Smoke Sesh - seeking pleasure, control freak & freedom

Episode Date: June 16, 2026

hello shawties and welcome back! today in true smoke sesh fashion we have a stoned rant ep where we talk everything ive been up to, reclaiming americas, loving your neighbors, chaotic energy, gemini new moon, natural disasters, am I the problem? shifting the blame, making a change, getting ambitious about life, gratitude for the now, seeking more, wanting more for yourself, smoke breaks, productive stoner, laziness, analyzing habits, substance use, staying motivated, boyfriend brained, decentering men, living an interesting life, being an individual in a partnership, seeking pleasure, living a pleasureful life, bedroom tips, energy exchange, karma, manifestation, if they can do it you can do it, jealousy, working harder, body insecurity, finding comfort in your body, the rise of ED's, allowing you to be you, living it up and much much more!watch the vlogs on YouTube at hannahmarlene444join the patreon! new episodes (and more) at patreon.com/smokeseshshawtysubmit your questions and call ins every week on instagram.com/hannahmarlene

listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all hello hello hotties and welcome back you guys i'm so excited to be back with you all i'm so full of life i'm so full of energy new moon last night in gemini feeling good feeling a bit chaotic okay but feeling lively and excited for life and i can't wait to share that with you guys we're gonna have a little bit of a stream of consciousness kind of intro for you all because there's a lot of

that's been happening in my life first of all if you're like wow Hannah doesn't sound so exhausted as she usually does that's because today was the first day that I didn't have horseback riding lessons in a while they're doing like a cute little kid summer camp adorable love it but that means that the weeks they're doing the summer camp I just simply put don't have lessons which I'm okay with because I get out there and I go and ride anyways I'm just on my own doing my own thing but that means i got a full 10 hours of sleep um i didn't have to wake up at 6 30 in the morning to get to the bar and to go writing for five hours to then come back to record this podcast listen and this isn't even me complaining this is just my life and it's exhausting sometimes doing

what you love not that it's not fulfilling but it is exhausting sometimes having to go do all of that mental math and then come back here and sit down and hang out with you guys so i'm excited that I can give my full undivided attention to you all today how freaking fun also I'd like to go back on what I said maybe maybe it was like uh I don't know eight episodes ago y'all clock my tea but I was like we only need eight hours of sleep if you're getting more than eight hours of sleep blah blah blah I have never actually looked into how many hours of sleep I sleep I always assumed oh it's around eight no baby girl when I feel the most well rested when I feel like I'm actually catching up and you know getting the amount of rest that I need I'm sleeping somewhat upwards of

nine to ten to eleven hours I'm not even fucking kidding we as women I think we need more sleep than we think we do in my brain I just assumed oh I'm sleeping eight hours no babe you're sleeping much much more and then now that I finally started like tracking it and being aware of how much time i am spending in bed do not be afraid to take the rest you need do not be afraid to take any amount of sleep that you need baby girl you need it trust i understand what it is like to not get sleep and that shit will drive you fucking insane a lack of sleep a lack of rest will drive you insane so please if you need extra rest this season if you need extra rest right now if you need to just like clock out earlier than you usually do today you know put the fucking

phone down lay down close your little sleepy girl eyes and get some sleep all right oh I'm feeling good after my full night rest last night but I haven't slept in a couple days so there was just so much chaos going on this weekend first of all world cup oh my god I thought I was not going to be excited for the World Cup I thought eh whatever okay soccer but I have been so freaking excited about the World Cup recently the games finally started we are hosting a bunch of games in Kansas City so the city is just completely and utterly welcoming of all the people who are coming to visit everybody has flags up everybody is just getting hyped and just partying it up oh my god I love to see this happening you guys I'm reclaiming America okay white girl no I'm

joking but like I feel my nationalism growing to a level it's never grown and specifically coming off of my vacation where I was able to go and see how much beautiful nature there is in America and the beautiful national parks that we have and we protect and the landscapes and the people around it that combined with how welcoming the average american is to people from overseas to come and visit to experience whatever culture we happen to have in kansas city which is pretty much just barbecue and drinking either way they're happy to enjoy and happy to welcome them you guys the republicans have taken over america and bitch i'm taking that shit back i'm taking that shit back everybody's finally getting a dose of what america really is

which is a mixing pot of so many different cultures of appreciation of life of appreciation of beauty of being appreciative of your neighbors of showing up for your neighbors no matter where they're from everybody's getting a taste of it right now and seeing what america truly could be if we don't let the fucking fascists win and i am feeling so inspired to take back america if you guys see me in america in a flag please understand it's not in a republican way but it is in a bitch we the people kind of way but I am just feeling so freaking inspired and so excited about being here and celebrating I can't wait to go drink and watch like soccer I can't believe I'm saying that out loud but there's something so special about when exciting things are happening

in your city where you're from wherever you happen to be and participating in those events um it just brings this sense of community appreciation and it's so fun to be a part of so if you are in any of the cities that's hosting a world cup game i really highly encourage you to go out enjoy celebrate be around fellow people because it sometimes when we're online so much we see so much like contradiction and hatred towards another there's a lot of anger online and that is of course organized in a very specific fashion like baby girl they're feeding you things to make you go insane please understand that media literacy is a dying art and we need to be aware of what we're consuming why we're consuming it and who is making us consume that shit

because we did not come up with that algorithm someone else did and I feel like especially being online recently i have seen such a push for like scary stories distrust of people anger hatred only on specific apps other apps i'm like scrolling on pinterest like kicking my little toesies like living my best life tumblr fantastic love it even instagram reels is sometimes better than tiktok being the main bad culprit but bitch once you get into the real world you will realize damn none of that really is real I mean sure real but it's like a one percent kind of thing that's happening when in reality the average human the average individual is usually a good honest kind compassionate individual sure there's a couple bad apples out there but you can't let that ruin

the whole bunch of it all you know so go find hope and inspiration in your fellow neighbor go buy somebody a drink go outside go get some sunshine on your face go party it up go celebrate go be welcoming and inviting to the people who are coming into this country for the first time or getting to experience it for the first time i just think it's so fun and so exciting and something to be celebrated oh i'm feeling that spirit i'm feeling that high spirit but yeah we need to reclaim america because i fear yeah the republicans took away our right to the american flag and bitch i want that back and i want it rainbow actually maybe bedazzled who knows it was also a weekend of chaos because uh we had the most random storm ever okay global warming is real

not that i never thought it wasn't but if you're wondering if it is or isn't baby it is um i hate to break it to you the storms this spring have been bonkers bonkers we have not had storms this intense in a long fucking time and you guys i'm from the midwest so when we get storms it's it's not like west coast earthquakes that we have to worry about you know shifting tectonic plates it's not like exploding volcanoes it's not like um inclement uh snow or anything sometimes it's that but not intensely it is tornadoes the sky touches the earth and starts ripping shit apart 800 mile per hour winds craziness like it will flatten a town I saw it happen this spring absolutely insane to the town next to where I go horseback riding flatten babe I went to go drive

to a lesson and I was like oh what is this they were like oh that was like a neighborhood I was like oh it looks like just a large trash pile I'm scared yeah anyways I was at a shift this weekend at work and the sky was like growing a little darker and growing a little darker the weather service has been defunded so we don't know what's going on we just have to look up at the sky and guess that apple weather radar is not accurate babe it it has no clue what's going on and neither do we okay it's guess is as good as mine and it's like okay is it edging us like what's gonna happen is it really gonna storm no one had talked about any really bad storms coming it was just like oh it might be a little thunderstorm situation like okay whatever

we'll keep an eye on it because we do have a patio and so it's like let's not see people out there if it's gonna start torrential raining all right so we're like okay maybe it'll rain maybe it'll rain it just never did by like nine o'clock no rain yet just dark skies we're like okay whatever all of a sudden every single person's phone in the restaurant starts going off like amber alert style saying that there are 800 mile per hour winds heading our way and to take direct immediate shelter the thing about tornadoes is they have a hard time touching down in cities because they need like open landscape to kind of like gain momentum through they can still bring like hail and lightning and all that fun stuff but for a tornado to really touch down

in the middle of the city like it's got to be a powerful one to be able to do that and so when it's like babe the tornado's above you you need to take shelter right now I'm like oh okay all right and I'm like serving these people and they're looking at me like what do we do and I'm like bitch your guess is as good as mine do you want another glass of wine I don't know what to do all of a sudden bam wind rain hail blowing house shaking like tables shaking shit falling over craziness insanity all of a sudden in a split second that radar went off or like the alarm went off and then two minutes later that shit hit us like no other power immediately out okay restaurant completely full keep this in mind they're like oh my god do we have to go take

shelter i'm like i don't think so i don't really know i'm looking around like is anybody in charge here because it's definitely not me like let me just go ahead and keep serving whatever let's get these people out of here they can hang out here until the storm's over but then like babe you gotta go home your house might not be there it was a fucking mess our power was out so we're having to like hand dip sanitized dishes and like clean by candlelight it was absolutely abysmal keep in mind then i came home no power out at home actually power out across the entire city yeah our power finally came on this morning this morning that was two days ago no power for two days I had no idea what to do with myself I was like I guess I'm gonna go just like hang out at

the farm and just sit around it's kind of nice it's a good little break I needed so I wasn't so like online locked in but that shit wiped out this city like no other keep in mind we have like world cup people at our restaurants that are like have never experienced a tornado in their entire lives there's this little Turkish boy I say boy not derogatory but like he was probably my age sitting at the bar with like a little Turkish flag wrapped around his shoulders this bitch was outside smoking in the tornado I'm like babe you need to come inside like you can't be out here smoking cigarettes right now like I know you never experienced a tornado but you're about to get swept off your feet like you please just come inside for a second no one knew what to do hot

mess there's like trees down all over the city wild shit no electricity for two days we had to go eat at texas roadhouse last night because i was like i have i have no idea what to do i can't get groceries i don't even want to open the fridge because all the cold air is going to come out the water heater works that's good i could shower but that's what i was dealing with this weekend chaos confusion wildness all right i even tried to go horseback riding and my horse was not having she was like babe you're fried and your brain is shot so mine is because we have to like interconnect our brains to make anything work we went out on the trails and she just turned her ass around and went home and i was like you know what i'm not even gonna stop you

i'm not even gonna stop you girl like i get it we can go home yeah sure whatever overall not a bad weekend but definitely like gemini new moon energy random chaos here and there making you think on your toes a little bit making you kind of like dive inwards a little bit forcing you to deal with problems you didn't think you'd have to deal with right just like very random Gemini whenever whenever any sort of planet is in the sign of Gemini expect a little bit of chaos and confusion and like very random avenues of your life so I knew that was coming up so I could adequately prepare but my god I did not expect it to be like that randomly hectic at 9 p.m at night anyways we survived this city will be stronger and now i get to hang out with you

guys still no wi-fi so i'm really hoping this shit uploads in time but that being said that's really all i have to update you guys on this weekend um just managing the chaos as best as possible there is something funny okay someone asked this question and i feel like the gemini moon was very much so this energy but someone said the urge to change my entire life as i get closer to 30 oh yeah baby oh yeah okay listen i'm gonna give you a little piece of advice if you are a younger individual listening to this podcast i would say under the age of 25 you're under the age of 25 baby there's no reason to worry don't even worry just have fun like that those are the times not that you're not supposed to have fun afterwards but like freedom have fun life is not

super serious yet you don't really have to take life super seriously yet you're supposed to go out and gain as many different experiences as you possibly can to help form your opinion of yourself and the world around you and what world you want to build for yourself thank god i did that i did that relatively young so i felt like my mid-20s i was just really i was just chilling i found a good little spot you know like a lizard does on a sunshine rock and just like sunbathes that was me in my mid-20s like I'm just gonna I'm gonna fucking chill I deserve to chill I'm gonna chill but if you are a younger individual please heed my warning you are supposed to be going out and having as much fun as possible taking it a little bit too far getting fucking crazy learning your

limits learning what you like learning what you dislike okay dating ugly boys dating girls eating pussy here and there like I just like get crazy with it make out with random strangers I'm just kidding please stay safe but like go out have fun live your life to the best of your ability go to that random country book that plane ticket backpack across Europe I don't care what it is or what you're feeling called to do that's when you're supposed to do it now not that I like I said can't do that now but you kind of like hit this weird wall at 27 where your brain like the last puzzle piece clicks in and you can see the picture fully for what it is but the picture is like eight feet away so it's a little blurry and you're like I just okay I can kind of see it now

but I I gotta keep stepping closer a little bit where you're forced to take your life way more seriously unfortunately it does mean stability it does mean you know switching things up it does mean change but you will be able to see that picture a little bit more clearly of what you want of what you want your life to be if you go out and live your life as much as possible when you're younger when you learn your legs when you learn your dislikes i have this was a big theme of the gemini new moon i don't know if anybody else was feeling this this weekend but it was like low-key am i the problem two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess

margaret cancer foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research together we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer register today at pmcfwalk.ca get your tickets now for the dog stars it's no surprise how fast civilization can disappear go out there kill or be killed jacob alorti there are people out there they need our help josh brolin shoot first and inquire afterwards margaret qualley okay tough guy and guy peers arm up the dog stars directed by ridley scott in theaters friday get tickets now low key am i the root of all my suffering it is so easy to be like oh i it is my toxic ex's fault

or it is my trauma or it is my this or it is my that or someone else did this or it's someone else's fault or it's the stars or it's the this it's the that if someone put a hex on me like it is so easy to blame other things in your life this is a big problem i had when i was younger where i'd be like i didn't turn in my homework for a month straight and then my parents would be like bitch why the fuck have you not turned in your homework for a month straight and i'm like well no the teacher just hasn't graded in i did get it in time but she just didn't think i didn't get it they'd be like bitch shut up stop blaming your problems on other people stop deflecting on to other people for problems that you've caused yourself now it's not like I'm in like huge

massive ugly horrible problems in my life it really is just like oh you didn't take that seriously so it didn't become a serious thing in your life oh you didn't believe in yourself so no one else believed in you it's very like root feelings like very like simple things not like oh my god I'm thank god I'm not in a position and if you are girl free yourself thank god I'm not in position where i'm waking up actually getting consciousness in my late 20s and i'm like surrounded by four kids and married to a bum ass man who hates me like now that's a position you're gonna have to work hard to get yourself out of and you should if you have that wake up moment and you should but luckily it's just like oh i should take myself more seriously or oh if i want to do

these things i can go do them i'm like oh i want to move to la but it seems so impossible but i could never it's like and who's telling you that okay maybe there's outside voices sure but who's believing them who's listening to them oh art's not a real career path who's believing them who's listening to them babe maybe i am the problem because you see the people with delusional confidence the people who truly believe in themselves the people who like don't take no for an answer who constantly bet on themselves as if they are the winning team they go so much further in life and I'm so tired of fueling myself with self-doubt with self-hatred with just like lack of belief and so now I'm kind of in this phase where I'm like and what if it all works out

okay I have to stop being the problem I have to stop like feeding in these into these negative thoughts I have to stop feeding into these negative mindsets I have to stop letting people tell me what my life is what will work out what won't work out for me i need to stop like shifting blame or deflecting or anything coming up with bullshit ass excuses the same way i would when i knew for a fact i didn't turn my homework in and blamed it on the teacher it's like no sometimes we are the root of our suffering sometimes we have to choose better for ourselves and there is no man on horseback who's gonna come save us although i wish although i wish baby girl they definitely are not going to come save us so you better find a horse and you better ride off

into the sunset on your own and it's kind of nice it's a very peaceful mindset set shift that i'm having where when i was younger i would kind of like get these delusional um and delusional positive way whenever i say delusional i do usually mean in a positive way where i'd be like what if it all works out and then i never put any work behind it now i'm like what if it all works out and what if I took 10 steps forward and see what happens what if I actually started working hard towards what I want what if I actually started enacting change in my life what if what if this makes things positive oh spoiler alert it does make things better all of a sudden I'm reading like two books at the same time I'm annotating them I'm going to the park I'm like

starting to go to the gym I'm working out I'm like actually taking shit seriously when it comes to horseback riding not that I wasn't taking shit seriously but I'm like integrating lessons into my practices I'm sitting down and I'm painting every day I really am in this moment where it's like I have to be the change I want to see and I have to stop blaming other things outside things for my problems when in reality the reason that dream didn't come true is because I didn't take the first step the reason that thing didn't happen is because I gave up the reason you know i gotta be in that class is because i didn't turn in that fucking homework sometimes you have to take responsibility for your own life and step the fuck up we do have control the beautiful thing

about this life and the innate truth of life is that we do have control over it we do have choice over it and so go out and choose the grandest things for yourself do not settle for a life you do not deserve do not settle for a partnership you do not deserve you can be grateful for things and appreciative of things but if you're like i want more bitch go after more you will never ever regret it ever i guarantee you that and it will set you up for success in the future someone asked i think this is a fantastic question where do you draw the line between gratitude and knowing you deserve better i think it's okay to be grateful for what you have and appreciative of what you have in the moment and yet know i hope i graduate from this next level and move on to something else

this is a perspective that I've kind of always had and it's kind of been a negative perspective I've had because it has I haven't had the gratitude part which is a problem if you were able to be in one place and go wow I am so thankful for where I am and appreciative of where I am but also I'm so excited to see where I go forward next what next step I take it will constantly keep you moving forward being appreciative of life and going towards positive things in your life I feel like I was always constantly moving and moving and moving and moving but never satiated because I didn't have that gratitude aspect I also feel like I entered a period of my life where I was grateful for what I had but I wasn't daring to dream I wasn't making any next steps in my life I think

those two things really need to coincide where you're like you know what right now is good is it exactly what I want to be and where I want to be no we're still working on it that's okay but where I am right now is good and I'm grateful and I'm appreciative of everything that I have but I still want more I want to go after that big dream I have I want to travel to that place I want to move to that area I want to be with this partner I want someone who treats me like this I want a house that looks like this it's okay to have those big dreams and lofty goals don't let those far away things make you feel small let those things be the opportunity to take a next step to move forward but also in order to take that next step and to actually make real goals and real motivation in

your life that feels sound and solid you need to be grateful for what you have and what you've came from okay i am grateful for where i am i'm so grateful for for where i am not that i really haven't been but I think back like when I was in college okay you're in a dorm room it's kind of like shitty you're eating dorm food whatever I should have been grateful for what I had to even go to college to be in that area to have housing to have food to have you know a full meal every day to be able to gain new knowledge but instead I was in this far away land and I wasn't able to really be in that place of appreciation and thus I don't think I got the lessons that I was supposed to get during that time. I didn't get the perspective that I was supposed to get during

that time because I let myself wander and drift off to this random place. I wasn't satiated where I was. I didn't understand it was a stepping stone. And so it kind of fell off for me. I wish I would have been more grateful in that time. I think gratitude and dreaming needs to go hand in hand for you to make actual real steps in your life. It's okay to want more for yourself. I think we should want more for ourselves. It's the same thing where people are like, what do you want to do in five years that could that could seem like a scary question but it is a good question to ask yourself because where you are now is not where you should be in five years there should be actual changes actual real world manifestations that happen in the span of five years that puts you

in a new place that grant you a new opportunity that gets you a new experience whatever it may be there is not a five-year span where you should be the same person and I've realized there kind has been for me and now i'm ready to make a change make real steps make real movement but that has to come side by side with gratitude i'm so appreciative of what i have i'm so appreciative of you guys i'm so appreciative of being in kansas city and having this experience being here for the world cup seeing the people come here um to go horseback riding to you know have a full closet to cook meals that i enjoy to wake up every single day and just be me i'm so thankful i'm so thankful i get to paint and create and have my cat smoke weed it all seems so simple but I know in five

years I will look back on this life and be like wow thank you for being appreciative of that moment but also thank you for having the courage to look forward towards towards more it doesn't make you greedy it doesn't make you self-centered it doesn't make you all these things that people like to put on women it makes you ambitious it makes you goal-driven it makes you unstoppable and they want women to stop they want women to settle for things that are not good for them they want women to look at things that are inherently bad for them and go this is okay no don't feed into that brainwashing always want more for yourself always want better for yourself it's very important that you do so for your own safety and for your own priority you guys want to

smoke some weed when's the last time i said that i'm trying to chill out okay you guys i really am trying to like chill the fuck out this is something i've had a problem with um i'm kind of a high maintenance bitch not that i don't want to be a high maintenance bitch maybe i'm i'm more of like um let's go with control freak i'm i'm a massive control freak and it's kind of a problem in my life because it keeps me like locked away in this tower so far away from everybody else and i need to like be connected and grounded with everybody else like bitch let down your hair crawl out of that tower go frolic in a field like that's what we need to be doing and I think weed can be very helpful with connecting with that feeling so let's just go ahead and fucking smoke

fuck it oh I forgot to do the weekly updates I've been on my vlog grind again um I just did a fun little chilling at the park vlog where we just packed a little park bag went to the park stared at some trees did some art did some reading smoked some weed ate a burrito got a coffee like real chill vibes if you just want like a cool little vlog to watch it's a good one um i upload all my vlogs every week on youtube at hannah marlene 444 i have no clue what i'll be doing this week but best believe it'll be fun and exciting if you just need a bestie to hang out with on facetime that's basically what i like my vlogs to be hold on let me hit this per use shout out to my patreon girls they really are what keep this podcast running so if you ever want to

donate or hang out bitch best believe i'm gonna make it worth your while okay i post pretty much every single day on the patreon whether it's our exclusive weekly episodes um weekly inspiration from my pinterest and my tumblr my personal account the vlogs the vlogs get uploaded early there i just did i do new moon and full moon write-ups so i just did our new moon write-up in gemini if you ever ever wanting like what's going on with astrology and what to be aware of that's what i post about book club you guys i'm reading east of eden i'm reading size wounds new book there's always something happening over there i would say that is where i post more than tiktok more than uh instagram i post there constantly so if you are looking for a community

if you're looking to hang out come join the patreon patreon.com smoke slash shawty oh my god and also um i've just been uploading pretty consistently on instagram if you want to see what i've been up to cute little photos from my trip things like that what a good reset i love me some weed okay i do have a weed related question which might be a bummer now that we just smoked someone said been a smoker for a long time tips on overcoming procrastination baby i do not have the answer you're looking for but i cannot smoke weed and be motivated smoking weed does not make me a motivated individual does that mean it doesn't make you a motivated individual i don't know that's a question you have to answer for yourself

but I know me and I know myself and I know I'm the problem so I have to stop lying to myself and the answer is weed does not make me motivated it makes me dissociative okay but dissociative in a healthy way not like I'm standing in a corner staring into it like the Blair Witch Project okay no girl hair ratted messy mess twig figures hanging from the ceiling no it doesn't turn me into that that is psych ward behavior it does turn me into like a not so high strung and I do like that but sometimes when I need to be motivated like I'm editing I'm uploading I need to like sit down and write paragraphs I need to answer emails I need to show up on zoom I need to do this and you do that I cannot be high for those things because one I won't be as connected as I need to

be i actually when i'm in like boss bitch mode when i'm in work mode i need to be that high strong bitch i'm not gonna lie i do it makes me a better more motivated business woman but outside of that if i'm just cleaning my house if i'm gonna go hang out at the park and stare at some leaves if i'm gonna be painting if i'm gonna be at the river eating a sandwich yeah babe i can smoke a little bit of weed. It's not gonna make me not want to not work because those are situations where I don't need to work. I'm not working, okay? But weed will make you procrastinate because it makes you dissociate. Your thoughts, they get a little jumbled. They're gonna float off. They're gonna go here. They're gonna go there. That's okay. It's a good purpose. We have to understand

what the purpose of weed in our lives is. And for me, it is not being a motivated individual. It is to be a chill calm the fuck out kind of girl that's what I use weed for so I have to be very intentional about my weed usage I think anybody who uses substances I don't care what the substance is I don't care what you do please be safe if you're doing crazy shit get it tested at the very least okay big sister rant over but if I'm going to be using drugs or alcohol the only thing I really use is weed and alcohol and sometimes mushrooms I'm hoping to get back into those this summer I need to be intentional about my consumption I realized oh damn when I was smoking weed to not be intentional I would wake up I'd be high from 8 a.m to 12 p.m and sure I'd get like a couple

things done here and there but I was not living my life as much as I needed to be I wasn't as connected to my life as I needed to be because I was dissociating all day dissociating here and there in a healthy way to chill out fine short dandy but doing that all day every day was not good for me I was not getting stuff that I needed to get done I was not in my best mindset as I needed to be same thing with alcohol now I wasn't drinking up in or waking up and drinking from 8 a.m to 12 p.m thank god but even on nights where I was just like consuming alcohol for the purpose of consuming alcohol it's like why am i doing this you know is it a dissociative mechanism is it me escaping my problems so i just like want to feel something but i'm kind of doing it in a

negative coping way hmm let's think about it it's important to think about your consumption and why you're consuming it now i really am trying to be more intentional about why i drink if i'm going out to dinner and i want to have a cocktail fine dandy love it cute do your thing girl you're young have fun i'm not gonna put any sort of like constrictions on that other than like let's maybe keep it to two to three drinks if we're going out like let's not make it six seven eight girls we need to not be that brain rotted let's not make it like that much let's not take eight shots in a row let's control it a little bit yes yes okay self-control same thing with uh weed all right if I have like a random Sunday off and it is a big chiller Sunday you can smoke all day

if you want who cares you don't have any emails to answer you don't have any zoom meetings to be on you don't have to go clock in anywhere you're just doing some laundry maybe running some errands maybe doing some painting cooking dinner real chill okay fine that's that's cool love it if I have shit i need to do if i'm like working a nine to five no baby we cannot be that stoned because shit ain't gonna happen but afterwards after work you're coming home you're just gonna chill out you want to smoke a little joint fine dandy just be aware of what you're consuming and why you're consuming it because yes i think weed does like make me a less productive individual i think it makes me a more dissociative individual and in tune that makes me a less productive individual

and by productive I mean in a work sense in like a hustler sense not like in a spiritual sense I do think it makes me productive at doing house chores and being more connected to nature and dissociating in a way where I'm able to paint without judgment or create and make art without judgment on myself I think those are fabulous and wonderful but in the grand over scheme and overall sense yes it's going to make you a less productive individual be aware of why you're consuming be aware of when and I think it'll make you just a better more well-rounded person and will make you more aware of also habits that you have in your daily life outside of substances where it's like hmm why am I loving this shitty person why do I keep coming back let's

kind of like break that down hmm why do I keep overspending what is what is that habit about why am I doing it why do I feel called to do it what is it making me feel that I'm unable to create in my life outside of it it's good to be aware of the why the how the when of our habits and the best way to start especially if you are a weed consumer is to start with your substances why are you consuming them what is it doing and when is it actually going to be productive for you this question is crazy why don't you ever ever talk about your boyfriend baby girl i love you but also like my partner is the least interesting thing about me i don't know i feel like in my past relationships and just in relationships in general my partners were the most interesting

thing about me because a I had nothing going on in my life so I lived vicariously through them or b they were the most toxic individuals I had ever been with in my entire life and so the toxicity consumed me and it was all I could talk about all I could talk about was like how shitty they treat me what's going on the new drama of the day the new fight showing up to her crying it's like oh how exhausting okay i don't want to be that girl where you show up to the girls hang out and all she does is talk about her boyfriend positively or negatively my friends who are in relationships i don't even know if their boyfriend's alive or not and that's exactly how i want it to be no offense to the boyfriends out there i love when i hear like yes my boyfriend

bought me flowers yes yes you guys got married oh you're pregnant congratulations like i want to be excited about those things but like that's all i want to hear about that's all i want to hear about the negatives the oh he did that to you again for the 20th time the babe why are we crying again oh he doesn't want you he won't date you the oh the toxicity or even like uh oh you you don't have a personality so you're like taking your boyfriends it's like no we as women need to be strong independent people with interesting curious things going on in our lives outside of our partner that even involves like um you know gay relationships maybe even poly I don't care what it is you need to be a free-form standing individual on your own with interesting

things a curious mind hobbies activities and a well-lived life two people in a partnership who are like that together unstoppable truly very healthy relationship you need to be individuals though but yeah I don't know I don't talk about him a lot because it's like I have other things going on and thank god because like i would talk about him a lot if it was like a shitty relationship that would be no fun for anybody here that would be no fun for me but i am not a relationship content creator and i don't think i ever will be i don't know i was raised by two very hyper independent people i myself am a very hyper independent person um even like family members relationships or people i see around me like they are very hyper independent people and it is a

goddamn breath of fresh air because like I will go and like talk to my grandmother and it is like the most interesting thing that happened in her life was getting married and then she just like never lived a life for herself again and I'd be like how are you doing and she'd be like oh well your grandfather and I'm like no bitch how are you doing like oh my god so I'm very thankful that we're in an era and a place where like this is more prevalent for like individuals to create individual individuality for themselves whether you're in a relationship or not to make a curious and exciting life for yourself outside of that but also i argue like if you are in a relationship ask yourself like what do you talk about with your friends if you are only complaining about

your shitty fucking boyfriend all the time leave that shitty fucking boyfriend and build a good life for yourself that's not miserable also side by side if you are only talking about your boyfriend because he is the only interesting thing going on in your life or your girlfriend they are the only interesting thing going on in your life please spend like two days away from them go try a new hobby don't be afraid to be alone being alone can be so like um positive and enthralling and it brings you closer to yourself but yeah i don't talk about him because like i said least interesting thing going on in my life but also it's good you know no one ever talks about how healthy a boring relationship can be like yes i just want to come home and like eat dinner and

chill with you and like maybe go to the park every once in a while if we have the same day off we have our little giggle we have our little fun but also it's like the codependency is out how to be in tune with your body during sex instead of being in your mind too much need answer we as women deserve pleasure and you have to start focusing on your pleasure and this goes outside of sex too i think a big thing about this does not just go with women if men want to step into their femininity too or my non-binary loves want to step into their femininity i don't care who you are i think we all deserve to have a little bit of a feminine side a lot of that is just experiencing pleasure without guilt oop yeah babe yes aphrodite doesn't feel guilty when there

people on their knees worshiping her offering them thousands thousands of dollars gold pearls everything houses in front of her she's not feeling guilty she's like this is exactly this is exactly how my life should be this is exactly what i deserve bitch i was born in a seashell like a pearl i must be treated like an ancient goddess hello duh okay not that maybe we should be like that much in our heads but also i think a lot of it is like um in sex specifically the need to perform the idea that we are like hyper perceiving ourselves the uh maybe guilt and shame of feeling pleasure like we don't deserve it the need to satiate your partners listen listen listen listen the best sex you'll ever have is sex that is focused on your pleasure when both partners

are focused on their pleasure as well as giving pleasure to their partners give and receive give and receive but the hyper focus is pleasure baby that shit gonna be euphoric okay euphoric you're gonna be seeing colors and shapes you've never seen in your entire life this happened to me last night actually um we'll get you know what girls talk girls talk all right everybody put on your jammies get a bottle of wine girls talk um last night i was getting ate out and like i felt my mind because this is just so easy to do with adhd i felt my mind start to like drift off to like thinking about my to-do list like oh my god bitch yeah you don't have internet or power for a reason it's because you're supposed to be getting your pussy right now like please that's what you're

supposed to be focused on and it's like i caught myself in the moment thinking about this and then I was like this doesn't matter I need to get off I it's happening it's right now I need to get off I need to start focusing on my pleasure and so I switched my mindset in that moment I had to catch myself be aware of what's going on catch myself and purposefully shift it to being like literally just focus on what he's doing to you you also figure out what your kinks are what feels hot like what is hot what perspective is hot is the receiving aspect that's that's like um hot to you is it the hyper focus on like what they're doing to you is that what makes it sexy to you whatever like finds you find that feels the sexiest to think about think about that and what is happening

and that is how you kind of start hyper focusing on the pleasure you also like just deserve pleasure you deserve pleasure you should not be having sex that is not pleasureful okay i think a lot of the times we get so focused on like but but the men need to feel pleasure but my partner needs to feel pleasure yes but what about you but what about you okay you deserve to feel that as well it's the same thing also like outside of sex i don't know i feel like i've withheld pleasure a lot for my life and i'm ready to like dive into it i think you know we are supposed to experience our five senses for a reason and sometimes i'll feel myself like wearing a new outfit and i'll start like getting um too hyper analyzing of it and like overthinking it and then i go no

i deserve to feel good in this outfit that i know feels good that i enjoy that i like stop where you're going with that crazy fucking mindset and let's lean into the pleasure of it let's lean into the no i'm hot i'm sexy i'm divine the universe is worshiping me you know you got to switch it into more of a positive mindset food that's a big one trigger warning ariana grande okay it's like listen sometimes i'll find myself in that mindset very easy to do especially with the craziness going on nowadays with the eds the prevalent eds all over the fucking place why am i like a size three four feeling like massive walking around that's crazy that's crazy everybody's getting too skinny bring back the body positivity movement i will be keeping

my tummy and my thick thighs in defiance uh but even like food sometimes we get we remove the pleasure from things like that where it's like oh but but what about the the micronutrients and where it came from and this and that removing the pleasure no it's okay that taco bell is supposed to just taste good and it's okay to give your yourself food that tastes good no it's okay to have a large plate of pasta like it's supposed to be good it's supposed to be nourishing just enjoy and seek pleasure in it you see what i'm saying i'm gonna have a pleasureful summer i'm gonna go stare into the sun I'm gonna go get a little bit of a sunburn a little bit of tan a little bit of a of a bikini tan line hot sexy okay I'm gonna go feed my body well I'm gonna go roll

around in the glass and the grass and maybe swim in a river okay feel the feeling of the earth on my skin I'm gonna go maybe have two too many drinks at the club and dance around with my friends I'm gonna go get my pussy ate like I'm gonna be seeking pleasure wherever I possibly can because i feel like i've withheld it for so long because i felt undeserving of it you are deserving of a pleasureful life you must treat yourself as the goddess to be treated as the goddess by the universe oh my god maybe i'm a little too stoned but you know what i mean someone asked about a karma this is actually a fantastic question because i feel like the energy exchange is the exact same thing someone asked tips for bringing good karma into your life session to the world

love you diva you're amazing love you love you baddie um but i think like the same thing with pleasure also translate to karma whatever energy you are wanting to attract to yourself you must make yourself that energy first you must create that energy within yourself i think also you must give it to people so you know what it feels like to um have other people receive it so you know what it feels like to receive it yourself but if you want to be the goddess the divine inherent goddess creature you must treat yourself in that way other people will see that and be drawn to it i do think there is power in how you hold yourself image and i kind of lost that for a while because i i just stopped thinking about myself and i feel like i wasn't thinking

about myself so other people weren't thinking about me in a very healthy normal way but also i was like okay let me start thinking about myself but not in a negative way not in a neutral way but in a positive way like let me start like adorning myself and really taking care of myself and appreciating myself and you know affirmations affirmations affirmations positivity you are divine goddess walking on this earth once i started doing that the shift around me changed the energetic shift around me changed other people started viewing me that way other people started treating me that way other people started being gravitated toward me that way karma is very similar okay i do think there is truth and if you believe you're a good person you walk around

believing you're a good person and treating other people as if they are good people and putting positivity into the world that is what you will receive okay i think energy exchange is a fair and equal trade the universe will only get you what you are deserving of though that's a big thing with manifestation and just energy exchange in general when working with the universe is people will be like, okay, let me light 1000 candles around my body, adorn it in money manifestation oil, eat 18 bay leaves and roll around in some salt under the full moon. And I'm going to ask for a million dollars. I'm going to snap my one wish willow and it's going to fall out of the sky. That's what people think it is when it comes to witchcraft, manifestation,

energy exchange no baby no baby the universe will only get you what you deserve and what is necessary for you and it will only do that after hard work so if you feel like oh my god things aren't going my way maybe i've received some negative karma maybe you know my manifestations aren't going good ask yourself like okay but what are you putting out there what real steps are you taking in your life okay you want positive karma but you're not holding the door for the people that are around you you're letting that door slam in that lady's face okay the universe is going to see that inside eye the fuck out of you okay and also side by side you might be doing all the positive things and you're like but i'm not seeing positivity back and maybe that's because the

positivity already exists in your life maybe you don't need any more of it maybe there's something bigger coming down the road but i do know that the energy exchange is real that's why i try and put as much positivity out as possible but also energy exchange within yourself is real how you view yourself is a direct reflection of how the universe the people around you will see you please uplift all those things into a positive light and also you only get what you deserve so look out keep that mindset open look for good things create opportunities for yourself and work hard for the fucking things you want hard work is the best manifestation tool i'm telling you hard work is the best manifestation tool i'm doing this podcast for four years this past year

was the first time i ever got paid for it okay i wasn't even really doing this for the money i was just doing it for like the shits and giggles of it all and also like community i'm like lonely i just want to chit chat like let's be real but also like hard work hard work hard work hard work without desire of reciprocation just doing it for the love of the fucking game you will get everything you want and desire it really will come to you be patient be kind to yourself and always uplift you and the world around you tips for writing it once again girl talk girl talk girl talk um i am just can i admit something vulnerable here for a second talk about pleasure i'm a princess i really am i am not an acrobat i did not go to clown college i have at one point it just

didn't feel worth it i do like to show my partner you know some love here and there sometimes i'm like you know what no let me show up for you daddy like let me let me do little a trick here and there okay but most of the time i'm face down in those fucking pillows like just receiving and i do i do i love that i love that but when i am like okay let's acrobat for a second let's put on a show let's remind him why he's here you i when i'm writing it and talk about pleasure i'm doing it for the pleasure of my partner okay you can do it for the pleasure of yourself okay it can be pleasurable you can do for both but usually when i'm writing it i'm like okay let's reverse cow girl let's get this ass in his face so then it's like undeniably good no matter how i'm doing it

okay fantastic if i'm on top and i'm bouncing around i'm like you know grabbing my titties pushing them together i'm putting them in his face i'm making out with him i'm coming up i'm throwing my hair around like craziness all right now if you're thinking about like longevity of it all you're like my legs give out that's okay if you put on a good 30 second show and then you're like all right do the rest that works too that's me as fuck i will say i'm not one to bounce on my tiptoes i am not making the stallion all right i do not have that leg strength in me i don't i don't have that core strength i don't have that balance i don't have that leg strength in me some people like to be up on their legs like squatting on it they just that's not gonna work

for me i will get about five bounces out and then i have to lay down on the fucking floor okay i'm on my knees every time i'm kind of putting my weight into the tops of my toes as a way to like stabilize myself and then i'm going crazy style up and down left and right writing my name on it practically if you want to get real crazy okay the girls forget about the balls okay you need to be utilizing all tools possible go ahead and reach back cup those things give them a little a little tickle a little show them some love as well I guarantee you only have to spend 30 seconds up there I'm not even kidding I'm not even kidding now to receive the most pleasure when you're bouncing on it you do have to do kind of like this grinding situation okay

where you're kind of like up and down but also like grinding down and back does that make sense so down and back and up and down and back and up that is kind of how you hit your own g-spot as a woman but yeah if i'm up there i'm like all right i'm getting off because my partner's getting off so like let me go crazy style on it and also talk about pleasure sex is all about the five senses i think you should be hitting all five senses while having sex okay touch lots of touching positive touching caressing um sound lots of moaning talking dirty talk whatever it is okay being in connection through noises taste i don't know about that one we can leave that one at the door but you know what i'm saying it should be appeal to all five senses you should like be really in

connection in that sort of way and i think it'll make the sex more positive more appreciative transformational it'll be beautiful to be wonderful sucking dicks the same way like i gotta be slobbering on it making as many noises as possible using both hands touching all over the place like overwhelming the senses that's how you receive the most pleasure but if you're a fellow princess like do not be ashamed do not be ashamed we love you all the same okay but at the end of the day we all deserve pleasure so go out and give a little love to the people you love oh how do you get over someone getting your dream job uh-oh jealousy jealousy okay let me be honest they just worked harder than you oh i'm not even kidding i'm not even kidding i hate to say it

maybe they just went above and beyond you and it is what it is it is what it is listen if they can do it you can do it okay I I kind of got this way too where I was like um right now I'm like hyper fixated on painting I want to paint I want to create art I want to sell my art I want to take you on the journey of what it is to make paintings create paintings I'll be uploading a lot about that soon but I see all of these baddies on Instagram wherever in galleries local galleries whatever it may be like creating art and being successful off or off of it and i could sit here and i could go why isn't that me why am i not there i want it i want it i want it like a toddler rolling around on the floor but baby girl that's not gonna get you where they are the truth of the

matter is those girls got in galleries because they showed up they showed out they worked hard they had a good portfolio they had a good cover letter they put themselves out there they kept asking over and over and over again they showed up to events they showed up to local events all right they posted their process online they kept people involved they did all these things and you didn't you didn't this is a conversation mostly at me but the matter of fact is when people receive something that maybe you didn't receive it doesn't mean that you are not deserving of it you didn't get it you didn't you know it's not made for you blah blah blah blah it means that maybe they just worked harder and that should be your sign to get up and work harder because if

they did it you can do it you might be saying in your head oh but they're this and that and they're lazy and blah blah blah how did they get this over me i'm so much better it's like well but you didn't get it so if they were able to get it and they're all these things why the fuck would you not be able to get it the next time go work harder do not let other people's successes become some deterrence of your own use those things as inspiration to get up and keep going all right if someone else is able to go out there and be a self-made painter make millions of dollars why the fuck can i not do that simply put all right if someone's able to go up and become a doctor but they're lazy and they don't do their work and they drink and all these things then why the fuck can

you not do it because you're not all of those things do you see what i'm saying anything someone else can do you can do it is just proof of the matter that it's possible if it's possible for them it's possible for you i'm not even fucking kidding there are very limited things that are not possible for you in this lifetime usually something's not possible for you because it's not meant for you the universe knew more than you did and that's a good thing but there is no such thing as blocked blessings all right sometimes it means you just have to get up and keep going to work harder to try again to fall flat in the mud and just keep pushing it keep moving forward keep trying again and again and again and again you will never ever regret it but I think a lot of

people especially nowadays with with the phone of it all is we get so consumed in our jealousy and living vicariously through other people's lives that we forget about our own lives oh but she's living this life so she already took that spot oh she's doing this so she already took that thing or he's doing this so he already took that thing no babe there is more than enough for all of us to eat and for all of us to eat until we are full the best way for you to keep going and to get to that place that you want to be is to see that and go they did it so I can do it too let me get up let me keep working let me work hard let me go after everything I want I don't care people say no people turn me away I'm gonna keep trying that's how you get far in this life that's how

you get up and keep going this also is just something that comes with maturity as you get older you get way less jealous of other people's lives and i find the more jealous i am the less i'm actually living my true life i get very jealous of people when i'm doing absolutely fucking nothing in my life the less jealous i am the more i'm actually enthralled with my life doing things i love and cultivating joy within it so ask yourself if you're a jealous person maybe you're not doing something you want in your life or not living it to its full potential and also if that person can do it girl you can do it too maybe now is not the right timing for you maybe you need to work a little bit harder either way if they can do it you absolutely can do it

like i said there's more than enough for us to eat at this table uh someone asked how to stay positive about my body in the rise of eds oh baby oh baby i feel you on this i feel you on this i i've been struggling recently because god the fucking whiplash that comes with treating women's bodies as commodities and as like challenges and as a like social statuses is so exhausting it's so exhausting it's so exhausting being a woman okay i talked about this on the patreon but it's Like literally men felt one singular ounce of what it is to be a woman and have all these stipulations put on their bodies and they started beating their bones in with hammers because they were losing their mind so much.

They started buying injectables off of Reddit to become more handsome. Oh my god, it's intense out here for us women. And like I said, we should be leaning into pleasure. We should be leaning into positivity. and that also comes with the territory of just we are who we are we are who we are I was not born to be a stick skinny individual some people are I mean I was that when I was younger I was very skinny I was very tiny but that was like a moment in time we are supposed to also grow up and change and our bodies are supposed to develop if you are biologically a woman your body will also start to

kind of take on more of a womanly figure especially as you get older it'll start holding on to fat in different places to protect your internal organs to make sure you have a reserve also like preparing you for pregnancy ew it's just naturally how our bodies progress and the more you accept your humanness the less rigid you are on yourself and the easier it is to just be in this vessel because that's what it is it's a vessel all right the more stipulations you put on yourself the more control you put on yourself the more limitations you put on yourself the less positive you'll feel about yourself and the less you'll like yourself that is just the matter of fact of it all I've been in every single possible situation I mean when I was admitted to the psych ward part of it was also for

ED and that's because I was just I needed control over everything in my life I needed to feel in control I needed to be in control and that was like the easiest way for me to do so was by like restriction or hyper vigilance of myself and god it is like having a prison ward in your fucking head it is like having a police officer in your head and it is just such a tiring way to live everybody who struggled with an ed understands how exhausting and tiring it is and i think freedom from that really does come with just like the acceptance of flaws we are we're human we're going to be flawed individuals. I'm going to have a little cellulite. I'm going to shave my legs. I'm going to miss some patches here and there. I'm going to have weird stretch marks. I'm going

to have weird birth marks. I'm going to get acne. Being human can be ugly and weird and awkward as well. I'm going to have weird rolls when I sit down. Who cares? It doesn't matter. My body is the least interesting thing about me. I think this is another thing that it's like we have to be aware of what's interesting in our lives and I became less hyper focused on my body when it became the least interesting thing about me okay and it's hard especially like if you're a model or you do work with your body often I understand how that hyper vigilance will be prevalent because it's something that you do you're kind of forced to pay attention to like I think bodybuilders think people who work out in the gym things like that models it's going to be a more difficult

challenge but for me it's like I need to have more interesting things going on than what is on the surface like what's underneath me what's going on inside of me you know like my art that needs to be more interesting my hobbies that needs to be more interesting and more enthralling my body is just a body it is what it is and I mean bodies are weird they stink like we're pretending they don't smell half the time we're pretending that you don't get sweaty and hot and get weird ingrown hairs like we have to relinquish this idea that we must be like these perfect polished individuals and i think you will find freedom in that and i mean listen obviously easier said than fucking done but with how much pressure is put on us as women the last thing we

need to do is let society get to us let that thing live in our head that earworm live in our head that like eats us alive it's like you kind of have to uh be a resistance in your own life sometimes against what is pushed so heavily on us and that is an active choice that you have to make every single day it is an active choice that i have to make every single day going oh maybe i should unfollow that girl because she is giving ed tumblr in 2012 and that is just not good for me that what i eat in the day that i just watched real bad she had two scrambled eggs and an iced coffee like i need to not be consuming this content that is preaching negative ideals for women I need to be aware of what I am consuming I need to be aware of like the conversations that I'm involving

myself in and point blank period like when me and my friends get together we're not talking about our bodies we're not in competition with one another I have very healthy female friendships and like I said the least interesting thing that we're talking about is like our bodies or our boyfriends or superficial things it's like what am I learning in school what am I going after what are my dreams what are my goals am I happy am I joyful am I out dancing and living my best life like what is important to me what is exciting to me and what do I want to share with people those are the things that really matter I also think honestly in my later 20s you kind of go through this second growth spurt okay and it's one that you're not expecting it's one that I

preach about all the time all the time there's like a second puberty that happens in your mid 20s where you kind of like your first puberty is really you going from like a child to a teen like i don't believe in you becoming a woman at 16 that's weird as fuck like no you're going from a child to a teen okay and then you go from a teen to a woman and that usually happens like mid 20s sometimes for me it was like 23 to 25 where my body was like whoa my hips wider my boobs bigger you guys i went to agent provocateur for my birthday because i was like i deserve some hot sexy lingerie okay i want to adorn my body i don't care what my body looks like it deserves to be adorned celebrated like i said people on their knees worshiping aphrodite you're not thinking

of aphrodite's body you're thinking of her energy i was like i want to go get some new lingerie let's go to um let's go to agent provocateur i want to go get some new lingerie i want my pussy to be bedazzled i want my nipples to be covered in 100 silk lace like let's be real and so my boyfriend went and i walk in and i'm like i want to try this on and this on in this bra this bra is so cute i really want to try it and she's like what size are you i was like i think i'm like a 34b she looked me she looked me up and down i think about this and i was like she clocked my seat she's like you're a c i was like oh how did you know it was my birthday how did you know it was my birthday i literally like giggled like and kicked my feet like a little

school girl i was like ah i'm a c are you kidding me i got so excited but the thing is like your body does go through changes i was in this mindset of like where i was as a teen or i was like no i'm 34b no babe you are woman now you are 34c you have to you have to grow mentally with you're growing and changing body but that second puberty really does take you from this mindset of like hyper stipulation on your body to just like wow we really don't have much control over our bodies and as long as we're treating them well that's really all that matters you know eat what you want try and get all your fruits and vegetables in there eat yummy food move your body you know try not to be so sedentary if you can get to the gym i'm not gonna even push that on you too much

like try and wear clothes that you feel comfortable in and confident in and really that's all that fucking matters all right when i go to the beach i'm not sitting there and looking at every woman's body in comparison and contrasting and oh my god but i don't look like them but they don't look like me blah blah blah like i need to not be that way for my own mental health and if i am that way that is a massive massive massive red flag because that turns other women into competition and the last thing we need to be doing is living in competition with other women because the only competition that should be in our lives is ourselves our past selves our future selves and where we want to go everybody is so beautiful because we're so different we are so drastically

different we're all born very different we're all born with these hyper individual individualities that i think are what makes being human so beautiful and so if i'm gonna like practice what I preach I need to also treat my body the same way I need to also like take that hyper vigilance off myself I need to stop being like my own fucking parole officer I need to just like stop thinking that our bodies are the most interesting thing about us because honestly it is the least interesting thing about me it really is it's just a vessel now does it help me pay. Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer

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Do I love my body for that? Yes, absolutely. Does it help me walk to the park and walk around the park? And am I thankful for that? Yes, absolutely. Am I able to touch and feel and does it feel good when I do so for having those senses? Yes, absolutely. am i able to taste and smell and consume luxurious things because of that yes absolutely i'm so excited about that and i love that pleasure pleasure pleasure we must be in this innate divine act of pleasure because life should be pleasurable for us life should not be miserable

horrible awful and degrading so please be aware of the narrative that you are consuming in your life please be aware of the hyper focuses that you're going into you know hyper focus on something else if you can and stop being so in competition like i said our bodies need to be the least interesting thing about that now listen i can appreciate a hot sexy woman don't get me wrong i can appreciate it i can appreciate bodies i can appreciate all different forms of bodies and honestly i've talked about this before but the best way to heal this in me was to um go to the art museum okay i think we get so like instagram body modificationified in our brains that we forget like what real humans are and what we have been for forever if you have a local art

museum or even just like an hour away take a day go to the fucking art museum go look at all the different bodies of women over history and how vastly different they were what the um fertility divination goddesses looked like and how many fucking roles they had and how beautiful that was and how that was the most beautiful body that could possibly exist how like back in the day when we had kings and queens how like literally having a bigger body was seen as a form of like oh my god you can feed yourself and thus you must be rich that's crazy like go and look at all the different histories all the different forms of art that were created about women and women's bodies and how different they look from now how much we've lost the fucking plot how natural they were

how real they were and how much they were worshipped for being natural real bodies it really is me versus the demon that is walking among this earth that wants me to like be stick skinny and not function now if you're naturally sick skinny cool love it you know we love all bodies like i said but it's the desire to be what you are not and what is unhealthy for you that is the problem the control is the problem and i need to relinquish control of my life like i said control freak control freak i'm a crazy fucking control freak and i need to let myself just simply be and live and understand that that is good no matter what it looks like that is good okay now control freak can come in handy okay if you are a control freak like i am it can come in handy planner

extraordinaire an event needs to happen baby i'm planning it i'm sending out invites i'm creating party falls like i'm decorating to an abundance there will be no less than eight different snack plates not even kidding control freak when it comes to planning and a painting i am very meticulous about exactly what dimensions waiting to paint now until i know exactly what i want to paint you know not being so uh involuntary when it comes to my art and actually putting meaning into it and diving deeper into that meaning control freak okay but also like i cannot live in the rigid walls of that control freakness every single day or else i will be a shell of a fucking individual i cannot control freak other people because they are human and they are weird

and they are wild and they're gonna make random decisions and you being that police officer of your friend group is not fun to be around okay you being hyper vigilant of like if somebody sneezes or coughs or like it does a human thing and like looking down on it it's like oh my god bitch chill the fuck out it really is not that serious being a control freak in the sense of like hyper vigilance hyper awareness creating bars that do not need to be in front of you like we need to find freedom this season we need to find freedom this summer we need to be weird wild freaks living our best life diving into pleasure owning ourselves loving ourselves despite it all loving our neighbors despite it all sharing in joy sharing and compassion sharing and freedom sharing

in divine spirituality because we can all find it within ourselves and within each other me and all those people at my work going through a tornado together it's like we are bonded for life now little do you know and you know what now we're all eating in candlelight i'm chugging wine behind the bar i'm giving away for you i don't give a fuck we're here we're alive we're safe let's enjoy this moment you know that's what it really is all fucking about you guys we've lost the plot we've lost the plot completely everybody's so rigid in life and controlling and you know limiting of other people of themselves and it's like life is so abundant and vast and free if you allow it to be if you allow it to be and you gotta allow that for yourself this week this year this life this

summer girl the summer solstice is coming up oh you guys my niece was born on the summer solstice and she is the weirdest wildest craziest girl i know and i'm gonna try and inhabit that kind of mentality and freedom this summer that i know she does so with that being said sorry i kind of smoked some weed and went on a rant but that was very like og smoke sesh coded maybe we'll do more of that this summer you guys maybe we need to smoke more weed this summer maybe we need to a lot more this summer and i'm excited to do so side by side with you all but with that being said please free yourselves worship the ground you walk on and everybody else will do the same lean into pleasure eat a good fucking meal go get some sun on your skin go roll around the grass

with your friends go out dancing go get a little crazy a little wild i'm begging you you deserve to live life to the fullest and anything that anybody else can do that you see just know that living proof that it can be created for you as well but if you want to see more from me if you want to watch the vlog you watch it on youtube at hannah marlene 444 um i have no idea what i'm doing this week but it'll be a fun surprise that i'll upload on sunday if you want to see the vlog early you can watch that on patreon as well as exclusive episodes that we get crazy wild on i'm not even kidding we get a little insane on patreon okay it is unhinged i can really say whatever i want over there and many many other things patreon.com slash smoke sesh shotty and if you

want to see what i've been up to random things painting you know everything that i'm doing in life that'll be on instagram per use instagram.com slash hannah marlene but with that being said i love you all so much free yourselves you deserve it stay sane stay sexy and i'll see you all so See you soon. Mwah. Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk.

Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.