I because I feel like sex is for me personally, maybe not for everybody sex is a very important part of a relationship um i need to be able to have fun crazy sex with my partner do you know what i mean and if they just aren't getting it or maybe we we aren't able to satisfy each other that's just no fun for anybody involved um sure of course there's like communication issues there's you know you can't be mind readers but if you've tried all

the things you've really tried to connect with your partner and tried to verbalize what you like and try to you know make it work and it's just not working i mean yeah i think that's honestly an okay reason to break up with somebody because you'll be able to find somebody like i get the personality is probably good but i guarantee you'll be able to find somebody with the same personality who's also able to make you come so like you yeah yeah like if you've tried toys if you've tried talking it out if you tried figuring it out and they're just not getting it or you guys are not compatible that is okay you just gotta be honest with yourself okay sometimes people just aren't as compatible as you thought and that's all right but don't waste any more time okay try and

you know work through it or get out of it as fast as you can someone asked how do i get over a man that doesn't care about me that i'm low-key in love with you're in love with the idea of not being wanted and you're in love with the idea that validation is going to feel better than the actual person in front of you and you're craving that validation and you need that validation whether the person in front of you is good for you or not you need to feel accepted and you want that desperately and you want that more than you want what's good for yourself this man doesn't want you he's simply put not good for you i don't care what he looks like i don't care how he's behaving i don't care what he's quote unquote doing for you he is obviously not doing the right

thing if he's not reciprocating the same emotions that you want back period it's really really easy to get addicted to the feeling of needing to be wanted okay and you do not always need to be wanted some people are not going to want you and that's okay it's a part of life that straight up just means that you're not compatible and you can't force compatibility because even if you do somehow one day you know end up together um you're gonna realize oh no once the you know infatuation wears off and you get that um you get that validation you're gonna be stuck with that person that you really weren't even paying attention to and you didn't realize who they were um and you're gonna realize you probably made a big mistake so don't get addicted to the feeling

get addicted to the person okay the person as a whole all right the feeling of not being needed and wanting to validate that and wanting to finally feel accepted is addicting but straight up some people are not going to like you or accept you and that's just unfortunately a part of life you just got to be strong enough to walk away hey anna i love you and i love this podcast i listen to you all the time at work it makes my shift go by super super fast but I just wanted to ask what are your tips on smoking and studying and like going back to school because I am a smoker I smoke every day and I'm high a lot of the time throughout the day and I just want to know like do you think it is a bad career choice that I want to nerd because I'm studying for nursing

and I just don't I think it's like it's obviously okay if I smoke but it's just like I don't know if I'm balancing like my studying and smoking correctly like I'm not using it toxically I just don't know like I feel like I could do it better so I could like make it more of a reward so like what did you do like what did you do basically when it comes to smoking and nursing school or any college in general you have to put college first the same way i was talking about with adhd tips sorry and you know you got to get all your shit done and then indulge you have to keep those same rules um throughout college i had a hard time my freshman year balancing it and i thought oh i could smoke all day and then my brain would be

ready to study for eight hours somehow at the end of the night yeah that's fine no it's impossible for your brain to get into that mode unfortunately studying and being high is just not gonna get you as far as studying and being sober so be motivated kind of use that as your motivator you can be like a studious stoner you know what i mean um but you have to really prioritize school and you have to get your shit done i would be walking home from the library at like 1 a.m back to my dorms and i would just have like a little joint in my pocket that i had rolled prior and i would just smoke it on the way home hop in the shower and then immediately go to bed like i was waiting all day for that shit but i had to i just have to prioritize studying you've gotta for me personally

as somebody who's like really bad with memory too the best way to study like this is the best way is you're gonna make flashcards for everything everything okay and I'm not talking Quizlet flashcards yes that helps but literally the act of writing the flashcards is what helps the most okay so for me studying looked like I would buy a pack of 50 note cards I would write down every single term and their definition and then I would flip through them and quiz myself one time okay and on the cards I got right I would put a star or I put like a line on the cards I got wrong I would just leave blank I would do that again I'm not talking quiz myself again I'm talking write down every single term and every single definition again and then I would quiz myself

like two times and then I would do it for a third time and by the third time you start getting a handle of the things and then once you're able to flip over a card and you know understand what it is three full times not writing it down but like write it down three times and then also be able to you know recognize that card and understand what it means three times like I would write three lines on that card then you can put it into a into the side into like a i know this pile and then you can kind of cut down onto the ones you don't know and figure out tricks on figuring out how to you know learn what the term is whatever but that is how i studied especially with like a um things that were so definition based and you needed to know the full definition

of like one part of the body or like one group in art history um yeah flashcards flashcards are the way to go but yeah if you want to be a studious stoner you really just got to save that shit okay you party on the weekends you party hard at night um but during the day you get your shit done and the the best thing about it is you can get your shit done early okay you can go study in between classes you can have all your shit done by six then you can relax for me personally i just really liked going to the um library at night and studying there but yeah save that shit until after you are done doing everything you need to do because unfortunately school work does come first that's why you're at school um and succeeding and doing well does feel really good um and you can

put off a little bit of weed to succeed and do well you know what i mean but i love you you'll figure it out I promise hi so first off I want to say I love your podcast it literally got me through my breakup um I also just got your hoodie today and I was so excited I literally left class early and ran to the mailing services at my school to go pick it up anyways um over the summer I relapsed in my eating disorder unintentionally and I didn't realize it and then I got to school and it got a lot worse and I've been here for a month now and it just keeps getting worse and worse and worse and I feel like I need to go to treatment for it to recover however I'm very terrified of it because I don't want to be the girl that drops out of college to go get help

but I also think it's the only choice so yeah any advice would be great I love you and I'm so proud of you for recognizing this in yourself I don't think anybody is ever going to judge you for taking a break from school to put yourself first and make sure you are okay because at the end of the day that is priority number one okay there's also ways that i would also contact your school about this stuff um and try and figure that out so then you're not exiting um you know going to rehab and having to deal with a bunch of extra pressure from trying to figure out your schoolwork so a yes prioritize yourself if you need that deep help go and get it because you are priority number one we need you here we need you healthy and um sometimes that does take

getting a little extra help and going somewhere else um so as you're kind of starting to plan that stuff and as you're having that conversation um maybe with your parents or whoever you need to have that conversation with i think it's also important to bring it up to your professors and to bring it up to your academic advisor because there are ways that they can help you that are going to make this transition a lot easier and i guarantee they are going to be willing to help you so reach out ask um you know what kind of mental health um support they offer and if they offer any support with reintegrating back into school and back into classes after taking a like a little sabbatical a little bit of time away because this is not their first rodeo

it might be your first rodeo this is not their first rodeo they'll have a lot more insight and they'll have a lot more knowledge and so definitely definitely reach out if you have a dean you can reach out to do so as well um but i guarantee you probably have a very large support system and now is the time to reach out to them and to um really take on that support because sometimes you know you need a little bit of extra help you need a little bit of extra push i was so afraid to go to um you know rehab in high school because i thought i was going to come back to school and everybody was going to know and everybody's going to judge me for it but i came back and i realized that my teachers were very understanding and they were pretty lenient with me on helping me

try and reintegrate and my like peers also were there for me and showed up for me and you know tried to uplift me as well so i don't think we should let her we should hold ourselves back by that fear of you know not wanting to quote unquote be that girl but sometimes sometimes you gotta be that girl sometimes it's you know i gotta go the psych ward and honestly it's best for all of us you know what i mean like it's okay we all have those moments we all have that time so if now's your time i say take full advantage of it and also try and to you know take on the support that is there and don't close yourself off to the support that you have and i guarantee you'll figure it out and i hope you do better and i'm here for you and i love you

and yeah absolutely though the answer is always always always get the help you need someone asked would you ever turn to minimalism um no i've tried unfortunately i'm just not that bitch i am not that you know i only need one apple in my apartment kind of bitch no like i like all white i like a clean minimalistic kind of look but i'm way too much of a chaotic eclectic bitch like i love collecting things i love having color i love having different textures i love having different like things and items and i love having different magazines that people can look at and books and different candles and different smells like i love it i love having just like all my things and making my space pretty and unfortunately in my mind there's too much going on so that just

reflects in my space as well i wish i could be minimalist but it's just not me i can't fight it anymore you know what i mean um but if you are that own it you know unfortunately for me i just love having things and it's not like in a materialistic way like i don't need things but i just really enjoy the things that i've collected over time like i have stuff that my grandparents handed down for me i have stuff that i've had since i was like seven and i think it's beautiful to see the way my space and the things i have have changed and grown the same way i have changed and grown and that just really reflects not only with who i am but with my space as well and i like to honor that so oh someone asked what does aftercare look like for you and your partner

i love this question um so like there's days where like we would just be together like not even touching our phones just having sex all day like there's at least one of those days whenever we're on vacation where it's just like a sex day do you know what i mean and when it's like that we really really lean in heavily to the aftercare um but simple things such as like lots of cuddling lots of skin on skin contact um once again not reaching for our phones talking um i like to like either we'll like roll a joint or i'll get we'll get each other dabs or load bowls after we um have sex just to kind of like treat each other there's nothing better than like smoking after sex cuddling and then going to also like get some food like come on um but it's a lot

of that i think the best kind of aftercare is like um where you're just having alone time together to kind of just decompress you know what i mean but very simple just just making time for each other afterwards and not just being like all right thanks bye you know what i mean like it's fun to just sit in that euphoria for a little bit oh someone asked have you ever had any problems with your nose ring or other piercings bumps etc yes absolutely i've had both my piercings for like years now like i got my nose pierced at 16 my dad was so mad my mom took me though because she was like i gotta let her be independent um and it took until 19 to heal i did a really bad job taking care of it i constantly was switching out you know my nose rings and damaging it um and that led to

like a bump on my nose that turned into like a pimple which turned into a scat it was just bad you know so i really had to focus taking care on my nose kind of later it probably should only take a year to heal but took me like three years which is not good so make sure you're taking care of your stuff and if you want to know how to take care of your stuff it's all kind of different i would just ask your piercer how they prefer it um and make sure you're not changing your jewelry a ton especially with your nose because it's kind of hard to get jewelry in um with my nipples it took a good solid two years the first year for it to completely heal and not like um the skin not to break anymore and no bleeding and no oozing and um the year after that to uh stop forming

crusties and then once i was through year two they're pretty much healed like they can be pretty much like pulled on and nothing it doesn't hurt nothing's gonna rip you know what i mean um but yeah ears have been fine but i did have a little keloid on my nose that i had to treat with like a little antibiotic ointment in order to get it to go away um but that was simply because i wasn't cleaning it and i was messing with it way way too much so make sure you're listening to your piercers and if you need to go to the doctor to get something taken care of do so because uh it was just such a pain and i really should just gone to the doctor and get to got it taken care of earlier and i didn't so yeah but it's all about patience also just be gentle

and be patient someone asked how do i not dread spending time alone um i always get so anxious and self-destructive so i feel like when i get in that mood where i'm like i can't be alone i don't like being alone it's because i'm avoiding myself for some sort of reason and it's really easy to avoid yourself when you're around other people and don't really have to think too much about yourself so when i find alone time i really really try and honor it by you know when you're like maybe i'm old but you know when you're like 15 you're in your room and you're alone and it's like nighttime and your parents have gone to bed and you finally get that alone time you feel that like relief to just be able to do whatever you want and you have music on you have like a few lights on

you're like painting or getting creative or on social media doing whatever you know I miss that a lot and I miss that a lot about like my teenhood and being able to have those sacred times to myself so when I do find myself alone especially as an adult I can't lie I find myself doing the same kind of things I find myself having the same kind of wonderment the same kind of curiosity falling into that like ritual of okay put good music on make my my uh my home you know feel good set the vibes right and then get a little creative with it you know what i mean so whatever way you would kind of honor yourself in your alone time once you're finally able to escape everybody and you're finally able to just have a breath to yourself is how you kind of need to retrain your

brain to think about it um being alone is not a curse being alone is not a bad thing okay i feel like a lot of people are like being alone is horrible and awful and i hate being alone i love being alone i love having time to myself and time to reflect on things and time to hang out with myself and talk to myself and honestly just be on my own time and do whatever i want and that i mean that might be because i work a lot and also like i have a partner so i spend a lot of time with him but it is really nice to just have your own time and so if you are a lot at that time try and just you know take the time and the space to honor it and honor yourself and find a little passion you can do during it or say you're alone and say you just have a day like no you don't have anybody to

hang out with hang out with yourself it's okay to go on dates with yourself it's okay to run around and do errands by yourself or go check out a new store go check out a new coffee shop you don't have to wait around for other people to do things with you does that make sense um like being alone doesn't need to be a curse as in like oh i'm alone i can't do anything being alone is incredible because it's oh i'm alone i can do whatever i want you know you're picking up what i'm putting down but I do understand you where I used to see being alone as being like a curse I was like oh my god no one likes me I'm so lonely everybody hates me whatever even if I had like friends that I could easily reach out to and hang out with I would find myself in that kind of like

same self-destructive kind of thought pattern and I really had to change it um because it was unhealthy and also i had to realize that not everybody hates me the way i hate myself and i had to grow out of that in order to kind of like you know reconstruct the way i sort of looked at things um but if you have time alone feel lucky um not a lot of us get alone of not a lot of us get a lot of alone time so if you do have it take the time to honor and appreciate yourself and also maybe if you're tired of being alone like say no one's reached out to you or you feel like you have no friends you feel like you have nobody to hang out with reach out to like five people five people that a maybe you haven't hung out with or um maybe you miss hanging out with

reach out to five people i guarantee at least one of them will will want to hang out or will have time of course not everybody's gonna have time for everything but i guarantee you will find at least one person okay and you don't even have to have to know them well say you're like instagram mutuals or you know you have like one class together some of the best friends i've ever made are people who just like went out on a whim and were like hey you want to come to this thing or like i went out on a whim and was like hey come over you know what i mean those have been some of the best relationships i've ever formed so take a risk honor your time honor yourself being alone doesn't have to be a curse it can also be a blessing in disguise someone asked fake ids

question mark um from a bartending stance yes i look at your id no i can't i'm not gonna lie these fake IDs have to be pretty fucking good like I or they always are they're not have to be but they always are pretty fucking good that if you handed me a fake ID I don't think I'm gonna be able to tell the difference you know as long as you know your date of birth on there I can't lie like those bitches are good at what they make those they like scan like it's crazy now because you know what I had to do in college before I had a fake ID I well I didn't have a fake ID going into college i was like what oh my god you hear that my breakfast burrito is done but i would literally borrow my friend's like second fake id oh my god what just happened

there was just an explosion and my lights went off not like in my house but like down the road or something very odd anyways my oven's still working that's all i care about my burrito is gonna be done soon i would literally use her second fake id and that's like you know might not be a problem except she looks absolutely nothing like me like short brown hair brown eyes i like absolutely nothing like me i have no idea how i got away with this for as long as i did there's one day where god i partied a lot in college i there's this club that i basically lived at and it was super fun loved it but um i would use her id to get in there and there was one day where it was a little busy like the bartenders were not bartenders the bouncers

were like actually checking ids you know what i mean because they could only allow a certain amount of people in there and um you know if what am i trying to say they were being a little bit more secure with who they were letting in because it was already packed and they didn't want to just let everybody in and they looked at that id and they go yeah this isn't you i looked him dead in the face and i was like yeah you're right and i took out of his hand and i just left like if you it turned away it's fine don't take it personally but also like you know get the fuck out of there you know what i mean like just leave um but then after that i got my own ids and i used that and i never had an issue with that other than you know just know your know your um your birth date on

there and i've never had anybody question me because literally like i said as a bartender i i look at ids and they all look real like i don't i don't think i've ever been handed a fake id um because they like i literally can't tell the difference as long as you have an id they do not care they do not care as long as you have an id and it's your face on there people really do not care okay because straight up nobody can tell the difference like even when you're at a gas station and they scan it and it scans like they have to sell it to you because i can't tell you know what i mean um so yeah that's my experience with fake ids definitely used one for like three years of my life and use somebody else's fake id for a year so once again legal reasons no i'm this

is not a recommendation these are just my life experiences and things i'm experiencing amen anyways i'm going through all the questions you guys sent me on instagram and i feel like the cohesive feeling right now which i covered in the last episode um fuck what was it titled it was um oh my god okay spotify i'm tired finding balance in chaos and creating a comfortable space because i feel like those are kind of three very big important things just happening right now so if you're feeling any of those things go visit that podcast i touch a lot on those things um just being exhausted during this time and you know managing yourself through the chaos and you know not giving into it as well as also just like making room and space for yourself to feel

comfortable um especially when you're taking that time to kind of relax um so visit that if you haven't but also like the vibes are still strong they're still very very strong um and during this time i have to just tell myself that it's okay to be a little sensitive it's okay to be a little sensitive to the world and to the things happening to you and you're like yeah life's gonna suck sometimes that's just how it is it's gonna be hard it's gonna be challenging things are going to suck sometimes all right it's all about how you manage that for me personally like i can sit and weep about something and sit and stew in my pity and in my self-hatred oh girl for like years like i am so good at it it feels so comfortable does it get me anywhere absolutely not does it

make me feel any better no no never but does it feel comfortable because i'm used to it and i'm it's easy to feed into it yeah and so instead of feeding into that like self-pityness i you know look at myself and my sensitivity and i allow myself to be sensitive i'm never ever ever gonna close myself off to the world i feel like that is just closing yourself off to you know some incredible brilliant things that you might miss um so it's okay to be sensitive let yourself cry for a good hour in a hot ass shower you know let it out ask for a hug you know give yourself a day to just like stew and to lay there and to be lazy and to feel your emotions it's important to honor yourself and honor those things but also emotions are just like a fucking current you have to let

them enter and exit okay and the exit is very important when my car got fucked up again all i wanted to do was just be in a bad fucking nasty ass mood for like days but is that fair to myself no is it fair to my partner no is it fair to the people i work with no and i had to realize i had to stop being a little bitch take it on the fucking chin um you know cry it out like yeah it sucks i get it cry it out a little bit um ask for help where you need it but then you have to move on you have to move on okay it's okay to be sensitive and it's okay to you know be a little just you know a little sensitive to life life sometimes is mean it's okay to to have sensitivity to the meanness but you cannot let it sit with you and you cannot let it like overtake your life

if that makes any sort of sense okay and that's the one way that i've really kind of found a way to survive especially during this time um sometimes the most healing thing you can do is to feel your feelings and not push them away and to let them sit with you even if it is for just a little bit um yumi sakugawa says what if you allowed your emotions to be messy and complicated and multi-layered instead of pressuring yourself to only have the right reactions the perfect processing the most efficient timeline for getting over it you need to let your emotions come and go as they please because unfortunately we just don't have as much control over it as we think so when you find yourself in these periods of like oh i am feeling low energy but it's during

a time where i need to feel high energy let yourself feel that way let your emotions kind of take over just a little bit allow your sensitivity to come cry it out feel it out but then move on keep the like dedication to yourself to have the strength and the power to allow those emotions to also freely leave you you don't you don't need to hold on to them um but you do need to honor them i also got a lot of questions about how to feel yourself and how to kind of get back into I guess like the sexy embodiment you know what I mean and I think when I say the word sexy we all probably think very different things which I think is very important to address okay because sexiness can be so many different things but the key ingredient here to sexiness

is to accepting yourself okay think about it hottest bitch i can think of is the girl which i've like i've been her because i feel this this is like maybe peak when like i feel sexiest is when i don't give a fuck i'm wearing something i feel good in i'm i'm loud i'm boisterous i'm dancing i'm having fun i'm in an environment where i can just be myself that is when i feel the sexiest okay the key here is to lean into those true feelings that you have about yourself and to not push yourself down i'm literally convinced the hottest thing you can do is own who the fuck you are okay are you the hot pretty natural girl cool own it be that full-heartedly are you i don't know evil are you mean are you dark spirited okay cool own that shit make that

who you are don't deny it are you you know it depends on absolutely who you are but the key here is if you try and make yourself into the person you simply are not you are going to feel that pull from yourself and you're really not going to feel sexy recently i have not been feeling sexy and do you know why it's because i've been trying to lean into what other people want lean into how other people are feeling lean into the trends that are going on right now even if i don't like them lean into what other people are trying to get from me and straight up that does not make me feel good even if it makes the other people feel good it's like come on at what cost so i've been trying to lean into um you just owning who i am and how i feel and how i want

to express myself and honestly i have been tiptoeing closer and closer to feeling better um but it really just took me realizing that like holy shit i was trying to distance myself and to try and force myself to feel good about distancing myself from myself but in reality the sexiest thing you can literally do is own who you are and even if other people don't like it even if it makes other people upset or other people don't necessarily agree with it it doesn't matter because that's who you are unapologetically and enthusiastically okay not everybody's gonna get it that's okay sometimes you know they don't have to get it and it's not your job to explain it to them so don't change yourself lean into how you're feeling lean into those emotions lean into

the way you want to express yourself and do so unapologetically and wholeheartedly you gotta own that shit anyways i feel like we touched on a lot of good topics thank you for all the call-ins this week i loved it i got so many um which was amazing if you would like to submit a call-in that link is always in my instagram bio at hannah marlene um if you want to help out with my car fund i really don't have a fund going on but if you join my patreon you'll get a bunch of content there um and there's a bunch of really good stuff on there i plan on posting a lot this week um and then you know you help me i help you kind of situation i don't ever like want to just take money from you guys it's fucked up um but thank you for all the questions also submitted to my

instagram um i got through like a majority of them i really wanted to focus on trying to do like a speed round today which i think we successfully accomplished feels good so happy to be here this was so much fun i love getting to spend every tuesday with you guys getting to hang out a little bit do a little deep diving um that questioner was right i really i do have a lot of fun doing this and um it helps me just as much as it helps you guys i love this community and i love the you know like safety that i feel here and the uplifting that i think we have created in this space and honestly i wouldn't be here without you guys and i really really appreciate everything that you do for me um and i mean simply just showing up for each other is enough but thank

you guys for so many questions hanging out with me another day i love it nothing is better than getting to do this with you guys so thank you for joining me thank you for hanging in there i understand shit's tough right now like trust me i get it shit is it is tough but if i can get through it then you can get through it too and maybe it'll make you feel better that maybe we can go through this together and on the other side we can hold each other's hand and walk each other through you know what I mean one of these um my friends from high school she was a year older than me and I really looked up to her uh she's really cool but one of the things she would say a lot I think she even got tattooed was along the lines of like we're all just walking each other home and I love

that I have really tried to focus on that and kind of emulate that through this podcast because there's no safer feeling than the end of the night when you're with some friends and you're walking home from a party you're walking home from somewhere and it's dark and sure you're supposed to be scared but you have that person with you to kind of help you through um and i feel like that podcast is is that for me and i hope i can offer you guys that sense of safety and that sense of relief especially during this brutal retrograde time fucking i'm going through it that is for sure but you know we'll make it through it and we'll be better for it you know what i mean i love you guys thank you for joining me i hope you have a fucking fantastic rest of

your week and if things are going hard for you i promise they'll turn up sooner or later we'll hit that we'll hit that next wave of energy and we'll be back into it but i love you all i hope you have a fantastic week and i will absolutely see you guys soon