Smoke Sesh - spring reset, blessings & am I the drama?

Episode Date: March 24, 2026

hello hotties and happy spring! we have a lot to talk about today including what ive been up to, transmuting energy, turning a negative to a positive, spring reset, leveling up your life, spring cleaning, fitting in, cosplaying, trying new things, am I the drama? how to avoid drama, and drama story time, complaining, problematic people, bad friends, putting up walls, untrustworthy men, eat it or beat it, if I was a flower, getting sober, celebrating a change, binge eating, healthy relationships with food, true love, what fills my cup, blessings and how to not block them plus much much more!join the patreon! extra long episodes every Thursday at patreon.com/smokeseshshawtysubmit your questions and call ins every week on instagram.com/hannahmarlenewatch the new vlogs every Sunday on YouTube at hannahmarlene444

listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all hello hello hello and welcome back to smoke sesh i really did not realize how country i was serving today until i just sat down and looked at myself in the camera okay okay hannah montana uh the movie miley stewart summer i see you i literally went horseback riding this morning so i feel like I just had to stay in theme a little bit a little bit sporting my hat I made myself when I went down

to Austin Texas had to break it out show the girls but I hope you guys had a fantastic week you guys it is officially spring and I really am just I've been celebrating celebrating celebrating celebrating sense the weather was finally good it hit a high of like 95 what the hell i was happy to have it either way a little bit of sunshine is always a good thing in my book i will never be upset about any sort of heat or sunshine but it is going to be a hot heavy and hot summer so i'm mentally preparing but yeah did a lot of spring celebration spring equinox prep home cleaning i actually deep cleaned my entire kitchen for a youtube video if you want to like you know get high and clean with me it's a great video to watch i was actually gonna film me cleaning my entire

house but but i fear the kitchen did take about five hours so you'll get the rest of the house video later but i'm back on my youtube grind i felt like uploading on the equinox on the astrological new year just felt like a great way to usher in some prosperity some peace you know put our best foot forward take some action in our life we're officially in Aries seasons there's no more like haze over our eyes it really is just go go go go until we hit a little bit of a downfall in some future months but for right now we are in a state of there's a fire under our feet it is hot it is burning and we need to move forward so if you're feeling that energy and you don't know what to do with it let me go ahead and tell you it is to move forward i need to crack this celsius because

i woke up at 7 30 in this morning not even kidding shout out celsius not sponsored but they did send me these and they're fantastic they're the sparkling raspberry peach oh they are killer but yeah up at 7 30 at the ranch at the farm by um like nine o'clock and then my instructor was running late so i was just hanging out and the owner came out she's like it's feeding time you better get to work you're gonna help me and i was like hell yeah i'm here i'll help like tell me what to do i'll figure it out let's do it so we fed all fucking 40 horses or whatever and then by the time we were done an hour later I then had an hour lesson which was a bit of a challenge but I do really enjoy a challenge I've been trying to recently if you listen to the last episode

I'm trying to transmute my negative feelings into something more positive because something that I've been learning the more I kind of work on my emotions and the more I understand the broad spectrum of emotions a little bit more there is always something you can take away from a negative emotion that is a teaching lesson and a positive outcome so like we talked about grief in the last episode sometimes grief is truly just love when you look at it and yeah it's going to be a hard time going through those hard emotions but if you transmute that energy you can find that positive jealousy if you transmute the idea of jealousy if you really take a look at it it is just inspiration you just don't have it yet you're feeling that slight bit of lack but if you you

know turn it into something more positive you'll be able to understand okay no let's let's take from it what the lesson's supposed to be today I was put on a challenging horse challenging horse which I do love a challenge I had a fun ride last week it was so beautiful we went on a trail ride since it was nice I was on a horse that I know and I know their buttons so it was like oh it's gonna be easy breezy beautiful I was with like a bunch of 13 year old girls I was like let's do this they're all a hoot and a holler that's for sure they're all giggling and like running past me I'm like this is actually so funny I'm living for it um and then yeah she's like this is gonna be a little bit different today but I know you can handle it handle it I did absolutely but I'm

working with new reins a new horse and also I've only ridden geldings if you don't know what that means it's just like male horses and this is a mare a female horse which are a little bit um more hard-headed which I respect every woman's got her boundaries and I'm I'll push them to my extent but also like girl I get you you know I'm gonna pick and choose my battles but it definitely was I left feeling like damn I wish I had four more hours to work on that horse or to work on my grip on the reins or to work on just my posture my seating my directionality my leg work and you know before leaving in that kind of state I would probably leave and be in a more negative mindset of oh it didn't go how I wanted oh I I had a bit of a challenging experience oh

I wish it went this way blah blah negative emotions okay disappointment and instead you know I'm lucky I have about an hour drive from my house to my lessons to work on this internally but instead I was like okay no your feelings right now are really just telling you you're passionate about it you want to work harder at it you feel strongly about it you want to keep going and learning more and that's good it's it's good to sometimes be frustrated by things you love because it reminds you that that spark and passion is there and if you transmute that negative to a positive you will get there the next time and go 10 times harder stand 10 toes down and get a much better experience out of it so i'm glad i took a moment to process that because now i'm like yes i

can't wait to get back and it wasn't even like negative it was just like a challenge you know and i do i love a challenge but sometimes it's like can you please just take a step forward please I'm begging okay I'm not asking for a lot but just like two steps forward that's all I'm asking anyways I've been loving horseback riding it's definitely gonna get I'm gonna get a lot busier this summer as I kind of help them with their trail rides hopefully fingers crossed manifesting um and just with everything that's gonna be going on now that it's heating up and you know spring is here finally you guys we made it I feel like it was just yesterday that I sat down and was like okay here's my game plan to survive the winter survive i did survive i truly

did but now that i'm in spring i feel like it's a new chapter a new start and as i'm kind of like preparing myself for this new beginning i figure we can kind of sit down and chat about what i'm looking forward to ways that i'm celebrating and what i do because you guys had some questions about that someone asked favorite spring spring cleaning rituals and practices um i shared a lot over on the patreon of just various spring things if you ever are interested in getting extra content extra just like understanding about things journal prompts tarot reading book club books i we go hard over there best believe um not only did i do a write-up recently on the pisces new moon which was so transformative I also share weekly inspo I did a spring tarot reading for this

season which was just so beautiful um but when it comes to new chapters in general I always start from like a base level and then work my way up and by I mean base level I mean where I am now okay how can we refresh where we are now physically mentally spiritually the physical being I need to clean my house and purge my house I'm uploading I'm selling like half my closet I'm like it's gotta go if I haven't touched it or it's not like an archive piece I want to keep forever it's gotta go I think my um username on depop is smokesess shoddy perhaps with three y's if you want to shop my closet I'm selling off so much of everything it's just like I need to clean and clear my house um deep cleaning mopping if you watch the youtube video hannah marlene 444 on

youtube um i literally took everything out of my fridge every single thing which included two year old magic mushrooms like why the fuck is this in here i'm just finding random shit that it's like oh you put it away and you forget about it okay no let's take time to really clean our base make sure it's reset so then we are feeling you know level to go forth into maybe more lofty goals more dreamlike goals it gives us a good basis to rest and relax and refresh our nervous system whenever we are going from that high high of like going after our goals to then going back home to resting and relaxing it's very important you have that intention set for your home even doing little things such as like I opened all of my shades in my house so I get as much sunlight in here as

possible I went to Trader Joe's yes I brave Trader Joe's on a Sunday do not recommend for the faint of heart and I went I bought fresh flowers to keep in my house to make a couple bouquets I also posted a little video on that on Instagram if you want to watch me make a bouquet I'm also sharing a bunch of fun things this week I have a lot of content planned as you can tell I'm dreaming we are going forward Aries season is pushing me hard okay in a very positive way I'm learning how to make focaccia this week I'm making a focaccia sandwich on there Hannah Marlene on Instagram but just like just the little things to brighten up your house pruning your plants maybe going and getting a new plant a fresh set of flowers simply just breaking out your vacuum if you haven't in a

while resetting your base so then when you do go after your bigger things your big dreams maybe you're finishing school you're finishing out the semester strong you have that home base that feels good and clean and welcoming even you would be surprised how incredible like a fresh set of sheets at least every week or like even every couple days is I've started changing my pillow cases my sheets my duvet cover like excessively but having a clean bed to get into every single night is such a blessing and so nice and it really is the little things that uplift and support your life and make it exciting and bring a little bit like I talked about last week a little bit more whimsy okay into your existence because we should be enjoying the the existence part of it all

now we kind of take one step forward we have our home base set now instead of going straight for our dreams which are like the big lofty hard to achieve things you go towards what you already are doing and succeeding at so things that i'm already doing and succeeding at i got my horseback riding lessons once a week i've been going to yoga whenever i have free time i've been trying to get outside if the weather's nice simply just go on a walk journaling every sunday that's why i upload journal prompts on um patreon because i'm like sometimes i need some inspiration to help me get moving help me get going so things that you're already succeeding at and then just kind of like elevating it a little bit so instead of maybe doing um one yoga class yoga lesson a week I

push myself to two you see oh maybe I've been eating out too much and I miss home cooking okay let's push ourselves to start cooking at home a little bit more maybe instead of once a week let's do twice a week I cook at home every single day I love it so much but I understand you got to start somewhere maybe if you're like oh i've been reading but not enough i only pick up my book once a week maybe you challenge yourself to let's do 10 pages in the evening you see how you're taking where you are and elevating it just slightly so it pushes you forward a little bit more things you already know things that are already working for you things that are already succeeding things that already make you feel good and you know they make you feel good you're just

pushing it one little step forward okay now once you do that and this is this can take as much time as you need i personally am kind of just like going after it i don't know what was in the air with this spring equinox energy with this airy season energy i really am just like we're doing it all and we're doing it all in a week okay if it takes you a month two months that is fine and dandy whatever you need in your life is valuable and real okay so be patient with yourself oh my god I look so country it's kind of cracking me up okay miss Miley Stewart speaking of I re-watched the Hannah Montana movie recently and honestly peak cinema truly what a good movie okay anyways then you take it to the last step which is the dream-like state having

that home base that's clean that feels good that feels steady solid ground under your feet while also finding a new balance in your everyday life that feels good and enthralling and inspiring once you kind of get bored with that where you're like okay we tweaked and we elevated my usual routine now I am in a good flow state and I'm ready to incorporate new things that's when you do those dream things okay and you can make anything you wish into reality okay literally eight months ago I was like I'm gonna start riding horses I'm 26 fuck it I'm gonna start riding horses guess what now I'm riding horses once sometimes twice a week constantly and I feel so confident in the things that I've learned the things that I'm developing and I feel

so good at where I am and all it took was me going fuck it I'm gonna go do it there's people who are around you who will teach you who will guide you who will help you all you have to do is go okay let's do it that's all you have to do and then show up and sometimes it costs money but that's another that's a different fucking story depends it depends all right but to ask yourself okay well maybe i haven't dreamed in a while what should i do what am what am i looking forward to what do i what do i want to incorporate into my life you can ask yourself what have you been jealous of of people recently are you jealous of that girl publishing that book and you know you have your book saved in a draft somewhere that you've never been able to finish okay fine let's start

working on it let's start finishing it up oh you want to be uh the yoga girl and you've never been to yoga before and you feel intimidated fuck it show up to one yoga class see what happens oh the pilates girl okay go to one class oh the ceramics girl okay go to one class oh the horse girl okay go to one class go on a trail ride there are so many opportunities around you and I really suggest sometimes doing it on your own could be it is much harder obviously whenever I'm getting into a hobby or learning new things now as an adult to make my life easier I have I have started trying to do those things in a group setting or with a teacher so then I feel more inclined to do it if I'm at home and it's like all right today I'm gonna learn how to knit

with a youtube video my adhd i'm gonna have a hard time doing it doesn't mean it's not possible but the success rate of you showing up to a weekly knitting club or just simply going to the knitting store down the street and asking for tips or tricks or how to start not only is it great community building it gets you out of your normal routine it gets you to learn something new because you have a little bit of pressure in front of you to actually pay attention and listen to ask questions to get curious and your success rate will be much higher than if you order those things on amazon they show up at your front door you walk downstairs you grab them you unbox them you turn on a youtube video that's okay though sometimes that's all you were able to do that is

all right whatever you are able to do is fantastic but for me personally something that i've really learned recently is if i want a high success rate at doing a new thing i have to push myself out of my comfort zones aka out of my house and go towards people who are masters in their craft who are willing to help you learn who are willing to you know help teach you because it will just be a much better experience all around you can find this in anything seriously even here in Kansas City small city if you really think about it there's still so many different things that are available for any sort of niche live drawing classes ceramics classes um knitting um motorcycle clubs car clubs sip and paints like there are just so many opportunities even me driving an hour

to get to horses it's like yeah that is an hour of my time sure but it is so worth it because i get to go do something i love and i get to challenge myself every single week not only has it built up my confidence in myself it's built up my desire to explore the world more to explore my interests more and all it takes is you taking that first step asking for help listening showing up seriously it's great I highly recommend doing it horseback riding is one of my favorite things to do and I'm so glad I pushed myself to get there and I did it at a new season I did it right at the start of fall something about fall I don't know it kicked in and I was like i needed an escape i need a distraction sure horseback riding is not something i'm gonna be

able to do through the winter but let's give it a shot and it's completely changed my life i guarantee you will find something that will change your life as well spring is the best time to start it the absolute best time to start it community soccer league community kickball literally jujitsu anything that piques your interest piques it for a reason listen to that calling put your best foot forward i love you happy spring you guys uh spring equinox it was 40 degrees outside today 40 degrees it was so cold the owner was like we got extra jackets let me go get you one girl because you are you're shaking in your boots right now my fingers just warmed up which is probably why i was having some trouble gripping the reins today i was like loosey goosey

with my fingers because I couldn't feel them even like strange hobbies one that I'm kind of struggling with right now my fish tank I love having a fish but also like it's forcing me to learn how to do chemistry and to read water quality and to learn about like the how to cycle a tank bitch I had to like medicate my fish yesterday like the strangest things but it's also like I wanted a fish I'm gonna go get a fish and I'm gonna do it to the best of my ability I'm not just gonna get a goldfish and put it in a jar of water I'm gonna like get a filter get snails get other things make sure it's cycled put plants in there like I want you to go after everything you dream this season and with Aries season being in full swing it's really opened up

the floodgates for us to go forth and I want you to maximize that energy to the best of your ability but working on that base level getting your base good getting your comfortability good in your everyday life once you have that going after your dreams is so much easier so just take it one step at a time babe don't stress yourself out there's no reason to stress never ever ever go ahead and hit that weed unless you're on a tea break then don't do that but like you got this okay anyways that's enough about springtime let's get into your guys's questions let's see what's on your mind I guess this is a good one how to stop seeing yourself as an outsider I feel like it's making me miss out it is but guess what I'm a Gemini so let me tell you the trick to feeling like you fit

in no matter where you are because this is something that I didn't realize I'm really good at until I've I started like becoming an adult and putting myself in so many different vast very very vast environments and I realized I've always adapted accordingly whether it's like okay soccer cool I'm gonna be the soccer girl today horseback riding cool I'm gonna be as country as possible today the podcaster okay I'm gonna show I'm gonna Hannah Montana my shit okay I'm to show up glam it up do what I can um a server I'm gonna go put on my little apron and be in my server era like you have to allow yourself to be flexible and don't cage yourself in so much because when you cage yourself into these ideas of who you are it really doesn't allow for any

growth at all because you'll go oh but I'm this and I'm fearful of losing this so I don't want to become this because i don't have enough space no there's so much space to take on as many different labels and identities and things that you want all you have to do is go after them and low-key i be cosplaying i'll be like i want to cosplay it's like girl you cosplay every single fucking day of your life oh i'm going to the skate park with my boyfriend i'm the skate park girlfriend i'm gonna put on my jinko jeans no i'm kidding and i'm gonna fucking put on my old metal band t-shirt and I want to be the fucking the skate park girlfriend okay I'm going to the farm I'm gonna cosplay a horseback riding girl as much as I can soccer I'm gonna go cosplay a

soccer player and I think that allows you to not only like escape yourself a little bit because you're playing a character in a sort of sense not really playing a character because I want you to be true to yourself but mostly it's just allowing you to just be flexible in life okay it's allowing yourself to try new things without worry to, you know, put yourself in new environments without inducing your anxiety. And no matter the environment, no matter the hobby, no matter the activity, even sometimes just like going to the grocery store, I get anxious, but that's okay. When I am feeling anxious about something, I have to sit and tell myself, you are anxious because it's a new experience and you will always be anxious in new experiences. So this is a normal

emotion. This is not your brain telling you there's a bear behind you and you're about to get eaten. That is a much different experience and one that you will never be in, but it's telling you this is just new. This is new. So your brain is paying attention to it. Your heart's racing a little bit, but it doesn't mean it's inherently bad. Your anxiety usually is not telling you a whole lot other than this is just a new experience. So your body and your mind are mentally preparing and prepping for it. All right. Don't label yourself as the outsider because you will be the outsider. Label yourself as the cause player. OK, I talk about it a lot. OK, Lana Del Rey at that Waffle House, she blended right the fuck in. And you know why? It was because she was not

afraid to put that label on herself and to allow herself to experience a new thing and to cosplay a little bit it's great when i go to the farm i am no makeup hoodie on beaten up boots old jeans that i've worn about eight times now and i'm covered in dirt but that's how it's supposed to be is that hannah when she gets on the podcast an hour later no not at all i come i get glam i get myself ready i chug a celsius i make myself a snack and then i then not cosplay but i do allow myself to transform into that next individual that i need to be in that environment it'll make you a more flexible individual it'll make you a more likable individual because you're willing to put yourself out there you're not so closed off mentally or physically and it just takes practice

it does take a lot of practice of putting yourself in new environments when i was a child bitch i was just like I was the younger much younger sibling so my parents were like you're going in Y care you're going here you're doing this hobby you're going to this camp you're going to your brother's thing and it's like there's no choice in that and I do thank my parents for doing that so much for me because it's made me very comfortable in trying new things but I kind of had to learn how to adapt just to be like okay fuck it like do I really want to be here at this random theater camp no but i'm gonna show up and i'm gonna cosplay as i don't know dorothy's dog or whatever the fuck i'm casted in and i'm gonna do the best that i possibly can because i'm here i'm here

and we're gonna try it out if it doesn't work it doesn't work but that's okay people say gemini's have way too many personalities and maybe that is true but also there is something very beautiful about being a gemini and knowing that no matter the environment i can always find myself and I can also learn more about myself by allowing myself to transform into these different identities of Hannah because I contain multitudes you contain multitudes and when you only allow yourself to be one version when you're supposed to be so many different types it really will hold you back and make you feel like you're not achieving enough or fitting in enough and that's just no way to live release the shackles oh my god what is that rupaul quote get off the cross

ladykins we could use the wood for real sometimes i will put myself in cages and it's like babe there's two bars on the cage the cage you created around you there's two bars that's it there should be 20 if you you really wanted to keep yourself in here there would be 20 40 80 there's two bars you can step forward and step out of the cage but you have to be brave enough to take that step forward okay and overthinking it will never get you anywhere can we talk about overthinking okay queen of overthinking here i am a pro at overthinking there's anybody who lives more in their head than me oh i don't think they exist truly and honestly and i know you're listening to this and you're like bitch i'm right here okay if you're listening to this podcast it's probably

because you're a massive overthinker and that's okay i think it came from you know a lot of it just came from me being alone a lot so like i'm always with myself so i'm always kind of thinking or you know conversating with myself yeah crazy bitch alert also like i have quite a bit of anxiety and that makes me have to like process more understand my emotions more especially with like depression too learning more about my depression learning more about myself being very internal because I did have to take that time to learn about myself internally because I was very afraid of it but there's there is something about being too internal that could be very very bad and I think it became then a coping mechanism where it was like all right I did the work I focused

internally I feel comfortable internally but now that I'm comfortable internally I don't really want to get external I'm I'm cozy here listen I'm good I'm good in my head we're good I'll figure it out I know it's just me and her in there the 20 other personalities we're good we'll figure it out it's fine but outside I don't know about there who knows what's going on over there and I'm a little nervous about it so I'm going to become avoidant I do think overthinking is an act of avoidancy because if you allow yourself to think and think and think and think and think about something you will never act on it ever and the best way to unfortunately get out of that overthinking habit is to yes act on it I know I know it's not what you wanted to hear I'm so sorry

it's not what you wanted to hear but that is really the one way to kind of break that habit because it will reinforce the idea that outside world is not so scary your overthinking is not protecting you you never know what's out there until you just fucking saddle up and go on after it but you really just got to take that first step and try put yourself out there do something new switch up the routine I'm very much so in my horse girl era so I'll equate it to something that I was learning today sometimes when horses get stubborn we'll consider that overthinking they do get stubborn because they start overthinking a little bit or they're just like fuck you bitch I'm not doing anything you ask me the best thing you can do is to distract them a

little bit all right so this isn't working they don't want to do this okay let's try something different let's get their mind on something else let's kind of like switch it up switch up the routine switch up the direction switch up the way that we're walking maybe we're instead of going forward we're going backwards whatever it is you have to do that with your mind too because when you get in that overthinking perspective of like okay but it's not going to work out maybe it's negative thoughts maybe it's positive thoughts maybe you're just stuck in la la land and daydreaming too much whatever it may be the only way to break out of it is to switch up your routine and not your routine of thinking but by acting instead getting out of your head and into your

body it is the best way to break that habit to realize oh wow what i was thinking about is really not as scary as i was perceiving it to be no reason to be afraid i was just freaking myself out for no reason and it builds your confidence with yourself and gives you you know more of a trust in yourself and a trust that you will move forward in the right direction and even if it's not the right direction bitch we can back up and we can try again and we can go a different direction but overthinking will never protect you it's something that i've been dealing with a lot recently because it's been like i feel like i've spent the past three years in my head with no action and it's like there's no more time for that obviously it's not working because three

years later nothing has changed so we need to start taking direct action we need to start trying new things we need to start moving and grooving in different ways and even just like little things such as trying new yoga classes going to horseback riding putting myself in new positions it really has made a drastic effect on my life and the feeling of my life by actually feeling like i'm moving and going somewhere and doing something with it so ladykins get out of your head and into the world do not be afraid to cosplay to try on different hats to put on different jeans you know metaphorically the different styles of life that are jeans and hats it's like we were when we were kids and you were in kindergarten to be like center's time anybody remember center's

time it's like okay am i gonna be in the little play kitchen cooking up a little thing am i gonna be over by the whiteboard pretending i'm the teacher am i gonna be out on the playground like pretending i'm a football star am i gonna be over in the dress-up bin dressing up as a doctor a pop star an astronaut like what am i gonna be doing it's a lot of choices but you have to choose one try on the astronaut suit if you're not fucking with the vibe okay put on the pop star outfit if you're not fucking with that vibe maybe you want to go distract yourself in the kitchen the play kitchen play around a little bit it's all about moving and action and applying yourself and not being afraid to try on different things because i'll tell you what they'll fit or they

won't fit and you will know but the only way to know is by doing not not by thinking someone asked tips for avoiding drama if i'm being honest just don't cause it like i i find that with um energy exchanges a lot of drama is all i'll involve myself in the drama and then that i get swept up in that drama energy and then it's just drama in my life but if it's like drama around me and i refuse to engage it's just like okay lol anyways i'm never evolved with it and i'm not giving energy into it even like um gossiping or oh talking about it this that like that is even feeding into the drama if you're not necessarily like the one who's blowing up or causing crazy things you're still feeding into it and i think it is all about an energy exchange me personally

i'm here for a fucking good time if someone else is having a bad time that's on them if i caused it also i'm very quick to be like oops my bad that like really it is that simple i think a lot of drama is caused by a people are bored so they're causing chaos in their lives or other people's lives as a way to entertain themselves that can be from like direct action of like bullying or being mean or talking down on people or you know whatever it may be it can also be subliminal which is like talking shit behind people's backs you're like oh well it's not mean because i'm not saying it to their face but it's low-key kind of meaner because you're not saying it to their face you know what i mean that is all gonna be not good definitely drama yes you

are the drama I also find that the people that I am around to are like drama drama I'm around a lot of men who are drama it's like okay you're just miserable and you're putting that on other people as a way to feel control and me personally that's never gonna work on me it isn't because I can clock misery a mile away and the last thing I'm gonna let you do is drag me down with you so even though I am around people pretty often that are like draw like drama queens okay and I don't use that term lightly they'll be sassy with me they'll be mean to me they'll be this they'll be that they'll have sly little comments or whatever or I know they're talking shit about my back behind my back you know how I'm unbothered is because I find peace in my heart and knowing I don't give a

fuck and also I refuse to be miserable like you okay sometimes sometimes when people are also kind of like either just being rude or mean or bullying you do have to stand on business a little bit and not in a way where you're stooping to their level or you're bullying them back or you're causing drama back towards them you just you quickly clock their behavior and you tell them you're not cool with it and you're not playing those games so with this person in my life they know not to fuck with me because I was like a you're miserable I don't know why you're miserable I'm not gonna fix it but I want nothing to do with it and if you keep treating me this way you will never see me again period point blank and guess what bam it stopped it stopped but

I think when there's drama around you can kind of get caught up and swept up in the the midst of it all because maybe you're bored maybe you have nothing else going on maybe it makes you feel better because someone's not talking shit about you it's about someone else or even if it is true you know sometimes there is some truth to how we live our lives and some people are just bad people but you engaging with it will never get you anywhere it really won't um and also it's just a waste of time it really is like it's like damn you guys want to spend all of your time being miserable about something someone said like no one cares I don't think drama can be caused from people not taking accountability of their lives where it's like

or behaviors or it becomes drama because someone's like I don't know narcissistic about a certain behavior and refuses to apologize I'm very quick to apologize if I piss someone off or I'm acting in a way that's uncouth or if I'm just like a b c or d that someone is not okay with if it's if I need to apologize I'm happy to do so I think a lot of people are scared to apologize because they don't want to be in the wrong but who cares if you're in the wrong as if as long as you try and put yourself in the right I've never really been involved with drama I've always been like on the outskirts where people around me were going through drama and it was like oh damn okay anyways I'm gonna go get lunch now you know it you have to be very unbothered by these types of

things whatever anybody says about me behind my back that's on them I really don't give a fuck because I'm focused on what's in front of me and if they're not brave enough to say it to my face then I truly don't care and if they do say it to my face I also don't care because they're miserable and I don't want to be miserable and I have a choice to not be miserable by not allowing myself to be miserable you know what I mean also by not surrounding myself with people who are consistently miserable but yeah I don't know me personally I just don't engage if someone wants talk shit and they're around me it's like okay whatever i just i'm just i'm here i'm not gonna be like yeah that fucking bitch sucks no i don't have time for that i have other things to do with

my life that are more important to me i don't really like putting negative energy out there because i feel like i get it back and yeah if i piss someone off i'm very quick to apologize because i don't give a fuck about being wrong it's okay to be wrong i want to be right so let me just say i'm sorry so then i can get back into god's good graces or whatever they say down south ew oh my god the hat is changing me it's actually really tight so it's kind of squeezing my brain in a very scary manner I think the biggest drama I've ever been like around though as someone who's like I like truly am not attached to drama it also kind of puts you on the outskirts of people who are going through some crazy drama that you get to kind of like sit back and watch

and observe almost as a reality tv show like I'm not making commentary about it I just happen to be here and I'm watching like a car crash in front of me like I'm I gotta keep my eyes on the road a little bit you know and when I was in high school we listen people be like a for euphoria is not real euphoria is not real no it is very much so real I definitely lived through fucking euphoria my high school was wild oh my god I have so many high school stories but probably the biggest drama that happened to the people who were around me was like i was involved with a bunch of like um distinguished scholars okay the most intellectual of the school because i was in the art program girl was i smart like them hell no but was i good at art absolutely smart people love getting

themselves in trouble for some reason and there was one kid who literally was buying like narcotics off of the dark web and then selling them to people at my school and ever I mean everybody knew about it it was just like okay in my head I'm like well which day is he getting rated because I'm not I don't want any of those but also it's like everybody knows about how the fuck is he one day literally he got a call from his parents that were like the fbi is here raiding our house why is the mini fridge in your fucking in your room full of narcotics and they're on the way to the school to get you so he panicked and he left class went to each class and grabbed everybody in the friend group took them to an empty room sat them all down as if it was like a meeting

we're like 16 and he interrogated everybody like who the fuck snitched on me blah blah blah blah blah and it's like motherfucker no one snitched on you you just truly have a loud mouth but it's like the drama of it all was I involved at all nope not at all but it also I was just experiencing from the outside world because i never put my i never dipped my toe into it and it could have been way more stressful i did dip my toe into it but no protect your peace babes all right choose peace always stand up for yourself if you need it if someone's causing drama about you stand up for yourself bullying is never okay say sorry if you need to if you're the drama choose not to engage i like to be on the outskirts i like to observe personally okay this is a really good follow-up

someone asked how to approach the friend who is always complaining slash it's always something it's so draining you know what and you're absolutely valid about that it is so draining i'm especially like being in the restaurant industry and like being around grown adults who it's like you've been miserable for so long what's going on i've i've really learned how to compartmentalize this and how to go about it because yes sometimes you have people in your life whether it's like someone you have close to you or someone just like adjacent to you who is like always miserable always complaining something is always going wrong you're like hey girl how's your day and it's like the world is ending everything's going wrong and it's like they

literally got your croissant order wrong at Dunkin Donuts the world's not fucking ending like let's be real in the same way I handle drama which this is also kind of drama I don't engage you can't engage you can't engage whenever someone's like whatever about some bullshit I really am just like oh damn anyways I'm walking away now like you really do have to treat it like that it's the same way as like toddlers throw tantrums it's just an emotion it's something they're going through but also if it's something that they're constantly going through that's not something you're gonna be able to fix that's not something you're gonna be able to talk through with them or help them understand so what are you gonna do about it nothing what are you actually gonna do about it

redirect all right if it's someone i care about and i actually wanna you know oh damn the world's ending for them let me make them feel a little bit better or maybe they're always complaining about the same thing the best thing you can do there when you care about the individual is be like well tell me one good thing that happened in your day well you know oh my gosh well this happened to me turn it to a more positive note oh you remember when you went on this trip oh you remember that amazing drink we had the other day oh you remember this you remember that you gotta kind of flip it on a positive note if you have the energy if you don't have the energy it's totally okay not to engage I mean I have friends in my life that it's like they come to me to

complain and that's totally fine but if I don't have the time or the energy to text them back or to answer that FaceTime call for them to complain then I just won't and that is a okay we all have our boundaries we all have our limits now if it's with someone that I just like don't really give a fuck about and I kind of just have to be around them maybe it's a co-worker maybe it's a family member maybe it's a um teacher maybe it's someone in your class if you don't give a fuck about them and it's like damn everything's going wrong for you and you're complaining and drama drama bad it really is just like do not engage I I put my blinders on and I'm like oh shit anyways sucks for you I guess like and that seems mean but it's like what what are you gonna do what

are you gonna do you can't become their therapist you can't become their mommy you can't become their daddy whatever they're looking for their grandmother you can't become what is going to fix them because ultimately the number one lesson you need to learn when it comes to like interpersonal relationships is like people are in charge of their own lives and that includes the good and the bad of course depending on your wherewithal depending on your connection to that person you can be there for them you can offer support you can offer kind words words of encouragement whatever it may be but ultimately at the end of the day we are in charge of our own selves okay we are our own parents we are our own handlers and that's on them it really is

god i had this bitch i used to work with and i don't use that term lightly i would probably use a harder word but i don't know if i can say the c-u-n-t word here on this spotify program or wherever you're listening to happy happy to have you here either way no matter the platform they are offered on every single platform but it'd be like I'm clocking into work I'm barely alive I'm like hey she'd be like oh my god this happened and then my daughter and then this and then I'm out of coke and I'm like it really was just that every single day yes daughter and coke in one sentence and it was I just literally got to a point where it's like I'm not even talking or responding and I'm going to keep my distance as much as possible so it all depends about the

connection and how much you're willing and able to offer mentally or physically at that point in time but yes when it comes to people who are constantly complaining constantly going through bad things constantly problems from problem problems i truly choose to either not engage or redirect to something more positive if i have a moment to do so but yeah uh oh to be the friend that is the therapist it is very very hard sometimes it's like girl i don't have time for this that's for sure i also think there's something to be said about red flags and people side note where maybe you're dating right now okay or maybe you're trying to find new friends make new friends and you're asking yourself how what's like something I can look out for

if you were getting to know somebody or you were talking to somebody of course forgiveness is good but if every single thing out of their mouth is negative negative negative negative negative whether it's about themselves other people their environment what they're going through if they're constantly going through a hard time well sometimes there's something to be said about hard time sometimes life just is that way but if it's constantly negative that is not an individual you want to keep around you because same thing with drama energy out is energy taken they are putting that negative energy out there and they're getting it back constantly that's not something you can fix but if you get swept up in that negative tornado their problems will become

your problems and that is not something you need to deal with you deserve people in your life who are full well-rounded emotionally stable individuals where even if they are going through a hard time or they're complaining it's for like i don't know a day it's for i don't know if it's really fucking hard maybe a week or if it's insanely hard maybe a month i had a friend who just lost her job and it was like who you can go ahead and complain for as much as you need but she was like okay 24 hours just getting out of my system getting back in the flow state of things it's like yeah she's a whole well-rounded adult even if she's going through a negative time or she's complaining for a little bit that's okay we as human beings we have many different

sides to ourselves but i trust that she can handle herself and handle her emotions and she'll be fine eventually because she knows how to take care of herself as an adult being but the people who don't who are negative negative negative negative the only thing you hear out of their mouth is negative not good very bad very scary and that reality for them will eventually become your reality as well if you constantly surround yourself with them because that's all they know how to bring into their lives and that's a lesson that they can learn on their own that is not a lesson that you need to be teaching anybody also side note you don't need to be teaching any adult any sort of lessons at all at all you are not a teacher you're not being paid for that job you're not a therapist

you're not being paid for that job me sitting up here and doing that exact same thing but i'm so happy to be here i love you all so much truly thank you for listening two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research together we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer register today at pmcf walk.ca this episode is brought to you by accenture when your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together

to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales, using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. hi oh my gosh girl i'm just like so much is going on but first of all love you girl and i just want to talk about like friendships and like how i can reflect back on me because i when i first moved to college after like cutting off my family like you know it was like former foster abusive whatever etc but i feel like the friends i had i never realized how fake

and envious they were and i'm the type of person who like loves to be proud of people and i want people to be proud of me but i just feel like these people were just so fucking mean to me and i'm like you know and i hate people are like oh my gosh like everyone hates me no one likes me but like I felt like at that period of my time like those people just seemed like my real friends but I've leveled up and I've grown a lot and looking back like it's not even too long ago that I've had other people do shit to me and I just really feel like there's something about me that keeps allowing this in my space because I've grown a lot and I'm in a much better place now but like how can you discern between like envious ass bitches and then sorry

or like people who just like say because like i'm very like okay they said something i'm not gonna take it personal like i'm not gonna think of it that way just overly forgiving like whatever that's my friend like i don't care but it's like totally different when it's just like okay like i'm allowing it but it's like taking way too fucking far okay bye love you guys oh my god girl you're so cute first of all absolutely valid you're a big hearted bitch and i say that with all the love in the absolute world because yeah you offer forgiveness you want to see the best you always like are hoping for the best with people and it's like to be a good friend sometimes you do have to do that you have to offer forgiveness you got to really just try and hope that they're

a good person but also i think when i got fucked over by my friends okay who very very much so in a same similar situation that you were it forced me to put some walls up that i didn't have before and it's okay to have some walls to go through experiences and go i don't want to do that again so let me look out for a couple different things here let me have some boundaries let me not accept certain behaviors and has it closed me off to some maybe superficial or negative connections recently yes absolutely but has it also protected me yes definitely there's some people in my life that I'm like I know you guys like definitely don't want the best for me maybe you're just like a little jealous a little this a little that and it's not something I can help because I'm just

I'm being myself and I'll keep it cordial I'll keep it cute but am I gonna like extend myself or share my deepest darkest secrets with you or like really try and build a friendship with you no absolutely not it's like i i know where it's worth extending myself i know when i meet people who are like real ass bitches now because they're not gonna you know make slight comments they're not gonna talk down on you they're not gonna talk down on other people they're not gonna involve you in drama they're not gonna do this they're not gonna do that they're gonna be real whole individuals who can take care of themselves who seek positive who seek growth and who celebrate you and you will find those people i guarantee but the best way to kind of avoid you're like i

feel like i keep running into these same kinds of people the best way to avoid them is to yeah unfortunately maybe have some walls up about these things you know needing people to kind of like show their true colors and to listen to those and ask yourself do i want this in my life or not you do have a choice there sometimes people just completely switch up on you that's how it was my old friend group it was like wow we really had like an amazing friendship and then something completely like a switch flipped they got very insecure about themselves and they took it out on me and that wasn't fair but also it's like do i regret those moments no absolutely not what we had at the beginning was so fantastic and if they decide to ruin it they decide to ruin it I've

always gone forward with my best intentions at mind and I've tried to weed out any sort of thing that you know hasn't worked for me and if I find myself in a similar position it's okay like some people are just who they are you can't really do anything about that but you can't ask yourself is this something that I'm willing to have in my life or put up with is this something that I actually want to deal with um but yeah i love you and you do deserve some good friends you do deserve some good people to be around i'm sorry you keep running into fake ass bitches they're out there they definitely are out there and everybody will experience some sort of like fake friend fake individual in their life at some point in time so consider that band-aid ripped off in your life

now all you have to do is kind of like look back and ask yourself what was i dealing with that i could have you know saw as signs or what was I rose-colored glasses-ing about my relationships or friendships or what am I willing to handle what am I willing to not handle so then going forth you've already done that work and done that processing and you'll be able to read people very clearly for who they present themselves as and if they're psychotic enough to fake themselves to the point where you don't even know that's a them problem you'll find out eventually but don't worry about that weird shit going on behind your back like it's the same thing with like cheating if you think about cheating it's like if they're gonna do that you'll find out eventually but

that's not something you need to worry about right now as long as you know everything in front of you is positive positive positive positive okay and keep putting your best foot forward keep staying amazing keep staying beautiful keep staying wonderful i know you are and you will attract that i promise you but i'm sorry you're going through a hard time and yeah it sucks running into fake bitches but it is what it is there's a lot of them out there all right let's get into the bad boyfriend questions my boyfriend left me at the bar oh god on my 21st birthday no apology either well that is your ex i fear congratulations the universe has gifted you one last 21st birthday gift and it is your boyfriend is evil and you have to leave him it is what it is i've been

seeing videos recently about like uh guys who will go on hikes with women and then get mad at them and leave them in the forest like walk off without them really quickly in front of them and like leave them at the top of the mountain and be like good luck getting back home that is not safe that is not okay that is a man child and that is not someone you need to have around you at all there is no reason you should ever have a man in your life who makes you feel unsafe because i'm gonna go ahead and get traditional roles and values let me tip my hat to that if you are a man in my life and i'm going to value you i know let me go ahead you need to make me feel safe i have been having this realization a lot recently because i have been spending time with a man in my life who is

like I don't know fucking 70 years old that's a joke actually probably at least like 65 70 who is like a very traditional values man in a way that is refreshing because he's like no you're a woman you're in my presence I'm gonna make sure you feel safe and taken care of like when you're around me you should not have to worry about anything that is like my duty as a man around you and it's like damn you really don't find that anymore even my dad was that way my mom's like oh i want a brand new deck bam it's built oh i want to tear out the fireplace and put in green tile bam it's done like oh i want to go on this trip fantastic we're researching it's done you know and it really is like that's kind of how it should be i'm not even kidding oh this guy okay so like this weekend

i got off work and he's like let's go out or he's like you're driving you're fine like can you drop me off at my my go-to bar i'm like sure whatever i'll go drive drive drop you off the bar the bar he owns we drive down there he's like park right here park right here get out of the car come in with me whatever so i get roped it's like afterwards 11 30 i want to go home whatever but i'm like fuck it i'll go inside i go in with him we're having a good time we're dancing he's like don't even pull your card out like i got the drinks it's fine just have a good time just enjoy yourself i want to enjoy myself you enjoy yourself i'm like period king absolutely he's so funny he knows everybody he's like the dj right there i know him sure enough literally four seconds later

he's on stage with the dj hugging him like as if they're old-time besties because they are okay and eventually i'm like okay brother we've been here for like 30 minutes or whatever but like I gotta go home I gotta drop you off because you're blackout drunk let's go but even him and his chaos and wildness like there was not one moment where I was like I don't feel like he will ride for me or show up for me or take care of me even when he is like drunk and ready to party it's like sure maybe I'll have to step in and be like bitch no you're going home I'm dropping you off because i gotta go home but even then he's like no drinks are on me you'll get in fine he parked like right we parked right out front he's like don't worry they're not gonna tell your car

i own the place it's like okay period as it should be like that's how it should be i i am never around him and worried in any aspect and if you are around a man and you are ever put in a position where you have to worry or you feel unsafe or any of these sort of things you don't feel cared for I just don't see the value in having them in your life genuinely and maybe that's me being jaded maybe that's me being like a misinterest or whatever you want to consider it but I think we as women show up in so many ways so many amazing ways so many beautiful ways for the people we love and when you want to just go out and have a good time and not worry you should be able to do that and not be left at the fucking bar or left on top of a mountain to crawl down

alone that is not okay that is not good and they should face some sort of punishment even if the punishment is you will never speak to me again for the way you treated me i think a lot of people need to have that reaction to some of their behaviors and when you let it happen yes it will keep happening and I understand it's hard to leave the first time absolutely I really do not put any sort of pressure on the person who is being hurt but you do owe it to yourself to know that is not something that's good for me this is not something that's going to change or turn around and i don't want to be treated like this again so they need to go period point blank my boyfriend refuses to go down on me he knows it's important to me but hates it what do you mean he

hates it what do you mean he hates it what do you mean he hates it what do you mean what do you mean what do you mean like i i've never even eaten pussy and i'm like would love to like what what do you mean when he puts his dick inside of you he's definitely looking at your vagina so what's the problem here's the thing another thing about men should not make you feel uncomfortable men should not make you feel uncomfortable during sex either that is also a massive red flag to me there is no reason for you to be like i understand everybody has their kinks and everybody has their things but like bitch you think i want to be choking on a dick no am i going to sit here and look you in the face and go i don't want to suck your dick no no i'm not i'm gonna fucking suit up

and boot up okay and do the best that i can just kidding i'm never gonna force myself in any sort of sexual situation that's not good for me and you shouldn't either and your partner shouldn't either but him being like I don't like it I don't wanna have you tried have we tried new things have we tried different positions I don't know for me it just seems like a very um immature perspective because in reality as an individual who is in love who is in a loving relationship who's in a loving partnership with their partner you do naturally just want to go down on them that's just how it is this does not seem good for you and in turn that doesn't seem good for him if you're giving him head he also needs to give you head and maybe it's a situation

where you're like okay well neither of us are getting head is that something you can compromise with but if he makes you feel insecure about your body unsafe whatever it is then that it that's also a situation that you should not be in especially regarding sex because intimacy is so so so important but you said he knows getting your pussy hate out is important to you as it should be okay someone's got to go down there and check in every once in a while and it better not be my gynecologist i don't want to go there all right i want to actually feel some pleasure if he still refuses that's not something you can force out of him because you should not force any sort of sexual acts out of anybody but if it's not going to work for you it's not going to work for you

and i do think as superficial as it is it's not even superficial it's like if you want to get your pussy ate break up with this man and go find an eater you deserve an eater babe you really do and there are many many many men out there who love eating pussy who love to do it and i do have some sort of like understanding where it's like some men are a little unnerved they don't know what to do even like sucking dick can feel very intimidating it's like what the fuck do i where do i put that how's that what do i do with that like i get it but also it's like you learn eventually you kind of like figure it out eventually you have a good time with your partner figuring it out it's beautiful i think head is beautiful i think head should be given

in relationships you know consistently or if not consistently at least sometimes like at least sometimes very much so at least sometimes but if that's not something that he likes to do that's just something you have to accept but is it something that you need to have in your life that's your question for you whenever i find myself in the crossroads of like i want a and they made it clear that they will not give me a then i have to either decide okay let me go without it or let me change up my environment and find it through a breakup or whatever it is that you're going through that's just that's just kind of how it is sometimes with people's behavior I think sometimes when we want something so bad we want to manipulate and control

and convince and a b c d and it's just not like that sometimes you do have to go okay you know what he just doesn't need fucking pussy now I'm not gonna say what everybody else is thinking but like i literally can't even fathom i can't fathom i can't fathom not not getting my pussy ate but like not wanting to eat pussy even i'm like you know what if i had the chance i would definitely take it i feel like it'd be so much fun are you kidding me so much easier than sucking dick i'll tell you that so much easier are you kidding me oh but yes everybody has their boundaries but if you want to eat her girl you go get your eater there's no reason your man should make you feel insecure about your body but also you can't force a man to eat some put you can

guide a horse to water but you can't make it drink like literally go get your eater girl seriously if you were a flower which one would you be and why i feel like people usually see me and they go sunflower she's giving sunflower which you're not wrong I'm from Kansas I got blonde hair I get country sometimes but I think reality if I was any sort of flower I think what really embodies me is either actually I think like a daffodil I love a good daffodil with like the bright yellow and then like maybe like a darker orange leaves inside uh I do I love a daffodil and they grow wild throughout um where i live throughout the springtime so i've been seeing them pop up here and there they're just so beautiful either that or like baby's breath

growing up like near the country baby's breath was always blooming along the side roads actually no i think weed would be my flower it's my flower of choice that's for sure but the flowers I got for my spring bouquet are flowers other than the tulips but these are flowers that I've never seen before and no one was grabbing them at Trader Joe's and they were just so bright and fluorescent I was like I have to have those so go check out that video it was so fun putting together just like a cute little bouquet for myself it's a great way to honor myself two in five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer

Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales, using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. hey hannah i love the podcast just calling in here to say i'm officially 75 days sober from weed

and in those 75 days i've really cut down my alcohol consumption i've had about five or six drinks since um new year's eve and i feel really good about it um and it's not as hard as i thought it would be um there was a point last year where i couldn't even imagine a life for myself that didn't revolve around substances and um it felt impossible to quit it and one day i just decided i'm done with this i'm done like planning my day around when i'm gonna smoke and looking forward to the next time that i could smoke and so i cut it out completely and i haven't gone back and i don't think i ever will i think that i'm not somebody that can use it i can't use it moderately so um yeah just wanted to call in and give anyone inspiration if they're thinking about quitting

it isn't as bad as your mind makes you think it will be while you're still consuming all right love you guys bye oh my god can we get a round of applause please in the comments down below can we get a round of applause i am so proud of you thank you for not only sharing this with everybody because i think this is something that a lot of people are starting to do now i've noticed not the trend but low-key kind of the trend of people wanting to release themselves from substances and i think it's beautiful i know this podcast is literally called smoke sesh but that's why i always hone in on the topic of everybody's invited to the smoke session no matter who you are it's more so about the community building and the desire of getting to know people who are

different than you and I am just so incredibly proud of you it's definitely something that I've been working on within myself and alcohol so I'm proud of you for finally going you know what fuck it let's just do it because really when it comes to things that I'm like I know I need to like tea break it out sober it out get rid of it from my life it's when I feel like when I'm around it I have no control that's how I know it's like oh this isn't good for me sometimes with drinking it's like if I start it's hard for me to stop and so I know it's probably something that I shouldn't have in my life um even sometimes the weed if I'm in a bad mental space it's like if I want to smoke from morning to night to dissociate that's probably not best for me and

in fact I probably should just address what's causing the stress in the first place so I'm proud of you for realizing that recognizing that and wanting to put your best foot forward and to make that change within yourself um yes i've definitely been seeing this i hate to say trend recently because i want to i don't want to like um diminish how powerful it is but i think people are tired of escaping from life or distracting themselves from life because they're afraid or scared or whatever it may be I know that's kind of how I act and instead facing the fear head-on facing the challenge head-on and learning through it that no matter the challenge you can overcome it you can grow into a better person you can have better habits and you will

learn more about yourself build more trust trust within yourself and build more confidence within yourself by doing so so I'm so proud of you I'm so happy that you shared hopefully inspires one more person to maybe go on this journey no matter how scary that it could be or to even like spark that realization in their mind of hmm am I using this correctly because it's so good no matter what it is in your life to ask yourself am I using this in a positive way spending money am I spending money healthily is there a balance to that sex am i having sex healthily is there a balance to that love am i loving healthily is there a balance to that weed alcohol food anything there needs to always be that balance and that peace within that relationship in order for you as an individual to

thrive and it's okay I think also a lot of people are afraid to take tea breaks are afraid to get sober are afraid to stop drinking alcohol stop spending money stop having sex stop you know loving an individual because they're afraid of what their life will be without it but in reality when you don't have that thing you're just left with yourself so maybe you're afraid of yourself and dare I say the best way to learn a little bit about yourself is to challenge yourself and actually spend time alone with the thoughts without it. Does that make sense? I don't know.

This is squeezing my head a little bit too tight. You know, it is good to challenge yourself. It's good to go, you know what? This is not working for me. I've tried A, B, C, D. It's just not working for me. I have to put my best foot forward and do what's best for me. That is a strong bad bitch move and I am so proud of you.

how do i stop binge eating aka healthy habits well me personally because i get this way listen at night post smoking or maybe i eat a little edible and it's like oh what do we have in the fridge i go crazy i go crazy and i've learned my habits and even just outside of that i've learned what habits make me binge eat sometimes it's like okay i smoke too much it's late at night i'm binge eating sometimes it's like oh my god i forgot to eat all day and now it's 5 30 and i'm clearing out my pantry you know bad habits like that i've learned like a couple different healthy rules with food that have kept me um feeling good and not indulging in negative behaviors with food so a I don't keep anything in my house that I'm going to binge eat and feel bad about like I don't

keep bags of chips in my house I don't keep a lot of candy in my house I do like to have a little gummy snack on me or maybe like sometimes I'll make a baked good I made like rice crispy lucky charm rice crispy treats last week and you know definitely ate a lot of those but also cut them into small pieces so whenever i felt like having a few i kind of just like ate a couple and felt satisfied um eating throughout the day so i don't get starving starving starving and then eat so much food that it makes me feel so bad and by bad i don't mean i really try and i try and control my wording with food because there really is I don't want to ever like put the term bad on food because I should be seeing food as a in a positive light it's more so like bad on my behavior with food

and when it comes to binge eating it's just I'm out of control when it comes to food so yeah making sure I have you know if I do want snacks on hand healthier snacks or things that are easy to make. So I'm more inclined to eat breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, making sure I'm eating whole foods. So when I am eating, I'm not eating like empty calories or like pretty much cardboard food that doesn't fill my stomach. I'm just processing it, but not getting any nutritious value. Like little things like that have really, really helped me have a healthy relationship with food making sure I'm eating enough food throughout the day eating things that are filling me up it's okay to get full off food you should get full off food and the best way to get full off food is by

eating whole fruits veggies proteins like even just sometimes in a little egg quesadilla in the morning is fantastic a little breakfast burrito a little breakfast bowl you know with some bell peppers potatoes eggs that's a fantastic breakfast for lunch I love a sandwich a sandwich is always my go-to or if I'm looking for something like maybe a little bit lighter I'll have a salad with a protein um eating yogurt as a random little snack keeping fruit on hand so if I do get the you know a little munchie in the afternoon I can grab a fruit really quickly or grab a protein bar or grab some trail mix eat that super quickly also keeping food on hand that is like indulgent and things that I know are a little bit more indulgent but also things that do fit into that

routine so if I'm lazy in the afternoons I'm gonna make me a little chili crisp noodle packet out of like a ramen noodle packet with some eggs on the side and call it a day I'm getting that indulgence in while also kind of hitting my carbs hitting my proteins keeping it as balanced as possible at night if I'm getting super fucking high I don't have random things in my pantry that I can binge eat on and if I do binge eat on it's like I'm filling up quickly because it's like an apple with peanut butter you know I'm feeling good about it it's filling me up because it's real food it's not a bag of takis although on a road trip I do love me a good bag of takis or spicy cheetos anything spicy spicy is probably my biggest indulgence I love spicy eating a good

dinner a big dinner if I eat a good big dinner at a good time not like a 5 30 dinner but sometimes like 7 38 i'm not starving at midnight because i filled myself up with whole food that i made myself that i feel good about um if i do want a little snack at the end of the night i have my little gummies on my bedside drawer yes i like to indulge i know my habits and i want to have a fun little snack why not another thing that stops me from eating like at midnight like waking up in the middle of the night and going crazy on a tub of ice cream is brushing my teeth yes obviously but like before I get in bed right after smoking I'll brush my teeth and I'll fill up my water bottle with ice water and have it next to me so then it's like oh I got clean mouth I got my ice water I'm

sipping on my ice water I'm feeling good staying hydrated is a great way to to stop binge eating I found that like when I'm feeling hungry when I'm feeling hungry a lot of it is actually like I'm just confusing my hunger and thirst cues and I'm really just thirsty I do not drink enough water I need to get a bigger water bottle because I go through like 12 of them a day and I do not feel satisfied especially with the heat coming up with spring with summer we need to be drinking our water it's going to make you feel better it's going to make your organs function better it's going to make your brain function better it's going to help you process food better so making sure I'm drinking enough water if I'm going to sit down to eat I'm drinking water I'm eating I'm

drinking water after and it takes time i also think with anything guilt will never help you and when it comes to binge eating everybody has their habits or their their oopsie daisy days where it's like yes i cleared out my pantry today who cares the guilt if you guilt and shame yourself of i shouldn't have done that i shouldn't have done that i shouldn't have done that you're gonna do it again because you already feel bad about yourself and indulging in bad behaviors is much easier than indulging in good behaviors you've already done the bad so just doing it again is not gonna in your brain really do much difference it's gonna make you keep doing it over and over and over when you allow yourself to shame yourself and guilt yourself there should be no shame or

guilt when it comes to food there is just experiencing life eating good food trying to do the best you can and you know trying to stay as balanced as possible by balanced i mean breakfast this lunch dinner enough water to keep you hydrated throughout the day get your fiber in fiber was a big game changer for me and not even in the form of food i take fiber supplements at night like little metamucil gummies keeps me regulated keeps me feeling like i'm processing food pretty well cooking at home more often so if i'm eating fettuccine alfredo it's not out of a plastic bag in the back of someone's kitchen okay it's homemade sure it's heavy cream or whatever but it should it tastes fucking good and i want to make it and i want to eat it and i know where

it's coming from so it's making me feel a little bit better and i made about eight batches of it so i can eat it three days in a row if i want or have it for lunch tomorrow you see it's it's all about just like releasing the pressure of food and allowing yourself to eat as a human should eat once we think about it as like okay you know like my cat he has his routine he has his like dry food out during the day and he usually eats it around breakfast lunch and dinner he has his portion he gets his wet food in the morning his wet food at night and yeah if he wants to beg for a little treat here and there sure i'll give i'll throw him a little greenie treat maybe a little churu once a week see the balance there that's kind of how we have to treat ourselves too cats don't look

at food and go that's bad food that's good food it's all food to them we need to be doing the same release this like hierarchy of food and just allow yourself to eat what works for you eat balanced meals eat three meals a day stay hydrated it'll make everything much easier for you and yeah if the temptation is really there just don't buy the food that you feel so tempted with like if i had who my dream pantry if i had self-control at night after eight gummies would be hot cheetos takis chili crisp noodles which like i said i do actually keep on hand jaja miyong any sort of like noodle i can boil and eat immediately any sort of gummy candy all the gummy candies and my biggest indulgence oh i love this shit at the gas station yes at the gas

station over by the pastries they sell these little slices of cake these little slices of cake that are like pre-wrapped and they have so many different flavors but specifically the marble cake if those are around me i have no self-control i'm eating all of them does it taste exactly like chemicals yes absolutely but is it so good yes absolutely that'd be my dream pantry but you know what I know all of that is going to immediately go through my body in about 30 seconds and not be good so I'll indulge here and there but I'll keep what actually makes me feel good in my home because it's easy to grab it's easy to cook it makes life just easier when you don't have to think about it how do you define love personally and what fills your cup hmm I don't know not

me feeling like I don't know but when it comes to love and I really want to think about love outside of a romantic sense because I think it's good to hold love for a lot of people in your life your friends your family even like co-workers or random people you meet in the grocery store it's like love you down girl you are my soulmate but I'm literally only going to talk to you for 30 minutes this grocery store once it's beautiful you know it's a connection it is love it's something that humans are innately tied to and I think that's so nice but when we think love we think like beautiful sparks fireworks amazing wonderful incredible like passion passion passion and yes it can look like that and it should look like that but I think really what real love is is

the choosing of having people in your life no matter what seeing who they are flaws and all at their worst possible moments at their best possible moments making the worst decisions of their lives making the best decisions of their lives and going i'm still no matter what i'm still gonna choose to have you here because i want you in my life and i want to be connected to you and tied to you forever that that that right there is love that's what I envision love as yes sure when you're if you're romantic and you're falling in love it'll be the fireworks it'll be this it'll be that it'll be the honeymoon phase but when people get married they don't get married for the honeymoon phase you should not get married for the honeymoon phase people get married for

the choice of through good and bad through sickness and health I've seen you shit your pants and vomit at the same time i've seen you blackout drunk in the bushes i've seen you a hot mess i've seen you crying i've seen you snot dripping on your face and no matter what even in your darkest moments even when i hate you even when you're driving me fucking insane i'm still gonna choose to be around you that that is love and i think we're getting that really confused nowadays especially with the whole term of like ics oh they gave me the ick oh they gave me the there's no unconditionality anymore and not that everything should be unconditional you should have your conditions sometimes being a ride or die will kill you if you're around a horrible awful person

but the good should always outweigh the bads and if the bads are just them being human beings and having emotions or having a hard time then who cares I still will choose to love you and be around you and have you in my life that's how I envision love that's how I envision true love the people in my life who have been together forever like i think about my parents who it's like they will literally go through the hardest time of their lives and joke and be like we almost got divorced but we're here it's like it's that choice of no matter how hard it gets and no matter how much you piss me off we know at the end of the day we're gonna be good because we have that stability we have that unconditional love we treat each other well and we know at the end of

day we're going to come together and make the best of any sort of situation that we have that that right there is love it does take two to tango let's be real because you can see that you can visualize that and you can have that feeling in your heart like I know I have that feeling in my heart and I'm blessed to have been raised by people who taught me that and showed me that but also like it has to have equality in it all you have to be that way and your partner also has to be that way you have to be that way and your friend has to be that way you have to be that way and your family member has to be that way or else it just simply will not work um you will be putting everything everything everything trust everything in and you won't be getting that in

return and that's not fair that's not that's not love that's one-sided love and that's never equal or good it should always be two people committed to each other committed to goodness creating a good time and turning even bad situations into a good one if possible now what fills my cup is very different than um two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together

we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca Legendary is here with BetMGM Sportsbook. Sign up to unlock access to hundreds of pre-match and live betting options for all your favorite sports.

Download the BetMGM app. See BetMGM.com for terms. 18 plus Alberta only. Please play responsibly. Subject to eligibility requirements. If gambling is affecting your mental health or well-being, 2-1-1 Alberta is here to help. Call or text 2-1-1 or visit ab.211.ca. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with the Alberta iGaming Corporation. Standard message and data rates may apply.

Well, like interpersonal love. Because when I talk about filling my cup, it comes from things that are not, like, usually not regarding people. um things that fill my cup are like alone time being creative doing this podcast fills my cup being around animals going horseback riding being in nature sitting in the sunshine like listening to a good playlist that's what fills my cup sometimes it does involve people and that's beautiful I like sharing what fills my cup with people but I do think that's a very different question in more so like what keeps me in the action of love so then I can show it to people filling your cup will then always overflow and fill someone else's up to how to know if I'm

blocking my blessings a here's how let me tell you how I've how I have blocked my blessings so you don't do the same a being too negative about everything when I was in my phase where I was just negative negative negative negative negative guess what I attracted negative okay yes being cynical about life will make life worse for you you gotta be a little bit crazy happy sometimes in order to get that back and does that mean faking it every once in a while yes absolutely does that mean choosing not to engage sometimes yes absolutely but is it better for you yes absolutely does it bring more positive energy towards you you guys know the answer so being cynical about life will never get you somewhere positive you have to be positive about life if

you want positive outcomes even in the worst situations all right even in the worst situations you got to be like there's a lesson question mark and you'll learn that lesson and it'll be good and you will get something out of it you'll be in a positive place you'll get something positive out of it all right you have to be positive about life and does that mean me crying on the fucking kitchen floor and then getting up and being like all right let's cook dinner yes sometimes that is the most positive you can offer a day but at least it's not you know engaging in overwhelming negatives another thing sometimes you gotta close a door to open another one yep sometimes when you're in a place which is somewhere that i'm finding myself where it's like

all right three years i've been doing the same thing for three years three years three years three years nothing's changed why has nothing changed because i haven't shut any of the doors in my life and sometimes you gotta make room for newness but if you don't make room then the blessings that the universe wants to give you will not come forth all right so this is one of the journal prompts for sunday i did like a spring equinox journal sesh on the patreon and it's like if you were to close one door in your life right now that would bring forth everything you ever desire what would you close and why I think it's good to sit with yourself and ask yourself that it doesn't mean you have to be brave enough to do it now but simply recognizing and realizing

what is not serving you will naturally get you to the point where you're like all right I've thought about it I've weighed my options and now I feel comfortable closing this door but you do have to kind of okay spring cleaning spring cleaning your life physically clean out what is old to make room for the new all right another thing ordering off the goddamn menu of life sometimes actually all the times when we grow up we are told you can do a b c or d you go this route you do this thing you have it all laid out in front you have the menu of life laid out in front of you and you're like okay great there's a couple options here but like not a lot so i'm just gonna choose what we have here and then you realize oh wait there's other people around me who

are doing so many different things i didn't realize were possible because they're not on the society menu that i was given how the hell did they get those things bitch they ordered off the menu okay this is a different kind of menu ordering than i've talked about with in interpersonal relationships when it comes to the universe the universe will gift you anything you desire anything you want anything you desire you can receive you just have to ask for it sometimes it's things you didn't realize were possible or you're a little afraid to ask for them or you're like wow this is a lofty dream and goal but i'm gonna ask for it i'm gonna go for it anyways you can achieve those things you can receive those things the universe will bless you

you just have to be brave enough to think about what you want and to go after it to ask for it and to order off the menu a little bit if i told you if i told 16 year old hannah i would be doing this right now she would literally jaw on the fucking floor go i did not know that was an option yeah no one knows anything is an option until they put themselves out there they try different things they learn this is not for them they release it they go forward they put their best foot forward they go forward in positivity they try their best they ask for things off the menu they trial they error the universe will bless you but you have to be brave enough to lead in a positive direction brave enough to leave behind things that are no longer serving you and close

that door and brave enough to go forth towards your dreams whether they become reality or not asking the universe for what you want you would be surprised how much you would receive seriously with that being said this is the end of the episode i know i know i don't want to leave but i have to get on with my day i gotta edit this so you guys can listen to it bright and sunshiny tomorrow but thank you guys so much for being here and hanging out with me and celebrating spring with me today i hope you had a fantastic day i appreciate you showing up not only for me but for yourself and hopefully through this episode you could either have a little laugh enjoy your time distract yourself a little bit clean your house while listening to this eat a good meal

while listening to this drive wherever you need to go while listening to this whatever it is i am happy to be here and happy to have you here so thank you so incredibly much if you want to support me at all you want some extra content bitch i make it worth it for you don't worry come join the patreon patreon.com smoke says shawty every thursday we do a patreon exclusive episode where i answer every single question yes every single question no matter how long sometimes they're like nine paragraphs long yes i will read the whole thing i love you so much in your support not only that but sunday journal prompts spells spiritual things um new moon and full moon write-ups as well as ways to celebrate monday inspiration where i share things from my pinterest

and personal tumblr account and much much much much much much more honestly i'm posting almost every single day over on the patreon so come join if you want to submit your question follow me on instagram at hannah marlene i'm trying to find a new better way for people to submit call-ins but for now if you want to submit your question or call-in you can dm me on instagram if it won't let you submit a voice message just be like hey girl i'm trying to and i'll figure it out for you don't even worry i also upload the main questionnaire on my stories every single sunday so pay attention to that i have a lot of fun things coming up this week such as focaccia bread recipe i'm trying to really hone in on my perfect summer sandwich that i can take to the river with

me i'm trying to figure out how to do that so come follow for some recipes for some fun things things from my life also new vlogs on youtube every single week or whenever i feel like posting pretty much every sunday on hannah marlene 444 i just uploaded that kitchen cleaning video with me this week i'm gonna go wake and bake and thrift so if you want to do that with me come watch there on sunday i upload early on the patreon so you can also watch there but with that being said stay sane stay sexy and i'll see you all so soon two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer

Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.