Smoke Sesh - spiritual journey, therapy, weed anxiety & cosmic chaos

Episode Date: May 23, 2023

helloooooo hotties of the world and happy Tuesday, today we have a fun episode starting off with a little update from my trip to Colorado (for all pictures follow me on insta @hannahmarlene) and we chat the chaotic energy in the air right now, Kali uchis concert, pink eye, and connecting with nature. We also chat fun free things to get up to this summer! Utilizing where you are! Giving into that teen rampage energy of discovering the world around you, I give you my swamp water recipe, we smoke a lil bit, talk parental judgement, learning to be your own person, sex & discovering what you like, keys to a phat ass, getting angry! don’t text your ex, but do this instead, my spiritual journey, Gemini season energy, exorcising men from your life, how to cowgirl like a pro, social media tips, book recommendations, go to evening routine, does therapy work? weed anxiety, CBD, and how to combat that, plus finding what you wanna do with your life.. and much.. much.. much much more! Thank you all for joining me this week I had a blast and can’t wait to see you all again next week for my birthday episode

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Oh my goodness, good morning hotties, how the hella we all doing today? I have so much to catch you up on oh my goodness oh my gosh if you guys know on Instagram if you follow me there you've seen all the pictures all the photos I went to Denver for the weekend for

the Kelly Uchis concert which was fun not to end that fun with a question mark but it's a long story I also got off a phone call a very exciting phone call this morning for something very exciting coming out for you guys at the beginning-ish of June we're still working on it but towards the beginning middle of June keep an eye out follow me on Instagram I'm doing a very fun drop with someone very very special I don't want to get too far into it just a little teaser but follow me there at Hannah Marlene but other than that yeah I it's been a whirlwind of a weekend I went to the Kali Uchis concert it was the last Thursday night um so we woke up early got us a little starbies got in the car drove out to Denver it was a pretty easy drive it's like eight hours from Kansas City

which eight hours sounds like a lot but if you hit all the fun random gas stations and get yourself a little snack and get a good book it goes by so quick um so we were like almost to denver and it starts raining like we see the rain clouds in the distance but we're like maybe it'll pass us you know we're driving along and it starts raining and then it starts pouring and then it starts hailing these rainstorms that we get in the great plains area because the distance from kansas city to denver it is just this literally the great plains and it whips up these crazy ass storms like i could not imagine being a person in a covered wagon having to go through this i would probably fucking die um but we could not see two feet in front of our car keep in mind we

were going 80 miles per hour on the highway thought i was gonna die hot mess had to pull over wait for the rain and the hail and the thunder to stop kept on trucking made it to Denver and here's the thing I like to think I'm a travel girly but in reality I'm a high anxiety girly so usually like the day before a couple days before I am going over every single possible option every single thing I need to bring every single thing I could be missing about traveling and I'm whipping myself into a frenzy just making sure I've got everything figured out and then day of the trip I'm usually stressed out making sure a I have everything in the car and we're driving and we're safe or b I'm making it to my flight on time whatever I'm usually very anxious

that whole time don't know why just a symptom of my brain that I have to deal with and I should plan accordingly but I was just so stressed out that morning and here's the thing if I were you and I was traveling I would make sure that you budget one whole day to traveling and then that evening or afternoon whenever you get there to just relax and decompress don't plan anything for that evening anyways I did the exact opposite I we got in the car drove eight hours got to Denver around four o'clock and the Kali Uchis concert was at like 6 6 30 um and listen I had seen the photos I'd seen the videos I'd seen the lines wrapped around the fucking building at other concerts I've seen them being a little hectic and I was like oh I don't know if she'll pull the same

crowd for Denver because I'm not really from there don't really know the people there um but maybe whatever so we got there had some chiba hut also make sure you're fed while you're traveling because I had not eaten that entire eight hours except for my little brown sugar oat milk shake and espresso and by the time we got to Denver at like four o'clock and I had not eaten anything I was on the verge of a mental breakdown we got some chiba hut that you know satisfied me just a little bit but still my anxiety was a little high um got some cute pictures put on a cute little outfit i'm also gonna wear it in mexico and take some better pictures but pulled myself together and i had this slutty little outfit this like mini mini skirt like ass cheeks hanging out

tiny little bando top cheetah print so cute but it's pouring down rain and it's 50 degrees which was a complete different experience than what kansas was which was 90 degrees and hot and sunny so I was like oh my god are people even gonna be dressed like this like should I be wearing this like I was second guessing myself a little too hard but I wore it we get there parking's a hot mess literally two lines two different lines wrapped around the entire building of people waiting to get in keep in mind we also showed up an hour late doors were at six this was like seven o'clock she's supposed to come on 8 30 ish she played at the Fillmore Auditorium which listen I've been to a lot of venues a lot of venues this venue was not it unfortunately

it was not it we get there we got VIP add-ons which were absolutely worth it because we would have had to wait like an hour and a half in line like behind hundreds of people but they had a VIP entrance that had literally two people in line so we were immediately walking up there immediately inside which was fantastic the VIP add-on also had a private bar private bathroom private standing area which was really nice but I had read that the drink prices at this venue were a little outlandish which you know at my local venues a double vodka soda is like maybe 12 bucks which is high at a local bar it would be about seven um so I was like you know maybe it'll be like $15 it'll probably be you know the same heightened prices that are at my local venues

no no no no we walk up we order two vodka sodas that shit was $48 yeah dead silence $48 but my ass was there to have fun to have a good time to live my best life so I was like whatever fucking pay it let me chug this shit and then the view from the VIP area was like a lower bar area so you could see the bottom half of the stage but you couldn't see the top half of the stage so I was like let's go into the crowd let's stand out there now this venue was a old roller rink which means it's very flat and a flat venue is not good for concerts because you either a have to be way the fuck up front or you have to be on the sides or on the balcony to be able to see anything because the people in front of you end up stacking up and if

you're below the height of like 5 11 you're not gonna see anything like mid to the back so i was standing in the middle and at first it's like okay i can see it's fantastic i'm vibing we're drinking our drinks we're doing our little thing having a good time i'm like five six i'm fairly tall like i can see the opener was like a dj playing some good songs you're all dancing vibing and then kelly uchis comes on now she herself was a fantastic fucking performer so good microphone was on because one time it wasn't on and then it immediately turned on and you could tell she was singing and it was fantastic and she was hitting every note and she looked gorgeous beautiful her dancers were so good she was fantastic but as soon as she came on

I lost all sight of her because every single person around me immediately put their phone in the air immediately so you can't see shit unless your phone is also in the air and higher than theirs so i immediately was like buzz kill moment major buzz kill i can't see anything she even was at the top of her little stand could not see anything and i was fairly close like i was in the the back of the first third of the area if that makes any sort of sense like not halfway but a little closer could not see anything and I was I was like one of the tallest people there I was looking around at all the five three girls around me five foot girls around me and I was like how the fuck are you guys seeing anything right now anyways the phone's super annoying so

a couple songs in which she had a perfect set list for this concert loved it but a couple songs in I was like okay we're gonna try and get get out of this crowd like get out to the side to the VIP area and the crowd kind of took a turn as soon as she came on everybody was really pushy everybody like people around me started to argue we were trying to a leave the crowd thus providing more room and people weren't even even wanting to let us like out like out the back like hello we're trying to exit you can let people exit like we don't have to be aggressive this is a peace love vibe concert you know so we finally make our way to the crowd to the vip side make it up there we're standing up there i can see her way better now fantastic we have some space and then like

everything hit me all at once i forgot to tell you i also had pink eye i woke up that morning and i had gotten pink eye my eye was red and it was like it looked like it just was irritated in the morning but then during the drive it started getting itchy you know you have pink eye either viral bacterial whatever it may be there's so many different forms of just like an eye infection mine was allergy based I think I just got like a little speck of something in my eye that caused me to have an allergic reaction um but it feels like there's sand in your eye when you have these it's like dry and it feels like you know when you blink it feels like there's sand underneath it so it's very uncomfortable a that was happening b i started my period

the day we were driving started my period so emotions are heightened i'm annoyed by the crowd because they're all just like focusing on what videos they're getting not like on singing and dancing which is you know the energy i get it you guys are younger y2k crowd but like look for one song to record not the entire concert you know what I mean like I don't want to have to go home and re-watch this on my phone I would like to watch it in real life and then last but not least she started playing loner and my emotions just took over and I began sobbing and I love a good cry sesh I love I love a good sesh where I can just like sob and let it out and as soon as she started playing loner I was like I cannot hold it anymore I'm just gonna let out a few tears

we're gonna let him loose we're gonna just you know my poor boyfriend was like are you okay like is everything all right i was like yeah yeah i'm just there's a lot going on he gave him a moment to you know sob a little bit but this girl who was very drunk next to me with her boyfriend i guess she must have thought something was wrong i when i see girls crying too i'm always like oh no what happened but i was crying and she just kept looking at me and looking at me and looking at me and I was like girl I'm okay I promise thank you for being concerned love you I'm not here to ruin your time you keep vibing and doing your thing you know what I mean but I need a moment to just cry anyways so we're standing at the VIP little area and then she gets up on her

little podium we couldn't really see her so we moved down a little bit next to the stairs which goes down to the floor and we're standing next to the stairs you know we could see everything perfect view vibe and doing our thing and when i tell you the vibe of the crowd was off i truly mean it because a fist fight starts breaking out in the middle of the crowd during her speech about like you guys can do anything you want like believe in yourself like peace love a fist fight these men start fist fighting and then another group across the crowd starts fist fighting as well i'm telling like oh i go to hardcore shows and they're like it's like a pit like they're intentionally doing this but hey we don't need to open up the pit and fist fight for cali uchis

they start fist fighting the bouncers are incredibly aggressive they jump in there the people start fist fighting the bouncers there's like seven of them in there like wrestling these people to the ground all while she's trying to give her peace love vibe and you know speech and they're fist fighting and she goes remember to love each other remember to treat each other with peace it's like girl this is a hot mess and not only that but someone had to get carried out on a stretcher multiple people wheeled out in a in like a wheelchair multiple people i saw have seizures it was just insanity compared to the energy that she was giving off which was like love light laugh enjoyment so it was just chaos it was just chaos she was fantastic 10 out of 10

performance the crowd and the venue energy was like a 6 out of 10 unfortunately all the girlies there were very sweet all the men there were very pushy and kind of rude not fun like why are you fist fighting at a cali uchi's concert this is a concert for the girls if the girls were fist fighting i'd be like get it out but they're grown men like shoving girls hitting each other hitting them because they're behind the guy they're trying to punch very annoying very annoying anyways after that i was like i need food i had half a chiba chiba hut sandwich i need food so concert's over we get up to do our thing we head out it's pouring raining and we don't know where our car is so we're walking down and right next to the venue there's like this arcade bar which i immediately

just like pulled my boyfriend in like come in here stand in here we're gonna look around see where we need to go find our car find what food we're gonna go get so you hop into the arcade bar which I do recommend it was a very cute bar don't remember the name but it's right next to the Fulmore Auditorium if you're in Denver very cute late night you know pinball arcade um and had no cover fee which was really nice like we just went in they didn't charge us any money I feel like with the clubs in Kansas City it's like at least five ten dollar cover fee no no we just walked right in sat down we decided to go to Dave's Hot Chicken so we didn't really play any games we're there chit-chatting decompressing giggling about the chaos that was the concert and then I was like

okay I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick so I leave my boyfriend next to the bathroom door hop in the bathroom do my thing you know I was in there maybe two minutes I come out there's this girl talking to my boyfriend and I just walk up I'm like hi she goes oh and immediately like turns and runs away and I was like what was that about she had this girl came up to hit on my boyfriend and was like can I buy you a game or like what did she say oh he said she was like let's play a game like what um giving saw and then um he was like no but I want her to play a game with me which was right when I was walking out so it's perfect timing and then I walked up confused and was like hello and she just ran off but I was like boy I left you alone for two minutes and there's some

girl hitting on you in this bar but poor guy I walked out and he looked like like he was looking around like what the fuck do I do like looking for me I was like oh poor guy he was so discombobulated by this girl hitting on him it's okay babe like it's all right feel good about yourself um but that was funny then we went and got Dave's hot chicken immediately passed out and then the two after that were spent in nature decompressing we went to boulder we did some shopping we went to golden um i did a full write-up on everywhere we went on my patreon and i'm also releasing a vlog today from that travel whole ordeal on my patreon if you guys want to check it out but it was a very quick like two-day trip and now i'm back and now i am prepping for mexico which i leave for in

exactly one week the next episode that'll be out will be like pre-recorded and set to air while i'm on an airplane on my way to mexico to celebrate my birthday my birthday on june 1st so i am just so excited big things coming getting things out of the way kelly uchis herself 10 out of 10 recommend going crowd was wild denver was so fun it's nice getting out in the mountains in the forest losing myself a little bit being one with nature giving a tree a little hug you know the energy and then yeah i'm home at my new apartment doing some decorating hanging out with you guys and packing for my next adventure so so many big things coming thank you guys for staying tuned with me but i am just so excited to share my life with you guys and share the crazy ass stories that i

happened to get myself into luckily it was not me in a fistfight um but yeah hectic very hectic to say the least had a blast had a good time but i am safe to say i am ready to be on a beach with a margarita in my hand just no thoughts laying in the sand zero thoughts whatsoever cannot wait for that anyways this has been a fun little intro i know what you're here for though let's dive into all of your very very important questions to get ourselves in the right mood to dive into all this a i just filled up my water bottle very important stay hydrated it will make your brain and your body and overall mood so much happier b i just loaded a bowl so let's hit this love you i miss this i feel like for the first year um every where i recorded my podcast i was just

always smoking with you guys and it is so fun and i'm so glad that i can do it again so cheers to that oh my god okay someone asked fun summer activities for cheap free i live in la but everything is so expensive that is literally the fifth time i've had to record that question because i kept messing it up like the cotton mouth is real right now anyways cheap activities okay no matter where you live especially la like you got everything girl take advantage of the local nature that you have okay you live in LA you are probably like maybe an hour from the ocean boom bam there's a whole day of something to do walk up and down the beach number two you're also close to the mountains I forgot California has mountains

but you can go up in there find a nice spring find a nice river travel to the mountains get out in nature there's always a nice bunch of like local fruit stands and fresh produce usually out in nature or when you're further away from the city that are just going to be cheap invest in some of that some local honey boom amazing free activities now even in kansas like you would think there's not a lot i guess i'm in missouri kc whatever um you would think there's not a lot like we don't have mountains we don't have the ocean and in my brain that equals oh we have nothing that's simply not true um even like being out like out near the farms and the cornfields driving on gravel roads is kind of like wholesome for my heart that's probably because i grew up

next to them um but it's kind of nice just having to escape out there and then like playing your music windows down summer night energy um and also we have forests here we have rivers like something that i stumbled upon last summer was i was just looking up local trails and i was like oh blue river never been there sounds fun my co-worker also had happened to mention it but i didn't really listen to anything he was saying so i had no idea what it was so i was like okay will let me go discover it it is like now one of my new favorite spots like when i was a kid i used to have a spot that i would go to it was like my local pond or just like out in nature somewhere where i could escape whenever my family was getting chaotic or maybe my brain like i just

needed to walk and i didn't have that as a grown-up anymore and finally i was able to establish that again at the blue river and it has like swimmable water like it gets deep enough that you can submerge your whole body in it which is amazing in the summer and guess what I never would have found it if I wasn't aka researching free things to do in my city local trails local nature what's good and it's like 10 minutes away from me and I live like in the city so I guarantee there's stuff around you also like I get that weather is it you know weather permitting these are going to be activities that you can do for free but also at least in my city we have a lot of free museums like our biggest museum the Nelson Atkins is like it's a huge art museum incredibly done it's

gorgeous beautiful you can go take a little picnic there in the afternoon but also it's completely free so like I could spend hours in like one wing of the building and there's like 10 wings are you kidding me so check out and see if there's any like oh my god the sirens check out and see if there's any it's not you i promise for my car girlies for the girlies listening in the car it's me i need to start making clarifications because whenever i listen to podcasts and there happens to be sirens in the back and i'm driving immediately like my whole body tenses up i'm like anyways not you it's me i promise um but check out and see if there's any free local museum so you also have a miniatures museum in Kansas City which I never would have

thought of going to but it's very interesting it's like a toy museum and a miniatures museum and they have these incredibly done tiny little miniature doll houses and scenes and like it's incredible oh my gosh and I would have never stumbled onto it if my professor in college shouldn't make me go to it but it just showed me that there are options available and if you just take a little bit of time to look into especially look into options that maybe you are like second guessing like will it be fun if you're a fun person you're gonna make things fun for yourself okay and i guarantee if you're listening to this you're a fun person i promise no matter what you think about yourself because you're listening to me and i'm a self-proclaimed fun person gemini

season oh my god scary but that's the energy we're bringing out okay we're trying to make the best of our situation and have a good time no matter what and there are so many free options for you to be able to do that also if you're looking for a low cost um kind of experience for the summer local farmers markets local swap meets any of those kind of meetups drive-ins are always fun um if you have like a cheap local like roller coaster park or amusement park or fair even though these are probably like a five ten dollar cover charge which isn't a lot and what really costs a lot is if you spend money there i love to people watch and i love to go out and just watch people especially in a different setting than i usually am in so those are a bunch of

really great options for my budget friendly girlies this summer oh my god wait i have i have one last idea and a bunch of these ideas are just things that i used to do like in high school when i had no money and four friends who happened to pitch in on gas money and one friend with a car but we couldn't get into any bars and didn't know what to do so like we would just be running around the city rampant your town probably has like a first Fridays or third Thursdays or first Thursday something of the sort of that combination of words where it is an event and usually an art orchestrated event in your city where there will be local performers art installations people out and about and those are always always fantastic to go to and when I was in high school those

are like one of the things i really looked forward to like i grew up in a big town but i grew up on the outskirts of that town so it was very much so like i grew up in a rural area um and so if i wasn't like running around on dirt roads we were packing everything up looking forward to first fridays and driving out to the city a full 25 minutes away oh my god crazy to go run around downtown and get into trouble and have a good time with my friends and sneak cigarettes like you know just cause a little chaos but you really have to put yourself out there and try new things and I guarantee you'll create new rituals for yourself that are so fun and free and you're gonna look forward to them constantly throughout your life those are the most fun things not the

things that cost $400 but things you happen to stumble upon and make the best of hey babe I just want to let you know that I'm addicted to swamp water and I'm gonna blame you for that but like thank you thank you because I'm a New Orleans girl okay I was born and raised in the swamp so that just makes me love it even more and like it's so refreshing it is exactly what I need on my way to work so thank you so much from an actual swamp girl I just wanted to let you know that you really you really put me on that and thank you and my baristas yes they're annoyed every time I order it but I'm gonna order it every time anyway so that's all oh also it's so fucking hot in Louisiana right now so hair tips because my hair is really long and like I am so tired of

it getting sweaty in the middle of the day um and it's so humid it's so humid here so any summer hairstyles in my way love you babe oh my god i haven't had a swamp water in a hot second they are thank you for reminding me honestly again of that that was like my go-to summer drink last year um but if you guys don't know what it is it's a matcha latte so like oat milk your matcha a little bit of you know sweetener of your choice whether it's like a simple syrup caramel you know whatever you like in there that tastes good i've learned that like a coconut syrup is killer in it and then you put a shot of espresso over the top it looks gorgeous at first and then you mix it up and that brown and that green mix together and it looks like oh the name swamp water beautiful

but yeah it's like the perfect mix of like a shot of espresso to wake you up and then the matcha which is green tea to like calm the anxiety like the perfect duo but i'm glad that it connects with you and that you're loving it because that was such a fun time in my life I do need to make them more I don't have an ice machine and that makes my life a little bit harder I need to invest because I want like cute little ice cubes to put in my cute little ice drinks um but yeah maybe I'll make a video and post it on Instagram so you guys know the DIY version but so good oh okay someone asked my family doesn't love my boyfriend but I'm convinced he's the one advice i feel like this completely depends on how you feel about your parents and not how your

inner teen feels about your parents how your higher self who looks at them as people feels about your parents okay because that's a completely different thing all right seeing them as human beings who you know approach their situation either in their best possible way in their worst possible way and did what they could um it depends on how you feel about them a do you think they make good opinions or are they completely judgmental do they have a good head on their shoulders or are they completely neurotic um you know are they like do you value their judgment do they make sane judgments do you care about what they think or could you care less now i i do care about what my parents think that's because i think they make very good judgment

calls they're both gemini's so am i they see every side to everything and they're not quick to make snap judgments but over time they will come to understand how they feel about people and i've had friends in the past where they have been like i don't think that's a good friend for you and at the time I was like what do you mean mom and dad I was in probably like sixth grade what do you mean they're my friend how dare you judge them that's like my initial reaction but now growing up and seeing you know who those friends were they were kind of right and although at the time it hurts for anybody to judge anybody close to you if you value their judgment sometimes what they have to say is important. There's also this like innate sense in us as children of our

parents who are meant to be our safe people and people that we are supposed to kind of challenge and be a safe space to challenge rather than challenging the world is to kind of do the opposite of everything they say like we have this innate sense to want to do that so sometimes when our parents are like hey that's not a good person it'll make us be like pushed towards them a little bit more and I really recommend stepping away from that ideal and actually taking a moment to be like do I trust my parents judgment and let me look at this from an outsider perspective and are they right so if you do care about what your parents think and you think they make good judgments and they say hey i don't think your boyfriend is good for you maybe they're coming

from somewhere and also maybe if they are you know level-headed and good enough to speak to then you can be like why do you think this in nice terms don't roast him okay we're not broken up yet but why do you think this and what signs are you seeing um this will also encourage a very healthy relationship with your parents that you can a trust in them and you are curious about what they think instead of pushing them away um but now b if you do not like the way your parents behave and you do not like their judgments and you do not trust in their judgments and you think that you know maybe this not might not be a fair judgment then i probably wouldn't approach them I probably wouldn't value that statement of hey we don't think this is a good

person for you um and I would probably just listen to myself and make those judgments on my own it really is just up to the value that you place on your parents thoughts and feelings and it also depends on how your parents approach that and if they even have stable thoughts and feelings like I have friends who will give their input to me and you got to look at advice from your parents as if you would look at advice from friends um I have friends who will give me advice and I'll be like lol okay like I'm hearing you out but I do not trust this nor do I fully think you have my best interest in mind nor do i fully think you understand the scope of situation but that's okay and i love you and i'm gonna take it with a grain of salt and i'm gonna do my own thing

but i'm still gonna hear you out number two there's friends who see you and understand you and you value their judgment and you know that they make good judgment and they're gonna tell you straight how it fucking is and those are my favorite friends because they won't hold back they know how they feel and they're gonna tell that to you and like sometimes the truth fucking hurts baby but those friends who I'm like yes I value you your opinion I love you even though when you say things that are hard to hear I still value and trust that those are the friends I really enjoy but I feel like parents are kind of on that scale as well so it really depends on how you feel and trust in your parents 100 also speaking of parents someone asked and i promise

these are connected someone asked how to put yourself and your goals first while in a relationship so i feel like i lucked out with having good parents okay when i was a teenager i focused only on the bad which overall made them seem bad but now that i'm growing up and you know seeing truly how they affected my life I would say I absolutely grew up with good parents they're in a good relationship they supported us they worked hard you know what I mean but the one thing that they really showed me which I really appreciate is that a relationship is not about two halves attempting to make a whole a relationship is about two whole people living their own fucking lives and coming back to each other at the end of the day to enjoy time together to finally spend that

free time with the person they love that is kind of what a relationship is so how to put yourself first in your or how to put yourself and your goals first while in a relationship your goals and yourself should always be your first priority no matter what whether you are single or whether you are in a relationship period point blank my number one pet peeve when I'm in a relationship is when my partner is putting way too much emphasis on me and what I want and not simply focusing on themselves because I'm focusing on myself and I'm focusing on myself real hard okay real hard and when I feel any extra pressure of like what does she want am I making her happy you know like I'm trying to behave according to what she needs it's like too much it's way too

much pressure too too much I need a partner who is completely on their own life path has their own goals is goal-oriented wants things for themselves works hard okay and is focused completely on themselves so I feel like when approaching a relationship you really always have to keep your goals in mind constantly um and if you feel like you're straying from that i would just recommend taking a look at where you're at right now and asking yourself what am i doing for myself if the answer is no let's add a couple things in there okay let's refocus on our goals let's do a little writing exercise of where do i want to be in a year you know what i mean and also very important thing to say your partner should encourage you to be focused on yourself

and should encourage you to grow and develop as a human being and as a whole human being they shouldn't push that down in any sort of way and i know this because i've been with partners who did not want me to be a person like my own person they wanted me to be an extension of themselves or themselves like my part my ex-partner and that's not fair to any human to really ever ask we should really always be focused on ourselves and our goals and growing as individuals and then the beautiful thing about relationship is that you have a partner who's going to be there and encouraging that and then also when you have downtime when you have free time you have somebody there to celebrate and encourage you so how fun is that but yeah that's how my parents relationship

has always worked my dad does his thing and works really hard my mom does her thing works super hard and then when they have free time they come together and they enjoy the time that they have together I think that's really beautiful hey queen so I somewhat recently got out of an over two-year relationship with the person I lost my virginity to and um I really want to explore sexually since I've never been able to do that before but I'm also really nervous about hooking up with someone else um so I was wondering if you had any tips for navigating hookup culture and exploring your sexuality um and exploring different aspects of sex with strangers thank you so much i love you you are the best really all i've got to say is you're

gonna have a fucking blast oh my god girl a whole a brand new world sorry i did not hit that but you there are so many great things coming to you because here's the thing that's what i needed to here when i was younger because when i got out of my first ever relationship it wasn't with the guy i lost my virginity to but i feel like there's also like i lost my like relationship virginity which was more important um like before him i had only been with one guy and that was the guy i lost my virginity to and then i was with him and that was like a long-term relationship which i feel like you build more of a connection with sex especially over time just normal that's gonna happen but then once you were out of that i was like it's not gonna get better than this like i'm a little

nervous i don't know what to do like i'm a little afraid and the thing was i was so nervous because i thought i was never gonna find a guy like him again and the thing was i'm not but that is a good thing okay because the sex i was having was like bottom tier like if we're talking in quality of alcohol here bottom tier sex it was not that great and that's because a i had a lot to discover about myself and what i liked and who i liked and unfortunately or maybe fortunately that just comes with experience and time and meeting people and asking yourself the hard questions such as what turns me on or what do i like or who do i like or what qualities do i want a partner to possess um and yeah it just takes time and experience so devote yourself to that have a

fantastic time make sure you are listening to your intuition um and i feel like that is kind of the biggest piece of advice i can really give you when it comes to hookup culture because i feel like there's a bunch of discourse in the girl world right now about hookup culture like should i be completely celibate and stay away from men or should i be having one night stands every single night and then i find myself somewhere in the middle that's just like if you want to do both you can absolutely do both like it is really dependent i'm such a mood dependent person like my mood will change in an instant and everything i want will also change in an instant so when you're in those moments really ask yourself like is this a good intuitive decision is this what my

heart wants do i want just like a quick hook up and will i be okay with that or do i know in my heart this is not going to be a good idea or this is not going to be a good partner or maybe i'm a little too drunk or maybe this just isn't the right situation and then when you feel those things listen to them listen to them speak up for yourself stand up for yourself and also ask yourself like what do you enjoy i feel like asking yourself that especially when it comes to discovering new things about sex that is the most important you're not going to learn what you like with a partner of course that's for trying things out and discovering but most importantly you're going to learn what you like with yourself and asking yourself like what you know are my kinks

what turns me on what do i look forward to who do i look forward to things like that and being really honest with yourself and then allowing yourself time to explore those answers that you've kind of discovered on your own it really is a science okay what is it pemdos no that's math I don't know it's it's been such a long time since I've been out of school the scientific method okay you gotta have um you know you gotta make an observation what do I like ask yourself a question form a hypothesis okay something that you can test do I like this position and then go try it out and make a prediction based on the hypothesis and then test the prediction and then use the results to make new hypotheses or predictions that is straight from conacademy.org

love them anyways you're gonna have a blast i promise listen to yourself sit with yourself a little bit and make space for yourself to ask yourself the hard questions and then just go out and live your life baby i promise you're gonna have so much fun another pro tip of mine food wise is that avocados make your ass incredibly fat and that's just a fact if you've seen my most recent instagram photo which i literally posted an hour ago yeah that is thanks to avocado um and someone said girl avocado made my ass too fat literally it is like my secret weapon any sort of healthy fats healthy oils like olive oil love an olive oil drizzle over some hummus oh my god love an avocado toast love guacamole any of that girl eat it up you deserve it also your ass will

get fatter so like win win win win someone asked um how to leave manipulative men when you easily tend to be manipulated during the process allow yourself to get angry like completely and utterly just pissed off because i feel like we as women um are kind of told to dull our emotions or like that's too much you gotta quiet down um and we learn how to do that very quickly and very easy especially around men um so yeah allow yourself to get angry i feel like finally the time i like finally broke free and um the relationship where i was being manipulated and mentally abused was when i finally allowed myself to be angry and just like lose it like you're treating me this way how fucking dare you say the words that you're saying to my face right now got angry packed my

shit stormed out never looked back fantastic best decision i've ever made in my entire life like one million fucking percent you cannot let these men drag you fucking down because some of them that's all they do a they're jealous of you they hate women internally they are taking their anger out on you whatever it may be it is not fair to you whatsoever and how dare they have the audacity to think that they can treat and behave this way to you so listen to that you know call inside of you that is like this man is making me very angry because he's probably making you very angry for a reason and then let it out say your piece pack your shit get the fuck out of there like that fire that fuels me in that situation was like pure anger and rage for

a kind of letting myself get treated this way and be him thinking he had the audacity to treat miss treat me this way and that fire really carried me throughout that breakup and uplifted me to like a beautiful beautiful state wonderful state i mean here i am now so let yourself get angry and let it out babe um someone asked yolo like let me text my ex or is it like yolo never text him because i only live once so i deserve better i think it's neither i think the best YOLO you can do when it comes to reaching out to people is not people from your past but people you have never talked to before okay whether it's like that cute person you follow on social media or a old classmate or an old friend whatever it may be the best kind of like oh my

god I need a little adrenaline rush or I just want to text somebody because I'm drunk and horny or like whatever that feeling you know that impulsive feeling that is pushing you to do something kind of a little risky push forward instead of pushing backwards don't be like yeah i'm gonna drunk text my ex nothing good's gonna come from that drunk text that person that you've had a crush on for forever that is gonna provide the same adrenaline rush and probably get you further in life either a you're gonna hang out with this person and fulfill like a fantasy and maybe fall into a relationship have a good time make new connections learn new things about yourself learn new things about this person you know connect new brain paths because you're creating new activities for

yourself rather than go back to the same old because you already know actually it probably doesn't even feel good it's just familiar that doesn't mean it's good so push forward I dare you hello goddess I hope you're doing well so I'm sort of a new listener to the podcast so now lot I'm addicted to it and I want to hear it all the time I love that the last episode that you did was like longer because I definitely listened to the whole thing but anyways just like a little question I had about you was like um just a question about like your spiritual journey like how you kind of got started with your spiritual journey like I hear that you're into like astrology and I don't know if you do like witchy things or anything like that but yeah I was just

curious about you where where you know you're coming from and all that stuff I don't know that's it bye oh my god cutie hello welcome so excited to have you also glad that you liked the long form content I used to this is insane I used to do two hour episodes like one and a half hour episodes every Tuesday and Thursday and I'm kind of missing that because I keep doing longer and longer podcast episodes like i went down to once a week for an hour but i'm the kind of girl who it's like the more content my favorite person is putting out the better my life is and i want to be that for you guys so i want to put out more content for you guys i might do a little like longer in-depth topic every thursday and like a little 30 minute episode and like

hour and a half two hours every tuesday where we go over everything so if you think that'd be fun let me know um dms are always open on instagram at hannah marlene let me know your thoughts feelings but i'm glad you're here and i'm so excited to answer your question because i feel like my spiritual journey has been a long journey for me and it will be a forever journey for me um but i grew up as you guys know um kind of rural kansas not super rural like i had neighbors and i lived in a neighborhood and i went to a huge high school um but it was on the outskirts so i very much so lived like next to farm country um and of course everybody there is very religious my parents raised me methodist thank god um because i feel like there are worse

sex sects that is such a hard word for me to say s-e-c-t-s you know like um categories of christianity and methodism is really not too bad like my pastor was a gay woman so very inclusive all about love and helping people like all i remember doing through this church was like constantly doing um outreach work such as not like let's go to africa and build one house and take photos like what the fuck weird no like we were in soup kitchens we were cleaning neighbors yards who couldn't clean their stuff we were caroling at old folks homes like we were doing like food kitchens and school drives at our local church so it's very like community-based and although I wasn't religious in a sense of like I believed in God I was spiritual in a sense of

like this is connection this is true connection and I want to find this connection to everything around me um and have it not be god-based so then sometime in high school on those first friday nights that i was talking about earlier when we'd go into the city and we'd run around i found this witch store called oracle which is one of my favorite like metaphysical shops in the kansas city area as well as aquarius i think aquarius is great oracle is a little bit higher end and i would go there and i would get tarot readings and i would just look around and i would speak with the people working there and I would start collecting things and a lot of things that I have my altar right now were from that store um and I just allowed myself to slowly get more interested

try new things explore new things and do research on my own but it really was just this sense of I can see from my early age that we're all connected and connecting with people and things and the world around us feels good but there's more mysticism behind it um and a lot of that mysticism was fueled by like my online tumblr exploration and then I started getting into rituals and actually collecting items and setting up an altar but it has been just like intuitively driven which I think is why I love spiritualism and like metaphysicalism that I don't know if that's a word. Anyways, but just like otherworldly ideas and activities. It is all very intuitively based. I don't think there's a rhyme or a reason or a recipe that you can follow that I can give

you other than me telling you to look into things that you are curious about. Like I work with tarot a lot I find working with tarot to be very very connecting and I get a lot of answers from it and I love connecting with the cards but there's some people who are like I can't do this I don't understand it I just don't connect and I also feel that way about other things like there's certain rituals or certain practices and I'm like that just doesn't feel right for me so I'm not gonna do it so it really is all up to you and what you are curious about um and what you find interesting and I feel like the best way to discover that is to really go to your local witchy slash metaphysical shops and talk with the people there and pick up items and look at items and ask about

things and you know really lean into what you are curious about and go after it and I feel like of course astrology is a big part of that um I have been very in tune with my Gemini sign since I was a young age um and i've very much so leaned into it but of course there's more than just your sun signs when when it comes to astrology um you can go to cafe astrology to get a full chart reading and then i just love sometimes i'll just sit on sit in bed and i'll research like one specific aspect of my chart for like an hour like maybe it's my capricorn moon that i'm really looking into or my Pisces rising that I'm deep diving into or my Scorpio Lilith which is scary um but there's so many different aspects of yourself and so many interesting things that the world has to

offer and it's really fun to get lost and to discover these things um it's like I would compare it to doing like you know when you would be in bed at like 3 a.m and you'd just be going in a deep spiral through YouTube like you'd find one video and you'd be like oh my god but this video oh my god but this one and then this one and then you would be like 40 videos deep like deep diving or sometimes I do that on Wikipedia or I'll do that on Tumblr that energy is really what you have to approach the world with in order to really discover new things like you have to deep dive and allow yourself to spiral into different topics into different ideas into different things that interests you because that's what truly makes life interesting and that's what makes life

spiritual um is the secret little hidden passages and tunnels that you can take in life and in discovering things and there's always new things to discover no matter what it is whether it's spiritual or not um there's always different things to find and try and learn not only about the world but about yourself and spirituality has definitely been that for me but yeah my spiritual journey has been not only me seeking outward and you know astrology and you know trying new rituals and collecting things from metaphysical shops and working with candles and bones and tarot cards and stuff like that but also like i have had a pretty rough time in life um i am kind of a victim of my own mind and I've gone through some pretty deep dark depressions um and I feel like in those times

I went from nothing matters to everything matters um and I feel like spiritual spirituality is really big on connecting to everything and finding the good in everything and attempting to uplift yourself throughout it all and I feel like it really helped me and really saved me especially coming out of that allowing myself to be curious about things allowing myself to look forward to things allowing myself to find joy in the simple things especially when it comes to life was a big big mind change for me and it constantly helps me to this day especially when I'm facing like big hard things in life I feel like God spirituality religion it's good when it is helping people and it's helping people through a hard time so whether you're christian and god helps

you through that or you're spiritual and the universe helps you through whatever it is i feel like having that to believe in is very uplifting and powerful no matter what you believe in as long as it's good and it's helping you then why not lean into it a little bit you know what i mean it's funny because me and my cousin are very very spiritual people but on different routes like i'm a very spiritual person as like let's connect to the earth let's connect to the universe let's do a little ritual let's do this but it's very like you know spiritual universe based while my cousin is a full-blown catholic priest like he lives at a monastery he is praying nine times a day he's doing these rituals and it's funny because in the same sense we're doing the same thing and

connecting to the same spirit but we're calling it different things and we have different ways of connecting and I think that's beautiful because we all are inherently connected and on our own spiritual journey no matter what title that we give it or what way we're interacting with it every single one of us are on a spiritual journey of our own and it really is just finding and discovering what brings us joy what brings us peace and what brings us passion and then allowing yourself to spiral into it it's beautiful it really is but it's been a long journey and it will be a constant journey for me throughout my life but yeah been fun someone said vibe check gemini season thank fucking god taurus season always makes me so sleepy agreed taurus

season makes me like a sleepy munchy goals oriented queen which i love like all about the lavishness but gemini season i feel like i've never injected anything into my veins but if I were going to I feel like that's what Gemini season makes me feel like like hectic crazy but like fun party energy like club bus plane another club another club like you know that audio that is exactly how I feel during Gemini season so if I were you I would lean into that it can get overwhelming i would like to make that a preface a lot of you guys are sending me call-ins and messages of like i am so overwhelmed right now and i feel like yes i feel you but the number one thing that gemini season is really teaching you is to go with the flow like the universe will keep

punching you and punching you and punching you until you learn to block the hit and walk away from the fight you know what i mean so you have to roll with the punches sometimes crazy shit's gonna happen to you no matter who you are in this life it's bound to happen to you you've got to learn to be like okay deep breath we're gonna go have a good cry and then we're gonna go make the best of this bad shitty situation and try and turn it on its head that's what gemini season is about so roll with the punches embrace the chaos um and have fun most importantly gemini's thrive on fun okay so allow yourself out of the house i know it's hard i want to stay inside allow yourself out go hit up a new friend go you know to a party go to a new concert whatever it may be just go have

fun and most importantly roll with the punches okay love you hey hannah um love you in the pod you have helped me grow and change in the best way possible so much and i love you but i just have a question so there's this guy that's been in my life for maybe about like two years now and I think right person wrong time has always been the theme here but he'll always come into my life and make it see and it's seen not make it seem but it seems like everything is fantastic and we're meant to be together and all of this stuff but oh my god I'm running out of time and but then always leaves because he can't commit to me but he's because he's not ready for a relationship but then always comes back saying that i'm the one but it still can't commit to

me how how do i get over this guy please because i know i deserve better but i feel like the universe just keeps throwing into my him in my life so thank you love you bye oh my god girl sounds like you need an exorcism of that demon from your body let's take a hit all i have to say is the biggest losers you can possibly involve yourself in are not the broke guys they're not the frat boys are not the whatever enter any category of man here the biggest loser you can possibly involve yourself with is one who is confused okay if he doesn't know what he wants and is constantly like oh but i want you but i don't want you but that energy is gonna fuck up your whole entire life and you need to exercise this demon from you

okay tell him fuck off if you know you want me then you'll be here but if you are unsure then i don't want you anywhere near me whatsoever because the the i get when you guys are like trying to figure it out together you're like oh you know i have some boundaries up but i really enjoy spending time with you and i'm gonna keep spending time with you and we're gonna figure it out together but i need a little bit of time i get that that's valid on any side but when a man is like but i like you but i'm running away but i like you but i gotta run away again but but i really that is just like fakeness like he's being fake as fuck and if he can't be real with himself how the hell is he gonna be real with you okay he's gonna get your get you into situations that

are not good he's gonna get himself into situations that are not good and he's gonna be like that forever it only feels good because you're chasing and constantly chasing and trying to prove yourself and proving yourself does feel good when it is a situation you can prove yourself in this is not a situation you can prove yourself in chasing after a man's commitment love affection whatever it may be will be an endless chase and it is absolutely not worth it go chase after your own affection go find a man who will fall in love with you on the first night what's the meme is like fuck a situation ship crawl inside my body like that is the end the energy that these men need to be bringing but for some reason these men nowadays are like no but i'm the pretty princess

in the tower and you have to chase after me hell no we as women are like 10 times more hardworking we are 10 times more like in love with the world around us we are 10 times more connected with ourselves and the fact that like they're hindering us is it's just so sad stop letting yourself get held back by non-commitment men okay i love you literally perform an exorcism exorcism on him tell him he's a demon and you contacted a priest and the priest hannah marlene said he's not allowed in your life anymore amen i just got two questions back to back that are like tips for writing on top um good question i feel like there's two types of tips i can give you a you trying to make it feel good for yourself and b you trying to be hot sexy on top make it feel good for your partner

there's a fine line in between where it's like feels good for both of you well of course it's gonna feel good for both of you no matter what but i feel like the spot you have to hit as a woman is more of like a um grinding sensation while as like for men it's like an up and down you know so it's like kind of different movements which is why you take turns you know make it last a little longer girl you have your fun first and then he can have his you know what i mean but when it comes to tips on being on top a when you are facing him on top regular not cowgirl i don't know what the i don't even know what to call it anyways just you on top facing him when you are on your knees so your legs don't get tired like almost sit on your toes so your toes are gonna

to be bent under you instead of like your foot being flat like the front of your foot being flat on the bed flip your toes under you so you're kind of on your tiptoes but also leaning forward on your knees that will give you the perfect angle for like any sort of bounce you need then if you want to get deeper then put your feet flat with your toes pointed back does that make sense um also while you're on top so many different fun things you can do lean down and kiss him play with your hair you know have him reach up and choke you literally get crazy with it have a good time you know now i feel like that's a pretty like the best tip i can really give you for being on top facing front is just have your toes tucked under you because that

will give you more of leverage um now when it comes to reverse or i guess that's just cowgirl reverse cowgirl okay yeah yeah yeah yeah reverse cowgirl you facing um away from him towards his feet the best angle you're gonna get is usually just with your hands on his knees and you on your feet period that is really fun for me as well as um feet flat on your knees hands on his ankles perfect angle as well another fun one knees feet flat but you're leaning back with your hands on his chest so many fun things literally just have a last when you're on top just like literally they call it cowgirl because like girl you're having a fun time you're writing him like you are finding pleasure for yourself that's the key to any sort of on top situation is like he's there

and then you're having fun that is like really the energy you have to approach it with because if you're having fun he's having fun and also you're feeling good which is plus plus plus plus plus and then also if you want to get crazy like if you don't get a lot of stimulation from penetration and then like bring a little vibrator into the mix boom pow so fun someone asked tips or tricks slash hacks on selling things you've made i'm trying to sell crochet stuff post post post post post post post everything you can no matter what it is if you're just trying to build a social media presence whether it's i'm selling this or i have a new project or just promoting yourself in general or just having fun just post post post it on depop post it on

instagram post it everywhere make a little tiktok slideshow whatever it is people will not know about you unless you put yourself out there point blank period real life and online both are true so when it comes to a social media presence whether you're trying to sell stuff create a brand for yourself whatever it may be you have to put yourself out there and in order to feel okay putting yourself out there you have to stop putting so much pressure on yourself and let yourself live and breathe like the same way like not allowing yourself on social media is the same way of like not allowing yourself out of your house and i get like some people are just not social media people or some people are not outside people but if you are and you feel like you're

holding yourself back stop open that door girl walk out okay let yourself be known it's okay to be observed and be known the one truth that really matters is how you feel about yourself how people feel about you is just a problem that they got to deal with no matter what it is so let them deal with that while you live in peace because you live in love especially love towards yourself but yeah any sort of social media tip tip number one is post and even if it gets zero like baby girl i started my tiktok and for the first three months i was only getting like 10 likes but i didn't care it was fun i was just having a fun time posting my little things that's all that matters don't focus on the likes don't focus on the engagement don't focus on oh

my god i made this and it's been up for three months and it hasn't sold it's gonna sell okay especially someone asked me how to sell stuff on depop just post it and then people make offers list it for a fair price but people will make offers for how much they're willing to pay and sometimes that's a good offer and sometimes my items won't blow up until like five months later and then it has like 500 likes and someone's finally bought it so don't give yourself a time frame allow yourself to be seen and support yourself and love yourself through it all oh my gosh also have a book recommendation for you guys um this was the patreon book club book of the month um a little late whoopsies but i literally read it in one day i read one chapter

there was like nine short stories it's called black swan stories by eve babbitts um i read one story at the skate park and then i read all eight other ones on the drive home finished it in basically a day such a good book if you're a fan of like the 60s 70s 80s 90s hollywood la um musician famous actor drama kind of energy that's what eve babbitts was a huge part of she was influential when it came to not only journalism but also like um 70s rock star um album covers like that's what she started doing and she was big kind of in the drug scene which i think is fine really interesting but these are a bunch of short stories of her as an older adult looking back on her youth and looking now at her sober life and looking at the friends around

her and i think it's such a good read the short stories are incredible the way she writes is like almost like a comedian you know when comedians like start on a story and then they get distracted and they have a few jokes here and they get distracted and they have a few jokes here and then it becomes full circle by the end of it it's like oh my god everything was connected how did they do this that's what she does with her writing and it is so incredible she talks about her various lovers and how she feels about love her past experiences with drugs learning from her friends mistakes she talks like she has one chapter all about tango which i think is incredible like I was saying allowing yourself to go into spirals she just like went to a play and fell in love with

tango and then started doing it for years and the people she met through it and the love and the passion she felt for it was just like incredible the fact that she could write a whole chapter about this one experience within her life and how passionate she was about it really just inspired me and I think it's a fantastic read it's an easy read it's like a perfect little like pool day book especially if you have ADHD she's a perfect writer for that because she'll be like writing about one thing one sentence and then like the next sentence is something completely different she's a fantastic way of also describing things around her that I think is very inspirational and she's such a good author that I actually just ordered her other book I think it's called like fast days slow I

don't know something like that I'll give you a full book review when I read that but I got it from mexico and i'm sure i'm gonna finish it pretty quick there but so good it's called black swan stories by eve babbitts 10 out of 10 recommend someone asked what's my vibe for the summer and my vibe for the summer is outside hot and sweaty long hair too much jewelry bikini tops short short mini skirts and bare feet and a margarita and a taco and a hot dog that is my vibe for the summer hi hannah my name is chloe i'm also a kansas city girl love the pod love you but i just want to call in because i also have been on my rise and grind shit and getting up and going um but what i've been finding is like I get to like 5 or 4 p.m and I'm like okay what the fuck do I do for the whole

evening and then I just end up like belligerently high and in my bed doing nothing um which is fine because you know full morning um but I just wondered if you had any tips on like how to keep that boredom from coming because I'll do so good do the whole day do great and then you know 4 p.m rolls around and i'm like okay um let's fuck up so yep that's all just wondering if you guys had any tips i love you all and tell the girlies that call in i'm so grateful for us all i'm so grateful we have each other love you all i wish i had more advice for you but like this is my perfect day it's like wake up work work work work work work work work work work work work anyways sorry um and then like four or five o'clock you know you get everything done and then finally you have

time to chill and relax and my evenings are very chill and relaxed unless i'm like going out and doing something i mean even when i am i prioritize this four or five like you like me i just i smoke a little bit i hang out on my phone i lay in bed lay on the couch whatever make myself a little dinner smoke a little more put on a good movie and pass out that's usually what like my daily routine looks like now if you're the kind of person who's like I have a little bit of downtime around that you know four or five o'clock period but I still want to have the energy to go out and do more things then I don't think afternoon smoking is the best idea in which I would replace your flour for cbd or whatever you're smoking for cbd cbd is a fantastic way to still get that like

anti-anxiety body chill without completely derailing your day and getting too high you know what i mean love paz packs gummies um love their carts as well um and their flour i love mixing their flour in with my THC flour to kind of offset it a little bit but when I want to keep productive I'll supplement with CBD and Paz Pax is my favorite you already know that code smoke sash if you want 10% off go support love them but that would be a great idea if you're like I want to keep the ball running you know we want to keep moving but I don't want to smoke CBD and then you can also be productive while being at home if that makes sense um like you don't have to be run run running or like out doing things to feel productive there's so many productive things you

can do at home that also fit in the category of like downtime or chill time maybe you're gonna redecorate maybe you're gonna deep clean maybe you're gonna do some art some journaling maybe you're gonna do some you know pinterest boarding some mood boarding maybe you're gonna journal whatever it may be maybe take a bath oh my god a little face mask there are things that you do when you're alone that might seem a little frivolous such as like oh I'm gonna paint or I'm gonna do a face mask and have a self-care day but those things are just as important as you having to run to the post office and drop something off in the mail they are equally as important and hold equal weight just because they're not quote-unquote work as in you're

exerting energy into something else you exerting energy into yourself is still just as important so honor that downtime I really encourage you to do so because that downtime that four or five o'clock period where I finally sit down to smoke and chill is like my favorite time of the day and also the reason why i get up and work so hard in the morning afternoon hours but yeah if you want to keep momentum going cbd cbd will be your best friend especially if you're a um chronic smoker and you need something to supplement with instead of just going gold turkey and you still want to indulge life is all about indulgences cbd will keep you going i promise someone asked does therapy actually work and yes it does in the same way that friendship advice works

and let me dive into that a little bit so therapy works but I feel like a lot of people get deterred from therapy because they or maybe it works in the same way relationships work um but they find one therapist they think that one therapist is going to solve all of their issues and they sit down and they talk with them and you guys are just not on the same page you don't feel heard maybe or you don't feel accepted or you guys just aren't understanding in each other and then you take that one experience to be like well all therapists don't work this one didn't get me none of them will get me I'm never going back which is just not true but people also do that with relationships you know you fall in love once it's a bad experience and then you write up

write off relationships forever with any human connection this is a very common occurrence but just like within dating you have to date your therapist and as weird as that sounds you really have to find one in order for therapy therapy to work you have to find one who listens understands where you're coming from is non-judgmental and also works in a way that you enjoy working my favorite therapist I ever had was actually a child therapist and worked with people on understanding their habits based on how they were raised throughout their childhood and relating it back to that and I felt very called to that and understood like understood myself more through it whereas other people maybe that won't work but you have to date your therapist you have to like

you can go to one and be like this isn't working and break up with them that is absolutely allowed with any medical professional honestly with any human if you guys aren't on the same vibe it's okay to be like hey i'm gonna move on to somebody who actually is going to better me in some sort of way especially in therapy because it's a business relationship you know like they are there to help you and if you don't think you're getting what you want out of it then move on to somebody who is going to be there to help you to hear you out to understand you but therapy has done wonders for me um it has really helped with my inner self-talk it has helped with understanding things within my life that I maybe didn't understand about myself new perspectives

but you have to find one that you really like appreciate their perspective and appreciate their opinion because they're going to give that to you ultimately it's like finding a good friend but also like on a business relationship level like i'm not gonna call you after work or like on my way home or just chit chat like we got a meeting every tuesday but that's about it and i'm gonna save everything for our chit chat then um but therapy is fantastic and i really recommend it for literally everyone i think every single person no matter how mentally stable you think you are needs a therapist just because there are so many things that are on our mind or that we want to talk about that maybe we don't have somebody in our life to talk about with either a people are

too opinionated or b they they want to make you behave in a certain way or they have preconceived notions whatever it may be this is a completely unbiased opinion somebody who is simply there to hear you out and try and help you along this journey of life and i think that is so incredible and so wonderful i feel like somewhere down the line maybe i'll become a therapist or something I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life which is so funny because I feel like at 18 I felt like I needed to know every single little thing about my life and now at 23 almost 24 24 in a week you guys oh my god I am just now learning that I'm so young and you kind of figure it out as it comes to you and allowing yourself time to change your mind and discover new things

and try on new hats and you know try new things throughout this life the easier life becomes um so yeah maybe down the line i'll become a therapist maybe down the line i'll uh you know i don't know have a tv show uh do more online work become a designer like i'm still allowing myself to dream and i feel like that's so important especially as an adult nowadays where we feel so much pressure to have it all figured out i'm telling you right now it's okay to not have it figured out because that allows you more room to discover more about yourself hi hannah um my question is what do you do to like when you have like a bad high like to i guess make it better to like prevent them because honestly i mean i've been like

heavily smoking weed for the past four years but like the past few months it's been not so good um I'm just not every single time I smoke but like frequently like most of the time I've been getting bad highs so I was wondering if you could kind of help me out with that thank you I love your show by the way you're the best bye okay this is a fantastic question you're also not alone i as somebody who smokes a lot and has smoked a lot throughout my life there are periods where weed works with me and there's periods where weed works against me and i really have to be cognizant of when it's working and when it's not and learn when to step away and also learn when like it's a good thing you know what I mean so if you're in a period where you feel like hey you know this

isn't doing for me what it used to I don't think it's really benefiting me in any specific way then maybe you need to step away and that's okay you don't have to revolve your life around this one substance and I do recommend supplementing but also just in general for my anxiety girlies I want to let you know that anxiety is a symptom of THC when you ingest THC a natural body response that you are going to have is going to be a little bit of anxiety just with any sort of mentally changing drug or substance you're gonna have a little wave of anxiety because your body is realizing something's changing so i want to let you know that is normal and i hate that people are like people be like oh well you just have anxiety you shouldn't smoke like no i feel like every

smoker knows the smoker's anxiety and it is a normal part of the experience but it can get overwhelming and a way to combat that overwhelming feeling is with CBD CBD is a lifesaver when I was going through my horrible awful I ingested way too many brownies literally a whole pan way too fucking many and I was going through literally a bad trip like it was on the level of like an acid trip but it was weed which is crazy to say because you you wouldn't assume they'd be the same but I literally thought I was standing at the sink taking out my contacts and I was laying in bed taking them out on the pillow like I thought I was doing something and I wasn't it was wild but the one thing that helped me which my boyfriend at the time shout out to him this is

like the one good thing he did for me is he pulled out a CBD pen well he handed me a pen he's like hit this I was like bitch what the fuck are you telling me right now are you stupid like I am too high and you're handing me a pen and he's like no no it's cbd and cbd is another property of the marijuana plant that you can extract um and it is known for its overwhelming calming effects as well as it offsets thc's effects which is why you'll see sometimes when you go to the dispensary it'll be like this percent thc and then this percent cbd because having both is good I do believe having some CBD with your flower is a very good routine to have to offset that anxiety that is naturally producing with the effects of THC so once again pazpax.com p-a-z

p-a-c-k-s um code smoke smoke sash 10% off I like this is the only people that I really sponsor or like work with because they work because i've been using them for such a long time and because it's such a handy tool within my life as somebody who consumes marijuana based products do you know what i mean so a maybe this is a period in your life where you need to step away and b also if you feel like it's not overwhelmingly like no no like maybe i'm just it's affecting me a little differently or maybe i'm smoking too much cbd do like half cbd flour half regular flour or when times you feel like consuming instead of consuming flour consume thc take a little gummy you know hit a little cart it's the same thing similar effects but it's not psychoactive it's

just that body relaxation overwhelming calmness that you feel i feel like when i take cbd the best way to describe it is as if someone took a weighted blanket and just put it over my body not in a constrict constructive way constrictive yeah constrictive way but as a like calming soothing way do you know what I mean so yeah maybe you need to step away from the weed and that's okay I know this is a weed based podcast but there's been times I've done this podcast and I mean I had not smoked for months you know I listen to my body I understand what it needs and sometimes weed is a good option for me sometimes it's not um there's been years I've gone without smoking like I'll smoke for two years and take a year off and then smoke for a year and

then take six months off and then smoke for two years and then take two years off like it ebbs and flows with everything in life and you have to allow it to ebb and flow throughout your life as well i love when you guys send me longer dms on my instagram um like question wise also sorry for the random tapping in the back my nails are so long and it's like asmr like like i keep accidentally tapping my phone so apologies first of all second of all sorry for that little tangent but i love when people send me longer dms um on instagram because i feel like i love that you guys can purge your emotions to me even if i don't answer like i'm glad that i'm a safe space where you can be like oh my god this crazy shit happened to me girl let me just purge it all out because a lot

of you will do that and then like a couple months later you'll come back and you'll be like like update me like everything worked out everything's good you know and i love seeing that because it's like yeah sometimes you gotta get it off your chest let the universe take a hold of it and then figure it out from there but that happened this week someone dm'd me and said mother the girl who dated my ex after we broke up just got hired at my job it's a small place about two to three people working at a time where you are forced to talk to one another otherwise it's awkward i know it's not a competition or anything and no it's not personal but how do i ease my anxiety as i have to help train her for her first shift and this situation makes me want to crumple up and

disappear i even immediately unfollowed her on instagram when i found out they were seeing each other and tried to avoid it all at all cost but now it's in my face and my first thought was girl you're gonna have to tell that bitch to quit like either i hate to be like make her life a living hell or just like be the bigger person and pretend like nothing happened but that is so draining but one of you guys are gonna have to quit and then she updated me and she was like update she quit as she should I was like yes see the universe it works out in your favor I promise but I get that you have those high stressful events then you're like I don't know who to tell and then I love seeing that everything works out for you guys so love the longer dms thank you for

those but I think this is pretty much it I had to take a little brief pause during recording this because the at&t man showed up to set up wi-fi in my house so i was just like awkwardly standing around like i want to chit chat with my girls um so it's like three o'clock and i need to get this podcast out to you guys so with that being said i love you all so very very much next week's episode will be my birthday episode not on my birthday but the day before or maybe two days before i think my birthday's on thursday anyways it'll be my birthday week episode and then the week after that there will not be an episode on tuesday but an episode on thursday instead so there will be our next episode will be our usual tuesday the 30th and the week after that our episode will be on

the 8th i believe um because i'll be traveling and i won't have time to record a podcast while in Mexico unless I do have time then shit I don't know I guess we'll see but just in case I want to put a little PSA out there but thank you guys for joining I love you all so much thank you for being here thank you for being you thank you for being vulnerable and open with me as you guys always are thank you for all the call-ins as well I got so many this episode it's always fun to chit chat with you guys hear your voice but that being said for all other updates any fun photos any fun things going on you can check my instagram out at hannah marlene i just posted a little photo dump from my denver trip if you want to check it out

there uh my meme account is linked to my bio and then my patreon for any vlogs any journal prompts any fun things of the sort such as our book club that is uh linked in my instagram bio as well but It is under Hannah Marlene on Patreon, I believe. But yeah, that being said, love you all. Have a safe and wonderful rest of your week.