Smoke Sesh - self exploration, high sex & self sabotage

Episode Date: September 19, 2023

Hello hotties happy to be back with another fun episode of the podcast, excited to have a little smoke sesh with all my favorite people, today we talk making friends and the best relationships, intuition & winter concerts, how to beat a cold and other illnesses, being the sidechick, self sabotaging, how to have the best orgasm, awful jobs and setting yourself up for success, meeting new people and breaking infatuation, you’re not a bad person, how to have lasting confidence, living life as it goes, my favorite era the self exploration era, favorite dabs, current life goals, how to not be lonely and make friends, and daily habits that make me feel pretty

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash, so come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Oh wow, welcome back cuties to another amazing episode of Smoke Sash. I am so excited to be back with the girls and the gays and everybody else listening, having a blast with you guys, smoking a little weed if you're interested, maybe having some

coffee, doing chores, whatever you may be doing to this podcast. I'm glad I can be here with you and help you guys through it. Thank you for helping me as well along the way. I have been, you know what, change of pace. I've been having a lot of fun recently. my friend moved into town and friendship is so powerful like it really is and since a young age I've always had very close friends um always just like in proximity to me because you know you're young they live like next door or at least in the same neighborhood you can just bike down

the street beautiful childhood things but then you grow up and you know everybody goes off on their own path and I support them along the way and you know you want all your friends to be the best version of themselves but that's always not going to be right beside you in the same city in the next door apartment like it's just not going to be that way um so finally having one of my friends back and close to me has been so fucking fun it has been so fun and yeah just friendship is so powerful in your life and I feel like we kind of take that for granted we put relationships over friendships or ourselves over friendships or maybe we're scared of being vulnerable or whatever but I truly believe the number one way to better yourself to move forward

to know more about the world and yourself in conjunction of the world is to have good friends and you know what even bad friends just simply surrounding yourself with people who are going to bring new perspective new ideas get you out of your comfort zone push you a little bit have a lot of fun it is I'm so blessed I am so blessed and if you are having a hard time making friends especially as an adult I truly believe that with vulnerability and putting yourself out of your comfort zone you are bound to make friends but when we were younger you know we were so vulnerable with the world and everything was so new and it made us so open and trusting with people and that's why it was so much easier to make friendships also you're in school with kids the

same age blah blah blah maybe you're still in school maybe it's college this time around or even grad school or maybe it's just like you're going to local classes small activities you are around peers you still can make friends the same way childhood you did um you just have to be as vulnerable passionate as strong as childhood you so don't hold yourself back if you see someone and they seem cool like introduce yourselves it doesn't matter where you are or what you're doing or what you're wearing or what you look like if they're the right person to be in your life they're gonna get it and if they don't get it that's on them but I truly believe the best thing you can do to up your happiness in life is to just yeah be vulnerable and surround yourself

with good friends and if they happen to be bad friends learn from it keep moving forward but having her hand down has been a blessing suddenly I had a Sunday off so I was like we have to do something we ended up at happy hour for like two hours and then went shopping and then we went to this like jazz club like speakeasy and then we ended up at the casino I don't know it was a whole just like mess of a night but it was so fun and sporadic and I haven't had a night like that in a while especially being in a relationship and also just very much so being at peace in my room in my own apartment really not needing to leave but forcing myself out of my comfort zone and just being like yeah let's go with the flow let's fucking end up at the casino i don't care oh my

god it was so incredibly fun and tonight we're going to a baseball game go get a dollar hot dog drink some beer live my sex in the city fantasy and i cannot wait so i love you all i hope you are all doing well that's a little life update for me um yeah just been really focusing on having fun and enjoying the last bit of this warmth and end of summer slash fall that we have before winter comes um but you guys have a lot of fucking questions a lot there's a lot on your mind and i get it because there's a lot on my mind too okay we're in this together but enough about me let's dive into all of your questions I work within my life a lot based off of intuition and just like what I feel is right in the present moment like as we all

should but I feel like especially being a very spiritual person and working with tarot cards and astrology and all that jazz you know I am very in touch with my intuition and just like the collective feeling and I love doing this podcast because as alone you might feel in an emotion I then scroll through god like 3,000 of these questions per episode and I do them like 12 hours after I get all the questions and my god we are all going through like the same thing at the same time and it is so interesting that the world just works out that way like everybody's going through the breakup at the same time everybody's going through happiness hard time at the same time everybody's having this problem specifically with relationships at the same time

and you could chalk it up to astrology you could chalk it up to just like a collective energy but I love that you know all of our energies mesh to really bring out what is the most important at this time on this podcast it's insane anyway okay first question someone said i'm so sad festival season is ending what are some fun colder weather things you like to do illy so what's funny about my concert experience and you know rave girl activities are they mostly happen during the winter like during the summer i will attend like one festival i know i know i'm a i'm a poser whatever there's people who are going to like 25 festivals in a summer it's insane i just mentally can't do that um but obviously it makes more sense for festivals to happen in the

summer because it's going to be good weather and then everybody's like well what happens during the winter babe all the best house shows warehouse shows smaller edm smaller indie smaller artists are touring tour in the winter because they're going just as insane as you are and they're most likely to be in your city more often than during the summer when they have all these big obligations and big contracts um so actually winter is my go-to concert season um of course summer great festivals but winter when you've literally nothing else going on there's nothing better than like getting dressed up wearing a little mini skirt and then trudging through the snow to just like the most beautiful venue you've ever seen and having so much fun um it really gives me something

to look forward to there's definitely a lot more local shows and smaller shows that you can attend um you really just have to look at your local concert venues and pay attention to their lineup and pay attention to who's showing up who's coming like i know we always have a very big um halloween edm show we always have a big new year's eve and like christmas time edm show i know that i can rely on like every small venue around me to have a show at least every friday and saturday so i think there's a lot of fun things coming and just because it's winter you shouldn't assume that there's no concerts happening because in fact there's probably way more and it's also the perfect time to go cheaper smaller crowds you know give you something

fun and exciting to do while we battle battle through this winter okay so everybody's getting sick right now right yeah it's not just me i don't know what it is about like the end of summer beginning of fall transition but everything dries out and then also everybody's being forced into close contact with each other his school starting or you know people are getting to more events whatever it may be but then all the illnesses start going around and then you're like what the fuck i'm supposed to be enjoying this time now i'm violently ill what do i do someone asked um what is your at-home sick routine or tips and tricks i've got a few i've got a few okay number one rest and relaxation you need to sleep in order for your body to have time to heal

so if you're not sleeping a full eight hours when you are sick you're gonna feel worse all right if you can have a stay-at-home day even better sorry i gotta call in i'm ill love you good luck shut off on all notifications like literally um but rest is so important water hydration i know it's the last thing you want to drink but if you are ill drink your water and if you can't get water down, like maybe it's a stomach bug, the only thing you really need to be focusing on is like Gatorade, something with electrolytes, because you're going to be probably losing a lot of fluids. My smaller remedies for like cold and flu illnesses is lemon ginger tea, either like a lemon tea, non caffeinated with fresh, fresh ginger, or just like ginger infused with a teaspoon of

honey and you drink it warm oh bitch you got is your throat scratchy not anymore not anymore it's not and a pack of like 24 of these little tea bags is like four dollars oh my god that is the number one like at home remedy or like cold remedy that you can do is the ginger lemon tea with honey warm so it's like a warm compress on your throat um hot showers like just run your face under hot water for as long as you can to like break up the snot in your body and to just get it out like let it all drain out um also the humidity will help just like soothe and ease if you're having a cold or flu-like symptoms um and then always go to your doctor if you think you need it always always and get your flu shot ladies and gentlemen it does help i used to be a non-believer in the flu

shot because i'm like um we get the flu every year and a flu shot's not doing anything yeah bitch because it keeps mutating because not every single person gets their flu shot so it has enough people to mutate through that's why there's a flu shot every single year so get your flu shot so you're protected against this year's strain of the flu um and yeah love you get some sleep take a hot shower drink some hot tea take a ginger shot eat a spoonful of honey you can do a salt water gargle drink a gatorade if you're losing fluids and be kind to yourself okay it sucks you're in pain you got to let yourself writhe in pain for a little bit you'll be out of it before you know it you're not gonna be permanently like ill i'm always like oh my god i can't breathe

through my nose life is so hard i miss being able to breathe through my nose and then it's like 12 hours later i'm fine you'll get through it i love you oh no sorry what do you do when you are in love with the guy who is cheating on his partner for you so i'm assuming you are young because this is a crazy mindset but i also understand like being so manipulated by a man that you think you're in love you're not in love he's quote-unquote making you feel special but are you only side chick level like do you think you're only good enough to be the side chick so why why do you think this is okay you deserve more you deserve a man who is not cheating on somebody else for you because guess what if you end up dating he's gonna turn around and do the

same exact thing to you um why do you think you deserve to be the side person why do you think you should be hidden why do you think you should only only be loved halfway because that's what he's doing no matter what he's telling you that's what's happening no matter how happy he said or unhappy he says he's not he is in that relationship he's going back to her at the end of the night so why are we here why do you believe you don't deserve more this man is lying to you he's also hurting two women in the process to gain more for himself if i were you i would go full crazy bitch mode and i would immediately tell the girlfriend block him block him tell the girlfriend move on with your life that is the best thing you can really do in

this situation and i'm so sorry you're in it and i love you and i understand being young and in love but this this isn't love you're not in love because this isn't a healthy foundation to build love on so it simply just cannot be love i understand that you might think you're feeling love I think you're feeling infatuation and I think when he makes you crazy it makes you feel entertained and interested in something and it's very easy to get lost in unhealthy relationships because it's a distraction from your everyday life no matter how bad it is which is why it gets people so stuck in it so break the cycle get out I believe in you was that mean I'm never trying to be mean I promise I just like I'm never disappointed in you guys I'm just trying to

wake you up to the situation at hand and some of my best friends and the most important people in my life are the people who will look at me and know that they're saying something hard for me to understand or for me to process but it's the truth that I need to hear it and that's what I'm trying to do with you guys like I love you and I'm proud of you but also please you deserve better please please please please you deserve a real man who loves you for who you are because i love you for who you are hi hannah first i want to say i love the pod have my bong right next to me girl listen i have a problem so my last relationship was four years long and i have been single for two years in those two years i have been going to therapy

doing a lot of healing finding a lot of my inner peace and I have definitely changed for the better and I have gotten into this amazing relationship that has been the healthiest relationship I have ever been in but I catch myself self-sabotaging at times um and I was wondering we had any tips or tricks on how to control uh or how to stop self-sabotaging when only having been in unhealthy relationships and experiencing a healthy one for the first time ever thanks girl hey girl first of all so very proud of you for you know putting in the work and realizing getting out of a relationship and realizing hey maybe i need some time to myself putting in that time and then boom finding yourself in a healthy relationship you did that

I'm so proud of you let's talk self-sabotaging because girl if anybody knows self-sabotaging it's me and when you're also in tune with your intuition it's it's kind of hard at first to be like is this intuition or do I just hate myself and I'm trying to get out of a situation even though it's good for me so let's talk the difference so self-sabotaging comes from a fear of failure rejection and abandonment you sabotage it yourself so that you don't have to go through the seemingly inevitable failure the fact it is or the fact is that you sabotage out of a sense of wanting control or maybe out of a sense of this is all I've known but since you've been single for two years I'm assuming and been in therapy you know how you want a relationship

to look like act behave and have it be healthy like you know what your boundaries are you know what a good relationship should look like even if you haven't been in one or what you want from a good relationship. And the best way to avoid kind of self-sabotage in a healthy relationship is to behave the way you would want your partner to behave. You got to flip it outside of your perspective to your partner's perspective. And you got to ask yourself, if my partner behaved this way would I believe it was okay or would I feel like this is fair or would this be a healthy relationship so instead of being like oh well I feel this way I'm gonna act crazy or I'm gonna act on a whim or I'm gonna be a little toxic for a second you have to switch the the frame set to

am I behaving in a way that I would appreciate if my partner was doing it and if the answer is no that's a great way to shift the perspective and be like okay well then this behavior is not good this is a self-sabotaging behavior and when you find yourself doing these things since you're in therapy utilize it write it down be like I have this compulsion or I have this behavior or I have this toxic trait I have a sense of self-sabotaging a lot in my relationship and then bring it up with your therapist that's what therapists are about they're amazing you'll be able to get into all the deets the details they'll help you be able to unpack it but I do think when you have felt out of control for a while you want to kind of take the reins and feel control and control can

come from a sense of good or bad and bad being self-sabotaging and being like well this relationship might not work out and I'm living in a state of fear so why don't I just end it or why don't I be crazy and be the person in control because it's not fair to your partner it's not so switch the mindset okay would i feel safe love comforted if my partner did the same exact thing to me that's the first thing first question i ask myself when i feel myself acting crazy and also is this feeling based in truth is it based in reality because i also feel like and i don't know if this is anything to do with your situation but it might have to do with someone else's situation but we as women are kind of taught that it's like no you're crazy no you're

the crazy one like it's your fault it's a women's fault because we have too many standards or we you know see things too deeply or we look too deeply into them I do have to say sometimes you're not being crazy and sometimes that feeling is based in reality but you got to ask yourself like is there facts backing up this feeling like he did this to me so i feel insecure about this or um this happened in a past relationship so i feel insecure about this or is it just like a random feeling because i realized in the past a lot of my toxic traits simply came from a random fucking feeling that was not based in reality or maybe i'd seen way too many tiktoks about this one thing or my friends going through the same thing so then i start overthinking about it whatever it may be

when I have that conversation with myself and I'm like okay this is actually not based in reality that helps me talk myself off the ledge a little bit I'm like there's no facts backing this up so this is simply just a feeling that I need to feel and move on from it's not like an issue in my relationship or something I need to bring up or anything I need to act crazy over but sometimes there are things you need to act crazy over and I give you full permission to do so but once again if it's coming from a place of self-sabotage such as no facts backing this feeling simply kind of wanting to take control of your relationship in a unhealthy way and also if your partner behaved this way towards you you would feel bad about it then I feel like once you have thought

through all those things you are able to sit with yourself and be like okay no we're chill we're gonna go do like an ice bath challenge real quick and shock her nervous system back into reality and we're gonna move on with our day um but yeah it is kind of like a i love sitting and talking to myself journal i don't know who she is i just be pacing in my room in circles talking out loud to myself and so when i'm like have conversations with yourself i genuinely mean that like talk to yourself talk out loud talk in your journal wherever you feel the safest but you have to work through these feelings and these thoughts to understand them so then you're not just being self-sabotaging or just like impulsive in your everyday life and ruining relationships but now

that you're doing that i think you are in a healthy mindset it sounds like you're in a healthy relationship chit chat with your therapist chit chat with yourself and also if you're in a relationship and you know you have tendencies of doing this be open with your partner about it be like hey like I'm a little crazy and I'm so sorry if I behave this way and you fully have a right to call me out when I'm in this mindset or this mood and be like love you babe but I think you're just over no don't use overreacting I think this feeling is not based in reality because if someone that I was overreacting I would flip I'd be like oh you you want to see overreacting because I'm crazy um but let your partner know when you have these kind of troubles these problems so then it

doesn't come out of left field they're able to help you with it or they're able to at least understand where this feeling is coming from whether it's depression any sort of mental health issues overthinking whatever it is I think openness in your relationship and saying that you have these problems lets them know so then they don't come out of left field and it helps them work with you through it anyways i love you and you got this someone asked how do i relax enough to orgasm okay so there's two ways no no no there's always more than one way but first of all i want to talk about high sex i love high sex if you don't get the weed scaries like you don't get the overthinking anxiety weed scaries which I get and it's totally normal and there's nothing

wrong with you and we'll talk more about that later but if if you don't get the weed scaries and you just get like high and laughy and giggly and it chills you the fuck out then I think you should and you can't orgasm then I think you should lean into high sex I really do whether it's with yourself as a partner with multiple partners I don't know what you're into get your freak on girl um but I think when when you use weed and it chills you out it really removes you from your brain and puts you fully in your body which is fantastic for sex because it increases sensitivity it increases the connection you're gonna have with your partner with yourself it increases just the body feeling and you get out of your head and the overthinking and you

get into the feeling um and the expression and the connection and that makes great orgasms it does it's amazing now if you're not a smoker or maybe weed gives you the scaries and you're like girl if i have sex while i'm high i'm gonna be overthinking way too much i also get that there's nothing wrong with you it's very normal um maybe high sex isn't good for you but there are ways that you can kind of escape your mind because i honestly honestly believe when we're having sex and we are experiencing it in our mind and not our bodies there's a disconnect there's almost a wall so talking out loud hear me out hear me out i know i'm a shy girl what the fuck am i supposed to say out loud but verbalizing it or even just like moaning or talking to your

partner being like this feels good you should do this let's do this fun pet names whatever get kinky with it but when I talk out loud or you do dirty talk you're living in the moment and in the feeling because you're having to express it you're not living in your head overthinking things you are expressing it and feeling it fully and I do believe that leads to better orgasms and it's a little scary at first but like sex is supposed to be intimate and raw and you're supposed to be able to laugh at yourself or try new things so try talking out loud you know little pet names this feels good this is amazing moaning whatever it may be I believe dirty talk has a fantastic way for the overthinkers of taking you out of your head and putting you in your body high sex as

well. But I understand that's not for everybody. Love you. Someone asked tips on quitting your job that is deteriorating your mental health. I feel guilty. I'm so for quitting jobs. I am. But there's a way to quit jobs that set you up for success. And there's a way to quit jobs that set you up for failure. And the best way to quit your job is set yourself up for success both mentally and financially, is A, understanding, hey, I'm miserable, this sucks, this job's not good. It could be any job that you're in, whether it's a corporate high-paying job, or maybe you're a janitor, I don't care. Sometimes you're like, damn, my manager sucks, or these kids suck, or the people around me suck, or just the workload in general sucks. When you realize that, and you wake up every

day, and you know, I get it, it's miserable clocking in for your shift, but it's extra miserable, you have to take note of that. And then instead of sitting and ruminating on it and continuing hating the cycle that you're in, you have to understand that you're at the end of a path and you got to start building a new path. If you just quit your job and you have no new path set up, I think it sets you deeper into a spiral because now you're like at home, you have nothing to do, you don't know where to go, you don't have a job lined up, you're a little confused about yourself you're overthinking way too much not a great setup for success so when you feel that first like oh death spiral okay this is bad that's when you have to start looking for other jobs

and they're out there if you're in a restaurant if you're in a restaurant and you hate that restaurant try a different restaurant maybe try working at a hotel and maybe try being a para at a school i don't know there's so many different things out there it doesn't have to be the same job that you're in maybe it is the same exact job that you're in but it's at a different company or at in a different environment maybe a different state but you have to start allowing yourself to think outside of the box apply for new things because it will get you excited for the future you'll start visualizing a new path you'll understand you're at the end of this one but like good riddance let's get onto this new path let's try something new and then maybe it takes

a month maybe it takes a couple months of you you know hating your job but also like you're not even doing that much work you're really just scrolling through ads online for new jobs applying interviewing eventually you're gonna have a new job and then when you quit this job it's gonna feel so fucking great it's gonna be even better because you know you have something better and more exciting lined up for you something new to jump on something new to try out a new path to travel down but I I love a quitting a job moment but have something else lined up because I have been in the position where I quit a job and then I have nothing else lined up and I just like spiral I completely spiral so have a new job lined up look towards the future quit your job

keep moving girl you got this hi Hannah my name is Venus and so I just recently broke up with my girlfriend and every time I feel like I'm not with a person anymore per se I feel like I want them more when I'm not with them but when I'm in the relationship yes I like them but I tend to like want them even more when we break up and like for some reason even though they even like if they're bad people or they treated me like shit I don't know why my brain like fantasizes them in a different way so need some clarification on that because your girl is struggling right now but that's yeah thank you okay wait love the name venus am currently adding it to my baby name list love like wow venus beautiful anyways i have been in your position where it's like i break up with

somebody and then I'm like oh wow I only want them and I can only think about them and I do not know what to do that is because it is the most recent example of any sort of relationship that you've had and it's the easiest thing for your brain to think about because it's fresh and new so you need to go build new relationships you need to go on a couple dates you need to go expand your world so when your brain does feel like hyper fixating on a person it's not going to be a person from your past it's going to be a person from your present day reality and I guarantee if you do this post breakup you're like you know what I don't really feel like it but I'm going to go on a couple dates or I'm going to go hang out with friends at a bar or I'm just going to like

expand my world a little bit meet new people whatever it may be chit chat with somebody new whether it's on like the apps or it's in person you are expanding your world you're giving yourself new people to think about new experiences to remember you're gonna forget that person in your past like immediately immediately I my first boyfriend ever we broke up and then I like thought about him for like six months afterward and I only thought about him that long because I did not hang out or talk to any other boys or girls or anything else it was simply me thinking about him i wasn't expanding my world and then i was hyper fixating on him and only hyper fixating on the good things or what could have been instead of going out and experiencing and trying new things and then hyper

focusing on that possible future once i started talking to new people oh i can't even remember his name like at all you have to expand your world me new people flirt it out girl you know you're single have a good time go meet up with some girlies go you know hang out on the apps for a little bit i don't know but you really just have to realize that there are new potential people out there that are gonna be better end of the day you broke up for a reason how can i stop thinking about everything i did wrong you're human you're gonna make mistakes it's a part of being human nobody's perfect every single person's going to make a mistake are you going to be the person that learns from it and does better are you going to be the person

who does the same thing over and over and over again you know which one you are and i'm assuming since you're constantly thinking about it you're not going to repeat that same mistake because guess what bad people don't think about their mistakes awful horrible mean nasty people don't care when they make mistakes they don't think about them you're a good person you're thinking about them quite quite frankly you're more upset about the mistake than anybody else like who was involved so you got to forgive yourself you got to understand that you're a good person and good people make mistakes too but if anybody's going to forgive you it has to be yourself so be kind to yourself thinking about your mistakes won't make them go away the only thing

to do better in the future is to not do them again find peace in that how to still feel confident when you are receiving zero validation true confidence comes from validation from yourself if you build confidence on validation from other people you're gonna run out you're gonna run out eventually which is why you're asking this question you can't build your confidence on what other people think of you because frankly that shit don't matter the only thing that matters in this lifetime and the only way to build lasting lifelong confidence that will stand the test of time any trial and tribulation that you have is to validate yourself and to really only care how you feel about yourself and what you think about yourself

that's how you have true confidence that's how you believe in yourself but if you build it on what this man thinks about you when he doesn't respond to you in an hour you're gonna be in the gutters like i'm a piece of shit no one likes me life's so hard well guess what that man's probably jerking off in the bathroom for the past hour like he's not thinking about you why are you building your confidence on other people it needs to be built on yourself a million percent that is the key when people ask me about confidence how do you have confidence how do you you know feel confident it's because I'm building it off of what I think of myself and like the last question even if like I feel like I did something bad or I feel like I'm a bad person I have confidence in myself to

realize that I've made a mistake to not do it again and to move forward and to keep standing by myself through the hard times confidence is not always based off the good things it can be based off the bad things too it simply is based on your relationship how you interact with yourself do you support yourself through it all do you show up for yourself do you are you kind to yourself that's true confidence i believe in you but outward validation is so cheap it's cheap it really is inward confidence that's where the richness comes from and it simply comes from not only standing by yourself but also like understanding yourself simply being confident enough to be alone with yourself to understand why you act this way why you are this way maybe

you don't understand but you want to learn more about it or it comes from knowing yourself and standing by yourself through it all oh i love this living life as it goes question mark not forcing yourself into situations yes this people ask me henna how are you so at peace how are you so comfortable where you are right now it's because i am living life as it comes to me of course i have goals and aspirations and i go for those obviously but i'm not forcing myself into things that i know don't fit and this is simply because i've done this too much i've done it too much in my life i've tried to force myself into like the perfect christian daughter energy i've tried to force myself into the nursing mindset energy i've tried to force

myself into the corporate girly and every time i try something and i fail i realize i'm trying to force myself into a shape that i simply don't fit and if i start living my life just a yes having goals and going after the things that I know I truly want but also not being hard on myself with where I am and understanding that we all grow at different paces it has made my life so peaceful it has made my life so peaceful so peaceful when I tell you I'm 24 I'm a bartender I work in a restaurant I do this podcast part-time I hang out with you guys I really don't make a lot of money from it I'm not doing it for that I'm doing it for the vibes and to have fun and to really just kind of spread joy and peace and positivity but you know you tell that to an

80 year old woman and she's like damn bitch you don't have four kids you're failing at life but it's like if I chalked myself up to what everybody else wants for me I would never be happy ever only I truly know what is good for me where I am and when I don't rush the process when I take it one step at a time when I appreciate every day for what it is no matter where I am no matter where I want to go I find that every day can be so peaceful and it also makes the menial things in life so much more fulfilling like sure I'm a 24 year old working in a restaurant but like who cares I get to have a giggle with my co-workers I get to make some good money I get to go home I work three days a week like what's better than that you have to stop putting so much pressure on

yourself to fit into boxes that you know simply don't work for you right now I have dreams and aspirations of being like a boss bitch CEO doing fun things crazy creative things sure but I understand that like that's not gonna happen tomorrow but with every day that does pass I will eventually get there and I might as well enjoy the time that I have here right now and also getting older you start really focusing on nostalgia and looking at the past and realizing wow I was really taking those days for granted because they weren't the perfect ideal situations but I miss them now like as I've gotten older I miss them like being a teenager and being the most depressive state of my life and just wanting to grow up and be on my own and not be in high

school and I was so miserable but now being older and having gotten through that I look back and I like miss seeing my high school friends in the art room for lunch every day and I miss having the freedom of being a teenager and the freedom to make mistakes and the freedom to try new things so allowing yourself to grow through the process to appreciate every day and to understand that yes your dreams and your goals are real you will get there eventually but you cannot rush the process you really have to live life as it comes at you will bring you so much peace within your everyday life so much stability within your everyday life and it will make you so appreciative for every aspect of what you go through like even the bad times I'm like wow

this sucks lol but like I know in a week two weeks three months a year from now that I won't even remember this situation so like let's get through it the best we can find the best outcome that we possibly can and let's move forward anyways yeah take that pressure off yourself dare to dream dare to have fun find joy in the simple mundane things in your life and you will be rich beyond your wildest dreams honestly um but yeah living life as it goes really is like the best source of peace hi Hannah I love you and the pod and everybody I did what you told us all to do I broke up with him it was not good it wasn't working I knew but god it was hard anyways I did it and I it's been about a month now and I'm really just trying to get a better sense of

myself like me and my ex had started dating at a very transitional point of my life and I feel like I just kind of let that become me and so now I'm like oh shit I'm an adult and I have to kind of figure out what I'm doing with myself and I was just you know looking for a little motivation maybe a little something for me to think about just to kind of get through it but you know where where we are working through it love you so much thank you oh my god you are in one of the most fun periods of your life and I know you're like girl what are you talking about does not feel that way but looking back the most fun I have ever had in my life is during my self-exploration periods it's when i come out of a friendship or a relationship or a bad work experience or

something in general that is over consuming your life and you get lost in it and you kind of lose your personality a little bit and then you come out of it on top of the world but then also kind of like who the fuck am i what do i enjoy what do i even like eating for lunch like well you're looking in the mirror and you're like girl who are you time has flown this moment these moments in my life i've had like five of them probably but these moments are some of the most fun moments of my life some of the most chaotic messy dramatic exciting enthralling time periods of my entire life and i'm so excited for you to be in it listen you've gotten out to a relationship you don't really know who you are but there's a whole world ahead of you for you

to discover and now you just get to try new things that's my one challenge for you if you find yourself in a period where you're like i don't know who i am like i really lost my personality in this relationship in this toxic work environment in school i don't know who i am try new things get out of your comfort zone be a little crazy be a little messy this is the time to do it this is the time to learn about yourself learn what you like learn what you dislike because it's not going to be the same thing that you used to like sometimes it is but there's a lot of new things out there the world has to offer you and you have to go out there to discover them you have to be out there to discover them and if you just like hold yourself up and keep asking yourself like

who am i who who am i and rocking back and forth and not leaving your room you're never going to discover it you have to get out there try new things meet new people talk to new people get crazy get messy go to your first rave go to your first concert go to your first opera go to your first i don't know it doesn't matter but whatever's interesting you or whatever you feel curious in go after it don't let anybody hold you back don't let yourself hold you back these time periods are really for taking risks trying new things and discovering yourself through the process listen i've also had some moments during these times where i'm like oh girl like oof oof but like that's the purpose of this time period you're supposed to make mistakes you're

supposed to try new things don't be too hard on yourself okay you're not an evil person you're not a bad person everybody makes mistakes you're simply trying new things and figuring out if you like them and sometimes you're gonna love them and sometimes you're gonna hate them take that with a grain of salt keep moving forward keep pushing forward keep exploring the world because the world's here for you to explore all right you've probably changed a lot so take this time to kind of like release the gates you've placed around yourself and simply go forward i love you the self-exploration periods in my life have been so fun so goddamn fun and i'm so excited for you to be in this period of your life you have so much ahead of you so many exciting

things and i'm so proud of you for getting to this moment i believe in you love you oh someone asked dabs 101 i'm here for you i take dabs at night i love them if you want to keep your tolerance down don't pick up a dab pen don't don't do dabs your tolerance is gonna skyrocket um but my boyfriend introduced me to dabs and yeah i'll do like one or two a night but i have learned that i mean since it's at such a high temperature i've burned myself a couple of times like just smoking while it's too hot so this is what you do you got to find yourself a rig of course with like a dab um oof oof the stoners are gonna come after me they're gonna come after me but it's like not a bowl piece it'll be a different kind of like dab piece and you're gonna have your

torch and your dabs now i am not a hot start girly i'm a cold start girly traditionally you'll see the people heat up the banger that's what it's called thank god the banger until it's red hot and then they'll wait a couple seconds like 30 seconds then they'll put the put their dab in and then they'll take it but I'm sensitive so I love a cold start and I feel like it gets me higher essentially while it's cold while the banger is cold you put the dab in there however much you want and then you start your torch and you're gonna hold you're gonna heat the banger up that has the wax in it over the torch for like five ten seconds max and then you're gonna put your cap on and then you're gonna uh pull that is the best way to get dabs that are not going to kill

you and if you've never had dabs before you're probably listening to this being like what the fuck girl but same goes for bongs clean your water clean your pieces um make sure you're not using gross tools clean your bowl piece or your banger but i'm not a hot dab girly when it comes to dabs i'm a cold start so you put the wax in there and then you heat it up with the wax inside of it for like five ten seconds instead of getting it red hot the red hot scares me i've burned my throat too many times love you oh i love this question because i think it'll give you guys a new perspective someone asked what has you oh my god wow my dyslexia what has been your goal in life lately love you my goal in life lately and i know you might be like oh she wants to be like boss

bitch queen ceo she wants to move to a new city that not that is not valid but like i always make my life goals very simple because it makes them very achievable and also keeps me moving forward i don't make life goals and we talked about this in the last in the last podcast but like your life's purpose is going to be what's in front of you and right now my life goals are to fully pull together my apartment i want to thrift some art i really want to make it into a home i really want to complete my bedroom decorating um and also i want to make shirts there's these shirts that i have this vision of that i really want to make for you guys and i believe i should have them out within the next month so follow me on instagram if you want a shirt they're gonna be

so cute I can't wait um and to also practice my airbrushing I've gotten into airbrush painting and I really want to keep practicing it and honing in on that art um and I would like to read one book a month those are my life's goals do you see how like small simple yet meaningful they are easily achievable things in front of me those are the goals you have to set for yourself nothing no goals too small okay no goals too small you've gotta set goals for yourself that are going to be achievable gonna give you something to do during your everyday life gonna give you purpose gonna give you drive and i'll push you to the next goal you don't have to set giant goals for yourself such as like i need a million dollar house right now and four babies

like i mean love that for you but what can we do today what's a goal that we can set today that we can achieve within the next month that will help us get there you know you can't focus solely on the big picture thing you've got to focus on the small things too they're just as important i've kind of learned that from the atomic habits book that's our september book book club book on the patreon um and it's all about the tiny habits and small things that people take for granted in their everyday life that really add up to these big goals these big things that you never could have possibly even dreamed for yourself um you got to focus on the small things just as much as the big things they're just as important in fact they're going to be more important than

anything else you do hey hannah um so my okay i wanted to talk about how i am lonely as shit like i do half virtual half online college so i have like two classes in person but no one really talks to each other in there like i thought that would maybe be my social outlet because i've been doing online school like kind of since the pandemic just because of like mental health and stuff um so I thought going back in person would kind of be a little outlet for me but I don't know if I'm just not like reaching out enough or what but I am still I just don't know where to meet people and I'm so lonely and I don't know um just any advice uh because also I'm not super confident so we'll help with that too here's how I've made my friends one friend I made because I was in the

elevator drunk as shit one night at like 12 30 and she seemed like a bad bitch and i was like you what's your name you're so cute where do you live let me go knock on your door let me annoy you into being my friend another friend i had was um we bonded over our smoking because you're the only two people in the nursing class who smoke together um and we bonded over having to be secret about it and I literally smelled weed on her floor one day and I walked up and knocked on her door and I was like hey girl she's throwing a party and I joined the party um another one of my friends I actually met at work like I was serving and she was like hey I love your pants and then boom hit it off great friend great person amazing girl um another one of my friend uh friends I've met online

they're simply people that we followed each other for a while we sent a few dms back and forth and then you know started hanging out um some other friends of mine I've met through school either needing a study partner or clubs that I've joined or different activities that I've gone to um I've met one of my friends at a coffee shop I just complimented her earrings and we became friends but it really is just putting yourself out there being vulnerable and also understanding like if you don't get the same like uh reciprocation it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you maybe they're not picking up on the vibes maybe you know they're too busy with something else but really has more to do with them than it does you and that comes with any sort of

what's it called like getting oh not denied getting getting come on brain kind of just getting turned down like getting turned down has really nothing to do with you and everything to do with the other person so don't worry too much about that the people who are meant to be around will stick the people who aren't will naturally go on their own path away from you the universe will do its sorting as needed all you can do is really react accordingly um be kind to yourself through it also find peace in your solitude as well like you don't need people around you to feel whole or to feel loved um and i'm sure you know you probably feel comfortable within yourself um but i love my alone time i love hanging out with friends but i also love my alone time

have some hobbies have some different like activities that you like to do at home because the comfort that you find within yourself within those activities you can also translate to the real world and like oh you like art well there's this art club going on you like pottery there's this pottery club going on you like tennis there's a tennis club you can go join and then you can meet people through that while also feeling confident in the activity you're doing because you feel confident within yourself when you're alone while doing it you see what i mean but put yourself out there I guarantee if you approach the world with pure genuine interest and light and love it will reciprocate that right back to you ooh habits that make you feel pretty

on a day-to-day basis number one and the biggest habit that I've changed within the past year was not wearing as much makeup like when I'm alone and cutting out the fake eyelashes I still have my nails because that's like the one thing I like to do which is also a daily habit that makes me feel pretty I love having my acrylics done having something cute and funky and fresh on my on my nails but I feel like being comfortable in your skin and you know being confident in your skin without anything makes there like a very base a very comfortable base of feeling confident in yourself so like I used to wear fake eyelashes all the time like I would wake up glue fake eyelashes on my face and that's because I didn't like the way I looked without

them and you know removing them from my life and getting used to my natural face was hard but it was something that I needed to do because when I couldn't look at my face without something on it that was not something healthy for me. I needed to get back to the basics and get comfortable with a bare face. So I love a bare face. Something that's helped me get comfortable with my natural look and my natural face is pampering myself a little bit. I love a little face mask. I love my skincare routine. I love treating myself to a good bath, some essential oils. You know what I mean? Pampering myself. That is a daily activity that makes me feel pretty. But you know what? I'm not I'm not writing off makeup I love makeup I love the routine of makeup I love dressing

myself up for that sort of thing um and I love the routine of getting ready getting a little high doing my makeup playing some music like there's nothing better that's another routine in my daily life that makes me feel pretty but also it's like the duality I don't have to have makeup on to feel pretty I feel pretty with it I feel pretty without it um I had to get used to both sides of myself um what else eating good food makes me feel pretty i'm not being like you have to have a salad every day and you have to be vegan like no no no no when i need a cheeseburger i need a cheeseburger when i want some healthy food i get that healthy food cooking for myself taking the time and the routine to make myself food every single day to nourish myself in the ways that i want to

makes me feel pretty um dressing up in a way that i enjoy doing so makes me feel pretty painting my toenails whatever color that i want them to be makes them feel makes me feel pretty having jewelry that i love to accessorize with and wear every single day makes me feel pretty having a long shower at the end of the day and scrubbing my fucking hair and my body clean makes me feel pretty it's very much so the simple things in your daily routine and how you look at them that transforms your life and having these constants to go to that I have in my routine every single day really keeps me at a place of stability that if I have nothing else to rely on I at least have this to rely on and no one's going to set these things up for you but yourself no

one's gonna look at these things the way you do but yourself so allow yourself to allow yourself to pamper yourself to really enjoy quality time with yourself to treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated i feel like a lot of people wait around for other people to treat them the way that they want to be treated behavior starts with you babe okay you gotta lean into it you gotta treat yourself like the queen you are because you deserve it all right i love you anyways i think that's the end of our podcast you guys i got the munchies like crazy i'm loading a bowl i want to send you off with well wishes um and a little vibe for the end of the day so let's smoke together if you're in the mood if not no worries love to have you here no matter what um and yeah anyways cheers

oh my god thank you for being here thank you for being you if you want to support me in any sort of way um feel free to leave a little five star review kisses or join the patreon if you want more content from me. My Patreon is Hannah Marlene, but I post a lot of journal prompts, affirmations, vlogs, baked and baking, get ready with me's. And soon on the Patreon, I will be releasing extra episodes, extra Patreon only episodes that you can come enjoy as much content as you want with me and with us i love my patreon community you guys are the best thank you for supporting me thank you for being here thank you for being you and simply showing up and listening to this podcast every week like if you show up and listen to this

podcast every week you want better for yourself you are seeking better for yourself to learn more about yourself to learn more about the world around you and like wanting that is the first step feeling desire towards doing better is simply the first step the second is acting on it so thank you for here thank you for achieving the first step let's get out there let's have some fun i can't wait to go to this baseball game tonight i'm not a beer girly but like i will be eating 10 hot dogs that's for sure maybe having a beer if i'm in the mood get a little crazy with it but i'm excited just go out with my girls and have a beautiful night and i hope you have the same as well. I will see you all next Tuesday.