Smoke Sesh - sleep over! confessionals, fantasies & being a bitch

Episode Date: August 11, 2026

hello hotties and welcome to the smoke sesh sleepover! we have a cozy comfy and fun episode today as we chat what I’ve been up to, grounding myself, psychics, therapy, talking it out, tarot readings, leaning into pleasure, recent realizations, Lana Del Rey summer, young & wild & free, being a bitch, head vs heart, following your heart, listening to your head, back to school, college success, tips and tricks, holy grail items, nostalgia, being thankful, show & tell, and confessionals! we spill our secrets as we chat engagements, breaking up, wrong person, following society, breaking the pattern, jealous of friends, moving away, freaky dreams, living a fantasy, small peen, size differences, four ways, challengers style love, festival mishaps, stealing, getting karma, vandalism, coworkers, cheating, and much much MUCH more!watch the vlogs on YouTube at hannahmarlene444join the patreon! new episodes (and more) at patreon.com/smokeseshshawtysubmit your questions and call ins every week on instagram.com/hannahmarlene

listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you could call me hannah the host of smoke sesh so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all hello hello hello smoke sash hotties and welcome to the smoke sash sleepover edition you guys sorry for the new if you're i mean a video watcher sorry for the new environment but I did take the time to go ahead and redo and revamp my apartment not my whole apartment let's be real my bedroom specifically that actually is a new vlog up now if you want to watch it on

youtube at hannahmarlene444 go check it out go give it a little love but I don't know I just I needed to switch up the energy I needed to switch up the feng shui I needed to kind of like vibe out a little bit it's like if I'm gonna be laying in bed for hours on end like let me at least catch a vibe and I mean I talk about this in the vlog but I feel like I really haven't had like a cozy comfortable relaxing bedroom since I was like a child because most of my 20s or like late teens were spent in dorms first apartments like obviously didn't have the funds or the wherewithal to you know really settle down and get cozy and comfy so I'm so glad I finally did if you are curious on what I did or the full scope of things you know go check that out in

the vlog but today we just have a little bit more of like a chill girly hangout yap sesh more so than usual although that is quite honestly our usual vibe um i really just wanted to kind of like get vulnerable and comfy and cozy and have a little laugh and a little giggle with you guys i've actually been quite busy recently i just got back from omaha i'm not even kidding like 15 minutes ago i just got out of the car i spent a couple days in omaha visiting my i know you're like nebraska bitch what the fuck what the fuck's in nebraska i went to go visit my brother's family my brother my sister-in-law my niece my nephew just spend some good old fashion family time with them and although it is absolutely and utterly exhausting it is always nice to see them family

can be tricky sometimes but it's nice when we can get together and it feels normal and real and what maybe I have been missing or craving a little bit more in my life it's just a good reminder of how important it is to have people who care about you and how lucky I am to have them in my direct immediately a family so that was really nice but I had a nice and busy weekend of working and then waking up going straight to Omaha spending a few days there just running around and playing with the kiddos I honestly and I've felt this way forever but I love being around children I do think I want to be a mom although that can just be so incredibly challenging and also how blessed are we as women to be able to have that choice nowadays of do I want to even have children is

it the right fit for me is it not the right fit for me you know that's something you could think about don't rush it don't worry about it if it happens it happens if it doesn't it doesn't you know relieve yourself of that pressure as a woman that's something that men just never have to think about really and so when that especially like now that I'm in my late 20s it's something that's been a little bit more prevalent on my mind it's made me kind of panic a little bit because I mean you know you start hearing things like time's ticking you know biological clock this and that and it's like god damn like I don't even know who I am so I don't even know if I can have kids but I think just being around my niece and nephew does really solidify that like the energy of children is so

wonderful and beautiful and mystical and um even if i don't have children of my own just blessing to be in their lives nonetheless so we just spent hours on end outside catching bugs catching monarch butterflies catching bees catching cicadas it was so fun those kids are just like so hilarious and just like so enamored with life it is a breath of fresh air especially since i am spending most of adult life of course around adults um but yeah i'm a little exhausted those days are a bit crazy um usually they started at like 6 30 a.m and ended at like 11 p.m um so mama's running off not a whole lot of sleep here it might get a little wild it might get a little cuckoo crazy i will say but i feel like for the past couple weeks i haven't been feeling as grounded as i would like i've

been feeling very airy floating in the in the ether just like what am I doing what's going on and I feel like I'm slowly one toe at a time starting to ground myself in just like okay so this is funny I went and saw my psychic this week we can get straight into the the sleepover vibes okay let's talk about psychics let's talk about spirituality let's talk about science from the universe whenever i'm having a hard time it's so funny i always book the same psychic the same psychic that i just absolutely adore um she is someone that i greatly value although i don't see her often um it's just like i love being around women especially older women who i'm like i would love to be with you i would love to be you it's so important to have people in your life

that you can like look at and admire and if you don't have those people in your life i mean of course that says one thing but also like that is something that i think we should be going and seeking out i think it's so important to do so and she is just a spiritualist she is just a she's just a woman who's done a lot in her life and is very connected to this earthly realm and very like intuitively driven and i find that personally very very inspiring like i would love to do even half of what she does her full moon gatherings new moon gatherings but she does intuitive counseling i say psychic because that's just like fun and silly it really is um actually therapy like let me be honest therapy mixed with spirituality which i find

works best for me um but she has her phd in psychology had done clinical therapy for like 20 plus years in like the army or something in the military in some sort of way and then was like fuck this and really leaned heavily into the spiritual side and so every time i see her i feel like i leave with questions answered which is so so nice because i feel like as someone who questions myself a lot i rarely find answers within myself i need sometimes a little extra help to dig those answers out and with her she is just somebody i can't lie to because i feel like i'm sitting across from an older version of myself and by lying to her i'm kind of like lying to myself still and with how expensive these sessions are it's like that's a fucking

waste of time um but i went and saw her this past week because i've just been i've been going through what is best to be called growing pains you know i'm starting to understand why the 27 club exists and why so many young individuals because 27 is young kind of go through these elaborately hard times um and it's something that is kind of like a turning point in your life and I don't mean to scare you I mean you're going to go through growing pains at seven years old you're going to go through growing pains at 17 you're going to go through growing pains at 27 you're going to go through growing pains at 47 like it's just a part of life so you do kind of have to accept the pain with the pleasure um but i went saw her and it was just so nice it was so

nice she just she's very forward she's very direct i got a lot of answers and one thing that really stuck with me that she talked about was you need to follow your pleasure pleasure will always bring clarity when you are suffering so much in life and i find this to be a constant theme in my life when i'm suffering so much it's because i am putting myself aside in a way that feels like i'm abandoning myself it feels like i'm abandoning my soul my spirit like i'm neglecting myself in some sort of way and we can call that people pleasing we can call that you know not being egotistical whatever you want to call it but ultimately it is kind of self-abandonment of course you're gonna have to show up for friends show up for family show up for people you love

whether you're tired sad whatever you got to keep routine but when it comes to self-abandonment self-abandonment is just not following your pleasure and that seems a little hedonistic because if you want to you know take it and run with that idea you're like okay well I'm gonna go do molly and I'm gonna go to concerts and I'm gonna go to raves and I'm gonna indulge and all this bad food and all these you know sexual pleasures like okay pleasure you want to talk pleasure let's get crazy with it but that's not what she meant obviously because that's kind of the first place my head went i was like oh pleasure like let's go full into it no no no pleasure leaning into your pleasure really just means leaning into what makes you feel good and

once she said that it really just clicked it's like i really have not been leaning into my pleasure recently i've been prioritizing other people i've been not prioritizing myself i've been not prioritizing things that i know are good for me even though they're hard you know like journaling going to therapy moving my body eating healthily planning ahead like sticking to routine like those do bring me pleasure but it does take a little extra effort and work and the main theme of it all was your pleasure will bring clarity you have a lot of unanswered questions unanswered things things you're trying to figure out things you're confused about and you are confused about them because you're not following forward with what you want to do you're not following forward

with what feels good with what feels right with what feels aligned with your intuition and soul and that's why that clarity that vision that you're seeing is so muddy and confusing because you're not listening to yourself and it really is that simple sometimes and sometimes you just have to have someone else say it in order for it to click in your brain and so if i'm able to you know convey lessons that i'm learning and help them click in your brain as well then you know what i am just happy and so thankful to be here another reason why i love her is you know we'll do our normal talk therapy of it all and then at the end of it sometimes she'll be like well do you want to like you know do some tarot reading some tarot cards when i do tarot readings for myself

it's so easy to be like lol i'm gonna ignore that like actually i'm gonna pretend i didn't see that or like i'm gonna pretend it's telling me something else like let me just ignore my problems it's so much easier that way like of course but when you're sitting across from this wise intuitive woman with years under her belt who is like connected to these to the universe was these beautiful cards like when she starts pulling cards and you know reading them for you you have no choice but to listen it's like when your teacher's like okay sit down and shut up and pay attention it's like yes ma'am legs crossed I'm ready to receive and so she does usually kind of like a nine card spread of where you are what's going on where you're supposed to be and how to

traverse through it and i won't go into the whole nitty-gritty of it all but it was so funny so funny the one card i've never received ever ever in my years of receiving readings of receiving just any sort of intuitive counseling she's she's like okay flip a card you know let's get into it and bam the death card you guys the the room grew silent and me and her had no choice but to just like giggle for a second like bitch are you fucking kidding me the death card and of course the death card isn't so like as scary and serious as you know what you might think it means sometimes it just means like this growing pain this ending this transformation this something that feels almost like death like you're going to have to release you're gonna have to let go you're gonna

have to like shed completely in order to receive these blessings that you are looking forward to like this death this metaphysical death that is coming for you you cannot escape you cannot escape it's going to happen the the more you run from it the more maybe yeah you put it off but eventually eventually bitch it's gonna catch up to you so just accept it grow through it feel it do the best you can listen to your pleasure feed into your pleasure lean into your pleasure that's the best way to get through it and through that clarity will come you will find yourself in a space where maybe those manifestations that you've been looking at or dreaming at are now your reality um so that was just like like are you kidding me the death card like girl yeah

what i've been going through does kind of feel like death or like death is coming for me and not like physically dying not manifesting that let's be real but sometimes these transformations that happen in life feel like someone is shoving a dagger into your stomach pulling it up and ripping you in half and yet you survive and it is just that with pleasure comes pain you have no choice of you know experiencing negative sometimes and all you can really do is do the best thing for you in order to make it through that and eventually you will come out on the other side stronger more in tune more connected and more beautiful than ever so hopefully that was a good little recap of what i've been going through what i've been experiencing and maybe a

little inspiration for you all as well i love you all so much thank you for being here truly like you are my girls my gays my days my everybody's like i'm so happy to have you here and i think about how much i've grown from when this first started and how much i am destined to grow as we continue forward and i celebrate the woman i'm becoming and i hope you are celebrating the person you are becoming as well but if you're going through those growing pains don't worry babe like we all go through them no matter how sane some people might see it's a part of life and the faster you accept it the easier shit gets but with that being said we have some crazy confessionals to get into we have some fun topics to chat about some sleepover vibe tings but i

I want to smoke a bowl with you guys and get a little silly with it because why the fuck not? So cheers, baddies. Let's hit this. Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire

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Explore OnStar tech today at OnStar.ca and discover how to take your summer to the next level. OnStar. Better never stops. I'm hoping I don't go too nonverbal because, like I said, not a lot of sleep going on. And that makes for a little bit of a silly wild Hannah, I'll tell you what. But let's see what the girls are going through. Let's see what the vibes are. someone said drunk sigs ex jack daniels buzz no care in the world pussy ate by my fave ex life's great you guys are fucking insane you know what that's giving lana del rey summer

that is giving lana del rey summer and truly and honestly so happy for you some exes are just good eaters but i guarantee like there's other fabulous eaters out there i promise you i really do and you know what makes a good eater someone that is just like intuitive and passionately driven passionately driven some eaters are very aggressive and it's like please get out of there like why are you shoving your face as hard as you can into my puss i'm actually pissed the fuck off lighter is usually better i'll go ahead and give you that tip but you know what drunk sig x jack daniels buzz x pussy eight girl you're living my dream and thank you for living it for all of us do you ever hate being a good person like sometimes i want to be messy and fuck things

up oh yeah oh yeah girl every single day i think sometimes me being a good person is also me putting myself aside and sometimes you just got to be a fucking bitch sometimes the best thing for you and everybody else involved is to kind of be a bitch stand on business say what's on your mind be real be raw be honest act accordingly you know what i mean and sometimes evil does do good i feel like sometimes when i'm just like i'll be the bigger person i'll just be nice sometimes that's also me telling that person look whether I'm telling them or not that their behavior is okay and what they're doing is okay and what they're saying is okay some people need to be told no some people need to be told to shut the fuck up some people need to be told bitch that's

not okay have some decorum get your shit together and also I find sometimes when I'm too nice of a person this also comes like the people pleasing tendency when I'm too nice of a person I start just surround myself with people I just don't like you know I feel like sometimes being a little bit of a bitch means weeding out people you just don't align with weeding out people that you're like actually I hate the fucking way you act actually I hate your attitude actually you're kind of insufferable and for my own mental health and also just for like the reality of having positive relationships with people you actually enjoy and trust like I'm gonna have to get the fuck up out of here i'm gonna take the fuck up out of here and i'm actually gonna have to go and hopefully

fingers crossed i'm never gonna see you again you know sometimes it means having to be real and honest to your boss if they're bullying you in the workplace that doesn't mean cuss them the fuck out you know like time and place please i'm begging but sometimes it means looking them in the eyes and going actually the way you're speaking to me is not okay and i will not stand for that you know sometimes being too nice of a person is a downfall and I mean I feel like I was really trained at this anybody else the girl in class that was just like super good and quiet and so she was sat next to all of the fuck up kids yeah that was me and it's like why the fuck am I now being subjected to their weird asses their bad behaviors and now I'm kind of subconsciously

thinking oh like this is a normal person because I'm sitting next to them all the fucking time and I think it kind of taught me to accept behavior and things that simply put weren't okay because like sure I was supposed to rub off and be a good influence but usually it became me going oh you know I'm just gonna let them be a fucking mess and I'm just gonna sit my ass right here you know god I literally just had a vision I remember fuck and you know what I was granted this vision at perfect time um I remember when I was in high school I had just gotten to high school freshman year you know nervous couple friends from middle school you know but I was in different classes the world became so much bigger now like imagine going from middle school

to high school like the world grows exponentially which is crazy because it really in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't grow that much it's just like maybe a thousand extra people around you but it feels like a brand new world and it feels so intimidating and i remember that first year of course i signed up for art classes duh hello but freshman i can only sign up for the one singular intro art class that they offer and not to toot my own horn but also like shout out to me love her pretty fucking good at art I will say it's just something that comes naturally some people just understand shape and value and color theory I don't know what it is but it really does click in my brain and I'm gonna go ahead and stand on business about that because also side

note my my mom sent me this like throwback photo of me in fifth grade doing our like graduation blah blah blah blah and it literally is this cute ass photo of me oh my god and it's favorite activity drawing career hopes become an artist like bitch i i you know i'm doing it all for her truly and seeing that and then seeing where i am now i'm like i have to really lean into that and do everything she ever could possibly want okay but literally freshman year awkward ass individual in art class of course doing well so not much of a concern about me but definitely a concern about like the junior pothead class clown fuck up kid and i don't say that in a mean way because i also became that kid it just happens sometimes it's just that way and so of course since I was no

worry at all I was good at what I was doing I was quiet I was smart I paid attention of course my art instructor put me next to that kid absolutely but I had also like you know never been around a funny person before just kidding just kidding never been around this type of individual before you know they're in my ear trying to crack jokes all the time of course eventually I'm gonna lean into it all eventually i'm gonna be laughing eventually i'm gonna be cracking jokes back like i want to get along with people i don't want to upset the people around me i don't want to look him in the eyes and go you're fucking annoying shut up i was a little bit nervous too nice of a person you know and it got to the point where like of course duh he's succeeding he's distracting

me i'm fucking off too i'm becoming a nuisance like i'm picking up on those character traits because not only am i being subjected to them but i'm not listening to how i actually feel which is oh my god get this person away from me and eventually one day my art instructor grabbed me and pulled me aside and she was like hannah i have to move you away from him now like not me becoming the problem let's be real i have to move you away from him not because i became the problem because he is going to interfere with you becoming a successful artist like being successful in my class obviously you are innately talented obviously like you have a knack you know and she showed up and she showed out for me she got me into like apr she got me into all of these

amazing different art programs like she saw me and she showed up for me and i love that about her and shout out to her i'm forever indebted but i remember she was like there are going to be people in your life who try and distract you and you need to learn to speak up to like understand your intuition to take a step back to focus on yourself to whatever it is so you continuously be successful and she's like bitch i gotta move you away from him for your own good and that was crazy bitch that should have been the one time i learned that lesson and never messed with any sort of archetype of that person again but once again i was cursed from a young age and i feel like every single ex-boyfriend i've had has been that exact character type which is like why i'm

like maybe i need something opposite but it's like yeah sometimes you have to understand like no this person's a distraction no this person is should not behave this way around me no this person is not good for me no this person is you know not in it should not be in my circle i don't want to be around them i don't fuck with them i don't like the way they're speaking to me i don't like their attitude i don't like them period and sometimes it means you got to be a bitch and either remove yourself stand up for yourself say what's on your mind you can't let people walk all over you you can't let people distract you from your success and being too nice of a person does turn you into a people pleaser and i do think it kind of like splits you from yourself

you know don't be afraid to be a bitch a bitch will will get you what you want will get you further than anything possible will help you achieve your dreams will help you like hold boundaries so you wait it out until you find the right partner for you will help you stand up to that person who's talking down on you that bully at work that's talking down on you will help you you know articulate your words and protect your spirit in that sort of way and if that means you're being a bitch then whatever i don't care i think we need more bitches in the world actually i'm begging because a real bitch is a good-hearted woman individual whoever who just knows what they like knows what they like and doesn't settle for anything less you know understands their value

and stays true to that and there's something you know admirable about it so maybe i'm gonna enter my bitch era maybe i'm gonna enter my bitch era maybe i'm gonna stand on business a little bit more maybe it needs to be done oh my god the cotton mouth isn't so dehydrated the one thing about traveling is like i never never drink enough water it's probably my biggest issue may i try and drink enough water please for the love of god it's probably the number one thing you can do for yourself is drink enough water and get enough sleep but my organs are screaming at me i am caught at a crossroads in my career do i follow my heart or my head this is difficult this is difficult i mean this is something that i'm kind of facing now not so

much have faced in the past pretty fucking hard i mean when i followed my heart it would have said become an artist obviously little fifth grade hannah career you know dreams become an artist that's my heart that's my spirit that's my heart that's my soul my head was like oh god adulting society money stability making other people proud like oh god so many other influences what my friends are doing what other people around me are doing what standards they hold themselves to like and then I went into nursing which like love the nurses out there yes shout out all my friends are nurses obviously i went to nursing school um but i was like oh following your head will break your heart unfortunately it will the real answer is you gotta find somewhere in the middle where

you can appease your heart and also not make your head so anxious i feel like i found that here where I'm a very creative individual obviously podcast vlogs I create online I paint I you know I'm dipping my toes in other areas but also it's like I didn't fully lean into that until I had a good financial set going so sometimes in order to follow your heart you gotta follow your head a little bit you gotta trust in your head a little bit you gotta get to a place where you are feeling you know pretty good and healthy where you can follow your heart without worry but yeah I think if you don't follow your heart you're gonna break your heart and you're not gonna trust yourself and I think following your heart will eventually lean to lead to stability although it might feel

instable at first but if your heart wants it and it wants it that fucking bad it'll get it it really will that's kind of the main thing about manifestation is if you are able to think about it and see it in a clear vision you are able to go and achieve that thing one million percent of course like sitting here and rotting in bed is not going to do shit for you babe hate to break it to you but if you can envision it if you can see it clearly in your mind manifestation is seeing a picture so clearly in your mind of what you want and then taking the adequate steps towards it okay if you can see it you can create it there is truth in that one million percent of how bad you want it that's that's the real question how bad do you want it how fast and forward will you go

if your heart wants it you can get it if you go up and go after it but i get it stability is important i don't want you to put yourself at financial risk i don't want you to put yourself in any risky situations i want you to make sure that you are safe and protected physically and sometimes that means having to sacrifice your heart for a little bit follow your head in order to then get to your heart one very great example for this is i see this all the time in the restaurant industry um where people will be in school going after their doctorate or going to law school and then serving like in their part-time hours in order to afford their apartment afford their schooling afford a meal you know even if just eating at work while you're there

but they have to kind of sacrifice their heart and follow their head follow that rational side of stay in school work hard and also work a shitty part-time job in order to afford a simply put living. Like sometimes you have to follow your head in order to then reach a place where you can go after your heart. And for me, a lot of my early 20s was, you know, I got to follow my head a little bit, but also keep that vision of my heart there. I can't neglect myself. I can't, you know, throw that side of myself away. I can't fully lean into my head or I'm going to be a shell of a person. I have to really do the work and keep that vision clear so then eventually I can get to that place whether that's going to college to achieve your degree to study something to learn

a trade in order to get to a place where you can follow your heart um maybe working a shitty part time job or working your way up at a company becoming a intern in order to get that next position that will get you closer to your heart doing the really hard work that it takes or making endings or moving places or just doing the shitty stuff in order to get to your heart like you have to follow your heart at the end of the day like if you're thinking a whole timeline in your life in the end of the day is you at 100 years old you gotta follow your heart but sometimes that means listening to your head here and there you gotta have both but baby if your heart wants it your heart's gonna get it i promise you speaking of following your head to get to your

heart someone said i have three semesters of undergrad left please hype me up i'm so not feeling prepared for this year no it's crazy that the school year is starting it really is it's something that i don't think about as much now that i'm like uh older and i'm not in school and haven't been in a second but it's crazy how fast the summer flies by in the school year um like damn y'all are going back next week but also like please understand how jealous i am grass is always greener grass is always greener and i know you're like bitch i'm about to go through it i'm about to be put through the ringer like my head already hurts having to think about all the things i'm gonna do how thankful and how grateful should you be to be there to receiving

knowledge to you know grow to find yourself to be in a place of other like-minded people hopefully that are also growing and finding themselves to have like you know no responsibilities if you think about it like you're not worried about health insurance hopefully you're not worried about rent you're not worried about like these big big like bills and things that pile on as to get older which you'll figure out don't worry you're just focused on school and doing the thing and finding your way in this world and yes it's difficult school is difficult but baby c's get degrees of course i want you to get a's as your mother i want you to get a's i want you to do well i want you to work hard i want you to grow that brain it is a muscle you must work it out

but also like if all you can do is just get a c pass baby that is enough that is enough that's the one thing my brother used to tell me all the time when i was in college is like there are doctors i know that graduated with these like you are good just keep pushing keep persevering and sometimes that's all you gotta do i will say though the best way to get through school and to get through college is and I'm not even kidding this is my number one tip my number one hack and you're like yeah bitch no shit it's you gotta go to class no matter what it is you gotta go to class I don't care if you're sitting in that class not paying attention of course like show up pay attention take notes go over flashcards afterwards that's the best and fastest way to learn but if

all you can do is show up to class that makes a world of difference the reason why my gpa fell so much my freshman year was because i stopped showing up to class and then i was like oh fuck i missed a class now i'm avoidant now i don't want to show up to next class because what if they know that i show up to the one not the one before but i'm out of routine i don't want to go no one wants to go no one wants to go get up and go you need to be there okay the one way and i will say nursing school taught me that i can do hard things because bitch that shit is hard that's just hard that's the hardest i've ever had to push myself ever in any sort of like pursuit of knowledge and it taught me that like if you plan ahead and act accordingly your life will be much

easier much easier say i skipped class okay i skipped class i later on on my on my phone did nothing slept whatever it is well now i still gotta take the same hour it took in class to go over all these slides to go over at the library maybe and then i didn't hear it explained for my professor or i'm like half paying attention to a recorded lecture i'm having to then redo notes that could have already been done to teach myself you know the curriculum when bitch you're paying them how much money a year to have them teach you to then try and make flash cards try and make friends in that class to study with maybe it's a group project oh now i'm fucked i don't know anybody in this class like what the fuck do i do no like don't make your life harder all i had to

do in nursing school to become successful which is the obvious fucking answer is show up to class every single time pay attention in class to the best of my ability as i'm in class take notes write that shit down not on your computer baby not on the fucking computer notebook pen shit colored pens colored pens highlighters whatever you're feeling okay write that shit down the notes don't have to make sense just write down whatever you can try and keep up with after class if you have the time or at the end of the day after all of your classes rewrite your notes go back over them just look over them just try and you know remember what the fuck you just learned in class that you barely remember and then before the test before whatever make those flashcards and you're

gonna make those flashcards about five times physical flashcards you're gonna flip through them you're gonna go through them about 20 times and that's all it takes that'll get you at least a b maybe a c probably an a but at least a b i promise you that that's all you have to do and yes please eat drink water get adequate sleep that will give you the amount of energy that you need to do all of these things but that's all it takes don't make your life harder than it has to be you got this you're in such a beautiful place in life right now i'm so jealous of you although college was stressful and hard and you know whatever all the things it was such a fun time of my life i met so many people that really changed my life i was tasting adulthood for the

first time ever and i was so innocent to it and it was just so fun and so beautiful and so wonderful so if i had any piece of advice for anybody going into college shit even going into high school okay i feel like this also applies do your best show up to class be attentive be there for yourself take care of yourself put yourself out there explore new hobbies explore new things fuck it go to parties be safe go to parties meet new friends put yourself out there open your heart to the world do the best you can that is really all i'm asking for you and bitch try and have some fun try and have a little bit of fun you're gonna have to sacrifice fun a little bit to do well in school unfortunately it is what it is but to get to your heart like i said you must listen

to your head a little bit you gotta focus you gotta lock in please don't take that shit for granted literally as an adult there's nothing i want more than to learn i crave knowledge i crave learning i love an hour-long youtube video talking about a a new random idea or thing person place thing i love a documentary i want to go take like a a one credit class at a community college like i love learning new things it's so fun it's so wonderful and you won't realize how much you're gonna miss it until it's gone so yes although challenging difficult sure yes but what isn't in this life so at least you're challenging and difficult is pre-set up for you and organized and just empower pointed bitch i wish i wish so don't take for granted where you are now

work hard pay attention show up for yourself you got this babe oh wait this is a good question what are five of your holy grail items not beauty related oh okay i like the way you set this up because i feel like i don't know you ask an influencer what are your five holy grail items and they're like my road cereal milk blip bomb in whipped butter in shea butter like no no no no i'm not here to sell you products literally like eight things just popped into my mind but they aren't things that you can even like buy i guess but they are items in my life that i think have been completely and utterly life-changing and truly and utterly like comforting the first one that came to my mind which is probably like my most prized possession is my blankie i know

how silly but like i don't know it's the one thing that i've had the longest in my life um it's the one item i've kept the longest in my life my little blankie kept me so comforted and so loved when I was younger and like it's something I had on me forever the edges are made of silk and literally I would rub the like silk the satin whatever it is so much that it like disintegrated and had to be replaced but I don't know it's just like if you don't have a blankie I don't know if you get it if you don't have a stuffy I don't know if you get it but like for the girls who get it I guarantee they get it that's why Kenzie was on Love Island the entire season with her little like stuffed animal she grew up with it's so nice to have just like a comforting item or something that

you know has been through you with you since childhood and so i think that's probably like my most prized possession like if shit was to go up in flames right now that's the first thing i'm grabbing now the second thing i'm grabbing is kind of an item kind of not but definitely danger danger is my best friend he's my bestest boy he's taught me so much about unconditional love and just like he's always here for me i got home from my trip and he just was immediately all over me chirp chirp chirping and this is like a grumpy ass little boy he he kind of hates people he gets nervous around people like he hides from them he doesn't fuck with other people's vibes but like me and him we under understand each other at a psychological level at a spiritual level we are

intertwined my parents joke all the time which low-key not a joke when he goes like we gotta plan a joint funeral because hannah's gonna take herself out and they are so right about that unfortunately just kidding just kidding i must persevere but he's the one thing that i think brings me the most comfort and i mean if we really get down to it he's the first thing i'm grabbing if this place gets on fire i'm getting the fuck up out of here he's the first thing i think about when i wake up and the first thing i last thing i think about when i go to bed and if you ever get the opportunity to love an animal to have a little kitty cat in your life a dog a fish a bird any sort of creature a horse like oh my goodness how beautiful is it that we are able to make these

like soul bond and love connections with other creatures that aren't human you know it really just shows that like love transforms and love can touch all things and i think it's so beautiful and so wonderful and i love him so much and i'm fully indebted to him items holy grail item i don't know if i really think about it i'm just not a materialistic person i would say now i'm kind of realizing how important it is and i don't i believe i was on this kick last week and i know it seems random but it's really transformed my life is journaling i think my holy grail item number three would be a really good journal as a chronically anxious overthinker but also avoidant journaling has forced me to crawl into depths of my brain and understanding that like i have been

avoiding for a long time um i've been trying to journal morning and night but usually at least just once a day and sometimes I'll sit down to journal and I'm like I don't even have anything to talk about so like let me just start with what's going on in my day by the end of that page or by the end of that journal session whether it's three minutes or 50 minutes I am like it feels like I'm reaching my fist into my brain and physically pulling the thoughts out and physically working through whatever subconsciously is upsetting me or whatever is making me anxious or oh this caused this and now I feel this way or because it's forcing you just slow down your thoughts and really think and feel them out sometimes you get this idea we get this whim

we get this OCD thought whatever it is pops into our head and of course we can become hyper fixated on it but you know it lives there and continuously eats at our brain because we don't take the time to process to think to feel and to release and so having a physical place to really just go through it and release and learn more about myself and let go and appreciate and celebrate and be grateful for having that journal has been so nice it's a great way to slow down your days as well if you feel like the bitch time is blending into each other and just shit's going by so fast like what even happened last week and where am i today journaling will force you to slow down and think through your days and think through your week and appreciate it or look back or whatever and it has

a way of slowing down time but also making it eternal since it is written down somewhere i have one rule when it comes to your journal don't think about someone else reading it don't even think about rereading it don't even think about flipping back to other pages just think about getting it off your chest and putting it somewhere i swear by if you have someone in your life who reads your journal that is sketchy and weird and fucked up and if they're like i read this in a journal in your journal and i'm now gonna pit it against you like that's not someone you need in your life that's a crazy breach of privacy no one should be reading anybody else's journal unless it's meant to be shared so please free yourself of the idea of well i have to write in this way or my writing

needs to be not so messy or needs to be legible no the practice is to slow your thoughts down to get them out of your head to put them somewhere relatively safe pretty safe that you can now release and let go of okay and it has been just so amazing and so wonderful for my mental health especially when it comes to grounding myself because i've been like i said floating around avoiding everything and it's like bitch you got no choice death card death card death card accept the pain grow through it hmm whole my holy grail item number four okay let's get spiritual i'm gonna say my tarot cards i my tarot cards and me have been through everything i love tarot cards tarot cards are a fabulous way to you know break the ice with somebody tarot cards are a fabulous

way to check in with yourself tarot cards are my favorite way to connect with the universe tarot cards are just i don't know it's something that i've always had on me since i was like 14 and it's something that i will continuously have on me and fall back into and call back to constantly in my life um literally death card like damn okay let me listen to the cards but my particular deck it's so funny whenever i meet with astrologers or tarot readers every single tarot reader has a different deck i've never met a tarot reader that's had the same deck and specifically my psychic now she has this deck that's like six hundred dollars she said she went to like a spiritual not convention but this like a community somewhere was there for like a

week and they were working with tarot cards and her mentor had had a deck that was the same artist and she was like this is the most beautiful deck ever like let me look on ebay and find it five hundred dollars five hundred dollars six hundred dollars thousand dollars she's like oh never gonna get that one day in the thrift store it's there three dollars every single card there and it's like it literally found her it's so funny how things kind of find us sometimes and my tarot deck it's really cute it's really beautiful it's very fun it's very fairy it's very flirty i feel like i've kind of outgrown it and i'm very excited to see which tarot deck enters my life next but my current tarot deck has been with me for six years now and i actually saw it

shout out lawrence kansas hey girls i'll be out there for slater so see you then but um lawrence kansas has this like metaphysical shop on their like main street called third planet i think it's called third planet i'm pretty sure and they sell you know crystals flowy pans incense bongs upstairs that's where me and my girls used to go buy our pipes in high school with our fake ids we would go to the second story of third planet and then my friend would like facetime me while talking to the cashier and i'd be like texting her and she'd buy a pipe for me so sweet shout out to her she's everything to me um but i remember like one day i was out there i don't know dilly-dallying around and i saw this tarot deck and i was like that's so beautiful it's so wonderful but like i don't

know whatever and i just left but i thought about it like almost every day for a year and it was like the only one they had available and I was like okay fuck it it's a year later I keep thinking about this tarot deck like let me go back and check and see if they have it even though it's like oh they probably don't fuck it let's go see bam still exactly where it was before covered in dust I said I'll take you home yeah $25 but she gives me so much clarity it's so nice to just like connect to myself intuitively I love the art as an artist I love the art and yeah it's a great icebreaker it's a great way to connect with people so i would say yeah number four my tarot deck so what do we have my blankie from childhood my kitty cat my kitty cat danger um journal tarot deck

five last one oh there's a lot of pressure here i'm racking my brain of like well what do i use what do i like swear by i would say clothes but like all the all the clothes i have has i've grown through it or gone through phases or whatever i would say like i don't know makeup but i don't really give a fuck about makeup that much or even skincare it's like i like it but it's not something that's like life-changing to me i'm thinking about like if i was a video game character what items would be like life-changing for me and you know what i'm kind of proud of myself for having to think this hard like thank god i'm not that materialistic i i keep having this thought pop up though so we're gonna go with this for five even though it's maybe not the craziest thing

ever but like my car oh my god my car i'm so thankful to have a car and if you if you're like bitch your car first of all are you living in a city with public transit and if you are eternally jealous of you are you living in a walkable city and if you are eternally jealous of you but my car gets me so many places my car is so cozy right now especially coming from somebody who like grew up with beater cars when you're young get a two thousand dollar car get a thousand dollar car fuck it like get one that runs and will continue running and is not going to cause you long-term problems but like get a cheap ass fucking car when you're young when you're young you're dumb maybe you're gonna crash it not hopefully not on purpose maybe you're gonna accidentally crash it

it's gonna get bumps and scrapes like you don't know how to take care of things really yet you don't know how to appreciate things really yet get a cheap ass car my other cars bitch that would not have been on the list i'm thankful of things i'm like holy grail thankful for but my current car first of all dream car had to go through some shitty shit to get it bitch it was stolen out from under me like shitty shit girl come on you know i just finally paid it off i'm like whoa we did that like it's the exact color i wanted exact seats i wanted it has a sunroof like oh my god my car is so beautiful and is it anything crazy is it like the newest mercedes no no it's like a mazda like it's a very normal average person car but going from beater cars to working my way up to finding

my like favorite car ever in the color i wanted paying that shit off i'm so thankful for it gets me so many places it takes me everywhere i want to go if i'm having a hard day i get in my car i roll those windows down maybe i go buy a cigarette maybe i go buy a cigarette i put on my favorite album and i just drive as far and as fast as i legally can you know when i was younger i remember some of my favorite memories were me and my friends sneaking out of like the basement like like literally shoving our bodies through the basement window so much so we like covered in bruises on our stomachs for having to army crawl out of like the cellar window to run off to go smoke weed in my friend's car and like drive down the back roads at 3 a.m blasting Lana Del Rey it's

like yes that's like my favorite escapism mechanism and yes I was born and raised in Kansas so sue me if that's the most interesting thing that was going on when I was in high school or I do that that's cathartic but like there really is nothing better than like a good car jam sash windows down hot summer day feeling good breeze in the air i'm so thankful to have a car now that is like feels luxurious for me because i was coming from cars that were like very cheap very dirty very gross so so thankful for that i think i would say that's like my number five holy grail item so honestly that's a pretty good list those are things like i'm genuinely really grateful for and happy to have in my life so let me know what your favorite holy grail item is down below but

for the last little half of this podcast i of course want to get into some confessionals i don't know if you guys have had crazy summers or if you have some shit you gotta get off your chest and so why not do it at the sleepover there's nothing better than like being at your friend's house and just confessing the craziest fucking things ever to each other and then having to like blood swear to never tell anybody those are my favorite nights and so i'm so excited to get to do that with you all today but let's see what confessionals we have partner of 7.5 years hid an engagement ring from me for one and a half years and then broke up with me question mark yeah that's super confusing well i mean like you're supposed to hide an engagement ring so i

don't blame him on that front or them but also it's like okay when you buy an engagement ring usually you have like what three to six months to make a plan to figure it out and to propose so sometimes the thing is like when we grow up we think we're supposed to take certain routes or who is telling me this i think my dad he's like you know you think you're supposed to do certain things you think you're supposed to go a certain way you think you know life's supposed to be graduate job work my way up meet love of life propose engage have kids like simple easy but sometimes it's not that simple and sometimes it's not that easy i'm so sorry you got broken up with but like if they had the engagement ring for one and a half years and didn't act on it then

obviously they just were not in a place to show up and be there for you and i want someone that chooses you without question who's excited who's like so excited to propose to you that literally they like can't help themselves like that's what you deserve and so if they got caught up with the game of life and realized damn this isn't for me at least they were brave enough to know what's best and take that step it's the hardest step ever because they're gonna have to hurt you and obviously they loved you they bought an engagement ring you don't buy an engagement ring for someone you don't love but that doesn't mean it's supposed to last forever i know and it's so difficult and it's so hard but that is just the truth of life you're gonna be forced to have to take a

unconditional or not unconditional untraditional route sometimes you know veer off the path of life that's set up for us and you know what this was them veering off and realizing actually this is not what i needed and this was your blessing of the universe going and i'm blocking you from somebody who cannot love you fully who cannot show up and get excited for you and you deserve somebody who's excited for you so you know what cheers to new beginnings manifesting a beautiful wonderful partner who will be so excited to propose to you that they literally can't even stop themselves my bestie is moving cross country and i'm jealous not a place to move right now though such a real feeling that's something that just constantly pops up

in life for you you get jealous of your friends sometimes but really it's just because you're like i would love to do that jealousy we talked about this before a lot of jealousy is you just seeing someone do something you want and that's obviously that's what jealousy is but if you sit in that resentment you're gonna ruin relationships and also you're gonna ruin yourself so take that jealousy and turn that into passion i love that you're like you know what i'm jealous my friend's moving there but i'm just not there yet but maybe maybe one day you'll be able to move there and god it is my dream ever ever ever ever to live in the same city as my friends again like all of my friends all together i want to be beautiful but that's just not how it is sometimes and that's

not how it is in life most of the time i'm gonna be honest with you your friends are gonna grow up they're gonna move away it is what it is i hate to break your heart so if your friends are in the same city as you are be annoying hang out with them as much as possible hit them up constantly and if they did move to another state that doesn't mean you have to lose the connection random facetime calls how you doing miss you when you coming back home and maybe like i said one day you'll be able to move there i grew up next to these two sisters when i was younger and one of them of course fashion diva icon queen grew up and was like i'm moving to new york city chasing my dreams living in the big city that's what she was meant for it's what she was built for and you

know what she went she did it but then her sister followed you know saw that was like damn love that city love visiting you i'm gonna follow another like two sisters living in the best city ever and so you know if one day you're prepared to move and you want to go and follow your friend the city do it okay you won't regret it but sometimes you know we gotta move at the own speed and own pace of our life and to help avoid that resentment you have to accept where you are want growth desire growth but sometimes you just gotta go i'm not in that place but maybe eventually i will be and i'm manifesting that for you my friend who i used to date keeps showing up in my dreams as i sleep next to my boyfriend girl girl sometimes the psyche is evil for that

i like i said i don't look into dreams i don't like looking into dreams i don't look into dreams i really don't i think they're a mess they're not reality and if i look into dreams a little bit too much like i get a little scared a little nervous but sex dreams are weird sex dreams are weird i consider sex dreams just like being able to live a different fantasy than what you would have in your life you know sometimes i have sex dreams and it's like i'm hooking up with i don't know like a random co-worker a girl i met at the club and it's like we're getting down and dirty and wild and i wake up and i'm like oh okay and it's like you know what but i gotta experience that in my dream and how fun is that now back to reality hooked up with one guy after my four-year

relationship ended new guy's dick so small oh it happens to the best of us all you really do is do what you can and if you don't want to do get the fuck up out of there that's really all that that's all you can do like i said does size matter uh depends on what you're what you're working with okay it does matter big or small i feel like when you say size matters people only think small dicks actually it does matter big or small because if it's massive huge the size of my forearm baby no one wants that no one wants that i'm scared but if it's too small it's like okay that ain't gonna work for me but that too small could be perfect size for someone else and that too big might be the right fit for someone else as well so get back out there girl go find the right fit for you okay

it's okay my husband and my best friend's husband dared her and i to kiss on a camping trip kind of loved it no because how did that not turn into a four-way how did that not turn into a four-way and if it does girl have fun have fun this is about to be sister wise where you're like husband swapping wife swapping whatever it is either way having sex next to each other isn't that what a four-way is never been in one not really in the mood to do so but girl this could be a fun time for you this could be a fun time for you and if you're not into it you're not into it but like it sounds like you were into it and it sounds like they were into it okay please i'm surprised you guys were not fucking in the same tent i live with two boys that i've kind of done

things with as a girl kind of bounce back and forth and now i'm with the one i did things with first and now i'm not interested either but they both have told me they loved me girl if you don't challenge that shit and get on with it if you don't challenge that shit and get on with it i'm gonna be disappointed but also it's like sometimes in the competition of things when it comes to love if you force people to compete if you're competing if they're competing when there's that back and forth and push and pull like it gets a little more intense than you like and then if you're gonna avoid it you can be like oh this kind of sucks like actually i'm over this like actually you like me too much and i'm kind of over it a little bit or you would have a lot of fun a lot

of very good honest fun with both of them maybe i'm making it messier than it really is hooked up with a guy in a port-a-potty at a music festival no babe we can't be doing that i love you down we cannot be doing that we cannot i need puss safety 101 okay like i you cannot be opening your puss to the air of a dirty place like port-a-potty bathrooms are off limits but also i get it sometimes sometimes you just gotta get it on sometimes you just gotta get weird and wild and freaky with it and that's the best place possible but genuinely it's like i would have rather you gone around a tree or even behind the porta potty than do it inside no judgment you are a piece of your sins i've probably done it in weird dirty places have i let me think let me go

through the files not a porta potty but you know what when i was wild and crazy and free it could have been it could have been i was a server at a casino and stole at least a hundred dollars per night by not ringing things in for two years okay i don't know if people know about this server trick and i don't mean to put you on don't do this very illegal but essentially like the the hack of what i've seen not a hack literally just actually just like stealing money that's not a hack i fear um what i've seen past co-workers do that would get them in trouble slash fire slash find in a big way is essentially if someone pays in cash you comp the bill or remove the bill of what they paid in cash and then you pocket all that cash or you only charge them for a soda and

pocket all the cash without them knowing and obviously without your management knowing you have to get they would like steal the manager's passcode and they will comp a bunch of shit and then pocket all the cash and then quit before anybody found out that was a big thing that happens in the restaurant industry I also had a co-worker who straight up was like pissed off at my manager and then was also like a part-time manager so he had the codes to the safe and then opened the safe and stole all the money in it and then never came back and they never prosecuted him i'm like we all know who it was we all know who it was twelve hundred dollars missing plus an extra hundred out of your personal purse with the one person you have beef with in this building who

also happened to quit the next day let's be fucking honest but i don't think there was any footage so like what are you gonna do don't steal don't commit felonies don't don't do that don't do that but you know i definitely have seen it happen a lot i keyed my ex-best friend's car after he smashed off my side view mirror three different times smash all your side view mirror three different times oh hell nah when they say eye for an eye i fear keying is not enough baby okay also like great proof of friendship is if they respect your things if your friend has no respect of your things they don't have respect for you okay even so far as like if i am in another friend's car if i'm drinking a soda if i'm having a snack i'm not leaving crumblies

around i'm making sure i'm picking up my trash and throwing it away taking it out of their car and putting it in the trash can at the very fucking least like i don't want to disrespect people so i don't disrespect their things and if someone is disrespecting your things but you're like but they're nice to me so i'm confused that's their way of disrespecting you like in a very sly weird way so you know what keep the fuck out of that car girl when i use a strap on i low-key start wishing i had a dick okay fair even as someone who's never used a strap on i do kind of wish sometimes i had a dick you're gonna be having sex and you're like just like let's switch roles i can do it way better than you like actually let me take control bitch you're not doing what

needs to be done like give me the dick let's swap bodies let's freaky friday this shit like actually sometimes like i think everybody kind of wishes that do men wish this i've never asked a man but i'm happy to ask a man and if you're a man listening let me know down below if you're brave enough but like do men ever go like what what if i had a pair of just massive fat ass titties like i wish i had a pair of those like you know like and not like a gender dysphoric way where it's like actually you know maybe you're feeling a little bit of like body dysmorphia like just in like a very casual sense it's like no i don't actually wish i had a penis but sometimes i do think about like what it would be to have a penis and balls slapping around just just just a

thought i've had a crush on someone i work for three years and they have a girlfriend me as fuck but like i am the work crush two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. In Toronto, every arrival is a statement, and nothing says it better than this. Cadillac Optic was the number one selling luxury EV in Canada for 2025. Find your rhythm across a seamless 33-inch display and an immersive

19 speaker akg surround audio system this city demands agility and optic delivers with precision to make every drive extraordinary let's take the cadillac find out more at cadillac canada.ca luxury sales claim based on s&p global mobility canadian new vehicle total registrations for calendar year 2025 for the cadillac definition of luxury like it's like actually you want what you can't have sometimes the thing is if you were to actually get to know this person when they broke up with their partner it's like the chances of you actually working out are like 50 50 but also it's like maybe the girlfriend maybe they break up eventually and you can play the long game maybe you can play the long game and just wait it out but also don't like don't let your work

crush stop you from your husband you know speaking of this is so funny my work crush is finally single i've been waiting for months and ready to pounce girl get on that get on that take your opportunity now i know a lot of people who wait and plot this is strange but it's real it happens who wait and they plot and they continue on with their lives dating not dating hooking up this that they know it's not an option so they don't do it but it's like a i gotta i gotta i gotta bookmark save there and if if i ever open up this chapter book again i'm gonna pick up where i left off you know and so if you find yourself having the opportunity you bitch you better work you better hustle part of dating which is so funny is like there's a game to dating there's a game to like

the beginning stages of dating that is undeniable you have to kind of play the game a little bit you got to play the cat and mouse chase game now that doesn't mean become avoidant and completely stop responding because they are actually they are being nice to you they're doing good things for you they are expressing emotionally that they care about you so you become avoidant and you run away that's not cat and mouse that's toxic um it's got to be kind of like a you know i'm still protecting my peace i'm kind of one foot in one foot out i'm still you know i'm still talking you know the normal game of dating don't be disrespectful don't be shitty but now's the time to play the game girl and you better play it the best you ever have slept with a hell's angel

angel what is a hell's angel is that a motorcycle game outlaw motorcycle club girl and i know that dick was good i know it was good i know it was good the thing about this is the terrible terrible truth of life the thing about like really good dick sometimes is it's attached to like a really bad person really bad person unfortunately and you cannot base a relationship off of a dick that is not enough to stand on okay like literally like please you have to base the relationship off the person and like you can work with the dick you can work with what you got you got it it's got to be good it's got to work well with you can't be horrible and awful you got to have best of both worlds but like you can't just be be with someone for the dick unless it's like a night

then whatever i don't give a fuck but yeah the truth of it all is that sometimes the dick is attached to like you're like a person i can't continue seeing unfortunately but i know that shit was good i know it was good girl oh my god this is so funny speaking of once again thought something was wrong with me because my ex and i had terrible sex turns out it was definitely just him yeah yeah i think chemistry is so important like sex is important unless it's something that's not important to you unless you're like actually i'm asexual that's the last thing i care about then valid absolutely but for all of us regular shmegular sexual people it's like the sex is important you have to like want to have sex with your partner this the sex is important it's gonna

have to it's gonna take some work you're working with another person like you gotta know what turns them on know what feels good work with their schedule work with your schedule you know you gotta make it work you gotta want it but like it's gotta be there the chemistry's gotta be there sexual chemistry's gotta be there and I've definitely been with people that it's like hmm why don't I never want to have sex and it's like oh because maybe it's not even because the sex is bad but it's like they're they don't they're not caring for me they're not showing up for me emotionally they're not showing up for me physically they're not supporting me I don't feel supported i don't feel loved i don't feel that emotional connection and thus my sexual

connection is not there as well so yeah sex is important sex is important when i'm feeling emotionally connected spiritually satisfied and physically present with my partner my horn is horny levels skyrocket absolutely skyrocket so you know what glad you found someone you like to have sex with slept with my ex eight times in one day somebody put me in a cage please girl it's not even the fact that it was eight times the fact that it was eight times with your ex like damn you took that opportunity you said we're hanging out we're having sex let's just keep going let's just keep going i've been there like at my like craziest wildest i think it was like upwards of 12 times in one day so much so that i'm talking pussy bone bruised blue and black i'm facetiming

my friend my nursing friend spread eagle asking is this normal and she's like girl you just have to stop having sex and it's like yeah unfortunately so right sitting on a bag of peas melting frozen peas with my puss like and once again like i said sex is important like when i'm horny i'm horny like when i want to get it i want to get it on so i don't even blame you for the eight times been there done that many a times girl with your ex you either are getting back together or you gotta run as fast as you fucking possibly can like chastity belt yourself basically i did molly twice this month and fried my brain so deeply with drugs well good news is if you stop doing the molly your brain will go back to normal bad news is molly will rot your brain and who better to speak on

this than me because babe i i hate to say this but like in my peak molly days it was an every weekend thing and i was a shell of an individual i was a drug addict let's be honest let's let's call a spade a spade bitch i was a drug addict i was an addict in that time and it was like addict behavior too like oh I don't I miss my party days because of the freedom but I don't miss the waking up having no idea where I am no idea what the fuck I did last night like no memory having a lot of fun but also like a lot of darkness like the drug is usually not worth it if I'm being honest especially if it's synthetic in that sort of way the hangover whatever but don't beat yourself up too much you learned your lesson you realize you know what it is how it

makes you feel and for me personally me and molly can't hang out anymore i know there's nothing more i want than to hang out with molly but me and molly can't hang out anymore it's for my own betterment the same way my art teacher physically had to remove me from sitting next to the class clown the burnout stoner horrible awful person for my own good for my own success i also have to do that for myself me and molly can't hang out and it was because i had no control i had no control over myself no control bad decisions a lot of fun until it was not fun very fucking fast but good news is as a like let's call a spade a spade previous drug addict or yeah previous drug addict you can go back to normal a little hard work little self-control you can go back to normal

your brain will return back to normal you need enough sleep you need patience you need kindness i remember in my peak molly days it would be like me in art school having rolled my balls off the night before i have a final do i'm like weaving broken mirror pieces into a mask like shit they have me doing in art school sobbing my fingers are bleeding i'm like i'm trying to work with broken mirror shreds and i'm like sobbing in the art studio my professor's like bitch are you okay okay it's like don't ever say i didn't do anything for my art i should be home asleep right now it's like actually you should just not be doing drugs that's the real problem but it is what it is sometimes i fantasize about sleeping with men even though i'm most definitely a lesbian that's okay

sometimes you know sometimes the brain just loves a good fantasy and i don't blame you you know like i said like sometimes it's nice kind of having those weird sex dreams and you wake up and you're like that was kind of fun i'll never do it but like that was fun fun to think about fun to kind of imagine fantasize about and then move on from i think it's important and healthy for humans to have fantasies i think it's important and healthy for you to be a little naughty to for you to be a little like but what if but like let me think about this thing even though in reality not gonna do it not interested not happening i don't want a penis near me you know you're a lesbian you're like i know i know who i am i know what i want not interested but

sometimes it's nice to have a little fantasy and i don't blame you it's human to have fantasies it's human to have human urges it's human to have human fantasies it's human for the brain to kind of like get a little crazy with it in normal healthy ways in normal healthy ways like you said you're like pretty sure i'm a lesbian but sometimes it's fun to think about it okay cool period love it i hope you have a fun time thinking about it and if you want to explore it one day you know don't shut all doors don't shut all options but if you're pretty solid and how you feel you know you know who you are you know what you want but you can't blame a girl for a good fantasy i broke up with a guy because he liked me too much and he was balding period hashtag avoidant as fuck

avoidant as fuck sure maybe possibly but also maybe you just didn't fucking like him maybe you just didn't fucking like him and maybe it had nothing to do with how much he liked you and maybe it had nothing to do with the balding maybe had everything to do with how enthralled he was with you and the balding whatever it was you knew you didn't like it you left the situation you didn't lead him on that's the one thing about avoidant people is like real avoidance see what's good for them know it's good and ruin the fuck out of it okay run away from it fake avoidance which I'm kind of a fake avoidant it more so is like I'm avoidant it's like actually you just really fucking hate that thing and don't want to do it and so you're not going to do it you you

can't help yourself but not not engage with this person you know and I remember like when I used to date it was like you know you meet guys who are like infatuated with you and it's like oh my god like it can't be a me show I have to also be infatuated with you too like it's nice to be wanted and desired but also like i want to want and desire somebody early in the dating process and like if you're not feeling that way then that's okay that just means maybe you shouldn't like pursue it maybe it's not meant for you you've got to have that mutual beneficial chemistry you know of course your partner needs to like you and want you duh hello but you also got to like and want your partner and maybe you just didn't fucking like this person and that's okay don't

go some but you know just be like hey babe this ain't working gots to go i was the toxic man and couldn't get out of the cycle so i just cheated on him a lot you know what you know what how toxic was it i know okay i know a lot of women who have done this i know a lot of women who are who have done this where it's like i don't know how to leave i don't know how to leave so i have to cheat and this is why i say don't stay with cheaters because usually people are cheating in order to leave usually people are cheating because they don't like where they are and they want to pretend they're somewhere else for a second and you don't deserve that as a partner but also it's like please don't cheat please just leave i'm gonna have to say i'm gonna have to say what's on our mind i'm

not gonna crucify you baby what did rupaul say girlykins get off the cross we need that wood like no one's here to crucify you no one's here to talk down on you of course please do not cheat but like i said how toxic was it and how bad did you need to go and i know a lot of women and a lot of men i know this girl who this is fucking crazy i have to talk about i have to talk about it she was with this guy and she just physically couldn't leave she didn't know how to leave and she got caught up with her manager manager at work sleeping with him as a way to kind of like escape her life or maybe get back at him even though they were still together and eventually it was like okay i have to come clean and it was crazy because i was like there's no way she would

do that like damn that's really lowering yourself like there's no way she would do that and she was fully doing it and everybody around us was clocking it i was just not clocking it because i was like no i like i just don't think she would do that and then she's like okay i gotta come clean to the boyfriend that i'm cheating on him with my manager and she eventually told him and luckily told him immediately packed her shit got the fuck out but the ex now ex-boyfriend went on a rampage a psychotic break rampage showed up to the work and punched this man in the face like assaulted him knocked him the fuck out in front of everybody 6 30 p.m in front of everybody and then went on the run crazy keep in mind that's not even the worst part he didn't know the ex-boyfriend didn't

know she had two male co-workers so he walked in that bitch saw the first man that was wearing a uniform decked him in the face it was the wrong one how's that for some tea absolutely psycho bonkers so to avoid that fucking drama in your life because you never know how people are going to react treat people well so you don't receive weird freaked out karma you know you never know how people are going to react baby just leave save yourself the drama baby just leave and then sleep with your manager just kidding please don't do that just kidding just kidding isn't that crazy i think about that all the time it's like so fucking wild oh anyways what a beautiful little smoke sash sleepover episode i had so much fun with you guys today and thank you for being here

I just love having a little key with you guys and I feel like I learn this feels like a journal to me sometimes where through each other we can kind of learn more about ourselves and I think that's so wonderful and so beautiful but also like I love just being real about life like like it says in the beginning the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing the mistakes we make the issues we have how hard life can get how fun life can get how silly life can get the weird little intimacies of being human I love breaking the taboo and just speaking on it and letting you guys know it's okay to speak on it too or just to simply put be human but with that being said I'm gonna send you off with one more bong rip og smoke slash days let's get toasted cheers but with that being said if you

want to see my little room makeover video room makeover vlog uh watch that on youtube at hannah marlene 444 if you want to see more from me extra episodes every single week i just uploaded the august tarot reading there's a full or a new moon eclipse coming up i just did our eclipse kind of right up i upload weekly inspo straight from my pinterest my um tumblr whatever whatever you're curious about if you want to know a little bit more about me and more deep in the smoke slash community join the patreon patreon.com smoke slash shawty would love to have you there and if you want to submit your questions every single week follow me on instagram at hannah marlene i just uploaded a new recipe too i've been getting back into the swing of things i made peach cobbler

nachos peaches and cream nachos where i made like a churro chip situation uh caramelized peaches and topped it with ice cream it's absolutely fabulous fabulous but do something nice for yourself today be patient be kind to yourself this eclipse season we'll get more into everything else that comes up with that next week but with that being said stay sane stay sexy and i'll see you all so soon Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research.

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