Smoke Sesh - sensitive girlies, awkwardness, sex & shoplifting

Episode Date: May 9, 2023

Happy Tuesday my hotties hope you’re having a amazing day and if not! Hopefully I can make it a little better

listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know? just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah, the host of smoke sash so come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, i've got a story for it all hello hotties of the world and good fucking morning welcome back to smoke sesh so excited to have you guys here holy shit is time just disappearing for anybody else like i wake up and i feel like i'm waking up like a month into the future i don't

know what is in the air or what is going on but i have definitely entered my chaos era um this morning i woke up at 7 a.m because my thoughts just would not leave me alone like i woke up and immediately my brain was like so here's like 10 different things to think about we're gonna think about them all at once and we're not gonna let you go back to bed so love that woke up 7 a.m sharp got outside which felt nice it's a beautiful day out um got me some duncan which i haven't had in a while um when i was going through my last breakup i it was around this not this time period but around this like time in spring um and i would wake up in the morning and in order to kind of escape my house i would go take a little drive listen to my favorite music um get some dunkin

and then i would drive to the park and just chat on facetime with a friend or just sit there and people watch and honestly that morning routine saved me and I really haven't done it since you know I was in a deep dark mental state I've been surviving um but recently I started doing it again just because I'm like you know I need something to encourage me to wake up and get out there and attack the day and what's better than some coffee you know and Dunkin's got expensive recently what's up with a five dollar coffee okay anyways kind of followed that little routine this morning which felt good came back to my old apartment um because i'm kind of still in the middle of moving like my bed's still here no ac here and it's a scorching 90 degrees love that

um and yes if you've heard me talk about my ac going out before literally this is because it's the fourth time so thank god i'm fucking getting the hell out of this place my god um still in the middle of packing moving this weekend was kind of chaotic too i don't know a lot of heightened emotions a lot of yeah drama and i'm trying to brush that shit off i'm really trying to be like you know what fuck everybody else in the most peaceful respectful way ever like fuck y'all love you though fuck y'all I am not taking on your drama I'm really not taking on your mood I'm really not taking on your anger issues problems personal you know I am going to just really focus on me and focus on making sure I'm okay because that comes first and when I take on

people's problems and too many of them boy do i become not okay very quickly so we live we learn we're powering through we're doing better i'm in the middle of packing so i'm just like going through everything old nostalgia stuff it feels good i'm entering a new era of my life and a new apartment i'm so excited to decorate i did a little empty apartment tour um on my patreon and a little like apartment cleanse so if you're curious check that out um but I'm gonna get in there and decorate and get it all set up and then of course do another apartment tour where it's like actually hey I'm living in this bitch now you know uh but yeah that's really all I've been up to I've been trying to get outside as much as I can I went to an art fair with my dad which was super wholesome

um but yeah just chilling today i'm gonna maybe try and get outside again maybe walk down to the river take a little a little wade in the water sit in the sun get a little base tan before it gets way too fucking hot outside and it's just impossible to get outside but the chaos is really setting in and your girl is just trying to hold on to the rains as much as she can and get through it so if you're channeling that energy as well today love you we'll make it through it together I know what you guys are here for though don't even fucking worry let's get into some questions oh my god also as like as I was saying chaos of time is fucking flying right in front of my eyes I totally forgot to post a questionnaire yesterday like completely forgot I always post a questionnaire

on my instagram at hannah marlene being like so what's on your mind what's the vibe for this week how are we doing and i was like oh my god like i woke up this morning ready to prep for the pod to sit down start recording and i was like holy shit i literally didn't post anything like yesterday i feel like i was existing but my eyes were closed in a metaphorical sense you know um so yeah i posted this morning at like 8 a.m i was like i bet nobody's gonna respond to this we're just gonna have to work with what we got and literally just check there's like thousands of questions you girls work so fucking fast you guys are so quick and i love you for that thank you for dealing with me and dealing with my chaos brain i'm glad that we can work together on this thank

you so much for submitting your questions thank you for being honest and open with how you're feeling what's on your mind i hope i can do the same with you guys and we can make it through this life together so with that being said let's jump right in okay someone said i'm in love with my boyfriend and i can't imagine life without him but lately i don't want to have sex help oh girl i get this relationship or not i feel like we as humans are going to go through periods of our lives where we're like sex all the time i need it and then we're also going to go through periods of our life where we're like not the first thing on my mind really don't care um and specifically in relationships i feel like the low libido thing um can be a roadblock if you have a

difficult sex fiend partner but usually in relationships if you have a good healthy pretty normal relationship like you guys can go a few days without fucking like it doesn't mean i don't like you you're still lovey-dovey you're still giving attention you're still giving time you're still you know making it work but sex doesn't have to be what your relationship is about does that make sense like you do not have to base your worthiness or your relationship's worthiness on your sexual relationship. So if you're just like, hey, I'm stressing out, I got a lot on my plate, sex really isn't on my mind right now, then that's okay. That's perfectly fine. I would maybe just be like, open with my partner about that and be like, hey, I got a lot going on. It's not you

just to cut out any like, you know, self depreciating talk they might be doing to themselves that you aren't aware of like whenever I'm in my relationship and I am in a period where I'm like oh I'm just not feeling it right now I'll be like hey it's not you love ya I am just not in the mood right now and I'll let you know when I am you know and I feel like that is a very normal conversation to have especially if you're in a budding relationship that you want to go well now when your partner gets upset about this or gets mad or starts holding it over your head that's where we have a weird very weird very bright shining waving in the wind red flag okay that's where we have a problem no one should ever pressure you into sex no one

ever should ever make you feel shameful about sex no one should try and hold sex over your head because we as humans are not sex i mean we're sexual beings but that's not all we are does that make sense i feel like having a normal conversation being like hey i am just not feeling it right now love you though and then like them taking it well is very normal like it'll you will pick up that spark that libido will come back um especially if you are in the middle of your hormone cycle i feel like when i'm in the middle of my cycle like if i'm not ovulating or on my period like those other two phases i'm really pretty much just like flatlining like and that sounds so bad but it comes in waves and I like to listen to my body and be real with

my body and if I don't want to have sex and like I'm not gonna force myself to do it um and if I do want to have sex and I'm gonna lean into that and I'm going to try and make that happen for myself but I really try not to put a ton of pressure on it okay someone said how to distance yourself from friends that you've outgrown so I feel like there's two ways you can do it number one is you know you've had these friends for a long time they haven't inherently done anything wrong you are just a completely different person they're a completely different person you guys don't really keep up and really the best way to kind of move on from that is to just let it kind of fizzle out like you don't have to keep up contact you can still follow each other whatever

it may be but I don't feel like there needs to be any harsh like we're not friends anymore and like moving on like that drama really isn't necessary for life especially people who like haven't done you wrong but there's just like distance let that distance grow and just let it exist you don't have to add to it you don't have to make up for it you can just let it be there you know now if you are finding yourself uh having friends that are around you constantly maybe you're in school with them um they're your usual friend group but you are noticing bad behaviors bad patterns you know people that you maybe don't want to surround yourself with you've outgrown them in that way then I feel like the best thing you can really do for yourself is instead of a where the example is

a natural distance that is growing this is going to be a distance that you are reinforcing um so maybe you start picking up different hobbies maybe you start hanging out in different areas maybe you start hanging out with different people um and i feel like that is the most respectful way for you to be like i'm just gonna distance myself from these people without creating drama without being like fuck y'all i don't want to hang out with you anymore because like that's not fun to say or hear and we don't need to create extra drama within our lives so sometimes it's nice to just be like i'm just going to devote my time to other things that maybe these people aren't involved in um and yeah I feel like both ways are a very healthy respectful way to

create distance and move on with your life in a healthy way hi Anna my name is Jasmine I have called in before and you have responded and I just want to say love you again love the pod but I I wanted to call in and say that I am doing a essay in my English class about smoking culture. I'm in college. It's my second semester. And we are supposed to provide, like, evidence, whatever, about the smoking culture and, like, primary sources. So I was wondering if you could give a few words or just, like, a little ramble about what smoking means to you, what the smoking culture is. how it's beneficial, how it's detrimental, the goods, the bads, the everything. Um, I know you've

got a story for it all, but yeah, it would be so helpful. And I would love to include a direct quote from you in my essay. I love you so much. I hope you have a wonderful day. Bye. Not me being a direct source. Okay. Um, smoking culture. Hmm. So to me, I feel like people think smoking culture and like any culture based around drugs alcohol partying there can be negatives to it of course like all things but specifically with this podcast and you know the things that i'm doing here i'm really trying to emphasize the idea of community um and i think you can find a lot of community in the theoretical smoking culture the idea that you know we're all sitting together in a circle hanging out sharing one item sharing our thoughts sharing our deepest darkest

secrets and sure it can be based around smoking but i don't think you have to be smoking to be a part of it like the smoke sesh this podcast the sesh for the girlies you do not have to smoke weed in order to feel like you're a part of this to feel like you can belong here this is a space for everybody and that has been my one main goal and i feel like smoking culture is a fantastic kind of way of including everybody and building a community and especially building a community off of a substance that is going to provoke honesty and a little bit of anxiety and um a little bit of creativity it's going to bring out different sides of you that you maybe wouldn't share different ideas that you maybe wouldn't share it's going to bring out all kinds of people um

not just one type of person will join the smoke sesh it'll be every kind of person from every different walk of life which i think is beautiful um but yeah i really think it's all about community and community is so fucking important whether the community you build for yourself or a community you join having it in your life will make a complete and utter shift happen in a positive way we can't go through life alone although we talk about like oh you have to be your own best friend you have to be okay being alone yes but we are not creatures that are meant to exist alone we're meant to chat and gossip and you know learn from each other and share our life experiences and if we can do that through a smoke sesh then what's fucking better than that you know

what i mean um and that is really the part of smoking culture that i really really lean into and try to emphasize and try and include throughout my life like anybody can hit my blunt i love you guys i want to share myself with you because i hope you guys will share yourself with me um and i feel like the physical representation of that is like sharing a little j together you know what i mean but also like once again you don't have to smoke to be a part of it now there is a toxic side of smoking culture that i feel like comes from a masculine side um where it's like gatekeepy men like to pretend they know more about you or they have to mansplain it to you or you are you can't smoke enough so you can't hang and that's no fun that's not community that's not

building each other up that's not a part that i really subscribe to or really entertain in any sort of sense um i really really am trying to focus on the community the uplifting and the sharing aspect that is missing so much in our society especially like understanding like allowing people to be open and vent and say what's on their mind and admit mistakes and still know that they're worthy of love and worthy of being a part of a group um and a group who understands them as well so that's what the smoke sesh means to me or what smoking culture means to me and that's really what i am trying to draw out of it especially with this podcast someone asked how to be alone but not lonely i've said it once and i'll say it again you have to be your own best

friend you have to be your own best friend literally if i could pick up a brick and knock you guys over the head with it and but like metaphorically it's just with one sentence it's just you have to be your own best friend like literally like i had to do that to myself uh growing up just like whacking my head over or whacking myself over the head with like the metaphorical you have to be your own best friend brick because if you rely on other people to fill space for you you're constantly going to feel alone when you are alone and if you don't have a good relationship with yourself you are constantly going to feel alone when you are alone so practice being alone that's literally all you have to do there's nothing better than

when i was like 13 and my parents would finally go to sleep like 10 o'clock at night and i would like be quietly like sitting on my phone or whatever and then finally i feel like everybody's gone the world is gone the world is asleep but I'm awake and I'm the only person awake and existing right here right now and the world is so completely open to me even though I was 13 confined to the you know space of my bedroom I still felt like I was like a world traveler I was existing within myself I was doing art I was listening to music I was watching movies I was crying I was laughing I was doing so many different things um and I lost a lot of that part of myself that like co-existing part of myself when I entered a really really deep dark place within my life

I felt like I didn't have a good connection with myself I felt like I had hated on myself so much that connecting with myself was very difficult because I was so used up used to living in a space where I felt negatively about myself so it really just took time of me being intentional about forcing myself to be alone and that sounds really scary because the word alone has a lot of negative connotations it makes you feel like you have nothing you have no friends you have no lover you have no no items around you no worldly possessions but at the end of the day that is how we exist that is who we are we came into this world alone we are going to die alone so instead of feeling so negative and overwhelmed and anxious about that you can start

feeling positively about that if you start working on your relationship with yourself you have to be your own best friend and you have to practice it you have to a be brave enough to allow yourself to be alone b be brave enough to explore yourself and explore your ideas and be honest with yourself and be honest with your thoughts and your thought patterns and your beliefs and your morals and your hopes and your dreams and see you have to enact those. So it's standing up for yourself when you have thought about those boundaries and you know where you stand. It's trying that class you've been wanting to try for the past eight months. It's going to that new restaurant that you've been too afraid to try by yourself. It's allowing yourself to walk down the street to a local park

and listen to your favorite music it's allowing yourself to dance alone in your bedroom and exist by yourself it's practicing and thinking and enacting that's how you become your own best friend and i wish there was like a specific guide i could give you guys i wish there were specific things i could tell you to do but it really is up to you guys and how you feel about the world around you and the things that interest you and the things that you're drawn to um but listening to those things and diving into them and honoring them in a sense is the ultimate best way for you to become your own best friend and in turn you will never ever be alone as long as you have yourself you will never be alone and that's something that I've kind of come to a conclusion

recently within my life is I've sat around a lot of my life waiting for somebody to show up to magically create this beautiful life for myself, to magically sweep me off my feet and take me to a faraway land, to come into my life and complete my world. When in reality, I now am sitting in the world that I have dreamed for myself since a young age. And do you know who got me here? No, it wasn't my best friend. No, it wasn't my lover. No, it wasn't some beautiful prince charming. it was me I got myself here you can give yourself everything that you have ever hoped and dreamed and possibly wanted if you stop waiting around for someone else to do it and start looking inward and asking yourself truly what you want becoming your own best friend honoring yourself having some

fun with yourself you're allowed to have fun okay celebrating yourself all very important things but all of those will really add up to allowing yourself to exist alone and have fun alone now like I value my alone time so much like I would rather be alone than be outside because I get myself and I know myself and I feel so comfortable within myself and I've created a world for myself that's so beautiful and amazing and it's like why would I give that up for anything else which is now a new issue that I'm kind of working on but I'm glad I've gotten to the point where it's like no me and myself are coexisting and having a fantastic fucking time okay stop waiting around start working on yourself start loving yourself

someone said just got ghosted and then 100 emoji yeah listen if they are so mentally immature that they deal with their problems by blocking them and running away from them consider it a bullet dodged okay consider it them doing the hard work that you were probably gonna have to do deeper on into the relationship after being fully invested like if they're ghosting and running away bitch do you really want them around like let's be fucking real do you really want them around like if that's the way they handle emotional intimacy could you imagine like 10 years down the line you're like at your wedding on the podium like about to get married your friends and family are all sitting around you and like they don't show up like could you

imagine so you dodged a bullet you really did you need someone who's going to enthusiastically show up to that wedding with tears streaming down their face okay in a beautiful gown or tux however you swing but being ghosted sucks yes consider it them ripping the band-aid off for you um and then also reprioritize and let's focus on people who are not ghosting you um because i feel like after people do that you also get like sucked into it and you're like well what did i do it's me it's me it has to be me it's not you it really is not you okay it's them and their baggage that they can't figure out um and now they have a bad coping mechanism such as ghosting people so dodged a bullet love you you will find someone enthusiastically in love with

you I promise baby I promise oh my god also this weekend talk about chaos I forgot to update you guys my mom went out of town for like my cousin's graduation from college or something and like listen earning your parents approval is really hard it's really hard no matter what you do like it's a little difficult um and my parents don't really understand the realm of social media like i'm like yeah i talk to people online and they're like okay we're a little nervous for you and i'm like no no not like that like good positive energy parents trust me and they trust me so they don't really look into it deeply because they know i do like internet girl shit and they don't want to hear me talking about like sex and drugs so they're like you do your thing

we'll trust you that's about it also i have them blocked on all my social media just because for their own sanity you know um and so this weekend since I didn't go into a traditional route of college and stuff um it's hard for my parents to really grasp or understand how I'm even succeeding because I didn't take a traditional route so my mom was texting me she's like hey what did what did this one friend of yours do and I was like oh yeah she works for the government in DC and she was like oh what did this other friend of yours do as well I was like oh yeah she works for John Hopkins I see you like big girl jobs and then just like dead air for like four hours and then she texts me and she goes I just met one of your fans and I was like

who found my mom who found my mom and who is like who found my mom like that is hilarious anyway it was a perfect synchronicity synchronicity of events of being like so your friends of ball are here and your friends of ball are here dot dot what are you doing and then she was like oh no you're doing something because someone found me and introduced themselves to me so whoever you were shout out love you um hope you were nice to my mom hope you didn't scare her but she's a very lovey-dovey queen love her fantastic uh thank you for repping me and showing my parents that yes I am doing something with my life like I promise I promise mom and dad I'm not just a burnout okay hi Hannah I love you so much like so much love you in the pod and everybody

here um i just needed your i want to know your opinion on like not long distance relationships but like short distance relationships that are just like annoying like my this girl i'm talking to she's my ex but that's a long story she lives 45 minutes away and i live in like this college town we both have cars she lives with her parents i live alone and so i'm like makes more sense for you to come to me most of the time but I get that that's difficult so we can be halfway and hang out or like like I don't know if we're not able if I'm not able to see her the relationship is not gonna work I'm simply not a distance person oh there she is she just snapchatted me damn um yeah I love you thank you so much babe not the ex not the ex not the ex not the ex if you are

exes right now and you're already having issues of trying to figure out how the fuck you guys are supposed to hang out girl you gotta move on you gotta move on you do you do okay now if you're in a healthy relationship long-term new curious you know and you live about 30 45 minutes apart best thing for both of you is just to rotate so you spend the night there every once in a while she spends a night at yours every once in a while like back and forth give and take that's how relationships are you give a little they get give a little or you got to find compromise either like she's gonna drive to you and then like you'll buy dinner or you'll drive to her and then she'll buy dinner or she'll provide the weed or whatever you know whatever it may be whatever you know

but there has to be give and take in some sort of sense um and if you don't want to drive over there and it makes more sense for you to be where you are maybe that's the universe setting up distance for you guys to just not be together because you're exes love you oh my gosh someone said it's their birthday today happy fucking birthday they said advice for being 23 oh so i'm currently 23 about to turn 24 and i'll do a whole rundown of what i've learned in this past year but 23 is technically your prophetic year which is kind of like it's like the last year in the zodiac before you kind of restart and you have a rebirth in your 24th year and 23 to me really was just me sitting down and kind of flowing through life very seamlessly but not

taking any major major direct steps and really just looking around and asking myself like am I happy here what do I want in my future and how do I make that happen that is really all I've been spending this year doing and it has been fantastic I'm the kind of person who loves to stop and plan and really think things out so really spending this year to be like allowing myself to dream and allowing myself to look forward and also taking this year to cut out all the bullshit and be like i'm not putting up with this low effort energy anymore whether it's for myself or other people and we need to step this up and i need to focus on my health and i need to focus on my skin and i focus on myself and i need to focus on my business growth it really was a step up for

me that really kind of pushed me into like all right now we're stepping into adulthood because your early 20s is just like another weird kind of teenage year in a sense um but then once you turn like 23 24 that's when you really start stepping into adulthood so get excited look forward keep pushing don't let the world get you down and also understand that nobody at this age has it figured out okay nobody the only person who can discover how to figure out is you and the only person who can take those steps to figure it out is also you so i love you happy fucking birthday you're gonna have a fantastic year i pinky promise someone said being on the beach with my boobs and booty out would fix everything re-fucking-tweet holy shit like yes absolutely it it would and

you were so very right and that's why i remember talking about 23 and really spending your year flowing through things and asking yourself what you want is last year I knew I wasn't in a place that I wanted to be whether it was mentally physically whatever it was I knew I needed to step things up and so I set a goal that on I started thinking about all those things like on my 23rd birthday like little mini panic attack reevaluating things um unnecessary but i set goals for myself and i said next year on my birthday i want to be in mexico on the beach margarita in hand eating as many tacos as i possibly can just like running around living my best life and guess what i'm gonna be fucking doing for my birthday boobs booty out on the beach

margaritas tacos endless gonna be fucking fantastic can't fucking wait and another reason to just say you can do anything you put your mind to someone said they're getting their iud and they're scared felt a little iud update since the beginning of the year um that was a major major step that i had to get over slash through is my iud it was i was running out of time okay they only last a certain amount of time and the one i had was only like three years and i was over three years okay but the pain from the first one and not understanding what it was gonna bring made me really really fearful for the second one um and so i try to be really open and honest about the pain and how it is and like yes it's a procedure that's gonna hurt i don't want to ever

lie to you guys and be like no it's gonna be fine because that's my first doctor did and i was severely underprepared and that's why I had a bad experience because I couldn't you know really vouch for myself or really say what I wanted because I didn't have a full grasp on what was going to happen and so I got a new doctor very helpful doctor who listened to me who offered me every possible solution was like do you want to be put under sedation do you want this pain thing do you want this pain control thing she gave me every option which made me feel very very comfortable also i was very open with her about how nervous i was i was very honest with my anxiety and the things going on um and my second time it went smoothly yes it hurt but it

was over in about five fucking seconds like she was in and out of me as fast as she possibly fucking could like you know when you're watching like nascar and they're changing the tires on the car and it's like you blink and they're done that's how it was it's a painful procedure but if you have somebody who works with you and allows yourself to vouch for yourself that's very very important because it heightens comfortability which is going to calm you down um she offered to prescribe me like a xanax or whatever but i ended up not doing that um just had her spray no shot but spray some like a numbing spray on my cervix which I also think helps a lot and what am I like four months in on my new IUD I have the Mirena IUD which lasts

up to eight years I will be 33 when it is completely out of warranty or whatever um and I've had no issues my period is way lighter than with my other one I haven't had like the long-term bleeding that my first one caused me I feel like I've had a little bit of hormonal flare-ups here and there as my body adjusts but I like to give it a full year before I make a judgment on it because with hormones especially your body's gonna take time to adjust it's a little bigger so I do feel like i can feel it more often um but nothing painful i can still have deep raw crazy fucking sex and still be having a grand old time the one thing i could tell you guys is though uh if you have an iud of course there's something up inside your uterus so if you're having sex and you can

feel it like you feel like there's just too much pressure just switch positions your cervix will change direction based on where you are in your cycle like if you stick some fingers up there and you feel around you'll feel your cervix feels like a little tiny donut um and then you wait like a week and then you feel again which i have to feel quite often because you want to feel for your strings to make sure they're still there um if you feel again you'll notice it'll be kind of harder to find because it won't be in the same position this is totally normal it's a part of human anatomy holy fuck we as humans are so complex it's so interesting especially women um and so depending on where your cervix is sitting it might feel a little bit more pressure

depending on what position you're in so all i can say is number one tip for iud girlies is just if you can feel like it's too much pressure just change the positions like if cowgirl is not the thing flip around you know and then that other direction will probably feel a little bit better um but with this one specifically i need a little bit more time um but it went way smoother and i've been loving it so i really hope yours goes well i hope your doctor is nice and kind to you um but yeah i have like a full iud story back back back like around january on this podcast if you are really interested dude let me tell a fucking crazy story about my past couple days because i have been going through it so positives is like i've literally fallen in love with my boyfriend

um i've gone on like a spontaneous trip i'm like 19 kind of just fucking around but i go to school but just finished it and on break now and like we went to a trip to death valley in like nevada and then got back and like both spontaneously just decided out of nowhere like okay let's go to san francisco um because he was like leaving because he lives internationally like he's from a different country but like he's going to visit his family for a couple for like a month um and we were trying to share some moments together by taking another trip literally second day in san Francisco I crashed my car and have had to get it fixed um my parents are fucking mad help me fucking cope okay honestly I love it that's what being young is all about it's about

running away to San Francisco with your boyfriend before he leaves to go spend one love-filled evening or afternoon or weekend with him you know that is really really really what it's about and listen we all make mistakes like bitch i've crashed my car before too it's okay the least you can really do is be like thank you for being here for me like to your parents just like thank them tell them you're sorry for putting them through stress and then try and like make it up to them the best you can whether it's like i'll pay you back or you know i'll cook dinners for the house for the next however many weeks you know tell them thank you for helping you because it is stressful to be a parent and then also tell them how much fucking fun you're having you know

tell them how wild and crazy not like all the wild and crazy stuff it is but tell them how much joy you are receiving from life and i feel like they will hear that and see that and realize the stress is worth it but i love this spontaneity amazing fantastic it is fun to you know have these romantic getaways with people and to give into those feelings fully and I love that you are being kind of thoughtful about it you know you can be spontaneous and make bad decisions and you can be spontaneous and make good decisions it's really a 50-50 chance whether they're going to turn out good or bad it's really just what you take from them afterwards um so like if you have a if you make a bad spontaneous decision just be like wow you know that didn't really go well but I'm going

learn and i'm not gonna do that again if it did go well then be like you know what i had a fucking blast and now i got stories to tell for the rest of my life and um you know i'm gonna tell my daughter one day about this and we're gonna have a little laugh and share in the experience of what it's like to be in love but that sounds like a blast sorry you you know crash your car try and make it up to your parents as best you can you know apologize and but you'll get it figured out you know you will i pinky promise um after my huge car accident i was like how the fuck am i ever gonna pull myself together and here i am doing better than i honestly ever have so you'll get through it you will um careful about decisions you make for boys you're having fun

fantastic love filled fantastic but also don't let men drag you to weird scary places just a psa for everybody i know that probably didn't happen to you but just in general i have made a lot of spontaneous decisions that went bad that were for men that i literally shouldn't have made whatsoever so ask yourself am i doing this for me and if the answer is yes it's probably going to turn out pretty well for you someone asked for more sensitive girly tips love you in the pod i listen to you before going to sleep oh i help you go to sleep that is really precious um glad i can be there for you so i am a sensitive girly stamped certified sensitive girly like my boyfriend was telling me a horror story about a rabbit yesterday and i was like why the fuck would you tell me

every fucking detail like are you kidding me you know i'm sensitive like shut up little rude but like listen when it comes to being sensitive i understand that it is not a curse anymore i used to think it's a curse because I was sensitive to everything every single fucking thing it would cause me to either go into like a heightened spiral of happiness or a lower spiral of sadness like if someone looked at me wrong if I said something wrong if a bird flew into my window whatever it may be like whatever little thing is going on it would freak me out so the one tip I can really give to my sensitive girlies who want to still be sensitive and not close off to the world and still feel things so deeply as you do because that is a gift and you shouldn't want to

give that up is to pick and choose your battles sensitivity is a gift yes but you have to know when to use it if you're wasting that precious energy and that precious care over something small that you literally can't do anything about then what's the point okay think of it as a superpower and you have to use that superpower for what is truly and honestly necessary or else you're going to end up wasting it on things that are unnecessary and the necessary parts get lost so focus on what is really necessary about using that sensitive emotion are you refusing to feel an emotion and you really need to lean into it and feel it fully cool then let's lean into that and let our sensitivity ride that do you you know have a emotional thing that you have been trying

to put off um and you really haven't been devoting time to it but you really need to feel it in order to let it go then feel that fully are you in a beautiful moment that you are sharing with a loved one that usually you would take for granted because you are so sensitive to everything around you that you aren't focusing on the really good things cool then let's take a moment to stop and really focus and take this moment instead of taking it for granted there are things that you devote your time to and there are things you do not devote your time to if you devote your time to all the unnecessary things you are going to get lost in this life and the one thing you got to do is make sure you're on track so if that co-worker is giving you attitude and it's really getting to

you stop yourself and be like that bitch don't matter okay what does matter me my money and making it home so let's focus on that all right let's move forward also if you are a sensitive person um don't close yourself off to the world allow yourself to feel things yes allow yourself to have those cries yes um but don't fully close yourself off to the world and think that's going to solve all your issues it's not it's just going to build up and build up and build up and you're going to come to a head and it's going to be a real mess so allow yourself to feel those emotions but also allow yourself to let them go and also find out when is the right time to use those emotions to use that superpower those are the best tips i can really give any of my sensitive girlies

someone asked me why i don't believe in god loaded question here's the thing i don't subscribe to religions where i have to worship a male number one number two i do believe in a god i believe we are all interconnected i believe there is a mysterious force at work but I don't believe in like Christianity God I believe in God in a sense of you can feel God when you are in a concert and everybody's vibing on the same level like I feel God I feel God when I'm in nature and I'm feeling the wind blow across my face and listening to the trees rattle like call it the universe call it God call it whatever I'm not an atheist in the sense of like i don't believe in anything um i believe there is a mysterious force

of nature working call it nature called the universe call it whatever um i do believe in that i do not prescribe to christianity number three how do i know this um so when i was going through my very very very very very serious depression hole um believe it or not i used to be a um i used to be like a youth group kid my parents make me go to youth group like every tuesday and thursday um just to probably get me out of the house um and i never really fully kind of fed into it i just was there to really hang into hang out with my friends um but after i went through that whole deep dark phase in my life and tried to myself um they were like my youth group leader asked me to like come and talk to everybody about what that was like for me

and how to seek help and like omg hannah's first public speaking meetup oh my god smoke sesh's first meetup and i remember sitting there and talking about everything i went through and how i found help and to seek help if you're truly feeling these things and how hard they are to go through and after I got done with this big whole long you know heartfelt message at like 16 very vulnerable not only in front of like my friends but also like adults who worked with us an adult raised their hand and I was like yeah and they were like so how did God help you through this and I literally sat there and I was like yeah no he didn't and at that realization point where they asked me like how did god help you through this and i realized like no no my ass

pulled myself up and helped myself through this i was like okay yeah no we're good i'm good with christianity i'm i'm done but here's the thing if religion helps you see the world in a more positive light helps you approach people in a more positive way helps you you know combat the fear of death in a healthy way then like love it fantastic amazing cool i hate religions that are like fear based hate based which a lot of them are becoming nowadays which i just simply cannot handle um but like i have no problem with religion if it's like a very positive uplifting um you know a golden rule type of religion where it's like i treat you well so you treat me well and we get along because of that but no i don't prescribe to christianity i do believe there is a

mysterious hand at play call it the universe call it god call it whatever you want but i do believe in that oh my god someone said the vibe is posting mr beast onto my story because your girl is a broke bitch me watching the very minimal men i follow post mr beast on their story and me being like so you say you're making waves you say you're making money but we're posting Mr. Beast so which one is it because it cannot be both it can't be both if you're broke you gotta own that shit be like yes Mr. Beast please please please please give me the money instead of like a slight little slight little post you know casually no I'd be begging for that shit you know anyways shout out him I guess hi Hannah so first of all I love listening your pod you really inspire me to

live life for me and be authentic to myself so thank you for that my question is just related to alcohol so I've been on probation for like six months now for getting pulled over with weed in my car and basically if I do this program they um they wipe it off my record but part of it required that I didn't drink alcohol too either so it wasn't just weed so now that I haven't drank for like six months um I'm gonna be done in a few days and my friends are starting to like invite me out again for drinking and social type events and they're super excited for me to go out and drink with them again but I feel like probation really gave me the excuse I needed to like back off drinking and you know I'm kind of wanting to more limit starting again so do you have any

advice for that and like how to handle like still hanging out with friends and going out with them where everyone is drinking or how to handle like invites out drinking thank you so much okay probation slay um i i mean the program worked obviously it really showed you like what's important what is not important and what to devote your time to um so that's good i'm glad you learned and i'm glad you realize like what is worth spending your time over um and if you don't think drinking and partying is really worth spending your time over it's okay to say no it's okay to not have the same interests um if your friends are going out partying drinking getting really fucked up and like you don't want to be there you are allowed to say no you know and your

friends are going to take that negatively um they shouldn't i have had friends where i'm like yeah i'm just not in the mood and they're like okay cool catch you next time that's a good friend and then i've had friends where i'm like hey i got other shit going on i really can't go party with you guys and they're like Hannah's just not the same like I don't like being around her anymore she's too you know straight edge or whatever and it's like if you can't handle me at my wild party girl and my sober phase then you're just not my friend um and if they are gonna hold that against you or try and peer pressure you in any sort of way then maybe you need to rethink about those friendships and if they truly are you know good for you I feel like

there's no issue with saying no or no issue with you being like yeah i'll go out for one drink and then go home um but just listening to your body and being honest with it instead of being like yeah it's over let's go fucking crazy you know what i mean if you feel like it's done a lot a lot of good for you just being sober then lean into it and maybe you want to embrace that lifestyle but i think the best thing you can really do for your friends for your social life and for your social circle is to think about how you feel um whether it's in the moment before or long-term ideas and then be honest about how you feel with the people around you so if you are wanting to stay sober not want to drink a lot tell your friends that if they're good friends they'll

support you and they'll try and keep you on track if they're bad friends they'll shut you down try to push you into a path that's not good for you um and then depending on how they behave is really just indicative of how you are going to handle that friendship from now on do i need to distance myself or are they good friends and we can still hanging out we can still hang out during this period period in my life anyways hope that helps love a sober queen you don't have to smoke or drink to be here once again love you all just the same someone asked if i've ever stolen or shoplifted yeah uh yeah you know that one friend that you're like anxious to take anywhere with them because you know they're probably gonna come you're like gonna leave them all and you're gonna

go out to the car and they're gonna pull their purse out and then be like look at everything i got yeah that was me from the ages of like 13 to 17 i had no concept of getting in trouble it was way too easy i didn't really give a fuck and i never really got caught so i just kept doing it you know what i mean like sephora i think i've stolen like ten thousand dollars of stuff from them like not recently when i was underage you can't charge me for that police if you're listening but like definitely stole way too much way way too much don't recommend it do i have any of those items that i stole for free well just stole no i don't did any of those bring any inherent positive qualities into my life no they definitely did not um did i just need you know a thrill

something to chase after yeah and that stopped really quickly when i was in college it was like maybe 19 like 18 19 and we went to target and i've told this story before but i was walking around Target and I was like you know I need some new underwear underwear is easy to steal you just go over rip the tags off throw them in your purse so while my friends were out doing something else like grabbing groceries or whatever I went to the underwear aisle I grabbed like five pairs or like three pairs whatever and ripped the tags off threw them in my pocket walk back found my friends we're walking around Target and there's this like security officer who like walked really fast past us and I was like okay whatever we keep walking we keep walking we start heading towards

the checkout line and the security officer starts following us walking pretty quickly behind us um and as we approach the checkout line he's like standing behind us and it's my turn to check out so i go to the uh you know self-help kiosk and i go to swipe my like one eyeliner um and he walks up right behind me and he whispers in my ear nice and sweetly he goes are you gonna pay for what's in your pocket yeah yeah somehow my brain did a full like 360 moment and I remembered that it was like buy five get three I don't know some fucking deal like that so my ass looks at him and I go yeah but can I um get a few more so then I get the like buy five get get it for 20 deal or whatever and he looked at me dumbfounded like what are you talking about like I think he thought that

he was gonna like catch me catch me and my ass was like no I'll pay for these but also like I want the discount so I went back quickly to the underwear aisle threw the ones that I ripped the tag off just down grabbed five random ones and went back and checked out with them and he watched me do that and then watched me leave and that was the most terrifying experience I've ever had in my entire life and at this point i've realized the stress is absolutely not worth it having to call my parents and say i have shoplifted and you need to pick me up from jail is not worth it i would literally rather pay the 15 or whatever the fuck it is to not have to go through that experience ever so take it from me you it's not worth it it really is not like just pay for it

or pick it up and put it down but you having to go talk to a grown adult who's like yeah you're stealing and you know you have the money it's like oh this is so this is really not worth it it is so uncomfortable and then everybody in line was like staring at me and i'm like oh and my friends are like oh my god because they didn't realize i was doing it so they're checking out and they're like why is the security officer talking to her oh my god hot mess hot hot fucking mess i would literally rather pay for it than have to ever deal with being confronted like that ever again someone asked uh how to deal with a guy too immature for a relationship slash completely inexperienced you know what you do you run you run as far as you fucking can okay

you're not a mom you're not a mother you do not need to baby grown men and yes if they're between the ages of 18 and 30 they're a grown man like they should be getting it figured out on their own think about us us as women we are expected to have it all figured out to appear perfect to behave perfect to be the perfect partner we're raised from a young age to be that so when we enter relationships men don't have to ask us for a lot of fucking things they really don't you know how to give love you know how to receive love you know how to show people you care you give yourself wholeheartedly well some of us of course every every circumstance is different but for the majority of the time we do not need coaching so when you encounter a man who

doesn't know how to fucking behave let him be a hot mess away from you because there are men who are raised right who have the right intentions who have it figured out who are out there who want to love you okay you don't need a child you don't need a child and if you do want a child have an actual fucking baby okay don't have a grown man as a baby so if you are encountering a man who is like i don't know i just i don't know i don't know what i want to do i don't know how to love you i don't i just don't get it bitch pack your shit and run as far as you can that's the only advice i can really give you someone said weed triggers my depression but i still want a way to relax slash release tips that's not exercise you guys heard my exercise rant last time

and are like no please don't tell us to run oh my god which i hear you okay cbd cbd cbd if you are a substance queen like me you need a little something to get by um listen i hear you i understand you and it's okay but if you're a substance queen you have to pick and choose what are the best substances for you some people become alcoholics some people become you know meth heads some people you know become substance abuses abuse abusers what's the word uh anyway for love for affection some people get addicted to you know anything it can literally be anything but if you find yourself gravitating towards weed and you like the effects of weed but you feel like it's a little too heavy or a little too much a little too psychoactive

cbd is your best friend paz packs specifically fantastic cbd you guys already know i have to always promote them because i love them so much i utilize them every single fucking day of my life like love them love them especially as a substance queen myself um and one who loves to supplement I love weed but I also know when is the right time to use it and when it's not the right time to use it and I understand me smoking all day is not productive whatsoever so I love supplementing with CBD when I'm in a moment where I'm like you know I would like to uh you know consume but I want to do this in a mindful way and I know I don't want to get high high and ruin the rest of my day I'm just going to eat a little CBD gummy or I'm going to go on a little smoke break with my

little CBD pre-roll how fantastic love them you can use code smoke sesh for 10% off but I find that it's more of a body relaxation instead of a psychoactive effect so you get a little bit of a psychoactive effect nothing crazy just like kind of like a warmth um and then your body is very very relaxed very chill energy very much like flowing with life which is what i like to tap into i don't need to like knock myself off my fucking feet and get that high all the time um i like to just like dabble and touch here and there you know so cbd might be a really great option for you once again pass packs code smoke sesh for 10 off anything on the website love you hey Hannah this is Ava calling in from hella high in my hot tub and I just started to get

thinking you know how you do when you just go down that path and I feel like I've gotten to a really good point in my life like listening to you and actually taking care of myself has like improved my life so much but I just like don't know where to go over here and I have plans in the future but like I'm just like waiting for them and I just really want and I just need advice on like what I should do right now you know anyway I love you so much and thank you so much okay hi in a hot tub wish I was you right now oh my god um so I don't think there's anything you need to do and I know that is kind of stressful especially as like I don't know if you're like me but it's like I'm kind of like a go go go kind of person like I need to be doing something there's

something I can be doing now but when you're in a moment where you feel like like I feel like there's highs like high high peaks like oh my god this big long-term thing is coming to fruition like oh I'm going on a trip that I've been planning for a year or I'm graduating or I'm moving, whatever it may be. I feel like there's peaks. And then there's not lows, but there are just plateaus, like flat lines. And those are the time where you're planning, you're dreaming, and you are looking around you and asking yourself, am I where I want to be? what else can I be doing and what do I need to continue and also celebrating the things you have achieved plateaus are a moment for you to stop and breathe and rest and relax and you can't fight

that okay there's gonna be times where you're working working working working and there's gonna be times where you're chill relax I have a moment to breathe and instead of trying to fight the natural stage of progression that you are on in life give into it a little bit so keep getting high in your hot tub babe it sounds like you're already you know doing the damn thing i know you're waiting for big things to come but maybe you can look five years from now maybe you can look 10 years from now ask yourself where you want to be ask yourself if you are happy where you are now and what can you add to it and what should you take away and all that jazz but i think you're on a plateau and you're coming up to a big big peak in life so allow yourself to just

relax focus on self-care focus on letting yourself rest a little bit and then when that peak comes you'll have a lot of fun you'll put a lot of energy into it and you'll have a lot of energy to put into it because you took time taking taking care of yourself and making sure that you rested and rejuvenated and you're ready to go but i love you someone asked how to stop caring about being awkward the thing is we as humans are all awkward we're all gonna be a little awkward we're all going to move a little weird we're all gonna mess up our words we're all gonna say something stupid we're all gonna look a little silly um but that's the one thing you have in common with every single other person on the earth imagine the hottest person that you know whether in real life or

online imagine them standing in front of you okay that person is not a perfect person existing inside a bubble that person is a person and I guarantee if you guys were standing in the same room right now you know what you would be thinking about how you're behaving and you know what they're thinking about how they are behaving everybody is solely focused on themselves and I know it sounds selfish I know it sounds like kind of a little demeaning I know it sounds like a little sad but we are all living our own experiences and everybody is way too fucking focused on themselves so when you are doing that weird awkward thing or you accidentally mess up your words the best thing you can really do is just laugh it off and move forward because i

guarantee no one else caught you but yourself i think about this a lot especially in the regards to i used to be very very terrified of public speaking like you know in high school when they make you like give a quick two-minute presentation in front of the class like some people had an easier time with it but me a girly who lives inside my head constantly in this fantasy world I've created and overthinks about every single aspect of myself considering like oh my god my fingernails are too long or I'm breathing too hard or my heart is beating too fast like girl chill I would be going through panic attacks thinking about oh my god I have to go stand in front of these people and give a presentation and i'm gonna remember this forever and i'm gonna

fuck up and everybody else is gonna remember this forever do you know how many presentations i can actually remember none not one do you know how many presentations other people gave that i can remember absolutely none none none so all of that overthinking and all of that pressure and me hyping myself up into a panic attack state was not worth it so when you find yourself in these thought loops you have to break yourself out of them and the best way you can really do that for me personally is to have a mantra or have an affirmation for me it's telling myself that nobody else is thinking about me but me okay and then also putting these things into practice you sitting in your room and being like nobody else is thinking about me but me and then like

but you're alone and you're not actually practicing it yeah that's really easy to get through and move through but for me personally the one way that I really learned to kind of let myself be who I am and to be free and to be a little crazy and wild in public and a little embarrassing and awkward and not really give a fuck is I started going to raves a lot of you guys are like first rave what do I what should I wear rave tips I love raves because they really help me come out of my box every single person there is so weird and like weird in the best possible way like I love weird people but they are so sorry the hiccups right now but they're so weird and they own that weirdness and I realize there's a power in that there is a power in knowing you

are a weird fucking bitch and you're a little awkward and you're a little messy but like who gives a fuck and you if you're looking at me and judging me for that you got some serious issues going on within yourself that you haven't accepted and you're trying to project them onto me and i'm not gonna let you do that because i'm comfortable within myself so i'm gonna move back into my space where i'm having a good time and i'm gonna let you exist in that space where you're miserable period point blank raves really taught me especially just surrounding myself with people who are weird and they own who they are and didn't let other people control their perception of themselves and really didn't put a lot of thought into you know not who they are but like how they're

behaving they were really just like one with themselves really taught me a lot so who you pick as friends is very important if you find a friend who's like very self-loathing very like negative very harsh very critical i find myself picking up on those things and i will have to tell those people like hey i gotta distance myself because i'm picking up on everything you're putting out here um and if you surround yourself with people who are kind of like something you look up to or want to be around you will find yourself picking up on those traits that you look up to them for that you admire them for and I think there's some something beautiful in that so practice it get out there be a little awkward be a little weird own it don't let other

people's perception of you change your perception of yourself okay and understand you honestly are the only one overthinking who you are and what you're doing so if you remove that if you stop that if you you know practice the overthinking and practice um you know making sure you are not hyper analyzing every single little thing about you I guarantee your life will get better because it's not like people are telling you you're weird or shit maybe they are but usually people aren't coming up to you in the middle of public and being like you fucking weirdo like usually it's just me to myself in my head so I really had to tell myself to stop being a bully and stop pressuring myself into behaving a certain way and just letting myself exist the best thing you can

really do for yourself is let yourself exist and be and be your true self I love you hi Hannah I um I'm at the park right now and it's beautiful and sunny and I was just lying here and I saw two dragonflies like flying through the air while having sex with each other and they were just like soaring through this beautiful luscious green day in the sunshine having sex in the air and I just thought that was so beautiful and I thought to myself like that is the energy that I want to embody for like the summer season so yeah and I just kind of wanted to share that because I just i just think that's like a great thing to strive for and embody um just imagine like being a dragonfly having sex in the midair in the sunshine beautiful anyways that's all i love you i feel

like this is the perfect ending spot no i know ending no please hannah i don't want you to end this i get it i hear you but also like how fucking beautiful and what a perfect like image for us all to sit with until next week and really ponder over a lot of you guys were asking like what am i supposed to be doing this summer like what is your to-do list for the summer and like honestly i think it's like the dragonflies just lots of good sex lots of sunshine lots of greenery lots of nature and lots of free flowing but also like flying that's the kind of vibe that i'm really leaning into into like relaxation peace euphoria energy like one with nature kind of energy um and i'm really gonna try and hone into that this summer so thank you for sharing that i've been

loving the collins recently there was a lot this episode but i love hearing your guys's voice i love chatting with you guys i love making it more of a conversation i want to someday figure out how to like have you guys actually call in and then like voice chit chat with you like you know how therapy gecko will like have people call in and they'll just it's like a q a but also like they just tell them what's on their mind and then they chit chat through it i would love to do that with you guys but unfortunately i'm not very tech savvy so i have yet to figure that out but one day i guarantee i want to make this like the most connected very interactive podcast that i can make it and also I'm moving into my new space right now which I'm so fucking excited about

because I'm gonna have a beautiful little podcast recording studio I'll be able to make video episodes um and either upload those on YouTube or on Spotify podcasters either way I want to be able to connect visually with you guys I'm already doing that on Patreon so if you want to join there go ahead but I love you all and I want to keep giving giving giving to you because you guys keep giving giving giving to me and I want to honor that and I love that energy I love when it's like a collaborative energy we're like you guys are passionate and I'm passionate and we just want to dive in and do the most that we absolutely fucking can so that being said I love you all so very much be easy to yourself be kind to yourself forgive yourself if you need lift yourself up celebrate a

little get outside get outside no but hannah it's too hot no but hannah it's raining or whatever just when you have a moment if you're sitting inside you find yourself in the middle of scrolling scrolling scrolling you've spent four hours on tiktok you don't know what to do with your day remember this moment put your fucking shoes on walk out your front door and walk down your street that's literally all you have to do get in your car drive to a park go outside it will be much more fulfilling than anything else in this entire world connect connect with nature connect with yourself chit chat with yourself do some art do some meditation whatever it might be just get outside okay i love you all we'll chat very very soon um and yeah i will see you all next tuesday