Smoke Sesh - spiritual awakening & bucket lists

Episode Date: June 10, 2022

Happy Friday! Sorry I’m a day late but I update you guys on what’s going on, and brain fog. We keep it simple today as I talk spiritual awakening and what that means to me, what I’ve gone through, and what to look out for. We also talk parents & relationships, what it’s like growing up and how setting boundaries can be positive, as well as seeing your parents as their own people, the nuclear family and the positivity of community. And finally we talk Hannahs smoke sesh bucket list, and summer activities to keep your days full and happy. I’ll see you next week for more episodes of Smoke Sesh and once again all questions that you have please send them to my Instagram @ hannahmarlene. Love you all lots have a safe weekend, MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash, so come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Good morning! Okay, first of all, my apologies. i'm a day late yesterday i don't really know what's going through my brain yesterday it was

just kind of chaosy could not form words let alone sentences so i spent the day laying in bed crying occasionally eating good food drinking plenty of water so today i can be back back on my a game back into it you know what i mean um anyways it's a story for another day um you know you just sometimes need days sometimes you know things that are scheduled don't fit into schedules sometimes you really just gotta work around where your brain is at and with my lovely adhd brain plus depression brain plus a little bit of manic brain right now yeah it just unfortunately was not fitting in my schedule but i love you guys and of course i always get to you guys even if it's a little day late i apologize but i'm here that's all that matters this episode might be a

little bit shorter just because i'm gonna blast through this shit this morning while i'm on my coffee high my boyfriend came over um last night we had berea we hung out it was great i love not having wi-fi me romanticizing not having wi-fi i love not having wi-fi in my apartment which i don't think i'm gonna be able to get for another like two weeks because it forces us to like pay attention to each other it forces us to hang out with each other not that we don't want to not that like uh you know we want to be distracted from each other but it's just so easy to like turn on the tv turn on a movie and just like dissociate and just like hang out in silence which is wonderful which is great but you know sometimes you really do need to be present with each other

and i love that i'm kind of forced to be present within my space it's forcing me to get creative forcing me to kind of stay off my phone a little bit which is really nice so we woke up this morning at like fuck like 7 a.m and then we walked to get coffee i got a fucking amazing bagel sandwich if you want like the recipe for a perfect bagel sandwich get an everything bagel they put like a uh chipotle or like a spicy aioli on top tomatoes if you like them i don't like tomatoes unless they're diced because i'm a fucking weirdo and then a little bit of spinach an egg some sausage if you're a sausage girly or bacon if you're a bacon girly or both either way that's the best bagel sandwich that you're ever gonna fucking eat and then we got large coffees

so i'm just riding the high of my coffee he had to go to work i'm chilling until i gotta go work tonight at like 5 45 which is like such a strange time to go into work but yeah i just wanted to jump into this get into this podcast have some fun with you guys um I'm leaving to go to Arkansas tomorrow morning I know Arkansas like what why why why Hannah well let me explain I did not pick this place my boyfriend did not pick this place my family picked this place um they just rented a little lake house for the weekend so we're gonna go out there um kind of relax a little bit go swimming, take a little break from our lives for a second. It'll be really nice just to get into nature and I've never been to Arkansas so that'll be interesting but I'll inform you guys

of that next week. Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for always sticking around for me. I really appreciate it and I love you guys so much and I'm buying a vlog camera soon so stay tuned. Exciting things happening. Anyways, so first topic I kind of want to get into today since you know it is summer i feel like people are kind of like walking into themselves opening up to themselves um and i want to talk about spiritual awakenings okay i want to talk about what that process has looked like for me what it could look like for you and i think what everybody has kind of gone through and it's not going to be some little fun story of like oh well you know i took psychedelics and i realized the the world is just bigger than myself

no listen i've taken like 10 grams of shrooms at like once and i didn't see god i saw my floor for eight hours until it was over basically there was no spiritual awakening other than me realizing i don't want to do this much shrooms again um and it was quite honestly just like crippling and debilitating. My spiritual awakening was not, you know, through Jesus or through God. It was not through a deity of any sort. It was not, you know, taking ayahuasca in another country and it was a really life-changing, beautiful trip. No. My spiritual awakening was probably when I hit my lowest point which i think is confusing for a lot of people because you know your spiritual awakening supposed to be this big rebirth this beautiful incredible moment you know this like

eye opening you know heart opening chakra opening moments and you know your life's supposed to change for the better after it and like yeah that could be the case for some people and it is a beautiful experience it is you know a gift but I think a lot of people look for it and look for it and look for it in those like beautiful aha moments when in reality it can happen when you are in your lowest moments and I think that's kind of how mine started um and how I kind of realized what I was going through but someone asked hi I was wondering if you would talk about spirituality the spiritual awakening and the process the light and dark of it what have you done to strengthen your growth and healing process and here's the thing I think my spiritual awakening

was me realizing that everything I needed was within myself and there was no higher power there was no other person in control of me there was no you know outside driving factor what I needed was not something I needed to chase after something that I needed to go on a you know life-changing road trip or huge trip to go discover myself or I needed to do all this work to discover myself no I realized that everything that I needed I truly could find within myself if I simply just looked for it that was my spiritual awakening because I realized that a lot of my life I have distrusted myself and I haven't listened to myself and I didn't believe in myself and I mean not when I was a little girl but putting it into perspective I think a lot of

my adult life from like, and I say adult softly, but like, you know, maybe like 14 to what I am now, I was constantly searching and searching and searching for some outside factor to give me some purpose, to give me some reason to really just like, you know, explain things for me, walk me through it when in reality i needed to be the person next to myself holding my own hand walking myself through life and standing by myself consistently and constantly um through the thick and thin of it i need to learn to not leave myself and not run away from myself i needed to learn to ask within and look within and trust myself in those answers that i give myself and to trust myself when it comes to you know taking risks and taking chances and learn from

things and learn from myself I didn't need some like higher power or some like big mentor or some life-changing experience I needed to simply try to listen to myself and try to look inward instead of constantly looking outward like I have the rest of my life I think that was my spiritual awakening and no it wasn't some like oh I'm waking up in the middle of the night from this realization and I immediately go into some manic behavior and you know it's like a huge like ephemeral ethereal moment no it was very subtle and did I realize what was going on at the time no I didn't mostly because I wasn't in tune with myself very much and I didn't have that like perspective of kind of like listening to myself but it registered in my brain consciously

and I slowly started making steps and that's when you know the idea of the spiritual growth process comes in because you don't have this just like one big spiritual awakening you don't have this just like one moment that changes your life forever it's like a bunch of little moments that add up and that will constantly happen throughout your life that will kind of you know push you in the right direction and they're small so you have to look out for them and you have to be aware of them and you have to really take those moments and take that time to sit down with yourself at like the end of the day or sit down with yourself in those moments and think about them you know I think we spend so much of our life not wanting to think not wanting to really you know have those

conversations with ourselves we spend a lot of our time like looking for outside opinions and looking for outside resources and looking for, you know, well, I don't know, but I know someone else does. And it's like, but you might know, you might understand if you sit down and process that and go through it with yourself. But when it comes to the healing process and strengthening my growth and healing process, it really just comes down to the little things. I know. And I talk about the little things a lot but here's the thing in any aspect of life you can get like one big present one for your whole entire life you could get just one okay and that would be bring you immense joy that would bring you so much happiness but it would be short-lived because it

would be so big that it would outweigh everything else going on for the rest of your life and also you would never be able to find something like it again okay so you could get one big present or you could get thousands of little presents spread along throughout your lifetime you just simply need to stop and look out for them because they might slip you by does that slip you by is that a fucking i don't know anyways life is all about looking out for the little presents okay if you look for the big present you're going to be disappointed because you probably won't find it you're going to consistently be searching for it and you're going to feel empty because a you maybe have not found it or b you found it and now nothing else compares okay that's not the way to

go about it especially with like healing and growth you need to constantly be looking for the little things throughout your life whether it comes for like little bits of magic throughout your day like i talked about in the last podcast go give that a listen um or like um the like little bits of like kind of spiritual awakening as one might say um you know throughout your day throughout your month throughout your lifetime you have to keep your eye out okay for the little bits of magic that the world provides for us oh my god i don't know why my nose gets so stuffy when i record it like my nose like immediately gets stuffy and i get like sniffy it's so weird anyways but i don't know i just realized that a lot of my spirituality after being raised

especially in a christian household and i'm kind of lucky that you know my christian household was not a like like a catholic household you know like i have catholic relatives and they are very straight cut you know dry cut fucking like you know it's intense to say the least it's very intense not a lot of room for growth or progression the christian house that i was raised in was very like liberal i want to say like i had a lesbian pastor okay if that puts anything into perspective they're very open with people open with everybody you know they wanted to make everybody feel included I was Methodist I don't know if that was your experience under the Methodist church but that was mine and you know it was still based in that logic of you know you

are driven by a higher power though and I had to come to the realization that my spirituality and my i mean after i kind of left the church and started searching for you know what is life what is it about i realized that it's okay for your spirituality to be based in yourself and i don't mean that in like an egotistical way and like a uh well i'm different for everybody else so i need to remove myself from the collective and only focus on myself that's not what i'm getting at it's more so as looking inward and looking towards yourself for directionality and looking towards yourself for like confirmation and confidence and confirmation and happiness instead of outward ideals and outward opinions but also understanding that you are also part of the collective as much

as you want to remove yourself from the universe you cannot you cannot fully remove yourself from the universe because you are a part of it okay and that small ant-like feeling should bring you peace the other night I literally was having like a rough night just because I get in my head and I get fucking psycho and I like spiral very quickly I have this really bad self-sabotaging habit of like when I feel this negative emotion I want to multiply it by a thousand and I want to sit with it which is really bad so I did this little practice the other night which was kind of fun but i i needed food so of course i went and got drunk at the cheesecake factory bar not sure why i don't even like cheesecake factory i was craving pasta and nothing was open so i went and i got

some fettuccine alfredo and some prosecco and a green tea shot and i was fucked up and i was eating my pasta and it was like all this chaos and noise around me and yet within myself I was able to find this little bubble of me alone at the bar enjoying my time within the chaos of it all simply be and I was just sitting with myself no other outside interactions just me myself enjoying my time with me and then I left and I was like okay well now what I'm gonna what am I gonna do I don't really have anything else to do so I went and if you live in Kansas City there's this art museum called the Nelson the Nelson has had like a very special place within my heart throughout college it's somewhere that I would always retire to whenever I had breaks

whenever I needed coffee whenever I needed to do research for myself for my art whatever it was I always found myself wandering the galleries and looking at all the art and really just sitting with them and also sitting with myself in a very meditative way now at 11 o'clock at night they're not open but i highly recommend this art museum um it really is incredible and i always end up there when i'm crying i don't know why but um of course it was closed but the whole art museum has this giant lawn like this mile and a half long lawn and it's huge and it's surrounded by trees on either side and then the road on one side and the giant museum on the other so my ass you know walks there and I walk to the very dead center of that lawn and I laid down on my back and I just

looked up at the stars and I really sat with myself and felt how you know that feeling of smallness and that feeling of like myself being with myself being alone with myself and it felt so comforting and it felt so relaxing just laying there and really just sitting with that feeling of kind of like not loneliness but just maybe individuality I don't really know the word I'm looking for but it was a great meditative way of just like reconnecting back to myself in a like positive way and also remembering how small I am and how simple moments like laying being the only person at this giant art museum and being able to lay in the grass and feel the grass against my skin and you know hear the cars rushing by and I can look up at the sky and see all these

millions of stars that are so far away that they could be dead and our eyes are just seeing them now for the first time um because you know their light has finally reached us and it was really great it was a great way of me kind of unspiraling myself and finding that small magic within my night and learning to trust myself and open myself up to the world a little bit more you know life is all about making small magical moments for yourself and although my spirituality is based within myself it's okay to also be based within others and based within community i think community is so important and that's why you know churches people get so sucked into churches because they build a community there they find you know people there and yes your spirituality can be based

within yourself but it also has to be based within the collective and based within this understanding that you know within the universe you are nothing but you should find that like kind of relaxing and it really should kind of bring some weight off your shoulders that paper that you have do tonight that you maybe didn't do because you're stressing out about it in the long run it might not matter you know because you are so small that huge issue that's been weighing on your shoulders you can take a moment to relax you can take a moment to breathe because within the grand scheme of it all it doesn't matter and it doesn't matter in the most euphoric and releasing way does that make sense i don't think you should disconnect yourself from the world i don't think you should

desensitize yourself to the world but it's okay to remind yourself every once in a while that you know it's okay to be yourself and it's okay to have these emotions and it's okay to feel overwhelmed but also to sit with yourself and work through them and find something to get yourself through it um you have to look inward to find those things no one else is like i've said before gonna come to you and save you and fix everything you do have to kind of find that within yourself and although i say that's like a big part of my spiritual journey i think it's also a big part of um just like my mental health journey and my growth journey as well is instead of just constantly looking for somebody else to come save me some deity to come save me um looking around

helpless i can step up and take that power within myself to you know save myself and be there for myself and show up for myself because if no one else is gonna do it why would i not do it as well you know but i think spiritual awakening is very different from everybody else i think spirituality is very different from everybody or for everybody else i think whichever way you find it is very valid as long as you know it's not harming yourself or others i think that's kind of the key of it all but for me personally it was really just realizing everything i needed was within myself and not some outside higher power was that rambly was i just rambling i might have been it really is the coffee high the coffee rush if you're anything like me if i want to get anything

done i have to be like overly caffeinated also oh my god this coffee shop next to me has like the best best bagel sandwiches ever i'm a breakfast slut okay and i'll forever be a breakfast slut if you're a breakfast slut rise up rise up it could be 7 a.m it could be 1 p.m it could be 11 o'clock at night i am craving breakfast of any form of any form i don't care what it is pancakes eggs bacon i don't care i'm i'm craving it i will forever be a breakfast bitch i will always be a breakfast slut has a special place in my heart i have no idea why biscuits and gravy like come on people anyways i gotta go finish my sandwich real quick let's get into a call-in um while i eat this bagel hi hannah i love you and i love your podcast i feel like i'm a bit on the older side of your

listeners because i'm actually about to turn 26 leo season um in july but a lot of my friends and i just really love your podcast and find all of your advice so helpful so just wanted to shout that out um my question is about how you accept yourself as a stoner and like come out to your friends and family like that I'm also from the south and I'm just used to all that like dare garbage in your head about drugs being bad so I feel like sometimes I still am a little bit down on myself even though I know that the way that I use weed is really therapeutic and healthy um but yeah just would love your perspective on that also wanted to do a mini plug for myself because you always encourage it but I've recently started like bedazzling and decorating bowls um

so yeah oh my god literally i was just looking at your bedazzled like bowls and jars and there's like a little shot glass i was oh my god adorable first of all also you're never too old to listen to this podcast 26 is not old okay i thought i think i look at my demographic and there's people like up to 50 listening to this so but i mean the typical age range is like what 18 to 30 so you're good you're vibing we're here we're we're all age friendly okay except for if you're like young like if you're eight babe i don't know why that would be happening i don't think anybody that young listens to this but okay anyways back on track also if you send me a dm of like if you have an instagram account that you like want me to support let me know i'd be more than happy to share it on

my instagram story but oh my god your pieces are so cute okay so me and my co-worker were talking about this the other day because me and him kind of have like a similar parent dynamic where it was like you know when we were under their roof things were not great to say the least just like a lot of judgment a lot of harsh rules a lot of strictness a lot of expectations and kind of like a differing expectations but then once you know you get out of your parents house the world kind of opens up you and your parents get space and me and him even said this like even though we had hard really hard childhoods you know you start seeing your parents more as people and as humans and as identities separate from the family dynamic and it kind of puts things into perspective and

it makes forgiving them like listen if you've been through some real traumatic shit I get it if you don't want to forgive them totally valid take your space I think that's very important but um when you know things can be repaired you can really like maybe work through things with yourself or with your parents i'm serious that like teenage being a teenager is really just like a process and it's something you have to just go through okay like i hated living under my parents roof but if i were to you know pack my shit and leave at like 16 17 i would not have been able to survive out in the world at all um unfortunately just living with your parents until you're old enough to you know make decisions for yourself to be able to like afford you know living

on your own is just a step in life that you have to go through i really don't encourage people to like you know up and leave their house very quickly um unless you know there are very serious things happening and you need to get out then absolutely that's valid but if you just have harsh strict parents unfortunately that's just like a part of life and something that you have to go through as a teenager because i would never ever encourage like anybody like under 18 under 20 under 21 uh 20 to like you know really just like run out into the world and like throw themselves into it because the world can be very harsh bills are hard to pay overworking yourself and putting that much pressure on yourself at a young age is really hard um so yeah it just sucks for a little

bit I can't lie but you know it's a part of the growth process it's a part of growing up you do have to live with your parents until you're old enough to you know leave the nest now when you leave the nest which you will eventually which is really all you can hold on to when you're a younger person you have a bad relationship with your parents is that okay you know as i can get through this but one day i know i'll be able to leave and have my own life and that is wonderful and that is incredible i just gotta wait until then um but once you leave you kind of you know you get some distance from your parents which is really nice um and you get some distance from their ideals and you learn that the world is much bigger than your nuclear family it's much bigger

than your your high school it's much bigger than your local town it is so wide and vast there's so many differing opinions there's so many different people and you start seeing people as individuals you start seeing people as you know people and in turn you when you look back on the nuclear family you kind of start seeing your parents as people as well and it kind of breaks your heart a little bit because I realized I put so much pressure I put so much anger I put so much hatred on my parents for things that like they couldn't control or things that you know they thought were best for me that they were you know in their heart trying to help me they just didn't know they were young they make mistakes just like I do and I needed to offer them that forgiveness and that understanding

that I offer myself now it does really kind of need to be mutual and luckily the space that me my parents have had I think they allow me to be an adult now which is really wonderful they really give me those boundaries that I need they give me that space that I need um they really just let me live my own life and you know if I have problems and issues and I come to them they're all they'll always be there for me which is incredible but it's just a part of growing up and it's a part of like becoming an adult that really just takes time and understanding to learn and to really process those emotions you can't just like overnight have everything fixed it's gonna take time it's gonna take years and yeah but I guarantee hopefully you will get there

I understand it as a case-by-case situation now when it comes to smoking um I know one parent of mine is cool with it I've never done that with them I've never like had it around them we've discussed it he's really just discussed it with me and like a uh you know you need to be careful you need to protect yourself you need to make sure you're doing this in a healthy way which is wonderful that that's kind of the conversation we've had um with my other parent it's just like a I don't think they're on board quite honestly with my extended family they're definitely not on board considering they're very religious and very catholic and very conservative but here's the thing that i've really really learned growing up is you have to understand everybody's boundaries

and you have to understand everybody's like kind of thought processes and if you have this inkling that you know they might not like this part about you especially when it comes to smoking maybe you don't need to share it with them okay when it's something as small as like smoking and you think it might like completely ruin your relationship with them maybe it's okay to just like not discuss those things now when it comes to big issues like them just like not accepting your identity or who you are maybe you need to kind of think about like okay i just don't need these people in my life if they're not going to accept me for who i am you know when it comes to very big issues but when it comes to like smoking and stuff like that it's such like a weird case

by case basis where it's like some people are totally for it and some people are totally against it um that if you think and it's like kind of a small issue you know it's not like a huge identity issue um if you think they're not going to be very receptive to what you're going to say maybe just don't say it and i've had to learn that that's kind of the best way to go about life especially with family is is you don't have to share everything with everybody um I have friends and I have family and I have people in my life that of course I do share everything and everything about me with them because they accept me and they love me but unfortunately where it comes to the relationships that are kind of like um not forced not situational whatever it would be um

where it's like you want them in your life but you know they're a little bit different than you they have different ideals than you maybe you don't need to share every single thing with them okay me and my parents have a great relationship because we have boundaries because we you know discuss some things and don't discuss others you know I'm not like speaking to my parents the way am speaking on this podcast because quite frankly they don't give a fuck you know like they don't need to hear about my sex life they don't need to hear about you know my smoking habits they don't need to hear about the crazy shit I did when I was younger they're fine not hearing that because I'm their daughter and you know they don't care they just want to make sure a I'm healthy that

you know I maybe share like one new goal with them a week or one you know happy success something that like that I enjoyed that week with them and I'm gonna show up to family dinners that's all they care about okay so if you think your parents are gonna be cool with it I mean yeah you can totally share with it share them or share that with them you can bond with them a little bit you know but like I'm going on family vacation with my family and like this um weekend and I'm planning on smoking while i'm there will i tell them i'm smoking no will i offer to smoke with them no it's gonna be like a i'm just gonna go on a little walk real quick and hit this and i'll be back you know keep the boundaries because it will probably cause some fights and

i don't need to deal with those fights and my parents are the kind of people who are like you know as long as we don't see or hear about it like we don't care so it's very situational like if you think your parents are gonna be cool with it if you think it's gonna be a cool bonding moment then yeah go for it especially when you're older um i feel like you have a lot more leeway with discussing things with your parents um you can kind of bring up things from the past that are funny or like things you got in trouble doing when you were younger but like i've had this strict rule with myself it's like until i turn 30 my co-worker even said this he was like yeah no i won't tell my parents shit about like the things i've gone through or like anything

like that until i turn 30 because i'm still at an age where they're concerned about me where you know i'm still learning how to navigate myself my way through this world and you know they're a little worried about me they want to watch out for me they want to be protective about me and i don't need to worry them any more than they already are because i i got my anxiety disorder from both of them so i know what's going through their head and i don't need to worry them any more than they already are especially when like i'm not worried about myself and the worry would from them would be like unjustified and it would cause more anxiety for me so that's how I kind of am when it comes to parents and smoking it's totally situational like my boyfriend has

a great relationship with his parents when it comes to smoking like I can smoke with his mom like they're cool with it you know they don't care um and like my family really doesn't care like they're not like super conservative they're not conservative at all it's just like uh why worry them if there's no point you know why cause unnecessary stress when there's no point they know i do it it's not a secret they know i i mean i am my father's daughter of course it's gonna be me um they just don't care to participate or really be in that part of my life there's other ways that they want to be involved with my life and they don't really care about smoking you know so i hope that helps i understand being frustrated with their parents i guarantee the older you get the

more you'll kind of you know repair that relationship figure it out if you do need space from your family i think it's totally valid totally fine um like i said it is very situational so good luck but i believe in you and i love you and i trust that whatever you do is going to be best for yourself and your loved ones. I feel like I'm rambling a lot today but I'm having fun so that's all that matters. Anyways so last episode we talked about a smoke sesh summer, what it means to have a smoke sesh summer, what summer is going to look like for us and I thought you know I might get back to like my 12 year old roots, 13 year old roots and make a summer bucket lists i know crazy right oh my god sorry of the hiccups i just thought it'd be fun um i remember

making bucket lists when i was younger and just like having the best time trying to cross shit off with my friends and you know coming up with some outrageous stuff um so i thought i would do one for myself i got 17 things on here we're gonna go through them all anyways um i just think it's super nostalgic and like i said i think in my last podcast or maybe in the 23 things my birthday episode 23 things i've learned in 23 years um i talk about nostalgia and how it's quite honestly my favorite feeling ever i'm constantly chasing the feeling of nostalgia and like romanticization and that feeling of just like love and like overwhelming love for life so i kind of included a bunch of activities that I think kind of embody that feeling into this so when people are messaging

me being like I don't know what to do for the summer I don't like what should I do like I can't think of anything okay babe well here I've got the answers for you all right so we talked about this in our last episode but these are very important the first two I've already discussed but number one get outside for an hour every day okay get outside enjoy your day sit in the sun photosynthesize like a plant i'm not even kidding it will do wonders for your mental health it'll do wonders for your mind and also you need to change up your space your environment if you are constantly at work or constantly in your room yeah life's gonna suck get out there go experience new things like one of my favorite things to do is simply like people watch like

i don't like interacting sometimes i don't have to interact with people to like go and experience go on a walk go people watch go sit at your local park it's so fun to kind of just like observe the environment around you and just like understand that there are so many different types of people and so many different things going on within the world and within people's lives just like you have things going on within your life um number two eat all the fresh fruit and veggies that you can tis the season everything's in season right now go consume as much fresh vegetables and fresh fruit that you can um personally well this is another one on my bucket list we'll get to it soon but i feel like during the winter months i'm always just like so disappointed with the

produce selection god i'm literally turning into adult me complaining about the produce selection of my store i'm always disappointed in the produce selection and stuff is so expensive in the winter just simply because it's out of season so while it is in season while we do have this fresh fruit bearing on local trees go and enjoy it get out there um have some fun while doing it too get creative eat there's nothing better than just like going in the get in the shower if you're not a messy person or just like do it in your kitchen but if you're not a messy person go in the shower and literally just like eat a mango and let it like drip all over you get messy with it consume nature as it's supposed to be consumed not in a like you know destructive way but in a

appreciative way number three wear an outfit exclamation point every day i feel like recently i have been getting really mundane with my outfits i've kind of just been going with what's easy what's easiest quite honestly and i really like dressing up i love coming up with new outfits i love having new things to wear i remember in high school and college everybody would be like hannah is always showing up with fits she's always like dressed to the nines and it's not that i'm dressed like crazy or super nice it's just i'm dressing for myself so i think i'm gonna have like a new goal of like wearing a new fun outfit every single day and getting creative with the outfits i'm putting together so stay tuned for some um outfit of the day videos i will probably

be doing those but um yeah I just want to get into that I need to organize my closet and totally just like come up with some new things because I have so many fun clothes that need kind of you know they need to be worn they need to be um used and I'm just wearing the same like five things over and over again so um for skinny dip I feel like skinny dipping is such a you know um juvenile thing it also makes you feel so free like the best feeling in the world is being naked and not in a naked like sexual fun sensual way naked in like a you know when like kids get naked and they feel free and they just like run off because they're like finally like they feel free from their clothes like that kind of naked like fun innocent having fun and the best way to do that

is to go skinny dipping because public nudity is not um is definitely frowned upon so get in some water you know find a stream find a lake find a pool whatever it is I want to go skinny dipping uh speaking of number five get out in nature wherever you can find it um I realize there's a lot of nature around me that I haven't utilized like I said I found this incredible wonderful like river that's completely beautiful i love discovering new places within nature i'm like getting out to the country and going and seeing like the various farms and fields and the beautiful aspects of that you really have to romanticize yourself or your life wherever you can there's also incredible parks within my city um hidden within the you know very large buildings there

are some very incredible parks and incredible nature that is honestly better than art so get out into nature and find new nature as well um number six go on a few road trips maybe camp um i i just want to there's so many places like close within like three to nine hours that i can go to and it'll completely change my scenery completely change um the things that i'm experiencing but still like be close and local like you don't have to hop on a 17 hour flight to greece to go have the best time there's so many things around you you just don't know because you haven't experienced it yet so go search them out go have fun i know gas is not cheap right now what the fuck is up with that gas has never been five dollars where i live ever ever i remember going to california

like a year ago and gas was five dollars and we were like what the fuck and now gas is five dollars where i am when gas should be like two and a half dollars so i understand if not that's not super feasible maybe catch like a $60 plane flight a cheap flight that you can I might get out to Colorado I'm going to Arkansas this weekend so I just want to get in a car and just drive there's no better feeling than just like getting on the road and not knowing what your destination is going to be like or maybe even be but still having that fun of experiencing the trip and keeping the destination open and keeping your mind open number seven get a fat ass i already have a fat ass i just want a fatter dump truck ass so best believe i'm gonna be

consuming a lot of avocado i remember made a video on tiktok and it was like here's how to get a fat ass you only take back shots and you eat a shit ton of avocado and i'm kind of right like i performed a scientific study on myself and my like weight not my waist but like my hip size has gone up like two inches like my ass has definitely gotten fatter i also just gained some weight which is good and healthy and i should be gaining weight because i was so stick thin that it was not healthy to say the least um and i just want to keep on that like positive gaining weight health journey um so yeah get a fatter fucking ass um what else oh eight read it read at least one book a month so i last summer what did i read i read um franny what is it yeah franny and zoe

that one was pretty good how to cure a ghost i read the girls and i read um bell hooks all about love i want to venture into some more of bell hooks writing i think she's so revolutionary i think her ideas are so wonderful and something that everybody should read and touch on i don't know why um her reading is not required in like high school but um i want to venture into some new books into some new reading i need to get my book for the month so if you guys have any recommendations please let me know i absolutely have my eyes open to anything um preferably things that kind of make you look inward kind of make you question the world I like things like that um but I also like fairy tales stories anything quite honestly I need to get back into

the like childhood you know like I didn't really like we had a family computer but I didn't really have a phone until eighth grade freshman year so I didn't have anything to consume me at night and consume my thoughts like just belligerently consume them so so I would read and I would read and I'd read and it's like I would be up so invested in a book I'd be reading until like 3 a.m like my parents had to come take my books away from me at like at night because I knew I would just stay up and read and I miss that hunger for like knowledge and that hunger for fantasy and that hunger for like discovering new things so I definitely want to get into some new books please please recommendations let me know um number nine shrooms i haven't done shrooms in a

while last time i did shrooms i was at a carnival which i don't recommend um i feel like everybody who's done shrooms at a carnival has had a bad experience i thought you know like shrooms at a carnival would be so fun and it was fun i do have to say so it was fun until i got on a ferris wheel and here's the thing ferris wheels are usually like pretty you know sturdy you feel pretty comfortable like the only uncomfortable thing is the height oh my god bitch i was in this ferris wheel and like the cart we were in was held up by two wires there were nuts and bolts falling out of shit i was just like constantly thinking about how oh my god they just pack this shit up and take it town to town and now i'm in the town and i'm in here and i was losing my mind not fun

also i was talking to my manager and i was talking and i said shrooms and carnival and she's like have you done that and i was like yeah i had a horrible experience she's like me too you know the like egg um like egg ride where it's like you get in a cage and it's egg shaped and it's like a ferris wheel but and it spins around but also the egg cart you're sitting in spins around and like goes upside down um she said she'd gotten one of those like a family while she was on shrooms and projectile vomited everywhere so i don't know after my 10 gram trip i really haven't felt a need to specifically because when i do eat them i just like don't really have the effects that i previously did um but i remember like two summers ago

um like during the pandemic i would just eat shrooms and just like enjoy life and i want to get back to that comfort comfortability with them not in a way of like consuming them all the time but i think summer is just a great time to do it and get out in nature so i would love to like go to the river for like four hours five hours and eat a little bit and just enjoy nature and meditate for a bit and really just connect with myself so tis the season um number 10 i want to grow my hair to my ass my hair is all sorts of fucked up i really need to heal my hair i need to cut all my dead ends off i understand my hair is not going to grow six inches in the span of two months but i want to get it on that journey and i want to fix my hair because it's like just so

dead from using so much heat on it so if you have any hair products that you really enjoy let me know i've been loving the bread hair oil just for everyday care um and just making sure i'm using good shampoo and conditioner but i need some more ideas and some more products and not not tiktok viral things i don't give a fuck about tiktok viral things because they're viral because they're easy to sell so i'm not sure if i believe in it because i'm crazy and skeptical but also if you have like real things that have worked for you let me know i just want really really long hair i miss having long hair i used to have hair straight up down to my ass and then i cut it all off for whatever reason and i miss it so much so number 11 cook for myself at least five times

a week i've been eating out a lot recently and it's kind of hard for me to cook for myself especially when i'm working late nights and um i you know it's like 11 o'clock when i get off work and i just need something quick because i haven't eaten in 12 hours and i usually just eat at work or i grab something quick on the way home um but there's really something beautiful about taking the time to start with ingredients and come together with this amazing wonderful meal at the very end of it that you get to enjoy it's like creation that you get to enjoy it's not like sitting on a painting where you know you might paint paint something that you really really love but also you might paint something and feel dissatisfied with it you'll usually feel this

you'll usually feel satisfied with whatever you're cooking for yourself you'll usually feel great about it okay so i think there's something wonderful and lovely about just putting on some music dancing around your kitchen cooking yourself a meal it's just like the best feeling ever um so i really want to get back into cooking i straight up need to buy pots and pans though i just got forks very exciting news just got forks so i can actually eat but i need like pots and pans now um so that's my next step but yeah i just i love cooking and i love cooking for myself i love for others i love having dinner parties i think that's so fun um so yeah i i find a lot of peace and fun within that number 12 which kind of has to do with the fresh fruit and produce but go to

the farmer's market for produce it's really great to be able to support like local farmers and get farm fresh produce i really recommend you guys going especially during allergy season and getting local honey having a tablespoon of that every other day or every day if you have um really bad allergies it'll really just help you get acclimated to the um allergens around your area i think you can learn a lot from the local um farmers and you can get really great produce for very very cheap very very cheap i have to emphasize that because i go to the store and like a head of lettuce is like three dollars bitch i go to the farmer's market i can get three heads of lettuce for a dollar like you would be shocked at how cheap things are so seek it out go find it at least

my farmer's market is pretty great um but yeah i think it's really great to kind of support your community support people around you um while also supporting yourself and saving some money now i also want to go to a flower field or go berry picking i live in an area where there's a lot of um what am i thinking of uh like farms like i said we have great farmers markets uh you can go berry picking you can go pick your own berries it's very cheap you'd be surprised you can get a lot of like strawberries i'm not sure what's what berry season is right now you can go apple picking i'm pretty sure strawberry season's right now but um go pick some berries okay go out go go wear cute little like farmer's daughter outfit go pick some berries go flower picking get outside get

into nature there's so many fun activities that you can do that also support like uh locals around you and local farmers um i know there's like soap making that you can do in my area we have like the zum company which makes like um goat's milk bar soap and also like room spray and all this great stuff um but I'm pretty sure they have like soap making classes there's little companies especially around your area that you can support and they really like interacting with people um and you know getting to meet people number 14 I need to purge my closet like I said I have a lot of clothes and a lot of them don't get used so I really do need to purge my closet get through it and then just have staple pieces have pieces that I really enjoy in there not things that I'm like hmm

you know maybe one day I'll wear this because it's true one day I might but it might be 30 years from now and I don't have time for that I need to only wear things and you know purchase things that are gonna get really good use out of I'm gonna get really good use out of it I should be able to make like 30 different outfits or wear it 30 different times or more you know um for the pieces in my closet so I that's just on my to-do list but number 15 propagate and plants it's a great plant season okay i think there's nothing more relaxing than buying some pots at the local thrift store very cheap going and propagating your plants i have pothos plants and they love propagation oh my god get old vintage bottles fill them up with water throw a little um like

vine in there they will take off so i need to propagate my plants i need to do some gardening i need to do some planting i don't have a balcony but i do have a lot of plants that do well indoors so i want to get some more i want to get in touch with them i want to dig my fingers into some dirt you know the vibes and number 16 i want to get a tattoo um i haven't had a tattoo in a while and i've kind of been getting the inkling to get one so i kind of want to treat myself and get a little summer tattoo i feel like i've done a lot of growing and changing and i think i have some cool ideas that i want to get i'm not sure quite yet but i think i want to uh you know pull the plug and do that this summer i'm very excited last tattoo i got was the one on my arm so i'm

definitely ready for another one definitely not something as big but just something small something fun but yeah that's my summer bucket list um i really encourage you guys to go make a summer bucket list um write one out and tag me let me know i would love to share those bitches on my um instagram story or our podcast um what is it podcast instagram so if you do make a summer bucket list which you should you should i highly recommend um tag me at hannah marlene you guys already know my instagram and i love you anyways i know this is a short episode i deeply apologize i love you all so much i'm just getting back into into the swing of things because i haven't made two episodes a week in like two weeks so my brain just has to hop back

in it i love you all so so much happy friday oh my gosh i hope you guys have a great rest of your weekend have a safe weekend have a fun weekend make those bucket list babes okay let me know what spirituality means to you let me know what spiritual awakening means to you i want to have conversations i want to discuss things which is another reason why i'm very excited um to make my patreon which i'm working on because patreon like offers like discussion boards and offers like you can comment on shit and you guys can interact with each other which i think would be super cool and super lovely other than like just having it outside of like a comment section space you know like instagram and tiktok i would love to like actually have discussions and talk to you guys

and you know patreon offers that so big things coming stay tuned very excited but yeah i hope you all have a wonderful rest of your friday i gotta get on with my day i gotta get into my to-do list get my shit done and you should too i love you all so so much stay tuned for more episodes of smoke sesh and i'll see you all on tuesday oh and once again any questions any concerns anything that you have um i always put up a questionnaire on like i'm gonna say sunday i'll probably post it um and you guys can let me know but that'll be on my instagram at hannah marlene and you can always dm me um on my instagram at hannah marlene i got on the podcast instagram the other day and i had so many dms and i hate to say it to you guys i do not look at those dms

at all i know i that's like super unhelpful but i'm so disorganized if i have like multiple streams of like people coming in and out so i need like one area and the best area and really the only one that i really focus on is my main instagram account other than posting updates on the podcast one so any comments questions concerns any questions always send them to my main instagram account at hannah marlene and yeah i just wanted to give that psa out because i literally don't look at any dms on my podcast one so if you're like why the fuck has she not responded to me probably because we're in the wrong area babe but i love you i love the energy i'm very excited for what the rest of um my week brings to me and i hope you are too

love you all so much and i'll see you tuesday