Smoke Sesh - summer vacation, chilling out & decisions decisions

Episode Date: June 9, 2026

helloooo and welcome back! so excited to be here with you all today and back from my birthday vacation- we have a lot to catch up on so we talk where ive been, Los Angeles, Hollywood, Madonna Inn, birthday celebrations, sequoia national park, summer vacation, traveling, surprises from my trip, favorite memories, living life, going abroad, birthday rituals, birthday manifesting, goals for this next year, simple goals, pride, lgbtq+ family, bisexuality, loving who you are, owning who you are, how to make decisions, making the right choice, parents becoming friends, new parent relationships, breakups, new beginnings, living for yourself, intuitive following, people who are stuck, getting unstuck, staying motivated, to change or not to change and much much more!watch the birthday vlog on YouTube at hannahmarlene444join the patreon! new episodes (and more) at patreon.com/smokeseshshawtysubmit your questions and call ins every week on instagram.com/hannahmarlene

listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all hello hello hotties and welcome back to smoke sash my name is hannah your host and i am so excited to be back with you all after my beautiful amazing birthday vacation in california oh what a absolute dream truly exceeded every expectation that i did have for it which to be fair going into vacations i usually have my expectations like way high and this time

around i was like i'm just gonna go and enjoy myself and that's exactly what i did oh it was just necessary needed the perfect most beautiful 27 celebration that a girl could ask for i hope you guys enjoyed the birthday app it was a fun one sorry if it's a bit rambly but it's kind of just a tradition here at this point on the podcast that I go over my favorite life lessons that I've learned from the past year my favorite tips my favorite tricks to surviving this life and hopefully giving you a little bit of hope so it was a fun one but I am excited to be back in my routine my home routine I was a bit of a difficult transition but I've just honestly been work work work working since i got back patreon girlies my they know my plane landed at like what 2 a.m

next morning i was up bright and early filming the patreon episode so they got the first little you know taste of what was going on on my birthday trip if you want to give me a birthday gift or you just want extra content in general join the patreon patreon.com smoke says shawty they get pretty much extra content every single day so i try and make it as worth your ten dollars or less as possible my lowest year i think is like four bucks so listen you're gonna get the most bang for your buck i promise you that today i felt like my first real day back even though i kind of came back during the quote-unquote weekend i was hustling getting the vlog up the birthday vlog is ready to go on youtube if you want to watch that hannah marlene 444 it's super fun we

go over everything i did and girl we were worldwide it felt like we were all over the fucking place I have a very specific way of vacationing that I think drives most people insane but it's just the way I grew up to vacation listen I think some people are vacationers in the sense that they're like I want to go to an all-inclusive resort I don't want to think about my meals I just want them placed in front of me I don't want to even think about my drink I just want it placed in front of me I want to sit in a pool not even the ocean and I want to stare off into the distance like some people go max relaxation mode on vacations I can't do that I feel like I'm wasting time my body physically will not let me if I am somewhere new if I'm

going to experience something new I must be out and about pretty much 24 7 and that drives I will say most people insane but I'll tell you what I get back from vacations and I feel like I've lived a million lives i feel like i did everything i wanted to and it just makes it so worth it so i had an absolute blast we went from la up to san luis obispo to then the sequoia national park so i gotta do a little bit of like hollywood glam enjoy the city go to the malibu beach head up to the madonna inn which was absolutely just like the most incredible place i've ever been to me in my Madonna in robe like yeah trying to bring that energy everywhere I go with me just glamour diva so beautiful so fun the room gorgeous incredible words can't even describe we were gonna

like leave the hotel and go get dinner somewhere else in San Luis Obispo and we ended up doing like a full 38 hours there I'm talking got there cocktails getting ready dinner going to bed waking up having breakfast there it was just so so beautiful and then we headed up to sequoia national park to do pretty much three days there um two full days in the park of just exploring tree hugging oh my gosh it was everything i could have possibly asked for you know little forest fairy hannah wanted to get into the woods diva girl wanted to go to a beautiful hotel and also run around the city best of both worlds i'll tell you that i think vacationing is so important it's so important for the psyche it's so important for your spirit it's so important for your

will to live and i think it's important to have small little escapes throughout the year even if it's just one and you're going even just an hour away whatever it is changing up your scenery giving you something to get excited about giving you something to do research on instead of ruminating on past mistakes or whatever whatever is haunting you it is just so transformative and also it really makes your life more fulfilling when I think back on the years and you know how fast time goes and how much I just simply put don't remember I will always remember and always be able to pinpoint the year based on like the different activities different vacations I was doing so it's like I know 2025 was the year where I was in the Tetons running around with the girls

having our little western trip it was so beautiful so fun I know 2023 was when I went to Mexico Sayulita for my birthday and we just ran around and ate tacos and drank all day and my bikini on the beach it was amazing such a fun little town and this year 2026 I will always remember as the year i went to cali to celebrate my birthday it's so important just to have those memories to create and look back on and not only that but just give you hope for the future when you are planning a vacation so if i can encourage you guys to do anything it's just get out and explore get out explore this world whatever you find interest in that's important my parents they love europe they love going to europe they love traveling europe they're about to go to croatia i'm like okay

you know not something i would have thought of but i'm so glad that you guys are like feeling that calling and being like fuck it let's go do it let's go check it out everybody has their different interests different like ideas of fun different places they see for fun you know maybe the sequoias aren't for you but maybe like a a greek beach would be amazing or ireland with the fog and the rolling hills like everybody has their idea different ideas of beauty different ideas of vacationing and just like interests I think it's so important to follow those interests in this life to be curious about the world to explore the world because we get so I don't know consolidated to sometimes even just us or our phone or our circle or our town and once you realize

damn there is like way more outside of that there's so much more exciting things happening people are nicer than you ever could have imagined like people are welcoming it just kind of gives you a hope and inspiration for life not only life your life but also humanity as well it has been my main goal pretty much every year to plan one big trip whether it's out of the country or within the country or in the same town i'm in maybe just like two hours away i don't care it's all important you don't have to spend a million bajillion dollars to have an amazing oh my god amazing trip you know you can budget it out you can go with a group you can split the cost you can really hone in on what will work for you but I do think simply put getting out and exploring the

world outside of your usual routine will not only open up your eyes but open up your heart it's so important to travel and honestly traveling was the dose of inspiration that I needed for this this life this life that I'm living it made me hungrier it made me want more for myself it made me really solidified in my brain that I have to move to California that is just something that like has to happen for me I mean I love Kansas City I do love being out in nature I gotta go see my horse today for the first time in a week it was so fun to spend time with her and be on the ranch and be with the other horses even though I was trudging through mud it's like I do have love for where I am but also it's like it's okay to be bigger than that or want more and to follow

your heart and to go looking for it I think it's important to follow that intuition and get excited about it but also like I said it's making me hungrier like if I want that it's like moving to New York it's like moving to a more expensive city if I want that bitch you gotta hustle you got to work bitch I'm not even kidding and as a to be fair I am a hustler it got me very excited about life like what can I do what can I create what can I get into what avenues can I push myself into in a healthy way you guys know I don't push myself into anything I don't want to do that's for sure but it's gotten me more excited about my life more enthralled more in tune with my passions with my heart with my intuition and more excited to just move forward so i'm excited

to put that energy into you know practice to actually metamorphosize that energy and utilize it in my life and also share with you guys where it takes me so thank you for giving me a week off even though i didn't even take a week off it felt like i took a week off nonetheless thank you guys for being understanding and for all the sweet birthday wishes it truly was just like oh you guys make my heart so happy so thank you endlessly from the bottom of my heart thank you today we don't have a lot of topics to go over i do want to do mostly call-ins so if you're a call-in fan um this is the episode for you and psa for all my call-in girlies if my instagram won't let you submit a dm um it's because i don't know it like message it like filters out the messages weirdly

so just be like hey girl i want to send a call-in just send me a little dm i'll be able to figure it out on my end because i want to hear from you guys i love hearing your voices and i love connecting in that way but someone asked what was the number one most like surprising thing about my trip and i would say i had a different answer for the patreon i feel like it was the madonna and i thought it was going to be a little kitschy like a little you know like a little silly i didn't really know i knew it was like glamour but i didn't know like how deeply ingrained that would be into practically the walls into the wood carvings of the doors the doors handles like everything was meticulous and gorgeous and I felt like I was stepping into another like

princess diva glamour magic sparkle world and it was amazing if you guys are ever in California if you're ever in San Luis Obispo and you have an opportunity to go there even just go there and eat not even stay in a room but also the rooms are amazing highly recommend doing so they have horses they do horseback riding they had live music there was this couple swing dancing to the live music all night in front of the tables like it was so beautiful the booths the food was really good i was like i don't know is it gonna be like cheap hotel food no bitch that was a four course meal breakfast was even amazing i was highly impressed it was a fantastic fabulous time exactly what I needed but then also I think another shocking factor was like I love being

in nature and I love when nature kind of humbles you in a sense where it could like nature has a way of ego checking you sometimes where it's like bitch you thought you thought you were all important oh you thought you know humans are the most important thing on this world not that I really have that kind of ego but you know being around these fucking trees you guys I posted a photo today if you want to check it out on Instagram I have so many photos to post from my birthday trip so stay tuned I already posted a massive dump um no pun intended on Patreon of like all of my uh photos from vacation but I've been kind of slowly pushing them out on Instagram um and i posted this photo of me next to the street bitch i look tiny i mean my goal was to

get around some big ass fucking trees and these trees were massive they were humongous literally they had like broken down the science of it all and they were like if you were looking up at this tree in front of you it is the exact equivalent of a mouse looking up at a six foot tall human that something locked into place in my brain where it was like oh no we are teeny tiny insignificant in a way that is like very calming i'm sure that might freak most people out but it's very calming to me where it's like that shit don't matter problems i don't care about them you know worries who fucking cares we are so small and little and these huge problems that we create in our head really do not fucking matter like what matters is the beauty the nature being where you love

following what you love like that is what you should be spending all of your time on and so like being around just nature lovers these trees in the middle of the forest where no one else is we saw bears we saw deer oh it was just absolutely magical i felt like stepping into a temple for unreal I don't know in photos it's hard to tell but once you're in person it's just like whoa so those are the two most surprising things about the trip luckily both um kind of having to do with beauty so that was wonderful someone else asked also if I have any birthday rituals that I recommend and yes I do have um some birthday rituals that I do pretty much every year number one I feel like I've talked about this before birthdays are so important I don't

understand when people are like no birthdays don't matter blah blah blah it's like no celebrate yourself a little bit okay you deserve it you made it through another year holy shit like let's fucking celebrate that you know what I mean and so my favorite way of celebrating birthdays or like ritualizing birthdays is I love to celebrate the day of my birthday how I want my next year going as like a manifestation tool where it's like okay if i want my next year to be like chill as fuck like maybe you had a stressful ass year and you're like i'm manifesting rest and relaxation then that day it's focused on like chilling doing your favorite most self-care activities maybe investing in a new bubble bath and taking like a long bath eating a nice meal like low stimuli low cortisol

all babes you know maybe if it's like oh this past year was really fucking boring and I want to be a party girl this year it's like okay go out party it up throw a big fucking birthday party even if you don't have a big group of friends girl go out to the club have a good time take some shots go home you know like how you ever how you ritualize your birthday I think should be important it's good to think about those things and get excited about those things especially when maybe we wait around for other people to celebrate us it's like no we can't forget to celebrate ourself too so i think it's a great way to really set yourself up for success and really you know um figure out in your mind like hmm how do i want this next year to go and how can i honor myself accordingly

so my birthday was spent yeah i was in i woke up in the madonna inn beautiful amazing big breakfast went to the sequoia national park swam in a river life is good okay a little bit of diva a little bit of country call me Hannah Montana so that's a great one I also think it's important to get yourself a good gift on your birthday I know you get gifts from other people but also it's like you know what you want you know in your heart what you want so if you are going to take any day to splurge on something let it be your birthday whatever you have been like desiring craving whatever it is I think that your birthday should be the day where you're like I've earned it I deserve it get it got it check out buy it go for it I've boughten a lot of things recently

um in the name of my birthday but I haven't necessarily bought my birthday gift yet but I think I will soon and once I do I'll let you know what it is but I always now that I'm a little bit older I like to go big my pink Balenciaga city bag was like my birthday gift to myself my my 23rd year I've boughten like gold jewelry before my um opal necklace if you've seen that that was a birthday gift to myself one year this year i'm thinking either more jewelry or more bags you know me okay and then last but not least this is something that i kind of forgot was so important even though it is so deep in the birthday ritual like think about when you think birthdays you think what you think singing happy birthday gifts people being around you or just like feeling the

love and also blowing out a candle and making a wish I think that is the most ultimate birthday ritual that you can do and people kind of forget that it is a ritual but it it honestly is I blew out a candle on my birthday for the first time in like I think six years isn't that insane and when I did it I was like oh why haven't I been doing this on my birthday I don't know if it was just like oh i'm getting old i'm at the club bitch i don't have a candle like whatever it is it's like now that i had that ritual for the first time in a while and realized how important it was to like be on that day have a candle in front of you make a wish and blow out a candle it's just so fun and so enthralling it's so exciting and a great manifestation tool that why would i not do it

every single birthday from here on out i think it's so powerful and even if you're sitting home alone with like a sprinkles cupcake and a dollar tree candle it's like who cares you know ritualize it for yourself get excited about it life is what we make of it so try and make it as exciting and beautiful and wonderful as possible but yeah those are my main birthday rituals living my day how i want to live my next year manifestation in that way buying myself a good gift showing the love and now blowing out a candle and making a wish someone asked what are my plans for 27 honestly okay this is something i've been thinking about a lot recently now that i'm like over the over the hump you know it was like i'm 26 waiting on 27 26 waiting on 27 and then now i'm 27 it's

like okay bitch it's go time lock the fuck in and this is like the the first time in my life where i'm like okay lock in but it's in like a very calm manner where when i was younger it would be like a panic lock in like oh my god we don't have anything figured out like panicking panicking like like uh losing my mind and trying to cover it up by getting my shit together but then just like continuously losing my mind because i felt like i could never get my shit together well there's like this air of calmness that comes in your late 20s that I think is really beautiful in just the sense that you kind of like stop caring so much in a really really healthy manner you stop over exerting energy on yourself in a negative sense in like a third eye sense in like

an overwhelmingly observational sense you stop thinking so much about who you are what you're doing how you're being perceived and instead you start thinking about like real actions in your life and like where you want to go and goal setting and achieving those things and just kind of taking one step at a time there's this air of calmness that comes from just knowing that like you'll figure it out and that also is something that just comes from growing up you know making it through your early 20s making it through your mid-20s making it to your late 20s and so now for 27 like if you think back like 23 the goals I set for myself it would probably be like a goals like of like 30 different things half of them of which is like okay bitch let's get fucking real like I

love having big goals but also like let's get real let's maybe do three you know so this year I'm very chill about it sure maybe they're a bit lofty but still there are things that it's like makes sense and things that I genuinely think are achievable number one I want to paint more paint more and also just share my art with the world in a very like um conversational sense instead of like a social media sense you know like i just want to i want to be a part of my process and i want to be have you guys be a part of my process more often and not be so afraid to share my art with the world not that i'm insecure about it or i think it's bad it's just like art can be very personal and so sometimes opening that up is difficult but i love painting and i

think opening myself up will challenge me to do it more often so my goal is to just do as many paintings as possible I'm not going to hold myself to like one big painting a month or three small ones I feel like when I get into getting too meticulous or rigid about my schedule when it comes to creative like activities I my brain like immediately turns that into like work mode and naturally I just don't want to fucking do it so all I'm doing right now is pushing myself to sit down and paint whenever I feel the calling to or when I'm whenever I'm bored and I'm about to go sit and scroll on my phone get up go paint go do something it doesn't matter if it's good bad there is no good or bad in art it really is just being creative and all of that is a net positive

so 27 I want to paint more I want to do a lot of big paintings I want to work with oil paints and I want to get really colorful with my paintings I want to hopefully also find a style by the end of 27 of painting and something that just feels like me when it comes to articulating thoughts feelings and emotions through art style in the art world is so important but you can only find style through making a lot of art a lot of art that isn't your art that is your art that is a mixture of both that's good art that's bad art simply put just making it so I'm going to try and do a lot of paintings this year keep it simple keep the rules simple and just try and have fun number two is I need to kind of like purge my life a little bit I have so much

shit around me and not in like a bad way I just am like I got my closet the other day and it's like I have like 18 tank tops that are all white why do I need 18 white tank tops do you know what I mean or like why am I holding on to this paperwork from my eye doctor from five years ago you know it's like I really need to kind of like declutter in a sense I'm getting overwhelmed with the amount of things and items and just energy I have around me and I really want to kind of minimalize my life in a way that it's like if it's around me then it's important and it's going to stay around me for years to come so minimal minimalization in a way of like really honing in on what is important to me and then that will also help with my last goal which is i really genuinely am gonna try and

move to california i don't know if it'll be a 27 thing maybe it'll be a 28 thing maybe it'll be a 29 thing who knows but i do know that this trip really solidified in me that it's like bitch i was made to be there you know what really made me realize this my hair was the best it's ever overlooked i think hair holds like a lot of this can sound very woo woo i don't care i think it holds a lot of like spirituality and like uh it says a lot like there's just something about having like a really good hair day and doing nothing that it's like what the fuck is going on and being in california my hair was like perfect beachy waves every single day i didn't have to do my bangs my bangs would just like naturally fall exactly how they are here hot humid frizzy hair no bangs

cannot wear bangs and that sounds so simple but it's like something that really i was like oh like no my body is reacting positively to being in this place and also the lifestyle of it all i know people talk like la california like oh there's kind of like piece of shit like influencer realm and it's like i guess it can be if that's what you surround yourself with and like kansas city can even be that way if that's what you surround yourself with but i really am just in the mood to surround myself with as much beauty as possible and i think i can find a lot of that there and it would just be fantastic for my mental health girl i don't know how many more winters i have in me unfortunately unfortunately 70 and sunny every single day sounds pretty damn fucking good

to my mental illness so that's more of like a long-term goal but i think with the two simpler goals i set before decluttering and honing in on my art finding my style and whatever aspect that is will help me achieve that last one simplify your goals life will be much easier oh yes and happy pride month be who you are there's a reason i was born on june 1st i feel like gemini season is the perfect time to have pride month in my opinion there's just so many energies running rampant but at the end of it all it really is just like excitement about being who you are no matter what that looks like i love you my gays my days anybody who is here and i'm so proud of you just being you and whatever aspect that looks like i think especially nowadays it takes

a lot unfortunately so it takes a lot of courage to be exactly who you are but there is always beauty in being exactly who you are and you will always find the people who are meant to be around you easier by being exactly who are you who you are meant to be so never be afraid to show up and show out for yourself for your community for the people you love i think it's so important um happy pride month to all of my lovers here i don't know when they celebrate pride here in kansas city but i'm fear i'm definitely gonna have to attend i've been to many of pride festivals oh they're always so fun and exciting and if you've never been to one i highly encourage you going i think it's important to go to any sort of like community held events that support and

uplift things that you're a part of um because without you there would be no community you know so show up and show out like i said for the people you love although i'm not like a boisterous about it i definitely do fall in with the lgbtq community i fall in with the b so shout out to my b's um and i've i've always kind of been at peace with this i think when i was younger or something that stressed me out for like unnecessary reasons just because it was something different you know when you're like oh what do you mean I could also like girls like wait a minute figuring that out hard difficult but I mean with my duality sense of viewing the world and constant contradiction of self which does help me grow immensely I've always been at peace that it's like I'm kind of

just I think people think with bisexuality it's like 50% this and 50% that in reality I think it's just like 100% both there is no need to figure it out or be on a certain side or oh I prefer this certain percentage it's like babe no it's all a spectrum as long as you know what you enjoy and you own that shit that's all that matters babe okay I think labels are important for like um awareness and just being appreciative of self and different versions of self but also i think labels can be extremely difficult when you're in the process of figuring yourself out so if you're in the process of figuring yourself out don't stress yourself out too much the best way to figure yourself out is to just like go and live life and follow in the footsteps that you

feel like you should follow that is truly the only way and also just like trust what you know there is this divine intuition that i think we all have an intuition is just knowledge of self i think we are born with this innate knowledge of self and life gets really difficult when you run away from that knowledge of self but life gets real fucking easy when you just accept the truth of what you are you know you know who you are you know what you like wherever you fall on the spectrum i don't care if you're straight gay lesbian bi and whoever you are there's truth in that there's honesty in that and you should own that shit i love you happy pride okay anyways We have a lot of call-ins to get into this week because you guys submitted some fantastic call-ins.

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Like, it's genuinely, it's just so supportive to have you, you know, living across the ocean and making these pop this podcast truly it's a blessing and you're doing you're doing amazing things but anyways why I'm calling in is I'm struggling with making decisions and knowing what it is that I want to do and I feel like I always come to a part points in my life where i'm stuck between two decisions and i i'll weigh them for so long and future plans and i keep going in the present and living in the present but i still get stuck with what the future's decisions are going to be and i just don't know how i can discern what it is that i want to do and how you yeah maneuver that and kind of make these intuitive decisions

because i feel like i act with my intuition but sometimes my head just is in disarray honestly but hopefully that question makes sense and if not love you don't worry babe it makes sense i got you girl ah decisions decisions decisions decisions there are so many in life so many to college to not to college to work here to not to work here to break up to stay together to stay at home to move out to get a cat to not get a cat like there to eat chipotle to eat burger like there are so many decisions to make in this life and i think the number one thing that would free you is that there's no right decision there's no right decision i think what's tripped me up for so long is especially with just like so much test taking as a kid or just whatever it was like you

have a b c or d babe and that's four different options all seem like pretty much right but there's only one right answer that will get you the end of the test you know what i mean that is not how life works that's not how life works at all because i'll tell you what i've made some bad decisions bad choices maybe not intentionally but maybe just like sporadically or it wasn't thinking or whatever it was you know technically i've i've made some decisions that were not the correct choice okay it was a and i picked d also it's like i would not be sitting here where i am now if i didn't do those things so there's no regret and even though it was maybe necessarily the wrong one it's still the right one because it gets you where you need to get at

the end of the day so number one you have to stop being paralyzed by the fear of being right there is no right there is no wrong there is just like neutrality life is a very neutral feeling and i've realized that recently especially when you feel like overwhelmingly negative it's like you can turn this into maybe a net positive or even a net neutral by shifting your mindset and especially when you're paralyzed by the idea of choice paralyzed by the idea of like but what if it's the wrong one but what if i make the wrong choice there is no wrong choice as long as you have the desire to do good for yourself you know when you're trying to self-abandon you know kind of like self-punish run away from your desires run away from your heart then yeah there is the wrong

choice when you're like i really want to go to college but a b c or d i don't think i can do it it's like bitch yes you can want more for yourself want good for yourself and it will happen you know what i mean there is no right there is no wrong there is no graded test of life all there is is do you want it how bad do you want it does it line up with your goals and your dreams and your aspirations does it make sense do you feel relatively good about it going forward then do it you know some of the best choices can be the riskiest choices some of the worst decisions you make might end up becoming good by learning more about yourself testing yourself testing your strength testing your patience whatever it may be but i think a lot of the paralyzation of choice

comes from the idea of i need to be right and once you give up on the idea of constantly needing to be right you will find true freedom and also through that true intuition of what is for you now making that choice yeah it's going to be hard whether it's like moving across the country or having to pick a new career whatever it may be those things are not going to be like easy things to do but sometimes the right choice is the hard one you know sometimes the good things for you take a little work take a little effort take a little fear take working through those things in order to get them you know think about like the best thing being at the top of the shelf you're gonna have to move some things out of the way maybe pull up a chair climb on top of that

balance really reach stretch and get it it's not going to be something that's easily grabbable but with patience with kindness of self you can eventually get there do not be afraid of hard things do not be afraid of like conflict in your life do not be afraid of going after your dreams and do not be afraid and paralyzed by making the right choice every single choice you make in this life is the right choice as long as you are wanting and desiring good for yourself sometimes I feel like the hardest choices are when it's like two really good things and just because you choose one thing over the other doesn't mean the other won't pop up later down the road so don't think of it as like missing out on something think of it as taking an opportunity and what opportunity

makes sense for you in this moment if you're weighing two jobs both of them seem fantastic and wonderful it's like well what one makes sense for me and my goals my plans right now the other one it might still be available later on down the road but for right now what works with me what works with my heart what works for my intuition what is the best option for me personally those things I don't think you will ever regret and if end all be all you're really having a hard time get a quarter and flip it I'm not even kidding I think it's a great way to like unparalyze yourself through just like simple action sometimes the simplest action is a great way to unparalyze yourself where you give one option heads one option tails you flip that bitch okay it's gonna

land on one of those and you're gonna feel a very certain type of way and it'll let you know exactly what choice you need to make actually when i was on vacation we went to a metaphysical shop i love visiting metaphysical shops wherever i'm going i always like to get one thing at least like a crystal and maybe like a book or a deck of cards or something and at this place in santa barb or not santa barbara santa monica they had like a whole wall of cards of decks of tarot cards of different types of cards spirit cards angel cards everything and you would think i would have bought like three or four or five of them but none of them were really calling to me and then i turned around and there was a mystic eight ball have you guys seen those you know what i'm talking about

you know the mystic balls where you shake it and then it has like a little dice in the center that'll tell you yes no maybe so I bought one of those because I feel like it's a great representation of like the coin where if you need just like a little push a little you know divine intervention a little initiation action to get yourself excited about something like a mystic eight ball is so fun to have and so yes that had to make it home with me I had to buy it maybe you need one maybe it'll help you oh my god hey y'all thank you so much for letting me um submit this like you are a gem you're a star i love you so much love the pod been here for i don't even know how long very long um but yeah i i've had like this ruminating thought recently

and i just wanted to know if like you or anybody else can relate to this or if you have any thoughts or opinions on it but recently i've just been like thinking about you establishing a new relationship with your parents when you like grow up for example right now my mom is like dead set on us being best friends which is like that's never happened before like to be honest between me and you and the girlies like that's kind of my op so now she wants to be besties and i'm like how i don't know i i i know that i'm not alone in this there's there's somebody else out there who's experienced this and i just want to know i guess like how do you become friends with your parents i feel like that's it's weird like that's you're my mom you're supposed to tell

me what to do and how to dress and what to eat like now we're friends i don't know anyways love you love the girls love the pod blessings this is so funny and so fucking real same it honestly this started happening to me more so than ever within the past year and at first i was like what the fuck is going on okay because me and my parents great parents love them down amazing wonderful we've had our tips we've had our tats but like compared to some of the other parents in this world like nothing to complain here you know what I mean um you know so the dynamic when you grow up shifts completely and it's something that nobody really ever tells you about because when you're younger it's like okay like you said you're supposed to tell me how to dress how to

eat what to do a b c d you're supposed to like be in charge right well guess what that band-aid gets ripped off and you become shocked and your parents become shocked when you gain autonomy by becoming an adult making your own mistakes choices decisions in life and that kind of like shocks your parents because they're out of control they're like we have no control over the situation we have no control over her like she's just doing whatever she wants oh my god they have to start trusting you or at least trusting themselves in what they taught you and trusting that you will make a good life for yourself once you get over that hump they realize oh damn the only relationship I ever had with my child is that of parent and child but they are no child anymore they are adults and we

are both adults and that's weird and I can't keep engaging in parenting because that's not how it's supposed to be so let me engage in friendship and I think it's a good natural progression of things because when you're 30 you don't want your mom you know questioning your life decisions you know putting you down trying to control your life no one wants that i have friends with parents like that and it's like whoa bitch like relinquish control that is a grown woman she can do grown woman things you know what i mean so it's good that your parents are kind of like approaching in the friendship way because that means they do want to maintain a relationship with you they do want to maintain some sort of connection with you as you both age and grow older now it's

gonna feel weird as fuck it is especially from the child's perspective like us you know adult children pretty much it's gonna feel a little weird at first because you're like ah who is this person and like can i trust them and also it's like trying to become friends with your parents is like how much can I tell you and also like what you know and I think if you have a good relationship with your parents if it was a fairly normal upbringing if there's nothing like super tumultuous there is something you do actually want to work on I do think it's worth working on and building and trying but you have to come at it from a very neutral sense in order for it to succeed where it's like me and my dad will go on coffee dates you know what i mean me and my mom

will go get lunch together like very simple very chill very straightforward where like they can kind of like you know check up on you still be in your life and also you get to share it with them in a way that is kind of new and fun and exciting they're no longer like hopefully judging you and putting you down but instead are just like curious about your life and genuinely interested i think engaging in that friendship especially with your parents it doesn't have to be like best buddies we're calling every day we're facetiming blah blah no it's probably not going to be like that so like don't stress out I think just like trying it out going forward um trying to like you know rekindle that relationship or just sending small little updates about your life to your parents

it really does go far and not only will it naturally just like build and progress that relationship into something a little bit healthier but also it'll make you feel more connected and them feel more connected like i said you don't have to share every single thing you don't have to kiki with your mom on the phone like you would your best friend but just being like just got my nails done selfie whatever that's all it takes sometimes a little coffee date here and there they just want to be a part of your life that is a good sign they want to be friends with you which is a good sign especially as an adult because that means they like you and want to be around you and also are not trying to still like have that sense of control over your life and it might get

a little difficult here and there because they'll probably try and revert back to parent sense but they'll eventually get you know get into it and i think that's what makes um you know relationship with your parents so much fun when you get older is because that responsibility aspect washes away and genuinely you become fully who you are in a sense that is like confident and your parents become confident in you and you guys can genuinely like hang out and enjoy time together I never thought I would be in a place with my parents where I'm like yeah I'll go get dinner with you yeah I'll go get coffee with you and it took a lot of like me challenging them and really testing them a little bit and also me kind of like allowing this new relationship to grow them

releasing their control freak self and trusting me and also just being generally genuinely curious in my life it takes two to tango for any sort of relationship it takes two to tango but if you're willing to work on it and if your parents are willing to work on it i think it'll build for like a really good long-term enjoyable life for both of you like I said all dynamics are different so if your mom is an evil bitch and you don't ever want to speak to her again whatever girl you do whatever is gonna make your mental health the best but I do think this is something that like you said you're having a realization about I had a realization about about this time last year when I was like why is my dad blowing up my phone to go get coffee what

the fuck is going on I realize oh they just want to be a part of my life but also they don't want to they want to allow it to progress in a way that is healthy for both of us and that means kind of learning to become cordial friends you know hi Hannah Queen um first just want to say um love you in the pod I'm a fairly new listener but I've been going through the motions the past couple months and you and the pod have like really been like a ray of sunshine for me if you will um so really appreciate that lots of love um but i was just looking for some big sisterly advice so i'm currently kind of going through a breakup like the beginning stages of it if you will um with my six-year relationship um and this is someone that like we've lived together pretty

much almost an entire time we got together when we were really young and um nothing bad happened just kind of mutual reasons and we've grown out of each other etc and we think we're we're just anyways but with that being said um i kind of look up to even like your whimsy and like her outlook on life and um like your independence etc and right now i'm just kind of at like a confusing like lost kind of era if you will um obviously you have like no idea what's going to happen next but with that like i think i'm just so out of touch with like the inner like my inner femininity and um etc and i kind of just like really want to take the last of the summer and like grab it by the balls and like live my best hot girl summer that i can with the circumstances

um but more so just for me and like my investment myself etc so again um i love your whimsy and like your outlook on life and i would love to like know what your perspective is kind of what you would do um etc but thanks queen love ya oh cutie pie i'm so sorry you're going through a hard time sending you all the love okay be patient with yourself be kind with yourself i don't know how insane you're going but it sounds like you're fairly sane right now i'm sure there's ups and downs especially at this point in time but i'm glad you've kind of gotten to the point where you're like okay I need to invest a hundred percent of my time into myself and get to know myself but also like doing so is a little scary and it feels like a blank slate you know like who

who is she who am I what's going on what do I even want to do where am I going like it can feel a bit like spinning in circles um but number one I wanted to say congratulations on this new endeavor and this new journey I think that's the last thing people hear when they're going through a hard time like this but I think it's the number one thing people probably need to hear even if if it feels like what do you mean I'm going through a hard time I don't what do you mean congratulations congratulations because you're gonna come out of this I guarantee in like six months even a year maybe three months who knows how hard you're gonna go this summer where you're gonna be completely and utterly more yourself than I think you've ever been and I think that's

so exciting I think it's a fun journey to go on when you're at the beginning of that journey and bitch your backpack weighs 400 pounds you're about to step onto a train it's like I'm nervous where the fuck these tracks are gonna take me but eventually you will get with the ride you will be free you will know yourself and that's so exciting so I think right now the best thing you can do is really you might feel limited because it feels like you lost something but in fact you've just opened up space to gain something so figure out what you want to gain if it's more understanding of self more understanding of like what you want to do who you want to be how you want to feel um you know how you want to take care of yourself how you want to be loved how you want to love

yourself just a better relationship with yourself whatever it is kind of like look forward on the themes and the aspects that you want to focus on and then i mean naturally you will come to conclusions about those but based on those themes you can kind of like build up activities after a breakup I think it's so important to be like so utterly busy so utterly busy because it's going to push you in different avenues that you never would have tried before and it's good to take risks during that time of like you know what maybe I will go to a live painting class maybe I will go to the club maybe I will go hang out with those friends that have been inviting me that I've been blowing off maybe I will go on that trip maybe I will go hang out with my parents maybe

I will go here maybe you know there's a lot of like fuck it let's do it and I think that's kind of the attitude you have to have in that moment when you are on a new journey when you are kind of like in a new era you got to have the let's do it let's go fuck it let's do it June you know and I think that's kind of the theme we need to take this summer where it's just like what do you have to lose let's do it if you have something to lose if it's like risky don't do it but just fucking do it go out there go try different things go put yourself out there go wear that dress you never thought you'd be able to wear who cares if it doesn't if you aren't able to pull it off you learn something go hang out with those people you have meaning to hang out with go on

that trip go for a drive listen to that new playlist put on that new album you mean to listen to whatever it is you feel intuitively called to go fucking do it you mentioned femininity okay maybe you need to get into your softer side maybe you need to realize like what fabrics you enjoy what sense you enjoy you know how to be more comfortable in your body how to love your body treat it like a temple things like that dive into those things get to know those things get to know yourself there's so many different aspects about this life that we get to discover and i think that's so beautiful you'll never discover it all at once but you will eventually get there if you just follow intuitively what's calling you and what you feel drawn to this is beautiful you've

so much time you've so much time to discover yourself i think if you really take this time to like honor yourself and devote it to you there is so much to gain um i think also during hard times whatever the hard time is any sort of periods like breakups dropping out um losing somebody people will run from themselves because they are feeling a negative thing so they'll just like start doing things to dissociate hanging out with people they don't like don't enjoy don't want to be around uh avoiding their feelings by indulging in a lot of drugs partying out the pain which hey we all gotta do a little bit of that i'm not gonna lie um but they kind of like run from themselves through distracting themselves and dissociating and if i can encourage you i would

say don't do that okay do everything else that's not that but run to yourself do not run away from yourself i know processing these emotions going through this time might be hard and difficult and it could feel isolating and lonely at times but the journey of self-discovery and confidence in self will be so incredibly worth it and at the end of it you will be absolutely unshakable not only will it set you up for success in yourself but also in your career in your confidence in your future relationships because you'll know what you want what you desire what matters to you in your future friendships you'll be able to probably build really incredible friendships during this time so I know it's hard to do but this is a blessing in disguise the pain will all

be worth it and I think at the end of the day like I said six months a year maybe three months from now you will be a completely and utterly different person but more you than you've ever been so congratulations just do it get out there live life say yes to everything anything you feel intuitively called to do try it you have nothing to lose hi hannah um first of all just want to say love the pod long time fan literally since the beginning like 2021 literally um you got me to college and within the past like eight months I haven't been listening to the pod as much like life's been crazy whatever um so I've been catching up on all of the old episodes which literally listen to you like every single second of every single day it's kind of crazy now

um but listening to all of the stuff that you've been talking about for the past like eight months listening it back to where i am now in life i'm like holy shit if i could have heard this at the time things would have been so much easier so much easier so now i know don't skip out on the pod because you always have the right advice for the right time and i feel like that has a lot to do with like astrology and just like I don't know keeping up with like the time spiritually I would say um so yeah now I know not missing episodes of the pod anymore all right love you girl bye please this fucking kills me no if there's one thing I am it's I'm bitch I'm in touch I'm in touch like how I feel right now is probably not how I feel three months ago or three months from

now but consider me the spiritual times not the new york times i don't know energy is just like i'm very in not to like get all woo woo again but i really do feel driven by energy and in tune with energy and i really try and transmute that into the podcast and like the topics that are going on the questions you guys submit are so incredibly helpful because if i see like multiple questions come up i'm like okay no this is the theme this is what the girls are going through sometimes it's very sporadic and I'm just like all right what the fuck am I going through but I do try and keep this as intuitive as possible for the themes of the moment and so I'm glad that they resonated with you and you were able to look back and go damn oh my god like she really read me to filth

during this time listen listen it just means I'm doing my job correctly it means I really am in touch in tune because sometimes I sit down to record this podcast and I'm like I don't know I'm just gonna start yapping into the microphone and I really hope the universe just takes over and turns me into a oracle because that's truly all I could hope to be it's also funny how I'll go back and listen to episodes from like three years from now from now like but in June like one day three years prior and how similar the energies can be and how similar the themes can be i don't know time is kind of an illusion but yes with astrology and the ever-changing energies in the universe i try and really focus on and figure out what the themes the girls are going through

what the inspiration the girls need and to hone in on that so i'm glad i'm able to provide and i love you endlessly thank you for listening two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research together we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer register today at pmcfwalk.ca this episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales using automation, analytics,

and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most learn more at accenture.com spotify hi hannah um i hope you're staying cool given this hot weather i've been a long time listener for a while now um probably at least like four or five years um i just had a question regarding like one of my friends she's just safe to say a chronic bad decision maker um she asks for my advice pretty constantly and usually never takes it and i was just wondering how i should keep my peace per se um i really do care about her and i want to continue staying friends with her um but i'm having a hard time juggling almost

the responsibility of her decisions and like I know it's not my responsibility but she kind of looks up to me and I just wanted to know how I should balance that in a way um but thank you so much uh this is so hard and I'm so sorry you're going through this because it's like I know you want the best for this person and I know you are like bitch the answer is right in front of you but something that I've kind of had to learn especially growing up and getting older is you can't fix or change people they are exactly who they are and even if they're like how do I change how do I change how do I change if they're not changing that's just who they are and you've got to leave it at that I I hate to say it but a lot of people are gonna be exactly who they are

right now 15 years from now because they don't want to grow they don't want to change they don't want to do the work on themselves. They don't want to find better in this life. They're fine sitting exactly with the same problems they have every single day and just going through the same things every single day because it's familiar to them. And I don't blame them. I mean, the human nature, our brains, we crave repetition, bitch, hello, if my brain will work. They crave repetition. They crave also like essentially like the path of least resistance. We don't want conflict in our lives we don't want um you know having problems in our lives we don't want to feel bad things and sometimes having to do the right thing means having to do the hard thing or make

change or you know have to adjust a little bit and that causes resistance in our brains and that's hard for some people to do obviously it's hard for your friend to do so right now you've seen the situation for what it is you know who she is you know there's no changing you know you know the same problems that she's dealing with today are probably going to be the same problems she's dealing with a hundred years from now literally now you see the facts in front of you you can either also choose to be in the same repetition of okay i'm going to keep having the same conversations with her and the same things the same situations go over and over again or we can make a change i can adjust this friendship a little bit acceptance is important

you can just be like okay this is just who she is like i said you can indulge in the repetition and continuous friendship how it is but it sounds like it's a little draining to you and it's maybe not the best thing for you and if you want to take a step back or have a conversation I think that's always valid you know especially in this life especially with friends good friends you should be able to have a conversation with where you're like listen girl we cannot keep doing the same fucking things like I can't keep having the same conversation about the same fucking man like either grow up or you know let's talk about something else please I'm begging I think that's a normal conversation you should be able to have and also if i can encourage you guys to do anything

in this life it's surround yourself with people who are constantly trying to adapt and grow and change i think not only will it help you do so but it'll get you excited to do so it'll prove that it's not so scary and also the advice you get from people the encouragement you get from people will mean something because they're actually actively doing it in their life i think it's so important to be surrounded by self-motivated self-driven people because it'll make you more motivated more driven so this is just your friend who you know what they're doing what they're dealing with constantly and that's fine with you but you also want to seek more outside of that i think that's absolutely valid but there's going to be no changing of this person there isn't you really

can't change people people can change themselves but you're not going to be able to give the right answer to them you're not going to be able to give them the right combination of words to unlock something in their brain like a sleeper cell they have to be able to do that for themselves unfortunately so this is something i've definitely learned making this podcast like love you all so much but sometimes it's like okay babe this is the 18th time you've submitted this question like 18 weeks in a row have we not come to the conclusion yet and i don't blame you sometimes it takes a while even me it's like i gotta bang myself over the head a couple times with a rock before i before i finally make a decision get the answer figure it out for myself

I also like to indulge in the repetition of suffering it's hard for me to make change but I do know that since I do surround myself with people who are motivated driven kind encouraging and doing good things for themselves it makes me want that also for myself so maybe you're hitting a dead end with this person doesn't mean you need to cut them out completely maybe it's just like acceptance of what it is acceptance of who they are but also hopefully maybe it'll drive you into different places into different friends into different support groups where you will find that encouragement that drive that understanding and just like real genuine friendship that you are craving instead of constantly having to deal with somebody else's problems baby you ain't a

therapist if you were you need to be getting paid for that shit this is something that i've definitely had to learn especially growing up and you know trying to grow myself and build relationships and build understanding with self and friendships and understand the importance of friendships um but we'll kind of leave off on this note i have this one friend and she's kind of going through this moment where she's like all right i've been doing the same shit over and over and over again and expecting different results and babe i fear that is the literal definition of insanity like nothing's gonna change if you don't change if you don't make a change and so she kind of was like you know what fuck it I'm gonna make the biggest changes possible

in my life I'm quitting my job I'm finding a new one she's going to like um meetings like ACA meetings alcoholic anonymous meetings marijuana anonymous meeting any meeting that you can attend that's free and a group meeting she's going to um therapy yoga she just started implementing all of these positive things in her life and within a month of just implementing all of these things because she's like bitch if I don't change nothing's gonna change the way her psyche her demeanor on life her excitement about life has completely 360 is so inspirational I think we all think it's gonna take this like huge big hard thing to make something good of our life but in reality it's all just a decision that you make and she's so funny she's like Hannah my

therapist asked me this and it was the first time anybody's asked me this in my entire life she's like what's your five-year goal like what's your five-year plan I was like bitch that's the first time you've ever heard that in your life I've been my mom's been asking me that since I was like I don't know I could walk and breathe it's always been what's your five-year plan what's your five year plan what's your five-year plan I've always been thinking five years ahead I've always been thinking forward I've always been thinking of like what needs to change where do I need to grow never ever have I felt settled in this life where I'm like this is good I mean I have felt like this is good but also it's like what else is out there what else can I achieve what else can I grow into

and I feel so blessed to naturally have that demeanor and that encouragement of life but also I had to realize very quickly that like a lot of people just don't have that and that's what like that is okay I don't want to talk down on people at all but also it's like if you want that in your life if you want to be the person who is changing adapting evolving growing seeking better for your life it is also important that you have people in your life that want better for themselves who seek better for themselves who desire better for themselves who have those five-year goals or simply put can make change in their lives to make it better it will be absolutely transformative for you it'll be encouraging for you and also it'll build better

friendships because these are people who will be able to adapt and change and grow with you and i have found that the friends that I do have in this life I mean to be fair I don't have a lot of them I do get a little picky about my friendships it's like it sticks it sticks it doesn't it doesn't I don't put myself out there often I'm definitely not like a social butterfly in that aspect but I have a good solid amount of friendships that I can probably count on both hands that have lasted oh over 10 years I mean my longest one running literally 27 years And the only reason they have been able to last that long is because they were changing and growing themselves. But also they were patient with me while I changed and grew. But they also were like, bitch, if you don't, I don't know if we're going to be able to keep up with each other. You know, if you don't like fix the situation, if you don't help yourself out, if you don't grow from this, like, I don't know if I'm going to be able to hang out with you. it's not necessarily something they said but the distance bitch distance is all you need to hear

those words like and you will find those people in your life if that's what you're craving a more deeper relationship i think you will find those people in your life if you go seeking for them looking for them it doesn't mean you need to drop this friend immediately but it does mean maybe a conversation needs to be had like a real conversation or maybe other friendships that are more enthralling need to be built it's always worth to go out to look for those people to find those people we need community we need people in our lives that's something I've been realizing I've been a lone wolf for quite some time and I am realizing I do need community I need like good relationships I need female friendships I need encouraging people I need go-getters in my

life because it makes me excited about life and there's only so much energy you can build up within yourself you do need support as well but you need real support people who can actually be there for you people who have time to put aside their problems to listen to yours every once in a while and i hope you find that i really do i think everybody here who is listening if you're worried about being the person who's like i'm never gonna change you will you would not be putting on this self-help smoke sesh podcast if you weren't excited to change and develop i think there's a lot of people who are also like i miss hannah when she was smoking fucking 18 joints a day it's like yeah she was fun for the time but also like she needed change she needed to grow like that

was not something that i was able to do for the rest of my life and i'm okay with that i think change and growth and allowing yourself to transform is so necessary and so beautiful so we don't get stuck in the same loop in the same cycle and if you are here listening i know you are capable of doing so if there's something right now that you're realizing like damn bitch we've been doing the same thing over and over again i'm going insane you can break it i promise you it might be a little scary it might be a little challenging it might feel like you're picking the wrong thing because it is you know your brain's resisting it a little bit but like i said there is no right or wrong decision there's only moving forward onto your best path for your best self

for the best outcome for whatever you desire you can create it truly i think i really learned that through this birthday trip it was like damn i planned this entire trip i booked this entire trip i found every perfect airbnb every perfect the madonna and i booked the best room i was able to secure it i was like i really did that for myself i created this for myself i did the whole itinerary and i had a blast and i did that for myself i did you can do it for you too you just need to want it bitch how bad do you want it how bad you gonna go after it just do it anyways with that being said if you want to join the patreon come hang out i'm about to upload actually the book club book of the month and i'm going to be extending the book club book of the month thing

a little bit more if you're ever curious what we do over in the patreon um i usually do a book club book of the month where i just share what book i'm reading but recently i've been kind of just like flying through reading and not really like like really thinking about it like i want to ap lit it where i'm like highlighting and annotating and doing like long form thesis essays on novels that i'm reading just so i can metabolize it better so i'm hoping to do extra podcast episodes every single month of just like about the book i've read about what i've learned from it what i've taken from it in the perspective of you could have read it and follow along or you don't even need to read it it's kind of like my synopsis my breakdown my inspiration from it so

if you want to see that this month join the patreon patreon.com smoke says shawty they also see the extra episodes early episodes of the vlogs oh my gosh there's so much extra content i'm literally soaking in sweat in this robe i have the front door open so my cat can enjoy it outside because i was gone for a week so i'm like brother you can have as much time outside as you want but if you want to give me a little birthday gift and hang out with all the other girlies join the patreon if you want to see the birthday vlog that's up on youtube at hannah marlene 444 if you want to see any of the photos reels everything that i've done from my birthday vacation and submit your questions every single week as well as your call-ins through a voice message dm follow

me on instagram at hannah marlene and with that being said stay sane stay sexy and i'll see you all so soon Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.