Smoke Sesh - smoke sesh confessionals

Episode Date: July 21, 2022

Welcome to church! This Thursday I asked for all of your confessionals and compiled them into one hot mess of a podcast, I hope these honest truths make you feel a little less alone in this crazy world as we all make mistakes and it’s fun to laugh along the way. Hope you have a wonderful weekend and we will see each other again Tuesday ! Merch will also be released Tuesday as wellllll follow the gram @ hannahmarlene for all updates and to submit any questions you have. Sending all the love this week MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash, so come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Good morning everybody, how the fuck are we all doing today? it is 8 30 in the morning um i just have been waking up so late recently like when i first started serving i kind of got back into that high school and when i mean first kind of started

serving i mean like when i was like 20 um i got back into that high school routine where it's like oh my god i'm up late i'm up late i'm up late but i sleep the fuck in and i sleep like halfway through my day and then my day feels like really short and stressful because i'm sleeping until 10 11 12 o'clock in the afternoon and then waking up and feeling like i have no time which is fine when you're younger because you don't really give a fuck but now that i'm older and have more responsibilities i'm just like okay let's break the cycle let's identify let's identify what's going on here and let's fix it so i woke myself up well my boyfriend woke me up at 8 30 because he had to leave for work he brought me some coffee in bed which was really sweet

um and got my ass up so i don't sleep in because i got shit to do i got a podcast to put out i gotta hang out with you guys i have to like go get groceries i think my dad's like retirement parties today so there's a lot happening a lot that i need to prepare for and although i would love to sleep um i can sleep later tonight that's the only that's all i can really think um but a few of you guys are asking me like how do i wake up early especially when like you don't want to like at all and all i can really say is sorry i need to take a sip of coffee all i can really say is set an alarm and stick to it um like set an alarm for a pretty reasonable time like no my ass is not waking up at 6 a.m

no my ass is not waking up at 5 a.m i used to when i was a nanny and that shit was awful horrible never again 8 30 is pretty fucking good you know i feel like that's a pretty normal human time to wake up i can't lie so i set an alarm and when the alarm goes off i do not press snooze i do not that just provides me way too much comfortability way too much peace way too much you know like knowingness that i can pass the fuck out again when in reality it's just gonna make it 10 times harder to wake up the second time around so i i don't snooze my alarm so then my anxiety kind of kicks in and i'm like okay i gotta get up i gotta get up you know like i didn't snooze it i gotta get up because there's not gonna be another alarm and if

if there's not another alarm and i fall asleep i'm gonna sleep until like fucking 10 30 11 12 so my anxiety kicks in a little bit and the best thing you can really do is just sit up like sit up like in bed sit your ass up cross your legs pretend as if there is like a string invisible string going through your head down your spine and just reach up and like pull on that string to like further like sit you up and then drink some cold water you will be ready to go i cannot lie like that is really all i need to do in order to make sure i am the fuck awake and on really good days i get delivered coffee in bed but you know that's pretty rare i can't lie he was very sweet to do that um usually i completely miss him when he's on the way to work

i'm just dead asleep but today was a little different so that was nice um but today mother smoke sesh has a very special extra special podcast episode for you guys today i don't know i was just feeling it in the air i was like my girlies have been getting up to some nonsense lately they might need to purge they might need to you know get some stuff off their chest so we are gonna do our confessionals today ladies i'm so excited round of applause yay confessionals i love it i wish i could have like church music going in the background i feel like that'd be hilarious but so many of you guys sent me your confessionals sent me some extra questions for the week so thank you so much for that i really appreciate it and with that being said

let's jump right in. Hey Hannah, love for you and the pod as always. Huge fan since pretty much day one. My confessional is that I slept with my best friend's cousin not only once but it's almost like a budding relationship. He is quite older than me, not like quite but under 10 years but a little more than five and um the friend who I've been seeing her cousin my friend who I would consider probably one of my best friends um we used to make out not we never hooked up but we would make out and like thought maybe we could be back for each other um we ended up talking about it we're not and I asked permission before I pursued anything with the cousin but now I just feel like things are weird and she's mad and I'm wondering like should I pursue him or cut it off

completely i have like strong feelings but maybe i'm just being love blind and a borderline obsessed anyways love ya need some advice peace i don't know why the only thing i can think about is that lana del rey lyric where it's like goddamn man child you fuck me so good that i almost said i love you i feel like that might apply here i feel like that might apply i can't lie no relationship is worth drama of any sort does that make sense relationships i love that you titled it cousin fucker too because i i was prepared for something very different but i understand your dilemma no relationship is worth baggage or extra drama relationships should be pretty you know easy relatively we all have our ups and downs but they shouldn't have like friendships disappearing

and people getting upset and all this shit going on within the first year that is a mess that is a recipe for a mess it sounds like your friend might have some residual feelings been there with the girl makeouts it is what it is you never really know like is this could this be more are we just having fun you know um but it sounds like there might be some residual feelings there considering she's a little upset um i feel like she might not be as upset if it wasn't her cousin that's all i have to say it's all i really have to think about but thank you for your confessional i hope you figure it out not sure if that man's worth it if that friend is like your bestest friend you always have to pick your friends over your hoes period end of story word from god

straight up oh my god someone said i put a condom used by me and my boyfriend in a fertility spell oh my god i will not be doing fertility spells until i am like 40 i don't even know if i can get pregnant at 40 but i don't think i want to get pregnant until i'm fucking like older that's crazy next time involve him involve him i think you will have greater successes if you involve him in the fertility spell as well when it's only one-sided it has in even if it's not one-sided if it's one-sided like performance wise they have some interesting ways of taking a hold of you and by they i mean the universe so don't confuse the universe with your message involve your boyfriend maybe have get it get a little freaky during the spell you know what i

mean but you use a condom that's so funny do you like tie it up and keep it with you like take in your pocket that's hilarious i love it thank you someone said my bluetooth connection downstairs in the family's open plan home when i was watching porn um it happens i think we've all been there where like we've gotten walked in on or like the bluetooth connects or just something crazy happens and you're like shit you know what i mean sorry i needed another sip of coffee because been there i remember like i was on my bathroom floor you know doing what you do for a shower just hanging out and my mom walked in and i'm not sure if she saw what was going on but it was a very quick open and close the door and i love that when that happens just nobody speaks

about it we're all just like that was weird anyways next you know that's hilarious okay sharing men with your bestie how to ensure no toes are stepped on please and thank you illy um i feel like toes are gonna be stepped on period point blank there it's just gonna happen if you and your best friend are sharing a man listen with sex comes feelings it is very hard to have sex without feelings and like why would you be having sex without feelings when you can just have sex without feelings with yourself does that make sense i feel like it's a really self-sabotaging way to go about things and to deliberately ignore your own feelings right from the beginning toes are gonna get stepped on simply because you both will be

fucking around on your own time and will most likely catch feelings which complicates things now if it's like a three-way situation now i love that if it's you and your bestie with a man that's like together like not on separate occasions i love that i say go for it i say you two talk about what you want to happen beforehand and what you don't want to happen set any boundaries of course discuss that with the man as well and then go crazy babes have fun that's all i gotta think about um threw up on a youtuber's dick and he has a video babe he has a video i would be venmo requesting him a lot of money on the daily i would be like

sorry i'm gonna need 300 for that video 400 maybe a good 500 or you need to delete it you know what i mean like maybe he's into it you know like maybe that is like a fetish for him so get your money i don't think you should be embarrassed it happens he was probably being way too forceful and weird that's the only time that i've ever like gagged to the point of like oh my god i might throw up when i am not in control which like sometimes it's fun to not be in control but sometimes it's not fun to not be in control like why are you pushing my head like put your hands away sir this is fucking weird now you know like but yeah i would be extorting him for money babe i can't lie okay this next one's pretty good bear with me through the audio but here we go

hi hannah so my name's sierra i love your podcast so much i just have one situation that i would like your thoughts on so a while back my boyfriend had hooked up with this girl this is way like way before we were even together it was in high school um and it was just that he said he said that it was just a hookup you know okay so um fast forward to now like maybe a few months ago she texted me telling me that my boyfriend was texting her like wanting to hook up with her again and that he has been for a while so I called him up and I'm like what the fuck and he was like it didn't happen like that like this isn't he assured me that it didn't happen like that so I'm just curious to know like do you think I can rebuild this trust without actually ever having like

the closure you know thank you love you okay so I've been in a similar situation like this with my ex before um actually with multiple of my exes now that I'm thinking about it what is it with men wanting to fuck women over anyways like keep your dick in your pants it's not that fucking hard men are such sluts anyways uh same similar situation uh you know girl best friend um little too close what's going on here why is she facetiming you at 12 o'clock at night why is she calling you all the time why is my best friend telling me that she came over to give you head hmm much to think about let me let me dig into this you know previously he had been like uh no you know nothing happened and then i found out you know they did hook up in the past like

not while we were together but in the past and he was like but it was in the past it was nothing it means nothing and here's where i have to say sex rarely ever means nothing rarely ever usually there's some feelings involved enough for you guys to end up in bed together which is concerning altogether um and i was the quote-unquote toxic girlfriend whatever i was setting boundaries i don't give a fuck if i'm toxic but i was like cut that bitch off we do not have time to deal with this especially me like you're fucking me over like me do you see me do you see me standing here next to you what the fuck i'm not sharing space with another bitch especially another girl that i know wants to sleep with you um and i wish i wish with all my fucking heart that that bitch

would have come to me and been like yeah your uh or my ex is trying to you know my boyfriend at the time is trying to fuck on me here's the receipts here's the information I would have loved for a girl to come to me and tell me that shit because I was in my head the whole entire relationship like is this real what's going on and when that happens I feel like it really sets a precedent for the rest of the relationship where you're just kind of like on edge a little bit especially when you know that they have slept together before and that they are still in each other's lives it's very weird it's very odd it's very uncomfortable and you have to like put on a front that it's not uncomfortable and that's just not fun that's not fun that's not a real relationship

and i don't want you to get into that situation so here's what i think you should do i would listen to the girl i can't lie i would listen to the girl um i would ask for receipts also not from your boyfriend because he's not going to tell you the truth straight up um i would ask for receipts from the girl and whether she has them or not i would probably immediately distance myself because a you know he was hitting her up to hook up he was you know hooking up with her while you guys were together um even if she doesn't have the receipts and b maybe she's lying maybe she's making this up right but i am not competing with another bitch for a slot in a man's life i do not have time for that shit no one has time for that shit you can be fucking

the hottest man on this planet i do not have time to play games with another bitch for your dick no dick is good enough for that quite honestly so i would say first red flag first major red flag he's fucking over like fucking other girls that you were worried about during your relationship yeah i would say just leave i would say ask for receipts from the girl if she's hitting you up she's kind of a real one i can't lie like i really would have appreciated that in my last relationship um and if she's lying who cares i do not have time to compete and she seems fucking crazy and i would say just let it be you know because even if you do continue this relationship afterwards and even if you do become like the quote-unquote toxic girlfriend it's okay set

your boundaries do what you need to do and you're like don't speak to her ever again it will be this like seed in the back of your head that you're constantly going over like oh my god my my boyfriend you know like cheated on me my boyfriend slept with somebody else uh like that happened and it will constantly live in your head and eat away at you and really kind of dictate every decision that you make after that so i would say pick peace i can't lie i love you I'm sorry you're going through this but if I could look back and tell fucking like 19 year old Hannah who was in that toxic relationship getting into that toxic relationship uh what the fuck she would have done I would I would be like leave immediately I don't know why I was so caught up

on some mediocre fucking ugly ass dick but I was and it was because I was stupid and I needed to stand up for myself quite honestly so stand up someone said spit shined my table silverware that was racist slash conservative during peak covid oh my god i kind of love it i do love it i have to come out in support of it now have i ever spit in food or have i ever actually seen it in my five years of um serving no never in my life but i love that you had the balls to do that that's fucking hilarious especially on the silverware that's like some sneaky shit oh my god oh god so many of you guys are sleeping with your friends brothers got into a uh friends with benefits relationship oh my god are your brother's friends my brother's best friend hoping

he never finds out he's gonna find out he's gonna find out and it's gonna make that relationship with him and his friend very weird very odd what listen just because they're in close physical distance to you doesn't mean you have to sleep with them i'm gonna just throw that one out there just because just because you guys have a class together just because you guys work together just because you see them around doesn't mean you have to fuck them there needs to be some study done but i feel like just whenever people are in closer proximity to each other on a daily weekly basis they're like oh this is a sign from the universe this is god interfering we're meant to be together it's like babe there's a whole world there's a whole world but i

understand and i'm not judging and i do have to say he probably will find out but shit if you're getting into trouble you might as well have fun oh my god the first time i had sex with my boyfriend he threw up right after now were you guys intoxicated because i've been in a similar situation literally like i love that i'm relating to all of you guys's like worst nightmares because like bitch been there um uh pause though because like if he wasn't intoxicated concerning do you guys have bad food before concerning because here's my situation me and my boyfriend currently did uh 10 grams of mushrooms one time and as we were fucking it hit and we had eaten mac and cheese and chicken tenders right before we took any of the mushrooms

and so as you all know mushrooms kind of curdle your stomach you're literally giving yourself food poisoning and we were having sex and i was in a whole different dimension wasn't really focusing a whole lot i can't lie but sure he was doing the same thing but after he finished he was like I gotta go to the bathroom and he went to the bathroom and he didn't throw up but he thought he was gonna throw up so I've been there and in my head there was that inkling of like oh my god was it me it's not you it's probably not it's probably some bad food or the 10 grams of mushrooms you might have taken beforehand um now if it wasn't any of that maybe bring it up maybe be like um are you okay how are you doing you know like like are we okay but if it's something out of

your guys's control it's just another funny story you know what i mean because me and my boyfriend look back on that time and laugh it's hilarious i think it's so funny like damn those mushrooms rocked you but i can't lie i was also feeling that way i just have a way better of uh way better like i can compose myself way better i can kind of hide the fact that i'm like yeah i'm gonna throw up all over this man so my ex my last boyfriend we went on a break and then I told him that my ex ate my pussy but he didn't and then I made him cry um yeah it was really fun um I did it because I found out that he fucking uh kissed somebody he was already talking to somebody you know um actually before i did that uh found out he fucked somebody um threw water on him

and kicked him out of my house while he was uh asleep and yeah i had a really good time still believes it to this day and i don't regret it bitch you were playing chess he is playing checkers you were playing chess i kind of love that though there's a small part of me inside that's like my inner gemini is like i feel the need to dish out the universe's karma and it's something that i've kind of just been trying to not do as much recently especially because it's just like it gets overwhelming sometimes but listen when it is those times when it's truly deserved you know what to do in your heart you do I am not judging at all that is hilarious I also love that you woke him up by throwing fucking water in his face like yeah if I got

cheated on if I was getting fucked over on yeah immediately cup of water to the face get up get out pack your shit oh I love this I love confessionals I did you guys ever go to church growing up i did and i'm lucky that i don't have like a whole lot of um religious trauma because my parents although they were religious did not raise me in a conservative religious kind of environment it was very liberal like my pastor was a gay woman it was all rainbow positivity love vibes you know what i mean but something that we had to do when we were going through confirmation when we were like 13 was confessionals and at 13 i was a very innocent little young baby um and i really hadn't done anything ever before i didn't really feel the need to um you know

confess anything it was really hard i think i was like yeah i maybe you know lied to my parents or you know i maybe have stolen something from sephora like nothing crazy but then in college i ended up at a very conservative catholic college whoopsies did not mean to do that do not recommend um not fun but something we also had to do was attend church services regularly and confessionals and you know confessionals were not necessary you could choose to participate or not but i would just always see so many of my friends and so many of the people that went to my college going into these confessional booths and like sitting down and i'm like what the fuck are you guys getting up to what are you getting up to because i know god is not gonna approve of it

like i will tell me the drama let me know like i'm here for you babe but what is god gonna do for you hmm i don't think he's gonna save you from that anyways consider me your new priest your new pastor um no judgment here ever at all um because quite honestly uh if you've done it i've probably done it as well now i haven't done this one but someone said cheated on my first husband with my stalker because I convinced myself he wasn't crazy he was my stalker was super hot though what do you mean your stalker what do you mean your stalker pause what what do you mean your stalker I remember I was at a sleepover one time at my friend's house and her mom when we were younger was a single so you know she was dating around and i remember she was

dating this one guy who was a little odd not like inherently creepy or weird though but i woke up one night and i like got up to go use the bathroom and i looked out the window of the front house and he was standing in the front yard looking through the window yeah anyways restraining order was filed immediately by his by her mother thank god but yeah no you probably just had a little stockholm syndrome babe he he probably yeah definitely crazy um also first husband how many husbands have you had i'm curious right back okay someone said i accidentally farted in my bf's face while he was eating me out just a little just a little toot but still that's so fucking funny i think every girl's kind of been

in this situation whether it's just like a little cleave or a little toot you know there's a lot going on down there and i don't have time to suck in my stomach and hold all those muscles and focus okay if it happens it happens that is just you know that's just a part of it like listen you go down there and you slurp on balls and you do not care if they're washed I think he can handle a little toot a slight toot perhaps um this isn't really a confessional but I have a case of the fuck it's that I cannot get rid of Hannah I love you send help before I go off oh a case of the fuck it's been there been there i feel like it swings two ways though a case of the fuck it's either swings upward or you're just like life is so good fuck it i'm gonna

do whatever i want i'm gonna go for this i'm gonna go for this i'm gonna achieve this i'm gonna go try this i'm gonna go hang out with this person fuck it all fuck it we've all you know or it swings in the depression fuck it's where you are just like fuck it i don't care fuck everything fuck this life fuck myself whatever it is you know what i mean now if it's swinging upwards great love that good for you very important for it to swing upwards you know those are just called high times you know things are going well you're feeling good might be a little mania but who knows um if it's swinging downwards that's when i maybe would reach out for help i can't lie because i feel like when it's swinging downwards for me is the

time when i just need like a little bit of extra help like a little bit of extra help like a little therapist push perhaps um it's just somebody to get me back on track because once i swing downwards it's really hard for me to kind of um equal myself back out again but it's the case of the case of the fuck it's is a real thing and as long as it's swinging upwards i think you know fuck it we ball you're good you're having fun you're just living your life um but if it's swinging downwards and it's really affecting you just ring up a little therapist love it's really easy and a lot of you guys were asking me like how do i get in contact with a therapist if you have insurance which you should because your parents should have insurance

you just need to find your insurance card you need to figure out what kind of insurance you have by just googling it and then you can find doctors based on who is going through your insurance and just give that therapist a little cally call say hey do you accept my insurance and if they do boom pow there you go and your parents will never ever have to find out about it because it's a HIPAA violation and as long as you aren't really charged for anything and your insurance pulls through for it you should be good I don't know if I would recommend better help I've heard interesting things about it maybe there's better online therapists that you can seek but I definitely recommend going through your fucking insurance because that shit is expensive

but fuck it someone said before having sex with my bf i took my tampon out and i put it beneath the hotel bed but i forgot it there don't worry the cleaners definitely found it um i yeah no been there especially when my periods were really heavy and when i was a tampon user i don't really use them anymore now um yeah no i'd just be like well if i didn't like excuse myself to the bathroom gonna take it out i would just be my boyfriend's i just like pull it out this is so gross and just like set it to the side like that's so bad but like hey babes in the heat of the moment you really don't give a fuck and it's nothing a wet wipe can't solve afterwards but at least he was at a hotel where you know you know it's cleaned up after at least you didn't like leave it at his

place under his bed for like months on end but hey heat of the moment you gotta do what you gotta do oh my god hooked up with a guy on my period and then cried after because he didn't fuck like my ex oh my god uh that's hilarious that is so funny i think that's the realest moment ever like listen it happens you're already emotional especially on your period like i get it you maybe just needed some bomb ass sex and you didn't live up to it that's so funny it's not funny it's funny but it's not funny like i feel for you but it's funny i love the realness okay no i faked orgasms with my ex bf for a year and he cried when i told him why are we faking orgasms i feel it there's like some weird societal necessity but i i love that he he rides for the girlies he cried afterwards

he was probably so proud of himself too oh no this is just another reason why you shouldn't lie about fate about orgasming like you either do it or you don't and men need to know the good cold fucking honest truth you know there's no reason you should be faking an orgasm in bed with a man what are you doing there are you there just to satisfy his ego no you're there to get off you're there to have fun so make sure he's doing it correctly and if he asks be honest because like what you want me to lie to your face and say yeah babe i come i came seven fucking times in that five minutes we fucked no i didn't at all you didn't even touch my clit what the fuck do you think's gonna happen you know like sometimes you just have to be honest

with men they need to know the cold hard truth because some of them are not as skilled as they think they are and it's because women are lying to them lying lying but i love that he cried love that oh my gosh someone said had fun spontaneous sex in a lake and now going to the doctor to see if I have an infection I've had so many infections at this point not even like infections just like UTIs that I'm terrified of getting them I used to have so much fun spontaneous sex like everywhere but now I'm just like constantly terrified of getting a UTI like we were in the river the other day me and my boyfriend and um we were just hanging out you know making out whatever no one was around us so of course we're like it's a little hot and steamy and like

i knew he wanted to fuck but i was just thinking of all the particles in the river water and then that getting up into my pussy and i was like no turned off immediately immediately no i can't like i just can't like love when it gets hot and steamy and spontaneous like yeah you know what I'll take antibiotics for you, babe. I don't care. But I was just so focused on like just the particles and like, oh, I was like, no, nope, can't. I don't want that in my pussy because I know it's going to get in there. Oh my gosh. Hi, Hannah. I have a confession for you for this week. I can't believe I'm telling it, but I'm going to. So this past year I was in a really bad spot with my old roommates they were just like really really

mean girls to me um so my other roommates and I took it upon ourselves uh when they were like out of town or like gone for the weekend we would break into their rooms and basically just sesh and like hotbox their rooms and like smoke cigs in their rooms when we were drunk and shit like we just absolutely danked up their rooms because we knew that they hated it um but yeah it's funny to look back on now like it was super petty but and they definitely knew but it like gave me peace of mind at least bye okay I love this that's good that's like a very chaotic neutral way of like getting back at somebody like some people are like I'm gonna ruin your life and then some people are like

I'm gonna make sure you can't get away from this just one particular smell that I know you hate that's so fucking funny felt you on the bad roommate thing though it happens to it happens to everyone I can't lie I feel like everybody just ends up with uh bad roommates at some point in their life oh my god I had sex in a Denny's parking lot it's funny that it's Denny's I think we've all had sex in a parking lot though it happens it's fun i can't lie it is really fun once thought i was controlling a candle while on acid every day i crave that sense of power that's hilarious you probably you weren't controlling it i can tell you that right now but i love that you were like chasing that feeling i hope you're not chasing that feeling

through drugs but that's so funny somebody said i really want to do butt stuff with my bf but he is not down now if they're not down you do kind of have to respect it but also if they are down i do recommend i do recommend considering i literally did anal like last night not to air my dirty laundry out but it's kind of fun i hadn't done it for a while just because i don't know life got a hold of me i didn't really have a whole lot of time to think about hmm yeah like i want a dick in my ass like i didn't really think about that but then i was like okay you know getting a little freaky i don't know what era i'm in um but i we finally like got back into it and i forgot how fun it is i can't lie and like if you want to start slow and you don't want to put anything

like personal inside get like a butt plug you know I feel like that's the easiest way to kind of incorporate it but also like not super incorporate it like if he's a little nervy about the whole like you know poop situation you know that's just something he has to get over and a lot of men aren't good with that which is fine um they don't have to be we all have different boundaries and what we want and what we want to do but you know a man if you're going to be doing butt play like he has to be a man he has to be prepared to see it all you know what confessional i have never told anybody that's so fucking funny um but back when me and my boyfriend were doing anal like all the time like probably about a year ago i was standing up because i love

fucking in front of a mirror if like i have so many mirrors in my room just because like it's not maybe i am vain but i just love looking at myself and i love looking at my partner being able to see my partner during sex and you know mirrors kind of help in that so i don't have to like fucking break my neck trying to see what the fuck's going on um but we were standing in his bathroom like standing up doing anal which I do not recommend you probably will pass out I recommend laying down flat on your stomach legs together head under a pillow like the Kim K position that's the best position you need like all of your muscles down there to just like completely relax and it's really hard to do that standing up but we were standing up and you know

he was hitting it from behind and this is what I mean by like a man needs to be prepared for all situations but like you know he pulled out and you know I do recommend like making sure you're having a clean shit that morning like a good solid clean shit uh or else you know there might be some residue residuals in there you know very normal very much things that should be happening with your body but he pulled out and like oh this is so tmi but like what have i not fucking shared with you guys essentially like his cum fell out of me out of my asshole onto the ground and it was just a little brown it was just a little brown and he's a real one because i was not about to wipe it up i was busy trying to regain balance and he just like you know grab

some tissue paper wiped it up didn't say a word started the shower helped me in i was like now that's a man that is a man a true man will wreck your shit wipe up your shit and then run a hot shower for you that is what you need but if you are interested and you know your man's maybe a little iffy on it sorry i need to blow my nose just start with like just start with a butt plug i think it's very easy very simple and also i feel like people dive into butt play way too fast you gotta have time to like stretch yourself out i think men just get excited and they want to like just shove their dick in there but it's like no that's not how it works obviously stuff's not supposed to go in there it's like give me time you know like give yourself time to like stretch

out a little bit to get comfortable with that feeling but yeah i started getting into it when i got a vibrating butt plug which i 10 out of 10 recommend so if you are interested i do i think it's fun i feel like a lot of the times like women are always like making fun of men that are like you're gay you want to do butt stuff like you're gay but it's like what about the women who want to do it what does that make us i'm curious because like shit it's kind of fun someone said they're sexting a contestant of the bachelorette i love that i hope you're in your bag i hope you're making some money i hope he i don't know if they make a lot of money from that show probably not but endorsements afterwards definitely you know they're making so much money

after uh for endorsements uh so i hope you're getting flown out that would be awesome uh my boyfriend nuts too fast and it's actually the worst while you're having sex look that man in the eyes and say don't come like it's i'm sorry but like they need to build up stamina they do and i feel like when men are used to coming really fast they don't know how to like control themselves and how to like edge themselves a little bit like yeah when you feel like you know you're about to you know come it doesn't mean you have to come especially when you're like 30 seconds in like chill like take the dick out like wait a second let yourself calm down and then keep going um because i feel you that would actually be the worst especially when he's probably coming

before you even have a chance to so i would say either do a lot more foreplay before like if it's the issue of the dick being inside you and then he's coming like way too fast do a lot of foreplay um and kind of like wait make him wait and like get yourself off before the dick even goes inside you um and then like you know also you can just tell him not to come like if you feel like like i feel like you know in sexual relationships you know your partner pretty well you know when that it's gonna happen um or you should you know you should be able to read your partner literally be like stop i want to change positions like right before you know he's about to like i don't know or talk to him be like you come too fast you need to wait you need to slow down

any of the ways are valid i can't lie just be nice about it but yeah oh my gosh okay this is a longer one for my dms but here we go girl hi so my confession is that last weekend we had a pot party and we got some strong edibles and after a while things got so bad everyone got sick my boyfriend barfed all over me my best friend was throwing up in the uh in the upstairs bathroom she was pale as shit my cousin was sleeping in the downstairs bathroom floor and i was panicking because i felt so bad but i couldn't let myself lose control because i felt like i had to take care of everyone and everything it was really one of the worst nights of my life and now i'm not smoking because the whole situation is sickening and i really miss the positive effects weed

normally has on me but i just can't get that situation out of my mind any tips illy and the pod greetings all the way from mexico love you okay so been there um i feel like there are moments in my life when weed has a very positive effect and there are moments in my life where weed has a very negative effect um and it goes through phases i'm not sure why there's just times where i feel like when i'm smoking um or eating edibles like it will either hit me and be really negative or it'll hit me and be really positive but i think it's important to look at those times and think about them and really take breaks if you think they are needed if something's not having a positive effect on you why would you continuously do it even though it's supposed to quote unquote

have a positive positive effect maybe you just need a little break because like been there multiple times like i've told the story before where i greened out on edibles so i ate a whole pan a whole pan of edibles like at least a cup of weed butter was in those uh edibles ate a whole pan was literally tripping so fucking hard i thought i was taking my contacts out literally i thought i was standing up at the sink taking my contacts out like i vividly remember this taking them out putting them away you know and then like stumbling back to the bed and you know how like in euphoria when she's like walking down the hallway and the hallway starts spinning and like she's like leaning and she's like falling over on the walls like that's what it felt like

it felt like the world was spinning around me and no i woke up the next morning and i was not taking my contacts out of the sink i was taking them out and putting them on the pillow next to me like straight up just hallucinating this shit like bad times bad times not fun um and after that i had to just be like okay break time like if this is not giving me a positive effect i just need to chill the fuck out i just need to wait i just need to you know take a little break for my own mental health so i can rebuild this relationship in a positive way and then go from there you know i think that's totally valid i think it's totally fine i don't think anybody's gonna judge you for it but like yeah we have to admit to ourselves that like yeah weed is a drug it's not

always going to be positive and we need to take care of ourselves when we think that we need a break so very valid been there with the whole throwing up with the whole crazy edible story i think we all have just because edibles can be so fucking strong and just like kind of take over um but yeah just take a little break i think it really won't hurt you and it'll really help build that relationship with yourself and then down the road probably a better relationship with weed oh okay someone said confession uh for new pod ep i'm so in love with my ex he and i want to be together but we agree that neither of us are in a position mentally to be in a relationship it's absolutely destroying me to not be with him but i can't let go because i'm not willing to lose

someone who's changed my life for the better in so many ways help love the podcast so much if you are unable to be a whole person outside of a relationship and function as a whole person outside of a relationship then you will not be able to function inside of a relationship because two people do not come together to make each other whole in like a way that it's like two halves of a person coming to make one whole person it is two whole people coming together to make a whole new type of person that is the combination of those two whole people and you need to be able to like survive and live your life normally even if he is not there so i really recommend you looking into codependency um looking into maybe why you feel the need to um you know

constantly be with him is it because you can't be alone is it because you feel this need to take care of him either way i do think a break is really really good um and it doesn't mean that you guys like maybe won't be together in the future but i think it's probably a very important time in your life right now to focus on yourself and he probably needs to do the same and in order for him to grow the way that you want him to and for you to grow the way that you want to as well maybe you just need a little bit of time okay just a little bit of time and i think you should focus on yourself and really encourage yourself to get through it and if it takes you guys going no contact because you were just that codependent um i think that's important as well um but i don't

think you should live your life waiting around for a man to complete you i think that's going to drain you i think it's going to drive you emotionally crazy and i don't ever want to see that from any of my girlies but i love you and i get it i get it's hard you know breakups are hard or taking breaks are hard but it's just a great way for you guys to grow separately so then in the future you guys can either um you know a become whole people on your own or b become whole people and be able to reconnect as well and reconnect in a more positive way so i'm feeling hopeful you just need to trust in yourself and trust in your growth process and do what you need to do for you okay so this happened when i was in high school but basically i was at my friend's

house for a new year's eve party and i was there with this guy that i liked or whatever so we you know went upstairs to a spare bedroom and we're doing things and all of a sudden the door swings open and her dad is just standing in the doorway and I'm laying on the bed bear cooched and this man flies off the bed and her dad is just looking at me sitting on the bed and I literally blacked out I don't remember anything after that and that was for sure the worst thing that's ever happened to me in my life it was so embarrassing anyways love you not bear cooched uh I was not having sex in high school or I feel like a lot of these situations probably would have happened to me luckily I was just drinking a lot and smoking a lot and running around with my friends but hey

at least you know you blacked out afterwards and didn't have to deal with the repercussions but I love that it lives in your head rent-free I feel like we all have so many of those situations that just like live in our head rent free um like i never brought boys over to my house ever but like i'm thinking about past relationships where we were maybe like at at their parents house or like my current relationship you know if we were at their parents house for some reason and we were having sex like i am not a quiet person i just can't be i feel really bad about it because the poor people who have to hear me um but i know for a fact a lot of people have heard me have sex before and i feel so bad for them although they didn't see me bear cooched out they did hear me

getting my back blown out that is for sure but love that thank you all so much for all the confessionals this has been so fun so many of you guys submitted some i really really appreciate it usually we only get a few and i can only make like half a podcast out of them but this has been really fun i love it i love this little like bonding moment that we all get to have where we all just like dish out our dirtiest little secrets it's really something i can't lie anyways it is 10 30 oh my god i finished a podcast before 11 that's crazy that's insane feeling proud feeling accomplished this is your sign to wake up early and get your shit done anyways i have the rest of the day to myself which is kind of nice i think i'm just gonna hang out

i'm probably gonna go to the pool after this grab some chipotle or something then i got some just like small work i gotta get done at my house some shipping i need to do some prep for the merch drop happening next week are you guys ready i'm not but i'm very i'm so excited i literally can't fucking wait it's gonna be so fun it's gonna be so incredible i can't wait to share um these items with you guys and see you guys you know we're all gonna have matching hoodies and that's so cute um but follow my instagram at hannah marlene if you want to participate in merch or if you want to get updates on the pod or if you ever want to send me a dm that is the place to fucking go i put up a questionnaire every sunday um just for like you know um just you know to get your

questions it's like way easier to organize it there than my dms but it also only allows for a certain amount of characters so if you have a longer story a longer question anytime feel free to submit it to my dm um or dms at hannah marlene once again and i'll either answer them there or bring them up on the podcast but either way i love you guys thank you so much for participating thanks for coming to church today mother's smoke sesh i hope was able to help you out a little bit um and i'm gonna go enjoy the rest of my day and i hope you guys do as well have a wonderful weekend have a safe weekend and i will see you all again next week for another episode of Smoke Sash and maybe a little extra special video content as well. I'm excited. Are

you? Anyways, have a great weekend. Love you all.